#and now he has a new BEST FRIEND
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VIERAPRIL 【第 8 天】 RELINQUISH
Love is letting go of fear Love is letting go of doubt Love is letting go of chains That tie your spirit down ♪
feat. Qara's bff @claire-ashe
#ffxiv screenshots#gposers#vierapril#prompt: relinquish#ffxiv viera#viera#he let go of fear#and now he has a new BEST FRIEND#claire ashe#garlic alert#she's still coming to terms with that#qara and garleans don't usually mix#qara wen
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The pitch for Buffy The Vampire Slayer was probably just “What if there was a girl who could kill vampires. And she can Never Catch A Fucking Break”
#Goes to a new school? It’s on the mouth of hell!#Trip to the zoo? Your friend just got possessed by a hyena spirit!#Have a parent-teacher meeting? Blond Twink (second most dangerous vampire in history) shows up and your mom hits him with an axe!#Got a new boyfriend who seems totally normal? He’s actually part of an underground military operation where he is fed drugs on the regular!#Have a little sister? Wrong! She’s actually The Key and is not your sister at all. And a Hell God wants her ritually sacrificed#New teacher? Nope she’s actually a fucking bug and she tries to breed with and eat your friend#Die and finally be at peace? Lol nope you’ve been revived. And that Blond Twink can do damage to you now#Your best friend just got back together with her gf? Gf immediately got shot and now your best friend is trying to end the world#Living a relatively calm life? The Blond Twink is back and has lost his fucking marbles. Also the very concept of Evil wants to square up#It’s so fucking funny in retrospect but I feel so bad for her#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#buffy summers#buffy anne summers
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Pokémon Masters EX spoilers ahead!
Kabu likes to play TAG with his pokemon... and he's shown to have a much softer side beneath his strictness in pokemas too... he's so grandpa-shaped to me 😭💖
#you guys have to know that today has been an eventful day for me. like... non-stop serotonin because I got one good news after another#(i celebrated my ultimate ship's day + speed-run and sacrificed sleep to post 2 fics for today's sake + successfully bought prints of said#ship with two of my bird app friends + successfully secured a birthday cafe event for a character in my city where i can meet said friends)#like. my heart was in OVERDRIVE 😭😭😭 adding kabu to the lodge has me falling off the bed from how much i giggled and rolled on it 😭😭😭#i need to replay swsh but i swear he wasn't this gentle and caring in the games 😭💗 like this scary old grandpa is actually very soft 🥺🫶#my head is spinning from thinking about how good his gym trainers' morales are with him keeping it up. or how he must be well-loved in#motostoke for not just being an encouraging gym leader but also an approachable and kind citizen. no wonder nessa and milo regularly hangs#out with kabu and that he and raihan are tor-colleagues 😭😭😭 he's actually so earnest in showing that he cares for others with each line#ossan you have to tell me which of your pokemon plays tag the best!!! and is that how you wind down after training!!! 😭💗#giving pokemas writers a big smooch on their foreheads because they're so genius for this man. yes it is a cash grab but they're doing kabu#sooo much justice too with each of his appearance... like yeah take my gems for once! you actually did a splendid job for my favorite ojisa#i don't know if i'm just still a 6 y.o girlie loving kazuhiko inoue's kakashi or i'm just itching for familial tenderness but man. he's suc#a comfort character to me now... i didn't expect that in 2024 but i'm grateful i could pull him and enjoy talks with this ossan now 🥺🫶#gym leader kabu#pokemon kabu#pokemon sword and shield#pokemon swsh#pokemon masters ex#pokemas#pmex#pokemon masters ex spoilers#pmex spoilers#pokemas spoilers#swsh#galar#pasio#trainer lodge
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*sends them off to Unova for their umpteenth honeymoon in my school's clubhouse room*
#best $35 i've spent in my life hands down#the sheer joy i felt when i read the words 'my dear hass'........ it's like an ice cold bottle of dr pepper for me#also i can't get over the fact that brassius says that hassel was 'born to be a teacher'#when you KNOW brassius knows how long hassel's family has been trying to convince hassel what they think he was 'born' to do#it just makes the way they positively changed one another's lives all the more apparent and aGgGGGgHgGh iT GETS TO ME#i mean we already knew they loved each other deeply bUT NOW WE GET TO SEE EVEN MORE#don't get me started on the fact that they talk about the other in their optional dialogue....#brassius talking about how lucky you are to take hassel's classes and hassel talking about seeing brassius on the billboards in levincia...#aGGHGhgh POKÉMON WROTE SOME GOOD GAYS RIGHT HERE#also. love my new little dragon friend hydrapple. of course........ i will share yache berries with the apple dragon.#okay gotta do some bbqs to unlock them again since i reset the game to screenrecord all of their dialogue 😔🙏#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet#brassius#hassel#ephemeralartshipping#hassius#pokemon brassius#pokemon hassel#hydrapple#flygon used sketch
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[ID: a comic in the TUA paranatural au, depicting Patch recruiting Lila to spy on the Activity Club for her. Both of them are about twelve. The first three panels are a flashback of an argument between Diego and Patch.
