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I love how when any men celebrity does something bad, you can always find the comments "x would never do such a thing" "y is disappointed/would be disappointed"
#neil gaiman#i mean its just “wow this man is trash but you know there is this other ine that isn't”#by the way Pratchett was amazing but he was not the one being talked about now#is he?#so no need to bring his name?#i remember ages ago when other authors were doing shitty things and everyone was like “well at least Gaiman would never”#they are people that we don't know everything about#keep the respect#keep the love for the work#but know that you don't know this people#and every case is a case#you don't need to look for a idol “that is great” just to prove to yourself that your taste is immaculate
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I almost never go on ao3 anymore, like I honestly think I've pulled up ao3 a total of 5 times this year. But last night I decided to start reading scarian fics because like I've said before I've never actually read a scarian fic before, and I ended up getting obsessed with this scarian zombie apocalypse au fic that's 300k+ words. I'm not even being dramatic when I say that I've spent close to 7 hours today just reading this fic. And of course, the one time I actually use ao3 as obsessively as I did in middle school is the day that ao3 decides to go down :\
#the pyre#the scarian fic is great#I was immediately drawn in bc the premise is that scar and grian are completely alone during the start of a zombie apocalypse#after scar broke up with grian after he found out that grians been cheating on him#at first I didn't like that plot point and was only reading to see how the author(s) would redeem grian#but now that I'm kinda done with it (stopped reading after chap 30 bc idc anymore)#I'm actually obsessed with scarians toxic mutually codependent relationship#I think that my problem is that I have no reservations about ascribing toxic traits to my fav ships#but I usually only do this for ship that I think/know are toxic#like I wouldn't be surprised if ppl thought that hannibal would manipulate will into staying with him#but scarians more...idk...pure of a ship#the fandoms like soo squeaky clean I was surprised that anyone was writing smut at all#so I don't think actually of scarian as toxic#but reading this fic made me remember how much I love toxic ships#and love the way their relationship was written#like grian being too much of a shithead asshole to actually apologize for cheating or any of the shit he's done to scar#but secretly being glad that the apocalypse started bc now scar can't escape him even if he tried?#amazing#no notes#problem is that now I can't read fluffy scarian fics#I just want this flavor of toxic scarian#like needy possessive clingy grian x scar whos trying to keep grian at a distance bc he knows he's bad for him but still loves him too much
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im trying not to launch into my criticism of taz graduation too soon before finishing it but its wild how i was like hm im not enjoying this one as much, looking into it, and finding out thats how baaaasically everyone felt
#to be fair!#some things manage to turn it around in the end for me#like i was so iffy on ahs hotel the whole time it was airing until it turned it all around in the last couple eps#but this... im not so sure#that would require it to be a show w more foresight#and they already admitted in the midseason ttazz for this#that they changed direction so many times#like remember when this was supposed to be a boarding school drama#bro realized roleplaying classes was boring and dropped it immediately#that whole thing w the skeletons who regen?#the artificial bar?#he didnt even keep up with his cat merchant like at all#unless they change shit up tremendously at the end imma be real#2 the people saying they thought it was a great season and amazing one of their faves etc#what are ur standards & interests and also like do u know the difference between listening to something and it being good or it just Existin
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looking at cats that are up for adoption at the local animal shelter and... I think out of all the cats there were two that don't require letting them go outside 🙃
#(important info/clarification: our cats are indoor cats and I'm against letting cats outside unsupervised!)#the only ones I can remember were a pair that were a specific breed.#all the others HAVE TO be outdoor cats#I'm glad there's other options because we would not get a cat from a shelter anywhere around here#at least the last time I checked a few years ago ALL of them require letting cats outside#I'm always fascinated by the conversation about this online#maybe... some people should consider being less mean and horrible to people who still let their cats outside? just a thought...#because no one around where I live keeps their cats inside (except again if they're a breed.)#so like. I might never have thought about it if I hadn't seen people talking about it (but not the horrible mean ones who tell people their#cats should die if they let them outside...)#annnyway#it makes me sad that the shelters won't even consider you if you say you won't let the cat(s) go outside#I really want to get a kitten like. sometime within the next year hopefully. when I get a job I guess#and we'll have to go with some random person who either rescued some kittens or whose cat accidently got pregnant again#I mean it worked out great last time - our boys are amazing#but still. sucks that the shelter isn't an option at all#personal
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save me old flipnote studio MVs.......
