#and then we can both learn something new!

[abtrusion]

wait where are all the trans guys

Historical-anthropological research, especially the work taking place before the 21st century or outside the West, tends to focus entirely on transfeminized groups. So when reading these works it’s pretty natural to ask — wait, where are all the trans guys? This is a reasonable question with a few clear answers; this post is something quick I can point people to.

The central condition of transfeminized groups' absorption into feminist activism has been to accept a kind of symmetry with select TME groups through the understanding of trans femininity as "gender variance." Under this framework, transfeminized groups' social position can be understood as a consequence of gender variance and some abstract violation of cis norms; this was proposed by people like Susan Stryker and Emi Koyama [1], among others, and continues to structure trans inclusion today. It also fails when considering several basic aspects of these groups:

Transfeminized groups are associated with hyperspecific labor practices, most frequently sex work, but also hair styling, drag, makeup artistry, acting, and other forms of 'gender work.'

Metropolitan transfeminized groups appear in the archive as highly clustered and active groups connected with, but usually intensely split from, the masculine men they fucked.

Transfeminized groups become a kind of 'third gender' on an epistemic level; they are Known to wider society before and after “coming out” in a way that USAmerican transmasculinity has only recently vaguely approached.

Transfeminized groups are heavily clustered in labor practice, social organization, and epistemic position, although this is not universal -- certain strains of USAmerican transfemininity have become a bit more labor-agnostic in the last two decades, not-so-coincidentally alongside more general currents of gender-labor liberation. The messy strains of trans male identity recovered from the archive and from current practice tend to lack labor, social, and epistemic coherence. As Aaron Devor notes in FTM, his 1997 history of FTM men, trans men in the 20th century tended to transition out of cities and into the countryside, finding low-profile places they could exist in. These practices, and the earlier "female husband" practices described by Jen Manion, relied on the labor-agnostic nature of transitioned manhood in order to disappear from public life. Transfeminized groups, on the other hand, are categorically restricted from the main form of economic life historically available to women -- marriage. Their labor practices are heavily constrained and have almost always revolved around some form of 'gender work:' as Susan Stryker put it, you need to get people to pay you for being a trans woman. Transmasculinity pushes away feminized restrictions on labor; trans femininity is labor.

Because transfeminized identities are so often labor-identities, and because their specific brand of 'gender work' and hormonal/silicone/surgical embodiment usually requires both specialized training and community support, nearly every metropolitan center in the world developed highly centralized transfeminized groups over the course of the 20th century [2]. As Ochoa notes, this visibility is partially due to epistemic visibility (everyone knows what a trans is), partially due to group structure (people work and train each other), and partially due to the selectively visible demands of finding clients. Fledglings come in with a way of being that is always already visible to society, but changing the body to match and learning how to fully enact and slowly contest the third-gender labor-identity they've been given takes a lot of community support.

So as labor-identities, transfeminized groups tend to a level of labor/community/epistemic coherence that has no clear counterpart. The news archives we have of trans men (as seen in Manion) position them as singular and easily absorbed back into the female gestalt; the cisgender feminist/gayguy/AIDS researchers that form the bulk of historical-anthropological work saw them as unnecessary to their grand theories of gender; the communities themselves have been materially fractured and, for the groups that rise out of lesbian-feminist activism, only partially committed to their own existence. The result of all this is that there is no clear equivalent to the "transfeminized groups" of Jules-Gill Peterson; there is no symmetry to trannydom, and while additional work to unearth trans manhood in the archive remains extremely valuable, sometimes the necessary level of label-coherence and social existence just isn't there.

[1] Stryker, "My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamounix: Performing Transgender Rage," Emi Koyama, "The Transfeminist Manifesto" [2] As seen in Namaste, Invisible Lives, Prieur, "Mema's House, Mexico City," Kulick, "Travesti," Newton, "Mother Camp," Ochoa, "Queen for a Day," Hegarty, "The Made-Up State," and plenty more. Most of these works came out in the late 80s and 90s due to a combination of the feminist "third gender" craze, the burgeoning field of masculinity studies, and AIDS.

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

Ever Since We Met

Spoiler: Jason dies in the warehouse. ~1.5k words

Jason Todd is six years old and snot nosed when he falls in love with his best friend. Sure, he doesn't exactly know what love is, but he makes sure he's standing next to you when the class lines up so he can hold your hand.

He gets a weird feeling in his stomach (he’s not completely convinced that it’s jealousy, despite what the teacher tries to explain) when you follow other kids around the playground instead of him.

But, he does recognize the excitement he feels when you seek him out to be coloring partners during class instead of the girl sitting next to you.

He loves you as much as a six year old can. Especially when he gets to sleep over at your house and you turn your bed into a fortress of blankets and pillows for you both to sleep in. Those nights are his favorite, and you both drift off to whispered stories and hushed giggles.

Jason Todd is ten years old and getting used to growing pains when he develops a crush on his best friend. At least, he thinks it’s a crush. It feels different than being in love, even if he hasn’t quite grasped the fact that he is in love.

He's more hyper aware of what he does now, how he treats you. Sometimes, the way you smile makes him stumble over his words, and his face go hot. He distracts himself and you from it by asking about homework or that one TV show you that you watch on Saturday mornings.

Jason decides he likes that you’ll press to his side when you’re reading, lost in your own worlds together without a need to fill the silence, crush or not.

He likes that you’ll trade half of your sandwich for his and sneak him doodles and notes during class. (He won’t admit it, but he keeps them in a box under his bed. Sometimes they’re the only reason he doesn’t run away from it all)

He doesn’t bother to mask his obvious preference for you, even when the other kids try to tease him for his crush.

You’re always quick to threaten anyone who tries to put him down, anyway, and he’s more than happy to do the same for you. And when you offer him a high five for scaring off some of the older kids, He decides it doesn’t matter if it’s a crush or not, as long as you stay his best friend.

Jason Todd is twelve when he becomes Robin. It’s hard, well, not being Robin, that’s a magic entirely its own, but being away from you.

He lives in a manor that's bigger than the entire floor of the apartment building he used to live in. He's learned how to do a backflip while throwing a punch in midair. He has more at his fingertips now than he's ever had in the entire first eleven years of his life.

But he misses you. Sometimes, it feels like a phantom limb. Something he's always reaching for, but never quite grasping. It helps that you've gotten a scholarship to his new school, but it's still not enough.

He can't explain it, but he gets greedy for your time. You don't seem to mind the sporadic hangouts, or how often he has to cancel or leave. He kind of wishes you would, just to show that you care as much as he does.

He redoubles his efforts to be a good Robin when you tell him about the dealer that moved into the apartment next to yours. He resolves to be a better friend when you tell him the fancy suits he has to wear to galas look good on him.

His feelings don't change once, even if he hasn't quite found a balance between vigilante and civilian, he knows you're the one thing he can't let go of.

Jason is fifteen years old and about to die when he realizes the person he wants to see most is you. He's always known it, in the back of his mind, but as the blaring red numbers tick lower and lower, he just wishes he could hear your voice one more time.

It's you. Always been. And he's never said it. Never let you know.

His body aches. His leg is twisted the wrong way. His breathing is shallow and raspy. His vision is blurring, and he wants to live. But his mom is still trapped in this warehouse with him, and he's Robin. Robin helps, and that's what he'll do.

Jason drags himself to his mother's side to help, moves despite the gnawing, indescribable pain with every movement.

He's still trying to help, trying to sheild her from harm, as the numbers drop to zero. Zero. Zero. Zero.

What happens next doesn't hurt more than anything else did. And he has enough time to picture the color of your eyes before it all goes to black.

Jason Todd is eighteen when he dons the name Red Hood and becomes Gotham's biggest crime lord in a matter of months.

He stays far away from you, even if your memory has haunted him since the moment he woke up in that cursed pit. (and if he tries to remember, the moment since he first woke up in his own grave)

He's eighteen still, when his empire crumbles and he's left without a path, a purpose. He carries the weight of his years with the league, sags under the strain of not knowing who he is anymore.

He stays far away from you, sticks to the cracks and shadows of Gotham until his name is no longer whispered in fear. Then, and only then, is he brave enough to take off his helmet in front of you.

It's a relief and a terror all at once to finally see the color of your eyes from something other than a memory, and when his heartbeat starts to stutter, he knows he's never really grown out of being in love with you.

You've gotten older. (He shouldn't be surprised, he has too. He just always pictured you growing old together)

Your eyes still light up like he's your favorite person in the room. (He thinks he's allowed to be surprised about that)

But it's when you breathe out that he's home, that he figures out you've been waiting for him. Neither of you seem to know what to say after that, but you don't run for the hills in terror. And for the moment, that's enough.

Jason is twenty-one and passing the first (legally) acquired bottle of alcohol you've ever bought. You laugh about how it still tastes the same, and his heart nearly leaps out of his chest at the sound.

He loves you. It sings in his blood, settles on his tongue, he just doesn't know how to say it. He shows it, or at least he tries, but sometimes he's still waiting for this all to be a dream. It should have been impossible, how easily he slipped back into your life.

It was easy. So easy. Everything was easy with you. That's probably why he spills his guts.

He doesn't quite say it the right way, doesn't manage to get the word 'love' out. But he says enough to get his feelings out.

It's not poetic, not grand as you deserve, but somehow he manages to articulate the way butterflies create a hurricane in his stomach when you're around, how his gaze is always drawn to you, how he can't help but lean into the sound of your voice, the warmth of your touch.

Maybe he says a little too much about how he's been head over heels since the day you've met, because you just stare at him.

He's almost ready to run, to blame it all on the one measly shot he's had. This is, until you kiss him. And oh, it's everything he never dared to dream it would be.

It's a little messy, sure, the angle a little strange as you crane across the couch to tangle your fingers in his hair. But it's perfect, it's you, and Jason falls in love all over again.

Jason Todd is twenty-three and still learning how to say I love you. It's not that he loves you any less, if anything, he loves you now more than ever. It's just still something he's getting used to.

Love is something you've given to him so freely, something he's happy to return. But it scares him, sometimes. He worries that if he says it out loud too much, the universe will realize how great of a gift he's been given, and rip it away.

It might be irrational, but he holds the word love close to his heart anyway, unwilling to test fate anymore than he already does by putting on that red helmet.

He whispers it to you in the dead of night instead, says it with touch instead of sound, shows it with soft, shine of his eye. He squeezes your hand when you say it to him, does his best to make it clear he feels the same, even if he can't get the words out.

He'll get it eventually, figure out how to get it off his tongue. He has to.

Especially if he wants to show you the pretty little band of shining, precious metal he has tucked away in a velvet box.

[zorak-phd]

I don't think I have one currently but I had one in middle school. A bully of mine made it on Facebook and blamed me for his parents divorce and ruining his home life.

After our first incident, my mom met up with his parents and had chats about coming together or something. Not directly angry or anything or getting mad at them but hoping to positively affect each other and his mom & my mom became friends.

After the second/third interaction, my mom noticed my bully walk back into the school with just his father and decide we should go in to. We go into the principal office after them and witness the father lying up a storm on behalf of his son, saying that I'M bullying HIS son (For reference, I'm a scrawny kid at this moment who hasn't hit his growth spurt at this time, literally smallest kid in the school while my bully is the tallest, bulky and a boxer) and then claims my mom went to their car and was physically threatening them.

We stayed silent and just let him continue until the lady in the office interrupted to ask him if the group behind him was who he was talking about, bringing us to his attention. Our parents started getting into a yelling argument, so did me and his son and in the heat of the moment his son screamed at me "You act like I'm the only one that bullies you", my mom screamed "hold it! I'm not the only one who caught what he just said right? " and the school staff members confirmed they heard what he said too. All of a sudden, the father starts backpedaling and talking about his son getting violent and arguing with him at home too. Now the father is agreeing that his son hasn't been acting right now that he can't deny it.

Afterwards, my mom called his mom to tell him what happened and she was furious and embarrassed about what happened and even got a call from the school about it too.

I had no more interactions with this specific bully afterwards irl and he eventually stopped going to our school but the rest of this I learned from the Facebook group he created, dedicated to hating me after searching my own name online; after this event his parents started fighting a lot and eventually divorced one another. His mother was disappointed in both him and his dad so he had a long punishment from her too with a lot of his devices taken away, her got kicked out of karate (forgot to mention that we both took karate at the same place, I had stopped going a bit prior to this but remembered this, he was a purple belt and I was blue but we sparred once and he was very violent, my mom contacted the dojo about him using it to bully kids so they kicked him out), post divorce his parents were now both single income and moved to different areas so he could no longer attend the same school he once attended and both parents no longer had the extra income they had before to spend on gifts for him or just high quality items in general. Him having to go to a different school also meant he was separated from a lot of the friends he had made.

He considered all of this to have been my fault, that I ruined his life and then made this group not just to vent but to also recruit people still at the school to get revenge in his absence. I actually did get bullied a lot afterwards but I don't think it had anything to do with him, I think it was more related to exploitation of the schools new weird "no tolerance policy" where everyone gets punished in an altercation (yes that includes the victim in the altercation) and the school also expelled students who got suspended 3 times so it created an environment where bullies can all bully a specific kid and not get in trouble because the kid getting bullied would stop seeking help to avoid getting expelled themselves when they got punished along with whoever was bullying them.

[esotericalchemist]

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐬 - 𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐀𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

Masterlist this series - TikTok (Matrix of Destiny) - Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)

Mars in Taurus is steady, determined, and deeply grounded—a slow-burning fire that builds strength over time. It channels its energy into creating stability, prioritizing lasting results over quick wins. Paired with Venus, the planet of attraction and values, this earthy Mars brings a deliberate approach to pursuing desires and securing what truly matters. In this post, we explore the enduring persistence of Taurus Mars alongside possible Venus placements, revealing how this combination shapes your ability to attract and achieve. Whether it’s through love, career, or personal growth, Taurus Mars teaches the power of patience, resilience, and a focused drive to build a solid and fulfilling foundation.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Aries, your blueprint for achievement combines steady persistence with bold, passionate attraction. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, brings patience, resilience, and a methodical approach to your actions. You achieve your goals by staying consistent, building slowly but surely, and refusing to give up once you’ve set your sights on something. Venus in Aries, a cardinal fire sign, adds a spark of fiery enthusiasm to the mix, showing that you attract opportunities by being courageous, confident, and unafraid to take the lead in matters of love and creativity. Together, these placements create a dynamic combination of slow-burning determination and fearless charm.

Your Venus in Aries helps you attract success by radiating confidence, passion, and initiative. People and opportunities are drawn to your boldness and magnetic energy, as you thrive in environments where you can take charge and chase what excites you. Venus in Aries loves action and thrives on the thrill of the chase, so you naturally align with pursuits that require courage and enthusiasm. This placement makes you a go-getter in relationships and creative endeavors, always ready to jump in and take the first step toward something you desire.

