#and there’s much more but a lot of it relates to my personal experience so

[apricotbuncakes]

OP is so fucking awesome for including the sexual intrusive thoughts because yeah. People do have them. And they are distressing. But they're one of the types of intrusive thoughts that are hardest to open up about and seek help for, because they're so terrifying to admit you have. Like, even in therapy, I can't admit that I have them because I don't want my therapist to think that I actually want to act on them. I don't!! I really really don't. And having those thoughts are fucking awful.

I have to actively avoid the people I like if the thoughts get too intense, to try and redirect my line of thinking to something else before I can see them again. Because if I don't, the thoughts persist and persist, taking over my regular thoughts until I can't think of anything else but those horrible actions (and this applies to my intrusive thoughts about murder too, not just sexual ones).

People have started saying 'intrusive thoughts' when they mean 'impulsive thoughts' so when someone with genuine intrusive thoughts is honest about what that's like and what their thoughts say, people who have conflated the two assume "oh this person actually wants to act on their intrusive thought". Which yeah, if that were true would be awful in a lot of cases (not all intrusive thoughts are violent acts, such as the mind readers example, but that doesn't mean they aren't distressing or intrusive). But the definition of intrusive is 'unwanted, invasive'. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted and invasive thoughts that people do not want and do not want to act on.

Actually, one of the best videos I've ever seen about this is Thomas Sanders' Sanders Side episode about intrusive thoughts, and how to handle them. It genuinely helped me so much in addressing mine and I always recommend it, because through the acting, Thomas shows what it's like internally to have unwanted and invasive thoughts, and it doesn't shame the people who have intrusive thoughts in the process.

In the episode it's revealed that Thomas' intrusive thoughts are an extension of his creativity, but specifically the creativity he has shunned for being 'wrong'. (This isn't a one to one with my experience, I don't see my intrusive thoughts as part of my creativity, but the rest of this does apply to me). Thomas learns that trying to ignore the thoughts will only make them worse, and that to handle them he has to acknowledge that they exist, but also acknowledge that they don't make him a bad person for having them. Clearly he doesn't want to do the things the thoughts tell him to.

For myself, I've realized the best way to help with my intrusive thoughts is using them for creativity. I use fanfiction and put my intrusive thoughts in them, using my Blorbos to get the thoughts out and associate them with something creative rather than just the actions itself. It's why I have so many fanfics with noncon in them. I absolutely do not condone those actions. I'm just using the fanfics to get the thoughts I don't like out of my head (and I ALWAYS tag them appropriately so people coming across my fics know that there's dark content involved so they can avoid it). I also use them to examine parts of myself with related trauma, assigning aspects of my perspective of the situation to different characters.

It's also why I'm a huge advocate for no censorship in creative works. Because I know that just because someone writes something or someone doing a bad thing, that doesn't mean they condone it. I sure as hell do not condone the actions in my fics spawned from intrusive thoughts, but I still write them because it's a creative outlet, a way to get rid of the nasty buggers. And when I'm done I balance it out with something more positive to take my mind off things.

TLDR; Sexual intrusive thoughts are fucking awful things to have and are very distressing. People who have intrusive thoughts do not want to act on them because by definition the intrusive thoughts are unwanted and invasive.

[deadhands69]

Will you be my Valentine?: Villains

How does your favorite villain act on Valentine’s day when they have a crush on you?

villain edition ▷ masc version ▷ fem version

Toga is pretty open. If she has a crush on you, you probably already know. If you somehow haven’t figured it out by now, you DEFINITELY will by the end of Valentine’s day. She brought you cute things and is being wayyy more over the top flirty than usual. On top of that, she made reservations for something cute like a cat cafe or a movie.

She’s also chasing you with a knife (it’s her love language!) Don’t worry,  you’ll get used to it. Probably.

How to handle this: Give her a little blood as a gift and she’ll calm down (again: probably.)

Shigaraki is grouchier than usual. Partially because he “didn’t ask to be subjected to this stupid holiday.” Mostly because he never saw all this “lovey dovey shit” as anything meant for him, but being around you makes him wish it was. So, Tomura is going to be in a bad mood all day but he’s also following you around like a lost puppy. Kurogiri noticed this and is trying so hard to quietly set up situations to give him a little push before leaving and watching from the other room. Playing romantic music before the two of you walk into the living room. Leaving tea for two out in the dining room. After his hints are not received, he eventually gives in and just walks into the room asking the two of you if there's anywhere you'd like him to warp you for the evening. Tomura is full deer in the headlights after that, you'll have to answer.

