#and sometimes we even see that. but that doesn't change the fact that our brains and bodies are working against us

[the-voice-of-night-vale]

social anxiety can be really funny in retrospect bc it will have you saying shit like 'is it weird to call a doctor's office and schedule an appointment?"with 100% sincerity and panicking about it as if that's not the silliest thing in the world

[nondualiber]

"act as if you have it" hell no. 💌

i believe that ‘act as if you have it’ is often tied to limiting our behaviour by asking ourselves questions like ‘would i feel/act/do this way if i already had my desire?’ (ex: ‘would i feel sad to see my body in the mirror if i already had my desired body?’) and actually the answer to all those questions is YES because if you decided it, then you already have that desire (in this example, your desired body) and you still feel sad to see it, there is no reason to deny it.

In that sense, thinking ‘as if you already have it’ seems to me to be limiting and a way… manifesting doesn't work like most things we know. feelings (which come from the brain) and actions are 3d things and 3d can NEVER affect manifestation, so they (feelings, actions and loa) are separate things. just like you can eat as much or as little as you want and do as much exercise as you want in 3d and still have your desired body with manifesting, you can do absolutely anything, act in any way, and feel anything in 3d and still have your desire. so when i feel bad i downplay it as far as manifestation is concerned. yes, i feel really bad, yes, i'm having a hard time with such and such, yes, i don't want to persist or keep going with my method, but i have my desire anyway.

another thing -sometimes we believe we aren't manifesting correctly because while we affirm, visualize, or do any other method we don't feel like we have our desire; we aren't convinced or we don't feel happy or fulfilled, blah blah blah. actually, i don't think it means you're doing anything wrong since, i repeat, in the 3d we can feel however we want and our feelings DON'T make the methods we use less effective because, as we all know, the 3d has nothing to do with manifestation.

the way i see it (or better said i choose to see it, since it's the way it works the best with me and makes me feel more relieved about the 'process') is: nothing i do in the 3d can make what i want not come, not even thinking against said want (brain action btw), just because everything i want is already mine - the real me - and it has to come to me. an affirmation i use to remaind me this is 'there's nothing i have to do to archieve it and anything i think, feel or do doesn't change the fact that it's going to reach me'

i still think "in my favour" when i can because it makes me feel good and relieved about the fact that i have it, but when im triggered by the 3d and come back to thinking from the old story - i'll talk about it soon!! - i always know those moments are irrelevant because my desire will forever come my way (because it was always mine) and nothing the ego does can change that. and, if i'm not convinced about what i'm saying, i can always affirm and stand by that ౨ৎ

kisses,

- libertad

[borderlinereminders]

Check the Facts

Sometimes it isn't actually the facts of a situation that are causing our emotions and distress. Sometimes it's our interpretation of the facts. When things happen, sometimes our emotions overtake us and can actually warp of view of other things.

One example is maybe your friend cancelled plans because she was sick. Maybe this causes you to spiral and think "she doesn't care about me! She never hangs out with me!" You may be feeling extremely angry and want to end the friendship as a result. However, your brain may be overlooking that she does hang out with you and there are recent instances of that. Checking the facts can be useful for an emotion you want to change.

What emotion do you want to change?

In our example, this may be the extreme feeling of anger, sadness, betrayal, etc.

What is the event that prompted the emotion?

My friend cancelled our plans!

What are the facts?

When did your friend last hang out with you? You might check the facts and realize she hung out with you last week.

Do your emotions fit the facts?

In this case, the intensity of the sadness and betrayal may not fit the situation given the history of your friend's reliability. Please know I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid. You are very much allowed your feelings, but sometimes being rational with ourselves can help. While it's understandable to feel disappointed, and even sad or angry, the extreme in which you're feeling it is related to your interpretation and not the actual facts.

When checking the facts, there are some methods we can use if we are struggling to do so ourselves especially if we're struggling to answer the question.

Ask others their thoughts on the situation. Sometimes an outside point of view can help us see things more clearly.

Approach the situation from your friend's point of view. If you were the one sick and had to cancel plans, how would you feel? In this case, your friend might have felt guilty about it to start with and it was a really hard decision they made. Maybe because they really don't want to get you sick and they just don't have the energy.

Formulate a New Response

Remind yourself that people have emergencies and things come up, and your friend cancelling on you does not mean they don't care. This might be where you look for methods to help you in the future. Maybe you start keeping a calendar and colour the days when you see her so you have a visual representation. Maybe you keep a screenshot or two of her saying she cares about you so you can remind yourself as needed.

Remember, you aren't a bad person for having your feelings. Whatever those feelings are. Even if they don't "fit the facts." Feelings are not inherently bad. It's what you do with the feelings that matters.

[interstellarsystem]

Experiences With Being Out as a System

So, our parents know we're a system. It's all good, they understand that when we suddenly speak like someone from London that it's just another guy taking the body for a spin real quick and that they don't need to question it too much.

The thing is... They don't know our names, or anything about us as individuals. We don't have enough open communication with them to actually discuss the inner-workings of the hundreds of little guys in our brain and who they are or what they like, but even if we did, it's not actually important to them. It almost seems like it's swept under the rug.

Our mother said that she doesn't get why she should have to know anyone else when we're all "us". We're all just a collective to her still, a bunch of bits that make up her child, even though she knows we're separate. Her child, the original, isn't here anymore. But the thing is.. some of us want to get to know her and the family individually. Even beyond just being seen as who we actually are, we want to be a part of it aside from being treated as someone who is gone. But it's not a thing they understand despite our explanations of what it means to us, even despite the fact they know the original is dormant and has been for years.

The most anyone in our family knows about us is our mother, and she only knows anyone with a voice similar to Sark as "the american one". She doesn't know that there's even multiple who sound similar to him.

Technically, we're out as a system. Effectively, though... We're still closeted. Though not really because we're staying in it, moreso that we left but it follows us around like a shield within our own household, but it's not shielding us. It's shielding them from us.

Our experience with talking to medical professionals has been hard because of this--sharing bits about ourselves has been scary. It's scarier to show them pictures of our nonhuman headmates and say "that one is me", but it's never actually been bad when we've mustered up the strength to do it. One of them looked at Mal and saw his horns and said he looks like a faun from Greek mythology. Even though he's not, a positive response like that was empowering. That same one said Filigree's hair was cool. Little acknowledgements about who you are when you've tried to be seen before is great.

