#and the communication on it was unfortunately shit
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I mean, I think you partially answered your own question there. Because you're right, If we treat TMA/TME as a binary it can't include intersex issues. And you're right, it is often applied without any consideration towards intersex issues. However, my point with the original post is that TMA/TME isn't and shouldn't be a binary.
First of all, lets talk real quick about the terms themselves. Transmisogyny Affected/Exempt. These are deceptively simple labels, and I think that's where a lot of the confusion comes up for people. Transmisogyny can refer to specific interpersonal acts, but it's also first and foremost a term describing the societal system that is designed to oppress transfems, i.e. people who were Assigned Male At Birth and no longer identify with that. And at a systemic level, that is the deciding factor. Transmisogyny picks its targets based on that assignment at birth. Individually, people who were not AMAB may find themselves the target of interpersonal transmisogyny, just as any individual can be mistakenly targeted by bigotry that doesn't apply to them. I get misdirected anti-hispanic shit thrown at me all the time, it doesn't make me hispanic. Likewise, being subjected to transmisogyny as someone who was AFAB does not necessarily make one TMA.
You're right, though, being intersex means you're not necessarily going to fall neatly into either a TMA or a TME bucket. Which means unfortunately when perisex people get to spend some time adjusting to the concept in Transmisogyny 1001: Transfemininity for Babies, you've been forced to skip ahead a bit to Transmisogyny 2001: Critical Thinking & Intersectionality. I don't know you or anything about you, so I'm not gonna talk too specifically here, I'm just trying to give you the lead to make your own analysis. SO. Here we go.
On some issues, you might be reasonably considered affected by transmisogyny. Depending on where you live and how legislation is written, you might find yourself targeted by transmisogynistic legislation. On many issues, however, as someone who was AFAB, you will find you are not going to be affected systemically by those issues. Because Transmisogyny's primary target is (primarily perisex) people who were AMAB and are now transfem. Regardless of whether or not you're TMA/TME though, this overlap in the treatment of transfem people and intersex people means we get to do something really cool called Intersectionality, where we focus on discussing the shared problems our communities face. Like personally, I don't particularly care whether or not you're TMA/TME. The fact that we have shared experiences matters more than the labels at that point. Transmisogyny and Intersexism have very similar playbooks and a lot of the time, one is going to include some level of the other. I'd rather discuss the intersection of our experiences than try to delineate where one starts and the other ends.
you folks realise TME isnt just a new synonym for transmasc right. like you realize when trans women are talking about TransMisogyny Exempt Individuals that includes, like, for example, cis men and women, right?? if you're gonna throw a fit over TMA/TME being "a new binary" i think you are a) purposefully misrepresenting these terms for the sake of delegitimizing them or b) being taken advantage of by those who do so. check your transmisogyny and do better lmao.
#spinning my web#probably not a super satisfying answer#sorry about that lol#you caught me while i am smoking weed and thus my thoughts are not the most collected rn#but yeah#idrc if youre tma or not as an AFAB intersex person#I guess if i had to call you one or the other it would be TME#BUT LIKE I SAID that's kinda not. relevant to any discussions regarding like. the intersection of intersexism and transmisogyny#we have more important things to be discussing than ''are intersex AFAB people TMA or TME?'' yknow#like this post was aimed at the transfeminism kindergarteners and you're in the 5th grade bestie
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The Rare Bookseller Part 76: Oliver's Rescue
Previous > Masterlist
tw: mind control, captivity, conditioning, drugging, blood ritual
October 1925
Oliver.
His master's song was muffled and far away, but still carried his name. Oliver tried to respond, but he couldn't seem to move.
Wake up.
His eyelids were like lead, his body stiff and heavy. The world tilted and dipped, and he realized that he was being carried.
Wake up, Oliver.
His master sounded scared, desperate. Why…
Oliver remembered what had happened, the fight with the vampire hunter, how he'd allow himself to be taken in the hopes that his master would be spared. The voice echoing in his head at least meant that his master was still alive, and communicating with him through the link between them that he rarely used.
