#and ways to be safe and healthy with them

[toxicanonymity]

I want you to know I love and care about y'all and am deeply sorry and disturbed about how the u.s. election turned out.

I love those of you who are immigrants, trans, POC, non-binary, gender fluid, gay, bi, pan, two-spirit, gender nonconforming, intersex, disabled, unhoused, struggling with addiction, mental health, bad home life, abuse, SA survivors, childfree, women, people who can get pregnant, and anyone who doesn't fit sick fascist ideals. And I Iove all of you who love them. You're all special and I value you.

We have 2.5 months until inauguration. I understand the sense of dread, and I feel it too. Even if I don't feel hopeful, I'm staying open to the possibility of hope. We need it. Maybe we need anger, too. These things can coexist.

Let's be kind to ourselves rn. You deserve kindness. No judgment if you have a history of self destructive behavior. I've been there. Terrible events don't have to derail us. We persist in spite of them. I'm proud of you for hanging in there and finding healthy ways to cope right now.

I always want this blog to be a safe space. I block liberally. I won't allow judgmental comments on posts or debate in my asks.

Need an appearance from your favorite morally dubious or murderous man? Currently open to requests for blurbs/microfics. See pinned post.

[pygmi-cygni]

domestic oscar isaac characters

headcanons really help writer's block.

Anselm

has found the secret to a happy marriage: keeping you well-fucked, well-funded and well-fed. that way you want for nothing unless it is dire.

He'll buy you gifts, typically with some innuendo, give you a healthy couple of orgasms, and have the cooks make you a delectable feast for dinner. If he had his way you'd just be in bed all day, being pleasured and dining on an exquisite menu.

Probably the first marriage ever consummated during the vows. Your wedding attire was too much, he couldn't handle it. He has you keep it for your anniversaries so you can recreate the scene.

Anselm talks about you relentlessly to his clients. By god the man won't shut up. He uses it as a measure of character; how politely will the guests speak about you and if they'll let him derail the meeting to talk lovingly about your latest accomplishment?

Very patient and loving. Seriously Gomez Addams coded. Sometimes he gets so overworked thinking about all the big things to show his love that he forgets the little things. You gently remind him that sometimes a night in is okay and that you don't have to do anything wild in the bedroom, as long as he's with you.

refuses to discuss a will and testament or any after-death things. Doesn't even want to think about it.

Nathan

already did this for him but idc.

likes existing together. Both of you have your hobbies, they don't necessarily have to involve both of you, but if you can do them together in the same space, that's enough for him.

lets you do your thing, but likes to keep tabs on your location. Not in a stalker way, but it helps his anxiety if you go somewhere without him. Sometimes he'll just text you a hello? and you'll respond with how you're feeling and how quickly you'll be home.

clingy.

also very tactile. if he fucks up programming or something, back rubs and a hug are good ways to calm him down.

Really good at remembering anniversaries and dates. He doesn't like big showy things though. Small, sentimental gifts or watching a movie on the couch.

Leto

ensures your relationship is as stable as stone. Communicates so well, always says what he's feeling, would not keep a secret even if he was at gunpoint.

everything he counsels runs by you first. every plan he makes, every decision, all will have your input. He makes you a wax seal and refuses to acknowledge anything if it isn't on the paper.

makes sure to have an hour with you alone every day. Could be sexy, could be a meal together, could be taking a walk around the grounds, but he needs that hour. If he's ever on a trip, he schedules a holo conference.

If the matter of children ever arises, I think he'd listen to you very carefully. He'd do everything the way you prefer, and be very attentive during the entire process. Leto would forbid a wet nurse or any kind of nanny, in order to keep you and the baby safe.

not opposed to holding the baby during a council meeting. what's anybody gonna say about it?

Poe

literally the most wholesome relationship ever.

makes you laugh, teases you, runs around like a teenager. some people say 'oh he'll never settle.'

but he can keep it serious too. He always checks in if you're feeling down or stressed. Will literally elope with you if you show any stress at all about the wedding. Even if it's just about cake flavors.

idk if any of you know Sheena Melwani and her husband TRID but I think he'd be a lot like TRID. go check them out on youtube it's so wholesome.

dances with you every night. He loves music, and will always pick a song from the planets he visits to show you when he returns. Your favorites are his home planet Yavin, Naboo and Coruscant.

gets matching tattoos with you of a little x wing and a planet. (you're the planet obviously, because he thinks of you as home)

I'll make a part two but this is who I fit in this one.

