#despite what you remember now
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Dear My Dear -
an @forgettable-au fan-slideshow
At the end of their journey, Sans has remembered everything. And theres only one question on his mind now…
*now what?
Its lore time. omg theres so much-
The way ill organize this…lIll start with the GENERAL thing, before getting more spesific, and explain each slide in way too much detail.
THE BIGGER PICTURE
This is the hypothetical end to their journey. Sans and Papyrus remember what happened, and this is how Sans is handling it. A letter to Wingdings.
I was hesitant to make this at first for obvious reasons- we dont know how its gonna end!!! But I took this more as a “what if ?” scenario. IF they ever remember anything, how would Sans specifically, react? I mean thats gotta be tough.
Because of that though, lot of what happened to lead up to this is kept vague.
ill explain in way more detail how Sans got to the point of writing this letter, and how he feels in the end when I explain each slide individually. But the reason why, the MAIN ISSUE is…
Over the years, hes put so much effort into enjoying what he has. And- nothings even changed!!! So why does he feel so much has? Now that he remembers what he lost…WHO he lost. He cant help but have this voice in the back of his head that says “would it have been better if that never happened? if Papyrus never existed?” and of course he absolutely hates to think that! but the voice gets louder. Writing this letter, is an act of closure. Of laying to rest someone he never got to. Someone he never even really got to do much with.
(Excuse the shitty quality of the images- I promise they’re better. WATCH THE VIDEO)
my dear wingdings,)
Sans says “wingdings” here instead of “brother”. that’s important. Also its on a white void, showing a sorta “heavenly imagery” with the mention of Wingdings. Also Gaster is in a BLACK void, but hes talking about WD here, so, contradictions.
you never came back, and now…after remembering everything everything clearly i understand why.)
Sans and Papyrus are sitting by a fire at night. They are both sorta lost in their own worlds at the moment, but are more or less leaning on one another for comfort and support. They both need each other right now despite each other being the whole reason why they feel the way they do right now-
Papyrus is notably no longer wearing the white coat that somewhat resembles a lab coat. Symbolism! Growth!
(art note: I drew Sans as a lefty in this- cherish it. It was so hard to draw these hands at these angles- CHERISH IT.)
i don’t imagine you’ll receive this letter, but i, nonetheless, must send it. wingdings….oh ‘dings…)
the first part is somewhat of a self aware/sarcastic joke. Sans is writing this letter for himself- he doesn’t imagine Wingdings, the dead man, will ever see it. Nor would Gaster care to read it. Thats another important thing, this is NOT a letter for Gaster. This is a letter for Wingdings. which is for Sans
The star in the sky symbolizes a few different things- the main one being Wingdings ofc. But also Papyrus’ expectations of himself- which mainly come from who he was. He’s looking at it, reflecting, thinking of what Wingdings did, and what Papyrus has done. Who he is NOW, and if he ever was Wingdings.
Or if Wingdings just became him.
A square is a rectangle, but a rectangle isn’t a square type thing.
i was just starting to dream the silliest- the softest of dreams. i miss you. and i will always miss you.)
2 contradictions, what Sans used to think, vs what he knows now. The memories were fuzzy- he couldn’t remember The Royal Scientist, he just feels like he remembers some nice times. Before now knowing everything clearly. And he still misses it- slightly.
The reflections are blacked out at first, before showing their future selves. Before, there was no connection to the present because it wasnt true. It felt like/was 2 completely different things
but i cannot live like that.)
Sans can still tell, even without the rose tinted glasses view he used to have, he cant live missing the past and not living in the present. He always knew that, but repeating it here makes him feel better.
Pictured is Sans and Papyrus hiking up the mountain next to the city as the sun sets. Papyrus is in full view of the light, but is facing away in order to help Sans see it too. Symbolism!
and it seems you cannot live any other way.)
another reference to the fact that Wingdings cant live… at all now. But also an awareness that part of him lives on in Gaster. The thing that killed him.
I doubt hes going to change in any way by the end of the comics, he’s far to obsessive about angels and the player for childish stuff like “growth” and “changing for the better as a human being”
when i was with you, the world made sense. but now that we are apart, i see clearly that your world is not a world from which one can escape.)
When they were together, they knew what they wanted to be. They wanted to be scientists. But after being apart so long and experiencing so much uncertainty, Sans finds that mindset is unhealthy. Again, a lot of this is stuff he already knew, but is repeating to himself because after remembering everything, he feels as if hes back at square one.
As kids they would test echo flowers, for science purposes! We don’t know yet if WDs voice comes through on them, but I imagine not… maybe. But for this we’re gonna say no. Their speech bubbles are trying so hard to be circles- the scribbles also somewhat resemble stars because I thought that’d be fun.
But the last slide has it shown that he dug them out, also for science purposes!
