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cassyapper · 4 years

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Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

#THIS IS SO MESSY IM SORRY I DIDNT PROOFREAD ANYTHING #uhm but yeah these guys. drive me nuts!#jjba #jojo spoilers #nothing too heavy but just in case #cass cries #iwannagrill

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asexualcas-personal · 5 years

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3/25/19

so my mental illnesses have been kinda ganging up on me lately which has just been great we love that right before a con and i was having a really hard time getting out of bed this morning so my trained therapist mother decides the appropriate thing to do is yell at me, stick my little sister on me, then hound me about it. so she gets home and right before dinner she says "i just need to get something off my chest: i'm going to hound you when you can't even be bothered to get out of bed. also, it feels really crummy when i get home and you can't even bother to say anything more than a grunt about dinner." and i just ????? yes. that's what this is. i just couldn't be bothered, i'm just soooooo lazy but hey she couldn't recognize when i was actively trying to starve myself and hurting myself so why should i start expecting anything else now?????? so yeah that all goes down then she expects us to have a lovely dinner and brings up grades (which is part of my ptsd) so that already had me on a thin rope then she starts talking about my cousin and how hard she's worked on studying for this test which is true 100% she's studied her ass off and it's this weekend and we're all super proud of her but i started comparing myself because guess what!! my gpa is too low to get into the program i want to get into and i'm a class short so guess that's dead can't wait to tell everyone that the family disappointment is even more of a disgrace than everyone already thought!!! so she's gonna be here while i'm at the con and hopefully my mom will be too preoccupied by having an actual worthwhile human in the house to bug me while i'm in vegas but anyway that's not the point. my cousin will be sleeping in my room so my mom said "do your best to get the floor picked up and vacuumed, plus change your cat's litter box" she also added that she understood this week is crazy with school and packing then just now she said to make sure that it got done and i said "i'll do my best" and she goes "well that isn't good enough!!!!! cate has studied like hell for this and sleeping in a disgusting room won't help that!!!!" and i'm just really fucking done. i want to be in vegas with my family, hugging misha and kim and being able to just fucking exist without being blamed for taking up space.... oh also i tried to tell her that this week is busy (which it is, i have a work training and a test tomorrow, a lab and homework due on wednesday, plus i need to pack and not forget anything, and i have an essay due next wednesday that i haven't even started thinking about so i should probably at least kinda do that before i leave) and she goes "well maybe if you talked to me..." and i just..... listen. you raised me so i wouldn't be able to talk to you. when i was 5 with a disability you told me that i was too dependent on other people. the second my sister was born, i wasn't allowed to ask for help. you let me suffer for fucking years because you couldn't get your head out of your own ass long enough to recognize obvious symptoms. you knew that checking that fucking portal was anxiety-triggering for me and parent teacher conferences generally resulted in me crying from sheer terror but you kept forcing it on me anyway. then when you realized you fucked up you told me that you would be going easier on my sister because "we don't want another you". shocking considering you barely want one of me! and i can't even blame her for any of this because she's right, my best is still shitty and light years below where i should be, i'm a raging pain in the ass and not in the fun jokey way in the genuine i am not good to have around and my two best friends in the world are going to be exposed to that all weekend so guess i'll need to find new friends!!! when i get comfortable in a relationship, i'm a nightmare to have around and i don't notice until it's too late and they leave so i need to be as distant as possible and not bug them when i'm scared or anxious or excited and i just get annoying and talkative and loud and i need to apologize for feeling because that's bad!!!!!i'm

not allowed to do that!!!!! and with good reason like i usually hate myself but damn when i get emotional i'm on another level of terrible which is hard for me since i'm usually just chillin' at maximum bad

#mine

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annarosewriting · 6 years

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I Have Four Less Teeth and All People Wanted to Comment on Was My Weight.

I got my wisdom teeth out a few weeks ago.

