#and vulnerable neil <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[sentientsky]

my therapist doesn’t know about my mind-altering, borderline-unhealthy obsession casual interest in good omens,,,that might change today aksjskdkks

[codename-adler]

WIP Game: aftg television soundtrack project

I love everything going on with this, just constantly imagining it in my head with different lines and scenes and everything 💖💖💖

my beloved, beloved insane project... i've already spoken about this here and there on my blog (i will organize a tag now that i think about it, dw), but in short i'm imagining AftG as if it were adapted as a TV series (first it was films, but i can do more with a show, and HBO TLoU changed me as a person and writer). it was 3 seasons, one for each book, but i've added a 4th season for TSC, and will add another one or 2 depending on how many more books Nora Sakavic blesses us with.

what i did was, i extracted the most impactful scenes from each book, those that would fit a soundtrack moment. i've created a sort of PowerPoint presentation, like a mood board for the scene, of how i'm picturing it shot, the angles, the pace, the tempo, etc. it is very, very clear in my head how everything goes. i'm not kidding. making playlists is my passion, and one i excel at i believe, but it brings me so much joy, pride and satisfaction. it's also really good for my mental. in parallel to this, i've also got the aftg x tlou project, which was wholly inspired by @cielalune 's own Andreil tlou AU fic turn out the lights, which i will NEVER shut up about. i have found a true kinship in their writing and musicality and i will forever be grateful for finding them and getting to exchange. all this to say, the playlist-making/planning for that fic is very time-consuming and brain-obsessing.

now back to the purely soundtracked wip. i'll share one of the first scenes i imagined and that has yet to change. this is for you too @minyard-05 <3

All for the Game (S2): The Raven King

"Betsy closed the door behind them. Neil could just make out the sound of her engine starting, and then it was quiet. Andrew was gone." (p. 255)

the slide currently looks like this as i haven't gotten to editing S2 of the project, but rest assured this is in no way the final look:

i'm going for a sort of echo-y, daze-y, numbing eulogy. TFC ends with Seth's death, and in a way, TRK ends with Andrew's. luckily it is a good "death" as he will come out of this freer, himself, accepted. but it is a death nonetheless. death of his past. a point of no return. a definite cross on all of it. no going back. and he also cannot bury this under his skin like before. over it. it's all in plain sight now. for as unapologetic as he is, Andrew was hiding.

Neil loses his best friend. Neil reckons with another's demons, and loses to them, loses him to them. That closing door rings the gong. And it's quiet. As manic as he may have been, Andrew was never noisy and full of life. Still he is missed. His absence is an abyss. It's not peaceful without the "monster"; it's deafening silence.

and the title of the song, too, is so perfect. Andrew leaving Neil behind that closed door, in that moment, means he is letting go of what he thinks is a hallucination. Neil will only be a memory now. he does not know yet Neil isn't a pipedream at all.

but both men will hold on to the memory of each other to survive what comes next.

[twilightcitysky]

Whooooo okay, so. Thoughts.

You can get a lot done in 90 mins. Many books are made into 90 minute movies.

(Season 2 was 6 episodes... but maybe 90 minutes of it total was actually *necessary*.)

Think about what we've learned. Neil wasn't the person we thought he was, and it showed in his treatment of a story we all love. He said himself that he gave fans what they wanted (in terms of the kiss), but we "wouldn't like it." His ego thrived on manipulating, ridiculing and generally stirring up the fan base. The more upset and vulnerable we were, the more satisfied he felt. What do you think, then, was in store for us in his Season 3? Do you think his scripts would have left us feeling satisfied, even if we got the cottage ending?

The new producer doesn't know GO, but the cast and crew love this world and love the story. I'm going to choose to trust that a group of people that overall has been so united and wonderful, so very much on the same page in terms of this love story, will see things through. And I'm excited for an ending that truly is for us... because let's face it, we almost didn't get an ending at all. A TV show that gets rocked in this fashion generally does one of two things: cuts ties and continues if there's enough financial incentive to do so (think House of Cards, Rick and Morty-- both of which are/were MUCH bigger and more profitable than GO), or cancels. Considering how long it took to greenlight S3 and Mickey's "We did the impossible" post on X, I'm sure Amazon was on the verge of pulling the plug. (I'm not going to talk about my opinion on the ethics of these decisions. I'm just saying it's reality. Corporations care about their bottom line and their optics.)

It'll be okay. Let's be optimistic. Neil is gone, the story will continue, and they're doing it for us.

(Last thought: remember that-- in a different reality where Neil Gaiman actually is the person we thought he was-- we might not have gotten anything more satisfying in terms of the A/C love story. Neil doesn't think "settled relationships" are good television. He wouldn't let them lay a finger on each other until the very last episode, I guarantee it.)

(Also, this is the guy who decided that "Crowley lives in his car and Aziraphale doesn't know or doesn't care" made any kind of fucking sense; no, I'm not over it yet.)

[beerok23]

All the times Crowley calls Aziraphale by name - Chronological order

See also All the times Crowley calls Aziraphale "Angel" - Chronological order

A few considerations. 1) After the Ark encounter, Crowley does call Aziraphale mainly 'Angel' over the centuries (Bildad, 1793, 1827, 1862) with one exception: 1827, when Wee Morag is dying and Crowley needs the angel to realize it's too late to heal her. Which is a major clue to the fact that calling him 'Aziraphale' could be a term of endearment. 2) Which may or may not be confirmed by the drunken scene after the fire: when Crowley sees the angel almost as a ghost, he says 'Aziraphale' - not 'Angel'. 3) After the Ark, considering the plot up to Season 1, the name 'Aziraphale' comes out when Crowley is calling after delivering the Antichrist (very formal occasion) and when Crowley is scared and/or angered (where are you, you idiot) or annoyed (kick butts, shoot him), 4) The Lockdown scene starts with a very sarcastic Crowley scolding the angel because he obviously knows it's 'Aziraphale' calling (again, annoyed), but it ends with the most heavenly 'Goodnight, Angel' after realizing he can't see him, yet. 5) As for Season 2, Crowley NEVER directly calls Aziraphale by name when they are alone together (see the very satisfying aformentioned 'Angel' compilation); however, when he's talking with other angels and/or demons he uses his first name - which is most convenient since they are more vulnerable around them. 6) The Us time they never got still breaks me.