He took the echo flowers from their roots, much later on in his lab career. That in itself isnt that bad, but it symbolizes that he doesn’t care much for taking things slow. He wants to test with echo flowers? **TAKES EVERY SINGLE ONE WITHIN A 100 MILE RADIUS**
Also the empty holes reflects sort of what happened after he died. All of the underground was left with holes to fill. Sans, a childhood/brother. Alphys, the royal scientist. Those are the main ones but he was THE ROYAL SCIENTIST im sure there were more (smaller) holes that may or may not have been filled.
Ok and the last thing the flowers being taken out represent- he took the ones specifically from when they were kids, and abandoned what was left for the grass to grow tall and the entire area to be, in general, a lot flatter. In his quest to basically never grow up and continue being the thing he KNEW he wanted to be since kindergarten- he’s taken everything and left the rest in the dust. He’s The Royal Scientist now, he “doesn’t need anything else.”
i’m so sorry. for everything. for everything long ago, and for starting up that machine again.
Sans knows he could have been better. He could have done things differently, and that thought messes with him, even before he remembered.
The 2nd image is Sans at Grillbys after another failed attempt to get Wingdings outside. Despite the fact that he could have done things differently, theres no real reason to be “sorry” But still, he cant help but feel like he should be. He could have done things differently- could have tried harder, and gotten Wingdings out more often- or at all.
Im not sure where the machine in Sans’ lab comes into play in this AU, but it worked for the purposes of this audio.
theres a good man within you, wingdings. but he is wrestling with a giant. and the giant WINS time and again.)
Before everything, there was still a good man inside Wingdings that Sans saw. But now that he’s Gaster he just cant see him ever changing... and yknow what hes probably right. Like Papyrus says! Anyone can be a good person if they just try!…Gaster just isnt trying
“Wins” being emphasized here, I enjoy, since its sorta a video gamey term. The giant hes wrestling is that/the player, after all. Also probably his ego
I also had fun with kid Wingdings and what he’s drawing. Ofc its all him and Sans plus silly little stars, but him being finished drawing Sans, but not yet finished drawing himself, symbolizes the fact that at that age he still didn’t really know what he wanted to be, I feel like Wingdings kinda remembers the past wrong. Sure he definitely had science on the mind, but younger kids are often filled with questions, he questions if thats truly where he’d be the happiest.
Thats the good man within him
you’ve broken my soul again, and i fear i have broken yours. and for that i will never forgive myself, but i need to let you go now.)
the star represents, again, Wingdings. And the moon represents Sans, which shines only under the Suns (Papyrus’) light.
The sun is beginning to rise, and Sans and Papyrus are beginning to leave. Sans puts out the fire, closing this chapter of his life.
Because of every reason he needed to relearn/re-reflect on listed here, hes ready to let Wingdings go now. Sans is the one to put out the fire here, and not Papyrus, cause this is from the perspective of how SANS handles putting this issue to rest. Papyrus can have his own fire to put out later
Another thing about putting out the fire, thats just kinda common knowledge to do especially at a public camping spot. Yknow what else is common knowledge to do so you dont disrupt the community?? NOT REPLANTING FLOWERS-
Its not that deep…but still-
i send you the radio you made many years ago when we were kids. not because i dont want it, but… because i care for it far too much and it reminds me too much of you.)
CALL BACK!!!!!!
Sans leaves this last memento to Wingdings, the last thing they have that has nothing to do with Papyrus. Because at this point theres no reason to keep it, in Sans’ mind at least. There’s also no reason to destroy it- Like he says, hes not leaving it out of malice, theres just no good that will come from keeping it and holding onto the past.
As the sun rises, here we see the brothers leaving. in contrast to before, Sans is helping Papyrus down. Helping him down from the spotlight, the expectations he’s set upon himself. Another kick that Papyrus still has much more to reflect on and think about, he’s still looking back at that light, at a shooting star, at everything he thought he wanted to be.
i hope one day you will find some kind people who with appreciate you. for it kept me thinking of you all these years.)
GASTER FOLLOWERS!!!
Despite everything, Sans still wants whats left of Wingdings, Gaster, to be happy and find something, anyone, that will give him true happiness. It’s left ambiguous however if they truly do, do that for him. If it’s at all healthy.
cause frankly i have no idea how theyll be included. but just like everything- i cant wait to find out
and i hope by returning it to you, i can finally be free. goodbye.
- your brother
As the sun rises, the star gets smaller and smaller and eventually the sun replaces it. Remember when I said Papyrus represents the sun? SYMBOLISM!!!
Also about that, the star shines brighter than anything, but the Sun is among a lot of clouds, depicting how isolated Wingdings is/was despite shining the brightest, vs Papyrus who also does indeed shine! but isn’t isolated whatsoever.