If he was now in the clutches of the hunter, he definitely didn't want her to realize that he was awake. Instead, he kept his eyes shut tight and did his best to reach out to the voice in his head.
The communication wasn't in words, exactly, but in feelings and in song, and Oliver felt slow and clumsy as he tried to connect. He could feel his master's concern, and he did his best to convey that he was drugged, but unharmed.
The mental conversation was interrupted by a woman's voice. "Oh god, is that Oliver?"
"I sure hope so," said the hunter, "because it was like hell to rescue him."
"What's wrong with him? Is he okay?" The woman's voice seemed vaguely familiar, but Oliver couldn't quite place it in his foggy mind.
"I had to put him to sleep. I botched it and failed to kill his master. That means he could alert his master to the location of the safehouse if he figures out where he is -- and his master is a terrifyingly dangerous vampire. If you don't want to end up a thrall again…"
"He would do that?"
Oliver felt a pang of guilt at the sadness in the woman's voice, particularly since he had, in fact, just been communicating with his master. But he only wanted Alexander to retrieve him, not to harm anyone else, not even this hunter.
"Unfortunately, yes. Given his master's skills, it's safe to say that Oliver is a danger to everyone here. That's why I'll have to prepare to unenthrall him right away, and we'll have to make sure he can't escape or figure out where he is in the meantime."
The guilt was replaced by panic as Oliver tried to somehow relay this information to Alexander through their limited connection. Oliver wasn't sure if he understood, but he did feel a surge of anger in response, one which rippled through him as though it were his own.
"Shit, he's awake."
Oliver's eyes flew open, and he was looking into the face of the hunter who had kidnapped him, who had been carrying him princess-style through what looked like a run-down house. With his cover blown, he struggled out of the hunter's arms, only to flop ungracefully on the floor, still heavily drugged.
"Oliver!"
The face of the other woman swam into view, and he realized who the voice belonged to.
"Emily?" he croaked, his mouth parched.
"Help me restrain him," said the hunter sternly, hauling Oliver up by his armpits. "I'll need some extra time to prepare the ritual, and we have to make sure he can't escape."
"I don't want a ritual," Oliver protested weakly. "Just let me go. I don't need to be rescued."
"Get the sleeping draught from my bag and splash some under his nose. Be careful not to breathe it yourself."
"All right."
With his limbs still clumsy and slow, Oliver couldn't manage to get away from the hunter's strong arms holding him from behind. All he could do was thrash and hold his breath as Emily followed the hunter's instructions and smeared some of the potent sleeping potion under his nose. Even as he tried to hold his breath, he could still smell the sickly sweetness, his head starting to spin.
"That's good," said the hunter in his ear. "I know you don't believe me now, but I'm trying to help you."
Oliver wanted to protest further. He did know what the hunter was doing, he really did, but she just didn't understand his particular situation. He wasn't like Emily, whose master was planning to discard her the moment she was bored. Alexander needed him.
Didn't he?
But he'd thought about getting away before, hadn't he? When he first learned about Alexander's sire, and even before that, back in the auction house…
His head swirled with confusion as the sleeping concoction began to take hold once again. He found he couldn't offer any resistance as the hunter pulled him onto a chair and tied his arms and legs down, placing a blindfold around his eyes.
"I'm sorry I have to do this," she said, "but it really is for your own good. You'll see."
As Oliver's thoughts began to fade, he could hear the increasingly frantic music of his master, trying to reach him, but to no avail.
---
When Oliver was finally able to crack open his eyes again, he had no idea if he'd been out for five minutes or five hours. The ropes binding him into the chair chafed his wrists, and he felt stiff.
"Oh, are you awake? Vivian said you might wake up again before she was ready."
He managed to lift his heavy head, still disoriented. He was in the same dingy house as before, in a room that was mostly empty except for his chair and one other. Emily was sitting in an armchair reading the newspaper, looking very different than she had the last time Oliver had seen her, dressed in a plain blue shirt and khaki pants instead of a stylish dress and heels.
