#and that is another reason I want to get my surgery out of the way
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nightplvmes · 2 days ago
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*.⊹˚ ZAYNE | christmas eve (christmas special)
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── ◜zayne x fem!reader — mini one shot 1.1k words ◜Zayne has to work on Christmas, so she decides to surprise him with their little Christmas dinner. — author's note here | christmas specials from the rest of the LI on my profile
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She hated that Zayne worked so much without resting, but if there was one thing she hated more than that, it was he had to work on Christmas Eve. It was her first Christmas with a boyfriend and her boyfriend had to work.
According to Zayne, those days were actually pretty busy. People were slipping off the roofs while putting up decorations or having accidents while making dinner. She didn't say anything when Zayne told her he had to work, she should actually be proud that her boyfriend is saving lives! But while her boyfriend was saving lives, she was home alone… a little sad. She had actually lied to Zayne, saying she had plans with her friends because didn't want him to worry about her.
She had to do something, mainly because she didn't want her boyfriend to spend Christmas Eve alone in a hospital room… That's why almost two hours later she found herself leaving her apartment, a small bag at her side as she got into her car.
The ride to the hospital was smooth and quick, she expected there to be more cars on the streets, but it was the opposite. She confirmed her suspicions when she passed by the waiting room later: there were barely three people. She knew the reason Zayne was there that day was as a precaution, but why couldn't they just ask another doctor to stay? She was being selfish perhaps.
"Zayne?" She knocked on his office door, looked over her shoulder but the hallway was completely empty. She had passed the surgery board on her way there and Zayne's name wasn't there. Maybe he was with another patie…
The door in front of her opened. Her face lit up as she saw her boyfriend with his brow slightly furrowed in confusion. "What are you doing here?" he asked with that softness in his voice he always used with her.
"I brought Christmas dinner." She smiled lifting the small bag in her hands, Zayne let her in seconds later, still a little confused.
"I thought you had plans with your friends."
"Yeah, well… I lied." She smiled shyly, not wanting him to get upset with her even though Zayne seemed to lose his patience… never. "I thought we could have dinner together."
Zayne was silent for several seconds. He knew his girlfriend had preferred not to mention anything and let him work, she did that all the time lately, but she was here anyway. She had cooked something for both of them and now she was here, giving up any last-minute plans she might have made to spend time with him on Christmas.
"You didn't have to do that." Zayne approached her, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend. She smiled slightly and shook her head, not wanting him to feel guilty.
"I don't mind. Let's eat." She placed one last kiss on his cheek before turning to start unpacking the food she had made for them.
She didn't mind the fact that she had to be there. After all, it was Christmas Eve, they could spend the day together tomorrow, right?
Over an hour later, she plopped down into the chair in front of Zayne's desk. She felt like she had eaten too much and now she couldn't move.
"Mmm… I think I'll take a nap on your couch" she whined, shifting in her seat. Zayne smiled at his girlfriend's exaggeration.
He glanced at the watch on his wrist, he knew she hadn't noticed but it was almost midnight. He knew she wasn't the biggest fan of Christmas but at least it was important enough as anyone else.
Zayne's hand slid down to one of his desk drawers to pull out the small box he had been hiding for almost two weeks. His girlfriend was too focused on complaining to notice. He hid it in one of his pants pockets and continued acting normally, clearing his throat to get her attention and getting up from his chair.
"Come on, it's almost midnight." She stood up quickly at his words and looked around for a clock. She hadn't even noticed the time, she only knew that her stomach was starting to hurt a little.
"Where are we going?" She asked, reaching over to grab her jacket. Maybe it had been a bad idea to wear such a thin jacket.
"Let's go to the roof," he murmured, wrapping one of his arms around her waist. He knew how much his girlfriend loved the snow and he didn't want midnight to arrive locked in the four walls of his office where she spent most of her lunch breaks anyway.
Five minutes later she felt the cold air hit her face, she had to narrowed her eyes. Zayne took one of her hands and directed her close to the edge, causing snowflakes to begin shower her hair.
She smiled excitedly. She loved the snow and even though she was sure she would start shivering in a couple of minutes, she loved the feeling of the cold against her face and the snowflakes in her hair.
"What time is it?" She asked turning to face Zayne and looked at the watch on his wrist once more.
"11:59."
She smiled excitedly. Her hand slipped into her jacket pocket to pull out a small mistletoe she had brought from home. She had almost forgotten it was there.
She smiled as she tried to stand on her tiptoes to put the mistletoe under both of their heads, but Zayne was quite a bit taller than her so she could barely do it. Zayne smiled when he noticed what his girlfriend was doing, he didn't need an excuse to kiss her anyway.
"Where did you get that?"
"I brought it from home." She shrugged. "Now you have to kiss me." She didn't have to tell him twice.
His arms wrapped around her gently, closing the small distance between them. She had suddenly forgotten all about the cold she had felt when they had reached the rooftop.
Zayne pressed his lips to hers without thinking, He deepened the kiss, holding her more closely to his body. He took the time to enjoy the warmth of his girlfriend, the way she let him explore her mouth… As if they had all the time in the world.
A loud bang in the distance separated them. She frowned, somewhat confused, she was expecting fireworks on New Year's but certainly not on Christmas. Bright colors flooded the sky for a few seconds before fading away. It was Christmas.
She turned excitedly, her nose had turned red due to the cold and her hair was now covered in snowflakes. The most adorable picture Zayne had ever seen.
"Merry Christmas, Dr. Zayne."
"Merry Christmas, my love."
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youngchronicpain · 2 months ago
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lmao soo it has been weeks and weeks now that I haven't been able to walk beyond a few steps and it is soooo frustrating to me how uneven the ground in my yard is. like. I waaaant to go around the yard and check on various things I have planted in my powerchair but it hurts me so bad to try to get over all of the holes that are randomly about.
I was able to use my big powerchair to have a board game night with my partner, his sister, and her girlfriend over the weekend though and it was so nice. we had so much fun and it was the most comfortable I've been physically while hanging out and playing games in a while. after sitting for a long time playing games I was able to tilt my chair back and take the pressure off of my spine. I was still in pain but it was much, much less than it would have been if I had to use my travel powerchair.
I just can't wait until we live in a place that is more accessible where I can use the mobility aid that best accommodates my body every day.
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yuridovewing · 6 months ago
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i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.
what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.
in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?
obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)
#and this isnt getting into how trans mothwing outside of mothpool is a really good way to read her character#sorry. remembered the shit bonefall got despite being trans as well and got annoyed#that especially annoys me bc hes got plenty of surrogacies but the second hed touch a trans pregnancy#‘’no you cant do that!!! you freak!!! obviously you only see trans people as a loophole for gays to have babies!!!’’#also my gf and i were talking and obviously take this with a grain of salt bc this is our experience#but…. i think a lot of the ppl saying this……. havent really talked to trans women?#dude some of the ones i know LOVE the idea of getting people pregnant#did you know trans women have sex? did you know trans people in general have sex?? did you know trans people irl wanna start families?#did you know that? did you? or do you black out at the idea of a trans woman being anything but strictly pure and nonsexual#and OBVIOUSLY this is not every trans woman. some do have dysphoria around the idea#but im genuinely starting to wonder how these people act around irl transgender parents#whether they had kids before or after coming out#bc ngl. the attitude that thinking about this makes you a transphobic pervert?#directed at trans people making content for themselves?#im starting to think you all just dont want us to reproduce. if we reproduce we arent ‘’good’’ trans people#because a ‘’real’’ man wouldnt carry a child. a ‘’real’’ woman would carry the child. and god forbid the gays even THINK about reproducing#and being around children!#if we have children then we’re doing things that might make cishets look at us and declare we’re not perfect#we’ve proved we’re not just identical to cis ppl!! (and therefore deserving of respect!)#idk. i think this was mostly a case of tumblr going ‘’oh someone said no to this so lets push this to an unhealthy extreme!!’’#and i cant help but notice nobody really brings up nonbinary parents at all in this discussion#not that we have it ‘’better’’ or anything for that but yknow. are we supposed to swear it off?#is the idea of us having kids inconcievable? or worse…. does it mean we ‘’picked a side?’’#so its not even worth getting mad at a pregnant nb person bc ‘’well thats a woman so who cares’’b#HMMMMM.#ohhhh i bet they also get mad if you make transfem pregnancy possible too. no winning#idk really think about it when you go ‘’you can NEVER EVER portray a trans person starting a family. bc REAL trans people would never.’’#ohhh you probably get mad when trans ppl dont get surgery for one reason or another dontcha#whether we want to or its not in the cards for us for whatever reason like cost and such#(while also getting mad if we do bc we cannot win in this no matter what)
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talkorsomething · 6 months ago
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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varjopeura · 2 months ago
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#oh hey i just caught myself harboring Unnecessary Nightmare Scenarios#that last post made me think about how the only thing stopping me from getting another dog is money#like i could afford having a friend for savu. it would be no problem#BUT in a situation where i lost my partner and had to provide for the dogs by myself and they'd both get sick i'd be in deep trouble#which has sounded like a completely rational thing to be aware of. a completely valid reason for not getting another dog#except that is quite a few things that need to go wrong before the deep trouble would actually hit#and is that really the way i want to live my life? waiting for this relationship to end? accepting that eventually i will be left alone?#that my current life is nothing but a brief respite from a continuous struggle with both finances and illness? a glitch that will soon pass#it actually doesn't sound valid at all when i write it out like this#i have a partner who brings another stable paycheck into this household. i have no reason to believe this would change anytime soon#i have a wonderful dog that would probably benefit from having a friend#shelties are not super prone to any major lifelong diseases or such so it's unlikely the new dog would need constant expensive treatments#i think this thought pattern got a hold of me when savu got sick last spring#it was scary and unpleasant and i still feel raw around the edges after experiencing all of it#(the dog is fine by the way! definitely better these days and i'm super happy we got the surgery. we have many good years ahead of us still#but like. i'd like if my brain accepted 'this summer was scary and i'm not sure if i'm ready to possibly experience it with another dog'#instead of feeding me lies about a future where i'm all alone and desperately poor#but hey i've never caught this one before! now i know this thought pattern exists and can do something about it#sussitalk
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genderqueerdykes · 3 months ago
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disabled intersex trans lesbian needs help paying for bills while sick with gallstones
hello, i'm equinox. i'm a mixed disabled intersex trans lesbian. i am dealing with gallstones, one of which is lodged in the neck of my gallbladder and causing immense pain and digestive issues. i'm struggling to keep down food, some days i can't at all. i am also dealing with an injury in my left wrist that makes it very difficult to use, flare ups from hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome and psoriatic arthritis. i am struggling with my health and am in need of help as working has become very difficult and i'm being urged to rest while i await my gallbladder removal surgery
today i was told that the surgeon i was referred to can't work on patients above a certain weight and that i would need another referral to a surgeon who is used to working with fat bodies. i already waited a month to see this person, now i have to wait again. i have bills to pay, and i'm struggling to make ends meet right now due to my low energy from dealing with my health as is
i have been bed bound lately and my body has been so exhausted to the point of nearly passing out in public several times. i have been so tired i have been falling asleep against my will. i struggle to cook some days due to being so exhausted. i'm behind on housework, and i need certain cleaning items. i'm struggling to eat regularly, as sometimes i can get sick and throw up for no reason at all.
i had 4 GI procedures this month, all of which were helpful and informative, but it's wearing on me. my mental health is very fragile at the moment as my care is being prolonged for no reason. i am frequently in tears due to how tired this has been making me. i am frustrated beyond belief because i just want to be able to eat normal meals again. i can barely eat. i can barely stay awake
i currently have to pay for my electric bill, and my internet bill:
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if you are interested in helping me, you can do so in the following ways:
pay pal: glittergraphicnightmare @ gmail. com cash app: $glitterGraphix venmo: $Equinoxian chime: $Equinoxian
Click here for my eBay shop!
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catboybiologist · 10 days ago
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Hey it's a life update that probably no one cared about or asked for
tl;dr: I'm likely quitting my PhD via mastering out, and leaving my program in June.
sappy, overly emotional vent/explanation:
I'm wrapping up my first quarter as an out-of-the-closet trans woman. I've had some serious conversations about where me and my work stand. This was always my intention after coming back from my summer hiatus/social transition: see how "reentry" works, and then assess from there.
For those that don't know, PhDs in the US take 5-7 years. Oftentimes, however, they either give you a master's along the way, or give you an option to quit halfway through with a master's. I'm in my 3rd year and have more than enough to use that option. I've toyed with this idea before, but it feels a bit different now. Last year, I was burned out from science, my project was failing, and I was under constant stress of boymoding and remaining in the closet. Now, I'm out and proud, and I deeply love my project and find it exciting. I fixed some things.
Unfortunately, I have a recurrent problem. Whenever something goes wrong in my life, the first thing to drop off is my ability to drive forward my own thesis project in a coherent way. What the actual problems are vary, but that motif stays the same. I could list off what's going on right now, but I think y'all can assume a bit of what a mid-20s, broke, recently transitioned trans woman in the US is going through at the moment. There's a lot of specifics, of course, but I'm not at liberty to say most of it.
So I'm looking around and realizing I have scraps of half finished projects, I've given support and help for other people's projects.... and then made little progress on my actual thesis. It's enough to pull together into a master's thesis, and maybe even another paper or two, but.... not a PhD.
And then there's the other side of it. The nicer reasons. Could I stay here, buckle down, maybe add years to my degree, and get through it? Probably. But honestly? I don't really want to put myself through that now. It used to be that academics was all I had. It was all my failures and all my successes. It's what I threw myself at, because I genuinely had nothing else going on. Since transitioning, the world seems so much more beautiful and rich, so much more complex and vast, with so much more to do in it. I've even had more negative experiences unrelated to academia, and while they've sucked, they've shown me that life is so much bigger than it was before.
To be blunt, to experience more of my life... it helps to have money, and it helps to have career stability. It's not the only factor by far, but certainly one defining moment when making this decision was trying to create a timeline and budget for transition related surgeries, and realizing that its near impossible in grad school.
Not to be dramatic, but I've also had a couple extremely jarring experiences in the past year that are reminded me that life is short. And I want at least some time to enjoy it.
My heart is honestly broken here, and I'm feeling extremely emotional about this. I love my lab, my colleagues, the environment of doing research, and my project. But I'm realizing that it might not be viable, or what makes me the happiest at the moment. I'm genuinely a bit distraught, and I've been crying a lot for the past few days. A lot of me feels like this is what I am, and this is what I'm good for. That I'm failing myself and every mentor that got me here. Some part of me knows that isn't true, some part of me can't let go of those feelings.
But, I know this doesn't mean "never". So many of the people in my program are significantly older than me, coming back later in life to get their degrees. I'm honestly almost positive that I'll come back to a PhD someday if I quit now. In my 30s or beyond, I think that I'll be able equipped to handle it much better.
So what's next?
Obviously, nothing is decided, and I'm just spitballing here. But I'm honestly shocked at how many viable options I have, in a very good way. A cursory scroll of Indeed was honestly therapeutic. As I said, I still love the academic research environment. I just need more money and stability, and would prefer to have a slightly different relationship to the work I do than a thesis project. Ideally, I would want to be a staff researcher in an institute or academic lab. That lets me keep a lot of the things I like about what I do now, while also making literally 2-3 times the money and having a more stable position.There's positions out there that maximize the contexts I'm the strongest and happiest with, while still being more steady and paying more. Hell, even if my responsibilities were identical, but I had more pay, I could probably more effectively address the personal problems I'm going through right now. I'm gonna stay in California for a lot of reasons, and I'm lucky that there's so many options within the state.