In conclusion, I totally agree with @justdecadentcollectiondestiny (read this): There's probably a very good reason why Crowley stops calling Aziraphale 'Angel' after the bookshop fire - at least he stops until everything is over with Adam and Satan. I'm also sure there's a reason why Crowley refers to him only as 'Angel' throughout the whole second season (*Cough - quiet and gentle and romantic omens - *Cough). He felt safe enough; it was the time he dared to hope that the precious, peaceful, fragile existence would really work.

Of course, this is mere speculation. But the use of the two different names has meaning. Once again, hail to Neil. The Goat. This perfectionism (intended or unintended) delivers perfectly, and you can totally perceive the rollercoaster of Crowley's feelings for Aziraphale, from Eden to You're better than that.

As requested by @tremendouspostcoffee

[sinligh]

It’s early summer,

the hopeless romantic in me found her way to the surface when the heat melted couple of my overprotective layers.

so here i am, allowing her a moment of spotlight and myself some vulnerability.

it’s past midnight, I’m sitting in floor of my kitchen eating fruits with a knife

wondering, if it’s really safe to romanticize life?

I indulge myself anyway, and think about how fruits can be considered a love language if you’re starved enough to taste love that’s throughly stained with muted apologies. 

I trust, that when the sun rises tomorrow all my attempts to romanticize life will sublimate and create a thick fog of melancholy that I’ll have no other option but to get lost into.

even so, tonight I’m tired enough to let it be and so i write this, my own report of pathology

officially it’s untitled, but I’m thinking: the pathology of love.

i start by resecting pieces of all the habits that i define my existence based on along with some of the heartache that i held onto for too long

deep down, i know some of it belongs to my mother

At least its mature flavor says so, that, balanced with the sweet essence of an overly ripe fruit that never belonged

Young and brash and an acquired taste.

it’s a poorly fixed microscopic tissue, preserved in a high percentage of feminine rage

Low expectations stained with love and paranoia alike and the question that asks itself:

is it benign or malignant?

is it infiltrating my soul, taking away from my potential to grow ?

It stays unanswered, an unforced error

because i always carry those little versions of me that vary in the percentage of their belief in my own bone marrow

a core biopsy will always show that i still believe.

•••

•Quotes: Anaïs Nin/ Sylvia Plath/ Virgina Woolf/ Franz Kafka/Marcel Proust/ Simone de Beauvoir/Anne Carson/ Andrea Gibson/Anaïs Nin

•Original context:

•Art reference:

1. British School - Head of a girl, c. 1850. 2. Painting ( details) by Richard E. Miller. 3. Paintings by Jen Mazza. 4. Neil Carroll Original Oil Painting Realism Impressionism. 5. The Gross Clinic (details), by Thomas Eakins 6. Wounds of the Earth by xis.lanyx. 7.painting by Herbert James Draper.

[pearl-tarotist]

-‘❥’- PAC: What does your crush think of you? -‘❥’-

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” (Neil Gaiman - The Sandman)

P1 ➣P2➣ P3

PILE 1

(5oS – knight of Swords – 3oP -The hanged man – 9 of Cups)

First of all, I feel that this is a distant crush. It feels as if you both just see each other in determined circumstances that are surrounded by an intellectual status…so your crush could be a co-worker, someone you hold debates with, maybe he’s in another department/class from yours… You could even just see each other in reunions or meetings… and this affects the way your crush sees you.

They think you are someone with a sharp and direct intellect, not scared of confrontation. You are focused on your ideas and taking them into term, witty-minded.  Focused energy, someone that would defend their ideas to the death but that’s also able to work in cooperation to carry a project forward. So, you could be a really good worker/student.  

One thing that stand here, it’s a confrontation, not directly towards them but they see you as someone really different from them. You may show new perspectives, new ideas and new energies. Intuitively, they have an interest in these new ideas and proposals you may do to other, but in their presence. Even if your ideas do not coincide, they must enjoy this new fresh air that you bring. You keep them on their toes and they like that.

Somehow, they are also able to see, in your interactions with others a more candid you. A bit childish, happier, creative…They see you as good person even if you are a bit stubborn. They are still able to see a sweeter energy, emotionally satisfied. Stability, a matured, even if young, woman.

I do not see a romantic liking but an interested for your ideas and progress.

PILE 2

(Ace and knight of wands – The High Priest – 2oC – 7oP) (W: A bit +18).

Pile 2, I gasped when I saw the cards. It was so amazing to see this.

With the ace and knight of wands, your crush may feel a strong magnetic and sexual pull towards you. They do feel sparks when they see you, you may inspire their creativity and thoughts torward a certain region. They could dream about offering themselves to you.

They see you as someone with a lot of creativity and with a strong will to pursue your aspirations. They may be working on their approach to you yet, they see you as mystery…They must have not had the chance yet to approach you.

With the High Priest, they think you are clever, intelligent, wise and with inner wisdom, you are in a period of a high attractive for them…they could even enjoy mental communication such as being able to communicate with you just by looks, eyes, touches…

They think both of you could be a nice match for each other, there’s an opportunity for a good and stable connection. They feel they could trust you to guide them and advise them, if they could, they would choose you for a long-term relationship, friendship or romance, they are interested in having someone like you in their life.

They could see you as a reward for their hard-work, it’s as if they were thankful that finally after so many times or relationships, they have finally found someone like you.

A perfect match.

PILE 3

(8oW – The Moon – 6oC – 9oS – The Lovers)

Hard-working, feminine, a mystery.