"Please don't put me back to sleep," he said. "I just want to talk." His master's song had faded from his head, giving him a little more space to think.
She put down the newspaper. "All right, but Vivian told me to put you back to sleep if you cause any trouble."
"Is Vivian the vampire hunter?"
"Yeah. She rescued me." Emily was staring at Oliver as though sizing him up. "She's trying to save people from vampires. I owe her everything. You remember me, don't you?"
"I do," said Oliver.
"I told her to go find you, since I felt guilty about what happened in the auction house, that I couldn't help you when you were being hypnotized. Now we're even, or we will be, I guess."
"You didn't have to do that," said Oliver. "I'm glad you got out. Your master…" He shuddered thinking of Emily with her mind gone, the way Jessica had done the same to him in only a moment. "She was awful. And she was going to throw you away. You didn't deserve that."
"I appreciated that, you know. When you tried to stand up for me in front of all the vampires. I didn't really understand what you were trying to say then, but I do now," she said. "And Vivian's going to do the same thing for you. She'll free you from enthrallment."
Oliver's gut churned. A part of him certainly felt like he should want it -- but more in the way that one feels one should want to do chores or exercise or tedious errands. He should want his mind restored, to be free of the vampires' influence…
…but it had been good for him, hadn't it? The situation forced him to admit to himself a truth he was trying to avoid -- that he had been drifting through life with no real purpose. He'd spent so many lonely, dull days in the bookstore, his only highlights a new acquisition or a particularly interesting customer. But with the vampires, he'd felt useful. Fulfilled. He'd tasted bliss, even if it was artificial…
"She doesn't need to do that," said Oliver. "I know it probably sounds crazy, but I was fine with my master. He treats me well, and I'm happy, and I really don't have anyone who's looking for me or anything that important to go back to, to be honest."
"What about your bookshop?" she demanded. "The entire time we were locked up, that's all you talked about, all the improvements you wanted to make to your bookshop. Remember?"
"Of course I do." He could never forget the bookshop, the place where he'd spent the vast majority of his life from childhood. He knew every nook and cranny so well, the smell of dust and book bindings, the way certain floorboards creaked, the uneven stairs up to his apartment, his comfortable chair piled with lumpy blankets. And he remembered being so desperate to get back there. When had he stopped thinking about his bookshop?
"Then you know you need to get back there, right?"
"Yes, I do, but…" The thought of his master's song, of the loneliness in his eyes, pulled him back. Oliver had been lonely, too. The idea of returning to his bookshop alone and resuming his former life felt strangely cold. "My master also needs me. I keep him company, and I help him get to sleep, and I…"
"Let him drink your blood."
Heat rose in Oliver's face as he thought of it, unwilling to fully admit to himself how much he would miss that particular aspect of his new life. "Yes, but -- he gives me so much in return. And it isn't so bad, really. It's -- it's pleasant, almost, in a strange way."
Emily sighed. "If you could listen to yourself… I remember you telling me how much you didn't want them to take your mind, how you hated the idea of being food for some monster, and now you're blushing and stammering just to think about it. The vampires really did do a number on you, didn't they? Not that I can talk. I had my memories completely erased, and they still aren't fully back."
"I'm sorry they did that to you," he said, and meant it. "I do know what I said then, but that was before I knew what it would be like. My master -- Alexander really has been kind to me, and I've enjoyed living with him, and not just because I was hypnotized. I mean, I was allowed to keep most of my mind…"
"Allowed to keep your mind?" she said. "Oliver, you're completely wrapped around that vampire's fingers."
"I'm not --"
"Don't you remember that I saw you at the Tiger's Eye? You were fawning all over that vampire's lap, letting him dote on you like a house cat."
Oliver was about to retort and point out that she was no different -- but that would only prove her point, considering how clearly ensorcelled she'd been. Was that how he had looked to other people? He had hardly considered it, too used to only being in the company of vampires and thralls.
