#and my stupid ass cant even say no because if i say no they will make me feel guilty and then i feel like i wanna kms and end up paying anw
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maki i beg you to write rin and s/o that also has sibling issues.. like not the "oh my sibling also left me lolol" issues like.. they're always gonna be in their sibling's shadow no matter what they do.. and their sibling absolutely hates their guts.. please..
I THINK I’VE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE
— rin itoshi x reader with sibling issues
on behalf of older siblings, i side with sae :x
— rin itoshi
rins having one of those moments where he’s rethinking everything,,, like, he starts rethinking all about the times he’s been harsh to you. lowk start feeling bad :x
he’d try to be nicer. keyword: try. if you’re doing something braindead stupid, hes still gonna call you out hahaha
he’ll be more encouraging—ish… whenever you’re half-assing something (like example studies…), he wont be as harsh as he is with like bachira and the top 3… he’d go like “cmon… you know how to solve this. …do you need a hint..?”
and if on the very un-rare occasion, you do something that pisses him off, he would… do nothing! i know, shocking. he lobs u after all <3
this is only like… 1/4 because he feels bad for you and how your family’s treated you, and 3/4 because he wants to become the person he wanted sae to be.
hehe its actually pretty healing for the both of you. sometimes if the atmosphere is light and kind enough, you might even get him to smile a little bit :x <3
12:45. and you and rin were still up, studying for your math exam tomorrow.
“ugh..! i cant do it, rin. i don’t get it! y’know what? ill just fail..!” you frown, head in your hands. rin sighs. he really wanted to go to sleep, but he promised you that he’d help you prepare, and he has to follow through.
“d—ugh… dont be negative. i know you’ll be able to pass.” he pats you on the head. “do you wanna… review the concepts one more time, and solve one more problem before bed? i can help you study one more time in the library, okay?” he offered.
“mm… i need a breakkk..!” you groan. a break would mean having to stay up later… “i… fine… i need a break too…” rin groans. “..! what the hell does that mean..?!” you lash out at him, face pouty with a frown.
“…im joking. but, i am getting tired…” he says. he takes note of your guilty face. “i… sorry for keeping you up, rin… after this, you can sleep…”
fuck.
that face was making him feel guilty. “i didn’t mean it like that. im just saying its late, and you need to sleep early if you want your brain functioning.” he rested his hand on your shoulder. “cmon, let’s take a five-minute break and get back to this. okay?”
you nodded.
1:36. you were finally done, and much more confident than you were an hour ago. “yes, i got it!” you cheered. rin’s lips curled up at your enthusiasm. “it’s late now. get plenty of rest, okay? don’t panic, and just do your best.” he says.
you look at him like a child at their new pet; full of adoration and affection. you quickly ambush him with a tight hug, causing rin to wheeze out, the air in his lungs being kicked out in an instant. “ack..! ghh..! l..let me go…” rin heaves.
eventually, you do let go, choosing to move to a looser hug around his neck. “thank you, rin…” you smile. something in your gratitude stirs rin’s heart. as if the past was gone, and all that was left was the future.
“i..it’s no problem, okay? just go rest already, you need sleep…” his words and body language conflicting; his words pushing you away, and his hands pulling you closer as his lips find the crown of your head. he reluctantly lets you go sooner or later and helps you to clean up the various papers and textbooks.
as rin puts away his belongings, you cuddle up with him. “my favorite private tutor…” you snicker. rin rolls his eyes. “private tutor? that implies im getting paid to do this for you…” he frowns. “what?! my payment is my love for you..! isn’t that enough..?!” you argue back.
rin tried to hide the laugh that comes from his throat, but it’s quite obvious from the smile on his face. “…fine, i guess so. but, a little more loving wouldn’t hurt either.”
