#and that's the part i need therapy about lol

[guiltyasdave]

things that i wrote

i saw @secretelephanttattoo & @jolapeno do this and really loved the concept, so here’s my review of 2024!

of course, the man occupying the main part of my brain has been DAVE YORK (we are all very surprised), as i finished not one but two series about him this year— the dress series and wildest dreams, which i wrote with my love @joelscurls and i’m still so incredibly proud of this project!

there have also been countless oneshots, which can all be found here, but my two faves are when we go crashing down and the road not taken.

another man living rent free in my head was JOEL MILLER, who i didn’t write that much for but i’m so so proud of the things that i did write. i still think about no one can hurt you now very often and of course there’s safe and sound waiting to be continued. the love i’ve received for that series in particular has been one of my favorite things of the year.

then of course we have JAVIER PEÑA and one of the best writing experiences i’ve ever had: nights are so starry, blood moonlit literally flew from my fingertips and lowkey i’ve been chasing that high ever since 😭

…and, really surprising to me personally, i became obsessed with OBERYN MARTELL this year. it started with delicate, which is another piece of writing that i’m so so proud of, then came gold rush because who knew how badly i needed a threesome with oberyn and dave in my life, and finally i wrote peace, which was so far out of my comfort zone and now i’m so happy that i did it.

and theeeeen i branched out because LOGAN HOWLETT demanded a seat at the table, and my forever love, the logan x kitten universe was born <3

looking back, i wrote way more than i thought this year, and i’m actually pretty proud of all of it :)

i have already talked at length about the things that i read and loved the most this year, which you can find here! the pedro fandom is an incredibly talented bunch of people and i’m so grateful for all the amazing writers who share their stories on here <3

another thing that i loved in 2024 was my 1500 kisses challenge and all the beautiful creations that came out of it. thank you for celebrating that one with me!

a few other highlights from my year:

as most people know (i think) i had to stop working last winter due to severe burnout and depression and it took me a while to get my life back together, but i got medication, i got therapy, and two months ago i was able to get back to work and am in a really good place right now, which i’m eternally grateful for, because honestly, this time last year i wasn’t sure if i’d make it another 365 days.

i got to meet @sizzlingcloudmentality this summer and not to be dramatic, but life hasn’t been the same since. i didn’t know i was looking for you but i’m so glad that i found you <3

all the amazing friends i’ve made this year. if we’ve ever dm’ed, or just interacted on here, i’m talking about you! this community has been my safe space (despite the occasional horrors lol) and i love it here.

i’m gonna stop before this becomes more sentimental than it already is, but i’ll tag a few people who might want to share as well: @sizzlingcloudmentality @catchallfangirl @beardedjoel @burntheedges @murder-wife @iamasaddie @almostfoxglove @sceletaflores @schnarfer @moonlight-prose @eupheme

[alevolpe]

Could I bother you to do a dump of your thoughts on everyone's favorite undercooked and over-punctured hero, Chiba Mamoru?

Hmm, thoughts, i have a lot of thoughts about Mamo, but at the same time, not as many as others would think.

I like him, i think most people who follow my blog know this. He’s a very nice addition to the cast despite his many.. problems.

I’ll first address the elephant in the room.. he should not be a part of the main cast fighting along the girls.

Sorry, I know some people love that for him, but for me it just doesn’t work and he doesn’t organically fit in the story after season 1. He’s basically stringed along to be just the damsel in destress to motivate Usagi in most cases and that’s not compelling for me or is a good turn for his character.(there’s nothing there, there’s no character for me to care about. Just pretty guy looks pretty, wow, I’m compelled)

He should’ve been mostly done after season 1. After that he should’ve been a supporting character helping Usagi as a regular guy trying to go back to his regular life while being a loving and supportive boyfriend to Usagi. (It’s also such a missed opportunity with this dynamic that you NEVER see. A female superhero and his bf being the normal guy trying his best to keep up with wtf is going on with his gf and magic beings while also studying for his diploma, living the life of a regular guy trying to make it through school and his job and trying his best to also be a nice and helpful person to his gf’s team/best friends. Most of whom don’t have the highest opinion of him lol).

It’s genuinely what he deserves, he doesn’t need to be stringed along this journey as a puppy for Usagi to be chase after. LET THE MAN GET HIS HUMAN LIFE BACK TOGETHER!! (And maybe some therapy) His whole existence is not just Usagi/moon romance/future bullshit, he’s his own person ffs.

Sigh.. ok with that out the way I’ve already talked about my problems with the “miracle romance” here (tldr, I wanna keep it I like it, just workshopping needed).

