#and thats another reason why i hate this ending so much
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andragoras-in-vanity · 1 month ago
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im sure ive alrwady said this but veilgaurd called me a bottom in evedy language, most strongly elvhen tho. i cannot stop thinking about elgar'nans lil spiel to the venatori saying 'all you must do is love me, and kneel' like bruh......if rook wasnt so spiteful they probably would have...just to see where he was going with that....
#im afraid of a lot as i get to the end of the game but technical things like the skill tree and subclasses aside#i dont get why people are so unhappy with it#maybe im biased cause i always play an elf but i fucking LOVE learning about elvhen history and how we shaped thedas#and then it all went to shit and our gods hated us and used tevinter to make the world worse#i highly doubt this is the last da game the series is too popular and adding that we can be trans now is a massive improvement#even if i think the lighthouse should have been more like skyhold and let us talk to companions more#and craft the armor ourselves#and ngl i think the lighthouse should have been more of a refuge for those that survived the gods attacks#like anyone from arlathen/dmeta or hossberg#idk im really only bad about the skill tree and subclasses and lack of bards tbh#but truely......the lucanis almost kiss???? everything about being a mourn watcher??? my SHATHANN CALLING ME A TWINK#this game called me a slur#and just the fucking appearance of my lil rook....he looked so blissed when under elgar'nans trance#bellara and neve were so done with my shit there 😭#i do want to play a dwarf really badly next time#or qunari because the games have built a really interesting cuture for them but never really went strongly into it other than like#the arishok and the antaam? but now they mention the devouring storm and thats probably a fuckass big dragon#but now i need to know more#im not done but veilguard very much isnt the conclusion#but my god i cant stop thinking about how vulnerable my rook actually is like from the personality ive given him from myself#if the gods or like anaris found him before varric did.....this would be a very different story and there would be a lot of tears and#begging for a shot at redemption and care#oh god wed disappoint vorgoth......might as well just kill myself if that ever happened#i just love that my rook has become more senstive as ive played and more hurt when he was already not doing so hot for personal reasons#he still has a smart mouth but he wants to cry like 9/10 times he has to make decisions#companions stop asking me to shape their lives challenges#ngl rook would absolutely stsrt bawling his eyes out over manfred begging emmerichs forgivness for wanting manfred back#i just imagine tears coming down his face as he tells emmerich manfred was a hero and he deserves another chance to keep learning so that#next time he does soemthing heroic...hes prepared and wont 'die' by doing it#cause my lil guy knows hes not smart enough to bring manfred back himself
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thewhizzyhead · 2 years ago
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I know the reunion concert was literally just 2 days ago but my bros my guys my dudes I miss WATT so so much and I really do want this show Actually Revived because I miss my cheerleaders, pma's stories and music are fucking great and I wanna hear more, watt has so much room for improvement, and I wanna see watt thrive aaaaaaaa
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thebigqueer · 5 months ago
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its so funny to me that she was like 'you deserve better' because little does she even know she genuilnely was best. like no one is ever going to top her. and i know with my full heart that she will find better than me and im supposed to want that for her but i really really dont. cuz i know theres so much better than me but theres no one better than her
#like ive accepted that weve broken up and theres no chance of gettin gback together#but i still hate it. no matter how much i want her back i know she wont come back#and for some reason it feels like shes 'the one taht got away' even though i didnt try to let her go at ALL#like somehow it feels like its my own bad that we broke up even though shes the one who ended it#i wish shed told me that she wanted to be loved differently or something. she did everything perfectly for me but never asked anything of m#and i really wish she did. i wish shed given me a chance to show her how much she meant to me and how far i was willing to go for her#thats the part that im most upset about. the fact she didnt stay long enough to tell me all that and find out how much id do for her#and none of this is to say i never did anything bad. maybe i did and i just dont know it#or maybe i didnt do enough and i just dont know it#but i wish shed told me WITHOUT breaking up with me so that i could just have teh chance to be better for her#i dont understand why shed think it was unfair if i did try to change my own 'love' habits or whatever. i would do anything for her#i just want her to come back to show her how much better i can be than whatever i was before#cuz i know there ewre things i was bad at. ex. sometimes i was bad at picking up her cues or i know im bad at being romantic in front of ou#friends. but i didnt know if that was a problem for her or not and if it was i wish shed said so so that i could try better to fix all that#because even though im bad at it it doesnt mean i wouldnt try to do better for her#i just want her to give me another chance i want to do so much for her#now well never be bubbline and ill never get to give her her bday rpesent#like i guess its a good thing i hadnt bought it yet but now i feel shitty like what if her friends are like 'she never even got you a bday#present????? shes such a red flag' when the reality is i was waiting to get it closer to moving on campus to give itin person#GOD PLEASE. do you think if i start praying again the gods will bring her back to me
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playingonedchess · 1 year ago
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like ironically i guess, the only sport i ever actually learnt the rules for at school was netball cause boys werent excepted to know the rules but still had to play it so the rules were explained but for every other sport everyone was just expected to know the rules already or something
#like i knew the rules for softball but i also did that one in primary school although that was the tball version#but anyway i was so shit at sport its ridiculous and i dont even know how much of it was lack of ability and how much was attitude#but it was always so embarrassing and awful so there was no way id be getting good at it after that i guess#athough thats obviously cause i was shit at it to start out with#like i had to play the other sports but i mostly just ended up standing around and hoping the ball didnt go near me#but like sports so popular and stuff it was like everyone else liked it or at least everyone id talk to which was another reason that being#shit was rubbish i ended up with those people i never talked to or had anything in common with#allthough by year ten i just gave up and sat and read on the side and no one even cared#i dont know why im making posts about random shit about my life ffrom school#i guess its cause this is basically just a journal#im so self obsessed itl interest me later#i mean i actually dont want to forget my memories even of inimportant stufff like this#highschool was like such an important part of my life when it happened like i honestly didnt do much else#seven years of my life and like all of schhol primary school was just as important when i was there#but even for the last two years of school it had already sort of ended#no one talked to me and it was all just academic subjects and all the worthwhile parts were gone#like literally i spend year 13 escepically alreaady missing it and now thats its finished i just dont think about it much anymore#but like yeah im a loser but i actualy didnt really have anything else even if i hated it there were at least some wrthwhile bits#i can never say if now is better or worse#but i dont know i think its reasonable to hold onto my memories they were me for so long#like even the unimportant memories#most of my life was those to be honest just random stuff happening i didnt really care about#without the stuff happening bit though
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sunny-knight · 2 months ago
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Dear My Dear -
an @forgettable-au fan-slideshow
At the end of their journey, Sans has remembered everything. And theres only one question on his mind now…
*now what?
Its lore time. omg theres so much-
The way ill organize this…lIll start with the GENERAL thing, before getting more spesific, and explain each slide in way too much detail.
THE BIGGER PICTURE
This is the hypothetical end to their journey. Sans and Papyrus remember what happened, and this is how Sans is handling it. A letter to Wingdings.
I was hesitant to make this at first for obvious reasons- we dont know how its gonna end!!! But I took this more as a “what if ?” scenario. IF they ever remember anything, how would Sans specifically, react? I mean thats gotta be tough.
Because of that though, lot of what happened to lead up to this is kept vague.
ill explain in way more detail how Sans got to the point of writing this letter, and how he feels in the end when I explain each slide individually. But the reason why, the MAIN ISSUE is…
Over the years, hes put so much effort into enjoying what he has. And- nothings even changed!!! So why does he feel so much has? Now that he remembers what he lost…WHO he lost. He cant help but have this voice in the back of his head that says “would it have been better if that never happened? if Papyrus never existed?” and of course he absolutely hates to think that! but the voice gets louder. Writing this letter, is an act of closure. Of laying to rest someone he never got to. Someone he never even really got to do much with.
(Excuse the shitty quality of the images- I promise they’re better. WATCH THE VIDEO)
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my dear wingdings,)
Sans says “wingdings” here instead of “brother”. that’s important. Also its on a white void, showing a sorta “heavenly imagery” with the mention of Wingdings. Also Gaster is in a BLACK void, but hes talking about WD here, so, contradictions.
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you never came back, and now…after remembering everything everything clearly i understand why.)
Sans and Papyrus are sitting by a fire at night. They are both sorta lost in their own worlds at the moment, but are more or less leaning on one another for comfort and support. They both need each other right now despite each other being the whole reason why they feel the way they do right now-
Papyrus is notably no longer wearing the white coat that somewhat resembles a lab coat. Symbolism! Growth!
(art note: I drew Sans as a lefty in this- cherish it. It was so hard to draw these hands at these angles- CHERISH IT.)
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i don’t imagine you’ll receive this letter, but i, nonetheless, must send it. wingdings….oh ‘dings…)
the first part is somewhat of a self aware/sarcastic joke. Sans is writing this letter for himself- he doesn’t imagine Wingdings, the dead man, will ever see it. Nor would Gaster care to read it. Thats another important thing, this is NOT a letter for Gaster. This is a letter for Wingdings. which is for Sans
The star in the sky symbolizes a few different things- the main one being Wingdings ofc. But also Papyrus’ expectations of himself- which mainly come from who he was. He’s looking at it, reflecting, thinking of what Wingdings did, and what Papyrus has done. Who he is NOW, and if he ever was Wingdings.
Or if Wingdings just became him.
A square is a rectangle, but a rectangle isn’t a square type thing.
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i was just starting to dream the silliest- the softest of dreams. i miss you. and i will always miss you.)
2 contradictions, what Sans used to think, vs what he knows now. The memories were fuzzy- he couldn’t remember The Royal Scientist, he just feels like he remembers some nice times. Before now knowing everything clearly. And he still misses it- slightly.
The reflections are blacked out at first, before showing their future selves. Before, there was no connection to the present because it wasnt true. It felt like/was 2 completely different things
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but i cannot live like that.)
Sans can still tell, even without the rose tinted glasses view he used to have, he cant live missing the past and not living in the present. He always knew that, but repeating it here makes him feel better.
Pictured is Sans and Papyrus hiking up the mountain next to the city as the sun sets. Papyrus is in full view of the light, but is facing away in order to help Sans see it too. Symbolism!
