#and now im like. damn. i am embarrassed to admit i like this thing
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mutuals be honest. how much respect for me have you lost now that i like genshin.
#i literally didn't. know. the fandom was so bad#i have a group of friends that i play with and that's abt fucking it#and now im like. damn. i am embarrassed to admit i like this thing#because people will think i'm being fucking weird on twitter#i don't even USE twitter#or tiktok. or anything other than tumblr and discord (for talking to said friends)#like the game itself (minus the. colorism. and orientalism. which they got a novella from me about.) is actually...well written so far?#they know how to write characters well too imho#it's one of those things i think consuming critically is perfectly fine#but then you look at the fandom. and.#holy fuck it's all like super racist people who have never touched grass ever#it's given me such whiplash learning about it#because like. in my friend group there are a few of us whose heritage lines up with some of the in-game nations#and we have cool discussion about what they get right and wrong#and we all brainstorm like body type headcanons and just have a fucking great time#i dunno why i felt the need to ramble it's just. i miss when i played just with my friends and didn't know about all of this#because now i'm ashamed to admit i even like it for fear of being grouped in with actual racist/sexist/every fucking -ist imaginable people#i'm literally just going crazy here but while the character designs in sumeru were Bad for the most part the actual region itself got-#-a LOT right. like little details#one of my friends was overjoyed recognizing things from their culture that don't often get the spotlight#so as awful as parts of it are there is genuine good in it#and i'm just shocked the fanbase as a whole is so. terrible#i guess i shouldn't be surprised it's anime gatcha game fans (fucking hate the gambling part btw)#and those people tend to be. You Know#but still. i dunno. it's weird that the game does actually seem to have a lot of heart at least in parts of it#and then the character designs and the fanbase are. Like That#anyway. i've rambled enough in the tags#i just wish both the character designers and the fanbase were better
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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Reasons the Mothman should die, collectively written by the residents of the Hazbin Hotel:
Coding for Characters: Vaggie, Charlie, Pentious, Alastor, Niffty, Husk, pretty much everyone
TW: References to abuse
He’s holding back Angel’s progress. (Vaggie, is killing really necessary?) (I am concerned about going after a Vee)
I’m hungry (ALASTOR!)
Ms. Angel gets nervous when on the phone with him.
His coat is tacky.
He’s a bug! And bugs must be DESTROYED!
So Angel stops feeling like he has to be so damn fake. This is getting on my fucking nerves.
HE LICKED CHARLIE!!! (Vaggie, wait it’s okay.)
Color scheme sucks. Purple AND red?!
He makes Angel sad, NOBODY should make Angel sad.
Those obnoxious glasses just make him look stupid.
He’s a manipulative, abusive prick.
ANGEL DIDN'T KNOW BOUNDARIES WERE A THING?!?!?!?!?!? (Honestly that explains a lot.)
NOBODY deserves to be in an abusive relationship.
Too many arms. Nobody needs that many. (...Angel has that many?) (Well maybe he shouldn't.)
Ms. Angel keeps coming home all messy!!
He’s ruining hearts for everyone. Me and Angel already have enough. At least those are on our bodies, what’s his excuse?
Hearts should not even be ASSOCIATED with Valentino, THIS IS NOT LOVE.
I can do without all the sexual depravity. While I am in Hell this is NOT one of the reasons.
If I have to hear that ringtone one more damn time-
The Eggies found some of his films. They should never be exposed to such horrors. Now I have to explain what “a sex” is.
Makes picture shows that are a disgrace to the idea of “entertainment.”
He’s making a bad name for Uncle Ozzie. This is NOT “lust.”
So we don’t have to listen to another one of Angel’s pornos. (Agreed, it’s quite horrifying!!)
So Ms. Angel isn’t tired when she gets home and can save the kinky stuff for then :) (Niff, really?)
So the kid stops coming home with bruises and cuts that I fix up at 3 am. (Husk, what the fuck?)
Because what the FUCK Valentino?
He keeps forcing Angel to do drugs. (HE WHAT?! Like crack??) (That but also I’m pretty sure whatever comes out of him is an aphrodisiac.)
I want to use his antenna as a backscratcher
Has that whole red color thing going on. Only I am allowed to wear red :) (Al, your text isn’t even red.) (My what?)
What is up with his red spit and smoke? Seriously disgusting.
The red stuff from him may be what allows Velvette to create her “Love Potions” which funds Vax’s stupid endeavors (Do you mean Vox?) (Who?)
FOR MY COLLECTION :D (…yeah okay.)
Really is making a bad name for Overlords. And not in the fun way.
Angel’s shown trauma signs of abuse in our meetings. Im pretty sure it’s Valentino.
Make a doll out of his fur so I have a main villain for roach puppet shows!!!
His only purpose is to keep Veks occupied but considering Vixen’s inane attempts to catch my attention it isn’t working.
So Angel can have his soul and he and Husk can run off into the sunset together like in a fanfiction!!! (Ah, yes that would be nice.) (WE WHAT?!) (Oh Husker, denial doesn’t suit you.)
So Angel can get a good boyfriend THAT’S NOT ME to stop these bullshit allegations.
So Angel can admit his feelings to Husker because our cat surely isn’t going to be the first to do it. (ALASTOR I SWEAR TO GOD!)
Who knows how many other people he’s abusing.
Seems to give Vicks confidence. He has enough of that as is. It much more fun to destroy him.
He makes Angel sad which makes Cherri sad!
HE HIT ANGEL!!!
Called my dear Rosie an "old hag" NOBODY CALLS ROSIE AN OLD HAG.
Angel is a good friend and deserves so much better.
I’ve forgotten what moths taste like.
He keeps trying to get Angel to move out :(
Told the kid he had to lose weight. What the actual FUCK. (Ill kill him.)
He’s annoying and looks quite stupid. How has this not been added yet?!
He’s making a bad name for Spanish speakers everywhere. (Yeah it’s embarrassing.) (Wait… what?)
He’s making a bad name for pansexuals everywhere.
He’s making a bad name for wing-holders everywhere. (HE HAS FUCKING WINGS?!) (Oh, yeah, I didn’t tell you?)
Too tall. This is ridiculous.
Won’t admit he’s blind so he’s become even more of a public safety hazard.
If I get one more transmission of him and Box commiting lascivious acts someone will be eaten. I don’t care who. What the purpose of these are I don’t know. Advertisement? (I think it’s to make you jealous boss.) (Ha! Jealous of what? Mediocre sex with a pathetic excuse for a businessman with a TV as a head?)
Because Angel deserves fucking better.
#character switching#I’m sorry for colorblind readers#if there is any way to help make this more legible please let me know#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel memes#stupid hazbin hotel lists#angel dust#angel dust hazbin hotel#valentino hazbin hotel#Valentino bashing#tw: Valentino#protective hazbin family#vaggie hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#niffty#husk#husker#huskerdust#hazbin hotel husk#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin vox#voxval#staticmoth#sir pentious#hazbin hotel crack#but also serious
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"But you're the only one that's holding me down!"
pairing- bsf!satoru x reader
cw- igs angst idk i js needed plot to build up, fluff, highschool toru
analysis- your ex leaves you & satoru gets stood up
a/n- HEY PEOPLES i just wanna thank you for all the support and love yall are giving me im close to 1k and i wanna do a special so ill be having a poll posted soon, also this story was heavily influenced by strangers things season 2 when nancy was dancing with dustin !
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"are you fucking shitting me ?" your stern voice could be heard by your ex, who was standing in front of you dancing with another girl but quickly removed her away from him the second he saw your face. "is this what you meant by be right back? to go blow me off with this bitch?" you point to the girl he was dancing with, completely shocked because not to be rude but you knew your self worth and this was just down right disrespectful. "baby i swear she's just a friend-" you tune him out making an overly dramatic eye roll as you feel your eyes began to water, honestly you didn't even know why exactly this little situation had you threatening to spill tears.
your ex was embarrassing you nothing new before- this was the same routine, the same cycle, and he had the same excuse every. single. time. you wanted to quite literally punch yourself in the face for falling for it yet again.
There was something in your gut telling you going to the snowball with your ex would have horrible results, yet you ignored your female intuition and went anyways, now you stood here looking so idiotically stupid in front of everyone as your confront this piece of shit. honestly ? you weren't even close to being as upset as you were embarrassed. hell the only reason you found out what he was doing on his "bathroom break" was because your friend pointed him out with a "uh girl- ain't that yo man?"
"bottom line is- you mean more to me than she does" is he serious ?.. "oh so she means something to you? just not as much as me right" the girl look so uncomfortable in this situation she began to remove herself from the middle of you two "little word of advice sweetheart, don't date him in the future, he's just looking to get his dick wet."
"wha- no what are you- why are you putting words in my mouth?! you know what are being such a bitch about this! jesus y/n you're always blowing things way out of proportion it's why i can't stay in a damn relationship with you ! and i try so hard to be nice but it's like you latch on to me like a fucking leech, just admit it without me you would be nothing! you had no one before me, no one loved you until I came along. your so god damn annoying seriously." staring in absolute disbelief and your eyes are so hot as people were now looking his way wondering what was going on and why his voice was growing louder and louder by the minute.
"let me tell you something you sick fuck. I am my own person and i do not need a little boy who's insecure about his penis size to contradict me about me and my life, you may have gotten me to come out of my shell but you didn't make shit, you are not my father nor my mother so you have absolutely no right to speak to me the way you're doing right now. I am a growing woman with my own liberties and ideals and if you didn't see that before, then that says a lot about the way you view me." hot tears are not streaming down your face as you make your way back to the table you were sitting at. you had made sure to keep your voice down so you wouldn't attract a crowd because lord knows all hell would've broken lose.
you sat at the table trying to dry your tears as a wave of nausea comes over you, feeling upset about everything that just happened as his words relayed in your head 'no one loved you' no. he was wrong so utterly wrong, you had friends, great ones in fact, you even had a best friend the one who stuck by your side through thick and thin.