I KNOW, I KNOW. I’M 23 AND I JUST NOW GOT THEM OUT. “WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU GET THEM TAKEN OUT EARLIER???” YOU MAY BE ASKING, WELL THE ANSWER IS I’M SCARED OF SURGERIES IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO SAY?? HUH?? WELL CONGRATULATIONS YOU GOT ME.

Overall, it was anticlimactic.They gave me some drugs, I texted my friend that I felt like Steve Rogers before he gets injected with the Super Soldier Serum (which, side note, this friend is now my boyfriend and I like to think it’s because of my Percocet induced ramblings about Marvel characters), and then the drugs REALLY kicked in and the next thing I knew, I’m coming to with an ice pack wrapped around my melon with The Good Place playing on my laptop.

Which, The Good Place was probably a little too heavy for someone who was heavily medicated and already has a lot of anxiety about what happens when we die but it’s fine, we’re all fine.

It was mundane but the worst part was I had the diet of a teething baby.

I ate more Easy Mac than I had in college. I only ate applesauce and ice cream for breakfast because they were the only foods that didn’t cause me crippling pain. I subsisted on water and the idea of food for the next two weeks.

I was suffering. I couldn’t eat a full meal so I was severally lacking in nutrition. I was in constant pain because of the gaping holes in my head where teeth used to be. And then, once the pain started to go away and I could move up in the culinary world to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I had to rinse my teeth out EVERY. TIME. I ate.

It was a pain in the ass, so my solution was to avoid having to rinse my teeth. Which meant, not eating. Or eating the absolute bare minimum to keep me functioning. Sometimes that meant I didn’t eat for five hours or more.

This translated to me always feeling lightheaded. I was tired. I couldn’t focus at work. I would try to write or read to take my mind off how much pain I was in but even then I couldn’t concentrate. I was wasting more energy calculating when I could eat than I was on actual work. I was on edge. I snapped at everyone I loved. It was an absolute nightmare.

I was miserable and it was the worst I had felt in a really long time.

But, hey, forget how miserable I was feeling. There were more important things to focus on. Things like how “[I’ll] probably lose so much weight!!!! So jealous!!!”

Cue the manic, white wine, suburban mom fake laugh.

I had more comments given to me about how I had lost weight or I “looked great” than I had in a while. The last time people felt comfortable enough to comment on my body was when I was crying about missing workouts and obsessively counting calories which, Y I K E S.

I wasn’t in a good place mentally but that didn’t matter!!! What mattered was I was finally on my way to being thin!!! Fuck my mental and emotional health!!!! That’s nonsense!!!! Who cares if my relationships are strained and I can’t do any work right?? FINALLY I wasn’t going to be fat!!!!! So that’s all that matters, right!!!!!!!

*cue the hour long fart noise*

It’s not like I lost weight because I actively worked for it. (And besides, losing weight to be skinny is OUT and wanting to be as buff as the Amazon Warriors on Themyscira is IN)

No, I lost weight because SOMEONE RIPPED FOUR TEETH OUT OF MY SKULL AND THEN I WAS MALNOURISHED FOR TWO WEEKS.

There is no part of that sentence that is healthy.

It was fucking absurd. I had literally been put under so someone could yank teeth out of goddamn head AND I was moving in a fog, but hey, soooooo worth it just to lose a few pounds quickly right?

Fuck that.

Here’s the thing, I’m unlearning a lot of toxic shit from Diet Culture and one of them is the idea that the number one topic of conversation for everyone, but women especially, is our weight. But I cannot stand that kind of talk.

I couldn’t stand it from the moment I realized that diet culture is all bullshit created by both the patriarchy and capitalism to keep women down because we all know that if women's collective energy wasn’t wasted on trying to reach beauty ideals that will always, always, ALWAYS be out of reach, women would have already dismantled the patriarchy, given free health care to everyone, made tampons and birth control free and all dresses would have pockets.

