#and they had a discord breakdown and think i hate them. which.

[phagodyke]

completed the game btw 👍

laptop crashed on me trying to open elden ring the final straw 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[katyspersonal]

Hi there, I hope you don’t mind the random question but in your mind which fanbase would you say is worse, Elden Ring or Bloodborne in terms of annoying fans. I used to think Bloodborne fans could be bad but holy shit ER fans are something else when it comes to lore discussions. As someone who is pretty active in lore talk with both games do you find one side to be more exhausting to deal with than the other? Obviously feel free not to answer this if you think it might start drama

Honestly? I can't hate Bloodborne fandom enough.

Bloodborne was my first Fromsoft game and one keeping me hostage in terms of fixation for over three years, like I said! And yes, it has incredibly bad, toxic people in it - Maria fans who kept slandering Gehrman despite all the info against their takes, honestly believed there is anything problematic with Gehrmaria, had mental breakdown if anyone dared to see Maria as bi or straight despite her not having canon sexuality, believed that the whole story is either about man bad woman good OR was incredibly misogynist, no between. Close minded, toxic people who would deliberately bait anger and pain with placing their hate in the tags and then play victims when those hurt fans snapped back. Oh, I hate them, and revealing that Gehrman's "creepiness" and "misogyny" was completely and fully translation mistake, as well as pointing out how comes why nothing is wrong with how Doll is dressed with facts, is forever my most valid contribution to the fandom. More so than my ugly childlike fanart or convoluted theories could ever be. But, not THIS is why Bloodborne fandom is worse in my opinion.

Elden Ring fandom introduced not one but SEVERAL annoying and exhausting topics to deal with! I "affectionately" titled especially rabid Malenia and Miquella fans 'Twin Cultists' because this is exactly what their behavior is and have always been! Funny enough, a person who got mad at me for this one was someone who got alienated on Discord server for Miquella fans because owners started to insist that only their headcanons are valid AND admitted to me on feeling unsafe for not shipping Finlenia. I am dead serious! Malenia fans are strikingly similar to Maria pseudofeminist fans in toxicity, Miquella fans are like if you removed all likeable traits of Leda and replaced them with even MORE of undying vitriol for anyone who dares to interpret him as anything but perfect pure radiant sunshine. Mohg triggered a pretty awful discourse between those who insisted he was rapist molester whatever and if you interpret it differently you are insensitive and media-illiterate victimblamer and people who defended him "becoming the very thing they sworn to destroy" as well as also exhibiting cult-like thought control in their circles (they know who they are -_-).

But the DLC has changed things a bit, right? Some Twin Cultists are still spilling vitriol, except now they also claim that writers are bad, not only fans that disagree with them! Still, blessed, deserved vindication finally arrived! But what about others, whose situation never changed? Vitriol towards Godrick is ABSURD. You know how common fandoms L is that they judge and hate female character for something, but when male character did the exact same thing it is humored or justified? Godrick is this, minus the gender difference, yet everyone who points out his actual characteristics and the hypocrisy of his haters gets ridiculed. You thought that his fans would flock together to support each others? No, turns out that pocket are loosers who think people who don't headcanon him as trans are childish and ridiculous and loathe cishet Elden Ring fans in general. Fia and D are caught in the weird discourse loop where one is always simplified and idealized and another is demonized to Hell and beyond, when they both are strongly caught in religious brainwashing of sorts but also are sympathetic in their own right. Ranni's fans and haters both do not know the term of Machiavellian (aka "Ends justify the means" philosophy). She is the worst most evil character in the setting over what crimes she committed in order to protect the world from the problem of potentially anyone being able to grab the laws of nature itself and shape them according to their bigotries and preferences, OR she is a perfect innocent fighter against oppression and people who dislike her Just Hate Women TM. And of course we cannot forget the one above them all! The radiant, omnipresent, eternal!...

Marika truly brings out the worst of discussions! She has been before SOTE, but you YEARN for pre-SOTE times if you hate OR love her! Not because things changed, but because now discussion can't be avoided. She is THE Elden Ring character who is only ever demonized and idealized. Before SOTE, she was only ever just a tyrant who loves genocide OR simply a puppet of Greater Will (or rather Two Fingers claiming to speak for it as it turned out) who never meant to do that shit and finally heroically rebelled. After SOTE... hahaha, oh boy... we started to deal with the issue of excusing genocide. Her fans will claim into essays and more essays why Hornsent are all fundamentally dangerous race and Marika is merely trying to rid the world of filth that ruins it by sending Messmer. However, demonization didn't quite go away either, and her haters are so angry at writers humanizing her a bit more that they say WRITERS are pro-fascist!

So, why? I've described such horrid discourse, when Bloodborne fandom sounds like it simply has a few bad apples in comparison! What can be worse than Elden Ring fandom, after a description like this? Yeah, you see... Elden Ring fandom is thorn by awful arguments and discourse, it is hostile and dangerous for your mental health if you are invested into fandom beyond just "consuming content" and advertising your art for sale. Yet, it lives. It lives in the same sense as a land torn by earthquakes lives. It lives in the same sense a volcano that won't stop smoking lives. It lives in the same sense sea lives during the storm. But it LIVES.

Bloodborne fandom is a fucking Caelid.

If you question whether I'd be scared of "drama", I assume you are new here and don't know my epic lore. I am not afraid of anything because society made itself clear on what I am for it. In the most condenced way possible, one OF those toxic Maria fans didn't like me thinking for myself too much so they went out of their way to slander me for various -ists and -phobias. Their ableist friend that doesn't take racism seriously joined in. I was a victim of stalking, harassment, slander, witch-hunting and cult-like shunning for over a year, and so was every kind fool who treated me like a human - friend or mutual. I can NOT speak of Bloodborne fandom experience from personal standpoint because obviously it is not an objective experience (though someone who also got unfairly slandered by Maria fans too contacted me, so I question whether it IS a trend..?). Still, it isn't about me or my friends, we are an oddity. Bloodborne fandom for me was just a bunch of gullible, weak sheep who are okay with witch-hunt because letting just a few people get harassed is not worth souring their fandom experience. And I do not wish to turn back or even try to mend anything. I caught my stalker and exposed their crimes, I made everyone who believed they were innocent feel stupid and ashamed, it was all I wanted. I don't wish to "befriend" the fandom afterwards.

YEAH YEAH "THINGS ONCE BROKEN" WHATEVER

But I was still posting and drawing and playing and talking and writing, right? I was still present. So, I was at least observing what was going on. And what truly soured Bloodborne fandom was actually happening afterwards, what was not involving me or any friend or enemy I knew. The worst thing happened, worse for fandom than any amount of discourse. I call it "centralization", for lack of better term.

Bloodborne is a niche fandom, yet it had a sudden zoomers burst. And that led to dynamics of "fandom leaders", and stupid fucking Discord community that are akin to elite club in which if you are not invited you might as well not exist. It ALL became about stupid "web of mutuals" nonsense. It ALL became about some cool kids deciding what will be the ship or the take of the week/month, and soon you'd see NOTHING but this thing posted. Always through the exact same lense, too. Only to then be forgotten, because it was just a trend. Rom x Caryll comes to mind as a FAD of similar vibe. Micolaurence too.

I just hate this. The fandom stopped LIVING. I saw genuinely absurd things happen! Like someone drawing Mariadeline, one of the most popular ships in the fandom, yet they get completely ignored because they've failed to grab a beer at the bar with "leaders" of this ship who "hold" the distribution of that approval and love. Even worse; over a year ago, a very talented, fun, energetic and creative fan of Mensis Trio and Byrgenwerth squad showed up! They were SPAMMING art and writing, and all of that was good! So good that..... all of that barely got over 20 notes, maybe 30. Why? Because, again, you can't just post about blorbos and expect to be liked and approached. You have to get on the "good side" of "holders" of love for characters like Micolash, Laurence and Rom, or else they'll just side-eye you! But imagine this with literally everything else. I have been watching it happen all the time, to people that were not even targets for cult-like shunning by Alfred, Eugene or Anna for associating with me. You keep to yourself, you are shy, you are not on Discord with them, your headcanons are a bit different? Too bad, you may rot, because it is not about you! People look up to a few popular artists with shallow takes and so much creative liberties they might as well make OCs to know whether this or that person should be liked and reblogged, instead of JUST liking and reblogging them!

THIS is why Bloodborne fandom is Caelid. Not for toxicity, but because it is rotten. It used to be far less "organized" when I joined in. There were no trends to define fandomry for next few weeks decided on a party where ignored creators were not invited to. There was not hegemony of certain ships, designs and headcanons. There was no "web of mutuals" and pressure to either assert yourself by the good side or vanish. Everyone were doing their things and coexisting, nobody could determine who flourishes and who rots, diversity of headcanons and interpretations were celebrated. Oh, what's a matter? You really dislike that popular artist who infantilizes Marika and stripes her out of any agency over her actions? Well, so do like 500000 other people! Every popular take is ALSO popular to hate on in Elden Ring fandom! But if you dislike a popular take in Bloodborne then sucks to be you, because diversity of interpretations, opinions, preferences and takes just doesn't exist in it. Not anymore. Unless you "asserted" your novel idea to the "court" on some stupid Discord server and was "approved", of course.

Look. Elden Ring discourse annoys me to no end. I always get my headcanons and interpretations "corrected" in the worst condescending fashion. My friend posted a very well made lore post and got harped on because his take contradicted someone's idol's headcanons (with that idol approving of that harping) and I am still mad. I don't want to post my GEQ takes to be reminded that "aktualy" she is Melina. I dislike seeing claims of Miquella's nonexistent character assassination or Radahn hated just because some sexist Redditors were using him as a mascot. Nonetheless, deep down, I am THANKFUL. Because even really annoying debates end up being entertaining. Because people here TALK about things, REVISIT things, ARGUE about things, CARE about things, HAVE OPINIONS on things. They will annoy you in the comments or reblogs, but they SPEAK to you. No take is so popular that it defines all art and fanfics because every popular take is also popular to hate on. Things are disorganized. No fandom leaders, no elite club ignored blog wasn't invited to, no "web of mutuals" that should get sucked into a vacuum cleaner and never be seen again. Elden Ring fandom is a battlefield, but also free market minus the money.

To be honest, Bloodborne fandom was done for me when based people started to vanish. Fishbowlcarnage deactivated everywhere, Cuddlefish mysteriously disappeared and I worry whether they are even alive to this day, user Molluscock got bullied away... It felt like a bad omen, it happened before my drama, and I've never seen users like this before. Except I have been, but they all are now ignored because of this stupid high school dynamic taking over. Had Elden Ring hyperfixation not happened, I'd probably just end up blocking many Bloodborne accounts and never care for trying to make connections again, just post art and vanish to draw the next one. I did end up blocking some Bloodborne mutuals, after all. After it hit me, what was bothering me so much. Appreciate Elden Ring fandom and it's earthquakes, because shaking earth can't be bigger evil than stagnation. Bloodborne fandom no longer breathes, they are champions of not feeding the sparkles that were meant to become fire hoping they die down, and I hate every looser that benefits from that "system". In Elden Ring, ALL things flourish, whether graceful or malign.

