#and nobody offline cares about this literally at all

[g-n-c-quoi]

(op you’re safe this is not a hate rb this is a “the internet is fucking deranged” rb)

re: that text post of mine that’s getting stupid amounts of traction now-

this is exactly what i’m talking about. most if not all endogenic systems are asking for literally the bare minimum of respect as human beings. the amount of people who refuse to even offer that is staggering, and speaks more to the morality and acceptance of antis than it does anyone else.

if you’re waiting for some kind of definitive scientific explanation to believe people when they tell you who they are, you’ve already lost the plot.

in all honesty, i couldn't care less about endogenic plurality. not my stable, not my horses

Valid, all I ask for is respect.

[qqueenofhades]

Is it normal that I’m legitimately so scared of saying pretty morally tame things like “I don’t want to talk about genocide because it makes me severely uncomfortable” or in general expressing my political opinion.

Like i’m not even kidding when I say that all my drafts are just my possibly offensive (probably not) political takes i’m just so scared of everyone leaving me it’s not even funny.

Anyway i also think that if you talk about Palestine but not Ukraine you are a victim of Russian Propaganda™️

I’m sorry I don’t know why i did this have a nice day ok baiiiiiii

Here's the thing. You and every other average social media user should not have to masquerade as a sudden in-depth expert on every single social, political, humanitarian, etc. crisis that we are dealing with in this wretchedly miserable excuse for a timeline. It should not be a baseline expectation on you that when you log onto your little social media in your little average life, you have to come up with The Correct Opinions on everything and if you don't, you're "perpetrating oppression" by not vigorously spreading misinformation, instead of simply admitting that you don't know what to do, you as an average citizen are not in a position of making this change and therefore don't actually have to spend every waking minute obsessing about it, and that maybe, just maybe, you'd like to spend more time informing yourself until and/or IF you decide you want to talk about it. This is the same as the Instagram Activists (TM) who traumatize themselves to the point of PTSD by constantly consuming torture and/or war porn and/or graphic content about murdered children because they "don't have the right to look away." Actually, you do. You are able to make choices to control your personal social media use and to set boundaries as to what you do and do not want to do and/or see, rather than insisting that the only moral choice is to literally mentally destroy yourself with all the weight of human suffering in the world and then expected to act as a de facto expert on all of it, on pain of being Cancelled. This is a stupid, irrational, unhealthy, and generally idiotic expectation. You should not have to take part in it. Nobody should.

Likewise, I think that this is a large part of why people are so scared to voice any opinion that goes against the Prevailing Groupthink: they are afraid of losing friends, of having nasty bad-faith internet trolls say mean things about them, being accused of being a "bad person," or otherwise being guilt-tripped, shamed, and blamed for not centering their entire existence around something that they cannot actually do anything about. Once again, people think the only way you can be Known to Oppose Something Problematic (tm) is if you post on social media about it all the time. Forget whatever you might be doing offline, in your real life, or otherwise; it "doesn't count" if you don't make a big virtuous display of your Rightthink, or you will be viciously harassed. Now, look, I am old and/or tired enough that I don't give a shit what stupid internet users say about me, but I can tell you that I sure did when I was younger, it was incredibly painful to be on the end of those kinds of attacks, and it's (again!) not something you should just have to expect as a baseline level of gaslighting and harassment. As I have said. This is Tumblr. It is a stupid blue website mostly for fandom and/or three in-jokes. This is not a platform where we are expected To Do Social Justice all the time, nor should it be. As for Elon Musk's Twitter: yeah. No.

Also: yes, if you do spend all your waking moments obsessing over Palestine, but say nothing whatsoever about Ukraine and/or openly support Russia, you are in fact very much a victim of Russian Propaganda and you 100% support genocide when it's done by an "anti-western" state that you support for that reason alone. You only care because you can use the cause to make yourself look morally superior, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with opposing genocide on a basic, universal, or fundamental level. The end.

(I hope you have a nice day too. The anger in this is not directed at you. I support everything you've said here and hope that you're able to set healthy boundaries and protect yourself.)

[ca-suffit]

Do you think the discourse about abuse in the Loustat relationship would be very different if they were both whites?

Yesterday I was following the latest discourse and i saw a tweet mentioning how the sex scene in ep 6 ,the one with Louis dissociating,someone said how Louis coerced Lestat using sex to make him less suspicious while they are plotting to kill him.

I'm really late i know but it's really the first time i saw how people are not objective with Louis to the point of distorting the meaning of a scene and i am really disgusted right now.

Once you see how vile people are in this fandom everything is so...

Now i remember what Sam said about what he saw on twitter and i can't help myself wondering what Jacob or Assad (Delainey seems to be quite loved and safe probably because she is a woman) but imagine what they see daily here and there?

Did you know Jacob started following his fan page few days ago and it make me think he is very aware and online.No one seems to care for this ,no PSA,no ''poor Jacob''...sorry i'm really bitter right now because it's like discovering everything,i was really naive all this time (I'm still new to the fandom 5months).

"Do you think the discourse about abuse in the Loustat relationship would be very different if they were both whites?"

yes. it already was different before the show aired. I can't say how ppl would react to the drop between white men, but I *can* say the focus on lestat's "innocence" in it all would not be done as hard if it was another white guy and white girl who were mad at him. ppl doubled down on the racist shit purely bcuz louis and claudia are black now and were angry at the abusive, white guy. can't have that!! didn't u know louis is lying and this is all fake and lestat has trauma?? :( ppl literally never talked about lestat's backstory in relation to his actions in iwtv that much at all before the show aired. ppl had fun laughing at what a stupid asshole he was and how awful they were as a couple. now suddenly it's "lestat did no wrong" forever.

"Once you see how vile people are in this fandom everything is so..."

ur gonna see this a lot now tbh, having awareness of it now, and the more u learn about antiblack tropes and dogwhistles and whatever else, the deeper it goes. it's in everything. that's part of why this account is here too, so it's harder for them to hide from ppl, and also so ppl can get educated about it.

"Delainey seems to be quite loved and safe probably because she is a woman"

she's actually the most at risk for being a woman tbh, bcuz she's not just a woman, she's a *black* woman. if ur not aware of the term "misogynoir" then look into that. here's a video to start. look into colorism too bcuz she got a lot of comments stemming from that when she was cast as claudia, being darker than bailey is.

tw here for abuse and rape topics

"Did you know Jacob started following his fan page few days ago and it make me think he is very aware and online.No one seems to care for this ,no PSA,no ''poor Jacob''...sorry i'm really bitter right now because it's like discovering everything,i was really naive all this time (I'm still new to the fandom 5months)."

ya, I saw. and ya I've commented on that before too, especially when ppl were extra coddling sam for his comments about why he's offline. obviously nobody should be having to deal with any of this, but sam as a white man is gonna have a *vastly* different experience and level of protection for his feelings than any actors of color are gonna get, especially black actors.

what ur feeling is normal for starting to have awareness of these issues. stay outraged and stay locked in to helping say something about it bcuz this is not just a fandom issue and it's neverending.