Now, remember when I said Sans saying “my dear wingdings” instead of “my dear brother” was important? well, he acknowledges that he is still Wingdings’ brother, despite everything. So he signs off as “your brother” but… He’ll always try to remember Wingdings fondly…but…he’s unsure if he considers Wingdings his brother anymore- just because of how much they’ve changed. Thats why the whole thing is called Dear My Dear.
the radio + letter remains there in the end. I briefly played with the idea of having them disappear as the sun came out, implying that Gaster took the radio and reas the letter, but that was before I realized it was much better for this to be for Wingdings specifically, not Gaster/Wingdings/whatever.
FINALE!!! PLUS SOME BEHIND THE SCENES INFO!!!
weeps pitifully this was probably the most fun i’ve had with a project/the most happy i’ve come out of one. Learned lots about my process’ and what works! so thats awesome It took a while to make, so theres a lot of stuff I changed or ideas I scrapped that I find interesting, so im gonna show some of that on my side/shitpost account, @o-sunny-day
also isnt this so awesome???? I got a computer so I got to post more images than just 10, THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!
Have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! Heres to being a bigger, better, and different person this year! except not really because despite everything its still you.
un-unless you…got shattered across time and space…. then you’re-
well I mean that-….. hm…
does that…? hmm, well….
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Good morning, Sleepyhead.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
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going through some old logs, and I need you to understand just how truly unhinged early 2010s RP omegle was.
genuinely you could stay on there for hours with just one person, hashing out complex traumatic backstories, drawn-out love confessions, detailed action scenes...collaboratively describing graphic violence, past abuse, comfort, hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, any number of sex acts...and then one of you would be like, "oh haha it's 2AM! I have to sleep :(" and the other person would say, "omg saaaame. :( gnight!!!" and then you'd exit the chat and never speak to each other again, and this was. fine.
you could just spend an entire evening shoving your wretched, bleeding soul into a chat log with someone you'd never meet or learn the name of, achieve some form of emotional catharsis, and then go about your day or night like this was an average way to spend your time.
I'm really normal about this, actually
#sbs rambles#omegle#it wasn't always serious ofc. there was a lot of lighthearded silliness#but I usually went in for the darker sadder stuff that built up to a happy ending#there's really a special form of intimacy when you and an internet stranger are each controlling a fictional character#and describing them doing things like bandaging each other's wounds#checking each other for bruises. asking them to talk about what they've been through. great stuff!#I hope there are still places where people do stuff like this. like I know there are forums and servers for this but that's not the same.#and I mean. I keep thinking ''there must be other places like this!'' but then I remember the goodbye message when omegle shut down#and...I dunno. the internet is different now#we don't live in that world anymore#anyway if you ever RP'd sherlock stuff on omegle you might have talked to me. :) we might have written something together#and despite it being superwholock-era fandom “cringe”#I'm proud of that#that was a really important part of my life#it was fun :) though I definitely had issues I wasn't willing to confront yet lmao#and I wish I had saved more of the logs :/#oh! I also liked the moments where you'd have to take a break#like you could be right in the middle of something intense and then the other person would be like#(brb I have to finish making dinner for my husband) and you'd say (sure!)#and then 20mins later you'd start up again where you left off
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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every time gricko semi-mockingly imitates kremy by going 'and then kremy'll be like 'waddadoo waddadoo fellas etc.', years get added to my lifespan and my skin clears
#kremy is my favorite and I think we should all make relentless fun of him for being as he is at all times <3#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#gricko grimgrin#kremy lecroux#the power balance as it were between gricko and kremy is really weird and interesting#like when gricko puts his foot down about something that concerns one of the others or the whole group kremy tends to listen#they are the two oldest people in the krew I suppose. and despite having some common sense frost lacks the gravitas#(due to being a bABY a little in his twenties kitten boy what the fuck!!! you ever remember that gricko is like... twice as old as frost.#incredible and wild) to really stand up to kremy a lot of the time#and obviously. torbek is torbek lol#kremy and gideon are a bit more of their own thing within the group and kremy does listen to gideon within that#but honestly they seem to be pretty on the same wavelength about a lot of the big stuff too haha#just partnership stuff <3#but when it's the whole group gricko is often the opposing 'other parent' to kremy's awful team mom antics#and it's really interesting#kremy *definitely* does not respect him in the conventional sense lmao but he does listen now and then#these characters can have dynamics and interactions so complicated and weird as a treat (a treat FOR ME!)
