#and then rants to me about how awful theyre feeling

[embersofstardust]

i am going to SCREAMMMM why is family such a pain in the ass (vent in tags)

[autisticlee]

don't you love when you dream you were stabbed or shot or fell and broke something or some other thing and wake up to some kind of severe pain that makes you wanna cry but you can't do anything about it to stop it. and bonus points if you also have to pee really bad so have to force yourself to get up 😐

also I accidentally missed my volunteering today because I tried to get up a few times but it hurt and I gave up and fell back asleep and kept getting woke up by those pain dreams fbddsjjsjjs I feel so disoriented and out of it. idk what to do about it. Just ignore it I guess 🥲 have to go back to work in a couple hours and mop up salt for 5 hours again. ugh. can the snow and cold stop existing now?????? it's so painful 🥲😭

also I can't tell if I feel like i'm going to throw up because of stomach issues or because sometimes my chronic pains seem to make me nauseous for some reason in general. or both???? I want to disappear for a while. not go back to work 😭😭😭😭

[navramanan]

So tired of continuesly feeling this way I keep trying and failing time and time and time again

[transbee]

having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.

[mrfoox]

People slowly treating me differently like... I am guessing its something going on with you but my brain says I've done something /:

[callme-holly]

okay do this with whatever boy(s) you want but like what abt them x reader who is just like the happiest person ever. they havent lived the prettiest life, its clear, but theyre still so happy, they just find a way to love everything. the way theyre always laughing, the way they point out simple things with just beaming joy. theyll see a random bird and start ranting about how cool it would be to be able to fly like that, how they love birds and how beautiful they are. they see bugs and talk about how pretty they are even if theyre a bit scared of it. they gush about how the grass feels cool at night and the way it gives them goosebumps all with a smile of giddiness at the dark. theres nothing they dont love, and they make sure he see the beauty in everything too, slowly but surely.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐚/𝐧 : im finally on christmas break y'all!! i've still got quite a lot of requests to get through, but im scatty as hell so please bear with me

Darry Curtis:

Your positive energy is something Darry craves in his life. He’s been through more than anyone should ever have to face, and when he met you, you were like a breath of fresh air. He knows your life hasn’t always been perfect, but neither has his, and you two balance each other out.  After a long day of work, all he wants is to sit on the couch with you curled up beside him, rambling about all the little things in your day that have made you happy. He loves the sound of your laugh, your smile, and the way you move your hands when you talk. He starts to notice things he might not have noticed before and learns to slow down a little and appreciate life as it comes. 

Sodapop Curtis:

You and Soda are a match made in heaven. You’re both such happy, positive people, despite everything you’ve both gone through, and people can't help but envy you both.  The two of you will sit together on the porch and talk for hours about your day, no matter how good or bad it may have been, pointing out all the little things you loved about it. Soda makes it his sole challenge to make you laugh all the time; he just loves seeing you smile. You both see the world from the same point of view, and no matter what it throws at you, you both learn to love every little thing. 

Ponyboy Curtis:

Pony finds your happiness both relieving and fascinating. We all know he can get a little down sometimes, and having someone like you around to pick him back up is something he needs.  Watching the sunsets together is a key part of y'all's routine; you always take the time out of your days to sit together and watch all the colours as they blend into one, appreciating the beauty of nature. Pony will read poems to you when you’re both alone in the house, and you’ll always make an effort to point out the tiny little details, laughing about them and smiling throughout. 

Johnny Cade:

Johnny’s homelife is pretty awful, as we all know, so having someone like you around who is always so upbeat is something he desperately needs. He loves listening to you ramble, and he’ll just nod along as you tell him about all the wonderful little things you saw on your walk. He can’t help but smile whenever you do; he laughs when you laugh. You really help to brighten up his life, and you help him see things a little more positively, even if it’s just for a little while. 