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"shit" satoru cursed out as he realized he was crying, he was currently sitting behind the flimsy decorations the at covered the bleachers, alone and out of sight form everyone who could see how pathetic he looked right now.
crying over a female.
satoru honestly didn't even know why exactly this little situation had him crying, he had been showed up. nothing new before- girls who flirt with him for his wealth and ditch as soon as the connections start. of course he was used to it, sad but true. he came to the conclusion of it wasn't the girl herself that he was crying over. it was his inability to find love. most people would laugh when if they hear that satoru was true a lover boy, especially with his reputation for moving into different relationships faster than a virgin boy cumming for the first time.
in fact he had been in more flings you can count on your fingers just this semester. but it wasn't on purpose it's not like his goal was to become a pass around. it just sorta happened...
satoru was more upset than he had realized. thoughts running around his head about how unlucky his love life was. He sat on the bleachers, on the last day and most important moment of the first semester of his senior year, crying and alone.
it was so unfair, he had come here with a group of friends and though they didn't come with dates it sure as hell looked like they were leaving with one, suguru and shoko didn't even have a plus one but in the mist of waiting with satoru on his, they had both picked up someone to dance with. which was fine, he couldn't bring himself to be envy of his friends love life. hell even his best friend who stuck by his side through thick and thin was probably around the gymnasium somewhere slow dancing with her-
"hey." satoru immediately wipes his face as he hears your voice. "uh hey, what's up?" he looks up at you hoping you wouldn't notice his red and puffy eyes, but you were his best friend so of course you did.
"are you okay?" walking over to the bleachers you sit a couple feet away from him "yeah, heh why wouldn't i be?" he said with a little sniffle "oh well- this is just an observation but maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're crying... and alone" shit you had noticed, satoru did not like the feeling swarming inside his tummy he felt self-conscious. he didn't want to look so vulnerable infront of you
"well- technically i'm not alone, you're here" he looks up at you giving his infamous cocky smile that you've grown the love you can't help but giggle at his antics "what's funny?" "you" you catch yourself smiling a little to hard at him which causes you to clear your throat and switch the topic of the conversation. "so uh- where's your date?" looking off to the side his smile faded as soon as it came "i don't know if i should tell you, it's pretty lame" he spreads his legs further slouching down as he picks at his fingernails in the middle of his lap.
"satoru i've been your friend since middle school... i've seen your emo phase" his eyes shoot open as he looks over at you in horror "oh my god! you remember that?" a pink hue dusted his cheeks as he remembers the sight of that god awful side part and horrible black eye liner (sorry nanami) "of course i do" you let out with a laugh gojo leans his head back and groan bringing his hands up to cover his face out of embarrassment. laughing once more you decide to scoot in closer, now sitting right next to him, opposite to the few feet when you were away from him. "so?"
"i've been stood up" his eyes falls into his lap not having the guts to see your face of empathy right now. "if it makes you feel better" you lean back and stretch your arms out on the row behind you eyes having the same fate as his "my ex ditched me for someone else then proceeded to call me annoying" gojo felt his heart squeeze as he looked up to see the waterline of your eyes activate "he's a piece of shit, seriously i don't even know why you keep going back to him" redness around his eyes slowly faded and started to fill with anger as he talked about your ex "it's cause- i just- i just want to be loved by someone who truly wants me for me and every time he walks into my life it's usually at one of my lowest points and i just fall right for it!" your best friend watched intensely as he took in every word you were saying as you began to pour your heart out to him all the while in his head agreeing with you since all he wanted was to be loved.
"i mean its so hard to find someone in this generation who truly cares about me, it's like im" you lean forward and put your face in you palms eyebrows furrowed as you let your frustrations out
"doomed for love"
the two of you make eye contact shocked that the same words fell from both of your lips "i get you in so many ways you wouldn't even understand." a comfortable silence fills the air around you for a moment until he broke it (fucking blabbermouth) "for the record, i don't think your annoying, and-" mumbling the last part you look over in confusion "what did you say?" the blush began to creep back up his neck as he looks to the side "i said-" he voice went inaudible once again "toru i can't hear you" "i said you look beautiful tonight!" he suddenly shouted, turning back around to look you in your eyes, the two of you just looked at eachother not knowing what to say next "well thank you, i think that you look very handsome" you scootch over more and lean you head on to his shoulder
at first satoru tenses up not sure what to do but as time went on he relaxes, slowly bringing a hand around to your waist to pull you in even closer into a nice side hug as the two of you watch the other people have fun on the dance floor "jesus, suguru can not dance" letting out a sigh satoru puts his head down embarrassed for his friend who was currently making a damn fool of himself infront of his date you giggle looking around the gymnasium spotting your closet girl friend "if you think he's bad look at shoko" you sit up and he follows suit only for his jaw to drop at the her cruel dance moves "what about-"
"utahime" in unison the two of you burst into laughter as you seemingly spot her at the same time, she was moving her hips so off beat that it was unusual, but hey at least she was happy. after the fit of giggles you return back into the position before "you know, we shouldn't even have come to this thing in the first place- it's so corny i mean cmon, what's next there gonna play a thousand years by christina pe-"
"heart beats fast"
"oh you've gotta be shitting me" you cackle at the perfect timing of his crude joke as he leans back once more. you take it upon your self to get up and stick your hand out in front of him "y-you wanna dance?" rolling your eyes you snatch him up by his blazer dragging him to the make shift dance floor "uh, i'm not sure if i-" "relax you got this, just like we practiced" right. how could he forget that the two of you practice slow dancing together (it was his idea since he didn't want to embarrass himself) just the night before.
you stretch you arms out behind him, caressing where his smooth skin and the fluffiness tuffs of his hair connected as he wrapped his arms around your mid back the two of you smoothly swayed from side to side looking into at another with a smile. "hey let's try something" satoru says he then adjust your hands on him for a more comfortable position and soon enough he's leading the way as the two of you dance together laughing at the little stumbles here and there "okay you ready?" "yeah" just then satoru spins you around so lightly you would think that he thinks you're made of glass, fragile. everthing is in slow motion and you don't catch it, but your best friend looks at you with love filling his eyes. you looked so beautiful. your pink dress illuminating under the fairy lights that hung around. gojo satoru had never seen such beauty in his life. he begins to think how lucky he is to have someone like you in his life. after the spin is over he brings you into a hug one hand wrapped its long arm around your back and the other pushes your head into his chest and he leans his neck down to give you a small kiss on your forehead. the hug catches you off guard by its firmness but you reciprocate nun the less.
"wanna go back to my place and watch a movie?"
#y/n#jjk#x black reader#gojo x black y/n#gojo x you#gojo x black reader#jujutsu gojo#gojo fluff#gojo satoru fluff#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x reader#gojou satoru x reader#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#jujutsu kaisen satoru#satoru x you#satoru x reader#satoru gojo#satoru gojo fluff#fluff#jjk x black reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#satoru jujutsu kaisen#gojo jujutsu kaisen#thingstedtalk
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I have no idea how this would fit into an storyline but I am a hoe for fake dating. Imagine fake dating with abby and it slowly becoming too real
UGH YOU GET ME FAKE DATING IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES!!
⋆˚✿˖° now, abby anderson had a problem. specifically a blonde, brown eyed loud mouthed man of a problem. owen fucking moore. she had broken up with him in the summer time, little explanation given to the ass of a boyfriend other than that she needed to “find herself.” (not that she needed to give any.)
⋆˚✿˖° but owen? oh owen didn’t accept that. so from the very moment abby had broken it off, to when the air began to smell like fall.. he pestered abby. asked for a reason, begged for another chance (despite HIM going around with damn near every girl on the WLF compound.)
⋆˚✿˖° things came to a head at a get together in one of abby and owen’s mutual friend’s apartment style quarters. mutual friend who also happened to be your roommate.
⋆˚✿˖° abby and owen fought all night, abby’s cheeks red from embarrassment and anger, eyebrows furrowed together. “why can’t you just take no for an answer owen?“ the cup in her hand crackled a bit under the pressure when the man scoffed. “because you never give me a real answer!” abby’s arms crossed at that, searching around the room. quickly, and maybe a little impulsively, she shrugged. “i’m into someone else now.”
⋆˚✿˖° owen just couldn’t accept that, his arms thrown around dramatically. “so you like another guy? that’s why you wont give me another chance? you know i can treat you better.” that sentence alone reminded abby just why she hated being with him so much, but again that fast moving brain of hers spoke before the thought could finish, finger pointing in the direction of the first person she found.. you. “it’s not a guy. it’s a girl. im not.. into your..” abby made a motion, “species anymore.” sure, it was sort of true. abby recently realized she probably had a thing for girls, but you particularly? she couldn’t count on her fingers the amount of conversations she had with. “i like her.”
⋆˚✿˖° you, who’s head poked up, mouth full of slightly stale chips, having heard the whole conversation. abby anderson, beautiful, funny, madeyouweakintheknees, abby anderson was into you? and not straight? surely not. you swallowed harshly, deciding to play into whatever game abby seemed to have set on the floor. you made your way over, an award winning smile on your face as owen’s mouth dropped open further than a damn infected. “You like her? as in girls?”