[ineffablefool]

Hey guys.

I know that there’s all kinds of fun events coming up, screenings and signings and conventions and whatnot.  They will involve large numbers of people in the same space.  I accept this.  It is happening.

Please wear a properly-fitted N95-or-better mask if you’re going.

Please mask up if you’re going, because covid is still out there, and I cannot risk bringing it into my house.

Please mask up if you’re going, because I can’t go.  I have to very, very sharply limit my time in public, because every time I go out I am risking covid, and I cannot bring covid into my 100% high-risk household.  That means I have to ask myself what I’m willing to potentially hospitalize my companion of 20 years for, or what I’m willing to potentially hospitalize myself for.  And as long as covid is circulating freely, I can never stop asking that question.

I can’t join my fellow fans at the Good Omens early screening, or at SDCC, or anywhere, because almost nobody is masking.  Almost nobody is being covid-conscious.  Could you, just for these few events?  Please?  The more individual humans that do it, the more other people will see them doing it and perhaps follow suit.  The more that people in general are willing to wear masks, the less likely I am to catch covid with every trip outside.  I might be able to go to a con again, some day.  I might be able to go watch that total solar eclipse coming up next year, the one we were already making plans for back in 2017 (I’m guessing we’ll just have to wait for the next one that swings by anywhere near to us, which will be in... let me check Wikipedia... 2044).  I might be able to just... go out in public without it being a huge stressor or requiring tons of preparation, swing by a coffee shop just because I feel like it, maybe even have offline friends again.  Have a professional cut my hair in a way that gives me good gender feels again.  (Do you know, I’ve been ready to talk to my doctor about testosterone for almost two years now?  But gender dysphoria won’t put me or my housemate in the emergency room.  Vastly increasing the frequency of my visits literally to a place where sick people congregate might.)

I understand that the pandemic has been declared to be over, and that long covid is obviously only something that happens to someone else, and it’s okay, as long as you’re young and/or basically healthy it’s fine!! :) :) :) :)

I’m one of the weirdo sickies.  As long as you’re having your fun togetherness times unmasked, I get no fun togetherness times at all.

If you’ve ever gotten even a tiny bit of joy from a story I’ve written, could you please just wear a properly-fitted N95-or-better mask when at one of these public events?  As a personal favor to me?  Because, yes, I know a handful of people wearing masks a thousand miles away doesn’t make an objectively measurable difference to me.  Except it would make such an incredibly huge difference.  To me.  If for just one single day this summer, someone would put up with some inconvenience, just to show the world that they do still care about people like me.

(This post is me, as one person of a particular fan community, reaching out in an attempt to reach others in that community who are aware of my specific existence as a human being, and who could potentially want to do me a favor.  If this breaks containment then no, random person who doesn’t know who I am and doesn’t care, I am not asking a single thing of you, other than that you accept that perhaps this interwebs posting is not for you.  Because it’s not.)

[ashsostrange]

ian reading allat 🧘‍♀️ craziest most immature shit i’ve been involved in.

lemme clear the air one last time though, cuz this is getting annoying as hell.

lash and marie are the ones who provided us with all the other info regarding what maye’s done/said. the only thing i initially knew about was the way maye was talking to dalia bc i was there for it. maye’s friend, marie, was the one who said maye claimed to be part japanese... and told us that her grandma is thai or whatever. then she heavily implied that maye was lying. anyway, if your friend of like three yrs is telling me you’re a liar (n ur already in hot water) then why wouldn’t i believe it? marie told us about the malala stuff and the curry rice joke. she told us that maye is avoidant when it comes to discussing what she did wrong. lash told us about the 9/11 jokes, she even sent screenshots. that’s where talia got them from. i literally said it was weird that maye said she’s “racist on occasion” and they were shitting on her like everyone else was, bc the way she was acting was mad weird.

how are you gna tell us your friend is problematic then turn around and tell her we were talking about her and the things she’s done..? the things… you told us???! they coulda kept quiet but they didn’t for some reason, so receipts are due:

either your “friends” were playing in your mf face or y’all are on some next level fake shit 😭

mind you, if you scroll down on my page, you’ll see that one of these weird ass hoes sent me a link thru anon so they could grab my ip.. like oh, okay! so you’re racist and insane!!!! and i know it was them bc they’ve talked about doing stuff like this to people they’ve had issues with. ion got issues with nobody else on this app except rashad, nd he hasn’t even been bothering me sooo. like i said, i was gna keep this offline but the ip shit really got me.. that’s real fkn weird 😭

i’m sorry it’s so difficult for y’all to accept, but you created this mess on your own, the five of you. i’m not messy for nothing… like ever. and neither are my friends. i alr said i wasn’t gna make them choose between me and maye, cuz i’m not even that close w any of them for it to ever get to that point. i’ve made it perfectly clear that i don’t associate with people who act a certain way, and people that associate with such. not to mention, i blocked all these hoes, but i keep receiving screenshots of these mfs yappin in their ig notes ab me and the situation like we’re in middle school 😭 you say you hate drama but you are the drama baby. plsss grow up! this is mad childish.

never expected marie or anyone else to drop maye for me, i literally don’t care 🤷‍♀️ not my problem, like i said, would’ve j dropped her too. but again, i realllyyyyy don’t understand how you rat out your friend and act like you didn’t… be safe out here y’all LMFAO

i stand on everything i’ve said 🤷‍♀️ like i stated last night before maye even said anything, yes, i was talking shit! and i don’t care! i have no reason to be nice to these people. not one.

i’m not writing another long ass post about this, i’ve explained everything that needed to be explained. i don’t want my blog crowded w drama. if i need to add anything i’ll tell talia to do so on my behalf.

tumblr drama is so silly n i didn’t do nun wrong lol. y’all are your own worst enemies. moral of the story, don’t be racist! 💋

[syscourse-confessions]

I am so tired of law-abiding fools.

They claim that you can't tell someone's being a smartass based on vibes alone, they might actually be trying to make a real argument! They might really be telling the truth, and without concrete proof you can't say otherwise!

Burden of proof is on the guy wearing the smirk, I'm not sorry

Let me explain. Someone in here recently disavowed the concept of bad-faith arguments, specifically the thought that you might be able to tell whether they're making one without knowing them and being inside their head.