I couldn’t stand it when I thought about how my younger self would try to develop an eating disorder because then maybe she would feel like she was worthy of love.

I REALLY can’t stand it when I think about why I got my tattoo on my upper thigh. To hide the faded scar that reads “fat” that my younger self carved into her own thigh with a pocket knife. Watching crimson droplets appear as she prayed that this warning carved in flesh would be enough of a reminder to her as to what she could become if she ate when her body told her she was hungry.

I hated it the most though when people would say I looked great after getting my wisdom teeth out, and I would have a fleeting thought of, “Well shit, what other surgeries can I have so I’ll look like the small child on the cover of the Les Mis playbill?” Or “I should just keep this diet of soft foods eaten two or three times a day going if I’m losing this much weight!”

I fucking hate diets, the diet industry and diet culture.

So much.

Surprise.

It breaks my heart and it enrages me all at once. Like learning that Zayn had left One Direction or when One Direction announced their hiatus.

The number of women I’ve met in my life who have wasted so much time and energy chasing an ideal that will always be just out of reach is astronomical.

(Myself included!!!! I am absolutely one of those people and there are times when I still buy into it! It’s extremely hard for me to untangle myself from it when it was the basis of my personality for 23 years.)

It breaks my heart that society has engrained in me that since I’m fat, my biggest goal in life is to lose weight. Because of that, I considered eating food, that could only be gummed, two or three times a day JUST so I could m a y b e get within shooting distance of what society deems an “acceptable” body.

It’s all nonsense! I get so heated when I think about how we have just accepted that one type of body is the ONLY type of body to have and individuals should focus their whole lives on trying to achieve that impossible standard instead of living a good life, or being a good person or starting a revolution to dismantle this broken political system.

You know, just girly things.

It makes me physically ill if I think about it too long. I mean, what could I have accomplished if I had stopped worrying so much about losing weight?

The answer is SO MUCH.

Once I stopped worrying about losing weight, my relationships with friends and family started flourishing. I got into healthy romantic relationships. I started this blog. I read SO MANY books and I stopped beating myself up for eating food I liked. My body started to feel better since I wasn’t working it to the breaking point everyday trying to reach an ideal that is specifically designed to not be attainable just so the Diet Industry could bleed more money from us.

So please, I’m begging society, if someone feels the need to talk about their diet with me, or wants to comment on my weight when I’ve had bones ripped from my cranium, talk to me about LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE.

Talk to me about what I’m reading, what I’m writing, ask me how Bucky is, how much emotional damage Infinity War did to my psyche, ask me if I’m registered to vote (I am and you should be too!) talk to me about existential dread, allow me to explain to you that it is a crime ABC did us all so dirty by cancelling Agent Carter after two seasons, talk to me about aliens, ask me how the numbers are at work for gods sake.

There are so many other topics of conversation and we are so much more interesting than what foods we’re depriving ourselves of.

Next time someone DOES try to tell me that getting my wisdom teeth out was a “great way to lose weight!” I’m going to throw my wisdom teeth at them.