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can't get over qh43 actually speaking up about the locker room tensions in van and the jtpete divorce debacles x5 . like imagine being a 25 year old captain talking to a canadian market like "yeah, we all kinda hate each other rn Lol"
#the jtpete divorce lawyer and it's just their captain saying “yeah petey can have the powerplay if jt gets the brunt of the canadian media”#quinn speaking on love and family as if the dudes in his locker room wouldn't kill each other with a gun given the chance#can't imagine coming off the first playoff berth in literal years because you led your team there and breaking records and what have you#and now your star players are in their millionth round of teenage girl drama reminiscent of sophomore year in high school#and rick is just in media like “yeah i won the cup THREE times btw" like my brother congrats#me and my grandpa bruce boudreau taking notes and observing from the outside like.. remember when we actually loved each other despite the#trials and tribulations??? do you guys even remember that??#idk why we act like jt and pete having some sort of beef is new news also. this happens literally every single year#they're like the toxic exes that you tell your friend to stay the hell AWAY from and they say they really will this time#and they're back together by the end of the week because we need them on a struggling powerplay
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Re-watching wakfu for the first time in years and s1 Yugo was so silly???
dude discovered he could make portals at will and his first thought after actually acknowledging it is "i can do so many cool pranks with this"
#he was just a kid..... guys he was just a kid....#HE WAS SO SILLY#also the fact that after eva told him they used to call amalia princess gobball he just laughs at it ☠️#was he 12? i think he was in s1#why dont they ever celebrate characters bdays tho#thinking over it now there was little to no chill time for these guys#sure there was a good amount of non plot stuff to get to know the characters but like#idk? ummm like in the first ova they gave them some chill time and i wish they had done that more#s4 was an amalgamation of “FUCK NOT AGAIN JFC”#OH ACTUALLY#there was (1) episode with chill time and i loved it#despite having gone thru alot of effort to be like look!!! chibi and grougal!!! theyre bros!!! yugo spent like. 5 minutes of screentime#with them. like actually being their brother.#and like it was kinda funny because imagine like the world sorta blowing up a little and then ur child comes back just to say#'dad im rlly fucking upset. ive been to the house of the gods btw. and i met my mom.'#alibert mustve been so fkn confused hdhdbd#then again. its like. average shit for his son#alibert went from gay dad with his lil guy from a species he does not know of who basically works a farm inn to like#a literal demigod. he def has made some enemies#i remember the most abt yugo bec the hyperfix was strongest on him#current thoughts on the others in the brotherhood:#tristepin: yugos nickname did not translate well into en lmao. also my guy pls stop harrassing women?? he gets an arc ik but like. my guy.#yes specifically s1 them#amalia: i mean. she does in fact act like a spoiled 13 yr old. but like. girl they did u kinda dirty.#eva: they also did you kinda dirty. love that your the only one just sick of everyones logic defying shit.#ruel: yk what. no notes. that is the most realistic old man ive ever seen. hes hilarious#az: this mf gets his ass in trouble every five seconds. u can tell he grew up with yugo. also according to s4 he gets bitches so XD#wu's rewatch notes#thats what im calling this#wakfu
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I hate it when I headcanon a character who’s canonically a girl as a trans man and make ships of him and a character who’s canonically a guy and I refer to it as a gay/mlm/guyxguy/whatever ship and someone gets mad. Like omg let trans people have FUNNNNN. Why are queer headcanons and genderbends cool until they’re saying that the character is trans???
“OMGGG you’re so misogynistic I can’t believe you would erase FEMALE representation!!!”
and like half of the characters in the franchise are women, and a total of… NONE of the characters are trans men. Also, my headcanon doesn’t change the source material. If my stuff upsets you, you can block me and go engage with the source or maybe every single other fanwork, since mine is the only trans man hc for this character that I’ve ever seen.
or when people are like “WTF??? this is so transphobic!!! how dare you imply that a character who looks like that could be a trans man?!?! do you think that trans men are women or something??? she uses she/her, and you’re misgendering her!”
No, I don’t think that being a trans man makes you a woman or vice versa. That’s why it’s a headcanon, and the headcanon is that this character is actually a trans man and not a woman at all! You’ll never guess what pronouns most trans men had to use at some point in their lives, and you really won’t like it when you find out about pre-(or no-)transition trans men… or trans men who are in the closet… or trans men who don’t know that they’re trans yet.
“But the character is a kid!!! Saying they’re trans is sexualizing them.”
I’ve seen this one from other queer people. Like did you miss when all of the homophobes said this about your identity, or do you think that bigotry is only bad when it’s directed at you?
“Why would you say ‘testosterone could fix her’??? Are you trying to call her a delusional woman?”
Why would your brain even go to that first? This literally has to be a bad faith reading, because there’s no way that someone could see what I said and get this unless they were specifically looking for something to be mad at me for.
(Note for anyone unaware: “Estrogen would’ve fixed him!” was a meme going around at the time I said this. I’m not sure if it’s still super big, but this was a joke to the effect of that.)
“So girls can’t be tomboys anymore? You just wanna trans everyone?”