Throwback to several years ago, when I ran up against someone telling me they don't think my disorder is real. I'm like. I'm not dealing with this. They want to paint me as crazy so that nobody takes my criticism seriously, everybody will eat it up because the change I want is inconvenient, and the staff will obviously be like :thumbsup: all the while being like. "You just got mad, deal with it B)" (this was about an IEP in school btw, in case you're curious.)

Bad-faith arguments have an unscholarly purpose. To make you just give up because arguing with them is exhausting. And it works because people take them seriously, bro. People take mister "I dont trust the medicine people" seriously. IDK what the anon was specifically talking about, but the concept of bad-faith arguments should be taken seriously. It's a valid observation to make of somebody else's argument, and they can make counter points to your observation if they want. If the guy was like, I dunno anything about it! Once I pointed out the bad-faithness, I could educate him and he could learn. But that isn't what happened. It's just emotional denial with zero curiosity. "No!! Now listen to me instead of ignoring me!!" they say. And then you listen, and that's when they win. (in this instance I just got accomodations for symptoms of general ptsd, which wasn't enough so I dropped out)

When people with shitty ideas pretend to be good-willed, we feel obligated to give them a platform as a free-thinking, curious, trusting society. Daily IRL life (offline) depends on trusting people to be decent. When people with shitty ideas present themselves as Just Asking Questions And Being Curious Except When You Try To Educate Me I Yell At You, the audience (at BEST) reacts with "oh well I guess since this person who Knows about this is arguing with him, I guess he's worth arguing with! I guess this topic is still up for debate!" And you can SEE the issue with that.

Support people who just don't take obvious shit. Support people who call out some Bullshit, pls. Pretending you have to treat everyone as equally unmalicious is dangerous, and that's coming from a trans guy who was accused of mail tampering at age 11. Be less trusting of OBVIOUS bs, and if someone's like "this is an obvious bad-faith argument" don't go "you don't know that! what if they're well-meaning? You can't see in their head!" it's literally All these types of people want. I don't care what it's about. This happens with every single issue. Hotdogs a sandwich. This is pedantics. We're talking about food safety cause your restaurant is breaking the food safety guidelines, we aren't going to discuss whether a hotdog counts as a sandwich. That type of shit. It's everywhere. "I want a lwayer, dog" "Oh but he might've meant he wanted a dog who was a lawyer! I didn't know he was calling Me dog!" you know. Hope this isn't too harsh, I don't hold any bad feelings towards this one anon, I just really hate seeing actual angels in my life fall into the trap of trusting professional bullshitters :/ Replies encouraged, because obviously since this is a reply to someone I'd be an ass to not welcome a response LOL

📬- Syscourse replies encouraged

[void-tiger]

Sorry this is late but you are so right in the tags (the memes for post se8 au one)!!! Like Kuron didnt deserve any of that shit both in canon and story wise. Like there is doomed by the narrative and then there is whatever this was, like freaking Haxus was given a moment of silence and Allura reminding Zarkon of his shit was treated as more morally wrong then this. And just half the reason i have this au is because i want Jiro to be angry about this like he deserves. Like he did nothing wrong but my good he should have, he deserves to bite people. He 100% deserve to be angry at Shiro and Allura (and Keith. Keith was the one most assertive that he was Shiro, Keith was the one that basically got him killed. Jiro is taping up Keith and Haggars and a bunch of other people's pictures on a dartboard and throws darts at it as stress relief as we speak)

Ohh I am SO angry at Keith.

“The Black Lion Roared! It claims Keith as BP!”

NO, fools. The Black Lion wants to save the damn clone who quite literally threw his bayard away—at Allura; if anyone was “next in line” it should’ve been her. We all know it. Mir practically animated it that way in addition to him wiping the floor with them but nobody actually got hurt. HELL even while possessed he gave them TIME to Get The Fuck OUT. And Allura had to blow up her castle to fix Lotor’s Major Fuckup, anyway. He could’ve easily crippled the paladins or Voltron by killing them Right Then or taking the bayard or Black Lion with him.

He didn’t. He’s literally playing 3D chess in a split second—while possessed—and he largely goes unsung, anyway.

He keeps the showdown against Keith largely in Keith’s Favor and deliberately missing shots and destroying the cloning facility (rip to the clones. They are innocents in this too.) and. Keith still nearly gets himself killed, anyway.

Black Lion’s the one to save Jiro when he’s finally close enough in-range for the Lion to sense him—despite them not having a true Lion-Paladin bond.

Black Lion saves Shiro (and Green Lion saves Pidge) VERY early on.

Black Lion saves Shiro again—while being the most damaged by that S1 Fight against Zarkon and Haggar—by teaming up with Keith very briefly (then has to go offline again; they need a Castle Pickup.)

Black Lion saves Shiro by uploading him—you mean to tell me a Teleporting Lion who clearly adores THIS Paladin and does not come back online until Every Single Character (save Coran) tries bonding with it would just Lose his body like that? NAH. That’s NOT how the scifi tropes for transporters or transporter delays/accidents even work.

As horrific as it is, if the issue was really Shiro needing a body verses Black Lion wanting to save a clone trying so hard and loving so much, too, um. [gestures at It’s Raining Men errr Shiro Clones.] Black Lion had options. I am not a fan of this particular fanon fix. Those clones deserve a chance to live, too. BUT it does point out the even more obvious flaw in what actually happened canonically.

Buuuuuut, Monsantos didn’t care about that. They just wanted their Officially Bastardized Version Of Keith to be their grimdark edgelord BP self insert. (Oh, and make Allura their Narrative Tool to do it.)

-

…soooo…yeah. Jiro deserves to be fucking pissed at Allura, Shiro, the paladins, and especially Keith.

Shiro has every right to be upset with Jiro. (Misdirected, sure. But, imo he’s allowed to be imperfect without getting villainized for it, y’know? Trauma and processing trauma and healing isn’t tidy whatsoever.)

(And Allura should NEVER have been used by the writers for what happened. Or framed as “just as bad as the galra! Teehee!!” in s8, apparently—I staunchly refuse to watch it.)

[genderisareligion]

Twitter com/_JVigo/status/1589014812251807745/ are u aware of this situation??

