#and possibly therapy too
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just finished watching wednesday (2022)
and i CANNOT possibly be the only one who ships tyler/wednesday/xavier. i am so not buying the fact the tyler went 100% heart eyes to 100% evil monster. xavier pinning for wednesday, and dreaming about tyler??? wednesday not being able to process human emotions but clearly having a soft spot for both of them is the icing on the cake.
also i don’t do love triangles, so ot3 it is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#wednesday netflix#wednesday addams#tyler galpin#xavier thorpe#wednesday#ffs i’m literally going insane thinking about them#LISTEN I FONT SHIP HET SHIPS#THIS IS NUTS#FIGUERS I’D FINALLY SHIP AN OT3 WITH ALL MY HEART AND IT’S NOT ENTIRELY GAY#shocking#i need fanfics#and possibly therapy too#please tell me there are fics for them#I DONT EVEN KNOW THEIR SHIP NAME#i am not above not writing for them#you guys watch me#if anyone has any fic recs i would be eternally grateful#wednesday spoilers
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The healing and lasting love of a mom
#for Mother's Day 2023#camila noceda#hunter noceda#toh hunter#older hunter#toh waffles#the owl house#toh edits#loz's edits#loz's art#he's her lil' wolf cub forever#in the last pic he's fetching her to go for dinner at Dell and Gwen's house#like listen: she would've played a huge role in his recovery. after the Collector Palace scene he would've sunk into the darkest depression#in the weeks and many months to follow#she'd check his therapy progress. accompany him to therapy at times and fetch him from therapy too#he needed her warmth and guiding light as foundational building blocks. to be who he was after the timeskip#they'd both always remember that night where he drowned and she pulled him out of the water#she'd make sure he had the best possible Grom Night#and he'd be eternally grateful. they'd also work together throughout the years to follow since her expertise and his can overlap nicely#he keeps visiting the Human Realm now and then. to have movie nights..dinners..road trips etc with her and Luz and Vee#1k#2k#3k#4k#5k#8k#9k#10k#15k#20k
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Going a little insane thinking about how from Knives' perspective, his olive branch for Rem was rejected by his childhood perception of her loyalty to humanity, but Rem was assessing the situation as both a ship official and a parent and definitely making the choice she thought would maximize his and Vash's survival chances...like, if she was following duty as a crew member first and foremost, she'd head immediately to the bridge and tell the boys to head to the escape pods via comms or something. But instead she spent valuable minutes ensuring that Vash and Knives were safely strapped in and ready to escape, and then turned around to minimize the ship damage. Plus she had no actual way of knowing whether the plant ships were on a crash course, either—and while tristamp Nai can survive completely without food and water, no version of Vash has been shown to be able to do so completely (plus all other versions of Knives are shown at least drinking lol). So from her perspective she didn't just need to save both her kids and the humans on board, she also would've needed to save as many dependents as possible just so the boys had a way to stay alive.
She did the best she could do as a parent in that scenario, and Knives forever locked himself into a traumatized child's reasoning for her actions and blamed her to cope with it and then never reassessed from the perspective of an adult due to his, well, issues with everything. That's rough buddy.
