#and sometimes we even see that. but that doesn't change the fact that our brains and bodies are working against us

[the-voice-of-night-vale]

social anxiety can be really funny in retrospect bc it will have you saying shit like 'is it weird to call a doctor's office and schedule an appointment?"with 100% sincerity and panicking about it as if that's not the silliest thing in the world

[nondualiber]

"act as if you have it" hell no. 💌

i believe that ‘act as if you have it’ is often tied to limiting our behaviour by asking ourselves questions like ‘would i feel/act/do this way if i already had my desire?’ (ex: ‘would i feel sad to see my body in the mirror if i already had my desired body?’) and actually the answer to all those questions is YES because if you decided it, then you already have that desire (in this example, your desired body) and you still feel sad to see it, there is no reason to deny it.

In that sense, thinking ‘as if you already have it’ seems to me to be limiting and a way… manifesting doesn't work like most things we know. feelings (which come from the brain) and actions are 3d things and 3d can NEVER affect manifestation, so they (feelings, actions and loa) are separate things. just like you can eat as much or as little as you want and do as much exercise as you want in 3d and still have your desired body with manifesting, you can do absolutely anything, act in any way, and feel anything in 3d and still have your desire. so when i feel bad i downplay it as far as manifestation is concerned. yes, i feel really bad, yes, i'm having a hard time with such and such, yes, i don't want to persist or keep going with my method, but i have my desire anyway.

another thing -sometimes we believe we aren't manifesting correctly because while we affirm, visualize, or do any other method we don't feel like we have our desire; we aren't convinced or we don't feel happy or fulfilled, blah blah blah. actually, i don't think it means you're doing anything wrong since, i repeat, in the 3d we can feel however we want and our feelings DON'T make the methods we use less effective because, as we all know, the 3d has nothing to do with manifestation.

the way i see it (or better said i choose to see it, since it's the way it works the best with me and makes me feel more relieved about the 'process') is: nothing i do in the 3d can make what i want not come, not even thinking against said want (brain action btw), just because everything i want is already mine - the real me - and it has to come to me. an affirmation i use to remaind me this is 'there's nothing i have to do to archieve it and anything i think, feel or do doesn't change the fact that it's going to reach me'

i still think "in my favour" when i can because it makes me feel good and relieved about the fact that i have it, but when im triggered by the 3d and come back to thinking from the old story - i'll talk about it soon!! - i always know those moments are irrelevant because my desire will forever come my way (because it was always mine) and nothing the ego does can change that. and, if i'm not convinced about what i'm saying, i can always affirm and stand by that ౨ৎ

kisses,

- libertad

[borderlinereminders]

Check the Facts

Sometimes it isn't actually the facts of a situation that are causing our emotions and distress. Sometimes it's our interpretation of the facts. When things happen, sometimes our emotions overtake us and can actually warp of view of other things.

One example is maybe your friend cancelled plans because she was sick. Maybe this causes you to spiral and think "she doesn't care about me! She never hangs out with me!" You may be feeling extremely angry and want to end the friendship as a result. However, your brain may be overlooking that she does hang out with you and there are recent instances of that. Checking the facts can be useful for an emotion you want to change.

What emotion do you want to change?

In our example, this may be the extreme feeling of anger, sadness, betrayal, etc.

What is the event that prompted the emotion?

My friend cancelled our plans!

What are the facts?

When did your friend last hang out with you? You might check the facts and realize she hung out with you last week.

Do your emotions fit the facts?

In this case, the intensity of the sadness and betrayal may not fit the situation given the history of your friend's reliability. Please know I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid. You are very much allowed your feelings, but sometimes being rational with ourselves can help. While it's understandable to feel disappointed, and even sad or angry, the extreme in which you're feeling it is related to your interpretation and not the actual facts.

When checking the facts, there are some methods we can use if we are struggling to do so ourselves especially if we're struggling to answer the question.

Ask others their thoughts on the situation. Sometimes an outside point of view can help us see things more clearly.

Approach the situation from your friend's point of view. If you were the one sick and had to cancel plans, how would you feel? In this case, your friend might have felt guilty about it to start with and it was a really hard decision they made. Maybe because they really don't want to get you sick and they just don't have the energy.

Formulate a New Response

Remind yourself that people have emergencies and things come up, and your friend cancelling on you does not mean they don't care. This might be where you look for methods to help you in the future. Maybe you start keeping a calendar and colour the days when you see her so you have a visual representation. Maybe you keep a screenshot or two of her saying she cares about you so you can remind yourself as needed.

Remember, you aren't a bad person for having your feelings. Whatever those feelings are. Even if they don't "fit the facts." Feelings are not inherently bad. It's what you do with the feelings that matters.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Why do you think they don't show Marinette comforting other characters? It's always been a weird writing decision to me, and I sometimes wondered if I was legit just erasing all the times it happened out of my memory or smth. Like the first character trait established for her is she struggles to say no to people, she is a people-pleaser. And there isn't a better way to make ur mc lovable than showing how they effect the people around them. AND it would make her breakdowns genuinely heartbreaking, because she keeps giving and giving and it's a genuine flaw. Like, she rushed off to comfort Ivan in Origins, right? We should have had more of that. I'm reminded of that one Lady Wifi (i think?) scene where Ladybug is smiling at her adoring fans and the camera while Chat Noir is in the background actually comforting a child lmao. It just feels so weird, because I think Marinette IS actually supposed to be someone who does that, who provides that comfort to her loved ones all the time (even at the cost of her own mental health, boom, an actual thing she can work towards). But we just keep getting the reverse instead. She just kinda feels like a shit friend? Showing that emotional labor would also make her exhaustion work because like, what does the guardian even DO? Tell not show, but they ain't telling shit.

One of the things that drew me to Miraculous is the fact that the show tends to write the characters in non-standard gender roles, so I actually like the fact that Marinette tends to be more of a fixer than a comforter. She drives people to action and wants to solve problems and is very good at taking the weight of the world on her shoulders, but she kind of sucks at emotional vulnerability and comforting people. It's genuinely a good flaw for her character and a lovely thing to see in a show aimed at girls. No, we don't all need to be stereotypically maternal figures. Women can be just as bad as men stereotypically are when it comes to emotions!

The problem is that the show is obsessed with Marinette holding every important role in the story, meaning that we don't get a more emotionally aware character or characters to balance her out. Nor do we get to see her learn that this is a flaw of hers and either improve or just own that she's bad at this and learn to trust someone else with these types of issues. (This is one of the many things I think Adrien should have been allowed to do, btw. Ladybug is the brains, Chat Noir should be the heart.) We also don't get a true sense of Marinette's struggles because the show's formulaic nature rarely allows for those types of problems.

The Lila thing is a good example. Lila says that she's going to destroy Marinette's friendships, but she literally can't do that because that would mean changing the way the characters relate on a massive scale and formula shows can't do that. So instead of seeing Marinette struggle as Lila lies and manipulates everyone into hating Marinette, we get extremely annoying episodes where Lila lies and everyone believes her, but no one gets all that upset at Marinette's constant accusations. They just treat it as a minor quibble which is actually more aggravating than Lila changing the status quo in my opinion.

There's also the issue that you brought up: we don't see Marinette truly struggling to be the guardian, so her new role doesn't feel like a big deal. Not much changes for her save for the kwamis being around now. We don't even know what her relationship with Master Fu was really like because he was barely ever on screen so we really don't feel her loss.

