#maybe it hurts for me more bc i lost my cat this year...

[strab3rr]

(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT

I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY

IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)

i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how

anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)

two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water

youve read it correct drinking water.

i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.

i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)

being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage

being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)

being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)

glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)

dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)

healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)

and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)

then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:

new phone, +macbook air

dream apartment of my own

pinterest closet

lifa app for this reality

financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)

knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)

a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)

my parents being more lovable and away from me

every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling

and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)

then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)

one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.

still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀

4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much

a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.

and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.

for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.

sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.

oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.

YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.

and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.

and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.

and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.

and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS

i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself

because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)

is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check

the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck

dream body and hair- check and check

i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself

not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.

im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help

now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess

loves, siena.

[reds-skull]

My mom named one of the street cats she feeds Tommy, so I thought to myself, "what if..."

[brackenfur]

i really do wish that like. ok when i think about brambleclaw and ashfur, in firestars quest they seem like good friends and get along well, and then we all know what happens in the book series(s) beyond that, but i really would want to give their dynamic more like. impact, and i’ve talked abt it here and there before, but:

i imagine that when bramblepaw first became an apprentice, ashpaw really liked him and treated him like a younger brother, almost. he saw how bramblepaw was kinda shy and he took him under his wing - he would teach him how to leap after leaves, he’d taught him crouches, talk to him about training, that sort of thing. and bramblepaw really looked up to ashpaw bc most of the clan treats him and tawnypaw rly differently, except for ashpaw and fernpaw and a few others. but bramblepaw rly likes that he has a close friend in the clan

and then brindleface is killed. and bramblepaw sees how sad fernpaw and ashpaw are at her vigil, so he comes up to say how sorry he is - he just lost his older brother, swiftpaw, too. and if ashpaw needed to talk, he’d always be there - but when ashpaw looks up at him, he looks….angry. he doesn’t say anything, so bramblepaw leaves because he thinks ashpaw is grieving and needs space, but form then on out, ashpaw won’t even speak to him. and after tawnypaw leaves to shadowclan, bramblepaw feels more alone than ever - he has other friends, but ashpaw was his first real friend, and now ashpaw wont even look at him. and bramblepaw tells firestar about it, saying that maybe it’s because he’s grieving for brindleface, but……..deep down bramblepaw knows why ashpaw is angry at him, he just doesn’t want it to be true.

and after tigerstar is killed, bramblepaw doesn’t really know how to feel since he hates his father, but to see him die like that…….. but he sees the weird, almost smug way ashpaw keeps looking at him and he almost wants to ask him why, what his problem even is, but he thinks about brindleface and decides he doesn’t want to know the answer.

and then after the battle with bloodclan when they kill bone together , he thinks maybe it’ll change - maybe ashpaw will like him again - but outside of some curt words and greetings, they aren’t friends anymore. bramblepaw wants to respect his decision, even if it hurts really bad that he lost his first friend bc of something tigerstar did, but he just wants to focus on becoming a warrior now.

and for a year that’s what he does - sometimes a cat like sorreltail or thornclaw will be like “hey, didn’t you guys used to be friends?” to which brambleclaw doesn’t know what to say - but he’s determined to prove ashfur and everyone else wrong.

and then he meets hawkfrost and starts training in the dark forest and for the first time in years, ashfur really starts to pay attention again. because he stopped trusting brambleclaw after brindleface died - ashfur knows that’s cruel, to blame him for something tigerstar did, but his heart can’t take anymore betrayals and deaths, and he sees it as a measure to protect himself and thunderclan - but when he sees hawkfrost he thinks, oh, i was right. and not only was i right - but squirrelflight is becoming closer to brambleclaw and she doesn’t even know about my mother, how she died. how brambleclaws father killed her to feed to a pack of dogs.

so he starts talking to squirrelflight and hanging out with her, and they get close, but when she goes back to hanging out with brambleclaw, he can’t cope. brambleclaws father took away ashfurs mother, everyone in thunderclan adores brambleclaw again, AND he was made deputy, AND squirrelflight thinks ashfur is this overbearing creep and he’s like, oh hell no.

and THAT to me feels more interesting than in canon but!!!!!!! that’s just me

[sugar-omi]

Hope you don't mind another prompt from me, since my first one when you mentioned the hangman moment 'Growing', I thought it would be a very fun thought experiment to reverse the scene and it's gn!mc who writes the phrase down, and Cove is the one to guess it. I take hangman very seriously (bc it's my favorite pass-time activity) so I'm very quick with it but I could imagine Cove taking some more rounds to guess until he finally gets the full result. :D

tags : fluff, step 2, re-imagined "growing" moment

synopsis : you flirt with cove in a game of hangman

maybe its the heat that makes you so bold, or maybe its mistake number 5,796 that only 13 year olds can make at this time; but with cove's suggestion to play hangman, you decide to share one of your many thoughts on cove, your neighbor and crush...

you sit back down with a paper and pen in hand. "mind if i go first? since you picked the game..."

cove nods.

you hum and think for a minute, tossing back and forth ideas before you finally settle on it.

it's a bit embarrassing, and you feel a wave of heat wash over you, but you just blame it on the weather.

sketching out the lines for the hangman and your quote, you turn it around for cove to start guessing.

your heart pounds as cove starts guessing, although his first guess makes you laugh.

"z?"

you laugh for a bit, leaning on your bed as you take in cove's answer. wiping away tears you look at him with a grin. "z? wha- *laughs* what makes you guess z?"

cove smiles lazily, happy to make you laugh. he shrugs. "gotta take out the hard options."

you shake your head, drawing a shaky circle for the hangman's head. "you're silly. consider starting with vowels instead."

you pause for a moment, wondering if you're giving yourself away.

you didn't exactly think about how cove would react to the compliment once he guessed it.. would it be okay if he didn't guess it?

he'd probably ask what it was if he failed... would you tell him?

you chew your lip, startling when cove catches your attention.

"y/n?" cove tilts his body to the side, looking at you.

you smile weakly. "nevermind, just dying in this heat."

cove blinks but plays along with you, grinning as he makes a comment. "me too. i think i'm stuck to the floor now."

you throw your stuffed cat plushie at him. it didn't hurt him, the cat is the size of his hand at best. he just laughs and fluffs it into shape.

