#I hate my life tbh

[rubberduckyrye]

Google how to make yourself feel better when you're having a fit of depression without caving in to your emotional crutch on soda while also not feeling like you're restricting and accidentally reliving a food-related trauma that makes me feel worse about restricting--

[karda]

is it the stillness that makes you shake?

[extinctdreamdiary]

Ya boi got Dumped

Long story.

It really was for the best, and I had been planning to break up with them for a hot minute because we are NOT well aligned and I had grown to resent them instead of having ~feelings~ for them.

We got together a few years ago and it was nice. I didn't realise at the time that I was putting in all the effort, but I was. We have totally different needs/love languages. Mine is doing favours/giving things, theirs is touch. We're both autistic so I don't love long periods of touch and I thought they were the same because after we moved in together for financial reasons they insisted on having their own room and expressed that they didn't really like sharing a bed.

Anyway recently they expressed they were touch starved and unfortunately there wasn't much I could do about it, so them dumping me was best for them.

Why was it good for me? My ex is a 'Chik-fil-a queer'. They bought the hogw4rts legacy game and didn't tell any of the friend group about it despite being a generally bubbly and oversharey type of person who likes to talk about themself (to a fault, another gripe but not a huge deal as they're neurodivergent and can't help it), specifically because all of the group are queer people and would be offended. However they have an online friend group about HP fanfiction that they were probably very excited to share it with them-- I don't know, none of us have ever been introduced to them in any way. They have stated that HP was one of the few enjoyable parts of their childhood and they just didn't want to let it go despite that I could say exactly the same and JKR successfully put me off the fandom. They also bought J4mes Ch4rles products after all that individual has done but 'it was ok because it was on clearance' ????

This year they are going on an overseas trip to meet their friend group and have been so strict with money so as to not pay for their groceries. We haven't said anything before to keep the peace but I expect we will be now. If it pushes them to move out living will be EXTREMELY lean for the rest of us.

Having experienced an abusive childhood and overbearing parenting, they value their independence a lot, and it took me a little while to get used to not being a 'normal' couple and while we planned a future together, they would never accept my input on any life decisions except living together. In the beginning we talked casually about kids and agreed that if we had them, we'd adopt them, as I in particular feel strongly that we should adopt over making children. It wasn't long before they changed their mind and expressed that they were going to have their own kid, with their own body, because it was easier. I can not fertilise them so they were just going to have casual sex with randoms. They also weren't interested in my or anyone else's input in parenting, they wanted the kid all to themself like the kid wouldn't be an actual person with the need to know who their other parent is and where they came from. THAT was the point at which I decided that when I was financially independent I would be leaving them.

All in all I feel like the whole relationship they didn't think much about anyone else's feelings, despite being supportive during my lowest points, which I will always be extremely thankful for because otherwise I would have been alone. And despite resolving to break up with them when it was convenient to me, being broken up with has still hurt. In the days leading up to it they had suddenly become very very withdrawn and they lash out in anger when they're going through it, another thing I had absolutely no idea how to deal with. The breakup speech itself was very amiable and I really had nothing to say. Now their mood is back to normal like they're just happy to have got shot of me and I also feel like I can't talk to our mutual friends about it, in part because I've been sort of trained out of venting to people due to one other friend that would always tell me to 'go do something about it then', they wouldn't necessarily get my reasons for wanting out and anyway, why am I upset if I wanted out anyway? My ex is back in the group chat like normal. I've muted it. I owe my ex a little money and as I'm only working part time all my extra cash is going to paying them back as quickly as I can so I can be done with it. Once I've paid it back I'm going to start going to therapy because LORD knows everybody in this situation needs it.

[imflyingfish]

Help him! He has to make the Earth!

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[markscherz]

‘But I am very poorly today & very stupid & hate everyone & everything’

- Charles Darwin. Letter to Charles Lyell, 1 October 1861

[princema-k]

so draw your blade, you wretched fiend and let's you and i fight like the dishonourable dogs we are savage, violent, yet free and when the curtain calls, let me put you out of my misery

[thattheater-kid]

You know what’s wild about being a fictive? Missing your old life even though it was shitty because it’s a shittiness you were used to. The life you’re living now is a new kind of shitty that feels unpleasant in a different way.

[miserable-something]

Sabo screenshot redraws, I'm trying to figure him (and his hat) out

I need to gnaw on his bones and suck on his marrow

[malzykins]

realized I never ever posted my fellas :[ it's been days...

[metamatronic]

really bummed over matpat leaving (even if I mostly watched gtlive nowadays) but hope his other projects go well and he can focus more on his family!!!

[heartorbit]

just how can i protect your smile?

[hinamie]

doodles

[zytes]

snow over cold wires / nerine sarniensis

[beanghostprincess]

Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.

And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.

That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.

Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.

[millidew]

he really didn’t think it’d end like this