At the same time, Mars in Taurus gives you the staying power to turn Venus’ initial spark into something lasting and meaningful. Taurus energy is grounded and practical, favoring slow, deliberate action over impulsive moves. While Venus in Aries might push you to dive headfirst into new ventures, Mars in Taurus ensures that you stay committed and work steadily toward your goals, even when progress feels slow. This combination excels at combining bold beginnings with the discipline and consistency needed to see things through to completion, making you both passionate and reliable in your pursuits.

To manifest your desires, balance Taurus’ patience with Aries’ passion. Start strong and decisively with Venus in Aries, using your courage and enthusiasm to take the first steps toward your goals. Then let Mars in Taurus sustain your efforts by keeping you focused, grounded, and persistent. The challenge with this combination lies in reconciling Taurus’ preference for stability with Aries’ need for excitement—you may feel torn between wanting quick results and knowing the value of taking your time. Success comes when you learn to channel your fiery passion into steady, deliberate action, creating a life that is both vibrant and enduring. Trust your instincts, commit to the long haul, and watch your bold ambitions take root and flourish.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With both Mars and Venus in Taurus, your blueprint for achievement is rooted in stability, patience, and a deep connection to what you value. Taurus is a fixed earth sign, ruled by Venus, which means this combination is focused on building a solid foundation for success. Both your desires (Mars) and the way you attract opportunities (Venus) are aligned with practicality, persistence, and a love for tangible results. You are not someone who rushes into action; instead, you carefully and methodically work toward your goals, ensuring that each step is grounded and meaningful.

Your Venus in Taurus shows that you attract success by creating beauty, value, and stability. You magnetize people and opportunities by exuding calm, reliability, and an appreciation for life’s finer things. Others are drawn to your earthy charm and the way you create comfort and security, whether in relationships or creative pursuits. You thrive when you pursue goals that bring long-term rewards, such as financial stability, artistic expression, or building something lasting and meaningful. Venus in Taurus teaches you to focus on quality over quantity and to align your ambitions with what truly nourishes your soul.

At the same time, Mars in Taurus fuels your ability to pursue your goals with steady and determined action. Mars here doesn’t rush or act impulsively; it’s slow but unstoppable, like a river carving its path through stone. You’re someone who can work tirelessly toward your desires, even if it takes time to see results. This placement gives you incredible perseverance, ensuring that once you commit to a goal, you’ll see it through to the end. While you may not be the fastest starter, your ability to sustain effort over time is unmatched, and you’re especially adept at manifesting material success or tangible achievements.

To manifest your desires, focus on blending Venus’ attraction with Mars’ action. Your Venus attracts opportunities that align with comfort, beauty, and long-term stability, while your Mars ensures you act patiently and persistently to bring those opportunities to fruition. The challenge with this combination lies in overcoming inertia or resistance to change—Taurus energy can become overly focused on comfort zones. Success comes when you stay committed to your goals but remain open to growth and new possibilities. By combining your unwavering determination with your appreciation for life’s richness, you can create a life that is both prosperous and deeply fulfilling. Trust in your ability to build steadily and enjoy the rewards of your labor.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Gemini, your blueprint for achievement combines steady, grounded determination with an adaptable, curious charm. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, fuels your approach to goals with patience and persistence. You excel at building success over time, methodically working toward your desires with unwavering focus. Venus in Gemini, a mutable air sign, adds a lively, intellectual, and communicative energy to the mix. This combination means you attract opportunities through your wit, versatility, and ability to connect with others, while your Mars provides the staying power to turn those opportunities into lasting achievements.

Your Venus in Gemini shows that you magnetize success by being engaging, curious, and open to new ideas. You thrive in social or intellectual settings, where your ability to adapt and learn shines. Venus here draws opportunities through connection and exploration, making you naturally skilled at networking, communicating, and attracting diverse people and ideas. You’re most fulfilled when pursuing goals that allow for variety and mental stimulation, whether in relationships, creative endeavors, or professional pursuits. Venus in Gemini brings flexibility and a love for learning, meaning you’re drawn to situations that keep you mentally engaged and constantly evolving.

At the same time, Mars in Taurus provides a stable foundation for these airy and exploratory qualities. Taurus is deliberate and patient, ensuring that you follow through on the opportunities Venus in Gemini attracts. Mars here gives you incredible perseverance, allowing you to work steadily toward your goals, even when progress feels slow. While Venus in Gemini may push you to explore multiple interests, Mars in Taurus helps you stay grounded and focused on building something tangible and lasting. This combination allows you to blend the joy of discovery with the practicality of sustained effort, making you both innovative and reliable.

To manifest your desires, align Gemini’s curiosity with Taurus’ persistence. Start by using Venus in Gemini’s versatility to explore new ideas, build connections, and identify exciting opportunities. Then let Mars in Taurus provide the focus and determination needed to see those ideas through to completion. The challenge with this combination lies in balancing Gemini’s tendency to scatter energy with Taurus’ resistance to change. Success comes when you embrace Gemini’s flexibility without losing Taurus’ steady commitment. By combining your adaptability with your staying power, you can achieve goals that are both dynamic and enduring, creating a life filled with growth and stability.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Cancer, your blueprint for achievement is grounded in persistence and guided by emotional depth. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, gives you steady determination, patience, and an unrelenting focus on building something of lasting value. Venus in Cancer, a cardinal water sign, brings a nurturing, intuitive, and emotionally connected energy to how you attract opportunities and align with your desires. Together, these placements create a dynamic that allows you to pursue your goals with a blend of practical effort and heartfelt intention.

Your Venus in Cancer shows that you attract success by creating meaningful connections and fostering environments of comfort, care, and emotional security. People and opportunities are drawn to your warmth, empathy, and ability to intuitively understand what others need. You thrive when your ambitions align with your values of protection, family, and emotional fulfillment. Venus in Cancer gravitates toward goals that feel personal and significant, such as creating a loving home, nurturing relationships, or pursuing creative or professional endeavors that support others. Your magnetism comes from your authenticity and your ability to make others feel valued and safe.

Meanwhile, Mars in Taurus gives you the power to turn those emotional intentions into tangible results. Taurus energy is deliberate and focused, ensuring that once you commit to a goal, you’ll see it through with unshakable resolve. You’re not someone who rushes into action; instead, you build success step by step, trusting that steady effort will lead to lasting rewards. This Mars placement helps ground Cancer’s emotional tendencies, allowing you to channel your feelings into practical actions. Together, Mars in Taurus and Venus in Cancer make you both nurturing and resilient, capable of balancing emotional connection with practical persistence.

To manifest your desires, focus on blending Cancer’s emotional intuition with Taurus’ steady work ethic. Start by setting goals that resonate with your heart, allowing Venus in Cancer to guide you toward ambitions that feel deeply meaningful. Then let Mars in Taurus provide the discipline and patience to bring those dreams to life, even if progress feels slow. The challenge of this combination lies in balancing Taurus’ resistance to change with Cancer’s emotional sensitivity—success comes when you stay committed to your goals while remaining flexible and open to emotional growth. By combining your grounded determination with your nurturing spirit, you can achieve success that is both deeply fulfilling and enduring.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Leo, your blueprint for achievement is a powerful blend of grounded determination and radiant charisma. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, fuels your approach to goals with patience, persistence, and an unyielding focus on creating long-term success. Venus in Leo, a fixed fire sign, brings a bold, magnetic energy that attracts opportunities through your confidence, charm, and flair for self-expression. Together, these placements create a dynamic that allows you to build steadily toward your ambitions while captivating others and inspiring them to support your vision.

Your Venus in Leo shows that you attract success by shining brightly and owning your individuality. Venus here thrives on recognition and loves to create beauty, joy, and excitement in life. Others are drawn to your warmth, creativity, and ability to make everything you pursue feel grand and meaningful. You’re most fulfilled when working toward goals that allow you to express yourself, take the lead, and gain admiration for your efforts. Whether in relationships, creative pursuits, or professional ambitions, you naturally align with opportunities that let you stand out and leave a lasting impression.

At the same time, Mars in Taurus ensures that your bold vision is supported by steady and consistent effort. Taurus energy is practical and patient, giving you the discipline to build your dreams step by step. While Venus in Leo seeks excitement and immediate gratification, Mars in Taurus keeps you grounded, reminding you that lasting success requires perseverance. This combination makes you highly effective at balancing the desire for grandeur with the practicality needed to sustain and grow your ambitions. You thrive when pursuing goals that are both exciting and deeply rooted in long-term value.

To manifest your desires, align Leo’s passion and Taurus’ persistence. Use Venus in Leo’s magnetism to draw in opportunities and inspire others with your vision, and let Mars in Taurus ensure that you follow through with consistent, deliberate action. The challenge with this combination lies in reconciling Taurus’ preference for slow, steady progress with Leo’s need for recognition and excitement—you may feel torn between taking your time and wanting quick results. Success comes when you learn to enjoy the process of building your dreams while staying true to your creative fire. By combining your charisma with your unshakable determination, you can achieve a life that is both radiant and deeply rewarding.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Virgo, your blueprint for achievement is deeply rooted in practicality, patience, and attention to detail. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, gives you the persistence and determination to steadily work toward your goals, prioritizing tangible, long-term results. Venus in Virgo, a mutable earth sign, adds a refined and discerning energy, showing that you attract success by being meticulous, helpful, and focused on improving both yourself and your environment. Together, these placements create a powerful combination of grounded effort and thoughtful precision, enabling you to manifest your desires through consistent and meaningful action.

Your Venus in Virgo attracts opportunities through your humility, dependability, and ability to bring order and efficiency to any situation. Venus here thrives on value and usefulness, so you naturally align with goals that are practical, purposeful, and beneficial to others. Whether in relationships, creative pursuits, or professional ambitions, you’re drawn to projects and people that reflect your high standards and attention to detail. Your charm lies in your quiet confidence and the care you put into everything you do, making others trust your reliability and admire your work ethic.

At the same time, Mars in Taurus ensures that you stay committed and focused once you set your sights on a goal. Taurus energy moves slowly but steadily, giving you the resilience to handle challenges and the patience to build success step by step. While Venus in Virgo might sometimes overanalyze or hesitate, Mars in Taurus provides the grounded determination to take action and keep moving forward. This combination makes you incredibly effective at manifesting results, as you pair thoughtful planning with steady, deliberate effort.

To manifest your desires, focus on blending Virgo’s meticulousness with Taurus’ persistence. Start by using Venus in Virgo’s discerning energy to refine your goals, ensuring they align with your values and practical needs. Then let Mars in Taurus provide the patience and determination to see those plans through to completion. The challenge with this combination lies in overcoming Virgo’s tendency to overthink or criticize and Taurus’ resistance to change. Success comes when you allow yourself to take steady action without striving for perfection at every step. By combining your thoughtful precision with your unshakable resolve, you can achieve goals that are not only practical but also deeply meaningful and enduring.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Libra, your blueprint for achievement is a harmonious blend of steadfast determination and graceful charm. Both Taurus and Libra are ruled by Venus, which gives your energy a strong emphasis on creating beauty, stability, and meaningful connections. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, gives you the patience and resilience to work steadily toward your goals, ensuring that every step you take builds toward long-term success. Venus in Libra, a cardinal air sign, adds an air of diplomacy, elegance, and social intelligence, showing that you attract opportunities by fostering harmony and creating balance in your environment. Together, these placements make you a master of combining hard work with an ability to navigate relationships and aesthetics effectively.

Your Venus in Libra helps you attract success by radiating charm, fairness, and an innate sense of balance. You naturally draw people and opportunities through your ability to connect with others, create beauty, and inspire collaboration. Venus in Libra thrives in environments that are cooperative and harmonious, so your ambitions often involve relationships, artistic expression, or endeavors that bring people together. Whether in professional or personal settings, you excel when you align your goals with your natural gift for understanding others and building mutual support.

At the same time, Mars in Taurus ensures that the beauty and balance Venus seeks are supported by steady and consistent effort. Mars in Taurus is all about persistence and practicality, giving you the determination to turn your ideals into reality. While Venus in Libra may sometimes hesitate, weighing options and seeking approval, Mars in Taurus anchors you with a methodical approach, ensuring that you don’t lose sight of your goals. This combination makes you adept at both initiating harmonious relationships and maintaining the steady effort needed to sustain them, whether in work, creativity, or love.

To manifest your desires, balance Libra’s charm and social skills with Taurus’ resilience and practicality. Use Venus in Libra’s ability to create connections and attract opportunities through collaboration and diplomacy, and let Mars in Taurus provide the persistence and grounded action needed to follow through. The challenge with this combination lies in overcoming Libra’s tendency to procrastinate or seek external validation and Taurus’ occasional resistance to change. Success comes when you align Taurus’ determination with Libra’s vision for harmony, creating a life that is both stable and beautifully balanced. By combining your grace with your grounded strength, you can achieve goals that are not only enduring but also aesthetically and emotionally fulfilling.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Scorpio, your blueprint for achievement is driven by a potent mix of steady determination and deep emotional intensity. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, gives you patience, persistence, and a practical approach to pursuing your goals. Venus in Scorpio, a fixed water sign, adds passion, magnetism, and a desire for transformation, showing that what you attract must resonate deeply with your soul. Together, these placements create a dynamic combination of grounded action and emotional depth, enabling you to manifest your desires with both resilience and profound focus.

Your Venus in Scorpio attracts opportunities by exuding intensity, authenticity, and emotional magnetism. You naturally draw people and resources to you through your depth, loyalty, and ability to connect on a transformative level. Superficial pursuits won’t satisfy you; your goals must hold real meaning and the potential for profound impact. Whether in relationships, creative projects, or professional endeavors, you thrive when you align your ambitions with your inner passions and emotional truth. Venus in Scorpio ensures that you pursue goals with your whole heart, creating success that feels deeply significant.

Mars in Taurus balances this intensity with a grounded and methodical approach. Taurus energy thrives on consistency and practicality, giving you the ability to take your emotional desires and translate them into steady, tangible actions. You’re someone who can work tirelessly toward your ambitions, building success step by step and refusing to be rushed or distracted. While Venus in Scorpio fuels you with emotional depth, Mars in Taurus ensures that you channel that energy into realistic, long-term results. This makes you a powerhouse of both passion and persistence, capable of seeing even the most challenging goals through to completion.

To manifest your desires, align Scorpio’s emotional intensity with Taurus’ unwavering patience. Begin by allowing Venus in Scorpio to guide you toward goals that resonate deeply with your soul and inspire your commitment. Then let Mars in Taurus provide the stamina and focus to bring those dreams into reality, even if the process takes time. The challenge with this combination lies in balancing Taurus’ resistance to change with Scorpio’s craving for transformation—success comes when you embrace both stability and the willingness to evolve. By combining your grounded strength with your emotional depth, you can achieve goals that are not only enduring but also profoundly meaningful.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Sagittarius, your blueprint for achievement blends steadfast determination with an adventurous, visionary spark. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, gives you the patience and persistence to pursue your goals methodically, step by step, ensuring that your efforts result in tangible, long-term rewards. Venus in Sagittarius, a mutable fire sign, adds an element of inspiration, optimism, and curiosity, showing that you attract success through enthusiasm, big-picture thinking, and a love for freedom and exploration. Together, this combination creates a dynamic that allows you to stay grounded while pursuing expansive, exciting goals.

