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winterrain-11 · 2 months ago

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The Master-Compilation of my Good Omens Headcanons

i wrote so many of these from 2022-now and shared them on tiktok, but since it’s getting banned in the states, i thought i’d share them here :) organizing them by category as well so i hope you enjoy!!!

Historical

Aziraphale loved Billie Holiday. He dragged Crowley to nyc to see her first performance in Carnegie hall in 1949. He saw her again in every one of her European shows and saw the live recording of strange fruit in 1959, dragging Crowley along and he cried.

Crowley learned classical piano in the Victorian era and to this day is very good at it. Aziraphale does not know this but would be so enamored if he did

Crowley and Mary Shelley were good friends - Aziraphale is convinced that they were lovers in Shelley’s polyamory with her husband, they were not

Aziraphale was extremely close with Hans Christian Anderson. Aziraphale did not understand why he felt so empty inside listening to Hans talking about how unrequited loves ((denial queen)). they met in 1835 and wrote to each other nearly every day for 40 years until Anderson’s death. they talked in depth about their deep loneliness and their feelings as outcasts, along with their confusing feelings about love. aziraphale still has a draft of ‘the little mermaid’ in his desk that hans asked him to look over. it is heavily tearstained. when Hans died he didn’t talk to anyone for several years.

Crowley started the Victorian craze of watching trains crash/explode

When Crowley first saw the pictures taken from the hubble telescope in the 90’s, he cried for hours. It was the first time he got to see his creation in over 6,000 years and it was just as beautiful as he remembered

Crowley convinced Tchaikovsky to use actual canons in 1812 overture because of a snide comment Aziraphale made about the symphony being too boring for Crowley

Crowley took Aziraphale to the opening of Jesus Christ Superstar in 1972 to get a rise out of the angel but fell in love with comedic musical theatre instead, quickly befriending writer Jim Sharman. crowley was part of the ensemble in the first productions of The Rocky Horror Show in the early 70’s as a personal favor to Jim. crowley nearly fainted when he saw Freddie Mercury in the audience during a performance and is still to this day resentful of Tim Curry for being the one who Freddie took an interest to on the cast

Crowley and Aziraphale were both personal friends of Princess Di. neither of them know this about each other and blame each other’s head offices for her death

Aziraphale volunteered as a field nurse across europe for the entirety of WW1

Aziraphale got his ears pierced in 1327 BC Egypt and wore them on and off until the 15th century. he was excited when they came back into fashion in the 70’s and he enjoys to wear small golden studs to this day

Crowley tried to pick up guitar - specifically electric - several times throughout the 20th century. he was never any good

both Crowley and Aziraphale bought up several properties to turn into speakeasies during the american prohibition, but Crowley took credit for all of them for their head offices’ sakes. Crowley tended to host spaces for people of color and queer folks to be themselves freely and Aziraphale integrated traditionally white spaces with jazz music, opening the stage for many queer and poc musicians to become mainstream.

Crowley was the one to suggest they play Billie Holiday’s ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’ for the mars opportunity rover when it died; he was heavily involved in the mission (he’s involved in most nasa missions) and loved oppie so much. this was Azi’s favorite Billie song — he doesn’t know that crowley knows this and Crowley didn’t realize for many decades that that was why he chose that song.

Aziraphale popularized pembroke welsh corgis throughout the UK and New England and was the one to introduce the breed to the late Queen Elizabeth II in the 1930s, personally meeting every one of the royal corgis until the queen’s death. lets be real — corgis are THE Azi dog.

Crowley set up a quaker house during the underground railroad in northern Pennsylvania that was operational for the majority of the mid nineteenth century. Crowley averted hell’s questions by using his time there ‘tempting’ the slave catchers (which consisted of severely inconveniencing them in every way possible and many very sadistic pranks)

Aziraphale presented female for a few decades in the 18th century and absolutely adored the fashion in England. She eventually stopped only because she would not stop getting random marriage proposals from men who thought she was fabulously wealthy (Azi “I HAVE standards” Fell fr)

Crowley was ACTIVE in the American hippie movement in the 60’s and 70’s. He already had so much to do in America at that time (red scare, space race, Nixon in general, etc) that he stayed among the people in hippie communes for several years. This developed his music taste quite a bit as well (and promoted The 70’s Mustache) (can I hear a wahoo)

Aziraphale became close with Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky after watching his production of “Sleeping Beauty” in 1890. He was the one who encouraged him to continue writing “The Nutcracker” even after he expressed how much he despised the score. Aziraphale still has an original score of Grand Pas De Deux. They were close friends until Tchaikovsky’s death (clearly my hc azi has a pattern of befriending tragic historically gay men who have severe depression)

Crowley was SUPER pissed when they found out arsenic was poisonous. she absolutely wore (and SLAYED) those Victorian deathtrap arsenic dresses. I like to think that she really hopped on the arsenic green trend.