"imma have to charge you rent then." you grin wolfishly when cove asks how much. "twenty."

cove rolls his eyes, his cheeks a bit flushed as he thinks about it. "still can't believe my dad did that..."

cove looks down at the paper, telling you his answer again before you get too distracted.

you lick your lips, adding "O" to the line.

you smile at him, continuing where you left off. "yeah, it was kinda weird.." you twiddle your fingers, looking at your lap as cove takes a bite of his sandwich, thinking about his next guess as he waits for you to continue or not.

mumbling a bit, realizing the heat must have some kind of bug in it since you're so... sentimental today.

"i'm glad he did it anyway. you're not bad for twenty dollars." you smirk, trying to ignore your racing heart and covering up your fluster with jokes.

cove rolls his eyes and laughs. there's still a blush on his cheeks, your words still warmed his heart.

"good. there's no refunds." he plays along, looking at you through his lashes.

"damn. i missed the return window, huh." you curse to which cove laughs, telling you his next guess.

"p!"

you bite your lip, drawing the letter.

as you go on playing, joking and laughing as well as focusing occasionally when cove contemplates his next move.

he's... close. although not without sacrifice.

he lost the first and second round, with only 3 letters correctly guessed on the board in the first round and somehow finished the second round with 2. now it's you're third round, and his hangman is close to his end, unfortunate for him.

the hangman only has 2 legs and an arm left, and cove has finally decided to take your game seriously instead of laughing and joking with you.

you're really nervous now, since he's getting really close..

YOU A_E CU_E

cove looks confused at what it could be, but taking his former experience into account he guesses the next few letters.

"r?" cove phrases it like a question, tilting his head like a puppy.

you draw it, twisting the pencil as he takes the final guess.

"t..."

you swallow, drawing a shaky letter 'T'.

'YOU ARE CUTE'

the silence stretches between you two, and you look up from the paper to greet cove's flushed face.

he's covering his face with his hands and you look down at his lap to see his glasses are hanging off the plush cat's head.

you try to think of the plushie with glasses that actually fit, its a way to distract you as you wait for cove to respond but it just makes you blush when you realize it'd just look like cove that way...

jesus fucking christ... you drag your hand over your face. cove takes up so much of your thoughts...

you look up at him, still covering your mouth with your hand, and you mumble loudly enough for him to hear. "...a penny for your thoughts?"

cove squeaks, clearly lost in his thoughts.

it makes you happy though, since he hasn't run away it must be a good sign right?

he peaks at you from the gaps of his fingers. the shadow casted over his face makes his eyes pop, cove's brilliant blue irises making your stomach flutter with the way he looks so flustered by your written compliment.

you startle, almost missing his question.

"you mean it?..."

you blink, swallowing. suddenly your mouth feels dry... in the end you nod, and muster up a couple words.

"yeah. i do." cove squeaks at your answer.

you can't really see it, but cove's hands part in a way that allow you to see the smile forming on his face.

it makes you smile too. this is good right? you're suppose to start feelings... things. at this age, so this is okay. especially if its cove.

cove finally comes out of hiding, trading covering his face for twisting the arms of the cat plush in his lap. he must have braced himself enough to give his own compliment without hiding, at least if tilting his head down and glancing away didn't count.

"i uh... i think you're cute too..."

you're blushing, and you bite your lip to stop the elated grin from taking over your face.

yeah, this is definitely okay.

[homokommari]

who do you think is gonna let the "clark didnt realize" cat out of the bag in the married not married au.... is it gonna be dick who saw clark's realizaion... or is alfred gonna mention clark's "thoughts on divorce"..

in the middle of an argument bruce is going to make some biting comment about clark needing to step up his communication. it hits clark kinda hard bc he has been keeping That Secret to himself for a good while now, unhappy about lying to people but not wanting to disturb the Peace and Marital Bliss.

so clark, pretty heated and hurt and ashamed, responds: "what a joke, coming from you! the man who thought we have been married for god knows how long and didn't think to say a thing to me!"

silence. bruce takes a deep breath to center himself. "what. what does that mean? because we are not married in the eyes of the court this is just playing house to you?"

clark is so uncomfortable and hates himself for losing his cool and saying anything about the truth. bruce is so genuinely confused and hurt. and clark has to hurt him more. "no, bruce, to me we have been... close friends. a few months ago, end of last year, i for the first time understood that you thought we were more. everyone did."

clark grabs bruce's shoulder. he was trying to pace or flee, clark couldn't guess which. clark didn't want to give bruce a chance to turn away from him before he can say everything he needs to say, to maybe make bruce want to keep what they have. build on it, even.

"i thought i was just sharing my life with my best friend, and hearing that it wasn't that to you and your family shook me up. but it was also very soon clear to me that- that this is what i actually want. i want to share a bed with you as your husband. i want to kiss you goobye, good morning- - i didn't realize i had been in love with you for... i don't know. god knows. maybe before we got married in your mind."

bruce doesn't speak, his troubled thoughts clear on his face. he doesn't have the habit of pulling a mask around clark. he lost it somewhere along the years. the years of the sham.

"i... think you should sleep at your apartment tonight."

"right. yeah," clark replies and let's go of bruce. he can't keep bruce- if bruce doesnt want this. "i hope you... think about what i said." and then, without really knowing what he is apologizing for, he adds: "i'm sorry."

clark walks out of the room and leaves the manor.

[squishranger]

AT LAST SEVERAL MONTHS OF BRAINROT COME TO FRUITION

here's a carrd for all tptmers who want to meet some Fun New Girls That I Made (it defaults you to the first girl, but the button leading to the second one is at the bottom... and at the bottom of the second girl's page... is a button leading back to the first! careful not to get stuck in an infinite loop.)

EDIT: OH GOD ITS SO UGLY ON MOBILE. USE YOUR COMPUTER PLEASE

the full designs, transcripts and screenshots of the carrd for mobile users, and other such ramblings are under the cut

REVERIE GIRL , she/they/cloud/dream/star/whatever suits your fancy, wants the world to spin both faster and slower than it does... if she had the gumption, they'd have everything she wanted by now, but they tend to only have the energy to lay in bed and think about lost times. she's a nostalgiacore girlie and she has little else to go off of in terms of defining who she is. (star's... basically just a self-insert.)

