#and sad. and hurt.

[futuristic-koala]

[tojbnuy]

boyfriend!toji who doesn’t know why but he feels this weird jealousy everytime he sees you meet your friends and greet them all with a big hug. you never did that with him. you relationship was still fairly new to the both of you, but you kissed you fucked you even held hands sometimes when walking around. but, what toji was now realizing, was that he wanted a hug. well, he wanted a hug from You. not a casual little hug, a hug. holding each other. he didn’t know how to broach the subject without sounding needy and like the complete opposite of how he usually acts. he had never cared about this kinda stuff with other people, he’d never experienced it growing up and he thought he could live without it. until you. until you showed him that wanting to be held was normal. he’d been thinking about it for a while until one night, as the two of you got ready for bed it simply slipped out.

‘how come you don’t hug me?’

immediately you stopped plaiting your hair and turned to him with a shocked look.

‘what?’

‘how come you don’t hug me? like when you see your friends or you say bye you hug them. you don’t hug me.’

as soon as he said it he felt stupid. a grown man like him, older than you and he was sat here asking for a fucking hug. what if you turned the question around and said ‘well you don’t hug me’ what would he say? that i’ve never done that before sorry i don’t know how? his thoughts came to a stop when he felt a small hand grab his own larger one.

‘i- toji im so sorry. i’m sorry i didn’t think that was something you wanted.’

fuck now he’s made you feel bad.

‘nah doll you don’t have to say sorry, its nothing let’s just go to bed’

‘no toji please. let’s talk about it.’

you lifted the blanket and made your way over to his side of the bed so you could sit face to face. everything about you was so soft, so kind. such a complete contrast to himself. he was panicking, he didn’t do stuff like this, never talked about stuff like this.

‘honestly toji, i really just thought you weren’t a touchy person. i’m sorry for just assuming especially considering everything you’ve been through,’

‘no please doll. i wasn’t trying to blame you for anything. i just’

his palms were actually sweating, but your face. god your darling sweet face, looking at him like he hung up the stars in sky. like every word out of his mouth meant the world to you. you would wait for him to get the words out no matter how long he took.

‘i don’t know to be honest. you’re right i’m not a touchy person i’ve never really hugged anyone. but i want that. with you. and im sorry, i should be the one to initiate it i just didn’t really know how doll.’ his voice was so quiet, just a rough whisper.

he looked up to stare into your glassy eyes when you leaned in and kissed him. a small whisper of a kiss.

‘can i hug you?’ you said with your lips pressed against his.

he knew you knew he would prefer not to dwell on it.

and then he wrapped his arms around your back so tightly like he was showing the universe just how bad he needed you. he pulled you into his lap and let his cheek fall to your shoulder. he felt your arms wrap around his neck and you fingers stroking the hairs at his nape.

neither of you spoke, you simply sat and held each other and made a silent promise to maintain the closeness from today onwards.

‘thank you for telling me toji. you big baby.’

‘yeah that’s enough. time for bed.’

your giggle was music to his ears.

[timetravelsong]

𝐈𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐈’𝐦 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞.

excerpts from a book I’ll never write

[yogurtgut]

HI THERE!! HERE'S THE ROBOTNIK SIBLINGS!!! I AM NOT OKAY, SEND HELP :'''DDDDD

[pangur-and-grim]

I think he likes me

[star-struck09]

I fear the sadness will consume me alive one day.

[chloesimaginationthings]

What if Mike got the bad ending of the FNAF movie..

[sa-dnesss]

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

[saucefunk]

CONTROL YOURSELF

[reds-skull]

My mom named one of the street cats she feeds Tommy, so I thought to myself, "what if..."

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

I'm proud of you for making it this far.

[asoftepiloguemylove]

BUT I WAS LITTLE TOO // ON THE FAILURE OF FATHERS

Michael Wasson This Dusk In A Mouth Full of Prayer // Ocean Vuong Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong // Aftersun (2022) dir. Charlotte Wells // Mitski A Burning Hill // Franz Kafka Letter to His Father // Disco Elysium (2019) cr. ZA/UM // Sharon Olds I Wanted to Be There When My Father Died // Daniel Lavery & Cecillia Corrigan FROM THE MAKERS OF "TWO-MOM ENERGY DRINK," IT'S "LET YOUR FATHER DIE" ENERGY DRINK // pinterest // pinterest // @inkskinned Red Blood, Black Ink // Arcade Fire Windowsill

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[gods-no-longer-tread-here]

things not to say in front of me, a physically disabled autistic/ADHD person:

“No one wants to work anymore.”

I would fucking kill to be able to work. I would sell my soul to have a body that doesn’t hurt, a brain that understands social cues, an ability to not fixate and wind myself up into a meltdown or panic attack. I want to work. I can’t, because I am literally unable to. You have a strong body and a calm mind. You are free in ways that I can never be. Why do you think I am a threat to you?

“People are lazy. Without the motivation of money (and dying without it), no one would even try to keep the world functioning.”

All human beings want to be busy. We want to play and create and enjoy and help. When you strip away the joy of Doing, when you expect money to replace emotional fulfillment, you kill the human spirit. I have attempted to monetize every hobby I have ever enjoyed for the sake of doing it, because I have no recourse, and it has destroyed all of the motivation in my soul. You are mistaking exhaustion for laziness. Stop it.

“But everyone hates work, so obviously if no one had to work 40 hours every week just to afford food--not even factoring in rent, transport, bills, consumable products, etc--no one would work at all.”

Do you know what boredom is? Do you know about stimulation? Do you have any idea how torturous it is, how literally maddening, to be without responsibilities or tasks? Have you ever been ill and ordered to stay home for even one day? I spent years housebound. There are people in this world who literally cannot leave their beds, and have been there since birth. There are people who have developed depression or anxiety or schizophrenia and had to quit work because their minds are too busy dealing with the illnesses affecting them. We are clawing at the walls, desperate to Do Things, and you are spitting on us and calling us “cripples”, “stupid”, “crazy”, “lazy”.

My body is a prison. My brain is an enemy. And you, in your privilege, are telling me that the reason I am not a good little robot is because I am lacking motivation.

Do you have any idea how many people your flawed logic has murdered? People who could’ve changed the world? Not just the disabled. Your views have killed single mothers, children, people of color, the formerly incarcerated... you are assisting in the extermination of everyone not like you.

I want to work so I can Do Things. I cannot work because my body won’t allow it. I will not work if my humanity is denied to me.

[wishchip106]

i’ve been using my brain more than its used to

gonna think about gay mutant road trip hope my brain doesn’t explode

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

The fact that I'm still "alive" in 2024 just feels like a huge mistake...