#but i cant have anything so even thinking about the characters that i love feels like something i have to force myself to do
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hrmmm idk.. this all makes sense but like, i dont think zombie drones have any memories from before being deactivated. they certainly dont seem to. the solver was not an outside force either, it mutated within cyn and brought her to life, she does not know anything outside of it, there is no "her" without it. i am honestly a firm believer that cyn was mostly herself the whole time, just pushed towards evil by the influence of the solver and the abuse she faced at the hands of the elliots, and even tessa and j. i mean, the solver certainly isnt a character when uzi overheats and starts killing people. thats all her, solver mode almost a failsafe to keep her alive. when her solver turns yellow, its because cyn is controlling her through it. cyn is driven to planet-destroying evil by the same blinding, all consuming hunger that leads uzi to murder - i think thats an important part of this interpretation. more than anything the solver is a gnawing pit of hunger, it seeks consuming everything within itself and becomes more powerful through it
this interpretation makes the story feel more whole in a way to me. cyn kills her abusers and reclaims her life and god she kills so many people, causes unimaginable harm, but its beautiful to me in a way. shes corrupted and evil, shes starving and shes finally free. maybe she reaches a point of no return and gets so lost in the incessant gnawing hunger that she starts hurting the people she actually cares about. maybe she cant find the sweet girl who used to exist anymore, swept away in a tide of blood and oil, and she desperately wants and needs someone to stop her because shes too far gone
idk. i do love many aus built on the assumption that the solver is its own person who possesses cyn but. murder drones being a story about a bunch of kids with terrible coping mechanisms and so much trauma, a story about agency and freedom, i see this interpretation as the one that fits the themes of the story the most and provides cyn the most complete character arc
cyn hc of mine : in episode 5 minus all the stuff in the bunker the cyn we see is the real cyn up until the ādonāt go to the galaā sence
Tbh I can see where you're coming from, the switch-up in behavior from Cyn in the first half of the episode up until the Gala (the climax & second half) is pretty noticeable. With how nonchalant she acts with N vs. how dismissive she acts with Tessa/J before revealing the Solver form is a pretty good 180 turn.
Personally, to me it'd always been the Solver from the moment Cyn allowed it access in the beginning of the episode (the Drone waking up underneath the pile of bodies in the junkyard, which is asked by the Solver to give it admin access).
Her switch up in the episode to me personally shows the Solver's ability to adapt & improvise with certain people through it's host and the abilities at hand, using it cleverly to get certain events rolling. e.g knowing that N would most likely defend her against Louisa's outburst or being dismissive of N's survival because she already has clones/copies of the main 3 who'll become Disassembly Drones later on.
Though it's also very "human" in a sense to show this range of emotions with different people depending on the situational awareness, and I can see why folks wouldn't think an AI could create this range of behavior this easily, and it instead truly comes from Drone Cyn instead of the AS.
Though I guess with how sparse information is about Cyn as the Solver's host it's all up to personal interpretation- actually a fact I enjoy about the show, rather than being upset that some characters don't have a canon answer to open/ambigious information.
Makes making up headcanons & drawing your own conclusions much more fun and allows for more room to discuss potential answers without having to debate against "acktually, the show said-" arguments, pff.
