#and that dieting and exercise will fix everything
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the thing is that it will literally be fine if I have to retake a phys ed course. but also it will be hell because I don't Want to
#frankie fucks about#missed too much yoga this sem and now im gonna die✌️✌️ i have a meeting w her tomorrow#whwre i have to basically be like “sorry im disabled in the exact waya that make the way you structure this class active difficult ”#AND shes one of those' Exercise will fix everything wrong with you/you just have a bad diet 'ppl#so she WONT be sympathetic to my carpal tunnel making me not want to do this more than i have to and adhd making the consequences not feel#real until i was told im NOF ALLOWED TO MAKE UP IN MAY.#im gonna die. is my point
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got hit with extreme fatigue yesterday and it's still coasting into today so wahoo!
#went to bed at 2pm and slept until 8am#and still I am tired#had to make food tho! my fiance very kindly brought me toast at like midnight but yeah not a meal#so blog may be a bit quieter (the yapping continues until I'm dead however)#me a fool: I'm not chronically ill in any way my body just shuts down randomly#like idk if a better diet and exercise would fix All This lmao#got double whammied by a bad stomach day on top of the fatigue so the fact I existed at all yesterday was a miracle#also wtf is going On with tumblr today everything is spitting out errors or lagging#is it comcast or the site itself??
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introducing…. nfl!rafe
back to basics!! (physical)
height: 6”3/6”4, type of man to be considerably taller than you and use it to his advantage
build: 220lbs, biceps the size of your head, inverted triangle, lean yet muscular, elbows and knees always scarred despite wearing pads.
age: mid to late 20s, in the prime of his career (quarterback)
looks!! (specific)
tattoos/piercings: one ear pierced on a drunken night out after winning his first superbowl, tattoos scattered up his arms, important dates (your birthday, marriage, children, first and second superbowl)
signatures: always has his team’s cap, wearing it whichever way, it’s a must. doesn’t like jumpers, hates restriction on his arms, tanks and t-shirts are his go to - even in winter. might see him wearing a quarter zip, but the man’s a walking furnace. doesn’t wear his superbowl ring, has it on a chain around his neck instead.
personality
playful: very unserious with you, his son, his family - on the offseason only. the brief months of relaxation is the softest version of him. building forts. food fights. ball in the backyard.
strategic: does this for a living. how to visit each family member without them getting mad/jealous because he went to someone else first. how to get your son to be as good at football as him. how to get your daughter into sports. what order to do chores for the best outcomes - you don’t even understand half of it. watching tv? game of thrones? best believe he’s plotting how to get the iron throne.
protective: his life is in the spotlight, he’s faced stalkers, and paparazzi, hate crimes and people who would want to hurt his family. he’s always on high alert. he’s a designated full body shield when you guys go out, clutching his son’s hand and arm around you while you shield your daughter’s face from the flashes. even at home, away from anyone, he’s protective. no one says a bad word about you, no one hurts his kids at school, it’s the type of thing that makes his heart rate spike through the roof.
competitive: he won’t stand for sluggish behaviour from his teammates, he needs to win, needs to be the best. sports day hates to see him coming - his son does too. pressure on his son to be good at sports which you have to remind him isn’t everything so he eases back.
active: always training. always working. he can be jokey while on his offseason but that doesn’t mean his physique can lose itself. he’s in his prime, he’ll stay that way. if he’s done his exercise? he’ll fix stuff around the house, clean up, do basic chores and turn it into a sprint race, trying to tick them off the list as fast as he can (competitiveness) and then getting restless again. he’ll even make you go for a walk with him, or swing your daughter around in the backyard, maybe play ball with your son.
likes
energy drinks and protein bars. they’re his staple diet inbetween breaks and he can’t fault them, even if he crashes later on - at least it’ll be after the match.
when you cook for him. packed lunches with little sticky notes that he collects while he’s touring. hearty meals at home, daughter picking out all the carrots and giving it to him and son trying to match his eating pace.
reading bedtime stories to your daughter, and telling your son inspiring stories from his career. mundane stuff normal dads do. he likes feeling normal.
seeing you in the family box. respectful fans who love you as much as they love him. the way you run down to the pitch after a big match or even a loss, supporting him no matter what.
when you wear his jersey as pyjamas, lacy underwear underneath and hair all done like you’re going somewhere important. but you’re really only going into his arms.
dislikes
laziness. men on the pitch who give up because they think they’ve lost. they don’t lose until full time.
you receiving any ounce of disrespect from the media, family or kids. you’ve prioritised his career from the very start, supported him throughout, it’s his turn to prioritise you now.
players who cheat on their wives. it happens all the time, and it disgusts him. loyalty is everything.
family & people-specific hcs
you: met in high school, he didn’t go college to fulfil his dream and you went to uni, but graduated and didn’t work, starting a family with him.
– always tells you to work, encourages you to do what you want but you find it too difficult to do so with kids
– pet names for you: sweetheart/cheeks, gorgeous (flirty) baby, wifey & luck (when he’s got a big game)
– pet names for him: big guy (teasing manner), baby, handsome, ray
son: is a little tough on him, expectations to take care of his sister and respect his momma, but if his son knew how much rafe cried when he was first born.
– plays ball with him in the backyard, nurtured him into sports early on and is ever so proud of him.
– names: little man, son (instead of his name), football (because he carries him like one)
daughter: looks like you and he adores her. he might carry his son like a football and rough handle him, but he carries her like she’s gonna break. she’s three years younger than he brother, two years old.
– plays shop or dress up with her. will always attend her tea parties. takes photos of you and her while you’re baking or the first time she attends a match.
– names: little lady (matching her brother), sweet girl, sweetie
#rafe cameron#drew starkey#drew x reader#rafe fanfiction#rafe fic#rafe imagine#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe x female!mc#rafe x reader#nfl!rafe#quarterback#rafe x oc#rafe#rafe x you#rafe smut#outerbanks rafe#rafe cameron prompt#rafe cameron x yn#rafe cameron headcanons#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron x reader#obx fic#obx fanfiction#fanfic#rafe headcanons#writing#writers on tumblr
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HEALTH SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST! PRIORITISING HEALTH BEFORE EVERYTHING ELSE TO LOOK GOOD + FEEL GOOD.
People always leave out the basics when it comes to trying to improve their looks. Prioritising health is so important before going in and tempering with your body. Your base is what you work with and you can definitely level up with what you've got naturally.
DIET
Your diet also depends on what your goals are. Someone who wants to build muscle will obviously eat differently from someone who just eats relatively healthy. So identify what your goals are and work your meals around that.
Here are some videos to give you a better insight: HOW I LOSE FAT AND KEEP IT OFF MEANS, WORKOUTS + EVERYTHING ELSE PROTEIN EXPLAINED, STRENGTH, MUSCLES, FAT LOSS & ENDURANCE HOW METABOLISM WORKS
Diet not only makes you feel better from the inside, but it also reflects on your outside. Your skin is a huge display of how you eat.
When you consume junk food, it can show up on your skin as breakouts or dullness. Your skin is one massive organ which soaks up everything put onto it and reflects everything you put inside your body. Fix the problem from the inside before getting confused about why your skincare routine isn't working.
FITNESS
Again, your fitness will differentiate from your goals. So work out your goals and make a plan around that. There are so many forms of fitness, some more intense than others and with different results. Working out in general is good for you, our bodies are meant to move. So even if you don't have a goal, staying active is always recommended.
HOW TO CREATE THE PERFECT WORKOUT PLAN
THE BEST WAY TO GAIN MUSCLE, SCIENCE EXPLAINED SIMPLY
Low-intensity workouts:
Yoga: Focuses on flexibility, strength, and relaxation through various poses and breathing techniques.
Pilates: A low-impact exercise method that strengthens muscles, improves flexibility, and enhances posture.
Walking: Simple yet effective, walking is a great way to improve cardiovascular health and boost mood without high impact.
Swimming: Provides a full-body workout with minimal stress on joints, making it ideal for people with joint issues or injuries.
High-intensity workouts:
HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training): Alternates between short bursts of intense exercise and brief recovery periods to maximize calorie burn and improve cardiovascular fitness.
CrossFit: Combines elements of weightlifting, interval training, gymnastics, and other exercises to build strength, endurance, and overall fitness.
Sprinting: Short, explosive bursts of running at maximum effort, often performed in intervals for cardiovascular conditioning and leg muscle strength.
Circuit Training: Involves moving through a series of exercises targeting different muscle groups with minimal rest in between, combining strength training and cardiovascular exercise.
These are just a few examples, but there are plenty of other workout styles out there to explore depending on your preferences and fitness goals. Walking every day is just a simple way to stay toned.
SLEEP
Sleeping is important for rest and recovery after workouts and energy-consuming activities. Sleep is needed for the brain to function, mood regulation and performance + productivity. Lack of sleep deprives you of all of these things, so getting your beauty sleep is absolutely needed.
School-age children (6-13 years): 9-11 hours per day.
Teenagers (14-17 years): 8-10 hours per day.
Young adults (18-25 years): 7-9 hours per day.
Adults (26-64 years): 7-9 hours per day.
HYGIENE
Upkeeping good hygiene is always needed anyway. Making sure you are clean (smelling good is a plus). Make sure you always wash your hands and take daily showers to remove any dirt on your body (clean those feet and your back well, don't forget them!). Taking care of your oral health must not be forgotten. Oil pulling and brushing your tongue for a healthy mouth. Make sure your hair is also getting the attention to keep it as healthy as you possibly can make it (this also depends on diet). Doing the extra things like spending time on your nails (making sure there isn't that stuff underneath them), making them pretty.
BODY CARE ROUTINE | FOR SMOOTH & GLOWING SKIN, TREATING KERATOSIS PILARIS, SHOWER ROUTINE
ENVIRONMENT
Having a stress-free environment is obviously the best to thrive in. But clearly not even being lucky enough to live like that constantly. So make sure you have that space to be on your own and have some alone time to really recharge. Keeping your space clean for a clear mind. Surround yourself with like-minded people and really set boundaries for those who prey on your mental clarity (energy vampires). Spending time in nature is one of the best ways to detach, rest time should not equal spending time on your devices. Let go and truly let yourself decompress. Mental health will improve how you carry yourself.
EMBODY YOUR POTENTIAL.
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Would you miss me in the end, if I ran out of oxygen?
꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎
Pairing: Han X gn reader
Summary: The battle between you and chronic fatigue leads you down a dark lonely path.
Genre: Angst with a happy ending
Word Count: 2.2K
Trigger warning: Depression, loneliness, feeling isolated due to a chronic illness, mentions of suicide and falling from a large height.
Suicide/depression resources
_ _ _
Your own body suffocated you. Your brain tightened a noose around your neck. As you laid in your bed and stared at the wall, you couldn’t move. Burnout and lack of motivation took your soul captive a long time ago.
Things just didn’t seem worth it anymore. You knew you were loved. You knew people rooted for you. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t that you felt unlovable and worthless. You knew people cared about you. You knew you were loved so much, but your brain couldn’t get with the program. You couldn’t pull yourself from the slump you found yourself in.
Living life took so much energy and you hadn’t had that energy for a while. Fatigue took you over with every little action. You thought a trip to the doctor’s could clear it up, but when the chronic fatigue diagnosis hit, it didn’t make you feel better. Your own body fought against you and nothing could fix it.