You arrived at their lives as a mere instant, a memory that was not supposed to stay for a long time… but I think they cannot keep you like that; they need more. They think constantly about you, unconsciously.

They don’t even know why but you stay in their minds, sometimes, because you remember them of good memories of their childhood, you have a warmness and a quickness that’s childish but soft and sweet.

They could be attracted to you because of your feminine nature, you have a personality and aura that makes some of you feel comfortable, like home.

Somehow, they think you also worry a lot, about things that maybe do not need worry. You could feel anxious about a lot of things due to your past experiences, but you do not share them, so they are unaware that your fears have an explanation.

Still, lovely in your social interactions, they would like to speak to you more often and discover a tremendous amount of things about you. A superficial opinion for maybe a small period of time you both shared?

[talleyuh]

just finished the bear season 3 and there is such a collective cognitive dissonance from everywhere from the writing of the show all the way to the social media marketing.

i know i’m biased because i particularly like syd and carmy together, but this season was strange but in different ways than the last season was strange.

not only does carmy take a backseat as a protagonist about halfway through, he and syd have hardly any scenes together, but i think the show almost suffers for it. this season was certainly funnier than the last, but the neil and ted fak got old and old fast. it certainly doesn’t help that even though carmy has a new arc every season, but he doesn’t take the lessons he should’ve learned into how he should act going forward. it’s stunting his growth and now that we have three seasons to compare to one another, it’s only more apparent.

we’ve already talked about how funny characters are stronger than comic relief characters and that’s essentially what the faks are. i really liked neil’s more vulnerable moments where he got to be taken seriously but it’s hard to take him seriously when all of his screen time is him doing stupid shit. also the hauntings thing? it really was not that funny.

also the show is making such an active attempt to rewrite its own history and i don’t understand why. so many little details that connect moments from the past and present to make up who the characters are and yet it’s kind of being thrown out the window.

claire being described as carmy’s peace threw me for a loop because he felt out of place in his own relationship. i think we all know the clip of carmy’s late s2 panic attack where thinking of claire and him together makes it worse but now we are given so many more scenes of when he was happy? what narrative are they trying to spin here? was carmy genuinely in love with claire or mostly disinterested, because it can’t be both.

even claire doesn’t seem interested in being with carmy at this point, and who can blame her?

her presence was just kind of weird to me, because she didn’t really interact with the rest of the cast until the 9th episode. i think her brief hospital scenes were to flesh her out more, but it’s really just creating vulnerabilities and revealing the seams. and because she’s never really been developed as much as everyone else in the series, we’re left with more questions. who was that in her bed? why was she never fired for insane medical malpractice? what is any of this for?

also a lot of the lighting this season has changed. i saw one user (can’t remember who but their post was super interesting) mention how much warmer and inviting the scenes with syd are as opposed to the coolness and almost detachment the scenes with claire were. except we see carmy in cool lighting a lot more this season.

i also wanted to add where carmy gets overwhelmed in the finale, thoughts of claire coming in with a violin sting like a horror movie doesn’t add to the narrative that they keep telling us. that’s another thing i noticed. they tell us how great claire was even though their time together hindered him being involved with his passions and his coworkers, but they retcon things and add scenes of them happy and have carmy tell us how amazing she is but they barely cared to show us.

a huge theme in this show is family and responsibility. and the scene where neil fak said claire could be the one to take care of carmy and vice versa really rubbed me the wrong way. first of all, i think it kind of supports the idea of codependency which isn’t great but i could be reaching. second, carmy isn’t really equipped to take care of anyone and i think the way he interacts with his coworkers when he’s frustrated is proof of that.

don’t get me wrong, i thought this season was amazing television, christopher storer is a brilliant writer and director, joanna calo really should helm more episodes bc ice chips was actually a perfect episode, and ayo getting the opportunity to direct tina’s episode was so amazing and i really hope i see her name in more directorial projects in the near future. but i think we’re getting a little lost in the plot here and losing sight of what the heart of the show is. the literal restaurant. and logically some of the decisions made don’t exactly hold up and i would hate to see this show fumble.

it can’t be a coincidence that so much of the show’s marketing is tied to carmy and syd and i think efforts to trick the audience are actually making the show suffer. or the increasingly less subtle decisions in the editing in the few scenes of them together? are you really gonna gaslight a whole audience for the sake of a misdirect?

[saudrag]

my take on the ending, especially aziraphale’s behaviour.

all this fandom talk “this couldn’t be our aziraphale”, “metatron put something in the coffee”, “everything in the end seems odd” really weirded me out. for me it’s equal to “i dont want all that complicated writing, for me the simple one is easier to process” like. i get it, really. but from writer’s point of view it sounds kinda… debasing. neil just gave us an amazing social problem analogy with organised religion slash abusive family and how it brainwashes & manipulates people who are so desperate to make any difference that they reach out to religion, their last instance. people abandon their loved ones for it, because they’re “unholy” and “sinful” and don’t want to join them.

there is that aziraphale/heaven parallel with nina and her ex. nina just realised that her ex was abusive and now she needs time to heal, but maggie would not abandon her, she would be right there.

it’s exactly what is happening and what will happen with azi in season 3.

aziraphale never truly left heaven, not in his mind, at least, and now, when he was the most vulnerable, heaven waved in front of his face with “you can come back, change everything and be with the person you love the most, so you can be all happy together” and azi just couldn’t say no to THAT. to his memory of angel!crowley, being so joyful and cheerful and happy with just bring able to create, to make beauty. what he didn’t realise is, that he was being manipulated. as a victim of brainwashing by my own parent for DECADES, I can tell you that azi couldn’t just “open his eyes” randomly and realise without something really PROFOUND happening to him. (that is remains for neil to tell us, what it will be).

for me it was separation, my parent’s fast decreasing mental health, and a LOT of outer influence (talks with my other parent, friends, discussions about the abuse of my other parent). the last straw was one of my visits.

we are yet to see it in s3.

aziraphale being an analogy for a victim of brainwashing by organised religion (“parents”) is a genius writing, something that you don’t see often in tv shows. but explaining his behaviour by “metatron just drugged him that’s why our angel is acting weird” is SO DEBASING and for aziraphale’s whole character, and for neil gaiman, and for me, as a victim

[most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer]

Good Omens: Lockdown and Crowley not mentioning his living situation in S2*

*till S2E6 when he asks if he can have his apartment back bc he's bored of living in his car but Aziraphale doesn’t hear bc mentally he’s in Alpha Centauri.