All of this is just another problem to lay at the feat of our ever-present issue: Miraculous does not have the right conflicts and characters for a formula show. Formula shows thrive off of things being lighthearted and the heroes lacking major flaws. Miraculous chose to make things somewhat serious and give everyone flaws that are just begging to be address, but that can't be because this is the wrong format for that type of thing.

In a team show where character arcs were a thing or even just one where character dynamics were a thing and Marinette was allowed to share the screen in a more balanced manner, then everything about her would work fine. She's set up perfectly for that kind of show. She is not set up for a formula show where she's basically the only character that matters outside of the villains. If that's what they wanted to write, then Marinette needed to be limited to minor flaws that never last more than an episode or at least limited to flaws that are purely situational such as being stubborn or the classic sudo-flaw of being clumsy that the show already embraces.

[interstellarsystem]

Experiences With Being Out as a System

So, our parents know we're a system. It's all good, they understand that when we suddenly speak like someone from London that it's just another guy taking the body for a spin real quick and that they don't need to question it too much.

The thing is... They don't know our names, or anything about us as individuals. We don't have enough open communication with them to actually discuss the inner-workings of the hundreds of little guys in our brain and who they are or what they like, but even if we did, it's not actually important to them. It almost seems like it's swept under the rug.

Our mother said that she doesn't get why she should have to know anyone else when we're all "us". We're all just a collective to her still, a bunch of bits that make up her child, even though she knows we're separate. Her child, the original, isn't here anymore. But the thing is.. some of us want to get to know her and the family individually. Even beyond just being seen as who we actually are, we want to be a part of it aside from being treated as someone who is gone. But it's not a thing they understand despite our explanations of what it means to us, even despite the fact they know the original is dormant and has been for years.

The most anyone in our family knows about us is our mother, and she only knows anyone with a voice similar to Sark as "the american one". She doesn't know that there's even multiple who sound similar to him.

Technically, we're out as a system. Effectively, though... We're still closeted. Though not really because we're staying in it, moreso that we left but it follows us around like a shield within our own household, but it's not shielding us. It's shielding them from us.

Our experience with talking to medical professionals has been hard because of this--sharing bits about ourselves has been scary. It's scarier to show them pictures of our nonhuman headmates and say "that one is me", but it's never actually been bad when we've mustered up the strength to do it. One of them looked at Mal and saw his horns and said he looks like a faun from Greek mythology. Even though he's not, a positive response like that was empowering. That same one said Filigree's hair was cool. Little acknowledgements about who you are when you've tried to be seen before is great.

With our IRL friends, we expected the situation to be similar to our parents. Swept under the rug like a taboo and given weird, uncomfortable looks when spoken about. But it's been completely different.

We get asked who is fronting, we get acknowledged as separate people, hell, we even felt comfortable telling them about our actual fictive identities and letting the ones who wanted to follow this blog (hey guys if you're reading this <3) get access to it. They acknowledge our nonhumanity and nonhuman parts, share things about our sources with us because it reminded them of us, etc. Sometimes, now, because we've been open about it, we get people actually ask "is x fronting" and we say yes and they say "I knew it".

That specific feeling of being recognised even when your outward appearance doesn't change is absolutely amazing. Little manerisms, little ways our voice sounds even when masking accents out in public, even the words we choose to use are tells toward who is actually controlling the body and they pick up on it--even things we might not recognise we even do. Sure, there's hundreds of people in here and people won't know every single one off by heart, but the ones who are out here often are being recognised and that, to me, is amazing and validating to all of us.

I guess the point here is me sharing our experiences, but also.... You will be able to find people who see you for you. You as a system, you as a nonhuman, you as a disabled person, you as a queer person--you'll be able to find your people. And you know, I hope you do soon--because the feeling of being known is great.

[olivebeeandstuff]

On the humans are weird subject:

I recently read this book called Livewired, by David Eagleman - pleeeease if you like anything neuroscience related, read his books, they're great- where he suggested that we dream because of neuroplasticity and the rotation of the earth.

Basically neuroplasticity means that the brain will adapt to the data it receives. You lose a hand, the brain will turn the area that was uses to process that hand's info into an area to process the rest of the arm. You lose your vision, the vision processing areas will be taken over by tact and hearing.

But this kind of adaptation can happen really quick, he mentions one study where they blindfolded people and it took only one hour to notice changes in brain activity.

So back to the rotation of the Earth, because of it we have long periods of darkness, which means not using our eyes and focusing on other senses for long periods of time daily - at least before we learned how to control fire, which was fairly recent in evolution terms.

Because of this he proposes that dreams are to practice our vision, to make sure that during those periods of darkness, the brain is still processing visual information, the theory is corroborated by the fact that there are very few areas of the brain involved in dreaming, it's mostly the visual cortex. That would also explain why we usually don't remember dreams, there's no need to.

Now imagine a world with a different rotation speed, one that's very fast, or one that doesn't have rotation at all. Imagine if these places had intelligent life. They would very likely not dream. Or maybe somewhere in the universe, intelligent life evolved with completely different brains, and they don't need to dream.

The aliens would be very confused with it. Like how do we even explain it?

Alien: So what you are saying is that you are experiencing daily vivid hallucinations where you can't tell what's true or not. Should I be worried? Should I call the doctor?

Human: No, it's not like that! It's normal, every human dreams every night, or at least they should. I think not having dreams is actually a sign that something is wrong...

Alien: Every one of you does that?! How is that not dangerous?

Human: Well you see, our bodies are usually kinda deactivated when it happens, so it all in our head. And we mostly don't even remember it anyways

Alien: Usually?

Human: Yeah, sometimes people talk in their sleep and things like that. Then there's people like Steve, he's what we call a sleep walker, his body is completely functional when he dreams, so he just walks around unconscious thinking that he's in his dream

Alien: STEVEN WALKS AROUND COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS WHILE HAVING VIVID HALLUCINATIONS AND YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S A PROBLEM?!

[crying-fantasies]

Size difference

Masterlist

Featuring TFA! Megatron, smut/fluff/angst, if the size difference is the thing then this Megatron is the one, CW: mentions suicide/death, grief (denial), TFA Megatron first form (I prefer that one over the Earth one), mention of deep emotion, infiltration, use of drugs and alcohol, long fic.

“Devotion inspires courage, courage inspires sacrifice, sacrifice inspires death”, or in other words, TF One has destroyed me beyond recognition, putting me in the deepest sadness (and you all are coming with me).

Watching you all overcharged by your ethanol-based liquid is always amusing, sometimes you cry, pleading for your weak planet and your horrendous kind, sometimes you laugh, making fun of all that you tried so hard to keep in one piece, intact, probably shattered once again by your social interactions out of his reach while getting whatever resources he needs to keep his plans afloat; you hate your kind, sometimes with the same fervor Lugnut hates the Autobots or whoever gets on the way for the decepticon cause, and as fast as you consume a bottle you are, once again, trying to squeeze your humorous tiny brain module for reasons to make him spare this black water planet that has only provide him endless annoyance.

“Music!”, your little watery eyes seem to brighten up as he only seems slightly amused by the way you try so hard to make him see the good in humanity, no matter the fact you already know his very much unchangeable point of view, “you guys have music, right?”

If any other decepticon were present more than one would have squashed you by the mere idea that music was something only humans had, “we do”, Megatron doesn't elaborate, he has heard war chants long enough, songs almost lost in the back of his processor, nevertheless, those out of reach memories are better than the awful music turned propaganda of the Autobots.

Since that day, you have tried your best to save your species by what they can give him over what they are, you show him arts, show him chemicals once the topic of food is mentioned.

