#and there is no stopping me I will bake

[srslylini]

anxiety, depression, adhd, resulting appointments and the stress that comes with it is wild cause why does it make me bake

my brain really goes

ALARM, SYSTEM OVERLOAD: STRESS. SOLUTION: b a k i n g

not even joking there were times I baked like 6 cakes in under a WEEK and the only reason it wasn't more was cause my parents forbad me to make more.

kinda funny

[gunnenmoonlight]

I have this meme lying around and my mood rn man…I can’t

I felt like I’ve been robbed. I can’t stop watching the premiere. I’ve been crying since 5am. When the premiere started, now it’s 5pm and I’m still crying. man…

[teaboot]

if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?

Oh my goddd you have no idea

I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.

A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.

To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.

While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats

Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.

I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself-  out of my programming and replaced it with something else.

Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.

People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure

Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?

It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?

I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?

Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?

Yeah, that resonates.

I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened

And now I have to just. Keep going

Into... what?

It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.

So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.

So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess

[almondpiglet]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOME ⭐⭐⭐👽👽👽 OUR PRECIOUS WEIRD DAUGHTER

[nipuni]

Yesterday's photos! and some from today 😊 Another day at the christmas markets, folk band at the pub, some walking around parks aaand then Nicolas baked some bread and I decorated the garden and veranda with more lights 🎄

[brandwhorestarscream]

NSFW, kinda spoilers for TF1

No because I'm still not over the whole "Megatron and Starscream's whole relationship is actually just really intense foreplay/bdsm" becoming CANON. Like??? Megatron literally throws him down in front of everyone and what is Starscream's reaction but to dramatically go, "Yes! Hit me! Hit me harder!"

Like???? I'm not complaining but a masochism-exhibitionist thing right in the middle of my transformers movie was not what I was expecting lmfao

Megastar probably had hot steamy evil villain sex shortly after the banishment, in the spot that would eventually become the new decepticon capital, in front of everybody 😌 Starscream swaggers up to him and goes, "Hit me again, big bot. I can take it~ ❤️" and the elite trine cheer him on like,

"YEAH THAT'S OUR TRINE LEADER!"

"Get it, Starscream! Get it!"

Seekers are a filthy, rowdy, overly-sexual bunch, and there's nothing like a good public fragging to raise spirits. If Starscream wants to publicly ride thick gladiator champion spike in full view of everyone in celebration of Sentinel Prime's death, you can bet your ass Skywarp and Thundercracker are gonna be supportive

[loonyloopylupin96]

Heartbreak is knowing he went quietly with the ministry officials who took him straight to Azkaban, because

who would ever believe a story like that?

[svnnypiee]

rawr

[jilyandbambi]

we talk a lot about Shauna being ruthless and violent and resentful, and not to say she isn't those things but also--

Shauna, who risks burning alive to save Van.

Shauna, who pauses to comfort the reunited Tai & Van after the latter is found safe

Shauna, who consoles and looks after Javi all through season 1 while his older brother is busy being misogynistic and getting fucked

Shauna, who takes on the job of butcher despite not necessarily wanting or enjoying it and never complains or slacks off even when the task becomes traumatizing

Shauna, who tries to get Jackie to eat, to keep going, when everyone else has given up on her by that point.

Shauna, who has to be goaded, essentially given permission before she becomes violent

Shauna, who loved her baby in spite of the stress her pregnancy added to an already precarious situation, who spoke to him and cradled him and futily tried to keep him alive, who buried him away from the others to keep him safe in death

Shauna, who kept her daughter's favorite childhood toy in her car long after she'd outgrown it, to always keep a piece of her close by

Shauna, who sees Tai struggling and invites her to stay over, so that Tai won't be afraid to sleep

Shauna, who goes along with Jeff's boring, milqtoast furniture salesman fantasies because while she doesn't love him the way she did Jackie, she does care about him and wants to make him happy

Shauna, who was the only one of the group to show up to Misty's how to get away with murder seminar and thank Misty for going to the trouble

Shauna, who is soft-spoken where Jackie is loud, conciliatory where Jackie is pushy, helpful where Jackie is lackadaisical, proactive where Jackie sulks.

Shauna, who's not a perfect friend or mother or wife but who's still quietly one of the nicest, most empathetic of the Yellowjackets and yet because she got drafted into being the group's butcher, wrote bitchy journal entries, and did one fucked up thing behind her best friend's back (which she immediately regretted and agonized over) gets rebranded by fandom as caustic, overly-snarky and quick tempered when it takes her 10 episodes to get pissed off enough to raise her voice

[thus-spoke-lo]

Hello friends in my phone, hope you’re all having a decent December ❤️ I’ll probably start lurking again here and there but won’t be back on tumblr in any meaningful capacity (aka making content) for a while. Ask box will be turned back on, but I haven’t really had the wherewithal to be super social so if you send something and it goes unanswered, it’s not you, it’s me. (More irl stuff below the cut, it’s not mandatory reading but it’s there. cw for medical talk.)