#trigun#trigun maximum#trigun stampede#trigun spoilers#I'd say he could probably sort this out in therapy but that would probably just be giving a bad person access to therapyspeak lmao#Vash also never truly processed it...don't spend all your time worrying about honoring her sacrifice when she tried to save you too dummy!!#your adopted mother loves you but also you guys are probably driving her completely insane in the afterlife#Knives going around like 'My FAKE mom who is a betrayer and a poopyhead and possibly hates me and—' while Vash goes 'you don't get it.....'#and Rem is forced to save up all her good girl ghost points to give one of them vague dreams in an attempt to get them to just chill tf out#can't leave the bathroom door unlocked to take a poop when alive......can't rest in peace in the afterlife........smh
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Apologies
#shadowpeach#six eared macaque#sun wukong#lmk#lego monkie kid#monkey king#liu'er mihou#I just think it'd be neat if they apologized to each other and then cried and hugged about it#(cuz on god they both have some shit they should get off their chests and own up to)#like holy blue hells they're both just like “I think i shall spend my immortal life ruminating on my greatest regret and letting it fester”#everytime i watch the scene where Macaque is like:#“its good to talk about feelings! obv i don't do it”#i turn into the hands on hips guy meme#DUDE GO TO THERAPY#wukong too lets be real#been reading jttw the west (haven't actually gotten to where SEM shows up in the book yet tho)#and i think that if therapy existed back then tripitaka and sha wujing would've been gently but firmly#herding wukong into the local therapist's waiting room in as many towns they pass as possible#he'd probly grab the door frame and have to be literally pried off#these hypothetical ancient-chinese therapists all have claw marks on the hallways and doors going into their offices#hey how about an au where shadowpeach get therapists who end up getting all the monkey drama news first#and end up on the business-rivals-to-drinking-buddies pipeline#stopped while drawing this like “hey why'd i make mac be touching wukong's face in both sketches?”#and then i remembered that between the two mac's the one who wants to be something to the other#to the point of desperation#its like if they're both cats who got coned swk is the one who sits there miserably accepting his fate#while mac is that one video of the tuxedo cat shrieking and trying to paw it off#i'd read the hell out of a fic where they end up swapping attitudes about their dynamic#in canon wukong's the one who seems like he would like to never see mac again (at times) even tho he really regrets it and it hurts#like mac just gives up on trying to convince himself he can make swk see him as a significant part of his life again
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cleo sertori had a fear of swimming since she was a child and nobody considered for a second that getting stranded on a boat in the middle of the sea then falling into a cave system where she had to swim through subterranean water tunnels to the ocean where she had to tread water until a s&r team found them would be traumatic and exacerbate her fear into full aquaphobia
secretly becoming a mermaid helped her get over her fear but to everybody else her being cagey about the pool party and washing the dishes makes 100% sense when they stop for a moment and consider she’s probably terrified
#h2o just add water#cleo sertori#lewis like ‘i don’t know what’s going on with her lately’ bestie you know what’s going on#they were missing for hours#it’s fucking rude that her parents weren’t more supportive like ik it was the 2000s and nobody believed in therapy but it wouldn’t be that#hard to switch cleo from dishwashing to hoovering and bin duty or fucking. yard work. or if it’s about helping out at dinnertime they could#teach her how to cook she could do meal prep#honestly not enough people thought cleo was pretty courageous like she was out there facing her fear everyday#she went through those tunnels she painted her room like the ocean and kept fish she helped emma with her training before the incident on#mako she was trying to overcome her fear every day#also. emma’s parents thinking she had depression and trying to help was A+ parenting but it was also possible that emma was also traumatise#like?? it’s one thing to swim in a pool and be fast it’s another to push against currents while pulling your friend who can’t swim#and the tunnels were long too they almost ran out of air#i think after that her reluctance to swim should make a bit of sense lmao
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dr s2 is really great so far
#ONLY 2 EPS IN NO SPOILERS PLEASEEEE#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#dragons rising#artsbotz#ninjago spoilers#so vaguely.#trying to do at least one doodle per ep. for fun#id like to rewatch the whole show at some point so it cld be fun to do that too for old eps#i probs wont post them all individually but im excited abt watching it again#me: heh... guess ill watch the new ninjago season. im kinda over it tho / me five minutes in: [passed out from excitement]#very fun . we WILL get the therapy arc. i can feel it coming#sorry abt the zane pic but that line rlly made me giggle bc i wasnt looking at the screen when it happened. the possibilities
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Been off from tumblr a bit but I just wanna share my general thoughts about TSAMS, especially today's episode...
‼️Quick warning for suicide and self harm mention‼️
I feel betrayed. I legit cried. Out of embarassment, betrayal, and pure but well-reserved anger.
I'm not going to be quiet about how to show handled Sun's problem. Not one fucking media type ever dares to normally bring up suicidal problems, the people who suffer from this, the amount of kids and adults who DIE from such thoughts. This isn't about the overly edgy teenagers who want to normalize cutting yourself is okey and cool. This is about the people who suffered for months and years with such conditions while the world made fun of them or ignored their calls for help. Ignored the signs.