PAGE:

JOURNAL TRANSCRIPT: ohhhh my god what am i doing . i cant keep living like this. like its not even living im not even doing anything every morning i wake up and i regret i regret waking up i dont want to wake up but how am i ever supposed to live if i cant do anything other than stare at the ceiling and pretend things are better than they are ??? at this point i'd rather give up. live in my daydream forever with my friends and my cat whos been dead for like two years now i think but i wanna go back to her i wanna go somewhere else. i havent given a shit about reality in fucking forever im so done with it but some part of me wants to live. maybe even get out of my fucking parents house. get a job learn to drive be a person or something. but i'm so stuck. i just hurt all the time. i dont know what part of my heart to follow. i dont know what to do. i can't just go back to bed this time i can't…. i can't…. i always tell myself that and then i do. i need to make up my mind.

CARRIER GIRL, she/he/they/it, has been abandoned by everyone who ever loved her. though she lives a generally stable life, it's a distinctly lonely one, and it isn't enough for her. there is something yet to be fulfilled. some kind of desire. she only wants to feel as loved as she once was.

PAGE:

JOURNAL TRANSCRIPT: hello blog!! i got myself an iced matcha latte from my favorite local cafe today! it was really good. but it like, it got me thinking… will any little treat i buy myself ever make me feel better about how freakin' lonely i am?? man, i dunno why i started thinking like that… i get matcha all the dang time. so often they're starting to feel more like breadcrumbs. i think it'd taste like something again if i shared it with someone. i think i peaked in high school. that was when i had friends and before all that awful stuff happened and yeah maybe i wasn't doing great but i had people. and then they all went to college or got married or had babies or something and… augh!! i can't be bitter!! they're living their best life… just… without me. and now every time i reach out i get brushed off, pushed away… i want someone who won't leave me. will i ever have someone who won't leave me? maybe i won't. maybe i should just accept that. everyone always leaves. i've been nothing but kind to people, i really think that, so what am I doing wrong? ohh boy this one really spiraled outta control didn't it… sorry ;-; i'm just gonna save it and go think for a bittt….

THIS WAS A VERY FUN EXERCISE for character design and branching out with my art style (i did in fact draw both of these characters.. it's probably pretty obvious but i tried to make them look like they were sorta drawn in different styles like the canon girls bc it's cool i think. if that makes sense JSDFJSDF) and coming up with metaphors, i actually had so many other girl ideas that got scrapped for one reason or another, and only two came out unscathed... there may be more... in the future... as for songs, i don't know if that'll ever happen. i have most of the tools, aside from voice synth, so i'd probably just use my own voice. which might be CRINGEEE (ironic statement) so we'll see how that goes!! ^^' don't... don't count on it...

[xslytherclawx-writes]

hi hi for the director's commentary thing, i know it's from a few years ago but i really love enough contrition to spare so if you have anything you'd like to share about that fic i'd love to know!!

oooh yes!!! i absolutely ADORE that one! one of my favorites!!!

this got really long, so. cut.

so I wrote it for Heart Attack Exchange, which is 10k minimum in 2 weeks, and I think I wrote it in like four days? in a fugue state. that means much of the creative process has been completely lost to that fugue state lol

because it was for an exchange, it was written for a recipient - kirby is a LOVELY recipient to write for, and they have so many ideas I always love (I wrote for them for Heart Attack this year, too). I definitely tailored it to their likes (and the kitten at the end was 1000% a surprise for them bc they love cats).

but exchanges are not 1:1 "write me exactly this scenario" (that's a good way to get a gentle email from the mods), so I took their request (canon divergence, Harry raised by others, focus on a minor character) and ran with it.

Astronomy goes wayyyyyyyy back to when I'd RP Regulus in high school lol - I'd put astronomy as his favorite subject because I was so tired of everyone assuming Slytherin = Potions. Besides, it makes sense, right? (I don't think that comes up in any of my other Regulus fics haha - maybe the one I wrote for Tavina for Battleship). Astronomy also gave me the chance to have him do things during the day to push the plot (and emotional beats).

Evan is generally my choice for pairing Regulus in non-Ravenclaw AUs when I want the relationship to be (approaching) healthy, or equitable, or when I want Regulus to be the one with more power in the relationship. (fwiw I mean, I don't think Regulus would have been hurt in a relationship with Evan in Ravenclaw AU - Evan is a different matter entirely tho of course). This [also] goes wayyyyyy back to like 2008?ish? when a fanartist I really liked paired them together - and specifically the brand of Evan being dedicated to Regulus, regardless of Regulus's degree of investment.

(Barty (the "hurt Regulus" choice) would've been a very bad match for this specific fic, particularly as Regulus sells him out, and I didn't want that much angst - besides, Kirby didn't particularly want unhealthy relationships.)

Evan is also someone who doesn't quite become disenchanted with ~The Cause~, so that gave me a source of tension between them: Regulus has spent the past two years learning that Muggleborns are human beings and that the war is an absolute waste run by a madman who wants to install himself at the top of a totalitarian regime (the latter he woke up to in 1979, but like, it's really driven home by horcrux hunting). Evan's line about being at each other's throats is Evan making it clear that he knows where Regulus stands and doesn't agree.

As for the brothers - well, I just modded a fest for them lol (or am in the middle of? last fic has been revealed but we're still anonymous), so naturally I wanted there to be some focus on their relationship. Regulus enlisting his family to get Sirius a trial is an idea I really love, mostly because Sirius would really fucking hate it - but would it work? Regulus is more pragmatic than Sirius, who has Morals.

But you can't fix estrangement in a matter of days - Regulus makes his effort (as prickly as he may be during it), and Sirius doesn't know what to do with this new, reformed version of his little brother. In the end, Sirius trusts him to take care of a vulnerable creature just as Sirius is taking care of a vulnerable person (baby Harry).

Also, if you squint, there's a Max cameo at the Ministry scene. I couldn't help myself lol (and Regulus turning Barty & Bella & the Lestranges in saves Frank and Alice! butterfly effect!)

Narcissa serves explicitly as a surrogate maternal figure for Regulus, despite their closeness in age. She genuinely loves him and wants the best for him (misguided though she may sometimes be), fusses over his marriage prospects, and will probably one day accept his change of allegiance - and forgive him for turning in Bellatrix. One day. Probably.

Regulus hasn't quite disentangled himself from his old life (and isn't sure whether he wants to, especially regarding Narcissa), so he goes to Christmas at her home to be surrounded by love and affection.