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and it seems you cannot live any other way.)
another reference to the fact that Wingdings cant live… at all now. But also an awareness that part of him lives on in Gaster. The thing that killed him.
I doubt hes going to change in any way by the end of the comics, he’s far to obsessive about angels and the player for childish stuff like “growth” and “changing for the better as a human being”
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when i was with you, the world made sense. but now that we are apart, i see clearly that your world is not a world from which one can escape.)
When they were together, they knew what they wanted to be. They wanted to be scientists. But after being apart so long and experiencing so much uncertainty, Sans finds that mindset is unhealthy. Again, a lot of this is stuff he already knew, but is repeating to himself because after remembering everything, he feels as if hes back at square one.
As kids they would test echo flowers, for science purposes! We don’t know yet if WDs voice comes through on them, but I imagine not… maybe. But for this we’re gonna say no. Their speech bubbles are trying so hard to be circles- the scribbles also somewhat resemble stars because I thought that’d be fun.
But the last slide has it shown that he dug them out, also for science purposes!
He took the echo flowers from their roots, much later on in his lab career. That in itself isnt that bad, but it symbolizes that he doesn’t care much for taking things slow. He wants to test with echo flowers? **TAKES EVERY SINGLE ONE WITHIN A 100 MILE RADIUS**
Also the empty holes reflects sort of what happened after he died. All of the underground was left with holes to fill. Sans, a childhood/brother. Alphys, the royal scientist. Those are the main ones but he was THE ROYAL SCIENTIST im sure there were more (smaller) holes that may or may not have been filled.
Ok and the last thing the flowers being taken out represent- he took the ones specifically from when they were kids, and abandoned what was left for the grass to grow tall and the entire area to be, in general, a lot flatter. In his quest to basically never grow up and continue being the thing he KNEW he wanted to be since kindergarten- he’s taken everything and left the rest in the dust. He’s The Royal Scientist now, he “doesn’t need anything else.”
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i’m so sorry. for everything. for everything long ago, and for starting up that machine again.
Sans knows he could have been better. He could have done things differently, and that thought messes with him, even before he remembered.
The 2nd image is Sans at Grillbys after another failed attempt to get Wingdings outside. Despite the fact that he could have done things differently, theres no real reason to be “sorry” But still, he cant help but feel like he should be. He could have done things differently- could have tried harder, and gotten Wingdings out more often- or at all.
Im not sure where the machine in Sans’ lab comes into play in this AU, but it worked for the purposes of this audio.
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theres a good man within you, wingdings. but he is wrestling with a giant. and the giant WINS time and again.)
Before everything, there was still a good man inside Wingdings that Sans saw. But now that he’s Gaster he just cant see him ever changing... and yknow what hes probably right. Like Papyrus says! Anyone can be a good person if they just try!…Gaster just isnt trying
“Wins” being emphasized here, I enjoy, since its sorta a video gamey term. The giant hes wrestling is that/the player, after all. Also probably his ego
I also had fun with kid Wingdings and what he’s drawing. Ofc its all him and Sans plus silly little stars, but him being finished drawing Sans, but not yet finished drawing himself, symbolizes the fact that at that age he still didn’t really know what he wanted to be, I feel like Wingdings kinda remembers the past wrong. Sure he definitely had science on the mind, but younger kids are often filled with questions, he questions if thats truly where he’d be the happiest.
Thats the good man within him
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you’ve broken my soul again, and i fear i have broken yours. and for that i will never forgive myself, but i need to let you go now.)
the star represents, again, Wingdings. And the moon represents Sans, which shines only under the Suns (Papyrus’) light.
The sun is beginning to rise, and Sans and Papyrus are beginning to leave. Sans puts out the fire, closing this chapter of his life.
Because of every reason he needed to relearn/re-reflect on listed here, hes ready to let Wingdings go now. Sans is the one to put out the fire here, and not Papyrus, cause this is from the perspective of how SANS handles putting this issue to rest. Papyrus can have his own fire to put out later
Another thing about putting out the fire, thats just kinda common knowledge to do especially at a public camping spot. Yknow what else is common knowledge to do so you dont disrupt the community?? NOT REPLANTING FLOWERS-
Its not that deep…but still-
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i send you the radio you made many years ago when we were kids. not because i dont want it, but… because i care for it far too much and it reminds me too much of you.)
CALL BACK!!!!!!
Sans leaves this last memento to Wingdings, the last thing they have that has nothing to do with Papyrus. Because at this point theres no reason to keep it, in Sans’ mind at least. There’s also no reason to destroy it- Like he says, hes not leaving it out of malice, theres just no good that will come from keeping it and holding onto the past.
As the sun rises, here we see the brothers leaving. in contrast to before, Sans is helping Papyrus down. Helping him down from the spotlight, the expectations he’s set upon himself. Another kick that Papyrus still has much more to reflect on and think about, he’s still looking back at that light, at a shooting star, at everything he thought he wanted to be.
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i hope one day you will find some kind people who with appreciate you. for it kept me thinking of you all these years.)
GASTER FOLLOWERS!!!
Despite everything, Sans still wants whats left of Wingdings, Gaster, to be happy and find something, anyone, that will give him true happiness. It’s left ambiguous however if they truly do, do that for him. If it’s at all healthy.
cause frankly i have no idea how theyll be included. but just like everything- i cant wait to find out
EDIT: something important (and really wordy-) I just remembered and forgot to mention: the wording change “i hope you will find some kind people who will appreciate you”. I chose this because I think it’s the thing Wingdings and Papyrus just want the most. To be appreciated- to be loved for who they are. Sans is/has been so happy that Papyrus has found those people in Undyne, Toriel, Asgore, and…hopefullllyyy Alphys? And now that Sans remembers Wingdings, and remembers how badly he wanted that, and how he never did. Sans cant help but feel horrible for him, and in turn, Gaster. Sans forgives Wingdings, and loves Papyrus…and….he just wants the best for Gaster. He hopes he can find true happiness in that twisted mind of his…
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and i hope by returning it to you, i can finally be free. goodbye.
- your brother
As the sun rises, the star gets smaller and smaller and eventually the sun replaces it. Remember when I said Papyrus represents the sun? SYMBOLISM!!!
Also about that, the star shines brighter than anything, but the Sun is among a lot of clouds, depicting how isolated Wingdings is/was despite shining the brightest, vs Papyrus who also does indeed shine! but isn’t isolated whatsoever.
Now, remember when I said Sans saying “my dear wingdings” instead of “my dear brother” was important? well, he acknowledges that he is still Wingdings’ brother, despite everything. So he signs off as “your brother” but… He’ll always try to remember Wingdings fondly…but…he’s unsure if he considers Wingdings his brother anymore- just because of how much they’ve changed. Thats why the whole thing is called Dear My Dear.
the radio + letter remains there in the end. I briefly played with the idea of having them disappear as the sun came out, implying that Gaster took the radio and reas the letter, but that was before I realized it was much better for this to be for Wingdings specifically, not Gaster/Wingdings/whatever.
FINALE!!! PLUS SOME BEHIND THE SCENES INFO!!!
weeps pitifully this was probably the most fun i’ve had with a project/the most happy i’ve come out of one. Learned lots about my process’ and what works! so thats awesome It took a while to make, so theres a lot of stuff I changed or ideas I scrapped that I find interesting, so im gonna show some of that on my side/shitpost account, @o-sunny-day
also isnt this so awesome???? I got a computer so I got to post more images than just 10, THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!
Have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! Heres to being a bigger, better, and different person this year! except not really because despite everything its still you.
un-unless you…got shattered across time and space…. then you’re-
well I mean that-….. hm…
does that…? hmm, well….
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heartmix · 4 months ago
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Beard Burn - John Price
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Pairing: John Price x wife!reader
Word Count: 1.1k+
Warning: allude to s*x, going commando, beard burn (as you can tell by the title)
A/N: originally a jamie benn fic but captain john price 🥰
Masterlist / cod masterlist
Your favorite physical features of John's was hands down his beard. He took a lot of pride into keeping it looking good, often taking hours to line it up and trim it. Often you reminded the captain of how much you loved it and how handsome it made him look. His beard was one of the things you first noticed about him. To say it was an obsession on how much you loved it wouldn't be that far fetched. 
It was a blessing and a curse. As much as you admired it, his beard tended not to be so nice on your skin. During make out sessions or another intimate activity your skin would hate you and get all read and itchy. John noticed the redness afterwards but didn't bother too much since there wasn't much complaining on your end. No way were you going to complain about it.
"Why are you walking like that?" Brandy, your best friend asked as you made your way to the backyard.
You and price decided to hold a little barbecue to celebrate the boys coming back from a four month long mission. He always took care of his team and made sure that they took the time off of work to actually relax. This was one of the ways he could make sure they are doing just that.
"Um, beard burn." a quick mumble was let out as you straighten your pose seeing as she noticed something was up. It wasn't the first time you had to deal with it, but it was the first time you had to play host with it still fresh. 
"You nasty people, someone was excited to be coming home." She teased to which you rolled your eyes at. It was honestly no secret that John couldn't keep his hands off of you especially when he came back from deployment. Your best friend being the only person who knew the dirty details, courtesy of her barging into your house one morning.
"It's fresh from this morning and burns like hell."
"Then why are you wearing jeans? You ain't letting any airflow." She was saying what you already knew. Normally in a situation like this you would go commando and wear the silkiest shorts you own but it didn't feel appropriate for the occasion. 
"This was the first thing i found. The only laundry ive been able to wash is John's and thats not an easy task."
"Come on lets go find something more comfortable, we have time before the rest of your guest come." 
"You going to change lovie?" John asked seemingly hearing what Brandy said as he started up the grill. 
"Yeah, want to change into something more comfortable." You smiled up at him to which he returned. If only he knew the real reason why you were going to change. 
"Don't be long." He said leaning down to place a kiss on your lips.
"Let go of her you leach. Don't burn my steak." Brandy's voice broke your kiss making you both laugh before she was pulling you back in the house. 