[ever-go-on]

thoughts on false-positive alter recording and alter fixation (or: i used to think a lot of symptoms were alters when they were not)

or: how the online DID community can exacerbate identity issues and further fragment a person's sense of self

warning: very long post. personal and subjective experiences ahead.

i'm going to start this by saying i have DID. i've been in treatment for three years and my trauma recovery journey is intrinsically linked to me acknowledging and integrating my other selves. part of this journey has been recording and identifying my selves when they emerge. this is easier said than done.

even earlier than professional treatment, i've been in online system spaces for five years. i discovered my parts about a year after a stress and trauma based breakdown in 2018. i didn't have access to therapy at the time, so i went online to get answers and for models of how i 'should' be approaching my revelation.

the first advice any questioning system gets is 'try to communicate with your alters'. i was advised to journal and talk to myself. i went and did that on my own, and made decent small progress seeing my different mes express their opposing views. alongside some unfortunate triggers that brought parts to the surface, i began to identify an angry part, a child part, a calm and reasonable part, amongst others. i became aware of how my identity was fragmented between my different self-states, which i could seem to switch between at the drop of a hat. my partner at the time helped me, by telling me about switches they witnessed, and noticing and talking to my child part when they emerged during a flashback.

after a while i really wanted to start understanding what was going on, so i started joining discords and communities. it was here i got a faceful of what alters 'should' look like. every alter had a name and age. every alter had a sexual orientation and internal appearance. every alter was distinct.

the way alters were identified was also different. it wasn't "someone shouted at me and i acted like a completely different person", or "i was told i had a flashback, but i don't feel connected to the memory". it was mostly about identity.

the signs you were (or had) a new alter included:

identifying as a fictional character

suddenly rejecting your 'real'/host life and identity

suddenly deciding on / showing signs of a wildly new identity

in my experience, this altered identity-first approach to identifying alters is misleading. it's led me to some embarrassing inflated alter counts. i want to talk about it in this post.

a core of DID and a large part of its sister disorders is dissociation, and dissociation is confusing, unclear, and sudden spikes are often temporary and brought on by stress.

unfortunately, in the very alter-centric DID communities online, it is easy to develop a bias towards (new) alters being the only explanation for dissociative experiences. this way one-off moments of identity confusion and choosing a new appearance for the evening can become written into your alter lists for a very long time. you might assume the experience was an alter fronting, and because they were an alter, they will come back some day, prolonging the impact of the episode on your sense of self.

when this bias (towards thinking every confusing dissociative experience is an alter) is paired with the rhetoric that alters are whole, defined "different people", with no room for overlap, inconsistency, or blurred lines, it can lead to very messy issues in self-perception.

over the past five years, i have:

clung to a fictional character i admired or saw my experiences in and announced them as my whole self. dozens of times. these periods can last hours to days.

spoken to loved ones without feeling much connection at all, bordering on feeling like i was talking to a total stranger.

hated myself so much i rejected every identity i had, and decided the only way i could go on is if i lived as a totally different person.

these experiences aren't exclusive to DID. they're the experiences of someone with a poor sense of self and a tendency to dissociate. i've met many people with personality disorders and/or long term trauma that i've connected with over sharing these symptoms.

however, it is easy to see how any of my experiences could be construed as a sign of an alter. doing so, though, leaves you with:

a further fragmented sense of identity by assuming you had 'split' a new alter state that you didn't.

normalising not connecting to your loved ones, because they are 'not your' loved ones, just the host's.

seeing parts that hate your life and identity as abusive or aggressive intruders, rather than understanding the root cause within you (internalised self hatred).

i've fallen into all of these traps before, and i don't think there's any shame in misunderstanding your experiences. i've recently done a sweep of every alter i've ever logged over the past five years, trying to honestly evaluate whether or not each one was a real alter, or just a one-off name and identity confusion i assumed was a part, but was not.

identity issues and fragmentation are very distressing symptoms. some of the worst times of my life were when i had no cohesion between my selves: i didn't 'know' myself, and it felt like my head was full of strangers. it was hard to love myself when i didn't know who 'i' was, in multiple or singular state.

i have been much happier in recent years, having gone into therapy, a vast amount of integration happening, and getting a generalised better self-awareness, making it easier to identify my different selves, and feeling more confident telling when i am only experiencing identity confusion, knowing that it will pass.

nowadays, my alters don't look like they did when i was trying to fit into the DID community template. my alters don't have unique sexual orientations, and not all of them have internal appearances when i visualise them. at their core, they are parts of me who hold conflicting reactions to trauma, and all want different things to get their peace.

i am confident that every alter i engage with nowadays is 'real', because i have known them all for many years, and i understand how they think and function. there is nobody on my documentation that might just be a one-off moment of identity confusion, because i know how to identify my episodes, and know not to write them down as alters.

but, most importantly, i'm confident the alters i know today are real because i've removed myself from spaces that changed how i saw myself. i am confident in myself now, but i was not so lucky earlier in my recovery, and i find it a bit embarrasing.

i tend to avoid DID communities online nowadays, because of my bad experiences with the common rhetoric and the templates systems are expected to fit into. i don't fit into their boxes, and their approach doesn't speak to me. and that's ok. i'll stick to me, my loved ones, and my therapist.

sorry for the super long blog post, i had thoughts to get out. feel free to strike up a conversation if you connect and want to talk. this was a hard topic to broach for my wounded pride😅. i'd be interested if anyone else shares my experience. thanks for reading.

[therunawaykind]

don't wanna break up again

Pairing: Leigh Shaw x GN!Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Genre: Pinch of angst? fluff

Warnings: None unless you hate the names Leigh & Danny in the same sentence quite a bit

A/N: Long time no see! (again) writer's block and just simply getting the inspiration and motivation to write have been fucking dreadful these last few months. I dunno what was going on. Hopefully, all things going well this is my slow return to posting regularly again on here. If not then whoops you'll see me again at some stage. Who would've thought Leigh Shaw and Ariana Granda was gonna be my breakthrough for writing stuff not me that's for sure. This is my very loose interpretation of Ariana Grande's 'don't wanna break up again' I saw someone say it was very Leigh x Danny coded then this transpired. I hope I have done this some justice I imagine my writing abilities are a bit rusty so bear with me and I hope you all enjoy!

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*Please do not repost or translate my material or claim as yours. reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciated!*

If there was one thing Leigh was certain of since Matt’s death it was how complicated and difficult her life had become, ranging from devastating revelations to do with Matt and his teacher co-worker Nina, living with a Jules who is now a recovering sober alcoholic, dealing with her mother Amy with her previous breakdown she had where she moved to Alaska which subsequently led to her breakthrough of wanting to travel and basically just live somewhere else that wasn’t in Los Angeles, that wasn’t home.

In addition to that after Leigh’s breakdown after choosing to leave with Jules to go to Vietnam, she ultimately decided just to stay living in their family home whilst both Jules and her mother left for however long they decided. Leigh also decided to take over Beautiful Beast for Jules until she was ready to come back…if she ever did but nonetheless she couldn’t let all of Jules’ hard work go to waste. And last but not least the absolute travesty that of her and Danny whatever that thing is, it’s complicated, messy and above all else unhealthy all over for the both of them. Not to delve too much into the ups and downs of their….thing the latest situation ended up with Danny punching a hole in the wall of Leigh’s home, to sum it up in a simple phrase “People don’t slam their fists through walls when things are going well.”

The one positive and healthy yet still slightly complicated thing in Leigh’s life which happened unexpectedly was well… Y/N. Granted one of the only aspects that made it complicated was the fact you were her “student”, you both met due to you attending Leigh’s classes at Beautiful Beast, the friendship, and conversations which ended up evolving into more flirtatious conversations did just happen out of nowhere unexpectedly. The downfall of the whole friendship between you both was when Danny surprised Leigh at the entrance of Beautiful Beast one night to take her home…then you caught Danny kissing her which again took Leigh by surprise. That night and predicament in question had truly shocked Leigh because from what she knew and understood during that time, it was during one of her and Danny’s off moments, their pause a break essentially.

But in good Leigh fashion the second she saw Danny she started overthinking and thought she interpreted something wrong or missed a certain something, whilst simultaneously thinking this was Danny offering an olive branch and showing her they really can make this work, they can be good and healthy for each other….how wrong she was. So understandably from then on you started to distance yourself and pull away from Leigh after that by not talking, hanging out or texting as much. Unbeknownst to Leigh any hope you had of having some sort of relationship with her plummeted very quickly after that. 

Leigh knew whatever they had going on wasn’t good for either of them and would never last, it was a cycle they couldn’t break….well she couldn’t break. It was a lifeline for them both, the last small bit of connection they both had to Matt in some way. On one hand, Leigh had this negative and toxic relationship that she couldn’t leave, she couldn’t escape it. Somehow it always kept dragging her back in no matter how many times night and day it had her distraught, crying and attempting to soothe herself. On the other hand, Leigh had this seemingly hopeful, positive and healthy relationship she could have with you.

But before she even tried to give that relationship a chance she had to try to get out of this fucking cycle she couldn’t seem to get out of and no matter how hard she tried. Whenever she asked Jules for advice on the relationship, much to nobody's surprise always went something like this. 

“Leigh you need to end this thing with Danny and go no contact with him at least for some time, this is not healthy for either of you. I mean come on Leigh he punched a hole in the wall at our house. Let me remind you when I was living with you Leigh after mom left, just how many times I’d hear quiet sobs from your room, you talking to yourself to make yourself feel better and reassure yourself everything was going to be okay, that everything was gonna be fine. And I couldn’t get in because 1. You’d lock the door, 2. You wouldn’t respond when I asked if you were okay and lastly, when you did,  you’d just say you were fine, you were okay. Once one of you starts to feel happier and healthier the other drags the other one down simply just by being around.

I know you don’t want to go through another break-up or heartbreak….but you’re doing it to yourself constantly by staying in this with Danny or maybe…. You keep going back to this thing with Danny because you don’t want to hurt him and his heart completely. And if you do fully disappear from his life because to him you're his last link to Matt and right now you know full well you are leading him on and have him believing you two can have some semblance of a future together no matter how complicated it may be. I know this is a weird way to word it but… I think you know Matt wouldn’t want or like Danny to be experiencing this level of hurt and anguish as much as he is, not even specifically with you just with anyone.

But let’s not forget just how much you did hurt Danny initially when he was staying away from you and you wouldn’t let it happen. You forced your way into his life because you needed him to love you. Who knows maybe some ways down the line in the future when you’re both fully healed or at least somewhat…you two can be friends and have that last link to Matt. But also do remember that doesn’t mean you have to stop contact with Matt’s mother…. You can still have a link to him in some shape and form.”

That’s what she’d deal with, she knew and understood completely what Jules was saying yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it….unfortunately. She wishes Danny would end up being the person to end it but the chances of that happening are slim to none. But with the possibilities that awaited her on the other side of things…she knew what she had to do, end things with Danny then she had to get the friendship with Y/N back to what it was, and she had to show you that you weren't going to be just some rebound, that she saw a future with this relationship she saw it going the distance. 

When she thought about the aspects of the relationship she had with Y/N the only way Leigh could describe how she felt…was how she felt when she was with Matt. With you, it finally felt like Leigh had gotten the best and good part of herself back that as Leigh put it Matt had taken with him when he died. It felt like she could finally breathe again and live her life to the fullest. Fortunately for Leigh yet quite sadly when the friendship between you both was at its best Matt left her alone, and Leigh’s recurring what she would consider nightmares of Matt and Nina living out the life she lived with him finally stopped.

Now all she had to do was start the process and uncomplicate her life which starts with talking to Danny.

As Leigh anxiously approaches the door to the apartment she knows so well, she nervously wrings out her hands and fingers. She had texted Danny the night before asking him if would it be okay for her to visit in the morning to talk to him, as Danny eagerly agreed to her calling over she realised at that very moment he was expecting a very different conversation. She hesitantly starts knocking on the door muttering to herself “You can do this, you can do this. You have to do this for yourself, Danny and everyone else in your life but most importantly you and Danny.” After a few seconds, shuffling could be heard behind the door as Leigh took a deep breath in, in an attempt to calm herself down and get all of her feelings under control.

Once the door opened a weak nervous smile spread across her face, Leigh quickly scans Danny trying to figure out how he really is, as she sees him start to step out and lean in to give her a quick kiss but before anything of the sort can happen Leigh quickly steps in and gives him a quick hug as she states “so is it alright for me to come in?” as she smiles quickly at him. Danny’s face scrunches up in confusion as Leigh quickly pats his stomach as she steps past him into his apartment, he lets out an exasperated sigh and throws his head back slightly and he turns around to walk into his apartment closing the door behind him. 

When Danny finally turns to face Leigh he can’t help but notice her looking around his apartment and the constant nervous fidgeting with her fingers, her hair and her neck. He sighs to himself “Alright Leigh what is this about you said you wanted to talk.” 

Leigh jumps slightly as she spins around to face him “ I- well- yeah you’re right I did, I did.” rubbing her now sweaty palms off of the side of her jeans and slowly sits herself down on Danny's sofa. Taking a deep breath in and bringing her hands up to her mouth “I- I can imagine from the way I’m acting and just how difficult it is for me to start this conversation and say what I actually want to….that you already know what this conversation is about and where it’s heading.” Hearing a quiet sigh beside her Leigh glances quickly out the side of her eye seeing Danny leaning forward slightly with his head down and forearms leaning on his knees. “But Danny this thing has to be stopped, I- we’re both hurting each other continuously whether we realise it or not. I mean need I remind ourselves of the punching a hole in the wall situation.”

That got a small chuckle out of Danny as he shook his head slightly clicking his tongue. “And I mean it wasn’t just you Danny, I forced you to be around me when you didn’t want to, in our own little ways, we were selfish when it came to this situation. Now I know I stated and promised you before that I would never have a life that didn’t have you in it…but whilst we’re both still healing and dealing with our grief that obviously still hasn’t gone anywhere. We do really need to not be in each other's lives anymore, no contact, no talking in any shape or form no stupid lil emoji texts anymore.” 

Biting his lip and sitting back Danny exclaims “But Leigh that’s EXACTLY what you’re doing, you’re leaving, you’re having a life without me! You obviously think and believe you don’t need me!” 

“I’M NOT LEAVING YOU, I’M NOT HAVING A LIFE WITHOUT YOU”

“LEIGH THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE DOING CAN YOU NOT HEAR WHAT YOU’RE SAYING” 

“DANNY!” scoffing to herself and shaking her head as she calmly states ”See this, this here exactly happening right now is why we need to take a step back from each other. We can’t even have a normal conversation without blowing up and ending up yelling at each other. The only time we aren’t killing each other is when we’re having sex and- and even then since we had that conversation in that casino resort we both know Matt is still weirdly on our minds during that. I- I think no matter how much we try or maybe want some sort of actual loving relationship with each other…it’ll never work. The only thing we ever can be to each other is friends.” Leigh shakes her head and licks her lips slightly “Just a friendship. Because we are hurting each other and ourselves from the inside out. We have to heal by ourselves, without the other in our lives and move on. And hopefully at some stage down the line whenever we’re both happy and healthy we can get back in contact with the other.”