I have a bit of an oddball set of experience. I'll actually have two nonoverlapping master's if I do this. I already have a MS in bioinformatics, which was granted by a CS department. But my current program is in more "pure" molecular and cell biology. I'll have 5 years of grad school, 8.5 years of research experience if I include undergrad research, and instead of a PhD, 2 MSs. Which is kinda funny. But it think it helps represent my experience for what it is. I like to consider myself a "full stack" bioinformaticist- someone who can do both the experimental and analysis portions of experiments that produce large data. Hopefully I'll be able to put that to good use.
I have a lot of professional contacts that I'll slowly be reaching out to over the course of the next 6 months while I tie things up. I know this is a wildshot on tumblr of all places, but if anyone has any recommendations, advice, or contacts, I'm all ears- both for professional and job hunt related things, and also the emotional state I'm in right now.
Thank you to everyone that's made up this wonderful community we have online. I hope I'm not letting anyone down. I'll still be a biologist, I'll still be my trans self. I just won't be "Doctor" anytime soon.
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puck-luck · 8 months ago
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Forever yearning for a jealous, dominant Luke Hughes. I mean spitting in your mouth, edging, mirror sex, etc. I need the filthy, down bad luke.
Scenario: maybe you’re becoming close with one of the other players (completely innocent-just forming a friendship) but Luke doesn’t see it as that way…
👉🏻👈🏻
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warnings (in no particular order): spit(!!), jealousy, dom!luke, edging, mirror sex, one (1!) slap to the face just for the enjoyment of my friend jo, spanking, drinking (technically underage hiii luke turn 21 already stop being lame), beating yourself up, pet names and nicknames as FUCK (always bro do y’all even know me), road head, face fucking, unprotected p in v, dare i say breeding kink, implied subspace, allusion to size kink (probably established size kink to be fair), I THINK THAT’S IT BUT I’M NOT SURE! pairing: luke hughes x fem!reader summary: the one when luke gets jealous at the bar and doles out a bit of a punishment (code: luke is insecure about his performance on the ice, so when his gf starts talking with another teammate who is her friend, he gets jealous and feels like he has to prove himself by making her feel good, but he’s still a dom bc HOTTTT) wc: 6416
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The Devils’ last game of the season was at home this year. There was no chance that they would make the playoffs and Jack was out in Colorado for his shoulder surgery, plus Luke’s parents weren’t able to make it from Michigan for his final rookie game. He was depending on you to be there, so there you were. You were cheering, you were yelling at the officials when they missed a call, you were laughing at Luke when he took a trademarked Hughes spill on the ice with barely anyone around him. Yeah, you were disappointed at the end of the game when the Islanders won (and it wasn’t even close), but it was just one game. It wasn’t the end of the world. It was a disappointment, but it wasn’t life-changing.
Luke, however, was much more upset with their performance when you met up with him after the game. He drove the two of you to the bar where the team was meeting for one last celebration before the off-season and he tried, he really did, to keep his complaints inside. He was stewing, just letting it well up inside of him and fester in the silence between you, until it spilled over.
“It should have been a better game,” Luke finally said, the harsh edge in his tone rubbing you in all the wrong ways. “We could’ve done more. If I had just–”
“Lu, baby,” you interrupted, voice soft. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I was out there the longest, other than Jake,” Luke argued. “They depend on me and I let them down.”
“You were only on the ice for one goal, Lu. You couldn’t have done anything about at least the other three.”
Your statement was not something he wanted to hear. Your boyfriend, sweet as he was, always saw the best in everyone else and the worst in himself. Where he could have been blaming Brendan for the loss, since Brendan was on the ice for three of the four goals, he was instead blaming himself. He was never one to hold a grudge against his teammates or his friends or his family, which was part of the reason why you were so in love with him.
He grunted instead of giving you a real response, but you knew it was coming from a place of knowing you’re right but still feeling hurt.
“I love you,” you told him, just a reminder that his performance would never affect your affection towards him. 
“I love you too,” Luke replied, and you two fell back into silence. It was less tense this time, but his shoulders were still tense and he was frowning, almost pouting. He was so pretty, even now, but you hated how this expression marred his face.
When you pulled up to the bar, you were met by Luke’s teammates. While some of the men had gone home after the game, it was mostly the ones who had families. You knew their wives and girlfriends would have encouraged them to go out with the team rather than stay home with the kids, but you understood. If Luke had wanted to go straight home after the game, you would’ve gone with him and cuddled him until you fell asleep.
“Do you want to get out and get me a drink, baby, while I find parking?” Luke asked, always so considerate. 
“Yeah,” you agreed easily, leaning over the center console to peck his lips before you left the car. 
Waiting outside the entrance of the bar, Nico and John smiled as you got out of the car and walked over to them. You hugged each of them before entering the bar, Nico walking in ahead of you and John following you with a hand on your back. 
It didn’t mean anything to you or to John, but when Luke watched John guide you into the bar before he drove away to search for a parking spot, something sharp and green poked at his heart.
Luke finally made his way into the bar about ten minutes after you walked in, and your face had lit up when you saw him like it had been much longer. He didn’t see you at first, so you had the chance to watch him scan the room. His brow was furrowed as he scanned each person’s features. You knew that he was trying to spot you without looking for the other boys at first, but it was proving difficult with how crowded the room had become.
Timo appeared at his side and patted Luke’s shoulder in greeting. Luke talked to him for a minute before Timo pointed your way. Luke’s face split with a smile when he saw you and he gave Timo a pat before beelining towards you.
You looped your arms around Luke’s neck when he joined you, leaning up on your tiptoes to kiss him.
“Gross,” Nico complained from next to you. “It’s only been a few minutes since you’ve seen each other.”
“You’re not in love,” Luke replied, snarky and sarcastic like he tended to be when it wasn’t just the two of you. He then turned to you. “Where’s my drink?”
“What a priority,” you teased, rolling your eyes at him. He pinched your side. “I sent Johnny to go get it.”
Luke’s expression changed for a split second before he schooled his features. You wouldn’t have noticed it if you weren’t so in tune with his emotions, experience that comes only after years of dating a person. 
You let it go, knowing that it can’t be too important, or Luke would have said something. He knew you were friends with guys on the team. After being around them for almost a year, having moved out here with Luke at the start of his rookie year, it was bound to happen. Plus, Luke wasn’t the jealous type. He knew that you loved him and you’d love him forever, saying yes in a second if he chose to propose.
But to him, there was something about the way you said “Johnny” instead of John. It was that and John’s hand on your back as he guided you into the bar, on top of an already hard night, that had Luke questioning himself.
“I asked him to get you a rum and coke,” you said, tilting your head up to poke Luke’s nose with your own. “Is that okay?”
“It sounds good, thank you,” Luke replied. 
You resume conversation with Nico, turning to face him but staying tucked into Luke’s side. He had a hand on your hip and the other accepted the drink that John handed Luke when he returned. He nursed it quietly for a while, engaging in conversation here and there, but mostly just enjoying his time with his friends. 
The game was the last time that his whole team would be together like that, but this night out was the last time that his team, his friends, would be together in the way that mattered. Even if no one was traded, if no one changed in the slightest (except Jack, coming back from injury), things still wouldn’t be quite the same. It wouldn’t be his second year, his presence wouldn’t be new or exciting. He would have to try harder, do better, and be consistent to show that he wasn’t just an example of beginner’s luck.
He clutched you a little tighter to his side at that thought. He was comforted by the way that you melted into him, moving to lean back against his chest. Your hand covered his and the other polished off your drink. He took the empty cup from you and kissed your cheek before pulling away to toss your cup, and his, in the trash can behind him.
When he returned, he was taken aback by the sight before him.
You had stepped forward and were carding your fingers through John’s curls and Luke saw red before he saw the thoughtful look on your face. John had just said to you and Nico that he thought his hair was getting too long, too unruly. You didn’t agree– it was a good length, the curls were just settling into their shapes.
“I don’t think you should cut it, John,” you were saying before Luke grabbed your other wrist and yanked you towards him. “Luke!” You exclaimed, startled by the movement.
“Time to go,” Luke announced, loud enough that the other boys could hear. He clutched your wrist, not your hand, your wrist, and pulled you along as he stomped toward the exit.
“Luke, what is going on?” You asked, voice resounding in your ears like it’s much louder than it actually is. 
Luke kept walking like he didn’t even hear you, pushing through the door and leading you down the block to the car. He opened your door for you and helped you in, but he slammed it shut once you were buckled into your seat. He rounded the car and opened his own door, glaring at you in a passing glance before settling into the driver’s seat.
“Lu,” you implored, pressing your hands against the top of your thighs. 
When he didn’t reply, you tried again.
“Babe, talk to me–”
“I don’t want you to speak unless you’re spoken to,” Luke said. He refused to look at you. “You think you can touch John’s hair the way you touch mine? You’ll let him guide you into the bar the way I would? I’m not enough for you, huh, baby?”
You blinked, suddenly shifting up to sit a little straighter. Luke, your sweet angel Luke, the baby of his family who would never hurt a fly, who avoided hockey fights at every cost, had flipped his switch.
“Answer me. I asked you a question.”
“No, sir,” you said. Your eyes flickered down to where Luke’s knuckles were white with how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. You inhaled sharply as you made eye contact with the veins decorating the back of his hand.
“No?” Luke repeated, mocking. “I’m not enough for you?”
“No! Lu, you’re more than enough, you know you’re the only one I need.” Your words came out scrambled and you tripped over them. 
Luke clicked his tongue, disapproval written all over his face. “Can’t even speak, can you?” He scoffed, reached down with one hand, and popped the button on his jeans. “Let’s put your mouth to a better use until you can find your words.”
“You’re driving,” you pointed out, casting a worried look at the road ahead of you.
“It wasn’t a question,” Luke threw you a glance. He looked back at the road, then back to you, this time holding your gaze. He cocked his head to the side, eyes softening for a moment. “Was it?”
“No,” you breathed out. 
“Good girl.” A smile spread over Luke’s face and he turned back to the road. “Get to it.”
You clenched your thighs together and unbuckled your seatbelt so you could twist towards Luke and lean over the center console. You reached out to unzip his pants, but he knocked your hands away.
“I didn’t say use your hand. I said,” he paused, grabbing your hair and tilting your head up so your eyes met his, “Use your mouth.”
The noise that escaped you was involuntary. You moved forward that extra inch and carefully took Luke’s zipper in your mouth, dragging it down. His boxers were revealed by the action, but that was the extent of it. 
“Come on,” Luke encouraged, growing impatient. What you couldn’t see from your position was the smug tilt of his mouth, knowing there was no way to get his cock out of his pants with just your mouth. “Take it out.”
“Can’t,” you whimpered.
“Oh, you can’t?” Luke mocked, feigning sympathy. “Poor baby needs my help, yeah?”
You nodded and hummed an agreement.
Luke’s grip tightened on your hair and he gave it a sharp tug. “Use your manners.”
“Please, Lu, help me,” you conceded.
“Help you what?”
“Help me take your cock out so I can suck you, please, sir.” Your voice was close to breaking, you were itching to get your mouth on him and make him feel good. 
Luke obliged, revealing himself to you. You opened your mouth and he pumped himself twice just to tease you before slapping the lip of his cock on the flat of your tongue. He fed you his cock, returning his hand to your hair when you had taken as much of his length in your mouth as you could. He gathered your hair into a messy ponytail with his one hand, the other still on the wheel, and began to guide your head up and down. 
You gagged when he guided you to his base, nose touching the fabric of his boxers around his cock, but the groan he let out made the discomfort worth it. It was low and desperate, just pure relief.
“Wanna fuck your mouth,” Luke breathed out, pulling you up so just the tip of his cock remained in your mouth. 
You hollowed your cheeks and sucked, swiping your tongue over his slit and relishing in the taste of his precum in your mouth. 
He moaned aloud, the sound seeming to echo throughout the car. You could feel your heartbeat in your fingertips. You let out a sigh, suddenly overwhelmed with contentment for your situation. Luke was perfect. He was the perfect boyfriend, whether he was his soft and cuddly self or this dominant version of him that wasn’t afraid to tell you what to do, to communicate what he wanted. 
“Would if I weren’t driving, too,” Luke mumbled, mostly to himself. “Fuck, baby, make me come. You know how.”
Luke returned both hands to the steering wheel and allowed you to move your head freely, to go at your own pace. You bobbed your head with enthusiasm, spit dripping down his shaft and soaking the fabric around him. You gagged at times, but the tight squeeze of your throat around him just added to Luke’s pleasure. He wasn’t shy about telling you how good you felt, either, making you more determined to make him come.
“Fuck, pull off,” Luke said, his voice a little shaky.
You couldn’t. You couldn’t, not when he was so close. The idea of having his come in your mouth, on your tongue, the manifestation of how you made him feel, was too alluring. 
“Y/N, pull off,” Luke commanded, reaching down to yank you off of him by your hair. He clenched his jaw as he held you just far enough off his cock that you thought, with just one bump in the road, you could capture it again. He steered out of the lane and parked on the side of the road. “You don’t want to listen? You’re so cockdumb that you can’t follow my orders?”
All you could do was look at him, eyes wide. 
He spoke through his teeth, never once blinking or breaking eye contact. “Since you want me inside you so bad, I’m gonna fuck your mouth until I come. You’re gonna take it. Even if you gag, even if you cry, I’m not going to stop until I come. Then, you’re going to sit back and buckle yourself in and I’m going to finish driving us home. You will not swallow. You’re going to hold my come in your mouth until I say so. Do you understand?”
Your jaw dropped at the words, the tips of your ears growing hot. “Yes, sir.” It’s nearly inaudible and you can feel your panties growing damper with just the thought of it– minute after minute ticking by, Luke’s come coating your tongue, not being able to speak or swallow. You’re completely under Luke’s control.  
He leaned back in the seat and motioned toward his cock. 
You allowed him to guide you onto his length again, getting comfortable with its size. You hollowed your cheeks and looked up at him, pausing your movements and staying statue-still.
A smirk took over Luke’s face. “That’s my girl.”
He took your head with both hands, keeping your hair out of your face and keeping you from moving an inch, and began to thrust into your mouth. It was sharp and hard and you tried to create a vacuum-type suction around his cock, as tight as you knew he liked it, but it was hard with the head of his dick hitting the back of your throat with every buck of his hips. You ended up gagging, and crying, and drooling all over his cock, just like Luke had said, and he fulfilled his promise that he wouldn’t stop.
“Look at you, making such a mess of yourself,” Luke scoffed. “Such a mess all over my cock, just to make me feel good. You’d let me do whatever I wanted, wouldn’t you, baby? You’d never let anyone else take you like this, just me, yeah? No one else gets to see you just leaking all over my cock because you’re mine.”
Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at that and the moan you released around Luke’s length caused his hips to stutter, made him unable to hold back his orgasm any longer. He came in stripes all over your tongue, some of it leaking down the back of your throat before you could stop it. He pulled you off of him and crashed his lips against yours, a close-mouthed kiss because you wouldn’t dare disobey, couldn’t handle the idea of disappointing Luke.
“My good girl,” Luke cooed when he pulled away.
You offered him a lazy smile, head foggy and bones mushy. You were sated, an elevated version of just happy, and so, so comfortable. You loved him. He was everything.
“I’m not done with you yet, am I?” Luke asked softly, thumbing over your bottom lip. 
You shook your head.
“Open,” Luke said. “I want to see my come on your tongue.”
You hesitantly opened your mouth, pushing your tongue out so he could see the milky white substance coating the muscle. 
Luke captured your cheeks with one hand and leaned in with the other holding your head in place. You stared at his eyes, which were watching your tongue as a line of his saliva mixed with the come in your mouth. When his eyes rose to meet yours, it was the embers of desire that made your head roll back and the instinct, the pure instinct of having something in your mouth, that caused you to swallow.