Flashback, Panel 1: A younger Patch shouts at a younger Diego, "WHAT is the Activity Club!" Diego growls "None of your business."
Panel 2: Patch says, teary-eyed, "You've been so different since you joined."
Panel 3: Diego looks guilty while Patch continues, "It's like it ate your brain! Why won't you talk to me anymore?"
Present Day, Panel 1: Patch is leaning on a desk while Lila sits on it. Patch says, "So, yeah. That's why I want to know what the Activity Club does."
Panel 2: Lila kicks her feet and says " And that's why you want me to join YOUR club. So I can spy on them for you." Patch smiles, embarrassed, and says "Yeah, basically."
Panel 3: Patch hunches her shoulders, saying, "It sounds bad when you say it like that."
Panel 4: She looks beseechingly up at Lila. "But I'm really worried about him. He won't talk to any of his friends. What the hell did they do to him!"
Panel 5: Lila waves her hand reassuringly. "No, I totally get it!"
Panel 6: Lila holds out her hand to Patch, smiling. "I'll tell you everything I learn."
Panel 7: She continues, "Trust me." Meanwhile, she writes a list in a notebook, headed with "Lies for Patch". End ID]
#tua#the umbrella academy#tua fanart#lila pitts#eudora patch#diego hargreeves#he's there! kinda!#my art#paranatural au#some context: lila is new to the school and is only here to conduct a mission for her mom#ie spy on the 'kids who can see ghosts' club to make sure they and five arent plotting against her#patch meanwhile has barely spoken to her best friend diego ever since he joined#so every time a new person joins the club she asks them to join journalism club in order to get them to spy on the ghost club for her#by 'every time' i mean: when viktor joined (this was not successful)#and now. when lila has joined#lila can of course see ghosts#and as a reminder im splitting the powers of white spectral energy into two pieces#white energy is the color that wights have and therefore viktor can only bond with wights ie super powerful but also super dangerous#*colorless* energy (the kind lila has) (which i am making up)#can join temporarily with a spirit in a tool with any color of spectral energy#but cannot do this permanently
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looking and staring at the fact bloodmoons jealous of lunar being brought back but not him but also disregarding the entirety LUNAR was the one to promise him a body.