How to handle this: He’s complaining about how stupid it all is and he wants you to tell him how much you love and care about him agree and laugh about it. Careful what you say though, he startles easily.

Compress is the opposite. He pulled out all the stops. You left briefly to grab something from the convenience store and when you get back he has the whole entryway decorated. Roses, balloons, a giant sign asking you to be his Valentine. He has a full choreographed routine declaring his undying love for you. It doesn’t tone down from there either, fancy dinner, a sunset walk, and every romantic cliche you can imagine.

How to handle this: He put the effort in, all you need to do is be excited along with him.

Twice also put in a lot of effort. Candles and rose petals EVERYWHERE. He went back and forth on whether it was too much, but after watching Compress, he decided some decorations, chocolate, and champagne really aren't that over the top. He's pretty open to ideas on where things go from there - you being there is the important part.

How to handle this: No need to show up with a present or do anything in particular. You spending time with him is a gift in itself. 

Dabi is awwwkkkkwwarrrrddddd. He’s trying so hard but it’s all new for him. You’ve never seen him flustered like this. Stumbling over words. Taking you somewhere cute (well, cute by his standards) but forgetting to indicate that it’s a date in any way. He just insulted you (accidentally) while trying to give you a compliment. He sees it all happening and in no way knows how to make it stop. In his defense, he has no romantic experience nor has he witnessed how any happy adult couples behave. He's only going off of what he's seen in movies (not much) and the less-unhinged things he chose to take from Toga's advice.

How to handle this: Put in any effort and he’ll completely cave (once he realizes you’re not fucking with him.)

Spinner seems like the type to do something very lowkey and specific to you. It’ll be subtle, but nice. He won’t go overboard or drag you out to crowded restaurants, but he’ll watch your favorite movie with you. Play your favorite game. Do something related to your hobbies. The little things you never thought anyone would notice, but he does. He texted you a week or two in advance to see if you were free before showing up in person. Nervously, he stood in your doorway, eyes glued to the floor while he quietly stuttered his way through asking you to hang out. As he's leaving, he realizes he may have accidentally made it sound a lot more casual than he intended for it to be.

How to handle this: He put so much more into this than it seems, please notice!

masterlist

taglist: @shigarakislaughter

[waiting-foratrain]

> do you ever think about how scary remembering being alecto must have been for nona? because i think about that a lot.

(NONA THE NINTH SPOILERS) (this is mostly a post inspired by my personal experience and feelings so feel free to disagree. but also i Am correct)

dissociative amnesia is terrifying. just. full stop, point blank- as a concept, to experience, however- its terrifying. the idea that there’s something missing and half the time you don’t even know it’s gone? and then to remember? to slowly start remembering every horrible thing that happened to you? to be nona, remembering, and suddenly realise that you’re doing what everyone around you seems to have wanted you to do since you first opened your eyes, you’re remembering- only it isn’t helping, and instead, you’re realising that everything you thought you were was built on a fault line that only seems to keep growing with everything more you remember?

and then it’s nona, the girl who’s anger has only ever been treated gently and peacefully by the people who love her, who is determined to be good, to be helpful, suddenly having to remember so much unrestrained anger, so much pain? and the more she remembers, the more she becomes sure that all of that is what she is going to be left as when her time, and her life is up. of course that scared her. how could it not scare her?

i don’t think it was just the realisation of who she had been that was terrifying - it was the understanding that she was a makeshift person walking around in a world where (nearly) everyone else got to be wholly themselves for as long as their bodies lived- but she’d been on borrowed time her whole life, and suddenly she has a rapidly running out countdown.