#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones#is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme.........#its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid#i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over#theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later#especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure#interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries..#god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and#cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE#CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus#on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with#and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR#i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with#strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid#someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from#the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors#ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK#lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too#now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here#UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS#yapping#nostalgia
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#after two nights of not being able to sleep very well#I’m just remembering what my most recent therapist said - and boy was he ever wrong#‘everything gets easier once you’re in your 30s’ does it? ‘yeah it’s like a switch flipping’#like. buddy I’ve been in my 30s for a few years now. just what is supposed to get easier exactly?#now you’re right. there *are* certain things I care less about. HOWEVER that doesn't mean everything's better/easier#like why make a claim that is absolutely impossible to back up#you had no idea what political bullshit was going to happen when I was smack dab in the middle of my 30s#you didn’t know what challenges I was going to face. so why did you say that?#were you just trying to make me feel better? or was it merely a reflection of the secure stability you found at 30#which so many of my generation and gen Z-ers are going to be struggling to find for years?#were you just speaking from your place of priviledge as a cishet man#not knowing what us queers have to go through to find even a sliver of safe secure stability?#maybe don’t make promises that you can’t keep my guy.#although why am I surprised? I’ve been disappointed by such promises my whole life#‘get an education or you’ll never make any money’ okay I have a master’s degree and I’m struggling to find work#you didn’t know AI was going to take over the proofreading business did you#like people have got to stop pretending they know so much#my resolution this year is just to learn how to sit back and say#I don’t know shit about shit. I’ve been kept in the dark about some things and I just haven’t had the chance or desire to learn about other#so I’m going to look at the world with the wonder of a child and allow myself to be amazed by the joys I find in it#and to be analytical about the horrors that I find in it#I know only one thing: I know nothing. and neither do a lot of the people who are running their mouths off like they do#so it’s time to approach life like a scientist: i don’t know about this. i have theories that I can test.#if I find evidence that I’m on the right track then it doesn’t mean I know it all. it means I know what questions to ask next
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can we actually take a moment and remember swan upon leda? can we actually shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down and think about our lord and savior swan upon leda because i'm tired of doing it alone every single day guys
#the title itself!!! THE FUCKING TITLE#swan UPON leda#god he's an actual genius THANK U HOZIER SO FUCKING MUCH#i hate how that myth is portrayed and received and objectified bc they make it out to be such a funny little chuckle story like 'hahaha led#is SO easy that she fell for a swan isn't that actually the funniest thing you've ever heard omg like women are literally so easy to please#whatever whatever blahblahblah yes that's fucking hilarious matthew thank u SO much for that absolutely fascinating commentary on a women#getting raped by a god really truly an amazing insight into ur pea fucking brain#like fuck sorry but i just absolutely despises how this myth is made out to be and i remember learning abt it in class and being literally#nauseated bc guess fucking what it's literally not hard to understand wtf is happening and while u r laughing away about i repeat a WOMEN#getting RAPED some fucking of us have brain enough to be mortified#jesus ANYWAY#hozier dropped that song after roe v wade was over turned and i just i love him so fucking much he cares SO MUCH and before anything else#he's an activist and he actually gives a shit about women's rights and he dropped this song as a comfort as something to hold onto but also#as a social commentary and he linked charities and resources to help women and keep them safe and this song just means everything to me#bc greek mythology often gets reduced to children stories bc most ppl know myths from children books and obviously a book for kids not gonn#outloud say the word rape or even imply that that's what's happening and that's fine ig but bc so many ppl know it from there it gets#reduces to a joke and a raped