#Monty may have made it but they were hesitant of it#like legit Lunar was like 'YEAH MONTY WILL GET U THESE!' monty being roped into this unwillingly 'yeah... yeah okay buddy'#monty favors lunar a lot thats his best friend and WOULD spoil him so like#interesting this current bloodmoons more mad at lunar for being so favored and brought back#literally mad at him cause lunar was a replacement. despite never feeling that before until AFTER resurection#(for both mind you)#i bet ruin sure reminded them of how much he was discarded by Eclipse and everyone else but NOT ruin :))#(lunar i feel wouldnt have if not for the everyone LITERALLY NEVER BRINGING IT UP AGAIN GDI)#but ooooh we gonna get some brotherly bonding over death and eclipse and replacements#ah yessss i can feel it#if the show will ever give me this#knowing them theyll want to keep them seperated esp after bloodmoon attacked lunar#now its a monty thing#and it wouldnt be a bad thing but also Monty legit didnt like the guyv bnjsk#lunar at least has some idea WHO bloodmoon really is what eclipse did and#AUGHHHH#THEYLL NEVER GIVE ME THIS ITS NOT THE CURRENT TOPIC ON THE SHOW I KNOW#a girl can hope cause of the new lore drop and implications#sun and moon show#sun and moon show spoilers#I GUES#man much rambling in the tags its so easy to ramble here
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i think my biggest problem is that i've always been this kind of friend who's like "i may not understand your favourite thing in the world but i'm here to listen, support it with all my heart and be excited about it with you", so i kinda expect my friends to do the same thing for me. if it matters to you, it's important.
#i'm pretty sure that's the reason bel and i have been friends for years now#we're changing fandoms but we've always been super supportive about it like YAS GIRL TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOUR NEW BLORBO#my sister has always been like this too and sometimes without even telling me like#i literally found out last year that she's listening to twenty one pilots because of me (that's what she told me)#all the things i've learned about miley cyrus in a span of a year? you'd be surprised#well all thanks to one of my best friends who loves her so much#i could listen to him talk about her for hours (and sometimes i do) and i don't even like her music#and yes we listened to her together too#but he does the same thing for me with my favourite bands and it's fucking awesome#this post is chaotic as fuck but what i'm trying to say is that#i've always been this way#i don't care if i like it or not#i wanna listen to you talk about it because it's important to you so it's important to me#idk#last couple days have been a nightmare i just need a hug#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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Btw I've been thinking about this for a while but the last time Ramón saw his dads together was in the funeral of his death siblings, Spreen threaten to kill Dapper in front of him, and this was literally like 8 months ago.
I can totally see why he's excited to have a new present and kind father figure in his life.
#qsmp#qsmp ramón#well and by extension#hideduo#like imagine. you are less than a month old. your dad is kinda mean to you but he made you a nice basement#you never see him and he never wants to see you.so you only see your other dad who is slowly warming up to you#and then he comes back for the funeral of youe siblings. talking about playing futbol. he fights your other dad. and then downs the dad#of your best friend so he can win the right to kill him#but then its all a joke and you never see him again#next time tou hear if him hes dead#and now your nice dad has something with this nice guy#so yeah. 2 plus 2 is new dad#go for it Ramón!! get that dad!!!#hes so happy euueueueueueu#fran.txt
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lol au where Rex and Noah were friends during the Nanite Project.
#personally i prefer the idea of most of the people rex knows now (including noah) are people he never would’ve met without the nanite event#but come on the angst of thinking that your best friend from when you were a kid has been dead for five years#and then you get assigned to help control providence’s new weapon and surprise! it’s your childhood friend but he doesn’t even remember you#it’s too good to not dabble in every once in awhile#when i was younger i had a passing thought that maybe noah was rylander’s son because rylander’s hair looks exactly like noah’s but longer#but it didn’t make sense with literally anything else so i dropped it#i feel like we kind of forget that rylander having a kid was brought up as a red herring but it’s fine so did the writers#generator rex#genrex#generator rex au#noah nixon#rex salazar#noex#the nanite project
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my favorite baby style ncu continuity is cute tiny hopeless romantic kindergarten disney prince stan falling in love with kyle broflovski at first sight and buying every flavor of ring pop trying to propose to him like 'you are...the most Beautiful person i've ever seen.'
and evil feral kindergarten nj kyle threatening to bite him, fight him and end his pitiful life like 'and you are...so Gahdamn WEIRD. stay the hell away from me, yA FREAK!' and trying to bear mace him skdhs
— but then k-garten stan doing something incredibly wholesome, mindboggling stupid and storybook chivalrous to save k-garten kyle's life, the ice around his cold black heart melting, bein forever changed and falling head over heels in love w boy hero k-garten stan...