Navigating through the mess that was your closest you managed to find a clean dress that was tossed all the way in the back. A simple blue sundress that looked modest enough for the night. Thankfully there was no wind and you were able to go commando without the risk of a Marilyn Monroe moment. 
By the time you and Brandy reached downstairs everyone seemed to be here already. A few of your friends were in the house while Price and his boys were out by the grill in the backyard. Looks like you took longer to change then you would have liked. 
"Go play host while i get us some drinks." Brandy said nudging you to your living room as she headed off to the kitchen. 
As you made your way throughout the house greeting people you couldn't help, but be glad at the suggestion to change. Relieve came immediately when you stepped outside to the crisp fall air. The pain wasn't fully gone but it wasn't as irritating as it was when wearing jeans. A smile graced your face while you made your way up to the boys.
"Theres the Missus!" Exclaimed Gaz making everyone look up at you.
"Looking beautiful as always." Soap smiled making you giggle at the compliments. 
"Thank you, you boys enjoying yourselves?"
"Making sure your husband doesn't burn the food." Ghost spoke up earning an eye roll from John. 
"You look beautiful lovie." John said as he pulled you beside him placing a kiss on your lips.
The rest of the night went on great. Much to Ghost and Brandy's doubt John didn't burn the food. Everyone enjoyed themselves which was all worth the last minute planning. As you both settled into bed John was wondering what made you decide to wear a dress. Sure maybe Brandy somehow convinced you, but it was unlikely you would stop your hosting duties just to go and change. 
"You looked comfortable tonight." John hummed as he came out of the shower seeing you in a night gown all ready to go to bed.
"Yeah I was. Cold air felt nice tonight." 
"No other reason?" He asked settling in bed next to you. 
"I kind of got uncomfortable from the activities this morning." Shyly you admitted making a smirk appear on your husbands face. 
"Was I too rough?"
"No not that, um your beard." John was now confused. What did his beard have anything to do with your comfortableness? "Beard burn." You clarified seeing his confused expression. Might as well rip off the bandage while were here.
"You have beard burn from me eating you out?"
"Yeah, Was burning at bit earlier, but got better when i was wearing just the dress."
"So you're telling me you weren't wearing anything under that little thing all night?" The smirk was back up on his face as his big hands slowly moved up and down your bare leg. 
"Just because i said it's better now doesn't mean that i want a repeat of this morning." You playfully slapped his hand away but it had no affect, his hand was back on you. 
"I'll shave." He said with all seriousness in his tone. John was going to do anything to make you happy and feel good. If the beard had to go so be it. 
"Don't you dare John Price." You scolded seeing how serious he was being. As much pain as the hair on his face caused you there was no way in hell you were parting with it just for a night of sex. 
"It's cock blocking me!" With all seriousness in his tone which you couldn't help but laugh at. 
"Well your cock blocker is what turns me on so it stays. You can go one night without sex old man."
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b14augrana · 6 months ago
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Strobe Light
The only thing a few drinks fail to make you forget is her face
Alexia Putellas x reader
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masterlist
Warnings: mentions of drinking / alcohol, party setting, romantic angst, short one shot
A/N: kind of a shit blurb i wrote ages ago that i wanted to get out of my drafts 👎 i think i was listening to the last minute of tumblr girls on repeat bc i had written that on the doc so … thats the vibe!
Oh, Ibiza.
It’s the most popular party location to the point where it’s hardly anything special anymore, but you still find yourself excited by it. Ending up on the floor of someone’s house who you don’t even know the name of, your first thoughts being the memories of the night before… what a high. You were addicted to that, the aftermath of getting shitfaced and only having enough capacity in your mind to worry about where your phone is, not what Alexia Putellas is doing right now.
You hated the people — watching them grind against each other and retreat to bedrooms if not crash on the sofa and make out right there, it was distasteful and you hated it. You hated alcohol, but you also hated the fact that Alexia wasn’t around to talk you out of having a few drinks, so you drank it out of spite. Among all these hundreds of people, you hated how you felt more alone than ever.
People would make the assumption that you attended these parties to find a girl to take home, but they looked all the same to you, hence your appeal in none of them, because Alexia was unlike anyone you had ever seen with her hazel eyes and lonesome dimple on her right cheek, the one that was barely there. Nobody else had that Alexia-ness that made you mourn her absence every time you went to these parties, and you knew that no matter how much you drank and partied, she’d always be your first thought of comfort the morning after.
You two had dated for a year, give or take a month. You were relentless in your pursuit of fun, whereas she was infatuated with football and refused to put anything above it, which was understandable, because she was good at it. She called it off in her apartment, saying that she couldn’t risk her career for a lifestyle you wanted to live, and you complied with it instead of making an effort to do something to keep you two together — it was your biggest mistake yet, and a decision that never fails to keep you up at night, because maybe if you had tried a little harder, she would’ve been beside you on these restless nights.
You thought you were absolutely hammered when you recognised her face in the sea of bodies, staring at you with narrowed eyes as if she was trying to determine whether it was really you she was spotting. Brushing it off, you considered it another instance of your mind fucking with you, and that made you put down the plastic red cup in your hand, abandoning it on some surface for another drunk to pick up.
Alexia was there, but she couldn’t tell herself why. Why was she in someone’s expansive Ibiza backyard without a reason?
She never liked big parties, such as the ones hosted in Ibiza. Her teammates appreciated them a bit more than her, but she wasn’t her teammates. She rarely ever got drunk unless she was in a Barcelona based nightclub, celebrating another trophy, but even then she never got blackout drunk.
None of that even mattered, because either way she was still standing among sweaty bodies on an island off the coast of Spain, the music sure to give her a headache sooner or later and the strobe lights hurting her eyes that were locked onto one uninterested face.
There was something else to the bored expression you had; almost like you were caught in an epiphany that this wasn’t enough to fill the void you gained when she left. Your face was plagued by disgust, your stare blank and fixated on nothing specific. She noticed all of this.
Alexia knew that you were only here to relive the oddly comforting morning-after sensation. She didn’t know that you craved it so much because ever since she left, she was all you thought about amidst a heavy hangover, and if you pretended hard enough, she was right beside you with her arms wrapped around your frame and her chest pressed to your back. Waking up post-party was almost like travelling back in time to the happiest period of your life — being Alexia’s girlfriend. It was the closest you thought you’d ever get to her again.
You felt like you were ebbing in and out of consciousness, the music fading into nothingness before coming back louder than ever, and your legs were giving in underneath the weight of your entire upper body. Shoulders and knees grazed against your own, nudging you around the crowd, and you could barely remember who’s property you were at, but you looked up and it became apparent to you that the Alexia in front of you wasn’t a hallucination and she was really there, reaching out to you and pulling you out of the crowd.
The reason she was there became apparent to Alexia as she led you to an empty guest room that wasn’t plagued by the smell of sweat and sex (she quickly learned that was rather hard to come across). She locked the door behind you two so there would be no chance of a lustful couple stumbling into the room while she laid you down.
You groaned as you made contact with the mattress, as moving your body at all had become a difficult task. She sat down beside you, turning on the lamp perched atop the bedside table, and she inspected your face; your cheeks bore hints of red and tired eyes squinted to adjust to the light as they settled on her own concerned-looking face. There wasn’t a feeling in the world that could sum up what she felt looking at you.
“Ale,” you mumbled, and she met your gaze. “Lay down. Give me this one night, at least,” you finished, rolling onto your side. Your back faced her, and she didn’t respond for a minute. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, and she was glad you couldn’t see the inconclusive look on her face.
All you felt was shuffling behind you before the mattress dipped and the presence of her body could be sensed behind you. There was a notable distance between you two that she worked hard to maintain throughout the night, because she didn’t want to remember what it felt like to be close to you.
She should’ve been in Barcelona, training and focusing on the matches ahead. After all, that was the entire reason you two had ended things, yet…
She was here.
266 notes · View notes
d0youc0py · 1 year ago
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I’ve been seeing so much ex husband price stuff on here and it’s making me drool. So I’m contributing some ex husband/not divorced yet but taking a break for vague reasons but you both still deeply love each other TF 141….Also this is sappy, dramatic and not accurate character portrayal—just let me live in denial!
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“Johnathan, it’s 1 am.” You groaned, trying to rub the sleep from your eyes.
“Go back to bed, Honey.” He muttered back quickly. You shot him a glare at the term of endearment. He was balancing a flashlight between his teeth, his back mostly turned to you.
“Are you fixing that window?” You questioned, turning on the overhead light. He must’ve not wanted to wake you. He took the flashlight out of his mouth, looking over his shoulder at you. His chest swelled at the sight of you in one of his shirts. It took every ounce of self restraint not to wrap you up in his arms. “I told you over the phone I hired someone to come and fix it.” You yawned.
“And have some stranger traipsing through the house.” He huffed. You watched as his arms flexed at even the slightest movements. You hated these moments of weakness. It was the same reason why you couldn’t fall asleep unless you were wearing one of his shirts. Or the same reason you would light a cigar like it was incense. The same reason why you always answered his daily calls. Then you’d remember why you wanted a divorce in the first place. It always felt like someone dumping cold water on you.
And thats exactly how you felt now.
“That’s not your problem anymore, John.” You reminded. His blood ran cold. Yet he kept up his unbothered appearance.
“Never a problem, Honey.” He assured, still keeping his back to you. You sighed running a hand over your face.
“I just- I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to just show up whenever you want. It’s my house right? That’s what you agreed to. It’s not just some motel you can show up at whenever you want to feel needed.” You spat. His body was still and ridged. His teeth ached from the tight clenching of his jaw and the pain in his chest was wince worthy.
“I know.” He said slowly. “I just want you to know I’ll always take care of you, Honey.” He began to turn towards you but stopped himself. He couldn’t stand to see the look on your face.
“I don’t need you to take care of me, John.” You continued. “I was able to survive before you and when you left me every other month.” You don’t know why you were being so forceful with him. Maybe it was because you hadn’t physically seen him in a few weeks.