USA doesn't have much of a public transport where the show is going on. But here we do. And a lot of trains are late every day. Late for hours because of "mechanical issues". 8 out of 10 times the mechanical issue is a local kid who jumped front of the train. A teenager fed up with life. An adult who lost their way. An ederly too impatient for death.
I have waited months. Months. To see how Sun deals with it. A character I fell in love with not in a romantic sense, a character who shared way too many of my own problems from hallucinations from abuse till betrayal. A character who was pushed and pulled their entire life around people who slapped you then said they love you. I wanted to see how he heals out from it.
The signs were there. Everywhere. Sun said it out loud once that he at least fantasized about death. EVEN OLD MOON KNEW ABOUT THIS! He literally told New Moon Sun would be capable of doing it.
So why... why through Miku, the character used as the "weird fandom girl" symbol do they bring up such a delicate topic? A topic that is not delicate because you have to tip toe around the people who live with self destructive thoughts day and night, but delicate because it matters to be properly heard out AND NO ONE LISTENS!
Not one fucking media listens. A lot of us out there rely on fandoms. Stories we can escape to because the world never listens. And call me a self-projector all you want dear creators or whoever writes the story, but you either just pulled the cheapest and most dumbest way to close off a story line with solving Sun's problems off-screen, or you just legit don't give a fuck about people who "self-projected".
Honestly, what if I did? What if in a sense, I saw myself in Sun? A Sunshine of a character ruined and changed by the things that happened to him. Am I not allowed to relate to him? Am I an annoying "fan-girl" for caring about how he heals because I myself have no idea how to do it either? Or am I like Miku for hoping someone calls out on his behaviour because that's something I've wanted my entire life and never got?
And here I am, still somehow hoping Sun is lying. That he is in denial. That there is more to what was shown... but honestly? How long should I wait and hope while the character I started to like is now becoming a bit too toxic?
And with all due respect, I'm taking this episode personally. The creators watch the fandom. Probably have their secret accounts to see what the people theorize. And if Sun is not lying, and suicide is an annoying topic and we are self-projecting too much onto Sun, with all due respect, dear creators... grow the fuck up and educate yourself.
I don't need the world to pity my ass for having self-harming habits, wishing to die and even attempted suicide before (I'm getting my ass to therapy in the meantime so do not worry about me), but all I want from content creators to fucking educate themselfes before bringing up such topics. TO CARE A BIT MAYBE?!
I have survived my worst times, but not everyone does (it's not about who is weaker or stronger, only utter guilt held me back, without that I'd be long gone), andI want for those who has no help feel like they're heard and seen. Cause literally that's all itt takes sometimes to maybe save someone's life.
So yeah. I'm utterly disappointed in this episode. Not because I want the world to know that I'm suicidal and everyone should tip toe around me and "omg pls give me attention" ect ect ect...
Im disappointed because I had hopes for TSAMS to maybe, maybe be an example and bring this topic up normally for a change. But well... here goes my hope for an educational approach of suicide and self harm in a popular show.