...all to take the fATTEST L OF ALL FUCKING TIME because he is too emotionally constipated to confess his feelings and end up gettin stuck in the super best friend zone FOREVER bc every day perfect stan marsh gets lovelier, handsomer and....Fucking STUPIDER.
#nina speaks#i really do feel for ncu kyle...i do#that man got shafted#please note: if the super popular extremely pretty dark haired boy w/ big blue eyes confesses his love to you on day one#just say yes like just go along with it#however i will say that kyle being unapproachable and hating him and wanting to bear mace him did make him obsessed#which is soooooo mentally ill i am actually CRYING#but yeah because then youre going to realize that he is actually v sweet and cute and kind and wonderful and special#and your chest will start to swell and youll get light headed and want to start smiling and singing and swinging#and then you think he's gonna ask you to marry you again and he just asks you to be his super best friend forever#because he doesnt want to push it clearly u dont like him and he is just happy to be near you and spend time with you#and you want to push yourself off a cliff because now every person on planet earth is in love with stanley marsh#including you#and you are legitmately FUCKED#they really are who fell first who fell harder and i mean it#i love insane yandere black lab bf kgarten stan he is so funny like he has mental problems but i admire his detirmination#i also love emporer of evil probably has rabies new jersey potty mouth orange cat bf kgarten kyle who without a doubt 100%#would have a crush on a boy and send him death threats and be like Get Out Of My School because he makes him nervous#obsessed with my silly gay opposite attract sbf sons#ft baby stan like aw! u wrote me something <3#( can't read bc he's illiterate ) ( hugs kyle ) you're the BEST! ( ft kindergarten kyle having shaking and having convulsions )#pour one out for kyle#specifically jersey#because his stan d*ed he never recovered and then fell in love with the sexc rockstar vers
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two wrongs WILL make a right! ive got another lease on life, and im using it well, who cares if this is all fucked up cause we're all GOING TO HELL! IM JUST WILLIAM WHO SHOULD BE DEAD, HAD TO FOLLOW THE THREAD, thought he was just chillin! now he is a villain! HES ALWAYS SUCH A BUMMER, HE WANTS TO TRUST HIS BROTHER WILLIAM IN A HALLWAY BY HIMSEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi pd spoilers#william wisp#RRAAHHHHGH I KNOW THEIR LIL PARODY OF MICHEAL IN A BATHROOM OR WHATEV WAS SLIGHTLY COMEDIC. LIKE WIWI IN A HALLWAY#HAHAAA HIS NAME IS WIWI ISNT THAT FUNNY. ISNT THAT FUCKIN FUNNY. AND YYYEEEEEEEEEEETTTTT!!!#WILLIAM IS SO FUCKIN SAD DUDE... ESPECIALLY DURING THE GRAYSCALE ARC. HE REALLY THINKS HES BETTER OFF DEAD.#HIS FIRST DEATH WAS AN ACCIDENT! AND THEN HE WAS SADDLED WITH ALL SORTS OF POWERS AND RESPONSIBILITY HE DIDNT FUCKIN WAANT#AND IT TURNS OUT HES STILL DEAD! HIS BODY IS ROTTING AND FALLING APART AS WE SPEAK!! THATS SO FUCKING SCARY!!!#BUT THEN. OOOHH BUT THEN HIS WONDERFUL FRIEND DAKOTA TELLS HIM. ILL GIVE YOU MY HEART SO YOU CAN LIVE AGAIN. AND IT WORKS!!!#WILLIAM ACCEPTS LIFE AND REJECTS THE WISP POWERS AND FEELS SO SO THANKFUL TO HIS WONDERFUL BEST FRIEND DAKOTA.#A DEBT TO REPAY EVEN IF DAKOTA WILL NEVER CASH IN ON IT. HES JUST A PERFECT HERO LIKE THAT.. BUT WILLIAM.. OHH ROTTING LIL WILLIAM..#EVEN WITH NEW BLOOD RUNNING THROUGH HIM HES STILL DEAD INSIDE. HES STILL USELESS. POWERLESS. SELFISH AND IMPULSIVE AND STUPID AND JUST.#NOT A HERO. WHICH IS FINE! IF ONLY HE WAS A GOOD ENOUGH PERSON TO RETURN THE FAVOR TO DAKOTA THOUGH. BUT HES NOT. HE DOESNT THINK SO.#WILIAM REALLY BELIEVES THAT HE IS FORSAKING EVERY GIFT OF LIFE HE HAS BEEN GIVEN. HE THINKS HE SHOULD BE DEAD BUT HES TOO SCARED TO DIE#JUST FAR TOO SCARED.. OF EVERYTHING.... WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT BRINGS US HERE. I GUESS THE GOOD NEWS IS THEYLL FORGET.#HE JUST WANTED TO TRUST HIS BROTHER. HE WANTED TO HAVE A BROTHER AND FIX THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AND HONESTLY?#I THINK I WOULD DO THE SAME THING IN HIS SITUATION. MAYBE USE MY WORDS BETTER BUT YKNOW. THATS HIS BROTHER!!!#OKAy okay william makes me sooo EMOTIONAL but now ill mention the ART#THIS WAS Aboutthe time i actually figured out how to draw the white streak in williams hair. IT PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH ORIGINALLY but imPROU#AND THE SHARP SPIRALS!! I LOVE THE SHARP SPIRALS. I LOVE DRAWING HIS HAIR JUST IN GENERAL... I JUS LOVE DRAWIN WIWI...