Dallas Winston:

Your positivity probably annoys Dally a little. It’s not that he wants to rain on your parade; it’s just that he can't see what's so good about the world that you need to constantly be talking about it. He always tries to make a snarky comment whenever you start gushing over something small, but the moment he sees your smile, he forgets whatever it is he was going to say. Something about your outlook on life confuses and intrigues him, and he slowly starts to realise it’s not all bad.  He’s not the type to gush about it, but sometimes you’ll catch the subtle things he does to show his appreciation for you: the way his smirk softens when you laugh, the way he pulls you closer when you ramble. 

Steve Randle:

Steve is drawn to your energy like a moth to a flame. He’s home life isn’t grand either, and it amazes him how you manage to find so much good in the tiniest things. He teases you for it, but he loves the way your eyes light up at the simplest things, and he finds himself going out of his way to make you laugh or smile. On his lunch break, he’ll hold you close while you tell him about all the things you’d seen on your way over, and he’ll just chuckle and kiss you softly. Your positive perspective is something he needs desperately, and he finds that time seems to slow down whenever you’re together. 

Two-Bit Mathews:

Two thrives off of your happiness and always manages to return it with the same energy. He loves how you can see the silver lining in almost any situation, and he always finds himself joining in with you as you marvel at the little things in life. Your laugh has him cracking up, and if you’re smiling, so is he. He firmly believes that you light up any room you walk into, and he just helps to keep that light shining bright.  While he’s probably the most positive one of the gang, he’d never taken the time to slow down and appreciate the little things until he met you, and now thats he’s got you, he can’t seem to stop.

[alevolpe]

can i just say i love how nuanced ur hcs are? i feel like so many times when i see heavy hcs for lighter shows theyre always so... intense? black and white? like 'actually this character is an awful person who kicks puppies for fun' but yours, while often heavy, are very grounded and thought out with contexts and wider thoughts. anyways lov u carry on bein cool

Thank you so much! That is such a nice, encouraging message, thank you. It genuinely means a lot, much love.

Trust me, I feel you!!

I feel like SM has a lot of depth and potential for character depth and morality and it always bums me seeing so many people thinking in black and white about the series. Just see how most people react to Michiru from the 90s anime, calling her straight up evil, while real people are just so much more complicated than that.

A bit of a rant, but that’s also why I hate the cop out of “they did X cause they were brainwashed, taken over by evil” thing. Good people can do bad things.. it’s ok! Let them learn from their mistakes and grow as people! And if they don’t decide to grow, you get to maybe even make your own conclusion on that character. Are they good? Are they bad? Often in life the answer is in the middle and I like reflecting that in my stories.

Queen Serenity enslaved the whole solar system and is implied to have colonized Earth. Does that mean she laughs at public executions or yeah, just kicks puppies for fun? No! She does what she does cause she’s a selfish bourgeoisie and most importantly: cause she believes that what she’s doing is the right thing to do and others don’t know and can’t know any better than her.

People in this fandom are so scared to write layered characters and morally ambiguous heroes and I just don’t understand why.

[noellevanious]

neon white hating below the cut (dont worry thisll be my last post about the game)

blown away by how Subpar and Ok this game is. Gameplay loop is sooooo basic and Just Alright. ive played TF2 custom rocket jump/surf maps that have more depth and challenge than anything in Neon White so far. I would keep playing for the story but oh my god i can not be forced to care about these characters theyre so bland and lifeless. It genuinely feels like the most cookie cutter set of characters ever.

Like Woah I'm brooding antisocial Emo Cute coolguy in a trenchcoat? and i'm a former assassin dude?!?! And Hubba Hubba those two Babes.... ones a bit crazy.... you might call her "Yandere" If you're totally Anime-pilled like me XD but the other is also aloof and wow..... shes so tall and slender and also legs!!! she's more of a """Tsundere""" type.... and can't forget about my Cool Abrasive Bro we're always goofing around sayin g and doing crazy sh#t!!! But we totally hate our parents or teachers- I mean. The Angels. And WOAH there are cats in heaven and they're all wacky!?!?