“Well maybe I’m not doing it for you, hmm?” He shot back, finally facing you. His eyes were just as red the day you walked out of the lawyers office. “You made your decision, but that doesn’t mean you just stopped being the most important thing in my life. So yeah, I’m going to drop by if I feel I need to because I vowed to always take care of you and no fucking paper you make me sign is going to take that away from me. If you don’t like that you can get a restraining order.”
He didn’t even have a moment to catch his breath before your hands found their way to his shoulders, pulling him down for a kiss.
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“Hey, Cap.” You smiled into your phone. Calls from Price were kinda common- he just liked to check up on you here and there, but you could tell by the sigh on the other end this wasn’t going to be about you.
“Hey, Kiddo.” He started. “I catch you at a good time?” He questioned.
“Yeah, just watching TV. Everything alright?” You questioned back. There was another sigh on his end, and it sounded like he was taking a drag of his cigar.
“No one’s hurt.” He was trying to pick his words carefully. “It’s ’bout Simon, though.”
“Okay.” You responded slowly. Just the mention of Simon’s name had a small tremor rise in your body. It’s not like you had gone no-contact with him. He called you a few times a week just to ask if you needed anything, if anything in the flat needed to be fixed, or just to make sure you locked all the windows before going to sleep. “You’re building up a lot of suspense here, Cap.” You offered a fake chuckle.
“Sorry.” He paused again and you wanted to rip your hair out. “He’s just- I know it’s really none of my business what happened between the two of you but he’s not doing good, Love.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s doing fine work-wise. But I’m worried about him personally. He’s droppin’ weight, smoking a couple packs a day, drinkin’ when he knows he’s not suppose to be. When he’s not doing that he just sits and stares. Johnny has to check his pulse sometimes.” It was his turn to offer you a chuckle. Another pause and drag. A few fat tears rolled down your cheeks and Price ran a hand over his face when he heard you sniffle. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I also know you would get after me if I didn’t. Now you don’t owe him anything, but I think just a call from you would help him out a lot.”
“You think he’s doing this because of me?” You whispered.
“Course.” Price responded immediately. He cringed at himself. “What I mean to say is, you’re that man’s ‘reason.’ You get what I’m saying? Men like me and him need a reason. A reason to come home. A reason to be better. A reason to just get our asses out of bed at the crack of dawn. Like I said you don’t owe him anything, Kiddo, but I think just hearing your voice would do him some good.”
“Thank you, Price. For looking out for him and me.” You said sincerely.
“It’s what I get paid for.” He shot back with a laugh. You rolled your eyes, pressing the big red button after a ‘goodbye’. Your swollen eyes raked over the wedding photos you still had hanging in the living room. You couldn’t not call him. You wondered how long he’d been acting like this. Had he been doing it the whole time you had been separated? You rubbed at your eyes working up the courage to press his contact in your phone.
It only rang once before he answered.
“You alright?” He asked quickly.
“Yeah.” You replied, taking a deep breath. “Just calling to check in.” You said slowly. You heard him breathe a sigh of relief.
“Checkin’ in on me?” He repeated. Your heart ached at the thought that he seemed to think you didn’t care about him.
“That okay?” You urged. He hummed in agreement. “If you’re busy I can call bac”-
“Not busy.” He cut off. “What’ve you been up to?” You heard some shuffling and it sounded like he was getting into bed. You wondered what time it was wherever he was in the world.
“Nothing too interesting. I got a new cat! She’s an older tabby who’s seen some things, but she’s a Sweetheart.” You rambled on smiling.
“She probably thinks she’s in heaven with you.” He snickered. You giggled at his words and his eyes shut tightly trying to soak up every second of it.
“Simon, is there anyway when you get back you could help me move in a new cat tower? They’re all fighting over the one we have.” Using the word ‘we’ had just become habit when talking to Simon. You didn’t even realize you had said it. But you using that word was all the ‘reason’ he needed.
“Of course. I’ll be home Wednesday. That work for you?” His heart was beating out of his chest like it did the very first time he asked you out on a date.
“That’s perfect. I’ll see you then, Si.”
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*inaccurate medical rules*
Your leg bounced up and down nervously, your eyes about to burn a hole in the pale blue curtain. You were in an accident- not a major one, but you did receive a concussion.
Johnny was still your emergency contact and according to the nurses he was more than willing to pick you up.
“He’s not entirely my husband.” You began. The nurse raised his eyes from the clipboard for a split second before shrugging.
“Says it in your file and he’s still your emergency contact. He’s already on his way, but do you have anyone else we could call?” His tone was bored and you wondered how many times he had to have this conversation a day. You slowly shook your head. “Well we can’t just let you leave by yourself.” He sighed.
“I know, but I filed for divorce. He just refuses to sign it. Doesn’t that count for anything?” You pleaded. The nurse gave you a sour look.
“I can change your emergency contact so in future accidents he won’t be contacted.” You furrowed your brows at his choice of words.
“Hopefully there won’t be anymore accidents.” Your body stiffened at the all too familiar voice. The curtain was drawn back revealing your husband. He gave you a soft smile and you hated the way it settled your stomach.
“Yeah right, so change your emergency contact or no?” The nurse piqued up. You shut your eyes tightly, shaking your head side to side. You wished the floor would swallow you. The nurse looked between you and Johnny before giving you two some privacy.
“I’m sorry about all this, John.” You sighed standing up. “They wouldn’t let me leave without someone signing for me. If you could just walk me out, I can call an Uber.”
“John?” He repeated, in a whisper. It was probably just intended for himself. His chest tightened. No nicknames. He partly hoped that this experience would’ve softened you. Made you happy to be alive. Make you want to wrap your arms around him and call off the whole ‘divorce’ thing. He can picture all the times you sprawled out on his chest, whispering into his skin how safe you felt with him. Now here you were inching yourself away from him like he would ever hurt you. “I’d rather take you home.” He pressed.
“It’s seriously okay John”-
“Enough with the formalities.” He snipped. Your eyes widened and he groaned at his mistake. “You’re discounting everything we’ve been through together. Treating me like some stranger.” He growled out.
“Well what am I suppose to do? Hmm? You want me to call you ‘Mac’ again. Or any of the other ridiculous nicknames I made up for you? Well I’m not going to do that! You were good to me for so many years, Johnny- please don’t think I have forgotten that. But this last year it’s like I haven’t even existed to you. You’re taking every single job that is thrown your way like you don’t even want to be with me anyone, so I’m just doing what you do obviously want but aren’t going to say.” Your voice shook and tears dropped from your eyes, but you held your ground. His jaw clenched tightly, his eyes red from holding back what you had already given up hiding.
“You think I want this? I”-
“Hey, as much as this has been the highlight of my week, we actually need your bed back.” The nurse interrupted, peaking his head through the curtains. Your flushed but nodded your head in understanding. Johnny was hot on your trail following you out. The cold air felt nice against your heated body and you turned to Johnny waiting for him to make the first step.
“I’m sorry for gettin’ on you in there.” He sighed. He shifted on his feet. “I just miss you.” His eyes refused to meet yours knowing it would cause him to break. He opened and closed his mouth trying to find the words to how desperately he wanted you in his life.
“For a man who loves to talk you sure are having a hard time.” You sniffled, wiping at your still streaming eyes.
That was all he needed to let it out. It was sloppy and unfiltered, but yet it shattered your world and everything you thought you knew about the man and how he felt about you.
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You saw him at the store. It wasn’t the first time you had run into him- actually you two seemed to be bumping into each other all over the place. And without hesitation every single time he would flee the scene like you were some bully from high school he ran into. The same thing happened tonight. You both turned into the same aisle, stared at each other for a moment, then he dropped his basket and charged out the door.
You had already made up your mind weren’t going to let him go this easy.
You rushed after him, at a speed walk pace.
“Kyle!” You shouted after him in the parking lot. He was just opening the door to his sleek black car, one of his feet inside already. He paused for a moment, before sliding into the drivers seat. You were able to grab the door handle before he shut it on you.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” He growled, beginning to tug the door back. Your hand gripped the car door and he quickly faltered not wanting to slam it shut on your fingers.
“Just let me talk, please?” You begged. Those same brown eyes that you had spent the best part of your life staring into bore coldly into yours. “I just- We keep running into each other. I just think it’s silly that we keep avoiding each other.”
“Not silly.” He shot back without missing a beat. “You don’t want me anymore, remember?” Your heart dropped.
“Ky, that’s not true”-
“Fucking save it, Y/N. You’re the one who wanted to take a break. Why don’t you just divorce me and get it over with already.” He spat. His face curled in a way that made you want to die.
“Is that what you want?” You asked quietly. He ran his hands up and down his face.
“I’m tired of your games, Lovie.” His voice held no warmth. “I want my partner back. The same person who I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. The same person I vowed to love and protect- but that person doesn’t even seem to be you anymore. I couldn’t imagine just cutting you out of my life the way you did to me. And the fact that you were able to do it fucking terrifies me. Just call me when you figure your shit out.”
He shut the door and you let him.
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jaggedamethyst · 1 month ago
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circuit breaker 🔬🌌 (part four)
tutor!jayce talis x reader, ekko x reader college au
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content: jayce ghosts you when you need him most...so you have no choice but to lean on your best friend, ekko
pining, mental health mentions, neurodivergence, lmk if i missed any!
notes: ekko pic...omg... (you may think this series is going slow but i hate a slow burn ass fic that has them fucking chapter three don't pmo...also this evolved way past just jayce and i need to do ekko justice...bc some of yall don't, clocked it)
word count: 2.9k
series masterlist
⭑·゚゚·*:༅。.。༅:*゚:*:✼✿  ✿✼:*゚:༅。.。༅:*·゚゚·⭑
“Do you know that girl Jayce is always with?” 
You arrived to class, ready to learn—but not about physics truthfully. You expected to cut corners, create friendly conversation about nothing, humor Viktor. When you got there, though, you had to ask him immediately. 
“Mel Medara?” Viktor looked to you with intrigue. “I know of her…but not much about her.” He leaned to his left, toward you, “Why?” 
“She’s just always…around? And we spoke to each other once but I was in a hurry…didn’t get much chance for a formal introduction.” 
“Are you certain that your intrigue is rooted purely in your inquisitive nature…or is there another reason you want to share?” 