Your Venus in Sagittarius helps you attract opportunities by radiating positivity, openness, and a thirst for growth. People and resources are drawn to your adventurous spirit, your love of new experiences, and your ability to see the bigger picture. Venus here thrives on pursuing ideals and aspirations that inspire both you and others, so you naturally gravitate toward goals that involve travel, learning, teaching, or creating something meaningful on a broader scale. Your charm lies in your ability to keep things light, inspiring others with your optimism while staying true to your vision of personal and spiritual growth.

Meanwhile, Mars in Taurus provides the staying power to turn Sagittarius’ lofty dreams into reality. Taurus energy is slow and deliberate, giving you the discipline to follow through on your ambitions with patience and resilience. While Venus in Sagittarius might push you to explore multiple paths or chase new possibilities, Mars in Taurus keeps you grounded, ensuring that your efforts are practical and focused on long-term success. This combination makes you uniquely suited to combining visionary ideas with the persistence to make them real, creating a life that is both inspiring and stable.

To manifest your desires, focus on blending Sagittarius’ enthusiasm with Taurus’ persistence. Start by letting Venus in Sagittarius guide you toward goals that excite and inspire you, but let Mars in Taurus anchor you in practical steps to ensure those dreams come to fruition. The challenge with this combination lies in balancing Taurus’ preference for stability with Sagittarius’ love for change and novelty—you may feel torn between settling into routines and seeking out new horizons. Success comes when you align your steady work ethic with your passion for exploration, creating a life that is both adventurous and grounded. By combining Taurus’ strength with Sagittarius’ vision, you can achieve goals that are enduring, meaningful, and richly fulfilling.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Capricorn, your blueprint for achievement is firmly rooted in practicality, discipline, and an unyielding focus on long-term success. Both Taurus and Capricorn are earth signs, emphasizing a grounded, methodical approach to life. Mars in Taurus gives you the patience and resilience to work steadily toward your goals, prioritizing tangible results and enduring value. Venus in Capricorn adds an ambitious, structured energy to how you attract opportunities, showing that your success stems from aligning your efforts with clear, well-defined objectives. Together, these placements make you a master of persistence and purposeful action, creating a pathway to success built on stability and strategy.

Your Venus in Capricorn helps you attract opportunities by exuding reliability, professionalism, and a sense of purpose. You naturally draw people and resources through your focus, maturity, and ability to demonstrate value over time. Venus here thrives on structure and commitment, so you’re drawn to goals that involve steady progress, hard work, and a clear payoff. Whether in relationships, career, or creative pursuits, you align best with ambitions that reflect your desire to build something meaningful, practical, and enduring. Others are drawn to your calm confidence and your ability to approach challenges with wisdom and determination.

At the same time, Mars in Taurus fuels your ability to pursue these ambitions with consistent effort and unshakable resolve. Taurus energy is deliberate and persistent, allowing you to stay focused on your goals even when faced with setbacks. While Venus in Capricorn sets the vision for success, Mars in Taurus provides the stamina to take steady, incremental steps toward achieving it. This combination excels at creating sustainable success, as you’re not only willing to work hard but also skilled at building solid foundations that stand the test of time.

To manifest your desires, align Capricorn’s ambition with Taurus’ steady determination. Let Venus in Capricorn guide you to set clear, realistic goals that reflect your long-term vision, and use Mars in Taurus’ patience and perseverance to take consistent action toward achieving them. The challenge with this combination lies in avoiding rigidity—both Taurus and Capricorn can resist change or cling too tightly to traditional methods. Success comes when you remain open to growth and innovation while staying true to your grounded work ethic. By blending Taurus’ resilience with Capricorn’s ambition, you can achieve a life filled with stability, accomplishment, and a sense of lasting fulfillment.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Aquarius, your blueprint for achievement combines steady, grounded effort with an innovative, forward-thinking approach. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, gives you the patience and determination to pursue your goals methodically, focusing on long-term, tangible success. Venus in Aquarius, a fixed air sign, adds an unconventional, visionary energy to the way you attract opportunities and form connections. Together, this combination creates a dynamic where you build success by blending practicality with innovation, working steadily while embracing unique, progressive ideas.

Your Venus in Aquarius helps you attract opportunities by radiating individuality, intelligence, and a forward-looking perspective. People and resources are drawn to your open-mindedness and ability to think outside the box. Venus here thrives on freedom and originality, so you’re most aligned with goals that break tradition or challenge conventional norms. Whether in relationships, creative projects, or professional pursuits, you excel when your ambitions involve collaboration, technology, or causes that benefit the greater good. You magnetize success by staying true to your unique vision while inspiring others with your fresh and progressive ideas.

At the same time, Mars in Taurus provides the resilience and persistence needed to turn Aquarius’ visionary ideals into practical results. Taurus energy ensures that you stay grounded, focusing on slow but steady progress and refusing to give up once you’ve committed to a goal. While Venus in Aquarius might draw you toward exciting new ideas, Mars in Taurus ensures that you anchor those ideas in reality, building something tangible and lasting. This combination makes you highly effective at blending creative thinking with practical execution, allowing you to pursue bold ambitions without losing sight of the steps required to achieve them.

To manifest your desires, align Aquarius’ visionary outlook with Taurus’ steady determination. Use Venus in Aquarius to explore unique opportunities and form innovative connections, but let Mars in Taurus provide the discipline to follow through and bring those ideas to fruition. The challenge with this combination lies in balancing Taurus’ preference for stability and routine with Aquarius’ need for freedom and experimentation—you may feel torn between sticking to what’s proven and embracing the unconventional. Success comes when you combine Taurus’ grounded work ethic with Aquarius’ ability to think ahead, creating a life that is both secure and inspired by the future. By blending resilience with creativity, you can achieve goals that are not only practical but also groundbreaking and meaningful.

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 + 𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

With Mars in Taurus and Venus in Pisces, your blueprint for achievement combines grounded persistence with a deep sense of imagination and emotional connection. Mars in Taurus, a fixed earth sign, gives you the resilience and determination to methodically pursue your goals, focusing on tangible, long-lasting results. Venus in Pisces, a mutable water sign, adds a dreamy, compassionate energy, showing that you attract opportunities by exuding warmth, creativity, and an intuitive understanding of what others need. Together, these placements create a beautiful balance of practicality and emotional depth, allowing you to manifest your desires with both steadfast effort and soulful intention.

Your Venus in Pisces attracts opportunities through your kindness, empathy, and artistic sensibilities. People are drawn to your gentle, compassionate energy and your ability to connect on a deeply emotional level. Venus here thrives on ideals and creativity, so your goals often center around pursuits that inspire or heal, whether through art, spirituality, or acts of service. You naturally align with ambitions that have a meaningful, even transcendent quality, as superficial success won’t satisfy your deeply intuitive nature. Your charm lies in your authenticity and ability to dream big while making others feel truly seen and valued.

Mars in Taurus balances this dreamy energy with a grounded, practical approach to action. Taurus energy thrives on slow but steady progress, giving you the ability to bring your imaginative visions into reality. While Venus in Pisces inspires you with big, creative ideas, Mars in Taurus ensures you don’t get lost in abstraction, helping you focus on the practical steps needed to achieve your dreams. This combination makes you someone who can take deeply inspired ideas and turn them into tangible, beautiful results, blending the best of creativity and determination.

To manifest your desires, align Pisces’ intuitive vision with Taurus’ steady work ethic. Let Venus in Pisces guide you toward goals that resonate with your heart and soul, and use Mars in Taurus to build a solid foundation for those dreams. The challenge with this combination lies in reconciling Taurus’ preference for stability and routine with Pisces’ need for flow and emotional flexibility—you may feel torn between sticking to a plan and surrendering to inspiration. Success comes when you ground Pisces’ boundless imagination in Taurus’ deliberate actions, creating a life that is not only practical but also infused with meaning and beauty. By combining your steady persistence with your soulful creativity, you can achieve goals that are both deeply fulfilling and enduring.

Masterlist this series - TikTok (Matrix of Destiny) - Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)

[rafeskai]

Life as We Know It — Rafe Cameron

Chapter Seven

Two opposites must navigate love, loss, and unexpected parenthood to discover the meaning of family.

Summary: When tragedy strikes, two very different individuals find their lives unexpectedly intertwined as they become the guardians of an orphaned child. As they navigate the challenges of co-parenting, balancing careers, and confronting their pasts, they discover that family can form in the most surprising ways. Through heartfelt moments and unexpected humor, they explore what it means to build a life together—one step at a time.

Pairings: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Character deaths & angst.

Author's Notes: I'm gonna post the epilogue and bonus scenes after this! Get ready!

Masterlist: Here

The next few weeks passed in a blur of routine. A new normal, one that felt both comforting and overwhelming in equal measure, began to take shape. You and Rafe had settled into a rhythm of sorts, with Willa at the center of it all. The house, once filled with tension and unspoken words, now carried the sound of laughter—her little giggles as she played with toys, the rhythmic hum of Rafe humming softly as he prepared dinner, and your voice singing along to a song just to get her to smile.

It was a strange blend of happiness and grief.

On the surface, everything appeared to be falling into place. Willa was thriving. Her laughter was more frequent, and the little spark of her personality was shining through with each passing day. But underneath it all, there was still the ache. The absence of Sarah and John B. lingered in every room, in every corner, like an uninvited guest. It was most noticeable in the quiet moments—the stillness that would creep in after dinner, when the house would settle, and Willa was fast asleep in her crib.

At night, Rafe and you would sit together in the living room, the empty space between you both palpable. Sometimes, you would talk, but it was often just the sound of the TV or the quiet clinking of wine glasses as you both tried to make sense of everything. Both of you, in your own way, were learning how to process the grief of losing Sarah and John B. while simultaneously trying to be the parents Willa needed.

There was no guidebook for this, no rulebook that could teach you how to grieve for your best friend while being there for her child, no instructions on how to love a child who wasn’t yours by blood but had stolen your heart all the same.

It was on one of those quiet evenings that the realization hit. You had just put Willa to bed, tucking her into her crib while Rafe stood in the doorway, his expression unreadable.

“You ever think about them?” Rafe asked quietly as you turned to face him.

You leaned against the doorframe, crossing your arms, eyes staring off toward the window. “All the time. It doesn’t really feel real yet, you know? Like… they’re just gone. I still expect to get a text from Sarah telling me to pick up dinner, or John B. calling to complain about something. But none of that’s happening. It’s like I’m stuck in this weird in-between place.”

Rafe nodded slowly, his gaze falling to the floor. “Yeah. It’s the same for me. Every time I go into town, I expect to see John B. standing at the docks or Sarah laughing somewhere. But they’re not there. I keep thinking I’ll see them, and then… I don’t.”

There was a heaviness in his words, a weight that neither of you had truly acknowledged out loud.

Rafe’s eyes met yours, a flicker of something unspoken in them. But before either of you could say more, there was a loud creak from the hallway—the unmistakable sound of Willa’s little feet padding across the floor. The distraction was enough to pull both of you out of your heads.

“She’s up again,” you muttered, half-smiling. You started to make your way toward her room, but Rafe stopped you with a hand on your shoulder.

“I’ll get her,” he said softly, almost as if he were offering more than just the simple task of comforting her.

You nodded, stepping aside to let him go. Watching him take the lead with Willa felt like a breath of fresh air. He was natural with her—careful, gentle, even though you knew the weight of everything still hung on him, just as it did on you.

The next few weeks continued in much the same way. Days blurred together as the three of you navigated the waters of parenthood. You did your best to keep your emotions in check, but at times, you found yourself breaking down when you were alone—alone with your thoughts of Sarah, John B., and what they would have wanted for their daughter.

You saw it too in Rafe. There were days when he would retreat into himself, the weight of his father’s abuse, the responsibility of being a father figure for Willa, and the grief of losing his sister bearing down on him all at once. He was more distant some days, lost in his own head, and it was hard to reach him. On those days, you couldn’t help but feel the distance between you widening.

But then, on other days, he would open up a little more. You would catch him smiling at Willa in a way that made your chest tighten, and you would catch a fleeting look between the two of you—something deeper, something undeniable, but neither of you was ready to face it.

It was during one of these quiet evenings, a few weeks after the ruling in court, when you and Rafe found yourselves alone in the living room again. The weight of your grief still lingered, but now, it was different. You were both becoming accustomed to the rhythm of your new life, even if it was hard. Willa was playing in the corner, and Rafe was scrolling through his phone, but the silence between you was now loaded with something you both refused to acknowledge.

You leaned back against the couch, watching Willa, when Rafe suddenly spoke. “I don’t know what I’m doing half the time,” he admitted, his voice low. “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to be her father figure… but I’m trying. I don’t want to mess this up.”

You turned to face him, surprised by the vulnerability in his voice. “You’re doing fine, Rafe. Better than fine. You’re all she has right now.”

He exhaled deeply, looking at you for a moment. “Yeah, but I can’t keep pretending like I don’t see you. I can’t keep pretending like I don’t feel something more than just… this.”

The words hit you like a thunderbolt. Your heart skipped a beat, and before you could form a response, Rafe stood up abruptly, running a hand through his hair. “This isn’t right. You’re grieving, I’m grieving, and we’ve got Willa to think about. This—this thing between us, it’s just too complicated.”

You stared at him, your throat tightening. “Rafe…” you whispered, not knowing what to say next. You did feel it. That pull. That undeniable connection that had been building between you both for weeks. But was it the right time? Was it right, when everything was still so raw?

“I don’t know what to do with it either,” he muttered. “But we can’t keep ignoring it. I don’t know if I’m ready for this, for us... for her.”

And so, there you were—on the cusp of something new, yet still trapped in the grip of grief. Neither of you ready to face the truth of what was brewing between you. But one thing was certain: something had changed, and no matter how hard you both tried to deny it, the feeling was becoming impossible to ignore.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The morning came too soon, dragging with it the weight of yesterday’s unspoken words. The quiet tension that had settled between you and Rafe the night before lingered, thickening the air in a way that made it hard to breathe. You barely slept, tossing and turning, your mind racing through the things you didn’t say, the things Rafe didn’t say. Everything was so… messy.

You were standing at the kitchen counter, preparing breakfast for Willa, trying to get into the rhythm of your routine, but your thoughts kept drifting to him. To what he had said. To what you felt in your chest.

Rafe walked into the kitchen, his eyes heavy, hair unkempt. It was clear he hadn’t slept much either, his posture stiff, like he was walking on eggshells. You exchanged a quick glance, and for a split second, you both seemed to be holding your breath, unsure of where to go from here.

“I’ll make coffee,” Rafe muttered, moving to the counter to prepare the pot, his back to you.