You tried to change your diet for a few months. You forced yourself to exercise when you wanted to lay in your bed. You wanted to be active. You wanted to join your boyfriend in a variety of ways, but you never had the energy. Sleep called to you. Exhaustion gripped your bones.
No amount of supplements helped. Taking naps throughout the day left you feeling the same, if not, somewhat worse than how you felt before succumbing to them. You tried sleeping pills, but when you woke up, the fatigue clamped on.
Day in and day out, it loomed overhead like a shadow. With so much fatigue, it snowballed into so much more. You couldn’t hold a full-time job. The last time you tried, you were fired for nodding off in the middle of the work day. You tried working part-time, but it left you feeling exhausted by the time you got home.
Everything piled up and the dishes went unwashed. The dirty laundry piled up. These things weren’t that difficult and you knew how to do them, but you couldn’t get your body to keep up. Life turned into a constant half-awake and half-asleep battle.
Your boyfriend made enough money for the two of you. He loved you and supporting you, it didn’t bother him, but it bothered you. You felt useless and unlovable. Without being able to do anything without the waves of fatigue, you felt useless.
Normal people don’t feel like they climbed a mountain in the middle of washing dishes. They don’t nearly collapse after switching the damp laundry to dryers. You tried so hard to keep the house cleaned, but your body and brain ran on two different circuits. What you wanted, it wasn’t what your brain wanted. The motivation you seeked, your brain seeped it dry.
You tried drowning the fatigue in four shots of espressos and energy drinks. You felt okay for a few minutes and then the go faded away. Your motivation dwindled once again. You crashed from a mixture of caffeine withdrawals and the crippling fatigue.
Doctors supplied different options for you. You went to doctor after doctor searching for the cure, but the truth? It doesn’t exist. It’s not so simple. You learned it grew pointless. Your attempts turned futile and your mindset darkened.
A stranger in the shell of your own body. You studied the creases on your hands. The colored veins running through your arms and fingers. You didn’t think it was fair. Why could other people function normally, but not you? It felt like a curse.
Feeling so useless, it made you feel more and more depressed. You couldn’t find the motivation for anything. You used your body to warm the bed more than anything. Nothing else seemed to work. You were good for becoming Han’s personal heater and nothing else.
Your thoughts grew darker and darker. Somewhere without light and into a deep void.
Maybe you didn't amount to anything in this life. If you lived the days barely being able to do anything, what was the point? How could you stay here and entertain the nothingness? You were miserable.
When those thoughts first appeared, you pushed them down. You had to. Death was no joke. Once it was done, it was done. Permanent and forever. You couldn’t take it back.
Your birthday broke the camel’s back. Somewhere between the color party streamers and the cake decorated with bright colors, your world dampened. Smiles all around and yet, you felt hollow on the inside.
You blew out the candles, hoping for a reason to keep living, but it never came. Before you could open presents, you had to disappear into the bedroom you shared with Han. Tucked beneath mauve sheets, nestled into a duck feather pillow, you fell asleep. By the time you woke up, everyone disappeared. Past midnight, your afternoon nap grew so long, the guests left.
Han’s eyes shut on the couch. With one leg off and another on, he passed out there because he didn’t want to bother you. Your gifts sat unopened on the coffee table. The cake remained untouched on the kitchen counter. The candles sat on top, but nobody dug in.
Shiny pieces of confetti coated the floor. Distress plucked at your heart. All you wanted was a good time between your friends and family, but your brain wouldn’t even allow that. Chronic fatigue took away everything. Your love. Your hope. Your happiness. It took away everything good and you were so tired of it.
Through teary eyes, you slipped back upstairs. You didn’t stop climbing until you reached the attic window. You shoved open the window and crawled out into the darkened night.
The way the roof sat, you could reach it with ease. You crawled out, pawing at the tiles, trying to push yourself from the heavy oppression in the house. You’d done this a million times before. When you were alone and needed to think, you’d come out here and let your brain float.
Tether yourself to daydreams and forget the hurt. Forget how much your body betrayed you. You’d forget how lonely your disease made you feel. You’d forget it all. Instead, you’d daydream of space. Life on another planet, in another body; an alien entity. One where you were never this tired. One where you could live like you were meant to live.
Your desperation for a breath of fresh air grew flawed. Through your tears, your grip remained unsteady. Not to mention, the rain showers from earlier didn’t help. The tiles were soaked with water. You thought you had it. You thought you were almost there, but you weren’t.
Han jerked upright with wide eyes. The sound of a scream pulled him from the depths of sleep. The only light in the living room, the small night light hooked into the bottom outlet. You both used it when you woke up thirsty.
He bolted from the couch and rushed upstairs to your shared room, but the bed laid empty. The blankets twisted and your pillow pushed to the side, but you weren’t there.
“Baby?” He called out, hurrying back into the hallway. He looked around until he spotted the attic ladder perched on the hardwood floor. “Oh no,” he whispered.
By the time he rushed up the ladder, you were already two stories below. Unconscious, your body didn’t move. His head poked out the window and he froze. Beneath the light of the crescent moon, you laid still and unmoving.
For those first few seconds, he couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t move. He knew you struggled with your fatigue, but to the point where you’d willingly jump? He struggled to wrap his head around it.
A clap of thunder caused him to jump. The back of his head slammed against the open window. He screamed your name and flew downstairs. The entire time, he prayed for a miracle.
“Sir, are you there? Sir? Sir? What’s going on? Sir?”
He struggled through tears while talking to the emergency operator. He didn’t dare move you, unsure if you obtained a spinal or neck injury. You were breathing, but the relief that it provided him, it wasn’t much. So much could go wrong.
A list of potential issues and injuries ran through his head. He explained everything to the emergency operator, including your struggle with chronic fatigue. Once the words were out, the operator’s voice silenced for a few moments.
To both of them, your actions seemed obvious.
_ _ _
Your eyes fluttered open with a groan. Something pressed against the base of your neck. You could breathe, but it was a struggle. Han’s boba eyes appeared a few inches from yours.
“You’d really leave me like that?” Irritation from crying and rubbing his eyes left them red. “Without a good-bye? On your birthday?”
“Huh?”
“The attic window was opened. You jumped, didn’t you? You jumped and instead of telling me that you were struggling so much, you-”
“No,” your head shook. “I climbed out to look at the moon. I was upset that I slept through my party. I went out to think. I didn’t mean to fall, I swear.”
Han didn’t know what to think. Tears pricked his eyes once more. Whether you fell or purposefully jumped, it didn’t matter. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“What’s on my neck?”
“A neck brace. You sprained your neck and broke a few ribs. You’ll be fine in a few weeks. The doctors have suggested bed rest for you.”
“Just fucking peachy,” you mumbled. “More laying in bed, just like I’ve always wanted.”
Han winced at your words and gently squeezed your hand. “It won’t be so bad. I took time off of work, so I’ll be there with you. You won’t be alone.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better. I feel like I’m ruining your life as it is.”
“Why do you think that?”
Anger swept over you. “I can’t do anything without getting tired. What’s the point of living if I can’t do anything? I’m practically useless!”
“Did you jump or fall?”
Did you? Tears filled your eyes. Maybe it was a mix of both. Maybe you fell, but you knew your actions were reckless. Maybe you wanted it to look like you fell, but you hoped you’d die in the fall.
“I don’t know,” you finally admitted.
Han shut his eyes. Tears slipped out beneath his long dark lashes. “The doctor is admitting you here for observation. Since they think you purposely tried to end your life, you can’t willingly leave for so long. You’ll have to talk to a therapist and-”
“That’s stupid,” you whispered. “I don’t want to talk to a therapist. I want to go home and rot in bed again. I want to leave.”
“Baby,” he uttered. He brought your hand to his cheek. “I know you’re upset and this is a struggle, but I think you need to talk to someone. You’re not happy. I know you’re not happy and I try to help you, but I don’t know how.”
“I can’t fix your fatigue. I wish I could. I’d trade places with you, if I could. You can’t keep suffering like this. You don’t want to talk about your true feelings with me. If you want to start trying to live, you have to take the first steps into trying to find a routine and trying to get better.”
You opened your mouth, but he continued. “I know you’re going to say it’s pointless. I know it’s going to be hard. You can’t change your condition, but I love you. People want you here. You have to try. Please try.”
It shattered your heart to hear him plead for your fight so desperately. “I’m so tired,” you croaked. “I’m just so tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m tired. I want the fatigue to stop.”
“I know you do. The people here are going to do everything they can to help you feel a little better. Just trust them, please. Trust them and open up. Take a chance. Please, baby, let them try to help.”
“But nothing ever works.”
“Then try for me one more time. Just once more. Give it a go again.”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“What if it does?”
“What if it’s a waste of time?”
“And what if they figure out a new way to help you feel better?” He leaned forward and gently wiped your tears. “I know it’s hard, but I believe in you. The people that love you, we all believe in you.”
“All this because I slept through my birthday party, it feels really dramatic.”
“It’s not dramatic. I knew you’d be devastated. I replanned the party for next week in the morning. You’re usually not so tired in the mornings. I figured we could get you another cake. If you’re willing to wait to open your gifts, that is.”
Your entire face softened at his words. “You did that all for me?”
“I’d move mountains for you and wrangle the planets. I love you. All of you. Chronic illness or not, I’ll always be here for you. That’s what you do when you love someone. You stick around to see what the next adventure is.”
Tears dripped down your cheeks again. His face fell and he quickly rushed forward to wipe them away. “Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“I love you with every fiber of my entire being.”
“I love you too. Please stop crying. I’m going to start crying again. We look so ugly when we’re crying.” When your laughter hit his ears, he couldn’t stop smiling.
He meant it, he’d do anything to hear that sound forever.
| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |
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#stray kids#stray kids fanfic#stray kids drabbles#skz fanfic#skz imagines#skz scenarios#han jisung#han jisung stray kids#han jisung scenarios#han jisung skz#han jisung fanfic#han jisung x reader#han jisung x you#han jisung x y/n#han jisung angst
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I’ll Handle It
John Price x fem!reader
Authors note: This one is heavy. I really recommend you read the warnings before diving in.
Warning: angst, misogyny, toxic men, illusions to sexual assault, violence, illusion to death, pregnancy, mentions of child birth, labor complications, not edited.
Summary: After being on maternity leave you finally find yourself back at work. Still traumatized by the life threatening labor you find yourself being the object of gossip between some men in your office. Desperately wishing your husband John Price would not get involved.
————-
“Well look who’s finally back.” The melodic tone of Penny’s voice came from just over your shoulder. Before you could fully turn around to greet her she already had her slender arms wrapped around your neck. Her bright red hair brushing against your cheek you felt your heart swell seeing her sweet green eyes and freckled face. Hugging you by the side the pair of you letting out small chuckles and hugging a few seconds longer than needed.
“Happy to be back?” With a thick Yorkshire accent she asked, pulling away. Moving only slightly so she could fix herself a cup of coffee.
“I’ve missed work so much.” You half smiled. Stirring the black plastic straw around the paper cup, your heart ached slightly. You two chatted about everything you had missed and Penny’s latest project.
It had been six months since you welcomed your daughter into the world and it was hard leaving her for the first time. Evelyn and Jj were both at home with your husbands parents, because John had been deployed to another war torn country two months ago. It was hard leaving your baby girl and you wept like a child the whole way to work.
“How do you look that good after having a baby, Indy?” Another familiar voice joined the conversation. Turning you half leapt into Angela’s arms so happy to see your work friends. She hugged you back, brushing her pin straight jet black hair behind her ears as she grasped you by the shoulders and looked you over.
