#and that the negative emotions were more adult
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revisited solar power for the first time in a while and i feel like the main reason it flopped was the timing. nobody was ready to step into the sun and feel hopeful and light-hearted in the summer of 2021. we were all gripping the flickering hope of impending vaccines with white-knuckled hands while the realization dawned, looming ominously on the horizon, that covid wasn’t going away any time soon.
so the question becomes- did lorde release this album then because she was/is out of touch with normal people? maybe for her and other celebrities who can carefully curate their exposure to crowds and access the best medical treatment, it really DID feel like covid was over that summer. or maybe she released it at that time because it had been 4 years since her last release, and the pop music industry standard is only 2 years between releases these days, and her label was breathing down her neck to generate capital NOW. i dont know though, because the gap between her first two albums was also 4 years…one can only wonder
#some people argue it flopped because her audience wanted more teen angst and were pissed when it was way less angsty#and that the negative emotions were more adult#but i think if we’re talking about personal taste and what a lorde fan wanted its more accurate to say it sounded corny#which is to say shallow or naive or ingenuine. or tone deaf. which again i think was all a result of the timing#this isnt even to mention the protest siren sounds in the beginning of dominoes#which can feel either like a subtle reference to contemporary political action or a fetishization and exploitation of the black struggle#just depending on what the consumer thinks her intent was#which- since solar power came off as tone deaf- felt like a real twisting of the knife to some listeners at the time#but idk what to make of it
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#dbtag#silly hours#god#I feel like that's a really clear and consistent thing throughout the entirety of the manga but OTL leave it to Toei!!!!#lays on the floor I wish people were less afraid of letting “good guys” be flawed and selfish and reckless without having to like.#idk vilify them?#like Goku does and always has had a ton of negative qualities about him but what keeps him a protag and what keeps those negatives charming#is that 1) he never promises to be anything Else. If you're upset by his behavior that's a you problem Goku's just doing Goku#He's only upset when Other People get hurt because 2) almost none of those negative qualities contain any malice whatsoever#even as a kid when he was 'i killed that guy' it was like 'i solved a problem why are you mad (gen)' not 'good fucking riddance lol'#and he kept that as an adult too even when he learned more about compassion he's still 'well if you're not gonna stop i have to kill you'#it's never 'fuck off and die' it's always 'listen buddy either you knock it off or i knock you out there is no option c '#and god i love that Goku. I spent so long thinking I hated Goku growing up but I only hated Toei's Goku. Toriyama's Goku is GREAT.#like look if an antagonist is just a hero with the wrong perspective a hero is just a villain with the right one#and the fact that Goku has all of the qualities of a villain with none of the malice or intention makes him SO POWERFUL as a character#Goku doesn't like bystanders getting hurt. That doesn't make him less chaotic and self-centered and simplistic in his worldview.#A hero sacrifices his loved ones to save the world -- a villain sacrifices the world to save his loved ones --#Goku sacrifices himself because you cannot kill him in any way that matters#idskahds anyway here's another essay in the tags for your wednesday evening scroll#the justification the interviewer gave was that the anime was for kids but my beef with that is that Hero Tropes strip chaotic characters#of their emotions. Goku's conflicts are emotional. Goku's power is emotional. Goku's childlikeness keep him authentically emotional.#MORE kids -- ESPECIALLY little boys -- deserve a male protagonist who leans into his emotions to persevere and win.#Super deciding his “angelic state” would kill him makes me want to tear my hair out lmao Goku's EMOTIONS are too strong to hold it.#you could've just asked toriyama about it why'd you decide on the most basic high-stakes shorthand possible OTL#aNYWAY#media analysis#in the tags at least lol
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Google how to make yourself feel better when you're having a fit of depression without caving in to your emotional crutch on soda while also not feeling like you're restricting and accidentally reliving a food-related trauma that makes me feel worse about restricting--
#I hate my life tbh#The fact that everything has a trauma is SO ANNOYING.#Like can I be NORMAL about ONE THING PLEASE#cries#Anyway I'm trying to fight off depression without getting myself a soda and it made me even more depressed to restrict my soda intake#upon which I remembered that as a teenager my father would complain that me and my brother were#and I quote#''Eating him out of house and home''#So I started heavily restricting the food I ate at home#Literally made half a can tuna sandwiches and cut those in half and that half a sandwich?#That was a meal for me at home#Used to steal food and milk from school to get more food in me#combine that food insecurity trauma with the fact that as a small child#my mom would give me soda to make me stop crying#and now you have an adult who doesn't know how to process negative emotions without using soda as a crutch#And upon restricting that soda I feel Worse#orz
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sometimes you have to kill your dad because as long as he's alive you can't breathe
#im not in danger i just need to bloody my knuckles with his face#i wasn't given the privilege of teenage rebellion. all my older sisters got to do it#break away from our parents' control and tbh neglect and verbal abuse and do their own thing#and now they can talk to them more normally. they dont just bend to our dad's will#if they dont like something he's saying they can just leave bc while they were away from home they learned how to do that#i missed my chance i guess#i went from obedient child to obedient teen to obedient adult and i can never leave#because im the only one that can fucking deal with his shit by suppressing every negative emotion i have around him#even then it's not enough. i have to agree with him not just listen to what he has to say. im sick with rage#but he's only ever seen me smile because other emotions would just prove to him that women are overly emotional and illogical#i was kept on a leash maybe a little tighter than the others because the ones that came before left when the door was left open#ive never felt more like a dog than when im with my father
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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If someone had found baby corrupted nightmare and taken him in, raised him, like, say for example, blue, how differently do you think everything would have ended up?
(*COUGH COUGH* totally not just pushing my dad swap agenda nope nuh uh *COUGH*)
i just imagine nightmare sneaking into his room at night to curl up near his bed like a dog, and IMMEDIATELY skedaddling when he senses him wake up.
This poor kid is freshly dead (alive? Born?) he is in Desperate need of comfort 💀 but it's not like he's gonna ask for it outright.
And i horrendously need someone to hold him and give him warm food and new clothes and toys to play with and blankets and tuck him in at night and Hold Him and feed him medicine when he's sick and read hin bedtime stories and rock him to sleep and give him a comfort plushie or blanket or item of sorts and HOLD HIM and-
ahem, so anyway, what do you think? How differently do you think he would've ended up? Cuz i think it'd be a lot different if nightmare was shown care by someone for once and comforted by someone who wasn't a fellow traumatized six year old.
And, yknow, was an adult who knew what they were doing and didn't hate him for no reason 💀
Ooooh :D
Yeah I definitely think he would’ve grown up a much different person, cause he wouldn’t have relied on himself to survive, he wouldn’t experience the constant fear of the many ways he could get hurt or die
He definitely wouldn’t have starved on negativity cause he didn’t know how to balance it anymore
And if he was actually raised by a loving parent that’s actually present in his life to guide him through it enough to find a healthy outlet for the horrors he experienced, as well as help him with his emotional, mental, and physical health a lot better, his life would be a lot easier
I think he still would be a lot more grumpy and a bit aggressive than he was before the corruption, and the Apple incident would still have a great impact on his psyche, he’d still hold a bit of fear inside, but that fear won’t end up guiding all his actions, and it definitely wouldn’t lead to him becoming power hungry, doing whatever he deems necessary to obtain it
Hell, even with how the corruption twists his happiness from something pure to finding joy in the misery of others, I still think with a loving parent raising him, he will find healthy outlets to his emotions, whatever they may be
I think he might eventually tell his parent figure about what happened with him, with his mother, with his twin, maybe even Dream would find himself in a lot better circumstances when he awakens from stone, finding a brother patiently awaiting him, finding himself waking up in warm welcoming arms, I definitely think it’ll contribute to the twins’ relationship being a lot better, a lot healthier
Their trauma would still put a few wrenches in their journey, but it definitely wouldn’t go so sour and bitter, Nightmare would be a lot more open towards Dream’s love and affection, hatred won’t taint his heart and cause their relationship to go so wrong
Generally, I definitely think it’ll be a lot more fluffy and slice of life-ish, which is super wholesome to think about
Now as for Blue specifically being the father figure, only two words, FUCK YES.
But I feel like, as a very traumatized lil child who doesn’t know any better, who had adults hate, hurt and even try to kill him, Nightmare would simply not trust Swap, not immediately
So it’d be really fun to see Nightmare actually warm up to Swap first way before he takes Nightmare in to raise and take care of him, it’d be fun to see what Swap might do to gain Nightmare’s trust enough for Nightmare to even let him within 10 meters without running away immediately or attacking him
May I also present some suggestions for another parental figure that could be really fun to explore? Color, I’d love to see him take care of a little newly corrupted Nightmare dhhdhdhd
Anyway *cough* this is such an adorable possible multiverse *cough*
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Platonic Yandere Sea Monster
The ocean is a dangerous entity
Known for her high waves, immeasurable depths, and eternal mysteries
She entices millions into her cold embrace every day
Many of whom are devoured by said mysteries leaving no trace
One of its greatest mysteries is a creature who’s been roaming beneath the surface of the earth for eons
So it truly is a special occasion that Maelstrom breaks this streak for a feast on a private yacht
It’s far too easy how this new (to him) bipedal species gawks and helplessly flails while he sucks the bones out of their soft skin
He doesn’t care for the soft innards that the skin holds
He does like how their screams gurgle and warble as he delights in their crunchy bones
So he makes it his mission to devour or turn into water
And he’s sure that he’s done so with all of the little crunchy snack bags on the ship
Until he’s led into a cramped little closet with a tiny version of the springy boxes he’d found before
On it was a wailing babe—you
Now that he’s recognized
Because for all the different species evolution has brought it a crying infant was a common denominator
And you were crying hard
Whether you were the sibling or offspring of some ill-thinking teen or an overworked employee of the crew the one who was going to care for you was gone
And Maelstorm knew that
On the account that he’s certain he’d still be hearing your incessant crying on the entirely silent yacht, he molds his water-like body into something more like the ‘human skin bags’
Letting his face bulge and bubble with the vague memory of his meal’s screaming faces until you stop crying
“There…there…my pearl.”
It’s been so long since he’s been awake to have a pet
Surely it won’t be too hard
…right?
“Aaaaghh!”
“You’re not hungry, you’re not sleepy, you’ve already gone to the bathroom! WHAT IS IT!?”
He’s never been so stressed out
Stressed out trying to stop your little face from contorting anymore as you empty your little lungs and exhaust your little vocal cords
He eventually decides he does need help and uses one of the less rotted bodies to go on land and learn among these skin bags so that he knows what to do
“Oh poor sir looks like they’re just hungry for some warm hugs.”
“Is that…really all?”
“Why of course! Babies really hinge on your emotions and attention.”
After he takes in the ‘nurse’s’ wisdom he begins to feel something new
Something full of jealousy that has him snatching your swaddled form before giving a light pat that turns her into a puddle on the floor
Maelstorm easily finds another skin-bag with a nice face to take the body of
Leaving with a skip in his step while the ‘skin-bags’ authorities baffled over the only remnant of a missing ‘nurse’
“I see now to avoid this awful feeling I must make sure all my affection is being given to my pearl.”
From there you can be sure that you’re entire life will be filled with Maelstorm learning about the negative emotions he can get as you grow
True there will be many positive feelings
But he learns that to protect those precious new feelings
Barricading you on abandoned ships and attacking all the skin-bags that come to keep it that way
And even when you grow into the adults he’d previously snacked on
He won’t completely leave humans alone
He pulls back on this snacking habit only because he sees more of you in them
But he’s not going to stop eating them
Especially when he finds your attention drifting from him as you crave more socialization
“As far as I’m concerned all we need is each other. Now do I have to eat this entire village or will you go back to our boat?”
#yandere x you#yandere x reader#lovelyyandereaddictionpoint#yanderexrea#yandere#yanderes#yandere monster#platonic yanderes#platonic yandere#platonic yandere x reader#yandere platonic#yandere sea monster#yandere oc x reader#yandere oc x you#yandere platonic oc Maelstorm#yandere original character#yandere original characters#yandere original character x reader
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all the same
mapi x ingrid x reader all three of you want a baby. a look into the discussions leading up to this decision, negative tests, a positive test, and the first few months. cw: pregnancy..? mentions of body image issues. suggestive.
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You were really astounded at the turns life took. 2 years ago, you were new to Barcelona, having left everything you knew behind in the states, working for a social media company. You knew no one, had very few friends outside your coworkers, and barely knew the city at all.
Today, Barcelona was your home, in a way no city had ever felt before. You’d fallen in love here, with two of the most perfect beings on earth. It wasn’t what you expected when you arrived in Spain, but their love was what had been missing in your life. It healed a fissure in your heart that had formed long ago, one that had been around for so much time, you’d forgotten what it was like to live life as a whole person. Live life surrounded by love.
And surrounded by love, you were. Your girls fell in love with you and never looked back. They spent every waking minute of every day loving you, and making sure you loved yourself. María and Ingrid were perfect. There was no other adjective to describe the pair of them. They were everything you needed, everything you’d ever need.
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It started when one of Mapi’s friends had a baby. It was a little boy, an adorable little boy, and you saw the switch flick in both of your girls’ eyes when they saw him for the first time. They’d met babies before, held babies before. They spent time around toddlers, but something was different about this. They held the boy with reverence, a quiet awe etched across their faces. They gushed about him to his parents, expressing how truly happy they were for the couple.
Happiness wasn’t the only emotion they were feeling, though. Something evolutionary in them changed that day, and they were filled with a very distinct longing. For more, for this. This special kind of love that would transform their lives, change everything.
You wanted it too, suddenly. You’d spent most of your adult life pretty neutral about having children. It was different, when you weren’t in a relationship. Now that you had Mapi and Ingrid, though, your fears of parenthood seemed to lessen. They’d be with you, so how scary could it be, really?
The drive home from meeting the baby was silent. You and Ingrid in the front seat, Mapi in the back. Everytime your gaze flickered to either of the other women, you found them deep in thought. You knew what their hesitation was, why they weren’t instantly bringing it up.
How could they bring it up? When it was very clearly, very simply not an option for them to carry? They were professional athletes, in the prime of their careers. They loved football. There was such a short time of their lives where they could play, and both of them had decided a long time ago to not sacrifice any months of their career to have a baby.
And so, it wasn’t right, in either of their minds, to bring up how desperately they wanted a baby when the only option to carry said baby would be you. They couldn't put that on you, couldn’t ask that of you.
You knew them well enough to know that this was exactly what they were thinking on that long drive home. The thing was, you wanted it to. Maybe you weren’t sure about kids before, but you definitely were now.
You’d been focused on something other than the baby, earlier. He was adorable, yes. But the way his parents looked at him? Like what they were feeling transcended words, transcended all human rationality. Like that little boy was the only thing in the world that mattered, or would ever matter? You wanted that. And you wanted that with Mapi and Ingrid more than anything. And if you could give the two of them what they wanted so desperately, and without requiring either of them to sacrifice time away from football? You wanted that too.
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It was almost funny, how similar they were sometimes. The three of you arrived home, and your girls each flitted off to their favorite corners of the house, leaving you rather amused in between the both of them. They were so wrapped up in their thoughts that they didn’t seem to notice the other was feeling the exact same way they were.
Mapi was on the balcony. You peeked over her shoulder from behind the glass door, and found her watching baby tiktok after baby tiktok. Honestly.
When you went after Ingrid, you were met with a slightly more concerning sight. She was wedged in between the nightstand and the wall in your room, a spot she only went when she was feeling anxious. You and Mapi were still working on getting her to come to one of you when she wasn’t feeling right, and she still sometimes found herself enjoying the tight space.
You didn’t know why she was anxious, though, or why she had tears running in her eyes as her chin rested on her knees, staring blankly ahead of her. Ingrid was an emotional person, something you loved about her, but she was normally more put together than this, unless something was really wrong.
“Ingrid? What is it?” You asked softly, sitting carefully in front of her and brushing a tear off her face with your thumb.
“Nothing.” She replied, not very convincingly as her voice shook.
“Ingrid.” You repeated, giving her a look that you normally received from her.