further - dissociative amnesia isn’t just about the loss, it’s about the shape of the loss. it’s about the gaps in the narrative of your own life, gaps you can’t see because your mind has plastered over them, smoothed them out so seamlessly that you don’t even think to ask what’s missing. It’s about waking up one day and realising the foundation you’ve been standing on isn’t real, and worse, that the truth waiting underneath it might be so much worse than the not-knowing… and when those memories do start to surface, you don’t quite know what it is, but it feels like a betrayal- and you aren’t quite the same as you were before anymore (which happens on such a bigger scale with nona!!!! it’s so important to me, that in ntn, nona’s remembering is not celebrated. so often in media, i see people remembering memories lost to trauma related amnesia portrayed as a good thing, and every time i’m just sat there thinking ‘is it worth it? really?’)

like. just imagine you’re nona, for me. your mind kept those lost memories from you for a reason- it buried them because it thought you wouldn’t survive them, and maybe you won’t, but now, whether you’re ready or not, they’re coming back. they’re clawing their way up from a grave you didn’t even know was there, and you have to look them in the eye and reconcile the person they tell you you were with the person you fought to be.

for nona, remembering meant losing herself. she didn’t just gain alecto’s memories, she became alecto again. the life she had built, the life she had clung to, the love she had felt, all of it just unraveled beneath the weight of who she had been before. how could it not be terrifying?

to remember. to finally give in and remember what she’d been so determined to not, to finally know what you were missing - and have to realise that your fears weren’t unfounded. it is scary - because remembering doesn’t make you whole. sometimes, remembering just erases you instead.

[saccharine-fiction]

Wanted to add my two cents to the discussions about being more radical in label use and application vs keeping the definitions tighter and more niche.

I think for me, it boils down to this. Using labels broadly, for things they weren’t originally inclusive of, makes it more difficult to find others with a similar experience to yourself. I’m seeing this discussion mostly in therian/otherkin spaces currently, especially relating to voluntary identities. I wanted to give a fictionkin perspective on it since 2020-2021 was a very tough time in that community with KFF.

I don’t think KFF as a concept is bad. If someone wants to voluntarily take on an identity for fun, then by all means enjoy it! However. Since they still broadly used the term “fictionkin,” it made it a lot harder to track down spaces where I was actually welcome and fit in. I sort of closed myself off for those few years, keeping just to friend groups I already trusted. Whenever I tried to join a bigger space or discussion, I’d get hit with the “but you know you aren’t actually X right?” or “fictionkin don’t actually have memories because they’re just doing it for fun.” Yeah spiritual fictionfolk like myself still fit under most definitions of “kin,” but it felt like those using the terminology more broadly didn’t understand my experiences at ALL. That’s why terms like fictionfolk have grown in popularity - a direct reaction to the word “kin” being inclusive of for-fun and voluntary identities to the degree of misuse and removing the original community members.

I’m not here to be the vocabulary police or the therian police by any means. Voluntary or involuntary, do what you want with labels. I just wanted to share why some folks with involuntary identities are being reactionary toward this subject. There’s always going to be the fear of being unable to find folks like oneself when the general usage of community terminology grows broader. Sure, you can always clarify “involuntary identities” if you’re seeking that, and that should be okay. It’s not bad to want to find others who have been through the exact same as you. It’s not exclusionary to do so. Some of the struggles that come with an involuntary identity are different than the struggles with a voluntary identity. They both have their ups and downs and a lot of shared experiences, but they do have a set of differences too!

I’m sort of rambling at this point, but I think if the community at large is willing to open terms like therian/otherkin to include voluntary identification, then it should also be acceptable to specify that one is an involuntary/etc. therian or otherkin for the sake of finding more niche community spaces where they can relate to others more closely. And if you have a voluntary identity, it’s always good to assess why you feel the label therian/otherkin is more appropriate to describe your experience than another term. (Otherlink/copinglink spaces are very bare bones even today so I totally get that those aren’t people’s top pick. They’ve never been treated as equally valid, no matter how much people profess that, and I think there’s some serious personal reassessment that involuntarily identified folks need to be doing on that front too.)

[genderqueerdykes]

Trans person (specifically genderfluid) from Sweden here!

This is gonna be very my-experience cuz I know people who have had AMAZING experience being trans but I sure as hell haven't 🙃

It's practically impossible to get clear pointers on where to get help if you want any kind of trans related care, if you actually do manage to find your way there you can straight up be denied some things unless you have a gender dysphoria diagnosis, which in turn seems impossible to get unless you have a mental break down during the screening. Also if you're not MtF, FtM, or strictly nonbinary, no bigender, genderfluid, agender etc, they don't exist here, if you identify as anything other than the three you can forget being considered trans at all.