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didnāt give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you donāt see Steve and Buckyās relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I donāt count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also werenāt they dead too?#idk I canāt remember atm#and I havenāt watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I canāt accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I donāt believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well heās this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesnāt count)#because they donāt have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruceā¦ when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isnāt straight crowdā¦ they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really canāt tolerate thst ship
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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im known for being THE bec light fan of the fandom, so i feel like im in the right place to say this: YOU DO NOT OWN FANDOM CHARACTERS AND CANNOT PREVENT OTHER PEOPLE FROM LIKING THEM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO, and if that makes you uncomfortable (which is fine, and for any reason), THE THING TO DO IS BLOCK NOT HARASS THEM!!!!!!! ive seen too many ppl in this fandom disrespect others over DARING to say, even as a joke, that they're the number one fan of X character. If someone having the same favorite group of pixels as you genuinely angers you, to the point of feeling the need to insult them and having concerning thoughts about them, then maybe it is time to log off
#not referring to anything recent#as i THANKFULLY havent seen it happen in a lil bit!!!#however it has happenned many times in the past and in those moments i was so thankful to have my fav be a rando no one is attached to LMAO#everyday im mortified at the thought that there COULD be other bec fans outthere that are scared of exclaiming their love for the character#-publically out of fear i'd attack or get mad at them for trying to āstealā my fav or some bs like that. this will NOT HAPPEN PLS GIVE BEC#-THE LOVE THEY DESERVE the more bec enjoyers we are the better :(#btw; this is NOT about non-sharing yumeshippers!! (important)#this is about people (most often not yumes at all smhow!) thatll go out of their way to ATTACK other members of a fandom for sharing a fav#āthis is MY favorite character so it cant be anyone else's and if you claim it is i will insult you and humiliate you in front of othersāwe#-learned to share unimportant stuff in preschool? you're not even a yume so its even LESS justified to react like that over a char#even more stupid when its a main characters 99% of the fandom likes like. what do you think will happen browsing fandom spaces.#if you feel the need to throw all of eve's bitch-ionary at someone over having the same taste please get some offline rest and remember#THE BLOCK BUTTON EXISTS FOR THIS REASON???#if its harmless and you dont like it! block! block block block! throwing a fit like a 7yo reincarnation of eric cartman in the candy aisle-#-won't make you more legitimate in the title of the ābiggest fan of X guyā. i promise you blocking people that make you personally-#-uncomfortable(without necessarily doing anything wrong)without insulting their bloodline is absolutely amazing. you should try it.#not bec light#ouhh me speaks#this sure is a lot of words#ik the fandom is full of mentally unstable ppl that rely on their favs for moral support; this however doesn't grant you the right to lack#respect towards strangers. I love bec and finn with all my heart and unless youre some kind of h*tler 2.0 i could not care less about if#they also bring you comfort! and if one day for any reason it starts bothering me; i would just start blocking/muting the people who post#about them! as simple as that. :( your fav/yume would NOT want you to be rude to the people who like them; so just IGNORE#it makes me sad for people who have a certain character as their fav/ F/O cuz ive seen them disputed a lot n theyre not even a main5 HELPPP#; as comma#OK IM DONE YAPPING i have school tomorrow hashtag goonight
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my s class hunters does a really good job at gradually raising the stakes without feeling like a pointless power creep and keeping me extremely invested and i keep saying this but I really do think it's bc it's a story grounded in love at every turn... the bond between the han brothers especially is extremely compelling and beautiful and makes me feel like a knife is being stabbed into my heart and twisted all around... i love them so so much ššā¤ļøāš©¹ā¤ļøāš„ā¤ļøāš„ā¤ļøāš„
#(another tweet liveblog that im crossposting here)#im up to ep 102 in the webtoon now btw!!!#s class liveblog#also it took a while for yj to completely grow on me (i always liked/loved him but it's prob bc they#lightened the tone of his chara or w/e as ppl were saying... in the beginning at least#that ive been holding off calling him a 'fav' (im kinda picky w protags/have side chara liking syndrome...#even w twsb i didnt rly start biasing yeseo until i read the novel... cedric was my 1st bias#(and w orv ive only read (part of) the webtoon and yjh is my bias so mdnfn)#(āi rly loved yj from the 1st few ch tho but yea i can kinda tell the webtoon lightened his chara a lot... not that i think its all bad bc#its been fun to read at least dkfbdn)#but now that im further in im just like... wow. he's such an incredible character and protagonist. wow#def as good of a protagonist as kdj (and i personally like him better bc he's a big brother HHHHHNG.#i love him just like i love jung yeseo...#i love him SO much. he's just incredible#and yea dont tell me about the novel bc im going to read it myself but#yeah i rly cant wait to experience his original characterization and get intimately aquainted w his narration/internal thoughts...#REITERATING...DONT SPOIL ME ANYTHING FR#also just more abt the webtoon but... biwan-nim is SOOO good at drawing expressions & portraying emotions#i fucking feel every emotion that yj feels and it fucking breaks my heart and makes me cry uuuaaaghh T___T#yoojin.... TT__TTššš#also god he's just... so fucking COOL. and not just in like a cool savvy protag kinda way#(bc usually i kinda sleep when protags r like. Too cool/op skfjksdj but he's not like that at all)#i mean as a person... he's so incredibly... oughhh#as a person... as a big brother... T__T...#i cant even put it into words. he's just... i love him so much. it hurts.... im so deeply invested and rooting for him at every step...#he and yoohyun deserve the whole world i really hope they can get their happy ending together T_Tšššā¤ļøāš„ please...