The tl;dr is both of my parents (who live across the country from me and have no other family or friends who live close to them) have both been hospitalized for various reasons—my mom for symptoms of (previously undiagnosed) congestive heart failure and a severe infection, my dad about a week and a half later after a car accident he had on the way to visit my mom in the hospital. (T-boned by an unlicensed teenager speeding with no lights on in the dark.)

I can’t do much from where I am, have my own household to run and a full-time job and limited PTO. I’m sort of at a loss for how to help them long-term, but they’ve also made a series of choices over their life together that led them to where they’re at now financially and health-wise, so I’m sort of just having to let go and let them figure this out beyond the little bit I can do.

I’m tired, I’m emotional, I’m an only child parenting my parents yet again after I thought I was done with that by moving away from them. I’m also adjusting to being on SSRI’s for the first time in like 8 years (for reasons unrelated to this situation), which is. Fun. Luckily Mr. Lo has been a real champ through all of this but I’m a wreck atm trying to manage everything from 2,500 miles away lmao.

[blmpff]

So for shits and giggles, which of the currently airing NOT omegaverse series would you like to see/would be the funniest if it was made into one?

[reverieaudios]

I'm in the uncomfortable position of wondering if I should ask my former housemate why the carpet in her room reeks of pee. Specifically human pee. This is not dog pee. Human pee. In multiple spots. So much pee.

[anna-scribbles]

regained my 12 year old swag(read an entire new percy jackson book in one sitting)

[lead-acetate]

Fellas Is It Gay To Be Bonded

I completely forgot to promote my fic but now that the fourth chapter is out, here's an illustration I did for it! It's little Spock and Jim on their bonding ceremony. More about the fic under the image description.

[Image description: Two similar versions of the same image; it's digital art as if done with coloured pencils. It shows two children, Jim and Spock, standing against the background of red Vulcan sky and ochre desert, from the chest up. They should be 7 and 8 in the picture but they look a little older. The sky is different shades of red and crimson, the horizon line is uneven. Spock is standing to the left. They are wearing an orange robe, with light yellow calligraphy running along the lapel. Their skin is pale and yellowish with a green undertone. They have black straight hair styled in a bowlcut, pointed ears and Vulcan eyebrows (angled up rather than down at the sides). Jim is standing to the right. He is wearing a similar robe of raspberry colour, with purple spirals of calligraphy running down the lapel. He's white, but his skintone is warmer and tanner than Spock's, and he has pink blush on his cheeks. His hair is light brown with golden accents, it's messy and cut short. Both Jim and Spock have their eyes closed. Jim is smiling openly, Spock's face is neutral, with just a slightest uptick of their mouth. In the second version of the picture, there is a dark purple glowing sillhouette superimposed over Jim and Spock; it's an adult whose back is to the viewer and they have their fingers on both Jim and Spock's meld points (thumb on the jaw, pointing finger on the cheekbone and middle finger on the temple). It's the healer that is bonding them. /end image description]

It's a TOS AU for those who love Vulcan culture, sibling relationships, oblivious Jim and queer realisations. Young love friends to lovers! Spock is a darling! Jim is, too, but he's kinda torturing Spock without realising it. Also there's George Kirk who's evil for no reason and some Jewish festivities!

summary:

Jim needs for Bones to stop calling Spock his secret spouse. Yes, they have been bonded since they were seven; yes, Jim is taking an emergency flight to Vulcan to fulfill his bondmate duty; yes, they are going to have sex; no, it’s not weird. It takes Jim about 2.5 days (and 14 years) to start conceding Bones’s point.

check it out on ao3!

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I've been focusing so hard on weightlifting that I forgot the true way to grow muscles:

6 sets of rolling out the dough to make it into challah (no rests)

[loonyloopylupin96]

Heartbreak is listening to how Sirius laughed manically after all those people were killed.

Because he knew then what he'd missed before.

James and Lily were dead. They were never coming back.

He could have trusted Remus.

He was going to go and sit in a cell, quite possibly until he too was dead, with nothing to think about except that one big mistake and everything he lost as a result - everything they lost - as a result.

For years they'd been pushing for Peter to get better at magic, he'd have been at risk otherwise. It was for his benefit.

And then the one time Peter finally shows remarkable magic is the time he kills lots of people with a single spell.

That's when he laughs.

It cost him everything.