I went through all this some years ago so I pray to the gods things are different now. Swedish healthcare over all is a shit show but that's a story for another day.

Being queer in public changes a lot depending on where you are. I can go out looking like a clown threw up on me and if I'm in a large city like Stockholm or Gothenburg no one will really care, except for a small few parts of town but they're easy to avoid, people are too busy with their own lives to care. If you're in smaller communities however you may get a few odd looks or even harassed, guessing cuz they aren't really used to people anyone who isn't cishet white person™ over all. Again results may vary from place to place.

I hope to get back into the healthcare system later this year and see if they can offer any support, cuz I really want short term HRT and top surgery, I'm gonna try to report back if I remember to do so!

- 🧶

that's rough i'm sorry you've been going through that. i have no idea why people are so strict like this no matter where you go. what's the point of forcing your patients to identify as a certain way? who does that benefit? why does only caring for Some trans people make sense? you don't deserve to be having such a hard time. that's just absurd. you deserve so much better than that

i wish you the best of luck in getting HRT + surgery because that sounds like such a mess. right now trans people don't have it easy anywhere. i hope things improve for all of our sakes. take care, let us know if you need anything or just want to provide more insight

[girlintheflesh]

been seeing a lot of portrait of a dead girl analyses as ships but have you considered the comphet angle... not saying this is what abigail and the band intended to write but the similarities are definitely there. examples and mini analysis below!

“a guard dog there just for her”-faceless men/blank scenarios

“I break apart without your arms”-being unable to exist/feel at ease in the world without the presence of a man

“If anyone could kill me, it probably would be you”-feeling failure/loss of autonomy bc of comphet

“he looks like one of those film stars”-projecting projecting projectiiiiing... onto random men. you know where I’m going with this

“give me the strength”-strength to break free of comphet, to find closure, to move on, etc etc

anyways i love tldp i love portrait of a dead girl hope i get to see this live

[al-luviec]

something simple to try to get out of art block (it didn't work)

[puppppppppy]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

[thats-my-passion-right-there]

I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

..

[choiraugur]

i can currently only listen to nine inch nails and kate bush which is funny and seems like a contradiction but the artistry and uniqueness and creativity both offer is so unmatched. peak to me

[jackass-jones]

My ass was trying so hard not to jump up and down with glee playing yttd with my sister and getting to the shin reveal I was like MY GUY MY FUNNY LAD MY SILLY RABBIT

[confinesofmy]

i hate hanging out with kids because of the way people treat kids and the social rules surrounding speaking out when you don't like how a kid is being treated. like, if you're hanging out with a group of adults and one of the adults is cruel to another, there are many ways to say, "hey, don't treat them like that." or you can even ignore that person and tell the person who was wronged, "i can't believe they were so cruel to you." but with kids you're really not supposed to say anything at all unless it's your kid. and it's crazy because the stakes are so much higher. an adult being treated cruelly has so much more agency. they can leave, they can speak up and probably be listened to, they can be cruel back and not immediately be vilified. a kid usually just has to endure it. and judging by personal experience they don't even internalise it as "that person is cruel" it's more like "this is normal treatment."

[orcelito]

Honestly I have realized that 99% of my shipping of vashwood comes from trimax. Yea I vibed with it while watching tristamp but trimax is what took my utter heart and soul

It's to the point where I just don't rly enjoy tristamp vashwood that much anymore hfkshfjd like. OK? Those sure are some dudes. Not My dudes tho, sorry.