Your head snapped forward, eyes wide and not doe-eyed, not purposefully innocent to make Luke’s heart jump. No, your eyes were wide with worry because you disobeyed him. It wasn’t something you did to spite him or push him further over the line. 
“I’m sorry.” The words leaked from your mouth and you scrambled to take Luke’s hand in yours, clutching his right with both of yours. “Luke, it was an accident, you know I’d never–”
His mouth was open in shock, briefly, before it snapped shut and his eyes twinkled with something downright predatory. His hand was limp in yours (though not pulling away) and he was still.
“But you did,” He interrupted. “You did.”
“I didn’t mean to.” You were trying to reason with him, but you knew the damage was done. Whatever he had planned for you when you got back to the house, it was going to be ten times worse now.
Luke just shook his head and removed his hand from your grasp, pulling back onto the highway and resuming the drive home. You weren’t far, the area around you looking more and more familiar with each passing second. The minutes stretched for what seemed like hours with Luke’s silence. You held your own hand nervously, pinching at the skin of you knuckles and avoiding Luke’s face. You couldn’t handle seeing the disappointment etched into his features.
Luke pulled into the garage of the apartment complex after just about five minutes. Suddenly, it hits you– you have the apartment all to yourselves tonight. There’s nothing to stop Luke, or you for that matter, from being as loud or as public as he wants. There’s a window in the living room, one that Luke mentioned after your last session. A spark traveled up your spine when you realize that tonight might be the night that he fucks you out in the open, for anyone to see.
When he shifted the car into park, Luke turned to you expectantly.
You apologized again, softly, once he looked at you.
His features softened then, seeing your apprehension. He reached out and took your hand. “Are you okay?”
“I feel bad that I didn’t listen,” you replied. Your eyes fell on your shoelaces, which were an off-white color after plenty of use. You made a note to yourself that maybe you should wash them soon. You wondered if they’d return to their original color. The shoes were much more interesting than looking up at Luke and meeting his eyes.
He tilted your head upward with a guided hand anyway. “You’re still my good girl,” he reassured. “Are you okay to keep going? Or do you want me to stop? I won’t be mad. Whatever you want, we can do it. We can leave this in the car and I can take care of you, baby.”
You could cry at his words, how great he is about your slip-up. You did want him to be sweet, but you knew that he needed this. He needed to work through whatever was going on in his mind and if he could just be in control of this, just for a little while longer, it would be so much easier for him later.
“I want to keep going,” you admitted.
“You know your word?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Tell me?”
“Flower.”
“That’s right, baby.” Luke pecked your lips, but when he pulled back he was back to business. “Now, are you ready to listen to me?”
You nodded, eyes trained on his. Neither of you blinked, a silent contest that he ended up losing (something that would normally cause you to gloat, but now doesn’t seem like the right time).
“When you get to the apartment, you’re going to strip. You’re going to sit on the edge of our bed. You’re going to touch yourself while you wait for me and I want you to watch yourself in the mirror. If you come, and you know I’ll know if you do, you’re not going to come at all tonight. I want you to bring yourself right to the edge and stay there. Can you do that for me?” He spoke slowly and clearly, his voice gravely and dominant. He didn’t stumble over his words or pause and “um” like he did in interviews. No, this was when Luke was at his surest. This was when he knew exactly what to do, exactly what to say.
“I can do that,” you agreed, unbuckling your seatbelt and gathering your things.
“I’m going to give you a five minute head start.”
You nodded at Luke, opened your door, and left the vehicle. When you got up to the apartment, you didn’t bother to hang your coat or purse on the hooks Luke put up just for you. You didn’t put your shoes neatly like the door like you normally did. Instead, you dropped your belongings and kicked the shoes off one by one on your walk to the bedroom. You shed your clothing in a similar manner, leaving a trail behind for Luke to chuckle at when he walked in the door. 
Fully naked, you stared at yourself in the mirror that faced your bed. You read once that it was bad luck to have a mirror face a bed, that your reflection could like… capture your soul, or something, but you kept the mirror there anyway because if there was anything Luke enjoyed, it was seeing himself fuck you in the mirror. He liked to watch you ride him in reverse cowgirl, so he could see your ass jiggle as you bounced on his cock with his own eyes and your whole body in the reflection. 
Sometimes, his hands would drift up and he would hold your tits, watching how he could envelop them in his palms. You tilt your head to the side, watching your own hands slide up your body to do the same. 
For everything you could imagine Luke doing, there your hands were trying to satisfy yourself. If you closed your eyes, you could convince yourself that it was him instead.
His cock would disappear into your pussy, thrusting in and out and causing you to whine. His fingers would circle your clit or pinch your nipples. He would palm your ass, or reach up to wrap his hand around your neck. He would reach just that spot…
You didn’t ever hear it when Luke opened the door and joined you in the room. He thought you knew he was coming, with the way you were whining his name and begging for him. Your eyes snapped open as he closed the door behind him and you quickly pulled your fingers out from inside of you.
Luke walked over to you and sank onto his knees between your legs. “Gimme a taste, love.”
You offered him your fingers, which he took into his mouth. He sucked on them softly for far too short a time, in your opinion, with the way his cheekbones became more prominent as he cleaned your fingers of your wetness.
“Tastes good,” he told you with a smile when he was finished. 
“Thank you,” you replied, practically a whimper. Your chest felt tight, like someone was squeezing your heart in your chest. You were waiting, just waiting, for Luke to tell you what was next.
He rose to sit on the bed next to you, guiding you to shift over so you were sitting on his lap. “I’m going to spank you,” he whispered against your lips. “Just ten times. That’s all. It’ll go fast, but I’m not going to go easy on you. I know you can take it.” Luke kissed you again, snuck his tongue into your mouth for a quick, far too quick pass, before pulling back. “Turn over, baby, and lean over my knee, yeah?”
Your movements were slow, your brain turning foggy again like it was in the car. Luke helped you over his knee, still clothed. The contrast between how clothed he was and how naked you were almost made you drool. It was nearly embarrassing, being this down bad for Luke when he seemed to be completely fine, unaffected.
Luke snapped you out of your thoughts with a spank. The pain was only there for a split second before Luke was rubbing soothing circles over your skin. You shivered when he dipped his hand lower and trailed a finger through your folds.
“So wet,” he murmured.
You clenched down and he pulled away, only to deliver a second slap to your cheek. You shivered, goosebumps rising over your arms.
“So, baby, tell me,” Luke began, bringing down his hand again. “Why am I spanking you?” He waited for you to answer before bringing his hand down again. “Because I swallowed– oh– when you told me not to.”
“Mhm. Why else?”
Another spank. Now, it was starting to sting. Your ass had turned a pretty shade of pink that caused Luke to bite his lip and run his hands over your skin, feeling the heat radiate off the surface.
You were quiet. You weren’t quite sure. Holding his come in your mouth had been the punishment for not pulling off when he told you to. You had been slow to say please in the car, but that wasn’t ever something Luke would punish you for, just something he’d remind you to do. “For, um…” You trailed off, not sure what to say.
Luke scoffed and spanked you three times, harsh enough that his handprint stayed imprinted on your body for longer than it normally did when he spanked you. You cried out, your head dropping and tears welling up in your eyes. 
“‘For, um,’” he mocked. “You don’t know? You’re that fucking dumb that you can’t remember what happened less than an hour ago?”
“Lu, please,” were the words that escaped your mouth instead of an answer to his question. They were teary and he almost stopped, almost, just because of how your voice shook. 
“Please what?” He spat, another slap echoing throughout the room. 
“I don’t know,” You sobbed. “I don’t know why you’re mad at me.”
“Five more,” Luke warned you and you nodded. 
It took a lot out of you, agreeing for five more, but Luke wouldn’t do anything he didn’t think you could handle.
“How about this, baby?” Luke said. Slap. “For touching John’s hair the same way you touch mine?” Slap. “For letting the boys guide you into the restaurant like you’re their girlfriend, not mine.” Slap. “For sending John off to get me a drink when I told you to do so?” Slap. “For not listening?” Slap. “For being a fucking brat?”
You wailed, slumped against Luke. He got a good look at you in the mirror, boneless over his knee. He took in the red skin of your ass, tracing the line of his raised handprint. 
“You’re mine,” Luke continued, sounding off. You turned your head towards the mirror, eyes hazy but still able to make him out. He was waiting for you to look at him, for your eyes to meet his. “You can’t– you can’t treat him like he’s special.”
And suddenly, it all clicked. Luke was jealous because he was scared of the same thing you’d skated around in your conversation right after the game. Luke wanted to be special, wanted you to see him and need him. He needed you to need him, to let him take control and take care of you and decide things for you, all because he didn’t want to be the person who lost everything because he wasn’t good enough. Even the idea that John could possibly take Luke’s place, as preposterous as it was to you, sent Luke into a spiral.
“Fuck me, Luke,” you said, voice shaky and light because of the headspace you were in. “Take me. I’m yours. Prove it.”
Gently, so gently in contrast to his prior actions, Luke helped you up and lay you down on your back on the bed, placing a pillow under your hips. You lay there for a few minutes, blinking slowly and watching as Luke shed his clothes and rummaged through his dresser drawers for something. His back was to you and you smiled to yourself, too fucked out to let out a giggle, at his backside. When Luke turned around, two of his gameday ties in hand, he cocked his head to the side at your smile.
“What are you smiling about?” He asked.
“Boy butts are so funny,” You answered. “They’re just so small. Like… where are your hips, Lu?”
Luke blinked a few times, then shook his head. “Oh my God, you’ve lost it.”
“I’ve been thinking it. We need to get you in the gym.”
“You’re being a brat.”
“And your butt is small.”
“Oh, fuck you,” Luke scoffed. He had walked to the bed and was tying one of your hands to his headboard.
“I’m waiting.”
Luke huffed out a laugh at your response. “You’re making it hard to dom you, baby.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, was the road head not enough?”
Luke shushed you, moving to your other hand and tying that one with the other tie.
“What about the spitting in my mouth and spanking me?” You continue, goading him. 
Luke crawled up your body, kissing up your stomach and chest and neck as he went. 
One more sentence, and he wouldn’t find it so difficult to dominate you for this final stretch. 
He’s hovering over your lips, his breath fanning out over them.
“I bet Johnny could do it better.”
Luke pulled back, jaw dropped. His mouth returned to a strait line and his eyes turned murderous. There it was, there’s the dominance that he thought he lost.
 You smirked at him, proud of yourself for the comment you made, until Luke’s palm made contact with your cheek. Your head turned with the impact and you swore your heart stopped. You were too surprised to say anything. As the seconds of silence passed where you and Luke just stared at each other, same shocked expression on your face, you realized: huh. That’s not so different from when he spanks me.
Then, another second after that: That was kind of… hot.
“Are you okay?” Luke breathed out. He’s practically frozen in place.
“Yeah,” you replied. “Oh my God, Luke, yeah.” You pulled on the restraints above you, itching to get him inside of you. You circled your legs around his waist and raised your hips, trying to make contact with him. “Fuck, Lu, that was so hot, please fuck me.”
Luke blinked twice and searched your face for any discomfort, anything that would show him that you were upset or hurt by his slap. He hadn’t even done it intentionally, just driven by the pure rage of you mentioning John, saying that John could be better for you than Luke was.
It wasn’t until your wiggling hips caused his cock to make contact with your weeping pussy that he began to move.
He started by pinning your hips down.
“Greedy,” he chastised. 
“I need you in me, don’t treat me like I’m made of glass,” you whined.
Luke positioned himself at your entrance and snapped his hips forward, burying himself inside you in one fell swoop.
It knocked all the breath out of you. Even after dating Luke for ages, his size still surprised you.
“How’s that, huh? Can you feel me? Do you think I’m treating you gently?” Luke asked, grinding his teeth as he fucked in and out of you. His skin was slapping against yours and he moved one of our legs so your knee was thrown over his shoulder. “You think Marino could fuck you like this?” He practically spat out John’s name, disgust coating each syllable.
“Probably,” you quipped, your voice snarky. You were itching for Luke to slap you again, or something, because he wasn’t giving it everything. He was still shaken up by the fact that he hit you at all.
“‘Probably,’” He repeated, incredulous. “You’ll never know, will you, baby?” He snaps his hips harder, faster. “This is my pussy. It only gets wet for me, you only spread your legs for me, you can be a slut all you want but only in the confines of these four walls. You can be bad, only right here… where I’m able to fuck. it. out. of you.”
You moan, wanton and long in the back of your throat. Your hands are aching to grab his hair, to twist the curls between your fingers. “Lu, my hand,” you told him.
“What about it?” He asked, not slowing his pace.
“Untie it, please!”
Luke looked down at you, confused. “Why?”
You whined, keening as your back arched and you squeezed his cock. “Need to get a hand on you, Lu, fuck. Wanna pull your hair. So pretty, so much prettier than John’s.”
“Oh,” he whispered, his stomach turning. He reached up to undo the knot, trying to continue to fuck you and untie it at the same time. When your hand came free, it immediately found purchase in his curls. Your fingernails scraped his scalp and his eyes rolled in the back of his head as he bucked into you with uncoordinated thrusts. “Fuck, Y/N,” he groaned. “Gonna make me come.”
“Please,” you begged. “Inside me, inside me–”
Your vision went white and your pussy was like a vice around him as you came.
“Yeah, yeah,” Luke agreed, voice strained. He watched the bliss wash over your features and whined. “Fuck you til you’re full, show everyone you’re all mine.” 
It’s the thought of pumping his seed into you, making you round with his child, that sends Luke over the edge. No one would think to take you from him then, not that you’d ever go. No one would ever be able to call you theirs like he could call you his, not when he’s fucked you full, not when you’re carrying his baby.
“So perfect for me,” Luke mumbled in your ear, collapsing on top of you as he came down from his orgasm. 
“Just for you, Lu.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” You paused, rubbing his back. “You know we have to talk about this, right? You’re more than enough and I don’t want you to feel insecure anymore.”
Luke pulled himself out of you, wincing at the sensitivity. “Can we talk about it tomorrow? I think we could both use some rest.”
He got up from the bed and walked into his bathroom, grabbing a towel and coming back to wipe you clean. 
“Can it wait that long?” You fixed him with a look of concern.
“Baby.” Luke cut his eyes at you, then finished wiping you down. “It can wait until tomorrow.”
You shrugged. “Okay,” you agreed, then made yourself comfortable, pulling the covers over your body. You turned over, back to Luke, and spoke like it was an afterthought. “I loved it when you slapped me, you know.”
Luke groaned, leaned over to give you a kiss on your cheek. “I’m sorry I was mean.”
“Mmm, mean Luke gets me hot just like sweet Luke,” you replied. You turned your head and kissed his lips. “I like sweet Luke more, though. Sweet Luke cuddles me while I’m asleep.”
Luke laughed, going to toss the dirty towel in the dirty clothes hamper. “Sweet Luke will be back to cuddle you after he brushes his teeth,” he said.
When he returned, your breath was even and you had already fallen asleep, the ghost of a smile still gracing your lips. Luke bit his tongue, joined you under the covers, and threw his arm over the curve of your waist. Within just a few minutes, he was fast asleep next to you, softly snoring with his nose pressed into your hair.
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notes: so, I, uh..... got a little carried away. I just kept having ideas. And I hope it worked out for me, to be fair. Hiiiiiii anon I hope this was good for youuuu love you bigggg I felt so awky-tawky writing some of this because as much as I would looooove a man to treat me like this, it feels so silly to write. Anyway. Loving y'all.