She sighed heavily, tilting her head back to lean against the wall. “Mapi wants a baby.”
You nodded slowly, wondering if maybe you’d read Ingrid’s behavior all wrong.
“And I can’t give that to her.” She finished, looking at you with such pain in her eyes, you wanted to reach out physically take the hurt away from her. “You want it too, I can tell. I can’t give either of you what you want. It’s awful and selfish, I’m awful and selfish, but I don’t want to stop playing football. I can’t.”
You weren’t quite sure why Ingrid had just assumed you’d both expect her to carry your child, but this assumption seemed to be tearing her apart.
“ I don't ever want to hear you say that again. You are not awful, and you are not selfish. It makes complete sense that you don’t want to lose any playing time. It’s not selfish to know what you need, and to stick to it. And, Ingrid, baby. You cannot possibly think this is all on you. There are three of us in this relationship. Two other options. ”
The Norwegian shook her head. “No, Mapi doesn’t want to be pregnant, she’s said it before.”
“Well you’re lucky you are dating a third person with a uterus.” You said, joking lightly.
“You don’t want to be pregnant either.” Ingrid said with conviction.
You blinked at her. “Why do you think that?”
“You said it. Years ago. When we met Mapi’s pregnant friends for dinner and she was pregnant, and barely sleeping, and nauseous all the time, and miserable. We left the restaurant, and you said that you could never be pregnant.”
Ingrid recounted the story like she’d had it burned into her memory for the past 2 years. You remembered that night, very vaguely. The relationship had been incredibly new, you’d had too much to drink, and you were rambling. You hadn’t meant it, barely remembered it.
“I didn’t mean that.” You began, but Ingrid cut you off, shaking her head firmly.
“No, please don’t do that. Please don’t say you’ll do it because you want us to be happy, when this would make you unhappy. I know how your brain works, elskling, I’m not letting you do that.”
You supposed this was fair, as you had some self sacrificing tendencies when it came to your girlfriends. The entire first 2 months that you dated, you pretended to like your coffee without cream because that's how both of them drank it, and you didn’t want them to have to go out of their way and buy cream for you. They were not happy with you when they realized you’d been lying.
“Ingrid, I promise you, I didn’t mean what I said that night. I’ve been thinking about it too. And I want- hold on. Let me get Mapi.” You interrupted yourself. Ingrid withdrew her hand from where it held yours, expecting you to get up and get your other girlfriend. Instead, you turned your head.
“MARÍA, VEN AQUÍ,” you shouted, ignoring the half amused, half annoyed look on Ingrid’s face. You simply grinned back at her, standing up and extending your hand down to her. She took it, allowing you to help her to her feet, and you both took a seat on the bed, amusedly listening to Mapi’s loud footsteps coming down the hall.
“Amor, speaking spanish? Did you hit your head?” She joked, walking in and smirking at you.
You rolled your eyes. “I speak spanish.”
“Sure, amor. What’s…up, Ingrid have you been crying?” Mapi said softly, catching the tear tracks on the Norwegian’s cheeks, walking forward and taking Ingrid’s face in her hands.
Ingrid was weirdly emotional today, and seeing that baby had only made it worse, had only made the issue she’d been thinking about for weeks feel worse. She bit her lip, trying to fight off tears yet again at how concerned Mapi sounded.
“I can’t give you what you want.” She mumbled. It was unlike Ingrid to be this soft spoken, sound this insecure, and Mapi looked at you worriedly, even more confused when you rolled your eyes. Ingrid was upset over something that wasn’t a problem, yet she didn’t believe you.
“You give me everything I want, cariño, you both do.” Mapi assured her.
“No, I can’t give you a baby. I can’t be pregnant, I don’t want to. I can’t stop playing for that, I’m so sorry Mapi,” Ingrid cried, leaning forward into the Spaniard’s arms. Mapi looked upset, heartbroken, there was no other way to explain the look on her face. “An she’s trying to convince me she wants to carry a child, and I know she doesn’t,”
At this, Mapi’s head snapped to you, the familiar stern look she got when she thought you were putting your needs behind theirs taking over.
“Both of you, look at me.” You instructed. Ingrid pulled away from where her head had been resting against Mapi’s chest, red eyes gazing at you. “I want this. I’m not just trying to make you happy. I want this for me, and I want this for us, I really do. I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. Please, believe me. I want to do this for you guys, I want to do this for myself.” You spoke slowly, watching as a very cautious hope took over both of your girlfriends.
“Amor, just because we don’t want to do it right now with our careers doesn’t mean that you have to.” Mapi reminded you.
“I know that.”
“We can’t ask you to do something that we aren’t willing to do.” Ingrid echoed.
“I know. You aren’t asking. I am offering. We all want the same thing here, no? You both want a baby?”
You took in the 2 very hesitant head nods.
“I want it too. This makes the most sense, logically. And more than that, I want to do it. I want to be pregnant, I want to carry our baby. I promise you both. On Bagheera’s life.”
Ingrid looked like she was going to break down into tears again, and Mapi frowned. “You better not be lying, especially now.”
“I’m not lying.” You said seriously. “Although cats do have 9 lives…”
Mapi pinched your arm. “That is not funny.”
“Ingrid,” you whined, swatting Mapi’s hand away.
“Never mind, both of you. I already live with 2 children.” Ingrid said, but the huge smile on her face gave her away.
“We are doing this?” Mapi asked, looking between the two of you.
“Yes.” Ingrid murmured.
‘Yeah,” you said, a soft smile tugging at your lips. Mapi moved forward in a flash, wrapping you up in her arms and spinning you both around before tossing you on the bed and climbing right on top of you.
“María,” you laughed, hearing Ingrid scolding the Spaniard lightly.
“Gonna put a baby in you, sí?” Mapi rasped, her lips attaching themselves to your neck.
“I don’t think that’s possible, amor, no matter how much you want it.” You chuckled. Suddenly Ingrid’s face was next to yours, too, joining Mapi to kiss at your neck.
“It’s worth a try,” she said.
“Insatiable, both of you.” You sighed, lacing your fingers through each of their hair, relaxing into their movements.
You were doing this. And you didn’t have any doubts. For someone that always had doubt and fears, this was unheard of. Of all the decisions you’d make in your life, though, this was one you needed to be sure about. And you were.
------
You hadn’t thought much about the actual process of getting pregnant. IVF and sperm donors and doctors appointments and injections and stress. So much stress. It was insane, how difficult it was, how many hoops you had to jump through. You knew it was part of the process to have negative tests. That didn’t make it hurt any less, though, when it happened. At first, it was alright, because you weren’t really expecting it to work right away. As the months passed, though, and you failed to get a positive test, you grew more discouraged. As you sat, waiting for the allotted time to pass on your current test, you thought back to the last negative test that had been… a lot, to say the least. You’d been doing IVF for almost a year, and you couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working. Was it you? Were you doing something wrong?
------
The timer rang through the bathroom, and you took a shuddering breath, hand shaking as you reached for the test. Ingrid and Mapi were on the other side of the door, as you’d insisted. It was getting harder and harder for you to keep letting them down, and you couldn’t stand seeing their faces fall when you inevitably weren’t pregnant, again. They’d hated this idea, wanting to be with you regardless of the outcome, but you’d insisted.
So, outside the door they sat, hearing the timer ring, and holding their breaths as they waited for you to read out the results. You didn’t speak for a full minute, and your girlfriends grew impatient.
“Amor? What does it say?” Mapi called through the door. Her and Ingrid strained to hear a response from you.
“I’m sorry guys.” You eventually got out, your voice thick with tears. Mapi and Ingrid deflated. They were disappointed, yes, but they’d been watching the toll this had been taking on you, and they knew what another negative would do to you.
“Open up, cariño,” Ingrid insisted, knocking softly on the door.
“I just need a minute,” you called back, trying to sound more put together than you were.
Neither of them wanted to give you a minute, but they respected your wishes, moving away from the door and over to the bed. Inside the bathroom, you stood up, throwing the test away as you couldn’t bear to look at it any longer. You splashed some cool water over your face, noting that it didn’t do much to hide that you’d been crying, before you opened the door. They had both been staring at the door impatiently when it opened, the sadness radiating off of you as you stepped out of the bathroom feeling like a punch to the gut.
Ingrid got to you first, wrapping her arms around your shaking form, holding you tightly to her. You sobbed quietly into her shoulder, feeling Mapi come up behind you and wrap herself around your back.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you repeated brokenly.
“Please stop apologizing, my darling, this is not your fault. It is completely out of your control.” Ingrid insisted, and you could only shake your head, burying yourself further into her sweater. Seeing you cry always made your girlfriend’s cry, even Mapi, and it wasn’t long before you were all sniffling pathetically. Still, you remained hidden in Ingrid’s shirt, even when she pulled you over onto the bed, allowing you to fully rest in her arms. Mapi sat next to the both of you, working her fingers through your hair, laying her head on Ingrid’s unoccupied shoulder.
Every time they thought you were getting close to calming down, every time you stopped crying, just a little bit, you almost instantly fell back into sobs that wracked your whole body. You cried until your head hurt, until your throat was raw, and you felt dehydrated. You cried until you were empty, completely devoid of energy and feeling.
When you finally stopped, you murmured another apology to your girls, feeling horrible for making them comfort you when they’d been just as disappointed. Both of them shook off your apologies, exchanging a look. They’d been discussing what to do if this test was negative, and they both agreed that you couldn’t really go on like this. It was taking everything out of you.
“Mi amor, maybe we should take a break.” Mapi said softly.
You flew off of Ingrid in a panic, frantic eyes meeting Mapi’s. “From us?” you asked, voice barely more than a whisper, as if you couldn’t even put your full voice behind that idea.
“NO!” They said simultaneously. In a flash, you were yanked off of Ingrid and pulled into Mapi, her arms holding you almost painfully tightly. “No. No break from us, never a break from us, bebita, I promise. I meant a break from the IVF.”
You tensed, and Ingrid rushed to explain further. “Just for a bit, love. This has been so hard on you, and we hate seeing you so upset. We take a couple months off, and then we can reevaluate. You need to put yourself first, my love. You are our priority.”
You didn’t want to give up, couldn’t give up. You knew that if you stopped now, you’d never be able to start again, never be able to put yourself through the process again.
“One more try. Please. One more, and then we can take a break,” you proposed.
Ingrid and Mapi exchanged glances. It didn’t feel like a good idea to them, but it was your body, and your decision. If you said you could handle more, they had to trust you on that.
“Okay. One more try.” Ingrid said finally.
“One more.” Mapi agreed.
You smiled weakly at them, sitting up off of Mapi and scrubbing at your face. Ingrid seemed satisfied, but María was looking at you with a pensive expression on her face.
“One more, but only if you promise us that you know it isn’t your fault if it doesn’t work. We love you. If you can’t do this, we’ll still love you. Promise me you know that.”
You looked back at her. “I think I know. I just worry sometimes. I promise to try to remember.”
Mapi nodded. “Okay. Mi nina perfecta. I am so proud of you.”
Ingrid and Mapi took in the way you lit up at her words. From then on, they didn’t let a day pass without telling you how proud they were of you.
------
Here you sat, again, on the floor of the bathroom, the test turned over in front of you. The seconds counted down until you could look, and you felt oddly at peace. Whatever was meant to happen would happen. If it didn’t work again, you’d figure something else out. And Ingrid and Mapi would still love you.
They were, once again, outside the bathroom door, pacing this time. They both felt slightly nauseous when the timer went off, turning towards the door, freezing. It was quiet again, on the other side of the door, and they both feared the worst.
“Amor?” Mapi called.
A second later, the door flew open, and you launched yourself out of the bathroom, holding the test out for them to see.
“Positive, it’s positive,” you cried, entirely overwhelmed in the best way possible.
They each wrapped you in a hug, gentle hugs this time, tears flowing down all of your cheeks. It was positive. It had worked. You were going to have a baby. As you celebrated with them, you tried to remind yourself that the hard part wasn’t entirely over. There was so much joy to come, though, and you focused on that. One the absolutely alit with joy expressions on both of your girls’ faces. It had all been worth it, just for this.
------
No one on the team had really known you were trying to get pregnant, aside from a few people. They had left all of this up to you, assuring you that they didn’t care who knew when, as long as you were comfortable. That was pretty much it. It had been a difficult few months, and you knew your girlfriends needed the support of their best friends, so Alexia knew, and Frido knew you were trying. As such, you also decided that Ingrid and Mapi could tell them about the pregnancy first.
Telling Alexia went according to plan, for the most part. The three of you had her and Olga over for dinner, presenting her with a box after everyone had eaten. Alexia looked quizzically between the three of you, before she opened it up to find a very small Putellas jersey inside. The entire time you’d been trying to get pregnant, Alexia had teased Mapi that she’d get the baby in a Putellas jersey if it was the last thing she did, Mapi insisting the baby would only wear her and Ingrid’s jerseys. Alexia knew, instantly, what this meant, and to everyone’s shock, the blonde woman immediately covered her face, and broke down into tears.
“Oh my god, I am so happy for you,” she sobbed, hands still hiding her face.
You and Ingrid were frozen, never really having seen Alexia cry. Not like this. Olga simply rolled her eyes, placing a comforting hand on her girlfriend’s back and rubbing softly. Mapi was close to tears too, shockingly.
“What is happening?” You whispered to Ingrid, as both Spaniards tried to pull themselves together.
“I’m not really sure. Maybe I put too much pepper on the chicken,” Ingrid whispered back, and you covered your mouth to hide your laugh.
Very suddenly, Alexia slid her chair back, clambering over to Mapi and yanking her up from her own chair. She pulled her into a bone crushing hug, which Mapi met eagerly. They hugged for a while. Long enough for everyone to grow even more confused. When they broke apart, Alexia pulled Ingrid into a hug, and Olga got up too. Alexia wiped at her tears hurriedly, sending you an apologetic smile as she hugged you, too, so gently you could have laughed.
“I’m sorry, I just know how hard it’s been, and how badly all three of you wanted this, and it’s been so long, and I’m just really happy for you,” Alexia rambled. Behind her, Mapi blushed heavily, and you and Ingrid exchanged knowing glances.
Mapi had been the picture of strength the past few months. While you had cried, and Ingrid had cried, Mapi had remained optimistic and perfect. Both of you had been wondering how she was managing it. It seemed that the answer was Alexia. She had been spending more time with her, and if there was anyone Mapi trusted with her feelings, it was her best friend.
With that mystery solved, and the secret finally out, the five of you spent a long time in the living room, discussing all things baby related. Alexia really was so excited for you guys. She held onto the baby Putellas kit pretty much the rest of the night, and you were beginning to get the feeling she was having other thoughts as well. If the longing glances she was sending Olga’s way were any indication, they weren’t too far off from being parents either.
That thought filled you with so much joy. Alexia and Mapi together were hilarious, and their children together could only be more entertaining. This was one of the fun parts of growing up; getting to watch the people around you grow and change in the best ways.
------
Telling Frido went less according to plan. In fact, no one even told her.
The three of you were supposed to have her over for dinner over the weekend, and tell her the same way you’d told Alexia. You saw her before that, though, at the midweek match. It was at home, and you were in attendance, sitting in the stands per usual. Frido had picked up a small injury, and was sitting the game out to make sure she was good to go for the more difficult games coming up in the next few weeks.
It was going fine, completely normally, for the first 15 minutes of the match. You and Frido exchanged easy small talk, most of your attention on the pitch.
Then, there was a break in play, as one of the opposing players received treatment on the pitch. Frido took the opportunity to look at you, her eyes piercing as she looked down at you, almost smugly.
“What?” You asked defensively.
Frido just shook her head, turning back to the pitch. “You’re pregnant.”
“I- I’m… what?” You stuttered, absolutely baffled.
“You are pregnant.” She said again. It wasn’t a question either time, and you just blinked at her, wondering if Ingrid had let it slip or something.
“Why do you think that?”