Having read the 'Crowley doesn't tell him' Neil Gaiman ask close to when I first listened to Lockdown (I lived under a rock until recently), my initial thought was HAS HE BEEN LIVING IN HIS CAR FOR YEARS?! but I think he was still in his apartment in 2020:

as far as Hell knows, Crowley just had a pool party in holy water (the holiest) so the higher-ups are probably willing to give him some space (plus Beelzebub is busy going on pub dates w Gabriel)

while there should be ~8 months between the end of Season 1 events (The Very First Day of the Rest of Their Lives on Sunday, Aug 25, 2019) and the Lockdown phonecall (on or near the 30 year anniversary on May 1, 2020), I can't imagine that's a very long time for Hell, especially if you're understaffed and busy dealing with fallout from Almostgeddon / going on pub dates

Shax dropping off mail and asking about the boiler seems like something one does in the first few months of living somewhere, not ~3 years in (if S2 is in 2023)

That said, I think the phone call underlines why Crowley never directly tells Aziraphale that he is living in the Bentley in S2, and it's just a great conversation (all hail Gaiman) sooo I wrote about it:

***Note: This post analyzes the Lockdown phonecall from Crowley's perspective only. Our heroine is feeling quite emotionally vulnerable at this point in time so things are going to hit him harder than they normally would.

I do not think Aziraphale meant to cause him pain (!!) but Crowley can't see that yet and I've written this post in a way that reflects that missing insight. (I explain in more detail in this reblog if you are interested) I am working on a companion post for Aziraphale's side of this conversation and how I think it affects his behavior in S2 because if we know anything about these two, it's that their exactlys are different exactlys.***

Crowley’s habit of sleeping to skip time like an RPG character by a campfire amuses me to no end, but in this context it feels heavy. Crowley already worries about losing time with what he loves and he probably hoped things would be different between him and Aziraphale after the events of S1. But things don’t change much. Then lockdowns start, and Crowley is trapped in his apartment alone, transcendentally bored, and unable to make his brain shut up. Sleeping a month away starts to sound less awful.

But Crowley hasn’t given up yet; he’s still awake when Aziraphale calls, and he’s even giving it two more days. Was he waiting for Aziraphale to call? Is it even possible not to at least kind of wait for someone’s call when you are cut off from everything and the caller has been your only friend and crush for millennia?

Aziraphale asks why Crowley isn't "out and about" tempting people or setting a bad example and he responds:

C: Everyone's so miserable and cooped up right now anyway, and I just… well… don't have the heart for it. A: *glowing audibly* I'm not miserable~ C: Really?

Crowley sounds genuinely surprised at Aziraphale's happiness and quickly assumes it's because the angel has been around people. He's so lonely/depressed/in his own head that he hadn't even considered someone enjoying being 'cooped up'. *sob*

Aziraphale goes No actually I put the closed sign up in the window and I'm having the Time of My Life, never had so few customers, not in 200 years!, etc. Although, he says:

A: …There were a few young lads a couple of nights ago who broke in through the back and tried to steal the cashbox! But they soon saw the error of their ways~ C: *clearly amused* Did you smite them with your wroth? A: Well I certainly gave them a good talking to, and I sent each of them home with cake~ C: *annoyed, swooning* Cake? A: Quite a lot of cake, actually. C: *physically ill from having such a giant crush on this dumbass baker/security guard* eeeekkkgghhh I'm gonna regret asking but.. ...rrgh.. *30 seconds of Aziraphale joyfully describing his baking while Crowley probably tries very hard not to imagine the angel eating each item in sensual slow motion* I stg you can hear him struggling in the background once or twice

A: …And once I've baked them, I have to eat them all myself, which was why I was so delighted— C: To send your burglars home laden with baked goods, yes, nnyeaayeah I follow…

Crowley interrupts, finishing Aziraphale's sentence in his nervous hurry to say the next bit:

C: *loud inhale* You know, I could.. hunker down at your place. … Slither over and watch you eat cake. I could bring a bottle--a case of… something… drinkable…?

He's trying to sound so casual about it but this is someone who was rejected/abandoned by actual literal God after asking what he thought were welcome, uncontroversial questions. Asking makes him vulnerable. He's supposed to be the rescuer, not a demon in distress. He does not feel casual about asking.

Crowley knows it's unlikely but he's so miserable and desperate for company that he can't help but ask, just in case. Even the smallest chance of spending time trapped indoors with Aziraphale—with nothing to do but drink, watch him eat, and talk about things they'd normally avoid—is too tempting.

A: *panicking* Oh I— I— I— I— I'm afraid that would be Breaking All The Rules! *nervous breathing* Out of the question! I'll see you… when this is over. C: Right. gnnehh. I'm setting the alarm clock for July. Good night, angel. *dial tone*

And just like that, Crowley doesn't need two days to decide. The depression nap doubles in length. He doesn't hear how badly Aziraphale wants to say yes behind the fear, or maybe he does and it hurts worse because why isn't Crowley enough for him? You can almost hear the spiralling:

SHOCKING, asking made it worse. It always does doesn’t it? Why even bother? you just embarrass yourself.. SLITHER over? why did I say that *grumble grumble* of COURSE His Holy Holiness, your only friend in the universe, would rather eat cake by himself while everything goes to shit than ~deign~ to have you in his presence. "AsK aND yE sHaLl ReCeIvE" bugger this for a lark im going to bed

(a bit dramatic but we've all been there)

I imagine sleep doesn't come right away. Maybe his thoughts drift to when he sat beside the angel at a dark Tadfield bus stop after a rather eventful Saturday. Crowley must've felt a tiny bit hopeful when he invited Aziraphale to stay with him: Heaven had withdrawn its favor and the bookshop was gone; Aziraphale was like him now. Didn't that mean things would change?

