#but i cant have anything so even thinking about the characters that i love feels like something i have to force myself to do
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thinking about how milevens tend to assume that bylers want mileven to break up just because we want byler to happen.
no love
wanting byler to be canon and wanting mileven to break up are two separate wants.
Mike and El have their own story outside of will. Even if Mike wasn't queer and Will wasnt around this story would still be their story. Will may be a character in their story but the story is still about mike and el. Mike and Els story line is the marriage of the two of their two individual character arcs.
El's story arc is based around the fact that she was abused as a child and was dehumanized to an extreme level that no child should ever experience. She does not have an identity of her own. She wasn't raised to even expect to have one in the first place. Her story is learning to be able to her own person. To just be herself and learning who that person is.
When she met mike she created an identity around him. and identity of being the super powered mage who saved the day. that was El. then she became mikes gf and suddenly she was now "mikes gf". It wasnt until she met max that someone actually tells her that she is allowed to be her own person. "theres more to life than stupid boys" "what feels right" before Max she was just existing trying to play a role of what she was supposed to be rather than figuring out who she was or who she wanted to be. What she wanted. El is not raised to have wants. El was raised to be a weapon, a lab rat, a tool that does what they are told.
When this story intersects with a story arc like Mike has you get the disaster that is Mileven.
Mikes story arc is actually very similar. Mike is a very codependent person. He wants to feel needed. he wants to feel useful. If he doesnt have a use to someone he thinks he must be a waste of space. Mike doesnt know who he is outside of other people. He has never explored what he wants for himself. He is for other people. As a codependent person myself i can relate to this a lot. It can be hard to know what YOU want for yourself, outside of people you care about. Mike puts his loved ones before himself so much to the fact that it tends to get him into trouble more often than not. The issue with being codependent is that you become almost blind to who YOU are and what YOU need. you suppress your emotions for other people and these emotions only tend to surface when you realize that holy shit. i cant do anything here. This is the situation mike is finding himself in during season 4 and continuing into season 5. there is nothing he can do anymore. it is clear that him putting el above his own feelings and giving her what she wants in his attempt to help is not working. In fact its HURTING his relationship with el. Now mike doesnt know what to do. so he's drifting. El was his trauma partner. when things get too hard and too confusing he retreats into "el mode" where his only thought is what El needs. This is not a healthy mindset AT ALL. no matter how much the media romanticizes that sort of thing. IT IS NOT HEALTHY. you cant live like that. but now El has communicated "i dont want that. stop lying and get your shit together".
so mike is stuck. and el is stuck.
because theirs is a coming of age story. however not all coming of age stories are romantic. Mike and El cannot communicate with each other. they are both selfishly selfless in the way they treat each other.
I am going to be who you want me to be because i think thats what you want and it makes me feel secure.
this is not something you want in a relationship. a relationship is based on trust and vulnerability. being able to be youre rawest and truest form of yourself for another person. and feeling seen and loved despite it.
this is not present AT ALL in mileven as a couple. they are both discovering who they are still and are not space to be doing that in a relationship where they feel the need to hide themselves from each other. you cant find yourself that way.