#anna writes #anna rose writing #body posititivity #body image

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rationalthings · 7 years

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20-30, 30-40, 40-50 xxx

Smh20: Are you currently in a relationship?Still nope21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? Definitely, depending on if they ended on good terms22: Do you think people should date their friends?Also already answered. I think it offers a good start for a relationship23: How many relationships have you had?224: Do you think love can last forever?Also answered. Yes, if you work on it25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?Like...i wanna say yes but there's no cure for lots of things yet 26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?Lmao nah they never approve until I've been dating someone for a while27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?JUST GIVE UP ON IT. If it's shit and shows no signs of getting better give up28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?Again, yes, if you work on it29: What do you notice first about another person?Idkkkk, general aesthetic i guess??30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?Lmao fun story, I have very recently figured out that I'm not straight so I'm gonna go with bi31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?Like, yes because I'd be worried for them but also i wouldn't not date them because of it??32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?No, thankfully33: Do you want to get married one day?Yes, already answered, it's all planned out.34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?Also already answered, do it for the meme35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?I've tried and it put a real strain on it, but I think most of that was a lack of communication 36: Are you still a virgin?Nonononono37: What's more important: Looks or personality?Personality (looks wouldn't be bad tho lmao)38: Do you enjoy love films?Highkey yes39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?I've recieved some once, it was cute40: Have you ever had a valentine?Yes, this is my first year in a while without one41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?Constant attention lmao42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?I've read bits and pieces, but seen soooooo many adaptations 43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?Ummmmmm everyone??? I love everyone can't we just include them all??44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?Already answered, yessss to an extent, idk if I'm any good at it45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?I'd have no problem with it, they'd have to want me first lmao 46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?Actually kinda lmao, not that friendzoning is a real thing47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?Can it be zac and christie48: What's your favorite love song?I know this is lame but i love hey there delilah it makes me cry every time49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?Yes, oops50: If you're single, why do you think you are?Because I broke up with my last partner and am actively not dating at the momentJesus Louises that was a lot

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besidebabylon · 6 years

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Opinion on Sounds Good Feels Good :)

This is my second time doing this because the other one deleted so it’s not gunna be as good as the one I did before :/ but imma try. Here’s my review/ opinion on SGFG

Money - this is v v aggressive and I’m not a fan of it really. Like it’s l o u d. But I do like the beginning where they talk about cupcakes :)

She’s Kinda Hot - i like this. I remember when this came out and it was so fresh so when I saw them live they played this over and over before they came out. This was the song that caused a new era and I like it

Hey Everybody! - I actually like this song which surprises me. This is also the one where is sounds like Hungry Like The Wolf and everyone got mad for it but like Duran Duran got credit for it so like they were cool with it and it was a whole thing.

Permanent Vacation - yo when this came out I was HYPED. I heard it live and my 14 year old heart was like ‘yes this is me’ cause I thought my life was s h i t. I still relate to this song but in a different way. Also how many -tion’s can you put in one song.

Jet Black Heart - ah the most emo 5sos there is. I love this song and to this day I always have some kind of relation to it. “the blood in my veins is made up of mistakes, let’s forget who we are and dive in to the dark, as we burst into color returning to life” is such a great line and brings out the track title and the song. And it’s kinda referencing mental illnesses which is nice

Catch Fire - this is a nice bop. I love the beginning thing and the lyrics “when I catch fire and watch over you like the sun” is so good and like is gooooooood.

Safety Pin - ah the logo. This is such an innocent song. It’s so nice and sweet and good and pure. And it talks about healing and coming together and being okay which is great. “Two wrongs make it right” is a niiiiiice lyric boi. Also Ashton’s solo is great and his harmony is grEAT

Waste The Night - oooooo a bop. This makes me think of coming from a club and walking the beach. Also Calum’s lisp is so prominent in this song it’s c r a z y. It gives off those pure lilac-purple vibes which I’m totally chilling with. And I don’t mind the interlude

Vapor - what. a. fucking. good. concept. ooooo it’s soooo good. “I just need another hit, you’re the thing that I can’t quit” ooo fuck me wow. And the chorus is sooOOoo goOOD. “I want to feel you in my veins” ooo a conCEPT. And this song live with lights in the crowd is such an experience wowow

Castaway - a fucking bop. This song is so good and the chorus hits so fucking h a r d. Also I can’t help but think of the movie every time I listen to this song. And that moment when the instrumental leaves and Luke sings the chorus by himself and the notes go oddly up in a minor key and that’s a whole mood

The Girl Who Cried Wolf - I’ve never really liked this song idk. It’s boring? It’s just not my cup of tea but if you like it I mean you do you boo

Broken Home - this song makes me speechless but yet all I want to do is talk about it. This song hits home with so many people and the fact that they decided to write a song like this and acknowledge this is amazing. They really really delivered with this and it never fails to make me cry. And the guitar thing in the beginning is such a nice touch and the whole song just speaks volumes. This song has such a special place in my heart.