Crowley had a CRUSH on James Dean (bc of course he did. they’re both bisexual disasters with tragic love lives) Aziraphale once told Crowley that he reminded him of James Dean and he has been riding that high ever since.

Modern-Day

Aziraphale does the crossword every morning in the paper, he’s horrible at the sudoku so he asks for crowley’s help. Crowley realized he loved logic puzzles and now Az just saves them for crowley, eventually Crowley convinced Az to play the nyt games.

For the wordle, Crowley starts with whatever word comes to mind everyday (thinks it’s funny to use ‘penis’, Az starts with ‘adieu’. They race, Crowley usually wins and Az is so angry abt this but won’t show it

Crowley invented decaf coffee and gained accolades in hell for it bc of how many people hated it/accidentally ordered it but in reality he invented it for Aziraphale who liked the taste but didn’t like how jittery caffeine made him

Aziraphale mispronounces a lot of words he learned solely by reading, Crowley never lets this go and still bullies him for how he pronounced epitome the first time

Aziraphale does read alouds at local libraries for children once every month to help fund children’s literature.

Aziraphale enjoys pressing leaves and drying flowers. he has dozens of bouquets from crowley over the years that he hangs along his bookshelves

Aziraphale adores the Charlie Brown comics and films. he has followed the Vince Guaraldi Trio since the late 50’s and watches the respective holiday films every year.

Aziraphale and Crowley enjoy watching ancient history documentaries so they can yell at the tv and debunk their facts. aziraphale once sent a drunken email to national geographic about their misrepresentation of 12th century nordics. they did not respond

Crowley occasionally guest lectures for astrophysics courses at the university of edinburgh

Aziraphale always goes all out for christmas— a ten foot tree decorated with tinsel and garland and shining ornaments and bells, the bookshop’s shelves and doors covered in laurels and mistletoe and lights. he hands out gingerbread and cocoa to his patrons, he brings gift baskets to neighboring shops, and he starts playing christmas music on november first and picks each gift he gives with several months worth of preparation and deep love and care. he is the embodiment of the christmas spirit.

Aziraphale is actually a big sports fan and can get rather invested in and riled up over matches. He’s surprisingly most into rugby but he refuses to watch it in pubs because of how overly rowdy humans can be

Crowley actually likes the ‘Sound of Music’, more specifically the first half. he always gets teary-eyes during ‘Something Good’; it makes him think of Aziraphale

Aziraphale always tries to find the harmonies or countermelody in the songs he listens to. he has a wonderful singing voice but uses it sparingly

Crowley has very rough and calloused hands — not from any work he’s done, they’re simply just like that. these are must in contrast to Aziraphale’s hands

Aziraphale runs warm, Crowley runs cold (obvi, he’s a reptile). they are constantly battling over the AC. Aziraphale can literally not function if the heat in the house is over 20°c/68°f, he will sweat like a madman (meanwhile, Crowley will be in fuzzy socks, a jacket, and have a blanket wrapped around him if it’s below 23°c/71°f).

Crowley cannot keep succulents alive no matter what he does. they are supposedly the easiest plants to keep and he is so good with leafy plants, but no — they always die. after he killed his fourth string of pearls he got so angry that he caused a several hour power outage throughout westminster.

Aziraphale is fantastic at poker and is completely unreadable. this is extremely attractive to Crowley

after armageddon’t, Crowley worked closely with NASA to launch the James Webb Space Telescope. he wanted humanity to be able to take in as much as the cosmos as it was designed to be seen before heaven and hell create another apocalypse. every time new images are released, Aziraphale makes them tea and him and Crowley look at them together. crowley goes on long tangents about each image; about their creation and how they function in god’s great universe.

crowley makes an effort to leave tins of free pads and tampons in any public women’s restroom he finds himself near. after presenting as a woman for several decades throughout his time, he assumed it was the least he could do.

Aziraphale loves to take photographs. he has a dark room in the back of the bookshop, but once he found out he could take quality photos on his mobile phone he has gone feral.he will stop Crowley every few minutes on walks to take pictures of flowers and other wildlife. he also loves taking candid pictures of crowley (he doesn’t know about this)

Aziraphale loves podcasts. he listens to the BBC global news podcast every morning and usually listens to audiobooks or informational podcasts on his afternoon walks.

both aziraphale and crowley are ambidextrous. I like to think that most demons are left handed and angels right handed, and az and crowley slowly adopted the other over time.