Leigh smirks as she sways from side to side “Cause I can’t lie Danny I think we’d be pretty kick-ass friends together don’t ya think.” She grins as she nudges Danny with her shoulder, clearing his throat and nodding “Yeah- yeah I think we would be. And I can’t lie I get what you’re saying I understand hell I see it completely. It- it is just a difficult thing to let go of even if it is just for a little bit.” 

Biting her lip and rubbing Danny’s arm “I get it, Danny I do believe me but you still have your mom. You both can get through this together because it was just as difficult for her to… You are all she has left. And I’ll- I'm staying in contact with her or at this stage more like getting in contact with her more considering she still is my mother-in-law or ex-mother-in-law anyways specifics isn’t the important thing here.” 

Danny laughs slightly and nods “Yeah, yeah she’d like that.” Both sit back against the sofa in silence basking in the reality of what now has to be undertaken the reality of it hitting them simultaneously. Rubbing her hands anxiously up and down her legs as she slowly drags out “rigghtt I guess- I guess I better go now and leave us both to our journey of healing, growth whatever you wanna call it.” Leigh laughs as she mumbles to herself “god I sound like my mother” She walks to the door with Danny right behind her as Leigh opens the door she turns around and smiles at Danny as they both embrace each other in a hug for the last time till…who knows how long. Both pulling away slowly and giving each other a subtle nod as Leigh steps out through the door as it closes behind her softly. Leigh takes a deep breath in, the grin spreading across her face going unnoticed by her as she starts to descend the steps of the apartment building.

Leigh was never nervous or anxious when it came to teaching her exercise classes though apparently today was the exception, as she anticipated your arrival. Leigh smiles moving back and forth on her feet as she greets all of the students walking in through the door to her class, anxiously waiting to get a glimpse of your bag, shoes or something as you come through the front door. Considering since you distanced yourself from her she’s noticed you haven’t attended classes all that regularly. Leigh’s eyebrows raise in anticipation as she sees the front doors open happily letting out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding as she saw a glimpse of your bag and shoes come into view. Giddily she lets a grin spread across her face and she nervously picks at her nails seeing you approach the entrance “Hey Y/N it’s nice to see you again, I’m glad you decided to attend and come today.” 

Taken aback by Leigh's greeting and striking up a proper conversation with you after so long did genuinely take you by surprise but couldn’t stop the smile on your face “Hey Leigh, yeah I can’t lie I missed attending these classes I’m sure I’ll get back on track from now on.” Both smiling at each other as you walk past her into the class much to Leigh’s amazement you turn around and say to her “Leigh if I can just say you look great...you just look happy and healthy. Whatever you’ve done or are doing keep it up it suits you.” With her mouth wide open Leigh messily nods and stutters out “I- I will- I-  Thank you very much, I will be sure to keep it up.” Leigh turns around to the door to hide and mutters to herself “Idiot”.

Much to her relief though the class was a success and she didn’t stumble or trip over any more of her words whenever she got closer to you throughout her class as she moved around the room. After the class finished Leigh quickly grabbed her towel off the floor wiping the sweat off of her as she said goodbye to everyone, in her peripheral vision she could see you deliberately taking your sweet ass time packing away all of your stuff. Biting her lip she attempted to suppress the smile taking over her face. 

As she said goodbye to one of the last students she sauntered across the room towards you as she started fiddling with the towel around her neck. “Sooo Y/N” you glanced up at her as you were putting on your shoes “What's up Leigh?” 

She smiles at you abashedly as she scratches her head “I just wanna say sorry and give you a quick apology for anything I said or did that created that distance and made us pull away from each other. Because- because for that length of time, I really did miss seeing you and your face around here but I’m glad to see you back now.” Nervously scratching the back of your neck “Yeah umm I just-” shaking your head slightly as you let out a breath “I just had some stuff I had to figure out and work on to clear my head a bit and- unfortunately, sadly to do that I kinda had to step away and distance myself from you and well all things relating to you. But I- I think I’ve figured it all out now.” 

You can’t help but notice the hopeful glint in Leigh’s eyes and smile “Oh really? A positive figure it out I hope?” 

Grinning and nodding confidently “Yeah- yeah it does seem that way.” Both of you stare at each other smiling to your heart's content as both of your eyes scan the other person. You clear your throat as you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks and glance around the room “Anyways I should probably head off and leave you to clean up the place or whatever it is you have left to do around here.”  Leigh absentmindedly nods her head but ultimately starts panicking as you pick up your bag and wave goodbye to her, she quickly sprints after you saying between breaths “Or or- or albeit this isn’t a very nice offer for you to ask-” you raise your eyebrow at her “What is it, Leigh?”

“Um, do you wanna hang out here with me and help me out around here if you aren’t busy? I just- I’ve just missed hanging out and talking with you and thought this might be a nice way for us to catch up.”

“Y’know you are right it isn’t the nicest or most glamorous offer I’ve ever heard but I have missed talking to you Leigh so I’ll stick around and help my favourite fitness instructor out.” 

Leigh whips her head around to face you and stumbles slightly as she starts moving the spare barres placed around the room “Wha- what do you mean favourite fitness instructor? I’m your only fitness instructor.” Smirking over at Leigh as you roll up the extra yoga mats “That you know of, could’ve tried out other places whilst I was MIA” 

“HEY!” Leigh exclaims as she throws a cloth at you 

Laughing at her reaction as you catch the cloth “I’m messing, I’m messing you would be correct, you are the only fitness instructor I know and one that I go to.” You hear a quiet yet stern “good” in response as she goes back to cleaning, laughing and shaking your head in the process.

Since then you and Leigh have practically been inseparable, it was as if nothing had ever happened. She had explained to you fully what went and was going on with her and Danny currently..more like what wasn’t going on. Even though you had said to her repeatedly she didn’t have to that it was none of your business. But you reassured her it was for the better, she made the right decision, she’s doing better because of it and you could only hope the same for Danny. Leigh now had you over at her house….for what she told you would be a quiet night in with both of your favourite takeout foods and as many movies and TV shows as you both could handle.

Which now that you were here was not the case at all. Leigh had gotten the bright idea, the brainwave or as she put it a breakthrough. She felt that the whole house needed to be redecorated and refurnished as it reminded her of sad, difficult and complicated times and she couldn’t stand being reminded of those moments any longer. So who were you to say no to helping her out yet again. As you were sat on the floor dismantling all of the old furniture with Leigh, you saw her peak her head out from the other side “Again I’m sorry about this, it seems like none of my hangouts recently are that exciting and it involves you always having to work.” You laugh and shake your head “Leigh honestly it’s okay I really don’t care what I do as long as it’s with you. But hey it’ll be a nice bonding time for both of us, be a little glimpse of what it’s like if we were to ever live with each other I guess.” You scratch your head and hurriedly get back to dismantling the furniture as you realise what you said. “Did you just say living together?” 

“Psshhh me say that? No never? Must’ve heard things, Leigh.” 

“Mhmm okay sure.” What you didn’t notice was Leigh moving over to you slowly on her knees but jumping slightly as you felt her place her arms on your shoulders in an attempt to get you to raise your head to look at her. Glancing up at her you see the silly little smile on her face “I may not be ready for that yet but I’d like to think we’d end up living together at some stage in the future.” 

Staring at her wide-eyed “R-really?” Leigh grins and nods her head as she whispers against your lips “Really.” Grinning at each other as you both lean in to place kisses on each other's lips which quickly turn into little pecks as Leigh slaps your thigh “Alright let’s get back to work this house isn’t gonna refurnish and redecorate itself. And this furniture certainly won’t dismantle itself.” 

Chuckling to yourself you playfully salute towards Leigh “Aye, aye captain.” 

[artbyblastweave]

An interesting thing about how The Boys handled the Black Noir face reveal is that it completely recontextualizes his previous presence on the show as an intimidating but zany stoic weirdo. Season One Black Noir is fundamentally a kind of guy- “faceless cipher with specific, amusing, discordant, out-of-nowhere tics” is a specific species of comic-relief character. The grim-and-silent enforcer inexplicably being an incredible piano player, or really into Japanese tea ceremonies, provides extremely funny whiplash. Any trait at all becomes discordant and funny when the sum of the character is “emphasized traitlessness.” (This is also where The Pyro from TF2 derives a lot of comedic mileage from- even beyond the pyrovision reveal.)

And then you get the backstory episode, and the comedic potential of all the previous sight gags becomes ash on the wind. 

He isn’t wearing a mask because he’s an eccentric weirdo, he’s wearing a mask he hates because it’s the only way to remain marketable with a disfiguring injury in an industry that unpersons people with physical imperfections- and in the flashback sequence you can see the exact second he arrives at this conclusion after he’s been injured and resignedly puts the mask back on. His more eccentric mannerisms and his pyrovision-style hallucinations are directly tied into the massive (and racially motivated!) brain damage he took at the hands of Soldier Boy. He very much does not “not identify as any race.” I suspect that his incongruously "refined” hobbies- the piano, the tea ceremonies- are directly downstream of his one-time goal of being a positive role model; his incongruous breakdown in the aftermath of the compound V reveal is definitely tied into that, into the reveal that everything he could have become to the public would have just been a lie as well. I don’t think there’s a single thing he’s involved in that doesn’t come across completely differently with the context season 3 adds. Even the gag where he pointedly throws that candy bar away finds a referent in how Stan Edgar would eat peanuts in front of him as a dominance thing.

I think this is illustrative of one of the two possible terminal states of characters like this. You can bite the bullet and ground and contextualize their behavior by giving them a backstory, which upends your ability to use them as a pure comedic object. Alternatively, you can arrest them indefinitely as the Funny Weirdo Who’s Just Like That, at the cost of becoming kinda one note. I recall something similar to what happened to Black Noir happening to Deadpool on the comics side of things; a boom-bust cycle of stories that use his amnesia, swiss-cheese brain and body horror for pure comedy, followed by sincere examinations of the existential horror of having to live that way. And honestly, the main reason Pyro Tf2 hasn’t had this happen to them is that Valve couldn’t advance a story if you took their families hostage; if they were at all capable of keeping the comics moving forward at a reasonable clip, we’d have had heartwrenching context on why Pyro is Like That around 2018. But eventually, you gotta pick. You gotta commit to something. The mask has to come off. So pick wisely, and pick something that’ll maximize the amount of air sucked in through teeth as audience members start connecting dots.

[citrusici]

Ao3 tag game!

THANKS @ragecndybars FOR THE TAG I APPRECIATE IT

*cracks knuckles* lets do this

How many works do you have on AO3?

24 works! I would have never expected to have that many 5 years ago, hahaha

What's your total AO3 word count?

186,291! oh wow, almost 200k!! (unsurprisingly PT minato takes up over a third of that LMAO)

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

10 fandoms! I'm counting Persona 3, 4, and 5 and separate, but I'm grouping all the Zelda fandoms together since it's all Linked Universe fic.

Here's the breakdown!

The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms (6)

Persona 5 (5)

Persona 3 (5)

SPY x FAMILY (Anime) (3)

Wizard101 (Video Game) (3)

SPY x FAMILY (Manga) (3)

Runescape (Video Games) (3)

Pirate101 (Video Game) (3)

Persona 4 (2)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom (2)

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga (1)

Star Wars - All Media Types (1)

The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors (1)

Top five fics by kudos:

The Ghost of Mementos/Stygian Ringlet (Persona3/5) - to the surprise of absolutely no one, since this is currently my longest fic. I'm very happy with Stygian Ringlet being the top because I love my boys :)

True Crime Special on the Midnight Channel (Persona 4/5) - my Ren has a TV Dungeon fic! also very proud of the dungeon concept for this one, I really need to finish the last two chapters

Dark Clouds on the Horizon (Linked Universe/TOTK) - I feel like this one got a lot of momentum partially because it was directly in the wake of TOTK's release, but I'm happy with how it turned out :)

Strangers Are Just Friends You Haven't Met (Persona 3/SPY x FAMILY) - this was a collab series with mewrose and a few others in the marigolds discord! we were throwing ideas at the wall to see what stuck and I really had a lot of fun with Shinjiro-related prompts, because I LOVE him and hitting him with the isekai baseball bat into a universe with Anya brings me great joy

Salt Tears and Raindrops (Linked Universe/TOTK) - directly related to Dark Clouds, and I'm glad people enjoyed good ol' fashioned angst >:) (I do need to post more of my wips, I do have a couple more roleswap AU wips that I want to post)

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I almost always do because I really appreciate them and its my way of saying thanks for the comment! If I don't comment it's because I lost track of it or because I can't think of a response.

What's the fic with the angstiest ending you've ever written?

Probably Salt Tears and Raindrops. I was in a Mood and decided to go for the tried-and-true method of putting fictional characters I like through the emotional wringer. That's how I got the rough draft for this fic :)

Do you write crossovers?