Angela was a tall, extremely attractive woman with beautiful dark complexion and striking hazel eyes. You and Penny liked to tell her she could quit her job and be a model. She was the department head for Anthropology so she was a pretty important woman. She was at the same level as your boss, Sampson. She was a few years older than you and tended to be protective of the women around her. Angela knew how some of the men could be here and had taken Penny under her wing since Penny was fresh out of her studies. Penny was also an intern for you and you had given her a stellar recommendation.
“Working out and running.” You lied. Stepping away and grabbing the blue file you had left on the break room counter.
If people didn’t know you they wouldn’t have guessed you had a baby within the last six months. It had nothing to do with diet or exercise. It was due to almost not surviving the labor.
Having Evelyn was a traumatic experience that left you in the hospital far longer than any mother wanted due to blood loss and preeclampsia. John and your family were told to expect the worst after the delivery; that you may not be coming home. John was a wreck as he was forced out of the delivery room having to be dragged out by security. To this day he still became eerily quiet when the subject was brought up.
It was a little over a week before you were finally released and allowed to go home. You had lost so much weight and that trend continued as you fell into one of the saddest times of your life. The guilt of being so traumatized by everything left you a shell of yourself. Unable to care for yourself let alone your children. You stayed curled up in bed and only getting up to breast feed or use the bathroom. The doctors said postpartum depression was normal but you never imagined it to be so debilitating. John insisted on regular doctors visits not knowing what to do when his normally positive, ray of sunshine wife could not even get out of bed.
John had been by your side every step of the way and truly was your rock in your time of need. He stepped up for you and his family carrying the weight of it all on his broad shoulders. It took two months until you were finally feeling like your normal self again. Finally able to enjoy motherhood to its fullest potential.
It was the hardest time for your marriage and you were no where near ready to talk about the experience at work. Between the memory of thinking you were going to leave John and your children all alone and how traumatic the birth itself was you could not even speak on the subject. It was the most painful and scary thing you had ever experienced and you weren’t sure you’d ever fully recover mentally.
“Well you look amazing.” Penny smiled, handing you half of the danish she snagged. “Still gotta eat.” She smiled sweetly. You happily enjoyed the flaky treat as you three caught up. Talking about the latest finds and gossiping about Angela’s new gentleman.
“Mornin’ Indy!” Clark one of your colleagues walked into the break room with two other men in toe. You didn’t recognize them but that was not too unbelievable. Penny whispered they were the interns. The institution you worked for was large and heavily male dominated. It would be a miracle if you could remember everyone who worked here let alone your department.
“Morning.” You smiled cheerfully. You were reaching your cap on social interaction for the morning so you said your goodbyes and headed for your office. Grabbing one more pastry to snack on.
“Who’s that? She’s got quite the rack.” One of the men asked Clark. Penny believed his name was Lance.
“You should have seen her before she got pregnant.” Clark whistled lightly as if to signify you were quite the sight.
“Oi, don’t be rude.” Angela interrupted rather forcefully.
“Pigs.” Penny added. Leaving in a huff, she glanced over her shoulder to see Angela still scolding the unprofessional behavior they had overheard.
——————
“Don’t you look gorgeous. God, I miss you.” John’s gruff voice echoed through your bedroom. Shifting you pushed the laptop down your lap slightly so you could get more comfortable. It was close to 3am but you didn’t mind. You finally had the opportunity to catch up with John.
“Your beards so scruffy.” You smiled, nose scrunching, giddy to finally get to see your husband even if it was through a laptop screen. He was sitting at a desk in what looked like a storage closet, clearly finding the most secluded place to make this video call. It made you wonder if he was going to try and get away with something naughty like your last video call.
“Can’t wait to be home next week and shave it.” John pursed his lips and smoothed down the unruly, overgrown hair. You could tell he was staring at himself because he peered at the screen and showed you the bit of grey that was just starting to peak out on the underside of his chin.
“I love a salt and pepper man.” You grinned and winked. Making John roll his eyes and snort out a sarcastic laugh.
“Been back at work three days now. How you holding up?” John changed the subject. His face going back to the stoic expression you were use to but his eyes were soft. Head tilted to the side the sternness washing away to a love struck look.
“Look at your remembering. It’s okay. Miss Evie and Jj every time I step out of the house.” You paused, playing with your hair and wondering if you should share everything that was going on. His mother had been driving you crazy but that was not new news.
“That all? You have that look like you’re hiding something.” John’s blue eyes looked darker in the laptop screen as he narrowed them at you.
“Me? Never-“
“Y/N, you can talk to me about whatever’s on your mind. I know you must be lonely.” John spoke sincerely. Ever since you were home from the hospital John had been in tune with you. It freaked you out a bit how watchful he was but he needed to be at the time. Clearly being thousands of miles away didn’t stop that part of him.
John was more worried you were struggling without him and the guilt that came along with that made his chest tight. His mind always wandering back to you being so sick in the hospital and then struggling to get out of bed once you were home. All he hoped was that you were okay and his parents were helping you manage it all.
“I love you.” The words rolled off your tongue tasting bittersweet. John cared about you so much and you had no desire to make him worry about you. Not now, when he needed to worry about keeping himself safe.
“Love you too. Now get on with it.” John smiled sweetly the corners of his eyes crinkling. You took a breath and then began your story.
“Since I got back there’s a few new people. One guy seems to have gotten a bit smitten with me and it’s making me uncomfortable. He’s probably just being friendly and I’m reading into it too much.” You shrugged it off. It did feel good to get it off your chest especially to John. No one listened to you quite like he did. It was like he would hang on your every word.
“Trust your gut, darling. If he makes you feel uneasy steer clear. What has he done?” John asked with an even tone. He didn’t want you to know how his blood pressure instantly spiked at the new found knowledge. Fists clenched off screen until his knuckles turned white; he waited patiently for your words.
“I guess it’s not really what he’s done. I’ve just caught him staring at my chest a few times and Penny told me him and Clark made a few crude remarks about me.” Rolling your eyes you brought your gaze to the window. It was easier to avoid John’s piercing eyes at the moment. You knew this was upsetting to hear. Hell you were livid when Penny told you and you knew no husband wanted their wife being the object of other men’s disgusting banter.
“Crude remarks? Like what?” John knew you well enough that you were withholding details as to not upset him.
“John, it’s not worth repeating. You know how some men are pigs.” You tried to reason but could see he had no intention on stopping until you answered truthfully.
“I’m not going to get upset. I’d prefer to know what these men are saying just in case.” John tried to make his voice sound reassuring but he sounded and looked like he was about to snap someone’s neck.
“In case of what?” You challenged. Not to sure you should continue.
“Y/N.” John’s face dropped into a deadpan expression. He wasn’t use to any back talk at the moment so his patience was non existent. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes knowing your husband was not going to drop the issue. He put up with your stubbornness so now it was time for you to put up with his.
“Fine, they made some remarks about my breasts being bigger now that I’ve had Evie. And . . . Well that new guy asked if I was one of those desperate military wives looking for some fun and if he had a chance.” You babbled the last portion of your rant out so hopefully John did not quite hear you properly. From the look on his face you could tell he did. All preconceived niceties were thrown out the window as you watched John’s lip twitch and nostrils flare. It looked like he was ready to crawl through the screen and go hunt these guys down.
“He what? You need to speak to HR.” John demanded a little to forceful for your liking. His voice deepening to such a low gravely tone you were convinced it had to hurt his throat.
“I already spoke with Angela about it and she said she’s handling it.”
“Darling, if you need more time off I think everyone will understand.” John was being pushy now. This was an argument you two had too many times and he insisted you were not ready to go back to work.
“No, I want to go back to normal. I’ve missed work and I need something more than just being a mom. It’s so lonely being at home all by myself with the kids. And you know how your mother is. I’d be miserable.” You couldn’t help the way your voice cracked. A painful swell of tears pushing into your eyes no matter how hard you fought them.
“One more week and you’ll have me back.” The tone of John’s voice was strained as you watched worry paint over his rugged features.
“I’m counting the days.” Your head hung low as you coughed back the tears.
“Now c’mon, love. No tears.” John pleaded hating that you were crying and he had to start saying his goodbyes.
“Sorry, I just miss you so much.” You hiccuped out, rubbing away the burning tears.
“I miss you every second of every day.”
——————
Closing your eyes you softly sang along with the music playing in your car. Doing a funky little dance and waving the last bit of your sandwich in the air. Taking another bite of your sandwich you grabbed at the soda you got yourself. You had forgotten your lunch at home for the second time this week so you ditched the cafeteria food and went out and got takeout from your favorite spot near by.
You had been feeling nervous and excited all day because after work you were picking John up from the airport. You kept imaging his chapped lips and strong arms. How he would tell you how divine you looked all dolled up for him. You made sure to wear your cutest work outfit and did your hair and makeup with a lot more effort than you normally put in for work.
You knew you looked cute in your slim, knee length black dress with long sleeves and the pair of black pumps. Deciding to wear the gold jewelry set John had gifted you throughout the years. The small gold hoops, sparkling gold bracelet, and thin gold chain with a small diamond looked amazing as a trio. It brought more attention to the much larger diamond on your wedding ring.
“Fuck.” You cursed.
Looking at the clock then down at your skirt that was decorated in crumbs. Brushing away the mess you were relieved to see nothing had stained as you shoved a way to big last bite into your mouth. Taking one last sip of the carbonated beverage you quickly got moving. You had to get to a meeting in ten minutes and you knew you would be cutting it close.
After grabbing your purse and locking your car you began fast walking to the stair case of the parking garage. You promised yourself you would take the stairs since you had stopped working out since John left. Using your hip you opened the heavy grey door as you shot a quick text to Penny saying you were ‘cutting it close’ and asking her to grab the file off your desk. You were too busy typing out the message while you reached the fourth floor landing you walked straight into someone.
“I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have been on my ph-“ you paused feeling the air still in the concrete room. It was a gut reaction to immediately feel fearful. You didn’t know why you just did.
“Not a problem.” Lance the new employee working with Clark smiled oddly. Why was he looking at you like that?
Lance was a tall man, maybe John’s height or a bit taller. He was built like a house and at least five years younger than you. His physique reminded you of Ghosts that one time you met him. He had sickly pale skin and a mop of red hair neatly combed back. Some women may say he was attractive but he wasn’t your type. You hated being around him after Penny told you the things him and Clark had gossiped about you. You could only imagine what they said when the two of them were out of ear shot of anyone.
“What’s got you all dolled up today.” Lance stood in the middle of the landing so you would have to ask him to move or awkwardly scoot around him if you wanted to take the last flight of stairs up to your office.
“Sorry, I-I don’t have time to chat. I’m going to be late for a meeting.” You attempted to move around the built man but he stepped in the way. His hand coming up to your face as if to cup your cheek. You couldn’t help but flinch and step backward blurting out a quick ‘no.’
“You have some food on your face, love.” Lance’s voice was soft and sweet in a condescending way.
That’s when you felt the menacing tension as his dark eyes looked at you like something for the taking. like you were the spoils of war. You were all alone in a concrete stairwell with a man who had said crude things about you. More importantly he was a man you had no amount of trust in. Now he was trying to touch you in a way only John and your female friends were allowed to. Up until now he had been perfectly friendly but that was when others were around.