Aziraphale writes horribly sappy poetry in the margins of his diary. like corny Martin k Blackwood style (tma fans sound off) and is more terrified about Crowley finding these than he is the explicitly romantic diary entries

Aziraphale is surprisingly a beer guy — Crowley is not. Azi is a big fan of darker/amber brews, but Crowley thinks they all taste like utter dog-piss and has said he would rather drink a glass of straight cheap vodka (he did do this once to prove his point and got violently ill; too busy throwing up the entire night to miracle it away. Azi held his hair)

Crowley is horrible at smoking — nearly coughs up a lung every drag of even the smoothest cigarette. he is so angry about this because he thinks people smoking is very attractive and wants to be like that himself. he carries a pack around with him and holds them in his teeth ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ style

Though angels are better known for their lack of dancing skills, Crowley is a horrible dancer. they usually avoided dancing with one another (even for The Arrangement) to keep attention away from them, but after the apocalypse they began to find how much they loved slowdancing with one another. it took Crowley several decades to not step on Azi’s toes every time but eventually they got into a rhythm and slow dance nearly ever evening with one another and hold each other very close when doing so.

Aziraphale enjoys Queen (and a lot of modern music) even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He’s rather fond of A Night at the Opera and A Day at the Races, but surprisingly enjoys a lot of songs off of Hot Space (he will NEVER admit this to Crowley)

Aziraphale LOVES jigsaw puzzles. He always has at least one going in the bookshop and Crowley helps work on them when he’s drunk (he does not really help at all — he gets three pieces together before he gets a headache)

When Crowley is sad, his go-to album is The Wall by Pink Floyd. I also think that this is one of his number one albums of all time — the music is intricate, soulful, heart-wrenching… what’s not not love ((from a Pink Floyd supremacist))

Besides the obvious Queen, Crowley loves Pink Floyd, The Talking Heads, Bowie, The Smiths, and other bands in that realm. He loves songs with a lot going on— heavy percussion, intricate bass, soulful guitar solos, etc.

To compromise him and Aziraphale’s tastes, he usually puts on bands more in the realm of Phish, the Beatles, and The Grateful Dead for them both. It gives Aziraphale the melodic and harmonic qualities he adores but also gives Crowley the nostalgia of the late 20th century. (“Aziraphale would genuinely love The Velvet Underground and I’m still mad at Crowley for that” ~my roommate)

Crowley definitely HATES that Azi likes the Beatles. Crowley has personal experience with John Lennon and how much of a prick he was, but he feels bad telling azi abt how shitty most of the members were bc of how much he enjoys their music/ it’s one of the few bands they enjoy together (“my angel loves it, I can’t break his little heart. At least he doesn’t call this one bebop”)

Crowley is a flushed drunk. give him two shots and he’s red as a tomato and probably sweating up a storm. he’s also a sleepy drunk (while aziraphale is a touchy-drunk)

Crowley drives with one hand so that he can hold Aziraphale’s with the other (or, usually, just tries to muster up the courage). he still does it out of habit.

Crowley loves pulling out random facts that he knows, especially more natural/earth science things (facts about bugs, what kinds of clouds are in the sky, etc). he just likes to Tell Aziraphale Things. aziraphale usually knows all of these things, but he doesn’t tell this to crowley. (“oh really? that’s very interesting dear…”) it brings crowley great joy

Aziraphale has touch/sound sensory issues, Crowley has smell/taste/texture sensory issues (ex zira can barely LOOK at old sherpa or crushed velvet, panics when noises are a bit too loud, crowley can’t eat foods if they feel wrong, usually why he doesn’t eat)

Zira keeps plant propagations in his windowsills for crowley. after he left for heaven, Muriel learned to take care of them and started a small plant corner by the window. they have a very green thumb

Crowley gets really bad echolalia (repetition of words/noises he hears) and Aziraphale will sometimes scold him for mocking others/him but Crowley is insistent that he’s not trying to

when they laugh too hard, Crowley hisses (mixture of actual snake and windex bottle) and Aziraphale snorts. they both think it’s adorable.

Non-Ineffable Husbands

Muriel is terrified of ladybugs (even more so after Crowley convinced them that the yellow ones are poisonous and WILL kill you)

Muriel loves to paint and they are an extremely talented landscape artist. they learned the basics from watching old Bob Ross tapes

(Via my roommate and I thought it was funny) Warlock definitely grows up to listen to all of the male manipulator bands but Adam just listens to a lot of Weezer

Depressing

cws: major character death, animal death, disassociation, general canon-typical trauma, alcoholism

Crowley got a kitten in the late 40’s that he loved so much that he genuinely did not know what to do with the emotion. When it died of old age crowley was so crushed that he did not get out of bed for fifteen years and refused to ever get another pet bc he couldn’t handle losing one again

As an Archangel, Aziraphale can only see in shades of lilac (because of the eyes). this is the only think that keeps heaven bearable for him

Crowley road tripped across europe during the pandemic instead of sleeping. he slept for a few weeks before he woke up from a nightmare about aziraphale forcing holy water down his throat with a blank expression on his face. he hasn’t slept since.

before Crowley left the bookshop for good, he left a list of books and films that muriel would need to understand humanity. he wrote about Bob Ross along with Mister Rogers’ neighborhood and several books of poetry; Robert Frost, Ross Gay, so on. as angry as he was with heaven and Aziraphale, he wanted Muriel to keep seeing humanity as beautiful and kind, even if they were the only one to see it as truly that way.