You nodded quietly, not sure if you should say something, if he even wanted you to. The silence between you both was so thick now, every word felt loaded. The air smelled of coffee brewing, the soft hum of the kettle, and the soft sound of Willa’s babbling from the living room. But it all felt so distant.

“You okay?” Rafe’s voice broke through your thoughts, quieter than usual.

You turned to face him, studying his expression. His usual walls were up again, that guarded look in his eyes that he wore so often when he was trying to hide something from the world. It made your chest ache, seeing him like this.

“I should be asking you that,” you said, trying to keep your tone light, but it came out softer than you intended. “You didn’t sleep either, huh?”

He glanced at you over his shoulder, giving you a tight smile. “No, not really.”

The silence returned, but this time, it felt a little more fragile, like something was about to break. You could feel the weight of the words hanging between you both, words that neither of you was ready to say aloud.

Willa’s giggle interrupted the quiet tension, and both of you turned at the sound. The sight of her, laughing and playing with her toys, was a small relief, a distraction from the heaviness that had crept in. But even as you watched her, something in your chest ached.

You cleared your throat, forcing your mind back into the present. “I should get Willa dressed, get her breakfast ready.”

Rafe nodded. “Yeah, I’ll take care of the coffee. You know she likes it when I make her pancakes.”

You smiled, a small, genuine smile that felt foreign after the events of the night before. “You’re spoiling her.”

Rafe’s lips curled into a smirk, his usual cocky edge slipping back into place. “Hey, she deserves it.”

There was a brief moment of normalcy—small talk, familiar routines—but it wasn’t the same. The dynamic between you both had shifted, and you weren’t sure how to navigate it.

You went to Willa’s room, finding her still in her pajamas, her little hands reaching for the toys scattered across the floor. You scooped her up, settling her in your arms as you began to change her, the soothing rhythm of dressing her bringing a sense of comfort amidst the storm inside your mind.

As you worked, your thoughts drifted again, back to the conversation with Rafe. What were you both doing? You had spent so much time trying to keep the lines clear between friendship and responsibility, but now those lines were blurry, tangled up in grief, responsibility, and something more. Something neither of you was ready to face.

When you returned to the kitchen with Willa, Rafe was already plating pancakes. Willa squealed, reaching for the stack with tiny hands, and Rafe chuckled softly, placing a plate in front of her. The warmth between the two of them was undeniable. It was moments like this that made everything worth it, didn’t it?

But still, that thing between you and Rafe hung in the air, like a thread waiting to unravel.

You sat down at the table, pushing your plate aside as Willa dug into her breakfast, messy syrup smudging her cheeks. Rafe joined you at the table, not looking at you directly, but you could feel his presence next to you, the space between you both full of the things left unsaid.

The silence was comfortable for now, but you knew it wouldn’t stay that way for long.

“Do you ever think about Sarah and John B., like, what they would want for her?” you asked, the question slipping out before you could stop it. It felt like the right thing to say, like an opening to talk about the things neither of you were saying.

Rafe’s shoulders tensed for a moment, but he didn’t look away from Willa, watching her eat with intense focus. “Yeah,” he replied, his voice a little rough. “All the time. I think they’d be happy with how things are going. They’d be happy she’s with us.”

“I hope so,” you said quietly, your voice trailing off as you stared at Willa, wondering if she could ever really understand what had happened. What had been lost.

You cleared your throat, trying to change the subject. “I need to get to the store later. Willa’s almost out of diapers.”

Rafe nodded. “I can go with you. It’ll give us a chance to—well, you know, get out of the house for a bit. Take a break.”

You were about to respond when Willa’s giggle interrupted once again, drawing both your attention. She had managed to squirt syrup all over the table in her attempt to scoop up the pancake, making a mess. It was impossible not to laugh, and you both found yourselves chuckling together, momentarily breaking through the tension that had built up.

But even as you laughed, the realization hit you like a weight.

This was your new life now. The uncertainty, the grief, the joy, the overwhelming responsibility. And somewhere deep inside, you knew that things had changed—maybe forever. The question was, what would you both do with it?

You looked at Rafe again, at the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he cleaned up the mess Willa had made, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you weren’t quite so afraid of what would come next. You couldn’t ignore it forever, the pull between you both.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The sun hung high in the sky, casting a warm glow over the streets as you and Rafe walked side by side into the local grocery store. Willa, snug in her stroller, was contentedly gnawing on a teething ring, oblivious to the undercurrent of tension between you and Rafe. The quiet hum of the air conditioning and the sound of shoppers milling around filled the otherwise tense silence.

You grabbed a basket, but as soon as you looked down, you realized you were already second-guessing the list in your head. Diapers. Milk. Fruit for smoothies. Frozen vegetables. Simple things. Yet your mind was so distracted that you had to pause for a second, mentally organizing what you needed.

Rafe pushed the stroller ahead, his hands gripping the handles firmly, his posture stiff, like he was trying to avoid looking at you too directly. You could feel the weight of the unspoken words between you both, like a heavy fog that neither of you had the courage to clear.

“Anything else we need?” Rafe’s voice broke through the quiet, a little sharper than usual.

You glanced at him, noting the way he was trying so hard to keep it together. You couldn’t blame him. The last few days had been full of emotional roller coasters, and now here you were, trying to navigate the mundane task of grocery shopping like everything was normal when everything wasn’t.

“I think that’s it,” you answered, trying to keep your tone light. “Unless you want anything special?”

Rafe shook his head. “No. Let’s just get through this and get back to the house.”

His words were clipped, and you bit back the urge to comment on his attitude. It had been like this for days now: distant, cold, like he was closing off any room for vulnerability. You wanted to reach out to him, to break through the wall he was building, but you didn’t know how.

You moved through the aisles, grabbing items on the list, each movement mechanical. The only sound between you was the soft rolling of the stroller as you passed the rows of canned goods and produce. Every now and then, you’d glance over at Rafe, trying to gauge his mood, but he kept his eyes ahead, focused on nothing in particular.

“Willa’s starting to get fussy,” you said after a few minutes, noticing her starting to squirm in the stroller.

Rafe nodded absently. “Yeah. Let’s get the last few things and head out.”

You grabbed the milk and some frozen meals, trying to focus on the task at hand. But every time you looked at Rafe, your chest tightened. It was so hard, pretending like nothing had changed between you. Pretending that everything was just as it had been. But the kiss... and everything that had followed after... it had changed something.

Before you could say anything else, Willa started fussing more, her soft cries filling the store. You turned to Rafe, a little frantic.

“I think she’s hungry.”

Rafe froze for a moment, then looked down at Willa, his face softening just slightly. He reached down, adjusting the straps on the stroller to give her a bit more space. “Alright, we can stop at the café on the way back. Get her something.”

You both moved toward the checkout lanes, the silence stretching on, but there was something different in Rafe’s eyes now. A flicker of softness, a crack in the wall he’d built. You tried not to notice, but it was hard to ignore.

Willa continued to fuss as they packed the groceries into bags. Rafe had that look again, like he was still processing something, but he didn’t say anything.

As you approached the counter, the cashier gave you a kind smile, scanning your items without a second thought. It was a stark contrast to the tension in your chest, but you forced a smile back, nodding at her as she packed up the last of your things.

Once the transaction was complete, Rafe took the bags without hesitation, moving toward the door. You followed behind, your mind a jumble of confusion and frustration. When you reached the car, you both stood for a moment, the groceries in the trunk, but no one moving.

You stood beside Rafe, looking down at your shoes, unsure of what to say next. The air between you felt charged, heavy with all the things you hadn’t said, the things you couldn’t say.

“You know,” Rafe started, breaking the silence, his voice quieter than before. “I don’t know how to... how to fix all this.”

You looked up at him, surprised.

“Fix what?” you asked, your voice small.

He ran a hand through his hair, sighing deeply. “Everything. I don’t know how to make this work. Us. This whole... situation.”

You stood there, the weight of his words sinking in, and for the first time in what felt like weeks, you finally said something that felt honest, raw.

“I don’t either,” you admitted, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “But I don’t want to make things harder for you. Or Willa.”

Rafe met your eyes then, and for a moment, there was something in his gaze—something soft, almost vulnerable. “I know you’re doing your best. I know you’re here for her. For both of us.”

Your heart skipped at the sincerity in his voice, but it was quickly followed by a wave of confusion. Because part of you wanted to reach out, to tell him how you really felt, but you couldn’t shake the fear of what that might do to everything you had worked for. What it might do to Willa.

“I don’t want to mess this up, Rafe,” you whispered, looking at Willa, who was now calm and sucking on her pacifier in the backseat. “I don’t want to mess her up.”

He was quiet for a moment before he exhaled a slow breath. “I don’t think we will. We’ll figure it out... together.”

It wasn’t a promise, but it was enough. For now.

You both climbed into the car, driving back to the house in a silence that was more comfortable than before. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The house was quiet, save for the soft hum of the air conditioner and the occasional creak of the floorboards as you moved around the kitchen. Willa was napping peacefully, her little body curled up in the bassinet, oblivious to the tension that had been hanging in the air between you and Rafe.

You had just returned from the grocery store, and as you set the bags on the kitchen counter, you noticed Rafe standing in the doorway, watching you. His eyes were unreadable, but there was something different about the way he was looking at you—less guarded, more open.

“You need help with those?” Rafe asked, his voice quiet but steady.

You glanced up at him, surprised by his offer. Normally, he'd keep to himself, sticking to his routine without offering much assistance, but something had shifted. You nodded, handing him a couple of bags.

Together, you unloaded the groceries in silence, the rhythmic sound of cans and boxes hitting the counter the only noise between you. You both moved in tandem, a comfortable choreography born from living together for the past few months. But despite the ease of the task, the air felt thick with something unspoken.

Finally, Rafe broke the silence.

“You know,” he began, his voice hesitant but firm, “On the drive back, I’ve been thinking a lot about... everything. About us.”

You paused mid-task, glancing over at him. Your heart skipped a beat as you watched him struggle with the words, as though each one weighed a thousand pounds.

“I don’t want to make this harder than it already is,” he said, his voice low. “I know we’ve both got baggage... and... I’m not exactly the best at this whole thing. But I... I want to try, [Y/N]. I want to try with you. With this... with us.”

You froze, your hands stilling as you processed his words. The intensity in his gaze made your stomach flip, and for a moment, all you could hear was the beat of your own heart.

“I... don’t know what to say,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Rafe took a step closer, his presence commanding but not overwhelming. “I’m saying that I want something more. Something real. I don’t want to keep running from it. From this.”

You could feel the raw sincerity in his words, the vulnerability he rarely showed. It made your chest tighten, and for a moment, you wanted to reach out to him, to pull him closer. But the fear of what this could mean—what it could change—held you back.

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” Rafe added quickly, as if he was afraid of pushing you too hard. “But I need you to know that I’m not gonna mess it up. Not this time. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, but I’m trying. I’m trying with you, with Willa... with everything.”

You swallowed hard, the weight of his words settling deep within you. Part of you wanted to argue, to tell him that it wasn’t that simple—that you couldn’t just forget the past. But another part of you was listening to him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. And maybe, just maybe, it was enough to believe him.

“I’m scared, Rafe,” you admitted, your voice shaky. “I’m scared of what this could mean. What if we mess it all up? What if—”

He cut you off, taking a step forward, his hand gently resting on your arm. “We won’t,” he said firmly. “We’ll take it slow. Together.”

For the first time in a long while, you felt the weight of your fears lighten, just a little. You looked at him, really looked at him—at the man who had been so closed off, the man who had fought to protect Willa, the man who had shown you a side of him you hadn’t known existed.

“I don’t want to be scared anymore,” you whispered, your hand reaching out to brush against his. “I don’t want to keep pretending that this doesn’t feel right.”

Rafe’s eyes softened, and he took your hand, his grip firm but gentle. “Then don’t,” he murmured. “Let’s stop pretending.”

You leaned into him, your heart racing as you closed the distance between you. The tension that had plagued the air for weeks finally began to dissipate, replaced by something warm and real.

“I’m here, [Y/N],” Rafe said softly, his breath warm against your forehead as he pressed a kiss there, tender and full of meaning. “I’m not going anywhere.”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The kiss had started slow, tender, a quiet acknowledgment of everything you had both been holding back for so long. The kind of kiss that said more than words ever could. Rafe’s hand cupped your face, the warmth of his touch grounding you as you let go of all the fears and doubts that had kept you from this moment.

You kissed him back, more fiercely now, your body moving closer to his, as if you could erase all the distance that had once been between you. The connection between you was undeniable, electric, and suddenly the weight of everything else seemed to disappear—just for a moment, just for this time.

Rafe’s hands slid down your back, pulling you closer, and you let him, feeling the heat building between you. It felt natural, like it was always meant to be like this. And then, in a blur of desire and need, you were in his arms, his lips trailing along your neck as your hands tugged at his shirt, pulling him closer still.

But before you could lose yourself in the moment, a small, sudden cry from the other room sliced through the air, sharp and unrelenting.

“Willa...” you breathed, a pang of guilt washing over you as you pulled away from Rafe.

He froze too, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his expression conflicted as he glanced toward the door. “She... she’s probably just waking up,” he muttered, though the uncertainty in his voice was unmistakable.

Another cry, louder this time. It was followed by the sound of small hands hitting the sides of the bassinet, desperate and frantic. You both exchanged a brief look, the desire lingering in the space between you, but reality had already set in.

Rafe cursed softly under his breath and stood up, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head in one swift motion. You quickly followed, adjusting yourself and standing as well, feeling the absence of him already, though you couldn’t ignore the ache in your chest.

“I’ll get her,” you said, your voice still breathless from the intensity of the moment. You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself as you made your way to the nursery.

Rafe hesitated for just a moment, as if unsure of what to do, but then followed you. When you reached Willa’s room, she was indeed wide awake, her little face scrunched up in distress, her tiny hands reaching out for comfort.

“Hey, hey, Willa, it’s okay,” you cooed softly, lifting her from the bassinet and cradling her against your chest. “You’re alright, sweet girl. I’m here.”

Rafe lingered in the doorway, his gaze lingering on the two of you, and for a moment, it felt like everything was right. The warmth of the love you shared for Willa seemed to wrap around all three of you. But even in the quiet moments like this, the pull between you and Rafe was undeniable. The intimacy that had just been interrupted now hung heavily in the air, unanswered, unfinished.

“I think she’s just hungry,” you murmured, bouncing her lightly in your arms as you moved toward the small kitchen area. “I’ll feed her.”

Rafe nodded, his eyes still on you, though now there was a softness there. The tension between you had melted, but it hadn’t disappeared. It lingered, a silent promise between you both that things were about to change.

He walked up to you and gently brushed a stray lock of hair behind your ear, his touch tender. “We’ll get back to that,” he said quietly, a playful yet earnest glint in his eyes.