“Because you’re glowing. And you were supposed to take a test last week, and Ingrid didn’t call me in tears at all last week, so I know you didn’t test negative. And when you walked off the pitch, away from them, Ingrid and Mapi looked like they were worried you were going to be kidnapped or struck by lightning or something. Also, Mapi bought a parenting book, and when Jana asked her about it, she said she was ‘just preparing’. We both know Mapi doesn’t prepare for things that aren’t happening for sure.”
She really had you there. You couldn’t lie, and she was looking at you expectantly.
“Dammit Frido,” you sighed.
She grinned at you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you in tight. “Congratulations.”
She said it quietly, but the word was filled with emotion, and you knew that she, too, knew how hard this had been. You were struck, then, with a sense of gratitude, that your girls had such incredible friends. They deserved nothing less.
After the match, after Barça won, you and Frido headed down to the pitch. Ingrid looked confused when the Swede pulled her into a tight hug, her expression growing shocked when Frido congratulated her quietly.
“Love, we were going to tell her together,” the Norwegian scolded you, catching the attention of Mapi, who sent you a [less convincing] stern glare.
You threw your hands up in the air. “I didn’t say anything, she figured it out,” you defended. All three of you turned to Frido, who was, once again, smirking rather smugly at you all.
“You are bad at keeping secrets, all of you. I’d work on that, or the whole team will know before you’re out of the first trimester.” She said.
“Know what?” Claudia asked, popping up from behind Frido with a mischievous glint in her eyes, like she knew she’d heard something she wasn’t supposed to.
It was going to be a long first trimester, if this singular match was any indication.
------
This wasn’t to say that everything went smoothly once you were pregnant.
Things were alright up until the 4th month. You had a bump by then. You hadn’t thought that it would bother you, gaining weight, not when it was happening for a specific purpose. You’d always had a certain level of discomfort in regards to your body, not that you’d ever admit it. Dating professional athletes had its perks and its drawbacks; your girlfriend’s bodies happened to be both. Normally, you were able to push through your insecurities easily, helped by the way Ingrid and Mapi worshiped you.
Now, though, everything was different. Your whole body was changing, and you felt so different. What was worse was that you were only in month 4. There were still 5 months to go. You were really struggling. Maybe it was the hormones, too, you weren’t really sure, but letting them see you naked wasn’t an option, suddenly. You shrugged out from under their hands, you didn’t let Mapi pull your shirt up to talk to your bump before bed, and you hadn’t had sex in weeks. The bathroom door remained locked when you changed or showered, when it never had been before.
They noticed pretty early on that something was going on. At first, they thought they were hovering too much. That didn’t seem to be it, though, because you wanted to be around them, clearly, you just couldn’t stand it when they touched you too much. They brought it up to you briefly, and Mapi believed your explanation that it was a sensory thing, for a while, but Ingrid saw through that. She just wasn’t sure how to bring it up without making you feel worse. It was evident you were feeling a fair amount of shame, and you didn’t want them to know this was going on. You felt so stupid; there was no reason for you to be so upset about something that was completely normal. Your body was built for this, and yet, you felt so uncomfortable, so unnatural.
Ingrid was waiting for the right opportunity, which came a few days after you’d lied and given an excuse as to your odd behavior. The three of you were on the couch, watching a movie. Well and Ingrid were watching a movie. Mapi was squished against you, her hands roaming dangerously about your body, her lips nipping lightly over your skin every so often.
You were enjoying it, honestly, until one of her hands drifted down to your thigh, squeezing lightly. Your thighs were a body part you currently were not very happy with, and you flinched away from the contact, pushing Mapi’s hand off of you, and sliding closer to Ingrid. Mapi tried not to be hurt, keeping her hands to herself and simply resting her head against your arm. Ingrid looked down at you with concern, but your attention was fixated on the TV, so she shrugged it off.
Until a minute later, when she heard a small sniffle. She looked over at Mapi, who was looking at you. Ingrid tilted your chin up towards her, seeing a few tears in your eyes.
“Hey,” she cooed. “What’s wrong, love?”
“I’m sorry, María,” you cried, reaching for her hand. You’d noticed how hurt she’d looked when you pulled away from her, and that hadn’t been your intention.
“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t want to, that’s okay, that’s always okay,” she assured you, kissing the side of your head repeatedly. That seemed to help, and you nodded, weakly smiling at her. She returned your smile, leaning in very slowly and pressing her lips to yours. You met her eagerly, kissing her back with hunger before she pulled away, pushing a strand of hair out of your face.
Ingrid was not smiling. “Hey, elskling?”
“Yeah?” You replied, shifting to look up at her. The small smile on your face melted away as you took in the concerned expression on Ingrid’s.
“You know you can tell us anything, right?” She asked softly, her thumb tracing across your cheekbone.
“Of course I do.” You told her, somewhat uncomfortably. Ingrid could sense your discomfort, but she pushed anyway. You needed to talk about whatever was bothering you.
“Then talk to us, love. Something isn’t right.”
You knew she was talking about more than just your rejection of Mapi’s advances this evening. You sighed deeply, and the Spaniard sat up once she realized you were about to talk, leaning on her elbow to look at you next to her.
“I look… different.” You said shortly.
“Yes. You’re growing a baby inside of you, love. You’re supposed to look different.” Ingrid said, attempting to reassure you, not knowing this only made you feel worse. You knew you were supposed to look different; that didn’t stop you from disliking it.
“I know.”
“But…?” Mapi prompted you.
“I don’t like it.” You whispered. “I hate it. I hate how every part of my body is getting bigger. I can’t even look at myself, not when you two are so beautiful.”
“Oh, mi amor,” Mapi sighed, curling herself closer around your body.
“I’m not pretty anymore, and you guys are going to hate how I look, and leave me, and-” You knew you were spiraling, catastrophizing, but you couldn’t stop yourself, not even when Ingrid insistently placed her hands on your cheeks, turning your face towards her.
“You are beautiful. So beautiful. You were beautiful before you got pregnant, and you are beautiful now. You will always be pretty. Gaining weight will never change that, my darling, never. And definitely not when you’re carrying our child.” She said decisively.
Mapi spoke then, her voice right in your ear as she clung to you. “I could never hate how you look, I love you too much for that. When I tell you that you are perfect, I mean it. You and Ingrid are the best parts of me, and I would never leave you, no matter what.”
You closed your eyes, trying to let the words wash over you, let yourself relish in the feeling of being so completely and entirely loved. You opened them, though, when you felt Ingrid move. She was kneeling on the floor in front of you, and her hands rested on the hem of your shirt, waiting for your permission. When you nodded, she lifted it up, letting it bunch around your sternum, before began to lightly kiss your skin, starting at your thighs, alternating legs, moving up slowly until she was kissing your bump, up to your collarbone, your neck, your jaw, and finally, her lips pressed themselves against yours. You couldn’t get over the way either woman was looking at you, with so much love and adoration. Like they were in complete awe of you.
You exhaled against Ingrid’s mouth sharply, more tears falling down your cheeks. This time, though, they weren’t sad tears. You were crying because of how well Ingrid and Mapi loved you, how they always knew just what to say, and just what to do. It was this, most of all, that you were most excited to see transform into parenthood. It was different, and new, but at its core, it was still your Ingrid, and your Mapi. The three of you, together, with a new little addition.
It was confidence in their love that had you surging forward suddenly, wrapping your arm around Ingrid’s neck, and drawing Mapi in closer by the front of her shirt. There was no room for insecurity when they held you this close, when they worked at your body like it was divine, like it was sent from heaven, just for them. All you had to do was let them in, and they’d make everything better, always. They’d do it for the baby, too, you were sure. For now, though, you needed to enjoy your dwindling time with just the three of you. And you planned to do so.
------
no part 2 to this probably, i'm pretty happy with where it is :)
#woso x reader#woso imagine#barcelona femeni x reader#ingrid engen x mapí leon#mapi leon x ingrid engen x reader#ingrid engen x reader#mapi leon x reader
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Hybrid/shapeshifter golden tiger reader as a vigilante with batfam? I really love your writing :0
They're so PRETTY how did I not know they existed before???? Also I love shifter fics bc who doesn't
Masterlist
Part Two
Golden
Being a shifter is bad in this day and age, at least until the shifter is mature enough to shift on command. Before then, young shifters can shift with any strong emotion, especially negative ones like anger and fear.
Most shifters mature when they turn into adults, which means they're either taught to become temporary psychopaths or are homeschooled until they're mature enough.
You, like many shifters, were the latter. Now that you're in university and studying biology, living in your own apartment states away from your parents, you're free. So incredibly free.
Free to be you, free to talk to people who interest you, and free to fight the lowly criminals of Goth- wait, what?
It was an accident, you swear. You couldn't bear to hear that poor little girl's blood-curdling screams (you hadn't understood what the phrase meant before, but you sure do now) any longer, so you shifted and almost, but not quite, mauled the man to death.
"Pretty kitty!" she had called you, and from then on you vowed to look after the young kids of Gotham, especially when going to and coming from school as well as at night (if you weren't studying). Sometimes you simply lay in the bushes of a park and watched over the kids as they played on the playground.
They remained your main focus (though you did save others, you mostly watched over the young children) even when the press got wind of the golden tiger shifter vigilante. "Golden" is what they called you, and it was certainly better than other names the press had given vigilantes before.
The local bat population had gotten word of your existence beforehand and had tried to even just get a glimpse of you, but you were too quick. After the press got wind, they amped up their efforts.
You've decidedly had enough of your studying and walked out of your apartment, climbing into the window of an ashy-smelling abandoned building, the charcoal staining your fingers as you moved into the dark to shift.
One could guess what happened to the building, but it didn't have anything to do with a golden tiger climbing out its window on a cool early spring night, the snow thawing slower than usual. There weren't many people on the streets at this hour which you were glad for.
You take your normal route today, going through the less fortunate neighbourhoods where kids are most commonly found. Slushy snow drenches your paws in cold water as you leap onto the next roof and climb down the stairs on the side of the building.
There's a bundle of blankets placed gently into a plastic bucket. You nudge the bundle with your nose gently and when the wailing begins you huff. Another abandoned baby; it's the third one this month. A mother you can't afford a child or is scared for the child's safety when it comes to the father.
Your teeth close around the bucket and you begin carrying the baby to the hospital in Crime Alley, a long trek from where you picked the baby up.
You hear something. Whispers. Your ears rotate to find the source of the sound which would be impossible for a human to hear.
"That's the tiger?"
"No shit," the second voice hisses, much older than the first. "What else could it be? A cow?"
"Whatever," the first one replies. "What do we do? Think that's a baby?"
"Probably. I say we take the baby and bring it to the hospital."
You turn your head to where the sound is coming from, impeccable vision allowing you to see Robin and Red Hood perched on a building above you.
"What about the- how good is a tiger's hearing?"
You do trust these vigilantes but not more than you trust yourself. You flick your tail and continue walking, a few corners from the hospital. The sound of their grappling hooks as the vigilantes follow you are only able to annoy you.
There's the hospital, just at the end of the street. You take no more than two steps before Red Hood steps out in front of you. You aren't surprised as you could hear him the entire time.
"Can I have the baby?" He asks, hand outstretched as he gestures for you to hand it over.
Your eyes narrow and you turn to see Robin behind you.
"It'll be easier for me to get it to the hospital," he explains. "They won't react calmly to a tiger carrying a baby."
He had an unfortunately valid point. The other times where you'd brought a baby into a facility, people freaked out.
Reluctantly, you gently place the bucket on the cold pavement and step back, letting the vigilante pick it up.
As Red Hood takes the baby to the hospital, you turn fully to face Robin. He's short and you reach up to the start of his ribcage.
"You're not an easy tiger to locate," he says. "It takes a few idiots."
You make a sound akin to a laugh, turn your head and vanish into the alleyway beside you.
Robin curses himself for not getting to pat the tiger. He'll be damned if his siblings get to first.
#batfam#batfamily x reader#damian wayne x reader#jason todd x reader#dick grayson x reader#batfamily#tim drake x reader
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The Light of Your Eyes
Pairing: best friend's younger brother!Changbin x f!Reader
Genre: one-shot; friends to lovers; smut and fluff; hurt/comfort
Summary: Can the gentle touch of an unexpected pair of hands on your body heal the wounds of your soul?
Sequel: Arms Around Me
Content warnings: 18+ (minors, dni), age gap romance (consenting adults); mentions of break-up and unhealthy past relationship dynamics; depression and anxiety symptoms (mild); MC has self esteem struggles, some are body-image related; the ex was low-key emotionally abusive tbh 😒; depictions of alcohol consumption (no drunkenness); depictions of food and eating (MC has a moment of negative thought patterns in regards to food consumption); gaming/watching movies; emotional breakdowns; kissing (so much kissing, guys); Fluffy fluffy FLUFF 💕; making out; interrupted shenanigans; cuddling; shirtless Binnie 👀; strong and gentle Binnie 🥺💘 ; working through FEELINGS 😅 ; breast play; nudity; oral sex (f. receiving); feedbag position; confessions and new beginnings.
Word Count: ~9300
Author's Note: Well, here it is - my first Binnie fic! I wanted to make it as sweet and sexy as he is...which, I know, is impossible, so I gave it my best shot! Hopefully, it's something worthy of his face-claim. I'm not going to make any judgements as to whether I feel it fits the bill, but rather like the man himself, tell you to be the judge of your own opinions! Jutdae!! 😂💗 But in all seriousness, if you decide to read this story, thank you! I hope it brings you something warm and fuzzy!
*The poem at the beginning is an original, and is what inspired this story!
Acknowledgements: I cannot thank @moni-logues enough for beta reading this for me, and for all her hype and humor and general human decency - this story wouldn't be what it is without her! 💖
As always, if no one has told you today, please know that you're loved, and worthy of love! 🧜♀️💜
the
Bright color of my laughter and the
Melody of the curve of my hips and the
Soft velvet of my irises
seemed
To have taken their first breath,
Opening gently - like flowers perfuming my soul
- When bathed in the light of your eyes.
"Changbin? What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question," he says with a little smirk, whipping a dish towel over his shoulder as he shuffles back to let you in.
Fair enough, you suppose. You are showing up without notice. Not that you ever need to give his sister any notice - as your best friend, there's a key with all the others in your purse that unlocks the door you're closing behind you. You wouldn't have even knocked had his car not been parked in the driveway.
"Where's Nari?" you ask, glancing at the gaming console hooked up to the massive flat-screen, and a bullet blender cup half filled with something thick, pale and probably protein-packed sitting on the coffee table.
"She went out of town for the weekend," he calls, heading back toward the dining area. "Last minute work thing."
Damn.
Your apartment is boring and barren and lonely. You wanted to hang out. You've been coming around more than usual – almost as often as when you were in grad school together. But Nari had her own life, you understood. You had your own life too.
And then three months ago, on New Years Eve, your long-term boyfriend called it quits. It wasn't as if you were heartbroken. Not really. The relationship had been sick and slowly dying. But returning to a life lived in solitude was proving a difficult adjustment – especially navigating the new and constant stillness which left you the mental space and dexterity to run up against the shadows of wounds unhealed. And you didn't feel like growing into your EQ. You felt like distracting yourself. So you ended up at your bestie's place more often than not, these days.
You sigh, trailing toward the kitchen. You won't stay long - if her younger brother is house sitting, he'll probably have people coming over. It's Friday night, after all, and he's twenty-four years young.
The sound of running water, and music from a little speaker playing a catchy beat laced with fast-paced rap draws you into the warmly-lit, open kitchen. You recognize the voice on the track.
"This new?" you ask, dropping your bag on a barstool and rounding the island to where Changbin is up to his elbows in suds at the sink. He's in a black band tee and bright blue joggers, his curly dark hair unstyled.
He looks over his shoulder and nods.
"What do you think? Wait, no, lemme start it over..."
You smile to yourself as he hastily dries his hands and whips out his phone, pulling the track back to the beginning. He braces himself against the edge of the sink, gnawing on his bottom lip as he bobs his head with the lyrical punches and runs.
You smile to yourself, leaning your back against the counter beside him.
"This is good, Bin," you nod earnestly.
"Yeah?" he asks, returning to his soapy task.