Now, is there a way I could possibly organically integrate him into the story as an equal and distinct identity to Usagi.. yes.. do I want to? Not really.

In short I don’t really have a ton of interest in exploring that outside of the first season. That’s where his character gets introduced, where he has the most connections, with Serenity and with the 4 kings and Beryl, that’s where his character peaks and where he deserves to have his “happy ending”. My story is mostly centered around the bond around the girls and the world around them, not romance (even tho there are moments of it, yes, it’s not mainly a romance unlike the manga). Also trying to fit him without having the girls take an active step back is really difficult and has never been executed right.

In the manga him and Usagi are the main characters and in the anime everyone is written to be useless til he shows up. You basically have to scale down everyone else for him to shine and I don’t vibe with that.

Also also, in my version he has no Crystal. People have no Crystals, just the senshi. having a Crystal in you is a strictly senshi thing, him having one never made sense to me (if you like it, good for u, I don’t care for it, idc if it’s explained in canon). So he’s just a regular guy, he’s a smart reincarnated regular guy who committed a bunch of heists and some breaking and entering, but like.. tf he gonna do against a senshi.

TLDR: I like Mamo. Mamo is good, good character, but scale him down to supporting cast and make him a more supportive boyfriend to Usagi and honestly give him more of his own person outside of his reincarnation or future self.

ALSO SMALL THING BUT actually have him interact with the girls in some way, with different and fun levels of chemistry. Like him being awkward cause he knows both him and them want the best for Usagi, but like Rei.. is Rei, Mako’s pissed at him for being a dirty thief, Mina just fucks with him 24/7 and Ami, idk I guess Ami does kind of vibe with him, but like, they are both awkward nerds. I wanna see that!

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

hi! we dont know each other but ive stumbled upon your posts in which you describe your anxiety brain and borrowing trouble from the future and i can totally relate to that. and it sounds a lot like ocd, which i know i have... idk if this would be helpful

sometimes i do see things about ocd that i relate to. i think a lot of the underlying thought patterns and fears are probably similar. i don't think i respond to them in the way that somebody with ocd does, though -- i don't experience compulsions and don't find any relief from behaving in certain ways or performing certain rituals, i just experience profound dread and physical discomfort until i'm able to forget about the thing that triggered the anxiety or i move on to something else

my sister has ocd, which i only learned recently (we don't live together and aren't super close), but again, although i see overlap between our experiences, i think we respond to those triggers differently and find different things helpful/harmful. obviously everyone is different so that doesn't rule out the possibility that i'd also have it, but i think it makes it less likely

generally i think my issues are largely attributable to generalised anxiety disorder, some kind of brainweirds (not sure if autistic or have adhd or both), and a solid dose of complex trauma that contributes a fair amount of hypervigilance and fear to the proceedings which make standard anxiety tactics less helpful

i think all mental health diagnoses are labels we give to certain groups of symptoms rather than like. firmly grouped Conditions between which there can be no overlap, though. some aspects of anxiety and ocd are very similar, and some are different -- the same stars in different constellations. i think i score more points in the anxiety chart, so that's where i am for now, but doesn't mean i'm not experiencing some of the same things, if that makes sense (and it also doesn't mean that some coping mechanisms designed for one condition won't work just because i don't think i fit under that label -- sometimes they do)

[losver07]

I WROTE SOME WOLSTAR YAYYY (idea from this post)

tw: religious trauma, internalised homophobia & mild swearing

But What If

“Moony?”

He lays in the silence for a few seconds, part of him hoping he was heard, part of him wishing the darkness would swallow him whole.

“What is it?,” comes the answer, muffled by the sound of bedsheets ruffling with movement. Remus is now looking at him, face pale in the moonlight. He takes a deep breath.

“What if they're right?”

The werewolf furrows his brows, still half-asleep and confused. For a second, he thinks he might be talking about quidditch, or something related to one of their classes, but he doesn't find anything mildly coherent, so lets Sirius speak.

“Who?”

“The muggles,” he whispers back, letting his gaze wonder anywhere but the other boy's face. Right now, he can't bear to see Remus and talk to him at the same time without completely breaking down. And he doesn't want that. “What if there is someone up there? Not God, just... someone. Something.”

Remus, now aware of what's about to come, sits up on the bed and casts a silencing spell. He still whispers, however, when he asks:

“Does that scare you?”

Sirius closes his eyes, trying to distract himself, like one would from a bleeding wound.

“It shouldn't, shouldn't it?”

Remus forces himself not to give him a lecture, not to tell him about the church convincing its members trough fear and torture, about the inquisitions and persecutions. He figures Sirius already knows everything he needs to know. He's seen the books on his nightstand.