wow look how much nuance i pulled from mike and el without mentioning will once. wow its almost like will is not the reason their relationship is failing
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contemplating the various reasons for xena being forgotten while its peers like buffy or the x files still have thriving fandoms.. its many factors but i think one it stopped being seen as a show on its own merits and became kind of a punchline and joke about lesbians in wider pop culture like it was popular it was mainstream it was regularly beating star trek in syndication and was regularly the most popular action show in international purchasing rights it was broadcast all over the world and now poof like it never existed i think a few of the problems are its been sparse on streaming for yeaars and thats how many people watch these shows secondly its not had an hd remaster and especially season one probably looks atrocious on a huge tv and the wonky old cgi probably doesnt help since so many sci fi fantasy fans seem to be weirdly difficult about bad effects anyways we need to work to get doctor who fans into xena theyre the only ones who wont say a peep about it but anyways the fact all its seen as is this lesbian show had i think two effects which is random straight viewers are not going to seek it out even if idk they loved the witcher or some other recent fantasy action adventure show its just not classed with that anymore so it loses that mainstream element it cant be part of general nerd fandom cuz its just that weird gay show and also frankly i think a lot of queer women watched the show not necessarily cuz they liked it but because it was kind of seen as like one of the few gay shows out there u see lots of women saying like now that i can watch the L word what do i need xena for when theyre like wildly different shows then compounding that with the extremely controversial finale that lead a lot of people to leave fandom feel totally heartbroken about it i think really didnt help the continuity and longevity of an already contracting fandom like season 5 was hated but also really hard to watch lots of articles on whoosh people discussing waking up at like 3am to record xena episodes cuz they were broadcast at crazy times and many countries tv networks stopped buying it or suddenly delaying release by like 8 months which was terrible for people involved in internet fandom now suddenly being way behind everyone else so way fewer people were watching the final seasons a lot more people didnt like major parts of them and it really splintered fandom as well as many people stuck by the show out of this sense of uniqueness but there were not long after xena a trickle of more gay characters and gay shows on television and with many people who felt toyed with and would be like oh they never confirmed xena and gabrielle and xena died horribly i prefer to watch the L word which doesnt toy with you about them being lesbians etc real opinions ive seen out there anyways i think these problems compound idk gay internet fandom is fickle and has often jumped between the various hot new things in a way that makes it hard to keep xena going it never really transitioned as a fandom into like the ff.net and livejournal era in a significant way and has struggled for relevance since and ultimately for reasons outlined above i think its struggled to be seen as anything other than that gay show and is viewed only in that lens its not seen as a fun complex action adventure show with fun meta elements and genre experimentation that boldly reinvents itself every few seasons but also it has failed to take hold in the one community it would continue to entice i do also think the fact of it seeming like a holdover and well the black stain of the concept of queerbait also perhaps didnt help it seemed out of date old fashioned compared to idk the hot new random gay characters on tv cuz nobody wanted to fucking tell people and remember how crazy insane and good and like bone deep thematically gay xena is and like is also just good fucking tv and also people just dont respect women thats the truth people dont care about stuff about women⌠ok my theoriez.. thanks for ur time
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"magical boys"
*BREAKS DOWN A WALL AMD CHUCKS MINI ROLLOS TO ANYTHING IN SIGHT*
WHERE?!
*visibly shaking* I am normal about this reversal trope of magical girls. I can definetely be trusted to not squeeze this mozarrella with a bowl cut to death. *mini rollo definitely being squeezed to death*
No idea if it's three anons or one but that's really sweet ⨠pls beware depending on which guy you plan to eat some of them give food poisoning or hallucinations (thinking abt some as those small colorful rainforest frogs)
I love magical girl animes very much, grew up watching tokyo mew mew (and somehow managed to watch wedding peach all on youtube a long time ago, i did not understand the english subtitles at all lmao, rewatched it years later and loved it), so imagine my surprise when I stumbled accross the first (if you ignore saint seiya) full on magical boy anime in 2015 and ever since I wanted to draw my own, and now I have my musketeers :)))
A lot more magical boy yapping under the cut because I love this trope so much
Anime I'm talking abt is 'Binan Koukou Chikyuu bouei-bu love' btw ! It's on the parodic side but not as much shitpost-ish as 'magical girl ore' for example. It takes itself "seriously" in it's own way. (and the ending song talks about 2 characters of the show that drifted apart and how there's 3 meters only separating them but it's enough for one to miss the other and aughhh my heart I could yap about this for ages)
LOOK AT THEM (couldn't find a decent pic of the season 1 clothes, this is season 2 and the pic is still low res augh)
Like, I was ?? idk in my last year of middle school maybe when I found this ?? fantastic discovery. Pink wombat mascot with the voice of an old man gives cute bracelets to 5 guys to save the earth. They have to say "love making" and kiss their bracelet to transform, I'm crying And here's the villains of season 1 and season 2 (twins) (silver haired bowl cut annoyed guy is my favorite, what a familiar description....)
There's 3 seasons in total to this anime and season 3 has a new cast of guys but years later at the same school !
Scenario is basically the same as season 1 but with different guys and villains, but omg the otter..... I love that yellow otter so much..... (look they have magical ace and deuce ) Villains of season 3 are called "edelstein knights" or something (ince again an angry guy with ridiculous bangs considered a villain, my beloved)
Other legit magical boy I love a lot is 'Fairy Ranmaru' !! It takes itself more seriously than binan koukou, in it's own scandalous way I'd say. They went ham with the fanservice during transformations it's crazy-(especially uruu's transformation) def +16 at least They do try to talk about serious matters and feelings/emotions in general. I cant' really tell if it's well written since I'm really an easy audience, I should watch it a second time... It's a visual experience at least if you're into that kind of designs
Blue guy my beloved.... Not showing any more, you can find the transformations on yt crunchyroll literally published them
Alright one last "magical" boy/girl, it's not even exceptionnal but it's a fever dream shitpost that has a special place in my heart : 'Classicaloid' So a girl's father created humanoids with the memories of classical composers and went to get milk, leaving them all. The classicaloids eventually decide to squat at the girl's house. They have magical powers called "musik" and have a small transformation animation. So to a certain extent I do consider this a magical people anime.