#OHH And xavior... poor xavior... theyre still looking for cantrip arent they? they have no idea where she is..and DAVID YOU BIIITCH#david bell is such a good fucking antagonist. he COMPLETELY believes himself to be in the right and bizly plays him SO WELLL!!#BECAUSE HES SMART!! AND SMART PEOPLE CAN LOGIC THEIR WAY THROUGH ANYTHING! THATS WHY SMART PPL FALL INTO CULTS TOO!#BC A SMART PERSON CAN FIND A GOOD WAY TO JUSTIFY ALMOST ANYTHING TO THEMSELF. DAVID IS SMART AND THATS SCAARRYYYY...#IM So excited to see the consequences of williams actions carry on into season 3. i hope they contact allen and exavior and do. idk. someth
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i dont think i will ever be over nandor tying guillermos cape with such care and focus. that moment its possibly my favourite from the finale NANDOR ACTS OF SERVICE GUY MAKES ME WANNA CLIMB A WALL and the way hes putting guillermo on equal ground now makes my heart grow 3 sizes
and to be honest i dont think they can go back to where they were before. for anyone whos worried. like yeah he told him “now clean up the body” after he reverted back to human but to me that was more like nandors brain going like. “i cooked now you clean”. he went through such a tremendous amount of work to help guillermo. he had the empathy to recognise the problem. he thought it through concocted a plan. he got the robes and the candles and he painted and hung those banners. he held a fakeass ceremony with all their friends and elders so it looked official. he then also comforted guillermo when he couldnt do it and staked derek himself without a second thought. so maybe its was more of a. i pulled you out of a very hairy situation. can you take care of the body now? (also it IS gonna be hard to let go of certain habits so maybe some comments like this are gonna slip out next season, but that is just because they are useless and in guillermos absence the house fucking imploded in one year lmao… maybe guillermo is gonna teach them how to take care of it themselves next season so they can split the workload and cute shenanigans will ensue)
i just dont think it was mean spirited on nandors part tbh. LAZLO even offered to help. i dont think that was just to have him in the next scene i dont think an unusual detail like that could be just for convenience. i do FULLY believe they are gonna all be on equal grounds next season. and thats gonna be so fucking delicious to me specifically
#to see a nandor and guillermo dynamic where nandor has freed himself from the inibitions of a master familiar dynamic? sign me up#he was so fucking warm and caring after he forgave him and idk if i can handle it GOD I LOVE IT#nandermo#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits spoilers#comment#im making a post out of some of my tags in one of my queued posts bc i#want to put this thought out in the world#i saw a lot of people going now that guillermos human everythings back to the status quo!!! and im like#no the fuck i hope not!! their relationship has consistently moved in a new direction each season#familiar. bodyguard. best man. best friend. now they went through allllll the trouble of showing them having an equals relationship#they made nandor utter the words he will be living in this house as an equal from now on#and next season everythings gonna revert back?? i surely hope not#there is also to be considered from nandors standpoint that now guillermo truly has no more reason to stay. he really isnt a#familiar anymore because he presumably doesnt want to be a vampire anymore (?) so he has to consider#if he wants guillermo to stick around. its gonna have to be out of the love he has for them. and nandor needs to give him an incentive#which would be equal grounds with the vampires even though he isnt one#and guillermo is probably gonna be in such an existential crisis mode that hes not even gonna notice all the cute things nandor is doing#for him now for a WHILE. until he does and thats gonna be delicious#anyway. why do i keep making excellent points in the tags this could have been a post
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omg reverse riko au is making me feel so ill..... please let us know if you have any more thoughts abt riko kayleigh and kevin legend.....