(First part)

Was not aware of this. TL;DR this white self important blue check keyboard psychologist is being accused of sharing and profiting from domestic violence/SA testimonies from women who didn't consent to their publication. Story goes she's actively gaslighting them about the stories being theirs. Apparently enough women she knows/have spoken to have came forward with similar complaints that it's a thing

I've never read her books but did check her blog out a few years ago (you may recognize her from my 37 questions about misandry post) and I've definitely seen her orbiting rad Twitter but was never following because tbh 95% of the time blue checkmarks give me the ick regardless of who it is lol. 95% of the time they're a literal nobody to my autistic out of touch ass. Or as it seems in this case, not much more than smoke and mirrors

Will never understand this generation of social media doctors/healthcare professionals/what have you. Obsessed with themselves and how their practice looks more than the actual practice to the point that fame trumps patient care. In my opinion healers who are actually about their shit don't have time for and shouldn't even want an "audience," like if your focus is on demonstratively improving people's lives out of the goodness of your heart or whatever. Patients are not audience members or fans, they're people in need who need your expertise and most importantly your discretion, and likewise fans and audience members are not patients. Seeing more of these wires getting crossed more often the faster healthcare becomes virtual post COVID

Using tech to help patients who are legitimately under your care is one thing, even giving general nondescript medical advice to the public is another...from what I can tell (granted I just found out) where Jess fucked up was broadcasting not only this testimony drama involving two ex IRL friends all over her Twitter, but everything she thinks and says throughout a given day.

From XY cosmetic surgeons spamming TikTok with "relatable" "memes" (manipulative ads) to tone def white women who think the act of saving and its glory is what makes saving someone worthwhile, not who you're saving...more grown adults in this world really need to be more Offline and they refuse

[cigaretteliker]

deleted that ask from main bc it has been bothering me literally all day but then i realized i dont actually care that much. nobody off of the internet cares or thinks about this in the specifically deranged way social media makes it appear they do. which loops back around to my actual problem with a lot of contemporary converts, which is that many of them do not interact with their faith communities in any coherent, tangible, offline way, but create extremely dysfunctional microcommunities on the internet that do not reflect the values or behaviours of the group they claim to be a part of. (and tbh in general the disconnect between what is said online and what is acted out in real life is a problem in more than just religious circles, OBVIOUSLY, and as such im as fully guilty of this as anyone.) this is not just a jewish problem because i see it happening in trad christian spaces a ton. i see it in my church. i see it in my classes. in very tertiary ways i also see it beginning to happen in muslim spaces, but obviously that is nothing i can comment on as i have no connection to that community. but this behaviour becomes more damaging in judaism because i will tell you right now, a convert does not have more right to my dead family than i do. and nobody, regardless of the time they have spent in a practice or the connection they feel they have to it, has more or less of a claim to that practice. everyone is so desperate to be validated so they can accrue some modicum of power to feel stable in who they are and it makes me sad. this world is breaking people into pieces.

[lunarsilkscreen]

Canceling

There's this premise that it's really senseless mob behavior, the viewers, who just stop paying attention to a celebrity or some authority figure, and in turn, that has the power to end their career.

Edgelordes, oh no.

That's not the whole thing though, is it? You can't cancel somebody without actively taking away their platform to speak, and you can't cancel somebody unless you actively have the power to exile them.

In older times it was "The Silent Treatment" where a person whole social group would stop talking to them. Before that, it was literal exile, and being expelled from the tribe, or town, or village.

In modern times though... It's a little different.

People offline can be "cancelled" simply because they don't have any social support. Family either doesn't include them in matters, or just aren't interested in conversing with them. And friends, either don't exist or only use them to support their MLM addiction.

For people with social anxiety it's worse. This is more than *just butterflies* or stage fright, it's an inability to communicate, and at worst, form connections with other people.

Social Outcast, Social Exile, Social Canceling is still a thing. But, that's fine as long as you can be left to your own devices. But it gets complicated when people start to see that as a financial opportunity. Predators prey on the socially awkward. And the rest of society finds it acceptable.

Because everybody, especially women, love to victim blame. And dig for gold. Oddly enough; even when there's only pyrite.

So what does it mean in an online social environment? Stealing equipment. Like home computers, mobile devices, vehicles. That's the offline tactics.

All you need to know, is somebody in a financial bind and low morals after all. You pay them tell them to keep the stuff they sell. Double Payday for them.

And for you, social power.

But that's not all, people have been known to call in false 911 calls in order to get people arrested, and the police to confiscate their belongings. Because the police get to keep anything they confiscate if its under the gusie of criminal activity. Even when the crime was a fake anonymous tip about drug possession that did not exist.

Everything you worked hard for, taken by the people supposed to protect society. That's why people hire bodyguards and lawyers.

But it can also come from bot farming. Enough dislikes and negative comments on somebody's social media post can entirely ruin their algorithm. Fake copyright strikes, enough clicks on that "report abuse" button and you could lose your entire account.

Imagine being convicted of a crime you didn't commit, and didn't even get tried for in a court of law.

Imagine, it was your neighbor or childhood friend who put in the anonymous tip. Simply because they wanted the clout.

If it were only teenagers throwing a temper tantrum online, nobody would care about it. But it's not. Even senators and TV personalities are legit afraid of it.

If only it was as simple as being run out of Hollywood like in the old days.

[dxsturbia]

Or she wasn’t the one who drew it

But again she drew me one w Jonas brothers

The handles a misdirection

I know that I’m repeating myself I know this is repetitive you can hear me 

Okay I know the shock has worn off a little but I still have to live with it

This was without a doubt the craziest thing to see and go through

I remember

And what happened offline I just chucked all of it out of my head

All I ever ask for is as much privacy as I can legally request

Please don’t displace me from my home 

So this girl woman I guess and I spend roughly about a year calling on this memory redefining it in adult terms and it’s a horror story

And I’m compartmentalizing enough about you do you merge your behavior with his because you’re acting just like him I am and I’ve never been just like him I’m a leaky faucet I need to process emotions so

My partner has a reputation within my circle because I have friends

But there was so much shit nobody ever knew about that she’s confirming now oh yeah that did it happen exactly the way you remember it

And I am genuinely focused enough on her and caring for her and helping her and being a friend and a partner to her

this is not phasing me at all like but I can’t think about anything else

And I’m really good at talking her off the ledge

Next time on oxygen snapped

So here’s the thing I’m not your friend but I am your friend and your partner and real life you and her depended way too much on me

The way you speak to me as a woman as your friend acceptable OK because on that front I am your equal but when acting as your partner all you do is disrespect me

And you do it publicly and I don’t enjoy being degraded that’s not something that’s going to attract me to you

Public humiliation was not part of the deal and if you wanna go there if you want to spread private conversations around I’m just gonna tell everybody what happened what really happened

Because all I really said was that I never wanted you back in my life I wasn’t like exposing you I was hurt because I knew exactly who you were the day you approached me



And once again Austin you’ve got me twisted stop calling me a bitch I’m not the one telling people you’re back I have a small circle of friends that include literally one person if she is spreading your conversations around and telling people you’re abusive and doing all of that my bad but the fact of the matter is you are

I’m not some puppy dog 16-year-old girl anymore honey you need to get yourself together all you did was disrespect me