"It really is. Hyunjin's pretty damn fast. Not as fast as you, but who is?"
You grin, bumping your hip into his side.
He smirks down into the bubbles.
He's wanted to make music for as long as you've known him, and even fifteen years ago he could spit out a diss track that would have you wetting yourself laughing. He and his buddy, Hyunjin, met in high school and started messing around with music senior year. They committed to the dream, and both worked full-time gigs - Hyunjin as a tattoo artist and Changbin as a personal trainer - while promoting their artistry in their spare time. Production was a tough road to take when they were counting on nothing but raw talent and guts, but you'd always been an unflinching supporter.
"We've got a gig next Saturday...at The Eight Ball," he remarks, looking over at you as a proud smile presses a tiny dimple into his bread cheek.
"What?!" you squeal, turning to smack him on the arm. "Dude, that's fantastic! Oh my god, congratulations!"
"Thanks, and ouch!" he replies, rubbing his arm with a pout that you ignore. It couldn't possibly have hurt him, not with those biceps.
He moves to the fridge, a grin still plastered on his face.
"You should come!" he urges over his shoulder as he appraises his sister's stash before grabbing an energy drink. "I know the boyfriend isn't into rap, but you could come with Nari..."
You scoff softly.
"Doesn't really matter what he likes anymore," you mumble bitterly.
Changbin freezes as he's about to crack open the beverage in his hand.
"Wait, what? Did you guys...is that over?"
You purse your lips and nod. Changbin looks completely taken off guard in a way that surprises you.
“When did that happen?”
You reach back to clutch at the cold tile of the countertop.
“Beginning of the year.”
He scratches his head.
“Nari didn’t…why didn’t you say something?”
You shrug, your eyes falling. For reasons you'd never considered, you’d rarely brought your ex around or even brought him up to Changbin.
He turns to the still open fridge and swaps out his energy drink for two beers, opening both and sliding one across the island between you.
"How you holding up?" he asks in earnest concern, a little furrow appearing between his dark brows.
You want to tell him that you're fine - it's what you've been telling everyone else - but from the way he holds your gaze before letting his eyes search your face, he's looking for a real answer. You pull your lip between your teeth. You're not ready to form the words that spell the truth. He sees it.
"Ah," he waves dismissively, "Fuck that guy. You're too good for him anyway. What an idiot."
You blink, a little smirk tugging at your lips.
"You don't have to hate on him just because we're-"
"I'm hating on him because I hate him," he stares at you unflinchingly, taking another swig of his beer. "He wasn't good to you, didn't make you happy. I'm glad he's gone. Seriously, fuck him."
You didn't expect that sort of reaction out of Changbin. Not that you expected anything, but the strong, certain tone he took in regards to your ex's unworthiness has a tiny little warmth glowing in your chest. It was like him to feel strongly and take a stand, but to have his conviction aimed at you...
"Thanks, Bin," you murmur softly, hiding your smile behind your beer.
The young man nods, and his lips part as if to speak when his phone buzzes in his pocket. As he answers the call - clearly, from the nature of his greeting, one of his buddies - you're reminded that you’re trespassing on his Friday night. Draining your beer, you grab your bag and slip out of the kitchen.
You huff a little sigh as you pull on your shoes, lingering listlessly for a moment before pulling open the door. The thought of going home has your stomach churning. You can't go back and be alone there.
You can't.
You have to.
How pathetic could you possibly get? you consider sickly, staring out into the darkness. Your self-loathing and mounting anxiety battle for dominance as you will yourself to take the step over the threshold that will carry you to your car…
Click.
The door swishes shut, and you blink in confusion before you note a bulky arm stretched over your shoulder, hand pressed to the wooden frame below the peephole.
You turn into Changbin's frame and he jostles backwards, hand dropping to your shoulder.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asks, a little smirk playing on his lips.
You try to get your bearings as you resurface from the flash flood of inner turmoil, blinking up at him in confusion.
"Uuhh...home?" you answer, jerking a thumb back toward your intended exit.
Changbin shakes his head.
"You just got here."
"Well...I came to see Nari but she's gone, so..."
When the faintest shadow of hurt seems to flicker over his features at your words, you stammer to clarify.
"Bin, it's Friday, I- you've got plans, right? I don't want to be in the way...Like, it's really nice seeing you don't get me wrong, but, it would suck to have one of your sister's random friends underfoot if you're...if..."
You trail off. He's watching you in amusement now, arms crossed and bottom lip pulled between his teeth, one eyebrow cocked just a little higher than the other.
"What?" you press him, now a bit self-conscious at your rambling and still on edge from the surging anxiety of moments ago.
Damn, what was with you? You'd been a mess lately, and now you couldn't even get your words out with Nari's kid brother?
"I do have plans."
Changbin's words interrupt your muddled self-assessment. You glance up at him.
What? Okay, that's what you had been trying to...
"I plan to kick your ass at Super Smash Bros Brawl," he quips, turning to round the couch and settle in front of it before reaching for the blue controller discarded on the coffee table.
Huh?
You watch him start up the game and move through selections. Shuffling toward the back of the couch, you place your hands on it. He wants to hang out? Now that he found out you'd been dumped. Nari's away, so he's falling into stride, you think to yourself. You sigh. You should be grateful. Instead, you feel like a burden.
"Um, Bin..." you murmur, "You don't have to do this..."
"Do what?" he asks without looking back. "I'm not going easy on you, if that's what you mean. And I'm using Kirby - nonnegotiable."
Your heart melts a little as your eyes rest on him. He's always been a good guy, and it was like him to do this sort of thing - look out for someone when they were feeling low. Leaving simply because you don't feel worthy of his care and attention risks hurting him more than you.
You slowly slip out of your shoes and cross into the living room, retrieving a red controller from atop the console before sinking onto the carpet beside him. You toggle through your choices before landing on Link. Changbin glances over at you disparagingly.
"Link sucks."
"Kirby sucks."
"Hey!" Changbin, practically shouts in your ear, "Don't insult my widdle cutie guy..."
You grimace theatrically at the baby talk.
"Don't ever do that again."
"Or what?" Changbin challenges as he immediately unleashes a combo move that has your character hurtling toward the edge of the battle stage.
You hop around, avoiding him and trying out different button combos. It's been forever since you played this game. Your ex had been a Halo enthusiast. You were never big on first person shooters, but you tried to get into it for his sake. He hadn't the patience to help you learn, though, and after a couple of sessions of grimaces and apologies on your behalf mumbled into his headset, he'd stopped taking you up on your offers to join him.
Kirby darts back and forth across the screen after you on stubby pink legs. Eventually you get the hang of things and are returning his attacks, though he easily bests you in an embarrassingly short sequence of moves.
"Sorry, I'm no good at video games," you mumble apologetically.
The smug look falls from Changbin's face.
"Why are you sorry?" he raises a brow, dropping his controller into his lap, a little smile still playing on his lips.
You shrug. His smile fades.
"Who says you're no good?"
Shit.
You shift your focus to the screen and toggle for a new character.
"Best two out of three."
You can feel his eyes still on you as you opt for Princess Peach.
Two out of three turns into five out of eight, and around eleven out of twenty, the doorbell rings. When Changbin turns in surprise toward the sound, you take the opportunity to deliver a critical blow, winning your first match of the night. He rolls his eyes as you giggle wickedly and moves to answer the door.
You pull your phone from your pocket reflexively to check the socials you've deleted, before sighing and tossing it across the room to land on the carpet with a thud.
"Did you just throw your phone?"
Glancing over your shoulder, you catch him shooting you a quizzical look over a stack of pizza boxes tall enough to feed a small army. Clambering to your feet you trail after him into the kitchen.
"You do have plans, you liar!" you elbow him as he opens the top box and pulls out a slice, hissing as the melted cheesy overflow burns the tips of his fingers.
"Ow!" he snaps up a napkin and cradles it under the steaming piece of pizza, shaking his other hand before holding up his fingers in front of you.
"Blow on 'em," he whines.
You raise your eyebrows.
"You're joking."
He pouts and you want to laugh. This big, grown man is seriously going to give you the lip right now?
"That's what you get for having no patience, Bin..." you tsk disapprovingly.
He lets out a little disappointed sigh.
"Meanie..." he grumbles, and lets his hand fall.
You return your focus to the obscene amount of food now stacked on Nari's kitchen table.
"So, I'm sure people are going to start showing up, so I'm just gonna..."
Changbin hands you a paper plate with two slices of pizza and heads to the fridge where he fishes out two more beers. You stare at the plate in your hand.
"I...Bin..."
"What, you don't like sweet potato?" he asks with a smirk, cracking open a can and handing it to you.
You blink at him in confusion.
"Please enjoy this meal compliments of Han Jisung, who never remembers to update the address on his delivery app. Now, load up on pizza and let’s get back to it because I'm not trying to let you act like you came out on top from winning that last match on a fluke."
You scoff at his last remark. Watching him pile several slices onto his plate, you take a bite of yours. It tastes good, and you realize as it hits your stomach that you haven't eaten all day. When was the last time you ate a real meal? When was the last time you wanted one?
"Noona?"
Changbin's voice makes you realize you had zoned out and when you blink up at him, there's just nine inches of disposable dinnerware between you. His lips are pursed and his eyes trace your features, their gaze gentle but searching.
"You alright?" he asks.
There it is again; the concern. He isn't just checking in. His voice is soft and low, like his eyes. As a rule, Changbin's voice is strong, resonant - saying everything from his chest without even trying. So when he's gentle, when he pulls himself back...
"Do you miss that guy?" he murmurs.
"No!"
You say it so quickly.
Changbin nods.
"I'm just..." Fuck, why are you suddenly so emotional? "I think I'm...adjusting. Y'know?"
He nods again slowly. Then he reaches up and touches your face, dragging his thumb over the side of your mouth and suddenly your brain waves flat-line. Your eyes widen and your lips part, but before you can even process what's happening, he drops his hand to swipe it on a napkin.
"Had sauce on your face," he mumbles, and you can't read his.
His mouth is tugged up in a small smile but somehow it looks sad, and his eyes look like they're still asking a question that was never really answered. Before you can consider any further, he picks up his plate and heads back toward the living room.
You follow him, still half in your head.
When you sit down next to him, there's something hanging unspoken in the foot and a half of space between your bodies. Something has shifted, gone taut.
Shit, had you made him uncomfortable? Why had you stared at him like a weirdo when he...wait, he touched you...
Your eyes shift over to where he sits beside you. He runs a hand through the wavy hair over his ear. Has he always been so beautiful? He turns quick enough to catch you staring and you put your plate out of your lap. The pizza smells so good but suddenly you can't touch it.
Changbin initiates another round, which you lose in record time. Your stomach grumbles.
"You better eat if you're going to have any hope of beating me again," he goads, finishing off his third slice to abandon the crust with the others on his plate before launching another game.
"I had enough," you deflect, pushing your plate toward him.
"You took two bites."
"I need to cut back."
"Like...go on a diet?"
"Yeah."
His brows furrow and his tongue slips between his lips as he sends Kirby into a hammer flip that lands as a critical hit and you wince.
"What have you eaten today?"
"What?"
"You heard me."
"I...I don't know. I..."
Your stomach twists. The hunger is there, but so is the anxiety. The fear of being judged for eating too much or too quickly or...
The game pauses. Your plate slides back toward you over the carpet.
"The rest of that piece. Or whatever else you want. But something."
His voice is gentle but firm. You sigh.
"Fine," you murmur, grabbing the half-eaten slice.
You take a bite, and slowly raise your eyes to his as they regard you patiently.
"Sorry," you mumble, covering your mouth, shifting away from him.
"Why now?"
"I make gross noises when I eat."
"What? No you d-"
A hand tugs at your elbow. When you look back toward him his handsome face holds so many things, and you watch as they take turns seizing his features. Horror...pity...anger.
"Who told you that?" he asks lowly, but it doesn't sound like a question. "Noona..."
He squeezes your elbow.
You feel everything you've been shoving down in your chest begin to well up.
Fuck, no!
Your lip trembles.
He's shifting to face you.
You shake your head and press your eyes shut.
Your hand is encompassed in a larger one.
"It's lies, all of it," Changbin whispers with desperate conviction...and your dam breaks.
He pulls you into his arms as you sob with abandon. One of his hands encircles your waist tugging you against his broad, warm chest, and the other slips to brush tenderly over your nape as you tuck your face into his neck.
"He's a liar...shhhh...he's a lying piece of shit," he insists earnestly, into your hair. "You're perfect. He's the one who needs to fix himself. You're so, so perfect."
Perfect? You let your heart hold the word in its palm for one precious moment before pushing it away. Your heart had never been one to accept gifts it didn't think it deserved.
You weep and weep in his strong arms until you run out of tears, and then he holds you while you breathe. As the catharsis of your breakdown begins to settle in, you wonder at the comedown - a softer, warmer one than you've ever known – and you consider the loveliness that has broken your fall.
Soft and firm, everywhere he touches you. And warm. So warm. Not just the heat radiating from his body like a furnace – the velvet rasp of his voice, the absolute and unfaltering nature of his embrace.
Your hands move tentatively against his back. Soft cotton stretches and bunches between your fingers over his sturdy frame. Where your face is pressed to his collar every breath draws in a comforting combination of detergent and cologne. When you close your eyes and sigh, letting your weight sink against him further, you feel his arms tighten in response.
"Sorry," you croak feebly.
"Stop," he implores you, "Every time you apologize, I want to sock that guy in the face."
"I...I'm so stupid, I didn't even really realize..."
"No," his arms squeeze you again, "He had your trust. It was his job to protect you."
Protected. That's how you feel right now. Safe. So, so safe. Letting him hold you and reassure you felt good...it felt right. But yet again, the voice in your mind that liked to remind you how much of a burden you always were speaks up in a sickly whisper.
You pull yourself slowly from his arms and off his lap. Drawing yourself up to stand, you wipe your hot cheeks, puffy red eyes finding his like the needle of a compass. Unprepared for what awaits you in his gaze, your knees nearly give out beneath you.
Changbin is looking up from where he kneels before you, the yearning in his eyes unchecked as they burn with an unasked question and an unspoken promise.
"I should go," you whisper, barely able to form the words.
"Don't," he says, standing.
"If I stay I'll just wreck your night," you mumble.
"You could never," he insists, lips tugging into a little smile. His eyes are still pleading.
"Changbin..." you breathe, suddenly drowning again in the fizzy serotonin his words ignite in your chest. "You don't want..."
"You let me be the judge of what I want."
His hands find your arms and he pulls you in. There are centimeters between you. His eyes rest on your lips. Your heart hammers in your ears as your brain begins to malfunction the way it had when he touched your face...
"D-do I have something on my-"
Mouth? His.
The whole of your being floods with something beautiful and ineffable at the touch of his lips and no voice, no doubt, no force in the world could be stronger than the one that pulls you into him. Your arms fly up to wrap around his neck and tug yourself impossibly closer. His hands drop to your waist, pressing desperately in kind, and your bodies mold together. You flush with heat, sparks igniting in your belly and skittering through your veins as his lips move against yours. He stumbles back, pulling you with him as his knees buckle at the edge of the couch, and your body spills over his lap.
Your fingers card into his hair.
His hands drop to the back of your hips.
Your tongue brushes his bottom lip.
He moans.
At the gorgeous, deep sound from his chest, you pull back, fighting the smile that pulls at the corners of your mouth. What the fuck is happening right now? You don't get much time to consider as his head falls against the backrest and his eyes flutter open.
"Sorry," he grins bashfully. The tips of his ears burn pink.
"Now who's apologizing for no reason?" you tease, pressing your hands to his chest.
He smiles so sweetly in return you feel you might physically melt. And then the smile fades and the lids of his eyes grow heavy and he leans up to claim your mouth.
His lips taste the same as a moment ago, but their press is slower, hungrier. His hands are powerful and assertive as they hook under your thighs and pull your hips flush against his own in a single tug. You gasp softly against his lips and you feel his smirk. You feel his smirk and something else - something beginning to press up into your ass through your jeans.