I DO my idea is that its around the same age kevin and riko met in canon so tetsuji kicks the bucket when riko is 7/8 and riko is (very forcibly) removed from the nest and sidelined to kayleigh as a new moriyama asset from the main branch takes over the nest. riko struggles a lot with the change because he is very young and very scared and he’s used to horrible things at tetsuji’s hand, which means that he doesn’t trust kayleigh and finds kevin entirely too weird. it’s honestly really cute because i think at this point obviously 7 year old kevin wants to befriend him but riko is such an anxious ball of anger that most of their interactions are like
baby riko: what do you WANT from me. go AWAY!!!! NOW
baby kevin: (heavy irish accent) nothing i think. do you want a bite of my sandwich?
anyway i think riko and kayleigh do get along but he never really considers her his mother or even godmother, for a long time he thinks of her as his Benefactor until the child therapy starts hitting and she becomes Aunt Kayleigh and then after a few more years he can be loosely convinced to refer to her as auntie once or twice a year. his second son syndrome never really leaves him; in the upcoming years riko struggles with the idea that he’s anything But an add-on to the days and still overworks himself to death trying to be acknowledged by kengo, but it’s leaps better just from being outside the nest and having people to look out for him
riko and kevin have some rough patches, especially during riko’s first years with the days. because kevin is an easy target and riko is afraid of kayleigh he ends up letting a lot of that anger out on kevin, though obviously at this point they are children and riko’s anger manifests in some mild bullying and name calling. i think kevin doesn’t even understand it most of the time 😭 riko has been around grown ups his entire life so his adult level insults make no sense to kevin’s seven year old mind. nevertheless after kayleigh tells him to stop picking on kevin riko does respect it (first out of fear, then later because they actually get along) and they go on to become brothers with only a slight tendency towards antagonism. riko’s jealousy of kevin is still a big part of their relationship and i think even more so when college applications roll around, and he’s even more worried when wymack comes into the picture, but it never culminates into anything as horrible as hand breaking because riko has an actual outlet and a support system :) it’s mostly a yelling match that eventually turns to getting scolded by kayleigh for acting like barbarians
#i know kayleighs sermons go hard kevin and riko are sitting there head bowed like yes maam…..#i havent yet decided where they both go to college in this au#but i think for one that the nest still exists and jean still gets sold to the moriyamas but it’s the main branch now#however without riko there jean’s experience in the nest is. Hard but not brutal#anyway i think riko would apply to edgar allen but he would be rejected on the account of being second branch raised by foreigners#but how horrifying to think about jean in the nest bossing riko around right. kind of a slay though#i think kevin goes to palmetto still Because he wants to reconnect with wymack and riko is very divided but ultimately chooses usc#because they’re the best and he doesn’t want to play second fiddle to kevin and his father#also i imagine his time in usc sucks a lot for the first months because it’s so different LOL#and he’s never been alone before like this with kayleigh and kevin so far out of reach#but :) hed make friends. maybe even… captain jeremy knox….. whos to say?#!#meanwhile kevin (a normal boy at this point) has to deal with the foxes being a trainwreck and the new serial killer dad recruit#he’s got a lot on his hands#ANYWAY this is entirely unrelated and indulgent but i want this kevjean to meet so bad#riko on the phone: we played against the ravens that jean moreau is a scoundrel and a monster and he almost broke my arm kevin: woaw#he’s gonna be so pissed off three years down the line when jean moreau shows up at christmas dinner with the days#you think theres any worse dynamic for jean and riko than master and slave? of course. Brothers in law#wouldnt you just kill to be a little fly buzzing around that christmas supper#asks#riko#kevin&riko
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happy birthday to me i celebrated by looking at my favourite sequence of images in the world and crying over it at half past midnight.