You smiled, your heart racing in your chest, both from the emotions swirling inside you and the overwhelming sense of longing for more. You hadn’t expected any of this—hadn’t expected things to escalate so quickly, or for the intensity of your feelings to come flooding to the surface. But it felt right. In that moment, you knew it was just the beginning of something deeper.

“We will,” you promised, gazing at him with more certainty than you had in a long time.

And as Willa nursed in your arms, her cries now subsided into soft, contented suckles, you both stood together—quiet, connected, yet aware of the complicated path you still had ahead. But for now, it didn’t matter. In that fleeting moment, it was just the three of you.

© 2024 rafeskai | All rights reserved. This fanfiction is a work of fiction inspired by characters from Outer Banks, and no part of it may be reproduced or distributed without permission.

[local-lamppost]

Act 3 Thoughts

Watched Wicked, came home, waited 20 minutes, binged Act 3. I do not recommend this lifestyle. Anyway...

I was so satisfied with where we ended up, but I would have also appreciated about 20 minutes to an hour more. It felt like some beats were skipped over, they wanted to get to specific endings and didn't have the time to wrap them up as neatly as I would've liked.

Maddie is a good example. She's a plant for Ambessa, okay but when and why did she become one? She couldn't have been one before Cait being named commander and when we next see her she's pushing for Cait to take power back from Ambessa. Did Ambessa just message her right after Cait and Vi started working together again as like a "the woman you love's actual love is back in the picture, you can either wallow or get revenge with me", but also made a smarmy remark about Cait 'at least being warm' or something. We didn't need to absolve Cait or villainize Maddie for their 'relationship' because they didn't even have a relationship-just a coping mechanism for Cait, similar to Vi's drinking. At best it was all unnecessary and at worst a waste of time.

Away from that, I want to focus on some good.

I am officially a JayVik shipper now. Them disappearing into a void together, encircled with each other, after Viktor spend however long within timelines/multiverses in hopes of finding a Jayce able to bring him back to his humanity? Come on, they needed to kiss. Especially after Jayce and Mel's low key break up. Honestly we were denied the three of them working together, because they would have been unstoppable.

Speaking of Mel, I love her. I love her design, her powers, her matricide, her taking command of Ambessa's armies, etc. I wish we could have seen more of her adapting to her new powers, finding peace with what she now is. There could have been a cool interaction with Viktor over how Arcane power has changed them both for better and worse.

I don't think Mel's story is done. With other characters, I can see them coming in for future story arcs as like, cameos or background details, but if the next LoL story is in Noxus I fully expect Mel to be a major player again.

Back to Jayce. I like Jayce, that could be my Arcane hot take, and I definitely want to write something more in depth on him. On all the characters really. For now, I'll just say that his determination to destroy everything he has built, because the only creation worth saving is his relationship with Viktor is just... glorious.

Viktor was amazing. I love Viktor in the lore, and they took his traits from the lore and amped them up to eleven. His body being destroyed and rebuilt, the process of which has chipped away his humanity and mutilated his dreams. He lives up to his own quote: "In the pursuit of great, we failed to do good. We have to make it right."

Ekko is a character I never realize I miss. That sounds mean, it probably is, but I am never the less so happy to see him every time. It's like finding the missing piece you didn't even know was lost: that is Ekko to me. His mini adventure in the parallel universe was adorable. Us getting to see what could've been alongside learning what matters most to Ekko, him getting a taste of a near perfect life and still choosing to return to his own time. That's why Ekko is the true hero of this story.

In terms of Jinx, I'll just say I'm not a hundred percent sure she's dead. The airship leaving at the end followed by her scribbled sign off, plus not getting a dead body shot. It was definitely left open ended. Her looking to do something good, to not mess up, alongside her fear of not wanting to try again because she is just tired of failure, of being a Jinx, was too real in many ways. I will go in depth on her at a later date.

Caitlyn's arc is going to be argued about, no question. It needed more time (see the start of this long post) to make her point of her anger burning away, of it not being sustainable, hit harder. I would have made her realize what her anger was doing to Vi, have Jinx point out that they really are acting the same in their treatment of Vi, and use the whole Ambessa was literally stoking the fires of her hatred to help fit what time they had left. Honestly just have Cait learn Ambessa was the one behind the memorial attack, that would be a much better way to explain her anger diminishing enough to look beyond her own hurt to realize and take account of her mistakes.

Vi, as usual, needed more screen time. Not necessarily because her story would've been helped by it like in act two, but just because I wanted her to have more time to enjoy her life. I went into act three with the sole hope that Vi would have a nice day, only for her to loose everything again. The only people she has left are Cait and Ekko, and god help anyone who tries something against those too now. Her ending being the chance to finally rest, to lean on someone else, was beautiful. She is my favorite character and please let her have only good things in the future, she was traumatized in almost every scene this season please-

Nobody tell Vi that in a universe where she died young everyone else ended up living. It would destroy her.

Vi and Cait relationship was great. I wouldn't say it was rushed in act three, because it felt like it was where it should be for a final batch of episodes, if that makes sense. It felt like the set up was Cait being genuinely remorseful and Vi just wanting someone in her life who wanted her in return. It helps that they have great chemistry and that when given the chance they fit so neatly together. I think Jinx encouraging Vi to be with Cait is what sold it to me. Jinx realizing how much Vi has given/sacrificed and giving her blessing for her sister to be happy with someone she disapproves of; not to mention Cait pulling the guards from their posts to give Vi the chance to actually meet Jinx in order to have that conversation. All in all, it comes down to Vi's "I don't care" because that's really all there is too it for them. Vi is done being miserable and Cait makes her happy, vice versa. Cait is someone Vi can rely on, Vi is someone Cait can find strength in.

Spitfire round:

Sevika being made a councilor

Every single one of Mel, Cait, and Jayce's designs were 10/10s

Vi not being given an actual uniform, just armor and the gloves

Jinx cutting her hair further to match Vi

Ekko getting his crystal sword/bats

Heimerdinger dying after living a life where he could make his city something to be proud of

I was fully expecting Vander and Silco to kiss in that one shot

Everything with Benzo

Loris' name being said

Vi humming the song and the song being their mother's lullaby

Viktor being held within the Herald

Sky leaving so Viktor was free to bring Jayce to his space mind palace

Caitlyn's rifle never surviving

Fishman McBlue being the only one of Cait's soldiers to stick to his guns and stay loyal

Sevika and Shoola side eyeing each other

Vander and little Vi and Powder with the bunny

The bunny being a passenger on Jinx's balloon

Singed's messed up family getting a happy ending

[animeshotsh]

In every universe? | JayVik x Kid!Reader

Notes: ANGST - Timeline is messy as hell but i dont care - Fake with me that Jayce and Viktor finds Kid!reader earlier in terms on time - ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE - Character death - Grammar mistakes - S2 SPOILERS -

Alternative universe of this series

"But why do you have to stay mom?" A young voice asked Jayce who was mumbling while writing.

"Mom's has to work" Viktor softly said petting the youngest hair seeing as Jayce was too focus on the equations to even respond back.

"But, the lab at the Academy is bigger" You said again trying to understand why your dear parents have been working at home more and more.

"This is a sectet project Spark" Jayce responded turning to look at you, a soft tired smile on his face "And you must not tell anyone about it"

"Not even Heimerdinger ?"

"Specially not him" Jayce nodded to himself then to you and Viktor "I will pick you up from school and we can get some ice cream, deal?"

"Yes!!" You responded way too happy

"Alright, we must go if we dont want to be late, I have lectures to give" Viktor reminded both of you, passing you your bag and giving Jayce a kiss, "See you later"

"See you two later"

"Bye mom!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The old beautiful house and lab was now a memory, a horrible explosion replaced it.

Two bodies were found, one from a girl from the old undercity and the other one was Jayce's body.

From that event the division between the cities started to shatter and a new one was born. The place was left untouched, like a memorial of the event that caused the union.

But that for Viktor and you was never enogught.

That day you stayed back at school, Jayce had no showed up so no one could get you. It was almost night time when Skyler did appear with a sour look, you were confused but went with her.

You ended more confused when she took you back to the Academy, a tired Heimerdinger went to you rubbing circles on your back.

Then you saw your dad, Viktor was sitting in front of a cold tea, his hands covering his face. When he hear the footsteps he looked up to see you.

His look, his golden eyes were reddish now, it was all you needed to understand that something terrible had happened.

He got you in a warm and almost possesive embrace, more cries could be hear from him as he hugged you and said multiple times how sorry he was.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Its that day again, right?" Powder asked you giving you a drink as you nodded

"Yeah...Dad is, well he is still working and going but this day just makes it all more difficult"

Powder nodded knowing it was the same for her and the rest.