“No-“ 
The sound of the door towards the front of the class opening interrupted you—it was perfect timing, actually. You would rather not have to unpack why Mel’s presence bothered you so much; truthfully it was an inexplicable feeling. Someone walked in, and you sat up straighter. 
“Hi, everyone! My name is Caitlyn, some of you may know me if you’ve ever been to the student resource center.” She smiled at you, exchanging a look of recognition. “I wanted to formally introduce myself… I will be joining as a TA. If you need anything and can’t get ahold of the professor, you can ask me your course related questions.” She moved to plug a laptop into the projector, “Here is my email for future reference.” She allowed some time for people to copy and take photos of her email down. “Unfortunately, today’s class will be canceled for an emergency…but I was instructed to relay to you that the quiz will still be held next week. It’ll be on vectors and calculating their angles. Be sure to refresh yourselves over the weekend and reach out to me should you have any questions.” People started to shuffle around her, getting up to leave class. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, guys. Feel free to use the space to get some other work done, or leave early.” 
“What the fuck, this was such a waste of my time.” You glanced back towards the board, making sure you got the email address right. “I have been so tired I could be sleeping right now.” 
“I’m sorry, I know you have a lot to deal with right now.” Viktor moved to the end of the aisle, grabbing his cane while slinging his bag over one shoulder. “At least you’ve been in tutoring. The quiz this week should be easier, right?” 
“That’s the thing,” you reached for your phone, “We’ve only just got to vectors so far. That was hard enough.” You hovered your finger over Jayce’s contact, never actually having messaged him. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you started texting him. 
hi jayce 
im sorry to bother you but i have my quiz next week and its gonna be on more stuff than we got to in our sessions
do you have any time to meet with me this weekend? if not thats ok, i can ask my friend
You paused, walking behind Viktor without looking up from the phone screen. 
i just need you
No, you shook your head, continuing the text. 
i just need your help
lmk
ty 
You grimaced at the text bubbles, hating how you split all of that up. You imagined his annoyed face, seeing all of these desperate messages. You wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t answer. You wouldn’t answer you. 
Viktor turned to you, “Are you alright?” 
“Yes, just frustrated and irritated and angry…thats all.” 
“That’s not a great combination.” 
You shook your head. Without trying, Viktor could always cheer you up. “Unrelated, but did Jayce ask you about what snacks I eat?” 
“He did,” he looked over at you, “It was odd. He said something about ‘reinforcements’ for your guys’ tutoring session.” 
“Oh...okay.” 
Viktor would call himself a lot of things, including perceptive. He didn’t say much, but he noticed the way your eyes lingered on one another when you first met. He was aware of the way you spoke about each other, especially when it was just Viktor around. He simply arched a brow at you, observing your concerned look at the phone screen. 
“Maybe you should take the weekend to rest and recuperate.” 
“I would…but the quiz-“ 
“Just for today. Wait for Jayce to get back to you. Then you can focus solely on next week.” He nodded reassuringly. 
He returned the nod, liking the sound of the plan. 
If only Jayce had bothered to answer. 
——————
“Hi.” 
“Come on in.” Ekko stepped back, letting you into his dorm. 
“I know it’s so last minute, but I know nothing about angles …figured you could help.” 
“I absolutely can help and would love to.” 
You sat your stuff down, getting comfortable as you’d done dozens of times before. You turned a corner, washing your hands at the sink before heading to grab a throw blanket from Ekko's bed. 
He knew your habits, calling from the living room area. “I have the heated blanket out here, too, if you wanna use that one. Know you get cold.” 
You exited his room, wearing the slippers you left under his bed. “Once again, you are the best…because I am, in fact, freezing my ass off right now.” 
“Want something to drink?” 
“Always.” 
The two of you were so in sync—it had to be that way after Powder. It became worse when Vi blamed you, suspecting one of you said something to her to make her disappear. Even though you know you did nothing wrong, there was still a self-hate there. That you couldn’t be there for a friend who needed you—so much so that she left entirely. You couldn’t do that to Ekko, he felt the same. 
“So,” you pulled out the folder Jayce had given you, a slight frown on your face at the thought of him completely ignoring you. “I have this paper, its like a cheat sheet for vectors…but besides what Jayce told me I don’t know what to do. The TA said we also have to calculate the angles…that makes no sense.” 
Ekko grabbed his notebook, flipping to a blank sheet of paper. He sketched a makeshift drawing—surprisingly good for how quick he’d done it. You were always in awe of his artistic talent. 
“Okay, so here…is a light pole.” He moved his finger to the other side of the paper, motioning toward a little drawing of you, smiling on the sidewalk. “This is you.” 
“Wait I’m so adorable here!”
Ekko chuckled, side eyeing you a bit, “Yeah…” 
You snatched the pencil—quickly drawing in a stick figure of him. “This is you!” 
“Is it really? Couldn’t tell.” 
“Hey-“ You swatted his arm, “You’re identical in my opinion.” 
“If having lines for a body is identical…then sure. But anyways…not the point of my sketch.” He grabbed the pencil back, “Thank you very much.” He flipped the pencil, using the eraser side to show you the details. “Okay…light pole…you.” He smirked, knowing you wanted to interject. Ekko raised his hand before you could, “This is the distance between you and the pole.” He made up and wrote a random number in feet under the bottom, the same for the pole. “This is the height of the pole. This is all you need to find every angle and distance measurement.” 
The look on your face was one of pure confusion. “How does that make any sense whatsoever, Ekko?” You moved to close the book. “Actually, lets just watch a movie instead. I’m prepared to fail at this point.” 
Ekko grabbed the book from you, reopening it. “Well, I’m not, so let’s get to work.” 
He continued, explaining as best he could. It was no use, though, it just wasn’t making sense to you. You nodded, trying to get him to move on to something else. 
“Does that make sense?” 
“Yeah.” You reached to hug Ekko, “You’re the best.” Pulling back, you plastered on a smile, hiding the discomfort. You didn’t feel ready whatsoever. Suddenly, Ekko grabbed your hands, pulling your attention to him. 
“You’re gonna do great.” He lingered on you for a while, “Promise.” 
The doubt you felt made you want to hole up and skip class altogether. Eventually, it developed into a disdain for Jayce. When you thought about it, he was the reason you were going to fail…again. 
——————
You decided against skipping class on Monday, but you were definitely opting out of that damn tutoring session. If Jayce can’t answer a simple few texts, how were you to know you even had a standing appointment anymore. It made you feel less than worthy of a proper notice. Above all, it just felt plain unprofessional…he’s an employee after all. 
Walking into class and into this quiz felt like a walk to your execution. Midterms were quickly approaching, which meant you only had so many quizzes you could fail before the majority of your final grade was tainted by bad ones. 
Viktor greeted you as normal, moving over to give you a seat. “Are you prepared?”
“As best as I can be.” 
The beauty of college was that you did assessments in class and got the results as soon as you submitted. Knowing you would get your score back in the next few minutes had your stomach churning. An image of Jayce, carefree and nonchalant, popped into your head. Nothing was making sense. Reluctantly, you started choosing random answers—disregarding the calculator altogether. Before you knew it, your grade, a 56%, reflected back to you. 
“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself. You closed your laptop, getting up to leave class early. “I’ll see you later, Viktor.” 
Before he could reply, you were gone. Pushing through the door. You grabbed your phone from your pocket, texting Ekko. 
im done early, wanna meet rn?
He replied a few seconds later.
omw 
You picked up the pace, not out of urgency, but in pure frustration. Everything you’d been working towards wasn’t paying off. The time you spent not being with Ekko—with Jayce—was a waste. 
When you arrived to the dining hall, Ekko wasn’t there yet. You took the time to grab both you and him something to eat for lunch. Within minutes, Ekko showed up, that warm smile on his face as usual. He leaned into you, giving you a side hug while simultaneously grabbing the food from you. 
“How was the quiz?” You didnt reply, simply giving him a side eye. “Damn…I’m sorry.” 
“Not your fault…but thanks for helping.” 
He’d seamlessly changed the subject—allowing the two of you to talk without the reminder of your failure that day. You didn’t acknowledge how fast the time had passed and truthfully, didn’t care. You hadn’t planned to show up to tutoring…much less give Jayce any notice. 
To your right, you suddenly heard a voice, interrupting you and Ekko. 
“Hey.” You looked over, seeing Jayce standing there. “I figured you’d be here.” He looks between you and Ekko, hands now on his hips. “You missed our session.” 
You raised a brow and crossed your arms over your chest. “Wow, really? Didn’t know we were still having those.” 
“Of course we are, you have those quizzes-“ 
“Had.” You interrupted, “There was one today. You’d know if you checked your phone.” 
He looked down, embarrassed at his phone sitting in his front pant pocket. 
“I’m sorry- I know this is important for you but something came up.” 
“What? What came up?” Ekko spoke up. 
Jayce turned to look at him, finally acknowledging his presence again. “Something personal,” he looked away, focusing back on you. “Can we talk alone?” 
Ekko spoke again, “Say what you need to say.” 
“I would, but I’m not talking to you.” 
A screech of Ekko’s chair resounded in the dining hall. You reached a hand out, gesturing toward them. “Ekko, please.” 
Ekko looked over to you and inhaled a deep breath. He was looking at Jayce again, but kept talking to you. “I’ll see you later, okay? Call if you need anything.” 
“Wait- Ekko-” 
Jayce gulped, sitting down across from you. You watched Ekko leave as Jayce took his seat, hands resting on the table. 
“What the hell is your problem? You ghost me then show up here with an attitude? I should be pissed…I am pissed! I failed because of you!” 
He nodded, knowing the weight of his being inaccessible. “I’m sorry.” 
“You said that.” 
“There was a personal thing, a family emergency-“
“And yet, your phone is still in working condition.”
You didn’t want to be insensitive, but it takes seconds to reply. A simple message would’ve sufficed. 
“My mom’s sick.” You froze—remembering that it’s just him and his mom. “She was in the hospital all weekend…it still hasn’t gotten better.” He paused, looking at you now, “I thought I owed you to at least show up today.” 