“I got it.” You stepped back again feeling the cold radiating off the wall that was only an inch from your back. You told yourself if you back touched that wall you were in immediate danger. You pushed his hand away in the same motion and wiped your mouth with the back of your dress sleeve. Seeing a little white smear on the back of the black fabric, realizing you had a tiny bit on mayo on the corner of your mouth.
“Looked nice there, if I’m honest. Something else might look better.” Lance stepped forward.
His insinuation had a cold chill run up your spine, your back pressing into the frigid concrete wall. Heart thumping loudly you swore you could hear John’s gruff voice in your head telling you to ditch the heels and run. But you were not sure you could out run this man who was so much taller and bigger than you. You were scared and it made you angry being cornered in such a secluded place at work.
“You listen to me right now! This is inappropriate, I suggest you move. I’m late for a meeting.” Using your most commanding voice you attempted to side step Lance for the second time but had to halt immediately. His large hand pressing into the cool concrete wall by your head as he trapped you between the corner of the stair well and his arm. Now you were beginning to shake feeling like he was about to snatch you up. Like a mouse who has just been cornered by a cat and it was ready to play with its food.
“C’mon, I bet you’re lonely with your husband always gone. Don’t you want a man who can satisfy you all the time?” Lance continued to speak crude words. You forced yourself to stare him in the eyes as you slowly slipped out of your heels, he didn’t seem to notice. He was to focused on the way your lips quivered in fear and your rapid blinking.
Just then the door opened on the floor above you, the metal squealing loudly. Lance looked over his shoulder to peer up the stairs. Swiftly and with all the power you had in your body you kneed him in the groin and shoved him back. He stumbled backward, a loud grunt and then a stream of coughs leaving him as he crumpled to the floor. Leaving your heels behind you booked it down the stairs and back to your car. Jumping the last few stars until you saw floor three. You were in a dead sprint as you got back to the third floor where your car was parked.
Hands shaking so violently you dropped your keys once you were at your car. Accidentally scraping the paint around the lock as you finally inserted the key and twisted. You half threw yourself in the car slamming the door behind you and locking it. You had your phone in your hand this whole time so you immediately were pulling up your contact list not quite sure who to call since John was not home. With a short breath you clicked on the name your thumb was hovering over. Pressing the phone to your ear you were staring out your window waiting for Lance to come running after you, thanking god John had tinted your windows and put pepper spray in your glove compartment.
“Y/N, was literally just talking about y-“
“Harrison, you have to come get me from work I’m in the car park. Right now, I’m too shaken up to drive.” You didn’t even realize you were sobbing into the phone until you felt your nose running. You felt like you were about to be sick as your chest heaved violently. Panic coursing through your veins you could feel the blood pulsing in your temples and wrists.
“Woah, woah, woah. I’m coming right now. What’s going on?” Harrison was John’s oldest brother and you knew he lived near by your work. You two would grab lunch from time to time. All you could hear in your head was John’s voice telling you to stay vigilant and not let your guard down.
“Some guy, Lance. Just, just come get me please.” You were still sobbing unable to catch your breath as you watched the stair well door intently.
“You get that spot on the third floor you like?” Harrison asked. You could hear his his car starting in the background and let out a deep sigh, knowing he was less than five minutes away.
“Yes!” You half yelled watching as the heavy door to the stairwell opened.
Out stepped Sampson of all people, your boss. Without even thinking you hung up on Harrison and got out of the car. You were shaking like a leaf and in all the years Sampson knew you he had never seen you cry. For any person to be crying like this was alarming and for it to be you he was scared for your safety.
“What the hell is going on?” Sampson was still in his lab coat as he strutted over to you with urgency.
“Lance, he cornered me in the stair well. So I kneed him and ran.” You forced yourself to pull it together but your words came out jumbled and high pitched. Black streaks of mascara running down your face.
“Are you hurt?” Sampson asked his hand hovering by your shoulder not sure if he should touch you. You didn’t answer only shook your head that Lance had not hurt you.
“He didn’t get a chance to touch me. Cuz someone came in.” You placed your hands on your hips, eyes trained on your bare feet against the rough ground. You were trying to catch your breath and calm your racing heart. Doing similar breathing exercises as when you gave birth because it was all you could do on instinct.
“That was me. Called security when I saw him curled up on the ground. Good thing I came looking for you. Penny said you ran out for lunch so I had a feeling you’d be here.” Sampson was frantically looking between you and the door not sure what to do next. The squeal of tires echoed through the car park as you watched Harrison’s black Ford Fiesta swing around the corner and come to a screeching halt next to you.
“I’m going with Harrison. I can’t be here.” You didn’t even give Sampson a chance to speak as you walked backwards to the car.
“You Lance?” Harrison was getting out of the car and you could see he had the intention to break legs. He had a baseball bat in hand so you quickly took it from him scolding him that he was just like John and violence wasn’t necessary.
“No, he’s with security.” Sampson said quickly taking three large steps back as Harrison approached him.
Harrison and John looked eerily similar but John was muscular and looked like he was carved from stone. Harrison was a bit on the chubby side but not quite, never had facial hair, let his hair grow long on top and his voice was no where near as deep as your husbands. Their protective instincts were the same.
The only difference being John would have had a gun instead of a baseball bat. Climbing into the car you watched as Harrison got all the details he could from Sampson before he finally got back in the car to take you home. Allowing you to cry the whole way even pulling over at one point because you had to throw up. Then stopping to get you a soft drink to help yourself from continuing to vomit.
——————
“So why couldn’t Y/N get me from the airport?” This was the third time John had asked the question since his brother had been dodging it.
“Ah, stuff came up.” Harrison deflected pulling into the driveway of your family home.
“Harrison, what am I about to walk into?” John demanded this time. Between being exhausted and the change in plans John was pissed off to say the least. All he wanted was to see his loving wife after a grueling two and a half months. He had just seen some horrible things on this deployment and they were weighing heavy on him. Your sweet smile and warm embrace would start to heal the invisible wounds.
“Look, Y/N made me promise not to tell you. But I think you have a right to know.” Harrison purposefully parked his car behind John’s truck so he could not leave in it. Harrison took a deep breath before as he told John the whole story.
“Some bloke named Lance cornered her at work. From what she said it seemed like she was lucky someone walked into the stairwell before anything could happen to her. She called me crying, I came with a bat. This cunt was ready to do something to her, Johnny. I know it. By the way she sobbed. Even had to pull over to let her be sick.” Harrison kept his eyes on his younger brother. Face pained as he retold the events.
Harrison watched as John had an expressionless face, it was worrying. John stayed silent as he felt the rage quake through his bones, he was going to kill this guy. John could feel it in the back of his head, his hairs standing of edge. The idea of going upstairs and grabbing the .22 he kept in the safe and tracking this guy down. He would not end him quick he would make this piece of scum suffer. The plotting did not stop as the gears in John’s head turned. Making sure to stay stoic as to not give away his intentions.
“John she specifically told me not to tell you because she was scared you’d do something that wound you up in jail.” Harrison clapped a heavy hand on John’s shoulder.
“Where is she?” John seemed calm and Harrison knew that was not a good sign. He was expecting his brother to lose his god damn mind. This level of composure reminded the man why his brother was a Captain, trained to be composed even in the most dier circumstances.
“Last she said she was going to shower.” Harrison barley finished his sentence before John was out of the car and marching into the house.
John walked right past his mother who was feeding Jj. She shouted for him to come back and give her a proper hello but it fell on deaf ears. John did not even stop to take his boots off. His mother shrieking that he was tracking mud into the house on the freshly mopped floors.
Taking the stairs two by two John could hear the shower running. John was about to burst through the door and demand you tell him what had happened but he hesitated. His fingers twitching around the door knob, the reality hit him like a freight train. His sweet, loving, kind wife who he had almost lost six months ago to child birth was behind this door after almost being harmed by a man he did not know.
John stepped back from the door his hands resting on his hips as he took a deep breath. Coughing out as a way to stop the impeding tears from how angry he was John spat on his own floor. He could not be angry coming in that would only make things worse for you. So John cleaned his spit, kicked off his dirty boots and changed out of his military clothes so he would smell more like home. After mentally preparing himself John slowly turned the crystal doorknob to your shared bathroom.
John took in the mess. Shocked you normally kept things in order. Seeing a black dress laying on the floor, the zipper hanging off clearly having being torn in your haste to get it off. Your new lace underwear set was thrown in the trash and dirty makeup wipes littered the counter. Your tooth brush was laying at the bottom of the running sink with the open toothpaste container.
John turned off the water putting your toothbrush back in place and closing the tooth paste. The linen closet hanging open and the normally neatly folded towels hanging off the shelves and pooling onto the tiles floor. John finally made his way over to the shower. You were sitting under the hot water with your head buried in your knees as you hugged them to your chest. You were in his large white shirt that was sticking to your soaked body.
“Darling?” John slid in ignoring the fact he was getting wet.
“I’m sorry. I tried to get myself back in order before you got home.” You brought your head from your knees to look up at John’s face. Your eyes were puffy from crying and it looked like the light had been drained from you.
Taking in John’s appearance you noticed he had been able to shave his muttonchops back to its pristine shape but he looked worried. Of course he was worried he just walked in to a mess and you curled up at the bottom of the shower.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Let’s get you dried and into some fresh clothes. I’m going to take care of this.” You nodded knowing in the moment Harrison had told John everything.
You were still in shock from the whole ordeal but what scared you the most was going back to work. What if nothing could be done? What if you had to continue to work along side someone who was so blatantly prepared to hurt you? Your head began to swim with worry. Trembling under the steaming water you tried to pull yourself together. For John’s sake.
John was already moving. Walking back into your shared room and gathering fresh underwear, your favorite sweat pants and one of his baggy crewneck sweatshirts. He opened the windows allowing the cold air in so you could bundle up under the covers. John called down the stairs for Harrison to put on a kettle and then John went back to help you out of the shower.
You gave him a weak smile feeling so much shame for having ended up in such a dangerous situation. Slipping out of the soaked tshirt you dried yourself off. John was now handing you your clothes ready to give you privacy to change. The last thing he wanted you to feel was intruded on or like you couldn’t have the the space and time you needed; but you didn’t need those things at the moment. You loved him for allowing you to be in charge of touching and space if needed.
Grabbing John by the hand as he tried to leave you frowned up at him. Tears rolled down your bright red cheeks as you tugged him to come back and not to leave you by yourself. The look in your eyes said it all and John wrapped you in his big arms and hugged you so tightly it was as if he was trying to mold you to his chest. He clenched his teeth tightly and realized his nose was becoming stuffy. He couldn’t cry or show any emotion like that. Not while you were suffering in his arms.
“Please, stay with me.” You begged.
John’s heart tightened so painfully in his chest he wanted to start smashing things. He wanted to take this anger and rage he felt and do something with it. But all he could do was hold you while you sobbed into his chest, clinging on to him for dear life. The guilt John felt was all consuming. It was his job as your husband to protect you and he was not home to do that. Now he had you trembling in his arms babbling that you were so scared and how you thought something bad was going to happen to you.
“You’re safe, darling. I’m going to make sure that nothing like that happens again.” John spoke into your soaked hair. For once you did not argue about John wanting to step in and handle things his way. Honestly it was a relief to know John had this handled and you had no reason to worry anymore.
“I’m so sorry, John. I never thought that I wouldn’t be safe at work. I should’ve been smarter or-“
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare blame yourself for the actions of a coward who corners a woman when they’re all alone.” John pulled away and cupped your face in his calloused hands. His rough hands lightly squished your cheeks as he made you look at him.