SEND MORE REQUESTS! I'LL GET TO THEM EVENTUALLY (they might not all be this long LOLLL)
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d4yl1ghts · 9 months ago
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stuck
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mark sloan x shy, fem!reader
summary: you and mark get to know each other when you get stuck in an elevator
A/N- i feel like he would love star wars (not as much as bailey tho)? but this gives me such katniss and peeta vibes
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You read the files that Doctor Shepherd had given you to take a look through because he thought his new patient may have some sort of problem with their heart and cardiology was your specialty. You were currently in the elevator, heading up to find an empty room to study your new case when the elevator suddenly came to a halt. Confusedly you glanced around and noticed Mark Sloan, the world’s number one man-whore was the only other person there.
He glanced up from his papers and made eye contact with you. “What happened?”, he questioned with a hint of uncertainty in his voice. This was the first time you’d heard him so nervous. “I think the elevator just broke.”, you sighed as the realisation just set in once you said it out loud. He huffed to himself. “Hopefully they’ll be able to fix it soon, I have a surgery in an hour.”, he stated, checking the time on his watch.
“Might as well get comfortable.”, he added as he fixed himself on the floor and placed his files beside him. You copied his actions and sat opposite him. “So, what case have you got there?”, he asked you, striking conversation. “Oh, just a new case Derek wanted me to check up on. What about you?”, you awkwardly asked as your cheeks blazed. “Just some boring charts of burn victims, I have to reconstruct their faces, arms and legs.”, he said. “Oh, lovely.”, you replied sarcastically.
You stared at the wall of the lift and zoned out into your own thoughts. It must have been around five minutes of silence before Mark started speaking again: “If we’re gonna be here for a while then we may as well get to know each other.”, he said, looking into your eyes. It wasn’t a bad idea, there was nothing else you could really do.
“Tell me three random facts about yourself. I’ll go first: I used to live in New York (I’m sure you’ve heard about that), my middle name is Everett and I love the Star Wars movies.”
“Uhm… this is actually hard to think about, hold on.”, you said, embarrassed. He chuckled slightly. “Okay, I hate posh restaurants, I also love the Star Wars movies and I have a pet cat named Jack.”
“Cool, why do you hate posh restaurants though?”, he questioned as he turned to you with amusement in his eyes. “They’re just so intimidating and I just generally don’t like the vibe of the, do you know what I mean? Also, they’re so overpriced like you could find some cosy place that sells nicer food for way cheaper.”, you said passionately. You did not like posh restaurants at all. “I get what you’re coming from to be honest. I always preferred a cute and little cafe opposed to a fancy restaurant.”, he reasoned.
“If I ever ask you out on a date, I guess I’ll know where to take you.”, he flirted which left your cheeks on fire, well that’s what it felt like anyway. “I’m not surprised everyone calls you a man-whore.”, you said as you ignored what he previously said. “That’s not my proudest nickname.”, he responded. “I want to change my nickname, I don’t want to be known as that anymore. I don’t want loads of hook-ups and flings, I want a real relationship.”
He gazed at you. “I swear we’re having a whole confession session here. Oh my God, it rhymed.”, he laughed to himself. You laughed along with him, he was pretty funny and cute. If you looked past his reputation, he was a nice guy.
After another fifteen minutes of talking and joking, firefighters had arrived and gotten the two of you out of the elevator. “Hey, Y/N, do you wanna hang out one day? Not in an elevator, of course.”, he asked you, almost anxiously as he awaited a response. “Yeah, I’d love to.”
“I promise I won’t take you to a posh restaurant.”, he added as he walked away and charmingly smirked at you. You laughed to yourself and waved him off. “We can work out a date.”
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becausebuckley · 1 month ago
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michelle's buddie fic recs: week 46!
another week, another rec list! before we dive in, though, i have a request: please have a look at this fic description and help anon find it!
this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.
if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!
a lighthouse in the fog | greenbergsays/@greenbergsays | 6.8k | T
The one where Buck wakes up after surgery and realizes that Tommy doesn't meet his emotional needs. i love the descriptions of buck and what he's feeling and experiencing here!! so so good
all my little words | youbetsya/@fleabagdiaz | 11.4k | T
Eddie: Did you just send me an email?? Buck: yeah lol (in which buck and eddie email while eddie is in el paso). email correspondence my beloved!! i love how well this captures their voices and dynamic through emails and texts. such a lovely fic <3
a straight guy and an ally walk into a bar... | songbvrd/@songbvrd | 23.2k | M
After Buck gets dumped, he remembers he agreed to go to Abby's wedding with a date. Eddie steps up and pretends to be his boyfriend. All hell breaks loose. buddie fake dating!! shenanigans!! this is unhinged and also soft and i love it so much. the scene where taylor pops up had me laughing so hard. brilliant!
bad idea, right? | brewrosemilk/@gayhoediaz| 6.8k | E
Buck stumbles across Eddie's grindr profile. no no this is the BEST idea actually. the coding is brilliant, this looks so so good, and it's also just fantastically written!
darling (you're the one i want) | archerincombat | 2.5k | G
Eddie keeps buying Buck gifts and Buck keeps not getting the idea. friends to fiances! barnes and noble! flowers! this fic has everything!! loved reading this <3
giving way to labored breath | serenelystrange/@serenelystrange | 1.5k | T
In which falling in love was the easy part, and learning how to actually be together is another beast entirely. They work it out. blanket rec for an author whose work i've really been enjoying this week <3 this one in particular is such a brilliant look at buck and eddie getting together <3
i could give you fifty reasons | marviless/@marviless | 15.7k | T
buck is on a mission to help eddie recover his self-confidence. it goes well for exactly zero parties involved. this might not go well for anyone who's actually involved but it went very very well for me <3 i love buck being earnest and a little embarrassing and so very full of love for eddie!!
if you love me right, then who knows? | ipretendtobesane/@userbuddie | 3.4k | E
buck and eddie stumble upon a feminization kink, and eddie really likes his boyfriend's tits. there's something about buddie playing around with feminisation that just hits so hard. this is so so good!!
love in the shock of lightning | justhockey | 4k | T
It was real. It had happened. It had happened to Buck, and to Eddie, and to see it again…to be confronted with it so abruptly, without any time to steel himself against the memories of that night? Eddie had almost collapsed to his knees then and there. hmmm yes spec fic we love to see it!! and stress baking! loveliest emotional hurt/comfort getting together fic <3
never seen a bluer sky | Chash/@ponyregrets | 1.9k | T
"Hey, what brings you joy?" Eddie is expecting some waffling in Buck's response. Maybe some suspicion. It's a weird thing to ask, obviously. Joy isn't a word he uses much, isn't a go-to. But even if what makes you happy is a more normal question, it's not right. He needs something deeper. buck and eddie finding joy my beloved <3 this hits the spot just right!!
promise you'll put your hand in my hand | farfromthstars/@doeeyeseddie | 4k | T
5 times buck and eddie hold hands platonically, and 1 time they don't. holding hands <3 so fluffy so sweet so so lovely <3
put on a slow dumb show for you | fleetinghearts/@shitouttabuck | 2.3k | T
they’re sleepy and a little drunk and buck’s one step behind. do i even need to say how much i love bed sharing fics? like i think you all know that by now lmao. anyway this one in particular hits that fluff and crack spot so perfectly and i love it so very much <3
since forever | @hotshotsxyz | 1.3k
the loveliest tumblr fic!! soft and sweet indeed <3 this eddie is brilliant!
skin still wet (still on my skin) | marrows | 6.2k | E
Buck’s hand is on his thigh. Eddie chokes on his beer, eyes fixed on the curl of Buck’s fingers, tucked in just above his knee to where his skin meets the sofa. He hadn’t noticed, how hadn’t he even noticed? 8xo6 codas haven't failed me yet lol and this is one of my favourites!! it follows the episode so naturally <3 also another appearance of buck's praise kink, my best friend yay
somebody i can kiss | Rianne/@rianneeyre | 7.9k | E
Buck might be a little touch-starved. And he knew that, but he was not prepared to deal with how the knowledge would interact with his newfound awareness of his crush on—no, realistically, his undying love for Eddie. [...] The point is, he should not spend Christmas on a fucking sleepover with Eddie. But he’s gonna. christmas sleepover <3 i for one cannot wait to drown in holiday fics soon and i already know i'll be revisiting this over the next few weeks. this is soft and spicy and just absolutely brilliant <3
take the bed warmed by the body | lecornergirl/@clusterbuck | 2.5k | T
It’s three parts bravado and one part reminder. He thinks about it, sometimes, his first shift at the 118—he doesn’t think either of them quite knew how much they’d meant it when they’d promised to have each other’s backs. He definitely hadn’t known, then, that he’d wake up one day and wonder why Buck isn’t in his bed. i love this twist on sharing a bed so very much <3 so brilliantly them!!
that kind of music just soothes the soul | KejfeBlintz/@kejfeblintz | 1.8k | G
Settling back into the corner of his couch with a happy sigh, Eddie let the fizz of excitement from his impromptu dance party hum beneath his skin. He had done something joyful for himself and had been rewarded with his best friend and a six pack of beer appearing on his doorstep. He’d danced and the world hadn’t ended. he'd danced and the world hadn't ended!! lovely episode coda and such a well-written eddie <3
through the looking glass | jukoist | 6.4k | G
Buck likes Tommy. He does! And he definitely isn't in love with Eddie. He's just... worried. Because Eddie keeps vanishing on Sundays, leaving Buck with the boyfriend he definitely likes as much as he should. Everything is fine. the dialogue in this fic is particularly great <3 lovely lovely fic!!
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jenny-in-a-jar · 9 months ago
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🏳️‍⚧️ Happy Trans Day of Visibility 🏳️‍⚧️
Do something nice for a trans person in your life (that includes yourself if you are a trans person in your life) 💕 Love for all my fellow trans people!!!
Also, here's me being visible 👁️👁️
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Also for the holiday, I'm going to talk about something I've been nervous to talk about on social media (why I'm hiding it under the read more 🫣)
I had FFS 42 days ago (28 days after taking this picture). The changes are pretty subtle, like I don't think many people even noticed the change, but I do and it feels great to get rid of a lot of daily dysphoria 😮‍💨 Also my surgeon a unrelated non-aesthetic change that made it easier to breathe out of my nose that made the surgery worth it despite the downsides (send an ask if you want more details)
And I have bottom and top surgery in 85 days!! I bet nervous but also very excited 😁
I have a consult for one more gender-affirming surgery, body contouring. I'm not certain whether I'm going to get it. These surgeries are all about trying to weigh out the costs and risks with how much the dysphoria hurts. And I always try to remember something I've heard from another post-op trans person, "Never let anyone pressure you into not get a surgery you want, never let anyone pressure you into getting a surgery you don't want."
Also, I want to acknowledge the extreme privilege of being able to afford these surgeries. (A big reason why I was nervous about posting about this) I'll be honest, I lucked into a job with great insurance and that's the only way I can afford these surgeries and I'll still be paying off medical debt for a while. I really hope we someday live in a world where everyone who wants gender affirming surgeries can get them. And such a world is worth fighting for!
As a reward for reading my rants about surgeries here's some additional pics I took 😘 (including an extremely rare picture of me in glasses!!!
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megalony · 5 months ago
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Cause Of Malpractice
Thank you all for the lovely feedback on my first Doctor! Eddie Diaz imagine. This is another Doctor! Eddie idea I had an idea for which I hope you will all like.
Let me know what you think.
Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17
@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana
@shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @ml572 @jessie-lynn28 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700
@ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @itshamleth @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii
Eddie Diaz Masterlist
Summary: Eddie goes down to the hospital on his day off to be with (Y/n) when she has a routine surgery. But when she becomes ill afterwards, Eddie takes over her care and goes on the warpath.
Enjoy.
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"Are we staying for dinner?"
Eddie twisted his head to the right and gave his son a pointed look with one arched brow. He could see the cheekiness trying to hide behind a plain smile on Chris's face and he knew his son was just dying to make some kind of quick-witted response that might just get him into trouble. But Chris held his tongue and settled for his smile which made his dad purse his lips.
"Your mum's at work, so what do you think?" He could see his response made Chris happy because he started to nod his head to himself.
It was still new to feel those words on his tongue again after years of teaching himself to refrain from talking about Chris's mum. About Shannon. But now the word mum had a different meaning. It meant (Y/n), and Eddie couldn't have been happier when Chris suddenly asked a few weeks ago if it was okay for him to start calling (Y/n) his mum.
It wasn't something Eddie was sure Chris would ever want to do, after everything that had happened with Shannon. But here Chris was, attached to (Y/n)'s hip and overjoyed that Eddie had married her.
Eddie pulled up in the drive and turned off the ignition but when he looked over at Chris, the eleven year old was already throwing off his belt and hurrying out the car.
They were visiting Eddie's Abuela for the afternoon and she had already asked them to stay for dinner. Food was the one thing that always brought their family together, but for all his faults, Eddie was no chef. All the women in his family had tried to teach him how to cook and growing up, he had been the one to bring up his three sisters while their dad worked away. But even that didn't help his cooking skills. Cereal and pasta were the only things Eddie could cook without burning or making it inedible.
Chris had been overjoyed when (Y/n) moved in with them because she was as good at cooking as her brother, Buck. Bobby had been teaching them both and that meant Chris didn't have to try and cook or suffer Eddie's cooking any longer. Either (Y/n) cooked, Buck came over to cook, Eddie got takeout or their Abuela would usually batch cook and send some their way.
"There are my boys!" Abuela was already out on the porch when Eddie climbed down from the jeep and he grinned, but he stayed next to the door when his phone rang in his back pocket.
He knew that ringtone. Jurassic Park. That was Buck calling. For a reason unknown to Eddie, Chris had set Buck's ringtone in Eddie's phone to the theme song for Jurassic Park. And although Eddie wasn't too keen on having personalised ringtones, it was helpful to know who was calling.
"Hey Buck, everything okay?"
It wasn't normal for Buck to call when he was on shift, Eddie knew his wife and brother in law were both on shift today until late on tonight so neither of them should be calling him. Just like when Eddie was on shift at the hospital, he didn't get much free time to call his loved ones. Unless he was forewarning them that his shift would be extended or they had an emergency.
"Are you at work?"
"No…"
"Can you meet us there? At the hospital… like now?"
"Why?" That didn't sound good. This was Eddie's first day off in almost a week, he had been hoping to spend the day with Chris and his Abuela and then spend the night and tomorrow with his wife.
"(Y/n) collapsed, Hen thinks it's her appendix. We're on route to the hospital now." Buck didn't know whether to be relieved or not that Eddie wasn't on shift.
If he was, they would have to call dispatch to get them to send a memo over to the hospital to page Eddie and let him know the situation. But with him being off work it meant he could answer his phone, but it also meant he might not be around or be able to get to the hospital quick.
Everything had been going fine until (Y/n) collapsed on scene and began throwing up. She was running a fever, cradling her stomach and going dizzy and now she was crying, begging her brother to call Eddie for her. She wanted her husband, her personal doctor. She wanted Eddie to be here, he always managed to calm her down and if she had to be in hospital she wanted him there with her.
"I'm on my way, I'll meet you there."
"Thank you."
With his phone shoved back in his pocket, Eddie slammed the jeep door shut and bustled over to where Chris and his Abuela were stood patiently waiting on the doorstep.
"Everything okay, carino?" Her hand stretched out to cup Eddie's cheek while her lips formed a concerned smile and her head tilted to one side.
"Can you watch him for the afternoon?" Eddie kept his voice low but he knew Chris had heard him all the same and the concern only doubled in his Abuela's eyes. She thought they were both staying all afternoon so they could spend some time together and she could cook for them. Not that she wouldn't be happy to look after Chris, but she wanted to see Eddie too.
"Dad, you said you're not on call this week." Chris reached out to grab Eddie's hand and started swinging it back and forth as he whined. His dad promised he wasn't on call this week and the next three days he was going to be off and able to spend time with his family.