This is like actual real life transphobic rhetoric. This isn’t even just shitting on my headcanon, but in fact, sending transphobic hate to a trans man. Thanks 👍. Maybe you should go send JK Rowling another message about how much you loved her essay instead of bothering me.
#transgender#trans#trans man#transandrophobia#<- not all of it but the ‘it’s misogynystic to be a trans man!!!’ part is. esp because it’s something that people say about real trans men#is this inspired by a Tik tok about how making male characters women is empowering and making female characters men is misogyny?#(although that post was weirdly about genderbending gay ships? idk why that’s discourse going around 😭😭😭. I miss old fandom sometimes.)#not exactly. although the comments on it sucked. I’ve seen multiple variations of posts like that and all of their comment sections made me#feel like I was wading through raw sewage with how full of shit the commenters were.#I saw one violently threatening anyone who portrays a canon girl as a man (in stupid Tik Tok speak)#oh Feng Min… oh Hilda Pokémon… oh Y PokéSpe… you’re all beautiful young men to me#nonbinary hcs also get you that last one super hard#I haven’t seen as much of this about hcing canon guys as trans girls other than posts where op says ‘name a girl character who (blank)!’-#and then makes an addition that you’re an evil misogynist if you said a MALE!!! (even though Brock Pokémon is a transbian to me </3)#which icks me out so bad. omfg. like she’s a girl to ME!!! so maybe that’s why I’m naming her under a post about GIRLS!!!#I imagine that most of the reason for not hearing much about it is because these types of headcanons just… really aren’t common#so if you have a bunch of experience with headcanoning characters who are canonically men as trans girls and the hate that it gets you then#feel free to add on (and also please talk to me about your headcanons… there are so few of us. we need to stick together!!!)#it’s not derailing despite this post specifically being tagged about trans men#that’s just bc that’s all that I talk about in my original post#this post has been in my drafts in different forms for probably like months#long post#I guess#anyone remember a while back when someone on this app got violently mad that someone put a character (canonically a guy) in the m/m tags on#ao3 bc the guy was hced as trans in the fic#and the post was like ‘grrr the ao3 gender ship things are talking about GENITALS!!! not gender!!! I’m not transphobic though <3.’#so now to imagine what it’s like to hc a character who’s canonically a girl as a trans man just imagine that but it’s worse and also you’re#getting it from other trans people too 👍
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I was reading back through caged lungs and I realized just how many times Donnie got hit in the head during the last fight and how hard, no wonder Leo is concerned about brain damage.
Also, when Donnie goes to see April at the end of chapter 2, is he just dissociating really hard or is that an actual physical symptom from the…everything really!
not to mention the oxygen deprivation with raph throttling him! the last fight is so visceral and nasty and it was the final nail in the coffin when it came to donnie's issues physically and mentally, because although he would have been terrified of them regardless i dont think it wouldve been "inconsolable screaming heap at the sound of raph's voice" like it was in the early bit of CW.
and id mark that as dissociation personally. the second he registered as being in relative safety he kind of shut down because he wasn't able to process it, which had kind of been a running coping mechanism through the last month or so of CL. MIND YOU: IT IS NOT HELPED ALONG BY THE BRAIN FOG CAUSED BY HIS TIME IN ISOLATION, its a nasty concoction of problems. and also yeah physical exhaustion definitely doesnt help! he ran all the way to april's apartment while actively starving, after all.
although itll get better after [REDACTED PLOT THREAD] is handled, i think dissociation is gonna be something donnie will be dealing with for years, because spending four days in a quiet, enclosed dark space has some extremely messed up consequences for your brain and body. it was also in general something he used to cope under the abuse, so i could see him having issues with it when he's not in his right mind (sick or sleep-deprived, for example), i could see him regressing back to that old mindset when something like that happens. his perception of reality is permanently a little fucked :(
#ask#canary continuity#theres a lot of factors you have to put together for donnie's behavior right now#he's been so stressed that he's been running a low grade fever#the consequences of being in solitary are still taking a toll on him#his brain automatically shuts down as a coping mechanism when triggered#and he's absolutely dealing with both ptsd (notably about the closet the final fight and mikey attacking him in the kitchen)#AND cptsd. he definitely has cptsd. this is for absolute certain cptsd#+ he's still on some strong painkillers which are distorting his perception of reality#the source of the nosebleeds could very well be stress to be optimistic. but. well =) who's to say#everythings horrible but donnie is STILL too overwhelmed to process#its going to hit him very soon and its not gonna be pretty!#also despite his developed claustrophobia ive been haunted by the mental image of him waking up sick and immediately trying to hide-#-under his bed like a YEAR after all of this and Ouurgghhh#one of them comes looking for him when he doesnt leave his room and he just claps his hands over his mouth when he hears their footsteps#and his mind is just an endless mantra of “hes going to find me hes going to find me hes going to find me”#he doesnt know what he's so scared of. he just knows that something bad is going to happen and he needs to stay quiet#(remember when leo dragged him out of the laundry room? that left scars)#just thought i should share that cause it wouldnt leave my brain <3
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wrestling fic writers!!
i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months
if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found
and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom
and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways
a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜
nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you
and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)
as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!