With our IRL friends, we expected the situation to be similar to our parents. Swept under the rug like a taboo and given weird, uncomfortable looks when spoken about. But it's been completely different.

We get asked who is fronting, we get acknowledged as separate people, hell, we even felt comfortable telling them about our actual fictive identities and letting the ones who wanted to follow this blog (hey guys if you're reading this <3) get access to it. They acknowledge our nonhumanity and nonhuman parts, share things about our sources with us because it reminded them of us, etc. Sometimes, now, because we've been open about it, we get people actually ask "is x fronting" and we say yes and they say "I knew it".

That specific feeling of being recognised even when your outward appearance doesn't change is absolutely amazing. Little manerisms, little ways our voice sounds even when masking accents out in public, even the words we choose to use are tells toward who is actually controlling the body and they pick up on it--even things we might not recognise we even do. Sure, there's hundreds of people in here and people won't know every single one off by heart, but the ones who are out here often are being recognised and that, to me, is amazing and validating to all of us.

I guess the point here is me sharing our experiences, but also.... You will be able to find people who see you for you. You as a system, you as a nonhuman, you as a disabled person, you as a queer person--you'll be able to find your people. And you know, I hope you do soon--because the feeling of being known is great.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Why do you think they don't show Marinette comforting other characters? It's always been a weird writing decision to me, and I sometimes wondered if I was legit just erasing all the times it happened out of my memory or smth. Like the first character trait established for her is she struggles to say no to people, she is a people-pleaser. And there isn't a better way to make ur mc lovable than showing how they effect the people around them. AND it would make her breakdowns genuinely heartbreaking, because she keeps giving and giving and it's a genuine flaw. Like, she rushed off to comfort Ivan in Origins, right? We should have had more of that. I'm reminded of that one Lady Wifi (i think?) scene where Ladybug is smiling at her adoring fans and the camera while Chat Noir is in the background actually comforting a child lmao. It just feels so weird, because I think Marinette IS actually supposed to be someone who does that, who provides that comfort to her loved ones all the time (even at the cost of her own mental health, boom, an actual thing she can work towards). But we just keep getting the reverse instead. She just kinda feels like a shit friend? Showing that emotional labor would also make her exhaustion work because like, what does the guardian even DO? Tell not show, but they ain't telling shit.

One of the things that drew me to Miraculous is the fact that the show tends to write the characters in non-standard gender roles, so I actually like the fact that Marinette tends to be more of a fixer than a comforter. She drives people to action and wants to solve problems and is very good at taking the weight of the world on her shoulders, but she kind of sucks at emotional vulnerability and comforting people. It's genuinely a good flaw for her character and a lovely thing to see in a show aimed at girls. No, we don't all need to be stereotypically maternal figures. Women can be just as bad as men stereotypically are when it comes to emotions!

The problem is that the show is obsessed with Marinette holding every important role in the story, meaning that we don't get a more emotionally aware character or characters to balance her out. Nor do we get to see her learn that this is a flaw of hers and either improve or just own that she's bad at this and learn to trust someone else with these types of issues. (This is one of the many things I think Adrien should have been allowed to do, btw. Ladybug is the brains, Chat Noir should be the heart.) We also don't get a true sense of Marinette's struggles because the show's formulaic nature rarely allows for those types of problems.

The Lila thing is a good example. Lila says that she's going to destroy Marinette's friendships, but she literally can't do that because that would mean changing the way the characters relate on a massive scale and formula shows can't do that. So instead of seeing Marinette struggle as Lila lies and manipulates everyone into hating Marinette, we get extremely annoying episodes where Lila lies and everyone believes her, but no one gets all that upset at Marinette's constant accusations. They just treat it as a minor quibble which is actually more aggravating than Lila changing the status quo in my opinion.

There's also the issue that you brought up: we don't see Marinette truly struggling to be the guardian, so her new role doesn't feel like a big deal. Not much changes for her save for the kwamis being around now. We don't even know what her relationship with Master Fu was really like because he was barely ever on screen so we really don't feel her loss.

All of this is just another problem to lay at the feat of our ever-present issue: Miraculous does not have the right conflicts and characters for a formula show. Formula shows thrive off of things being lighthearted and the heroes lacking major flaws. Miraculous chose to make things somewhat serious and give everyone flaws that are just begging to be address, but that can't be because this is the wrong format for that type of thing.

In a team show where character arcs were a thing or even just one where character dynamics were a thing and Marinette was allowed to share the screen in a more balanced manner, then everything about her would work fine. She's set up perfectly for that kind of show. She is not set up for a formula show where she's basically the only character that matters outside of the villains. If that's what they wanted to write, then Marinette needed to be limited to minor flaws that never last more than an episode or at least limited to flaws that are purely situational such as being stubborn or the classic sudo-flaw of being clumsy that the show already embraces.

[olivebeeandstuff]

On the humans are weird subject:

I recently read this book called Livewired, by David Eagleman - pleeeease if you like anything neuroscience related, read his books, they're great- where he suggested that we dream because of neuroplasticity and the rotation of the earth.

Basically neuroplasticity means that the brain will adapt to the data it receives. You lose a hand, the brain will turn the area that was uses to process that hand's info into an area to process the rest of the arm. You lose your vision, the vision processing areas will be taken over by tact and hearing.

But this kind of adaptation can happen really quick, he mentions one study where they blindfolded people and it took only one hour to notice changes in brain activity.

So back to the rotation of the Earth, because of it we have long periods of darkness, which means not using our eyes and focusing on other senses for long periods of time daily - at least before we learned how to control fire, which was fairly recent in evolution terms.

Because of this he proposes that dreams are to practice our vision, to make sure that during those periods of darkness, the brain is still processing visual information, the theory is corroborated by the fact that there are very few areas of the brain involved in dreaming, it's mostly the visual cortex. That would also explain why we usually don't remember dreams, there's no need to.

Now imagine a world with a different rotation speed, one that's very fast, or one that doesn't have rotation at all. Imagine if these places had intelligent life. They would very likely not dream. Or maybe somewhere in the universe, intelligent life evolved with completely different brains, and they don't need to dream.

The aliens would be very confused with it. Like how do we even explain it?

Alien: So what you are saying is that you are experiencing daily vivid hallucinations where you can't tell what's true or not. Should I be worried? Should I call the doctor?