*looks at my persona fics and recent LU fics*

...I think it's safe to say most of my fics these days fall under crossovers lmao

Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

I wouldn't say I have? One or two comments that came off as rude, but no actual hate, thankfully. If I did, I forgot about it. I've been blessed by wonderfully nice readers <3

Do you write smut?

Nope. I don't read it, so I wouldn't know how to write it anyway.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of? I sure hope not.

I have seen a couple short fics slightly imitate Ghost of Mementos though, which I thought was really sweet that they liked it enough to inspire their own writing.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I'd definitely be open to it!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

RYOMINA. Hands down. I love them so much, I am so mentally unwell about these two

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

My two Runescape fics, Whispers in the Temple and Welcome to the Jungle. I absolutely loved going hogwild with rewriting old quests in Runescape, but I psyched myself out of Welcome to the Jungle because I got overly anxious about accidentally doing bad representation.

(in hindsight, it probably wouldn't have been as big a deal as I thought; it's hard to make it worse considering how bad Legend's Quest was with the british-african stereotypes. that quest DID NOT age well.)

I also want to finish Snake in the Grass; that was my first attempt at a genuine mystery plot and I really liked playing with Warriors in that fic in the context of the gang trying to figure out who the heck is trying to murder him.

What are your writing strengths?

I feel like I'm pretty good at dialogue! I try to make sure it matches the character's speech patterns and personality. Really well-written dialogue can tell you who's speaking without actually telling who it is. (For example, the way I write them: Minato speaks as few words as possible and has very little filter with his observations when he does share them, and Shinjiro is pretty rough around the edges, with shortened words and the occasional swear. Warriors is good with words and wit, but he has a certain military-esque directness and doesn't dance around the topic.)

I do try hard to keep the plot clear and understandable over everything else, so probably that as well.

Also, now that I think about it, maybe fight sequences? I don't do them much, but I do enjoy the challenge of making a clear sequence of what happens in a fight and trying to make it understandable. Fight sequences are easy to skip or gloss over, but I think of them like their own miniature plot. What happens? What surprises are there? What are their movesets? How do they get the upper hand? (and of course, what looks cool as fuck)

What are your writing weaknesses?

Time management. I tend to over-proofread since I beta my own work, and often I'll go back to tweak stuff if I had additional thoughts to add to it, or extra insight. Lately, it takes longer to write chapters than I'd like.

Also, dialogue-heavy scenes often get very chaotic in my WIPs because of the way I rough out fics. I'll throw together a bunch of dialogue bits I think would be cool to include, and sometimes they'll clash or get really messy, especially if there's lots of characters (looking at the latest two chapters of Stygian Ringlet)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I think it's cool! It adds flavor to fics. If it's more than one short phrase though, or if it's story important, then I do prefer that there is a translation in the author's notes. I haven't done any non-English dialogue in fics, save for one memorable adventure into trying to figure out how Latin grammar structure works for a character that didn't speak English.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Wizard101 and Pirate101. I was obsessed with those two for YEARS. I really, really liked pirate stories in high school, and having a cast of crewmates that accompany you throughout the game really inspired me to write my first fic featuring my OC. (I was also into One Piece at the time, but I never wrote for it.)

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?

Stygian Ringlet. It's really dear to my heart. I have poured so much love and effort into that fic, and the reception on it has completely blown me away.

THANKS FOR THE TAG!! Uhhhmmm for tags I'm going to go with @skyward-floored, @catreginae and @breannasfluff (but only if you want to!! no obligation of course)

and of course any other writers that want to do it as well!! go forth

[youngerfrankenstein]

Hello again! Here’s how the last week and a half has gone for me.

Tried multiple times to get my dad and sister to get a fucking move on with the room swap (it has been multiple weeks and I’m the only one inconvenienced), almost had my sister call the cops on me when I hit her in the leg with a vacuum cleaner head after she got in my face snapping at me for trying to vacuum, failed to sign up for free counselling, had a full-on nervous breakdown, tried to reach out to a few people on Discord more (which was nice), spent hundreds of dollars on frivolous nonsense I didn’t actually want to try and feel a positive emotion (should be able to return a big one at least), started playing AFK Journey (yeah I am annoyed about it and no I am not having much fun), catsat and felt capable of breathing again, cried about how soul-crushingly lonely I am and how I have zero hope for or interest in my own future, just fear, and went back to my dad’s place and am not sure what I’m going to do.

I may just come back for a couple days and go back to the break, I don’t think I can handle Tumblr stupidity or really social media at all right now. Not sure what I can handle. Wonder how much mold is in the house. Not like I can ever leave anyway. I feel like I’m going to choke on how angry I am all the time. I hate that I’m bothering the people around me. I want them to look at me. I feel like I’m absolutely fucking losing it at this point and it kind of scares me.

[leonenjoyer69]

Both your OCs occupy space in my mind lol I love both Harry and Elias. Would you mind giving some more rambles please and thank you? About either one. I just love learning more about them.

VJEKBKDKF TYSM, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM :D it makes me very happy to know that people enjoy my ramblings and art of my lil fellas :3 (also, all you sweet anons are gonna be the death of me with your mysterious identities!)

(SUB NOTE: if anyone ever has any ideas at all or art requests or something for either of my sillies PLEASE don't hesitate to bring them up I would literally love hearing any suggestion or answering any question ever)

Anyways!!! I've actually been waiting to drop a bunch of stuff on these fellas that I've been talking about with some folks on Discord (which y'all can also ask for if you wanna talk to me on there I LOVE TALKING TO YOU GUYS), so thank you for granting me the perfect opportunity >:3 so, without further ado, I shall begin:

First of all, i just wanted to drop my height HCs bc,,,, why not lmao

I can't exactly visualize heights very well in my mind so these may be a wee bit too tall, idk, but yeah! I think giving Hyde an extra half inch would be funny bc you KNOW that mf would just round up lmao. Elias is a bit taller than Hyde, which Hyde kinda hates sometimes, itty bitty fella.

Anyways!! Harry is first up for rambling bc I have less for him rn lmao. I don't remember if ive mentioned it much before on here, but I know I included it in the fic i did for him, and that's his Scottish accent :3 we as a fandom don't write Jekyll's accent enough so I like projecting it onto injured Hyde and now Harry 😌 MORE SCOTTISH JEKYLL PLEASE-

Harry didn't really have to worry about keeping face in the mindscape (except for when around Mind Lanyon, who would pester tf out of him over it) so he fell back to at LEAST having an accent. He partially fell back on it because 1, it made him feel a wee more comfortable, and 2, because of how often he revisited memories from university (specifically during his and Lanyon relationship ofc), so he's used to hearing himself speaking with at least a drawl.

But yeah, that accent kinda sticks with him when he gains control and he has quite a hard time shaking it, which makes for some fun interactions, like when Lanyon's trying to break down his office door :3333

I believe I've mentioned this, but Harry is very very sensitive to most physical sensations (touch, pain, etc.) and has some light and sound sensitivities for a decent bit after gaining control. Because of how long he spent in the mindscape with numbed senses, It really messed with him to suddenly have control again. Eventually he starts getting used to it again, but for the first few days he's practically on the edge of a mental breakdown at every moment. He's also super jumpy from it (and from the ungodly paranoia he got from the mindscape lmao) and is quite firmly "no touch" for about a week (except for when he initiates stuff with Lanyon). Once he gets used to it tho his touch starved ass is a lot more affectionate and such.

One last thing for him! He's also far more sensitive to hunger and thirst sensations/pain, so he tends to take far better care of their body while in control. It took him a short while to get used to eating and drinking again, but he's more than happy to do it, not realizing how much he had missed it. Plus, he's seen how horrible Jekyll and Hyde would take care of themselves, so he certainly doesn't want their neglect to be his downfall. He's also a bit more sensitive to being tired, but can't sleep very well (especially without Lanyon) because of paranoia and nightmares.

OKAY, NOW, onto Elias!! Most all this stuff is from a discord convo that I didn't feel like rewording, so... Sorry if the formatings weird 💀 (questions are indented and italicized, as well as abbreviated)

OKAY SO, For how Henry (or whoever) convinces Elias to switch back:

Elias usually throws some sort of fit when he's initially order to switch back (except for the very rare instances where he's actively wanting to switch back, like when everyone's busy and he starts getting lonely anyways), though most the time he'll simmer down when Henry starts sorta begging or when either Henry or Lanyon (or very occasionally Hyde) lowkey bribe him. Usually Henry (or Hyde) will bribe him with physical touch/affection (hugs, cuddling, kisses, stuff like that), or bonding time, like going out and doing things together and such (or just doing stuff together at the society, like watching Henry do science or doing paperwork 💀). (Also, sometimes Jekyll will just get somewhat impatient and start asking more desperately and the guilt kinda gets to Elias, Henry usually feels bad about it tho) otherwise, Lanyon will bribe him (quite grudgingly, might I add) with more time out, going to the park with Elias in shadow form and talking, or letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde. But yeah, Elias is lowkey like a little affectionate, overactive puppy :3

[...] I misread "letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde" as "letting him get a gift FROM Jekyll or Hyde" and swore for a moment that sometimes Jekyll/Hyde sent gifts to Elias but Lanyon stole them [... ]

LANYON WOULD TOTALLY STEAL ELIAS'S STUFF TO USE AS BARGAINING LEVERAGE 💀 but yes, bribery is the go to, this guy does NOT like being locked away, so when he does it's either out of guilt or he's getting something out of it, hehe

[...] Imagine that since Lanyon is probably taller than elias, he just hides some lf his stuff on higher places so that he cannot reach them, I feel like Elias would annoy the hell out of him so that he stops doing it though (Lanyon puts them back where they where, and when Elias isn't there, he just hides them again) also, I just imagined Jekyll like guilt tripping or manipulating him so that he drinks the potion

Oh he absolutely would, Lanyon would have a whole "confiscated" shelf for it too, and Elias would definitely whine about it with sooo much persistence. AND JFKGKKF YEAH JEKYLL WOULD 😭😭 both out of selfishness and not, since he still hasn't tested how the formula behaves when an alter ego is out for prolonged amounts of time, and sometimes he just wants Robert back.

Jekyll likes Elias, he just has more of a preference for Lanyon. Jekylls probably also got a bit less patience for Elias's whining after dealing with Hyde's for so long lmao, he always feels kinda bad about being mean or anything to Elias tho, since it's kinda his fault that Lanyon split.

Would Lanyon ever like bother Elias with the fact that Jekyll likes him better?? Like maybe, at one point he just gets too tired of him wanting to hang out with Jekyll and says to him that Jekyll just deals with him out of pity, and like Elias then just feeling kinda bad about it and wondering if Jekyll actually likes him??

If Lanyon's feeling especially spiteful and annoyed, probably, but also Elias worries about that enough on his own and bothers Lanyon with all his self deprecating thoughts anyways 💀

How does Hyde feel about Elias?

He's generally guilt free about the whole "splitting Lanyon" thing and /gen likes Elias way more than he likes Lanyon lmao. He still gets that sorta bitter anger and resentment when he looks at Lanyon, but he doesn't get that with Elias. Hyde kinda thinks that Elias is all the best parts of Lanyon (Except for Elias's emotional sensitivity sometimes, but Hyde deals. He feels surprisingly bad when he upsets Elias..) But yeah, Elias is most of the reason why Hyde is complacent enough to actually kinda lay low after messing up Blackfog and stuff, so Jekyll certainly likes Elias for keeping Hyde somewhat in check lmao

And that's everything I have for this!!! Thank you so much for the ask :D

[malkaleh]

Some More Fictional Universe Discord Content

@nocompromise-noregrets

Ellie - just a warning that you will probably want to strangle Armada (i had to take five minutes to scream) but she gets smacked down and also I CANNOT EVEN.

Armada: no really WHAT IS THE KARLIENE REYNOLDS SONG??

i had a name before him/i took it back/but his brand upon me/will never wash away/in the light of the sun and stars/i thought i might be holy moonlight/instead of tainted ground/an eagle collar about my neck.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: I DON’T KNOW BUT I HATE IT [one fear dot gif] because Thomas has been associated with the moon so much (Henry’s poetry, Anne’s - the motifs in their possessions) and Norwich’s personal coat of arms is an eagle owl.

TransCrozier: SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK. FUCK. I am going to go and lay in the DIRT. AND EAT IT. Waiting is unbearable.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: Okay the watch party is over in #show-watch - it will contain spoilers, live reactions and memes. And PANICK.

PoppyMcGee: THE OPENING. THE OPENING. SHIT FUCK FUCK. Let me break this down.

the entire scene with john and thomas is horrific just horrific. the threat the menace that bruise he left.

and then thomas ripping off all the sheets and covers on his bed and that part with trying to scrub his skin i just…god that’s awful. James Frain you owe me for emotional damages.

how he knew to cover up the self harm scars and the bruises like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN (we know about his father but the scars are…that’s something else).

Armada: it must have been a really bad breakup like that is some bad blood (sorry for the taylor swift) between them to send thomas into that spiral.