"I'm not, buddy… Buck called, (Y/n)'s going to hospital, she might need surgery I need to go be with her. I'll come back and get him later, or see if Buck can watch him after dinner-"
"Go, we'll be fine." She patted his cheek lightly and gave his shoulder a squeeze before her hands moved to Chris's shoulders.
She would never want Eddie to stay here or have to fret about (Y/n) and be apart from her if she wasn't well. His place was by her side and Chris was more than welcome to stay and keep her company. They played games and cooked together and they would have a grand time while they waited to find out what was going on.
"Will you do mum's surgery?" Chris's head tilted to the right and he looked up at Eddie with a puzzled look and worry pooling in his eyes.
"I don't think I'd be allowed, there are rules for that, but I'll make sure she's being looked after. And I'll call you soon and tell you how she is, but she's gonna be fine. It's not big surgery I promise."
If it really was her appendix, that was minor surgery at best. It wasn't life threatening and (Y/n) would be out the hospital in a few days. Eddie just needed to be there to make sure everything went smoothly and to make sure (Y/n) was alright. God knows she wasn't the best patient in the world and she would panic without Eddie there.
He leaned down and kissed the top of Chris's head, ruffling his hair before he leaned over to kiss his Abuela's cheek.
"You let me know how she is." Her words sounded more like a warning and Eddie nodded before he headed over to the jeep.
He thought when he married Shannon that all his family had liked her, he knew their opinions had changed when she left and he understood that. But he was coming to realise that maybe they hadn't favoured Shannon half as much as Eddie thought now that he was with (Y/n). They cherished (Y/n). All his sisters loved her, his parents welcomed her with open arms just like Chris, and all his aunts and his grandma took to calling her a jewel.
Everyone loved (Y/n) almost as much as they loved Chris, and Eddie couldn't have been happier about that.
It didn't take long to get to the hospital and Eddie was thankful of two things. One, that he had his own parking space so he didn't have to fight for a thin space in the multistory or have to pay extortionate prices for a short stay. And two, that he had his work ID badge in the car.
He kept his ID in the jeep at all times because of the amount of times he left it at home on the dresser in the bedroom or in a pocket in an old pair of trousers.
The badge would let him walk straight through reception and get into the assessment unit without having to wait or ask around for instructions. And the staff all knew him so they wouldn't bat an eyelid at Eddie mulling about the hospital on a mission of his own.
He clipped the badge to his belt, stuffed his keys in his pocket and sped determindedly down the path. Bypassing the main entrance to get down to the emergency room doors. He didn't bother going round to the ambulance entrance, that was another fifteen feet round the side of the building when he could just take the shortcut through the main entrance and let himself into the assessment ward to wait for them and see if they were already here.
His eyes didn't glance around the waiting room to his left and he ignored the two women at the reception desk, both of whom he didn't actually know.
It wasn't hard not to know people when they had hundreds upon hundreds of people working here, and Eddie didn't frequent the ER. He was based up on the second floor either dealing with infection control or in surgery.
"Sir-"
"Doctor Diaz." He muttered without sparing one glance at the receptionist. He flashed his badge at her before using it to open the doors to the assessment ward and he waltzed straight through.
He didn't have to look far before a familiar cry caught his attention and he recognised a tall figure in a black and florescent yellow jacket that read Nash along the bottom.
"Hey! Hey, Bobby." Eddie wasn't as close to the team as he would of liked to be, considering they looked after his wife and brother in law when they were all on shift together. But he knew them from the countless parties the team were always having and a few family dinners they had all frequented.
"Eddie, get in here." The words hit his ears but Bobby's lips didn't move and it took Eddie a lot longer than it should have to realise that it was Buck calling out to him and not Bobby doing some form of ventriliquism.
He felt Bobby's hand briefly on his shoulder, guiding him into the assessment room.
There she was. His wife. Curled up on the assessment bed, knees coiled up to her stomach, arms bound around her waist and Buck desperately trying to keep her from rolling off the bed.
"Diaz, what are you doing here? Isn't it your day off?"
Eddie darted his eyes around the cubicle that was overly cramped, they didn't usually have this many visitors coming in with someone into the ER. But there was Buck, Bobby in the corner, Hen and Chimney stood to the far left and then Eddie's colleague. Doctor Armstrong, trying to lean over (Y/n) but she was wriggling away, hiccupping through her cries.
"This is my wife, I'll assess her." He moved round, circling the end of the bed until he was almost squashing Armstrong in the corner. Giving him the choice of either staying and being in the way or giving in and leaving the room. Eddie might not be on shift today but for now, he was the only one (Y/n) was going to be okay with.
Armstrong nodded, knowing he wasn't going to make much of a difference in here. But when he pointed at the door, Chimney, Hen and Bobby all silently agreed and followed him out. They were going to have to wait out in the hallway so they didn't cramp the room.
"Hey mi amor," Eddie brushed his thumb delicately across her cheek, smiling gently as he leaned over her. "I can't leave you alone for one day, can I?"
(Y/n) tried to crack a smile, but she couldn't find the willpower. Both her wrists were now tangled up in Buck's grip so she would stop squirming and trying to move around. And when she felt Eddie's hands run across her body and try to push her legs down, she began to cry again. Her knees were pressing down on her stomach in an attempt to relieve the pain, straightening out only made her feel worse.
A quiet "Oow," tumbled past her lips as her body began to shake again and she wanted to curl up into the tightest ball to make the pain go away.
"Let's take a look at you."
He could see there was already an oxygen monitor on her index finger and clips attached to her upper chest in case of a cardiac emergency. The heart monitor was already set up too and Eddie hated that his ears zoned in on her heartbeat and he could hear it going haywire in the background.
Swiping the thermometer from the holder, he gently tilted (Y/n)'s chin towards him so he could press it into her ear. Her temperature was at forty degrees, she was burning up.
"Okay, and your blood pressure." He nodded at Buck to let go of her hands and he slid a blood pressure cuff up her arm. "Everything's rising high."
(Y/n) snapped her eyes closed and deadlocked one arm back around her waist while she fumbled to shift onto her right side. She shakily reached her free hand out until she had hold of Eddie's arm. She felt Buck's hand on her shoulder and she shimmied over until she was practically on the edge of the bed, allowing her to bury her face into Eddie's arm.
The small whimper she let out vibrated through his arm into his blood and had Eddie's upper lip curling. He looked down at her again, brushing his finger across her chin when she tugged on his arm.
"Baby?"
"Sick, I- I'm gonna be sick."
Reeling back, Eddie took two steps away and held out a cardboard bucket so (Y/n) could hang her head over the edge and throw up. She began to shiver despite the sweat trickling across her skin but she tried to calm down when she felt Eddie's free hand running through her hair. His fingers tangled in her locks and moved her hair from her face until she finally stopped throwing up. And Buck carefully pulled her back on the bed.
"What's the pain scale, baby? One to ten, where are we at?" Eddie's hands moved to (Y/n)'s shoulders and he carefully rolled her onto her back. He leaned down to peck her temple that felt like kissing an oven with how burning hot she felt against his wet lips.
"Eight." (Y/n) felt like saying ten, but she didn't want to be dramatic. The pain was bad. It was worse than it had been earlier on when she collapsed on shift, it had gotten worse on the journey down to the hospital.
Once she was on her back, Eddie moved her hands down to her sides so he could start pressing his fingertips across her stomach and abdomen.
He bit his lip when (Y/n) cried out, clutching her hands around his arm when he touched the lower right side of her abdomen. He pressed his fingers down on her abdomen again, feeling around even as (Y/n) scratched her nails into his wrist and coiled her legs up.
"Is it her appendix?" Buck scrunched his hands up in the bedsheet and arched over the bed. His lips rolled together as he looked between his sister and his brother in law.
"I think it's burst, appendicitis wouldn't be this painful. Alright, alright baby, let's get you prepped for surgery and find you an OR."
He pressed the call button behind the bed before he creased over and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. This surgery would be simple, it shouldn't take too long and (Y/n) would be fine, Eddie would make sure of it. He would stay with her until she went into the operating room and he wasn't leaving until it was done and he could check her over himself.
His eyes darted down to lock with hers when her nimble, trembling fingers curled around his wrists and she tugged on his hands to get him to lean closer.
Her wet lips smothered the side of his neck and her trembling hands pulled his arms to pin them against her chest. Her shakes vibrated through into Eddie but he didn't seem to mind. He unhooked one hand from her grip so he could cup the back of her neck and pull her closer.
"You're gonna be fine."
***
"Hey, how we doing?" A smile lit up Buck's face and his hands gave Chris's shoulders a loving squeeze as he guided the eleven year old into the hospital room.
He had gone home to get a shower and get changed and then he graciously collected Chris from his Abuela the moment Eddie messaged to say (Y/n) was out of surgery.
Eddie didn't want Chris to be panicking or wondering what was going on and Buck was more than willing to have his nephew for the night so Eddie could stay here with (Y/n). She was going to be in tonight and tomorrow and then she could hopefully be discharged if she was well enough.
"Hi boys," (Y/n) groggily moved her free arm out, a silent invitation for Chris to rush over for a hug.
He was careful not to lean on (Y/n) when he hugged her and his arms looped around her neck so he wasn't squeezing her chest or torso. He wasn't sure what an appendix was or where it was in the body and he didn't want to hurt her by mistake. His curls brushed her cheek and (Y/n) grinned and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
She could feel Eddie squeezing her other hand and he leaned across to press a chaste, wet kiss to her neck. His chair was scraped as close to the bed as possible and when (Y/n) woke up little over half an hour ago from surgery, she had been pleasantly surprised to find their hands entwined.
"Are you okay? Did dad operate on you?" Chris leaned back and plopped himself down on the side of the bed while (Y/n) tried to sit up a bit better.
"I told you, buddy, I can't do surgery on family. Doctor Levison did the op, your mum's gonna be fine but she no longer has an appendix."
"I'm okay baby, I feel much better now." (Y/n) kissed his temple before she looked up at her brother as he slouched down in the free chair on her right side after he gave her arm a light squeeze. Buck could see she still looked groggy from the meds, she was finding it hard to keep her eyes open and she was slouched right back into the pillows. But she looked much better than she had when he brought her in earlier today.
Chris reached over and trailed his fingers across (Y/n)'s left hand that was tangled with Eddie's. They could both see the intrigue in his eyes as he looked at the green plastic cap taped into the back of her hand where her IV had been earlier. And when his fingertips travelled up her arm, he circled the pad of his finger over the bandage wrapped around her arm at the crease of her elbow.
"What's that?"
(Y/n) looked between her elbow and her husband and the dazed look in her eyes made Eddie's heart flip and a fondness grew within his pupils. She wasn't sure what it was. She hadn't long come round and lucid from surgery.
"It's a blood transfusion, see? The appendix burst, your mum needs a bit more blood." Eddie pointed up to the bag behind him that was slowly trickling blood through the tube taped into her elbow.
The operation had gone well but because her appendix had burst, (Y/n) had suffered a bit of internal bleeding. She had been dosed on antibiotics to make sure she didn't get an infection and they set her up on a transfusion once the operation was finished.
(Y/n) let her head sink back into the pillows and snuggled down, pulling the cover a bit higher up when a chill tore through her bones. She looked over at Buck, only now realising that he had brought a bag with him and he fished out one of Chris's drawing books and a pack of pens. They had come prepared so Chris could stay as long as possible with his parents before going home with his uncle.
"So that was a scary way of getting some time off." Buck muttered as he folded his arms over his chest and propped his feet up on the bed. He nudged his foot against his sister's thigh, grinning when she slapped his ankle playfully.
"Yeah, yeah. How long am I off for?" She looked between the boys, grinning to herself when Eddie murmured 'at least two weeks.' In all fairness it had been a while since (Y/n) last had some time off, although she wouldn't be able to take Chris out somewhere fun or do half the things she would want to for the next two weeks.
Her lips curved into a smile when she felt Chris shuffle round and wriggle to get comfy. He propped himself up against the rail at the end of the bed with his legs cuddled up into (Y/n)'s so he could begin to do some drawing.
She let her eyes fall closed and snuggled down, pulling Eddie's hand towards her chest.
"You good, mi amor?"
"Cold," She murmured, already halfway back to sleep but her lips curved up when she felt Eddie's hand against her temple.
"Cold? You're still flushed." Eddie bit the corner of his mouth and swiped his thumb against (Y/n)'s cheek. She was still warm from the fever she had been burning when she arrived at the emergency room. Maybe it was just her body trying to settle and get back to a normal temperature.
Whatever the reason, Eddie pulled the covers a bit higher for her and glided his hand up and down her arm before he leaned back in his chair. His eyes rolled playfully and he grinned when he saw that Buck was already turning on the tv, flicking through the channels.
He didn't want to take Chris home yet, not when they hadn't spent a lot of time with (Y/n). They may as well stay until the end of visiting time, that way when (Y/n) woke up Chris would get to talk to her for a bit and Buck would reassure himself his little sister was alright before he and Chris went home for the night.
(Y/n) didn't doze off for long, about twenty minutes or so before she woke up to Chris sitting a bit closer than before and grinning sweetly at her. And Eddie and Buck were both watching a sitcom on the tv.
She wasn't sure what conversation they were talking about but she groggily looked towards her brother when he gave her elbow a light squeeze.
"Brought you some clothes," Buck murmured and pointed to the bag at his feet before he carried on the conversation he was having with Eddie. He knew his sister, she wouldn't want to stay in that hospital gown for long. Buck knew once (Y/n) woke up properly, the first thing she would do was go get changed into some of her own, more comfortable clothes.
(Y/n) nodded but she coiled her arms up to her chest beneath the covers. Why was the room so cold? She was freezing. Had they turned the heating off in here? She felt like she was in the arctic.
She closed her eyes again for a few moments, but her knees jerked up towards her stomach when her head started to spin and she suddenly felt like she was falling. Going to sleep had made her feel worse, she felt strangely dizzy and like her limbs were going numb.
She stayed tucked up and tried to coil in on herself, but she soon realised she was shaking. With a grumble, (Y/n) opened her eyes and forced her blurred vision to focus on Eddie as she slithered a hand out from beneath the cover to reach for Eddie. Her fingers curled around his thigh and she dug her nails into his trousers to try and grab his attention.
"You okay, baby?" She felt his hand fold on top of her own but when Eddie looked over at her, his smile faded and his brows furrowed.
"Eddie, I- I don't feel well." She managed to slide her fingers into the grooves of Eddie's hand and when she looked up at him, she could see the concern pooling in his eyes.
He pushed up from his chair and moved to perch on the side of the bed, letting their entwined hands rest on his thighs while his other hand cupped the side of her face. His fingers glided over her neck but his frown deepened. He could feel sweat rolling down the side of her neck and covering her temple, but she was shaking and curling up as if she were freezing cold.
Reaching up behind the bed, he grabbed the thermometer and gently placed it in (Y/n)'s ear.
"Chris, off the bed a minute please buddy." He ticked his head at Chris until he hopped off the bed and moved to sit with Buck instead. "You're burning up baby, let me check your stitches."
Eddie pulled down the cover and moved (Y/n)'s gown to one side so he could try and check her stitches, but he couldn't see her getting an infection this quickly. She had been out of surgery for two hours, if that. She couldn't get an infection in her wound that quickly and he had been there when she went for her operation. It went well with no complications, she shouldn't be having any trouble.
"Any pain?" He pressed his fingertips around the stitches and down her abdomen near her bladder and intestines, but (Y/n) didn't flinch like she had earlier. She was on morphine so she couldn't be in much pain and she didn't seem to be bothered by the stitches.