Human: No, it's not like that! It's normal, every human dreams every night, or at least they should. I think not having dreams is actually a sign that something is wrong...

Alien: Every one of you does that?! How is that not dangerous?

Human: Well you see, our bodies are usually kinda deactivated when it happens, so it all in our head. And we mostly don't even remember it anyways

Alien: Usually?

Human: Yeah, sometimes people talk in their sleep and things like that. Then there's people like Steve, he's what we call a sleep walker, his body is completely functional when he dreams, so he just walks around unconscious thinking that he's in his dream

Alien: STEVEN WALKS AROUND COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS WHILE HAVING VIVID HALLUCINATIONS AND YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S A PROBLEM?!

[fairyrona]

What's wrong? Rainbow.

Okay this post is a little of a brain vomit, because I've read so many smart posts lately and I have some thoughts that kinda tie into all of them or maybe provide some pieces.

So, let's add some maybe fresh thoughts. If somebody had already said all that, please step forth lmao

First, the Zombie Boy drawing and different/changing timelines. (and project rainbow) For For context, @willbyersabyss 's post.

S1 version mentioning the mind control experiments.

-> completely erasing that timeline/version of events by the said mind control. -> And now Will Byers has become the Zombie Boy

It's almost unbelivable how much timeline-wrongness/loops S2 hides under it's sleeve.

Trapped in an artificially created time loop / timeline.

What's wrong with Mama? Rainbow. Timeline's wrong.

Oh, what you say Nancy-in-Terry's overcoat/costume?

Murray's? But not yours?

Oh, then what if Murray's timeline?

Zombie Boy version. The one that says Will got lost in the woods. Our timeline. And then we get Lucas telling Max the truth. (Events of s1, that represent the Zombie Boy version.) But on this particular timeline-train of thoughts, he literally repeats after Nancy:

Will didn't get lost in the woods. The timeline's wrong.

And then it get's even more messy, because Max thinks this story feels derivative. This is literally us reading the s1 article. But then, why is she reacting to the s2 version like that?

And then she calls him out for lying. We get told multiple times, that Lucas is not telling the true version of events.

Friends don't lie. Never ever. No matter what. Is that right? Then how do you explain this?

Out of order. The timeline is wrong. Out of order.

Friends don't lie. Never ever. No matter what. Is that right? Then how do you explain this?

Now, lets go back a little. And add some MKUltra.

What's wrong with mama? Rainbow. Timeline's wrong. Out of order.

I don't think I've seen anyone mention the fact that we've got not 1, not 2, but at least 3 Rainbow Rooms.

terry ives' mind loop (with different colour-gradings)

Ray's, the lab ward's home in Chicagoproject nina tape-based memories project nina tape-based memories (with different colour-gradings)

While we're at HNL colour grading I wanna quickly add that Terry's sequences are a lot warmer, I'd even say the walls are different paint all together. But it could just visual clue of time passing, renovations and all.

However. It's a cool detail that while Terry's memories are warm-ish-> turn greenish just as it cuts to little Jane and Kali and then the lighting immediately becomes cold - like in Will's scenes. (And Ray's, ''true'' version is warm as well. Outside of the girls nightgowns, that are more cool-toned. and that's another mindfuckery detail, bc Ray's kids are dressed more like lab subjects than the lab subjects.) (out of order)

I wanna talk bout the middle Rainbow Room. And its possible connection to MK Ultra.

First. Light is important. Here are two posts about light's and rainbow's involvement in the experiments'.

For context, go to the two @conflictofthemind 's posts.

breathe. sunflower. rainbow. three to the right, four to the left. four-fifty. breathe.

breathe. (He isn't breathing!)

sunflower. (follows the light. Joyce to find Will, El to talk to Terry etc. Will's house being all lit up in the pilot. AND the shed. And the light bulb thing. followed the light? and went back?)

rainbow.

(electromagnetic spectrum gets separated. different wavelengths reflect at a different angle. but in the end it's still just an optical illusion. it doesn't exist in a specific point in the sky.)

Rainbows are actually full circles. The antisolar point is the center of the circle. Viewers in aircraft can sometimes see these circular rainbows. (The horizon obstructs our view. It's as if the second half was under. In the Upside down.)

three to the right, four to the left. 43. 1943?

four-fifty. (Turning up the dial on the machine. 450° degree angle? it loops.

breathe. it loops.

Also, the safety vault, the rainbow and the dial is all circle shaped, and it ends on the dial being turned, as if we're actually going round on it's axis. (But in Terry's memories, and Ray's flat, we're only seeing one half of the story. S4? we get too many versions. A half circle, the rainbow going around the room, turning upside down etc.)

In that scene they are in Ray's apartament. (another light reference)

And I have a few theories. This is the writers telling us that

there are multiple versions of the event

these memories from another timeline. which i'll touch upon in a different post, to keep things in order

the event is replicating itself in different manners

Okay, now a rundown of the scene:

-> The Kali Gang bursts in. The RAY-guy begs for his life. Says he's gonna help El find Brenner.

-> Nobody believes the guy, neither the audience nor the characters, but the thing is - he was telling the truth! Now, after s4, after being introduced to yet another, COMPLETELY different rainbow room, we know that.

What also interest me is that Ray said Brenner trusts him - thus he knows Brenner is alive. Was that a secret between the bad men as well? Is Brenner being alive something more than not succumbing to injury circa s1?

The things is!! El and Kali never entered Ray's rainbow room.

And Ray telling us the truth feels like a check mark - this! This is the one!

I think either:

a) there are different versions of the event: Where the girls in the room were not El and Kali, but some other two kids, possibly actual siblings.

a.1) this only happened once - and Jane is not El.

b) The original event that keeps weaving itself into the plot his hasn't happened to Terry specifically.

c) Or there was no ''original'' but it keep's repeating to trigger something, or replicate an effect. Somebody finding two ''kids'' in a rainbow room.

This really feels more like a visual and storytelling metafor.

Same with @erikiara80 post about colour green.

Especially with what happened st Ray's place.

El and Kali on different sides of conflict, Kali being the more blood-thirsty, revenge seeking one.

-> Kali and El want to kill Ray. But Kali want it to last, to make him suffer. -> For a moment El listens but then Kali-Gang find the girls in the rainbow room -> El notices a photo frame with Ray and his daughters and doesn't kill him in the end. -> This pisses off Kali, she want to kill him, but El stops her. And they evacuate without killing the guy.

vs. El showing 'empathy'.