#tsams#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#sams#tsams sun#tsams moon#sams moon#sams sun#the sun and moon show sun#tw: suidice#tw: sucidal thoughts#tw: suicide#tw: self harm#tw: self destruction#I hate that tagging here is awfully bad too#So yeah.... bit of a venting?#Also guys I swear Im okey Im getting my ass that therapy and regulating my life as much as possible#even have a buddy system fir safety measures#And by now I have a lot to hold on#But I truly just wanted to see Sun say something about how was he truthfully coping#and if they really solved that off screen....#I might even quit the show for a while#Definetly gonna take a break for a week#Because this hurted a lot#But this is a call for war and I'm not gonna shut up about this
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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beginning to think the right wingers have a point about keeping drag away from kids— not because it's too sexual (it's generally not) or because kids shouldn't know that people can be trans (they aggressively should), but because eighth graders armed with drag slang are nuclear levels of annoying
#notebook#work blog#on a related note I found out today one of my Problem Boys is trans#and he is every bit the shitheel (affectionate) his buddies are#I used to think eighth grade boys were like that in part because of testosterone but afaik the kid in question is not on T#(despite what people would have you think hormone therapy for under 18s is *very* rare)#which raises the terrifying possibility that it's all social and there is a future in which we annihilate misogyny#but at the cost of the girls being like that too
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i read a few “Sua is the one who starts it all/the catalyst/the beginning of Alien Stage” and !!! yes!!! i have similar sentiments i'm working into this AU draft haha
i've been working on a gods AU for mizisua and ivantill (Sua as the Beginning, and ??? as the End) and i'd planned to finish them before things got hectic irl (yapped abt it on ao3 too 🥹) however the hectic got to me first ╥﹏╥ but i thought i'd share what i have so far! :]
#alien stage#alnst#mizisua#ivantill#i received some good news as well and i think i can trace its possibility to alien stage#but that's another story#fic idea#nari scribbles#writing down stuff for this particular idea is therapy to me atm too
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My doctor: Hey yeah that's not normal I don't think it's an issue with your hip
Me: Oh?
My doctor: It's an issue with your spine
Me: OH
#Literally the first thing he said was 'You shouldn't be in this much pain from a labrum tear'#'Yeah I'm p sure it has to do with your back'#Me: Everything makes sense now......#This actually adds up bc I've always had shitty back issues. Lmao#Luckily I don't need surgery!! Unluckily I need to get another MRI! Kill me! :)#If the last MRI didn't bankrupt me this one DEFINITELY will#Also he did say I have a weak hip so I gotta do physical therapy#We'll see how that goes;;#Right now I'm fine bc I haven't even been billed for the first MRI yet. But I know as soon as I get the bill#I will be a HOT mess#Not looking forward to that#Anyway I'm glad this doctor seems to know what he's talking about. And from the get go too#Can't believe it took this fucking long to narrow it down to 'possible spine/back issue' tho#Godddd. I'm so tired#He prescribed me some heavy anti-inflammatory drugs so hopefully that helps with the pain a bit#Lies down#I need a nap bro. Lol#Shima speaks
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Thinking about that time before the betrayal. Those moments of happiness, of safety, of trust
When you think back to those moments and they’re forever tainted. When you’re just going about your day and memories hit you and they hit you hard. So many emotions in the present moment. How could someone so horrible seem so good? Were there moments you missed? Signs they aren’t who you thought? How could you not know?
How could they do this to you? To others? How dare they pretend they’re anything but a monster— and they are, always have been. You know it now and you feel so stupid for having not before.
How can you ever trust again?
#whump#whump tropes#betrayal#betrayal whump#I am deep in the feels. it is not great. haha fuck#is good for writing though!#vent post#my posts#this was a fun little combination of blorbo thoughts and irl stuff#one last thing but it’s more venty than the rest#and it’s not going in the post cause it got too clunky but gods. the need (want) for revenge (or justice. one in the same for this) is#powerful. almost suffocating. you need to do /something/ but you just. can’t.#and it makes you feel powerless and angry but you can’t do anything about it.#you’re hurt in every way possible. and it breaks you a little bit#lol I need to go back to therapy
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You really like bug character’s it seems lol
Don't call me out dawg I'm still in denial 😔🥄🥄🥄🥄
#And it's specifically the big ol boyos who are intimidatingly tall#But are actually mega sweet peas#And have multiple limbs#And kinda screams malewife energy#And possibly enjoys big boy hugs#And have really funky colors#And have big ol noses-#It's not as bad as you'd think it's not that specific#Even tho I tend to gravitate to a character who have noticeable green or purple on them#My friend bullies me on this hxhBDHXHD-#THOUGH TO BE FAIR DJMM IS MORE BLUE WHITE AND PINK WITH BARELY ANY PURPLE AND GREEN#HDHJDSJSHSHDHDJHDDUD#My partner bullies me on this too I need to seek help and possibly therapy#The large bug men are ruinin my life BXHDHD
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On incommunicability
I saw a post that mentioned how Ivan is so radicalized by child abuse and yet hates Pavel so much and I want to talk about it because I genuinely think about it a lot (I clearly have issues), but I'm making my own post because I don't want to randomly come rambling into a stranger's notes.