Licking into his mouth, you push down, grinding your hips over his in a slow, deliberate undulation. The groan that falls from his lips unlocks something inside of you that needs to know every sound he makes and how to elicit them. Your mouth drops to his neck.
Suddenly, he's gripping your waist and pivoting to lay you on the cushions, slotting himself between your legs. You're still dizzy from the sudden rush of movement, when your legs curl around his hips and over his ass and–
A loud buzzing from the coffee table has you mourning the press of Changbin's lips to your throat as he glances at the caller ID.
"Shit!" he scrambles to sit up, hand still gripping your thigh above your knee when he presses the phone to his ear.
"Hey," he runs a hand through his hair. "What? Nothing. No, I didn't forget. I will, I will."
You recognize his tone of voice. There could only be one person on the other end of the line. You sit up, your head beginning to clear as the reality of the situation washes over you.
"Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Be safe. Love you."
Changbin presses the end-call button and tosses the phone onto the cushion beside him. He leans back against the couch and claps his hand against your leg with a sigh.
"She really knows how to wreck a moment for me."
You crack a wry smile.
"I mean, it's probably for the best that we don't desecrate your sister's couch."
His eyes widen as horror, disgust, and amusement wage war across his features. You burst into a fit of giggles. He feigns a gag. You laugh so hard that you snort.
"S-sorry," you clap your hand over your mouth, still tittering while your ears heat in embarrassment.
Changbin's face softens again. He reaches for your hand and pulls it from your face, threading his fingers through yours.
"Cut it out."
"What? I can't be embarrassed about snorting like a pig?"
"No. It's cute," he smirks.
"It is not!"
"Mhm. Everything you do is cute."
He glances over at you, a lopsided smirk on his perfect lips, his eyes sparkling. He means it.
You fluster, gaze dropping to your enjoined hands, and concentrate on tracing little patterns on the back of his with your thumb. He sighs.
"Wanna watch a movie?"
The request takes you by surprise and your heart squeezes. If it was any other guy, the night would have been over. For the fourth time tonight, you had been about to head for the door, and for the fourth time, Changbin makes you feel wanted. So you stay.
You grab a big, fluffy blanket from the basket in Nari's room, and when you return, Changbin has the lights dimmed and Your Name ready to go on the TV. You smile as you settle in beside him, tossing half the blanket over his widespread legs.
"We don't have to watch this just because it's my favorite, you know," you insist, but he shakes his head.
"Taki's ma' boy," he smirks, shooting you a glance as he presses play on the remote.
You're not quite sure what it means, but you feel your heart skip a beat just the same.
You love this movie. You love that you've seen it enough times that you can talk through it. You love that Changbin is more than willing to talk over the film himself. You're not certain when it happened, but by halfway through the movie his arm is stretched out behind your shoulders and your head rests on his bicep.
"Do you remember seeing this together in the theater?" he asks suddenly, tilting his head toward yours.
You grin.
"You cried and Nari gave you shit about it," you recall.
"You bailed me out. Told her all the sniffling was you. Never even teased me about it either."
Changbin smiles down at you, his eyes sentimental.
Butterflies flutter their delicate wings in your ribcage. How does he make you feel this way?
Your eyes dip to his lips for a moment. Sighing, you nuzzle into his shoulder, hiding your face as much as seeking his warmth. His arm slips off the back of the couch to curl around your shoulders and pull you into his side. The movie plays on.
When the credits roll, Changbin stretches and yawns, and watching him it dawns on you that, working at a fitness center, he's an especially early riser.
"We should call it a night," you offer, standing and stretching yourself, but you're tugged back down into Changbin's lap, yelping as you topple onto him.
His arms encircle your hips as he regards you with a sleepy grin.
"What, do I live here now?" you tease.
"Stay the night," he urges, tightening his arms around you. "You really want to drive back now?"
You chew your lip, eyes tracing over his face. This is all more than a bit unreal, and you haven't given yourself even one second to process what's happening, lest you utterly panic. All you know right now is that your little ship had been sinking and he had hauled you into a lifeboat. Everything outside of him seems like a raging sea.
You nod.
"Okay," you whisper, combing his hair away from his forehead. “I’ll stay.”
His eyes dip shut at your touch and the butterflies flutter gently once more.
A few minutes later, you take Nari's room and slip into a pair of her cotton shorts, which do basically nothing to contain your ass, and tug on a plain white tee that stretches snugly over your torso. How a big guy like Changbin could have emerged from the same genetic pool as his teeny tiny sister was beyond you. As you glance in the mirror, your heart sinks. You don't like how the tight fit is pressing you out everywhere you're most self-conscious. But, they are just pajamas, and they're all you have at your disposal.
As you're about to head into the master bathroom to finish your nightly routine, you remember that the toothbrush and toiletries you keep on hand at Nari's are in the little half-bath attached to the guest room. You groan, glancing at yourself again in the mirror, and pull a blanket around yourself before crossing the hall.
Hoping Changbin hasn’t yet fallen asleep, you knock hesitantly on the door. You hear the bed creak before the door opens to reveal a head of mussed hair and hands scrubbing over bleary eyes. But it's not what you notice. Your apology for rousing him dies on your lips as your eyes glue themselves to his bare chest. Blinking dumbly, your eyes climb from his soft stomach subtly rippling with the presence of strong abdominals up to a pair of impressive pecs with wide-set, dusky nipples. His flannel pajama pants settle at his hips, accentuating how his body broadens as it rises from his waist to his full chest and wide shoulders flanked by bulging biceps. Thick. He's so fucking thick you could bi-
"...Noona?" he rumbles, his voice husky from sleep. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing...sorry..." you rush out, ripping your gaze up to his. "My toothbrush is in your room – I mean! in your bathroom. That's where I usually stay, so...but I didn't think you'd be asleep. Sorry, I can just..."
He rubs over one of his eyes with his palm as he steps aside.
"You can grab it."
Right. You shuffle in awkwardly, trying not to step on the blanket dragging around your feet. As you cross the dark room, you try not to dwell on the rumpled sheets of the bed that speak of his body having lain between them, or the soft smell of his cologne hanging in the air. You quickly retrieve the little toiletry bag and, as you move to squeeze past Changbin at the door, he eyes the fluffy shroud you're clutching to your chest.
He raises a sleepy eyebrow.
"I'm sure Nari has pants you could..."
"I'm wearing pants!" you bluster, "They just...don't fit."
You move out of the doorway to make your way back to your room, but a hand cups the side of your face and turns it as soft lips meet your forehead.
"Good night, noona," he murmurs with a little smile before retreating back into his room.
You stand in the hall, staring at his door, the butterflies absolutely aflurry.
Despite your best efforts, you can't sleep. Your mind is full of the last five hours. Full of Changbin.
He had kissed you. You had kissed him back. And it had felt...
You roll from your side to your back, sighing up at the dark ceiling. You chew on your lip as you remember breaking down and his arms around you. You would usually feel regretful and ashamed after baring yourself like that to someone. You despised moments of weakness. But you couldn't bring yourself to hate the moments in his arms. You didn't regret them. In fact, you wanted him to hold you again. You wanted to feel vulnerable in his hands, and you wanted him to keep you safe.
You feel heat rush up from your neck as you recognize these feelings.
You must be absolutely shameless, you conclude in wonder. You should be freaking out right now - this was Changbin, for Christ's sake – Nari's brother! You should be wondering what happens next, and what all of it means...but even so you can’t bring yourself to care. All your mind can focus on is how his arms felt like waking up after a nightmare to song birds and soft sunlight.
After an hour or so of tossing and turning, the salty pizza from dinner has you parched and slipping out to the kitchen for a drink. You pull a glass from the cupboard and fill it at the fridge, gulping down the contents to refill it again. Suddenly, you feel two strong arms snake around your waist and you start, sloshing your water and smacking the back of your head into the man holding you. You hastily set your glass down and turn in his arms as he lets out a groan, one of his hands releasing you as it flies up to cup the front of his face in pain.
"Bin, oh my god! Are you okay? You scared me!" you chide with a chuckle as you reach up to push his hand away and brush the tips of your fingers across his nose.
He pouts down at you and you smile.
"Did I wake you?"
He huffs.
"Yeah. To get your toothbrush. Then I couldn't go back to sleep."
"Sorry," you groan, still stroking over where you had struck his face. "Does it hurt?"
He nods.
"Kiss it better," he mumbles cutely.
You roll your eyes, but lift your lips to comply when suddenly he interrupts the motion with the soft press of his mouth to yours. It's slow and sweet, and you're struck all over again with how quickly you melt at his touch - a sensation you cannot imagine ever growing accustomed to, but to which you are fairly certain you are in danger of growing entirely addicted.
"Bin..." you whisper against his lips, "Bin, what are we-"
"Liar," he murmurs, pulling back.
Your mouth parts in confusion as you stare up at him, still drunk on his lips.
"You said the clothes didn't fit. You should wear this all the time," he smirks as he squeezes low on your waist.
Your cheeks heat as you remember what you're wearing, but you don't have long to be anxious over it as he presses his lips to your nose...the corner of your mouth...your jaw. You tremble as you lean into him, fingers splaying over his warm, bare chest.
"Let me show you," he whispers against your skin.
"Sh-show me...what...?"
He draws back, pressing his forehead to yours.
"How perfect you are."
You still, eyes flicking up to his. They're dark and tender and pleading. You let out a little shuddering breath.
"I...you don't have t-"
His arms hold you closer, gentle but insistent.
"Let me," he whispers, the tip of his handsome nose brushing over the dip of your cupid's bow. "Please. I want to."
You swallow, eyes dropping to his lips. You want it too, you find. You want his hands and lips and eyes all over you, bringing warmth everywhere they meet your aching body. You nod and take his lips again with yours.
"Yeah?" he murmurs against them.
"Yeah," you breathe, slipping a hand up the back of his neck and into his hair.
He groans in response, deepening the kiss as he licks at your parted lips and when your tongues brush, sparks burst in your belly. You feel it all slipping, the masks, the walls - every barrier you hold up to shield yourself from not being enough. His arms are strong and his lips are tender and you can't focus on anything but the perfection of being so utterly held.
His mouth moves to caress your jaw, under your ear, down the column of your neck, and suddenly you feel the edge of the counter pressing into the small of your back. His hands grip your waist and he hitches you onto the tiled surface with ease. It's cold against your bare legs, but you don't have more than a second to register the discomfort as Changbin nudges his way between your knees. He runs his hands over your thighs as his eyes trail from your panting lips to your lightly heaving chest.
You feel your nipples pebble under his gaze and a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth, his eyes glinting with mischief as he runs a hand up your side, over your shirt, to rest under the swell of your breast. He flicks a thumb over the hardened bud and you whimper and jump. He laughs softly, his smirk spreading into a full smile as he squeezes your breast and brings his eyes to yours.
"Your pretty body likes me, noona," he puffs proudly, massaging you deftly through the soft cotton of the tee.
You don't have a witty retort. Your body likes him so much that it frightens you. And with the deep affection you already feel, have long felt, for him...
You reach to gently tangle your hand again in his coarse, dark curls. He glances up, a sweet little smirk tugging at his pretty lips again.
"Bin..." you sigh.
"Hmm?" he hums as he slips his hands to your bottom and tugs you forward so that you're flush against him.
You dip your head and your lips ghost his.
"Nothing," you whisper, and you kiss him again. Again and again.
His hands slide from your ass to slip beneath your shirt at your lower waist and he kneads the soft flesh above your hips.
"So soft. Feels so good," he groans into your mouth.
You moan as the walls of your pussy contract. You're beginning to ache, beginning to drip – and his words seem to affect you as intensely as his touch.
He moves his lips to latch onto the soft skin of your neck and suck, his hands bunching your shirt up and up until his mouth pops free from your skin and he's pulling the thin garment over your head and tossing it aside. The cool air pricks your skin and you become keenly aware, for the briefest moment, that you are sitting on your best friend's kitchen counter, stripped down to her sleep shorts, with her brother between your thighs. As your brain races to decide whether to find that incredibly arousing or absolutely panic-inducing, Changbin's cherry lips rewire your neurological pathways in favor of the former when they close around your right nipple. Your head lolls back, colliding with the cabinet door and it clatters.
"Shit..." you hiss softly, threading your hands into his hair and gripping it by the roots.
Your eyes slip shut and you focus on the sensation of his warm tongue slipping over the peaks of your breasts, his strong, smooth palms cupping and caressing. And then you feel his little puffs of breath and the nudge of his nose at the valley of your chest as he groans and smushes your tits up to meet his face.
"I fucking live here now," he mumbles into the globe of your breast, and despite the heat of the moment, you softly laugh. You laugh and you feel his smile pressed to your skin.
Then suddenly he's pulling you into his arms in a bridal carry. You know he's strong, as you wrap your arms around his neck, but can't push away a pang of self-consciousness as he bears your weight.
"Bin, I'm so heavy..."
"You're not."
"I don't want you to..."
"Stop it," comes his voice in a soft, deep command as he halts in his tracks to kiss you.
He kisses you and kisses you until you believe that he could carry you until the end of time, and then he takes you into the guest bedroom and sits you gently on the bed. The bed with the mussed sheets that smell like him. The sheets that he's leaning you into as you push yourself to the middle of the bed while he hovers over the top of your body, his lips never leaving yours.
As he sinks down over you, the weight of his body pressing you into the mattress has warmth licking through your veins. You move your hands to caress over his broad back, feeling his muscles ripple beneath your fingers as he shifts to prop himself up on his elbow. You use the free space to trace your hand down his chest and abdomen until you reach the waistband of his pants. If he'd just push himself a few inches up you could...
He pulls away, just barely breathless, and his eyes find yours. He reaches down with his right hand to pull yours gently from between your bodies and to his lips, before threading his fingers through yours and pressing your joined hands into the sheets beside your head.
"I want to eat you out."
He says it so simply, so confidently, and you can feel more arousal gush to join what's already begun to paint your inner thighs.
"Fuck..." you breathe, your fingers trembling in his grasp.
"Can I?" he asks, kissing your lips softly again.
For a moment you're afraid of what saying yes will mean, of the intimacy of it all, of the possibility that you won't measure up, someway, somehow, or maybe...that you will - and what in the world you would do with that level of acceptance...
You let out a shaky sigh, as you hold his gaze. It arrests you and washes over you. You remember his eyes as he knelt on the living room floor, and all they pleaded with you to disbelieve, to unlearn.
Yes. Yes...If it's him, you want it, whatever it means.
You surge forward, pressing your lips to his, your hands weaving through his hair, pulling him in. He lets out a tiny whimper as you devour him, kissing him with determined abandon until you have to come up for air.
"Yes, Bin, yes," you shudder into his mouth as he pants over you. “Yes I want you to.”
In answer, he presses one last tender kiss to your lips before moving to kiss down your body. He moves slowly, but with purpose, pressing an adoring mouth to every part of you that’s bared. He kisses your ear, your neck, your collarbones…he moves over your shoulders and down your right arm to the tip of each finger. He kisses your breasts and down your stomach. He kisses your belly button, and over your hips and down your left thigh. He kisses the inside of your knee, and bends your leg to kiss over your calf and down to your ankle.
You can barely watch him, as he brushes his lips over you, but he flicks his eyes up to yours so often you don’t dare look away. There is something flickering in his gaze, something like a challenge - daring you to contradict, to doubt what he seeks to impress upon you - and you begin to feel something strange and new. Something you’d never found at the touch of a lover, blooming in your chest and unfurling like a proud little flower under the sun: the strong, heady beauty of esteeming yourself worthy of his desire. It terrifies you a bit, and the ugly voice that has heckled you so often tries to cast doubt, but Changbin’s lips and hands are too persistent and assured for the harbinger in your mind to linger long. And the tidal wave of lovely feelings crashing over you threatens to destroy the shabby prison your heart has lingered in for so long.
Changbin lays his head on your thigh as he brings his hand off the other to cup your pussy over the softness of your shorts. His groan is nearly as loud as yours when he rubs over your mound, and it makes you impossibly wetter. He’s so unabashed and liberal with reacting to what he enjoys, and he is clearly enjoying you as much as he ever has anything.