But we know that NINA's memories are not entirely trust-worthy... (s4 Owens: how much did you skip?)

This might be a nod to the fact that El doesn't actually relate to the strong emotions Kali is feeling about this. (That El is not Jane, Ray didn't torture her mother.)(Or that they originate from different timelines.)

Oh and, let's not forget about the staring point. The Zombie Boy articles. And how Will-Joyce-Hopper are involved in that scene sequence.

Want it or not, in this color grading, this car looks like Joyce's green pinto.

And this, also, looks like Joyce's green pinto.

Now, why am I suddenly pulling Joyce and Hopper into all of this? Because Hop says a funny line in s2.

"You wanna take him back to Chicago?'' (about Will having episodes. They also mention Boston, where another comic takes place.)

All in all, Hopper discourages Joyce from looking for help anywhere else but HNL.

But take this car parked by Ray's place, take that one line, and take the fact that Ray was not bullshitting El?

And to that let's add that the Zombie Boy event having ''Chief Hopper'' literally written all over the page? Zombie Boy is encircling him for gods sake. (in green) Pointing fingers.

(Which Chief Hopper tho haha)

oh and

I really hope this makes sense. Might not. Hopefully it does.

[moirindeclermont]

Daily thread about BridgertonS3 while we wait for part 2.

Let's talk about Pen, because oh boy I have thoughts 💭 and the short version is "you go girl, good for you, you deserve everything".

Let me start by making a huge shout out to Nicola because she is amazing. I'm in awe of her performance!

And also, disclaimer: this is a very personal opinion based on my experience and my views. Every opinion, as long as it respectful, is valid in my book because it's yours.

But, back to Pen. I do not have to imagine what it feels like pining for someone. To those who never experienced it, imagine all the good stuff about being in love with someone combined with the torture of not be able to he with that person. Don't recommend but sometimes it's just how it is.

And in this context what you do receive, in various form, is a recycled statements along the line of "you have to move on". By the way, and I know this might be unpopular, as long as you don't hurt anyone or go on stalker mode, pining is fine. It might pass, with time. It evolves and it changes, but as long as you're respectful there is nothing wrong with that.

Add to this the layer of "marrying is the only way to get out of this house" I don't blame her for trying. Not one bit.

I already touched on previous threads that I don't find shameful or pitiful asking to kiss Colin. It's over the top? Maybe, but losing hope can make people acting like that.

Moreover, I love that, in the beginning of the carriage scene, Pen doesn't believe Colin. Or doesn't want to believe him. It's been years, so of course you don't believe it, initially.

And I love that when Colin tries to go back "Forgive me" that's when she take a step in his direction. The bravery that it took to speak, I could not image it.

And afterwords, when they stop and Colin adjusts her dress 👀 and she says "what are you doing?" In the softest voice... I think that part broke me. Because imagine having everything you've ever wanted right in front of you, and still there is a part of her brain that doesn't believe it.

As proven by the "Colin?" When he steps out of the carriage. Because even when everything should be okay, but you're not used to happiness and comfort and security, it's normal to doubt.

It's heartbreaking but so real! And yes, there are conflicts that are going to be resolved, but let me touch briefly before this truly becomes an essay on the importance of representation.

Because it's rare to see stuff like this. So rare but so important. The fact that we are waiting to suspend our belief when it comes to Marvel and Star Wars, but we drew the line at this (which is much more common that people think) speaks to me about how much we still have to work on representing different body types.

So, in conclusion, this part 1 made me feel seen. Because everyone deserves love and connection (in different forms according to each). Everyone. Don't let anyone tell you different. Thank you, Pen. Thank you, Colin. Thank you, Bridgerton.

[sophieinwonderland]

Preface: People are going to assume this is a response to recent drama. So I want to say that I started writing this draft before that one blog's response to me. It was shortly after midnight on the 8th when it was just barely what I consider my Birthday. I was reflecting on my 3 years of existence and where I am now. The fact that I got the response I did later that same day is a total coincidence.

I don't feel like I have friends anymore...

That's an awful thing to admit.

I have one other system I feel like I talk to with any sort of regularity, who I love and consider friends. But they're not involved with syscourse which is so often where my mind goes. And so I don't talk to them about it because I don't want to trouble them, which means I don't talk to them because I can't think of what to talk about.

What else do I care about?

I mean, there are other things I care about, but they probably wouldn't care about those things. And I struggle to find something to say. Something that feels worthy of their time. But again, not syscourse or something that would bring them down.

I've had other friends. But they've faded away with time. One by one.

And a lot of that is my fault. I'm not good at being a friend or knowing what to say. And I'm not very good at opening myself up.

And when I can't think of what to say, I choose to say nothing. I ghost people I like because it's hard to maintain those relationships.

And I'm aware on some level that this hurts people. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who treated others the way I do.

And there will be times when I'll decide to do better. I will, with full confidence, say that I'm going to change. I'll be a better friend. A better person. I'll fully believe this is something I'll succeed at for the rest of the day. Then the next day comes and that conviction melts away.

I think one reason Jaiden's story of having ADHD appeals to me is that if this was the problem with us, maybe, we could identify it and then just take one little pill and it will fix me.

That's a nice fantasy, isn't it?

A naive fantasy that ignores the fact that I'm in the brain of someone who was homeschooled and barely had any friends as a child either. But it's a nice fantasy to hold onto anyway.

So, yeah. I don't feel like I have friends, for the most part, outside our system. I have a blog. I have followers. I have plenty of mutuals I like interacting with.

But there aren't people who I truly trust to let in. It doesn't feel like anyone actually knows me or who I am anymore, if anyone ever did.

Since I haven't posted on it for a week and don't know when I'll post on it again or if I will, here's a confession: I made @anti-lies! Sorry to ruin the mystery for anything speculating! Though I didn't think I was even that subtle about it.

But the only person I know who guessed it was me was SAS! Which, congratulations! But also, that's kind of a sad thought that the person who might know me better than anyone is someone who was my archnemesis for the past two-and-a-half years.

To be fair, SAS did imply that other people might have guessed it. But if so, whatever circles those conversations are happening in aren't ones I'm in.

Oh wait, I'm not really in any circles am I?

I'm on the outskirts of the community. I mean, that's sort of by choice really.