"You know, it never leaves" She started, repeating what Vander had said all these years back "You just learn to live with it"

~~~~~~~~~

The visit to Jayce's gravestone never got easier, Viktor swear he path got longer each time and his leg pulled him back more and more.

"Dad?"

Your voice broke his toughts, obscure ideas once more, what if in another universe the three of you got to live? See the city change together? Make it a better place?

He knew he was playing with dangerous forces but....but he was sure he was close, close to open a gate to a different place, one where Jayce was still alive and with him, and you were with them, growing and being brillant.

"Im coming Spark" Viktor softly called, the vision of Jayce's gravestone was a reminder that no, not in this universe.

In this universe Jayce Talis was dead, and he was going crazy without him.

[letmerideitchris]

𐬺𝐕𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐𐬺

summary: Chris matt and nick get a new videographer, she is funny, smart and pretty, basically everything Chris could ever want in a girl. Chris finds it impossible to not fall for her…

Warnings: angst, yelling, cursing, mentions of killing (in a joking way)

Wc: 1009

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏

“Chris would you like to tell us what the fuck we just walked in on?” matt says sternly

Y/n had previously left the house out of embarrassment to what nick and matt had walked into.

“does anyone know where some bleach is? My eyes need some” nick says looking around

“guys you're being dramatic, I'm sorry i couldn’t resist, she’s everything i have ever wanted” chris says as he looks down at the floor

“that is the least of our problems right now, shes meant to be coming over tomorrow to film a vlog for us, that is going to be so awkward thanks to you dick face” nick says hitting chris’ shoulder

“yeah chris, you need to sort it out and apologize because you are runing it for us”

“but I'm not sorry and i am quite looking forward to seeing her tomorrow even though it will be awkward…” Chris says slightly smiling at the thought of her

“im not sure if shes looking forward to seeing you, she just ran away” matt says looking at the open front door y/n previously left through.

“chris you make me want to kill you, is it hard being this dumb?”

“guys can you show some sort of sympathy? Like imagine the girl of your dreams is actually interested in you and then your brothers walk in on you fucking and she runs out of embarrassment?” chris says

“No i actually cannot imagine that i am gay if you forgot dumb shit” nick says in a duh tone

“you guys are ridiculous” chris mumbles annoyed as he makes his way downstairs to his bedroom.

The next morning chris is laying in bed half asleep, wishing she was beside him. But hes quickly taken out of his trance when he hears the doorbell, the sound he was dreading yesterday but wishing upon now.

“i’ll get it!” matt yells from upstairs

But when he turns to the door chris is already unlocking it

Nick is sitting on the couch with an unamused face, when matt looks over at him “look at this desperate dickhead”

“hes never gonna learn, fuck sake” nick eyerolls

When chris opens the door, y/n is taken aback by his face. y/n looks down at the floor and says quietly “oh… hi chris”

chris’ smile quickly fades as he hears her tone and realizes his excitement isn't mutual.

“hi y/n, come upstairs, can I get you a water or?-”

“uh no i should be good..thanks..”

Chris takes a seat on the couch wondering why y/n is acting so weird towards him. What did he do wrong? Did he say something bad?

The boys all give y/n a hug greeting her, besides chris.

“matt would you mind getting me some water? I’m really thirsty?” y/n says looking at matt

Chris looks over at her with a confused look across his face

“yeah of course, nick can you come with me, i think these two need to talk it out..” matt lowers his tone at the end so only nick can hear his last comment

Chris and y/n are both sitting on opposite sides of the couch looking at each other waiting for one to speak up.

“y/n, whats wrong?” chris speaks up

“have a think chris, have a think.”

Chris is using all of his brain and is trying to peice together what could be wrong. And then something clicks in his mind and realizes what has happened. He looks up with a concerned look on his face

“is this about yesterday, y/n? If it is im really sor-”

y/n cuts him off “chris do you not realize what we did and how this will affect our relationship and my job”

Chris is shocked by what she said “wait so your saying you regret what we did? I-I really thought we had something, something that would last, something you would care about” he says as he raises his voice and stands up angrily from the couch.

“no i don't regret it, that's not what I'm saying. I just think we should've been more careful or waited a bit longer” y/n says avoiding eye contact

“so you do regret it huh?” he starts to walk off then she grabs him by the arm

“no, chris just calm down i am not done-”

“well i sure am, get out of my house please”

y/n opens her purse quxckly, chris is standing there waiting for something that could save this relationship but instead it is something that will change their lives forever.

y/n slides a positive pregnancy test along the coffee table.

“as i was saying, we should've been more careful, should've waited longer, not saying i regret it.” she says shaking with tears forming on her waterline

She closes her purse, gets up, looks into the kitchen to see matt and nick both staring in such a state of shock. Tears start rolling down her face as she looks back at chris’ guilty and worried face. She wipes her tears and continues to leave.

The door slams

“i could choke you to death right now chris, not much is stopping me” nick says furiously as he follows y/n out of the house

Chris is still standing there in disbelief staring at that positive test.

“chris, ill get you some water, all you can do right now is sit down and try and relax yourself. Don't text anyone and don't listen to what nick is saying even though he is right, i know you would be really stressed right now and nothing he has to say will help.” matt says patting chris on the back gently

chris sits down on the couch shaking with tears falling down his face onto his pants, he can't seem to look away from the test. Regret and guilt clouds his mind and all he is thinking about is y/n.

“m-matt” chris stutters, matt turns back around to face chris, you can tell even matt is stressed out

“i, i am going to be a d - dad”

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @riggysworld @chrissturnsss @sophand4n4

@chrispycremedonut

[lumiidragon]

What was it about THW that made Toothless a flop for you?

I've tossed all sorts of stuff around, so I feel like I'd really be repeating those posts, so I'll just sum it up for simplisity~

-Toothless is a dog in this movie. A horny dog. Not charming compared to the previous two movies.

-Toothless cares about nothing but the Light Fury. There's being in love, and there's being absent from the flock you're supposed to be guarding to go off on some date while your best friend is being left behind to fight the villain.

-Is Toothless an intelligent animal that understands humor, a hostage situation, high speed adaptation to human society, morality, and understanding humans almost on a human level or is he an instinct-driven animal and nothing more? We may never know because HTTYD preached the first half while THW was stuck on the latter unless plot device.

-Toothless gets this redundant super-power to go invisible for...reasons? Like, the Light Fury can't have anything original to her, Toothless MUST have it too because what originally made him unique is now absent and thus something has to be going for him, I guess.

-The dragons don't leave because they're safer in THW. Let's face it, the dragons leave because Toothless wants to be with the Light Fury and rule THW and since he's Berks' alpha, the Berkian dragons really have no say in it. The separation felt more like it was for Toothless, not all dragons.

-Toothless hardly even glances at Hiccup in this movie. His interactions with literally anything else not girlfriend material is actually at 0. Cloudjumper that Toothless just thought was the coolest new friend in HTTYD 2? Who's that? Who cares, new girlfriend.

Toothless getting a girlfriend isn't the issue. The issue is that apparently you can only have a best friend OR a girlfriend. Can't have both. I mean, just look at Hiccup. As soon as Astrid came onto the scene with that kiss after the romantic flight, Hiccup forgot about the rest of the gang for the rest of the movie and Toothless was forced to face Stoick alone until the very end where Hiccup suddenly learned how to be a warrior just a powerful as Astrid and saved the day. The pair then went their ways since Hiccup belongs on Berk where all humans true home is and Toothless can go somewhere else because one day the world will be ready for humans if you sit around and hope instead of educating others and fighting for it.

Yeah, lol, so basically for that last point, it was all about the fact that everything HTTYD stood for with Toothless being a major focal point is tossed to the side. I'm not against separation because it's for the best for all parties involved, but THW is NOT the movie that did that good and instead just made Toothless super unlikable and OOC to make it work. Want a good movie for that? (possible spoiler??) then watch The Wild Robot. Much better.

[mage-ical-character-person]

Time for more because. Because!

first off: wanna point this out: Meme games

The fact that the minigame format like Meme is used for WOTFI instead of the using the usual non-minigame challenges, or the choose your own adventure of WOTFI 2023 despite the whole “We should really do this again sometime”

And Just... That's Puzzles' whole thing. Don't know what to make of that!

and... this

hehehe… sillies… Second, some stuff from other posts I’ve made and discussions I’ve had I wanna stick here so it’s all in one place. Colored text is new stuff if you've read the other posts already and don't want to read repeat info and musings. Alternatively if you haven’t read the post and you want to. I got links.

First from here: Puzzles and Four both struggle with empathy to some extent. Four has more practice with the aspects of empathy that can be learned (cognitive empathy) but it’s still something he usually needs to actively think about, which is something he forgets to do sometimes. Puzzles sucks at just about every form of empathy. But they both still care very deeply for the people they consider friends (see reblog above about protectiveness)

Also Four and Puzzles both put people through torment for content. Puzzles with just about everything he does, Four with stuff like “I put Mario in Danger for Views” “Mario Does Literally Anything for Views” and this

Next, this.

Mario only is friends with SMG4 as a result of not being the Mario he was before Four showed up. When Mario is briefly turned back during the Lawsuit arc, Four and Meggy make him back into the Mario they're friends with without any input from him. This sorta parallels the whole Leggy situation in a weird way. In addition, Puzzles brainwashes people to make them more entertaining and cooperative for his shows. The USB SMG4 arrived in did the same thing for Four automatically as soon as he arrived.

And!

We're talking about It's Gotta Be Perfect again. Puzzles gets a fatal error that tells him to contact the manufacturers, then we get eye imagery. Then we get the IGBP Goop.

Notably, this happens when Leggy is turned back into Meggy. In other words, when Puzzles loses his only friend and source of support. I've gone on and on about how what snapped Four out of it in IGBP is his friends and being reassured they'll always be by his side, and what that means for Puzzles. and this is just... another instance of that.

But with the Goop, there's something else. It seems to be tied to strong emotions, but the fact that it shows up when Four is worried about being left behind for not being good enough--and being reassured otherwise is what allows him to break free-- AND the fact that with Puzzles it shows up when he loses his only friend and wants her back...

And, well... This...

(Seriously what was up with the stuff that happened to Three in IGBP I feel like we don’t talk about it enough) It's... well, it's something. Puzzles would do ANYTHING anything to not lose his friend, regardless of if said friend is okay with it. I don't know if Four's quite to that point, but he's... adjacent to that, at the very least.

The desperation to be seen... and the eye imagery associated with the Goop... it’s something

...Not wanting to be left behind, wanting to hold on to the people you have... wanting to be perfect...

Well... I mean, it parallels other characters, too.

(With Niles Specifically, I can't help but think that the Goop is some kind of virus similar to Niles/Eldritch Zero. I mean, it was invoked by an adware)

On the subject of characters other than SMG3 and SMG4 that parallel Puzzles, let's talk about Clench and Tari.

Both Puzzles' TV head Clench are prosthetics in a way, and Puzzles can transport people into TV shows, while Tari can, with Clench, do the same with video games. And for what it's worth, with Western Spaghetti, they're sort of on the same... frequency? Tari being able to interface with the simulation and hijack Puzzles' signal to bring forth dancing Mario.

AND

Oh and also Puzzle has parallels with Axol as well.

I mean just...

friendless childhood to becoming obsessed with media to creating that media (still obsessive).

And.. resourcefulness?

Yeah we'll call it resourcefulness.

Puzzles Parallels Post

feel like I keep repeating things over various reblog chains and stuff and my thoughts are never all in one place so. This where I keep linking said reblog chains. One of which has an endpoint that does not involve me but sshhh.

Mr. Puzzles and SMG4 have SO much in common. Four comes pretty close to Puzzles-level bad on some occasions and they share a lot of the same insecurities

I believe part of the reason Puzzles targeted Four in the first place (because I doubt “You’re the stupidest show I’ve ever seen!” Is the only reason) is because it’s easy to exploit the insecurities of someone who has the same insecurities as you, because you know that feeling in and out. Even if for Puzzles he probably didn’t have a lot of self awareness about it. Probably something more along the lines of “Oh, this guy clearly cares the correct amount about pleasing an audience and the quality of his content! But he’s not even good at it! I can use this!”

The difference is that Four has friends. He has a support system to pull him out of it when these insecurities start to make him spiral. Puzzles does not have that and frankly seems to have given up on ever attaining it. Twice.

AND THEN THERE’S ALSO THE PARALLELS WITH SMG3

Because part of it is because SMG3 and SMG4 already parallel each other so you can’t have Puzzles parallel one without the other.

But ALSO! Very similar motivations of wanting to be seen and appreciated. With a side of pettiness and jealousy. Also this

And this was also an incredibly SMG3 adjacent moment

But also the show keeps calling attention to SMG3’s difficulty making friends. Which is also Puzzles’ whole thing.

I need them to actually go somewhere with this so bad. Because 3 and 4 might be the only people who can actually understand Puzzles. Or at least let them understand themselves better as a result of Puzzles.

I NEED the “You and I aren’t so different” moment SO BAD!!

[saveyourblood]

Pretty Boy - Ch 4 (Buddie x Reader)

Summary: You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window. The one where you’re an advanced paramedic, Buck and Eddie are firefighters, and you think you might be in love with both of them.

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3

A/N: You know what would be cool? If you left a comment :) Word Count: 3.9k Warnings: mentions of trauma/injury

“Alright, speed-round: if you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing?” Bobby asks as he cooks breakfast.

You’re sitting at the kitchen island, nursing your second cup of coffee. Everyone’s shift started two and a half hours ago, right at 5 am. There hasn’t been a call for the 118 yet, so Bobby’s taking advantage of the opportunity.

“Fighter pilot: Topgun. Call sign: shogun,” Chim answers as he digs into his omelet.

Hen laughs.

“What about you, Hen?” You smile.

“Editorial cartoonist, The New Yorker. I have a lot to say,” she says as she sits down.

You raise your eyebrows as the men share a look.

“You draw?” Bobby asks, surprised.

“No, it's a dream. It's not supposed to be attainable,” Hen argues. She looks at you. “What would you be?”

“You know, ever since I was a kid, I loved helicopters,” you remark. “During paramedic training, I learned about flight nursing and thought that was super cool. I guess I would be a flight nurse.”

You go back to drinking your coffee, but everyone stays silent. You look up to find them staring at you.

You chuckle in confusion. “What?”

“Girl, you could go do that now if you wanted to,” Hen says.

“I can’t just decide to be a nurse,” you argue.

“You could go be a flight paramedic if you wanted to,” Bobby says. “And since you’re an advanced paramedic, you can become a nurse in like, half the normal time.”

You frown. “Seriously?”

He nods. “There are a lot of paramedic-to-RN bridge programs out there. California prefers nurses with bachelor’s degrees, but you could get your associate’s degree and go from there. You might need some hospital experience to beef up your resume, but otherwise, you’d be a shoo-in.”

Chim looks at Bobby in disbelief. “Why would you tell her all of that?”

He laughs. “What?”

“You’re gonna make her leave!” Hen exclaims. She sets her head on your shoulder. “We don’t want her to leave—we love her.”

You smile and pat Hen’s shoulder. “I’m not leaving. I love what I do right now, and I love the people I do it with. That’s why it’s just a dream.”

It’s true: you love what you do… most of the time. When you don’t love it, you really fucking hate it. But that’s anywhere. You should just count your blessings, cut your losses, or whatever the expression is.

Buck joins you all, grabbing an apple from the bowl between you and Hen.

“Buckaroo, If you were not a member of the LAFD, what would you be doing?” Chim asks.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Buck frowns as he sits beside you. “I’m not getting fired, am I?”

Bobby gives him a look of contemplation that makes you snort.

Chim casually takes another bite. “That’s inevitable.”

“He’d be a golden retriever,” Hen chimes in.

“No, a bartender,” Chim says. “No, no, a bouncer at a bar.”

“A bouncer at a strip club,” you correct him.

Chim and Hen high-five each other, then you. You turn to your side. Buck has a small smile on his face, but you can tell something is eating at him.

“What’s going on, Pretty Boy?” you ask. When he meets your gaze, you offer (what you hope is) an encouraging smile.

“Traffic sucks in this town unless you're driving ten tons of engine with sirens,” Buck says. “It took me almost two hours to get from my place to the call center downtown, then back over here. I told Maddie she needs to start Ubering.”

You frown at the mention of ‘Maddie,’ a name you haven’t heard before. Does Buck have a girlfriend? And they’re already living together? Something about that doesn’t sit right with you. It feels like a piece of lead took residence in your stomach, and the space between your lungs and ribs got slightly smaller.

“Maddie?” You ask, trying to sound neutral.

“My sister,” Buck clarifies.

The lead in your stomach evaporates. “Oh. I didn’t know you had a sister. She’s living with you?”

“For now, until she finds a place of her own,” Buck nods.

You nod as well. “How are things going?”