"Freezing, a-and dizzy… baby, help. I don't feel right." (Y/n) wasn't sure what was wrong and she wasn't in any specific pain, but she felt horrid. She felt like all her wires were crossed within her. Her blood was pulsing and throbbing in her ears. Her head was pounding and spinning even though she wasn't even moving. Her limbs were going numb and she was so, so cold.
A deep frown set in Eddie's features while his teeth sank down in his lower lip. He hummed and kissed her cheek to try and calm her down before he grabbed a stethoscope and listened to her chest.
"What's wrong?" Buck kept his right arm tight around Chris's waist, keeping his nephew tucked close while he leaned over towards his sister.
"Amor, I think you're going into shock." Eddie couldn't understand it. She had been fine. The operation had been a success. But she looked like she was going into a state of shock and he couldn't understand why. This couldn't be a delayed reaction because (Y/n) had had morphine before and she wasn't due another drip for another hour or so.
He had never known anyone to have a reaction to their stitches either and he had checked them, her skin wasn't bubbling up or swelling or getting a rash. (Y/n) didn't seem to have a cause for this and all Eddie could think of was she had some sort of infection and if that was the case, he needed bloods from her and some antibiotics.
Eddie let (Y/n) squeeze their entwined hands while she tried to curl around his thighs and get closer to him. He started to rub his left hand up and down her arm, but when he happened to glance to the right, his head tilted at an angle and he narrowed his eyes.
"Baby…" He let go of her hand, cringing at the whine (Y/n) let out as she tried to grab for him again.
His fingers grazed along the transfusion tube until he was lightly holding the plastic bag and he pulled it closer to observe the writing along the blood bag.
All the colour drained from Eddie's face until he was as white as the overcoat he wore when he was on shift. Both lips parted but he couldn't find the will to breathe, his lungs were seizing up in his chest and his heart was spasming and sending out the wrong signals.
His fingers clenched around the blood bag so tightly his nails almost pierced through the plastic and he squinted to make sure he was reading it correctly.
"Fuck! Fuck, oh Dios."
Buck leaned back in his chair as Chris shuddered and pushed into his chest at his dad's sudden outburst. He wasn't usually one for swearing. Chris had heard his Abuela swear more than his dad. Seeing Eddie look so suddenly panicked and his loud, curt voice made Chris shrink back into Buck for comfort.
When Eddie leaned across and flicked the emergency button next to the plug sockets above the bed, panic coursed through Buck's system.
He stood up and carefully eased Chris down onto the chair in his place before he stepped closer to try and see what Eddie was panicking so much about. His eyes followed his brother in law as he started tearing the bandage around the crease of (Y/n)'s left elbow. The bandage trickled to the floor and Eddie quickly capped off the intravenous needle and removed the tube from her arm.
"What's happening?" Buck reached down to squeeze (Y/n)'s arm while she tried to bring her knees up towards her stomach, but both her hands were reaching out for Eddie.
She clutched at his forearm, desperately pulling Eddie closer because she didn't know what was going on and she didn't understand why she was suddenly feeling so unwell and strange. Tears began to stream down her face causing her lower lip to wobble while shakes continued to tear through her body in waves.
"She's having a hemolytic reaction. Shit, I need O negative-"
"English Eddie!"
"Some fucker's put her on A positive blood transfusion, her blood type is O negative, she's having a reaction. Her immune system's fighting the transfusion."
Eddie tangled his free hand in his hair, pulling at the locks until he could feel strands getting stuck between his fingers and ripping apart from his scalp. His other hand was pressing into (Y/n)'s chest since she had confiscated his arm and he didn't have the will power to pull apart from her just yet.
This couldn't be happening.
How could someone have made such a stupid mistake- and with (Y/n) of all people?
Someone had started her on the wrong blood type. The body was a clever, sensitive thing and it could recognise foreign cells immediately. (Y/n)'s body was fighting itself, trying to attack the foreign blood cells and it was sending her into shock.
Eddie needed to reverse the effects and get (Y/n)'s body syncronised again before her organs started shutting down or she developed sepsis.
His head snapped down when he felt (Y/n) weakly pulling on his arm and he stopped tearing his hair out so he could glide his hand across her cheek and down her jaw.
"W-what's wrong?" (Y/n)'s voice trembled almost as bad as her body that was shaking back and forth on the bed. She brought her knees up to her stomach, unable to muffle her groan but she managed to keep her eyes on her husband. She couldn't concentrate properly. She didn't understand what was happening. What was wrong with her?
The feeling of Eddie's thumb gliding along her jaw made (Y/n)'s heart slow down its accelerated rhythm for a few seconds. "You're going into shock, mi amor, but I'm gonna take care of you. It's okay."
Buck reached his hand behind him and held onto Chris's arm when the eleven year old got off the chair to stand right by his side. He didn't want to look around his uncle and see the state his mum was getting into, but he couldn't help but sneak a glance. The sight of his mum shaking, gasping and crying like that sent his blood curdling and made him cling to Buck tighter.
The three of them snapped their heads to the side when the door opened and a young nurse walked in, darting her eyes around the room. Eddie could see the recognition in her eyes, she knew he worked here, but his plain attire was confusing her.
"What's going on?"
"Go get me a saline bag and some ACE inhibitors and I need two pints of O negative blood. You hear me, negative. Now."
The nurse dithered in the doorway, tempted to rush further into the room and assess (Y/n) herself. But she could see Eddie had already done that job for her and if she wasted any time trying to do a double check, she feared Eddie might just explode.
The young girl spun on her heels and disappeared out the room, letting the door slam closed behind her.
"Eddie, I don't understand, how the Hell is she on the wrong transfusion? Doesn't everything have to be screened and she needs to be tested before she's given anything?"
Buck had never needed a transfusion himself, but he donated blood every month along with the rest of the team. He knew it was closely screened, checked for any anomalies or illnesses or viruses and always labelled correctly with the right blood type.
And he understood that it had to be quite hard to give someone the wrong transfusion when it was either already in their files or they would have a blood sample taken and checked so they knew what type to give.
"I don't know, she was hooked up before they let me see her." The words seethed past Eddie's lips as he slumped down onto the side of the bed to be closer to (Y/n).
He had waited a little impatiently for them to transfer (Y/n) into a room on a recovery ward and he shot into the room the moment they allowed him in. (Y/n) had just finished a saline drip and she had been hooked onto the blood just before Eddie got into the room. He didn't know which doctor or nurse did it or if he knew them or not.
But he was going to find out and make sure they suffered the consequences of their actions.
"So what do you do, to treat this?"
Eddie raked his free hand down his face, pulling at his chin and jaw that cracked into place. He hadn't dealt with this before, he had never seen this happen because it was such an oddity. This was something that happened one hundred years ago before they had proper screening for blood transfusions. Before they had computer systems and proper filing and records that easily counted the blood types of patients.
This was something that wasn't seen nowadays, not in good hospitals with a good practice.
"She needs fluids to fight off the shock and the inhibitors will stop her kidneys from shutting down. And I'll have to get her on broad antibiotics to calm her immune system down. I can't have her getting sepsis from this."
Eddie didn't know how far the wrong blood had travelled in (Y/n)'s system. If it was already at her kidneys they would be at risk of shutting down if her immune system attacked them. Her liver could be next. He had to give her meds to preserve her organs from shutting down and antibiotics to stop her raging immune system.
If she developed sepsis, which was the body's way of overreacting to an infection and attacking healthy cells, (Y/n) would really be at risk of fatal damage.
"Can you take Chris home-"
"No! I wanna stay with mum!"
"Then you need to wait outside while I look after her." Eddie's voice was firm and snappy but Chris and Buck obliged instantly.
Buck's hands moved to Chris's shoulders and he regrettably ushered his nephew outside. It wouldn't be fair to leave Chris out in the corridor on his own and it didn't matter how much Buck wanted to stay and watch over his sister, he needed to be with Chris more. He knew (Y/n) was being looked after by Eddie rather than the seemingly negligent staff working here.
"I brought the medicine trolley," The nurse rushed back into the room with her eyes focused on the trolley rather than the doctor that was making her nervous.
She stepped back, letting Eddie take over and rummage around for what he needed. He got the inhibitors and injected them straight into the saline bag before he reached for a fresh packaged needle.
He crouched down in front of the trolley, using the ID badge he still had clipped to his belt to unlock the trolley and look through for the broad range antibiotics he needed. He tore into the packaged needle with his teeth, got the needle ready and injected those into the fluids too. It would be dangerous to give (Y/n) a large dose all at once, and the fluids would be running wide open into her vein so this was the safest method of administration.
"Okay mi amor, let's get you on these." He perched himself down on the side of the bed and hooked the fluid bag on the IV pole, turning up the setting so it was on its quickest speed. He wanted the fluids in (Y/n)'s system as fast as possible to counteract the shock and blood reactions.
His nimble fingers were gentle when he reached out for (Y/n)'s hand and laid it over his thigh. He twisted the cap already taped into her hand and connected the fluids. Once the machine beeped, he twisted to look over his shoulder.
"Did you get the O negative?"
"I got two." It felt better to be safe than sorry and she knew (Y/n)'s notes since she was the newest patient on this ward. She knew (Y/n) was recovering from surgery and if she needed more blood, two pints might be necessary.
"Thank you."
Eddie kept the A positive blood hanging at the back of the pole, he was keeping that there for evidence. And he hung up one of the new bags, filled with the correct match that was riling him up to just look at it. How could someone have messed up this badly?
(Y/n) scraped her nails into Eddie's thighs when he got up, mewling his name quietly as she feared he was about to leave the room. Her vision blurred but she did her best to lift her head and follow him with her eyes.
He grabbed a needle from the trolley and an empty vile and once he swiped the pen from his back pocket, he set about writing (Y/n)'s name and date of birth onto the plain label.
A shudder crawled over (Y/n) when she realised what Eddie was going to do and she snapped her eyes closed but obliged and held her arm out to him. She was surprised to find she barely felt the needle slipping into her elbow for Eddie to take a blood sample. Once it was done, he kissed the crease of her arm and handed the vile over to the nurse.
"That needs to be rushed down to the lab, I want it in writing that she's suffered a hemolytic reaction."
The poor nurse seemed to shake and drain of all colour on the spot when she realised what was going on. She could see that Eddie was on the war path and he was going to be chopping heads for this mistake. Eddie could switch the blood bag and counter the reaction, but before he did that he had to get (Y/n)'s sample sent to the labs. He needed it in black and white that someone had given her the wrong blood type. And he was keeping the old blood bag as evidence too.
"Go get whoever's in charge of this ward please on your way to the lab. I want to know who's the cause of this malpractice."
Once the nurse was out the room, Eddie twisted to look down at (Y/n) after he connected the new blood tube to the intravenous needle in her left elbow. This would do her some good. Her immune system would calm down once it realised it was now getting a supply of the correct blood type.
"You'll be okay now, mi amor. I'm gonna oversee your treatment."
When (Y/n) scratched her hands against Eddie's shoulders, his lips formed a soft smile and he obliged. He leaned down, curving his arms around her waist so he could carefully ease her into a sitting position. Her face tucked into his neck and her hands shook and slithered across his back while she pushed herself into his chest.
They sat there like that for a while and a few times, Eddie wasn't sure whether (Y/n) had fallen asleep or not. But he felt her fingers digging into his back or her lips moving against his neck and he knew she was awake.
"You're not shaking as much," He commented after a while, feeling (Y/n) cling to him with a bit more strength and power.
His lips smothered the side of her temple and he sighed against her skin, thankful he had caught this quick enough to do something about it. God knows what would have happened if he and Buck hadn't of been in the room. What if Eddie had taken Chris home and Buck had gone home too for a rest? What would they have done? How long would (Y/n) have waited, quickly going into shock, waiting for the next staff member to do their irregular checks?
"Okay, why have I been summoned in here? What's going on?" Nurse Avery stood a few feet inside the room, both hands clamped down on her hips with her head tilted at an angle.
She raised a brow when she looked over at Eddie. She had seen on the computer system that there was a patient named Diaz on this ward so it wasn't surprising to see their prominent Doctor Diaz in here too. It was a rare surname so chances were this was a relative of Eddie's.
But she still had no reason why she had been told to come down here for some kind of emergency when the emergency light above the door wasn't turned on. Or at least, it hadn't been on for a while.
Eddie leaned his head down to kiss (Y/n)'s cheek before he slowly unravelled from her, making sure she was okay sinking back into the pillows when he got up from the bed.
He folded his arms over his chest, trying to stop his expression from looking so gaunt and angry but he couldn't seem to help it. He stepped to the side, moving to the other side of the room so he didn't have to raise his voice so close to (Y/n). He didn't want to upset her any further but he needed to talk to Avery and he knew she wasn't going to like what he had to say.
"Someone didn't read my wife's chart so I need you to look through your roster and find out who set up her blood transfusion."
"What are you talking about? What's happened?"
"Look at the chart. (Y/n) is O negative, but when I came in I found her on a transfusion for A positive. I've had to stop it, take bloods, get her on fluids and inhibitors and antibiotics because she was going into fucking shock. I wanna know who set up the bloods."
The darker side of Eddie revelled in the way Avery couldn't keep eye contact with him and how she ran her hand across her cheek and down the side of her neck out of nervousness.
She should be nervous. She should be panicking. She was the shift lead, the head nurse on this ward and someone under her watch had made a near fatal mistake that had been caught by one of their off-duty doctors. Eddie himself had to rectify this mistake. Avery couldn't dumb this down or try and cover it up and pretend only a minor incident had occurred here.
Eddie had witnessed it himself, and he wasn't going to be calmed down so easily.
"Diaz, calm down. We're all professionals here-"
"Really? You really think someone on your team is a professional when they've just dosed my wife on the wrong type of blood and given her a hemolytic reaction? Do you know how rare that is nowadays? Do you see how fucking stupid you'd have to be to do that?"
Out the corner of his eye, Eddie could see (Y/n) wincing and shrinking back in the bed. She didn't want to be the cause of an argument or cause any rifts in Eddie's workplace. Chances are that he might know whoever had made this mistake and that meant waves would ripple across the staff board.
"And you work here! You know what it's like, we've had five different patients in and out of here all morning and I'm three nurses short. The board will investigate-"
"Damn right they will because someone under your watch put a patient into shock and could have killed her. Whoever it is doesn't have a job here anymore if they can make such a simple fucking mistake."
Eddie believed that nobody was perfect. He completely understood that mistakes happen and as humans, they were bound to make mistakes. And he knew the training and the years it took to become a nurse, let alone a doctor like he was. But he also knew that the years of training they were all put through was supposed to stop them from making mistakes like this.
Sometimes a big mistake was understandable, the pressure, the confusion, the hard surgeries and long hours and underpaid budgets.
But to make such a simple mistake was unforgiveable because if someone could make such a small mistake as not reading someone's notes and hooking them up to any blood bag they found, then what was to say they wouldn't make bigger mistakes?
Such a simple mistake could have killed (Y/n). Her body understood that it had the wrong blood, it was attacking those foreign cells and in turn started to attack the rest of her immune system. If it went unnoticed or they didn't stop the transfusion in time, (Y/n)'s organs could have started to shut down. She could have gone into a worser state of shock.
She could have developed sepsis and her state was already weakened by surgery. If the sepsis attacked the tissues around her stitches or got to her heart they might not have been able to reverse the damage.
"I'll go check the roster and talk to my staff. I suppose you've already taken blood samples and switched the bloods?"
"Damn right."
With a curt nod and her teeth sinking into her lower lip, Avery stuffed her hand into her pocket and stormed out of the room. She was going to get into trouble for this. Her team was going to suffer. Whoever was at fault was going to get sacked. Eddie was likely to make a complaint because he was the one who had noticed and taken charge of the situation and had to sort it himself.