Public posts can bring more awareness of plurality and tulpamancy. Locking myself in Discord servers or some isolated community makes me feel like I'm wasting my time because I need to be talking about it publicly where the world can see. I really, really don't want to be part of a Discord server. It's my choice to stay out of those spaces and I don't regret that decision.

But sometimes it's weird when I realize that most everyone else is. That they're actually in plural communities in a way I'm not.

I wonder, do people even realize I'm an outsider? Again, by choice. I've been invited to servers and chose not to go. I'm not being ostracized or anything. I've turned down attempts at bringing me further in. No one is to blame but myself. But either way, the result is that I don't feel like I'm really part of the communities I spend so much time advocating for.

[yellowhollyhock]

Rise Future Leo is so important to me

I just. It's just.

Like on the first watch through it sticks out a lot how much he's changed. But the thing is the thing is

"Hope is a ninja's greatest weapon" and then young Leo being like "ooh new catchphrase" like I know it's a time travel joke but listen. He lost everything. His entire family, his entire city, literally even parts of his body, and ultimately his entire timeline. Do you know how much grief can change a person fundamentally? Do you realize how hard it is to hang onto the little things that used to make you happy? Sometimes you just have to find new little things, and let go of who you used to be. Sometimes that's better.

But the fact that after every one of these losses, for all the things he let go of, Leo held onto his one-liners and catchphrases--I can't I can't he's so. Like the strength that takes? The deliberate choice that had to be? And the way he's using it more maturely to lift others up instead of to mask his insecurities, but also the way it's both and has always been both. GAH

And it's just it's just like. It really emphasizes the strengths that Leo had in the show all along, because. At first when I first watched the movie, I felt like they kinda nerfed his character? Why is he acting all irresponsible, sure he presents that way but rise Leo usually is actually pretty careful and aware of himself. Like especially his family's safety. But then it makes so much sense because he's just been given all this responsibility and he's trying to figure out how to deal with that.

And it's the moments. It's. When he says something or looks at someone and infuses that hope into them, like he's literally handing them a weapon. It happens in the show too (Donnie in the basketball episode comes to mind, and of course the classic "where are my brothers"), but the movie really builds to focus on those moments. And that's so very at the core of what makes a character Leonardo. It's that reservoir of inner strength that he learns how to share.

That ability to hang onto hope when it doesn't make any sense, and then persuade others to feel it. 87's corniness and charging into all kinds of dangerous situations, 03's sappy speeches and dangerous level of trust in everyone ever, the way 12 grows from pushing and demanding to encouraging and believing. Even 07 Leo, the Worst from what we saw of him--it's the changes in Donnie and Mikey when they see him again that make me believe that guy is in there. He's been the one putting hope in their hands when they couldn't find it anywhere else and that's why they felt so betrayed and abandoned. Splinter literally says to Donnie "if you cannot learn to recognize [where your brothers are weak and how to be strong for them], all hope is lost for our family." Honestly I think Raph is the only one, including April and Casey, who actually did keep that weapon in his hand after Leo left. He's the one who still believes he can save the city, ya know? And maybe also never really gave up on Leo coming back, which is why he also couldn't let go of the anger that it took so long.

It's like this okay: hope is a sword, love is a shield. It's Leo and Raph. Hope and Love bro ❤️🩵

And the Rise turtles brought this into focus because of how they flipped around some of their superficial traits.

I don't know you guys the fact that 'you are not alone' became Raph's big moment and 'hope is a ninja's greatest weapon' became Leo's just makes me insane a little bit. I don't think my brain was designed for this many emotions.

[yourlilkaiju]

"Don't let the redemptioners see this." 🥺.....🙄 Please...

I could care less.

I could care less about whether or not someone hates Sephiroth or feels that he is better off being a compelling villain. I don't think that he should stay a villain. I think the villain should be Jenova. Should Sephiroth be considered for a normal life if not maybe somewhere along the lines of maybe an anti-hero? Perhaps. Maybe going up against injustices that affect people, which will eventually affect him. (A war veteran knows this shit.) And this will thus impact the normal life he'd so been hoping for. I honestly feel that there should somehow be a development in treatments as to how to separate Jenova cells from the body safely and effectively, which would thus lead to a gradual change in Sephiroth's appearance.

The key term here is gradual. As in expect at least a couple of decades before he is completely human again, if someone decides to break him out of the Mako crystal.

There are many things I feel on this topic. And frankly I could go on about it. But the issue remains that if I do, I would get nowhere in regards to the original intention of this post.

The fact that Sephiroth fans who believe in his redemption, are called redemptioners is kind of a step. Namely because this comes from a place of ignorance. For one, Sephiroth was a victim of circumstance. Two, the files in the underground library were not only kept in the Shinra mansion. But they were in Nibelheim, not too far off from a reactor that contained human experiments that disobeyed the laws of ethics and Jenova. All of this was run by Research and Development. Which was run by Hojo himself. The department that assigned the mission for Nibelheim was research and development. It was only to observe and report. Read that again.

So to be clear, the mission set for Nibelheim which was not intended for the neutralization and erasure of a town, but the observation and report of a Shinra reactor should have been completely harmless. And this observe and report mission, was coming from Hojo himself. Hojo knew that Jenova was in the reactor. The unlocked doors were too convenient. The access to the library and the classified files were too well placed. And what's more is that only one first class soldier was sent along with him. There weren't any others to train or attempt to bring into the fray. Sephiroth was intended to be the perfect soldier. He was frequently experimented on trained without kindness or reprieve. The only kindness he observed as far as we know was when he was fourteen, when he entered SOLDIER. Beyond that, everything he grew into could not be helped. He tried to be human. He tried to make the best of himself. In the end, the pressure became too much and the Jenova cells took to his brain like a parasite and soon, Jenova was in his head. Thinking for him, breathing for him- controlling his every waking thought and telling him that she's his mother. Even though his mother died shortly after he was born.

Many people are fans of Sephiroth because he is easy to relate to. Many want to see him live a normal life after so many years of adversity and sadness. Because he deserves to walk away from the misery. And usually, folks who don't like Sephiroth fans just like to grind their teeth at anything that doesn't worship the good guys that commit the same genocide that the good guys do for the sake of bringing down Shinra. (If they're reading this, sorry. You brought this truth upon yourselves. Now wallow in it.)