Call me names and pick up and drop me when we didn’t break character like that that was all right

I’m being expressive them a little bit angry you’re taking screenshots and you were the one to do this in the first place

[consensualkink]

heeeyyyy tumblr it’s me ya boy, back at it again with the shitty life.

i love how i have 700+ followers and not even a single person listens to me, it’s like screaming in the middle of a crowd yet nobody can hear me. super therapeutic.

just needed to vent as always so expect another long boy coming up.

the difference between my online self and offline self is pretty staggering. because most of my irls don’t push me the way my online friends do which gets exhausting after a while, needing to constantly explain myself. 

i’ve never had a problem with sacha but now it feels like a dam has been broken because maybe that was just in my delusions? lmao. from an odd angle, i feel betrayed; why would he hide things from me and not be honest? doesn’t he know best how i’d rather get hurt than being kept in the dark? what does he mean by keeping my feelings safe when that’s my job and his is to ensure that our friendship isn’t built on his efforts alone? i’ve always poured my everything into sacha. honesty, genuine care and interest... what he sees is literally the way i am. yesterday, i saw someone saying that if your friends know you’ve got certain mental conditions yet still uphold and expect you to act the same way they do or neurotypically then it’s ableist. 

that’s not the sacha i know, he’s not an ableist at all. however, he does seem adamant in having these expectations of me that i’ve never known about and i can’t fill in those shoes because they just.. don’t fit right. but if i say that then he’s going to accuse me of using the mental illness card again which wasn’t even what i said? i was explaining that my communication can come off as unpleasant to others... but i don’t mean harm by it. 

right now i have no idea what to say to him because i’m busy with my surroundings. not out of avoidance but i’m seriously occupied by so many other things that can’t be delayed or pushed aside.

[starglitterz]

cynosure. (viii)

─── chapter 8 ! ~ this is how to be a heartbreaker.

summary; you and xiao are genmates under the famed streamer company genshin impact. the chemistry between the two of you is undeniable, and your fanbases absolutely love your collaborations. but when you both start meeting up offline more and more, your connection starts to deepen past just harmless flirting and playful banter. with these real feelings starting to affect both your job and reputation online, how will you two react when your relationship becomes the internet’s cynosure?

a/n: HI I MISSED CYNOSURE SM I JUST TOOK AGES TO WRITE THIS BC OF IRL STUFF AKJWDKJSD BUT IM BACK NOW YEAHHHH aLSO this is quite a long chapter, so strap in for a rollercoaster ride >:) !!!!

as always, reading order is; 1 2 3 4

warnings; angst, hate comments, threatening

previous.┃masterlist.┃next.

please reblog ! it helps a lot :)

youtube !

@.kunikuzushi's latest video is #15 on trending; XIAO AND Y/N AREN'T AS PERFECT AS YOU THINK - HERE'S WHY!

without wasting time on clickbait rubbish, let's get right into the video. we all know the internet's current favourite 'it-couple', aka xiao and y/n from genshin impact's liyue third generation. however, i'm here to tell you why they are the most awful and toxic pairing to exist in the streamer fandom, and i've literally been shipped with tartaglia. speaking of which, go check out my other video on why his views have been declining recently! but anyways, before we delve into the deeper stuff, don't forget to hit the subscribe button and click on the bell to get notified whenever i post new videos - you wouldn't want to miss any, would you?

well, now that that's over... i'll start off by saying to please not send hate to any parties involved in this video. kidding! i genuinely could not care less whether you do or don't. as long as you don't say it's from me, you're in the clear, and that's just because i seriously don't want to get demonetised again.

i'd also like to mention that i'm a pretty diehard fan of xiao. that's a lie, i'd never heard of him before he was hired by genshin. but! i did some digging, with some assistance from my talented friend who prefers to be known only as 'the crimson witch', and found his past life. if you're unfamiliar with streamer terms, that's just slang for a persona a streamer used to play before they either retired or signed up to a company. i doubt any of you know who xiao used to be, as it's considered bad taste to doxx a streamer's previous character, but fun fact; i don't give a [####]! ah [####], now i've got to cut that out so i can still get ad revenue.

xiao's former life was as none other than part of the five famed yakshas! this is basically his tragic backstory, which then led to him signing up for genshin and being catapulted into worldwide fame and fortune; jeez xiao, save some main character moments for the rest of us! he used to go by alatus, and in case you don't know what happened to the yakshas, here's a quick summary. while they were famous for creating content as a group, one of the girls was accused of having a relationship, and the internet went wild. i'm talking mass unsubscribing, hate comments, dislike bombing - and not just on her account, on all five of their accounts and their shared account. things only got more heated when a respected updates channel, guess who? if you guessed yours truly, you're absolutely right! if you guessed anyone else... why are you even here? anyway, i posted a huge video about it, which actually kickstarted my career, and well, basically ruined theirs.

the entire internet hopped on a giant bandwagon of hating on them until finally, the group could no longer tolerate it, and the five yakshas were disbanded. nobody knew what had become of each of them, at least until now! i've solved the grand mystery of who xiao is, and now i'll get into why he shouldn't be with y/n.

first off, i pity xiao, okay? i made that video for clout and it actually worked, i didn't expect the yakshas to dissolve because of it. and so i want what's best for xiao, because he deserves some happiness after such a terrible sobstory. therefore, i believe that he shouldn't be with y/n at all! how long have we known her? only around a couple months, which as confirmed by venti's interview, is the same amount of time xiao's known her. yet in that short duration, y/n's been proven countless times to be a terrific flirt, constantly buttering up others in collabs with stupid pick-up lines and flirty expressions. honestly, the second-hand embarrassment i get from some of her videos is almost overwhelming. xiao, meanwhile, is the polar opposite; he's quiet, reserved, and barely does collaborations. y/n is hanging onto genshin impact by the skin of her teeth with the collabs, while xiao can hold his own in terms of content. at least his is watchable and doesn't make me want to bang my head against the wall.

xiao deserves better, because even if he's mooning after y/n, she doesn't even bother giving him a second glance. she treats him the same way she treats everyone else, like objects - another reason why you shouldn't support her. xiao is probably pretending to like her, which is understandable considering how many views their collabs get. human fall flat, valorant, gartic phone with the entire third gen, it's all great business sense, really. people are suckers for the grumpy boy sunshine girl trope, and they know that and make the best use of it. it's just a ploy to get more money from you, both from ads and superchat donations.

overall, xiao and y/n suck together, mainly because of how their relationship is obviously being faked for views. however, it seems like xiao might actually be catching feelings, which is also horrible because he deserves someone more caring and loving than the playful and childish y/n. especially after his backstory, that boy must have severe trust issues, so it's better for him to be saved from this before things get messed up and he ends up heartbroken.