Emily must be right. He really was that far under his master's spell, wasn't he? How could he ever think otherwise?
"But it's okay," she said. "Vivian has a ritual to undo most of the enthrallment. You'll be free."
"Free." It should be a joyous thing, so why did it feel like having a bucket of ice water upended over him?
Everything he had felt between his capture and now, had it all been a fabrication, a hypnotic illusion? The warm and comforting evenings, his deep satisfaction at serving his master, even those traces of affection? Was it all a lie, a soap bubble that could be so easily popped?
And the way his master wanted him and cherished him, refused to let him go, was that also just an act to keep Oliver in line?
"Hey, are you okay?" Emily asked. "I know it's a lot to think about."
Oliver nodded, trying not to cry. As much as he knew he should be grateful for the rescue, a greater part of him wished he were still back in the manor, his quiet evening uninterrupted, curled next to his master and reading to his heart's content.
Was it really so terrible, to be lost in an illusion? He'd spent his entire life with his mind three-quarters of the way in a book at all times. Was this so different?
But no matter how much he desired it, he'd never be truly safe with Alexander, not with the threat of his sire looming over them both. Freedom meant he'd never have to feel that sickening control wrap around his limbs ever again, never again blinded and degraded and forced to dance. Even as he thought it, though, he doubted it could be so easy. Could this hunter actually defy that vampire? Was a witch's ritual enough to deliver Oliver from his clutches?
The stairs creaked, and the vampire hunter entered the room. She'd divested herself of most of her kit, but that silver knife, the one she'd pressed against Oliver's neck, was still strapped to her belt. Behind her, a woman with red hair and a gray housecoat stood, looking a bit dazed.
"Oh, he's awake," said Vivian. "How are you feeling, Oliver?"
"I've had better nights," he said. He dimly remembered how he'd felt when Lily had him dragged him out of his cell, the loss of his mind inevitable. Why did he feel exactly like that now?
"You'll feel better once we've freed you from the vampire's hold on your mind," she said. "Well, you may feel worse before you feel better, but that's only because it can be hard to use your own mind again."
Oliver nodded. What else could he do? The ropes bit into his wrists.
"Emily, is it safe to untie him, or is he going to try and escape?"
Emily shook her head. "I don't think it's safe. He's very far gone."
Oliver wanted to protest, but he wasn't sure himself, torn between what he wanted and what he knew he should want.
"All right. I'll just untie him from the chair and leave the rest of his binds. Jenny, can you help?"
Vivian and the woman with her, Jenny, began to untie him from the chair, but as instructed, his wrists and ankles were still firmly bound together, preventing him from moving much. Vivian picked him up in her strong arms as though he were a sack of potatoes, and made her way back to the stairs. Oliver didn't bother to try and struggle, knowing it would be fruitless.
Emily and Jenny helped Vivian maneuver her parcel up the stairs and into the attic, and Oliver's chest tightened to see the chalk circles on the floor, stained in blood. So this was it -- and his desire to be back home with his master overtook any other sense in him. He involuntarily squirmed and thrashed, and the women nearly dropped him.
"Let me go!" he said. "I've changed my mind, I don't want this! Just let me go back!"
"Hold onto him! Get him in the circle!"
Master, he called out in his mind. Master, where are you?
He was placed in the middle of the circle, unable to stand or do anything but writhe like a pathetic worm.
"Just close your eyes and try to relax, Oliver." Vivian knelt in the circle in front of him, taking out her silver knife, and he flinched away from it. "You'll be glad that we helped you. I promise."
Master!
The connection to Alexander returned, and Oliver was overwhelmed with the feeling of despair and panic, adding to his own. He knew what his master was trying to say, that he didn't know where Oliver was, and Oliver couldn't offer any useful information. Even if he could, it'd be far too late.
Vivian sliced open her own hand and dripped her blood into the circle, chanting low. The music inside Oliver rose to a frantic crescendo. He felt something smeared on his forehead, couldn't flinch away in time.