⋆˚✿˖° honestly, you probably caused more trouble when you stood near the two, “abs!” you grinned, “you forgot your jacket here.. cmere ill grab it for you.” and then your hand is wrapped around her tensed bicep, the stiffness likely caused by her pure shock you even played along. still, she used it as an out from the devil with blonde locks, shrugging almost apologetically at owen before letting you whisk her away.
⋆˚✿˖° and that night, after everyone but you and abby had stumbled out of the cramped room, which was still humid and heavy, you made the plan. with a pen that had little ink left, scratching against the water damaged pages of the notebook you tucked under your pillow, you wrote the words “project get rid of owen moore.” which ok, in retrospect sounded really bad. but you were a little tipsy.
⋆˚✿˖° the plan was easy. play the role of abby’s first girlfriend, convince owen she was totally not into him or men anymore. what did you get out of it? a spot on the top dog abby anderson’s patrol team. something you had been vying for this year. abby agreed, although a little hesitantly. she promised she had picked you only because its who her pointed finger found first. not any actual attraction. you swallowed down the hit to your ego that brought.
⋆˚✿˖° and honestly? the plan went on pretty steadily. you were a damn good fake girlfriend if you had to admit it, and abby didn’t hate being around you. in fact, she really enjoyed being around you. she enjoyed how easily your fingers reached down, tapping on her palm to fing a way to hold her hand whenever one of owen’s posey was around. she enjoyed how you leaned in whenever owen passed by, your lips on her ear, whispering anything you knew would have her smiling. a fake smile of course.
⋆˚✿˖° you two had some pretty strict rules. no kissing, no extreme touchiness, absolutely no spilling to anyone this was fake, and the most important.. no real feelings. you had come up with a backstory, one you two had studied together. (you two met in the training room after your roommate introduced you two and totally hit it off. abby got you a spot on her team next to her and manny, and feeling bloomed from there.) abby added in a few details she knew would piss owen off.. and you sealed your lips shut to follow the rules.
⋆˚✿˖° the first few weeks were easy. you liked spending time around abby. you enjoyed how she smiled, you laughed at all the jokes she cracked (for the fake dating points of course..), and you loved training with her. you had to ignore the shiver her hands on your shoulders or waist gave, knowing it was just to help your position. “you have to fix your stance if you plan on fighting scars..” abby huffed.
⋆˚✿˖° the problem started in october. a month and a half into your fake dating plan. tens of lunches spent alone together, a handful of new hair styles you begged to try on abby, and around 5 missions out of the base, in. there was a party, one you demanded the two of you go to one day as you lounged on abby’s bunk— watching as she cleaned up manny’s mess across the room. “if we dress up together, owen will totally finally get off your case,” you assured, bringing a loud sigh from the blonde. “oh my god.. fine.”
⋆˚✿˖° you went as a angel and devil, simple enough to easy stitch together some devil horns for yourself and an angel halo you found in an old broken down store in the city for abby. no way did you admit the trouble you went for to find it to abs, especially not as she easily pulled her shirt off in front of you, totally clueing you in to where the nickname came from as she shoved on the white teeshirt.
⋆˚✿˖° see, the no kissing rule was an important one, but vodka made everything seem less important, and owen was awfully loud that night, scoffing any time you smiled and leaned into your angel, head band tilting off your head, which abby fixed with a grin. “you two act more like friends than people fucking each other,” owen scoffed as he pressed by you two, the words pounding in abby’s ears over the loud mingling voices.
⋆˚✿˖° “kiss me,” abby called over the old cd that played on the speakers, her cheeks red with anger— blue eyes flicking around. “what?” you laughed, thinking back to rule number 1. “i know we said no— no kissing but i just.. oh my god just kiss me,” abby muttered, her large hands gripping your cheeks and pulling you in for a kiss, one she was sure owen was watching on to. one you melted into, sucking her lip in between yours.
⋆˚✿˖° that had been a breaking point, ragged breaths and heated necks as you pulled away. it lead to more excuses with less validity being used when the two of you stared at each other’s lips. stepping down the stairs of the base, eyes catching on someone who just looked like owen. “kiss me,” abby muttered quickly, and you wasted no time to turn your head and fill your nose with the scent of pine as you leaned in.
⋆˚✿˖° the no kissing rule crossed off right before the no touchiness one did, that one had been scribbled off completely when abby began pulling you into her lap in group functions, one soft hand rubbing up against your side as she whispered in your ear, “jus’ for show.”
⋆˚✿˖° just for show of course, but you screamed into your pillow for so long that night you almost thought the walls of your room would crumble down along with the barrier you put between you and the blonde.
⋆˚✿˖° kisses and touchiness turned to nights spent in abby’s room, mornings waking up and having abby’s shirt thrown at your face. “wear that, owen got it for me when we were dating.” sure, you probably should be ashamed to be wearing the clothes of a girl who didn’t like you, but the frown on owen’s face made it worth it.
⋆˚✿˖° that last rule, the one that didn’t have pen strokes over the letters, the one locked behind awkward coughs and side glances, well you weren’t sure who broke it first. you dont know why feelings came into play, but you sure do know it happened.
⋆˚✿˖° you felt it first when abby didn’t talk to you for a few days. you saw her across the stadium with nora, her head tilted back lightly in a laugh at something the other girl said. that was the first time you felt the needle sized ache in your heart, one that only ripped further when owen shoulder checked you on his way by, “better get your girl. she slips away easily.”
⋆˚✿˖° maybe that rule had been broken when abby stormed into your room, met with the sight of you on the couch with some other blonde girl, an old tape of a southern movie mid way through when anderson scoffed and demanded the girl get out. she did so in a hurry, scrambling for her sweatshirt as a frown grew on your lips. “abby what the fuck?” you scoff, watching her eyebrows unfurrow lightly. “you can’t have other girls over! it fucks with our plan,” she accused, though she stumbled lightly over the words. “she’s just a friend, abby.”
⋆˚✿˖° however, the night you sat in your bed, breath heavy and eyes stinging as you broke through the paper with the pen, scratching over the words “no real feelings,” that came in the end of november.
⋆˚✿˖° your head was pressed into abby’s shoulder, yawning and closing your eyes as the movie played on a big sheet, a biweekly occurrence in the WLF base. abby had pressed to your cheek, placing a kiss to it that had some sort of butterfly attack take fruition in your stomach. you two didn’t even know if owen or his friends were around, and they for sure were not the reason of abby’s hand linking into yours as you two walked toward her room later that night. you both seemed to realize that when you reached her door and she leaned forward just lightly, as if to kiss you.
⋆˚✿˖° she cleared her throat, licking over the lips you wanted to capture again. “i think-” she said suddenly, squeezing her eyes closed. “i think owen really believes it now.” you could feel your heart sinking to the empty stomach that laid below your chest, knowing what came next. “i think we should break up.” abby finished, quick to add, “fake break up.”
⋆˚✿˖° you nodded along silently to the story she built still standing in her doorway. miscommunication, arguments, differing plans, the whole shebang— anything to make the breakup believable. you agreed, but the moment her door shut, a half smile and thank you sitting on her lips as the door locked, you felt the tears prick your eyes.
⋆˚✿˖° you wiped quickly at the tears, your hand slapped over the aching chest you swore betrayed you. you sucked in shallow breaths, shaky hands finding your own door as your vision went blurry.
⋆˚✿˖° as your pen broke through the white sheet of paper, you cursed your own heart. you cursed it for being so easy to rip from your chest, presented on a platter for a blonde who only saw it as a fake replica. you threw the notebook across the floor, hand slapping over your mouth so your roommate wouldn’t wake as you sobbed into it. surely you had been the only one to break that rule, but that didn’t matter now.
⋆˚✿˖° but you were wrong. not that you could know that. a five minute walk away, abby breathed out slowly as her fingers scraped though the braid she was undoing, an odd stinging pricked at the corner of her lashes. she knew she did the right thing. she knew it as soon as her lips searched for your own at her doorway tonight. so why did it feel so bad? why did her hands tremble as she pulled out her blanket and climbed under it, squeezing her eyes shut.
⋆˚✿˖° if this was all fake, why did the break up feel so real?
#rins reqs ❀.#abby anderson#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson x you#abby anderson x y/n#abby anderson x fem reader#abby anderson x f!reader#abby anderson fic#abby anderson fanfic#abby anderson fluff
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if you still have your 1k words of kissing satoru pls bestow it to me 🧎🏽♀️i’m grabbing him by the back of his blindfold and making out with him fr
pairing. high schooler!gojo satoru × gn!reader
content. fluff + one kiss, implied that reader is shorter than gojo, somewhat proofread (i hate everything) read slowly!!
sticky-note. IM CRYING the way u worded this ask made me want to write an entirely new thing of making out w gojo 😭 ty for sending this in leeee 🫶
it is no secret that gojo satoru looks like a good kisser.
he’s attentive; one large hand on the small of your back to hold you steady while the other rests on your hip, eyes on you to see if you’ll make the first move. to both his and your dismay, you don’t move a single inch.
“i can’t do it,” you finally say, exasperated, pulling away to quickly hide your face in your hands. you awkwardly twist away from his figure, unable to stand the way that you’re able to see his stupidly pretty eyes through his sunglasses. it infuriates you to no end. “i give up. this is too embarrassing.”
“that’s so mean of you to say,” gojo whines not unsimilar to a toddler, but there is only amusement in his tone as he lightly tugs on the waistband of your pants, trying to get you to turn back around. “shouldn’t you be honored to kiss the one and only gojo satoru?”