"I don't think my side would like that." Apparently not.

In the end, Aziraphale did ride the bus back to Crowley's apartment and stayed till the next morning when he caught a cab, but only to sell the illusion. Crowley understood that as far as sides went, the angel was still on Heaven's, even if Heaven wasn't on his.

And now this: the entire world is shut down; there is nothing for Aziraphale to do but stay in and read and bake in his magically reconstituted bookshop and he still won't invite Crowley in. Burglars and un-fallen angels only—nobody who asks questions.

So... of course Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale when he loses his apartment. He already knows what answer he would get; the angel has told him so many times. Aziraphale is a company man first, a companion to one very sad owl when convenient.

If Crowley works up the courage to say 'please take me in, I have nowhere else to go' and Aziraphale goes 'sorry, no, far too political, but I WILL risk being erased from the Book of Life to protect this nude amnesiac former coworker who always hated me,' it's going to be too much. You can't sleep long enough for that type of hurt to go away. Better not to say anything.

"Then nothing has to change, does it?"

[perksofbeingpoet]

a small thing that is promised to calm todd down when everything gets too overwhelming is playing with or brushing his hair.

which, unfortunately, is way too intimate a thing to ask his friends for- they help as good as they can already, trying to be quieter when todd gets that very intense look, passing him food that isn't too spicy or salty, talking loudly when a teacher is looking for people to get up front to the board, so that they'll gleefully pick the loudmouth.

but this is different; involves a kind of gentleness, of vulnerability that todd can't ask for. it means baring the parts of him that are most sensitive, revealing he's a baby bird in thunderstorms, asking for whispers and warmth in a place that doesn't offer these things.

neil still finds out.

which shouldn't come as a surprise to todd - neil has a way of catching him where he's most vulnerable, closing his palms around him as if he was a ladybug in a child's hand. careful now, don't hurt it. i'll keep it safe. i'll carry it off the pavement, put it where the grass sprouts in may-coloured strands.

so neil finds out, when they're laying on todd's bed (better sun in the evening), neil reading the script of his newest play, todd just breathing, trying to match the tides of neil's heartbeat below him, trying to slow down his own. and neil isn't sure what happens, because to his mind, nothing's changed, but suddenly todd's eyes have that frozen panic in them.

neil thinks he can feel the way todd's drowning in his own thoughts, and todd's thoughts tend to be quicksand in these moments. it's desparation, in the end, that gets neil to bury his left hand in todd's hair, carefully weaving his fingers through the sandy strands. he knows it's silly, but the urge to physically wipe the thoughts off todd's head is what makes him lightly trace his nails across the other's scalp, gentle, always so gentle.

and todd melts.

his breathing slows, and suddenly he's back, and neil's heart flutters like a dragonfly drying off its wings. he can help. not much, not always, but he can try.

he soon discovers that it helps after showers, too - todd is embarrassed enough to snap at him the first time, the first time neil's heard him rashly angry, but it only takes todd a week to come back and apologise, to say neil was right, but could he not make a big deal out of it. (and neil perry, king of theatrics, doesn't)

because showers can be overwhelming in these times, when todd's mind is a bridge wobbling on brittle foundations- standing there all wet, knowing he'll need to get out the stall, and dry off, and get his clothes and put them on and they'll still stick to him a bit and his toes will stay wet because the floor is cold, and- it's too much.

but neil can brush his hair, still wet and darker than usual, and the scratch of it along his scalp grounds him, puts his thoughts on a leash. neil will hum a song, and todd will ache with the sweet cruelty of love, the stinging tenderness of vulnerability.

and when todd gets into bed in exam season, and the sheets are fluffy and full of fresh air, smelling of spring and melancholy, he breathes in deeply through his nose. and neil walks over to him for a second before going to his own bed, three extra steps that make todd close his eyes and bury his face in the pillow.

and he runs a hand through todd's hair, and it feels like warm notes on a cello. like autumn sun falling through tall tree trunks, like a mug of cocoa, like a childhood kitchen table. his fingers trace lines across todd's scalp, reminiscent of the contrails of the plane that divides the sky three years later, like neil is already dreaming of it.

todd breathes and smiles.

good night, little poet <3

(i put this on ao3 even though it's ridiculously short, so you guys know what that means- the time of poet writing dps fanfiction has started, and the next ones are gonna be way longer)

[ssweetleaf]

step-brother.

step brother!neil lewis x fem!reader

summary: your step brother catches you masturbating.

includes: SMUT 18+, this is so short i’m sorry, stepcest, dub-con, masturbation, tit-play, neil being disgusting, allusions to sex <3

˖ ࣪⭑

One hand worked itself over your tits while the other petted at your pussy, two of your fingers running along the length of your slit before teasing your entrance— hole slick with arousal from your idle circles to your clit.

You tugged at your nipples, feeling them stiffen and pebble, so sensitive, much akin to the throbbing between your legs and you let out a little mewl when another surge of wetness coated the tips of your fingers.

Spreading your legs wide, you slipped two fingers inside, curling them upwards when they reached your knuckle— you sighed at the stimulation, yet you just couldn’t get deep enough. If only you had longer—

“What ya doing, sis?”

You quickly closed your legs around your wrist, pulling up your tank top to cover your tits, although he had already seen it all.