Fly Away - this song is also aggressive but like lowkey. I don’t not hate it but it’s definitely not my favorite. I do like the chorus where they talk about didnt places where they want to go and want to feel and what they want. It’s nice

Invisible - oooo a heartbreaker. This song is all about self worth and feeling, well, invisible and just escaping and that sucks dude. “who am I, when I don’t know myself” just hurts me and it hits so fucking close to home with me and I guess that says a lot about me. Calum does an amazing song and his voice is perfect for it. It’s depression that we didn’t hear this live

Airplanes - I truly believe that this is what and airplane would actually sound like if it were a song. Michael just is amazing in this and like don’t @ me but I really enjoy Luke in this more oops sorry but like listen that never happens with their old albums so just let me have this

San Francisco - I really enjoy this song. It’s just so blissful and airy and gives those beautiful San Francisco fall vibes and I’m digging it. The harmonies are amazing. I love the guitar and mostly hearing Michael in the chorus is a dream

Outerspace/Carry On - lyrically one of the best songs that 5sos has ever made. The iconic “nothing like the rain, when you’re in outerspace” is such an image and it’s just bliss and I’m a slut for imagery. And Ashton’s high ass harmony note in “darkest night” is soooooo good oo I’m here for it. And Carry On sends out such a good message and I appreciate that.

The Space Between A Rock And A Hard Place (Catch 22) - I haven’t listened to this song too many times but I mean it’s okay. I like the chorus and I find myself singing it sometimes. I like the piano part and it’s catchy

Story Of Another Us - I like the chorus in this song and that’s about it. It starts off really weird and I don’t like it but like I said before if you like to then you do you boi

And there it is! I hope you enjoyed it. I will bring doing another one on their B-Side music as well that includes the EPS and not full albums and stuff like that. :)

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viewofsal · 7 years

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Goodbye 2017. I’m ready for 2018 adventures.

2017 has been a year filled with laughter, smiles, tears, anger, anxiety, lessons, blessings, experiences and fun adventures. It was a year to let go of people, to let new people in, to be strong when I felt weak, to fight for myself against life and most importantly to find myself in all of this craziness.

I fell in love, I got my heart broken. I trusted someone with my eyes closed, which is rare because I dont trust a lot of people. I wanted to marry this guy, he was the dream guy I wanted. I did everything I can to save a relationship from falling, but it was never suppose to be this hard. We fought, we argued. we loved each other at times, we didnt talk for days… and then it finally ended. (71517)

I fought against my health, I went to therapy. It was probably one of the most scariest thing I have ever been through… I never felt so lonely even though I was surrounded by so many people that loved me and cared for me, yet I still felt alone. I dont know why… But it all went well and I am much better.

I had trusted a few good friends who at the end fucked me over big time. Shabina was like my best friend and the little sister I never had. And looking back at it… I realized how can she be that, as in my bff and little sister when she was actually never there for me through anything. I will never forget the day that I was telling her about my break up the of day it was happening and she rolled her eyes. After that day I didnt talk to her and I wanted to be left alone. But she texted me before my trip to Atlanta- she literally said forgive and forget and move on. So I did. Because thats what the nice Salia does…. But then after the whole Haroon + Salia thing happened she became bitter- and she asked me if I was just “having fun with him?” Like yeah hell ya I was… but shit on the first meet you dont tell someone “hey so when are we getting married…?” NO. This is why you and that lawyer guy never made it. But anyways….. Telling her was the biggest mistake ever, because she put nazaar on me and potentially having something. It is what is. And yes I am a horrible person for calling her a bitch while arguing- but she was being one. I had to tell her to stop. I remember I had a stop at San Fran on the way back from Arizona and she just accused me of being a hoe. And I had it… like yo at least I dont meet guys off of minder and on the first hour hook up. BUT TO EACH TO THEIR FUCKING OWN, right? If we want to call people hoes. *eye roll* Anyways that was me ranting but I learned that not every “friend” is your friend. And keep your moves, your business and your love life on the low. Period. Because at the end of the day you really have your own back, no one else really does. And no one wants to see you succeed in life.