“It's okay to be worried,” he tries. Sirius doesn't buy it.

“Yeah,” he laughs, the volume of his voice rising along with his sarcasm, “especially if you've broken, like, every single fucking rule good people are supposed to follow.”

“But you love breaking rules,” Remus smiles, trying to ease the tension. “It's what you do, you can't be blamed for it.”

“But what if I can? What if these rules actually matter? What if I deserve to be punished?”

That's when Remus realises, he actually believes in what he says. He's not scared it might be true, he really thinks it is, that some day he will have to face everything he's ever done wrong, and deal with the consequences.

“You don't.”

The problem, he recognises, is that even though Sirius is an angel directly descended from heaven, in the mirror of his mind he sees a demon.

“No, you don't,” he insists. “If they are right, I will die and go to hell and you will go to heaven and I won't be able to see you again. They won't even have to torture me, I'll just be left alone on a corner thinking about you, and it will be enough to make me regret everything I've done, to everyone.”

He's crying now. They both are. Each one staring at a different point in the bed curtains, trying to make their breathing sound even.

“Padfoot...” Remus whispers. He wishes he could hug Sirius, but doesn't reach out. He can't.

“I don't want that, Moony,” the long-haired boy says, with a voice as thin as a thread.

“I know,” Remus answers. “It's okay. That's not going to happen, okay?”

He's not sure he believes it now. But he has to. He needs to.

“I'm sorry,” Sirius whispers, voice wet with tears.

“It's fine,” he keeps promising, and finally finds the courage to lay back down, next to Sirius, and pull him into a hug.

“I'm so sorry, Moony...” Remus hears as he buries his face in a sea of black curls, brushing against his cheek to remind him where he is, to make him forget about what could come after this. He is here, they both are. And that's enough for now.

“Me too,” he says. His shoulder is getting wet with the salty tears of a pair of sea-blue eyes, and he thanks whatever God is seeing them for it. He's grateful he can cry now, he can hug and he can worry and he can love. He's glad he's afraid of losing this, because otherwise he may not try as hard, feel it as much as he does now.

And that's good. That's the only good that matters.

“I love you,” Sirius sniffs, holding on to Remus as if he were about to lose him. And maybe he is. Maybe they'll lose each other, but for now they have the chance to fear together. And that's enough for now.

“I love you too.”

[saturnvs]

equine therapy starts again today for the first time since … october? nervous 🫠

[ruthariandbluecookies]

CLAUDIA when I- oh wait, she was being manipulated by her father and now Aaravos and just wants her family back together and is a child

...

VIREN when I catch yo- oh wait, he's dead

...

AaRAVOS when I cat- oh wait, he's a father grieving his daughter who was unjustly killed

...

THE COSMIC ORDER WHEN I CATCH YOU!!!

[sysig]

Dr. “Has to get a good grade in therapy” Doran (Patreon)

[leverage-ot3]

sorry to keep personal posting but my day fucking SUCKED and ended with me dropping one of my brand new earrings from a set that I just finished cleaning down the drain, took the sink apart and still couldn’t find it 🙃

if y’all feel like asking a leverage/misc question for thoughts or headcanons I’d love to answer them in the morning! or even if you just want to say something about your day- I just like hearing from you guys 💖

[mushroominaforest]

I mean yes, definitely, but I also just really like projecting lmfao

[thefrogdalorian]

Sometimes I find myself thinking about Din Djarin a little too much that I get concerned and think that I really should go to therapy...

Well, I'm finally doing that (again) tomorrow... :)

Feeling pretty nervous about it but hoping that because I now know I'm autistic it will help me understand/explain things a little better! Hopefully this is the start of a journey to finally become a healthier, happier version of myself :)

[ghostlakan]

no feeling is final

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

[finalgirlgretchen]

this is why i can't post about not doing well on my instagram because undoubtedly one of my irl friends swipes up and is like "been there lol" no girl. i can assure u that u have not, in fact, been here. i can assure u that this is not a stamp on ur passport. i can assure u that u do not even know the name of this country

[teethpaste]

It’s so weird how the body will try and protect you like. I am incapable of feeling grief right now. I know it will hit me like a fucking Mac truck in about a month

When I was here in Ireland in July thinking my grandma had days to live, because the doctors told us so, and urged everyone stateside to drop what they were doing and come to Ireland for goodbyes, I was torn up. I was the first one here because I was already in Dublin on business and luckily my job just let me work from Ireland for about 2 months. So that happened. But then she got palliative chemo, and somehow here she is, 5 months later, against the odds in stage 4 lung cancer. I can tell she is so tired. I feel like she was holding on for this holiday and that as soon as I leave Ireland come December 29, it’s going to happen quickly. Which I hate to even write into existence, but sometimes, you just feel it.