I'm not sure if / when Regulus finally moves on from Evan in this universe, because the firewhisky obviously signals that Evan is still thinking about him – still loves him, despite everything.

Also, again: cats. Can't go wrong with cats.

[fairycosmos]

Can I get your opinion on my cat Stanley? He died a week ago I think, not even a year old. It really traumatized me bc my other cat died almost a year ago and I don't know what I did to deserve it of either of them. Stanley was named that bc he loved drinking water from a faucet and it reminded my siblings of the movie Holes, the scene where Mr Sir is like "Thirsty, Stanley?"

I really do miss my boy so much and I don't think I've been able to say much about him bc i distanced myself, as it took me 2 weeks of non-stop hardcore crying and being unable to breathe for me to somewhat accept my cat's death last year, so this one was even more of a struggle.

The main thing stops me from grieving too much is that Stanley was literally fearless. He should've been like a normal cat, afraid of cars, but he wasn't so I can't get mad at him for not being here anymore. I know he loved me bc the day before he died, he must've known something was gonna happen bc he jumped up next to me on the bed, came up to me, sat in my lap, kissed my face, let me kiss his head, purr, and not leave me alone for a while before he went to my little sister and did the same with her. 🥺

I'm not trying to make this sad or anything, just wanted to ask what you'd think of him, given my description of him?

-Lyle

ohhh lyle i am so so sorry that you are going through this right now :( the pain of losing a pet is so real and so awful. he looks like such a wonderful, well-loved and well cared for little angel. i especially love his eyes and the pattern of his coat - what a sweet little love. and what a great name, too. unfortunately i think during grief our minds try to make sense of the mourning by turning to familiar concepts such as self-blame, or pondering questions without an answer as a distraction or a way to make it all seem clearer - i.e, what did i do to deserve this? the answer is nothing. the answer is horrible things happen without reason to lovely people and lovely animals all the time, and it is horrifically unfair. it is very clear just from this message alone that he loved you just as much as you loved him, that you guys had a really special bond that can never be taken back or lost fully. the reaction you're having, the crying and the grieving and the depth of the hurt, is completely understandable. esp when the death is so sudden and unexpected - it takes time to move through these emotions. the coping mechanism of distancing yourself from talking about him and your other cat is very common, and i think it's a good sign that you're able to share him with me and recognize all the love that exists between you two. i hope you have good people around you who you can begin to open up to about this - maybe your sister, who clearly cared for stanley like you did. honestly, if the mourning continues to be hard to deal with, i would even consider talking to a counsellor about if i were you. just to have someone to unload all these feelings and verbalize what you're going through. i know that's a big and complicated step, but it's ok to need help dealing with this sort of thing for real. mostly i hope you're able to find ways to remember him and honour his life as yours goes on, even just by remembering him as he was - adorable and deeply appreciated. if you ever wanna talk about him, share stories or more about his personality or pics when you're ready, i would love to hear it. i hope he can rest in peace, poor little guy. :( sending you a massive hug. x

[horce-divorce]

3 entire days of calling every shelter from Traverse City to Indiana and being told there's nowhere to leave my boyfriend's cats, and it's once again other queers who come to our rescue... We have to take the cats about 4 hours away, but they will be safe and with someone we know and trust.

I have to take care of a few things at home this weekend (very important kids bday party, getting my phone replaced, making sure the car is working) before we take the cats. We're gonna try to go grab what we can of Bel's things from the basement and pawn or donate the rest. On Monday I'll start calling housing commissions again about places we can apply for, and start looking for other ways to make money. There's a festival up here soon, maybe I can get some under the table work, but also I'm thinking it's probably officially time to make an Onlyfans...

Then we need to stealthify the car and make it more habitable for the 2 of us. Like right now it's fine to camp in but long-term it needs a lot. We're sleeping on horrible flat bed rolls that hurt my back and joints, so I need a foam pad for the car. And we desperately need a fan for ventilation, as well as shades for the windows and more screens for ventilation as well.

Considering the very real possibility that we may not be housed again by winter, we need to be ready to stealth camp wherever we can find a place to park. We've talked about traveling or going south for the winter, or even jumping btwn friends homes and staying a few weeks at a time. But in any case the #1 thing we will need in addition to our meds is gas. We will be absolutely and utterly fucked without gas bc we are in Bumfuck Nowhere with no other way out.

I feel selfish for saying I'm less scared about being homeless than the last time... I know what this means. I've already been chronically unhoused for 10 years, I'm used to the packing up and going. Bel just lost everything. His home, his pets, his family, his childhood belongings, years worth of art and gifts and sentimental things, his support system. He feels like HE is going to die, and rapidly swinging from feeling like he should bc he's worthless, to being like "I am more powerful than God and I will live out of spite!!!" I don't know how much he's actually processed yet since it's all so fresh.

But I am so much more functional on his behalf than I was for just me. Losing myself seems like par for the course, who cares. The stakes are much higher if Bel is the one getting lost. I can't let that happen. I may not be able to house us or protect him in a way that matters, but whatever it takes, I will NOT leave him all alone. I wish so much that someone had been there with me the first time.

Anyway that's just the latest rundown for anyone invested. If I made a little Amazon wishlist w some of the stuff we need for the car, do yall suppose anyone would help us w those items? I think it's worth a shot, I may poke at that today.

Ugh

[i-reblog-whumppp]

hi!

(this post will not always be up to date. sorry about that!)

about you?

hi, my name's lee!!

i'm 16 years old and idk. i just like whump??

tbh im not nearly as traumatised (or brutal) as some whumpers writers in this community (or so i've heard, since apparently whump is a coping mechanism for some writers?), but i do write whump (in my head, so far... 🥲)... er, mainly prompts.

i live in australia, i'm... something, and ig i'm a cat person over a dog person, bc a cat wouldn't make me leave the house everyday for a walk!! i'm also pretty hyperfixated on sonic... just ask anyone who follows my main- 😞🙏

favorite tropes?

hmmm... this is a hard one (mainly because im updating this after a long time of not reading whump, i just want all my intro posts sorted)

i do like pet whump, but more than that, i like slave/servant whump. it's nice to read from the perspective of a whumpee who, despite losing their spirit, hasn't lost themself.

but mainly, i like recovery whump (so all the fluffy + hurt/comfort caretaker stuff).

will you ever actually write in the future?

hmmm... maybe, maybe not. i may make prompts (whenever i get back into whump), but it's unlikely i'll write actual, full-on stories. if i do, it'll be more recovery than actual whump, lol.