I understand that we all may have our stances and opinions about the one winged baddie. I get that he is one wicked babe. He's not for everyone and sometimes, for a lot of people, they just can't handle that much leather and sass. I get it. Not everyone is kinky or genuinely flirty with the black wingy feather boi. (Yes, I know there are some versions of him that are aro/ace. You can still be flirty with aro/ace so long as it isn't physical and doesn't actually go anywhere....also it must be enthusiastically reciprocated and CONSENSUAL. SSC, darlings.)

But I digress.

As a dominatrix towards people I don't know who ask for my...impactful consultations and integrative queries, Sephiroth is by far an inspirational being who very much represents abuse victims everywhere. And I don't think anti-Sephies understand that. Rather I don't know if they have the emotional maturity that's necessary to do so. Sephiroth has had his boundaries breached on numerous occasions and had been put into a situation where entropy was his life's motto. And when he was finally ready to leave Shinra, he did so. Just....not in the way he hoped.

Overall, it's okay for one to dislike a character. But don't make fun of others for wanting the devs to create a redemption arc for said character. With numerous pathways, please? We don't make fun of you for liking genocidal eco terrorists. No matter how you look at it, that's exactly what they did.

Hypocrites.

[cupcakefoggy]

Ok, this drives me nuts.

I love Bridgerton. And I don't love all things Regency, so before you write me off as a romance-loving Austenite (which is ALSO a perfectly valid thing to be, thankyouverymuch) just hear me out on why this take is so damn annoying.

Ok. Cool. Now, you're entitled to your opinion that Bridgerton is too fluffy, too girly, and needs more "texture" (which, according to the article, should come in the form of labor, hardship, threatened financial ruin, the usual good stuff) but I want to impress upon you, firmly but politely, that if you're in the market for something gritty, you probably should turn off Bridgerton.

She compares Bridgerton to every prominent period show in this article, and consistently complains that it doesn't measure up. "Well it's not Downton Abbey!" No, no it isn't, and that's what we like about it. We aren't watching it to Learn Something. We're watching it because, for an hour or three at a time, it's really nice to forget that there's so much awful crap going on in the world, and just focus in on Penelope's up-and-down courtship with Colin or how damn cute Kate and Anthony are together.

But that isn't even the thing that bothers me the most about this article.

Why, in the year of our lord 2024, are we still perpetuating this "fluffy girly things are BRAIN CANDY" nonsense? Has Jane Austen truly taught us nothing? At the age of 12, back in the early aughts, my dad gave me a hard time for reading the Sweet Valley Twins books. He wanted me to read Pride and Prejudice, and aggressively shoved it under my nose until I finally agreed to take a look at it. I found it incomprehensible, looked it up online, and found to my immense pleasure that Jane Austen's literature was considered "popular" and "feminine" in its day -- not at all serious literature. I took my findings to my dad, who just about exploded and told me "that's not the point, it's a classic NOW, so shut up and read it."

Guys, I don't care if it was written in the 1600s or last week, pop culture is pop culture. It reflects its time. And more importantly, it shapes its time.

In the 1990s, Seinfeld aired the now-famous episode wherein the boys and Julia Louis-Dreyfus' character, Elaine, have a contest to see how long they can all go without masturbating. One of the men is out before the contest begins; of the remaining contestants, Elaine cracks first. This is now considered a bold statement, because in the 90s, women actually ENJOYING orgasms was taboo -- a concept they make sure to acknowledge within the episode itself, as the men insist women don't masturbate.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus later said of her time on Seinfeld, "We weren't trying to change the world, we were just trying to make something really funny. And that's really hard to do. And if you can do it, you CAN change the world a little bit."

Now, I don't watch Seinfeld. I hate it. I tried to watch a bit of it for Julia, bc I loved her so much in New Adventures of Old Christine, but I just couldn't get into it. but I saw the episode she's talking about, and it IS funny. Because they aren't up on a soapbox, they're just having fun, and she's a damn good comedic actress. So why am I bringing up Seinfeld in a conversation about Bridgerton? Because they're both fluff. No one is watching Seinfeld in an effort to solve the mysteries of the human condition or reflect on the nature of good and evil. It's just for fun. And so is Bridgerton.

And even if there was absolutely no value to Bridgerton besides being fun, it would still be "okay" to watch it. Because sometimes we just need fluff. But I don't think we really spend enough time thinking about just how much impact that "fluff" has on our culture.

I've seen people argue that Bridgerton DOES tackle occasional "serious" topics, and that's why it has value. I disagree. Bridgerton's value comes from the fact that it is FUN. It's easy to get into, it's easy to watch, no one is FORCING it on you, like my dad tried to do with P&P. And because it's fun, people -- YOUNG people -- are willingly watching it…

And they're seeing elderly women, women of color, and plus-size women being depicted as beautiful and desirable.

They're seeing a young, newly-married woman force herself on her husband and realizing that women also need to be taught about consent, and that a lack of sex education leads to damaged relationships.

They're seeing depictions of mental illness in the Queen Charlotte spinoff. They're seeing a man with a mental illness bare his soul to a woman he loves, and hearing her say, in no uncertain terms, that as damaged as he thinks he is, she loves him too. Unconditionally.

They're seeing queer representation in the Queen Charlotte spinoff, too. They're seeing racism and politics and medical abuse. They're seeing storylines that they'd never seek out on their own, and intentionally or not, they're learning from those stories.

Maybe it's optimistic to a fault, but I just can't stop wondering, how many young girls talked to each other about Daphne and Simon? How many plus-size women saw Penelope and Colin's sex scene and felt beautiful, felt seen, for the first time? How many people with mental illness saw Charlotte love King George and realized that they too are worthy of love? How many people heard Violet shyly tell Agatha that she misses having sex with her husband, and felt validated that, no, you don't turn 40 and stop being horny?

I sobbed my eyes out watching S3 the other night, because they captured the feeling of being unpopular and overweight so damn well. I saw my high school years reflected in Penelope's story and it broke my heart and gave me hope all at the same time. I love that they dress Violet and Agatha and Charlotte as richly as they do the younger, "hotter" leads. I love that Anthony Bridgerton goes down on Kate every fucking chance he gets. I love Bridgerton's message, however unintentional, that you don't have to be the classic Pretty Skinny Caucasian Starlet - you can be fat, old, BIPOC, disabled, outcast, anything, and still deserve and GET your happily-ever-after.

Shondaland is not trying to change the world. They're just trying to be fluffy and horny. And if they can do it, they can change the world just a little bit.