“shutupshutupshutup,” you chant, mostly to yourself than to the obnoxious boy behind you. you swat weakly at his hand while trying to ignore the demonic voices in your head.
it is no secret that you’ve liked your classmate for a long while now. as cute and funny (and hot) as gojo is, he is twice as annoying and unpleasant. you swear he makes it his daily goal to get your blood boiling every chance he gets. that is the sole reason why you don’t plan on professing your love anytime soon: due to the fact that shoko will forever be disappointed in you and will never let you live it down if she knew. you don’t even want to think about what utahime would ultimately think of you.
he continues to bug you, “c’mo-on...” you can practically hear him sporting his signature smug grin. “do you really wanna go back to jujutsu high like that and kiss suguru instead?”
at that, you spin around in an instant—a mortified look on your face that further urges you to stab an accusatory finger at his chest. “y-you’re a damn liar! there is no way that there is an actual curse who’s goddamn antidote requires you to kiss someone when you get hit.”
sneakily, he wraps a palm around your wrist but makes no move to push your hand away. “but you just got touched by that cursed spirit, right? doesn’t your skin feel all sticky and itchy, like i mentioned?”
as much as you hate to admit it, you know that he’s right. before the two of you had gotten into the fight in the first place, he warned you not to get hit and the symptoms you would have to face if you did. your skin does feel like you just took a swim in poison ivy, and your head feels dizzy with a sudden migraine that should not be there, since gojo had instantly caught you the moment you faced a hit from the cursed spirit.
“b-but it doesn’t make any sense,” you sputter out, a weak last-minute resort. you really do not want to kiss gojo satoru—at least, not because of a measly curse—and have to hear him blab about it later on to your friends. you rant on, “if such a technique exists, then why didn’t you just kill the thing right away? aren’t you the strongest? why am i even on this mission with you?”
“hey!” he feigns an offended gasp, “are you saying that you don’t like hanging out with me?” he groans and dramatically lays an arm on his forehead, reminding you of a mistress in distress. you stare blankly. “how cruel of you. and besides, just because i’m the strongest doesn’t mean i can kill a first-grade so quickly.”
you keep staring at him with a disapproving look, but he only looks back at you with a joyous glint in his eyes. “...you’re insufferable,” you finally huff out, your hand still in his. but the both of you can hear the undertone of surrounder in your voice.
you stand awkwardly still in front of him for a few solid seconds, narrowing your eyes as he returns your defeated glare with a sheepish smile. you can’t help but sigh to yourself—you’re going to have to prepare yourself for a mouthful from shoko when you both head back.
you let him pull you closer when he tugs at your hand, your other palm moving to rest on his chest to steady yourself. but even then, you don’t get to kiss him until he leans down from that freakishly tall height of his— gently meeting his lips with yours.
it isn’t a quick peck. in fact, it’s a sweet and slow kind of kiss that makes your heart skip a concerningly amount of beats. a free hand of satoru’s moves up to softly cup the back of your head to deepen the kiss. nothing about his movements show that he’s in a rush to get the whole ordeal over with—and as much as you would like to lie and say that you hate it, you can’t help but step forwards to reach him better too.
your mind is in so much of a daze that you don’t even realize that satoru turned his limitless infinity just for you.
when you finally step back into reality and—reluctantly—pull away, gojo is grinning brightly with his sunglasses tucked into his hair. you didn’t even notice that he pushed them up to make the kiss more comfortable for you. however, you do notice that your skin still very much feels uncomfortable on your body and your head is pounding (whether it be from the symptoms or the kiss, you don’t really wanna know).
“you’re so cute,” gojo chuckles unabashedly, laughing again when you avert your gaze with another huff and a warm face. you are more than used to his flirty remarks and his more-than-platonic habits, but somehow it feels more... genuine this time around.
“and gullible,” he suddenly adds, the out of blue comment making you turn back towards him with a raised eyebrow. you squeak out a sound of surprise when he unexpectedly, but gently, pushes your head downwards, his other hand now in your line of sight. you feel more confusion swirling in your head when you see him holding a small vial with some clear, greenish liquid inside of it.
“here’s the real antidote,” gojo casually cheers, and he does not have a single shame in the world. a whole minute seems to pass by until you connect the dots, and when you do, the first thing that pops up in your mind is the thought of absolute murder.
“are you serious?” you practically screech. “you made that whole kiss thing up?”
#i hate him (he deserves to be happy and have everything nice in the world)#gojo x reader#gojo fluff#gojo drabble#im gonna cry#gege when i find you#🤬
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Capt’ Mactavish’s wife *running* out the house for her girls night with ‘09 reader because Johnny can’t keep his hands to himself when she’s dressed up.
She’s taken to a squirt bottle. He was kissing on her neck from behind the couch. Mauling her when she whipped it out the first time. He fell back with an ‘ACK!’ and a loud thud and she’s just like ‘that’s what you get for acting like a horny teen!’
“You were tryin’ for a bairne yea? I’ve been reading up on positions! Lemme show you!” And she’s just like- I’m not going to survive this, am I? “I can pick up where we left off hen! Trust!”
I imagine Captain Mactavish went for a woman who is *younger* than himself. She’s a few years older than Soap, but she grew used to her grizzled ol’ guy and his routine! She’s old at heart now! He couldn’t immediately get it up every 3 minutes. But! He would take longer to cum, so the sessions were more intimate.
Soap? God, she’s not used to this! She needs water! They’re going into 5, 6 rounds and she’s blacking out! But, she doesn’t want to because she’s ‘scared’ he’ll keep going!!! She enjoys his enthusiasm, it’s sweet to see this part of her Johnny that she didn’t get to experience much! but, GOD DAMN *sprays squirt bottle*
…”this a subliminal message lass? This your mind trick to tell me you can squirt? Shit lass! Let’s get on that! Lemme figure it out myself!” Just talking you through the entire thing….
He’s totally asking what the baby names you were looking at were, while balls deep. what your registry looked like as he prods your cervix. Do ya’ have a Pinterest board for what ya’ want the nursery to look like? Add him, please? As he shoots his load deep. “You want a girl, or boy lass? What’re we havin’? Tell me what to give ya.” He cooed as he holds your legs up, elevated so it TAKES.
“I can pick up where we left off hen! Trust!” <- foul. foul foul foul i need him.
Captain MacTavish would totally be the sly type. Oh, the words he whispers into the ears of the ladies should be illegal. I believe he had his fun in his youth and was definitely a little older, but then he saw his wife and said, "Gunnae marry that, I am."
Wife doesn't see the similarities in their pursuit of her because one was suave about it. the other just doesn't care about what he looks like in the eyes of others, and she highkey loves that— just won't admit it.
I love love love that Capt. Soap is passionate when they have sex, but reg Soap is like im gonna get you pregnant, money back guarantee.
"Whadye mean tha' ye need a break? We've jus' begun, bonnie..." he says that 5 rounds in. Pussy is swollen, hole is abused, and she's been stuffed with so much cum it's no longer staying inside even at the angle he has her in to keep it in. She makes a mental note to (ask jeeves) if shooting blanks after finishing multiple times back-to-back is a thing.
She finds squirting embarrassing, as does when her cunt gets air inside but Soap??? Living his best life with it.
"Dinnae be embarrassed, hen, i love it when yer pussy talks back to me." <- this is so embarrassing my face is on fire
He definitely tries to get her to squirt, but he loses all patience because 'Ye just feel so good around my fingers, I cannae wait any longer.'
Soap tells her that his family has twins as he pumps her full of cum, and that he already has a list with names if she wants to go over it sometime later today.
He tells her that he's quit drinking, he's always hydrating, and that he takes his daily vitamins just to give his seed a better chance.
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hear me out - being with newly appointed pro hero bakugou and finding out he's a virgin, slowly introducing him into new things and him, the big bad and scary kastuki bakugou, being a whiny baby in bed 👀
could be a series, could be a drabble, I'm just putting my ideas on the table yk 🤷🏽♀️
(just read this over, and it's so vague and not descriptive 💀 clearly there's a reason I don't write myself but anywaysss)
You’re so real for this.
He confesses to his virginity one night during patrol - on accident of course. You’re his sidekick, maybe a little higher in rank then him. You LOVE to tease him. People call you crazy for it since hes always so close to blasting you to hell but you dont care. The angry flush on his face always does it for you.
“You probably pay for prostitutes all the time Bakugou!” He clicks his tongue dismissively at you, “The hell I do.” “Just admit you’re a devious pervert! I already know! You wanna know how I know? The way you stare at me when I-“ “IM A VIRGIN. THERE ARE NO PROSTITUTES.”
Big mistake on his part, the teasing gets worse. Who knew that the great Dynamite would let his secretary bully him?
“Hey Dynamite, ‘bet you haven’t even kissed anyone yet, huh?” You blurt one day through a giggle. These files were getting boring and having to sit in silence for too long made you antsy. He mumbled something under his breath before continuing to highlight passages through his reading glasses.
You questioned him but he ignored you. You hated being ignored.
You got up and walked over to him, spinning his chair towards you and supporting yourself on his thighs. “Am I right then?” You cooed, inches before his face. He groaned, “Do your fucking work and leave me alone before I fire your ass.”
Your face immediately lights up, “Oh my god! You haven’t!” A red bush infects his cheeks when he looks away. He looks embarrassed and humiliated and you start to feel bad. “Shut the fuck up, I have before.”
You wrap yours arms around his neck and pull him in to your chest. “Its okay~.” And in the split of a second, without even thinking, you connect your lips to his. It was quick, just a small peck.
But Bakugou was HOOKED. his face was blushed and his breathing was picking up.
He would never admit this but he does have a thing for you. He thinks about you a lot. A LOT. In ways that he shouldn’t whilst being your boss. He finds himself at night thinking about all of your words. Your teases and your lingering touches.