@krakenkitty @ominoose @bulletgoth @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @justsomeonecalledemma

@iolaussharpe-24 @rosegnome @twwcs @heeheehoohoofictimr @steven-grants-world

@ael-xander @to-be-a-sunshine @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @silvernight-m @lonelyisamyw-0love 

@unear7hly @chaithetics

[gaywatch]

I make it pretty clear through reblogs etc where I stand on censorship, dark fiction, kink, dark ships, etc, but I've been a bit of a coward and never made a direct statement myself because I had it framed in my mind as a stance against Purity Culture, and nobody has the energy to deal with Purity Culture bullshit should they decide my inbox looks like a nice target.

Well, that's not how I see it anymore. The framing is no longer against Purity Culture, it's for free speech, a healthy grasp on fiction being fictional, and acknowledging that everyone engages with fiction in different ways + for different reasons. Nobody's moral character should ever be judged solely on the fiction they consume.

My priority is not to engage with Purity Culture bullshit or the toxic vocal minority, it's to protect people from it.

Gaywatch is, and always will be, a place for queer sanity and support. A space to enjoy queer fandom, queer fiction, and the camaraderie it inspires between queer and ally fans alike when we unite under art we love.

I will not tolerate the silly idea that we should be at each others' throats over the "validity" of ships, or that differences in opinion when it comes to which characters should kiss-kiss-fall-in-love justifies spewing hyperbolic vitriol at real, breathing people. I don't have the time, energy, or hubris to vet every single fan's hyper-specific relationship with fiction and psychological origins for their taste in make believe.

My enemy just got elected. I know trans people. Members of the community I've built are trans and most everyone else are queer. My boomer neighbors fly a Blue Lives Matter flag every day of the year and the Gen Z nephew I helped raise owned a shotgun when he was seventeen. I have, quite literally, real problems to deal with and real people to worry about.

If I have any actual role in the online community I've gathered so far, it's to protect one of the goddamn few things they have in this world that brings them joy.

You're safe here. I'm not going anywhere.

[fishylikeakoi]

I think I fell in love with a vigilante - Jason Todd x Reader

First time trying in this format, let’s see if I’m still kicking lol.  

I (GN23) think I'm in love with one of the vigilantes in my city and this makes everything more complicated for the simple fact that he makes my job 10 times more difficult, being a nurse where I live is not an easy task. The vigilante (M23) in question isn’t someone accessible on a daily basis and is often seen as deadly by the criminals I end up looking after, I don't blame them, if I were one of them I would also die of fear just seeing the silhouette in the shadows. We met when he was almost unconscious and having a lot of difficulty getting from one ledge to another, landing disastrously on my balcony and casually covered in blood as if he had plunged into a river, I gathered all the strength in my body at the time and took courage to bring it inside my cramped apartment and, apparently, against the man's wishes.

After tending to his wounds properly and giving him some food, he disappeared through my balcony door and after that, we unconsciously created a routine by the way he returned daily and sometimes approached me on the street during my walk home, claiming that it was 'dangerous for me to walk alone through the city streets at such a late hour'.  - “The window is open, be careful with these shits.” He said, already entering through the window.

The hospital also benefited from this secret interaction, receiving large donations of equipment and money in the name of the security guard, now the criminals were “cataloged” by blood type and even some organs that were functioning for donations and I remember well having commented on this problem with him on one of our nights eating together. He is someone very kind despite his appearance and that is what caught my attention the most from the first day, from the way he makes sure my entire apartment is safe to putting his number as an emergency contact on my cell phone, fighting with me for not eating right and staying silent when I talk about his completely healthy habits like staying awake for more than 72 hours at a time.

He, with all the certainty in the world, must know who I am even though he didn't ask anything, after all he buys my forgiveness through things that interest me, homemade food and motorcycle rides until the wee hours of the morning even though he knows that I would forgive him easily, he insists on do this. I, on the other hand, don't question much about his life, even though the scars tell me it's painful and I probably won't like hearing the end of it. Every time I remember him my heart beats faster and my stomach stops working and my hands itch to touch his, to cover his helmet in kiss marks and then leave even more marks beneath it.

Honestly, I feel like a teenager confessing here, but my friend from work S (F19) insisted on writing and seeing what you think I should do, even though I knew the answers would be obvious at this point in the tournament. I don't know whether to update as I make some progress in our relationship (?) or pretend to have dementia if nothing works out, but one thing is certain; 

If he ever sees this, know that I won't try to deny it anymore, Red Hood.