TransCrozier: respectfully this is not ‘a bad breakup’ reaction and that is not someone reacting to a bad breakup related guilt. that is an abuser. Norwich is an abuser/was abusive. The way he so clearly used ‘you ruined any trace of me Antonius - when did you gain the notion that you could so ruin that which I own’ that is not romantic.

Armada: Like, I love you Rhi but no - it’s maybe not the healthiest but they were both younger then - Thomas was still early twenties and you don’t make the best decisions then and he’d come off an abusive childhood in the 16th century, I think what we are seeing is a breakdown about how he regrets how it ended/how he ended it specifically (also side note James is so pretty when he cries!)

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock:……OH SHIT ANNE. ANNE. ANNE.

PoppyMcGee: look i am not an Annewell shipper but the way she absolutely takes care of him - gives him the choice every step of the way! Tells him what she’s doing!

TransCrozier: I am a Triad OTPer as we all know (I just find Cromwich interesting as a multishipper) by now etc and just, THE LOVE. THE LOVE. THE WAY ANNE made sure to ask Thomas what coverings he didn’t want. Also I am soft for bathing scenes.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: AGREED RHI. AGREED SO HARD.

Armada: UGH ANNE DO WE HAVE TO SEE HER SO MUCH [Edit: I’m sorry I know the server doesn’t allow character hate but i just don’t like her or Cromannery. Or it’s not that i don’t like her but i don’t like her with Thomas].

Poppy McGee:….yeah i agree with you Essie - I want Anne to be the cool lesbian of my heart that she should be but i do love her taking care of thomas.

Armada: that bit was sweet but yeah, what poppy said. She doesn’t need men and she’s much worse for them! But what’s going on now.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock:

“I was ten years old, my mother not long dead and my father was in need of funds and drink. Lord Norwich, as he was then offered him silver under a disguise so my father would not extort more funds out of him. I came into his household and thought myself landed somewhere better. He branded and bedded me for the first time that same day - I cut it out of me the day I took my chance and fled - five years almost to the day after.”

……I am going to be sick. I am going to be sick.

TransCrozier:

“I am but a tainted thing - he has been on and in every part of me - I could not speak of the shame, though I should have done - I should have never let you, let either of you think I was worthy of you, Your Majesty. I am so sorry.”

THOMAS BLAMES HIMSELF. HE STILL BLAMES HIMSELF I AM GOING TO RESURRECT NORWICH AND KILL HIM AGAIN MYSELF AND THEN REPEAT IT AGAIN.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: ANNE YOUR RESPONSE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. NATALIE DORMER YOU GORGEOUS GORGEOUS HUMAN BEING.

TransCrozier: AMINA YOU ARE SO CORRECT. Queen Anne you perfect glorious woman I am once again AT YOUR FEET.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: hi @everyone i checked the history from several reputable sources (see here, here and here) and this is real. the show did not make it up - it’s just a recent discovery. Which i did not know about :(.

TransCrozier: neither did I i went in because RUPERT and then kind of fell into adoration - like obviously we all know triad is endgame because duh, history but i knew nothing else.

PoppyMcGee: I didn’t want to believe it :(. But I checked and it’s true :(. It’s fucking true. Norwich did that and he has no remorse.

RestorationistKingsLeftButtock: also fyi to several people who I’ve had to talk to about this - no ten was very much considered a child in the 16th century. Even fifteen was not ‘fully adult’ as such. This is rape and child sexual abuse and if you spout any more denial about that I will ban you.

TransCrozier: AMINA I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH. Also the fact that Anne volunteers to tell Henry, reassures Thomas that he won’t be angry just destroyed me all over again. CANNOT WAIT FOR THE POST SHOW CONTENT TO DESTROY ME AGAIN. ALSO HENRY’S REACTION.

Armada: …okay whatever. Sorry for having opinions i guess. can i even just say that even if it is abusive the triad is equally abusive.

[multiplicity-positivity]

advice-ask/vent. I genuinely just want to know what to do from here on out, because I'm honestly lost and a little scared.

There are a few alters in the system that our gatekeeper alter keeps hidden from me. As far as I know, I'm the only alter that gets this treatment. So I tried talking to the alters by myself. I wrote notes on the fridge, created secret Discord servers, etc. I just wanted to talk to them. Almost nobody in the system ever talks to me.

It's foggy for me, but apparently it worked and I did end up communicating with one of our alters. Somehow I scared him? So much so that our protector alter came out of dormancy to help calm the system. I don't really remember any of this (I think I remember being happy to finally have someone to talk to), I just know our gatekeeper alter fucking hates me, and I messed everything up. Our little alter told me she thinks I'm our persecutor alter.

I didn't mean to do anything bad. If she had told me that talking to alters before they're ready to communicate would mess up the system, I never would have. I just wanted someone to talk to.

yipes, our response got long! so it’s under a cut :)

hey, we’re sorry to hear that you’re struggling with this tough situation. due to your use of the term “alter,” we’re assuming you are part of a system with a complex dissociative disorder. we also have a cdd, so we’ll use our knowledge of these disorders and our own system to hopefully provide some useful insight for you.

our system gatekeeper also works hard to keep certain alters and parts separate from each other. when our host was first learning about the system, he pretty much could only get in touch with me and a couple other parts, and even then our communication was sparse and easily forgotten. in our system, this was done in order to keep our host from learning too much too fast as a means of protection. even now, after 3 years of working together building connections, there are certain parts who aren’t able to access each other. without more treatment and healing progress, this is how our system functions.

our host was the only part initially who was kept isolated from the rest of the system. this is because he fronts the most, and handles most of our day-to-day life. him learning too much about how our system functions before he was ready could have caused some serious repercussions. our mental health has never been great, and our gatekeeper keeping him separated from the rest of the system initially honestly kept him from having a breakdown or spiraling out of control.

it’s to our understanding that lots of cdd systems function this way. healing, recovery, and getting to know alters and parts… these are difficult, lengthy, and often overwhelming processes. it’s quite common for one alter to keep other alters separate or isolated as a means of protection and system-preservation. dissociative barriers can also exacerbate this, or make it even more difficult for alters to be in touch.

for gatekeepers, it can probably be extremely difficult making decisions regarding which alters should interact, what information should be kept hidden, and how quickly to divulge inside information to front-facing alters. your gatekeeper might also be struggling with this, and might prefer to keep you isolated from other alters as a way to play things safe. maybe having some sincere, open conversations with your gatekeeper could help you gain some insight as to how and why they (or she? not sure if that pronoun refers to your gatekeeper or your little) manage your system in the way that they do.

honestly, more than anything, therapy could probably help you and your whole system here. a therapist can help mediate between alters and help you all come to a better understanding about each other and your history. we know that not everyone is able to access therapy, but we truly couldn’t recommend it enough. having an outside perspective and someone outside your system who you can talk freely to really could make a positive difference.

we’re sorry this got so long… and please don’t think that we’re attempting to make excuses for your alters. rather, we are trying to explain what we feel might be going on. trust, communication, and positive bonds/connections do take time, patience, and effort to obtain. and we sincerely hope that you and your alters will be able to achieve this in the future.

good luck to you and your whole system with making progress and reaching mutual understandings in the future!

[ccrisntok]

Ace ship ramblings

LMAOOO IGNORE THE WOMEN HES GAY 💀💀💀💀 HELP

So, I have like. An art post planned soon. But until then uhh.

My (and kinda @greyzanticz a little) personal opinion on Ace's romantic compatibility with every other drdt character (I'm bored and sad so we gotta over compensate with complete insanity). I won't have much to say abt most of these, and I'm pretty sure no one ships a good majority of them, I just used every character for shits and gigs

Also idk if Ace ship discord is a thing but if it is please don't flame me if I don't like ur otp. Send me ur ship art instead. Try and change my mind. Dm me a paragraph explaining how Ace and character are soulmates. Also spoilers.

I'm also gonna give them number ratings bc. I can.

Let's start with the classic:

Ace + Levi

• I genuinely think this would be my otp or something if they hadn't fallen out in the 1st trial. After that the idea of these two in a romantic setting just. Doesn't work for me. There's to much genuine distrust and fighting. Them as besties is awesome though! They will be best friends again let me be delusional. So basically, ship it chapter 1, chapter 2 I'd rather eat glass (but no beef to Acevi shippers I completely understand). In a fix it au, it's prob a fav. 7/10.

Ace + David

• I didn't really. Clock this as thing. I think it makes more sense with pre-breakdown David? Like mediator x instigator? I don't really get it but I can understand the basic vibe and it's not... Horrible. 4/10

Ace + Nico

• Yeah if Levi and Ace fighting killed their ship potential for me, this was made to be my no-tp. Maybe in a fix it au, I could stand it. In cannon, nah 2/10.

Ace + Veronika

• Now, I love Veronika. And I love Ace. But oh God I can feel the dysfunction radiating. The basic dynamic is okay though, just don't feel like Veronika could and would do better (find a more interesting case study to date). Obviously as the Halloween trio Ace and Veronika are so besties but romantically, no 💕 4/10

--

Ace + Arturo

•Jesus this would be toxic as hell. I don't really see it, honestly, but I get where. It came from. That's the thing with rare pairs, sometimes they personally hit, sometimes they don't. I could probably like this one if I read a really good fic or something. 5/10

--

(Bonus) The Halloween Trio (Veronika, Arturo, and Ace) as a polecule.

•i think I like this one more because it's banking on Verturo which is prob the biggest drdt ship I have, but idk. Them as a bestie unit is by far my preferred Halloween (or Horror, as I've been calling it 💀) Trio, but them as a polecule is. Okay too. 6.5/10

--

Ace + Xander

•I don't hate this one as much as chapter 2 Acevi, or Nico x Ace, even though Xander and Ace had heavy beef. I think it's bc it wasn't as. Serious as his later beefs. I think I could be convinced to enjoy and enemy to lovers fic with these two, but it's not something I'd actively look for. Also Xander died before Ace went into his "actually being a total dick instead of funny comical relief" era and I think if he'd survived to see it, Ace wouldn't have survived to live it, yk? 6/10

--

(I think these are where the pairings are completely random LMAO)

Ace + Rose

• Okay. So. I don't hate it. But I definitely don't like it either. I feel like Rose would NOT have the energy for Ace in any capacity, and she doesn't like ppl being loud, so. But also the idea of Rose's chill vibes calming Ace down Is cute... 5/10

Ace + Charles

• I don't think this would work. There is like, no chemistry (hahaha) here at all imo? Just doesn't call out to me for any reason. 2/10

Ace + Hu

• I really don't like this. I can't comprehend it. Like when I imagine what this is ship would be like it weirds me out. 0/10. Sorry any Hu x Ace shippers.

Ace + J

• I feel like J has a very real and reasonable distaste for Ace in cannon and I can't think of an instance where they interact otherwise. Their dynamic in my head is just "Crazy bitch and bitch who doesn't like them bc they are crazy" and I can't really think past that. Their dynamic romantically doesnt catch my eye for any reason 💀 1/10

Ace + Eden

• I genuinely think Eden is a lesbian but if we move past that... I still can't see these guys as anything but friends. Like I want them to be besties bc their dynamic is perfect (Angry asshole & the nicest human ever created) but as a couple, I just don't see it. I'll give it a decent rating though, since I understand how their dynamics would be interesting romantically. 5/10. Eden is a lesbian though she told me

Ace + Teruko

• nah Teruko would kill him 💀 the only reason i would want this is bc we would see tons more Ace since Teruko's our protag. But fr I don't really think they would work (take a shot every time I say that). They could probably relate to eachother to some extent though, maybe decent friends if Ace ever mellowed out. I think I read a chat fic once where Ace, Charles, and Teruko were all traumatized besties and I hold faith in my heart that'll be cannon. 4/10

• side note their ship name thing could be 'Lucky Horseshoe' 🤯🤯

Ace + Min

• Min does not have the patience for this mf lets me fr. I don't even think these two ever interacted before the trial 💀💀. Again not much to say, this doesn't stand out to me at all. I don't like it for some reason. 1/10

Ace + Arei

• Ehhhh I feel like they could be really good friends. Like their hateful energies used together could be a force to be reckoned with. And they could probably relate to eachother to a decent extent. But I don't think they would ever date (def not bc I think Arei's a lesbian too... Definitely not...) 3/10

Ace + Whit

•... Okay hear me out. Hear me out. Their dynamics bounce off of eachother pretty well. Silly goofy guy x Menace. Whit has shown he can deal with people who are assholes. I mean ik Whit and Charles are the otp and I'll stand by that forever but like. I could so see Whit trying to give Ace a lil redemption arch. Maybe actually succeeding a little. I like this one a lot. Still, you've kinda gotta squint at it a little for it to work.... 7 or 8/10.

I didn't include Mai bc idk who she is. Could be Ace's cousin for all we know

So, in conclusion, Ace is statically very undatable and he will be alone forever. Have a good day.