Here's everyone from season 1 (untransfromed) Beethoven and Bach (maybe mozart too tbh) are the most recognizeable but good luck to guess the others :') (Liszt and Tchaikovsky are genderbent) They are all so whacky together I love them so much, bach only speaks in musical terms "andante, pianissimo etc.." Chopin is the looser of all times, Mozart is.... Mozart, and Dvorak (season 2) became a pigmy hippo for literally no reason The animation is nice but the ending song illustrations ??? dang
First two pics are from season 2 endings, they all represent an important location for the composers or something related to them (for example Chopin's is the père lachaise cemetery in paris where irl one has a tomb) Really I'm amazed by all the ending art pieces, I can't put more than 10 pics per post, I would've showed them all otherwise eeee) On the thrid pic you actually see mozart in his musik outfit ! An in one ep he even lets his hair loose ahierjh
(takt:op is absolutely in my watchlist)
If you made it this far thank you for listening to the yapping, wether it was interesting or not ! :)))
#Idc if yall already know these animes here's my yapping powerpoint anyway#I love colorful chara designs aughh#Classicaloid is just the merging of many things I like- weeb - magical - shitpost- and classical music and it pleases my brain#I have so many screenshots of chopin(loid)#I should do some more make fanart of all these magical boys tbh now that I'm feeling convinced by how I draw#music animes in general are good aughh mashiro no oto or kono oto tomare!!! (hell even utapri I loved watching this in middle school)#The kongming anime was so good and fun too omg#man I love music#I hope there will be more magical boys in the future or even an everyone magical pls#cease this torturing of the mini-rollos !!!!!!!!!!
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I love you vinnnnneeee....... vinnnyyyyy of everymanhybrid youre awesome.
vinnie fucking awesome. i like him alot. im obsessed with characters trapping themselves in their own tragedy, until it gets pried from their own hands. okay so the thing about vinny is that he's the most outgoing of the three in a more traditioal sense, as in it's him who runs the channel, the main face, hes our protagonist, really, not the MAIN character but the guy we wanna see, and the other two acknolwedge this in the fitness arc like earrlly on. he's a character that deteriorates, he starts strong, the leader, "jeff we have to keep filming or this prankster wins", hes positive and bright and comes up with their ideas
and then "jokes over" hits and we are sent spiralling into the unknown. jeff i love you. the where-is-jessa arc also introduces damsel/steph, i love you , jeff i love you guy who responds poorly to tragedy. but anyways vinnie is like, oh damn, okay, well this fucking blows. and he keeps filming. because thats what vinny does.
cue the long running middle arcs of the series, alex miseries, HABIT, onwards, outside help, you know the drill. and we finally start seeing the slow, cheese-grating has started making a dent on good ol vinn. now, listen, hes a guy who makes a decision and fucking trucks on that path no matter what, so despite it all, despite the hesitation, the misery, he keeps going!!
this is his cycle. he is the voyeur. he will watch. he will drown in the misery of his fate. and its him that dooms them. That's how it's always been! through every iteration! Patrick confirms this in tower on the lake, through Dr. James Corenthal, vinny suffered this fate, The Voyeur will always suffer this fate.
Vinny keeps going. he puts up cameras. he keeps filming. he pressures others into his train-car-off-the-bridge and hes suffocating but he'll see it through. and he's burning out. HABIT ensures this, through the entrapment era, his growing strength being Vinny's doom, until he's less and less of himself, more and more of a pawn, easier to manipulate, easier to hurt. And then. [Three's company.] Vinny drugs, complies. they kill shaun. and Vinny wakes up. The straw, really, not Shaun himself, but the circumstance- Vinnie realizes hes been complicit for far too long.