There were going to be repercussions for this.
Eddie ran his hand across the back of his neck and trailed back over to the bed, moving his hand to squeeze (Y/n)'s thigh as he sat down beside her. A wave of calm washed over him as soon as (Y/n) slumped forward and leaned into his chest. Her cheek pressed against his shoulder, her arms wrapped around his torso and her big doe eyes stared up at him with a sense of wonder he hadn't seen before.
"Are you sure your a doctor? You sounded more like a lawyer to me."
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sunny44 · 8 months ago
Text
Stubborn
Paring: Carlos Sainz x Leclerc!reader
Warnings: mentions of surgery, appendix removed, sickness and maybe other things
Summary: Carlos insists on going to the race even after just having surgery.
This story is the second part of Secret Love, but if you haven't read the first part you'll understand this chapter here without any problem. But I would recommend you read it.
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Today was race day and we were getting ready to leave the hospital. Since the surgery went well, they discharged Carlos.
“Honey, I’ve finished packing your things. Can we go to the hotel and…” At that moment, he emerged from the bathroom wearing the Ferrari shirt. “Why are you dressed like that?”
“We’re heading to the Paddock,” he said. I looked at him in disbelief.
“Of course not, are you crazy? You just had surgery and you already want to go back there?”
“Honey, I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. You have stitches in your stomach and you already want to go there? You’re not even going to race.”
“Babe.”
“No, listen, if you want to go, fine.” I angrily threw the rest of his things into the backpack. “But I’m not going with you.”
“Y/n.”
“No, I went through hell yesterday fearing something might happen to you, only for you to tell me you want to go there to watch the race.” I zipped up the backpack. “I hate this, you and Charles are just the same.”
“What does your brother have to do with this?”
“That you both have this reckless tendency to put your lives at risk for stupid things.” I tried to control myself from crying. “I won’t have another one in my life who makes me go through this.”
Before he could say anything, his father entered the room, and I stormed out, heading back to the hotel.
It’s things like this that makes me angry. I already have two brothers who are always putting themselves in danger and often doing unnecessary things. I never used to be so afraid of these things until Jules’ death. It was a dark moment in our lives, and knowing that he died in a way that my two brothers and now my boyfriend could also die leaves me extremely worried and on the verge of having a panic attack.
So the fact that he wants to go to the paddock to watch the race after surgery makes me furious.
When I got to the hotel, I went straight to take a shower, dried my hair, and put on pajamas since I would be here the rest of the day. I ordered room service and turned on the TV to watch the race, and immediately saw Carlos entering the paddock. He was walking slowly because of the surgery, and I just shook my head and settled back into bed.
Midway through the race, I was packing my bags since I would be catching a flight to Monaco early tomorrow morning when the door suddenly opened scaring me and Carlos walked into the room.
“Hey,” he said, closing the door.
“Hey.” I finished packing my suitcase and placed it on the floor.
“Leaving?”
“We have a flight to Monaco tomorrow morning, so…”
“Are you staying at my place or…”
“I’m staying at my mom’s.”
“I thought you were staying with me.”
“That was before this morning.”
“Y/n…”
“I’m not trying to control you or tell you what to do, but you were extremely irresponsible with your health today by going to the race, which could harm your recovery.”
“I know.”
“And yet you went.”
“But I’m here, I came back because I knew you were right and…” He stopped because he winced in pain.
“Lie down.” I took his hand and helped him onto the bed, lifting his shirt. “Did you changed this today?”
“Not yet.” I sighed and got the things I had bought earlier in the morning, starting to clean the wound. “Ouch.”
“Sorry,” I said, finishing cleaning and applying a new dressing. “Here are your medications, they might make you a bit drowsy, so you’ll probably fall asleep.”
“I’m really sorry,” he said again. “Charles didn’t explain the reason, but he told me this upsets you.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“Do you want to tell me why?” He opened his arms, and I lay down on his chest.
“It’s because Jules died doing what you and my brothers do.” He hugged me tighter. “And I remember vividly the pain I felt when they buried him, leaving only memories and grief.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way and that I contribute to what scares you.”
“I don’t mind your job; I like seeing you do what you love and achieving your dreams. But I can’t help feeling scared every time you, Charles, or Arthur get into those cars.” I sighed and started tracing circles with my fingers on his chest. “It’s just that I don’t know if I could handle it if something happened to any of you. It’s not about the surgery; I just want to prevent anything from happening to you guys over something as trivial as going to watch the race in person after having your appendix removed.”
“I’m sorry for not realizing that and for ignoring your advice to rest.”
“It’s okay, I should have been honest about what was scaring me.”
“Are we okay?” he asked.
“We are.” He smiled and kissed my forehead. “But from now on, if you do something like this again, you’ll have to work a lot harder for my forgiveness. I’m just being nice now because you’re recovering.”
“Okay, that’s fair enough for me.” We switched positions, and he lay on my chest. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
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Bonus scene!
Carlossainz instagram stories
“Thank you all for the love messages you’ve been sending to me, it has certainly helped me a lot. I'm still recovering but with the help of all my team and my wonderful girlfriend I'm getting better every day." Tagged: Y/nleclerc
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dearhargrove · 9 months ago
Text
Survivors
Evan Buckley x reader
summary You're taking care of Christopher when Buck comes home, looking absolutely drained and in shock and goes straight to Christophers room. You overhear the news and make sure to care for both Chris and Buck.
word count 1639
tags pretty much episode 14 season 4, Eddie gets shot but it's not described, Buck is sad :(, Chris being the precious kid he is
a/n the way I sat there in silence when Eddie got shot is crazy. Like first they hurt us with Athena and Bobby's fight and then one second passes and Eddie (my bb) gets shot I'm so confused 😭 anyway I couldn't take it when I saw bucks reaction so I wrote a fix it for me. Also I screen recorded off of an illegal site to make gifs LMAO
masterlist
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You're washing the dishes when the front door opens and closes, footsteps echoing through the hallway and living room - right past the kitchen.
“Eddie?” You call and the steps stop. Instead of the man you'd expected there's your husband, Buck. He looks distraught, eyes bloodshot and lips bitten raw. What the hell happened? He doesn't even really look at you, it's like he's looking through you. “Buck? You okay?”
He licks his lips and blinks a few times but he doesn't reply. He walks straight to Christopher's bedroom, you following after him in confusion and worry. Why was he alone and why did he look like he'd seen a ghost or worse?
He stops before entering Chris’ room, but not to wait for permission to come in but more like hesitancy. He balls his hand into a fist and takes a deep breath before walking in. You take his spot in the doorway and watch with a worried frown as Buck squats down in front of Chris who's sitting on his bed, playing a video game.
“Where's Dad?” Buck looks down and you see him swallow again before he looks into the kids eyes. “He's.. not coming home tonight, Chris.”
Chris seems almost unbothered by it but considering that Eddie had to stay in the hospital overnight almost regularly due to his job, it was a reasonable reaction. But Buck doesn't seem to think the same and shakes his head minimally.
“Did he get hurt? In a fire?” Chris inquires and Buck turns his head to the side and slowly shakes it in negation. Before explaining it he sits down next to Chris and pinches the bridge of his nose, frowning. “No, not- not in a fire.” He takes another deep breath before continuing, “The truth is someone hurt your Dad.”
It's been a while since you've heard his voice so sullen and raspy from crying - probably since the last visit from his parents and that was weeks ago now. You slowly and quietly come into the room as well, standing at the foot of the bed and next to Buck with his back turned to you.
He regards you with a short glance before focusing back on Christopher, confirming his question, “Yeah, a bad guy.”
You see him reach up and wipe under his eyes, frowning in empathy as you put your hand between his shoulder blades and slowly move it up and down in hopes to calm him down a bit.
“Is he gonna be okay?” Chris asks and you're glad he did because you want to know too. Buck looks at him again and nods. “Your Dad is tough. He's a fighter.”
“He's with the doctors now? The ones that fixed you?” Chris inquires and Buck nods. You see the conflict on his face before the ten year old nods, “Then he's gonna be fine.” You hum and Buck glances your way before focusing back on Chris. Just as he's about to say something his phone pings twice and he looks down at it.
Over his shoulder you see the message as well, stemming from Bobby.
Out of surgery. Doctors say it went well.
Your heart basically drops in relief and Bucks seems to as well when his phone drops from his hand and he pretty much caves in, dropping his chin to his chest as he sniffles and exhales deeply.
You thread your hand in his hair and he automatically leans into you, resting against your stomach as he starts to cry. His hands grasp at your hips before his arms wrap around you and he sobs.
“Shh, it's okay, baby. Eddie's gonna be fine. Right, Chris? Your dad's strong.”
The young boy nods and you smile assuringly as he reaches out and wraps his arm around Bucks shoulders to pat his back. You melt at the sight and ruffle his hair which he usually doesn't like - only his dad is allowed to - but now he just looks at you with worry and confusion.
“How about you go and get ready for bed, hm?” It's not a question and it is a reasonable time for him to head to bed anyway, so he complies and slowly walks to the bathroom.
When he's out of earshot you sit next to Buck and let him fully wrap his arms around you and put his head on your chest as he cries. “H-He got shot right in front of me,” he starts with hitching breaths. “He just dropped and his blood was all over me-” he sobs deeply and you kiss his head while trying to process this yourself. He got shot?
“You couldn't have prevented it, love. He's gonna be fine. Eddie survived a lot, he's going to pull through this time, too.” Buck shakes his head and pulls back enough to look at you, blue eyes glossy and chin quivering as he gasps between another sob.
“It shouldn't have been him!” This devastates you and you cup his face in your hands, your worried expression replaced by a stern one. “It shouldn't have been anyone. Not him and not you, either. You hear me?”
He whimpers and you sigh, wiping your thumbs under his eyes and placing a long, soft kiss on his birthmark. “As soon as we can, we'll go visit him. But now you have to be strong, for Christopher. He looks up to you, if he sees you sad he'll be sad, too. Let's get him to bed, and I'll take care of you after.”
You take his hand and put it over your heart, exaggerating your breaths so he could match his and calm down. Right when he does he opens his eyes again and his frown fades enough to only be barely visible. “‘m sorry.”
The shake of your head is immediate, shutting up any further apologies. “No. It's good to let it out. I'm here so you can do exactly that if you need to. I love you, Evan. Nothing's gonna change that.”
He pulls his hand from your chest and tangles it with yours instead, gently kissing your knuckles and then your inner wrist.
He used to hate his name after it reminded him of his parents- of how they treated him. It reminds him of a life where he had to endure pain to receive love and attention.
But when you say it, it makes his heart beat faster in a good way. It makes him want to move on from his trauma or at least learn to deal with it.
And moreover it makes him feel validated. With you, he's not just Buck. He's also vulnerable, emotional and a bit cheesy. He's Evan. Evan, who's had more jobs in more cities than he can count on one hand because he was trying to find his place in the world. Evan, who likes the ocean but has been uneasy around it ever since the tsunami.
You smile lovingly and peck his forehead just as Chris comes back inside. He's wearing some dino pajamas and you ‘ohh’ at him which makes him giggle and turn as if to show off his outfit.
You move up from the bed - Buck going with you and standing at the foot of it - and untuck the bedsheets. “Get in there.” Chris grins and lays down, letting you tuck him in.
“Don't be sad, kid.” He says to Buck, who tries and fails to hide a new round of tears building up in his eyes. You had no clue where and why Chris sometimes calls Buck or even Eddie ‘kid’ but both of them seemed to love it.
“I'm just a bit worried for your Dad. But he'll be fine,” he adds the last part when you glance at him warningly, not wanting Chris to worry, and smiles. “Goodnight, bud.”
You leave his nightlight on and the door open as you leave.
Buck settles on the couch and watches as you approach and stand in front of him.
He leans back into the couch and looks at you with those puppy dog eyes that make you melt every single time he looks at you. Damn him and his beautiful eyes.
“I'm really scared. I don't know what I would do without him… when he laid there and looked at me, I-” he inhales sharply and looks at his hands, picking at his nails and reopening an old abrasion in the process.
You take his hand into each of yours to stop him and sigh, “I think you're gonna have to move from monthly sessions to biweekly, babe.” You know his therapy has been helping him a lot and you're glad he's working on coping with his trauma, but this addition is going to complicate not just his home life but also work - especially when Eddie comes back.
He groans and pulls you down until you're sitting on his lap, knees on either side of his thighs and his hands on your hips. “I appreciate your help, lovie, but just let me try and rest a little right now, please?”
You smile and card a hand through hair, moving to get off his lap so he could get comfortable on the couch. “Where do you think you're going?” He huffs and you're pushed onto your back before he's leaning over you, laying between your legs.
“You're gonna use me as your pillow?” You prompt and he nods, laying his head on your shoulder and nuzzling his nose into your neck and against your pulse point. You're familiar with his constant search for proof that you're alive and well; you supposed it comes from not just the job but his abandonment issues, too.
It didn't matter to you though, as long as you got to hold him at the end of the day you'd let him maneuver you into whatever way made him happy.
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wosoamazing · 5 months ago
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Different but not weird
McFoord x Child!R
Everything in italics is sign language.
Warnings: Mention of premature birth (corrected ages - nothing in depth), hearing loss, cochlear implants A/N: Not proof read properly and this is probably boring but yeah, hope you like it. (Also thank you to @alotofpockets for the help in coming up with an idea for this fic)
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You were still in the NICU when Katie and Caitlin adopted you, having signed up for fostering to adopt just days before they met you. When the phone call began with “We know it may not be what you’re looking for and it might be a lot to take on,” they were hesitant, agreeing to just meet you and not agreeing to anything yet, wanting to see you and talk to the doctors and nurses to get more of a background on you. However you stole their hearts when they met you and they decided on that day they were going to adopt you. You were very small and spent quite some time in the NICU after they signed up to foster you. There were some concerns over your hearing during your time in the NICU, you had failed your AOAE and all subsequent tests. They thought it was possible it was because you were a premie and that maybe it would improve, however it didn’t, it stayed the same. So at 6 months (corrected age) you underwent surgery to have cochlear implants placed, before undergoing speech therapy.
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“Ears” your Mum asked as you furiously shook your head, “Where did you put them?” she sighed. The most expensive item you owned by far was ‘lost’ somewhere on camp. 
“Looking for these?” One of the physios said as she walked up behind Caitlin, causing your Mum to jump slightly, “Oh story didn’t mean to scare you. She handed them to me during training and told me to hold onto them, and not lose them because you would get mad,”
“Thank you,” you Mum sighed as she took them, you were at an age now where you had started realising you were different. You had noticed how the other kids didn’t have to wear things on the back of their ears, with wires that connected to magnets that stuck on their head, and your Mum had a slight suspicion that another kid at preschool had said something to you about them.
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“Why don’t you want to wear your ears?” Your Mum asked you as she sat down next to you, you were now sitting at the small table in the empty common room as you coloured in.
“Weird,” you replied.
“Do you think they make you weird?” she questioned further, and you nodded, “why do you think that? Because they definitely don’t,” you just looked at her blankly, “Did someone at school say something?” you nodded your head at her slightly, before grabbing your ears to put them back on.
“Said it was weird I had magnets on my head, started to stick things to them when I didn’t have my ears on,” you told her.
“That’s not right, did you tell your teacher? He shouldn’t have done that, next time anyone says something hurtful about your ears you need to tell one of your teachers or at least me or Ma okay,” you nodded, “and you absolutely need to tell a trusted adult when someone is touching your body without your permission and in ways that make you feel uncomfortable okay?” she told you with a sterner voice this time, causing some tears to fall from your eyes, “hey chook, you have no reason to be upset, you’ve done nothing wrong, do you want to have an ear break for the rest of the day? You can put them back on whenever you want, but you can absolutely take them out if you want to, like you always can, you just need to make sure you tell me or Ma when you do so,” you nodded before taking the magnets off your head and handing them to your Mum.