“You guys only eat energon?”

“We consume it almost raw as our fuel”, at your fallen curiosity, by that shine of yours dying a little bit, Megatron pushes on with nothing more horrible and visceral than the truth, “Only flimsy Autobots had the shanix and riches to add elements or upgrade it”, he only has so much expression to give with his sorry state, but the way your body reflects the sudden realization and sadness is surely telling, “We were given only the scraps of their lowest grade energon, but no more”.

Day by day your view of the Autobots is twisted by him, he likes to say and think that he is only showing you how things were and still are, what once was awe upon the image of the heroes in the news changed to unconscious doubt, day by day Megatron tells you the truth about the Autobots and feels an ounce of glee when you stop looking at the news and just go about your day trying to help him back to his feet; it’s a hassle, sure, but you said it could help him, something to do with his processor, that people talked about their problems, he pushed your head down with one of his digits by the mere idea of putting your people at the same level as him, but he didn't kill you for such transgressions as you wanted to hear more, makes him remember of the days he guided the young and stray into the decepticon cause even when you are a meat bag, you added his teachings with ease and gave your comments once he was finished, long gone seem to be the days you feared him, trembling in your place, now you have the gall to talk to him, you still say “Lord Megatron” when his soldiers are present, but if not, you are brave enough to call directly his designation after poking around the topic, he couldn't care less about your perception of things as humans tend to bond easily as it seems, the push of his digit over your head was perceived by you as an endearment, even affection if he listened well to your little puff of air and laugh when you had time to realize he isn't squishing you right then and there, but what for, you've your use, with what little alchemy you make a mean energon fuel.

“Copper and other things are very common on Earth”, the little metal vase on your hands shakes with the movement, the fear of being in front of several optics is long gone to this point, maybe a little bit of your sanity too because who shakes hardly processed energon with metal inside the same container like that without the fear of it exploding? Not even the craziest decepticon can try that, and if they did then they are long gone, but no, he is presented by hardly a shot of energon in your strange concoction, or two, as you make another for him to try, one tasting better than the other, Megatron is surprised, even amazed, by the difference and the good results showed by his internal computer when the takes the second one, the nutrients on it, “the first one has industrial copper”, you smile, almost understanding, a knowing smile that portrays your human nature just right, “the second one, I bought it from traditional miners in south America, human miners that work with their hands”, by the corner of his optic he can catch Blitzwing fidgeting, maybe his tanks are empty and he wants a taste, or you lied and he isn't the first to try your alchemy if Lugnut scornful glare tells something.

Sly human, still not stopping to prove the worthiness of your people, “I may take it into consideration”.

It was a wrong move, as now you take that little victory as your biggest move yet, your tiny project of people he admits to “maybe keep alive” and next thing he knows you're walking without much care around, you clean them and make it feel good, you make fuel as the long lost alchemist back on Cybertron, you come up with spare parts for him to choose, your wielding work is pitiful at best, but you keep searching videos for it, other humans showing how to patch a broken metal table and you use it to fix a blaster hole.

You have your use, Megatron is a bit amused and bothered at the same time for it.

Until you dry out again, distraught, Megatron finds you looking at a patch of nature, or more like a patch robbed of anything worth in it, “humanity is like this”, you tell him, “they need a lot of steel and other things for the robots”, Megatron can almost sense you distressed levels of cortisol, he may do the same, take everything, but what for? This planet heals itself if you leave half intact, humans are far too greedy, and way too destructive if the contamination in the area is anything to go by, Megatron is mad more over the fact this patch of the planet can't contribute more for him in the long run, and for some reason that makes you laugh, before taking a little sip of your bottle and be done with it.

But your consumption of ethanol-based liquids doesn't stop, at least you do it when almost no one is present so your sad, ugly behavior is unknown most of the time, just once Megatron asks for it, and your inhibited answer makes him see you in another perspective, “they aren't paying me the extra time, they give me the extra work because she took a sick leave but her social media is full of pictures of her in the freaking beach, I’m yelled at for passing out during work hours, I don't have time to eat because I must work and then come here, my family is mad I don't spend more time with them, they make me feel guilty”, you laugh, like the last shards of your sanity are slipping by your tiny fingers, “but you guys are better than them”, how humorous and miserable, for an alien species made of metal to treat you better than your own, and that's a lot to say about those people if you feel more at ease with the Decepticons.

Your sanity gets down to another low blow when Megatron finds you with little chalky things on your hands, a doctor prescribed them to you, they are rich in vitamins and he can tell by the smell, that there is something under them, it smells like poison.

A rotten smell started to come from you, slightly covered by the smell of sweet ethanol .

“Can I see the real Megatron?”

He takes a moment to take in the idea, so he moves forward to let you get a better side of his faceplate and helm, but your face shows how lost you are, your usual smell has subdued once again, and you have one of those natural essences on.

“The real Megatron?”, takes a moment to understand, and your smile grows at his transformation, he can do this, all his people can, but you seem almost moved to tears when he takes on his original form, words barely a whisper as you mutter a low “perfect”.

Your comment about his helm resembling a crown earns you a smirk, your fingers itching to touch it if he is right, he is handsome you say, flattery won't get you far but you rebuke him, recounting all the times you have seen pretty words and pretty bodies and faces win the best job, the best everything, your words drip poison, the thought is ridiculous, but you would make a good decepticon if only you weren't bond to your meat carcass.

Turns out, not even that stops you or him, it would be a lie to say that the softness of your bare body doesn't do things to him under the obvious discomfort of pushing his digits under the fabrics covering you, it's one of the very few moments your body doesn't reek of alcohol, its absence conveying your mind and body together as one once again as he lets your tiny hands roam his faceplate with reverence, touching his supposed crown in something akin to affection.

You've always been affectionate, even when it was your default mode all along your surroundings made it impossible to show it.

He catches on the badly sewed purple patch in your clothes, just above where your primitive fuel pump should be, one which runs faster when he comments an amused “Really?” once noticing the badge made by hand, you hug his faceplate, as far as you can reach, smiling in content and pursuing asylum of his optics in the middle of them, out of reach, kissing just in the middle, Megatron is no stranger to your outbursts of affection, he has come to accept it with time as much as he had to learn to handle you without breaking a rib, again.

He could kill you, but you make an interesting diversion from what is burning outside the hideout.

Wasting energon in mass displacement is out of the question, you don't seem to mind, except when you do and pitifully cry about not being fair, Megatron smiles, handsomely you add, when the tip of his spike brushes against your entrance, impossible to fit, but your warm mouth is focused over his anterior node, hands pushing along his biolights, time and his low vents, huffing above you as steam, have taught you enough, the lack of words from his part igniting curiosity on how far he will let you do and what makes the grin in his faceplate grow, you've learned enough to know where to use those stupidly tiny nails, dull enough to catch the mesh under, drag it down, your chest, insufficient by any means, but plush as you drag it around him, getting pleasure yourself when those peaks press in the most giving mesh you seem to like, using your arms to do your best and hug tight his spike, Megatron almost laughs when your mouth stops it's work and kiss under the node, opting to vent some vapor by his intake when you look back up at him; those watery eyes of yours, for once, seem normal, giving him the best angle to look at you, the real you, licking slowly, so slowly, your eyes don't leave his optics, you're missing his spike, loving him, giving him reverence, your harmless teeth dragging above his protomesh, trying to go hard with him, wishful thinking if anything, the lame excuse of a sting makes his engines rev, watching you make a show of one person, trying to hold into the best your body can give.