It's like man. I could just watch Persona 4 All Cutscenes on youtube while playing Source game surf maps and get more depth and creativity than I got in the past ~hour of playing this game. THe only semi-redeeming part is the style that is honestly kinda cool. But it's riding a thin line between genuinely creative/charming and "What if Anime Lo-Fi Girl Beats to Study To or TOTAL JUNGLE PLAYSTATION VIDEOGAME MUSIC by XxShinDeath22xX was a an entire videogame's OST"

I'm really only going on this rant because I feel like people would not stop singing the praises of it back when it released so i'm in awe at how like. 5/10 on a good day the game is. Bland generic writing, an okay gameplay loop that amounts to a Gamer's First FPS speedrunner experience, and weird visual novel bits that make me want to shove the devs in a locker for how fuckin otaku-level bad they are

[im-out-of-it]

part 9 of season 2, episode 15 continued “the problem of memory”

110. go Simon go!!!!!! (I’m posting this first gif from my previous rant and so everything can be all nice and fit perfectly)

111. I love when demons go bye bye bye, it’s all sparkly and glitter. I know demons have been around forever but Magnus, did you have a hand in this?????? I know Magnus and I would get along just fine if he really existed. because we would be adding all the glitter with our eye shadow for sure. one of my favourite combos is black eyeshadow with gold glitter. I feel like it blends really well together

112. Raphael always coming through

113. Raphael: cool your jets y’all I’m here to save the day

114. I get clary is being protective but 1. she’s the one who hurt Simon and 2. Raphael has always been there for his clan so shut it clary

115. and maybe I’m being extra about this but clary annoys me with her scenes with Simon after the seelie court. if anyone should have an excuse to help Simon- it’s the DOWNWORLD not the girl who has desires for someone who is been rude to him for a long time and tried making his life hell. Jace and Simon are good ish now but let’s not forget how awful jace was to Simon. calling him a mundane instead of his first name, low-key bullying him to the point where Simon talks about how jace reminds me of someone who bullied him in the past. and if anyone remembers calling DOWNWORLDERS by what they are instead of their name is an insult and I feel that it would apply with mundanes as well. plus it’s just rude. and jace is a huge bully to Simon in the beginning. and I really don’t like clary saying Simon hey let’s talk let’s get back to normal okay? instead of letting him have his damn time to process

116. NO HE IS NOT OKAY YOU BREAK HIS HEART WONT LEAVE HIM ALONE HE JUST KILLED SOMEONE WHO OBVIOUSLY DESERVES IT THERES SOME DEAD GIRL OUT THERE WHO WE WILL THANK MAIA FOR RIDDING OF OH AND HES IN ANGUISH CLARY LIKE LEAVE HIM ALONE

117. I’ll give clary half a point because her pain is also valid but she’s going at this the wrong way. I’m sorry but just give Simon his fucking space. what makes me mad is she does what SHE WANTS. just like how she expects jace to give her space, she should think about what Simon wants and needs

118. how is Simon to move on if you’re there constantly reminding him how much you don’t love him?

119. hey it’s happy hour time 🍸

120. THE LITTLE MAGNUS SCENE ILL CRY

I know the first two gifs are similar but it’s important to note how his step father looks at him before being burned. at least I think it’s important. because I would imagine Magnus remembers every word and reaction and action against him

121. Magnus: distract avoid anything so I don’t have to have this discussion

122. OKAY BUT LOOK AT HIS CUTE CAT EYES THEYRE SO CUTE AND ADORABLE HOW COULD THIS CHILD BE AN ABOMINATION OR MONSTER

123. since this part is about over, let’s pause and take joy in these edits I found that are absolutely beautiful

124. my favourite part about this scene is Magnus being vulnerable and maybe a small chance of him thinks Alec won’t see him in the best light- but with everything Magnus is, Alec loves. I love Alec proving Magnus (maybe) wrong and that he will always love Magnus. and it makes 2x18 even more beautiful when you remember there’s a flashback of their first time and Alec tells him “you’re beautiful, they’re beautiful”. I find that so important because in the past, Magnus has been labelled an abomination because of his abilities and Alec finds beauty in them and Magnus no matter what