I got close to my family once again and spent the whole summer with all of my aunts, uncles, brother/sister in laws and cousins, and of course my little cutie pies. I attended over 9 weddings in the summer, including both of my cousins. All of my cousins live in the East Coast and whenever we are all together it is so fun! I miss them so much!

My skin cleared soooooo much MASHALLAH! That it literally shocks me every time I look into the mirror. I had to cut off coke out of my life, I was so addicted to it and I just had to drink it with every meal. But Im glad I get to still drink coffee. :D I broke out so much back in 2015-2016 and it had to do with my stalker and a lot of stress on my mind and hormones jumping around lol. But you always have to take care of yourself and make sure youre always healthy. You should be your number one priority, ALWAYS.

I met a guy named Haroon. He came to see me all the way from Virginia. No, I didn’t fall in love- and I didnt think about marriage while being with this guy. I wasn’t messing around. But life threw something tough at me which made me come back to reality… So I lowered my expectations but not my standards with Haroon. We were I guess “perfect”. Our humor, our mentality, he was accepting and so was I. He was down to come see me every month and he opened up to me and made me trust him back with my life. He went back, and feelings changed. Even if it was temporary it felt good be treated like how I should be treated. I guess it was God’s way of making me realize that just because I’m sad right now doesnt mean I always will be. It was a trial and error, and it failed. But there is someone meant for everyone and you will too one day find someone.

My sister graduated from law school and found her boo thang. I am so happy for my sister, she is so hard working, ambitious, dedicated, intelligent, witty, sarcastic and a hot ass lawyer. Lol. Im being bias, but if she wasnt my sister I would still say that. She went through hell and back with law school, family drama and idiotic boys that cant fight for someone. But she never gave up her dream- which was to finish law school and become a lawyer. Along with her life being so hectic and all she found someone that matches her perfectly, alhumdulillah. I am so happy for her and Beez (thats not his name… Thats my nick name for him). He is so like… words cant describe. He came to pick my family and I up, he hugged my parents, he calls my mom “mama”, he gets along with my brother, he makes fun of me for being a yelp nerd. He just respects us so much. I am so proud of you too Badr bhai, for graduating and inshallah being part of our crazy ass family. But…. I have to say they are like power couple goals, mA! He spoils her like crazy and its cute. I wish one day we all find “the one” and spoil them with our love. *Did I mention hes half Spanish + Pakistani…. HOLY HELL. His sisters are hot. Lol*

And to end it… I got the closure that I was wanting to get. Thank you Farhan for giving me closure over and over again. Im sorry you had to hear me cry, because I think Ill probably cry for a while but its going to be okay. I wish and pray that you have an amazing new year and whatever you pray for you get. Because you deserve the best and you deserve to smile, laugh and be treated like a king.

But does that mean Im ok? No. But will it take time? Yes. I pray that I heal so quick that I can feel again, I wont be bitter, I wont be afraid to let someone in. I just want to be Salia again. Thats all.

2018-

Im ready for a new year, new hellos, new smiles, new laugher, new people, new adventures, new beginnings, new everything. I am ready. I definitely want to work on a few things on myself. I am not a perfect soul in this world. I hate that I have such horrible anger issues, I get mad easily to the point where I want to cry. I want to be my number one fan always. I want to love myself like no one else is going too because no one is going too… jk! And to heal. All I really want is to heal and be the old me. I want to stop crying al the time.To love again, to feel again, I dont want to be numb anymore, or bitter when a guy talks to me… I just want to be soft and gentle. But It will take time.