_____
“Hey, y/n/n, how is my best buddy going?” Macca exclaimed as she entered the common room, before looking at Caitlin when you didn’t respond, your Mum had done individual training today so they hadn’t seen you yet.
“She can't hear you,” your Mum sighed.
“Oh, is there something going on?” the goalkeeper asked as she sat down next to your MUm, sensing her worry.
“A kid at her preschool told her she was weird because she had magnets stuck to her head, and then apparently when she hasn’t been wearing her implants, he has been sticking things to her head. I am just honestly so mad that the school hasn’t noticed the fact someone is doing this to her, but also that they clearly haven’t properly explained to the kids what they are and how they help even though they told us they would. I just don’t know what to do, I can't force her to wear them but when so few people can communicate with her at things like tomorrow if she doesn’t wear them, I almost have to make her wear them.”
“What if I spoke to her, showed her that I have things to help me hear too. Would that help?” 
“Maybe, are you sure though?” “Of course Cait, I’m here to help, and this is something I would love to help her with, it took me a while to be comfortable with it and so I can’t imagine what it’s like as a kid finding your sense of self and with kids teasing you,”
“Is it alright if I call Katie while you talk to her? I need to tell her,” 
“Of course, I’ve got chook, don’t worry.”
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“Katie, do you have time to talk? It’s important,”
“Of course Cait, just give me a sec and I’ll go up to my room. How was training today?”
“Yeah good, it was just me, just as a precaution but yeah,”
“Okay, I’m in my room now, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“We need to move y/n preschools and have a serious conversation with our current preschool. She took her ears off during training and when I asked why she didn’t want to wear them she told me they are weird. Some kid at preschool has said she is weird for having magnets on her head and he has been sticking things to her head when she hasn’t had her ears on,”
“What, no that's wrong, we’re moving her and putting in a complaint, how haven't they seen it happen, they surely can’t be supervising correctly.” Katie paused, “Shit, Cait, I’m so fucking sorry, I need to go, I forgot we had an extra team meeting today. But I promise you, we will talk this through further and we will fix this for her.” Katie said before she hung up and proceeded to message Steph to see if she could check on Caitlin.
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“Mummy, did you know Macca has hearing aids! She’s so cool, does that mean I’m cool?” you asked as you saw Steph and your Mum enter the room.
“You are always cool chook. No matter what anyone else thinks. You will always be cool and amazing and perfect,” She told you as she picked you up.“I’m sorry for not telling you and Ma and for making you worried and upset. I promise I’ll tell you next time.” “It’s okay chook. I love you so much, never forget that.” She told you as she held you slightly tighter and you buried your head in her neck.
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dovesdreaming · 2 months ago
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Beneath the surface
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Summary: After nearly knocking her to the floor Alex finally takes notice of the new intern and becomes interested with her despite her quiet nature. (2.8k words)
Requested
Masterlist
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Seattle Grace was chaotic on a good day, and today was anything but good. The ER was packed, and Alex was already over it, feeling the familiar irritation building in his chest as he stalked through the hospital corridors. He had patients to deal with, charts piling up, and he was pretty sure someone had taken the last cup of coffee in the break room. As he turned the corner, he almost ran straight into someone a figure with a lab coat far too big for her frame, clutching a stack of files like her life depended on it. She stumbled back, her eyes wide with panic. “Watch it!” Alex snapped out of reflex, his mood getting the best of him. But then he actually looked at her.
She was new, he could tell. Probably an intern, though she barely looked like she belonged in a hospital at all. She had soft features and the most nervous expression he’d ever seen. Her hands fidgeted with the files, and she looked like she wanted to disappear into the floor. “I’m so sorry!” she managed to get out, her voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t mean to-uh, I’m just-I’ll move-“ Alex raised an eyebrow, his annoyance fading into something else. He wasn’t used to seeing people this timid around here. Most of the interns were cocky, desperate to prove themselves. This one? She looked like she’d rather hide in a broom closet than face another minute of hospital chaos.
“What’s your name?” Alex asked, his tone less sharp than usual. “Y/N” she said quickly, blinking up at him. “I just started last week. I’m still figuring things out”. He could tell. She was still clutching the files like they were going to escape, and she wasn’t meeting his gaze for more than a second at a time. Alex was used to being intimidating, but something about her made him dial it back, just a little. “Yeah, well, you might want to figure out where you’re going before you run into people” he said, but the edge in his voice was gone. “What department are you in?” “I’m supposed to be in pediatrics today” she said, glancing down at the files as if they might hold the answer. “But I got lost, and-” “Peds?” Alex interrupted, suddenly interested. “That’s my department. Come on, I’ll show you where it is”.
“Her eyes widened in surprise, and she nodded quickly, scurrying after him as he led the way. Alex wasn’t sure why he’d offered to help, but something about her made him want to keep an eye on her. She looked too fragile, too sweet for a place like Seattle Grace. And for some reason, he didn’t want her to get chewed up by the hospital like so many others.
Over the next few weeks, Y/N kept popping up in Alex’s orbit. She was quiet, always doing her work with a shy determination, never drawing attention to herself. Most of the time, she was shadowing other attendings, but every now and then, Alex would catch her watching him, her eyes wide with curiosity. He couldn’t help but notice the way she treated her patients, especially the kids. She was gentle, kind, always smiling softly as she spoke to them. It was the kind of bedside manner Alex knew he didn’t have, but it was also the kind that worked. The kids loved her, and even the parents seemed to relax when she was around.
One day, after a particularly long surgery, Alex found her in the break room, sitting in a corner with a cup of tea and a medical textbook. She looked up when he walked in, her eyes widening slightly as if she hadn’t expected anyone else to be there. “Hey” Alex said, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting across from her. He didn’t know why he sat down, but there was something calming about her presence. “How’s it going?” “Oh, um, good” she replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. “Just, you know… studying”. “Yeah, I can see that”. Alex took a sip of his coffee, eyeing her over the rim of his cup. “You’ve been in peds a lot lately”. She nodded, her cheeks turning pink under his scrutiny. “I like working with the kids. They’re… easier to talk to, I guess”. Alex raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Easier than the attendings?” She let out a soft laugh, the sound like music to his ears. “Sometimes”. For the first time, she seemed to relax a little, her shoulders loosening as they sat in companionable silence. Alex was used to small talk, to people trying to impress him or challenge him, but Y/N didn’t seem to be interested in any of that. She was content to just sit there, sipping her tea and reading her book. It was..nice.
The more Alex saw of Y/N, the more he found himself drawn to her. There was something about the way she moved through the hospital, quietly competent but never cocky, that intrigued him. She was nothing like the people he usually gravitated toward, but maybe that was exactly why he couldn’t get her out of his head. One afternoon, after a particularly tough case involving a young girl with a chronic illness, Alex found Y/N sitting by the window in the peds ward. The sunlight streamed through the glass, casting a soft glow on her as she stared out at the city below. “Hey” Alex said, walking over and leaning against the wall beside her. “You alright?” She looked up at him, her eyes filled with an emotion he couldn’t quite place. “It’s just… hard sometimes, you know?” Alex knew exactly what she meant. Pediatrics could be brutal. You got attached to the kids, and sometimes, no matter what you did, it wasn’t enough.
“Yeah” he said quietly, his voice softer than usual. “It is”. They stood in silence for a moment, the weight of the day pressing down on both of them. Alex wasn’t used to talking about this stuff, he usually kept his walls up, kept his emotions locked away. But something about Y/N made him feel like he didn’t have to. Like she wouldn’t judge him for having a bad day, for caring too much.
“I don’t know how you do it” Y/N said after a while, her voice barely a whisper. “You’re so strong. I feel like I’m always on the verge of falling apart”. Alex glanced at her, surprised by the raw honesty in her voice. “You’re stronger than you think” he said, his tone firm. “You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t”. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and vulnerable. For a moment, Alex thought she might cry, but instead, she smiled a soft, shy smile that made his heart skip a beat “Thanks” she whispered, and Alex felt something inside him shift.
It wasn’t long before everyone in the hospital started noticing the change in Alex. He was still his usual sarcastic, tough self, but there was a new softness to him, a gentleness that hadn’t been there before. And it didn’t take long for people to figure out why. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with the new intern” Meredith remarked one afternoon, her voice teasing as she leaned against the nurses’ station. “Something you want to share?” Alex shot her a look, but there was no heat behind it. “She’s just..different”. “Different, huh?” Meredith smirked. “Alex Karev has a crush on the sweet, shy intern. Who would’ve thought?”He rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t deny it. Y/N was different, and the more time he spent with her, the more he realized just how much she meant to him. It wasn’t just that she was sweet, or shy, or that she had a way with the kids. It was the way she saw the world, quietly, thoughtfully, with a kindness that Alex had never really experienced before. She made him feel like he didn’t have to be the tough guy all the time, like it was okay to just be… himself.And that was something Alex hadn’t felt in a long time.
One evening, after a long shift, Alex found Y/N sitting outside the hospital, her face tilted up toward the fading sunlight. He sat down beside her, their shoulders brushing as they watched the sky change from orange to pink. “Long day?” he asked, his voice low. “Yeah” she replied softly. “But it’s getting better”. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, the world fading away as the sun dipped below the horizon. For once, Alex didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with words. Being with Y/N was enough. And as he sat there, feeling her warmth beside him, Alex realized something: he didn’t want to keep her at arm’s length anymore.
“Y/N” he said quietly, turning to look at her. “I like spending time with you”. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise. “You do?” Alex nodded, feeling a little unsteady, but he was never one to shy away from saying what he meant. “Yeah, I do. You’re… different from anyone I’ve met before. In a good way”.
Y/N’s cheeks flushed pink, and she glanced down, her fingers playing nervously with the hem of her scrub top. “I… I like spending time with you too” she admitted, her voice soft but sincere. “I didn’t think you’d even notice me, honestly”. Alex frowned, confused by her words. “Why wouldn’t I notice you?” She shrugged, still not looking up. “I’m not exactly… outgoing or confident. I just figured someone like you wouldn’t-well, wouldn’t be interested in someone like me”. Alex shifted closer, leaning in so that their knees were almost touching. “What do you mean, ‘someone like me’? You’re a great doctor, and you’re good with the kids. Who cares if you’re not loud or whatever?”
Y/N finally looked up, her eyes searching his. “It’s just… you’re so confident, Alex. You’re tough. I’m nothing like that”. Alex let out a small laugh, but there was no mockery in it, just a hint of disbelief. “You think I’m confident? Half the time, I’m just winging it, same as everyone else”. Her eyes softened, like she was seeing him in a new light. “But you don’t seem like it. You always look like you have everything under control”.
“Yeah, well, that’s just a mask” Alex said, his voice lowering as he leaned back against the bench. “I didn’t grow up with a lot of control, so I learned how to fake it. Doesn’t mean I don’t have my own doubts”. Y/N seemed to process that for a moment, her brow furrowing in thought. “I didn’t know…” Alex shrugged, not wanting to get too deep into his past, but he didn’t mind sharing a little with her. “Everyone’s got stuff they don’t talk about. But you-” he paused, glancing at her with a small smile, “-you don’t need to pretend to be anything you’re not. You’re perfect just the way you are”.
Y/N smiled, shy but more sure of herself now. “I don’t think anyone’s ever told me that before”. “Well, they should have” Alex said, his voice firm. “You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. I like you, Y/N. And I mean like you. I just… wasn’t sure how to tell you”. Y/N blinked, and for a moment, Alex wondered if he’d gone too far, if he’d made her uncomfortable. But then her face lit up with a shy, beautiful smile, the kind that made something inside him soften. “I like you too, Alex” she whispered, her voice barely audible but carrying enough weight to make his heart race. “I just didn’t think you’d feel the same”. Alex let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Well, now you know”. For a moment, they just sat there, looking at each other. There was something easy about it, something that made Alex feel like he didn’t have to put up his usual walls. He didn’t need to act tough or pretend he didn’t care. Y/N saw through all of that, and she liked him anyway. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t going to question it. “So” Y/N said after a while, her voice hesitant but hopeful, “what happens now?” Alex chuckled softly, his usual cockiness slipping back in, but this time it was gentler, more genuine. “Well, now that we’ve got the awkward confessions out of the way, I’m thinking we could, you know… see where this goes”. She nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I’d like that”.
After that night, things shifted between them. It wasn’t sudden or dramatic, Alex wasn’t the kind of guy who’d show up with grand gestures or make big, romantic speeches. But he was there, in the little moments. He’d walk with her between rounds, steal moments in the break room, and sometimes, when they were alone, he’d brush a hand across her back in a way that sent a shiver down her spine. At first, it was subtle enough that no one seemed to notice, but it wasn’t long before people started talking. Meredith gave Alex a knowing look when she saw him lingering around Y/N a little longer than necessary, and even Cristina, who usually didn’t care about anyone’s personal life, raised an eyebrow when she saw them leaving the hospital together one evening.
“You two?” she’d said flatly, gesturing between them. Alex rolled his eyes. “Yeah, so what?” Cristina shrugged, clearly uninterested. “Nothing. Just didn’t think you’d go for someone so… sweet”. Y/N blushed, and Alex glared at Cristina, but there was no real malice in it. “Yeah, well, not everyone’s a robot like you”. Cristina smirked and walked away without another word, but Alex could see the way Y/N’s cheeks were still flushed from embarrassment. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Ignore her. She doesn’t get it”. Y/N smiled up at him, her nervousness fading. “I think I’m starting to”.
As their relationship deepened, Alex found himself letting Y/N into parts of his life he usually kept locked away. He didn’t open up easily, but with her, it felt different. She didn’t push, didn’t demand more than he was willing to give. She just… understood. And somehow, that made it easier to be around her. They spent late nights together, either in the hospital or grabbing takeout when they both had time off. Alex would tease her when she got flustered, and she’d laugh in that quiet way of hers that made him want to hear it again and again. The thing that surprised Alex the most, though, was how much she challenged him. For all her shyness, Y/N wasn’t afraid to stand her ground when it came to her patients. He saw a fierceness in her when she thought someone wasn’t getting the care they deserved, and that fire was something Alex admired.
“You’re not as shy as people think you are” he told her one evening, as they sat on the couch in his apartment, her head resting on his shoulder. She smiled softly, her fingers tracing patterns on his hand. “I guess I’m not. You make me feel..more confident”. Alex smirked, squeezing her hand. “Good. Because you’re pretty damn amazing when you show it”. Y/N blushed, and Alex leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.
Eventually, word got out about them. It was bound to happen in a hospital like Seattle Grace. But to Alex’s surprise, he didn’t care. He usually hated being the center of gossip, but when it came to Y/N, he wasn’t interested in hiding. One afternoon, they were walking out of the hospital together, and Alex could feel the eyes of a few nurses on them. He glanced down at Y/N, noticing the way she fidgeted slightly under the scrutiny. “You okay?” he asked, slowing his pace. Y/N nodded, though her expression was still shy. “Yeah, it’s just… people are staring”. Alex stopped walking, turning to face her. “Let them. I don’t care what they think. I’m with you”. Her eyes widened slightly at his words, but then she smiled a bright, genuine smile that made Alex’s heart skip a beat. “I’m with you too”. And that was all that mattered.
As the weeks turned into months, Alex found himself falling deeper for Y/N. She wasn’t like anyone he’d ever been with before, and that scared him a little. But it also made him feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time, hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, he could have something good. Something real. And as they stood there, hand in hand outside Seattle Grace, Alex realized that for once, he wasn’t afraid of letting someone in. Because with Y/N, it didn’t feel like a risk. It felt like coming home.
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