I don’t want to repeat any gifs but I do think this scene is very important so I’m going to go my usual extra about it and become super annoying but starting part 10 in a second

OH MY GOD SHOW MALEC IS SO BEAUTIFUL BE RIGHT BACK

[my-castles-crumbling]

hii! i need some help,,,

so basically back in febuary i started dating my best friend because we both liked eachother, but recently i started losing feelings, and they didnt really show affection or act any different (it was like we were still friends but we just called eachother our boyfriends), i felt like i wasnt ready for a relationship, and i overall felt like we were better off as just best friends. so in may(ish) i told them that i didnt want to be partners and i thought we were better as best friends. i thought they took it pretty well, we didnt talk for about a month until we started texting again. it felt pretty distant, we would say goodmorning and ask how we were doing, and say goodnight. i thought that everything would be okay. we just needed some time to ourselves. but last week i found their spotify playlist that said that they felt so bad and that they couldve been a better bf in the description. (it said more but you get the point) idk how to tell them but they didnt do anything wrong, if anything its my fault for getting into a relationship and then dipping because it "didnt feel right". i feel so awful. im so guilty. i didnt mean to hurt their feelings. i love them so much and it feels like theyre all i have left. i dont know what to do without them. im scared that they dont/wont like me anymore. what do i do???

a little unrelated but my two other friends just started dating and i know its bad but i feel a little jealous. i dont have anyone and now me and my best friend are the only single ones in our friend group. i lost my chance.

sorry for the rant. i dont know where else to vent :p

Hi!

Please read this very carefully: nobody did anything wrong, here.

You did exactly the right thing by leaving a relationship that you didn't feel right in! And your friend didn't do anything wrong, either!

You were very brave by communicating your feelings and breaking up with your friend. Now you need to do that again. Sit them down and explain they did nothing wrong and you just feel like you would be better as friends, but you really want to be friends, and they mean a lot to you. Be clear on that. I know it's scary, but I think they need to hear that. Communicating your love for them will help them know that you care about the friendship.

Also, you didn't lose your chance. THings can change and you'll have many more opportunities to date, don't worry <3

naming you chance anon!

[cloudcountry]

“Tell me why I feel like we’re in the middle of making an Ikevamp OC-“

We shall make Beethoven real 🧍 /J 

But yes, I would also pay to see Beethoven fist-fight Mozart, and Napoleon for that matter 😩 

And yeah, Beethoven had a lot of respect for Mozart and looked up to him!! He even made variations of Mozart’s works. But again,, I want to see the grumpy German men fight- 

I can just imagine Beethoven swearing out Napoleon/Mozart in German as he goes for the left hook- /hj As someone who lives in Germany, the language itself is nice enough (I could go on a whole language rant, but that might be for another day-) but,, people speak the language so aggressively?? Like a normal conversation in the German language sounds like an argument just from the tone-

Oh, but back to Mozart and Beethoven real quick- I found a short article about the two of them meeting which I found interesting- Here’s a small extract of it if you want to read it! (As your history teacher, I am giving you sources- /j)

“In 1787, when Beethoven was 17 years of age he left Bonn on six months' leave of absence from the court orchestra, and arrived in Vienna a month later. Armed with a letter of introduction from Max Franz, whom Mozart knew, he gained entry into Mozart's home and was ushered into the music room to meet his great idol.

Mozart was in no mood to receive him. His health was plaguing him – his untimely death at the age of 35 was less than five years away – and he did not relish having to stop work to listen to a child prodigy from somewhere hundreds of miles away.

‘Play something,’ he told Beethoven. Beethoven played the opening of Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 24 in C minor. ‘Not that,’ said Mozart. ‘Anybody can play that. Play something of your own.’ So Beethoven did.

When the young man had finished, Mozart walked into the adjoining room where his wife Constanze was entertaining friends.

‘Stanzi, Stanzi,’ he said, pointing back into the music room, ‘Watch out for that boy. One day he will give the world something to talk about.’”