(you shouldn't count on it because after my ao3 phase in 2022 but it's all just sonic chatfics, lol], i just haven't had the motivation since, really, lol.)

do you have any other socials?

on tumblr:

@stormyy-bluezz01 (sonic/main acc)

@theuncoolertrinity (hello neighbor acc)

@wowhenryiscooked (henry stickmin acc)

other sites:

ao3: Leeshyy

discord: xxwannabeartistxx (laptop acc)

twitter/x: Leeshyyiozz

reddit: u/-Simply_Leeshy-

quotev: leexhyxo

quora (this one is not important but it is one of my socials): Leeshyy

[clanoffelidae]

on the one hand i really want to go to vet school because there’s so much more i want to learn and i’m not happy with where my education currently is - but on the other hand i am so fucking lucky to work in an environment where people actually prioritize your wellbeing over the job because every single person respects that we’re all human beings over whatever the clients need and i’m reluctant to let that go

like i’m not saying everyone at my job is my bff, absolutely fucking not, but there’s respect

when we thought my cat was dying back in june and i said i was going home to be with him i was told it was fine and given condolences rather than told ‘erm actually-’

when i’ve struggled getting things done and with time management i’ve been pulled aside to discuss ‘what can WE do to help YOU’ rather than just told ‘idk just do better’, working with my supervisor and section head to develop tools to help me be more successful; one of the biggest things i get nagged about is never asking for help when i need it and being behind as a result - because i struggle with time blindness as anyone with adhd understands. but i’m not told ‘just do better’, i’m told ‘ask for HELP - we’re a team, if you have too much to do then reach out to people who can help you’

when things don’t work out - like a few weeks ago i asked for help from someone above me because i didn’t have time to set all the tests i needed by 5, but she then had to leave early to pick up her kids and lost track of time herself - she was apologizing profusely both that day and the subsequent day, and i said it was totally fine because i genuinely didn’t mind! i don’t mind staying a bit late to finish everything, because i know my job is *actually important PLUS i like knowing i did everything i was supposed to myself, i just, like i said, get nagged about not doing that lol (but this time since i DID ask for help it just didn’t work out i wasn’t nagged lol)

and the whole reason i get nagged is because our supervisors get in trouble if we have to work overtime, the administration doesn’t want anyone staying late or putting in extra work, and i have never had anyone even suggest unpaid overtime; except, in fact - me. because i get frustrated when i have like 5-10 minutes of cleaning left to do at 5 and my supervisor demands i leave instead, because i don’t want to leave that stuff undone until the next day because i’m almost finished and i’m on a roll working and i get irritated knowing i have to leave it undone when gdi you don’t even have to pay me just let me finish for fuck’s sake 🤬

i’m given respect as a human being first and an employee second, i actually have a tendency to stick around and show up even when some other people would probably go home/stay home (because after dragging myself through college and working in a research lab with grad students helping with their projects where i thusly experienced Grad School Lite) because i’m used to working through not feeling so great because ‘things have to get done’ and i still get pestered with ‘are you sure you’re okay and don’t need to go home?? okay, just let me know if you do -looking at me like they don’t think i should be here given how i said i’m feeling but not going to push me-’

i’ve actually been forced into going home multiple times before because i was trying to stay and they put their feet down saying i was clearly unwell and weren’t going to let me hurt myself

and i do the same for my coworkers - when someone is unwell i check on them, when someone needs me to take something for them i do so happily (well, i often fake-groan then go ‘yeah np!’ bc i am funny, thank you 😌), and when something genuinely serious happens (like a year and a half ago someone’s son died in a car wreck) i’m right there with everyone else organizing how we’re going to handle things without them while they deal with irl stuff and no one complains about their absence (not truly, maybe lightly or jokingly but not genuinely upset with them for not being there)

i’m not a particularly ‘professional’ person because i am the way i am and don’t feel like putting on a mask every day of my life to ‘move ahead’ in life, i’ve thought on it and i’d be more miserable playing pretend every day but having more money than being genuine and having less financial security; but i respect people as people and respect people as authorities when they prove competent in what they claim to have authority in, and **for the most part everyone here does, so i give respect back

we’re not besties or friends for life and i would never think that - but my coworkers are decent human beings who recognize what really matters, and so is admin, and i’m reluctant to let go of that

*i work in veterinary diagnostics! you know how if you take your pet in with an issue and they say ‘we’ll take a sample and send it to the lab to test for xyz’? we’re the lab :) just last week i was asked if a test result was ready yet and asked to scan it in asap bc the patient was in urgent care and they needed to know the result before proceeding with treatment. so i have no problem staying half an hour late every now and then because i started running behind in order to make sure everything gets set, because these results are actually important! but admin gets onto me when i do that so lol

**no offense to my supervisor, but i’m more scientifically-minded and smarter than her in regards to this stuff lol, she’s better at the management stuff so i have no desire to take her job, but while i won’t get into specifics, just, i’m more scientifically-minded than she is and I Can Tell lol

[mo0dy-succubus]

Random things abt me that literally Noone asked for (pt 2)

1. I have a high tolerance for sour food and candy. If you give me a lemon I'll eat it without cringing, idk tho someone suggests me some sour candy to try to make me cringe

2. I hate vegetables (me and soyeon are the same fr 🥲) despite both of us hating it tho,I hate vegetables for the taste while soyeon hate it for the texture. The only vegetables I can eat are lettuce in a salad,spinach, cucumbers and tomatoes if those count(???) Carrots only if they are in soup and broccoli of it from the Chinese store, I can't do regular broccoli tho it's disgusting.

3. I have a nose piercing and I want to get another one maybe two more? I want my other nostril pierced and my septum

4. I hate needles and I'm very scared of them, you might be wondering how did I manage to get my nosed pierced huh? Well well well...I made my mom hold my hand thats why, IT WAS PAINFUL, IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH.