that's it from me, scaramouche, hope you enjoyed the video!

twitter !

groupchat !

phone call !

outgoing call to y/n at 6.14 p.m.

xiao: y/n, are you with hu tao and yanfei now? are you safe?

y/n: hi xiao... yeah i'm with them at the mall. i'm waiting for them outside wanwen bookhouse, and then we're going to xinyue kiosk for dinner before heading home.

xiao: thank the archons, i was so scared for you. i was seriously contemplating driving out to help you somehow but i had no clue how. i was worried my presence might... exacerbate the situation.

y/n: aw xiao, thanks for being so caring. it's fine though, i'm still in one piece!

xiao: but that's the problem, y/n. it isn't fine.

y/n: what are you talking about?

xiao: it isn't fine that you were threatened with a knife outside a grocery store! by one of my fans, which makes it worse!

y/n: xiao, i told you it's okay. things like this happen when you're famous.

xiao: that doesn't make it right and you know it. this wouldn't even have happened if i didn't interact with you.

y/n: xiao, you can't blame yourself for your fans' actions. you don't control them, they're functional humans who make their own choices.

xiao: either way, the fact remains that you nearly got hurt because of me.

y/n: how is it because of you?!

xiao: my fans got jealous because i've been spending so much time with you, so they nearly attacked you! the blame can't fall on anyone else for that besides me.

y/n: and what about the fan? isn't it their fault?

xiao: yes, obviously it is. but we don't know who it is and i doubt we ever will. as an influencer, this is exactly why i'm supposed to stay away from problems like these.

y/n: problems like these? and what do you mean by that, xiao?

xiao: this entire thing between us!

y/n: you're saying all the time we spent together was just 'a problem' to you?

xiao: no! i mean- yes, but not in that way.

y/n: in what other way could that mean, xiao?

xiao: i mean that i enjoyed hanging out with you! i like you, y/n. a lot more than i should considering our jobs.

y/n: well i like you too, xiao! so who cares about that?! our fans, the good ones at least, will be over the moon if we become official.

xiao: and what about the bad ones? whatever happened today to you could happen ten times worse and next time you might not be so lucky.

y/n: that's a risk i'm willing to take.

xiao: i don't want you to be at risk! i can't let it happen again.

y/n: let what happen again?

xiao: nothing. look, y/n, i'm really sorry, but we've got to end this.

y/n: xiao, come on-

xiao: no. i need you to be safe and okay, even if that means distancing myself from you. i can't lose another person i care about.

y/n: by doing this, you're already losing me. please, xiao, just try to-

xiao: i'm sorry, y/n. it's for the best. i'm cancelling the collab we were supposed to have next week, and i'm not going to be interacting with you on social media or real life. at least not until this entire mess is sorted out, i can't endanger you further.

y/n: we can make this work, xiao, please.

xiao: goodbye, y/n.

call cut at 6.37 p.m.

twitter !

a/n; scaramouche is so fun to write for gn JKDAKWJDKJAS,,, also angst moment 😍HAHAHA i promised angst and here is the delivery, i hope u all enjoyed it! i, personally, am absolutely DEVASTATED over the end of xiaoyn 😞 but i'd love to hear yalls theories for what will happen next, especially since we've still got a ton of chapters left LOL ok anyways im too tired to write more for this a/n except im sorry for the long wait between chapters ! school is kicking my ass 😭 but ily all take care mwah !

taglist; @noirkkat @bookuya @ohmykazuha @glazelilyy @oreoz-unfortunately @tiny-aroace @xiaophobic @test-tube @jiinghe @storytravelled @mirikusashes @ben6ett @oliviasslut @bluexiao @lunachelly @aelatus @mimion @akiiyukii @angelhxneyy @give-xiao-almond-tofu @abyssheart @xuanya @normalisthenewnorm @viagiraffe @fuhuashandholder @astersg4rden @nachotrash @childe-support @cynokine @axerrri @ventirain @kait-is-always-late @hushyouu @celestair @rim0na @indecisivehusky @nurserinnn @ariesreii @saving-for-xiao @hellokittykuroo @auradragon199 @xiaoszn @liarchive @almondto-fu @berryqueue @chichikoi @yunaholics @yoimimi @http-mewchuu

general masterlist.

© starglitterz 2021. do not repost or modify in any way.

[sillysadduck]

honestly i'd love to hear ur headcanons about the dhmis teachers ::::D

HELLO FRIEND! Ughh I'm so mad I couldn't answer this ask before but tumblr genuinely wouldn't even let me open it at first:( I think I posted about that issue- I was also offline for a few days but im back <:D

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED♡♡

These are my hcs for the og teachers, if you want to see the ones I have for my human AU too let me know :)

general hc for all of them: all of them dislike kids, except for Steak, and some of them suck at interacting with them.

Paige/Sketchbook:

-Their voice sounds a bit uninterested and annoyed in the first episode and I think they genuinely were.

-Got scared when things got weird. They weren't expecting all of that to happen.

-They're friends with almost all of the other teachers. They get along the best with Tony. They're a bit scared of Steak tho.

-They actually don't know shit about art, they just pretend to know💫

-They love to annoy Tony, they find it funny when he gets mad at them.

-They draw on themselves.

-They don't like using their legs most of the time, but they can. As seen in episode 6 they're just little black sticks like their arms.

Shrignold:

-More of a general hc but he worships the Malcom statue as a representation of the actual Malcom. Malcom is actually something among the lines of a God so he can't be seen or touched in reality.

-He has internalized homophobia, but he's gay himself. He just wouldn't act on it, it's against his beliefs.

-He's actually really good with kids. Thats how he got Yellow's "Special One" to join his cult.

-Doesn't mean he likes them, but he's an amazing manipulator.

-He will preach to anyone and I mean ANYONE, I do think he genuinely convinced Paige and Tony to join him by just talking with them.

-He's not aware of some of the creepy members of his cult (furry boy I'm looking at you) but he doesn't care either.

Tony:

-I actually posted a doodle of this but he hangs himself on the wall and behaves like an actual inanimate clock when he's mad at someone 💫

-That someone is Paige 80% of the time bc theyre annoying

-ANGER ISSUES

-Autistic!!

-He has no patience, asking him a question is like asking your dad to teach you math. He will yell, slam his hands against the table, get frustrated a hundred times and then he will apologize only if he feels like it.

-Not a good teacher at all, but he's good at keeping normal conversations. Just don't ask him any deep questions.

-The others don't understand him. Everyone considers him hard to deal with because of his short temper. He gets along the best with Paige and Colin.

Colin:

-Also autistic bc how could he not be

-Actually knows the darkest parts of the "digital world"/internet but just like in a common computer you won't get easy access to those.