101 comment starters
ao3 floating comment box
kudos html
dont know how to comment? easy solutions
a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)
an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers
and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place
i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together
happy sharing and commenting 💜💜
#wrestling fanfiction#wrestling fic#aew fanfic#aew fanfiction#wwe fanfiction#wwe fanfic#i hope this make some sort of coherent sense#despite being a writer im really bad at words lmao#i also dont know what to tag this with without clogging main tags so im going to trust moots to get this going first#just. this is a topic im passionate about. i love writing i love writers and having seen the wrestling fandom as of late really struggling#with this. we need to do something. even a little bit helps. actually get people leaving feedback and commenting again#supporting each other. we can do this together#dont let dreams be dreams lets fucking do this#just be nice and help each other out#im gonna stop now before i get overly emotional. if theres any questions let me know tho i think i got the main parts pretty clear here#again moots. im trusting you to get this started. im not gonna add my own shit here immediately this isnt about me#this is about the community as a whole#i also hope nobody is afraid of adding themselves here. you are all valid and worth the attention no matter what#just remember to also give if you leave something here. look at the previous links. look in the notes to find more people#okay thats it i need to make dinner now#lets just be kind and support one another. promise me that 💜#night is an absolute mess on main
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Yuma Month: Day 25: Broken
Night terrors, burning body temperature, delirious hallucinations, and glassy faded vision…
Helpless and afraid, he calls out for his caretaker…but he’s not there…
He’s all alone now…with no one to help…
Completely broken.
#Yuma Month 2024#I put a preview just as a warning of what you'll get into#whumpcode#rain code#master detective archives: rain code#yuma kokohead#illness whump#fever whump#pixeldoodles#my art#the only way I know how to truly break a character#this is post game yuma who has fallen ill on one of his cases#pushing himself too hard despite his failing health#now he’s worse and while his fever rises after a nightmare#he suffers from ragged breathing hallucinations and delirium#rendering him back to his amnesia personality#scared helpless and wanting support#he briefly remembers his caretaker from the NDA#he calls his name but there’s no answer#its dark and scary and he doesn't know where he is#he wants someone anyone to be with him#but he’s all alone now…and very ill with no one to aid him#this is what can happen when you fly solo yuma ;-;#this might be the worst I’ve ever done to him... ^^;#is there a good ending here? I'll leave that to your head.#I think I got carpel tunnel from drawing this... ORZ#karma ig 😅 anyway tomorrow's will be non whump#i just went a little crazy w this one... XD#art is a mess but at least it looks ragged & dark as I intended it to#definitley more detailed than the others tho lol
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Thinking about how Wiggle and Gramble both want one thing: to be loved. In the hugest way.
Wiggle wants to famous, adored by the masses for a talent she has, for song that isn’t Do the Wiggle. Gramble wants love and it’s purest form. Never wanting to be abandoned and mistreated like his other family. Someone who will stay.
They try to solve this with Bugsnax!….It doesn’t go well. They learn pretty quick with series of desperate attempt after desperate attempt that Bugsnax can’t be the thing they need.
It blinds them from it even. Wiggle blinded to her snax’ craze and how she betrays Gramble, Gramble to the love Wiggle does genuinely have for her in a way, still striving for bugsnax to be his family. They need to be surrounded by something large, expansive, and whole to feel truly..accepted? Or if you’ll forgive the over usage of the word…loved.
And yet? In the end they find each other. Gramble finds someone who truly loves him, and Wiggle finds her inspiration. Abd neither of things are through something big and mighty (well…ignoring the end of the game)
It’s through something small.
Each other.
#bugsnax#gramble gigglefunny#wiggle wigglebottom#bugsnax gramble#bugsnax wiggle#ok you guys can block now#I sound fucking stupid#and I’m totally looking too much into it#….one last thing tho#both of their last sidequests feature this element of being big#scoopy Bannopy and Picantis donations#and Megamaki fight#and both of these blow up in their faces#because that big love and affection isn’t Real in a sense#it can’t make them truly happy#despite how much they wish that was the case#basically what I’m trying to say is#Remember My Name by Mitski is a Wigglefunny song/hj
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Danse has to get homesick In Sanctuary. Like despite being uncertain of how much his past is real including times with the Brotherhood, those memories were home. The Brotherhood was home especially the Prydwen.