“I won’t let anything happen to you.” The force behind John’s words and the dark gaze of his icey eyes showed you he meant it. You could see it in his face. He would walk, no run, to the ends of the earth for you and back if it meant your safety.
“John? I can’t go back to work if he’s there. I’m scared he might hurt someone else.” You whispered, cheeks squished between his palms and tears pooling between your flesh.
“I’ll handle it.” John pulled his hands away and hugged you again. This time rougher and tighter as if he’d never let you go.
“Please don’t end up in jail.” You peeled yourself away to look up into his icey blue eyes.
“Promise.” John said simply.
“Now, get dressed. I’ll bring up tea and food. Then I need you to tell me everything that’s even happened even if it’s just hearsay.” John and you shared a knowing look. You knew you would be taking some time off work until you had your nerve back and John handled everything.
——————
“How was work?” John’s voice called from the living room as you walked through the back door.
It was your first day back after you took two weeks off and you had been nervous but excited to go back to the normalcy of your job. John had stopped by at lunch with both kids to surprise you. It was his way of making it know amongst your colleagues who he was. You pretend you did not see the death glares he shot certain people you had mentioned or the fact he wore his camouflage pants and army green long sleeve. A way to show off he was military and had weaponry at his disposals.
“Good, no sight of that asshole. He’s still alive right?” You walked into the living room your heels clicking against the hardwood floor.
John was sat on the couch folding laundry. His left foot resting on Evelyn’s rocker as he bounced it lightly to keep the little girl fast asleep. Jj was was waddling around kicking a squishy football happily as the news played on the tv in the background.
John looked completely domesticated in his white t-shirt and jeans. You’d never know he had taken lives and was a hardened man of the military. He gave a warm smile his eyes crinkling and mutton chops nicely groomed as always, gesturing for you to join him. Playfully tossing a pair of his clean boxers at you, they lightly smacked you in the face. You peeled them off with a huff of a laugh and folded them.
“You going to answer my question?” You asked sarcastically as you plopped down next to him. Kicking your heels off and leaning forward to help fold the clothes.
“What was it again?” John asked playing dumb. You knew he heard you so you stared at him a bit serious.
“He’s still alive, right?” You asked keeping an eye on how John’s expression was unfaltering.
“Course he is. Like I said he won’t be bugging you anymore.” Joh turned and raised and eyebrow at you. This was his way of telling to to drop it but that was not going to happen with how stubborn you could be.
“No one knows where he is. He just stopped showing up to work.” You pressed hoping your husband was telling the truth.
“He can’t show up to work with broken legs. Plus he should have put in his resignation.” John turned back to the laundry, folding a white towel neatly and placing it on the coffee table. As if what he just said was normal.
“John!” You slapped your thighs at the admission. You could not believe John would do something like that and admit to it. Well you could believe it and that was the part that frightened you.
“I’m kidding, I broke his arms.” John said smoothly as if that was better.
“John, that’s not funny.” You scolded, tugging at the sleeve of his shirt trying to coax him to tell you what he did.
“Darling, why does it matter? He’s not going to be coming back to your work.” John sighed exasperated. He was pretending like you were getting on his nerves even though he actually found this quite amusing.
“Because this sounds a whole lot like those mafia movies you’ve been watching.” You thought back to how John had watched Goodfellas the night he came back after ‘handling’ everything. The smirk on his face when you agreed that it was hot when Henry Hill pistol whipped the neighbor for groping his girl made you wonder.
“I didn’t do anything.” John reassured, placing his rough hand on your thigh.
“I had a friend of mine rough him up and instruct him that if he showed up to work or the police it wouldn’t end well.” John tacked on quietly.
“That’s a crime!” Now you were getting mad. Unsure what your husband had done to get that vile human to quit his job and never show his face around here again.
“Again, I’m joking.” John hummed. A small smirk tugging at his lips. He was enjoying teasing you too much.
“You ever going to tell me the truth?” You asked feeling your face flush with anger. John turned to you with a smug smile and placed a chaste kiss to your lips.
“Nope.”
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I love old Stancest relearning about each other after all their time a part.
While Stan loves to watch mindless TV, he also does love to read. Ford is shook when Stan requested a small shelf to be put in their bedroom on the boat so he could take a few of his favorites. Ford is nose deep in so much research, that he's let fiction run out the door on him, but watching and learning that Stan still loves a good story has him curious and wanting to read too. They often go to libraries during their time while at ports and spend quiet time reading. Ford also learns from Stan that the reason he hated reading as a kid was due to his undiagnosed dyslexic. (He hated getting diagnosed but he can't beat that it's exactly what he's been going through this whole time.)
Stan is not only surprised that Ford knows how to gamble but he knows how the cheat at gambling. Stan begs and begs and begs for Ford to go on a vacation with him to Vegas but Ford tells him that even if they went, he wouldn't cheat there because it's not as fun as cheating with Stan. Mabel gets a kick out of him because she is also a cheater. Dipper tries to say he is too but they all know he's a little too straight laced to do that.
Once Ford is really able to think about it, Stan's alignments no longer appear to him as something that happens due to age or Stan's lack of care, but as a side effect to the harsh realities of his life. There's a difference between knowing and understanding. Ford knows Stan has back problems, has dentures, has hearing aids, has a bad diet. But he starts to understand the longer he spends time and talks with Stan. While Stan never outright says anything about those times, Ford makes the connections. So he spends extra time to try and fix/care for Stan in that way (making a better hearing aid, reviewing over the nutritional needs he needs, trying to find exercises to strength his back or provide back support to everything.)
Stan notices how Ford has a sense of self confidence he didn't have as a child. It makes him so happy to know that the little boy he once knew who couldn't find his place in the world, in himself, now knows who he is and what he's about and no one is going to take that from him. However, that does mean he can still come off as arrogant, which Stan has no problem dropping him down a peg when he needs to.
Stan is a lot calmer in his older age. Stan has to be "On" while performing as Mr. Mystery but once he's on their boat, Stan actually has the time and space to literally mellow out. Ford wasn't too sure how to make of this because Stan was always this bright ball of energy in his life, bigger than life, taking up as much space as possible. But after a while, just watching Stan fish for hours on end in complete calm or Stan absorbed in a novel or Stan contemplating while smoking, Ford realizes that Stan isn't any less bright or any smaller than before. If anything, with their newfound peace, Stan shines brighter than ever before.
Ford doesn't understand Stan's obsession with sad clown paintings and he doesn't know if he wants to know.
Stan finds that he needs to be extra cautious with Ford when he is tired and strung tight. Ford isn't exactly "feral", more of, he has been through so many different dimensions with difference cultures and norms that he gets them mixed up and becomes overwhelmed with what to do and just trusts in his bare instincts for an answer to remain as human as possible. Stan learns to make extra noise when he comes up behind Ford. He doesn't snatch things out of his hands while Ford has tunnel vision, he tries to stir him away to something else. He learns to let Ford has his quiet, alone time when he gets over whelmed. Stan learns when to get serious when it comes to Ford because he knows that he is relaying on him. Stan would never break Ford's trust like that when Ford really needs him.
Ford learns that Stan's recollection of their childhood is a lot different than his own, especially when it comes to their Father. HOWEVER! Stan learns that Ford's recollection of their childhood in reference to their mother is a lot different from his own. They both learn that they have some pretty intense parental issues. Stan tells Ford about all of the times it was just him and their Pa and how he was a completely different man when it was just them. Ford tells Stan about all of the time where he felt like all of his accomplishments meant nothing due to him being socially inept.
Stan's gotten bolder and shyer. Ford's used to knowing a Stan who didn't know the meaning of shame. But with age, Stan's both weighted down by his decisions in life while also numb by them to make further decisions. Ford finds it adorable when Stan makes a big hoopla about being a big ol' macho man and how he's gonna rock Ford's world, but the moment Ford takes his hand and kisses, he gets all quiet.
Ford learns that Stan is no longer fearful of heights.
Stan learns why Ford is scared of spiders and food that look like spiders.
Stan also learns why Ford prefers to sleep with someone near by and all of the things that Bill made him do while he had access to his body. Stan gets very sick when he learns about the nails and the roof.
Ford learns about Stan's ex's, especially an older biker named Jimmy Snakes who has become cursed Ghost Rider style. Ford questions Stan crazy about him and Stan has to constantly tell him that, "No, Ford, Jimmy was not a cursed Biker forever to capture souls of those who wronged others when we were dating! He was just a hunky dork on a bike who also gave the meanest right hook imaginable." Ford is both intrigued and a little jealous.
Stan learns about some more of Ford and Bills relationship. He's not upset or jealous, he's just perplexed. (He is a little jealous)
Ford learns through the kids all of the things Stan did for them during the summer like punch a pterodactyl in the face to save Waddles or climb up the scaffolding and into a monuments nose to rescue them by pulling them up or beating up a bunch of zombies to protect them when karaoke went bad. Ford gets a little love struck just hearing about them because while anybody and everybody knows about Stan's less than savory behaviors and charms, knowing that Stan is still that loveable, hard headed person he's always been makes his heart soar.
There's probably more but I just love them learning about each other and growing to fall in love all over again.
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The Glow Up Game
Part One: Pretty on the Outside
A comprehensive guide to getting your shit together. You heard me. We are done standing on the sidelines, looking at people living their dream lives being rich and hot and happy. WE'RE DONE.
This is a long guide, filled with pointers covering EVERYTHING regarding physical glow-ups. I'll be editing it and reblogging it whenever I come across new ideas and information. It covers everything from head to toe. I mean this literally.
Note: This is for people who want to do glow up physically. It is totally your choice to do anything you want to/don't want to on this list. We live in a world full of unfair beauty standards, and instead of being angry about it, I'm going to exploit the hell out of it.
Are you ready to change yourself? Here we go.
The absolute basics: These are lifestyle changes you're going to implement. Non-negotiable.
Go exercise: Don't look at me like that. This isn't optional. Find a way to move your body so you like it and you're actually breaking a sweat. Leisurely walking on the treadmill does not count, half-hearted zumba does not count. Whatever you're doing, it has to make you SWEAT. A good figure is earned. Trust me when I say you'll feel better, and like what you see in the mirror.
Change your diet: Enough sugar. Toss the soda out, and chuck out your candy stash. You really don't need it. Craving something sweet? Make a batch of healthy, homemade dessert. Or have a piece of fruit. I'm not kidding when I say the kitchen is where you make the biggest lifestyle change. It will be HARD, but every McChicken you say no to, is good for your HEALTH. You want to live longer? Cut out the takeout and heavily processed foods.
Fix your sleep cycle: Sleep is so important, and I think people overlook it so much. All your hard work is wasted if you don't sleep well. Your skin will break out, and your body will refuse to change even if you exercise. SLEEP WELL. Create a nighttime routine and stick to it. Make sure you have at least 7 hours of sleep as a minimum.
Create a skincare routine: Take off your makeup every day. And have a good skincare routine. Cleanse, moisturize and apply whatever you usually do. Exfoliate twice a week and stop touching your face. I also drink an ABC smoothie (Apple+Beetroot+Carrot+Water). This does wonders.
Use sunscreen: I cannot stress this enough. Skin cancer is real, and it will get you if you don't wear sunscreen. Use something higher than SPF 50 and use it religiously. Make sure to get your earlobes, chest and back of your neck. Cover every inch of your skin that will be exposed to the sun.