He thinks that you brainwashed him, you’re definitely lying about your quirk. Your quirk has to be a love plague type.
Thats why he grabbed your face and shoved his tongue in your mouth. Thats also why he shoved you on his lap and held you there just so he could hump you like a feral bunny until he came all over himself.
Its also why he’s texting you at 2 am with his cock in his hand.
Katsuki: Oi
Y/n: Whats up, boss?
How is he supposed to ask to fuck you? But not right away? But he still wants to touch and fuck you? Also he wants nudes.
This is too confusing.
Y/n: Your dick is probably in your hand right now. Isn’t it?
He’s adding telepathy to you quirk file tomorrow.
Y/n: I’ll help you out. *one attachment*
You sent a picture of your bare, soapy titties. He didn’t think that he could get harder in his hands. His slow and sensual strokes turned hard and fast until he came on himself for the second time today.
Damn it, you were going to be the end of him.
After last night, you both would meet up. It was never planned but always just whenever he would drag you into an enclosed space with a huge hard on.
“Fuck, can you… can we…” You had to squint to see his expression through the darkness of the closet. He was red from the neck to the ears and he breathed in deep, unsteady breaths.
You had already jerked him off once today. He was whining, gripping his desk so hard that it started to chip when he was closed to his high.
“Hmm, I don’t think you’re ready.” You cooed.
He balled up his fists and clenched his teeth at that. “Im not a fucking teenager.” “Yeah well you cum like one.”
Before he could rebuttal you got on your knees. He immediately closed his mouth as you began to unbuckle his belt. “Ill give you something close to it since I’m so nice.”
You whip out his cock so fast his breath hitches. He’s a lot bigger than you’ve ever taken before. You look down to hide the intimidated smile.
He was puddy in your hands as soon as you took the first lap up his cock. You felt his hands tangle in your hair when you finally went down. A moan slipped out before he could catch it when you deep throated him.
Up and down, up and down. His moans got more and more verbal until he started to speak.
“Fuck…. Tellin’ me I can’t fuck you, i- haah- can handle it.”
You panties felt soaked from the dirty words turned insults dropping from his lips. “Fuckin’ tease.” “This is the only thing- haah- you’re good for.”
You could tell he was close; his cock constricted and his knees started to buckle. Suddenly, he grabbed your head and started to face fuck you. All you could do was grab onto his thighs like your life depended on it until he was done.
He moaned loud and long before coming in heavy ropes down your throat. His whole body shook and his eyes rolled back into his head. “Fuuuuuck.”
He refused to move until you swallowed all of his cum. You went into a coughing fit as soon as he freed you from his fat cock.
He bent down and looked you in your clouded eyes. His face flushed and panting, “Thanks.” He uttered awkwardly.
#mha x reader#bakugou headcanons#bakugou katsuki#bakugou x reader#bakugou imagine#katsuki x reader#bakugou thirst#bakugou smut#bakugo x reader#mha smut
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10 Minute Power Hour Starters
"You gotta warn me because I was just about to yell 'Remember who made you cum?' and how embarrassing would that shit have been?"
"We've got ____ here. Can you believe it?"
"Alright, shut the fuck up, everybody."
"No, not the stegosaurus!"
"Oh! We're giving samples. I've done this before."
"Can you Urkel your way to a win?"
"I don't love this."
"Glug glug glug, now I'm drunk."
"WOO! Show us how it's done, baby!"
"It's what all the kids on youtube are doing."
"Where is this piece? Did you steal my piece?"
"Bro, I'm killing it."
"Am I right, the youth?"
"You didn't even savor the peelies."
"You just ripped it off like a barbarian."
"Sizzle sizzle, baby bitch."
"It's gonna be really dramatic and cool!"
"I don't want a pumpkin growing in my belly."
"What a fool he is, to get wood confused with food items."
"I told my mom to help me clean it up and she said 'no thank you'."
"___ said I look like the floor of an arcade."
"My heart is beating so fast right now."
"Spin the wheel, you bitch."
"We're visible to lots of people, but it feels great to be truly seen by someone special."
"Well, not like my BEST best friend but he's definitely in that class."
"That's too much plastic crap."
"You look like something they'd serve at 2 in the morning at iHop."
"I feel like i just came back from a mythical creature bukake."
"This is what the ladies are into. A big ol brain horn of goo."
"I'm an ex-man. Which means I used to be a man."
"Yeah you won. Everyone's great. Three people need to go to the hospital but hooray you won."
"Thanks for invalidating my win, dude. I worked hard for this."
"You popped which means you are legally obligated to not stop."
"Please. No laughter."
"I feel you should've said something."
"I has bro! Do you has bro??"
"Well, I think you get double points for that."
"You got a serious buttchin and you need to admit it and use it!"
"YOU DID THIS!"
"We're losin it. We're losin it! ___, we're losin it!"
"This shirt's better now."
"No don't! ___, fucking, god damn it!"
"That was the most legit anger I've heard out of you in so long."
"Why is it filled with chestnuts?! And a lemon!"
"Thanks for celebrating my birthday. This was really fun and not depressing."
"Hold on! I have to do some research."
"Jesus. Reginald. Christ."
"You did it! It's a nightmare."
"What do you think? You think i look sexy?"
"Am i out kissin vandals and vagrants?!"
"Imagine I'm rubbing your thighs."
"I'm going to open a tube of goo now."
"You're a sucky friend!"
"I'm doing all of the colors, you fuck!"
"I know what makes green! Magic and jesus!"
"Oh cool! It looks not that great!"
"It looks like somebody's pancreas exploded over here."
"Anyone wanna be on camera?"
"Drink it, you armadillo."
"Have you witnessed me?"
"Ew, ewww- EEEWWW!"
"Nooo, I don't wanna be the hulk anymore."
"There we go. That's a big boy."
"Are you gonna attack or are you too scared?"
"Admittedly you wield a lot of power that I was not aware of."
"It makes magic fun!"
"That's not what I wanted at all."
"I feel like a cat that just fell in the bathtub."
"YES! Eat the worms!"
"Early 2000s is retro?"
"What is the best time of day to shake a baby?"
"Oh no! It's making the connection that I'm it's mother!"
"We dont have all day. Im becoming sterile wearing these jock straps."
"So you can stick your little emoji faces in here when you write your diary about how much God has betrayed you."
"That is one of the worst shirts I've seen in my life. Put it on."
"What? Oh, I suppose you want to KISS about it?!"
"I dunno. I guess cuz I'm an asshole."
"What do you mean 'is that really what it looks like'? It looks magical!"
"In this world we must all tilt.... But we also a-whirl."
"Look around you. All you see is death and chaos... Here is a kirby."
"Every birthday is like the grim reaper moving one peg on the abacus of your life."
"Everytime I try to solve it i'm just making things worse. Which is just an analogy for my life."
"I was brewin' in the nutsack of an older man."
"It was like having Chuck-e-cheese right in your house."
"The ooze doesn't smell great."
"Parents killed each other to get this thing."
"I threw up a lot more in the 90s than I do now."
"It's about to erase your memory."
"____, Im so sorry, but there's something your mother and I have to tell you."
"It's not your fault! Don't ever think it's your fault!"
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hiii giving you an excuse to talk about your bill because i also like him a lot and know your pain about never being able to talk about him. so heres your divine excuse to ^-^ i wanna hear
AAAA YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE this will be VERY LONG and VERY RAMBLY so like u asked for this (thank u btw ur my first ask)
man idek where to like start :,D
(should note that this is mainly a modern rendition but sometimes i picture us in his world too so it goes either way, really :3)
if you want me to elaborate on anything then just lmk! (that goes for anyone who wants to)
OH OH ok so i’ve been REALLY getting into the band sleep token and there’s like 4 songs that remind me of him and as a result CANNOT stop listening to them (namely rain, give, mine, and telomeres - i highly recommend them!)
bill will listen to just about anything music wise but has a particular soft spot for things like blues, country, and some older rock like billy joel (also really likes soul and r&b like h.e.r. and muni long but will never admit it) — but generally, in his eyes, if it’s a good song it’s a good song, regardless of genre or artist.
he’s even more open with food, like, he will eat anything in front of him even if he doesn’t like it - just how he was raised. he doesn’t have any set favourites besides some southern classics (he will eat 25 servings of mac n cheese in one sitting if u let him)
i on the other hand am VERY iffy with food and find it hard to eat a lot of things, but we know each other so well now that bill will just eat off my plate sometimes (with consent ofc)
he’s not the best cook but is an absolute GRILL MASTER. all gang cookouts are held at his place (and pearson can’t decide if that’s insulting or not)
we spend like 90% of our time just relaxing together, but he does boxing on the weekends to (and i quote) ‘’stay strong for his lady’’
very protective, ABSOLUTELY the jealous type - not in a toxic way, just a bit grumpy sometimes (as always, this is bill we’re talking about)
he’s SO pleasant to be around. we have the same awful humour, the same love languages (we’re both so touch starved that we cling to each other like a curse)
he can be a bit a of a bastard with all the playful teasing but i do the same so it’s an even battleground. i can call him stupid and it’s fine, anyone else does and im THROWING HANDS (and so will he, probably) — and in turn, he’s the only one who can call ME stupid or HE will throw hands while i cry in the corner LMAO
the modern stuff doesn’t have very specific lore, just some cross-dimensional shenanigans. most of it is just based around my actual day-to-day and how i think we’d be living together — but i have a bunch of little aus! got a goth one, got a biker one (one of my personal faves), got a gender bend one because i’ll be damned if bill can’t ALSO be my girlfriend
when i imagine us in the red dead universe i refuse to let him have the bad ending he gets canonically - my funky little brain says that everyone’s healthy and happy in a little ranch or settlement somewhere because that’s what EVERYONE deserves (except micah)
i know most people view him as gay, but i personally headcanon him as pansexual and into everyone regardless of gender because I feel like that fits him quite well
he really is quite loveable, just sometimes he has trouble showing it - but he’s getting better. his ‘i love you’s come out as random hugs, random compliments, and endearing nicknames (as embarrassing as it is i imagine his go-to is calling me bunny :3)
we’re both kinda insecure so sometimes we have a back-and-forth but it’s compliments. i’ve been telling him every day that he’s wonderful and amazing and the best and that his belly’s one of my favourite things and i will DIE on that hill idc how much he complains.