[muirneach]

i would like to express three blanket statements for everyone in the notes:

- yes i obviously know that calling people ‘family’ is a way of referring the other queer people. this is evident in the fact that i used that fucking word in the post jesus christ guys you don’t need to try and inform me of this

- related, but this was a rhetorical post. i do not need advice on how to talk to people. i am involved with real life trans groups and am well versed in how to subtly talk to people. i literally made this post while on break from my bad customer service job after seeing multiple trans customers

- maybe this is a me problem but people having dysphoria from being seen as trans is sad to me. like i sorta get it but also hm maybe work on ur self hatred idk. being trans is a joy

reading comprehension questions:

consider the targeted demographic of this post. then consider, do you dislike this demographic? if so, please try changing your opinion or at least scroll away and stop bothering me about it

did the author make reference to old forms of queer communication? if so, it seems like he is familiar with the concept and perhaps refrain from informing the author about it

why might have the author, at first glance, described dysphoria as self hatred? did he really do this, or does he rather acknowledge that one facet of dysphoria stems from depression and deprecation? consider why someone might not want to be seen as trans. is it for safety reasons, or because they have yet to unlearn the perceived shame of being trans, or any other multitude of reasons? any reason is perfectly valid but one may wish to examine their opinions on the cis view of the trans body

seeing trans ppl in public is literally life giving. wish there was a normal way to express to other trans people in public that we’re family and that i love them

[unproduciblesmackdown]

forget why i was even thinking of it the whole other day but going "what were like Interpersonal Interactions i had over the years that were like meaningful / significant but in a good way" & there's answers & the main genre is like the surprise of just being treated kindly with No Conditions, wasn't ever moved by e.g. approval for doing what you're supposed to wherever, meanwhile didn't even have to be singled out over whatever, which if anything would kind of imply [B/c Of Conditions Met]. but then i was like why limit "experiences of significance over the years of In A Good Way" to "ways i was having some direct 'enough' interpersonal interaction" when that means overlooking / deprioritizing a ton of more readily obvious good shit that was really just about me "on my own" whether there happened to be other ppl in the vicinity (probably) or not

but also obviously Other People are relevant in every moment & part of everyone's lives but like so far beyond "what social interactions are you having w/people in the vicinity" which itself is also so far beyond which interactions get to be supposedly Real & Valuable / Worthwhile, which tends to be those of Family & Friendship & Romantic Partnership & then maybe if we're going wild a vague invocation of "community" beyond this....unsurprisingly a big Reader for those many years & like books exist b/c people make them & b/c there's all the people involved in how then any individual person might access any of those books, & then interact with what's in them. same with yknow everything else made & distributed & accessed, but certainly in particular Media as this site of especially indirect Communication from [who makes what's within its frame] & who takes that in, & you don't really talk back any more directly, unless you do lol, but nobody said communication is only two-way

also that, say, i like to draw, & In Person how to / feedback was always about Realism in drawing/painting from Life / Photos, how to info about the cartoonish expressive antics which you might note is all i care to do coming from Not in person, but certainly from people, books, online, just taking a lot of style inspiration from newspaper comics, nonzero other comics, some illustration, other ppl's linearty stylized work....also thinking about how the like Big Really Great Time Actually revelations of yore included stuff like wow i love being backstage. wow i love being backstage. wow being onstage is alright & i prefer even like more solo than ensemble things even though if only family was completely uninvolved among some other things & wow being onstage is a lot of fun when i get to do villain guy parts & lively side characters & stuff thrown together just to have fun with. wow being in rehearsal yay. being in the auditorium theater or dance studio or greenroom changing room. choir loft, sure. the theater b/c i'm in the audience yayy. didn't have anything to do with other people insofar as None Of That was great times & important memories b/c of the Interactions or Friendships or what have you lol. if anything it ties in with what interactions Were standout, like oh when some adult gave me this Treat just b/c everyone in my grade was getting it just b/c it was just about the last day of school. oh when the bus driver let me get my lunch b/c i only remembered it when the bus pulled up & they seemed completely fine about it. when i get to be treated No Worse than anyone else around, either spontaneously & it surprises me or that when doing a performance you're supposed to be there b/c you have this role & everyone else is there as your collaborator in some form or fashion. but i also liked the performing too, in the relatively limited capacity i ever did it but it was also certainly nonzero & a relatively regular going on

but back to the like yeah it was an interaction when, say, someone made a book with stuff in it & i read it & interpreted it. occuring to me like hmm that might go right along with Imagery i always find resonant where the pov might have nobody around directly observable but there's light in the distance that indicates a presence, & further, perhaps there's the understanding the light is put there deliberately as some signal for whomsoever might be out there to see it. & other things where there are implicit presence / figures who are distant & not connected to you Personally but indirectly / from afar are putting out these [interactions] to help you. like well you don't say