Soon, your tiredness puts an end to the play, now he gets serious and overstimulated with no real release unless he gets his servos dirty, holding you in one and looking at your entrance directly even when you yell by the surprise, Megatron seems it moisture enough, you meat bags get aroused so easily, but who is he to make fun of you when he can still hear his engines revving by your heated administrations of affection, even worse yet as you also hear them, smiling with that inherent cunning nature of yours, smile soon leaving you when his glossa makes contact to your sorry entrance, all small that it can barely hold the tip of his glossa at bay, your body almost fall down his servo when your head drops back by the sheer pressure, Megatron is expecting to feel your toes on his face, your pathetic leg struts kicking at him to go slower or faster, instead, he catches your body distracted in other places, your face is flush with blood, glancing intently to his weeping spike out of your reach, toes soon curling by the deep rumble of his chuckle, moaning, hands flying to hold your face, trying to keep it all together.

“Should know you have your priorities set”, giving a fast and final taste to your entrance Megatron puts you where you want to be, and, being honest, he also does, already with practice in hand in how to put you under the side of his spike, letting you get a good hold of your space, pushing your hips, inviting him to destroy and ruin you.

He laughs lowly to himself, he has already ruined you for anyone else, he has already ruined you for your species, there will be no one else after him, and you seem content with it as you moan, freely, drowning in pleasure as his hips finally move and give you the friction you've been waiting for, holding for dear life to his servo, the practice has resulted in experience, he knows what you like too, more by the fact you two are similar down there even when it is increasingly concerning, but once his nodes push against your weeping entrance, once your fluids make it easy for him to take and for you to give, all those concerns seem to fade away, feeling a concentrated rush of desire flow through his frame as his optics take on the image of your little body taking all it can, imagining how a tight feat it will be once he can claim you.

He has already done it, your mind is his, he just needs time and resources to claim your body entirely.

Later on, while he is resting in the berth of his quarters you have the confidence to put a blanket over yourself, feeling brave enough to wander around with only the fabric on but still short to walk naked around him in the privacy of his territory.

It's okay, soon, he will fix your broken self-esteem, and make you see your use and strength, till then, Megatron is satisfied, hearing you promise him to make an alternative fuel for his people, Megatron can hardly hear your hypothesis about combining carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, hydrogen and some kind of acid with energon, the lust and passion of an organic seem to know no limitations if you two have been at it for so long, but you just promise him, he will see the real potential of your people, something worth to keep, and Megatron believes you may have some truth in your words if your keep fighting on for it, something worth fighting for.

Something worth fighting for, Megateon reminds himself of such when he is taken, broken, and all the hideout falls, he supposed you succumbed under the debris and made peace with the idea of dying fast under a rock, no suffering, no questioning, just death, deeming it enough and fair for you.

Megatron, instead, is forced to watch the organic news, in between, he sees you, your face and name, pointed as the main culprit of an unfruitful act of rebellion against the Autobots, the new allies of humanity, blinded flesh bags that know nothing of the deep hatred and disgust the very same Autobots teach as nature, Megatron knows, as his kind, the war frames, the flying frames, and the worker frames have always been on the short side of any real benefit, he expects to see you still fighting, but it soon changes when he sees the pieces scattered and poorly covered, the space bridge painted with red and explosive energon, all washed away as it never happened.

As it didn't matter at all.

Nobody mourns you as the title of a traitor is branded next to your name, no matter that Megatron has seen you do the possible and impossible to save your people from his plans, people that hardly knew the real you spew lies to make them feel and be seen better, Sentinel Prime makes him see all, amused by the flesh bag that wore the decepticon badge on its covers, telling Megatron, with words heavy with fake appreciation and genuine scorn: “how did you train that organic to bid your every word?”.

It's far from the truth, as Megatron hoped for your easy death, he would have never instructed or led you down to such a gruesome and painful one.

But alas, he is the big, bad, murderous decepticon that consumes autobot protoforms.

Once the Prime has had his fun, he lets him be, displayed for everyone to see, an example of the Autobots’ power, new sparks look at him from behind the glass, in the ocean of bright optics, ready to learn and be corrupted by the Autobots' lies, he notices a knowing pair, a visor, and Soundwave looking at him, Megatron can listen to him in his mind, and shows him the amount of your devotion for the Decepticon cause, using your body and all the components in it to create the bomb you promised him, “the power enough to force the space bridge to work”, drowning in the energon and the metal by one big intake, power enough to fuel any space bridge to let the little decepticon cross back to Cybertron and create a cover, if Megatron has anything to say about it while lowering his helm Soundwave already knows and walks with the rest of the new sparks, carrying out his mission, all that Megatron has to do is wait, get the upper hand, take all the advantages he can and all the outcomes, play the game of war in a very human fashion, something the Autobots have not encountered yet.

Megatron, helm down and spark heavy, won't mourn you, not yet, he has to avenge you first and claim back the planet you tried to protect.

.

If you look deep enough, the TFA universe can be very dark and scary, especially if you think about how they managed to get so much technology in such a short amount of time, as in Megatron cut down to pieces to know how he works.

@tf-kinktober2024

[moirindeclermont]

Daily thread about BridgertonS3 while we wait for part 2.

Let's talk about Pen, because oh boy I have thoughts 💭 and the short version is "you go girl, good for you, you deserve everything".

Let me start by making a huge shout out to Nicola because she is amazing. I'm in awe of her performance!

And also, disclaimer: this is a very personal opinion based on my experience and my views. Every opinion, as long as it respectful, is valid in my book because it's yours.

But, back to Pen. I do not have to imagine what it feels like pining for someone. To those who never experienced it, imagine all the good stuff about being in love with someone combined with the torture of not be able to he with that person. Don't recommend but sometimes it's just how it is.

And in this context what you do receive, in various form, is a recycled statements along the line of "you have to move on". By the way, and I know this might be unpopular, as long as you don't hurt anyone or go on stalker mode, pining is fine. It might pass, with time. It evolves and it changes, but as long as you're respectful there is nothing wrong with that.

Add to this the layer of "marrying is the only way to get out of this house" I don't blame her for trying. Not one bit.

I already touched on previous threads that I don't find shameful or pitiful asking to kiss Colin. It's over the top? Maybe, but losing hope can make people acting like that.

Moreover, I love that, in the beginning of the carriage scene, Pen doesn't believe Colin. Or doesn't want to believe him. It's been years, so of course you don't believe it, initially.

And I love that when Colin tries to go back "Forgive me" that's when she take a step in his direction. The bravery that it took to speak, I could not image it.

And afterwords, when they stop and Colin adjusts her dress 👀 and she says "what are you doing?" In the softest voice... I think that part broke me. Because imagine having everything you've ever wanted right in front of you, and still there is a part of her brain that doesn't believe it.

As proven by the "Colin?" When he steps out of the carriage. Because even when everything should be okay, but you're not used to happiness and comfort and security, it's normal to doubt.

It's heartbreaking but so real! And yes, there are conflicts that are going to be resolved, but let me touch briefly before this truly becomes an essay on the importance of representation.

Because it's rare to see stuff like this. So rare but so important. The fact that we are waiting to suspend our belief when it comes to Marvel and Star Wars, but we drew the line at this (which is much more common that people think) speaks to me about how much we still have to work on representing different body types.

So, in conclusion, this part 1 made me feel seen. Because everyone deserves love and connection (in different forms according to each). Everyone. Don't let anyone tell you different. Thank you, Pen. Thank you, Colin. Thank you, Bridgerton.