[rtc-confessions]

i’m gonna be honest, realistically i don’t think any of those fuckers have healthy social relations but at varying levels (all of this is /pos i think it’s a lot more interesting when they clash)

- ocean tries but is so overwhelming and forceful that she dominates every conversation, her whole thing is loving the thrill of competition and most of her relationships would probably crash and burn under her need to debate. i was going to add an essay about why she needs it but this ask also needs to involve the rest of the choir lmfao

- noel is a gay man in a catholic high school, he likely didn’t get much opportunity to develop healthy friendships, the bitterness towards the world and if we’re going the uber dramatic route (the one he’d want) possible passively suicidal tendencies, long-term would be hard because he might fall head-first into all the most destructive things he can think of after so long living in a town where everyone thought him a hell-bound sinner

- mischa is heavily traumatised and has his whole thing against canada, but his relationship with talia shows that he can make friends and have fulfilling relationships. but considering how hard he fell and all the grief, he’s probably really detached until he gets overwhelmingly clingy.

- ricky was ignored in life and had zero change to learn how to properly make friends because nobody gave him a chance.

- penny was literally raised in a cult, there is no way in hell her attachment style is healthy. and jane doe doesn’t remember anything she cannot socialise to save her life.

- constance is the ‘nicest girl in town’ but it’s clearly not something she enjoys, which shows either a willingness or a compulsion to put everyone else’s needs over her own, which is seen in early play blackrose friendship. plus with one of the lines about her yearbook being ‘i never really knew you’ it’s safe to assume she was a background sort of nice, but she likely didn’t have many deep friendships aside from ocean.

in conclusion all of them need therapy and they clash like all hell and there’s a lot of opportunity to capitalise on conflict here

~~

[unhingedpolycule]

Has Andrey EVER been in a healthy, normal stable relationship? Like…. With a man or women??? Was he or she kind, loving, caring and loving to Andrey?

Well, I think that you are referring to IRIWYW Andréy.

Sadly, the answer is no. He fronted first when the body was around 16 and had a few flings/short term relationships with primarily women which broke apart because there was a lot of shifting going on and they picked up on him not being the most safe to be around/extremely childish at times. I would assume that he had (primarily male, go figure) lovers when he just started his military career and it was more eye to eye because they were physically able to not take his shit. Some surely were emotionally intimate and maybe even healthy, but they were always short lived because some alter or the other (often enough Andréy himself) fucked it up. I also imagine him to not being good at being faithful. Something IRIWYW Krueger will have to grapple with as well.

After being captured and tortured he had a long stint of being unable to open up in any meaningful way and he had a lot of splits/mergings going on which led to him being diagnosed and properly medicated. He learned how to cope over the years and he had casual partners (different sexes) with whom he mostly had relationships like he had with Nikodim. He liked them but he didn’t let them too close.

When he got closer with Krueger, it was probably a surprise to even himself and it was mostly due to finding Krueger amusing/interesting and Seva not taking no for an answer. He basically forced Nikto to confront his affections head on, while Nikodim played it safe and hoped that Nikto would like him eventually if he did not push too much. The pressure of everyone in the system feeling entitled to “veto” a partner made a relationship improbable at best.

Speaking of a system… I feel like Lydia would have liked to have a relationship with a pretty friendly, unremarkable and just… vanilla civilian dude. Nothing exciting but someone to feel safe and at ease with. Someone who gets her a coffee while she sews or watches TV. Someone to kiss goodbye before going to work. She is bitter because she will never really have this, but she takes what she can get and let’s Krueger treat her right. She is incredibly forward with what she wants him to do/how to treat her. And he does. Because he recognises that this is a way to make her content and avoid stress and conflict because she is smart and influential. They don’t have a sexual relationship though because she is still a little disgusted with him.

As for Gregor. Damn, he likes Krueger A LOT. He is INTO HIM. Especially when Krueger is fuming with anger or had a bad day that makes him snappy. He likes the tension/the fights and the eventual making up. The fact that they indeed make up in the end feels like a confirmation that he is worthy of affection. Fucked up but it works. I think it takes a good few months/maybe a year but they will have a sexual relationship in the end, even if they are not in love. But secretly, Gregor likes waking up next to Krueger and he also enjoys snuggles. He will absolutely pretend to be Andréy right after waking up to get some more affection sometimes because he can’t outright ask for it.