#haha not proofread i die like my cutiepie kuons career#blue lock x reader#blue lock#bllk#bllk x reader#bllk x you#bllk fluff#rin itoshi#rin itoshi x reader#rin itoshi x you#rin itoshi x y/n
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#mathieu van der poel#wout van aert#So much. To say about this i cant even caption it because im going crazy#First of all matje little shoulders walking in. awesome. touching his own ass as an idle animation. my favorite. wout ALSO doing this#right after he does? ok. also them walking up the stairs... why do i go so crazy over walking#the MAIN attraction of this video of course being matje growling. HELLOOO BABYBYYY????#All of his little faces i could actually die... What are you doing. also is it just me or did wout look kind of miserable today#even mathieu didnt look so excited but thats more normal#ALSO MATJE STUPID SITTING DOWN. AND THE BODY. AND ONCE AGAIN CANI JUST POINT OUT THE FACES#anyway how do i get one of those duck.s
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Man sometimes I make the mistake of reading the notes on a post (don’t do it) and like… this truly is the piss on the poor website.
No one has any reading comprehension and no one can clearly state what they mean. Everyone is so ready to argue at the drop of a hat. No one can make their point with clear language, and then seem to be incapable of rewording a statement if someone doesn’t understand them. Everyone immediately descends to insults upon disagreement, whether real or imaginary.
Debate classes should be mandatory in school is what I’m getting at.
#I didn’t even take debate#but man I can see that some of yall needed it#please learn what a logical fallacy is#and if you’re going to put a strong opinion online you should put some thought into your wording#and please understand that if someone misinterpreted your statement the first time#then insulting them and saying that’s not what you meant while proceeding to say word for word the same thing again#is NOT GOING TO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND#but readers my god please try harder. if you’re immediately angered by something#read it again and try to see if there’s any way it could mean something else#and if you’re going to reply and disagree do it politely in case you got it wrong because you WILL look like an idiot and an asshole#if you argue angrily over something the other person didn’t mean#and they will 99% come back equally as angry at being insulted and misinterpreted in one go#like people I’m begging people to think things through lmao#like at work#I am unfailingly polite no matter how stupid or annoying someone is#just in case I’ve missed something or made a mistake#and let me tell you it has saved my ass a few times#and STOP INSULTING PEOPLE WHEN YOURE DEBATING AN ISSUE IT JUST MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE CANT ACTUALLY REFUTE WHAT THEYRE SAYING
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so many expenses this month and most of it isnt even for me :(
#i hate that my family thinks i have lots of money even though my brother made a lot more than me#mom keeps telling me my brother might need it in the future so she refuse to ask him any#really shows that they do not respect me at all about this#and the worst thing is its always very sudden#a cold 5 min call where mom tell me “pay for this now! dont postpone it” and the payment is almost 1K#and my stupid ass cant even say no because if i say no they will make me feel guilty and then i feel like i wanna kms and end up paying anw#god#parents are gonna go on vacation soon#watch they'll be calling me soon to give them more money#and then go hom from there#and not bringing me any gift as usual#why should they care about the faggy child that failed to achieve his parents assigned goals#if anything putting all family expenses on me will quicken my death or worse force me to go back to them#so they can hold me and mold me back into what they want#i know their plan and i refuse to follow it#but they probably just need to shout on me once and i'll follow whatever their ask.. sad#i want to recoup by taking commissions but last time this happened and i took too many comms it ended up taking more than a month#i dont think i can handle that much anymore#AAAAAAAAA im tired
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I'm so tired, I want someone to drug me and use me in my sleep just so I have an excuse to sleep as long as possible
#why does no one in this hpuse believe in sleeping late???#my dad wants me to watch the dogs#which is fine i understand the importance#but instead of sending them down to my room whwre we can chill#he got the fucking laser pointer and now one of the dogs is a feral jackass who wont stop barking at me unless i play with it too#i cant even half ass it because she gets so excited she turns stupid#and throws a tantrum if she cant find it#and for some reapns she completely forgets that pointing and saying ''its right there'' means ''im showimg ypu where the light is''#i just want to sleep please#my post#nblw nsft#nsft lesbian#nsft wlw#queer nsft#sapphic nsft#wlw nsft#nblw and wlw only#lesbian nsft#wlw and nblw only#men dni#trans nsft#nsft concept