I hope this year not only brings me happiness and joy but to all of my followers. The more I write and have people follow me I see that everyone is struggling, heart broken, happy yet sad. I see it all. I am healing too but I am always here to listen to anyone. Ive been blogging since I was 18 and Im so glad I became a tumblr nerd because I met a few people from here, ive had a few conversations and I learn about my followers all the time. You guys deserve all the happiness, all the smiles and success in the world. Thanks for always listening to my rants and posts. Love you all! I hope you guys have an amazing New Year!

XOXO,

SALIA SHEIKH.

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canaryatlaw · 7 years

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Okay damn it's late but it's alright cuz I can sleep in tomorrow and I took another accidental dozed off in the middle of my books naps tonight, lol. It was around 5:30 when I was like I'm just gonna rest my eyes for a few minutes, and the next thing I knew it was 9 pm, lol. Whoops. I was all around lazy today and waking and such, idk what that's necessarily about, but I was apparently unwilling to get out of bed in the morning so I convinced myself I could skip the service and just go with the babies, then sleep extra and just uber to church, so I did that and points for being lazy, lol. The nursery was pretty light, my other person did show up but then got recruited to go to the preschoolers room because they had like, 20 2-3 year olds running around and we had like, one baby at this point lol and they knew I could handle a bit more chaos than that on my own. We ended up getting 3 with another girl willing to stay with me which I appreciated of course, though I probably could've gotten through it on my own, it was very smooth, not a tear dropped by anyone the whole time, which is quite impressive I assure you. The girl who was a bit older kept going back to the gate and trying to climb it for a while (they do that a lot, we call it them trying to break out) but every time I managed to get her to come back and play. Then there was that sweet little boy we had last week that's just such a cute little chunker and he'll just sit and be perfectly happy with a toy for an entire hour, haha he was so sweet and of course no trouble. The last one was the little 6 month old girl who's the daughter of one of the ladies on the team, I've talked about her before because she is soooooo cute. She has gotten fussy in the past and we'd had to text her mom a few times, but I knew her mom had fed her right before the service so I didn't anticipate any problems and we didn't have any. I wish I could show you her cute little smile, it's just the most adorable thing. So we played with all of them, nothing too crazy. At one point I had the little girl on my lap and the older girl decided she also wanted to be on my lap haha so I had to do some shifting to make sure nobody was gonna get sat on, but other than that we managed just fine, so I'm calling that a win (really any nursery day with not a single tear shed is a major win, because that's damn near impossible really). Talked to a few people on my way out, and passed the family of the cute little girl who used to always be in the nursery with me but has now moved on to the twos, and while I was like, still a bit down the hallway she sees me and is immediately like "hi!! Hi!!!!" and waving at me and she's just the cutest little thing. At some point we're gonna end up restructuring how we split the kids up, instead of just by age we're gonna do it by mobility, so we'd have the younger babes who can't crawl or anything in one area, and then the crawlers in another and the walkers in another, hopefully all somewhat interconnected, I don't know all the details but hopefully it means I'll get to see some more of her. The way we have it now is generally fine, and the older kids are usually very gentle with the little ones, but kids still learning to walk trip and stumble and we wouldn't want them doing that onto another baby if we could help it, lol. So after that I headed home, and when I got off the train I saw I had some time before the next bus was gonna come, so I decided to take the donut shop up on their offer for half a dozen free donuts, so I got in there and asked for the manager like I'd been told, and I talked with him for a few minutes because he just really wanted to understand the situation, like he had the video footage of it but that can only explain so much. So of course I said I didn't want to get anyone in trouble and I knew it wasn't malicious or any ill-intent on their part, and I knew they had policies they had to follow, but I thought it was an oversight that could've been dealt with better and wanted to make them aware of it so hopefully next time it's handled better. So of course he thanked me for saying something and bringing it to their attention, and that they have to deal with different individuals causing trouble in the store sometimes but they would never want to actively put someone in danger so he