women gets ridiculed but hozier actually took one of the few poems about leda being raped and it being a rape#at all and made it into a song during a time that was so traumatizing for ever afab person in the world basically and it just says 'i see#you i see what you're going through and i'm listening and i actually care and i want to help you' and he's helping by writing a song yes bc#he's spreading the word that way bc that's how movements are spread and people listen to him when he's singing and that's how he helps and#i did i mention that i love him? bc i'd actually do anything for him and to meet him and tell him how much he fucking means to me#the line that always gets me is 'a crying CHILD pushes a CHILD into the night' bc yes she was a fucking child who had to deliver 4 KIDS BC#AN ASSHOLE DECIDED SHE WAS PRETTY ENOUGH TO FUCK and nobody ever cares that she was just a child and her child helen was just a child when#she was abducted and raped and impregnated (JUST LIKE HER MOTHER) by theseus a supposed great hero and im genuinely sick she was just a#child like so many women or girls in greek mythology and ik it was a different time back then or wtv but they were just GIRLS and nobody#cared about that or cares now. but this song does.#bc of course it does it's hozier.#hozier#swan upon leda
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Guys I am so excited for LIS Double Exposure but I am also so so nervous
#I feel like it’s one of those things where there’s a possibility for it to be so amazing and a wonderful sequel#but there’s also a chance to COMPLETELY fuck it up 😭#im so nervous. but also excited. mostly excited!#i really do wish they would’ve kept her bangs though but I’m trying really hard not to be whiny abt it#ALSO#I hope to god they give some of the old cast some cameos like I seriously NEED to see Warren. and Victoria. and Kate#which I know would only work in one of the timelines…so idk how that would even work#but still#I miss the og cast I love them dearly#sometimes I forget people actually choose bae over bay I can’t lie 😭 like sometimes I forget that’s even a canonical timeline#LMFAOO IM SORRYYY#I JUST#I can’t imagine destroying Arcadia bay I’m sorryyyyy#people keep talking abt Chloe being alive and I’m like ??? and then I remember OHH THATS. AN ACTUAL TIMELINE#LMFAOO#im going so crazy over this game rn#augh#can’t believe im out here playing the most life changing games ever and once I finish them I have to just return to daily life like normal#like. how am I supposed to not talk abt this 24/7 now this is crazyyy#okay in all seriousness though I’m lowkey gonna be heated as hell if at least warren doesn’t somehow get some involvement in this LMFAOO#LIKEEE#I MISS THE OG CAST 😞😞#I MISS THEM. WEEPS#“but what abt people who picked the bae ending’’ idkkkkkkkk 😞😞😞#I heard through the grapevine (☝️🤓) that there’s supposedly going to be two separate storylines? one for bae and one for bay?#is that like actually confirmed or just speculation….I hope it’s confirmed#anyways. many thoughts. very nervous.#life is strange#life is strange double exposure
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Me like 99% of the time: “Lol, yeah, I was super suicidal and severely mentally ill when I was 13/14. I was so cringe. Glad I’m better and can make light of the topic. What a wreck lol”
Me that 1% of the time: …I was suicidal when I was 14
#never realized how fast I moved on#I went from being super sick and once I got better I just erased the past#everything that happened then was something cringe my middle school self did#MIDDLE SCHOOL#I WAS A CHILD#no child should ever be so sad they want to kill themself#I guess I’ve never given it thought#never mourned or reflected what I lost and what happened to me#I guess it’s just easier to completely separate that part of me than remember it#because it’s painful and hard to remember#I wasn’t a good person then I was in a lot of pain and I was so young#no one wants to think about that#but now I have such a huge disconnect between that time of my life and who I am now#I’ve completely made that part of my life a separate entity#and it’s literally been this past month or two that’s i realized this#I’ve spent the past three-ish years just making fun of myself at that time period because it’s easier than thinking about that part of#my life#it’s a chapter I don’t want in my story but keeping it out leaves this awkward blank space#I’ve never been good at receiving apologies or praised for doing something hard#and looking back and admitting that I was so sick so young and was able to get over it is something that’s fucking amazing and fucking#horrifying and I’m allowed to feel those things without pushing it away and making a joke about it#this is so random I meant for this to be a lol relatable post#delete later#rae’s rambles
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i want to let you know that i adore you completely and i'm glad to have met you dude. thank you for your patience and art and friendship. you are AWESOME rabble, don't let anyone tell you otherwise
AHHHHH THANK YOU!!!! I'm glad I met you too Non!!! 😭😭😭 you're such a cool person and i can't BELIEVE you're one of my friends like!!! FRIENDS AUWHGJDSH!!!! i'm so glad we share brainrot and thank you for being an awesome author and having awesome stories
also maybe here's some art i made today for this ask....