I've said it before, but Ivan is a paradoxical (I mean, other characters refer to him as such multiple times) person and that's exactly what I love about him and the dynamic between him and Pavel. In theory he wants to help people and in some instances he does, such as the whole making Dmitri escape prison situation and his encounter with the peasant in the snow, but when he has to get emotionally close in order to do so, like he would have had to do with Pavel, he doesn't. Ivan was the only one who could have helped Pavel, except he couldn't because he has issues and can only interact with others and love at a distance.
The difference between Dmitri's situation and Pavel's is that when it comes to the former, Ivan can still act at a safe distance and even through Katya and Alyosha, so it's not an emotional ordeal. There are a lot of feelings at play in this kind of situations and feelings are not something Ivan is good with, and I think it makes sense for him to feel such rage towards Pavel simply because that's what Ivan turns any feeling he doesn't know how deal with into, so I wouldn't exactly call Ivan a hypocrite as I think it's more complicated than that; pushing away people is all he does and it's coherent of him to do so with Pavel too. To me it also makes sense for him to fail to see the suffering children that the adults around him once were, as absurd that may seem. It's all about rage and the blindness that comes with it.
It's important to highlight that it's explicitly stated that even Ivan himself doesn't know why he feels so angry towards Pavel; I've always wondered about the background of Ivan's change of attitude towards him, considering they used to have a civil relationship and it's mentioned that they used to have intellectual conversations as well, and honestly I think it's because of Ivan and his comfort zone: when things become too much, he distances himself. It's obvious that he knows what his brothers' childhoods were like, he even brings up the suffering of children at lunch with Alyosha, he knows that it ties them all together and that knowledge, on top of the abuse, has impacted him deeply. Having Pavel keep trying to get closer angers him even more and, personal opinion here, it reminds me of the way Fyodor tries to get Ivan to talk to him in some passages of the book. On the other hand, Pavel tells Ivan he's just like their father because to him Ivan is in fact just like their father: another person who discarded him. And it all stems from a deep mutual misunderstanding.
I can't really condemn Ivan, just like I can't really condemn Pavel (or Dmitri); they're a product of their environment and to me The Brothers Karamazov is also a book about misunderstanding and incommunicability: sometimes there's just some sort of invisible barrier between family members that nobody can really do anything about, and sometimes you find yourself in something that is so messed up, so tangled and so much bigger than you that you just don't know where to start to fix it (you can't, not alone at least) and I hope you get what I'm trying to say as it's difficult to explain the very specific and complicated mechanisms and feelings in such dysfunctional family dynamics.
I've said before that I don't consider Ivan's character and story tragic and while I still stand by that, this is to me the tragic thing about him: he, who has empathy for and wants to help those who've been abused, could've done something to actually help a (now grown) abused child close to him, in his own family, but couldn't even try due to being emotionally neglected (and therefore a now grown abused child) himself. In the end his inability to break the cycle, which is itself part of the cycle, digs his own grave and that's incredibly fucking sad.
#I tried to be as clear as possible without revealing too much of my own tragic backstory sorry#also this might be bullshit if it's bullshit let me know I'll probably delete it idk#oh and don't get me wrong in my mind Ivan recovers so his story doesn't end tragically#but how the fuck does someone deal with the aftermath of whatever that shitshow was y'know#send him to therapy#actually send them all to therapy#the brothers karamazov#ivan karamazov#pavel smerdyakov#thoughts#mine
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I'm a writer too... I create stories inside my mind and there I don't have to neither show nor tell, just imagine, it's that easy! Thanks for coming to my Writing Workshop, that will be 5,000$
#writing advice#when i was a kid i used to dream about becoming a writer now i'm just grateful i still know how to read words#i'm recovering from depression but i don't know how to recover childhood dreams if it's even possible etc#these days i just want to read books make tea travel a little and love someone and this sound like too much already you know...#sorry this got depressing lol#man i think of a funny thing to post then it becomes a therapy session in the tags lol#it's sunday!#bye
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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