Your step brother Neil held a cocky smirk, leaning against the door frame and eyes flitting to your thighs that squished your poor hand between them.

“Get out!” You cried, doing your best to cover yourself up, your position over the covers not really doing you any favours.

“But why?” He pouted, “thought we could have a little brother and sister bonding time.”

He tutted crossing his arms over his chest and walking further into your room.

“You look frustrated, sweetheart,” He sighed, cock already hardening at the vulnerable state you were in, his loose sweatpants not hiding the fact either. “were your fingers just not enough?”

“Fuck off, Neil,” you breathed, your cunt was still throbbing, palm still pressed snug against it, any slight movement just aiding in stimulation.

“I’d much rather fuck you, babe,” he grinned, giggling to himself, reaching a hand down to palm at his cock from over his sweats.

Your eyes widened, cheeks heating and you tried your best to look anywhere but him…or his cock for that matter.

“Y-you’re disgusting,” you muttered, shifting from under his gaze, your nipples still achingly hard, protruding from the thin material of your top.

“I know,” he pouted, climbing onto your bed and straddling your thighs, his hands caressing the pudge of your stomach and you watched the way his cock throbbed at the feel of you. “and that’s something we have in common, isn’t that right?”

You faltered for a second, shaking your head, his hands travelling higher and higher before cupping your covered boobs, squeezing them, earning little whimpers from your throat.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You breathed.

“I know how much of a dirty girl you are, baby,” he smirked, reaching for the low collar of your tank and pulling it down, marvelling at how your tits spilled out. “the walls are thin— you really think I don’t hear you?”

Neil pressed his face between the valley of your breasts, breathing in the sweet smell of your skin, before enveloping a nipple between his lips.

“Such pretty fuckin’ titties,” he whined, and you cried out as he suckled and lathered his tongue against each one.

“N-Neil!” You moaned, your free hand clutching at his hair, nails scraping at his scalp and back arching into his mouth.

“Does my little sis want her big brother to fuck her?” He cooed, mocking you slipping a hand between your thighs and slapping your own away, cupping your naked cunt, feeling the crude slick of arousal dripping down to the crack of your ass.

[just-a-ghost00]

Mini PAC - Details about your soulmate/TF using game cards and letters

Group 1 - Cassette

Banana card : they are fruity! If they’re a man, they have big D energy. They are joyful. They come from a warm climate country. Possibly an island.

Bunny card : this person is super cute and lovely. They look like a baby. They are very kind and soft with others. They have a high sex drive. Their teeth and ears could be parts of their body that you like about them. They feel very innocent and vulnerable.

Airplane card : this person likes to travel for fun and/or travels a lot for work. They live at a distance from you. They enjoy fast communication. They are active. They are curious and love to be challenged.

Letters : T H U N L I I O E Z E I C U Y I M A

Words or names I picked up on ( feel free to add more to the list in the comments) :

Liam, Theo, Noah, Noe, Zain, Zina, Zelie, Mona, Mina, Naim, Chloé, Chile, Lucy, Milan, Athene, Luna, China, mole, eye, cutie, cinema, zinc, camel, thyme, chain, lion, Leo, Helio, Nile, mint, maze, hazel, mountain, cunt, aconite, Lyna, Lina, Alice, menace, county, yen, Celine, TMI, TUE(sday), OCT(ober), autumn, Ciel, honey, Luca, Han, menu, hate, anime

Group 2 - Subway

Bicycle and train card : they live at a distance from you but it could be easily accessible. They enjoy traveling and/or they travel for work. They like biking.

Dress card : they are pretty feminine. They like to dress unconventionally. So if they’re a man, they like to wear skirts or high heels, to put on makeup. If they’re a woman, they’re a bit of a tomboy. They enjoy fashion in general. They could be a model.

Dolphin card : they are sociable. Their family matters a lot to them. They are very sensitive and in tune with their intuition. They have a kind and generous heart. They are playful, even flirty. They like water and/or leave near a body of water.

letters : W E E M S A U T T B A E E O R E N R

Words and names I picked up on (feel free to add more to the list in the comments) : tenor, Muse, water, Mona, Mason, Saturn, Beau, war, ram, Taurean, brat, bae, West, euro, won, MON(day), mount, sun, tarot, bus, runes, tan, beast, Roman, Roma, Meteora, Mars, ASMR, Ares, Arena, amore, nature, muerte, mentor, senor, Matteo, master, webmaster, woman, man, Erasme, Bruno, brunette, same, torn, tears, BTS, Naruto, Moana

Group 3 - Snacks

Letters X L N E J E E A O N A H N N L I R W L

Words and names I picked up on (feel free to add to the list in the comments) :

Hélène, Helena, Nia Jax, jail, Leo, Xena, hell, Joan, Joana, Jane, Jean, Jona, jean, Noel, Noe, Noa, lion, JAN(uary), Wall E, halo, hola, hello, Axel, Hoax, Jihane, Will, Jorah, horn, Jael, Jeanne, norn, helix, Halle, alien, Rollex, Rollin, Alienor, Jolie, Rio, Janeiro, Nelliel, Ronnie, Leon, Johann, Neil

Watermelon card : They support Palestine. They come from a warm climate country. They love summer. They love watermelon. They like your juice ;)

Tennis ball card : They are athletic. They enjoy tennis or any type of ball game. They got balls ;) They are swift and fast. They communicate quickly, they are witty and sarcastic.

Socks card : You'd feel very cozy with them. They have an odd but warm personality. They enjoy date nights snuggling by the fireplace or Netflix and chilling. They have cold feet.

[heycrymeariver]

five and many more: a timeline summary

(For legal reasons, all of this is alleged.)

Ref. links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

1984, is the first time Neil Gaiman released a book. 

In 1985, he got married and started his career as a comic book writer and in 1986, he assaulted Julia Hobsbawm.