So. No. Nothing stable, but things that supported him by making him feel desired without the leap of faith that is properly letting yourself fall for someone.

[gemofanenby]

Exactly! people will literally put leashes on their own children, and obviously that's not a sexual thing, you don't need to police that. Therefore, a human wearing a leash is not inherently sexual.

This also applies to the vast majority of other kinks as well. they're things that people happen to find arousing for one reason or another but are not inherently sexual, that's why they're recognized as kinks and not just sex.

Nothing is inherently sexual except for y'know, actual sex. kink is such an incredibly broad category and humans can and will sexualize literally anything they want. there are people who have a kink for pool floaty toys. people who have a kink for plushies. people who have a kink for smoking cigarettes. but you don't object when you see these things in public, just because the person holding them might be horny about it.

So you have to draw the line somewhere, right? after you stop people from wearing leashes and pup hoods and dog ears and leather harnesses, what's next? are you gonna ban people from wearing big stompy leather boots because some people might think about grinding on them? are you gonna stop people from wearing open-toed shoes because some people think feet are sexy? are you gonna ban rich, blonde, white women from buying Wonderbread at high prices bc that one guy finds it hot? are you gonna pull a 2018 tumblr and ban "female-presenting nipples" from showing in public, requiring people to wear pasties?

Are you gonna start worrying that people might secretly wearing discreet sex toys in public and getting off to the exhibitionism and demand that everyone drops trow before entering the local grocery so you can check?

Or are you going to catalogue all the kinks of every single person in your society and ban them specifically from engaging in those particular behaviors?

My point is, any "fixes" for restricting kink in public will result in policies and procedures that are undeniably more invasive, making more "innocents" uncomfortable than there ever would have been if you just let people wear a leash outside sometimes.

If they haven't been exposed to anything like it before, a child isn't going to see someone walking around with a pup hood and immediately feel sexual discomfort and fear. they're gonna say "look look! that person's wearing a silly doggy mask!" and move on with their day.

I feel like walking someone on a leash should be like the perfect example of "kink in public" that can't and shouldn't be banned or controlled like it should be the poster child for free expression of sexuality in public that doesn't hurt anyone but instead it's somehow what ppl seem to rail against the most? doesn't make sense

[signedjehanne]

people on tumblr will literally post things like “you have to eat vegetables and expand your palate i dont care if you are a picky eater because of autism (if i can overcome it you can too)” and everybody will reblog it being like “yes this is true for everybody no matter what” and think its okay. like sorry but that wont work for everyone and there is no one size fits all and some people will never be able to eat these things no matter how hard they try. im only allowed by my doctors to eat recreationally and not for nutrition, because my ARFID is so severe that i get my nutrition solely from a specially made formula drink. your suggestions of “try vegetables roasted!” or “try them in soup!” and assurances of “i did it, you can too!” don’t work for those of us with more severe mental illnesses and disabilities. stop tying a person’s worth to their diet and stop assuming everybody has the ability to do what you can.

[canisalbus]

have vasco & machete ever gotten into any big arguments?

.

[giddlygoat]

hater has disturbing reoccurring dreams about wander crawling inside his ribcage that always have him waking up in a cold sweat [they just feel too real and hater can’t place why]. wander has reoccurring dreams of hater ceremoniously destroying him with the Disaster Blaster and it’s the one dream he doesn’t eagerly blab to sylvia about because he doesn’t know how to tell her that it never feels like a nightmare. soooo is anyone else sick in the head or is it just me

[rintinningvt]

Do not talk to me, I'm not over the fact that Betty's existence really revolves around Simon. They both love and care for each other, and grow obsessed when separated, but goddamn- When he told their love story to Fionna, she asked him "So you got on the bus with her?" and he replied in surprise "Why would I-?" Betty Grof's life revolved around Simon, before and after they started a relationship. Heck, even before they officially met. She dropped everything to be with him, losing her sense of self in the relationship. Simon loves her but he didn't (and still doesn't, debatably) have her wants and best interests in mind. They could have gone on that trip together, she could have gone alone but they could've shared some time together on the bus and gone long distance for a while. But they didn't. They were both so enamored with each other and both lost themselves in different ways to their relationship. They were doomed from the start.

[persy-r-bozo]

[fisheito]

Lol angst ? about nukani , my super unserious gayporngacha game? Can't be that bad

(10k words later into a fic) Ooohh.ohhh it was a mistake. I should not have read this hahahahahahahgyrk *choking sounds*

[wontbyers]

Mood: I feel like indulging in Mileven in a way that I think neither Bylers nor Milevens will understand/appreciate.