“Well…now I feel like shit.” 
“Don’t. Not your fault I didn’t tell you what was happening.” 
“Is there anything I can do?” 
“Hope she gets better?” 
You reached over, placing a comforting hand on his, “I can do that.” 
He let you linger there, before pulling back. “How about this week, since I messed up so bad with scheduling…we meet as much as you’d like just so you can be ready. Shit, it can be every day if you want.” He nodded, “We’re gonna make sure you pass this class if it’s the last thing I do.” 
“Are you sure? I can be pretty high maintenance…” 
He leaned back in his chair, a nonchalant yet playful look on his face, “Not worried about it.” 
“Okay.” You shrugged, “If you say so.” 
The pair of you exchanged smiles, not at all prepared for how tumultuous this week would be. 
part five
taglist
@juskonutoh @sseleniaa @aerina127 @sleepysoldier @angelicmisty @1800latenitecreep @venus-in-roses
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asherxz · 5 months ago
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Hi hope you are doing good :3
Can you do a Oneshot or Headcanon with TFP Starscream and a fem reader that is part of the Deceptions and has a crush on starscream but is not sure if to confess because she is a human ? (Feel free to delete😅)
Confessing to TFP Starscream HCS (fem human reader)
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I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, ALL OF MY MOTIVATION JUST DISAPPEARED FOR NO REASON, BUT IM BACK!! I THINK... I'LL TRY MY BEST
btw i dont think i ended up mentioning gender in it? I just didnt know how to wrap that into this, i hope thats fine!!
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-Having a crush on Starscream while being human is... quite complicated.
-Does that make it impossible to get with him? Absolutely not.
-While Starscream may deny his affection to you, he absolutely does have a sweet spot for you.
-It all started when you first joined the Decepticons. You were simply going for a walk in a nearby forest, wanting to do nothing but relax, when you suddenly met the red and flashy Decepticon medic, Knockout.
-He was heartbroken after his conjunx endura, Breakdown, had sadly passed away. He had driven to the forest to get away from the bots on the Nemesis, just needing to cry his spark out.
-Despite your initial fear you felt when you first saw him, you still decided to approach the sad medic.
-And that's basically how it happened. He took you with him to the Nemesis, and after some convincing, you were officially a Decepticon
-One of the first bots you met was actually Starscream.
-When Starscream first met you, he was disgusted. How the frag was Knockout capable of convincing Lord Megatron to let you stay!?
-Knockout had actually convinced Megatron by explaining that he would be able to work much faster when he had a small helper to get into a bots crevices. Lucky you!
-At first, Starscream was very distant. He didn't like you, or your fleshy parts. He found it useless to have you around on the Nemesis.
-Often times, he would scoff and scowl when he caught a glimpse of you.
-The first time he genuinely had a conversation with you, he was practically forced to.
-It was after he had endured another beating from Megatron after a failed mission.
-He was filled with dents and scratches, it was incredibly he was still online.
-As he was sent to the medbay with Knockout, Starscream had been threatening the medic about his small organic companion.
-In absolutely no way did he want those organic small parts near him, much less on him.
-His protests only ended up fruitless, as he realised he was now stuck talking with the small organic, as you weren't allowed near him.
-To his surprise, you weren't that bad. Quite the opposite actually.
-It didn't take long for him to get absolutely infatuated with you.
-He hated the effects you had on him. You made his spark beat faster, and his processor run wild.
-He would still act like he despised you, but it was fairly obvious he wasn't.
-He would go to the medbay more often, usually using the excuse that old scars and such was hurting again.
-Of course, that was a lie, but he would use any excuse he could use to be somewhat close to you.
-As for you, you would probably notice his lies too.
-As you somewhat got closer to him through his visits, you would develop your own crush.
-The second Knockout even got the smallest idea that you liked Starscream, he would tease you SO MUCH.
-Of course, through his teasing, Knockout would also help you.
-Knockout could spot the crush Starscream was having on you, but he wanted you to figure this out on your own. Even if it was a pain to watch.
-Several times he would set you and Starscream up, making up an excuse as to why he had to leave you and Starscream alone in the medbay.
-You had to catch Knockout alone to explain to him that you were too anxious to confess, considering how you were... Well, human.
-Knockout really had to hold back a loud groan as you explained. He had seen Starscreams flustered faceplate when he was around you, and he knew himself that Starscream definitely liked you back.
-Instead of groaning, he just had to sigh and encourage you to at least try and confess to Starscream.
-Shortly after his encouraging words, Starscream came in.
-He had taken yet another beating from Megatron, and he was limping towards the medbay.
-When he had finally reached the entrance to the medbay, he practically colapsed onto the floor from exhaustion. He just barely held himself up, it was incredible he had enough energy to limp to the medbay.
-Knockout was quick to grab the second in command, hoisting him onto the medical slab.
-Starscream let out an exhausted sigh as he closed his optics for a few seconds, when he opened them, he looked over towards you.
-You had seen Starscream enter the medbay all broken, and it had immediatly worried you. Sure, he often came in like that after his 'meetings' with Megatron, but that only made you feel worse.
-You cautiosly walked to the edge of the table you were standing on, looking to Starscream, who was looking right back at you.
-He reached out his servo, allowing you to step onto it before moving you onto his chassis.
-This was new.
-You hadn't been this close to him before.
-Carefully, you moved closer to his helm, snuggling into it. You took a deep breath, finally confessing your feelings to him.
-It was an anxious and scared feeling you felt as you confessed, but it was now or never.
-You simply just never knew if it would be your last time seeing him. War was unpredictible, one could never know when a moment would be your last moment.
-Starscream tensed as he felt you snuggle closer and heard you confess. He stopped breathing for a moment, almost not believing what he had heard.
-Gently, he placed his servo over your frame, holding you close. With a shaking voice, he confessed back.
-He had no idea how this should work, or even if it will... but no matter what, he will stay by your side.. ♡
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AAGH THIS WAS WAS FUN! LOVE ME SOME CUDDLING BOTS.
Honorable mention! @urlocalboynoah
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phantosss · 6 months ago
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some changes i would have made to the characters storylines in tua s4
disclaimer: i am no writer, it's just fun to think about the possibilities. btw anyone feel free to use any of these ideas for fics idc
lila doesn't cheat for starters. instead she and diego have both been secretly doing vigilante missions and keeping it from the other because they think they'll be mad. on one of these missions the two run into each other and rekindle their spark. basically the five and lila story but with diego and lila instead thanks. maybe one or both of them almost die or their kids are put in danger, and they decide to find a much less dangerous hobby, because while its thrilling in the moment they realize they wouldn't sacrifice their family for it
luther is shown to be much more depressed about sloanes absence (if there really is no way for her to come back) but he's trying to hold it together to be there for his family. would be nice if he bonded with characters like klaus, viktor or allison who have also lost their lovers. diego and lila shenanigans means they need luther to babysit a lot and luther finds happiness caring for his nieces and nephew. maybe he also finds a fulfilling job where he can meet a lot of people and help others.
five still finds the time subway but without lila. we get more time exploring the alternate timelines and seeing different ways the apocalypse has happened including ways the other sibs have ended the world. his PTSD and reliving his trauma is also explored. he eventually ends up in the five diner where he's told that they end the world every time but instead of excepting defeat and making everyone sacrifice themselves he finds another way (what exactly that is im not so sure) and becomes the first and only five to successfully prevent the apocalypse forever
allisons relationship with claire and ray are explored more heavily as well as everything she did in s3. i like the idea that she takes care of klaus because 1: hes the only sibling that will still talk to her and 2: because of the guilt she feels after getting him killed. i just wish her arc focused on something OTHER than saving klaus because thats basically all she did this season. would be nice if she spent more time with viktor and luther the two people she wronged most heavily in s3.
i would keep viktors confrontation with reggie but alternatively i would make this reginald umbrella reginald so it has much more weight to it. either that or have viktor express that even though he said his piece toward this reggie he will never actually get closure with their real father and nothing will remove the pain from his childhood. the rest i would keep pretty similar. reginald wants to kill ben and viktor wants to stop him at any cost. viktor knows what its like to be "the bomb" and doesn't want the same thing that happened to him to happen to ben. instead of working together to find ben however they're more in a race against eachother. maybe allison joins him and they make up on the way. i would have liked for ben and viktor to have had a heart to heart in the beginning of the season, maybe about how ben felt like a monster sometimes because of his powers, and viktor relating. idk how this would work with sparrow ben because he doesn't seem to hate his powers the same way brelly ben did but it would have been nice to show another reason why viktor is going through so much trouble to save him. and the ending where he trys to talk him down would be more impactful i think.
for klaus i would keep everything pretty much the same up until he runs into that quinn guy. instead i would have him travel to the subway with five in lilas place. five and klaus' powers are the most mind boggling out of the bunch not to mention time and death are inherently intertwined and this needed to be explored. also, you're telling me klaus literally has the power to talk to GOD and this never has any plot relevance???? klaus should have been involved in finding the solution to the apocalypse imo. also we needed klaus and ben interactions. idk how or when but it NEEDED to happen
ben and jennifer being the catalyst for the apocalypse is making it very hard for me to figure what to do with him tbh. i just wish he had more time with the other sibs and didn't turn into a horrific blob monster at the end 😭he felt less like a character this season and more like a plot device and he deserved to have some scenes that actually fleshed him out. it would have been cool if the reason he causes the apocalypse was actually because of his powers and not just because he happened to be the one to make skin contact with jennifer. i really thought that the twist was gonna be that the squid that jennifer was stuck in was the one that ben summons and that was why they were connected. not the fact that they both just had reactive magic particles in them that anyone could have set off. like what if jennifer being cut out of the squid was what killed ben?
OH! what if jennifer was an eldritch horror from the same dimension that bens tentacles are from and for some reason she wants to kill the brellys/end the world and because bens powers are linked to her she can control his mind ???? c'mon i feel like i've got something here
a have a couple of other ideas but don't know where they would fit in rn so yeah.