Vinny: I can`t get used to killing innocent people for no reason. HABIT: Well that's the only way were gonna win! [chuckling under breath] Vinny: Then I don't want to win. HABIT: What? Vinny: I don't want another person to die because of me so I can live. I rather die myself.
good, strong vinny starts to give up. and this begins the worst part. [blue room]. the psychological torture. Vinny is locked in Jeff's room. the gun. you know how it goes guys. and then [christmas]
Vince: Not good. And it's not even because, y'know, I feel bad or I'm scared. I'm not good because I don't feel anything. It's just -- what am I doing? Why am I doing this?
why am i doing this?
Guys, why do we keep filming? they say it in every series. why are we still filming? micheal says we're spreading the virus. Stan says the same. They all say but we can't stop. and it's funny; because; when that camera goes off, alot of them are saved. So many people don't have to die; they just have to stop filming. But Vinn doesnt. He cant. why? why even at his lowest, why does he still edit? film?
Vince: Who knows how many people have died. I've been in control of myself this whole time. I've been in control. I'm still pushing forward. I don't think you're a monster. He's using you, but you're not a monster. I feel like I'm becoming a monster.
instead of stopping filming, he asks us, to stop Watching. and THAT is who vinny is. blame is SHIFTING. theres always a reason. this is HABITs fault, slendermans fault, it the audiences fault, because vinny is afraid of what it means when they arent. "I promise I'm a good person." "I'm starting to feel like a monster." (the finale's rage shifting between evan and vinny on whos worse, who did what.) HABIT knows this. sees this. gives him leeway. youre the guardian. youre good. and hes not. hes not because hes the voyuer, and this is a cycle he can't end, because vinny does Not KNOW when to stop.
evan goes on, this is the FINALE, the beautiful last moment, so we see everythign again. its all recontextualized; what Vinny did, how many he's fed to the Rake, to Slenderman, to HABIT. How long he's been pointing his camera at victims, this puts a whole new spin on everything. and we see it. we see how heavy Vinn's hand has been in his own downfall.
Evan: [chortles] I can forgive you...but I gotta kill you first, okay? At least, through all this shit... Evan: ...I'll kill at least one fucking monster before I go!
and this has to end, and Vinn does what he alwasy does, desperate to protect himself, desperate to protect his own mind and heart;
Vince: I'm the monster? Do you know what you did to me, for yearsâwhat you did to our friends? Your own child?
vinn runs from blame , because thats his only defense, and. Then. it breaks. It only breaks- at the end. they killed all their monsters. Sort of.
Vince: Fuck, Evan. Damn it. Vince: I don't know if we're monsters⌠or just a couple of unlucky bastards. [He closes his eyes.] Vince: I'm sorryâŚ
and this is how it all ends. this is the end of our iteration. vin, side by side with his best friend, blinks away tears, covered in his own blood and the blood of the person he can never leave, and this is the end. and he accepts it. we. we did this.
Just a couple of unlucky bastards. victims of monsters and cycles we could never even begin to understand.
vinny puts the camera down. his happy ending hinged on it. its very human, isnt it?
does ANYONE THINK ABOUT THAT FUCKING CAMERAAAAAA
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I cant think of anything different for Jackie as an ask but i would like to hear your take on her character. Maybe bless us with a character analysis???
ahhh okay!!! i have so many thoughts on her!!!! for starters, i wanna talk about why i think some ppl in the fandom hate her sm cause ive never seen anyone whos neutral on her tbh like either ur a jackie anti or a jackie stan theres no in between.
i see a lot of people using the fact that her only crime was being a teeanage girl as an argument to defend her and while i wholeheartedly believe that, i think thatâs the exact reason why people dislike her. i think a natural instinct that viewers have when watching a show is to take the sides of the "heroes." people usually root for the people with the best moral code (which is why nat is so beloved, besides the fact that she's hot asf). but in a show based on survival, where morals for the most part go out the window the second everyone is stranded in the wilderness together, nobody cares if you're the realest or the more relatable. in fact, i think in a show that is based on things that are highly unlikely to happen/deals with topics outside of everyday things, you're more likely to prefer characters that aren't real. in stuff like yellowjackets, people want the batshit crazy ones. they want the cult leaders and the butchers and the psychopaths. its made very clear that jackie isnt any of these things. you dont go into a show about cannibalism and murder and survival and think of a character like jackie.Â
she's not the typical final girl. shows like these make you want to root for actively seek final girls. so of course, most people aren't going to gravitate towards jackie. i think ive seen maybe two people aside from myself on tumblr who jackie is their number one character and theres a reason for that. shes simply not what most yellowjackets viewers are looking for.