braidinnit standing in the snow angst
#dream smp#dsmp fanart#tommyinnit#dsmp rewind fanart#theoinnit#rewind fanart#doodleart#ask#anon#THE PROPOGANDA WORKS ONCE AGAIN MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!#i cant believe braidinnit is gonna be canon he's everything to me <3#also NON YOU ARE SO NICE FOR SAYING THIS TO ME AJSDFHKSADHFKSD#i know its . been a while since we chatted (dfajkhsdkfhsakdfhaks a 'while' like last year DHFKJASHDFLKSD) but im so glad youve stuck around#honestly i miss the dsmp if only for the stories and fanart :(( i understand a lot of the reasons why youre taking a break and stuff though#its like bittersweet but im so glad even through the 'ending' of the dsmp we remain friends!!!!#i cant wait for your stories to pan out i remember being SO excited for remix#and now we're IN it and everything. thats amazing!!!#you keep being you non and tysm#braid au
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anxiety threatens to overwhelm her, with hands shaking uncontrollably to breath coming in and out in sporadic, high-pitched bursts. everything that had happened did so so quickly that nicole couldn't be positively sure what exactly occurred. they'd been hole up in an abandoned park ranger's shack, connor gone with his father and shane to check the traps that they'd set early in the morning, and to scavenge what they could in preparation for the last leg of their journey. she and cait had been attending to a stew brewing in the fireplace when footsteps sounded on the porch, not a second thought given to who they'd belonged to ⸺ until they got heavier, hesitated, and then splintered the door off of it's hinges. they were lucky in the grand scheme of things: the lone man that came through the door was not much bigger than either of them, but the look in his eyes was enough to frighten nicole to her core. there was the briefest of seconds where they were all just staring at one another, and then he lunged; and when nicole opened her eyes, he was dead on the ground and caitlin had a blossom of blood forming in a circle on her pant leg around the blade that had previously been in the dead man's hand.
no— don’t take the fucking knife out.
hands freeze immediately, wide eyes shifting from @innocentsbled's face to the handle sticking out of her thigh. instinct had been to remove the cause of cait's sudden pain ― but sister's ever-rational mind stilled her hand before she could act. ❝ i⸻ what- ❞ jaw hung, voice cuts itself off, words caught in her throat with a lump the size of a fist. she takes a deep breath in attempts to calm herself down, sweaty palms wiped down the sides of her legs, eyes blinking rapidly to keep the tears she hadn't realized were falling at bay. ❝ what do i do ? tell me what i'm supposed to do ⸺ please, cait⸻ ❞
#＆. nicole gavin ‚ interaction .#innocentsbled#＆. nicole gavin ‚ answered .#yyuuuuuppp#idk!!!#reading this back idk if its obvious but cait is the one that got stabbed#if u would rather nic b the one that was tho we can do that<3#i feel like its vague enough to be either???#idk what this is<3#nicole simply. knowing that there is a vital artery in ur thigh but not knowing where it is#so shes just. Having a Breakdown#u remember way back when..... when this starter wouldve just been the two of them#when shane and connor didnt exist :')#and mike was not yet in their lives#amazing. brilliant#the best family on tumblr sry#me vs every single thing i keep writing for u being ppl barging into the house our muses are in#will i ever think. of something original?#no<3
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Feeling like I want to give up again...
#now it's my dad who's deciding to be a jerk towards me because he's mad at my mom#okay that's cool I guess#I haven't been feeling well at all today#I can't even distract myself#my dad's being so dramatic too like it's not my fault he's on a break from work but still doing stuff he could probably get out of doing#but he wants to be away from me and my mom so. I get it#he's never at home even when he's supposedly on a break from his job lol#this is how my mom and I know he's lying about retiring#because he's always putting it off#he was supposed to retire this year but nope#if he doesn't have his job he has no excuse to get out of the house and he hates being around us#Goddddd#he is such a fucking hypocrite#getting mad at me over something he has also done before and then saying it was fine when HE did it because it was 'months ago already'#(dropping something except in his case he actually SHATTERED it lmao)#but yeah... me dropping something without breaking it is WORSE than him dropping and actually breaking it...#wow#amazing logic#then my dad keeps complaining about how we don't care. when he's the one who proves over and over again that he's the one who doesn't care#I forget what they're called but he's the parent type who doesn't get involved in anything#he's never stood up for me and he's watching me rot and hurt myself and he's just like 'oh okay as long as it doesn't involve me idc'#he's not fucking stupid like he can tell there's shit clinically wrong with me but not once has he acted like an actual parent towards me#and yeah I'm an adult now but it's still fucked me up so badly#he is such a fucking coward#and selfish#if he could drop me and my mom somehow I know he would at the drop of the hat#but remember he's a coward so. I know he fucking won't#God this is making my urges get bad again#I'm crying 'cause I'm just so fucking pathetic :')
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I don’t know how to explain that I’m not me in a way anyone can fully comprehend. I’m so tired.