Drink your water: 3 litres of water per day. You will be amazed at the results. Your skin will clear, your breath won't stink and you won't be dehydrated. This shit works, and there's a reason everyone recommends it. Drink your water.
Moving on to each itty-bitty detail.
Eyes: SLEEP. You want your eyes to look fresh? No pesky dark circles? Get your sleep cycle right. No more late nights. Hot girls sleep on time.
Nose: Those blackhead-looking things are natural, they're called sebaceous filaments. And, no you can't get rid of them. But you can minimize them. Cleanse, moisturize and exfoliate. Don't pick at your skin.
Lips: Don't bite them anymore, for God's sake. You're going to make sure they're chapped beyond belief. Use lip balm religiously and don't overuse lipstick. Your lips WILL get discoloured when you're older. Use a light lip tint, and lip balm/gloss.
Eyebrows: If you want to shape them, go to the hairdresser and get it done.
Facial hair: As someone with naturally dark, thick hair I have a lot of noticeable facial hair. I'm planning on getting it lasered soon. Find a way that works for you and is affordable.
Body hair: I have zero self-consciousness about my arm and leg hair, so I have no desire to shave or wax it. I do wax my underarms, because of ridiculously thick growth. Understand that this is a personal choice, and you do not have to do this if you're unwilling.
Nails: Keep them short or long, always filed and CLEAN. Do not let grime or dirt build-up underneath. Don't keep your nails painted 24/7, it will 100% lead to yellowing. Give your nails some time to breathe between every manicure. When they aren't painted, keep them filed and presentable.
Hair: I have Type 3a curly hair, so my hair routine is tailored to suit me. But what I can tell you is wash your hair at least 1x a week, use sun protectant, and oil your hair before wash day(it works). And use heat on your hair SPARINGLY. If you want to colour you can, but remember it does lead to long term damage, brittleness and bad texture. Get your hair cut every 3-4 months with a trusted hairdresser. Keep switching up hairstyles and do not stick to a single part (middle part, side part) constantly because it can lead to thinning of hair there.
Acne: STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE I am begging you. Touching your face with grimy hands is a recipe for acne. Cleanse everyday, moisturize heavily and go to a dermatologist if it gets worse.
THIS LIST WILL BE UPDATED
Go live your best life. You deserve everything, and you shouldn't let anything stand in your way, not even yourself. Now GO, you've got shit to do.
xoxo
#self care#self improvement#self love#level up#level up journey#self love journey#glow up#college#tips and tricks#it girl#that girl#perfect#life#routine#self development#personal development#self growth#wellness#leveling up#level up tips#leveling up tips#leveling up journey#dream girl journey#dream girl#becoming that girl#girl blogger#girlblogging#habits#list#long
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okay so I found some things that help me keep going. Like these are mostly lifestyle changes so I strongly advise against them because once u start doing them, u can't go back. But things get so easier and starving becomes second nature once u get into them.
Your body is always burning calories. like all the time. approximately ur burning around 5-15 calories every 10 minutes depending on ur BMR and if ur doing something like walking or exercising it goes up a bit more. being conscious of this all the time really helps me.
getting into ketosis at minimum takes 12 hours since ur last consumption. Getting into fat burning takes SO MANY HOURS. why would u waste it and restart the 12 hours. Instead stay in the fat burning phase-because u have so much fat to sustain anyways.
i like to imagine what someone skinny would do. Would the girls in thinspo pics binge? No. They would do a lot of NEAT activities, always moving and only drink water.
Hungry? Here's a foolproof hack that WORKS all the time. Start jumping or doing something (even walking for some time works) Your brain is tricked into going into fat stores for energy and burns some of that so now ur no longer hungry. when u get hungry again do it again and again eventually you won't feel hunger at all and things get way simpler from that time onwards.
and tying into the being conscious of your body burning calories, also try to note down any food ur turning down and giving up and note down the calories of them. It feels so gratifying at the end of the day to look at how much cals u saved. It's like a game. It's so fun!
Whenever you do eat (like when it's an unavoidable situation) eat nutritional stuff ( trust me even if it feels bad to eat, it helps in burning more down the line ) take all ur vitamins and supplements.
hunger headaches are very common, take no sugar electrolytes or just sometimes salt in the kitchen works.
One of the main issues that I've faced is my mental health getting fked up due to nutrient deficiencies, so pls focus on the nutrients IT REALLY REALLY HELPS IN LONG TERM FAT BURNING.
also from the very start, try to act like you're eating a lot and love food around friends and family because if they get even a little bit suspicious, ur done for.
Never do crash diets or fast fixes, they only make u feel bad and make u binge. Try to focus on lifestyle changes-> they make things so much easier, it's literally automatic fat loss. Ex. I cannot start the day without walking for 3 hours in the morning and cannot sleep without walking for 3 hours at night. If I consume something I HAVE TO WALK- like it just happens automatically and until I feel empty again I won't sit down (I won't even study until I feel empty because I have to sit down while studying and doing that while feeling full feels really uncomfortable as I get this feeling of my body retaining everything so I have to burn it up before I can do anything-> so eventually it feels like a punishment to eat so I stay away from it as much as possible. See it's a subconscious win-win situation NOW! and the best thing is once u get trained, all of this happens by itself)
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general update (no news)
Hi! I continue to get very nice asks, and I feel bad responding to just one when I can't respond to all of them. So here's an update:
My health and job have stabilized. That's not to say all my problems are fixed/cured, just that things are currently under control. I still have to do hours of physical therapy exercises each week, along with cooking a special diet, and limiting how much time I spend looking at screens. I had some treatments for my eyes that helped a lot, so they're no longer inflamed, but I have to work to keep them that way. Staying healthy takes a lot of time and work! This is pretty much how things will be for the rest of my life, but I'm grateful that I'm no longer in a state of physical suffering or extreme stress.
So, with the number of hours I have in a day, I can pretty much do my job and all the health maintenance stuff, and that's it. My job does pay well enough that I'm able to save almost half my income each month for early retirement, and I absolutely still plan to spend my retirement working on Guenevere and similar things. That's still what gets me out of bed in the mornings.
As always, thank you to everyone who has sent messages, which I do read even though I can't reply. Your kindness and support means everything!
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A year and a half in ...
Realized it's been a while since I updated ya'll on my Ozempic journey.
For the newbies, I started taking Ozempic a year and a half ago to get my AC1/blood sugar under control. Had been trying all kinds of restrictive diets along with pills and the damn number wouldn't come down anywhere near even the high end of normal.
So my doc suggested we start Ozempic. Since my goal wasn't weight loss but diabetic maintenance, we started at a .25 dose and very, very slowly worked my way up to my current dosage of 2.5 (which is considered a maintenance dose and, thus, doesn't have all the restrictions of getting the prescript refilled like higher doses).
For reference, most people start these drugs on a 5.0 and go up to a 7.5 pretty quickly. My friend has been on three different ones now and has had to stop them because of all the side effects like, nasty digestive issues and aching joints.
Anywho, I've been blessed to not have any major side effects and my AC1 was at 5.7 the last time I had it checked. I can't express how amazing that is. They've taken me off my blood sugar med and my blood pressure has dropped so they're talking about taking me off that pill as well to see how I do without it. Honestly, it's like this drug was made to fix my specific issue. Yes, I still have to eat a balanced diet, but it's everything in moderation, not that "cut all sugar and carbs and fruit and ..." bullshit I was trying to do before (which is not sustainable, trust me). If I'm craving a cinnamon roll, I get a cinnamon roll, eat some of it, then save the rest for later. Mostly I eat a lot of girl dinners with fruit, nuts, raisins, meat, cheese, olives, hummus ... I'm really into grazing right now. And I exercise, get on the treadmill six days a week and talk the doggo for walks in the afternoon.
Have I lost weight? I'm down 75 pounds or 4 dress sizes. I average about less than a pound a week, but I'm slowing down and I'm perfectly fine with that because I can fit in an airline seat now and can wear all my cute belts again. I've been buying clothes that are more fitted and feel much better in terms of my knee pain.
Am I still fat? Yep. I was a LARGE woman to start with and I probably still register as obese under the stupid charts they have for freakin' BMI etc. But I don't care. I can keep up with the family when we go on vacation/trips and I bought the cutest new tankini bathing suit with sharks on it to wear to the beach this year.
Will I be on Ozempic for the rest of my life? Yes, because I'm a diabetic and it keeps my AC1 under control so I can live healthy and be around to spend time with my kids and friends.
And that's enough for me.
#cake's health issues#update#i'm doing well on that front#now I just have to get the emotional bullshit under control#kinda hard in today's environment#the USA meat grinder#for anyone with empathy who cares about others
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Destiel Trope Collection 2024 | Day 2: Idiots in Love
like today | @dcforts Rating: General Word Count: 1,798 Main Tags/Warnings: Domesticity, Light Angst Summary: Dean is not too bothered. Outside the weather is bad, but the place it’s nearby, the job seems easy and they can be home in time for dinner. And if they hit the traffic, well, Cas will be there. They will be fine.
Call on your future self for advice and assistance | @deliciousblizzardshark Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,136 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Canon, Crack Treated Seriously, Magic, Mentions of Bottom Dean Winchester, Mentions of panty kink, mentions of spanking, Mentions of healthy diets, Mention of canon-typical racist porno mag, Mention of Exercise, Drinking, Humor, Getting Together, Time Travel (kind of) Summary: After everything and everyone is magically okay, Dean’s not sure how to deal with Castiel’s surprise love confession. At his wit’s end, he decides to cast a spell to bring his future self (or selves, it turns out) to the Bunker for help. The only problem? Future Dean Winchester(s) are still Dean Winchester... and Dean Winchester is an asshole.
The Dadification of Castiel Novak | @Runraerun Rating: General Word Count: 4,780 Main Tags/Warnings: Idiots in love, Canon compliant, rewriting the Cas love confession scene, first kiss, growing old together, Cas has a hard time reading faces, prosopagnosia, Castiel is Jack Kline’s parent, Castiel and Dean Winchester need to use their words, Castiel and Dean Winchester use their words, We can have nice things, fluff, Sam teasing Dean as is his god given right as his little brother, team free will 2.0. No warnings apply. Summary: When one of Cas’ old I.D.’s gets rejected, Sam and Dean tell him afterwards it’s because his picture is outdated—but this doesn’t make any sense, Castiel explains; Angel vessels don’t age. Dean has to break it to Cas that he doesn’t look like he’s in his 20’s anymore.
You Will Get Wet | @notastupidbird Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6,858 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, 5+1 Things, Comedy, Food Service Worker Dean Winchester, Lifeguard Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Idiots in Love, Explicit Sexual Content, Porn With Plot, First Kiss, First Time, Frottage, Theme Parks, Waterpark, Early Aughts, POV Dean Winchester Summary: The summer of 2003 could more accurately be described as the summer from Hell. It was Dean's second year working in concessions at the local water park which meant it was his second year of sunburn, screaming children, wet dollar bills, and having to stare at Cas, the unbearably hot lifeguard stationed directly across from his stand. Or, five times Dean completely failed at trying to talk to his summer crush plus the one time he didn't have to.
as for prophecies, they will pass away (WIP) | @danishdeity Rating: Explicit Word Count: 9,208 Main Tags/Warnings: Slow burn, fix-it, angst and hurt/comfort, mutual pining, explicit sexual content, masturbation, Summary: Dean has worked tirelessly to bring Castiel back from the Empty, but once he finally manages, he just avoids Cas. Dean is determined to give Cas a shot at a happy life, but in order to do that, maybe he has to step back? But having Cas around all the time stirs some thoughts and a lot of panic.