[sophieinwonderland]

Preface: People are going to assume this is a response to recent drama. So I want to say that I started writing this draft before that one blog's response to me. It was shortly after midnight on the 8th when it was just barely what I consider my Birthday. I was reflecting on my 3 years of existence and where I am now. The fact that I got the response I did later that same day is a total coincidence.

I don't feel like I have friends anymore...

That's an awful thing to admit.

I have one other system I feel like I talk to with any sort of regularity, who I love and consider friends. But they're not involved with syscourse which is so often where my mind goes. And so I don't talk to them about it because I don't want to trouble them, which means I don't talk to them because I can't think of what to talk about.

What else do I care about?

I mean, there are other things I care about, but they probably wouldn't care about those things. And I struggle to find something to say. Something that feels worthy of their time. But again, not syscourse or something that would bring them down.

I've had other friends. But they've faded away with time. One by one.

And a lot of that is my fault. I'm not good at being a friend or knowing what to say. And I'm not very good at opening myself up.

And when I can't think of what to say, I choose to say nothing. I ghost people I like because it's hard to maintain those relationships.

And I'm aware on some level that this hurts people. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who treated others the way I do.

And there will be times when I'll decide to do better. I will, with full confidence, say that I'm going to change. I'll be a better friend. A better person. I'll fully believe this is something I'll succeed at for the rest of the day. Then the next day comes and that conviction melts away.

I think one reason Jaiden's story of having ADHD appeals to me is that if this was the problem with us, maybe, we could identify it and then just take one little pill and it will fix me.

That's a nice fantasy, isn't it?

A naive fantasy that ignores the fact that I'm in the brain of someone who was homeschooled and barely had any friends as a child either. But it's a nice fantasy to hold onto anyway.

So, yeah. I don't feel like I have friends, for the most part, outside our system. I have a blog. I have followers. I have plenty of mutuals I like interacting with.

But there aren't people who I truly trust to let in. It doesn't feel like anyone actually knows me or who I am anymore, if anyone ever did.

Since I haven't posted on it for a week and don't know when I'll post on it again or if I will, here's a confession: I made @anti-lies! Sorry to ruin the mystery for anything speculating! Though I didn't think I was even that subtle about it.

But the only person I know who guessed it was me was SAS! Which, congratulations! But also, that's kind of a sad thought that the person who might know me better than anyone is someone who was my archnemesis for the past two-and-a-half years.

To be fair, SAS did imply that other people might have guessed it. But if so, whatever circles those conversations are happening in aren't ones I'm in.

Oh wait, I'm not really in any circles am I?

I'm on the outskirts of the community. I mean, that's sort of by choice really.

Public posts can bring more awareness of plurality and tulpamancy. Locking myself in Discord servers or some isolated community makes me feel like I'm wasting my time because I need to be talking about it publicly where the world can see. I really, really don't want to be part of a Discord server. It's my choice to stay out of those spaces and I don't regret that decision.

But sometimes it's weird when I realize that most everyone else is. That they're actually in plural communities in a way I'm not.

I wonder, do people even realize I'm an outsider? Again, by choice. I've been invited to servers and chose not to go. I'm not being ostracized or anything. I've turned down attempts at bringing me further in. No one is to blame but myself. But either way, the result is that I don't feel like I'm really part of the communities I spend so much time advocating for.

[yourlilkaiju]

"Don't let the redemptioners see this." 🥺.....🙄 Please...

I could care less.

I could care less about whether or not someone hates Sephiroth or feels that he is better off being a compelling villain. I don't think that he should stay a villain. I think the villain should be Jenova. Should Sephiroth be considered for a normal life if not maybe somewhere along the lines of maybe an anti-hero? Perhaps. Maybe going up against injustices that affect people, which will eventually affect him. (A war veteran knows this shit.) And this will thus impact the normal life he'd so been hoping for. I honestly feel that there should somehow be a development in treatments as to how to separate Jenova cells from the body safely and effectively, which would thus lead to a gradual change in Sephiroth's appearance.

The key term here is gradual. As in expect at least a couple of decades before he is completely human again, if someone decides to break him out of the Mako crystal.

There are many things I feel on this topic. And frankly I could go on about it. But the issue remains that if I do, I would get nowhere in regards to the original intention of this post.

The fact that Sephiroth fans who believe in his redemption, are called redemptioners is kind of a step. Namely because this comes from a place of ignorance. For one, Sephiroth was a victim of circumstance. Two, the files in the underground library were not only kept in the Shinra mansion. But they were in Nibelheim, not too far off from a reactor that contained human experiments that disobeyed the laws of ethics and Jenova. All of this was run by Research and Development. Which was run by Hojo himself. The department that assigned the mission for Nibelheim was research and development. It was only to observe and report. Read that again.

So to be clear, the mission set for Nibelheim which was not intended for the neutralization and erasure of a town, but the observation and report of a Shinra reactor should have been completely harmless. And this observe and report mission, was coming from Hojo himself. Hojo knew that Jenova was in the reactor. The unlocked doors were too convenient. The access to the library and the classified files were too well placed. And what's more is that only one first class soldier was sent along with him. There weren't any others to train or attempt to bring into the fray. Sephiroth was intended to be the perfect soldier. He was frequently experimented on trained without kindness or reprieve. The only kindness he observed as far as we know was when he was fourteen, when he entered SOLDIER. Beyond that, everything he grew into could not be helped. He tried to be human. He tried to make the best of himself. In the end, the pressure became too much and the Jenova cells took to his brain like a parasite and soon, Jenova was in his head. Thinking for him, breathing for him- controlling his every waking thought and telling him that she's his mother. Even though his mother died shortly after he was born.

Many people are fans of Sephiroth because he is easy to relate to. Many want to see him live a normal life after so many years of adversity and sadness. Because he deserves to walk away from the misery. And usually, folks who don't like Sephiroth fans just like to grind their teeth at anything that doesn't worship the good guys that commit the same genocide that the good guys do for the sake of bringing down Shinra. (If they're reading this, sorry. You brought this truth upon yourselves. Now wallow in it.)

I understand that we all may have our stances and opinions about the one winged baddie. I get that he is one wicked babe. He's not for everyone and sometimes, for a lot of people, they just can't handle that much leather and sass. I get it. Not everyone is kinky or genuinely flirty with the black wingy feather boi. (Yes, I know there are some versions of him that are aro/ace. You can still be flirty with aro/ace so long as it isn't physical and doesn't actually go anywhere....also it must be enthusiastically reciprocated and CONSENSUAL. SSC, darlings.)

But I digress.

As a dominatrix towards people I don't know who ask for my...impactful consultations and integrative queries, Sephiroth is by far an inspirational being who very much represents abuse victims everywhere. And I don't think anti-Sephies understand that. Rather I don't know if they have the emotional maturity that's necessary to do so. Sephiroth has had his boundaries breached on numerous occasions and had been put into a situation where entropy was his life's motto. And when he was finally ready to leave Shinra, he did so. Just....not in the way he hoped.

Overall, it's okay for one to dislike a character. But don't make fun of others for wanting the devs to create a redemption arc for said character. With numerous pathways, please? We don't make fun of you for liking genocidal eco terrorists. No matter how you look at it, that's exactly what they did.

Hypocrites.

[cupcakefoggy]

Ok, this drives me nuts.

I love Bridgerton. And I don't love all things Regency, so before you write me off as a romance-loving Austenite (which is ALSO a perfectly valid thing to be, thankyouverymuch) just hear me out on why this take is so damn annoying.