He moves to bring his face to your clothed cunt, hovering over you for a nanosecond to catch your eyes as he mouths down over you. Your jaw drops open, and when his teeth scrape dully over your clit, your hips jerk and you fist the sheets. Changbin pulls back with a smirk, and sits back on his knees between your legs. He pulls one of your legs up to lean against his shoulder as his hands instinctively knead over the muscles of your calf and thigh.
“Do you trust me?” he asks, with a little smile.
You nod with one of your own.
“I’m gonna lift you, okay? You can hold onto my legs, but I’ll have you, so don’t worry.”
You bite your lip and nod, suddenly a little shy. Look at him. Where did he get all this confidence?
He drops your leg briefly to tug off your shorts and panties, cursing at how wet you are, and gently slipping two fingers to brush between your glistening lips and over your clit. You gasp at the sensation - his fingers deft, his touch soft but firm where you ache for him. And then, suddenly, he is sliding your legs back up to rest against his chest and shoulders. His hands slip down to your hips and he effortlessly tugs your ass over the incline of his thighs and flush with his abdomen. Your heart starts to thrum in your chest. His body is warm and sturdy against the soft plush of your ass. Heat floods your cheeks when you sense a slickness against him where your arousal has begun to smear against his stomach. He, however, is far less bashful. Widening the gap between your thighs, he dips his head down, inhaling deeply.
"Fuck…" he murmurs, squeezing your legs where he holds them.
When he raises his eyes to yours again, they’re unlike you’ve ever seen. They’re dark and hungry and hooded in a way that nearly intimidates you. His expression is full of heat, and manly in its sudden gravity. He watches you as he slips his thumbs under your waist and, slowly with strong hands, pulls your hips up beneath his chin. Your legs bend at the knees and drape around the crown of his head. Your spine curves where your upper back is flush with his thighs, your arm on either side of his kneeling form, and as he embraces you tightly around the hips and waist, you feel nearly every ounce of your weight suspended in his hold. The blood rushes to your head where it lays against the mattress, your neck curving just shy of his knees, offering a clear view of his gorgeous face as he wastes no time in pressing his open mouth to your labia.
Your core muscles flex in response, hips pressing higher against him as you feel ripples of exquisite pleasure trickle through your body from above. The smooth muscle of his tongue slips past your entrance and begins fucking into you. Your head swims, the slightest dizzying restriction of oxygen dampening your ability to focus on anything but the bliss of his hot, wet mouth. Being tasted has never felt this intense. You whimper, your hands reaching around his body to find purchase on his muscular ass. You feel the press of his throbbing erection into your back as his tongue fucks unhurriedly into you. He’s rock hard, and all for you. From the sight of your naked body, the feel of you in his hands, the taste of you on his tongue. From the sounds pouring off of your lips as he worships your sex.
Your legs begin to shake. You’re so totally in his hands. He holds you, lavishes you, consumes you. Nothing stands between you and ecstasy, and you can feel your climax fast approaching as pleasure ebbs and flows like a crashing tide on the rhythm of his firm, languid strokes.
"Ch-Changbin! Nhhh!" you mewl, you voice throaty and muffled from your position.
He growls against you and you nearly cum then. One of his hands drops to squeeze the soft mound of your right breast. Your cheeks burn, sweat beginning to bead on your forehead and neck. You can feel your pussy throbbing - hot and sticky and swollen with stimulation - as he devours it like the flesh of ripened fruit. His lips encircle your clit and suckle as the tip of his tongue flicks over the erect peak of your bud.
And then it all goes white. You lose all sense but feeling as you rock your hips up to meet him, the tension in your abdominals adding sinfully to the fluttering pulsating of your pussy. There’s nothing but you and him and his arms around you and his mouth against the most intimate parts of you as your orgasm washes over you in electrifying slow-motion, pulling you under a tidal wave of bliss for what seems like an eternity. Your lips part in a silent scream of his name, your eyes pressed shut, as he works you through the longest and most intense climax your body has ever experienced.
You feel him place one last sweet, gentle kiss to your cunt before moving the hand on your breast to one of your thighs as he guides you back down onto the bed. You’re panting and boneless as you watch him draw an arm over his cum-slicked chin and cheeks. For a moment he simply looks down at you, a victorious air about him as his eyes trace your sated features and his gorgeous chest heaves with labored breath, then he crawls forward on the bed, stretching himself out on his side next to you, his body flush with your own. He slips his hand over the soft skin of your belly and rubs it soothingly as he watches you with a little grin.
“You good?” he asks in a raspy murmur.
You reach for his face, bringing it to yours as you kiss him with what wherewithal you have. You pull away, still breathless.
“Am I good? Seo Changbin, I think I could fly.”
His answering smile is so filled with joy and pride and affection that you think you truly may have sprouted wings. You roll to your side to press yourself against him, your hand tugging at the waistband of his pajamas, but he takes your hand again in his.
“Not tonight.”
“Why?”
“Tonight is yours.”
“Bin…”
“I’m yours.”
You blink up at him, his head resting on his hand, his eyes sparkling and soft.
“If you’ll have me,” he raises your hand to his lips to kiss your knuckles. “You don’t have to answer right now. I know you’re going through a lot, and this is all…new.”
He smiles again, glancing down as his features take on a boyish shyness.
“But I care for you. And, however things work out,” his eyes lock with yours again, “I’ll always protect you.”
Your heart stands still. There are things that are too deeply lovely for words to be wasted on them. Any words but three - three that are already deeply true, but which have begun to mean something beautiful and different tonight, burying themselves like a little seed in your heart that needs time to grow. So for now you let yourself cry tears that fall like raindrops in the sunlight, and drift to sleep with the steady beat of Changbin’s heart.
“Ay!” Nari’s voice cuts through the din of chatter as her hand shoots out to narrowly prevent a fellow patron from snagging the chair beside her. “Sorry, seats are taken.”
She takes a sip of her beer and stretches her short legs as far as they will reach across the two empty chairs beside her.
“The guys are gonna have to hustle if they’re gonna sit with us,” she says reproachfully, dark brows rising as her eyes scan the venue for the bodies that belong in the seats you have been desperately attempting to reserve for the last hour.
The Eight Ball is crowded to bursting, and you scan the stage for signs of the evening’s openers. Checking your phone, you find that it’s nearly eight. You also find a text that brings a smirk to your lips.
“What?”
You glance up at Nari, who’s staring at you suspiciously.
“Nothing…” you mumble, flipping your phone back over onto the table. You sip your cocktail through a straw.
“Are you texting him?”
You nearly choke on your drink.
“What? Who?”
“You know who,” Nari mocks, narrowing her eyes at you. “The jerkwad.”
“Oh my god, Nari, no!” you sigh, as your phone buzzes again.
She glances at it.
“Then what was with the look? Who are you…”
“Are these for us?” a voice belonging to a smiling, dimpled young man in a black hoodie with a matching beanie pulled over his head saves you from further explanation.
“Jesus, Chris, finally,” Nari admonishes as he takes the seat next to you, pulling her legs off the remaining chairs to free them up for the other two men that follow behind him.
The freckled blond pulls Nari into a side hug which she returns, booping his nose before leaning across him to peer menacingly at his friend.
“Yo, Jisung,” she barks, “If you’re gonna order several hundred pizzas, how about taking some with you next time? My fridge is still stuffed.”
The young man blinks wide, surprised eyes at her before his brain catches up with her scolding.
“Sorry, but it wasn’t my fault!” he insists poutingly. “I ordered them because Changbin asked me to and then he canceled gaming weekend ‘cause he had a girl over.” he grumbles, causing the other two to snicker.
“Nice,” Chris giggles.
This time you do choke.
Your eyes fly to your best friend, watching the barrage of questions bubbling up on her face when a voice cuts through the din, silencing the crowd and unknowingly saving himself for the time being.
“Good evening, Eight Ballers!” Changbin rasps into his mic as Hyunjin waves, as ridiculously beautiful as ever, beside him.
You look at Changbin’s eyes.
They’re bright and confident and determined. You smile and cheer when he finishes introductions. As the band hits the first few notes of the opening number, his gaze finds yours, and it’s full of so many things.
His eyes sparkle with seven days worth of secrets – of waking up to your eyes and arms, of a weekend of nothing but bare bodies and hearts, of weeknight phone calls until the wee hours of the morning…of a new way of caring for each other that you’ll eventually tell the others, but that is just yours for now.
As you look at him, so full of adoration, you hope you can offer him even a fraction of the new world he’s only just begun to share with you – and the reflection you see a little more beautifully each day in the light of his eyes.
-Fin-
#changbin fic#changbin smut#changbin fluff#changbin x reader#changbin x you#changbin x y/n#changbin x female reader#changbin fanfic#changbin oneshot#changbin imagines#changbin scenarios#skz fic#skz fanfic#skz reader insert#skz imagine#skz scenarios#skz oneshots#stray kids fanfic#stray kids fic#skz smut#skz fluff#skz imagines#stray kids reader insert#stray kids smut#stray kids fluff#stray kids imagines#stray kids scenarios#stray kids oneshot#seo changbin fic#seo changbin smut
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Heyyyy I was wondering if you could do how the boys realize they're in love with you and how they react to said realization? Maybe even how long they'd take to confess??
Sorry if that's too much in one go or if you've already done it, ily and I love your writing <3
These are technically two requests so I'll just stick to "How they realize they're in love" if that's okay :)
MDNI / Turtle guys are mid to late twenties
BAYVERSE GUYS REALIZING THEY'RE IN LOVE
---
Leonardo:
Once he notices, Leo would carefully consider the implications that come with romantic emotions and reflect upon whether or not he's willing to go through what it entails to give himself to someone.
He would make sure this isn't just a fleeting thing before making any decisions on acting upon those feelings. Once he does, he'll drop little hints that surpass obviousness.
Don't get me wrong, it isn't that he is not brave enough to make the moves; it's just that he assumes that what he has to offer is little and prefers to give you all the signs. This way, if you want a relationship with him, you have the necessary tools to let him see that you do want to be courted.
Donatello:
Donnie's sharp enough to recognize what he's feeling the moment he discerns those exquisite tingles in his chest as something beyond just excitement. Yet, like the reserved creature that he is, digesting such emotions and coming to terms with them is… another thing entirely.
I think he would tough it out for the most part. Often bombarded by intrusive thoughts of a negative reaction on your side if you were to find out. His mind plays tricks on him, making him daydream about delightful dates with you, followed by the voice of mockery asserting that could never come to happen.
He has to be realistic. It isn't logical that someone as beautiful and brilliant as you are would risk being with a non-human creature who's not even biologically compatible with you. No, he's better off as your friend.
Raphael:
He knows what he feels for you; however, he refuses to accept it in his heart (or in front of anyone else, for that matter) because it would be too painful not to be reciprocated. Nevertheless, as his feelings for you grow, so do the desires to protect you and keep you safe and secure. This makes it difficult for him to conceal his true feelings to a sharp, tenacious eye as your own.
If he comes to confess his feelings, Raphael would strive to balance his rough exterior with moments of tenderness, as he recognizes the importance of displaying his softer side to achieve more deepening emotional connections.
Mikey
Mikey's excitement and eagerness to be around you would give him away in the blink of an eye. It's cute because he holds this "We should totally date! Haha, joking, joking... UNLESS!" attitude all the time.
I think he would express his feelings in a joyful, creative form. You can expect an outpouring of artistic expressions: drawings, poems, or spontaneous acts of affection.
I think Mike's the one with a higher rate of emotional intelligence; many lessons he's learned across his journey, and in his adult years, it's easier for him to establish his limits and boundaries. With this in mind, I think he would ponder if it's worth potentially ruining his friendship with you. If the answer is yes, he goes with everything he's got.
#tmnt#tmnt x reader#tmnt bayverse#tmnt 2k16#tmnt leo x reader#tmnt raph x reader#tmnt donnie x reader#tmnt mikey x reader#tmnt bayverse leo#tmnt bayverse raph#tmnt bayverse donnie#tmnt bayverse mikey#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2007#tmnt raphael#tmnat leo#tmnt dannie#tmnt mikey#tmnt donatello#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt leonardo#tmnt raphael x reader
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I wrote a blog post about how harmful it can be to have your emotions invalidated growing up. It's here if you want to check it out! I'll paste the text below the read more for people who don't like links, but if you're comfortable, I really appreciate getting hits on my site! It feels really validating after all the work I've put into it. I've opted to not have any ads or anything to monetize my site, so it isn't like those annoying clickbait articles.
The effects of having our emotions invalidated while we’re growing up isn’t talked about enough and it can have lasting effects. This can happen when people say things like “you don’t know real struggles” when a younger person is upset about something they’re struggling with. This might include being told “I’ll give you something to cry about” which implied that the reason you were crying then “wasn’t a big enough reason”. Other people may have had to deal with “worse” problems and so we were told to be thankful for what we had because of what other children experienced. Your feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment or anger were still real and valid. And you were allowed those feelings.
You may have been told to “stop being so sensitive,” which taught that you weren’t tough enough. You may have also been told “it builds character” which may have made you feel that you had to find a positive lesson in every bad thing you experienced. This can also be part of how people invalidate the seriousness of abuse, and other things that happened to you that were someone else’s fault. If someone doesn’t want to take responsibility, they may minimize what happened to you. They may say it’s okay because “they didn’t mean to do it” or “they don’t know any better,” perhaps because of abuse they went through. Your feelings may be invalidated because someone wants you to “let it go.” How serious they feel it was, or the reasons it happened, are not reasons that your feelings should be ignored or disregarded. Your feelings are valid. You should never have to “let it go.”
These things that we were told, and many more, taught us that our emotions were bad and wrong. It likely felt invalidating. It may have been damaging And it probably affects how we see the emotions of others. I’ve had people say similar things to me now that I’m an adult, and I think it’s likely they do it because they were told things like these when they were younger, too. Over time, this has led to me invalidating my own feelings. I’ve told myself I should be strong and to avoid such feelings, or that the reasons for them weren’t “big enough”. I told myself that others had it worse than me, therefore I wasn’t allowed to be upset. None of these things helped me. Instead, they actually made me worse off. I bottled stuff up and then began using unhealthy coping methods to deal with the emotions. Having our emotions invalidated as we grow up can be traumatizing in its own way. It also doesn’t teach us how to effectively deal with and process our negative emotions. This can lead to people having fits of uncontrollable rage, spirals of depression and guilt, substance abuse to avoid feelings, and any number of other unhealthy reactions that can cause us more harm and prolong everything or make it worse.
Being unable to cope with my feelings was a big part of me not being able to cope with conflict in my relationships. Downplaying any “bad” thing that happened and ignoring it meant, for instance, I wouldn’t point out and deal with a small (sometimes completely unintentional) mistake. Instead, I let my feelings build without communicating about them and let my resentment build. By the time I acknowledged and spoke about my feelings, the problem was a thousand times worse than it would have been if I had dealt with it quickly. And sometimes it was too late to fix the damage done.
It’s not too late to learn and do better. You don’t have to be thankful it wasn’t “worse”. You don’t have to find a silver lining. While it’s important not to get stuck in our feelings long-term, sitting with them and feeling them and acknowledging you aren’t okay is okay! It’s okay to think something sucks or that it wasn’t fair. It’s okay to feel frustrated or sad over “small” things. Sometimes we don’t even understand why a situation or something has left us having such big feelings, and that’s okay, too! Your feelings are real and valid, even if they don’t make sense to you. And you deserve patience and compassion. Especially from yourself.
When you have negative feelings, if you find yourself minimizing them, or telling yourself why you don’t have a right to feel them, stop and try to be aware of what you’re doing. And allow yourself to feel it if you can. I've often had to remind myself that while it is uncomfortable, I can be uncomfortable and sit with my feelings. Think about if there’s a healthy response you can have to those feelings. For instance, if someone said something hurtful to you, talking to them about it might be a lot more productive than acting like you don’t care. Your feelings are valid. And invalidating them yourself is unlikely to be good for you.