#im. 24 now.#appleyaps#gonna be honest with you guys idk where the fuck my life is heading atm.#but if this manga taught me anything its that i have to keep making choices in order to achieve my own happiness.#ive been making strides... im now exclusively using the men's toilets wherever i go.#and im working on getting a professional diagnosis so i can go on hrt... but the waiting lists are so long.#i took the transfer but now it turns out i still have to wait longer... even though i was promised help quickly.#i dont know how much longer i can take this though. being uncomfortable with myself. im sick of it. i just wanna live.#theres so many things id like to do. but my body and my voice are holding me back from it.#my mom and her boyfriend know now. but my mom doesnt understand and has never referred to me as a woman as much as she does now.#at least everyone at school uses he/him for me now. i was finally assertive about it in my new class#and everyone there calls me teddie. though i'd like people to use tom for me as well. my friends do.#i just need to be even more assertive from now on. im working on it. im doing my best. i wanna live.#at least i have lots to look forward too. thats whats keeping me going honestly. and my friends.#the hope that one day i get to look in the mirror and finally see myself. i want to believe that it can happen. i need it to happen.
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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#when you feel yourself falling headfirst into a depressive episode bc of all the bad stuff that's been happening in the last months and all#you wanna do is talk to your best friend about it but you can't bc your best friend cut you out of their life bc their new partner told them#that you're a crazy person who's bad for her and convinced them to stop being your friend and your just miss her#and you miss her and you miss her and you miss her and knowing you could be dead right now or could be dead in a month or a year or in 40 or#or 80 years without her even knowing or caring hurts it hurts like someone cut of a part of your limb and when you talk to people you#sometimes still make your inside jokes and no one will understand them and it will hurt again like the first moment she betrayed you and#told you all the bad stuff she know believes of you and then you'll remember this has all happened before and you were a fool for trusting#them again after what had happened the first time but you did and the hurt never stops bc she was your best friend for so long and you two#thought you were soulmates once and you apparently were not and now it hurts still and every time something good or bad or very bad happens#you wanna talk to her and tell her and you wonder how they are doing but he cut you out and told you horrible things and accused you of#terrible stuff that you didn't even understood where it came from and you know you can never be friends again bc you know there's no way#you will ever be able to trust her again but you wonder#you wonder how his life has been going and she's happy and if they're health and whether they think about you too sometimes#and sometimes you're scared for her bc all has been scratchy and you know nothing about what even happend and you suspect he's in an abusive#situation but you don't know bc they blocked you everywhere even duolingo and goodreads and she deleted her tumblr which she didnt last time#and when you were at the hospital every second of every minute of every day your fingers itched to text her about your terrible roommate and#when you were there again they itched to call her bc you were so scared but that will never happen again and now that all the bad stuff has#happened you kno lw you can deal on your own and you're strong enough to do it but it still hurts and will it ever stop?
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