Ok. Cool. Now, you're entitled to your opinion that Bridgerton is too fluffy, too girly, and needs more "texture" (which, according to the article, should come in the form of labor, hardship, threatened financial ruin, the usual good stuff) but I want to impress upon you, firmly but politely, that if you're in the market for something gritty, you probably should turn off Bridgerton.

She compares Bridgerton to every prominent period show in this article, and consistently complains that it doesn't measure up. "Well it's not Downton Abbey!" No, no it isn't, and that's what we like about it. We aren't watching it to Learn Something. We're watching it because, for an hour or three at a time, it's really nice to forget that there's so much awful crap going on in the world, and just focus in on Penelope's up-and-down courtship with Colin or how damn cute Kate and Anthony are together.

But that isn't even the thing that bothers me the most about this article.

Why, in the year of our lord 2024, are we still perpetuating this "fluffy girly things are BRAIN CANDY" nonsense? Has Jane Austen truly taught us nothing? At the age of 12, back in the early aughts, my dad gave me a hard time for reading the Sweet Valley Twins books. He wanted me to read Pride and Prejudice, and aggressively shoved it under my nose until I finally agreed to take a look at it. I found it incomprehensible, looked it up online, and found to my immense pleasure that Jane Austen's literature was considered "popular" and "feminine" in its day -- not at all serious literature. I took my findings to my dad, who just about exploded and told me "that's not the point, it's a classic NOW, so shut up and read it."

Guys, I don't care if it was written in the 1600s or last week, pop culture is pop culture. It reflects its time. And more importantly, it shapes its time.

In the 1990s, Seinfeld aired the now-famous episode wherein the boys and Julia Louis-Dreyfus' character, Elaine, have a contest to see how long they can all go without masturbating. One of the men is out before the contest begins; of the remaining contestants, Elaine cracks first. This is now considered a bold statement, because in the 90s, women actually ENJOYING orgasms was taboo -- a concept they make sure to acknowledge within the episode itself, as the men insist women don't masturbate.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus later said of her time on Seinfeld, "We weren't trying to change the world, we were just trying to make something really funny. And that's really hard to do. And if you can do it, you CAN change the world a little bit."

Now, I don't watch Seinfeld. I hate it. I tried to watch a bit of it for Julia, bc I loved her so much in New Adventures of Old Christine, but I just couldn't get into it. but I saw the episode she's talking about, and it IS funny. Because they aren't up on a soapbox, they're just having fun, and she's a damn good comedic actress. So why am I bringing up Seinfeld in a conversation about Bridgerton? Because they're both fluff. No one is watching Seinfeld in an effort to solve the mysteries of the human condition or reflect on the nature of good and evil. It's just for fun. And so is Bridgerton.

And even if there was absolutely no value to Bridgerton besides being fun, it would still be "okay" to watch it. Because sometimes we just need fluff. But I don't think we really spend enough time thinking about just how much impact that "fluff" has on our culture.

I've seen people argue that Bridgerton DOES tackle occasional "serious" topics, and that's why it has value. I disagree. Bridgerton's value comes from the fact that it is FUN. It's easy to get into, it's easy to watch, no one is FORCING it on you, like my dad tried to do with P&P. And because it's fun, people -- YOUNG people -- are willingly watching it…

And they're seeing elderly women, women of color, and plus-size women being depicted as beautiful and desirable.

They're seeing a young, newly-married woman force herself on her husband and realizing that women also need to be taught about consent, and that a lack of sex education leads to damaged relationships.

They're seeing depictions of mental illness in the Queen Charlotte spinoff. They're seeing a man with a mental illness bare his soul to a woman he loves, and hearing her say, in no uncertain terms, that as damaged as he thinks he is, she loves him too. Unconditionally.

They're seeing queer representation in the Queen Charlotte spinoff, too. They're seeing racism and politics and medical abuse. They're seeing storylines that they'd never seek out on their own, and intentionally or not, they're learning from those stories.

Maybe it's optimistic to a fault, but I just can't stop wondering, how many young girls talked to each other about Daphne and Simon? How many plus-size women saw Penelope and Colin's sex scene and felt beautiful, felt seen, for the first time? How many people with mental illness saw Charlotte love King George and realized that they too are worthy of love? How many people heard Violet shyly tell Agatha that she misses having sex with her husband, and felt validated that, no, you don't turn 40 and stop being horny?

I sobbed my eyes out watching S3 the other night, because they captured the feeling of being unpopular and overweight so damn well. I saw my high school years reflected in Penelope's story and it broke my heart and gave me hope all at the same time. I love that they dress Violet and Agatha and Charlotte as richly as they do the younger, "hotter" leads. I love that Anthony Bridgerton goes down on Kate every fucking chance he gets. I love Bridgerton's message, however unintentional, that you don't have to be the classic Pretty Skinny Caucasian Starlet - you can be fat, old, BIPOC, disabled, outcast, anything, and still deserve and GET your happily-ever-after.

Shondaland is not trying to change the world. They're just trying to be fluffy and horny. And if they can do it, they can change the world just a little bit.

[mrbensonmum]

TV Show - Dr. House | House M.D. VI

So, we're now at episode 10/11 in the third season, and while House gets a visit from Tritter in rehab, Tritter shows his true colors, or rather, House reveals them.

I find it good that the judge clarifies again that Tritter acted completely out of line, and she can't quite understand why he was after House so much. But as described before, and also shown by Cuddy's reprimand, zero attention is paid to the fact that Tritter started it all. Yes, we're at a stage where all involved have made mistakes, serious ones even, Cuddy just a few moments ago. But as House pointed out so nicely, if Tritter doesn't get his butt kissed by everyone, he loses it! Plus, what really gets me mad is he's still chewing those gums even though he was told he'll lose his manhood if he keeps at it.

And yes, the judge said House provoked Tritter, and I won't argue against that, but the fact that House rarely does anything without a reason and no one asks about the real reason, namely that Tritter was the worst patient until then, is not questioned. Here I see a missed opportunity to delve deeper into House's character, even though it's been done many times before, but here they could have explored his motives a bit more, and I think that would have done the character quite good!

Fortunately, this storyline is over, even though I like it, it really raises my blood pressure!

Fun Fact: The prosecutor from episode 11 has the voice of Rüdiger Schulzki in German, who probably won't ring a bell to anyone, which is okay, but he's known for voicing the intro of the Galaxy Rangers and has voiced many characters in series in the 80s and 90s. Unfortunately, he passed away on August 5, 2022, in Hamburg! We don't talk enough about voice actors, which should change because every time something comes to us that wasn't produced here, it's the voice actors who are responsible for making the medium enjoyable in our language. And yes, sometimes dubs aren't really great, but believe me, that's rarely if ever the fault of the voices, but rather the dubbing directors who regularly dump one in the brain! So, enough rant for today!!

[small-oneshots]

BokuAka

Warnings -> Angst, Major Character Death

Authors Note -> BokuAka is my OTP, no one can top them. They are so adorable and I love them. They are also SOOO perfect for angst, I don't know why.

I looked around the table in the back corner of my hometown bar. Friends and family gathered around me in a bittersweet joy. A going-away party. A party that's supposed to be fun, but turns out depressing and miserable. But with my friends, nothing can ever be boring.

Insisting we have it at our bar, Kuroo gathered all of our high school friends, all of my coworkers, and all of my family, into one tiny section. Cheers and beers went round and round the small rectangular table, as well as through the bar, from strangers who over heard.