(Here’s the link to the article if you’re interested!! https://www.classicfm.com/composers/beethoven/guides/beethoven-and-mozart/

Jackdaw Anon 🐦

OMG BEETHOVEN IKEVAMP OC IS BECOMING REAL?!?!?!? WE ARE BRINGING DOOM UPON THSI WORLD AND I AM HERE FOR IT!!!!!

but omg.,,.., you're telling me both sebastian and beethoven would be in awe of mozart. like theyd be fanboying over him!?!?!?

I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS ACTUALLY BUT I THUOGHT IT WAS FUNNY THAT YOU SAID I KNOW IKEVAMP'S MOZARTS BETTER THAN YOU BC THE ONLY THINGS I KNOW ARE THAT HE DISLIKES COOKIES BC THEYRE DRY, HE LIKES MEAT DISHES, AND HIS WEAKNESSES ARE DRAWING & PAINTING HELP

‘Not that,’ said Mozart. ‘Anybody can play that. Play something of your own.’ So Beethoven did.

AN ABSOLUTE SLAY!!!!!!!!!!!! yk thats kind of how creation works...you look up to popular people an dthink "oh i have to do what they do to get recognition" but in actuality your more authentic self will garner FAR more positive attention :C damn thats crazy HAGSFDHASG

[judithan-xing]

i just wanna ramble about my characters n character designs, specifically Alvatresk and Yuri cuz theyre so *scrungles them*

pretty much Alvatresk is a character that has existed since ??? 2010?? i wanna say??? he's OLD OLD like i made this bitch in middle school and a lot of my original art of him was made with a mouse.

of those; the first one was done with a mouse, the second one I had finally gotten a tablet but for some reason i was OBSESSED with putting that god awful texture on fucking everything. I don't know. I was like 13. but alvatresk originally suffered from Weird Fucking Hair Accessories TM cuz i wanted him to have this weird star hair thing???? its. odd. I don't know. I just don't make em like I used to, i guess.

but also it's just really funny to me seeing how much the idea was Kinda there but also not at all. his vibe is weird, he's got weird neck stitches?? his outfit is sloppy and weirdly constructed. I don't know.

But then Yuri is even weirder cuz originally his name was fucking Pierre??? I'm not kidding. His name was originally Pierre Eskde Lara'icardo. I don't know. I don't make em like I used to.

The fucking belts. my god.

but yeah in 2013-2014 I spent like a full year working on their story and crafting it into what I thought was gonna be a jrpg, little did i realize how fucking hard game dev is/was. so that's kinda impossible forever. but like, looking at their outfits I do really like the general vibe of them. This last year I was quick to kinda throw them away to redesign them 'better' and I'm looking at the redesigns and I kinda took away all the personality Yuri's outfit had. His original outfit looks a bit juvenile but it has this quality to it that just. idk it Fits. It's Him. You look at him (especially the top middle pic) and you know what he's like.

I feel like with the redesign I made Alvatresk look more appropriate to who he is (a tired asshole who's working class and can and will kill), where as Yuri I kinda just turned him into jrpg prince slop. He's cute and all but he lacks the kinda casualness that his other outfit inherently has. I also redesigned their starform outfits and in an attempt to make them more fashionable i kinda stripped away the design language that made them read as like, People.

for these illustrations i went back to Yuri's original outfit and just kinda unified the elements (matching string color and a more grounded understanding of how the fabrics would lay) and I feel it makes him look more like the original vision. And for Alvatresk's art i gave him back his original starform outfit cuz GOD i really nailed it, even for being like 17 when I designed it. All it needed was some touch ups and more human man proportions.

also a fun touch is that their starform designs their hair changes color to their element (alvatresk has dark magic so he gets black hair, while yuri has light magic so he gets white hair) and i just. theyre literally each other's half.

anyway this has been a rant about design language and my decisions to do/undo shit and also these bitches gay.

edit; I DID THOSE REDESIGNS THREE YEARS AGO??? HUH?????? i thought that was like. last year. at the latest. what the fuck. it really was the guilt of genshin-ification of my ocs. damn

[platonicmoonwater00]

one of my biggest points of pride is that im really good at predicting what happens next in shows. like im watching squid game with my dad and he keeps side eyeing me and being like have you watched this before?