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞
#sorry everyone another spiral/vent incoming#mental health been so bad this week I said fuck it and found a therapist#because I cannot keep living this way it’s ruining my life#like rn I’m terrified to go to sleep bc I’ve convinced myself of a blood clot in my arm 😐 and it’s like realistically it was probably just#cramping bc I did some crafts today in a not great position like in my head I know that’s probably what it is but then there’s always that#little voice saying what if it’s not what if it is actually a clot and you go to bed and die? and what am I supposed to do with that? just#go to bed? I cant. I know unfortunately tonight will be a night where I will stay up until I physically can’t anymore so yay so fun#and it’s like a bunch of little things add up to symptoms in my mind and suddenly I cant remember if my arm has always looked that way or#always been that red etc. it’s so frustrating#why was I cursed to be so stupid and annoying? ugh#not only that I’m extremely nauseous rn ugh#I had to buck up and put my grown man pants on and finally pick a therapist can you believe it’s the#same therapist I’ve been thinking about since I first started looking at the beginning of the year 😐 what is wrong with me man idk why I put#it off for so long but hopefully now I can get the ball rolling on this and work towards being better and maybe even being on meds and#I think it’s bc I didnt wanna do virtual but for rn that would be best for me#please god don’t let it be out the ass expensive#honeslty idek if it’s bc my mental health was bad this week I just had a lot of spirals this week and the past few weeks have been stressful#and I’m just so done with it like I got so annoyed I scheduled/requested appointments I’d been putting off out of fear and now this
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girl why does coding have to make absolutely no fucking sense
#i wish i was still learning python#i see the stupid ass coffee mug of java and start seething with rage#love it when i work out how to do an assignment though its like a little bit of confetti goes off in my brain#but in the meantime?#i want to abolish java#and i cant even say that computers should be smart enough to understand what im wanting them to do by now#because you know how computers become that smart?#FUCKING CODING THEM TO BE#how tf do i tag this now#computer science#java#python#ap cs#(which lowkey i should drop out of)#(not really but sometimes it can be tempting)#comp sci#coding#ap comp sci
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fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
#tw sh related#me when listening to so long london is giving me flashbacks the the worst most toxic friendship of my life#the relationship i attribute to most of my bad habits and fucked up shit i picked up from her#and she just moved on so quickly and i was left picking up the pieces for two years#and im still trying to mend them i havent even gotten there yet#and its fucking me up i cant think about it anymore#and i cant relapse right now i really really cant#im staying the weekend with my friend and we've been talking about this shit and god its supposed to be in the past#but its not and ive been lying so much#because she thinks its been two years when really its closer to maybe a month#god i cant relapse fuck fuck fuck shit dude#and my dumb stupid idiot ass keeps a fuck ton of pins with me because i like them on my bag#even tho thats how this shit started three years ago#i mean three fucking years how can i not be over it#this isnt the same girl i tried to kms over btw#i had a lot of toxic fucked up relationships in my suicidal era#ok i feel a bit better after having gotten that all out#im also wearing short sleeves rn to fully convince myself i cant relapse#ok im stable now i think at least i can breathe#alex says shit
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Ive officially exited my " oh God! I don't wanna get called out and harassed by the mogai community! I value this community but I hate all the inner policing! I'm so scared to say anything and accidentally upset people, I'm just gonna be quiet and hide" era and entered my " fuck off, get blocked and glocked. Im here to post flags and identities and that's fuckin it. I litterally don't care anymore, nothing you say is based in reality or matters outside of this horrendous site. No one is thinking about any of this other than you and like 500 other people, if that, so I'm not apologizing for shit." era so watch out for the debris.
#clover speaks#i dont care anymore lol#ive been really quiet for awhile but honestly its not worth it#if i piss you off cause i stood up for myself or said something that wasnt worded in your perfect little ways#just take your ass and leave#if you genuinely care about all the little shit you have lining your dni about inate online identities that will never see sunlight#you have bigger problems than me saying something on this webbed sight that dosent 10000% align with everything you've ever believed#im not clarifying anything this is not a safe space its a blog with flags and identities#you will have to face people who disagree with you in your daily life and cope with it#btw this wasnt particularly started by anything and isnt a vague or anything about any muturals or something#ive just decided finally that i dont care anymore and im just gonna do and interact with what i please#and if you stick around great#enjoy that#if not you wont be missed#bye 👋🏼#im just gonna start blocking people who say stupid shit that makes no sense for my mental health#i cant handle half this shit and i dont really need to so fuck it lol#im here for flags your here for flags who gives a litteral shit about identity 3748394747393847373838#no one will physically even say it irl because its so obscure#i will still call out people for doing stupid shit but im leaving this stage and making my own#fuck all that noise have fun and fuck off doing so#btw im not abandoning the community im still gonna make shit lol and so will sunny and ink#its just with alot less nice words and being pushed over
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Siri how do i stop the cycle without doing these bitchass tiny steps
#lamenting because i was so close to being normal and then i fucking lost it and gained nearly 100 lbs#and i cant get back to where i was i just ...... aaaaaaaaaaaaa#im so much more mentally fucked now so its harder#but thats all excuses right?#and then theres me being like am i even saying that bc i know its what people want to hear#or do i actually believe it? and is there even a difference if i know its true but i dont believe it?#does it even fucking matter just stop shoveling garbage in your mouth ffs#is the real answer here but I AM STRUGGLING#im looking into wls but i know if i dont get my emotional and bored eating under control that shit WILL NOT BE GOOD FOR ME#hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng#im just mad bc i have to fucking grocery shop#which always leads me to being pissed about this fuckass cycle#bitch call me mauville town the way i have cycles#god i can recognize the cycle which all tthe therapists will be like good on you!! :D and im like great. how do i break it#and then theyll say ten thousand small steps BITCH IM DYING I NEED DRASTIC CHANGE#BUT THEN IT WONT STICK AND ILL REVERT BACK TO WHERE I AM#but i did it drastically the first time and it wouldve stuck if i hadnt fucking lost it and ended up in the ward#im not a small steps kind of guy i need to wake up and fix shit and stick to it#but listen to me i am dean maniacally speaking to sam.gif#i buy all these stupid ass healthy foods and i have all these good ideas and reciepes and im legit pumped#and then i fuck it up and order food thats awful for me and then i give the hell up#which is an easy problem to fix. i know.#i can simply just....... not do that#but i swear i am struggling which pisses me off so bad#like you wouldnt struggle if youd quit being a stupidass and just did the damn thing#god i am not gonna do well on my psych evaulation#im gonna end up turning it into therapy and im gonna rage and the lady is gonna be like :D................. you need ten more visits#and youre getting denied at the end of them so get fucked#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#charlie am i losing my GODDAMN MIND? IF ITS GONE WHERE WILL I FIND.. IT?
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If u guys never hear from me again, it's cause I killed my father. Some things are unavoidable in this life, unfortunately. Like patricide.
#joking JOKING but AHHHHHHHH WHEN I SEE HIM AGAIN I'M CHEWING HIM OUT#Fucking got a ticket because he wouldnt renew the tabs on my car. Didnt respond to my text and texted my mom instead#saying “she expects me to pay for it >:(” YEAH???? WHO'S FUCKING FAULT IS IT THAT IT DIDNT GET RENEWED. NOT MINE#told him a dozen fucking times to get it renewed and he didn't. tried to renew it myself today#and the car isnt even in my name so i cant renew it. HOW IS HE BLAMING ME FOR THIS. I CANT EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT#good GOD i'm so pissed off. how does it feel not to have stupid ass parents can anyone enlighten me on the experience#chen.txt
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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god the bad takes just keep coming how are any of us going to survive hiatus lmao
#ada speaks#cw incest mention#this might surprise some of y'all but some of us don't want to openly talk about inc*st#both because there are freak shippers out there who take and spin your words into supporting whatever it is you're discussing#or because we have related trauma and don't fucking want to expend time and energy talking about it#it doesn't mean we're like. stupid or media illiterate for 'not seeing' it#i cant even fucking post a still of dennis and dee standing next to each other without shippers coming in my goddamn notifs#i do not think we have space to discuss these things in a nuanced way in this fandom#because i can't even discuss dennis and dee's relationship at ALL without it being spun into inc*st even if i am NOT talking about that shi#so yeah forgive me for not wanting to touch that with a ten foot pole#get your incest shipper asses out of my notifs im going to throw you into traffic#the fact that i have to put dee/den shippers dni in my fucking bio should say enough about the state of respecting boundaries in this fando
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for everyone waiting for me to draw
im. occupied rn
yeagh
rambles in the tags again per usual ggrgagrgha
#rambles#i dont fuckinf know why im still hung up on him. i dont even know HOW i got hung up on him#hes weirdly captivating and it's. making me stare at his pics a while longer than needed.#and then my brain starts to stir and make up thoughts because it's stupid that way#it tells me shit like. oh my goooddd he's totally gonna get along with u i prommy#like. I don't believe a word my head says but i also. somehow. agree with them#like yesss ommggg he'd definitely let me be close w him ong ong#like shut the FUCK up#i may not have yet gotten to the point where im watching compilations of his appearances#but i jusy know he has red flags#and im aware of that and im still smiling like a lil bitch when i see him#LOOK AT HIS SMUG ASS GRIN#i cant even look at him rn but that pic of him peeks over the fuckin tags and i just. AHEHEHEHE—#teehee :3#this is so stupid arhbsixbwjxn😭#THIS ISSO FUCKIGN STUDPID sobss....#i started to make self inserts with him. FUCK.#not in a romantic sense tho. the plot in my head is fuckin crazy and kinda making everything ooc but idgaf#would i share it? nahh not likely#but would i continue to think about this man until i get fixated(????) on another character? yeagh
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I think getting a hysterectomy would either help with my migraine issues or just give me different problems but I wont be able to know until next year minimum and even then I dont know if I can do a second surgery so soon. the way that birth control just utterly and completely fucks you over when youre starting it, when youre on it, and when youre getting off it is so. Idk if its even worth it to change my birth control if Im gonna get a hystrectomy in the vague soonish future even if I feel like absolute dogshit for an entire month for 1/3rd of the year.
#I take it back on whatever post I made recently about hrt. I think its making my migraine issues worse.#I would take back the smell issue over migraines that have me searching basic math to make sure Im still doing 3x3 correctly#in my head. and like. being unable to read more than a paragraph or two at a time.#honestly. Im really mad at myself for being caught off guard by that doctor and telling her I was on testosterone.#because now I have to jump through stupid fucking hoops to get a hysterectomy and shit and who knows what wouldve happened if I was able to#pretend I was cis. Im pissed about it. and OFCCCCCC she says 'yes I will make sure not to mention the trans thing outside of my notes!'#and WHAT does she label the appointment as?????? literally mentioning Im trans in the big ass header that my new primary doctor immediately#saw. like come on girl do your job better than this.#life sucks being disabled when you have to do all this crap. cant just Schedule a Surgery you have to go get approved by insurance and then#make sure someone can bring you and also you have food you can actually eat during recovery and take time off work and worry about money an#then find out insurance did not approve the surgery AT the appt and then you have to wait another 2 months to reschedule the surgery and do#all of the above alllll over again. but like even worse.#bro Im so stressed about money all the time my moms bills keep going up and her bills cost more than my monthly paycheck. its bad out here.#anyway. my nightly tag rant.
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