5. I remember on my first day of high-school, freshman year, I got lost and had Both a panic attack and anxiety attack bc I was lost

6. I have a cat named navy he is 1 year old and will be two in march

7. I happen to have alot of problems with ppl named Tyler (so if your name is Tyler stay away from me :) jkkkk it might just be a coincidence tho)

8. I'm deathly afraid of spiders, I have major phobia of them.

9. I can't snap my fingers

10. My Starbucks order is a caramel ribbon crunch frappuccino, specially extra everything but a regular amount of whip

11. If you can't tell I have a big sweet tooth

12. Drinking coffee gives me the jitters

13. i like drawing

14. I love plays and musicals

15. I was in a musical in 3rd grade as the "main star"

16. Heather's the musical>>>>>>>

[flames-burn-brightest]

I have to move and it feels like I am already forgotten

In the past two years I lost almost all my friends and in the past weeks I have started to lose what’s left bc I don’t have energy I don’t answer enough I am a mess that drags people down

Now I am about to lose my family. Because I will be gone and they will be here and I won’t have enough time and whenever I will have a speck of time I will have no energy.

What’s the point in leaving so we can have a better life if I won’t be part of that life besides providing the Ressources.

More like providing the money because I haven’t been able to provide love, attention, time, organisation of anything really or anything else kn months

I am a faliure that is letting everyone down

I am being replaced left and right and I can’t even be mad or anything because it’s absolutely valid and understandable and probably the best and healthiest move for all of them

I hate myself so much. I can’t be mad at anyone that is leaving. It’s just that I can’t leave myself, I can’t get out of my own skin, can’t magically give myself more energy and less symptoms.

I understand they leave I wanna leave too

And worst of all my cat is leaving me already. It’s as if she understands I am going to leave and has already started doing the inevitable.

She is replacing me as well

And I can’t even be mad

I can’t do anything

But drown in my self hate

That was placed there by my abuser. Placed before I could even think, let alone walk or talk. She shaped my brain before I ever had a chance to defend it. She has shaped it into a monster that is only good for doing her bidding and fullfilling her needs and her narc supply. I was shaped to be nothing but an extension of her horrible self. Which makes me just as horrible and toxic as her. After everything I tried I am still seen as nothing more than an extension to her by the literal person who was there so raise me as well, who did raise me for over six years. And if he can’t see me as anything but that I have proof that it is true.

I am nothing but an extension to a monster. Not even my own monster, nothing is my own. I am her monster.

I am almost glad they’re all leaving, maybe it will protect them from my toxicity.

And those who won’t fully leave because they would have a bad conscience I will help.

I will leave and withdraw

And once I did that for as long as I can, to give them time to not care for and about me anymore. Once I did it for so long that I can’t bear it anymore

That’s when I will leave for good

And do them all a favor

Because there are enough monsters

And while I can’t do much I can reduce the number by one by removing myself from the equation. Maybe I will reduce it by two and take her with me. Maybe then my life will have had some worth to it

Even tho I will never be able to undo the damage done to the people for simply being close to me. I can prevent more

They’re doing right by me by replacing me. Even my cat instinctively knows to not be close to me.

I just wish it didn’t hurt this damn much

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

this is actually not hot girl shit- major ed and body image cw

i will neverr romanticize or encourage eds so i will not refer to my restrictive behaviors as "hot girl shit" as i do with all my other mental health things. bc in 2013 it was literally like. genuinely unironically saying that "hot girls don't eat" and ill never reinforce that narrative.

that said, i put on my jeans and they were a little big to wear w a crop top. so i put my belt on and my belt is wayyyy too big, even on the smallest loop I could fit at least a whole fist in the space between it and my waist

so I was like. huh that's weird. so i weighed myself for the first time in months. and i - this is not a flex. but i have not seen a number that low since freshman year when the eating disorder SPECIALIST turned me away bc my case was too severe

[warmaidensrevenge]

Eddie Munson x Plus size reader

This was a request by @salenorona23

Brief description: I want to request a Eddie munson x plus!size reader. Of where the reader is Dustin's adopted sister and she has powers and she gose into the lake with them and like saves them from the bats and they are like surprised bc they didn't know she had powers. but Eddie is like in love with her more so he tells her he loves her and that he has since middle school. (you don't have to do it i just wanted to request something)

Alright I'm excited. Here we go. Also I got some info from the secret circle. I think that's what it's called.

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

Warning: cursing, mentions of drug use and smoking. Not proof read and no word count.

🦸‍♀️🔥🖤

You didn't know why or how it happened but as you sat there in a police station at 11 years old you became an orphan. You never understood how your house caught on fire killing everyone but you. Until you were in an orphanage. A stupid older boy pulled your hair and a fire started on his pants. It was you. You started it. Realizing it was your fault that your family died. It was your emotions that did it. So you folding in yourself. Doing your best to control yourself. But the day you found out you were getting a perminate home you started a fire on your bed. It was small enough that no one noticed. You honestly wanted to die. You didn't want to hurt anyone else. But the Hendersons where a very nice family. Dustin being the best nerdy brother you've ever had.

You didn't have friends growing up. Until Eddie Munson found you on the swing set by yourself. You were humming something when he approached and sat on the swing next to you.

"Hey whatcha doing by yourself?"

"Just swinging" you shyly replied

" I'm Eddie."

You smiled. But didn't say anything

" well aren't cha gonna tell me your name"?"

You didn't say anything afraid to develop an uneasy feeling.

" well if you don't want to tell me. Then maybe I'll just call you loser."

You laughed cuz you were a loser. And since then that's what Eddie called you.

...

It was your freshman year in highschool when something changed. You were sitting in the cafeteria with the hellfire club listen to Eddie talk about D&D. He said something about powers that his character had. You felt this pain in you stomach. It hurt so bad . When the trays on the table started to shake. Everyone thought it was an earthquake. But you knew. It was you. So you got up and ran to the bathroom. It turned out you had finally became a woman. Well you were very unprepared for this situation and you need to go home. You heard knocking on the door. you asked the person to go away afraid what might happen to them if you lost control.

"Hey I saw that you had blood on your pants. I thought you might need some help."

You opened the door to see Robin. She had a concerned look on her face. She handed you a pad.

" I have to go home. I don't have any extra clothes."

She nodded and walked behind you to your bike. You thanked her for her help and rode home. You explained to Mrs Henderson what happened and she told you to shower and that she was gonna go out and get you supplies.

Why was this happening to you? What was it? You could make things happen. And you didn't understand why. Countless days went by in the library looking for answers.