After about two hours, I left. Calling an Uber, with no destination in mind, I thought about all the times Kuroo and I walked out of this bar, absolutely wasted, trying to find our ways back home. I sometimes wish I could go back, but what would change? I'd still be where I am now.

The notification popped up on my phone, signaling that I had another customer. At the bar, my back seat door opened and a man sat down. His cheeks were a rosy red, his golden eyes were teary, and his hair was two-toned and messy. Despite all of that, he was one of the most handsome men I've seen in this tiny town.

"Where are you going sir?"

"Would it be okay if we just drove around? With the windows down? It's a nice night and I'm not ready to be alone just yet."

"That's fine with me."

Akaashi started pulling away and Bokuto rolled the windows down, eager to breathe in the night and forget his destiny.  Arms were seen outside the window as Bokuto became an airplane, flying on the adrenaline and sorrow.  To passerby's Bokuto was drunk and having fun, but Akaashi could see.  He saw the way his body tensed up ever so slightly every time they hit a bump, or the way his eyes always had a tear or two threatening to fall.

"Hey man, I know we don't know each other but, is there anything you want to say?"

Bokuto brought his arms back in and slowly smiled.  It wasn't a smile of joy, but a smile of pain.  The kind of smile one gives when they're trying to convince themselves they'll be okay.

"Have you ever thought about dying?  Or what life is like after you die? Cause I know I do.

"Unfortunately I can say that I have.  Why do you ask?  What's going on?  What's Up?"

"I was diagnosed with brain cancer last week.  They said it's too late to have chemo or even get it treated.  I'm-  Im dying and I'm okay with that."

Akaashi's eyes filled with tears.  His vision became blurry and it got to the point of him having to pull over.

"I was at a going away party with my friends at the bar.  I told them I'm moving away for a job opportunity.  I didn't have the courage to tell them the place was Heaven.

Truth is, I'm a little scared.  Not for myself, but for them.  I wasn't drinking, and I know they sensed something was wrong, but I hope they just thought I was sad about leaving.

That's why I asked you to drive around.  I'm better around people, even if they're strangers.  When I'm by myself I feel lonely and sad.  I don't like feeling like that."

Akaashi was stunned.  At the end of each ride, he asked people if there was something they needed to get off their chest, and he's heard some things.  But nothing- nothing compared to this.

"I'm sorry man.  I didn't mean to go so into detail, but I think this is the happiest I've been since my diagnosis.  The way the night feels on my lungs and skin is breathtaking and the town tonight has such a heavenly glow."

"I agree.  Although it's small, this town really does affect you in the most beautiful ways."

"I know we won't ever see each other after this. but thank you.  Thank you for listening and indulging with me.  It means a lot coming from a stranger, and I really hope it doesn't have to do with the fact that I have cancer.  Even though I'm dying, I'd much rather people be blunt with me, and not beat around the bush."

"You're welcome.  I will let you know, it's not the cancer.  You are a very likable person, and I'll tell you, that you are a very pretty crier.  Your eyes shine like diamonds when you cry, and I find it mesmerizing."

"'Thank you- "

"Keiji.  Akaashi Keiji."

"Kotarou.  Bokuto Kotarou.  Thank you Keiji."

"You're welcome Kotarou.  I'll take you home now.  Just know your not alone.  Not ever."

Keiji sat, dressed in all black, underneath an umbrella, and cried.  He hasn't known Kotarou at all, but that one might in his car, left such an impact, and Keiji couldn't believe a man like him was gone.  Not two months after they're fateful encounter, Keiji read on the paper that the beloved volleyball player passed away.  They never stated the reason, probably to protect the public from such a sorrowful thing, but Keiji knew.  Keiji remembered how miserable Kotarou felt in his back seat.  He remembered how much it hurt to hear Kotarou's voice crack and see his body tense.  He remembered, despite his horrible odds, how Kotarou looked genuinely happy with his arms out the winter smelling the city. 

It was a cruel fate.  A horrible way to go, and with the way it hurt him, he can't imagine how the family felt. 

"I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss.  I hadn't known Bokuto at all, but I was his Uber driver the night of his "going-away party.  I wanted you guys to know, that he was okay with dying.  He said it himself.  and I want you guys to know, he enjoyed himself that night.  And I want you guys to remember that.  Please, for him."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my brother to turn down the volume? And WIBTA for assuming his internet history and trying to get him to stop visiting certain sites?

So it's like this- my (24ftnb (closeted)) hearing is incredibly oversensitive. Like, I can hear someone chewing with their mouth open from 100 paces. However, I'm usually good about not reacting to noises that frustrate me. Not always- sometimes I have to text a meme I made to one of my brothers (22m, 20m, 12m) that's an edit of the "I (do this thing), but I don't want to" meme. The one with the guy who looks up in the second panel with red eyes. "I hear everything, but I don't want to," y'know?

In the past, the predecessor to this meme was simply crawling out of bed to stand in my brothers' doorframe to tell 22m (younger at the time, obviously) to stop singing loudly at 2 am. (It never worked until our parents got involved, and even then sometimes not for the entire night.) Times have changed, I no longer sleep across the hall from all three, but we're all still stuck in the same house, and it's now 20m who's keeping me awake.

Most of the time, he's watching a show he enjoys or playing a video game in the basement. And humming along. Which sounds perfectly fine, and I'm glad he can find some time to indulge in his interests. Whenever I ask him to maybe indulge at a volume that doesn't carry through the vents and directly to my room, though, he gets angry and tells me it's an "anon problem, not a [him] problem." Which. Whatever. I'll deal with itchy earplugs if I need to when at home. They're usually enough to silence the little things, though louder stuff always manages to get through.

Now, though, we're visiting family, and the four of us are sharing a hotel room while our parents take a second. (Yes, yes, I know, three 20-somethings still living with our parents. Our parents put the "rent" into "parent" for each of us once we hit 18, so it's not like we're "freeloading." The economy's in shambles, so this is the best we've got rn.)

And 20m started watching episodes of a show he likes on the room's TV almost immediately after dinnertime, continuing until about 11:30 PM, when I eventually suggested that he watch one more before turning it off or switching to his phone. Something that wouldn't get loud enough to half-wake 12m for the fourth time in a row. I was careful not to mention my own annoyance at being unable to sleep.

Apparently the appropriate response was "I don't want to hear that from you."

Now, this is where that other question I asked comes in, and why I felt the need to specify that I'm closeted ftnb. See, 20m has previously talked about sigma males being better than alpha males, has told me to "use your ethos!" and acted like I was an idiot for not catching on that he meant "use your brain," and repeatedly interrupts conversations where our mother, 12m, and/or I are speaking to completely veer it off-course to whatever he wants to talk about. Additionally, he is incredibly controlling of 12m and has been for nearly all of 12m's lifetime. At the same time, whenever I try to point this out to someone, I am not believed and am considered to be overreacting, thin-skinned, or oversensitive. If 20m is around to see me do so, he snaps at me for "butting in."

Honestly, it feels like he might be browsing incel subreddits or something, but I don't know any specifics beyond how his mentality's changed over the years. All I know is that it feels like he is so much less likely these days to treat my suggestions as equal to his own when I'm not being a yes-man. Yes-person?

Now, I'll straight-up admit that I am not an objective observer. It's very possible that I'm in the wrong about all this, as far as I can tell, but these are the facts as I see them, and nobody's told me otherwise while also elaborating on what the truth would be in such a case.

So…AITA for asking my brother to turn down the volume? And WIBTA for both assuming he's browsing sites that are eroding his ability to interact with other people, and for planning to find a way to get him to stop?

What are these acronyms?