This took place in Chalk Farm, London, where he forcibly kissed her and shoved her down on the sofa at her own studio flat before she escaped. According to The Crown Prosecution Service, “sexual assault is where one person intentionally touches another person sexually without their consent. The touching can be done with any part of the body or with an object.” In her own words, she described it as “an aggressive, unwanted pass” and that she still remembers it even now. 

Through 1987 and 2002 he progressed his career and published the famous book Coraline. A new year happens and he is in his early-forties and is thriving off of the success of his several money-making works, at a book signing event in Sarasota, Florida. There he hits it off with a young 18 year old (K) and they start dating. Two years later, in 2005, with two more awards under his belt, he forcibly penetrated that young twenty year old who told him not to because of a painful infection.

After another two years, he and his first wife divorced.

It's 2012, five years later and one year into a new marriage and at another book signing, Neil, age 52, immediately assaulted Claire (pseudonym) with a non-consensual kiss. Throughout keeping contact Neil had escalated this with video and phone calls that had a heavy sexual connotation where he appeared to either be naked or tried to instigate something. All of this accumulated into sexually assaulting her on a tour bus. Neil’s contact with her lasted until 2014 where he had promptly accused her in a text message that she had used him for sex.

Within the same year, Neil had enough money to buy a property, and met Caroline Wallner, 55, and her at-the time current husband. With a deal to do odd jobs for Neil and his wife to live there until she could own a five-acre plot, it wasn’t long before things turned sour. A divorce in 2017 sent everything spiraling, with her former husband fired, she in a once financially stable position, was now completely dependent on Neil Gaiman who used that to his advantage. Using her lack of financial stability to get himself sexual favors, he coerced her into a sexual-only, notably uninformed BDSM-entering territory while she was emotionally vulnerable, not accepting denials. This lasted until the summer of 2021, and in December of that year she and him went to court, what awaited her was $275k of compensation and a non-disclosure agreement (nda).

It wouldn’t take long for another woman to experience Neil Gaiman’s repeated offenses as well because in February of 2022, Scarlett (a pseudonym), age 23, a newly hired nanny, was sexually assaulted in the bathtub at his house. Neil, age 61, climbed into the bathtub with her and coerced her into having sexual relations. He too, in his coercion of her, made her financially dependent on him and brought BDSM elements to an inexperienced young woman who could not say no.

Since July 3rd of this year, 2024, five women have come out with sexual assault allegations aimed at Neil Gaiman. They all have several things in common with each other: either being young and naive, a fan of his, or put in a vulnerable spot financially or emotionally. Throughout the years and according to the stories, Neil progressively gets more bold and aggressive in his attempts for sexual gain. There are many more stories out there and whispers on the internet of how predatory Neil Gaiman has been in the industry. However, focusing on the five women who came out to speak and pushing their voice is an important part of the discussion.

Staying silent will only protect his peace.

(If you want to help keep this topic alive, please check out this post by @taraljc to see what steps you can take.)

[cillianhead]

Neil Lewis is a slut <3<3<3<3<3

18+ MINORS DNI || blurb about neil lewis (watching the detectives (cillian murphy)) SMUT (ADULT CONTENT)

"Please just fucking touch me..." Neil groans impatiently, pushing his hips up into the air, pushing his hard cock into the palm of your hand. His cheeks are flushed red as you sit there and smirk at how hot and bothered he is from simply just sitting next to you. He's huffing out like a spoiled brat, he hates it when you tease him like this. "Please... need you to suck my cock so bad..."

"Neil..." You giggle, fingers slipping down his bare chest and over his tummy to slip under the waistband of his shorts. He was rock hard and the feeling of your hand on him was already pushing him over the edge a little. "You're so pathetic." And he'd whine and shale his head but grow harder at your words. And then his eyes would bulge and his lips trembled open as your fingers teased the head of his cock, smearing the leaking precum he had now ruined his shorts with. "Fuck..." He gasped.

"Good boy..." Stroking his cock while he grips the couch, erratically bucking his hips up into your palm as you fisted him nice and fast, using his precum-like lotion for his sweet sweet cock. He'd just lay there and take it, malleable to your touch and you could do whatever you pleased to him as long as it's you who's doing it. Loyal to all ends, madly in love, and so desperately turned on.

"I..." Neil stammered. "I... I'm really fuckin' close... fuck... honey... please..."

"Close already?" You giggled, running the tip of your nose down his stretched-out neck and tantalizingly running your tongue along his throat. "Baby... that's it cum in the palm of my hand..." Smug with the fact you had him like this. Weak.

You grabbed his waistband with your other hand to pull it down, despite the dim lighting of his living room right now since your movie had just ended. He had been rockhard this whole time and you sat there the whole time knowing. Neil's pretty cock popped out with the glory of the sight of your hand jerking him off like his body was yours. You knew him like the back of your hand.

Neil melted in the couch and gasped for air, loving the way you grabbed at his hips and sat on one of his trembling knees. His hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, lips purred with moans echoing out of his lungs. "Y/Nnnn...." Neil moans pathetically like a pretty boy would. You were using him... playing with him and it was all for your own pleasure as well as his of course. Neil was a sight to see when he got like this. When he was vulnerable and when he was with you. "F-Fuck... gonna cum... baby... gonna cum..."

"Go on, make a mess for me..." You bit your lip as your ground your naked cunt down on his hairy strong thigh. The shaking helped with the pleasure. His dick twitched and his cum shot out and leaked around his cock, covering his entire lower stomach and your hand as you continued to milk him for what's left. His mind went blank at that, truly just a dumb fuck toy. He whines and he sputters out pleas as his eyes roll into the back of his head. You'd gasp at how much there was and how his stomach tensed up, pushing out his chest as he cums.

And you'd force him to lick your hand clean once you gave him a break and he suck on each of your fingers with those tired and sad-pale-blue eyes that were so lustful. And once your hand was clean you'd get down on your knees and lick at his stomach, listening to the way Neil's breath hitches every time you run your tongue flat up his thigh and on his stomach.