(I'm so past the point of having any doubt about Byler being endgame that I feel safe to enjoy some Mileven content in a non-canon ship way, since I've always been a multi-shipper at heart. Their past relationship had its moments and I wanna appreciate what they meant to each other even if they don't end up together.)

[spoofthespoofer]

@reconfreddy IS THE BEST BROTHER EVVEERRRRR

LOOK WHAT HE ORDERED MEEEE

AGHHH ITS CLIPSYYYYYYYY

THE BABY BOYYYYY

[dalennaugw]

Really appreciate my partner being willing to listen to me while I vented things out about the recent drama here and then provide his own perspective, as a Latino (he's expressed he doesn't like POC as a term - too monolithic) looking in from the outside. Among other things, it reassured me that 1) it indeed wasn't worth getting into the weeds of it from where I've been standing, and 2) I'm nonetheless not being crazy or unreasonable for feeling what I do about this mess and the effect it's having on what should be safe spaces for all of us.

I'm gonna put some of those thoughts under a cut. And I'm considering turning off reactions for this post because while I hope it gets seen, I don't want to restart the discourse if it's dying down like I think (hope?) it is here.

At the end of the day, no one should be alienated for thoughtless mistakes (let alone personal preferences). But, those mistakes still need to be corrected, not just forgotten in the process of defending the one making them against harrassment.

And, by the same token, no one else should be alienated, either, for expressing that someone's stupid mistake is still hurtful. Nor should they be if they point out a lopsided amount of support to the other party involved, despite BOTH having been made to feel unsafe. This applies ESPECIALLY when all the facts of the situation aren't clear or present to everyone.

One person being threatened, and then feeling alienated enough to try to leave, has led to multiple other people then getting harassed, put down, dismissed, and/or alienated enough to also start leaving WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE THREATS MADE AGAINST THE FIRST PERSON. And this is at least partially because all the relevant details surrounding the issue weren't put out at the same time, nor in the same places, and many people not even involved kept piping up in reaction only to what they DID see, rather than looking further into it, or even just waiting and listening first.

And to be just a little less abstract - guys - and by that, I mean to primarily address the other white people for this part - there's something to be said about white fragility here. Even without having spoken with the girl who accidentally kickstarted all of this, even though I can't confirm or deny it's actually the case, I'm still willing to bet money that that fragility had something to do with her initial reactions here being as strong as they were. I'm also willing to bet money that some of the people quickly jumping to her defense might have been feeling it, too.

When you take the anxiety already present from her prior harrassment, add in the pushback she got at the march for her mistake, and add whatever ??? negative messages she might have gotten privately during and after, if she did, that's already a bomb you've got there... and with white fragility on top of that, that magnifies the reaction by a lot.

The thing about that fragility is that it's often bad enough, and results in a strong-enough reaction, that it shuts down any and all conversation related to whatever triggered it. It's that cognitive dissonance that happens when you unwittingly do or say something racist, realize or (more commonly) get called out for it, and can't reconcile those facts with your beliefs that racism is not something good people do and that you can't be a racist, that's not what you're about - and it can lead to shutting down, tears, rage, denial, etc. And if you're engaging in any of those responses, 1) you're already stopping a needed conversation from happening, 2) you're making the other people involved feel unsafe and unimportant to you, and 3) you're encouraging others to come in to defend you and close ranks, allowing you to lick your emotional wounds while making those first two effects even worse.

It's not necessarily intentionally malicious? Given her behavior later, especially her apology... and her apparent disappearance right afterward... I don't think it was intentional on her part. It can certainly be weaponized, but it's also often a subconscious reaction (and that makes it even harder to address). But even though it wasn't intentional - it still caused a lot of damage! You can see that just from looking back through all the discourse and at how many other people are now disappearing or going on hiatus.

Again, not having talked to her personally, I can't confirm if that was also a factor. But it wouldn't surprise me at all. And none of us white folks are immune to it. None of us. If you had a strong reaction to the mention of racism in this discourse, and/or if you had one at the idea of your friend engaging in it... it was affecting you, too.

To step back from that part now.

Look.

Making sure that everyone involved in a community (or watching it) feels safe and welcome and heard is a balancing act, especially when anyone slips up. And guys, we borked that act up big-time.