Icarus to Your Certainty (WIP) | @Miaintheimpala Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 9,842 Main Tags/Warnings: POV Castiel (Supernatural), Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair (Supernatural), Tooth-rotting Fluff, Fluff and Angst, No Smut, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester Are Jack Kline's Parents, Castiel and Dean Winchester Are Claire Novak's Parents, Jack Is Not God, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Idiots in Love, Hurt/Comfort, Oblivious Sam Winchester, Angst With A Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Fix-it Summary: Icarus and Castiel both flew to their suns and fell. They both lost their wings and drowned, but there's one difference between these two stories: after being drowned in the depths of The Shadow, Castiel wakes up on a concrete floor.
Phantom Manor On the Hill of Big Thunder Mountain | @melancholictearz Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 18,274 Main Tags/Warnings: AU - Amusement Park, Dean Wears a Cowboy Hat, Cowboy!Dean, Ghost Butler!Castiel, Summer Romance, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Meet-Cute Summary: A PLACE WHERE ERAS AND CENTURIES MERGE INTO A SUMMER STORY. Dean struts around Frontierland in cowboy boots and a hat all day for a living— that’s what his summer job is about, at Big Thunder Mountain attraction in the Far West-themed area of Disneyland Parks. He’s pleased with his current life as it is, until his eyes fall on Castiel, the new haunted butler working at Phantom Manor ride next door. Only a lake separates the two rides but Dean’s inability to stay normal in front of his crush might be the biggest obstacle in the whole painting.
Fanfictionland | @verobatto Rating: Explicit Word Count: 21,165 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternative universe jumping, canonverse, idiots in love, mutual pining, cowboys, pirates, regency era, medieval, comedy, fanfic writers, TFW 2.0, season 8. Summary: Imagine a destiel writer with the power of one of the tablets. Imagine that destiel shipper writer trying to make Destiel canon, using different ideas. Now, imagine Dean and Castiel jumping from fic to fic, following the script, tropes and AUs we all know while Sam, Kevin and Becky try to stop that mess. Yep, someone had to do it...
The Architect Of Fate | @verobatto Rating: Explicit Word Count: 23,446 Main Tags/Warnings: Magic, modern setting, fate architect!Castiel, first meetings, character development, winged Castiel, pining, falling in love, top!Castiel/bottom!Dean Winchester, miscommunication Summary: Dean Winchester tries to live his life without any attachments as he looks for the perfect job that brings him money and prestige. But things are not going well for him following the path he decides to make. His luck changes when he meets Naomi, the leader of the Fate Architect Corporation. He only has to fill a form with the life of his dreams, and follow the instructions Castiel will give him, as his assigned Architect. It's time for Dean to get the life he deserves and get the perfect job and the perfect girlfriend. If only Castiel wasn't that beautiful, he could perfectly focus on his targets. Or… How a grumpy and professional Architect of Fate, named Castiel, has to lead with a stubborn and noisy human.
White Lightning (WIP) | @scatterbugged Rating: Explicit Word Count: 24,941 Main Tags/Warnings: top!Dean, Bottom!Cas, Castiel's Grace, Touch-Starved DeanCas, Mutual Pining, Anxiety, Post season 15, AU, Castiel Has Sensitive Wings, Love Confessions, Dean Being Stupid, Dean and his Self-Worth Issues, Anal Sex, Dean and Cas in the Bunker Summary: It started in the kitchen, he thinks, the bursting of this weirdo thing they have between the two of them. Maybe the kitchen's the wrong spot to pinpoint- maybe it was those years ago, stood in an old, dank barn gripping fear and that demon blade. Or, rather, it was before all that, with Dean cutting folks up on the racks and carving out those rictus faces, and Cas still thinking he was worth saving anyway. Wherever it was- Dean thinks now, it really started to break in the kitchen, after everything else is said and done, and when it ends up spilling, he'll be left alone to clean up the mess. - or - Castiel's a little bit human, a little bit angel nowadays ever since he got spit out of the Empty, and both his body and his grace are still adjusting. Dean's more than willing to help his buddy out.
Indeana Jones and the Tear of Pele | @amaranthhiding Rating: Explicit Word Count: 32,679 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Universe, Beach Vacation, Adventure, Hawaiian Mythology, Fallen Angel Castiel, Humor, Light Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Magic, Mystery, Castiel's True Form, Castiel's Wings, Mutual Pining, Dean in Denial, Dean Makes Up Ridiculous Excuses for Touch, Castiel Uses Sarcasm, Castiel Goes Missing, Castiel and Dean Save Each Other, First Kiss, First Time, Grace-Powered Orgasm, Post-Season 11 Canon Divergence, DCRB 2024 Summary: What starts as a relaxing beach vacation in Hawai’i turns into a journey of self-discovery for Castiel and Dean. To save the world from the Darkness, they both faced what they thought to be their imminent demise and came out the other side very much still alive. So now they have to ponder the really big questions, such as what a bucket list is, what place in the world a fallen angel has, and how Indiana Jones ever managed to keep that hat on his head. The island seems to have a way of making the barrier of touch crumble to dust until they're sliding toward the edge of something new and fragile between them that neither of them dares to put a name to, lest it might disappear. When what really disappears is Castiel, there's very little Dean wouldn't do to get the angel back.
Even The Chicken is Gay | @avonlady42 Rating: Explicit Word Count: 53,730 Main Tags/Warnings: Gay Chicken, Dean and Castiel are clueless, top castiel/bottom Dean Winchester, switching, marriage, mile high club, smut, adoption Summary: Their senior year in high school, Charlie dares Dean and Castiel to play a game of gay chicken which they both reluctantly accept. Their friends wait impatiently to see who will chicken out first, but they’ve all given up on that happening when they show up to their 20-year high school reunion having been married for 14 years and both of them still thinking they are straight and in denial that they are in love with each other. This is based on a prompt from a meme on the Destiel forever Facebook group: In high school I was dared to play “gay chicken,” which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay, and the first one to chicken out loses. The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither one of us wanted to lose. We’ve been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn’t chicken out soon, I’m going to start to suspect he’s actually gay.
My Cryo Sleeping Beauty | @thefandomsinhalor Rating: Explicit Word Count: 55,356 Main Tags/Warnings: Space AU, Action/Adventure, Torture, Gabriel Is The Narrator, Humor, Misunderstandings, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean, Denial, Hunted, Flirting, Minor Sabriel, Summary: Let me tell you a story about two adorable, yet frustrating, knuckleheads in love. We got Dean Winchester of Venandi, who wakes up on an unknown spaceship with a half-naked man in his arms, and no memory of how this happened. Cuddling him oh-so lovingly, we have, fresh out of cryo sleep, prisoner James Novak, who is equally confused about his whereabouts and to find Dean sharing a bed with him. Now, prisoner Novak is really Castiel, an old acquaintance of Dean’s and his real identity appears to be only known by Dean. That’s when the mercenary Henriksen, doing Empress Amara’s bidding, stumbles upon them and crashes their little (freak out) moment. While dealing with Castiel’s mysterious past and Dean’s personal and urgent quest, they have no choice but to work side by side as they banter away to escape from everyone’s clutches and find out what really happened. I know you might be skeptical. People often ask me, “How in all the stars do you possibly know all of this, Gabe?” The answer is very simple: I’m part of the story! I witnessed first hand their tribulations and lovey-dovey looks. Well, some part of it. As for the rest…Well I’m all about tall tales.
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HOUSE MD SPOILERS below the cut
I just LOVE the ending. I hate it, but I love it and I want to talk about why it was actually so fucking good.
Tbh I love that Wilson, not House, is the one diagnosed with cancer.
Like it would have been so easy to end on the tempting note of House's actions having consequences and his drug use wrecking his body to the point of precancerous conditions that manfiest into the death he craved and nearly saw several times in the series, but they didn't. They could have given the character who is too disabled to exercise and has a diet of drugs and alcohol the cancer, but they didnt.
They said, no, the one who eats well and exercises regularly gets cancer. The one who blow dries his hair every morning and never does drugs(except the times he was roofied by House) and takes care of himself is diagnosed with terminal cancer and there is nothing to be done.
Because that's how cancer is. You can be in the best physical and mental shape of anyone and still lose to cancer, and fast. Sometimes the guy who eats nothing but fast food and has never checked his bmi will be the one whose organs last longer than his friend who eats balanced meals everyday and never done a thing to harm his body. Because that's how cancer is.
Cancer doesn't spare you because you're supposed to be the Watson to his Sherlock. Cancer doesn't spare you because you're an oncologist. Cancer doesn't spare you because your friend is the one who does drug and youre clean. Cancer doesnt spare you because all your meals were homecooked and made with your body's health in mind.
In this story, Sherlock fakes his death so Watson won't have to die alone. Because even the best detective is rendered useless in the face of his best friend's cancer.
I love that the story stuck to its guns and shot Wilson in the dead center of his clavicle.
Because "Cancer is Boring".
For a show that never stops trying to one up itself every episode to come up with the most insane medical conditions, ending it with the patient being Wilson, and the prognosis being simple, boring cancer was the best choice I think they could have made even if I hated it.
Because I wanted Wilson to live, I wanted House to turn around and find some crazy thing that would mean he is okay and it never happened. Wilson was just going to die, because it's cancer.
Simple and boring, but heavy and painful. I wanted Wilson to live, just like everyone who has lost a loved one to cancer wanted them to live, for a doctor to find something else and make it all better, but that's not what cancer is.
And for it to end on that note, really solidified this show in my brain as one to be remembered. Because, despite everything in the series, all the metaphors to geniuses and God and brilliance and remarkable feats, this show is true to itself to ALWAYS cut House down to a broken man again.
He gets his old flame back, and he still loves her, but it won't take long for that to end bitterly.
He does experimental medication, it fixes his pain and he can do the thing he loves again(running/jogging) and he ends up broken in his bathtub pulling tumors from his leg and ultimately has to call someone to help him.
He gets goes to rehab, gets clean, and wins the love of the main female lead, but he falls off, he gets suicidal, he loses her, and then he goes to jail.
He helps people while in jail, then he gets out of jail, he fixes his relationship with his best friend, he helps people at his old job, his best and only friend is diagnosed with terminal cancer, he lands himself in a burning building while tripping hard and takes that chance to throw everything away for this friend who will only be with him a few more months.
At the beginning, middle, and end of the show it really says "God doesn't limp."
Dr. Gregory House is just a man.
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💙A General Guide to Taking Care of a Disabled Darling (From a Disabled Yandere)💙
Hiya everyone! I saw someone make a guide on this and wanted to add some more in depth detail as a disabled yandere so I can give you all the best advice on keeping and caring for your darling. Admittedly as someone who's disabled, nothing makes me want to be away from someone more than someone who is ableist so if you want to keep a darling with a disability it's best to be informed. I'm going to approach this as if you are in an active relationship with someone just because that's where a lot of my perspective comes from (as well as from the perspective of my personal disabilities) but if you all want any more advice please tell me! Anyways onto the list!