[mrbensonmum]

TV Show - Dr. House | House M.D. VI

So, we're now at episode 10/11 in the third season, and while House gets a visit from Tritter in rehab, Tritter shows his true colors, or rather, House reveals them.

I find it good that the judge clarifies again that Tritter acted completely out of line, and she can't quite understand why he was after House so much. But as described before, and also shown by Cuddy's reprimand, zero attention is paid to the fact that Tritter started it all. Yes, we're at a stage where all involved have made mistakes, serious ones even, Cuddy just a few moments ago. But as House pointed out so nicely, if Tritter doesn't get his butt kissed by everyone, he loses it! Plus, what really gets me mad is he's still chewing those gums even though he was told he'll lose his manhood if he keeps at it.

And yes, the judge said House provoked Tritter, and I won't argue against that, but the fact that House rarely does anything without a reason and no one asks about the real reason, namely that Tritter was the worst patient until then, is not questioned. Here I see a missed opportunity to delve deeper into House's character, even though it's been done many times before, but here they could have explored his motives a bit more, and I think that would have done the character quite good!

Fortunately, this storyline is over, even though I like it, it really raises my blood pressure!

Fun Fact: The prosecutor from episode 11 has the voice of Rüdiger Schulzki in German, who probably won't ring a bell to anyone, which is okay, but he's known for voicing the intro of the Galaxy Rangers and has voiced many characters in series in the 80s and 90s. Unfortunately, he passed away on August 5, 2022, in Hamburg! We don't talk enough about voice actors, which should change because every time something comes to us that wasn't produced here, it's the voice actors who are responsible for making the medium enjoyable in our language. And yes, sometimes dubs aren't really great, but believe me, that's rarely if ever the fault of the voices, but rather the dubbing directors who regularly dump one in the brain! So, enough rant for today!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my brother to turn down the volume? And WIBTA for assuming his internet history and trying to get him to stop visiting certain sites?

So it's like this- my (24ftnb (closeted)) hearing is incredibly oversensitive. Like, I can hear someone chewing with their mouth open from 100 paces. However, I'm usually good about not reacting to noises that frustrate me. Not always- sometimes I have to text a meme I made to one of my brothers (22m, 20m, 12m) that's an edit of the "I (do this thing), but I don't want to" meme. The one with the guy who looks up in the second panel with red eyes. "I hear everything, but I don't want to," y'know?

In the past, the predecessor to this meme was simply crawling out of bed to stand in my brothers' doorframe to tell 22m (younger at the time, obviously) to stop singing loudly at 2 am. (It never worked until our parents got involved, and even then sometimes not for the entire night.) Times have changed, I no longer sleep across the hall from all three, but we're all still stuck in the same house, and it's now 20m who's keeping me awake.

Most of the time, he's watching a show he enjoys or playing a video game in the basement. And humming along. Which sounds perfectly fine, and I'm glad he can find some time to indulge in his interests. Whenever I ask him to maybe indulge at a volume that doesn't carry through the vents and directly to my room, though, he gets angry and tells me it's an "anon problem, not a [him] problem." Which. Whatever. I'll deal with itchy earplugs if I need to when at home. They're usually enough to silence the little things, though louder stuff always manages to get through.

Now, though, we're visiting family, and the four of us are sharing a hotel room while our parents take a second. (Yes, yes, I know, three 20-somethings still living with our parents. Our parents put the "rent" into "parent" for each of us once we hit 18, so it's not like we're "freeloading." The economy's in shambles, so this is the best we've got rn.)

And 20m started watching episodes of a show he likes on the room's TV almost immediately after dinnertime, continuing until about 11:30 PM, when I eventually suggested that he watch one more before turning it off or switching to his phone. Something that wouldn't get loud enough to half-wake 12m for the fourth time in a row. I was careful not to mention my own annoyance at being unable to sleep.

Apparently the appropriate response was "I don't want to hear that from you."

Now, this is where that other question I asked comes in, and why I felt the need to specify that I'm closeted ftnb. See, 20m has previously talked about sigma males being better than alpha males, has told me to "use your ethos!" and acted like I was an idiot for not catching on that he meant "use your brain," and repeatedly interrupts conversations where our mother, 12m, and/or I are speaking to completely veer it off-course to whatever he wants to talk about. Additionally, he is incredibly controlling of 12m and has been for nearly all of 12m's lifetime. At the same time, whenever I try to point this out to someone, I am not believed and am considered to be overreacting, thin-skinned, or oversensitive. If 20m is around to see me do so, he snaps at me for "butting in."

Honestly, it feels like he might be browsing incel subreddits or something, but I don't know any specifics beyond how his mentality's changed over the years. All I know is that it feels like he is so much less likely these days to treat my suggestions as equal to his own when I'm not being a yes-man. Yes-person?

Now, I'll straight-up admit that I am not an objective observer. It's very possible that I'm in the wrong about all this, as far as I can tell, but these are the facts as I see them, and nobody's told me otherwise while also elaborating on what the truth would be in such a case.

So…AITA for asking my brother to turn down the volume? And WIBTA for both assuming he's browsing sites that are eroding his ability to interact with other people, and for planning to find a way to get him to stop?

What are these acronyms?

[faraway-sunshine]

What about the split in half one? That one looks most like you, I think

Meet Whoever's Inside My Head #2: Sunny Omori (Myself)

Once again, bulk of info under the cut.

You can address me as: Just Sunny and He/Him's fine. Calling me Omori might trigger something, I'm not sure.

(Saturday 16th September, 2000, 11:39 PM)

(Yeah, I stayed up all evening figuring this stuff out)

Until recently, I would have made this a separate page.

Omori was my most prominent other self. After Mari died, I escaped from reality via dreaming and sleep, and when I was awake often these dream elements were carried with me to the waking world. But every time I managed to escape for a while, I'd remember and it'd all come crashing down again.

Remembering a memory when I sat at Mari's piano, a uniquely crafted model the maker called an "Omori", I adopted that name when I felt myself kind of form another version of me. One twelve years old from a few days before Mari died, who played with his friends and existed in a vacuum, who only ever existed in this faraway alternate world with no parents or rules or school or music lessons or anything. One who was, for the most part, oblivious.

But Omori grew curious, as I, Sunny, faced the reality of moving. I think maybe Omori realized so many times before, but either I managed to get rid of his memories or he did so to himself. For all I know each wipe could have been a brand-new Omori. I also felt two extra pieces break off Omori after a time, one protecting us, the other a punisher of sorts.