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like ādudeā¦ uuugh we r TIREDā <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the āpersonalityā of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that theyāre Real but iām a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how theyāre from the narratorās consciousness which is sick as hell#and iām unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i donāt know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( iām not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i donāt know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and itās all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the āwhat if their blog self Was Realā but iām not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably donāt think i know enough and i donāt think theyāll approve if i try. so i Donāt#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but thatās incredibly hopeful#iāll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to āoh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidentsā#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that iām stupid because i didnt try#even though iām trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else iāve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends āļø#man i canāt even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasnāt allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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I donāt get why ppl keep saying bkdk is dead or Horikoshi broke off bkdk. If that were true, this extra would look very different as you pointed out multiple times. The extra was still heavily focused on them and I hate how ppl are letting one no dictate the entire relationship. Izuku asks him to be a special lecturer too. I think the no just needs more clarification but other than that it is mostly fine. If a ship were to be shut down by the creator, it would look very different. Same logic for if a ship were to be canon, it would look different than what we got in the end for izu///ocha. This extra was bad in different ways from ships. It was just a whole lot of nothing that doesnāt meaningfully add anything to the story but I guess we shouldnāt be surprised since it is an extra. It is still an ambiguous ending that can be pretty fixable by one shots by Horikoshi in the future or even better by fanfiction lol. Except for the Toga part. That is just inexcusable
himiko-chan :(
and yeah! like even tho 431 is terrible not only for pairs but also for the whole story, it only confirmed Katsuki feels something really strong for deku and he doesnt notice bc he doesnt consider himself to be that great; they keep talking, and they keep being in each other's lives with no problem -they also imply they will work on communicating their feelings, as the special lecture is about this topic and deku also thinks katsuki doesnt see himself in a high regard. This is actually something that could be used in the future, as their relationship and arc isnt completely finished -in the way that they arent at a point of no miscommunication, no yearning, etc. They still need something to work with in regards to themselves and each other in the process. When it comes to midoriya and uraraka, idk what exactly could develop from what 431 tell us -seems to be mostly about paying attention to the ppl in your life instead of just letting life happen I guess? But idk what conversation or arc they could have together that wasn't resolved already, it was a really weird choice to focus on them as if there needs to be more explored -which is why choosing to not make them talk to each other nor think of the other in these years is potentially interesting, like the only way they could actually need to talk things up or have a separated special moment is if they just stop being friends and want to talk more from now on. Like, if they kept their friendship these years and were part of the other's life, there wouldnt be a moment like this at all.
I think it hurt mostly ochako -and deku if we interpret it as "deku just wants to be teacher, he is super happy about it, and loveeees so much his ex bestie after 8 years of no contact and never thinking about her"-, more than the bkdk relationship.
It would be interesting to see those one shots, if he does them -I know he said he wanted to do more things and little drawings and content for it, but idk if he will do something elaborate or just one page of something silly. I think he still has to opportunity of working with the material and make something at least not this bad -or completely ignore 431 and just continue with their adventures like 430 implies lol If he wants to double down with the "romance" I have no idea how he could do it with what he has tbh, unless he just ignores the plot and their personalities.
#grrr talking#thanks bc I was getting a little crazy like wowowowow am I just making things up in my head???#I think bkdk keep having romantic connotation even if deku is so clueless#and while is sad to see them be insecure about themselves I think they do have reasons to do this more than ochako#she did learn her lesson with 429 and talked things with deku already -which is why you had to make them go no contact for them to even#have a āmomentā -there was no need for them to develop anything with their friendship. and it still ended in a friendly note#while katsuki and deku never got to actually talk about their feelings alone#nor discussed all the trauma related to each other -the quirklessness the war shigaraki killing him the guilt over so many things#deku on another hand doesnt really have much to tell uraraka that would fit them as there wasn't a moment the war actually involved them tr#truly besides the himiko moment -which would lead to himiko's love for ochako and while this could be used to make her confess#its really... bad honestly considering thats the only thing that relates them -another girl who loves both#there wasn't a moment of him paying special attention to her in a romantic coded way and everything was just... pretty friendly honestly#while the war directly involved katsuki being targeted for being the closest to deku of them all#I makes sense for them to need to talk about this in comparison#what deku as a character needs is to consider why he doesnt see himself as important and why isnt he allowed to accept more for him than#what he got#and I just dont see how this could work with her considering they dont have a real friendship anymore#I cant see neither trying to push the other into being honest about hidden feelings for the other bc... why would they have that?#and why wouldnt they just talk about it before? as I said their arc was really done before the extra#which is why you had to make them lose their friendship and want to talk more from now on -bc if they keep being friends there wouldnt be#any moment that could be ambiguous enough#but with katsuki there are things left unsaid even when keeping in contact that involve each other and their self esteem#meaning they need to work in their communication#with 431 deku āgoing forā uraraka doesnt come off as āhim choosing himselfā and āliving his lifeā#bc it was a decision that didnt involve any internal discussion about why he is the way he is#its not framed as him finally choosing for himself or being selfish -he just found her in his way home and wanted to talk more after no con#contact#he is still insecure about his needs and doesnt understand what katsuki means when he talks in such abstract ways#its not like he understood āoh I have to choose someoneā or āI have to find my special personā bc he wasn't embarrassed about wanting to t#talk to her -he loves everyone yeah but he wants to talk to her more (they haven't talked to each other in so many years!)