also, shes just a girl trying to fit into society and doing a pretty damn good job at it, at least on the outside. i think thatâs another part of the reason she has so many antis, because 99% of the people want to fit in one way or another but if youâre getting seen/treated as an outcast, of course youâre going to envy the cool, popular girl. it would be another story if she was bitchy and mean but the fact that sheâs so nice probably bugs people too without them even realizing it. sorry, but itâs the truth - people hate girls who are pretty and kind. jackie is that.
now, im not saying sheâs perfect whatsoever, she has several flaws, she can be super vain and demanding sometimes, and even bossy, although i do believe a lot of that comes from obliviousness and compulsory heterosexuality (which, i wonât get too into cause i feel like a lot of people have already talked about it).
now, for a character study i think her defining trait is her popularity which is insanely sad, but also, its true. you see that she only knows how to be a cool, popular high schooler and the second all that doesnât matter anymore, she doesnât know what to do with herself. thereâs a mitski songs with the lyrics âif i gave up on being pretty i wouldnât know how to be aliveâ and i think that describes her perfectly. in a time and society where everyone has a public and a private side, and i think spent so long crafting âpublic jackieâ that she forgot how to be âprivate jackie.â she spent so long trying to be a pretty girl that she forgot how to be just a girl.
i also think a reason that she was so kind to misty - outside of her just being a kind person - is the fact that jackie saw herself in misty. while i donât think jackie was ever unpopular, i donât personally believe that was always as cool and charismatic and we see her in high school. i think she was always charming to a certain extent, but i truly think entering high school she went the extra mile to become beloved and popular. misty was trying to do the same thing as jackie, she was trying so hard, and as much as i love misty, she was failing. jackie felt bad for her because she knew, not so long ago, she was kind of similar to her. jackie was also trying too hard. i saw an ella purnell interview where she said that sometimes she (ella) forgot she was a person, instead of a brand and i believe jackie resonates with that. she forgot she was a person, not just a popular girl.
she forgot who she actually was outside the makeup and the smiles and the perfect girl persona so much so that when the plane crashed, she didnât know how to be. because while the other girls slipped out of their public image, jackie didnât know who she was outside of her public image.
it got so bad that i donât even think shauna truly loved her. shauna, who just wanted what was best for her best friend. shauna, who never really wanted jackie to die. shauna never really loved her, because shauna never really knew her. we see loads of bunnies around adult shaunaâs house, when in reality, we know jackie hated bunnies. even shauna only saw the idea of jackie that she showed people, and thatâs not shaunaâs fault by any means, but it just goes to show that jackie never really let anyone in.
i think the most tragic thing about jackie by far, is that, ultimately, she just wanted to be loved. and she thought that by putting on this whole facade of having her life together and being the cool, hot soccer captain, people would appreciate and love her. but she mistaked being loved for being admired. and, as sad as it is, i think jackie died without anybody truly loving the real her.
tysm for the ask @yourlocalsaiko
#jackie taylor#yellowjackets#character analysis#can you guess my favorite character#ella purnell#yellowjackets jackie#yellowjackets showtime
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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so did you guys know theres this character called tristan vik disventure camp and
#disventure camp#disventure camp fanart#tristan vik#disventure camp tristan#ghostofsnails#my art#It would be SO tedious to post all of these separately but to be honest ive been dead for so long that i think its just funnier like this#like. yeah. just in case you guys have been wondering what i've been up to.#I have like 2 more i think but i'll give them their own post so i can explain them#ive never hyperfixated on a character like this in my entire life. usually a character hyperfix is super intense and lasts like 2ish weeks.#GUYS ITS BEEN 2+ MONTHS. AND I STILL CANT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR CARTOON GOTH NONBINARY SILLY PERSON#actually fuck you can i write an essay in tags about why i love them. this is tumblr. and whose even gonna read this anyways. fukit we ball#i followed dc kinda casually as a guilty pleasure for a while but i was instantly drawn to tristan when the designs for the s4 cast dropped#i was like You're telling me there's a GOTH who is UPBEAT and isnt designed like a flawless elf TWINK and is NONBINARY? ME FR????#LIKE OHH THE GOTH NB GETS TO LOOK A LITTLE WEIRD. THEY GET TO BE UNCONVENTIONAL. my aesthetic attraction to them goes crazy. vampire style.#i remember when they got revealed people redesigned them to look more generically pretty & it PAINED ME bc it missed the point SO. BADLY.