ik that if he was reading the above paragraph he’d look at me and go ‘’BUT YOU COMPLAIN LIKE THAT TOO’’ and yk what he’s right - but that’s why we have each other
our relationship is very healing for the both of us. we both get the love we need and deserve after being deprived of it for so long, and genuinely we’re happier for it. i got out of a lot really bad habits thanks to him, and i’ve been doing my best to help him too <3
#f/o#f/o x s/i#bill williamson#selfship#I ADORE HIM#there’s so much stuff i wanna add#but if i did then it’d take 50 years to read
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dee's january 2024 fic recs
ok so. i thought i'd do a fic rec list every month this year of just my favourite fics that got bookmarked in the month (not necessarily written in the past month) that had just passed... i was a bit busy for the past few days but FINALLY i got the chance to sit down so!!
(if you want to play fic roulette here's some blind links otherwise!! enjoy under the cut
1 2 3 4 5 6)
3:30 by sevenfists
pairing: sidney crosby/evgeni malkin rating: E words: 11k summary: Napping with Sid would be inconvenient, embarrassing, and more than a little gay, and maybe Zhenya was a little gay, but he didn’t need to advertise it.
i LOVE "oh this thing we do together has become a routine now we Have to do it before games" fics and you should too!! this one is So cute i love it....
waiting for confessions of love by catchingpapermoons
pairing: jamie drysdale/trevor zegras/mason mctavish rating: M words: 41k summary: “I’ll be so real with you, man,” Trevor says, pulling back. “I had no fucking idea you liked dudes.”
one thing about me is that i am an absolute sucker for miscommunication and will love it at all costs and this fic DELIVERS!!!! and so well!!
high into the blue by idday
pairing: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: T words: 10k summary: Lieutenant John Eichel of the United States Navy – Boston to his squadron and Jack to the people who matter – is reckless and cocky and too smug for his own damn good. But even Connor has to admit that the boy can goddamn fly. (Captain Connor McDavid, Royal Canadian Air Force, is by the book in the worst way, conservative and careful and liable to get himself killed out there. Jack shouldn’t be impressed by him. He really shouldn’t.)
when i tell you i SCREAMED when i got the notif for this fic and then immediately went and watched top gun.,.... if you know me you know anything idday puts out i literally eat up like mceichel is the only thing that will ever sustain me ever again and this was NO exception,,,, always a pleasure to be able to experience an idday fic is what i say
play your heart out by ribena
pairing: leon draisaitl/connor mcdavid rating: M words: 4k summary: Connor loses his heart. Leon finds it for the both of them.
oughh./.. ouhhh.... what even to say.... clutches my heart (lol)...... beautiful..... i literally screamed cried went through it..... please read like literally begs you
nobody wins afraid of losing by adelphenium
pairing: tyler bertuzzi/dylan larkin rating: E words: 12k summary: It’s been almost a year since the first trade. It’s been just a few weeks since they last saw each other, facing off on the ice here in Toronto. In all the months since the Boston run, Tyler’s done nothing but read Dylan’s texts from the notifications bar like a sad and filthy sack of shit, too weak not to feel a thrill whenever a Saw that goal, what a beauty berts or a Hope you’re sleeping ok came through. Or: Tyler and Dylan during the 2024 bye week.
"hey you bookmarked this one on december 31st" IM PUTTING IT IN JANUARY!!!!! PLEASE READ THIS FIC!!!!! not only did jamie adelphenium write it but its just. it has shaped the way i view tyler bertuzzi and sparked a love for mr hockey butt himself..... what a good fic yall please read
reserve your ardors by wrightsworth
pairing: jamie benn/tyler seguin rating: E words: 9k summary: Jamie was in over his head. He had been out of his depth for months if he was being honest, ever since he picked Seggy up from the airport that first time in the humid Dallas air and his Omega genes decided to make themselves known, and loudly.
it wouldnt be me without some good old bennguin and RAHH pining and omegaverse and unrequited-requited and miscommunication like what else could you want in a fic its so good
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Also a lil more elaboration on this post from the OG guy in the system who talks this shit but it's also important to know when adopting radical self acceptance is that being a fucking idiot and a coward and crap literally has no inherent "oh Im a good or bad or cool or lame" person on it's own
Literally everyone is stupid in their own way and literally everyone has the things they are scared to deal with and face from time to time. I'm a part very dissociated from the concept of fear and my brain converts it fast to other shit, but I do fear letting myself down - both as a part and as a part ofba system - and doing harm by the few I deeply respect; momentarily I am prone to being scared of having my shit taken - trauma crap
That shits literally normal, being scared of shit is literally a completely normal and natural thing across almost all animal species (some argue all). There is no personal judgement attached to literally any feeling on its own.
The difference is whether you can look at that feeling and say "damn I'm scared and that a sucks ass feeling" and actually accept, address and deal with that feeling - or if you are going to deny-deny-deny.
And that isn't to say "Oh you are a stupid coward for wanting to deny it" because again, it is OK to admit you are scared and not ready to deal with something. That takes huge fucking balls to admit. If you aren't ready to deal with it, cool man that's fine, but do take a moment to actually affirm that with yourself - that CURRENTLY in the moment you are not ready to deal with it.
That is not "running away from it like a coward" that is acknowledging the truth of your current state and leaving space for it.
If you can get comfortable admitting that you are too scared to do something right now, you are inherently - in subtext - letting yourself know that 1) you accept that you are scared and it is a real thing about you that you are willing to embrace but also 2) that as much as that is a truth of your current state, that it is just that - a current state.
There literally is no shame or inherent judgement to be found in a feeling alone. Feelings alone don't mean shit. Feelings alone LITERALLY don't mean SHIT. It's how you handle and act in regards to them both internallyvwith yourself and externally with others that determines if you are being cringe (derogatory) or cringe (affectionate) and sorry not sorry, every action you do there will be someone who thinks you are cringe so theres no escaping being cringe WHILE being your authentic self.
Anyways, building radical self acceptance is a hard thing to do so I got mad respects for anyone building it. Most of the system doesn't get it yet either and so I get how hard it is and all.
I actively basically bully and harrass Riku about it 24/7 7 days a week 52 weeks a year for the past 3 years until they get it into their dumb skull. And while I call them a fuckin dumbass, I am pretty proud of how casually and readily they have learned to admit when they are being "a coward" which is easier verbage for them than outright saying "scared" which I'll take.
But honestly, get in touch with your vulnerable "not cool" parts of yourself that you are embarrassed about and just get used to stating it as it is. Those vulnerable and embarrassing aspects are only as embarrassing and insecure as you let them be. If you hide them and try to keep people from seeing it, of course you are going to feel scared to let others see it, of course you are going to feel insecure, and of course you aren't going to be confident when anything relating that comes up out of fear of your insecurity showing.
It's self assassination honestly. Judging your emotions and internal experiences like they mean anything other than a reflection of your current self and what you need us just not productive.
But I digress. Its a complicated and difficult thing to build and work on and itll always be more nuanced and specific to the individual than I can ever chart out in a casual ramble on some of my life philosophies and principles on shit.
So take home message? Try to stop judging your feelings and just, ya know, have them. They may suck but its just how it is in the moment and the moment can always change.
#alter: xiv#ramble#xiv rambles#emotional processing#ep rambles#yeah im an ep#recovery#healing#radical self love#radical self acceptance
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etho's limlife #5 pov liveblog
oh good. bdubs is just. here.
not the boogeyman. so my initial supposition was incorrect [squints]
uhmmm the group screenie moment with bdubs halfway up a ladder to look shorter 😭 goodbye.
"i'm washed up at pvp, i don't know the answers to these questions anymore" WAAAAAAH
"the BITES lawncare service" HELP LOL
this post
WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE BAD BOYS. WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN ALL OF THIS.
"if they ask me why we did it, i have no clue, to be honest (laughs)" GHGNFNF. (from between gritted teeth, affectionately) i can't stand you.
SCREAM i am dying at Etho crouching in the water elevator listening to jimmy monologue to his commenters. "wait, where are you??" PLEASE.
...shrieker in the TIES base. 🫵🏻 Cleo.
"why does everybody call me a traitor?!" "you put a shrieker in our base!" "(laughs) oh, yeah, Mom told me to do that." SEE. CLEO.
"i love it when we're pranked by people who don't know how things work" pfffft damn tango go off
obsessed w Etho apparently immediately sniffing out the bad boys in TIES' base. "this is just embarrassing at this point" to hysterical laughter from the BBs. j'adore.
"Jimmy. you're a BAD BOY." "i'm a very bad boy." 🥴🥴🥴
tell me the bad boys are not wearing priest skins. like i'm sure they're supposed to look like regular suits but THEY LOOK LIKE PRIESTS i'm. this is. hm
deviation for. this post
"i would be here all the time if it was allowed!" "you're allowed. you could be a Clocker." IMMEDIATELY LOOKS AT BDUBS. "i could, couldn't i" in the softest voice. i am ripping up my pillow with my teeth.