(Long post below)
1.) Research, research, research
If your darling tells you what specific conditions they deal with write it down. Remember it. Anything. And when you get a spare moment, I want you to pour yourself into research for that condition and generally how disabled people are treated. If you are an able-bodied yandere, you are not immune to ableism and that is the number one thing that will push your darling away. Learn everything you can about their condition. What may help one disability may hurt another. Also if you and your darling are on good terms don't be afraid to ask questions! Take note of what personally helps them. Good example, while hot water is known to help with joint pain and muscle aches it can be really bad for disabilities that cause light headedness and vertigo like POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) so knowing what you're dealing with can give you a leg up.
As a general note, try to avoid telling them to exercise, meditate, do yoga, go on a diet, etc. If that stuff could fix out conditions we already would have done it, and for certain conditions, it can make symptoms worse. Please listen to your darling on what they specifically need. Become an expert on every facet of them and their opinions on their disability. If you're reading this you're probably a yandere so it's not exactly like research is hard for us.
2.) Have supplies on hand
Being disabled and going anywhere usually requires some level of forethought, or effort. So try making it easier by having supplies on hand. Here's a list of stuff I keep on me at all times to aid with m disabilities when I'm out in the wild!
Pain meds of choice
Instant hot packs
Instant cold packs
Hot and cold pain cream (BIOFREEZE IS EXPENSIVE BUT IT WORKS SO WELL)
Electrolyte drink or drink mix with water
Compression items for different joints
Blood pressure reader of some kind (I use a fitbit tbh)
Headphones
Sunglasses (Sun is to bright, don't judge)
Fidget toys
My mobility aid
Now this is what I personally carry on myself. What you can carry for your darling is going to vary on who they are, where they stand in your life and what their disabilities are. (Note: If you know someone with POTS and they have a flare up, being able to provide an electrolyte drink during the episode may help get you on their good side, especially if they know you as someone they can rely on for that. Don't hold me to that advice all I know is I would probably marry someone if they did that for me lmao.)
Adjust to what they personally need. There's a lot of other items that could be useful to have on hand depending on what their disabilities are, such as different types of OTC meds you could grab, specific compression items, heart rate monitors, glucose monitors, vomit bags, incontinence products, if legal marijuana products, etc. It's all based on what they struggle with which is why step one is research. You can't build a medical supply kit if you don't know what you're trying to treat.
3.) Be their advocate
This is the me lecturing you about ableism section. Your darling whether physically or mentally disabled has to put up with a LOT of bullshit. Ableism is very deeply rooted in our society, so often you're gonna see your darling in certain situations. Strangers asking whats wrong with them, people claiming they don't have what they say they have, saying their faking for attention, saying they don't really need XYZ support item, etc. You need to learn to defend your darling the correct way.
It's going to vary from person to person, from situation to situation, but your best bet is shutting shit like that down. some stranger walks up to your wheelchair using yandere and asks what's wrong with them? Tell them your darlings medical history is none of their business. Someone says their lazy for using their supports? Stand up for them. Say they need these supports and being on a fair playing field with everyone else isn't lazy. At a doctor's appointment and your darling is AFAB and the doctor's trying to blow off their symptoms? Tell them what you've seen. Ask the doc what they would do if your darling wasn't AFAB. Tell them to mark lack of treatment in charts. Make the doctors cover their asses. You in these settings are your darling's biggest resource.
But also...
4.) Learn when to shut the fuck up. Don't put your foot in your mouth.
You (if you are an able bodied yandere, which is my target demographic with this) reading this, probably struggle a lot with being ableist and don't even realize. This is where listening to others is gonna win you a lot of brownie points. Sometimes, you need to advocate, sometimes, especially in disabled spaces with your darling, you need to learn to shut the fuck up and listen. It will usually benefit you greatly to not speak over your darling in these settings because it can give you a lot of useful info on how to deepen your relationship and also not be an ass to them. In the beginning, there's going to be times where you say hurtful shit. Move your pride to the side and apologize. You are not immune to having bigoted ideals. General rule of thumb, if your darling wants to speak first, let them, you can give input afterwards. And if they specifically tell you to shut up in a certain setting because you're talking over them, shut up.
5.) Okay now for the fun stuff. Love languages!
With people who struggle with disabilities, they may express their love languages in different ways. Acts of service may carry more weight if your darling really struggles with tasks. Quality time may matter more if they're bed ridden and bored out of their mind. Here is a very general guide of love language actions for disabled darlings.
Acts of Service:
Cleaning their room for them
Doing the dishes
Taking out trash
Doing their laundry
Making doctor's appointments for them
Taking them to and from doctor's appointments
Refilling and picking up their prescriptions
Quality Time:
If they're in a pain flare, keep them company, even if it's just napping with them!
Watch shows with them if they're struggling with doing anything that requires a lot of movement.
Run errands with them, so they can have help with difficult tasks like carrying heavy objects, or talking to customer service representatives.
If they're unable to leave the house but able to move a little bit, suggest video games, board games, or some fun low energy activity together
Go to doctor's appointments with them. Like be in the physical room. You'd be surprised how much it helps if your darling wants the assistance.
Words of Affirmation:
ENCOURAGE THEM
SERIOUSLY BEING DISABLED IS SO FUCKING HARD
THEY GOT OUT OF BED TODAY? PRAISE THEM!
THEY DECIDED TO MAKE A MEAL INSTEAD OF EATING ONLY DORITOS? PRAISE THEM!
EVERYTHING THEY DO REQUIRES MORE EFFORT THAN THE NORMAL HUMAN YOU BETTER FUCKING BE PRAISING THEM FOR THAT SHIT
Physical Touch:
Okay, gonna get the caveat out of the way, some conditions will cause physical touch to be painful. Find out from your darling if that's the case. Otherwise...
Does your darling struggle with hygiene? Do they trust you enough to be naked in front of you? Shower together. Not even in a horny way, taking showers while disabled fucking sucks man. Having someone to help me wash myself helps a lot. Bonus points if shower chair is involved.
Massages. If your loved one needs a lot of creams or ointments, put them on for them, work them in carefully. If they're more pain treatments, a deeper massage may also help work those knots out. Just be careful and be gentle and slow. Listen to your darling. Pay attention to their responses. Whether they're leaning into or away from how hard you're kneading. Just communicate clearly for this. Don't hurt them on accident
Cuddles. I'm gonna be blunt. Sometimes, your darling will end up stuck in bed barely able to do anything. Cuddle them. Being stuck is so much less lonely that way. Also bonus points for nap time being a quality time thing.
Help them with "intimate" tasks they may struggle with. Showering together goes in this category but for a broader purpose, this category exists. Once again this has to have that layer of trust, but this is things like helping them get dressed, helping them feed themselves, helping them brush their teeth or manage their hair (PLEASE DO RESEARCH ON THEIR HAIR TYPE FOR THIS).
Receiving Gifts:
Help them pay for medical supplies if you can afford it. It doesn't need to be a power chair. If you want to just buy someone some ibuprofen, or a heating pad, or just like... some small item that may help them, I promise you it will matter. If they mention running low on a critical medical supply that's OTC and you have the money for, just buy it for them.
Buying them things that can keep them entertained in bed or inside the house is also a really nice thoughtful item.
STREAMING SERVICES!!! IF YOU CAN PAY FOR A SUBSCRIPTION OF THEIR CHOICE TO ANY STREAMING SERVICE THEY WANT. GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO BINGE WATCH WITH YOU WHILE STUCK IN BED.
This one is a little more tailored to me, but if your darling is like me and appreciates monthly subscription boxes with surprise items in them, consider a "spoonie" or "chronic illness" box. They are usually pretty surface level stuff but the items in them tend to be nice and veer in the self care category so it's an option to consider.
Don't give them "Get well soon cards" unless you know FOR CERTAIN that whatever is plaguing them right now can actually get well soon. Most disabilities you can't recover from. There is no "get well soon" for most of us. Don't give us a reminder of that.
Anyways! That's my list. Feel free to add onto this if you all have any other ideas. If you're ableist in my notes, I freely block and report so don't test me.
Have a nice day!
(I didn't proofread this, please cut me some slack if this is all over the place)
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Intuitive way of Exercising:
You don't tell the body what to do, let the body tell you what you need to do for it.
Don't force yourself to get things done, be in the moment, breathe and enjoy every move willingly, enjoy the good pain that comes with beneficial muscle movements.
Being self-critical and judgemental is a form of self-hate. Be in acceptance with where you are and motivate yourself to do better. Be kind and loving towards your journey. Fear is not a motivation, it's just mental torture.
Don't workout to escape your anxiety. It won't fix your anxiety in the long run. Always do things with mindfulness and being in alignment with the moment. Workout shouldn't be an escapism from emotions. Feel and heal your emotions to then workout from a balanced place of mind.
There is no competition and there is no rat race. External validation and looking a certain way are not long-lasting goals to have. Long lasting goals include building on your core,your foundations and inner body strength; something that's sustainable in the long run. Let your goals be around good health and not just around egoic motivations.
Diet and nutrition should support everything you do. Staying hydrated and breathing correctly is of paramount importance. Also getting fresh air and sunlight is important from time to time.
What are your tips on exercising the right way?
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Nothing has ever embodied the utter disbelief and self-hatred I feel more than the Arcane S2E9 scene where Viktor pushes Jayce away after he gets to see how Jayce views him and loves him.
Personal story moment: About a month ago, I had sunk deep into self-loathing because of a diet/exercise program thing I was kind of forced to attend. I had many moments where I looked at my face and thought it pretty, or saw my hair & thought of my own intellect and told myself “I’m a catch”. But all of it felt like a paper-thin farce when I started hating myself for eating wrong, for feeling horribly achy and terrible for not doing the exercises right. For failing to do them well. Me in my tiny room, alone, with a dumbbell I couldn’t quite lift up without feeling like I was setting off some nerve-endings all along my arm. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror anymore. I hated myself for failing. All that faux confidence and momentary glimpses of ‘self-love’ fled from me and I was left sitting in the fact that staring at a fucking meal plan and counting calories was all it took to burn down any iota of like I had for myself. Not even love.
It went deep. I hated my existence. By that I mean I hated the fact that money and resources had to be spent so I can buy sustenance. I hated that I needed clothes. I hated that I needed to eat, to sleep, breathe. Everyday, I felt like a waste of space and dreamed of being folded up and put away on a shelf or storage somewhere until some use could be found for me.
Any time I felt interest in someone, my first reaction was never “Maybe I should try to get to know them”. It was always “you are not allowed to like someone, because look at you”. And my mind would flash a long list of all the ways in which I will never be attractive to anyone. Dating meant physical intimacy meant bodies—and my body could never be desired. It was a meat suit, an ugly, horrible, flawed, disgusting meat suit. It did not help that my mother kept telling me ways of fixing my atrocious meat suit into something more desirable. Shave, wax, lasers in your eyes the glasses are ugly, fix your teeth, fix your hair, wear this, don’t wear that, no more black, wear color be beautiful, smell like flowers and lotion.
If someone saw the thoughts I had in my head about myself, saw me for all my horrible traits and all my ugliness in all its truth and decided to love me? Thought it all a part of everything they loved about me??? I would be like Viktor too. Horrified. Because how COULD you??? It feels like an insult, a joke, a mockery, a farce. That can’t be possible. To be hated is my natural state of being, how could any say they LOVE this???
To see Viktor reckon with that, that he had someone who loves him so unconditionally and earnestly and sees all the ways in which he is beautiful broke my heart and made me feel seen.
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