"Please... suck me off..." Neil whined, arching his hips back up in the air again. "Y/N...." His cock was hard again, ready for your mouth, he just couldn't help it. Not when you were doing this, and looking at him like that. "I think I've got something better for you..." You mumbled as you kissed up his chest and then captured his mouth in a wet kiss. "Don't you wanna be inside me, baby?" You asked, giving him bedroom eyes as you straddled his hips and grabbed at his cock to rub your sticky folds on back and forth.

It's like his brain gets rewired at the contact of your pussy and he whines louder at the feeling of you rubbing your clit back and forth on his tip... if you only just moved an inch or so lower.... "Need to be inside you, sweetheart... baby..." He pressed his face close to yours, trying to kiss you again. "Fuck me... please... fuck me... please..."

Sinking down on his cock was the best decision you ever made as he held your waist tightly as if he were afraid to let go of you. Neil pressed his flustered face into your neck as he whispered tiny 'thank you's to you. You were too speechless to function as you settled down fully with his dick deep inside you, truly up in your guts.

You were all bark and no bite. You loved teasing Neil and bossing him around but once his cock was inside you, you were too drunk to function. Dumb and full. Neil felt like he could cum again as he held you in place, breath heavy at how fucking tight and wet you were.

"Y/N..." Neil whispered breathily into your neck, mindlessly beginning to rock your hips with his hands... back and forth.... back and forth... over and over again. You shared your breathlessness. You both didn't know how to speak. So as you relearned how to speak together... the same three words were said first.

"I love you." Said in perfect unison, riding him until you both were covered in sweat and cum.

======

:) just a little thing for our boyfriend Neil Lewis idk hope u enjoyed (THIS IS UNEDITED SO IM SO SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES)

[detectivebambam]

it's 3:30 in the morning

Andrew hiding his emotions is a form of literally hiding.

i imagine his time in foster care, especially being so horrifically abused, that he hid a lot. in cabinets, under stairs, anywhere he could feel a little safer just being in an enclosed space where he thought no one could find him

hiding in his head is the same thing. putting all his vulnerable parts into a little box and throwing it in the ocean of his mind. he's trying to keep himself safe. his inner child is nestled under the stairs in his head, hoping no one finds him there.

Neil is safe because when he finds him, he doesn't try to lure him out or join him. he sets down a cup of cocoa and an extra blanket and goes on his way. that's why Andrew stops hiding from him.

[disturbingstar]

The last of us trivia

TV show

• Pedro Pascal agreed to play Joel within a day of being sent the script.

• Neil Druckmann (the writer and director of the games, and the co-creator of the HBO series) watched over 100 auditions for Ellie before seeing Bella Ramsey's audition, of which he said, “It didn't feel like I was watching someone acting like Ellie. I was watching Ellie.”

• The TV adaptation offered the opportunity to expand on characters' backstories like Marlene and Ellie's relationship - as they weren't limited to a first-person POV.

• Huge apocalyptic sets had to be made for the show that were only used once - like the interior of the Capitol Building, which was built on a soundstage from scratch. Matching the lushness of the game while making it more realistic was the end goal, and art books from Naughty Dog (the company that developed the video games) were used as a jumping off point.

• Tess is portrayed by Australian actress Anna Torv. She was aware of the games but had not played them and watched the cutscenes after her casting. Torv felt her performance required consistent truthfulness due to its subtlety.

• Anna Torv and Pedro Pascal who portrays Joel decided that Tess and Joel had been lovers for some time but, like in the game, were subtle about their relationship.

• Sarah is portrayed by English actress Nico Parker. Parker watched videos of the original game years before getting the role. She wanted to stay away from the game version and provide her own interpretation of the character.

• As the clickers were a “home run” in the games, prosthetic artists from Game of Thrones were brought on to make them look as close to the source material as possible.

• There was even a movement bootcamp to train extras how to move like infected.

• The art teams were given the direction to find the beauty in the fungus. As Neil Druckmann said, “When you see the beauty in these monsters, it somehow makes them creepier.”

• It was Bella Ramsey's suggestion to have Ellie sleep with a switchblade during her first night with Tess and Joel.

• Neil Druckmann always thought of Joel and Tess's relationship as romantic, and the TV show offered the opportunity to make that explicit.

• Neil Druckmann is open to a The Last of Us Part 3 game, but it depends on whether the team can “come up with a compelling story that has this universal message and statement about love.”

• Pedro Pascal was chosen to play Joel Miller because of his ability to portray a tough, tortured, and vulnerable character who suppresses his emotions until necessary.

• Pedro Pascal based Joel's voice on his own experiences growing up in San Antonio, Texas, paring it back from the Southern accent used in the games.

• Bella Ramsey was aware of the game before their audition, but was encouraged not to play it to avoid replicating Ashley Johnson's original performance, instead watching some gameplay on YouTube to get a sense of it. As of filming the series, they still hadn't played the game.Ramsey wanted their performance to be reminiscent of the games without copying them.

• Unlike his counterpart from the video game series, Joel is more vulnerable in the television series; he is hard of hearing on one side due to a gunshot, his knees ache when he stands and he also suffers from nightmares and panic attacks. Co-creator Craig Mazin felt Joel should be less resilient than in the game to show the toll that living in the post-outbreak world has taken.

• Tommy is portrayed by American actor and producer Gabriel Luna. About a month after the casting of Pascal and Ramsey as Joel and Ellie respectively, Luna was asked to submit an audition tape. He was familiar with the work of co-creator Craig Mazin and executive producer Carolyn Strauss, and had previously worked on HBO's True Detective. About a week after submitting his tape, he was offered the role and, according to Luna, they instantly knew he was the one. He was enthusiastic for the role, having lived in Austin, Texas—Joel and Tommy's hometown—around the same time as the show's setting. He was also given a PlayStation 5 during production to play the games as research.