Try to remember that, and try to be kind to yourself.
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Good day, do you have any ways to write someone being flustered or bashful? Please.
Hi. Here's something from my drafts for you. You can consider the following notes when writing characters that are bashful/shy:
Writing Notes: Shyness
Many accomplished people are shy, including singers Barbra Streisand and Bob Dylan, and writer J. D. Salinger (Stocker, 1997).
What shy persons have in common is that they desire friendships and social interactions but are held back by their insecurities and fears.
Consequently, they avoid the spotlight, avoid face-to-face interaction, and ruminate excessively after conversations, worrying about whether they said the right things, made a good impression, or sounded stupid.
The inner experience of a shy person in an interaction is quite different from that of someone else in the same interaction who is not shy.
Shy people are not necessarily introverts (Cheek, 1989).
Introverts prefer to be alone; they enjoy the peace and quiet of solitude. Shy people, on the other hand, want to have contact with others, to be socially involved, and to have friends and be part of the group.
But shy persons’ self-doubt and self-consciousness prompts them to pass up opportunities to socialize.
They handicap themselves; by not entering groups, not speaking to unfamiliar people, not approaching others, they deny themselves the opportunities to learn and practice the very social skills they need to overcome their shyness.
Psychologists studying shyness sometimes prefer the term social anxiety, which is defined as discomfort related to social interactions, or even to the anticipation of social interactions (Chavira, Stein, & Malcarne, 2002).
Adults with social anxiety report that they are nervous or that they feel awkward when talking to others, especially people with whom they are unfamiliar (Cheek & Buss, 1981).
Socially anxious persons appear to be overly concerned about what others will think.
After a conversation, they often conclude that they said something wrong, sounded foolish, or looked stupid (Ritts & Patterson, 1996).
Sometimes the social anxiety is so strong that it shows in various outward signs, such as a trembling voice or jittery movements.
Other people interacting with a socially anxious person often interpret their behavior as unfriendliness, rather than as shyness (Cheek & Buss, 1981).
Sometimes shy persons are so overcome with anxiety that it hinders their ability to carry on a conversation.
They may spend time staring at their shoes, rather than talking, because they cannot think of a thing to say.
Pauses in a conversation can be very discomforting to shy persons.
Shy people also tend to interpret social interactions negatively; they are more likely to interpret a comment as a criticism than as a helpful suggestion.
It seems that shy people are not only reluctant to enter into social interaction but also expect that others will dislike them.
These expectations may lead them to avoid interactions or cut conversations short, losing the very opportunities they need to overcome their shyness.
Psychologists studying the brain have suggested that shy persons have a more reactive amygdala, which is a section of the limbic or emotional system of the brain that is most responsible for fear.
Whatever its causes, shyness can have problematic social implications for the shy person:
Several studies have examined how shy persons use the Internet to avoid face-to-face social interaction (e.g., Caplan, 2002).
One study found that shy persons were more likely to use the Internet for recreation rather than interact with others in face-to-face recreational settings (Scealy, Phillips, & Stevenson, 2002).
7 concrete steps a shy person can take to overcome their difficulties
Adding this resource from Stocker (1997). Maybe it could be useful if your character's arc leads them to overcome their shyness.
Show up. Shy persons want to avoid the situations that make them anxious. However, if you really want to overcome shyness, you’ve got to enter those uncomfortable situations: go to a party or strike up a conversation with a stranger. Often, shy persons overestimate how uncomfortable they will feel; however, once they engage in an interaction, they find that it is not as bad as they had expected.
Give yourself credit. Stop being your own worst critic. In scorning or deriding their own social performance after the fact, shy persons are often very hard on themselves. If they make one little social faux pas, they often blow that misstep out of proportion, ignoring the fact that 99 percent of the interaction went well.
Take baby steps. It is useful to take big goals and break them into smaller steps. Instead of wanting to “become an engaging conversationalist,” maybe try to set some smaller goals, such as going to a meeting of a group you’ve been wanting to join. The first time, you don’t have to talk; just go and listen. The second time, maybe your goal will be to talk, not during the meeting but maybe to someone after the meeting is over. At the third meeting, try to ask a question during the actual meeting by speaking up. The point is to set small goals and experience some small successes along the way.
Give unto others. Shy people, because they are nervous, are focused on themselves during conversations. Shift your attention to others; look at them when they talk, listen carefully to what they say, try to find something interesting and connect to that, ask questions, and give a compliment or a word of support. Paying attention outwardly toward other people will also get your attention off yourself and your own nervousness.
Exude warmth. The nervousness that shy people feel is often interpreted by others as unfriendliness or tension. Try to create a more positive nonverbal impression by smiling, making eye contact, and staying relaxed.
Anticipate failure. Overcoming shyness is a learning process. It will take practice, and small failures are inevitable. If you say something wrong in a conversation, chalk it up to the learning process and get on with more practice.
Join the crowd. Nobody is perfect all the time. There are lots of people who are not perfect conversationalists. Also, you might think that making small talk is a big deal. However, when you really listen to other people’s small talk, you’ll realize that it really is just that—small talk, nothing more.
If these notes inspire you in any way, please tag me, or leave a link in the replies. I would love to read your work!
Writing Notes & References
#anonymous#shyness#character development#character building#fiction#psychology#dark academia#spilled ink#literature#writers on tumblr#writing prompt#poetry#poets on tumblr#writeblr#booklr#bookblr#studyblr#langblr#social anxiety#lit#writing reference#creative writing#writing resources
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hii!! im a bit of a lurker (saw your posts on the sebastian tag) and love blogs like these!! however, im VERY shy and normally don't send asks like these a lot but is it alright if i could request some romantic sebastian hc's with an autistic partner? (adult of course) 👉👈 if not that's perfectly fine! love ur hc's! ^^ - 📺
Ooh yeah! Might take me a bit because I'm currently trying to do 5 requests at a time. But yeah ofc I can ^^
• When Sebastian and you were walking around the Hadal Blacksite, you began to feel overwhelmed with negative emotions.
• Sebastian didn't notice at first until you mentioned that you wanted to go back to his shop.
"Why? Are you feeling sick? What's wrong?"
• After you explain that you're overwhelmed, he takes you back to his shop.
• You then explain that loud noises bother you.
"Oh I'm so sorry, friend. Anything else you have to tell me?"
• You explain to him that you have autism and that it's hard for you to tell tone.
• Sebastian understands and tries his best to make himself a safe space for you.
• You appreciate his efforts just as he appreciates you.
• After a while, the two of you cuddle in hopes you feel a lot better.
Sorry if this isn't accurate for autism. I personally don't have it for I have ADHD. I've done my research on it to make this more accurate.
Divider by @/cafekitsune
#pressure sebastian solace#sebastian solace#sebastian solace pressure#sebastian solace pressure x reader#sebastian solace x reader#˗ˏˋ꒰ 📁 ꒱ canon x reader#˗ˏˋ꒰ 🌊 ꒱ headcanons#˗ˏˋ꒰ 📺 ꒱ anon
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saw your recent post about Nightmare's room for Dream, and it reminded me of a fic, where due to Dream still physically and mentally being 6 in the stone, Nightmare was preparing for what to do now as the 'older brother'
which made me wonder
I'm betting Ink or someone from the Omega Timeline found Dream first when he was freed from the statue
What would've happened had it been Nightmare? When faced with this small six year old who is nothing like he remembers, would Nightmare's true self and corruption be mentally first fighting on what the hell to do?(The mental image of this is a bit comical)
Aw that’s adorable dhhxhxhxh
So funny enough, I kinda already made 2 comics that explored what Nightmare’s reaction will be to a small 6 y/o Dream before, just under completely different circumstances
But here’s the thing, while i have explained before how Nightmare’s corruption works in my eyes, I don’t think I was really clear in my explanations, so I’m taking your ask as an excuse to explain it better >:) (i’ll get back to your main question I promise hdhdhdh i just wanna help you connect some dots when it comes to Nightmare’s behavior)
So something to keep in mind is how Nightmare’s mind isn’t truly strong enough to fight off his corruption/corrupted thoughts from controlling him and guiding his actions, and while Nightmare is in absolute control of his mind, his corruption has shaped it in its own twisted way, that’s why he’s an absolute fucking bitch, that’s why Nightmare can be extremely cruel to those around him
Think of his corruption as a parasite, it feeds off Nightmare’s own pain and in turn it’s what makes Nightmare feel that pain (and his own emotions) magnified times a thousand
So when say a normal person who isn’t corrupted feels anger for example, they would feel that anger through stages from it being a mere mild frustration that turns to anger and then full blown rage (depending on the situation of course), but even then a normal person would be able to control that frustration so it doesn’t escalate to anger and in turn never turns to rage, or even if this person were to immediately jump to rage, then they’ll be able to calm themselves down by venting that anger a bit
Nightmare on the other hand,
A- doesn’t go through those stages for his emotions, he immediately experiences the most intense form of them
and
B- those feelings never go away, they linger and fester inside him like an infestation as it is what his own corruption feeds on
He feels angry? That anger is a full blown rage inside him, he feels sad? That’s crushing depression for him, he feels hate? That hate is nothing but raw loathing for everyone and everything around him, he feels fear? It’s fucking paralyzing to the point Nightmare seeks power so he won’t have to feel afraid, he feels happy? It’s tainted by his now sadistic behavior as Nightmare finds sick satisfaction and glee in hurting those around him
Of course, how he deals with that changes as he grows and learns and adapts, so such emotional intensity/ instability is extremely apparent on him as a newly corrupted 6 y/o who feels all alone and lost in the world while it shapes his personality and who he becomes as an adult with a lot more control over his actions/reactions (corruption + bad experiences that shapes his mind = Mean Girl Bitchmare)
What I’m trying to say is that his corruption contributes to his emotional instability, and that corruption knows what to feed on exactly, it makes it so Nightmare feels dependent on negativity so he won’t have to experience what it’s like to feel powerless again, it feeds on his fear, pain, anger, hatred and it extends to Nightmare’s sadistic cruel actions that in turn brings more negativity, which in turn makes him stronger and by extension the corruption stronger which contributes to magnifying his emotions even more, which leads to more cruelty and so on, it’s a never ending torturous cycle that no one is aware Nightmare’s in.. including Nightmare himself, Nightmare is as much of a victim to his corruption as those poor souls who have to deal with Nightmare cause of it
The corruption magnifies Nightmare’s emotions too much for his mind to even be able to process them let alone regulate them, (and Nightmare already has problems understanding his own emotions to begin with) and in turn that corruption only got to his mind as well
Imagine it this way, Nightmare’s mind is plagued by his now corrupted thoughts, he can’t truly think clearly through the thick suffocating corruption, trauma, and horrifying experience in his first 500 years of corruption, it’s like looking through a broken mirror, the pieces of the mirror are still there, and they still show his reflection, but they’re too distorted and messy to form a clean and clear reflection, Nightmare looks at himself in that mirror, but all he sees is scattered pieces of who he used to be (he can no loger recognize his reflection) and so as Nightmare keeps trying to put the pieces back together, it’s more and more clear that not only do they now show the reflection of he used to be, but also who’d he become, the shattered mirror pieces reflect both his corrupted and passive self in a distorted messy way (that’s who Nightmare is now)
Ok if that’s the case, how come Nightmare has kind moments that contradicts his own corrupted state of being? Cause despite his corruption, he’s still Nightmare, I can never emphasize that enough
Despite the cycle he’s in, despite the state of those shattered pieces of who he used to be, those pieces that has his passive self STILL EXIST alongside his corrupted pieces, Nightmare’s own mind, thoughts, emotions and identity beyond that corruption still linger inside him, even if if in a sort of a limbo state
Ok with that all in mind, what the fuck does that have to do with a 6 y/o Dream? Everything
Just like I showed in the comic before, Nightmare would be too blinded by his own pain and hatred (that’s magnified by his corruption) to actually slow down and realize that Dream is 1- literally still a 6 y/o in mental and physical capacity, and 2- is just as in much pain and with such as much trauma as he is
Nightmare hates Dream with a passion
But the thing is, as I showed in this comic here, apart of Nightmare still deeply cares about Dream, even when Nightmare’s in absolute denial about it, I dare say Nightmare doesn’t even realize how much that lil part of him cares
And that would reflect on how he deals with Dream, Nightmare would be conflicted alright, but his corruption would win first and foremost and as such, he’ll deal with Dream with cruelty (that he later realizes was a mistake)
I will not lie, I’ve yet to decide on what I love to think happened to Dream as a statue, but allow me to say that it’s one of 4 options, I like to believe it’s either
A- Nightmare kept him in Dreamtale beside the corpse of their mother
B- took Dream with him to his own castle where he kept him in a safe space
C- left him in a remote part of the multiverse in an empty universe devoid of life (which later got populated)
D- a combination between A and B and C in a linear timeline (i think option D is my fave so far, but I haven’t made a final decision yet :’D)
That being said, the moment Dream breaks out his stone prison, I believe Dream would be too confused and scared to understand what’s going on, hell, would probably think the Apple incident happened just yesterday, not that 500 years passed (you can imagine Dream’s shock later) only to start frantically searching for Nightmare and when he does find his twin? Nightmare doesn’t look like Nightmare anymore, where’s his golden crown? Where’s his tunic? Why is he so much taller? So many questions, and Nightmare’s not in the mood to answer
Nightmare would definitely be shocked to see Dream out of his prison, a big part of him hates that Dream escaped it, Dream doesn’t deserve to be free, another part of him (the one that cares) is relieved cause turning him to stone was never the plan, and then the more dangerous corrupted part of him is sadistically gleeful, he could finally get a proper payback and to have the golden apple from such a weak, small and helpless child
Dream would start talking about how he wants Nightmare back and you can imagine how pissed Nightmare would be at Dream’s daring audacity to bring up the apple incident
Their first interaction after Dream is finally freed is not at all pleasant (the fact Dream is still a 6 y/o physically and mentally doesn’t deter Nightmare’s cruelty)
Nightmare eventually realizes he should’ve been a lot more merciful on his twin when he first broke out his prison, yet that sadistic gleeful part of him can never be quelled (unbeknownst to Nightmare that the glee he feels at Dream’s misfortune is just his trauma shaped in a twisted manner due to his corruption, he feels like Dream hadn’t suffered like he had, so Nightmare will make Dream suffer himself)
And the rest is (kinda) history :)
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Force in Nature | Platonic Yandere Trey Clover x Toddler Reader
Part 2
Being a child, in your experience sucked. Even with a developing mind there were constant reminders of all your faults. Short, weak, disadvantaged and constantly at the whim of adults. Most children wouldn’t mind so much, considering that the adults in their life mean well but not you. Never you.
“(Y/n) don’t give those fat brats anymore then that. They’re already eating us out of house and home.”
The drivel of your mother rings like a bell in your head. Always chastizing, always negative. It had gotten better now that she had found your father but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. In her mind she figured his children were the only obstacle left between her ‘happily ever after’ with your father.
“Ace! Deuce! Did you break into this pantry again?!”
It didn’t help that the twins were rambunctious spitfires that were prone to trouble anyway. Which meant they were often forced to reach out their hands to suffer the wrath of the ruler. Their father was a popular man, often more focused on updating the town’s bulletin boards than disciplining his children but it was clear he loved them.
But love was never enough to save the duo from your mother’s accusations.
At least once a day, your mother would report the twins for doing or saying something awful. It would always lead to an exhausted sigh before stomping over to the children to give another lecture and dish out some chore as punishment.
“This so unfair, we didn’t even do anything this time.”
“Well I know I didn’t. Maybe you did something Ace.”
“What!? How dare you blame me! Don’t you believe me, (Y/n)?”
You usually were a witness to their innocence, often spending your time with them anyway. But for whatever reason not being able to speak meant your written testimonies were invalid. No matter how many times you wrote in you’re book and presented it to your father it never seemed to work.
“You’re so sweet (Y/n). Trying to save your big brothers; you know that lying doesn’t help their case anymore.”