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i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty
#the golem and the jinni#i was scrolling goodreads and the take i kept seeing was 'oh I wish Arbeely could've had his family too bad the jinni FUCKED IT UP'#but idk that's just not how i read him. like thats not where i feel the problem is#his whole shtick is being content as the jinni's foil and like! things can change! but the way it's done leaves him totally unresolved#which in turn means the jinni's shit is also never getting resolved because there is like no way to#when Arbeely describes his future family in the first book it's all 'someday... vaguely...' and AGAIN! what you want can change!#and honestly it's really interesting and sad that he makes this sacrifice for the jinni#but it's a layer of complexity that like clashes with how little he is there for and how little the author's invested in him#and like the way the no marriage literally did not ruin his life at all... sure it sucked but the man is still like idk rich#what has continuously fucked with him throughout both books is that he wants (or at least spends half his page time thinking about)#emotional connection to the jinni in a human way#which is something the jinni cant\wont give him even though he's basically Arbeely's only close friend#(besides ig maryam who was rlly funny hinting at her dislike for the jinni like someone trying to get their friend to dump their toxic bf)#anyway the vibe in the first book is that he only thinks about wanting a wife when the jinni is being a dickhead#BECAUSE the jinni eases arbeelys loneliness by just being there because at the end of the day that's what humans need#but then it's made really weird in the second book by Arbeely getting 'trapped' by the jinni (and yet they just grow further apart)#which means that the only thing arbeely actually spent half his life discontent with and then literally died without is not a wife#it's emotional intimacy with the jinni. which is insane to me#arbeely is obviously already tragic but this seems TOO tragic entirely because the book doesn't give af about addressing it#if it was like a plot thing then all of the above would be fine and gutwrenching because it ties back into the jinnis self isolation#BUT IT'S NOT. like i get arbeely isn't that important to the plot but he was important to the jinni and the jinni was important to him#alsoo necessarily disclaimer i'm not trying to say he's in love with the jinni or anything like that#although a queer arbeely (divorced from the above idea) would also been interesting cuz I dont think the jinni has a grasp on homophobia#so idk theyd be keeping each others secrets (arbeely x the biscuit man? JOKE)#BUTTTT! I don't believe he needs romantic energy! him and the jinni having awful vibes up until arbeely's literal death is what bothers me#The jinni is a bad communicator ik but come on... not once? not even before the diagnosis? The jinni also thinks about how distant they are#could they not talk a little? for me? there are ways to do it within the bounds of their characters FOR SURE#im sure this is the point but i do dislike it either way. anyway sorry arbeely u remind me of my uncle#the hidden palace
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i don't feel like copying what i wrote, so take some screenshots of me having brainworms for the JDK villains again. primarily spurred by me going "hey wouldn't Nisha and Artemis and Apollo make cool rockstars instead"
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#i really need to hurry up and finish organizing my writing blog so i can start posting these there instead#anyways i feel like this finally nails EXACTLY the kind of vibes that i wanted for the Acolytes and Solanace#and tbh.....even if i cant find a way to work JDK's original curse themed plot with these ideas#i feel like it would absolutely be worth changing the stories/motivations for the POV trio to fit this new set of ideas#kinda adds a lot more to the villains as a whole#and also sets it apart from a lot of my other stories that revolve around 'essentially a cult' as an opposing force#if i decide to be the most self indulgent that i possibly could be#i might even consider the idea of making it a story ABOUT Solanace and the acolytes in the POV sense#theyd still obviously be villains but the protags of the story instead of the antags#at which point jonas/lydia/hayes would have to be majorly reworked to then fit into the antagonist roles#could also theoretically work with the idea of jonas AND nisha being POVs#so the reader would be getting insight to the good guys and the villains at the same time#JDK(which STILL needs a better placeholder title) really is a story that ive had to majorly change multiple times#most of my stories i have the general idea + genre settled before anything else#but this one is more character driven#i have two groups of OCs ive thought about in depth and i just havent been able to build the story around them in the right way yet#i think once i can Actually get my brain focused long enough to draw#i wanna doodle more rockstar inspired designs/themes for nisha/artie/apollo#see if the idea continues to tickle the brainworms in such a great way + then have time to make polished refs b4 artfight#bc i really love my overdramatic artsy villains okay. i think they deserve to be extra as fuck ya know?#who doesnt love a villain whose primary goal is to put on a show and THEN to do the evil things?