[faraway-sunshine]

What about the split in half one? That one looks most like you, I think

Meet Whoever's Inside My Head #2: Sunny Omori (Myself)

Once again, bulk of info under the cut.

You can address me as: Just Sunny and He/Him's fine. Calling me Omori might trigger something, I'm not sure.

(Saturday 16th September, 2000, 11:39 PM)

(Yeah, I stayed up all evening figuring this stuff out)

Until recently, I would have made this a separate page.

Omori was my most prominent other self. After Mari died, I escaped from reality via dreaming and sleep, and when I was awake often these dream elements were carried with me to the waking world. But every time I managed to escape for a while, I'd remember and it'd all come crashing down again.

Remembering a memory when I sat at Mari's piano, a uniquely crafted model the maker called an "Omori", I adopted that name when I felt myself kind of form another version of me. One twelve years old from a few days before Mari died, who played with his friends and existed in a vacuum, who only ever existed in this faraway alternate world with no parents or rules or school or music lessons or anything. One who was, for the most part, oblivious.

But Omori grew curious, as I, Sunny, faced the reality of moving. I think maybe Omori realized so many times before, but either I managed to get rid of his memories or he did so to himself. For all I know each wipe could have been a brand-new Omori. I also felt two extra pieces break off Omori after a time, one protecting us, the other a punisher of sorts.

As I developed and started facing fears and reconnecting with friends, this bled into Omori's world. At the end of it all, when for the first time I decided not to let myself fall back into unknowing and when I saved Basil, I had no need for this sort of escapism. I thought maybe Omori would vanish or die, that the vicious scramble in my head was for his own self.

But that didn't happen. Instead, Omori's presence changed. I could tell which "memories", which emotions and thoughts and likes and dislikes that I felt unified on or weren't coming from me or any other distinct voice. And I never really felt Omori either go away or take charge. I don't know if this is the right terminology, but I think maybe Omori and I merged? Became one person? I'm not sure. But it's a nice thought, really, that after years of separation and infighting that we're both starting to properly live.

Having said that, there's a lot more me than there's Omori, as Omori largely thrived on distance and neutrality and drifting by and also kept himself very guarded. That doesn't make Omori any less important or deserving of nice things, though.

Although we both have overlap, Omori is more left-brained, focused on logic and facts and straightforward ways of getting through things, while Sunny is more right-brained. We can play off each other pretty nicely. And although I (Sunny) never feel Omori take total control anymore, sometimes he lets me zone out while taking control of a tedious chore or boring conversation so I don't have to think about it.

The parts of me that feel more like Omori aren't interested in deep conversations. Or blog passages. But there's a bit of Omori in everything I do now.

Design

I tend to think of Omori and I as like a yin-yang symbol, so the black and white is paramount. Splitting down the middle was more of an introductory thing; visually I see us as kind of the same person wearing one outfit rather than half of two. However, I do imagine myself being a bit lopsided, as Omori did not really age in any way and when Omori totally fronted he completely believed we looked as we did when we were 12. And for the white in our eyes, I tend to draw only a little bit in one eye and a larger bit in the other, as when Omori was almost always confined to my lucid dreams I tended to think of him as having lightless eyes and I think it's a nice visual metaphor for getting used to the sunlight.

[anendoandfriendo]

So, we have a LOT of gripes with this post but more just want to address then individually without giving the OP any harassment so:

These first and second paragraphs is fine honestly, we won't tell people how they should feel about their own experiences.

The problem starts at the next part where OP starts trying to tell people how they should feel about their own brain.

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Also we just REALLY need to get this out of the way woth no other comments —

"We don't label [implied word is diagnose] personality types"

LMAO try saying that to uhhhh — *checks notes* — people with PERSONALITY DISORDERS.

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People who generally live life functionally but who every now and then are reminded that they’re disabled and need help in very specific situations. Like somebody who doesn’t struggle much socially and who doesn’t need supports at school or work but who sometimes doesn’t have as much energy for doing the dishes because they’re exhausted from living as an autistic person in an allistic world.

Did you know that therapists require a diagnosis to see literally anyone, ever? At least in the United States?

By your logic the neurotypical idea that "nobody is normal" actually exists. Why is someone who goes to a therapist and is forced to get like, let's just say a depression diagnosis for the ease of thos conversation. Why are they allowed to get that diagnosis, do the therapy, then consider themselves completely neurotypical but an autistic person isn't allowed to do that?

Please make that make sense.

And if you didn't realize everyone who's ever gone to a therapist loses their neurotypical card and is lying to you (using YOUR OWN LOGIC these people would be lying/faking neurotypicality) then don't worry about that! We didn't know that either until this year.

Anyways, that leaves us two options: either everyone is disabled or these people are allowed to choose their neurotypes in spite of the system labeling them otherwise. We sincerely hope why you realize the former is more shitty and we do not have to explain to you even bodily autonomy you don't like is still an inalienable right.

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So if you’re like me, please don’t speak over higher support needs people. Recognise that, if you can generally live independently, you are lower support needs than a LOT of others.

Is this about the assholes who went "waaah!! Don't call yourselves nonverbal!!! You share the same brainbody!!!" yes and as a plural system, we are still DIFFERENT PEOPLE. SOME OF US ARE NONVERBAL AND CANNOT SPEAK WHEN FRONTING WITHOUT ADDITIONAL ASSISTANCE FROM ANOTHER HEADMATE. SOME OF US HAVE TO BODY DOIBLE EACH OTHER JUST TO GET THE DISHES DONE YOU DESCRIBED IN THIS POST.

YES WE DO STILL HOLD A JOB TAKIMG PHONE CALLS. BECAUSE THE VARIETY OF AUTISTICS IN OUR HEAD MAKES. IT. SO. WE. ARE. COLLECTIVELY. NON-DISORDERED.

We may be endogenic, but we would still not, in any way, survive the world as a singlet. We are low support needs on a fucking technicality because they confirmed us as an autistic person when the brainody was two!!!

Just because you do not benefit from a purely social model of disability doesn't mean there are autistics who straight up wouldn't have issues anymore if people just..accepted them and society in general was less shitty.

The ONLY!! WAY!!! We have seen this kind of statement be used is to gatekeep people like us who try to describe their experiences of plurmisia and its intersectionality with ableism.

We are a non-disordered autistic collectively with specific members in our system who ARE in fact disordered autistics. The only reason we don't have people who describe themselves as neurotypicals in this system is very specifically because they do indeed feel a change in them when they arrive here.

Yes! We are a lot lower in support needs! To the point we do not consider ourselves such! Because of our multiplicity. Not because our autism "isn't that bad" or anything like that.

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TLDR:

Stop fucking telling people how to feel about their own experiences.

If youre trying to gatekeep what we think you are trying ro gatekeep, you're an asshole and need to stop. Maybe we are just lucky, who knows, but we have NEVER seen this kind of sentiment occur in a way that does not have an undercurrent of plurmisia and/or other ableism.

You can in fact be a nondisordered diagnosed person. It happens all of the time, otherwise therapists as an institution couldn't exist lmao.

Additionally, as far as we are concerned, there are, in fact, situations you can be simultaneously non-disordered and disordered.

How about you follow the advice you said to everyone else, and not tell no-support and low-support autistics how to feel about their experiences? You're a fucking hypocrite OP!

Someone or somesys with more experience analyzing this kind of thing from a mad pride lens and/or a bodily autonomy lens is absolutely free to add onto this but we're just. Tired. And also kinda we have to be at work in likeeee 10 to 20 minutes.