Crowley doesn’t get intoxicated in public; he’s either alone or with Aziraphale. Last time he got properly sloshed around someone who wasn’t Azi was Elspeth. When he lets his guard down, he slips and he shows that he is kind and that scares him. When Aziraphale leaves for heaven, he drinks himself to blackout in a pub.

Crowley is extremely sensitive to light and is prone to intense headaches/migraine symptoms. This is partially due to the snake eyes but I also think it could be another punishment from God (stars/galaxies = light, light now hurts)

Crowley very often forgets to sober up before he passes out for the night and wakes up hungover. Aziraphale always leaves water on the coffee table (he usually passes out on the bookshop couch) for him. Though, Crowley uses hangovers for punishment. drinks to forget, feels like shit when he remembers (self destructive behaviors)

Stupid/Silly Ones

Crowley is TERRIFIED of birds that can talk. He thinks it’s unnatural and that they shouldn’t be able to think like that

Aziraphale wears those old timey red striped one piece swimsuits

When Crowley found out that talking into a fan made your voice funny, he was ECSTATIC and called az immediately. This was one of the first human things he taught Muriel about

Aziraphale googles like “hello google can you please show me funny cat videos. Thank you so much dear”

Crowley sneezes like a dad — like a sound-barrier breaking scream sneeze. It scares the shit out of Aziraphale every time

Aziraphale as a small but dedicated fanbase on youtube for an ASMR channel Maggie started him, which is just him doing softspoken readings of his favorite novels. he secretly loves the attention

Crowley is lowkey in love with Freddie Mercury. He has the almost comedic misfortune of just barely missing meeting/befriending throughout his career and he is beyond bitter about this. he is literally the number one Freddie fangirl.

Aziraphale LOVES HGTV. he watches it religiously and gets genuinely emotionally invested in the flips

Crowley did competitive cup stacking for a few years in the early 2000’s. I literally have no valid reason for thinking this but it feels right

Crowley came up with the Oak Island conspiracy. he religiously watches the curse of oak island on the History Channel solely to make fun of it and is almost mad about how many seasons it has at this point

Crowley has never once looked both ways crossing the street — he simply walks in the middle of traffic no crosswalk and is convinced he will never get hit. he still hasn’t been hit somehow. he isn’t miracling it, he just genuinely hasn’t been hit yet

I’ve seen this take before but I’m going to say it again: Crowley was 100% DB Cooper and I am so beyond passionate about this

Crowley recorded the original wilhelm scream and is so angry that it still used as a gag because he always hated the way his voice sounded

Aziraphale is one of those people who licks his thumb before he turns a page. Crowley HATES this

Crowley sleeps with a heated blanket because he can’t sleep in the cold (his cold-bloodedness makes it uncomfortable to sleep in anything but heat). he enjoys sleeping in snake-form quite often and will curl up completely under the heated blanket and just roast like a lizard on a rock under a heat lamp (I like to imagine he also owns a few heat lamps)

Aziraphale has definitely accidentally taken an edible at least once (and I like to believe that he has taken one on purpose on his own in the bookshop thinking it would make reading more interesting. It didn’t of course, it made it impossible, so he watched a film instead and had a lot of fun and considers doing it again)

Crowley wears only black because when he tries to dress himself in other colors he looked horrendously mismatched (his snake eyes would make him mostly colorblind). He always has Aziraphale double check the colors of the clothes he buys.

Aziraphale loves minion memes. It hurts me so much to admit but god dammit I know he would EAT them up.

Aziraphale loves black licorice. Crowley is legitimately extremely upset by this

Crowley crashes weddings in his spare time and “accidentally” spills red wine on anyone wearing white that isn’t the bride

I feel like Azi has a REALLY aggressive animal voice, like “oh wook at the widdle baby boy!!! What a good little baby boy!!!” And it’s like the oldest, meanest dog in the world

Crowley shows cat affection. Sometimes he’ll just bump his head against azi or start poking him. Azi will say something sweet and he’ll just stare with big eyes and then walk away

thank you all so much for reading :3

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