This was such a dumb post 💀💀💀💀

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Channel Z: The Best of Vol. 1 2000 Alternative Rock / Nu Metal / Hard Rock / Alternative Metal / Rap-Rock / Rap-Metal / Pop-Punk / Big Beat / Reggae / Skate Punk / Industrial Metal

Can't say that I've ever really thought too much about what the alternative rock landscape might've looked like in New Zealand at the turn of the millennium, but this double-disc from the country's once-popular, but now-defunct Channel Z radio station has given me a much better idea. Apparently when the station first opened up its doors in 1996, it was far more alternative and local, but at some point, before the release of this comp, management decided to alter the programming and incorporate massive acts from outside of Oceania too, which led to some internal backlash and resignations.

But as a result, that means that with this particular release, whose selections were voted on by the general public through Channel Z's own website, we not only get a pretty ample and generic cross-section of such a weird time for mainstream rock music writ large on an intercontinental scale—when all of the awkwardly unnatural and transactionally rap-infused angsty discord of nu metal was somehow firing on all cylinders and duking it out with much more palatably poppy streams of formulaic alternative and self-awarely moronic punk—but we also get a bunch of stuff that never made its way outside of Oceania too.

And to that end, besides the sprinkling of lovely electronic big beat tunes from the likes of Moby, the Chemical Brothers, and Fatboy Slim that close out both of these discs and provide a nice, little alternative to all the alternative, my favorite song on here is definitely "Calling On" by a New Zealand band who aren't around anymore called Weta. No idea what the rest of this group's output was like, but if this song's any indication, it seems that they had a good bit of that alluring Radiohead droniness to them. "Calling On" definitely doesn't start out that way, but after the splashy intro, I think you'll definitely hear it, as the chords shimmer and frontman Aaron Tokona goes harmoniously multi-tracked, with a clearly soft and high-pitched Thom Yorke affect that progressively grows in intensity as he keeps on repeating the song's two-word chorus, until the whole thing boils over with a cathartically noisy push towards the end 🤘.

So with this two-disc set, I suppose as a non-New Zealander, you come for the late 90s-to-2000 staples like Papa Roach's "Last Resort," Incubus' "Pardon Me," Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy," and Goldfinger's always fun cover of Nena's "99 Red Balloons," but you stay for some Kiwi rock education too. Just be sure to skip over Kid Rock's "American Bad Ass," because not even the ironic side of me that revels in terrible shit can find a way to stomach that one. I don't passionately hate every single thing that that guy has done *as a musician,* but I don't think that I'd heard that song in almost a quarter-century until I put this album on this week, and now I'm upset that I have to start my streak all over again, because that's really gotta be up there as one of the worst songs that's ever been made, period. It sucks that KR ended up occupying that sleaze-greasy midwestern trailer trash-blaxploitation crossover aesthetic all by himself too, because surely, someone or some band could've done something far less tackier and more enjoyably creative with it than he has 😒.

Highlights:

CD1:

Papa Roach - "Last Resort" Foo Fighters - "Generator" Goldfinger - "99 Red Balloons" Weta - "Calling On" Staind - "Mudshovel" P.O.D. - "Southtown" Goodshirt - "Green" Moby - "Bodyrock"

CD2:

Incubus - "Pardon Me" Lit - "My Own Worst Enemy" Slim - "Bullet in My Hand" Supergrass - "Mary" Betchadupa - "Empty Head" Sprung Monkey - "Super Breakdown" Chemical Brothers - "Out of Control" Fatboy Slim - "Build It Up, Tear It Down"

[havinganormalone]

Annotated example of a failed fuck boy: red flags and how to spot bullshit

So I had a LOVELY encounter last night on tinder, and while the encounter itself was nothing uncommon, it was a perfect example of how certain men will try to lie and manipulate you to put you in an unsafe position. I wanted to breakdown the different red flags this guy gave off, as an instructional guide for anyone who might be new to the app dating scene, especially if you are kinky. Below the cut, I'll post the encounter, as well as annotations going blow by blow on the different red flags he gave off, and the vetting I did to get the information I need to determine he was unsafe, and some tips on how you can do the same.

Relevant context about myself: I am a genderqueer bisexual, so I choose people based on personality and compatibility, not gender. This means sometimes I still encounter cis het men on dating apps. That doesn't bother me, some are nice. But a lot will lie to you and say anything to get into your pants, including ignoring your gender. I am a trans masc butch, and say as much in my profiles, as well as that I am on T. Incels and pick up artists see me as a vagina and tits. This is not gay to them- I am confused and their dick can fix me. I'll let you know the tip offs that showed this guy falls into this camp.

I also am on the asexual spectrum, and am more interested in kink than sex. Again, this is plain as day on my profile. Many of these men will PRETEND to be kinky and have experience in order to con me into vanilla sex. They think being kinky means being easy or having low standards, will give lip service to being kinky, and then not know how to negotiate or do kink safely. When they show up, at best you're going to have them waffle and be like "I don't feel like having kinky sex tonight, can we do vanilla?" The goal is to get in the door with false promises and then hope to wear you down into having unsatisfying sex you don't want (and they will probably try to renege on any agreement to use protection while you are at it). At worst, this man is going to show up and do dangerous edgeplay on you with no experience and no proper negotiation- like starting to choke you during sex, which can kill you. I am experienced enough to have safety precautions and be able to hold my ground and send someone packing if they show up and do not honor agreements, but not everyone is, and spotting red flags before it gets to that point is the goal.

Okay, without further ado, let's get into it.

(Since he doesn't clearly show his face in his pfp, I'm not gonna bother to censor. It's not enough to identify him.) Yellow markings as things that aren't red flags and in certain contexts might be okay, but should make you cautious. Red is red flags. Green is my response and how I protected myself.

So right off the bat he gives me his number (which is censored). Any scammers or foul actors will want to get you off the app and talking through other means as quickly as possible. This is because if someone does scam me or hurt me, if we are still on the app, I can report it directly to the app and get that person banned. If we are off app, I will have to send in screenshots, and that extra step keeps scammers or foul actors retaining their accounts for longer. Be extra cautious the more impermanent or harder to report the method is: if you communicate only through snapchat, by the time the scam or harm is done, the evidence has deleted itself. However, I only put this as a yellow because there are several genuine reasons a person may not want to communicate via app. I personally hate typing on my phone and would rather talk through discord or another messaging service I can use on my desktop. However, be a little cautious when someone asks you to go off app. Don't give them any info that is too personal, and make sure you can save any evidence in the event it is needed. (Honestly I think this guy just wanted to send me dick pics, but it was not a great start)

He's up for ANYTHING I am? Wow! What an amazing deal! I better jump on it quickly! ANYTHING???? If I wanted to do an awesome fire play scene that incorporated live ammo, he'd be down??? The truth is, when you are actually experienced in kink, you know that you can't do everything on a moment's notice. Things take prep, the right space and equipment, as well as building trust. This fuck boy has no patience for that. He's here to put his penis inside me for 5 minutes and then leave. Being down for anything is code for him being desperate and being willing to make me promises he doesn't intend to keep.

We have so much in common! Like [INSERT HOBBY HERE]. He doesn't name anything he thinks we have in common, but leaves it vague and hopes I don't challenge him. This is a pick up artists strategy to attempt to "trick" me into thinking we are soulmates, when in reality, he isn't interested in getting to know me, and doesn't give a fuck about compatibility. Again, this is yellow because he could be sincere and just miswording it. You find out which it is by asking follow up questions, like I do later on, that reveal this to be a ploy.

He is projecting his desires onto me and assuming I want them without ever actually asking me what I want. He wants to spend the night with me, so of course I must want that. I'm just a dumb bitch, there's no way I'd have thoughts and desires of my own! Also I haven't even sent him a message yet, and already he's seeing into the future, as if it's a foregone conclusion I'll be head over heels for him. This is another pickup artist tactic- they pretend to be interested in the longterm, when in reality they want a one and done. If they're gonna be with you forever, maybe you can overlook a LITTLE one-sidedness in bed. After all, there will always be later! It's writing a blank check when your account is at zero. (Although also in reality, most of these wannabes are pathetic and desperate enough that they will come back for more as long as you let them use you and don't assert your own needs. All the more reason to assert your needs!)

skipped 5 cause I can't count lmao

Okay, so this is my first message to him. I'm already suspicious enough that I normally wouldn't even respond, but I enjoy baiting these guys for my amusement. I'm a sicko like that. Anyways, you would be perfectly justified for reading the initial flags and bailing, you never owe people a response, but if you did want to give them the benefit of the doubt, then from here I suggest you prod a couple of those red flags. Establish boundaries, like I did about not wanting to meet up immediately and caring about compatibility. Establishing boundaries early is great- it gives these fuckos plenty of time to demonstrate they can't respect boundaries before you even meet IRL! Efficient! Here, I ask a very simple question that is very revealing: What are you into? This is a chance for him to make a genuine connection, be honest and share information about himself, and then ask me questions so he can learn about me. Notice he does not do that. Someone who wants to be real with you, even if it's for a night, will jump at the chance to talk about themselves at length. We'll see how he dodges giving and specifics in the next few responses, because he doesn't want to be genuine. He wants to lie in order to deceive me into fucking him, because he suspects (and may be correct!) that his true self is repulsive and terrible enough that I won't want to sleep with him if I knew who he really was.

So he gives me a laundry lists of non-specific answers in response to me asking about himself. Absolutely NO specifics. He doesn't mention genre, or particular media, or even game systems. Important context is that I list writing, reading, anime and gaming as some of my own hobbies on my profile. Honestly, props to him for even bothering to reflect some of that information back, that took bare minimum effort! This is a yellow, because hey, maybe we DO have overlapping interests. That's not a crime. But when you see stuff like this, ask follow up questions, like I do in my next response. The fraud is trying to strike a delicate balance of throwing out a wide enough net that something piques my interest and he can use that as an opening to meet and pressure me into sex, while being vague enough that I won't be able to tell if we don't actually play the same video games or like the same books. Remember, he's not trying to see me as a person. He doesn't give a fuck about what makes me come alive. I probably like dumb girl games, anyways! I could never appreciate his precious animes in the same way, so there's no point getting excited about them with me.

Again, this is a dead giveaway that someone has no idea what the fuck they are talking about when it comes to kink. Wow, you're into EVERYTHING? Can I shit in your mouth? Would you be interested in gargling my period blood? Any thoughts about branding? All of these are perfectly acceptable kinks when done consensually, of course, but people who actually ARE kinky and have experience know themselves enough to know they have limits, or even things they like or don't like. Kinksters not only recognize that everyone has hard no's and limits, they relish in sharing and understanding them. After all, consent is so important to kink, that the idea of just jumping into a scene without discussing what each party is okay with first is ANATHEMA to how kink works. This dude either has never done anything kinky, does not care about consent, or both.

This is a yellow flag not just because IQ is bullshit garbage science, but that it is empty flattery. He is trying to make me feel smart so that I agree to meet him in hopes of getting more of that sweet, sweet validation. He does not actually mean this. He thinks I am an idiot and is counting on me being stupid enough to fall for the bait. This is the kind of flattery men love to give out: the kind that not only do they not mean, but they actually think the opposite of. They love the thrill of tricking you and being able to feel superior for getting you to fall for something. (And this isn't even touching on the fact that intelligence is an insignificant metric for measuring how kind and wonderful a person is but that's a rant for a different post.

9. 2 because as I have just demonstrated, intelligence isn't the end all be all and I can't count! Anyways, this is my second response, and at this point I know for sure I have a liar on my line, so I'm going to play with him a little bit by asking him obvious questions that will make him panic and bullshit harder. If you want to tell if someone has ANY knowledge of BDSM, this is such a soft ball question that so many people fuck up: what are some scenes you've enjoyed? A person who has never participated in BDSM will have no idea how scenes actually work. Their only frame of reference is porn, which in case you are unaware, bears very little resemblance to how BDSM works in the real world. Porn cuts out the amount of set up, as well as the level of skill some performers have to practice to achieve. The average fuckboy thinks that a bound gangbang is a normal Wednesday for this fantasy life they want to live, and they have 0 idea how to achieve that. Meanwhile, most kinksters, even ones that live for bound gangbangs, realize that coordinating that many people's schedules and getting a space and negotiating consent and having the hard points for the rope ties and having someone skilled in shibari tie up the bottom is a lot of work. Most of our scenes are smaller in scale, but still intimate and fun. Maybe I'm gonna line soda cans up on my girlfriends' dumptruck butt and flog them off and we're both going to laugh so hard we cry. That's a scene I would believe could exist, because it has enough quirky, concrete detail that actual kinksters get up to, and is the sort of silly intimacy that makes kink fun for people. But this fuckboy wants to impress me, so we'll see the lie he actually comes up with soon.