As I developed and started facing fears and reconnecting with friends, this bled into Omori's world. At the end of it all, when for the first time I decided not to let myself fall back into unknowing and when I saved Basil, I had no need for this sort of escapism. I thought maybe Omori would vanish or die, that the vicious scramble in my head was for his own self.

But that didn't happen. Instead, Omori's presence changed. I could tell which "memories", which emotions and thoughts and likes and dislikes that I felt unified on or weren't coming from me or any other distinct voice. And I never really felt Omori either go away or take charge. I don't know if this is the right terminology, but I think maybe Omori and I merged? Became one person? I'm not sure. But it's a nice thought, really, that after years of separation and infighting that we're both starting to properly live.

Having said that, there's a lot more me than there's Omori, as Omori largely thrived on distance and neutrality and drifting by and also kept himself very guarded. That doesn't make Omori any less important or deserving of nice things, though.

Although we both have overlap, Omori is more left-brained, focused on logic and facts and straightforward ways of getting through things, while Sunny is more right-brained. We can play off each other pretty nicely. And although I (Sunny) never feel Omori take total control anymore, sometimes he lets me zone out while taking control of a tedious chore or boring conversation so I don't have to think about it.

The parts of me that feel more like Omori aren't interested in deep conversations. Or blog passages. But there's a bit of Omori in everything I do now.

Design

I tend to think of Omori and I as like a yin-yang symbol, so the black and white is paramount. Splitting down the middle was more of an introductory thing; visually I see us as kind of the same person wearing one outfit rather than half of two. However, I do imagine myself being a bit lopsided, as Omori did not really age in any way and when Omori totally fronted he completely believed we looked as we did when we were 12. And for the white in our eyes, I tend to draw only a little bit in one eye and a larger bit in the other, as when Omori was almost always confined to my lucid dreams I tended to think of him as having lightless eyes and I think it's a nice visual metaphor for getting used to the sunlight.

[anendoandfriendo]

So, we have a LOT of gripes with this post but more just want to address then individually without giving the OP any harassment so:

These first and second paragraphs is fine honestly, we won't tell people how they should feel about their own experiences.

The problem starts at the next part where OP starts trying to tell people how they should feel about their own brain.

--------

Also we just REALLY need to get this out of the way woth no other comments —

"We don't label [implied word is diagnose] personality types"

LMAO try saying that to uhhhh — *checks notes* — people with PERSONALITY DISORDERS.

--------

People who generally live life functionally but who every now and then are reminded that they’re disabled and need help in very specific situations. Like somebody who doesn’t struggle much socially and who doesn’t need supports at school or work but who sometimes doesn’t have as much energy for doing the dishes because they’re exhausted from living as an autistic person in an allistic world.

Did you know that therapists require a diagnosis to see literally anyone, ever? At least in the United States?

By your logic the neurotypical idea that "nobody is normal" actually exists. Why is someone who goes to a therapist and is forced to get like, let's just say a depression diagnosis for the ease of thos conversation. Why are they allowed to get that diagnosis, do the therapy, then consider themselves completely neurotypical but an autistic person isn't allowed to do that?

Please make that make sense.

And if you didn't realize everyone who's ever gone to a therapist loses their neurotypical card and is lying to you (using YOUR OWN LOGIC these people would be lying/faking neurotypicality) then don't worry about that! We didn't know that either until this year.

Anyways, that leaves us two options: either everyone is disabled or these people are allowed to choose their neurotypes in spite of the system labeling them otherwise. We sincerely hope why you realize the former is more shitty and we do not have to explain to you even bodily autonomy you don't like is still an inalienable right.

--------

So if you’re like me, please don’t speak over higher support needs people. Recognise that, if you can generally live independently, you are lower support needs than a LOT of others.

Is this about the assholes who went "waaah!! Don't call yourselves nonverbal!!! You share the same brainbody!!!" yes and as a plural system, we are still DIFFERENT PEOPLE. SOME OF US ARE NONVERBAL AND CANNOT SPEAK WHEN FRONTING WITHOUT ADDITIONAL ASSISTANCE FROM ANOTHER HEADMATE. SOME OF US HAVE TO BODY DOIBLE EACH OTHER JUST TO GET THE DISHES DONE YOU DESCRIBED IN THIS POST.

YES WE DO STILL HOLD A JOB TAKIMG PHONE CALLS. BECAUSE THE VARIETY OF AUTISTICS IN OUR HEAD MAKES. IT. SO. WE. ARE. COLLECTIVELY. NON-DISORDERED.

We may be endogenic, but we would still not, in any way, survive the world as a singlet. We are low support needs on a fucking technicality because they confirmed us as an autistic person when the brainody was two!!!

Just because you do not benefit from a purely social model of disability doesn't mean there are autistics who straight up wouldn't have issues anymore if people just..accepted them and society in general was less shitty.

The ONLY!! WAY!!! We have seen this kind of statement be used is to gatekeep people like us who try to describe their experiences of plurmisia and its intersectionality with ableism.

We are a non-disordered autistic collectively with specific members in our system who ARE in fact disordered autistics. The only reason we don't have people who describe themselves as neurotypicals in this system is very specifically because they do indeed feel a change in them when they arrive here.

Yes! We are a lot lower in support needs! To the point we do not consider ourselves such! Because of our multiplicity. Not because our autism "isn't that bad" or anything like that.

------

TLDR:

Stop fucking telling people how to feel about their own experiences.

If youre trying to gatekeep what we think you are trying ro gatekeep, you're an asshole and need to stop. Maybe we are just lucky, who knows, but we have NEVER seen this kind of sentiment occur in a way that does not have an undercurrent of plurmisia and/or other ableism.

You can in fact be a nondisordered diagnosed person. It happens all of the time, otherwise therapists as an institution couldn't exist lmao.

Additionally, as far as we are concerned, there are, in fact, situations you can be simultaneously non-disordered and disordered.

How about you follow the advice you said to everyone else, and not tell no-support and low-support autistics how to feel about their experiences? You're a fucking hypocrite OP!

Someone or somesys with more experience analyzing this kind of thing from a mad pride lens and/or a bodily autonomy lens is absolutely free to add onto this but we're just. Tired. And also kinda we have to be at work in likeeee 10 to 20 minutes.