It was too late.
The music stopped.
Previous > Masterlist
Thank you so much for reading about a man who was enthralled.
Important Note: There will be no new Bookseller chapters for the next two Sundays! I hope to occasionally post some other work you may enjoy, though. Bookseller will return in December.
@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin
@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist
@vampiresprite @irregular-book @whumpsoda @und3ad-mutt
@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl
@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada
@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia
@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi
@enigmawriteswhump @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot
@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme
@strawbearydreams @ghost-whump @tippytappytyping @natthebatt @fire-bugg14
@fuckcapitalismasshole @slightlydisturbedbeans @paperprinxe @demetercabingreen-thumb @the-broken-pen
@pokemaniacgemini @jumpywhumpywriter @basica11ywhumped @anoontjecanush @cepheusgalaxy
@whump-me-harder @whump-till-ya-jump @the-monarch-whumperfly @ium1naryy
#whump#whump writing#vampires#mind control#vampire hunter#vampire whump#rare bookseller#oliver#alexander#vivian#emily
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my least favourite thing from the watcher discourse has been people saying “WE never asked for higher quality” or “your most popular shows are where you just sit around and talk!!” - babes its likely not what THEY want to do for the rest of eternity lol. they’re allowed to want to grow as creatives and make things they are proud of?
#like i absolutely didn’t agree with their move to a paid model platform but this response isn’t the criticism u think it is#that and also the continious shit i saw about steven owning a tesla#like babes its HIS money? he’s allowed nice things and upgrades in his life lol?#AND the stuff about them making 100k from patreon with eat the rich comments#100k per month likely doesn’t cover all operating costs like you guys r thinking it does#they likely didn’t want to keep doing ad reads that interrupted their content structure and how they THEMSELVES percieved its value#as a former business major tho i def think even a little bit of market research could have stopped this lol#respectfully no one wants to pay for another thing#and the communication on it was unfortunately shit#but its not that big of a mistake that we tear em down like this#watcher#ryan bergara#shane madej#steven lim
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How it feels writing an angel/demon character that’s into violent/scary people and you get a bunch of “Valentino wants to know your number” comments
#txt#listen I’m a berserk fan so I’m unfortunately very familiar with fans who think rape is super funny#but Jesus Christ man at least berserk fans kept that shit in their own community
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what makes you think I haven’t tried to reach out? do you think people who are alienated and lonely just haven’t tried hard enough to find connection? do you think communities want nobodies? do you think they’re reacting with open arms to those damaged, who have nothing? food for thought :3
i appreciate you at least giving actionable advice. i do unfortunately think we aren’t going to “give our neighbours brownies” or “join a union” our way out of widespread alienation. why is the onus always on the individual to reach out and never on the community? don’t answer this. i know why. and that’s why I’m being such a little shit even as you’re trying to be so helpful and nice to me. I hope u have a good day, stranger who found my post, sorry if my playing out the contrarian half of this socratic dialogue with you was frustrating to you
u need to fix urself. u need some time alone to lock in and focus on what really matters to you. deadbolt your door. put your phone on do not disturb. pull your curtains shut. try to remember if there’s any other animal that needs to do all this shit to survive. u can’t look outside. u can’t call a friend. u don’t want to bother them, in case they’re busy fixing themselves, because we need to fix ourselves.
#unfortunately under this system the answer always come back to “fix yourself”#so maybe I don’t need to fix myself. but maybe we do need to fix OURselves. maybe you understand
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When Bruce is feeling petty he'll arrange an interview with the Daily Planet and specifically request Clark, then spend the entire interview in character as Brucie, refusing to break no matter how many times Clark tells him to knock it off, and then Clark has to write an article on whatever inane topic Bruce could come up with.