10. Another way to easily tell if someone has ANY idea what they are talking about is to ask how their kink negotiations work. They rarely show this in porn- the negotiations take place off camera, because they are considered "too boring." But for someone into kink, this is where the real action happens. Every good scene starts with all parties sitting down and expressing desires. If someone asked me this, I would probably tell them how the first time I play with a new partner, I like to do a calibration phase where I do something very gently, ask them to rate it, do it slightly harder, ask them to rate it again, until we reach the limit of what they are comfortable with for that scene. By starting low and going slow, I avoid doing too much for my subs, and it helps build trust with them that I will not disrespect their comfort levels. My kink negotiations usually include hands on time with ongoing, enthusiastic consent, in order to get familiar with a new partner's preferences. Other people have more formal contracts to go over, with things like each partner writing down what they agree to or what is off limits. Shit, I've seen people who do needle play who have a diagram of the human body and ask their subs to circle areas they are comfortable having needles. There are several ways to handle kink negotiations, but they should all have the end goal of communicating what sort of play the sub is okay with, and maximizing safety while minimizing risk. The average liar will have no idea how to respond to this, and will do something half-assed. My guy didn't even bother to address it.

10.2 Why did I bother numbering these if I can't count? Anyways, he responds to my inquiry about his hobbies with more vagaries. He doesn't want to give me specifics because he doesn't see me as a person worth engaging with. Do you care if your fleshlight has an opinion on video games? That's what I am to him. There's also that trademark pickup artist attempt to portray himself as a "high value male." Yuck.

11. Huge red flag here: he doesn't know what the term "scene" means in the BDSM sense. He thinks I'm talking about filming?? Like, this is such a base level term I'm honestly surprised he failed this, but here we are. For those that don't know (because not knowing or having experience is okay and something you shouldn't be ashamed of- it's trying to deceive people about your experience that is dangerous!) a "scene" in BDSM means when people engage in negotiated kink. His rephrasing as an "elaborate scenario" is closer to the meaning than his assumption that it is about filming. Anyways, one of the reasons we call it a "scene" is because things agreed to in one scene are for that scene only, and after the scene ends, consent for those activities stops, and needs to be re-negotiated to be done again. For example, if you do an impact scene, then the scene ends, the top doesn't have permission to whack you the next day. You gave consent to be hit for that scene, and that scene only. It's an important building block to consent, and something a lot of outsiders misunderstand. Look, it's really just LARPing, you guys. You wouldn't run up to a LARP partner at the grocery store and whack them with their staff, because you are not in the game right now. Same goes for BDSM and consent negotiations.

12. (safe) "rape roleplay" scenario. The specific term for that is consensual non-consent, or CNC, and the fact that you don't know the terminology means you probably have no idea what you are talking about. Also, there is again a vague statement with no detail to back it up. Exactly how was the roleplay safe? Safety doesn't happen by accident. Tell me how you made it safe. Did you have a safeword? A drop flag for when the bottom was gagged? How often did you do color check ins? The idea of a safeword has entered the public consciousness, but that is only one small part of a BDSM safety net. Having a safeword for a scene as intense as this isn't enough by itself. A lot of people who fantasize about BDSM but don't actually do it don't realize that being able to break scene for 5 seconds to ask "Color?" and have the bottom check in with a "Green" is just as integral to a good scene as having a safeword. Consent is not just the absence of no- it is ongoing and enthusiastic, which means you also should do the occasional scene pause to check in. How often depends on experience and familiarity, but it is still there.

13. "My boyfriend." I only mention this because his profile said he was straight. He is feigning queerness because he knows I am queer and thinks he can do this to score brownie points with me. I know, I know, identity is complex and who am I to say he's never had a bisexual experience blah blah blah. I'm a trans person with a complicated gender identity, is who I am, and I have cis het men who see me as nothing more than a confused women pull this shit on my all the time. Listen, transmascs out there, stay safe. Cis het men WILL feign support of your identity to fuck you without respecting you. (Also cis het men can be terrible to everyone, but this is just something I've personally experienced that I don't see enough people talking about).

14. Again, this gives NO specifics. Name one position. Name one piece of gear. What the fuck do you mean lighting? I think he's still conflating "scene" with shooting a porno. He is throwing a lot at me trying to impress me without betraying his ignorance. Or at least, hoping not to betray it, but I see right through that shit, and I hope seeing this illustrated helps you see through it, too.

15. "It lasted over 2 hours straight with no breaks." Again, this is a number that SOUNDS impressive. After all, when was the last time you saw a porn that was even 2 hours long? But for those of us that do BDSM, an elaborate scene like this can take a while, because there are so many filler moments where we catch our breath or the action lulls, etc. That's the stuff they cut out in porn, which is also why he thinks no breaks is realistic. And I don't know, maybe it is for him and this supposed boyfriend, but it is definitely a yellow flag that should have you raising an eyebrow.

16. He's mad that I am making him bullshit so much, so he again pressures me to hang out and negs me about being boring. God, I'm so fucking dull, trying to vet someone and make sure I'm safe. Better act fast so he doesn't get bored and leave. Barf. This is a clear violation of my previous boundary about wanting to chat before I get to know someone. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough, as a Dom, I would NEVER pressure someone to rush into something. Jesus fucking Christ! The idea makes me sick. I want to talk to them and know what they are into so I can prep something we will both enjoy. Not to flex, but I love designing weird, fun scenes, and this is not how you do it. Also, please note that he has not asked me a SINGLE question about myself, or even what sort of kink I am looking for. I am not a person worth getting to know. He's not interested in doing kink with me. He wants to show up and pressure me into vanilla sex, which as an acespec kinkster, is a hard no for me. Please do not give in to this sort of pressure! I promise, no matter how badly you want to find a play partner, this sort of person will not play with you safely or even in a way that is fun.

17. Okay, context here off screen: as much as it KILLED me, I couldn't meet with him that night, because I was busy doing some intense tabletop with some trans friends. I told you that BDSM is basically LARP in a different hat, so you're not gonna be surprised that I'm also into nerdy tabletop. Anyways, this message didn't make the screenshots, but that's the context of what I told him offscreen.

18. He not only assumes that when I say I'm hanging out with some queer friends tonight that it is an orgy, he also assumes he is invited. It is important to illustrate that this sort of person does not care about your boundaries. He also takes it for granted that the queer people would be dying for his dick. (My guy. Why would we want your dick when there was perfectly good girlcock already there?)

19. Okay, this is a pet peeve of mine. 8 inch dick is actually very rare, like less than 10% of the penis-having population will have one. And yet every guy is MAGICALLY 8 inches. This bothers me not because I care about the size of a dick- you can have fun with any size- but because good sex is about good communication, and lying is NOT good communication. Again, the goal is to get in the door, and then if the penis is underwhelming, he's already there and can whine and sadsack and wear me down. This is yellow because hey, maybe he really DOES have that big of a dick, but it still doesn't matter. I never once indicated that I would be interested in touching or stimulating his penis, and still he has to bring it up.

At this point, the tabletop was getting intense, so I decided to stop baiting him and blow my cover so I could shift focus to the game. I sent him my response, then didn't check my phone again until this morning, at which point he'd left me this absolute GEM.

Okay, so obviously I hope none of you ever get in this deep with one of these scumbags, but now we've gone into some distressing patterns of abuse that I still want to point out as unacceptable and explain why.

20. He flips from building me up to tearing me down and promoting himself as better. Like my guy, I recognize as a human you have intrinsic value and deserve a right to live, but you don't recognize that same humanity in me. Do not let people like this make you feel any sort of way. They do not see the humanity in you, so you can safely disregard their opinion.

21. This is classic DARVO. For those that don't know DARVO is an abuse and control tactic that stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. He denies any wrong doing, attacks me with some pithy insults (I'm not schizophrenic, but being schizophrenic isn't an insult, and the fact that he thinks it is speaks volumes), and then accuses ME of doing exactly what he is doing. Listen, if you are a kind human being, chances are when someone levels you with an accusation of causing harm, you're going to do some self-reflection and soul searching because you don't want to hurt people. Abusers prey on this. They make you feel guilty for calling them out so that you are afraid to do so. If you are worried about hurting THEIR feelings, you will take the high road, even if it means being silent when they hurt you. Do not do this. Please. For me. Don't let people abuse you. You deserve to be happy and safe, and people like this have NO right to abuse you.

Also I really want to clarify: there is nothing to be ashamed of about not having experience! Everyone starts somewhere! The reason I rail on this guy for not knowing what he is talking about is that it is DANGEROUS to present yourself as experienced when you aren't, especially when kink is involved. People can get seriously hurt if they attempt kink without the proper knowledge or instruction, and I don't want anyone to be the guinea pig of men that aren't big enough to admit they are beginners. Rope play can cut off circulation and do nerve damage, impact play can cause serious spinal injuries if done improperly, needle play could lead to needles breaking off under, the skin, etc. Educating yourself about how to properly engage in a kink and reduce risk is so important, and so is vetting your potential play partners.

So I hope this was at all educational, and that maybe after breaking down these tactics step by step, you are better able to spot red flags, as well as having some tools to draw the truth out. If you found this guide helpful, consider reblogging so that someone else can find it helpful, too!

[space-blue]

Heartfelt Recom Quaritch x Parker Selfridge shipping—a dissertation

OK so I was on discord discussing how unlikely it is for Parker Selfridge to be interested in Recom Quaritch, if only because he was the one being actually racist in A1. Calling the Na'vi fly beaten savages who live in trees and 'blue monkeys'. He also had a (mostly deleted) falling out with Quaritch before the final mission, and that mission's failure meant going home in abject shame and losing the mines.

We know that Selfridge is due to reappear in the next film from footage of them filming in their suits, and I maintained we could get them to fuck, and not just mean hate fuck, but meaningful past life strangers to weird friends to lovers sort of fuck. Fuck with feelings. 

Buckle up for this unwanted Ted Talk hidden under the cut :

Parker goes back to earth and is in a very sore spot due to what happened. Footage leaked maybe? Quaritch is too dead to take the heat. Parker is forced into some serious introspection and the company does NOT have his back. His money is gone, his respect obliterated. For a while he's untouchable. There are inquiries. Bad times. 

Then he's given a chance to make it back into the company, because see, they have a job for him. Enter the Westworld deep dive. 

You know how avatars mature on the trip over to Pandora? So it takes 5 earth years to make one? And in the video Parker says the recom is 'being grown in a lab as we speak', yet the recoms don't arrive for another 16 years? 

Hear me out : Parker is the person who knows Quaritch best at Hell's Gate, among the survivors. Most of the mercs are dead, and Quaritch had no family he was close to on earth. So they're trying to calibrate his recom off of his memories, but it's messy. It's a new technology. 

The first recom Quaritch doesn't imprint at all. Messy mental breakdown. So they bring in Parker, start trying to personalise the bodies to make the mind stick. He meets them. The first one who melts down. The second one who stays alive for a few weeks but starts diverging and going insane. And then the third one, who feels like a success compared to the previous ones who destroyed themselves inside out. 

Parker gains a brand new appreciation for the hellish, amoral nightmare happening inside RDA labs. And then his job is over, because Quaritch 3.0 was a success. They ship out, and they're already growing Quaritch 4.0

Yeah, so, what do you think happens to Quaritch 3.0, the one that the now almost 40 years old Parker has been working with everyday for months? Yep. "decommissioned". No use for him. Even though he was a sentient being, as far as Parker is concerned. As far as anyone is concerned. He's property. He runs up costs. 

That's when Parker signs up to go back to Pandora, on the next flight after the one Q 4.0 was sent off on with other recoms. He won't let this new Quaritch be eaten alive by Ardmore.

He feels guilty. He's the one who convinced Q to sign for project phoenix. It was good money after all, even if not for you at least for family. And Quaritch had Miles junior on his mind. Even if he wasn't close to Paz and the boy at the time, he must have taken the risks into account and figured it wouldn't hurt to have money sent back to earth for the boy. 

Of course the boy stayed on Pandora, which Parker knows. And no amount of money is worth what he's been witnessing for the past five years working with proto-recoms. 

He also picks up recreational drinking and ruminating. He starts wondering if he isn't exactly the same as the recoms. He's usable. He was turned into a rag when it was convenient, a tool when it suited. 

So when he arrives, 40yo fresh off cryo, dressed in no-nonsense practical gear, Recom Quaritch (fresh off the SeaDragon disaster) is taken aback. He expected the racist jackass Parker. The man with the dollar eyes. The little brat. 

This is someone very different. Since they used to fuck as humans and those are memories Q definitely has, they might have a... talk. And none of the usual jokes or attitudes get the rise Q expects, which would be deeply unnerving as he'd have no human around him from his old life except Parker.

And yet Parker is so damned different now. So serious and earnest. They'd probably have to talk about what happened at Hell's Gate. How Quaritch undermined his authority with the bombing of Hometree, the repercussion of the final failed mission. 

I think Parker couldn't even tell him about the other 2 Qs he's... monitored and worked with. How badly would it fuck with Q's head? 

But imagine how confused he'd be, overhearing some human dropping gossip on Parker, how apparently he's back for Quaritch's sake. What does this man WANT? They weren't that close. And post SeaDragon battle things are not going well at Bridgehead and Parker is defending him constantly. 

Ardmore would have a field day shredding Parker a new asshole for defending the ghost of the guy who ruined his life. But Parker knows by then that what ruined his life is the company and its total lack of loyalty towards him. 