-He was Roy's computer! He's a fairly old computer, Roy stopped using him when he became glitchy and only brought him back for the show.

-Is super slow most of the time, using him as an actual computer is frustrating.

-Yellow can use him to play old computer games tho, and he will if given a chance.

-Gets mad at Red preferring Laptop because Laptop is not glitchy, it makes him feel replaced and frustrated.

-Scared of bugs, no joke intended

Steak/Lamp chop:

-Literal BBQ dad

-The other teachers find him intimidating bc bro is huge.

-Spinach Can and Bread Boy are like his kids! And Fridge is always by his side, nobody knows if they're in love or just buddies.

-He doesn't speak to any of the other teachers or the main trio most of the time, he's happy with the healthy gang and feels like he doesn't need more than them.

-Spinach really looks up to him, they never leave his side. Steak will carry them everywhere and tell them bad jokes.

-Yellow wants to be picked up by him all the time, he doesn't find him scary, he just saw he's tall and now he wants up.

Larry/Lamp:

-Man was DRUNK while he was singing about dreams.

-Can't form coherent thoughts, ever.

-Shrignold loves to be around him bc he always listens. Truth is he's always kind of lost inside his own brain so that makes him a good listener.

-He's really strong physically but he's not aware of it, Yellow was really hurt when he grabbed him by the arm.

-He will fall asleep anywhere and anytime. He doesn't even care.

-He uses Colin as Google by asking him lots and lots of questions.

-No one can stand to be around him when he gets philosophical. And I mean no one. Not even Yellow. His philosophical questions don't even make any sense.

Bonus main trio hcs:

-Yellow is autistic and has ADHD :)

-He loves to be picked up!

-ofc he's a puppet but I hc him to be somewhere between 4 and 8 instead of being 48😃 bc... [SPOILER AHEAD] no way he went from being 38 to being 48 the same day on wakey wakey.

-Red is also autistic.

-He learned Yellow will stop crying if he carries him. So he does.

-Sometimes he'll sleep on his bed with him too if that means he can help him sleep better.

-Duck reads bedtime stories for Yellow.

-If he's talking too much Red will pick him up by the scruff of his neck as a kitten as a sweet and silent way of telling him to please please please shut up.

-He has a short temper, just like Tony.

This got super long I'm sooo sorry I just love talking about them </3

[bigskydreaming]

I kinda wanna fucking scream, so here, have a offline bullshit rant post.

So I’ve literally been trying to get my stupid fucking meds for over a MONTH now at this point, which I’m sure you can all see like, my mood is just wooooonderful these days. Not an excuse, casual reminder that yeah you do gotta take care of your own space so if my mood is dragging anyone down, I’m totes on board with blocking or unfollowing or y’know, burning me in effigy or something. Okay maybe not that last part. But still. You get it. And its not even that like, I need mood stabilizers per se, lol, so shout out to the armchair diagnosticians helpfully peppering my inbox still in their quest to oh so slickly be like ‘hey you’re a hot mess, take your hot messness away from tumblr’ like lol, didn’t ask.....nah, its mostly the perpetual lack of sleep and chronic pain issues that I have zero distraction from when my specific combo of meds isn’t able to let me actually weaponize my ADHD properly and power through that. Its a whole thing. Whatever. Just go with it.

POINT IS. So I’ve been trying to do this for over a month now, first obstacle was even just getting the money together for my refill appointment which is a whopping $150, because I have to pay out of pocket for mental health stuff these days because I had to switch my insurance over to something that paid out more heavily for physical benefits like my jaw surgery.....and because of the pandemic, and how many psychiatrists in my area and that I could actually reach aren’t taking new patients during the pandemic since most of them are conducting business virtually still, like, I have barely any resources for seeking out and trying new psychiatrist offices in the meanwhile that might charge less and I’m kinda stuck with the one I have because the last thing I can afford is to have like, NO psychiatrist at the moment, y’know?

So first I had to have that to even BOOK the appointment, which took forever because rent and food are a joy to accrue when you can barely manage to function as an actual employee of the capitalist machine ahfsklhflkahflakf, but so then I did that and like, got an appointment put on the books for August 19th. That was the soonest they could fit me in back when I paid them for my appointment about a week and a half ago. No, two weeks ago now? Eh, time is fake. ANYWAY, so that wasn’t gonna work for me, so basically the entirety of last week was devoted to constantly calling and trying to check in every other hour to see if they had any sooner cancellations I could take, because for whatever fucking reason, they just ‘don’t do’ a cancellation list wherein they call the next person on the list once they have a cancellation. Whatever.

So finally got a cancellation slot with a virtual appointment last Saturday night at random as fuck 8:40. Okay cool. Most of my refills are fairly simple, no real changes, but two are controlled substances so like, they have to do their due diligence and go through the proper protocols before giving me another prescription to one or whatever. Fine. Okay.

So I call the CVS they sent the prescription for my ADHD med to, the very next morning. One of the controlled substances, and the key med to like....making me functional instead of a rambling disjointed whirlibird of a thought emitter. Problem is, that medication is on back order. Won’t be in until Tuesday. Ugh. Okay, fine. Nothing I can do about it, because while the specific provider I spoke to in order to GET my refill prescriptions was taking an appointment the night before, the actual offices that schedule appointments and connect patients through to their providers was closed for the weekend, so I couldn’t even ask for them to send the scrip somewhere else.

SO. I go back to the CVS on Monday, hoping that maybe it came in early because not like I can do much else in the meanwhile. Course its not there, but oh well. I toy with the idea of calling to ask my provider to send the scrip to a different pharmacy (only had it sent to this one cuz its within walking distance to me, and since I can’t drive for medical reasons and Uber’s are expensive as fuck, just for errands, like, even though walking is sooooo not fun for me physically, like it is what it is). I decide against it because here’s another fun fact about this controlled substance....for security reasons, pharmacies don’t have to tell people over the phone if they have it in stock or not. Like, they won’t just say no we don’t have it in stock - I mean, they WILL say that, but that doesn’t actually mean anything because that’s what most of them say about that particular medication no matter whether or not they DO, and then just cite security protocols, so you have to actually GO to the store in question to ask them and even get a real answer to whether or not they even HAVE it in stock to FILL a prescription if its sent over. And no, the provider won’t just send scrips into several different pharmacies at once and just be whichever has it in stock can fill it - because again, controlled substance.

SO. I decide its not worth it to try getting the scrip sent over somewhere else, because I’d have to at least waste money on an Uber to even travel to various pharmacies and even check if they CAN fill it sooner than this one, when at least this place will have it in tomorrow. Its just one more day at this point.