You weren't sure if what you read was the reason you started noticing things. But you kept on seeing repeating patterns. Numbers mostly. When you got hurt you would heal incredibly fast. When you touched fire it didn't burn. A pure white cat came to you one night. It was weird. Like you knew she came for you. You asked Mrs Henderson if you could keep it but since she was allergic you weren't allowed. So you would feed it and do your best to take care of her. Whenever you were upset or sad the cat would find you. She calmed you. It was one night reading 'The complete book of black magic and witchcraft' that you understood what was happening. So the first thing you need to do was control it. And make sure no one ever found out.

Working on chants and spell work you were able to suppress your ability. Finally able to have a semi normal life. But that's when the bullying start.

Comments on your overweight self was all to unnerving. Your chants needed help to force away the power that was growing in you. That's when the candles came into play. But what helped completely ease your nature for long lengths of time was Eddie. You guys were good friends since the swing set. You spent a lot of time together. But the relationship was entirely platonic. It was your senior year and Eddie's 3rd time around when shit hit the fan.

So much was going on that you had no idea what was actually brewing just underneath the surface. People were dying and words about monsters were rumored. Something was happening in Hawkins and you could feel the pot about to boil over. But with no clue what to do. You searched and search but to no avail.

It was one day that you overhead Dustin on the phone talking about needing El and her powers.

Powers there was someone else with powers. You sat down on the privacy of Dustin's room to ask him for the truth. When he explained all that had happened these past years. You were overwhelmed by uncontrollable urge to run. And when you made it outside you started to levitate. Just as Dustin came out you fell to the ground. You explained that you just fell with Dustin not really believing you. You need to find Eddie.

You heard the screeching of tires coming to a halt in front of the house. You were sitting on the front steps smoking. You watched Eddie stumble out of his van holding his acoustic guitar.

" Hey loser what's going on?" Eddie said while sitting next to you.

" I umm I had an anxiety attack." You lied

You never told anyone about the shit you were going through. But for some reason even though Eddie knew you well. Well enough to know you when you were lying he never pressured you to tell him anything. He was always so thoughtful that way. It was the reason you got so close to him. He was always so nice to you. When times got bad that your incantations wouldn't work you would always find yourself in his trailer smoking weed and listening to him play. He was the only person able to calm you enough to surpress the growing pain you felt when you didn't use your curse. You remembered the first night you stayed with him. You were freaking out about something someone said about your thunder thighs when you and Eddie went to a movie. The person sitting next to you was complaining about your thigh touching there's. You were visibly upset that you left before you felt things start to unravel in yourself. Eddie found you in the parking lot leaning against his van smoking. You notice some blood on his rings and a few cuts on his hand. He must have gotten into a fight. He always did that. Not fight much but definitely gave people an earful. But this was the first time he hit anyone. That night you helped him clean his rings and wounds until it was too late to go home. Uncle Wayne was off that night so sleeping on the couch was out of the question. But Eddie's bed wasn't a better option. He had a twin bed. There was no way you both could fit on it. But you did try. Eddie noticed you were uncomfortable and made the decision to sleep on the floor next to you. You told him that you didn't want to take his bed from him but he wasn't having it. You woke up the next morning with Eddies face incredibly close. He looked so serene. Beautiful.

The next time you stayed Eddie had a bigger bed. You figured the floor must have really felt like shit for him to go out and get another bed. Eddie would never tell you he got it because he wanted to sleep next to you.

-

As you listen to Eddie play his guitar, you watched his hair get caught in one of the strings. You helped him untangle it and help put up his hair in a messy bun. You smiled at your work as you sat in a chair on the corner of your room that was mostly meant for jackets or unfolded laundry. It was getting late and Eddie was going to go but you asked for him to stay. He had never stayed the night in your room. Always either with Dustin or the couch.

"What about Mrs Henderson?"

"Please she knows we're are just friends." You said while heading to your dresser. You grabbed a long shirt and an old pair of P.E shorts. Normally you wouldn't wear bottoms but when you were with Eddie you did.

"I'll be right back." You left to find something for Eddie to wear. Pulling out a pair of pajamas bottoms and a shirt from Dustin draws. You watched as Dustin was in tranced by talking to his girlfriend Suzy.

" Here hopefully they fit." You handed the clothes to Eddie before Turing back to your clothes. You pulled off your shirt with your back towards Eddie. Pulling on the long shirt. You reached to take off your bra and tossed on your chair. Unbutton your pants taking them off and pulled on the the shorts. You always changed in front of Eddie never thinking anything of it. You turned and saw Eddie avert his gaze.

" Umm I'm gonna go to the bathroom." He announced.

You nodded as he practically ran to the restroom. You got under the covers. You lit a small black candle and said a chant to help repel your power. Blowing out the candle it relight itself. Fuck you were really out of it tonight. You put the candle in it's holder when Eddie came back in. The pajamas bottoms were high waters on him and he didn't have a shirt on. Guess it didn't fit. Your eyes ran over his chest and saw a medium size Celtic shield knot on his right shoulder. You remember when you convinced him to get it. It was his protection sigil from you. You never knew if you could complete control yourself but you knew you didn't want to hurt him. So that was the only thing you thought of without Eddie getting suspicious.

You gave Eddie a forced smile and turned your back to him to sleep. You felt Eddie get comfortable next to you. You heard him blow out the candle covering your room in complete darkness. You said a silent prayer for the candle to stay off and it did.

" G'night loser."

You smirked "Night fucker."

...

The next day you were at lunch listening to Dustin's trying to explain to Eddie how they need to postpone the cult of Vecna. You weren't really interested in D&D. It hit a little close to home. So that night you just went home.

The morning Dustin woke you telling you what happened to Eddie and Chrissy. And that he was missing. You knew exactly where he would be. When you and the others finally found him he was scared shitless. He was in trouble and you didn't know what to do. While he laid low you brought him food and clothes.

" Eddie are you ok?" You said over the phone.

"Yeah think someone is coming. I gotta go."

Eddie hung up the phone and you went to find Dustin. He was with Eddie at skull rock later that day. You hugged Eddie so tight when you found that he was safe. Holding his hand you heard something about a gate. And went with the others to lovers lake. You watched as the boat holding Nancy, Steve, Robin and Eddie. You stood back because you didn't want too much weight on the small boat.

You cleared your thoughts watching the boat fade into the distance.

"Elements of sun, Elements of day. Please come this way. Powers of night and day I summon thee, I call upon thee. To protect them! So mote it be!" You recited 3 times while the kids watched you. You felt a gust of wind pass you towards the lake. You were pacing. The only sounds that filled the night air were crickets and the rubbing of your thighs. You had a thought that you could never sneak up on anyone with your thighs rubbing so loud.