#clark: I should write an article about how you're a flat earther#bruce: *corporate smile* I'd sue you for libel#clark: i hate you#clark can't refuse bc bruce won't talk to any other reporter and unfortunately bruce wayne's name sells newspapers#clark's portfolio is a bunch of investigative articles exposing crime and corruption and heartwarming community stories#then just like a dozen random articles about bruce wayne's opinions on the most inconsequential shit#batman#bruce wayne#superman#clark kent#dc#dc comics#mine#superbat
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ultimately when it comes to shipping and fandom space treatment of aspec characters i just don't accept "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" as an answer from nonaspecs. like yeah. mhm. okay. now i think we both know that you're not saying that out of real interest in the diversity of aspec experiences. so you can turn in your seventeen-page essay on why and how you plan to examine this character's aspec identity within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship complete with evidence from canon and peer reviews from multiple aspec people within the next week or i'm putting you in the pit from the edgar allen poe story
#you know. the one with the pendulum#'hey. why are you as an allo person shipping this aspec character like this'#'oh aspec people can still date/have sex!'#'yeah. now can you answer the question that i actually asked you'#like goddamn just say you don't care they're aspec and you want to fulfill a sexual/romantic fantasy with them. that's Fine#it like. sucks. for sure. lotta aspec people will be unhappy with you. but everyone is entitled to their own wants and experiences.#but i'd prefer you just be honest with it rather than using our community's conversation points as retroactive justification#and ONCE AGAIN. you guys are real fucking cavalier with this shit and it shows a real fundamental lack of respect for aspecs#when most of you would NEVER ship a canonically gay character with the 'other' gender. cause again. it would suck.#you can do it. nobody's Stopping you. but it would suck.#and we understand that putting a queer character in situations that erase that queerness is shitty! until it comes to aspec characters!#and whoa... there it is again... people don't consider aspec identities to be queer... crazy how it always comes back to that#anyway. you all know what i'm talking about. have seen many posts about this lately#it is [ long sigh ] unfortunately a very hot button issue with the advent lately of alastor hazbinhotel#which. again. god i wish there were other canon aspec characters to be having this conversation about.#but we'll have to do our best with what we have#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#aroace#talking#aspec#asexual#asexuality
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Messy
#okaaaay y'all convinced me 🤭#unfortunately it was half-dry by the time i took pics so it doesn't look AS messy as it actually was lol#i feel like this is probably underwhelming tbh#but i also just think i'm underwhelming in general so 🤷🏻♀️#guess i'll let you guys decide 😅🥺#my post#softgothbabe#me#my face#selfie#nsft selfie#nsft pics#nsft community#nsft brat#queer nsft#nsft sub#nsft#bd/sm kink#bd/sm community#bd/sm blog#hot girl shit#nsft enby#nonbinary#alt girl#alt enby#girls with dyed hair#took my fucking septum out right away unfortch cause some went right up my nose lmao#hornyposting#tease#waterproof mascara my beloved 😂
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Weird opinion as an endo myself, but;
Not all "anti"-endos are bad
Im sorta friends with someone who doesn't believe in them and to me thats okay, because they are letting me use the term
Its only when they harass people that it's bad
Just because we dont agree about endos doesn't mean we can't talk or we cant be freinds, its just means that endos are a touchy subject or something else, because to be fair, no one can know it all about neuroscience, no one can know every little thing that can lead to an endo, so not everyone needs to believe in it.
to clarify i am VERY pro endo myself, im just saying that not all anti-endos/endo nonbelievers are harmful and hateful
.
#we can't be friends with anyone#who believes that a certain group of people doesn't exist#because of their view on how systems are formed#like i don't know how you're doing that but i just can't#be friends with someone that thinks people don't exist because trauma didn't cause their system to form#i can't be friends with anti-endos#i have seen rare cases where an anti-endo isn't hateful or attacking people#unfortunately#most of them are assholes and will harass or say stupid shit on people's positive posts because they're miserable#how about NO sorry#pluralpunk#pluralgang#plural community#traumaendo#endogenic safe#mixed origin system#pro endo#plurality#endo friendly#actually plural#plural
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siffrin post-canon h/c is like "dw you're not actually mean, we love you!" and loop post-canon h/c is like "yes you are mean, and we still love you!"