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thisdreamplace · 2 years ago
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for those who struggle
i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.
the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.
when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.
indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.
and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.
non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.
here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.
this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.
the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.
i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.
you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.
xo dream 🕊
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floshav · 2 years ago
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more rodrick PLSSSSS it can be anything
omg this is my first req ever and im so excited thank you!!
you wanted more Rodrick well here's more Rodrick.
part 2 out now!!
summary: Rodricks your best friend but thats not enough for you. As much as you hate to admit, you like the boy. That's why you show up drunk and high at one of his infamous house parties after he'd ranted to you about how he was so so in love with Heather Hills.
warnings: angst, heartache, kissing, Heather Hills, pining, weed, alcohol, crying, one sided love kinda, self hate
wc: 1k+
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"She was so pretty."
"Oh yea?"
"No. I dont think you understand, like the way her hair smelled when she strut past me, the smell of..... smell of something light. Fresh! Pink even."
Rodrick practically had stars in his eyes when he described how his crush was at school. You'd be ecstatic if the crush was you, but the world is cruel so here you were talking about Heather Hills for the last hour or so.
"Y'know... I heard she spat on Louise last week. Poor kid, was dosed in her icky saliva for the whole day." Y/n was selfish but she tried to paint Heather in a bad light.
"Shit i'd pay good money for her to spit on me."
Well that backfired she thought.
"Freak" Y/n lightly laughed as she fell back onto Rodricks soft bed. Chest heaving up and down whilst her mind felt clouded.
"What can I say, love makes anyone a freak."
There was that word again. Love. How could he be bloody in love with little miss Heather Hills. The queen of highschool. The perfect girl. Pretty blondie. Pretty face. Y/n quickly began to realise there were plenty of reasons for Rodrick to crush on her. Y/n was a nobody. She thought her face ugly, her style wack, her eyes too uneven. She hated, hated, hated herself and wished she looked like Heather.
"Oh. My. God. I just had the best fucking idea" Rodrick exclaimed with the dorkiest smile he could produce, each fine line below the thickness of his eyebrows seen under the dim lighting of his room.
"Hmm?" Y/n buzzed as she basked in the coolness of his sheets
"M'gonna throw a party" "Heather would definitely come, i mean its one of my parties we're talking about."
Flashbacks to Rodrick's last party hit y/n's head like a train when she remembered how chaotic and horrible the experience was. Drunk teens shouting and chugging unknown beverages, shoulders brushing against shoulders constantly as she tried to find a room she could breath in without having to see another damn couple absolutely devouring eachother. Each and every minuscule second she'd spent in that house made her want to puke. The sight that made her want to puke the most was Rodrick's clearly drunk self throwing himself onto Heather, eyes sparkly with hope whilst she just sat there smiling so sweetly it was sickening.
Quickly she was sent back to reality.
"D'you think that's a good idea?" she questioned, tired.
"Course it is! she always comes to my things"
"Kay' whatever you think is gonna earn you your little dream girl specimen."
"Trust me, this times different." That's what he always said.
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It's ok. It's ok. I-It's.... it's gonna be fine. she told herself as she admired the makeup she'd put on for tonight's occasion, she'd tried to copy one of Heathers famous looks, but quickly realised it didn't suit her skin so she stuck to her usual and hated herself for it. It was dreadfully the day of his party. The day that she'd have to witness him openly flirt with Heather just because he had an excuse to down a dozen bottles of cheap booze. She swiped a smear of lipstick that somehow ended up below her lip and sighed as she adjusted her shirt. Why do you always give in? Just confess you idiot. No! what the fuck am i thinking. she scrunched her nose and took a deep breath in, abusing her vanity with the pressure from the pads of her fingers.
She really really didn't want to go. She couldn't bare seeing Heather show up with her annoyingly perfect face, her perfect nose, her perfect hair, her stupidly sweet personality that everyone gaped over. Fuck it. She hated herself and wanted to forget that Rodrick even existed.
She found her not so hidden stash of weed she'd carelessly left under a pile of worksheets from her chemistry class, something ionic bonding. She didn't know how long it'd sat there for but it stained the ziplock bag a dull yellow. The bag was crinkled and smelled like the thought of Rodrick. Whenever she was upset or mad at Rodrick she'd smoke weed to drown the thoughts out but she slowly realised it was ruining the drug as a whole for her.
She rolled a joint in a random piece of paper she'd found thrown on her floor and lit up the end, taking a deep whiff of it, smile playing on her lips.
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"Animals.....Elephants....Tiguurrrsssss!" She slurred as she laid flat on her disheveled bed scrunching the sheets as her eyes formed stars around her ceiling. She got up abruptly, hair a mess and rubbed her eyes deepening the pressure with every second. "Rrrr... What time? Uggggh" She sighed as she reached for her phone. Her room was cloudy and smelled of green. Beside her were a few empty glasses so she took a sniff, curious. Happy juice? No, Vodka she thought. She saw the emptied out bottle of cheap convenience store alcohol by the side of her feet a long with the yellowed bag of weed which was empty. it'd been around 2 hours since she blacked out on her bed somehow thinking about how her fan looked like the shape of animals. Shit, fuck, ass, asshole! she muttered under her breath as she plopped back down.
"Why not? What's thurrr worst that could happennn?" she mumbled eyes fluttering as she picked up her bag and stumbled out her window, careful not to wake anyone. She took the route down the tree that always worked for her but in a clumsy fashion as she fumbled down the hard branches of her overgrown escape buddy. Craaack, Creeeeak. The continuous sounds made her annoyed. "Uggggfh can't everyone just shut up!!"
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There she was. Standing dumb, drunk and high in front of the booming house lit up by warm yellow light. She could already smell the familiar smell of cheap alcohol, body odour and weed. My kind of night she thought as she barely made her way to the entrance. There were already people outside partying like no tomorrow as some flipped their hair to some overplayed hip hop song that everyone knew. While some were more restricted, sipping on booze as they giggled with their friends. The true highschool experience y/n thought.
Bump.
"Hey! Watch it-"
"Y/n?"
It was someone with beautiful waves of blonde still visible from her clouded vision, pretty makeup and a perfect body. Heather.
"O-Oh hey Heather! Pretty little Heather Hills." Y/n slurred as her vision was still blurred
"Uhm... Y'alright?" She questioned looking back at her friends as if y/n was cuckoo.
"No. No. No. No! Y-you. You. You and your stupidly perfect self can go to hell!" y/n lashed out
"W-what? Y/n what the fuck is wrong with you?" Heather said clearly freaked out by the sudden aggression.
Tears started to cloud y/n's vision so she took in a deeeeep breath trying to suck in as much oxygen as she could.
"Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! You- You're all he wants. Heather, heather, heather! My perfect little heather with her pretty little face!" Y/n cried out as her knees began to weaken. She had no sense of shame, embarrassment or anxiety. She was too blacked out for this. So blacked out she just blurted her deepest darkest thoughts.
A crowd began to form around them, some curious at the sudden shouting girl who was crumbling a part, vulnerable in front of some people she didn't even know the names of.
"W-what? What are you even saying y/n." Heather said confused and disturbed as she began to back away.
Warmth began to spread at the small of y/n's back. Rodricks hand.
"Y/n? Why the fuck are you screaming?- Y/n s-shit you're not alright." Rodrick hastily slung y/n's arm around his shoulder careful with her as if she was a piece of fine china.
"S-sorry bout' that Heaths, trust me she doesn't mean anything she's saying" Rodrick stutters clearly not drunk enough, nervous as he realises that Heather is clearly agitated.
"Y-yea. It's okay Rodrick. It's not your fault, just get her far from here kay?" Heather said with sympathy and those stupid doe eyes whilst placing a hand on his shoulder. This should've made him tremble with pleasure, but the fact that she'd talked about y/n as if she was a monster made him angry.
"Yea. Yea alright." Rodrick scoffed, lightly rolling his eyes before dragging y/n's blacked out figure up his carpeted staircase, the carpet grazing her knees creating a friction which burned satisfyingly on her kneecaps.
"Fuuuck. Fuck..." Y/n softly mumbled, head tilting to the side of his shoulder as he firmed his grip on the side of her shoulder. Shoulders.... shoulders are for friends, real girls get hands put on their waist. Not shoulders. She managed to conjure the thought in her hazed mind.
He struggled to open his door as y/n's body weight pressed into the side of him as he suddenly heard silent weeps of sorrow erupt from her lips.
He set her on the foot of his bed, careful not to drop her anywhere harsh.
"Y/n? Y/n what's wrong, you're like black out drunk." He asked now bending down with both hands on his knees.
He slowly caresses his hand over the hill of her cheekbone and shoves a fly of hair away from her puffy eyes.
"You....i... Im sick of you and- and her." She sighs as a hysterical tear falls from her eye. Her face was the saddest Rodrick had ever seen and this broke his heart.
"Me and... me and who y/n?" He said so softly as he began to crouch so so close to her, his eyes looking up into hers with genuine curiosity and care. The mention of her name fluttered her heart.
"Heather" She breathed out involuntarily sniffling.
"You don't like me talking about her?" He slowly asked as if all the dots were finally clicking together.
"That's a stupid question." He lowly chuckled as he swiped his thumb under the pad of her eyes.
"I.. I really- I really"
"You really what?" He said again so so softly
"I really like you." She blurted before she felt that familiar rush of heat rapture her face.
Rodrick's eyes glance down to her swollen lips and he feels a strong ache pill at his heart. His best friend just confessed about her underlaying fondness of him and he'd been an ass talking about Heather all the time. He imagined how bad it must've sucked all the damn time.
"I-I'm so sorry I- I always talked about her."
"No! don't fucking be sorry you idiotttt." She slurred
"You- You don't owe me anything." She smiled softly as she fluffed up his hair.
"Maybe..." This is wrong he thought
"Maybe i do owe you an apology." He said slow and steady as he glanced down to her lips and locked with it for the final time.
He slowly moved in to plant a soft kiss on her puffy lips and her eyes widened in surprise.
The kiss felt like heaven and she tasted like everything he was used to. A hint of cherry chapstick, a lot of weed and something coconut. His lips felt so soft against hers and she breathed in every second of the experience. She almost wanted to whine when he pulled away.