appreciates me telling him about the situation. For the donuts, I told him he could just give me an assortment of his favorites (sans nuts of course) and so he did and I headed over to the bus stop and hopped on the bus home. It was around 3:30 at this point so I wanted to get to work, so I pulled out my stuff and kept working on my paper, trying to work on the stuff that I'd actually need for my presentation. The actual paper is up to 16 pages now and has a good amount of the substance written, it's just a matter now of coming up with things like a budget, and a strategic plan going forward and board of directors, and all that other boring shit lol but hopefully I won't need that for the presentation. I did write something up about fundraising efforts, so hopefully that will suffice for talking about the money side of things (I'm not particularly worried there, I have plenty of info to talk about so I'm not gonna run out of things to say). Apparently after two hours I passed out with my laptop still on lap (like it actually was) and woke up at 9, lol, so I called it a night for working on the project since I had everything I think I needed, and I'd just use it to create an outline since he doesn't want us reading from a paper, I figure if I have short cues about an issue I can talk about it plenty without the assistance of my paper since this is all stuff I'm super passionate about (that's the hope anyway, I'll still probably have my paper up there with me, but hopefully I won't have to use it much). While I did this and other computer stuff, I turned 13 Reasons Why on and watched episodes 6-10, and I gotta say, damn, this show is so heavy. Like, obviously I knew that going in. But the grief is just so heart wrenching to watch, especially from her parents. And I think that hits me so hard because looking back on my own teenage years I can see now what my killing myself would've done to my family, and it just would've utterly destroyed them. I have this image in my head of my mom finding my unresponsive body, hanging from the ceiling fan in my room (and I have no idea where that came from because that was never something I ever considered) and her just screaming and screaming over and over and it just haunts me to know that I could've done that to my family because I simply couldn't see past all of the despair and hopelessness that had completely taken over my life. And I can just think how happy I am that I held on. That I didn't do that to my family. That I never put them through that. I would never want to hurt my parents like that, or even my brothers- I still harbored a lot of anger towards them at that point because I felt they had ruined my childhood and were the major reason I was dealing with all of this now, I wouldn't want this to be something that haunted their entire lives when they were admittedly still kids too. I don't even want to start talking about my sister because we'll be here all night and I don't really feel like crying any more (I've shed a few tears writing this so far) and I already detailed my feelings there in my post from the other night if you are really curious. I just....for all the criticism the show is getting from the mental health community, and much of it is very valid criticism, I think they're doing a very good job of showing the effects of suicide on those they left behind. The whole blame game approach isn't really a healthy one, but I think it could definitely have an effect on a kid who's having issues, for them to see just how much her death affected everyone she left behind. As far as the actual plot, I'm very glad Clay actually leveled with his mom about his friendship with Hannah and just how much it was affecting him. I don't think we'd get this scene, but I would SO love to see Clay's mom storm into her big power fancy law firm and tell them they can take their case and shove it because she refuses to be a part of something like that. Like I don't think they'd show that but I really wish they would. It's strange though, because the lawsuit subplot wasn't in the books, and honestly for me it changes everything I want to happen at the end of this- like I find myself actively wanting the tapes to be exposed and used at the trial, and just absolutely rip the school to shreds for all the ways they failed this poor girl. I know that would have personal repercussions likely for the other people on the tapes, but that would really feel like justice for me. Now, I kinda doubt that's gonna happen because it would be a major deviation from the book and the book's general premise, but I would like to say it. Okay, I think that's most of what I had to say about it. Watched the sexual assault scene like that was horrific and could definitely be triggering for survivors, but I am glad they included it to show just how awful what they were talking about really was. Okay, I think that's really it. And that ends my day, and I could get to bed being that it's now almost 2:30 am. Goodnight my babes. Stay sweet.

#daily journal #April 2017

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