Now have you seen the stills of Recom Q, Jake, and tiny Selfridge together? Imagine Quaritch jumping in to protect Parker. It's this one weird human he hasn't figured out yet and nobody is laying hands on him, no matter how arrogant and smartass he may still be.

So now they've saved each other's skin, or had each other's back, you know. Parker blocking Ardmore, Quaritch intercepting Jake... They've achieved a certain degree of mutual respect.

That's when they have a heart to heart over some drinks, and where Parker admits Miles is nothing like his old self, and that it's reassuring in a way. He's happy to see he's less... uptight and cold. The fire's good. The fire's healthy. Feels like he has a new chance at life despite the memories that still define so much of him.

((flashback to clone Q 1.0 who was too much like his old self, and went incredibly cold and emotionless before slowly falling into a completely silent and catatonic state with Parker unable to help))

And Miles opens up about it being nice to have someone have his back, even if he must admit he is still unsure where the loyalty comes from. Maybe he'd say something about the memories of undermining Parker's authority at hometree and how that decision makes sense still but... it's not something he could imagine himself doing now, and he's a little afraid of what that conviction means for him.

"Means you're becoming your own person. Good for you. I was afraid you wouldn't."

Andddd then Miles is like What do you mean?

Parker puts his foot in his mouth, every corrective sentence just making it worse. Miles just... pins him down. He's almost 3x his size, it's more of an effort to not hurt him than to restrain him.

They were becoming close, but now it's Break Up time.

Parker spills all the beans. How he oversaw the birth and death of three versions of him. Miles is in total disbelief. Parker helped refine the technology? Enabled all of this? How fucked is that? ((but also deep down his loyalty and choosing to drop everything on Earth to follow and make sure he was OK and survived when he didn't have to is touching and it finally makes sense and wow someone needs time to think now...))

Miles is pinning him down as we established, processing the truth of what the RDA did and what Parker did... ears pinned back, pressing harder, teeth bared, just a building RAAAH— sound escaping him out of his control, and Parker speaking faster and faster to get it all out and reassure him he didn't want any of this, that it's not fair, that he used to think it wouldn't be a problem, just like body-hopping, that Quaritch would be brand new and, and... And Miles just flicks his tail, veins popping on his forehead, hissing and looking deep into Parker's eyes and seeing that he seems to mean it.

He orders him to get the fuck away. Just, away from him. NOW. 

Parker is like 😐 I'm pinned under you...

Really long awkward moment where Miles is really on the cusp of aggression, some deep seated Na'vi instinct to lash out at what he perceives to be a frightening enemy... But it's anger at the RDA/military/government too. This whole mess is not something he's learned to unpack. He's not even tried. He's been sweeping all of that under the rug recently, just on a single minded mission of getting Jake's ass.

Parker's admission makes him stop dead in his tracks, intellectually. He has to take a look at himself, at the RDA, what signing that contract meant for him (and how he did that for the benefit of a son the RDA abandoned, a son raised by Jake Sully, a son who is kind and patient and brave and loyal, all things Miles values deeply).

And there's also how little the company has cared for the lives of the Marines they resurrected. Bodies never retrieved, service never honoured, just rebaked and sent out again and again until they die a semi-useful death.

Miles stews for days before he finally seeks out Parker to ask for details about himself. He's straight up terrified of what he'll hear.

How much of his personality now is his? Truly his? What does 'his' even mean by now? Was Parker really the best person to calibrate him?

Parker could have a genuine cackle and ask, tongue in cheek, how much of his personality does he owe to the RDA? Because he let the corporate mindset eat him alive, to absolutely no benefit of his own. And he's got Q to thank in the end for opening his eyes, because he was the one so obsessed with loyalty.

It was this thing he valued over all else, and when Parker was back on earth and received loyalty from nothing and no one, despite years of hard work enriching the shareholders...

Yeah. Eye opener indeed. Better late than never.

It's his fucked up need to taste some of that damned loyalty that drove him to accept the recom calibration work. He figured Quaritch would understand. They used to be pretty close after all. 

He did become close to Quaritch 3.0 in the end. They talked for hours and hours. And even though he was still Quaritch, he sort of went his own way too, in the end. (before being put down....)

Meeting Quaritch 4.0 and seeing how different he is now, after months of life on Pandora and a new environment, it only served to prove they're all unique people. That Q's memories are just like a tree stump from which new growth rises. It's never from the same spot or going in the same direction. 

And it's great, honestly, that Miles is his own person, and Selfridge doesn't want more lives on his hands. 

How can Miles not latch onto that strange man? He still values loyalty and isn't that the sweetest sort? Parker is invested in his life, in his survival. They're working together... And Pandora is dangerous for humans—not to forget the very real danger of Ardmore herself. He won't betray Parker again. He can't discount him as he used to. 

They're both different, they've both changed, and they're both back together under those new, arduous circumstances, having each other's back.

And THAT is how you make them pine for each other, have each other's back, and finally be a little more open about their situation (and with nobody else), and eventually fuck with feelings. 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on shipping Recom Quaritch x Parker Selfridge as real sweethearts.

[moveslikebucky]

Yay!! My Bestie @ouidamforeman tagged me in a fun little AO3 game and I'm still crying about their post and how niceys they were to me in it <3

We've been collaborators on so many projects for so long now that it almost feels like we're a package deal at this point xD (and i love it <3)

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

177

This isn't counting, I don't think at least, the five or six that I've orphaned over the last year.

2. what’s your total Ao3 word count?

642,686 <3

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Good Omens is by far my largest fandom lol. I have a long abandoned series that's a rewrite of Fallout 4, but no idea if I'll ever get back to it.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

They're all fairly older ones that have been kicking around AO3 for a while <3

well then, ask me to stay (904)

unpath'd waters, undream'd shores (643)

And now I'm ready to feel your hand (545)

Hush, darling...I've got you (532)

All the Idle Weeds That Grow (519)

5. do you respond to comments?

I love to respond to comments! Often they get away from me and I won't for a long chunk of time, and then inevitably the ADHD hyperfixation will kick in and I will answer some 60-120 comments in one go because I let them sit for far too long sometimes xD

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Gonna have to go back old school for this one, I think it would have to be Hopelessly, I'll Love You Endlessly, simply because it implies that Crowley is going to the bar to drink himself into a stupor after Aziraphale's discorporation as a form of suicide. Honorable mention for What good would common sense for it do? which has the two of them spending the night together after Crowley has a mental breakdown about the Spanish Inquisition, which ends with him leaving at the end because he doesn't think he's worth what Aziraphale clearly sees in him. As well as, as Ouida mentioned, I think about you, which ends with Crowley in a very distressed state after masturbating in the shower.

I think... I like torturing that old man. Oh well.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh there's so many of those I might as well list my five favorite happy ending fics:

It's Not the Years, It's the Mileage - My fusion that puts Aziraphale and Crowley in the place of Indy and Marion during Raiders of the Lost Ark. It ends with them proclaiming their love and continuing their mildly illicit affair and lots and lots of kisses.

I won't have a life (until you're dead) - My first big long project with @ouidamforeman will always have a special place in my heart for happy endings. These two found each other despite all of the odds, and now they have eternity together!

Night of the Living Boyfriend! - Me and @ouidamforeman's 70s horror pastiche which I don't think anyone realized would have a happy ending. We certainly jumped through hoops to get there, but it got there all the same.

go where I go, do what I must - This one is going to be a series of interconnected one-shots in the same world but really... Poor little repressed Victorian man deciding to kill himself rather than get married to a woman he doesn't love by sacrificing him to the fae, only to become married to one of them instead? And then get to take part in their bacchanalian cultural customs? AND eventually get to have an orgy with two big Satyr fellas while his husband claps and squeals gleefully? He's living his best happy ending ever!

formation displays of affection - The android fic... oh my beloved android fic. I wrote this one specifically as a vehicle for Ouida to express some of their feelings and thoughts around their autism, and it ends so hopeful and happy and full of love to bursting.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have only gotten hate twice. The first time was on a zine fic once it was published, someone saying that I was a hack and that my writing style was shit so I shouldn't get into zines. They bragged about it in a few discord servers, I've had them blocked since. The big one, as Ouida mentioned in their post, was on formation displays of affection, where apparently we are abelist against ourselves? For writing our experiences? Because the character is a robot. Whack as hell if you ask me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh please honey, you know what blog you're on xD

All kinds of smut every configuration. Solo, couples, orgies... heavy kink, monster fucking. Always unapologetically queer and joyous. A few of my most Out There smut fics for your consideration (the first two are both collabs with Ouida!):

En Eski Aşk Şiiri - Vore sex. It's vore sex! Devour your angel husband for fun and profit!

The Nature of Intricate Rituals - Are they animals? Yes, strictly speaking. Reverse Omens where Crowley is a harpy and Aziraphale is a sphinx and they fuck good and Gadriel (Crowley) lays a lot of eggs and also comes about that.

In The Depths - Dubious consent wherein mech pilot Aziraphale gets fucked via that neural interface by a sea monster. Said sea monster comes back for more in a more compact, human looking form, but he still doesn't quite grasp the limitations of human bodies.

Five Sparrows for a Penny - Five Aziraphale clones give Crowley the ride of his life.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've only written one crossover, and that was The Curious Case of Old Mr. Fell, where Basil of Baker Street and Dr Dawson from The Great Mouse Detective meet Aziraphale.

Fusions though, I have It's Not The Years, It's The Mileage as mentioned above, as well as the group project Reclamation and Reconnaissance which is an au set on Bajor during the events of Deep Space Nine, but with Good Omens characters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Several times! Mainly into Russian, once into French and Italian I think.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

The majority of my writing is co-written. Me and Ouida are a great team <3

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Aziraphale and Crowley, hands down.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Fallout 4 rewrites. I just don't have the hyperfixation energy to work on them anymore.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I"m pretty good with dialogue and with scene details without them being overbearing. Ambience and mood as well.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am not good at long form fiction, writing multichapter fics is a struggle for me because I struggle with plot of all things. I'm much more a one-shot person. However, part of the benefit of working with Ouida so much, is that they balance me out and are very good at hammering down worldbuilding and plot points. Also they beta everything I write!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I haven't done it myself yet, but I feel like it's so cool to do! If I can ever get it off the ground, eventually me and Ouida have a cold war spies concept that we're working on and Aziraphale will speak Russian in it a lot of the time.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Teen Titans. Not GO!, the original one.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

God I've written so many it's hard to pick, but I definitely have to say that it's I won't have a life (until you're dead). It will always be that one, forever and ever. That's why I haven't ever changed my profile picture xD

I'm gonna tag uhhhh @ashfae, @entanglednow, @charlottemadison42, and @waldosakimbo

[zero-braincells-left]

have seen some clone stuff from your blog, can I ask for the long version of whatever’s happening

uhhh.. hard to explain. dunno if I should start from the beginning but may as well!

so me and like way too many others all made clones of @alex-just-vibing as a joke. then we made a discord server where we basically rp as the clones.

most of it was just silly things (arguing about if hot dogs are a taco, for example.)

then, I forgot how, but justs (@alex-justs-vibing) was just being silly and messing with xela (@gnibiv-tsuj-xela) (both of them are clones of mine btw) (also also justs and xela have such a love-hate friendship it’s so cute (justs is chaotic good, xela is lawful evil, they’re opposites <33))

so viling (@alex-just-viling) (not my clone this time, token chaotic evil clone) ended up getting justs into a box for some silly “magic trick” thing, claiming it’d be interdimensional travel or something. yknow that magic trick where the magician cuts the person in half but they’re fine? imagine that, except it’s just real. and they’re not fine.

so justs died, and xela was mad at viling (and unjust (@alex-unjust-vibing, neutral evil) since he also helped) because he didn’t know justs was goin to be KILLED. (Btw before this, it’s established that xela, unjust, and viling are friends, since they’re the evil clones)

so xela storms off and has his mental breakdown and stuff, because he knows he’s part of the reason justs died too, he basically told him to go into the box and justs trusted him. even though xela didn’t know it’d end like this. which brings up the whole thing of vibings (@alex-just-vibings) yelling at xela for justs death (causing xela to break down even further and basically forget that he “hates” justs (which he doesn’t really, he keeps trying to convince himself he does tho because he should!!))

then al3x (@al3x-just-v1b1ng, also my clone) knocks some sense into vibings that. xela is the only other clone that was affected by justs’ death. viling and unjust were proud of what they had done. the other clones were just watching. al3x and vining (@alex-just-vining) were eating popcorn, unfazed as it happened. so

vibings realizes that xela is literally the only other clone that actually cared about justs at also (even though he denies it it many asks that I don’t think were from vibings?) so now we’re at a point where xela still feels guilty but is back to pretending that he hated justs anyways (lie)

now, that brings us to the most recent developments. I wasn’t paying much attention, but viling convinced unjust to be part of this dimensional travel bullshit, so that he could “achieve great things,” probably. unjust trusted him, of course, and ended up being .. brutally murdered as well.

as things stand, as of writing this, justs and unjust are dead. xela is… sort of mental breakdown-ing, but not really anymore. and none of us have any fucking clue what’s happening