#ik some people find them boring also & even tho i disagree i can see it if u dont rlly care abt alt stuff. but for me the fact theyre so#kind & upbeat & extroverted WHILE being a SUBCULTURAL GOTH is the draw bc while i do get a kick out of the exaggerated depressed goth#stereotype - its not exactly true to life and so seeing a character that looks and acts like me and real goths makes feel so seen and happy#they also capture my desire to have goth friends SO BADLY im projecting on them SO HARD. They are such top tier friend material you guys...#AND THEYRE A FASHION DESIGNER WHICH FEELS SO IN THEME WITH BEING GOTH THAT IT MAKES ME SO JOYOUS AND CRAZY.#its all so funny because im 100x more excited about getting good goth rep than nonbinary rep LMFAOOO but them being nb is SO important too#Not to mention their voice actor is FANTASTIC and elevates them SOOO MUCH. Also the amount the va is obsessed with them fed my obsession -#sooo insanely you guys.... i feed off of other peoples emotional attachments. AND THEIR ACTING FOR TRIS ADDS SO MUCH DEPTH TO THEIR#CHARACTER IF YOU LOOK FOR IT. I COULD LITERALLY WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT TRISTAN YOU GUYS. IM NOT INSANE.#god you guys this is the first time ive ever had a genuine âi feel seenâ feeling from a fictional character I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE NOW.#i LOVE NONBINARY PEOPLE EXPRESSING THEMSELVES. I LOVE HOW QUEERNESS AND GOTH CULTURE INTERSECTS AND HOW THATS REPRESENTED IN TRISTAN#THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. AND I KNOW THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE. WHICH JUST MAKES THEM MEAN EVEN MORE TO ME. I LOVE LIFE.#its an endless feedback loop i fear. im trapped in it & loving every second. i will be drawing them until i am in my grave & maybe after.
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didnât give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you donât see Steve and Buckyâs relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I donât count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also werenât they dead too?#idk I canât remember atm#and I havenât watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I canât accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I donât believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well heâs this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesnât count)#because they donât have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruce⌠when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isnât straight crowd⌠they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really canât tolerate thst ship
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an âIssueâ#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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my s class hunters does a really good job at gradually raising the stakes without feeling like a pointless power creep and keeping me extremely invested and i keep saying this but I really do think it's bc it's a story grounded in love at every turn... the bond between the han brothers especially is extremely compelling and beautiful and makes me feel like a knife is being stabbed into my heart and twisted all around... i love them so so much đđâ¤ď¸âđŠšâ¤ď¸âđĽâ¤ď¸âđĽâ¤ď¸âđĽ
#(another tweet liveblog that im crossposting here)#im up to ep 102 in the webtoon now btw!!!#s class liveblog#also it took a while for yj to completely grow on me (i always liked/loved him but it's prob bc they#lightened the tone of his chara or w/e as ppl were saying... in the beginning at least#that ive been holding off calling him a 'fav' (im kinda picky w protags/have side chara liking syndrome...#even w twsb i didnt rly start biasing yeseo until i read the novel... cedric was my 1st bias#(and w orv ive only read (part of) the webtoon and yjh is my bias so mdnfn)#(âi rly loved yj from the 1st few ch tho but yea i can kinda tell the webtoon lightened his chara a lot... not that i think its all bad bc#its been fun to read at least dkfbdn)#but now that im further in im just like... wow. he's such an incredible character and protagonist. wow#def as good of a protagonist as kdj (and i personally like him better bc he's a big brother HHHHHNG.#i love him just like i love jung yeseo...#i love him SO much. he's just incredible#and yea dont tell me about the novel bc im going to read it myself but#yeah i rly cant wait to experience his original characterization and get intimately aquainted w his narration/internal thoughts...#REITERATING...DONT SPOIL ME ANYTHING FR#also just more abt the webtoon but... biwan-nim is SOOO good at drawing expressions & portraying emotions#i fucking feel every emotion that yj feels and it fucking breaks my heart and makes me cry uuuaaaghh T___T#yoojin.... TT__TTđđđ#also god he's just... so fucking COOL. and not just in like a cool savvy protag kinda way#(bc usually i kinda sleep when protags r like. Too cool/op skfjksdj but he's not like that at all)#i mean as a person... he's so incredibly... oughhh#as a person... as a big brother... T__T...#i cant even put it into words. he's just... i love him so much. it hurts.... im so deeply invested and rooting for him at every step...#he and yoohyun deserve the whole world i really hope they can get their happy ending together T_Tđđđâ¤ď¸âđĽ please...