“Well, she’s a Buckley, so she’s practically running the place,” Buck says.

Bobby offers him a plate, which he accepts. He stands up to go to the table, and on his way over, he pats your shoulder twice. When he’s out of sight, Hen cocks her head and raises an eyebrow.

“What?” You ask her, deadpan.

“‘Maddie’?” she repeats, mocking how you said her name.

“It was a question.”

“You sounded like a jealous girlfriend,” Hen laughs.

“I’m not jealous, and I’m definitely not his girlfriend.”

“Doesn’t mean you couldn’t be,” Hen says in a sing-song voice as she stands.

“Yeah, you better run,” you threaten playfully as she approaches the table.

She flips you the bird, and you laugh loudly.

The first call of the shift is to a building affected by an earthquake. It sounds like the scene already has plenty of paramedics, so for the first time in a long time, you’re in firefighter gear and will be helping pull victims from the site. It’s not your favorite thing to do all the time—that’s what the rescue team is for. Every once in a while isn’t bad, though. It gets your blood pumping like paramedicine does; you only tend to use your muscles more than your brain. It’s also fun to sit in an engine instead of the rig for a change.

Eddie is next to you, and since getting on, he hasn’t looked up from his phone. His brow is furrowed, and his forehead is already shining with sweat.

You lean over, knowing you’ll still have to yell for him to hear you over the engine and sirens. “Everything okay?”

He looks at you, then back at his phone. “Yeah, no service. Texts won’t even get through.”

He’s pissed, and you have no clue why.

“Okay,” you say slowly. “Who are you trying to get a hold of?”

Eddie stares at you momentarily, then looks around the engine at the other passengers.

“My son,” he eventually explains. “I’m trying to reach my son.”

“Woah, you got a kid?!” Buck exclaims.

“Christopher,” Eddie says, pulling up a picture on his phone. He shows you, then Buck. “He’s seven.”

“He looks like a sweet kid,” you say.

“Yeah, he’s super adorable,” Buck agrees. “I uh, I love kids.”

“I love this one,” Eddie says quietly. “I’m all he’s got. His mother’s not in the picture.”

“He’s at school right now?” You ask, tilting your head.

Eddie nods.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” you say, patting his knee reassuringly.

Eddie glances from your hand to your face. He nods slightly and gives you a closed-mouth smile. He wants to believe you, but his parental instincts tell him not to. You get it. No one but Chris can quell that anxiety.

You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window.

The damaged building is one of the craziest things you’ve seen in a long time. It’s on the corner, leaning out over the street below. All of the buildings around it look fine on the outside. It truly looks like something from an apocalyptic movie.

“You guys ever deal with anything like this before?” Eddie asks once you’re all standing on the sidewalk.

Bobby shakes his head, still staring up at the building. “Nope.”

A cop is escorting a couple down the sidewalk. They’re fighting her to go back.

“You have to let me back in there, my baby is in there!” The woman screams.

“Please, our daughter is still inside!” The man protests as an officer pushes him back. “She’s eight years old! Her name is Kat!”

Your stomach is in knots. This is why you don’t like working rescue. As a paramedic, you don’t know what you’re walking into. When you work search and rescue, you know what you’ll find; you just might not like it.

You follow your team as Bobby looks for the Incident Commander. You begin walking through a makeshift medical bay, and you can see that they’ve already implemented disaster protocol triage. Each patient is wearing a tag with their assigned triage color. Green means stable, yellow means a serious injury but not an emergency, red means an immediate threat to life, and black indicates death or injuries incompatible with life. You mostly see green and yellow, which is a good sign.

You overhear some of what Chief Williams, the Incident Commander, and Bobby are discussing. Essentially, the building is on a fault line, and the only thing keeping it upright is some steel, so one aftershock and the whole thing could come down.

Bobby faces you all. “Okay, listen up: Here's how you make it to the end of the day. You don't worry about the things that you can't do anything about. Focus on one task at a time. I can't order you guys to go inside that building, and I'm not gonna judge you if you decide not to.”

“Where do you want us?” Is the first thing Eddie asks.

Bobby is pulled to help with triage, while Chim and Hen see a woman on the 11th floor needing rescue. This left you with Eddie and Buck by default, who are tasked with sweeping the ground floor in search of any survivors or rescue teams that may need additional assistance.

You find some bodies that you leave black tags on and spray paint an ‘x’ on a landmark near them. You aren’t entirely sure you believe in god, but just in case, you also send a prayer.

“How does it feel to be in on the action for once?” Buck asks with a grin. “Ya know, instead of standing outside waiting like you normally do.”

“So far? I’m not loving it,” you retort, ducking under a massive piece of concrete.

A firefighter from a different crew approaches you, a victim in tow.

“Need any help?” Eddie asks.

“All good,” The firefighter replies. “There’s a kid maybe 50 feet back, he needs EMTs. Bad.”

“Is it a little girl?” you ask, thinking of Kat. Honestly, you aren’t sure what you want the answer to be.

“No, an African American teenager,” he clarifies.

“Fire and Rescue, hello?!” Buck shouts.

“Right here!” A voice shouts back. “Thank god, man, he’s stuck!”

The three of you have to crawl across a beam to get to him. You’re the last one to make it across, and Buck hands you your bag once you do. You give him a single nod, which he returns.

“What’s your name, kiddo?” You ask with a smile as you approach the victim.

A man is holding one of his hands, and the other is cradling his head. He doesn’t appear to be his father, but you can tell they know each other somehow. You can see why: his injury is brutal. His left leg is trapped under a massive concrete support beam, one that normally goes from the ceiling to the floor.

“Jeff,” he answers shakily.

“You already try and move some debris, see if you can pull him free?” Eddie asks as he gets a set of vitals.

“The second we touched the beam, everything above started shifting,” the man responds.

Buck stares up. “Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of. It looks like this debris is holding up this section of the ceiling. If we try to pull it out of the way, this whole area could cave in.”

“My friend Eddie and I are gonna stablize your neck, okay Jeff?” You say as you get the c-collar out of your pack.

Eddie holds C-spine as you slide the collar around Jeff’s neck.

“I-I can’t move it, coach,” Jeff says. “How bad is it?”

“Hey, bones heal, alright?” His coach replies.

“Sir, this firefighter is gonna lead you out of here,” Buck interrupts.

“No, screw that, I’m staying, alright? This kid is a son to me.”

“Okay, we need to focus all of our attention on Jeff right now. We can't be worried about your safety, too,” Buck insists. “Now go.”

A sense of pride swells in your heart. Buck is taking charge of the situation, similar to how Bobby would. Sometimes, you can hardly believe this is the same guy who got fired for not respecting the job.

Buck approaches you. “What’ve we got?”

“Crushed tibia and fibula,” you answer. “Looks like it missed any major arteries.”

“Alright, Pretty Boy, what do you think?”

Both Buck and Eddie begin talking. They frown and glance at each other, then at you.

Your cheeks burn a little. “Um, Buck is Pretty Boy.”

Buck gives a little shit-eating grin.

“Huh, sounds like there’s a story there,” Eddie notes.

The three of you are standing in a small circle, out of earshot from Jeff. You’re trying to decide what the next step is, and the boys have considered every option… except yours.

“What if we try chipping away at the debris, try to make headway,” Eddie suggests.

“Are you crazy? The entire goddamn building could come crashing down us,” you argue. “I don’t know why we’re even discussing this. There’s one option: we get a trauma surgeon in here, and Jeff loses his leg instead of his life.”

“Basketball is his life,” Buck says. His arms are folded across his chest, and he sways back and forth a little as he thinks.

“Yeah, Well, it isn’t just his life at stake,” you retort. “We’re here too, and call me selfish, but I don’t want to die so a kid can play with a ball. That’s also assuming, by the way, that his leg is even salvageable when all is said and done. And it might not be.”

“You don’t know that it isn’t,” Eddie shrugged. “We have to at least try, right?”

“Okay, I know you boys are super into the whole ‘badass, lifesaving, run-into-danger’ firefighter thing, but we have to be realistic. This isn’t just Jeff we’re talking about. Hell, this isn’t just about the four of us. It’s about everyone above us, too: Hen, Chim, and god knows how many other firefighters and survivors. Risking all of their lives for one person isn’t heroic—it’s stupid.”

“What about an airbag?” Buck says to Eddie. “We shore up this pocket we're in. get an air bag to lift up the beam that’s pinning him down.”

Eddie nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, that could work.”

You tap your mouth like it’s a microphone. “Is this thing on?”

Buck sighs. “Look, we can’t just—”

“I can hear you, you know,” Jeff interrupts your conversation. “Shouldn’t I get a vote?”

You look at Jeff, then back at your coworkers. Without saying anything, you all move back over to Jeff, surrounding him in a formation similar to before.

“Jeff, what do you want to to do?” You ask, gently taking his hand.

He squeezes your hand. “I may be able to live without my leg, but I don’t know if I can live knowing I could have saved it, but didn’t.”

You smile and nod. You look to Buck and Eddie. “Then we try the airbags.”

“Alright, Jeff, you ready?” Buck asks.

Buck is at Jeff’s shoulders, Eddie is at his hip, and you’re crouched at his feet. Buck and Eddie will move Jeff once the airbag deploys, and it’s your job to make sure he’s clear.

Jeff nods. “Yeah, but if things go wrong, leave me and save yourselves. This is my choice to try this.”

“Eh, I kind of like you, so now you’re stuck with me,” you joke. You get at least a chuckle out of everyone. “All four of us are getting out of here.”

“That’s right,” Eddie agrees, “with all 8 legs.”

Buck leans in a little closer to Jeff. “Now, Jeff, she gave you some morphine, but once we move you, it’s gonna hurt like hell. You ready?”

Jeff agrees, quietly at first but then loudly. “Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, come on, we’re the champs.”

You smile and can almost taste how bittersweet the expression is. Buck and Eddie quickly catch on and begin agreeing.

“Yeah, we’re the champions!” Buck shouts.

“We got this! Yeah, we got this!” Eddie yells.

Eventually, the three of them just yell in similar octaves. They sound like a bunch of little boys excited to play a game. You have to blink a few times, holding back tears.

Buck counts down, then turns a nozzle to deploy the airbag. You can hear some cracking sounds but feel no slack on Jeff’s leg.

“Anything?!” Buck shouts.

“A little more!” Eddie shouts back.

Debris begins to fall on your shoulders, and you can feel the surface below you shaking.

“Come, come on, come on—”

Jeff’s leg is suddenly free enough, and you and Eddie pull him to the side.

In seconds, the three of you have him on the backboard, splinted, and ready for transport. Each of you is singing your praises to Jeff, encouraging him, and assuring him he did a good job. The boys get him onto the platform your team crawled in on. The boys are doing the heavy lifting, so you let them go first.

As you start to slide across the beam, you catch something in the corner of your eye. It’s a pink and purple sneaker, likely a child’s.

“Kat?” you shout, digging for your flashlight. “Kat?!”

After getting Jeff out, you confirm that Kat was wearing pink and purple shoes, which means she’s stuck somewhere in the building. The three of you return to the building with additional firefighters, all calling out Kat’s name.

An aftershock begins. Everything around you begins shaking, and you can feel the ground start to give. It makes your stomach do a few backflips. There’s a massive shift below you, and before you even realize it’s happening, you’re falling between two segments. For a moment, you hear Eddie and Buck call your name. Then, all you can hear is the world falling on top of you.

Eventually, everything becomes still. You reach for your radio, trying to get unpinned from whatever came crashing down on you. “Buck?! Eddie?!”

You can’t explain it, but you can feel you’re in a different spot. The air didn’t just get colder; it’s like the actual pressure of the atmosphere shifted.

You find there’s some slack above your legs, so you begin kicking. “Is anyone down here?!”

“Hey,” a gravely voice calls out.

You grunt a few times as you pry and pull yourself from the rubble. When you break free, you see a trapped firefighter a few feet away. His legs are completely obstructed, and he’s pressed flat on his back.

“Hey, 221, right?” you say, opening your medi bag. “We ran into some of your boys earlier. I’m 118.”

“Russ, 221,” he confirms.

“Russ, where’s your radio?” You ask as you look around. “Mine’s toast.”

“I don’t have one,” he rasps out, “all radios were issued out. It’s not my shift?”

You feel a pull on your heartstrings. “ Oh my god, you came in on your day off, Russ?”

“Eh, I had nothing better to do,” He jokes with a weak laugh.

You begin looking around and think of various ways to free Russ. You first try pushing the debris away, which proves unsuccessful. You then try pulling Russ out, and when that doesn’t work, you try using your fire axe as a jack.

“There’s gotta be an actual jack in one of these cars,” you say, swinging your head around as you try to locate the nearest vehicle.

“Don’t waste your strength or your time,” Russ protests.

“Enough of that, Russ,” you gently scold. “We’re both getting out of here, okay?”

“I’m not. Fractured pelvis, flail chest... Even I couldn't save me, and... you don't know me, but I'm good.”

“Yeah? Well maybe I’m better,” You argue, finding a nearby car door. You open it. “Hang in there.”

“I’m not gonna make it,” Russ coughs. You rush to his side, and it looks like he’s spitting up blood. “Help's not coming. Not in time, anyway. So, please, my kit. The morphine. Give me a bolus.” He coughs and moans a little. “Oh, make it three.”

“I'll give you one, just to keep you comfortable, but we're not giving up, okay?” You say as you begin rifling through your bag.

“Are you married?” Russ asks.

You shake your head. “Haven’t gotten around to it.”

“Well, I was,” Russ explains. “She was always worrying that I wouldn't... make it back home to see her. Decided maybe it's better if I just stopped coming home altogether. I think maybe she was... onto something.”

You’re drawing up the last little bit of morphine when Russ goes quiet. You drop the syringe and shake his shoulders. “Russ?! Russ!”

You put your fingers to his neck, but you know you aren’t going to find a pulse. His eyes are already glazed over, his face totally relaxed.

You throw the syringe of morphine as hard as you can, curling up into a ball. “Dammit.”

You stay like that for a while, probably longer than you should. A few silent tears stream down your face. You eventually wipe away your tears, close Russ’s eyes, and continue forward.

You go for as long as you can, but the air gets so thin that it becomes hard to breathe. At some point, you stumble to your feet, leaning back against some rubble behind you. You take in a few deep breaths, and you exhale them as sobs.

Wiping at your eyes again, you reach for your phone. It’s something you never wanted to do, but it feels like the right decision. When you find your phone, you click into the voice memo app.

“Hey, Bobby,” you say, letting out a cough. “I’m sorry you have to hear them this way, but you deserve some last words from me, so here I go: working with you has been the greatest pleasure of my life.”

You record one for each of your co-workers, your family members.

“Chim, I always thought of you as a mentor…”

“Hen, your friendship has meant the absolute world to me…”

“Eddie, I haven’t known you for long, but I’m glad I got to meet you…”

“Pretty Boy,” you laugh, then cough again. “Evan Buckley… where do I even start with you? I’m not gonna lie: I really didn’t like you when we first met. And that’s funny, because now, you’re probably one of the most important people in my life. You definitely proved me wrong, man: you were good. You are good. And you have to keep being good, okay? I might not be there to see it anymore, but you should still do it. Do it for the both of us, will ya?”

A few tears fall from your face as you end the recording. You take a few deep breaths before marching onward.

[certifiedsexed]

hi so i was hoping for like a gut check on this because maybe it's weird and if it is i want to stop.

so im trans and autistic, and because of that im a little behind on understanding masturbation and my body. ive been trying to read up on it and im trying to learn how to masturbate. one of my friends and i were talking about it, and he asked to see some of the webpages i was looking at (shoutout to you and planned parenthood). but we were looking through them and one of the links went to scarleteen.

and he said it was weird and kind of perverted because im an adult (24) and thats for teenagers. i said that i thought it was okay because its not like im interacting with teenagers and theyre pretty good for teaching me i thought because i like the clear writing and the easier words and also its just a webpage. but the more i think about it the more freaked out i get. like scarleteens one of them and also teen vogue and some other ones because those are just what come up a lot of the time for learning more.

so what do you think? is it bad? because my friend and i ended up not sure. but if its bad i'll stop i dont want to hurt anyone.

Hello! Let me see if I can help.

So, there's nothing wrong with using resources designed for children when you're an adult, for the most part.

You're not taking resources from children or even interacting with children [though that's not even necessarily an immediate issue, depending on the situation], you're just using an accessible website with a lot of information on things you might've missed.

It can be very hard to find websites with accessible language, especially when you're new to a subject and there should be no shame in using something designed for people younger than you if it's helpful and its not hurting anyone.

I don't quite understand where your friend is coming from, to be honest. Using "perverted" and "weird", both harsh terms for something harmless, to describe this doesn't really make sense to me.

But I understand that it's upset you, understandably! So let me be clear:

No, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Using Scarleteen and websites like Teen Vogue are both perfectly fine, regardless of your age. They're targeted towards children, but children aren't the only ones who can use them.

It absolutely hurts no one for you to read their articles and learn. In fact, it's a good thing you're learning from these websites and showing them to other people you know. That only helps websites like that.

It's not bad in the least, Anon. I'd encourage you to keep using them, especially if they're helping you learn easily. That's literally awesome! [I'm honored to be among those you're learning from! <3]

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[talonabraxas]

“The whole creation is the dance of one consciousness.” — Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Dance of Shiva and Kali Talon Abraxas