SORRY. BDUBS PLACING TNT AND CLEO AND SCAR JUMPING AWAY WHILE ETHO'S JUST LIKE "this is nice 😌". IM CLAWING AT MY OWN FACE.
"i especially like that Cleo's been quiet. that's my favourite part of this whole supper." first of all it's dinner not supper you Canadian fuck (/aff), SECONDABLE you are. really going hard on the "not afraid of Cleo anymore" exposure therapy today sir. i love it keep going
KIDS DO YOU WANT TO GO PLAY CATCH RIGHT NOW. SITS DOWN AND WATCHES INTENTLY. HI ANON I AM THINKING OF YOUR OUT OF CONTEXT SPOILERS RN.
fucking JCNCKFNCKDNCKF. insults Cleo, fails to find the button to the iron door, gets slapped for his troubles. I AM EATING SO GOOD RN
bro i. my mouth is open. jaw is flapping. this is some roleplay all right. also i love being right, there are TNT minecarts involved which means this is going to end Horribly.
IM SCREAMING. I WATCHED THAT BACK LIKE FIVE TIMES. there are literal tears in my eyes that was funnier than i possibly could ever have anticipated. AND ALSO BOTH OF THEM DIED IM FUCKING CACKLING.
i feel like i can HEAR Etho wondering if he'll need to edit out Scar's "banging" comment LMFAO
aaddhdnckfkg Joel's "ETHO?! disgusting" after Scar tattled on him in chat HELLO?
??????????? Scar crits him like. at least twice when they go back inside and Etho's just. so blasé about it. "he's going through his angsty teenage phase, i should leave" and Scar LETS HIM. the dynamics here are confusing me. i need to watch Scar's video. (i will confess to not keeping up with the Clockers since the first couple of episodes since Bdubs isn't uploading 😔)
Grian's "WHAT?!" after Etho admitted he didn't know why he blew up the bridge made me go into a coughing fit i laughed so hard. don't smoke, kids /srs
"i still have your sword, so if you ever need something from me—" sicko ha ha yessss dot jpeg. GIVE ME GRITHOOOOOO
bdubs crouching in a corner pointing a crossbow at Etho with his shield up and Etho is Still having a casual conversation. WHAT ARE THE DYNAMICS HERE?!
sorry, are you telling me. that Scott heard Etho say "uhhhh....yep" LIKE THAT in response to his question about whether that spot was how you access the farm loot and STILL WENT DOWN THERE? i'm also shocked that Martyn wasn't like "what do you mean, "tell them""
GODDAMMIT. who triggered it. i wanted to see that dynamic shift so bad.
KCNCMFMFM he is SO BAD at lying. it was a good decision to interrogate Jimmy first to confirm the Mean Gills' findings bc i don't think that man can tell when someone is lying to him Ever.
the unconvincing "whaaaat"s when Etho then goes to Joel & Grian 😭😭😭😭😭😭
OH GOD THAT FISHING ROD SNAG SCARED ME TOO. their little giggles 😭
NOT THE RED HOT PANTS, SKIZZ
uhm. episode conclusion: Etho is the Disneyland Dad™.
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Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask (Answered)
I"m not even gonna wait for anyone to ask bcuz this bitch is gonna answer them NOW
I wait for no one 😤
Keep reading if you wanna see my answers!
I nominate @xxsabitoxx, @magoliaomega, @yurmomsawh0r, and all my other writer moots to answer all these as well, CUZ I WANNA KNOW WAT YALL HAVE TO SAY
😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?
All of my old Doushino fics lmao, I like the base storyline I did for all of them, but my writing was so shitty back then and I cringe looking back at them now. Ireally really wish I could just rewrite them but Ik some people would literally shit their pants if i deleted them so im stuck
🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?
I have a kink for apology/angst scenes haha, if couldn't already tell from my past works. It's just something that I feel everyone thrives for, especially myself, where the love interest apologizes for all their wrong doings and admits that they long for yn's forgiveness and love. Mama is a heart throb
🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?
Any scene with shinobu in my Gamer Giyu fic "The Perfect Date". I tried to make her as funny as possible in that one, and believe me, there were plenty more funny moments of her in my draft for that fic that I ended up having to cut out bcuz I felt it drew away from the plot too much. Oh how I wish to make a fic just for her lol
😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?
I like to make the love interests assholes sometimes, just to piss you guys off hehe, everytime they do something shitty that makes you hella sad, just know that it was me 😈
✍ Do you have a beta reader?
I don't unfortunately, I kinda just go read over it myself a couple times to check for mistakes but thats pretty much it. Ngl lie though, I am kinda interested in having someone else proofread for spelling mistakes and plot holes, any takers 👀 preferrably someone who's talented with that sort of thing haha
🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.
I always enjoy a good simile and metaphor here and there, not really sure about themes... love at first sight maybe? enemies to lovers? tsundere? I like sad fics as well that have happy endings, I will never, ever do a completely sad ending, i just don't like them and they leave a bad taste in my mouth
🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?
Dog, I dont even knooooooooooow, i think all of my fics are pretty straight forward and tame. Maybe Regrettable? All of my super crazy fics are still in production so we'll just wait and see, but for drafts rn, my "No Escape" (Sanemi x Reader) series is gonna be hella crazy, so just you wait
✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉
My fav thing about my writing is probably my dialogue, i think I write pretty appropriate dialogue. I try my damn hardest not to make the characters cringe and to make them relatable so I hope I've done a good job with that
💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?
Ngl, I kinda hate them. Kissing is nice and all but i write smut yall, i got bigger things to worry about than smooching. Now virginity loss fics are a whole nother story, bcuz i can actually make it enjoyable unlike real life 😭 Shitty first time gang arise ✊
🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?
Nope, I bask in silence, maybe some white noise in the background sometimes? Music distracts me too much
🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?
I use my notes app on my phone to make my outlines, google for thesaurus, and an online word counter for the final word count
⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?
Yup, for those who remember, I was working on a fic called Night and Day about Kyo x stepsister reader who was living with him. Originally I had him as a yandere, obsessive person with reader being uninterested in him and the fic being non-con, but I ended up scrapping the whole thing and changing it to be a fluff fic with reader living with kyo, reader having a crush on him, and slowly the two grow closer, with tons and tons of angst and sadness. The original outline for the non-con fic is on my patreon if anyone would like to see the poor thing, it had 8 chapters outlined too haha. what a waste.
🙋♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?
Only 1 ☝️ I'm pretty sure i've mention her before, my friend sam? We used to read a ton of fanfics and watch anime growing up so she's the only person i've ever told since she understands the field, and i am never gonna tell anyone else 😭I would literally die, my group at college doesn't even watch anime
🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?
Either Perfect Date or Regrettable
🍷 Do you drink and write?
Hehe no, I do smoke and write sometimes though
🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?
My Little One if I remember correctly
🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?
I usually like to write at night after I've finished all of my hw, right before bedtime :)
💖 What made you start writing?
I had a ton of idea for fics but didn't want to spend my days requesting all of them so I just wrote them myself, I write so much shit already for school, so I just said fuck it, lets ball
💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?
I thrive off of them ❤️🔥 I frame every single comment on my wall ngl
❌ What's a trope you will never write?
Cheating. Not sure if thats a trope but i kinda feel it is in some fics where reader or love interest cheats, the one who got cheated on gets revenge sex with another party, and then they get back together. I just hate it and it hurts my feeling and turns me off
💲 Would you ever open commissions?
Of course! After I finish all of my requests I'm gonna get that started hopefully and use the money to buy hot figurines 🥵
🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?
Sometimes, it depends on the fic. I usually just look up time period stuff so that things are close to accurate
🏆 What's your most popular fic?
My Little One
🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?
I love halloween fics, they are scarily hot
🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?
YUP, @magoliaomega has perfectly written part 2 for two of my fics, reading her gifts is so eerie bcuz they were exactly wat i would've wanted for the sequel and I love her for for it, she is literally god
🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?
I've never gotten any but I would love to, fan art is awesome
📈 How many fics do you have?
Uhhhh like 20 I think?
🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?
I usually outline but I'm kinda thinking ab stopping bcuz my best fics were written without any preparations so well see.
👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!
Girl Imma talk about I'm Yours, my upcoming series ab alpha kyo and omega fem reader. I am sosososoosososossosos excited for this one yall have no idea. I've already mapped out the chapters and plot and everything. Im currently working on chapter two and just cant wait to get this shit done so i can post everything. I'm just excited to add to the very small pile of kny omegaverse fics and hopefully the series will inspire more abo creations for demon slayer. Another work I'm excited ab is a collab im doing with a fellow bestie 😏 I wont name any names or say wat the fic is ab but hopefully well get the fic done sometime next year, really excited to work with her on this!
🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?
I would start off with headcannons, then short scenes, then one-shots, then multi-chapter. I went backwords from this list and i wish i didnt haha. theres nothing wrong with doing it out of that order of course, I just think its the best way to build up skill and get a hang of things. Also dont be afraid to take breaks! burning urself out will lead to depression babes
💞 Who's your comfort character?
Shinobu ❤️ she was the first girl I wrote for in demon slayer and she's always held a special place in my heart
🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.
Can't really answer this one lmaoooooo, so ill choose a random headcannon I have, Shizu taught Sanemi how to cook and he always helped her make meals for the family
🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?
Kyojuro, my love. He is so pure, I wanna suck the soul outta him
🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?
Mitsuri was obviously upset.
One day was fine. Two was pushing it. Three was a little concerning. Four was a lite search. Five was thorough detective work. And six was a breakdown. By day seven, today, she was still bawling in her pillow, wondering where-oh-where you’d gone.