#so imo it's like#loop's baseline is just being kinda annoying#and when they feel worse they get pointedly mean#and when they feel even worse they get quiet which they hate but unfortunately being around real people in real timelines is v overwhelming#and then at ROCK BOTTOM they are like incoherently screaming and physically lashing out#vs siffrin's baseline is being a little quiet and a little helpful and a little funny#and when they feel worse they withdraw more#and he feels even worse he maybe breaks down crying or maybe dissociates completely and maybe?? communicates??#and then at rock bottom they lash out / get mean#basically loop was at rock bottom for so long that it became their default coping mechanism#all the in between shit is too vulnerable or too siffrin-y or too cringe#and it's been kinda liberating not worrying so much#so anyway#that's why siffrin needs to be reassured that their mean moments don't define them#and loop needs to be reassured that it's ok to choose to be angry#like it's not Good to be mean but. they don't have to be good to be loved#isat#loop#siffrin#isat spoilers#thoughts#thoughts about loop#thoughts about siffrin
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"We need more diverse queer representation in dbd" half of ya'll can't even handle someone headcanoning your fave as aroace
#disappointed but not surprised unfortunately. this community has always had an aphobia problem#among countless other bullshit but this is the only one i feel qualified enough to speak on#dbd#dead by daylight#if you start shit in the tags or comments of this post you will get blocked#i am not wasting time with any aphobic bs coming into my notes#only reason I'm putting this in the main tags is to hopefully help with awareness
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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God I fucking miss my days of Dirk Gently fandom
#unfortunately i have just never managed to rekindle the fixation to the same levels#so my various WIPs are kinda stuck for now#but fuck. Best fandom experience#I love you guys#Never in my life have I had so many comments and been recced so many times#and I will probably never again be as fond of a fic I wrote as I am of Strange Magic#I miss these vibes#any DGHDA friends who are also into Saw need to come hit me up and be friends in another fandom 💛#Maybe one day I'll write a stupid DGHDA Saw AU (or indeed a Saw DGHDA AU) for shits and giggles#mr. bees speaks#pardon me I'm awake earlier than intended and feeling nostalgic for that Community
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honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao
#whosebaby talks#took an incident of just open petty cruelty the other day for me to finally go#you know what all of this is doing a huge number on my self-esteem and scrupulosity and social anxiety and mental health overall#sometimes it pays to hold out and give the benefit of the doubt#when your knee-jerk reaction is to think something Must Be a Sign of Shitty Intent; bc often it will turn out that wasn't the case at all#but unfortunately sometimes it turns out people are in fact just being shitty in exactly the way you thought they were#and at the *very* best you are incompatible in such a way that if they don't have bad intentions you're just never going to be able to tell#or well. not even necessarily bad *intentions*; just shitty behavior that's harmful to you regardless of whether they mean well#sometimes you just gotta accept that even if neither of you *is* being shitty it's not worth your peace of mind to never be able to confirm#and it's better to just save both of you the stress and not try to pursue that.#it fuckin sucks when it's people you think are cool and really want to get to know; it's a hard lesson to learn; but it's the way sometimes#......and then sometimes the confirmation you finally get is that yeah okay this is some bullshit#and not in a way that can likely be communicated past; no matter how much effort you make to be kind; clear; and mature#and being publicly humiliated for carefully trying to yes-and some clarification on meta of mine#which was being used in ways i was deeply uncomfortable with; and had had no warning would take the turn that it did#and which was contributing to the original post gaining traction in the first place#all targeted in ways pretty much tailor-made to hurt someone with specific issues they had seen me talk about + acknowledged#was just. yeah i think i'm done here lmao#i am Not someone who takes down meta once posted#so the fact that it was bad enough to make me delete an entire thread really says something lol#anyway. lots of other context there; and i appreciate that in some ways the person was genuinely trying to be kind; but i'm. yeah.#that shit Hurted Extremely; and made me realize that while i'm not the *most* well-socialized or articulate or approachable#there is just something in the water over there and no amount of The Problem Not Being Me would have mattered#and the nice asks/replies/comments i've gotten both recently and during hibernation make me feel warm inside; thank y'all <3#the salt files#bullying cw#ableism cw
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The Silverer lazily reclines in the Scoundrel's bed. At first, it is unclear where she came from, but the mirrors in the room look recently tampered with- so the answer is easy to arrive at.