No matter all the comfort and the luxuries SoSu could put to make him feel more relaxed or like it’s his space it’s still not home. It’s so unique to him cause everyone else has a home in a sense. A thing or place they can come and go to as they please while Danse doesn’t. He can never go back to the people he considered family and they can never go to him without serious consequences. It doesn’t help that (due to his own faults and beliefs) a good majority of the new people in his life do not exactly like him.
It’s so isolating for him as the wasteland is also a different culture in general. Theres so much he’s not used to vs what he is. But all in all I think that’s a good thing. I feel as if Danse had a better arc in game it would 100% have him learning or developing a sense of home before a sense of self. I think it gets overlooked that Danse is a person that likes or feels like he needs to belong to something. A cause, a philosophy, a mission. He needs a goal. He must learn to live for himself and his purpose but it’s clear he wants to find that through something which is why he latches onto the Sole Survivor after rather than just wander the wastes. He needs something, anything to base a sense of self on at this point in time and who better than the person that opened their home to him in the first place.
He’s a dude that needs a foundation or home to ground himself on or else he doesn’t know what to do with himself or even start.
#my persona take it that’s why despite Danse being an ass to the other companions at time SoSu gets it cause they remember when they just#woke up from the vault#like the world was so different and the things they thought were outdated wrong or nonexistent by now#Danse has a long way to go but they know how hard and detrimental it can be to do it by yourself and they know Danse would get better if he#actually learned and lived under not the bigots of steel#cause I put him in sanctuary after and he always stays far from everyone like strong and patrols the edge like he’s avoiding everyone or he#is not comfortable there so I imagine he’s like getting used to and actually letting it settle he’s a synth#his life if he wants to call it that is a lie and th wonky place he felt like he had a purpose now wants him dead#and finds him a disgrace and he certainly does to cause of bos propaganda#like he’s racist but the story clearly shows you it’s like this is what been enstilled in him cause he can get better that blind betrayal#and before I get someone being like but he only gets better cause he experiences the oppression and like yeah#he got yanked out of a pseudo religious organization with highly conservative views for the setting and was put at thr opposing end despite#all hes done and rhe brotherhoods supposed loyalty to each other doimg nothing tk belp#him and now hes realizing thag if he was a synth and didnt know ans lived a life fully beliving he was human#than maybe the brotherhood was wrong abouy things or at least synths#like hes not gonna change over night and bethany esda certainly does not know how to right charactwr arcs well in this game#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#paladin danse#danse fallout 4#talking about him like i ever side with the brotherhood
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(this went on to be a longer ramble, talking about shrines and the abilities in totk i had more thoughts about the overworld repetition but im putting this into a separate post)
something i havent seen anyone mention before is also that it is a problem that you can skip nearly any puzzle in the totk "temples", some of which just by climbing walls ... and that wasnt possible in botw bc the titans were made of the same material as the shrines and prevented you from climbing on them, which feels like they knew making them climable would reduce the amount of puzzle you had to do and make it even less impactful, surely there are some glitches or movement tech that can make it easier, but at least you had to think about it a little?
but i guess that went against their newly adopted "more freedom equals better" way of thinking .. but then ..
the thing that i find confusing is that the shrines interior in totk are once again, NOT climable, but similar sonau buildings in the overworld ARE climable, they even restrict how you can use the tech in shrines, so ... they arent actually against restrictions? but then dont restrict anything else? not even in the main dungeons?? its kinda inconsistent and conflicting (like everything else lmao)
and that kinda extends to the abilities too, both the ceiling jump and ultrahand make alot of puzzles obsolete bc theres always a way easier way to skip everything; i know they kidna based it around people doing crazy thigns in botw, but there it felt like you were actually kinda missusing the mechanic of stasis for example in a smart way, YOU came up with that and it felt rewarding creating your own solution to shrine puzzles bc there were multiple ways to do it in this engine (like isntead of aligning blocks to lead electritiy to one end to the other you put out your weapons and place them there instead, and it WORKS) it felt more non intended, even if they had thoguht about it, it still FELT like you just came up with that, and sometimes it really was the only way your mind worked with and everyone had their own way of thinking
while in totk, they kinda tried to encourage that way of thinking, but it doesnt feel like your own idea anymore really, and, while its not every single one, in alot of totk shrines .. or even overworld puzzles you were just .. literally given the puzzle pieces for you to put together, but the pieces were like .. in parts of 6 at most so putting together the picture was both obvious and also kinda boring, like you were treated like you are a 4 year old and they were giving you 4 piece puzzles over and over- and fine you CAN just glue the two fans together and stand on them to fly high enough to just glide over to the end instead of building the flying thing they gave you the pieces for BUT its still .. expected, like you dont feel like you are working on it your way but seeing what the devs obviously planned for and then knowingly circumventing it i dont think its good either that in combination with the ceiling jump you really can just skip almost anything, take out a fly thing and fly near the end to spam the jump until it works, instead of using the building blocks they gave you for the obvious solution you build some platform and just ceiling jump to it, theres a rocket here? fuse it to your shield and fly high enough to glide to the end, its both too easy and obvious for the intented way and then you can even entirely skip that too, and you dont even feel smart about it bc it doesnt feel like you came up with it on your own and instead feel like a child that is way too old for the toys its given and the adults giving them to you stare at you while they wait for you to solve the puzzle- and alot of the solutions were either build something with these three pieces or fight something with these pieces-