Meanwhile, you hardly had time to worry about your concerning absence with a dragon on you at all times of the day. During the rare moments you weren’t getting knotted or eaten out, you were getting bathed, fed, or hushed to sleep. Similar to Kanroji, you too were sobbing into your bedding - but your reason being your cunt getting ravaged hourly. The pleasure was still incredibly mind-blowing, but your pussy was so fucked raw and puffy that you were sore beyond belief from the mating session. You had misunderstood that section in the book. You’d thought a week-long initial rut meant only occasional couplings, like a sort of honeymoon phase.Nope. Every waking moment was spent hanging off his knot and getting filled to the brim with his seed. Hereallywanted babies. And he was likely going to get them, even if it wasn’t your fertile week. You doubted his sperm would take no for an answer, honestly...
“Are you tired, my love?”
You moaned as he pulled on the lock and replied in a cracked voice. “Ye-eess.”
With one more tug, his knot was pulled free. You came painfully one final time before a flood of spunk gushed down your legs. Kyojuro flipped you over to your back and set you down onto the part of the nest that wasn’t caked in sin.
He kissed your forehead as you panted. “Our rut is done, little one. You did wonderfully, I’m so proud - you may rest now,” he whispered and laid next to you. You sighed and groaned, “Finaallyyyy.” He chuckled.
“Tomorrow we will bring your things here and anything else you may need. Your friends and family will understand, I’m sure.” You eyes shot open and you remembered them.
“Oh my god!”
Lil snippet from My Sweet Kitten (Mitsuri x Dragon Iguro) My Little One Part 2 hehe
😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?
Any of my non-con lmao, I think they would kill me tbh, but I heard that kinks were hereditary so this is their fault
🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?
If people ask for a part 2, even though I wont write one hehe
�� What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?
Breeding kink, I have needs. Also pet names (baby, sweetheart, my love, darling, princess, ect)
📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?
Maybe as a side career, I'm not getting a degree in my field of study just to write smut all day lmaooo, i enjoy having writing as my hobby and dont want to have it bare the burden of being my main source of income, it would stress me too much
⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?
It depends honestly, if I'm really inspired and horny, it takes less time. My Little One took me only 3 days to write cuz i was so pent up haha, requests take longer tho bc i have a specific plot and terms to stick to, along with anxieties about whether or not the requester will approve wat i've produced, so those usually take me a couple weeks to a month
🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?
Action. That shit is hard. I don't think i could ever write a fight scene ever
💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?
Not the ones i have currently but the ones i have in the works are extremely heartbreaking, i cried a little writing some of them
💥 How do you feel about criticism?
It depends on the type of criticism. I appreciate it if its about errors in my writing since i still have some growing to do in that department. But there has been some drama ab the things I write ab that people find...distasteful. If you don't like what I write ab, leave, dont waste my time pretending to be a mutual, I write for me not you. Some of yall have some real mean girl mentalities and need to grow tf up, this isn't fucking highschool. Im glad for thei experience tho bcuz it's taught me how to deal with negative people better. On the more constructive side of things tho, if you see errors like plotholes, devices, or grammar in my fics, please tell me! I miss shit sometimes and appreciate the help to better my work
🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?
#Smut. LMFAOOO
🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?
I looooove reader interactions! I wanna know what people think and what they would like to see next. I also love requests but I've learned that they are harder than they look lmao. I just worry ab disappointing readers sometimes. I want you guys to enjoy it too!
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡
1. My partner! We're getting married soon! ☺️ She's so creative and funny, and I hope she gets the chance to wield tat power the way she wants. And she's so much smarter than she realizes. She can see the whole picture of a thing in a way I never could. Like when we're making plans, I might have opinions on the specific facts of a choice we're making, but she always picks up on how the effects of that one choice will cascade through the day. I hope that makes sense?
2. Tech. It's a love/hate relationship, but I really do like all the knick knacks and bits and bobs. It wasn't always about Brands desperate to learn everything about you to sell you a nickel for a dollar. There was an endless well of friendly people and the answer to every question I could ask (answered correctly or not). The Internet should be a messy jungle, and every device you own should open freely for your inspection.
3. Video games! God I used to feel so embarrassed about it as a kid. It's normal now, and as an adult I can surround myself with Zelda paraphernalia all day. I love seeing the way people tell stories or create experiences. Lately I've been getting into Devlogs on YouTube from various indie devs. I may never play all these games, but I love hearing someone talk about some complex problems and how they solve it. Or watching them explain the experience they're trying to create and how they cram it into the misshapen box of their chosen game engine.
4. My cat. I'll admit I have a favorite out of ours. We got my cat from this ass off the street who was threatening to release her in the midst of a record snowstorm. I resisted keeping her. But she was quarantined before we could bring her to the vet, and Im not heartless. So I go in to comfort this sad little thing, who's hiding in the tub. She laid in my lap and hid her little head inside my hoodie pocket, and it was over for me. She's too big for that now, but she still loves hanging out in the bathtub. Sometimes you walk by the bathroom and see her eyes gleaming in the dark from over the lip of the tub. And you go, "fine, fine," and go sit down in the tub and she chirps and starts purring like a motor. Ugh my heart.
5. Tabletop gaming. It's so intrinsic to my being. It got me talking to people in college. It gave me friends in a strange new city. It's a form of creative expression. As a GM, it's a little bit of control I get to exert over my own life. Not (or hopefully not) as a power fantasy thing. But as in, my choices matter in that context. My opinions feel important. Nobody who can change a damn thing will ask my opinion on the war of the day, but I can gather 3-6 of my closest friends and craft an experience where everyone is looking forward to asking my opinion. And it's social! I'm introverted and awkward I've made my peace with that. It's really really good to have this social circumstance where I am in absolute control. Of course it helps that they're all friends I trust, and I'm practiced enough to not be anxious in my role. But I love gathering together in this creative, safe, friendly zone and playing games or complaining about the day or whatever else. It's good for the soul.
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im so ashamed actually!!!!!!!!!!! so terribly ashamed i feel like the most disgusting person in the world, cuz thats how intense my brain works it thinks like. oh have yr friends ever called furries weird or implied they thought furries were weird? that means they think you are weird which means they basically want nothing to do with you you should kill yourself NOW!!!!!! i said damn bitch!!!!!! god forbid a man be passionate about. things.
it really is just cuz it has nothing to do with them i think thats one of the core reasons, its completely unrelated and i dont think theyd be interested so... do not RISK IT. maybe im selfish, i just.. i cant stand the thought of something i do being unappealing to them, i cant stand the thought of them looking away. any little thing could be a huge thing!!!! could be the worst thing ever actually could be the end of all things could ruin this
do i think being a furry is going to ruin my relationships? realistically, no. why would it? ive ALWAYS been a furry artist, so.. why am i so scared? sorry if you have to see this its very VERY embarrassing but LORD i am not winning the mental illness rn dear god
its like my head constantly makes hurdles for itself, but like. FOR OTHER PEOPLE. like okay.. they dont hate you cuz yr trans, cool cool... they dont hate you cuz yr have bpd, surprisingly!!!! alright. they dont hate you cuz yr fat, right.. but heres this NEW thing, they SURELY will hate you cuz you draw anthros like you are FUCKED say goodbye to everything dipshit. erm........... whats it gonna be next? theyll hate yr taste in fictional men, thatll do it!!! theyll hate yr music taste, theyll hate you for yr mental illness (not that one, the other one. they were fine with that one but THIS one theyll hate you for surely)
it pisses me off too, i KNOW my friends are good people. i dont seriously THINK that of them, i dont think theyre vicious and waiting to toss me away at any turn but... im still scared of it. i said it before, im scared ill be the one to bring that out of them like im somehow SO terrible ill make the best people ive ever met turn on me like that. FOR DRAWING FURRIES? are you actually stupid (yes)
i cant blame myself too much im. doing the best i can im unmedicated untherapied im . IM DOING PRETTY GOOD for someone whos been carrying several weird ailments and still just chugging along, i manage my symptoms when i can i do my best!!! but fighting yr own brain is FUCKING HARD... why is bro sabotaging me? why is it making me impulsive and scared like that? stupid quit it!!!! i got furries to draw i MISS IT SO MUCH I MISS MY GUYS. IM JUST... im a coward!!!!! i cant ever be like. well so what, who cares what they think? ME BITCH I CARE WHAT THEY THINK.. i hear everything they say, i remember all the things they say they like and dont like, and i internalize it subconsciously. they think this is weird and they personally dont like it? alright well you dont have much of an opinion on it OR you do actually like it so thats BAD we need to cut that shit immediately you will feel SHAME for something harmless cuz you think itll make them keep you longer
dont you get tired of it? YEAH i get real fuckin tired of it. so many times ive tried to like.. force myself back into what i love but as embarrassing as it is to admit, in my head their opinion on things is greater than my own. i struggle with putting people on a pedestal and ive actually been doing REALLY WELL with that like no they are my equals they are my best friends i love them i give them kiss but. The Horrors 💀 like i said it all comes out of fear, fear of being rejected and left to DIE ALONE IN THE COLD. do i think thatll ever happen? no!!! but do i fear it? absolutely. its less of like 'i see you as better than me' and more of 'im afraid to disappoint you and make you leave' which i feel like is pretty standard for someone like me
WHATEVERRR i should stop being such a litle bitch about it, ill try. i just hate feeling like everything i do is a test, i hate feeling so unsure about myself, if i move too fast itll shatter. it wont!!!! relax 🙄
#this is long im just#it helps me to talk this out with myself#im alright im just VOICING SOME#BRAIN ISSUES#as one does
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