Except then I go back on Tuesday. Oh sorry, don’t know why that other person told you we’d have our order in today, our shipments of that medication don’t come in until Wednesdays.

So I go back Wednesday. Success! They have it in stock. I go to pay, pulling out my goodRx coupon that was just printed out that morning, specifically citing the price for CVS at Target. The pharmacy manager says sorry, we don’t honor that coupon here for controlled substances like this one. I say: record scratch? He’s like yeah, that’s at the discretion of individual pharmacies, and we don’t honor that price for this specific medication, because we don’t want to attract customers only coming here to get that medication filled for that price. (This pharmacy is right at the edge of Inglewood and Culver City, for anyone who is familiar with those neighborhoods. The implications are exactly as they appear to be). So I’m like, what’s the regular generic price? He quotes me something that’s $180 more than the coupon, and thus $180 more than I have since I was focused totally on getting THIS amount ASAP, so I could get these meds so I could do more work and make more money. You see the train of thought. I’m like well that’s awesome, I don’t have anything close to that. Hey. Weird question. Why did nobody I talked to the past three days in a row that I’ve walked into this store in person to request this refill, like, mention this little tidbit about not honoring this coupon so instead of waiting for a backorder that would do me no good, I could have been spending that time having my prescription transferred somewhere that WOULD honor it?

He’s like, well did you mention to any of them that you’d be using a goodRx coupon for this particular medication? I said, yup. He said, you sure? I said well the specific process each time was I came in, I asked if this medication was in, they said what’s your name and date of birth, I provided that info, they said are you paying out of pocket, we don’t have valid insurance info for this on file for you, I said yup paying out of pocket with a goodRx coupon, they said *clickety clack of the keyboard* nope, sorry, we won’t have this medicine in until Tuesday, I mean Wednesday. 

He’s like, well you must be misremembering or they would have told you at the time that we don’t take GoodRx coupons on this medication. I’m like, dude, it was you. It was literally you that I spoke to two of those three times, right here at the counter, in person. I’m gonna go ahead and trust my memory of those interactions and what was said there over yours since you don’t actually remember having talked to me two times in the last three days. He’s like, I gotta go help another customer. There is no other customer. I leave. Fun day for everyone.

So then I call around town to at least check which CVS will actually honor the coupon I have and the price that I can afford to pay it at. I don’t bother asking if they even have the medication in stock because I know its not guaranteed to be a CORRECT answer, but at least I can see who accepts this damn coupon. Also, reason I’m only trying big brand pharmacies instead of smaller, hole in the wall ones is because again, controlled substance, and I know from experience that the bigger brand pharmacies are at least more likely to have that med in stock whereas most smaller ones tend to run out very quickly as they usually only get enough for their existing/regular customers and a little extra.

I find a CVS five miles away - not walkable, gonna have to Uber. Call my psychiatrist office again to ask them to transfer the scrip, front office says they’ll send the request to my provider, who usually checks and fulfills such requests in 24-48 hours. I’m like okay cool, can I get a phone call to let me know when that happens, so at least I know when to check back to follow up if it hasn’t happened yet for whatever reason? They’re like no, the pharmacy will send you a text or call when they get the prescription sent over and you can take it from there with them. I’m like okay, but I’ve done this a bunch of times and know from experience the pharmacy does NOT in fact always call or text, so is there a certain time to follow up to inquire if the provider has already sent the scrip and the pharmacy SHOULD have it by now or if the delay is on the provider’s end? Front office is like yeah no. I’m like, swell.

So that was yesterday. I call the pharmacy (which I still don’t even know if they have the medication IN STOCK to fill the scrip even once they GET the scrip, and won’t until I can actually Uber out there, but one thing at a time at this point) at like 9 pm, they’re a 24 hour pharmacy, and they’re like nope, we got nothing (this is after spending an hour and a half on hold to even TALK to someone at the pharmacy). Called them again today at noon, still nada. Technically I have another 29 hours before the window in which the provider is supposed to send the refill scrip to this new location, before I can be like, okay so they still haven’t done it, can we send him a nudge or another request. The 24-48 hour window will only actually EXPIRE after their offices close on Friday meaning it’ll be Monday before I can even actually REACH someone again to ask them to send the scrip again, if the pharmacy hasn’t ACTUALLY gotten it by Friday night, and pessimistically, I’m not super inclined to assume that they will at this point. 

I’m antsy, irritable, hungry because I don’t even know for SURE sure if the new pharmacy will ACTUALLY honor the coupon or say no sorry we don’t do that here either, whoever told you that was wrong, or if they’ll even actually have it in stock versus I’ll have to have it sent somewhere else AGAIN, so I have to pinch every penny possible in order to ensure I have the most money possible once my prescription IS filled in case the price is more than I expected again or in case I have to take Ubers there or further than I expected or basically....shit happens that I don’t expect. And this is what I’m basically spending all my time doing instead of working, because trying to get work done in this state is like....the harder I try to make it happen, the less it actually gets done, so I try and prioritize this and its roadblock after roadblock dragging out and wasting my time, and like yeah, I can post and shit while I’m doing this aka sitting on hold or walking around town trying to get shit filled because its fine if I ramble incoherently along the way in posts, but actual WORK work requires like....fucking coherency and succinctness and not having to stop and start every five minutes to call someone else, and oh yeah, being able to power through migraine spikes. And just.

I’m very annoyed about anything and everything to do with this shit. The hoops you have to jump through to even get the stuff that like....actualizes your hoop jumping ability, is just....*gnashing of teeth*

Anyway. So that’s my offline bullshit rant. Yay. The end.

[anendoandfriendo]

CN // very heavy-topic vent incoming

It probably doesn't help at fucking all that, offline/irl, we're ideologically leftists but we apparently talk conservative as all fuck, something we do mot notice and CANNOT FUCKING HELP. WE CANNOT FUCKING HELP HOW WE FUCKING TALK, ALRIGHT?

We were raised in a place that is not the USian west coast, by a divorced lower-middle class mother and upper-middle class father (who is now fucking DEAD mind you and has been since LAST YEAR). We live in a state that is white as shit, raised in a city that many of the other Autistic people and multiply marginalized folks agreed was absolutely shit, and it was only after we moved out to an equally "privileged" city, unfortunately and came back to visit once in a blue moon that we were seeing public LGBT groups.

There is still nobody protesting ABA and the hate group known as autism speaks. HFS, the place that literally tortured us to the point of fracturing The Haileys, is still operating and very openly supporting the aforementioned hate group.

And these fuckers care about HOW WE FUCKING TALK???

We have some very complicated feelings about safety and how assumptions are implemented. We can understand why but it's just so isolating. We constantly feel isolated. Maybe we just aren't seeing something but we feel awful. Just awful sometimes.