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I just rewatched moonknight and your audios are literally the only thing keeping me alive in that somewhat dead fandom THANK YOU đđđ
i do feel adrift making moon knight stuff still so thank you
#like even if season 2 does ever happen ive seen rumors that if it does marvel wants to tie it further into the mcu#like obvs it was already in the mcu but i mean ive heard they might put avengers characters in moon knight and#honestly im too tired of the mcu have been for too long#marvel ruined marvel for me#moon knight would honestly be the only mcu property id go and watch but i wont if it ends up with whoever the current avengers are in it#i dont want to go and do homework and watch all the mcu movies and shows ive missed just to watch moon knight season 2#and if they put loki series bullshit like the tva in there then i cant watch it at all#thats why i couldnt watch deadpool and wolverine even though i was initially excited for it#the loki series caused me as a trans person active in the loki fandom to get harassed so much i cant see anything#to do with that show without getting uncomfortable so if the tva is there i especially wont be watching moon knight#i dont know how marvel thinks they can sustain the mcu forever like surely if new people want to get into the mcu#or even like kids who like superheros they cant just to go the cinema and watch the newest movie#cos they wont understand anything unless they stay home and do homework by watching years of movies and tv shows first#having everything connected at first was run. watching avengers assemble in the cinema was fun.#but theres too much now and it hasnt been fun in a long time#i also remember hearing after phase 1 they got rid of the team that made sure all the movies by different writers and directors#still felt cohesive and had continuity with each other and i feel that shows more every year#wow didnt expect to be giving an mcu rant in the tags its just sad sometimes to think how long i loved marvel for#and now i really couldnt care less about it. though that started with endgame when they made fatphobic jokes about thor all movie#that was the last time i saw a marvel movie in cinemas. think it was the last time i watched any mcu movie.#watched a few shows after that but got too burned by the transphobia in the loki series. and then moon knight and then nothing.#im just sitting here forever clinging onto the main mcu timeline loki who died in infinity war and never got brought back to life#just me and them in my own corner where they can have nice genderfluid representation#the vampire answers
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like âdude⌠uuugh we r TIREDâ <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the âpersonalityâ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that theyâre Real but iâm a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how theyâre from the narratorâs consciousness which is sick as hell#and iâm unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i donât know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( iâm not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i donât know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and itâs all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the âwhat if their blog self Was Realâ but iâm not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably donât think i know enough and i donât think theyâll approve if i try. so i Donât#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but thatâs incredibly hopeful#iâll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to âoh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidentsâ#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that iâm stupid because i didnt try#even though iâm trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else iâve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends âď¸#man i canât even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasnât allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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It's hard having a fav character with no content
#uuuughh...okino...#actually there is content of him but there hasn't been anything new for months <//3#its so sad going to his tag just to see its the same thing from 4 months ago#AND NOVA#theres literally nothing about her#honestly i think i only saw like 2-3 posts focusing on her and not like just putting her in the background#do i have to do everything by myself#nova is literally so cool y'all dont even understand#the never witch too#but im more chill w it#also rooky partnur#everytime i go in her tag its the same fricking roleplayer#no hate to roleplayers love you guys but i wanna see more art <//3 i need to its my only food#ghehsfhs#my fav nexo knight character is aaron so its okay for him#but still i feel liek the nexo tag gets updated like every two monthd#im ok with no face cuz theres like no content of lego city no limits at all#as for lmk theres content for literally every character so im ok#and hidden side...jb...jejfjjsdhfh#and lego friends tnc i cant say my fav character cuz i don't want the fandom to kill me#damn sorry for yapping so much#m00n talks#even tho most of the talk is in the tags#ok im done
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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head
#âI'm right next to youâ are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow#i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect#hEeEeLP MEeEeEE#i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me#SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK#i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn#like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn đ#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid#plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask#i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is#or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever#okay speakijg of his face reveal#i have something i want to explain to the wall#a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488#the rest of me is neutral because idrc#the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features#it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all#idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it#I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character#that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much#but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling#anyway back to what i was saying#hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl#IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY#DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN#i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U#IM SO NORMAL#also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE#DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER IăŞăŻoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY
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