And I hope it doesn’t. But I also don’t want her to be in pain. Chemo ravages the body. Her last treatment was over a month ago but the cancer has spread through her whole body and it is wearing her down. She went from still bartending at 77 and going out with her friends weekly + walking the 2 mile trek into town everyday, to finding out she a tumor overtaking her right lung (completely collapsed at this point) from years of smoking. I was sitting with her at the table the other night before I went to the pub, painting her nails, and she asked “can we talk about something morbid”

Things hardly feel morbid these days. So I tell her yes, of course. I feel like I have this desensitized view around death now. Or I’m numb to it. Like my body remembers watching my dad die and is like HEY ITS FINE, don’t be sad in the moment. Because you can’t be. You have things to do. Then you can cave in on yourself.

Anyways, when I told her sure we can, she then got embarasssd and I had to beg a little for her to tell me . She then says “right. Because I know you’ll have the energy to handle”. She just tells me how she wants to be presented for her wake. No makeup, but make sure her eyebrows are done. Hair with a bandana. Jean shirt. Nails painted. Cowboy boots on that she never got to wear in Vegas this year. She starts telling me about where jewelry is and what she wants in a service. I listen and file it away.

I still think I’m stuck on “because you’ll have the energy to handle”. I think about when my dad died, my mom and sister were inconsolable. About how it happened so quickly and we as humans make it very complicated. Do you know how hard it is to transfer a body across state lines? The hospital doesn’t tell you what to do. I had to google so many funeral homes that morning. I think about those people too. The sanitized nature of conversations. The first place I called didnt say any niceties. They immediately went to prices so I hung up. Second place was more of the same and the third place asked me how I was doing and if I wanted to share anything about him. So I went with them. My dad didn’t leave a will so I had to pull the trigger on weather to cremate or bury. I went with the former and was sick for months thinking I made the wrong choice but one day a few months ago my mom found a random letter he wrote, tossed behind his living room chair, where he noted cremation was a better option bc of the $ and finally that guilt left me.

Did you know that when you list you’re an organ donor on your license, they have to call the family? And when they call, there is light elevator music playing in the background, and mere hours after your person dies, a woman with a nasally voice will calmly ask, “May we take his skin and eyes?” I felt like I was in a cronenberg movie. I remember being so shocked at the matter of factness of the question. Being disturbed but thankful neither my mom or sister were doing this part. I remember saying “why would you want that, do you know how he died? How are those parts even usable” and she paused . And “hmm’d” and as she began to speak I said “no we won’t be donating”.

Anyways. I’m trying to be present while I’m here in Ireland for the holidays. I want to cry but I can’t. This is the last time Christmas will feel like Christmas. I’ve never much liked the holiday. But after my dad died I’ve hated thanksgiving and Christmas even more. Being with my grandma here in Ireland makes it feel like that “magic” is still there a little. But I know it will be completely gone by this time next year and I hate that.

I also worry bout my mom and how she’s taking it. She lost her dad in 2023, her husband in 2024 and now her mom’s dying. That’s how it goes I guess. I stayed in tonight but she went out to the pubs with her friends and came home absolutely trashed. She made it up the stairs before I heard her start violently vomiting. It’s always strange when you switch places with your folks. I took off her clothes and got her changed into Pjs. Brought her water and crackers. She laid with her head in my lap as I stared at the wall. Being around this kind of stuff always makes me wonder if I’ll regret not having kids. Like the fact that when I’m her age, and my grandmas age, I’ll effectively be alone. Like yes there are friends etc but I won’t have children or grand children. Just makes me feel weird.

Anyways now it’s 6 in the morning and I’m going on a run in the 22 degree morning air. Bye bye.

[science-lings]

I feel like Matt and Phoenix would be best friends

they both wake up and worry about how they're going to afford rent, go to court to defend someone who totally looks like they did it, have an insanely homosexual moment with their best friend, think about that one time that they hooked up with She-Hulk, not think about how their type is people that scare them a little, get the shit beat out of them and then come out kind of fine, find a big important corrupt guy to send to jail when everyone else is too afraid to touch him, and then they go to sleep alone because their martyr complex extends to avoiding romantic connections.

They also care less about the word of the law and are willing to break it for the sake of actual justice and push through injuries through sheer willpower.

[orcelito]

Remembering that a 4 hour psychological test means 4 hours under the examiner's microscope. I hope they let me listen to music during a written test, but idk if that would defeat the purpose or not. I... really don't know what to expect tomorrow, and it's kind of making me a bit nervous. Lol.