SPOILERS AFTER THIS ALSO HUGE TW LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF VIOLENCE AND DEATH IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT SQUID GAME IS ABOUT

ok so before the marbles game(literally tore me apart and i will rant about that in a sec) gi hun didnt pair with il nam(the old man) and i was like thank god cos i feel like this is gonna be different and theyre gonna verse each other and my dad js kinda looked at me and then when i saw gi hun hold is hand out to il nam i was like NO. YOURE GONNA VERSE EACH OTHER. and my dad was like have you watched this before? and i was like WDYM DONT SAY THAT DOES THAT MEAN IM RIGHT COS LIKE THE TEO GIRLS WHO I LOVE ARE TOGETHER

anyways i was right. and like the first couple minutes of it was just incredibly heartbreaking cos everybody realised. the girls, gi hun and il nam, sang woo(fuck that guy) and ali(btw i also predicted his death cos im like the sunshine character never survives) oh and that husband and wife who js looked at each other and she said honey...

ANYWAYS THAT WAS AWFUL

then sang woo did the same thing as with the cookies(he knew the game and let the others(specifically gi hun, a man he went to primary school with) get really hard ones. except this time he 100% guaranteed alis death by taking all his marbles when ali trusted and respected him so much and was so heartbroken that one of them would have to die. anyways

then i guessed that the old man was faking forgetting what he or gi hun said but i thought they both knew that he was faking and it was a dont worry ill let you win but gi hun didnt know so he just thought he was tricking the old man but at least he felt guilty so yeah. anyways then the old man gave him his marble cos they were gganbu(marbles besties - whats mine is yours sorta agreement, its so cute) AND OMG IT WAS SO SAD IM GLAD THEY DIDNT LET US SEE HIM DIE)

anyway i spent the whole end of that episode hugging a pillow and crying so

anyways then sae-byeok(the pickpocket) and ji-yeong(the girl who made fun of the religious guy in the elevator after tug of war. love her sm btw) were js chatting and bro kept being like "we should go to jeju island together" or "ill show you how south koreans splurge after we get out" and then realising and being like oh.

anyways that hurts.

then they talked about dead bodies and ji yeong was like "the first dead body i saw was my mum with my so called father standing over her with a knife" and before she could say more i was like the seond one she was was her father after killing him.

CALLED IT

then ji yeong and sae byeok played the game where they threw the marbles close as possible to the wall and whoever got closest won.

and ji yeong was like go first and sae byeok did and then ji yeong went to go and was like really focused n shit and i was like wait a minute...

she has no family and the only person waiting for her when she got out of prison was one of the squid game recruiters. and she knows that sae byeok has a brother and a mum she wants to see.

and i was like "omg i bet shes gonna drop it in front of her" AND SHE DID

and then we saw sae byeok yell at her to throw again and cry when she accepted that that was how ji yeong would die

anyways im honestly really pissed off because they didnt show us the old man get shot and im pretty sure they didnt show us ali get shot but THEY SHOWED US JI YEONG GET SHOT AND THAT WAS SO HARD TO FUCKING WATCH "THANKS FOR PLAYING WITH ME SAE BYEOK" SHE SAYS SWEETLY WITH THE MOST ADORABLE SMILE AND THEN GETS SHOT IN THE FUCKING HEAD

and i really loved her too.