i still remember that one (or more?) botw shrines were it lead you to a button to press and once you stand on it the wall slides open and reveals some fun and unexpected challenge, over and over- there was a hallway you had to glide through but there were big moving spiky metal balls hanging from the ceiling, maybe one has a normal rope on it and you can shoot it down if you notice it but the others dont so what do you do, stasis them so you can avoid it in time, grab it with magnesis to make it swing harder and then hope for the best as you fly there or dont do anything of that and just jump in- the one were a spiked wall was chasing you and as you run more obstables are put in your way right before you get to it, you stand on a button and the wall opens greeting you with an immediate guardian laser to the face? it felt more creative and fun to me, tho granted i havent done all shrines in totk bc i grew too tired of the everything to play more
(at least thats how i felt like, like i was treated like i was stupid for alot of totk, not just in the shrines sometimes .. which were one of the more enjoyable things in it, but also in the story .. like you dont have to think at all to get everything before its said to your face over and over)
and that thing with the abilities and the tech also makes the world less like a world and more like a playground bc you can just skip to every point of interest, you dont have to walk or climb or fight your way anywhere really bc you can just go up and fly to whereever you want, the new weird ass towers only make it worse bc .. of course youd make use of them to get everywhere even quicker, its also kinda in the combat, they might give you the tools to be creative (with arguably very simple things .. like a wheel, a rocket a fan and flamethrower arent realyl that interesting to begin with) why would you build a laser firing tank maschine to fight some bokblins you can just .. clobber like you usually do way quicker and easier
i do like the abilities in botw more than in totk too, but its got multiple reasons, like the world felt built around it without putting it into your face all the time, and the shrines were more built around giving you fun challenges, or just .. a fun experience, with often more subtle puzzles and not always forcing you to make use of the shiekah stone runes, plus the totk abilities feel more like the same thing .. or less interesting? fuse and ultrahand really are one and the same thing but separated into two for .. some reason, the time reversal is like stasis but with less ways to apply and use it (and kinda clunky how everything freezes in place when you prime it), and both it and the ceiling jump are a skip button from one location to the next (even tho we already have the fast travel) so you dont even need to climb, like those weird towers in the underground i thoguht looked cool and interesting when i first saw them only to realize its just a way to get to the surface via ceiling jump and nothing more .. you could fast travel up with the same amount of loading time, and more often than not it wasnt even in an interesting spot or somewhere you couldnt get to otherwise; the autobuild too even lets you skip building!! the thing thats the supposedly focus! i know its annoying to build something for a long time with its clunky function but isnt it yet another skip button
... another random ramble, much more incoherent too, again i want to mention im not trying to hate on everything, jsut kinda communicate or ... spill out my thoughts and feelings; i do absolutely agree that ultrahand is a very impressive mechanic and i did have fun with all the abilities for a while ..... i still like botws more bc its more diverse and is more restricted (which i LIKE) while also having more ways to use them
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#sorry this got so long again#i DID have fun with totk shrines#but it was also less interesting in alot of them#like the dumb get crystal thing to shrine place where all so boring despite them being so similar to botws ball and pedestal shrines#there were alot more quests around them tho#like the one in kakariko or the guardian obsessed lady#the only crystal quest i remember from totk is the one in taburasa and the guy .. literally just sells it to you doesnt he#funnily enough i encountered that before i even saw one of the crystal shrines so i had no idea what it even was#also do NOT come at me with the argument that its a kids game#you know damn well most fans are adults#also kids arent stupid either#and the older games were arguably harder and more confusing#despite being made for kids too#so whats the hangup now#we can show entire bloody torture dungeons in oot(?) but you dont get a single drop of blood in totk were someone is murdered on screen#whats the use of weapons when people can just one punch the soul out of someone without even making them spit
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I will remain kind no matter what and I will not become another statistic. I believe that people ultimately are good and I know there is a future where we all make it out okay. I refuse to lose hope.
#the race has been called. it's over.#in a way i am relieved that i at least know now what lies ahead. it sucks and the path is going to be tough to traverse. but it must be don#remember that you are loved and you must live. you are loved and you must live. do not let them take your life from you.#cry today if you must but do not cower. stand tall and proud and do not let anyone tell you it is hopeless.#hope persists despite everything. do not lose it.#us politics
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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