"I- Fuck."
Y/n's euphoric high was quickly ruined at the notice of him clearly regretting his decision.
"No- It's fine Rodrick. I get it, it was just a in the moment thing." She sighed as she put both her hands to her face rubbing her cheeks and eyes as if she was trying to rid off the pain in her heart.
"No, no, no! it's not that."
"I just..."
"Fuck it." He went in for another kiss.
--------------------------(end)
thank u for the request!! i hope this was enough to satisfy ur rodrick need lol, if u ever want a smutty end to this lmk but yarrrrr
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sunflower1experiment · 1 month ago
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Mouthwashing Actor AU
Jimmy: My character, is mentally struggling, manipulative, and a leech. So lots of therapy needed for the thought process with him. Its honestly annoying seeing people idolize him, sure the empathy makes sense because he represents a struggling class but, if I saw him. I’m calling the cops, him hurting the medic and then trying to kill her, don’t even get me started on the statue. What was the reason? He represents how some of these kinds of people aren’t just already gross and disgusting, they could be people who are your close friends.
Anya: Jeez, you’re so self aware about him. More than, some of the fans….
Jimmy: Look hate him and like him but don’t justify his actions.
Daisuke: Damn son! My character was sorta naive but he’s smart too! He just doesn’t see it because he’s so busy following orders. Sorta like the demographic of kids, we seek leadership and want to make our parents proud!
Anya: You also cheat at games.
Daisuke: Put cho paws up girl!
Anya: My character, she’s an amazing representation of what victims go through, the loneliness, the devastation, I simply hope everyone who sees her doesn’t water her down but understand that she is brave, jubilant, mindful and super smart. Maybe in another universe everyone is happy. I hope so, I wouldn’t want Anya to remain in a world where she’s stuck in devastation.
Swansea: Heavy kid, Curly what do you-….
Curly: *sniffle* Its so beautiful.
Swansea: Eh, my character and Curly’s are sorta parallels. He knew Jimmy but not fully and didn’t do much to stop em, meanwhile Swansea did and yet he still couldn’t/didn’t do much. Thats why their eyes are gone, symbolism is at play. Just like when Swansea had to mercy kill Daisuke, tough decisions for folks like that. Especially when neither of them took Anya’s job seriously. Its a lot of circumstances and damned if ya do or damned if ya don’t for Curly and Swansea.
Curly: Oh yea I forgot! Man, they are just naive.
Swansea: Yep
Jimmy: Agreed.
Curly: The word enabling gets thrown at him too much, in the wrong conjunction. Curly enables everyone and everyone enables each other, he fails at being Captain when he first let Jimmy on the ship, sure everything was nice but at some point the mental distress, mental deterioration, it got to them. They didn’t take the psych evaluation seriously, Pony Express didn’t take them seriously. In the end Curly as a Captain failed, he failed as a friend for Anya specifically. Sure he’d be a safe person but he doesn’t take Anya’s words into consideration. It’s a lot to take in, honestly.
Anya: In the sequel, Curly hates himself to the core. He wasn’t perfect, or a good man. But he definitely isn’t a bad person, he like everyone is flawed.
Jimmy: *patting his back* Well said pal, therapy for everyone though. Because that shit was horrifying.
Crasona: Sir you can’t just be cursing!
Jimmy: My fault.
Crasona: Now, would ya’ll like it better if Jimmy didn’t exist in this game.
Curly:…So another delivery simulator slice of life?
Crasona: Shhh the fans are asking
Jimmy: Crasona get the microphone away from me.
Anya: Oh my gawd.
Daisuke: Character development flushed down the toilet!
Swansea: And folks wonder why I drink…
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hibiscusseaart · 2 months ago
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my brain keep showing me one particular au in my dreams over and over again, im basically watching a fanfic there at this point.
so the plot that i try to make sense of: madatobi got married but somehow it was accidental? like not even arranged, they got married by some weird laws that i dont remember. and no it was not abo mating thing, it was like a canonverse. AND it was after Konoha was founded, so no arranged marriage for peace or shit. it was literally random ass marriage for no reason.
SO, the marriage, i keep dreaming about Tobirama being absolutely miserable in his married life bc he doesn't understand Madara and Uchiha's culture. like for him it was basically an arranged marriage be some supernatural shit, so he has to act like a proper spouse, do his 'duty' and be a good bride and make his husband happy. but after the ceremony Madara did nothing and offered Tobirama his own room to sleep and there was 0 kisses or touches or any acknowledgement that Tobirama is Madara's husband.
To add to it Madara doesn't give Tobirama any duties in the clan, so Tobirama just hangs out in his room when he's at home. He doesn't even ask for a lab bc he's sure Madara would deny him. Like he's not even sure he's allowed to do experiments here. Tho he still works in the Tower and goes on missions and stuff.
Plus noone explains him ANYTHING. Tobirama is used to Senju's autistic ways (hc that Senju clan is just full of autistic ppl thats why its a clan of a thousand skills): everything is explained and everyone are very direct with each other in the clan. Hidden meanings and not spoken out loud norms are only for politics and other clans.
Like maybe he asks some women directly "how to be a good Uchiha spouse" and they assume he's talking about sex and they get shy and try to hint and Tobirama is just so confused, he doesn't understand shit. He needs Uchiha social norms instructions but there's NONE bc apparently you have to GUESS????
Obviously from what Tobirama guesses and sees, he comes to the conclusion that Madara still hates him and they are doomed to have marriage without any love or affection (for now i keep thinking about maybe it was like soulmate's bond or some god's marriage thing)
And Madara's POV is that he is really confused about Tobirama and he doesn't fucking understand what to do with him. Like he doesn't want to take him in his bed just bc they are husbands now, he can't have children and he doesn't want to make him do work for the clan bc well they both didn't ask for it and he doesn't want to force Tobirama to do something just bc of something that was out of their control.
And their relationships are still strained bc of the war and stuff. But Tobirama really wants to be a good spouse, but he has fucking nothing. He can't even cook or clean bc Madara has like a maid from the clan for it.
The only things Tobirama does in clan are to teach Kagami and sometimes spar with Izuna sometimes, which is not a lot. Tobirama is used to co-lead the Senju clan. Ofc he has work in the Tower, but Hashirama bullies him out of there at the end of the work day to go home to his husband.
But Madara barely acknowledges him? I think the reason for it was bc Tobirama kept addressing to him as 'Lord Husband' and Madara was REALLY weirded out by that and Tobirama's eagerness not just to be some kind of chill roommates, but an actual spouse. He thought there was some kind of motive for it, but he couldn't find it
It gets better after Hashirama visits Tobirama in his new house and Tobirama, tired of the constant stress and worry, just spills, read: almost fucking cries, ok brain ooc much? queen Tobirama never cry everything to his older brother how he's a horrible husband to Madara that he even made him sleep in another room and stuff. It was a cute scene: they sat on the sofa in Madara's house and Tobirama is tucked in Hashirama's side and they're hugging really close, bc Tobirama was really close to a meltdown and he needed a comforting scent of his family.
Hashirama was kinda dark-ish there, bc I remember him having vibes that he will kill Madara (like fr fr) when he gets the chance. He upsets his outoto - he gets killed. Fair, right?
Tobirama tells Hashirama, that no, you can't kill my husband just bc doesn't even like me.
Funny thing that Madara actually heard this talk (Tobirama didn't notice him bc he was already overwhelmed by his own feelings) and was like 'oh shit, he actually cares about these things???'
so yeah, angsty. I think I read a fic with same ish plot, but in my dream there was a big emphasis on how Tobirama really tries to be good for Madara and Madara is weirded out and never acknowledges their marriage
I think Tobirama had Hananaki in the end. Imagine dying by unrequited love bc your husband doesn't love you. Sad, angsty. Hurt/comfort (from Hashirama).
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maxdibert · 3 months ago
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Hey so maybe stop bashing on a fandom thats just trying to have fun wasn't it like Taylor Swift or idk another white woman who said "never hate on someone's idol it might be the only reason they're alive" and yes we recognize how the fandom is flawed but jesus christ chill dude
So you acknowledge that the fandom has its issues, but you don’t care at all and just keep pinkwashing bullying and classism? So it’s all fine as long as you perpetuate the classic stereotypes that equate evil with ugliness and poverty, twisting the canon narrative to fit your ideal of beauty privilege, conveniently rainbow-tinted so the stench of victim-blaming and body-shaming isn’t as obvious? But it’s suddenly wrong when someone calls you out on it?
I don’t have an issue with people liking the Marauders or the Death Eaters. Honestly, that’s great—everyone’s entitled to their preferences. My problem is that out of all the incredibly problematic characters in this fandom, you only exclude, vilify, and paint one of them as irredeemable: Severus Snape. Which, surprise (spoiler: it’s no coincidence), happens to be the only one in this lineup of super queer, super POC, super body-diverse OCs who is canonically working-class and desperately poor. He canonically doesn’t fit the stereotypes of the ideal masculine figure, which is exactly why the boys who do perform that toxic and aggressive masculinity bully him. He canonically falls outside beauty standards, so he’s mocked for it. He canonically isn’t the perfect British white boy, and he’s ridiculed for that too. Funny how you paint the epitome of white, economic, and cishet privilege as unique and different, but the one character in that generation who is the closest thing to queer-coded ends up being the homophobe? Or the misogynist? Or the sexual predator? When he’s canonically the only character from that generation who has actually suffered what we would now define as sexual assault?
Look, I’d have no issue with your fandom if you didn’t constantly engage in this bashing that reeks of classism and body-shaming. Oh, and let’s not forget the internalized misogyny—it’s glaringly obvious, by the way. But since you insist on making jokes and ignoring how problematic it is to portray the only socially marginalized character in that entire group as the worst villain, maybe it’s time to tell you straight up that you’re either a bunch of kids who have never opened a book about gender, politics, and social inequalities in your lives, or you’re just as much fans of bullies and the elite as J.K. Rowling herself. And if you don’t like hearing that, maybe do a little self-reflection. Because your double standards, cynicism, and hypocrisy are not only nauseating but downright embarrassing.
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