[transenbyconfessions]

im just going to be rambling and ranting but im so confused about my gender and presentation. i consider myself transmasc, kind of. maybe genderfluid to some extent. but my presentation is 100% fem, long "girl" hair, im short and cute, i dress in those short girl shorts and skirts. i dont hate it, i dont hate my appearance, my face, my hair. i think im cute, i like it. but it really hurts to think that people will look at me and think "girl" because that's obvious with my appearance, isnt it?

i hate it when im referred to with she/her pronouns. i hate when people use fem terms on me. i went from using she/her pronouns to secretly introducing myself to new online friends with he/they/she, then realising i dont like they/them pronouns. so i went to using he/she, but it irks me so much that when people are given a choice between those 2, some people still use she/her on me, which really makes me think is there something feminine in my personality that makes them choose that? so obviously i should use he/him, right? but idk. it feels like im outright lying to people, eventho i really dont like she/her.

i just feel like, i cant confidently say "yeah, im a boy" yet, with this fem appearance. i know that kind of stuff doesnt matter but it really bothers me, the gap between my gender and appearance. i look in the mirror and think "you cant possibly call this a boy, can you?". but at the same time i 100% recognise that face in the mirror as "me". theres no doubt about it, this person is definitely me, as girly as it is. but in my head i call myself a boy, and that person in my head is definitely me as well. it feels like ive split into 2 people, in some sense.

same goes for my name. its a strictly feminine name, but my brain like, doesnt 'register' the assigned gender with that name. its just a word to me. a word that a child was trained to respond to and reply with since young. in my head, this name is genderless, so im fine with it. i know other people dont think the same tho, when they see my name. so idk how to feel about that.

in the same vein, i cant confidently say im gay. i dont understand when people say that attraction they feel to other people is gay or straight, so i feel like my attraction to boys feels straight, which only makes me more confused. like so youre just a straight girl after all, huh? i used to get crushes easily but not anymore. i cant help but feel its because if i love anybody, theyre gonna see me as a girl. its gonna be a het relationship. i hate it, im not a girl, i dont want to be seen as one. at the same time what gay man is going to think someone with this appearance is a boy at all?

i cant even cut my hair. because honestly? i dont want to. i really do like my appearance. and i'll hate it even more if say, i went through with cutting it but people are still going to think girl, girl, girl. and imo not even a cute one when i look in the mirror. not to mention my family is going to have so much to say about it. and my country is not progressive at all, so i dont feel safe coming out to irl friends too.

i just feel so trapped irl. is this how the rest of my life is going to be? i dont know. its like lukewarm water to me. its not awful. but i can be happier. is it worth going through so much for a change im unsure of, tho? i dont have enough conviction to go and make a change because its like i dont have a strong enough motivation.

i recently made a new online friend. (i think) they see me as a boy because i introduced myself as a trans guy, and just thinking about that makes my chest fuzzy, im really happy about it. even better that they dont know my face or voice, so im definitely a boy to them. im so giddy about it, i literally stare at my profile and past texts with them and think "this is a boy texting, im their new guy friend".

i dont know.

Submitted February 18, 2023

[julia-bonkers]

RANT SORRY had to get this out lmao #cringewarning 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

im going to actually literally explode because im like 90% sure that shes totally in love with this guy she was with like over a year ago that i knew she wasnt over back when we dated and she hadnt talked to him in months but now theyre talking AGAIN and i just KNOW she loves him and it isnt fair at ALL because hes an awful person and he was awful to her but she loves HIM and not ME and the worst part is this is all just speculation because i dont even actually for sure know ANY of this because she hasnt even mentioned him at all. youd think that with us being best friends id know if she was talking to her ex again but no!!! she doesnt tell me anything lol!! she knows everything about me (that is if she remembers everything i tell her) and i know like nothing about her. i love her literally to death and i mean nothing to her and i hate it so much. and to make matters a million times worse homecoming is saturday and last year we started dating the day after homecoming the morning after a sleepover we had that night on the 28th and now i have to go to this hoco knowing that we wont have our usual sleepover after the dance and knowing that she doesnt even like me and i mean nothing to her compared to how much she means to me. and she’ll look so pretty and i’ll watch her talk to all her other friends and ill go to the bathroom and throw up and cry. and eventually someone will wonder where i am and say “hey where’s julia?” but nobody will actually go look for me because nobody will actually care that i’m gone. and itll be the worst night ever and i may or may not be invited to a sleepover afterwards because i dont know whos house itll be at- and if it isnt at my friend emilys house then they wont invite me since the rest of them dont know me that well or dont like me that much- not really sure! but either way, whether its after the dance or after the sleepover, ill go home and feel like shit because the only person i care about completely forgets that i exist when im not in her line of sight. and itll be that way every day of my life until i graduate and leave this stupid city and go do something with my life. and ill block her on everything not because i want to but because i have to if i ever want to move on. and she’ll hate me and thats okay. and itll have to be okay.