Kali and Shiva: The Divine Dance of Creation and Destruction

Two of the strongest figures from Hindu mythology are Goddess Kali and Lord Shiva. They all represent a different dimension of God, yet their story and symbols intertwine. The bond between Kali and Shiva is unique and perplexing depicting the incessant cycle of birth and death. Vedas and Puranas also have tried to explain the intricate dynamics between Mahakali Rudraani and Mahakal Shiva Rudra. Despite appearing as two distinct entities, they embody a unified essence, a concept both simple and profoundly complex. The Vedas, with their illustrative examples, approach this relationship with reverence, acknowledging the limitations of language in fully capturing their essence.

Goddess Kali: The Fierce Mother

The goddess, which represents the chaotic, fierce aspects of life, is referred to as Kali. The depiction of this image frequently includes her form coloured in dark tones; has unruly, tousled hair, and an amulet consisting of severed demon skulls that adorns her neck. One of her hands is holding a sword while the other holds a separate demon’s head. Kali’s ferocious appearance stands for the destruction of evilness, selfishness, and inadequacy.

Kali is most commonly perceived to be all-conquering. She is called upon for protection and courage in face of tribulations to protect her worshippers from harm. Nevertheless, her destructive side should be looked at without fear and understood as an essential item in the cyclic scheme according to which the old forms should make room for the new ones.

Shiva: The Supreme Ascetic

One of the main god in hindu gods worshipped as a demolisher as well as a transfigurer Shiva. Ash covered body, snake encircling on his body while he mediates in the Himalayans mountain can easily define him. Shiva symbolises the formlessness side of God, the supreme being that exists beyond matter. Destruction by Shiva represents an inseparable component of Cosmic cycles. This symbolises the saying whereby destruction is preceded by new creation of something or someone. Therefore, he dissolves the universe so as to pave way for its rebirth and re-creation. Within the cosmic dance of Shiva, the position of Kali emerges.

Relationship between Shiva and Kali

The relationship between Shiva and Kali is one of divine union and cosmic balance. This is epitomized in the “half-feminine Goddess” form, where Shiva and Kali merge into an androgynous deity. Shiva appears on the right side, and Kali on the left, symbolizing the inseparable bond between the masculine and feminine cosmic forces. Their union is further illustrated in the cosmic dance of “Tandava,” where Kali’s dance of destruction is halted only by Shiva, highlighting their dynamic interplay of creation and destruction.

This divine union teaches profound lessons about the cyclical nature of life, urging us to embrace both creation and destruction for balance and growth. The stories of Kali and Shiva inspire us to face challenges with courage, seeing destruction as a path to renewal. This relationship emphasizes the importance of balance, understanding, and connection in our spiritual journey, encouraging us to seek wisdom and courage in our lives.

The stories of Kali and Shiva hold profound lessons. They highlight the cycle of creation and destruction of life and urge us to embrace it all for balance and growth. We learn to face challenges with courage and see destruction as a path to renewal. This divine union encompasses two aspects of life, emphasises the importance of balance, understanding and connection in our spiritual journey, and encourages wisdom and courage in our lives.

[sombredancer]

Li Lun, a villain I feel for (Pt. 1/4)

Li Lun was the only character of FoF who stole my heart. From the very beginning it was obvious that Li Lun supposed to be a scapegoat of the narrative. The final plot twist was supposed to be a cherry on the top of the final battle, so GJM needed to bring LL there no matter what. LL's fate is in his very name: 离仑 (lí lún). The character 离 means “to be separated”, “to stay apart”; “to keep distance”; “to be alone”, “to break up”, “to become in opposition”; “to turn away” and also “to break into pairs”.  The character 仑 is used only in the name of the mountain Kunlun (昆仑), which is, as we know, a cradle of demons and a gate to the Great Wilderness. All of these meanings match Li Lun perfectly: he is deeply tied to his demonic homeland, yet is separated from the man who used to be his soulmate and opposites him now in loneliness.

Li Lun also was the only character whose story was shown to us not  as a strange flashback after the main events happened (as it was with any other story-within-a-story in this drama) but was fed to us with small portions (as it should actually have been worked out for each of side stories). It was, firstly, the main reason I was emotionally involved in Li Lun’s story – I genuinely tried to guess what happened between LL and the main hero in the past, it caught my attention. And secondly – reshuffling the pieces of LL’s backstory and spreading them across the narrative were the only ways to conjure the illusion that LL’s part of the plot works at all.

"Zhao Yuanzhou, do you still remember your old friend? Whom of your new friends should I kill first?"

When we see Li Lun for the first time in ep 3, he seems like a real villain of the story: he is in chains, looks insanely hot and hotly insane. We find out very quickly that he is absolutely obsessed with his former friend, the main hero, and wants to take revenge on him so badly as if the main hero killed the whole LL’s family and ate LL’s cutie puppy for breakfast. In the first part of the story he looks really intimidating: it is scary when your enemy could literary be anyone around you because Li Lun can possess any body. (And later we find out that there is absolutely no villain in this story, because LL is a Byronic hero and Big Bad in Mask is just a piece of furniture, because no one of the mains remembers of him and gives a single flying heck about him for the most of the story.)

But to look through their story soberly, let me recap it for you in the chronological order.

Once upon a time, something like 30 000+ years ago, two demons were born in Great Wilderness, a sophora tree spirit and a white ape spirit. They were equals in their powers, were friends for many millennias and finally became Great Demons. Hundreds of years ago they anonymously saved the Great Wilderness from destruction and swore to protect their homeland at any cost.

You all know what a hairpin means in Chinese dramas , don't you? 🌚

LL works his magic to make ZYZ happy. Although they had different mindsets, they genuinely care for each other: the main hero (ZYZ) tried to show his rigid wooden friend things he never even thought about, and LL, in return, tried to learn from ZYZ and to make him happy, too.

LL wanted to silent a kid with magic, but ZYZ taught him that no magic needed to chase someone's megrim away. The kid's as well as LL's. ZYZ loved humans and their world and LL was irritated by them and cautious about them, so ZYZ was teaching him how to treat humans right.

They exchanged gifts, a rattle drum and an umbrella. And it was so important for both LL and ZYZ that each turned mate’s gift into a spiritual weapon.

But they exchanged even more valuable gifts, too: ZYZ gifted LL his unique magic ability – Truth Eye, the ability to see the true essence of everything. Not having it anymore, he could rely now only on his heart to see LL’s heart, so giving it away was the brightest expression of his trust and love for LL. And LL gifted him a root of sophora  – a part of his true body, which was… pretty much the same expression of love and trust.

ZYZ gifts LL his Truth Eye. But one day, 8 years ago, when they both were on a date in the mortal world, they accidently found a dungeon where their fellow demons were kept captive and tortured by humans. Li Lun, who swore to protect his homeland and its habitants and was prejudiced against humans, went to berserk rage and killed not only those who tortured demons, but also everyone in a building where this dungeon was located.

He also set free all the demons in the dungeon, included Ao Ying, the demoness who can change her appearance and will serve him later.

Trying to stop LL from killing even more people, ZYZ accidently mortally wounded LL with the power of Everburning Wood he just got. It was unintentional but fatal anyway.

For his crimes LL was immediately caught and sealed in the place of his birth (a dark and lifeless cave). Although the seal could stop him from dying, it took his freedom away for eternity, which was very painful for a creature who cultivated really hard to get ability to move (he is a tree, after all). ZYZ was somewhat upset with it. OK, being upset because of your former friend’s loss of freedom is a good thing, but what happened between the sealing of LL and the current events of the drama?

So, you were friends for literally millenias, you were very close, maybe in BL way, so close, that each of you literally gave a part of his body to other. One of you flew into a rage (fairly speaking, he had a reason to be enraged) and killed people in the heat of passion. And you accidently killed him trying to stop him. Is he a criminal? Yes, obviously. Should you be surprised by your mate’s behavior and not think of it as of something typical for him? Yes, otherwise why were you still friends for so many thousands of years? Would you try to persuade him or to bring him back into his sanity? Yeah, I think. Would you feel guilt because of unintentional killing him off? Yes, of course. But ZYZ didn’t do and feel any of that.

OK, maybe he is too righteous and any unjustified deed put his relationship with a sinner to its and. Oh, no? He eagerly forgives a spy who works for Big Bad in Mask, he forgives a man who hurt him badly and intentionally sent him into diabolic rage which could lead to numerous victims. He even understands and is nice to other demons who kill people. (And, as I remember, in ep 1 ZYZ killed by himself one of demon hunter’s bureau warriors in order to intimidate ZYC. I watched it only once, so I’m not sure if I didn’t notice some trick there, but still). He only despises LL. Also, he didn’t give a flying heck about who tortured all these demons and why (spoiler: it was Big Bad in Mask, and everything would be much easier, if ZYZ cared about it). And later, he regrets that he unintentionally killed his friend and a family of his current boyfriend, but he never regretted he killed Li Lun.

In the beginning of the drama ZYZ obviously despises him and calls him "a scumbag who has to stay in shadows", although LL has to stay in shadows partly because of a mortal wound caused by ZYZ, and can't be counted as scumbag because all the wrongs he did were caused by desire to protect people of his own kind and not because he liked human sufferings or such evil stuff. LL obviously tries to speak to ZYZ and to find out what happened between them (and honestly, I still want to get this answer, too), and ZYZ, for reason unknown, has absolutely no desire to talk about their problems with LL.

It all feels strange. And not fair to LL. Here is Part 2

[chasingstardustandmoonbeams]

Pretty

A/N: Track 4 in my Everybody Else is Doing It, So Why Can't We? fics. I recognize that I skipped track 3, my bad. I accidentally forgot the order. Track 3 will be the next one. Listen to the track here

Warnings: none, PG-13 level making out

Words: 1k

Your breathing came quickly, short ragged breaths one after the other. The rain came down more quickly. Rough and unrelenting, it obscured nearly everything around you. The streets were nearly empty. Dim lights of the business around you, the only glow around you. 

Matt’s hand clasped yours as you navigate your way to his apartment. It was nearly half past ten, still early for you both. Matt always kept odd hours at night, you’d learned to adapt to it. 

“Puddle to your left,” you said offhandedly, pulling him gently to the side. You both were nearly there. A shiver worked its way up your spine. It was only getting colder. The only warmth you felt was Matt’s hand in yours. 

You could think of worse ways this date could have gone. The restaurant had turned out to be horrible. A long wait followed by bland food had you both calling it quits early. Then the rain started coming down in buckets. 

Normally, you would be replaying all the horrible and annoying events of the evening, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. Not when you were with Matt. The only clear thought you could focus on was the feeling of his warm hand in yours. 

It had been a while since either of you had had the time to go out on a real date. You were either busy with work or he was. Matt seemed to be more and more preoccupied with something. He’d have yet to tell you, and whenever you tried to ask Foggy, you had never been able to get a clear answer. You’d mentally filed it away for another time. 

Walking into his apartment building, you both made your way inside of the elevator. You quietly pushed the button, both of you enjoying the shelter from the rain. 

Your breathing was still ragged, goosebumps littering your skin. You leaned back against the elevator, your eyes keenly focused on Matt. He was pressed next to you, one hand holding yours, the other holding onto his cane. Absentmindedly, his thumb drew circles along your hand. 

You turned your head to the side, admiring him fully. His dress shirt clung to him, his muscles outlined clearly in the now see through white button down. His fingers slightly flexing as he loosened the knot of his tie. 

You could feel yourself grow flush, heart rising as your eyes raked over his body. He swallowed thickly, a smirk clear on his face. 

You opened your mouth to question his expression, but the elevator dinged. You both took a step forward walking in the direction of his apartment. 

Matt released your hand to dig into his pocket for his keys. Effortlessly, he opened the door, waiting for you to walk in before he followed. Closing the door behind him, he pressed a hand against your back leading you into the living room. 

“Wait here, I’ll get you a change of clothes.” Matt left you. Another shiver worked through you. You’d been to Matt’s apartment before. The glow of the neon sign had become rather comforting after a while. The purplish glow offers a warm ambiance to the dark city streets outside. 

Matt came back, sweatpants and a NYPD shirt in one hand, a towel in the other. 

“Unfortunately, this is the best I can do,” he smiled at you. That warm teasing grin etched freely across his face. It had been a while since you’d seen it. He’d been so wrapped up in this new case with Foggy and Karen, you were sure he’d get a permanent crease between his eyebrows. 

Your eyes took in his appearance. He was still wearing the wet clothes. He had managed to get rid of the wet coat and glasses. You quirk an eyebrow, “Aren’t you going to change?” 

“I wanted to make sure you got warm first, you’ve been shivering for the last half hour.” He let out a breathy laugh. 

“I have not been,” you tried to argue, but Matt just shook his head. He set down the clothes on the couch beside you. He reached out to your arm, his hand slowly tracing along your warm before he cradled your face. You couldn’t fight the next shiver that worked through you. 

“You were saying?” He argued, the smirk only growing on his face. Matt’s thumb pressed along your neck, your pulse thrumming underneath this thumb. His face is drawing nearer to your face. 

“You’re not fighting fair,” you whispered breathlessly. Matt’s hands toyed with the hem of your shirt, his fingers feather light against your skin. 

“I don’t make it a habit to fight fair.” Matt’s lips were mere centimeters from your own now, all it would take is one small tilt of the head and - 

His body pulled away from yours as he handed you the towel. In a near daze, you simply looked at him. 

“I would change if I were you, wouldn’t want you to catch a cold.” 

“No, we wouldn’t want that would we?” You undressed and changed into the clothes. You watched Matt carefully. You knew fully well that he couldn’t see you, yet, his breathing grew more ragged. His head titled ever so slightly as if he was trying to take you all in. 

You let out a breathy laugh, “I can be just as insolent as you, Matt. I -” 

He cut you off by pulling you in close. He kissed you fiercely, hungrily, as if he’d been trying to restrain himself all night and he’d finally given up. He backed you into the couch, his hands working their way under your shirt. 

“Matty,” you gasped, he kissed along your neck. “Matt?” 

He leaned his forehead against yours. He took so languid breaths. 

You put your hand underneath his chin, tilting his head to meet yours. 

“Anyone ever tell you how pretty you are?” 

He let out a loud laugh, burying his head along your shoulder. 

“Matty?” you prompted. 

“Yes,” he hummed. His head lifting from your shoulder to give you his full attention. 

“I don’t make it a habit of fighting fair either.” 

“Noted,” he breathed out, kissing you once more. The sound of the rain growing dimmer as your focus only grew on each other.

---------------

Taglist:

@thecutealien

[theoddest1]

funny how time bomb managed to have better dynamic and than the main ship

I'm happy for my Timebomb homies, they were some of the major winners here, if not THEE winners cause they got damn near everything along with a huge supply of content to work with.

CaitVi....man, this sure is something. Started off realitively strong only to dwindle the more their dynamic was shown on screen in season 2 thanks to what happened to Cait. Does she even apologize ONCE for what she did!? I don't think she has. Like, I'm glad that Vi called her out, but where was the real accountability!? Acknowledging is the first step. Where are the other parts of the stairs!?!? That was CRAZY. Also, look I get it, Vi can only drive herself to save her sister so much, but after seeing Jinx CLEARLY showing huge growth, she would NOT have fucking sex the moment her cop gf enters the cell, like bitch that is NOT fucking Vi. Why couldn't we just get a sex scene by the end of the war after time has passed!? WHY IN THE CELL JINX WAS JUST IN!?!?

Hell, JayVik was weird af too. Jayce gets pissed at Mel for investing in he and Viktor's success as if it wasn't for the betterment of the country. I won't sit here and act as though she is allowed to be dishonest, but the way she did things was nit with malicious intent. She even gave him pointers so that he wouldn't get an unneeded target on his back. Where did he even LEARN of this? Did I miss something? And yes, Jayce DOES acknowledge Viktor's new vision was of his own volition, but him choosing to stay with his brother who is MOST DEFINITELY IN THE WRONG over his GF who has done nothing but support him is INSANE.

And yes, I am calling him his brother cause that's literally what Jayce calls him back in S1. I view their dynamic with the same lens as Vander and Silco. Bro, both the twinks go rouge in hopes for a better future while the buffer men stay true to themselves while also going through huge trials that change them majorly, if that isn't a fucking parallel idk what is, BUT that is how I view it. I am leaning further into this, though, after how shitty some Jayvik fans have been to not only Meljay/GoldenForge but to Mel and Jayce separately as characters [especially Mel]. Like Jesus CHRIST, some of y'all are just straight-up racist and misogynistic, and I don't fling those terms around lightly. I don't mindle in fandom spaces often, but JayVik fans genuinely put a sour taste in my mouth.

So yeah, TimeBomb slapped in a good and productive way. Various ways. Ekko, Mel, and Jinx carried this season HARD. Honorable mentions being Sevika and Singed cause, tbh they stayed interesting a good portion of the time.