It was fine when it was only that. Baseless accusations and then the punishment of simple chores. Every now and then a prank in return for their suffering but then the chilly warning of Autmn came around. While the likeness that the snow would pile too high was low, the scarcity of food was a guarantee. Already aware of the set portions you’d receive suddenly decreasing and the way your father didn’t dare eat with you all any more spoke volumes.Unfortunately your mother wasn’t all too fond of cutting material costs.
“Cater I’m telling you, we’ll never get to eat if we have those kids in the house.”
“But love (Y/n) would never survive the trip into town.”
“Not them you idiot! They hardly eat more than a rat! It’s those boys of yours! They’re so big they ought to be hunting for their own by now.”
“The boys…not them they are still children too.”
“Stop whining. I’m going to take them out tomorrow, to learn how to hunt.”
“You?! But you’ve never—”
“Shut-up! Maybe then I can get those kids to do something worth the wasted meal.”
Reporting to your brothers the plan for the day felt like being the espionage detail for a secret operation. It made you proud when they used their information to concoct their own plan. They deduced that she planned to ‘lose’ them during her hunting lesson. Thus Deuce’s genius-plan to leave stones leading to the house was born. It was a shame that this plan didn’t involve you in any way but you were happy to see Deuce leaving stones behind as your mother led him into the forest.
Trying to comfort your father for a decision he didn’t protest felt odd. Of course, you wouldn’t understand the emotional struggle of his love life and the love of his trouble-causing twins. You are a kid, you aren’t supposed to know. Still, you let him hold you, mumbling curses to himself about cowardice as your mother opened the door. She huffed and puffed about him not greeting her before going off to prepare dinner.
Unable to resist the urge you settled on the chair beneath the window. Watching the opening into the forest being led to by the stones. Sure enough, before the sun had set and the fourth time your mother had called you for dinner they were there. Appearing slightly dirty but determined they came just in time, much to your mother’s dismay.
Of course, what followed was a new plan for tomorrow.
“I’ll take them deeper in! And I’ll make sure to kick all those pebbles away”
“Please let’s just–”
“Starve!? We’ll barely have enough for dinner tomorrow! They must go!”
“But it’s so cruel.”
“Do you have a better idea?”
The silence from your father was telling and like before you reported to your brothers. They took your notes with just as much urgency as the last, instead trading their stones for crumbs from the sliver of bread they’d be given for lunch. At the time it sounded like a great idea.
But as the sun set and the critters of the forest picked at the crumbs left behind, it dawned on you.
This was a terrible idea.
With a quickly scribbled note left on the window sill, you took a ball of yarn tying it to the bush near the forest opening. Following the disappearing trail of critters, you were walking in the direction your brothers went finding that it stopped in a clearing. From there the moon could no longer illuminate the crumbs still left and the critters weren’t leading you accurately anymore.
It was getting colder. The woolen sweater and mitts are your only comfort. With a rumbly tummy and the heaviness on your eyelids increasing, you settled into the dirt. Promising you’ll find your brothers when you wake, staving off the fear from your shrunken spool of wool.
When the sun rose again you woke with renewed vigor. The pain of hunger leaving you for the time being you set your gaze to the ground. Of course, the crumbs were gone but vague indents in the dirt gave you enough of a guide. During your tracking you start the game of letting your smaller shoes take a fraction of their tracks following along as you replay a song your father would sing.
Eventually, the tracks stopped at a paved pathway, it smelled sweet like a candy you’d seen the twins eat. It made you curious but you trusted your judgment to ignore your hungry thoughts. The tracks didn’t continue past the pavement and knowing your brothers they’d certainly gave the brightly colored path a try.
The grumbling desires of your stomach weren’t spoiling your resolve— or that’s what you were telling yourself. Going down the hill the path led over it’s destination led you to a place you swore shouldn’t have existed. In a clearing, the candied path led to a gingerbread house, decorated with various frosting, gumdrops, and red vines. The fence around it was peppermint canes surrounding the sugary house invitingly. A perfect garnishment for an already delectable house. Your stomach agreeing you found yourself closing in on the gingerbread foundation perfectly level with your small mouth.
Before you could dive in, you stopped. Thinking back to nicer days in the forest you remembered thanking the squirrels buried in the trees surrounding your cottage. Instead of burrowing inside your warm, inviting home they kept to their holes in the nearby trees. Of course, your young mindset wouldn’t have comprehended why animals that wanted to survive avoided the cottage. But that was beside the point.
Your manners for the owner of the candy house would not be affected. Even though your stomach churned almost painfully at your denial. To make it easier you turned away from it crouching down to hold the grumbling organ. Repeating that you could eat when you returned with your brothers to share—no matter how little was left.
“You are allowed to eat you know.”
The sultry voice of a man stopped your internal thoughts, peeking your head over your shoulder to look at the interruption. In the doorway of the house was a tall and handsome man, he reminded you of the young bachelor in town. Wearing a tight black long-armed shirt lined with rhinestones, your mother would envy. The dangling sparkles matched his pants which were long and wide at the ankles. His attire was interesting because you’d never seen it before, the man’s face was just as alarming. Hair as green as the surrounding trees was flowing to his waist contrasting his black outfit in a ragged but neat look. It was like a halo of green against his pale skin, golden eyes, and pink lips.
“You look hungry, why don’t you take a bite?”
The way he said it was hypnotic. An inviting and comfortable thrum of a voice that started to pinprick into your morale. You shook your head as if that would expel the greedy thoughts threatening to take hold. You hurriedly pulled out your notepad writing as neatly as you could. Holding up your notepad, you hoped he could read.
'It’s your house…that’d be mean.'
He leaned in to see what you wrote, retreating back to the arch of the gingerbread door.
“I was the one who chose a candy house. It just comes with the territory.”
He flashed a smile, white as milk. You licked your teeth beneath your mouth, feeling the plaque build-up that you’re sure makes your teeth yellow. Thinking of brushing, your memories trickled the moments you’d had with your brothers. The excitement that came with using your toothpaste for anything but. It reminded you of your real objective.
'Have you seen my brothers?'
The man tilts his head. You proceed to draw them to the best of your ability; trying to use the charcoal to detail the colors of their hair, and their height compared to your own. It’s hard to tell if he knows anything as his small smile hasn’t waivered. But as you scribble and point you worried he’d stopped listening.
“How about you come inside, have a bite, and I can help you find your brothers. That sound like a plan?”
You nodded. Standing up, you rushed to his side to grab his extended hand letting him lead you inside.
'My name’s (Y/n), what’s you’re name?'
“Trey. You can call me: Trey."
'Nice to meet you, Trey!'
“Likewise.”
______________________________________________________________
Trey Clover loved to eat children. It was in his nature to come from a long line of baking witches. It wasn’t a trade secret that children extend your life and beauty; the real secret was how to craft the potions with the children to make delicious desserts. Forest animals and pesky adults were fine ingredients but nothing was more fulfilling than a child’s soul. They were also much nicer to have as victims. They cried sure but they were dumber, more gullible, and so much easier to fatten up. But for all the children he’d consumed over the past century, there was something Trey could definitively say was the truth.
That Trey Clover loved children. His family ruled him as demented for such a thought but it was the truth. For all the fulfillment he’d have after his rejuvenating meals, there was still a resounding sorrow that nothing he could make would overshadow. Nothing but the shining presence of another child.
Trey rationalized that he wasn’t crazy, humans had pet pigs all the time. He’s no different in that way. That every now and then the thought of keeping one crossed his mind, diminished at the thought of one thing or another. Whether it was a spark of brattiness that was hidden behind a sunny demeanor or just the undisciplined actions of a bully in the making. It reminded him why he’d never let himself feel too bad as he tossed their belongings into the basement after a satisfying meal. He figured it was natural selection. Like any other predator, he looked for the weakest, the slowest in the pack to pick off and sustain him for another ten years.
But he’d begun to waiver with such an innocent soul in his grasp.
“How was that? Was it good?”
'But my brothers–'
He'd close the pad before the question was asked.
“Your head is so warm, I think you’re coming down with a fever.”
Cradling the young child, he settled to swaying them to sleep. His usual victims were not so young, often much older and more defiant. That is why it was such a treat to have a well-mannered impressionable little toddler to care for. With a resolve to their mission that was unavoidable, it still was nothing against the bedtime routine he’d been taught long before. He couldn’t remember if it was his mother or one that he’d eaten but she detailed the way to care for small children with such pride. In his heart of hearts, he’d admit to having eaten her out of envy. But now she proved more useful than her bones as he ran a bath for the yawning toddler.
Distracting them with talks of nothing as he gently wiped the grime off their little body. He had to refrain from frowning at the signs of a rash on their back. He was blankly staring at the untreated patch, cursing the adults who’d allow a sick toddler to run through the woods. But from their other children’s stories, they weren’t all that good to begin with.
The sound of a sneeze reminded him of his task.
“Bless you. After your bath I’m just rub a little ointment on your back before you settle down okay?”
They tiredly nodded, Trey resisted the urge to coo.
“You’re doing a good job staying awake. Let’s finish up before you fall asleep, okay?”
His parents were completely right about him. What sane witch would have a room decorated for a toddler already made, already infused with sleeping herbs that’d erase the thoughts of the past?
“Goodnight, my sugar cube.”
The notepad had been abandoned long ago. The urge to burn it was growing.
“Tomorrow we can look for your brother.”
The demanding sign of '2 brothers', made him laugh. Not after today you wouldn't.
“Maybe one day sugar cube, sleep tight.”
Kissing (Y/n)’s head and waving as he closed the door, Trey was elated. It was difficult to wipe the smile off his face when he unlocked the basement door.
It wasn’t just as he left it per his instructions to the bratty boy. Ace was far too skinny to be worth a good meal and from what Trey could tell a decent worker under stress. Trey figured it’d be hard to break his spirit if the other boy was around. Of course there was a chance it'd return with his little one. Trey would bet on fear and duty overwhelming him and he’d fall right into place.
“I see you’re working extra hard. Good.”
______________________________________________________________
Ace stopped sweeping, his little knuckles white as he fought the urge to scream at the witch. He only wanted to see his brother. After the first night, he knew rebelling would get him nothing but trouble.
“Can I see my brother now?”
Trey hummed closing the door behind him, he didn’t bother to lock it. He knew the boy wouldn’t want to leave. He took the ring of keys from his belt twirling around his lithe finger as he stepped deeper into the basement. Ace stuck close to his side, waiting anxiously to see his brother again.
The last time he saw him, his face was wet with tears. His hands were still sticky from the treats they’d gorged on, angrily shaking the unmoving metal bars around him. Ace couldn’t sleep if he tried.
“Before we go in, you two have a younger sibling. (Y/n) was it?”
Ace’s already sped-up heart-rate, went seconds faster. The collection of little papers in his hands with a tattered cover was far too familiar.
“They sound so determined to find you two.”
“What did you do to them!?”
When Trey turned his head over his shoulder the sneer he gave, bore into Ace's soul like a needle. Flashes of the suffocating pain the night before demanding he fix his demeanor immediately.
“Quiet boy.” The command was like a heat rod, sweltering from such a short distance. He looked away from those golden eyes for his own sake. “I won’t be doing anything to them if you behave.”
The final warning hung in the air with the door now unlocked. The metal door swinging open was a cruel mirror of when they first accepted the invitation to eat some more. There were tables of sweets and pastries along the cracking walls of the room. A table with a checkered tablecloth and a painted chair were placed off to the right side of the room; waiting for someone to enjoy the decorative plating on its surface. But unlike the day they first arrived a metal cage was hanging from the ceiling and his brother Deuce was in it.
“I’m glad you ate. At least hunger won’t be the last thing on your mind.”
Trey’s off-handed comment was ignored as Ace ran to clutch at the bars separating him from Deuce. As best as they could they hugged one another, the cold and rusted bars a constant reminder of their unfortunate circumstance.
“Deuce I can’t let this happen! I have to do something!”
Deuce shook his head,” No, if you do anything bad he’ll eat you too! You’ve got to get back home and find Dad!”
Ace pulled at his orange strands, “I can’t he has (Y/n).”
Deuce’s serious face, quivered. His brave instructions became mute as he imagined their youngest sibling unknowingly falling into the same trap they did.
“You have to protect them. Please, Ace.”
The blue-haired boy couldn’t speak anymore his nose running and tears falling again. All he could do was clutch at Ace’s hands, attempting to put his forehead against the bars to feel his brother's. Ace was crying too, barely standing as he held onto his brother.
“Are you done? I’m not getting any younger over here.”
Trey's snide remark was not appreciated, nor was his giant hand pulling at the rags of his clothes, shoving him toward the oven. Ace didn’t need to ask for Trey to point at the brush and pan on the floor.
“Clean up the oven. The metal earrings from my last meal will make him taste worse.”
Ace murmured his distaste as he opened the oven door. Looking into the deep black mouth of the oven, it amazed him that whole people could fit in there.
It also gave him a devilish idea.
“Uhm I don’t know how to.”
Trey turning towards him was frightening, the black coloring around his eyes flaring with such disgust.
“Are you troubled? You just go in and sweep the ash at the floor of the oven.”
Ace pretended to look into the oven before jumping back, “Are you sure there’s not someone down here?”
The witch was prepared to punish the boy but he thought of the toddler upstairs. He had dreamed of the day, he would be called to check the closet for monsters. He figures if he’s keeping the defiant one, he should show some of the same care that he’ll be showing for (Y/n).
It’s all too easy for Trey to climb inside, having done so on his own, hundreds of times before. Crawling to the back he felt the child coming up beside him, immediately making him grab the head of the boy.
Ace felt his stomach flip. Had he figured him out?
“We can’t go in at the same time, wait ‘til I’m done.”
“O-okay.”
As instructed Ace crawled back out, watching how the witch's body fully disappeared into the oven. Once his feet passed the threshold of the oven’s opening, he didn’t hesitate to close the oven door. Jumping up to flick the lock closed, Ace ignored the angry banging as he pulled at the red-colored lever to turn on the oven.
The feeling of the heat flickering to light brought a successful comfort to the orange-headed boy. The frantic banging from within the oven was as frightening as the demonic screaming from within.
“W-wait but the keys! He still has them!”
Ace assured his brother with the jingling object in his hand. Deuce pulled him into a teary hug once he’d been freed from the metal cage. The smell of sweat and burning flesh, never being so enticing. The moment between the two stopped as the banging became more and more apparent; the lock clicking as it held the oven closed.
“Let’s get out of here before he breaks out of there.”
“I agree.”
Deuce is the first to run through the door and out the basement; likely because of his time in the metal cage. Ace on the other hand faltered, snatching an armful of the pastries lining the room. He flipped the bird at the furnace and ran to lock the door to the basement door. Before he did, he took a moment to pay his respects to those before him. Bowing his head at the rows of shoes and belongings he’d organized, he apologized again before snatching a satchel. With the final locking of the basement door, Ace lets Deuce run up the stairs to search for their little sibling.
Allowing Ace to have free reign of the upper floor that had deceived them before. He was never considered a good kid but he hardly saw the appeal when he had no qualms about breaking whatever he couldn’t take.
“It almost makes this all worth it!”
Deuce, on the other hand, found you easily. The room had a distinct smell that almost made him feel safe. Going out on a limb he found his baby sibling curled up underneath a fluffy blanket. He easily tucked his arms underneath to carry them, he stopped to notice the spool of wool falling from their hand. Deuce put two and two together; smiling at the sleeping toddler in his arms.
“Thanks to you, (Y/n). We’ll all get to go home.”
The trip back was like a minor stroll. The original dangers of the forest were diminished to minor nuisances in comparison to the horrors they’d endured. Of course, the two still had other things to worry about when they did return home.
“What are we supposed to do about the step-lady?”
“Hm, I don’t know maybe we should push her into the oven too.”
Ace laughed and usually, Deuce would scold him for the macabre joke. But Deuce didn’t really consider that a joke nor was he completely against it. The brothers had plenty to think about as they each took turns holding their snoozing sibling.
It’s probably best they didn’t look back at the candy house.
For they might be filled with dread at force they awakened.
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