"Fingerkings." she says. "Your semi-loyalty to cats has always been a mystery to me; you've never been the kind to be loyal to any army. Why is it that you scorn my friends so?"
The Scoundrel stops in their doorway for approximately one straight minute. They blink once. Twice.
They promptly skip over and flop beside the intruder with a huff, resting their head on her shoulder as they study their claws in abject boredom. It's surprisingly cuddly, all things considered. They almost seem content in this position.
"One," they hold up a finger, "The cats provide an essential service. They pay us for our time at Port Carnelian. We pay them in kind. We have long-since established a working relationship. It would be a shame to break that establishment now... and thus, their enemies are our enemies."
"Two," yet another finger, "As persons- tja, animals- of noble status, it is only right that they rule Parabola. It's merely the natural order of things. The Fingerkings refuse to recognize that claim, and they should be punished accordingly."
"Three," they bring this finger over to tap at the Silverer's nose, "Your beloved serpents are duplicitous and vile and cats are adorable, delightful creatures, who have never done anything wrong in their lives. Ja, even regarding the Sixth Coil."
Before the Silverer can retort, the Scoundrel raises a fourth finger- and then their thumb, just for the apparent hell of it, patting her cheeks with a satisfied purr. "Four. It is a bother to you in particular. And we do love the faces you make..."
They trail off, meeting her gaze.
Their cheeks flush. Their ears twitch. They blink furiously, then turn away and shove their heel against her shoulder.
"Which is all to say, get out of our spire already!!" they point towards the door with a chirp bordering on a shriek. "You have a perfectly good paramour to steal a bed from!!! He wouldn't even complain about it!!!! This is our room!!!!!! Out!!!!!!!!"
A productive conversation, this was not.
#the implications of this ask meme prompt are driving me insane thanks op#louise breaking into the scoundrel's house. louise potentially being able to break into the scoundrel's house whenever she wants#the fact she broke in and then decided to lounge on their bed waiting for them to walk in for no reason#the fact she chose their bed specifically. the sass. the Drama of it all. they need to strangle each other like putty#who said that#oc ask meme#ask#in-character oc questions are the best kind ever ty. freak to freak communication#it's unfortunately fun writing the scoundrel as this horrible creature with the worst takes imaginable.#i feel like i should put a disclaimer on all of their posts#like ''this guy's full of shit and i dont believe any of what they say'' or something#scoundrelventures
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mothers. oof.
#she just told my sister that she doesn't wanna ask my dad for anything so they're gonna have to make sacrifices#and it's like. well no my dad is legally obligated to provide for his kids and if he wont do it unfortunately youre gonna have to remind him#it's not like my dad is violent or dangerous in any way they just don't get along as exes tend to do#but i think it's my mum's job to put aside her own feelings of discomfort around my dad#to tell him that my sister needs x y and z#my dad pays for things when he's asked he just won't inquire about finances of his own accord#he needs to be asked#and idk i think saying that my sister needs to sacrifice their needs because my mum doesn't wanna communicate with my dad#is selfish#and yeah sure my dad sucks like he literally doesn't try at all#it would be nice if he just did his job as a parent#but he doesn't. and as the parent who's more present in my sister's life i think my mum should be the one to contact him#idk#i know it's tough and far from ideal#ideally my dad wouldn't need to be asked anything he'd just provide#but he's kind of a piece of shit#so yeah#i don't think my sister should be the one to bear the consequences of my parents' lack of communication#rain.stuff
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