It was only a few minutes when Dustin said Steve came back up. But not even a minute later something pulled him back in. You pulled the binoculars away to watch as Nancy dove in after him. With Robin following.

"Eddie don't." You mumbled. And watched in horror as Eddie looked over to your direction just before he fell in.

It was about 2 minute before you felt the gust of wind return to you. They were unprotected. You had to go help. You looked back at Dustin saying I love you. Then turned back to the lake.

" Oh, Angels, give me the power to fly and fly" You said and wind lifted you carrying you to the boat. "Earth pull me down and guided me to my love ones."

You held your breath as you dropped into the water. You were pulled thru the water to a big red crack. You made it to the surface. Hearing screams and grunting.

"Oh, Angels, give me power to fly and fly" you repeated. You were lifted from the water and taken to the fight. " Make earth pulled me down." You landed on your feet weighed down by the water in your clothes. You saw Steve all bloody and everyone fight these winged creatures. But they were being overwhelmed. You heard Eddie scream your name but you ignored him.

"Ignes dissipare et Vallum" you yelled at the top of your lungs. Everyone turned to you as flames started to surround you. A tornado of fire spun furiously around you. Closing your eyes you channeled the heat towards the animals. Screeching and thudding filled all of your ears as they burned.

You felt completely drained after that you fell to your knees. You never used that much power. You let it take over you. When you looked up you were met with big brown eyes and frizzy curls.

"Y/n? What-"

You were breathing heavily. " I umm I'm sorry. I had to save you..."

Eddie pulled up your chin giving you a kiss on the cheek. He helped you to your feet. Everyone was looking at you. You could tell they were a bit frightened.

" I uhhh I'm a carline." You muttered exhaustedly.

" What is that?" Nancy asked

" A witch."

" A sorcerer?" Eddie sounded confused.

" Kinda" you replied

"What the hell!?" Steve and Robin said in Sync.

"I umm yeah I don't know what to say." You looked towards the ground. When you heard Steve whimpering. You moved to him but he stepped back. " Please...I can help."

Steve looked at you confused but mostly afraid.

" I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want to help."

Steve nodded and you held your hands ghosting over his wounds.

"Y/n?" Eddie said softly but you ignored him again. You needed to focus.

"By earth and air, by fire and water. So shall you hear my call. Powers of birth and rebirth, powers of silence and peace, Heal thy body and mind."

You said this 3 times when you opened your eyes you saw the blood flow back to the wounds and heal closed. Steve's eyes watched in disbelief. You felt your body tremble. You couldn't stay awake anymore. And when you woke you were in Eddie's trailer. Eddie was sitting next to you on the floor holding your hand.

"He loser. Thought we lost you."

You grunted trying to sit up with Eddies help. You were freezing and dirty. You just wanted to go home.

...

You got off the phone after talking to Dustin. He was safe at the Wheelers. You found a note on the fridge that Mrs Henderson was at the casino for a few days. So it was just you and Eddie in the home. You went to your room with Eddie staring at you. You explained that you were gonna shower and he could have next.

Your hands were trembling as you did your best trying to wash of the scum. You heard a knock. Eddie asked if you were ok because you were in there for an hour. You came out wrapped in a towel and met Eddie in your room. The silence was more than awkward.

" So uhhh this whole time you uhh could do that" Eddie finally broke the tension. You nodded as you sat next to him on the bed.

" It why I need to stay as calm as possible. I can't fully control it."

A few seconds of quiet filled the room.

"It's why I suggested the tattoo." You pointed at Eddie's shoulder. " To protect you from me."

Eddie shifted a little. " You won't hurt me y/n."

"You don't know that."

Eddie turned to you and pushed your hair behind your shoulder. He placed a soft kiss on your hand.

" Thank you for saving us. Uhh for saving me."

You gave him a small smile but that was quickly gone when Eddie pressed his lips to yours. You hesitate for a second before pushing him away.

You stood up gripping your towel. " Uh what was that?"

Eddie sighed and his knee started to bounce.

"Eddie?"

" I-i like you. I mean I have feelings for you."

Your eyes widen at his words. Wait what?

"Uhh.... we're friends Eddie." You didn't know what else to say.

" Yeah I know. But since I saw you on the swing when you were in 6th grade I've liked you."

Eddie got up and came towards you but you held up your hand and Eddie froze. You kept him from moving closer.

" Eddie no. I can't. We can't." You let go of him.

"Why?"

"It's not in the cards for me. Don't do this. I need you. But as my friend. Nothing more ok."

Eddie was obviously frustrated but he didn't press you. He never did, on anything. That's why you loved him. He left to shower as you got dressed and went to bed. In the morning you found him on the couch. Needless to say it was awkward as fuck but you both tried to act like nothing happened.

...

The time came for the plan Nancy came up with to destroy Vecna. With your powers they knew to have you as back up. So before you left Eddie and Dustin in the upsidedown you looked back at Eddie and went to him. You pulled off his necklace and put a clear quartz crystal next to his pic.

You repeated your protection spell while touching the crystal.

" Please don't do anything stupid Eddie. I can't protect you if I'm not here."

"y/n I lov-"

"Don't." You cut him off and left.

...

Killing Vecna was a battle especially the tentacles but you managed to hold them off for the others to complete their mission.

You guys made your way back to Eddie and Dustin when you saw Eddie on the ground.

No you stupid fuck! You ran to Eddie. He was gone. Blood had started to dry.

" No Eddie. No! Fucking stupid." You cried holding him. You look at Dustin who was in shambles. He was holding Eddie's necklace.

"He took it off. Why would you take it off?!" You screamed at Eddie's lifeless body. Hitting him on his chest. Dustin's sobs filled your ears.

"No. You don't get to leave me. You hear me fucker! You don't get to go. I love you..."

You closed your eyes and prayed for silence. And it came. You held Eddie and took the crystal away from Dustin

" Sorem est...Sorem est....SOREM EST!" You said over and over again until you had nothing left. You fell over Eddie still mumbling the incantation. When you felt something leave you. It felt like the life was being pulled from you. Your body shook and kept shaking until the feeling stopped.

Breathing heavily you heard the best thing you could ever hear.

"Hey loser" Eddies strained voice filled your ear holes.

@b-irock @potatos-library

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason