#but i cant have anything so even thinking about the characters that i love feels like something i have to force myself to do
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I don’t count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also weren’t they dead too?#idk I can’t remember atm#and I haven’t watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I can’t accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I don’t believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well he’s this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesn’t count)#because they don’t have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruce… when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isn’t straight crowd… they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really can’t tolerate thst ship
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I made a similar post before a long ass time ago for the other three da protags but now it's time for rook, this time in poll format <3
as always feel free to ramble about your ocs in the tags!! 👀
#💾#dragon age#mostly threw this together bc i think it's a fun dragon age character development question#and i wanted to bring some oc community engagement to the dash today#community? comradery? positivity? idk#← rare moment of me not minding if one of my posts breaks containment#ive had this sitting in my drafts forever and kept forgetting about it so whatever. go my scarab#also i want to make a spirit version but i cant have 2 polls in the same post. L#anyway. for lleyth it's actually hard for me to figure out for once bc like i could see pride for obvious reasons including solas#but at the same time i think lleyth is... actually quite humble and does not believe themself to be any better or more qualified than anyon#like they dont want the position they're in at all and they doubt their own leadership skills constantly#and they do what they must bc they have to. not bc 'they're the only one who can (do it right)' like solas wants to believe ab himself#and i think people who make good targets for pride are people who would do anything for power. lleyth does not want that#which leads me to think they would probably be targeted by despair.#i think they are someone who is used to being forced to lock away their sadness and either turn it into useful rage or compartmentalize it#but there is just. a deep and profound sense of not belonging anywhere and doubting their place in the world/others' lives#and if they weren't the type of person whose instincts kick in like a failsafe and make them keep fighting no matter what#i feel like they really would be stopped in their tracks by an overwhelming feeling of futility and misery#and there are a Lot of miserable moments in lleyth's life a demon could use to manipulate that within them 😔#plus despair seems to be the polar opposite of determination. which considering spite really likes/is drawn to lleyth... yeah. yeah#and the fact that despair demons constantly single out rook in combat is like. haha whats going on there bud........#and i personally think the inverse of this question (what spirit would be drawn to them) answer would be determination#bc damn kid you don't know how to quit. you will punch up at the cost of even your own fists and it's admirable#constantly swinging at something bigger than you that you cant take down etc etc#*take me to war by the crane wives starts playing as i lean out over the balcony smoking a cigarette*#take me to war honey i dare you. i'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you <3 etc etc#plus its also tasty to me to think about lucanis having to break them out of the Despair Mind Prison#by chipping away at all of the awful things they believe about themself. as payback#🫵 get loved and adored idiot
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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my s class hunters does a really good job at gradually raising the stakes without feeling like a pointless power creep and keeping me extremely invested and i keep saying this but I really do think it's bc it's a story grounded in love at every turn... the bond between the han brothers especially is extremely compelling and beautiful and makes me feel like a knife is being stabbed into my heart and twisted all around... i love them so so much 😞💔❤️🩹❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
#(another tweet liveblog that im crossposting here)#im up to ep 102 in the webtoon now btw!!!#s class liveblog#also it took a while for yj to completely grow on me (i always liked/loved him but it's prob bc they#lightened the tone of his chara or w/e as ppl were saying... in the beginning at least#that ive been holding off calling him a 'fav' (im kinda picky w protags/have side chara liking syndrome...#even w twsb i didnt rly start biasing yeseo until i read the novel... cedric was my 1st bias#(and w orv ive only read (part of) the webtoon and yjh is my bias so mdnfn)#(i rly loved yj from the 1st few ch tho but yea i can kinda tell the webtoon lightened his chara a lot... not that i think its all bad bc#its been fun to read at least dkfbdn)#but now that im further in im just like... wow. he's such an incredible character and protagonist. wow#def as good of a protagonist as kdj (and i personally like him better bc he's a big brother HHHHHNG.#i love him just like i love jung yeseo...#i love him SO much. he's just incredible#and yea dont tell me about the novel bc im going to read it myself but#yeah i rly cant wait to experience his original characterization and get intimately aquainted w his narration/internal thoughts...#REITERATING...DONT SPOIL ME ANYTHING FR#also just more abt the webtoon but... biwan-nim is SOOO good at drawing expressions & portraying emotions#i fucking feel every emotion that yj feels and it fucking breaks my heart and makes me cry uuuaaaghh T___T#yoojin.... TT__TT💔💔💔#also god he's just... so fucking COOL. and not just in like a cool savvy protag kinda way#(bc usually i kinda sleep when protags r like. Too cool/op skfjksdj but he's not like that at all)#i mean as a person... he's so incredibly... oughhh#as a person... as a big brother... T__T...#i cant even put it into words. he's just... i love him so much. it hurts.... im so deeply invested and rooting for him at every step...#he and yoohyun deserve the whole world i really hope they can get their happy ending together T_T💔💔💔❤️🔥 please...
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I just rewatched moonknight and your audios are literally the only thing keeping me alive in that somewhat dead fandom THANK YOU 😭😭🙏
i do feel adrift making moon knight stuff still so thank you
#like even if season 2 does ever happen ive seen rumors that if it does marvel wants to tie it further into the mcu#like obvs it was already in the mcu but i mean ive heard they might put avengers characters in moon knight and#honestly im too tired of the mcu have been for too long#marvel ruined marvel for me#moon knight would honestly be the only mcu property id go and watch but i wont if it ends up with whoever the current avengers are in it#i dont want to go and do homework and watch all the mcu movies and shows ive missed just to watch moon knight season 2#and if they put loki series bullshit like the tva in there then i cant watch it at all#thats why i couldnt watch deadpool and wolverine even though i was initially excited for it#the loki series caused me as a trans person active in the loki fandom to get harassed so much i cant see anything#to do with that show without getting uncomfortable so if the tva is there i especially wont be watching moon knight#i dont know how marvel thinks they can sustain the mcu forever like surely if new people want to get into the mcu#or even like kids who like superheros they cant just to go the cinema and watch the newest movie#cos they wont understand anything unless they stay home and do homework by watching years of movies and tv shows first#having everything connected at first was run. watching avengers assemble in the cinema was fun.#but theres too much now and it hasnt been fun in a long time#i also remember hearing after phase 1 they got rid of the team that made sure all the movies by different writers and directors#still felt cohesive and had continuity with each other and i feel that shows more every year#wow didnt expect to be giving an mcu rant in the tags its just sad sometimes to think how long i loved marvel for#and now i really couldnt care less about it. though that started with endgame when they made fatphobic jokes about thor all movie#that was the last time i saw a marvel movie in cinemas. think it was the last time i watched any mcu movie.#watched a few shows after that but got too burned by the transphobia in the loki series. and then moon knight and then nothing.#im just sitting here forever clinging onto the main mcu timeline loki who died in infinity war and never got brought back to life#just me and them in my own corner where they can have nice genderfluid representation#the vampire answers
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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It's hard having a fav character with no content
#uuuughh...okino...#actually there is content of him but there hasn't been anything new for months <//3#its so sad going to his tag just to see its the same thing from 4 months ago#AND NOVA#theres literally nothing about her#honestly i think i only saw like 2-3 posts focusing on her and not like just putting her in the background#do i have to do everything by myself#nova is literally so cool y'all dont even understand#the never witch too#but im more chill w it#also rooky partnur#everytime i go in her tag its the same fricking roleplayer#no hate to roleplayers love you guys but i wanna see more art <//3 i need to its my only food#ghehsfhs#my fav nexo knight character is aaron so its okay for him#but still i feel liek the nexo tag gets updated like every two monthd#im ok with no face cuz theres like no content of lego city no limits at all#as for lmk theres content for literally every character so im ok#and hidden side...jb...jejfjjsdhfh#and lego friends tnc i cant say my fav character cuz i don't want the fandom to kill me#damn sorry for yapping so much#m00n talks#even tho most of the talk is in the tags#ok im done
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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head
#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow#i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect#hEeEeLP MEeEeEE#i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me#SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK#i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn#like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid#plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask#i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is#or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever#okay speakijg of his face reveal#i have something i want to explain to the wall#a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488#the rest of me is neutral because idrc#the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features#it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all#idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it#I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character#that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much#but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling#anyway back to what i was saying#hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl#IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY#DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN#i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U#IM SO NORMAL#also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE#DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY
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this is gonna sound so backhanded but after 3 letdowns in a row from pokemon (followed by a game which isnt terrible but i dislike because of how much it fucked up the plot of sm), then a game that i genuinely really love and want more in the style of and largely because of how it deviates from the main series, im genuinely so shocked that i love scarlet and violet as much as i do. like when i was going through that tutorial i was just cautious and waiting for the other show to drop and be bored at best, but like, graphic glitches aside, it never came. it stayed really fun and charming
#like is it acceptable that it came out so glitchy when its a $60 console release? absolutely not#i think the game has a lot of issues and i dont blame people for not being happy with it#but i think what makes this better than swsh to me is like. swsh sorta feels like it was made out of obligation sometimes#like. tpci and gamefreak treated galar like a kid would treat an art project in a medium they werent interested in#but they were being harassed for that good grade so they powered through and hated the result#and sorta just tried to hide it when they got home from school that day#not that there isn’t anything to like about galar or it has no substance whatsoever but when i played it i couldnt shake the feeling#that gamefreak was embarassed of it. like they did not want to linger too much on this game#i think the anime switching format was a good idea in the end cause just putting ash in another gauntlet after he won the alola league would#would have been weird but its veryyyy telling to me that they changed the format so drastically#that we didnt even spend all our time in galar. their home base wasnt even in galar#and in the game they emphasize that kantos got better pokemon and everyone loves them better and theres not a whole lot to do#and there was always just this feeling of insecurity and dissatisfaction with it#and for all its faults- i cant say the same thing about scvi. this game oozes with charm and care#the writing feels like someone genuinely cared about these characters and wanted the best for them and the story#the gameplay feels more involved and confident. they got more experimental with the format#idk it feels like people LIKED working on this game to a degree and wanted the player to have fun#echoed voice
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You know the disinterest is bad when the only reason you feel tied to a project is only so you can draw a scene where ur fav oc only appears like once and it's near the end so the drag feels worth it
#i genuinely feel like im chained to a lead ball. /neg#eli talks#i think im just not happy with my jsab au anymore#it feels like i have to appease the masses that dont even exist#i legit only hold onto this project thatll never happen so my friends dont get mad at me for ditching it#i just wanna work on chaosware dude. not this.#chaosware actually has characters im happy with#but its a fucking object show! no one wants to read a comic about that! id be letting my closest friends down if i chose that over jsab:hh#i hate myself so much dude.#i forced myself to have a mentality where id be worth something if i worked on this comic. im aware that i ended up in this mindset#and i cant leave it.#i genuinely feel like im drowning. i love these characters. i just feel they're going to waste because i dont do anything with them.#i want to delete my jsab blog so bad#i legit feel my heart sink when someone follows it. because they're not gonna see anything#i just wanna feel relevant man. idk who to come to to this because i dont feel safe talking to my “safe people”#blowing my brains out core!!#im gonna cry
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ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do
#purrs#i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life#situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to#drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a#stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well.#i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i#am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone#and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good.#delete later#that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd#this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be#neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority#and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol.#24 year old dependent moment <3#well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will#never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰#side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester#starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like#this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it#would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or#anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol#well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3
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i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty
#the golem and the jinni#i was scrolling goodreads and the take i kept seeing was 'oh I wish Arbeely could've had his family too bad the jinni FUCKED IT UP'#but idk that's just not how i read him. like thats not where i feel the problem is#his whole shtick is being content as the jinni's foil and like! things can change! but the way it's done leaves him totally unresolved#which in turn means the jinni's shit is also never getting resolved because there is like no way to#when Arbeely describes his future family in the first book it's all 'someday... vaguely...' and AGAIN! what you want can change!#and honestly it's really interesting and sad that he makes this sacrifice for the jinni#but it's a layer of complexity that like clashes with how little he is there for and how little the author's invested in him#and like the way the no marriage literally did not ruin his life at all... sure it sucked but the man is still like idk rich#what has continuously fucked with him throughout both books is that he wants (or at least spends half his page time thinking about)#emotional connection to the jinni in a human way#which is something the jinni cant\wont give him even though he's basically Arbeely's only close friend#(besides ig maryam who was rlly funny hinting at her dislike for the jinni like someone trying to get their friend to dump their toxic bf)#anyway the vibe in the first book is that he only thinks about wanting a wife when the jinni is being a dickhead#BECAUSE the jinni eases arbeelys loneliness by just being there because at the end of the day that's what humans need#but then it's made really weird in the second book by Arbeely getting 'trapped' by the jinni (and yet they just grow further apart)#which means that the only thing arbeely actually spent half his life discontent with and then literally died without is not a wife#it's emotional intimacy with the jinni. which is insane to me#arbeely is obviously already tragic but this seems TOO tragic entirely because the book doesn't give af about addressing it#if it was like a plot thing then all of the above would be fine and gutwrenching because it ties back into the jinnis self isolation#BUT IT'S NOT. like i get arbeely isn't that important to the plot but he was important to the jinni and the jinni was important to him#alsoo necessarily disclaimer i'm not trying to say he's in love with the jinni or anything like that#although a queer arbeely (divorced from the above idea) would also been interesting cuz I dont think the jinni has a grasp on homophobia#so idk theyd be keeping each others secrets (arbeely x the biscuit man? JOKE)#BUTTTT! I don't believe he needs romantic energy! him and the jinni having awful vibes up until arbeely's literal death is what bothers me#The jinni is a bad communicator ik but come on... not once? not even before the diagnosis? The jinni also thinks about how distant they are#could they not talk a little? for me? there are ways to do it within the bounds of their characters FOR SURE#im sure this is the point but i do dislike it either way. anyway sorry arbeely u remind me of my uncle#the hidden palace
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i don't feel like copying what i wrote, so take some screenshots of me having brainworms for the JDK villains again. primarily spurred by me going "hey wouldn't Nisha and Artemis and Apollo make cool rockstars instead"
#i really need to hurry up and finish organizing my writing blog so i can start posting these there instead#anyways i feel like this finally nails EXACTLY the kind of vibes that i wanted for the Acolytes and Solanace#and tbh.....even if i cant find a way to work JDK's original curse themed plot with these ideas#i feel like it would absolutely be worth changing the stories/motivations for the POV trio to fit this new set of ideas#kinda adds a lot more to the villains as a whole#and also sets it apart from a lot of my other stories that revolve around 'essentially a cult' as an opposing force#if i decide to be the most self indulgent that i possibly could be#i might even consider the idea of making it a story ABOUT Solanace and the acolytes in the POV sense#theyd still obviously be villains but the protags of the story instead of the antags#at which point jonas/lydia/hayes would have to be majorly reworked to then fit into the antagonist roles#could also theoretically work with the idea of jonas AND nisha being POVs#so the reader would be getting insight to the good guys and the villains at the same time#JDK(which STILL needs a better placeholder title) really is a story that ive had to majorly change multiple times#most of my stories i have the general idea + genre settled before anything else#but this one is more character driven#i have two groups of OCs ive thought about in depth and i just havent been able to build the story around them in the right way yet#i think once i can Actually get my brain focused long enough to draw#i wanna doodle more rockstar inspired designs/themes for nisha/artie/apollo#see if the idea continues to tickle the brainworms in such a great way + then have time to make polished refs b4 artfight#bc i really love my overdramatic artsy villains okay. i think they deserve to be extra as fuck ya know?#who doesnt love a villain whose primary goal is to put on a show and THEN to do the evil things?
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The new adaptation for ATLA will be ass because they refuse to acknowledge that their audience is mature enough to understand the intricacies of gender issues. Which is SO important in society rn, especially with the alarming rise of incles & misogynoir.
They had one job 😭 No wonder the original creators left, I would too
#not talking about misogyny will not make it go away nor make women feel it less#the og audience watched it and loved the show as kids & adults#one would think since we were mature enough to handle such topics as kids that including them in the live action wouldnt even be a thought#but then again its netflix so….their adaptations are always a hit or miss and i fear this one will be a miss#starzalign#also this takes away from sokka and katara as characters it makes them less grounded & intracate#we cant have anything 😩 but my children will be watching the animated series anyways#atla#sokka#katara
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