[grimxark]

Ok. Part 3 earthspark was so incredibly disappointing. I feel so sad about it because it’s such a promising show.

I kind of ranted abt this to my friend for like an hour as soon as we finished watching but here’s some of my criticism which I may add on to. Or not

Warning for Earthspark s1 p3 spoilers and overall negativity. So sorry!

1. The writing of this part was sooo terrible. So many plotholes so much drama and so much cringe dialogue. I want to give it slack for being a children’s show but! There’s so much here that’s just senseless. I can excuse cringe dialogue but some of it is back to back to back. Like holy shit

2. Hate what they did to Karen. She was this malevolent evil that was being hinted and teased since part 1 and she amounted to literally nothing. She had no motives other than being racist, none that we know of. Maybe her parents died idfc but there are no real motives that she ever makes outright known. And she was being hinted to being this final boss type. Her death had no impact. It felt like a “oh look this is a child’s show turned dark”. Her death promised everything and it delivered nothing.

3. The last 3? Episodes where Twitch take charge feel apocalyptic and it was nice. Twitch and her older sister curse. The last one standing. The one bearing the weight of the family, having all that responsibility because wether you want it or not she is the older sister of the group. She watches everyone she loves simply disappear. She goes through so much trouble and so many plans and then thrash dies protecting her (which doesn’t make sense?? ill go onto this later). So, after she goes through all that trouble, the humans wake up and fix everything in the blink of an eye. and it undoes all this effort and character thrown into Twitch because she isnt the one who finds a way to fix it. it makes the last 3 episodes totally meaningless.

4. how would Thrash's body protect her from the blast. they were closest, and none of the others were protected the same way despite being in close proximity. why did the terrans even get affected by the blast? theyre not energon based. its like, the main plot of the show.

5. mandroid coming in and being like "interesting! for you ive been gone for a day, but under my calculations ive been gone… a year." was funny as hell. why a year?? why not one hundred. or at least fifty. as a lone human he would NOT have been able to convince the sharkticons in a year. and against the quintessons? and all those bodily changes? its so funny how stupidly underwhelming that time is.

6. Robbie's death was stupid. he does a green lantern oath and power up then still loses against megatron (bc its megatron) and then dies and gets revived. theres no shock, you know hell come back. i hoped everyone going "somethings wrong" meant we were going to get a "he died and came back wrong" ordeal but i guess i was expecting too much. also wasnt he dying in one episode. he said "its getting worse" and then he was fine

7. this entire part feels sooo odd to me with the inconsistencies, i wonder if the writers strike has anything to do with it. it almost feels so random. like on the same episode where robbie dies— why were they like "is that the real megatron?" while being scared as if they dont know megatron as a good guy. why would you be scared its the real megatron.

8. final fight felt so rushed. this whole part felt rushed. i wonder if there were budget cuts or if they used their whole budget on the first half of the season.

9. ill say it. maybe you don’t agree with me but. So much of it feels like fanservice. The starscream episode… why would Hashtag be the one to relate to Screamer? Mind control isn’t quite the same as constant abuse. And the entire episode relied a lot on watchers knowing what that relationship was like. In knowing what Starscream and Megatron are like. If you don’t know anything, it just feels odd. Even as a g1 inspired show, where Starscream and Megatron are awful to each other in damn near equal measures. It was a nice episode, I really enjoyed it, but there should’ve been more build up to that.

10. So many of the deleted scenes provide an extra feeling that was missing from the show. I’m really sad at how much potential this show has and how the entirety of parts 1 and 2 were amazing and built up so much and part 3 was just a huge let down with so many inconsistencies and questions left unanswered right after being brought up.

11.