#vent#I can’t just keep saying all of this stuff again. but I’m going to.#I look back on my life and it feels like I’m remembering scenes from my favorite movie.#or better yet. you know how if you tell someone something enough they eventually believe it? like in criminal justice shit?#I look back. and it feels like that wasn’t me. but they’re my memories. somehow.#this is the same body. same brain. same voice.#but I can’t remember more than an audience would. I’ll never know what I was thinking. how my brain worked.#and I can’t help but wonder if I’m still seeing my life like that. if I’m exaggerating everything.#if I’m exaggerating how amazing I really was.#I spend every day of my fucking life mourning over what I perceived myself to be.#because back then? back then I was building the skills needed to be a person in this world.#everything feels fucking broken with me. I’m in so much anguish.#I miss being a person more than anything.#I feel so horrible. not just for everything I’ve done but for everyone I’ve met. for my friends.#I feel like I’ve let everyone down. No one understands just how true that actually is.#If you could see the life I lost you would think I let you down too. I guarantee it.#this is the worst death one can have. Everyone loses the you they know. But you still have a body and brain that has to face the aftermath.#I’ve been in agony for so long. so much of me is dead. I just pray that the rest of me goes painlessly.#cant believe I wrote this shit listening to a song from the god damn doll movie
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i need to go to sleep right now but i've got zimon in the brain and i know i won't be able to sleep until i do something to get him out of the brain but i can't get up to draw right now and i sure as hell can't get up to write that would take me around 11 years so i'll just sit here and rotate him in my mind like a burnt chicken
#🧅#im remaking the apostle designs too. just. a lot of disciple disease lately.#if there was more aro representation in media i wouldn't cling to the two characters i hc as aro so i can actually do it in a non shitty wa#and I wouldn't be up thinking about them right now and i wouldn't go to sleep late and i'd be abke to study tomorrow and actually get into#uni and get a degree and find a job a d have a life. so if i get nowhere in life it's actually because society hates aromantic people.#man why did i give up on writing. if i could write right now i could just. write all thr concepts out of my head instead of keeping them#up there.#pfft. ''the two characters i hc as aro'' as if i don't cast aro spells on Everyone Ever.#whatever you get james and simon are my blorbos of choice atm#if i could at least get over my current wave if Aromantic Rage so i could actually make ship content and post some jesus/judas along with#all the aro people so people would care about them more :/#queerbaiting you guys so you consume content about Other type of queers#man. i hate when this happens it alienates me from fandom So much . cause like the second people start talking about ships im like 'cool'#*fades out like that giy doing the peace sign*#and i know its not my actual Opinion either i like these ships it's just. auugghfhfh.#not to mention everyone making amazing ship content and not even being able to check it out because i get irrationally pissed#sometimes i wish i weren't aro so bad#sometimes. then i remember it's awesome and aromanticism is god's masterpiece and i love it. but man.
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I saw a tweet and got reminded I have diagnosed depression. I need to go back in time to tell 12yo me who was weirdly interested in reading and researching about depression that she was so right.
#THE GIRLS WERE SO RIGHT!!!!!!!#like i would read a lot about anything related to anxiety or depression i would eat up any character that behaved in any way like that#i would say it was for 'realism' for my OCs and feel soooo guilty for thinking 'damn thats just like me fr fr'#it wouldnt change anything but it feels relieving to feel like im being taken seriously and i think she would have needed that#it also feels pretty amazing to have friends now that i can trust will understand. or try at least#sorry if lately i mention my depression a lot it just feel super weird to me because i have felt like this for like#as long as ican remember#so havig it acknowledged now is so ??? and i literally cant believe it so i keep mentioning it without thinking#and alsoim tired of always hiding my feelings so im trying to be more honest with everyone#anyways srry rant over#haunted.txt#actually no u know whatineed i need to go backin time and tell mythen friends SEE I WASNT LYING YOU FUCKING BITCHES GET FUCKED
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#the thing about me and Oppenheimer is that I love it I enjoy it and I'm happy it exists#I love Cillian and Nolan and they're amazing together#and it's interesting and entertaining (at least for me)#but at the same time I KNOW it's a movie I should have seen with a certain someone#and this is a bold statement but this is the only person I can definitely say was my soulmate#even better? not in a romantic way#but it's annoying because we fell apart and everything and it makes me so mad (aka it hurts) because he's a physicist and I just KNOW#he loved the movie and I made him fall in love with Peaky Blinders so he already KNEW Cillian and he knew I loved PB AND Cillian#and listen... it would have been perfect#but we stopped being friends AND he left the country AND when I reached out he replied like twice and then ghosted me and... yeah#you get it#but sometimes I'm living my life and remember just like that; out of the blue; how that movie would have been OUR movie#and how I'm 100000000000000% sure that we would have gone to the movies together for the premiere#and it infuriates me (HURTS me) but at the same time I want to keep loving the movie#because it's a way to keep the memories from those good days alive#anyway#random#personal#my shitty English#Oppenheimer#we would have done Barbenheimer together I want to scream
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