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#another thing i hate#is how the fancontent always makes a point on how izumi doesnt actually know anything abiut leo#and how leo is pretending his whole personality#why is it thta leo accepts all of izumi but aparently izumi cant do the same to leo#izumi always being portraid as super oblivius is so annoyng#at least in content in which izumi is jealous leo always knows and is into iy#when its jealous leo izumi is always oblivious to it#if youre going to write leo as jealous and possessive and etc at least make izumi aware?!?#and not just innocent to that fact#but well that would require for them to write izumi as actually knowing leo which is basically impossible#and i hate how they make leo jelaous of literally anything#jealous of ibuki because ibuki is a composer which means he will steal izumi attentipn of course#jelaous of cats event thiugh he loves cats#jealius of dolphins becauze why not!#on that one le0izu comic jealous of the child he had with izumi beavuse the child is stealing izumi attention#and whishing for the child to never be born#jealous of any music izumi sings that isnt his own#and pretty much hating any song#nothing nice about him#leo isnt even seen as a good person#i think you can tell a lot about the way a character is seen when you look at the way they are portrayed as a seme and uke#and the only thing i understood is that izumi is seen as a good person who cares while leo is seen as lacking morals#leo is like kageyama character but he is forced to play hinata which just makes everything so one sided to him#man i have a lot of complaints#but seeing the way leo is portrayed in most fanwork and seeing the way people say he is portrayed makes me feel i live in alternative world
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i think ill taking an office position at this philosophy club i joined at school. i say that knowing the workload ive already taken on is daunting and a wee bit scary
#im very excited to hang with the philosophy students like whatchall got going on...#i gotta admit. i love every physics student ive met so far. even the annoying ones have so much character and are a blast#i feel their passions and am colored by theirs souls#the math majors are soulless and boring you can tell some of them are business minors/majors too like milquetoast got nthg#going on#the engineers...not exactly the same but an inbetween#philosophy majors at the very least?? i hope itll be a mentally stimulating environment.#like being able to just have free flowing discussions could be real nice. i think i have a lot of thoughts rn#on the state of the world. on family. on the self. on love and peace and on other people being hell.#my favorite person ive met at school. even though i kinda cant stand him lol#my favorite person ive met is a physics major philosophy minor. and i mean we'd sit and talk for hooours about every lil thing#these long drawn out discussions on politics life love art. whether people do or dont have free will. (we do!) etc.#i just need a space to talk. to be mentally stimulated and feel like im mentally stimulating others yknow.#whenever i try to talk to people about whats on my mind they literally couldnt care less but tbh most of my family is made up of people#pleasers.#we were taught from a very young age not to think critically and my whole immediate family are very dimwitted and dont challenge the world.#or the status quo. they dont think about anything thats hard to think about :(#and like most of the US is like that. which is why this country is so ugly and wilted. its dying.#i just want to convince myself that there are people out there that still have a whimsy and fascination about the world#essentially...philosophy club save me. please save me philosophy club
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Rebecca gales has bpd she told me herself
#rebecca gales#the letter#the letter visual novel#listen im new here im not exactly a knowledgeable cookie here about bpd but the more i learn the more im like. inch resting#cuz for starters its like idk if it all applies to me but i find a lot of it very relatable#but when i think about rebecca i think it definitely applies and makes a lot of sense just like the way she feels emotions#shes got so much complex feelings about the people she loves shes very caring and loving#to the point where they feel its too much to handle alsjks like i love how cute she is with isabella when shes worried#she squishes belles face to check for injuries and she pulls isabella into her lap and pets her hair and sings for her#and always gets her food and worries herself into the ground to make sure isabella takes care of herself#and then with ashton hes definitely her favorite person she sees him like a prince charming and remembers everything about their#relationship like her way of showing love is definitely by remembering things and paying attention to how people feel and what they want#and then zach even though they arent as close she still helped him with his movie and she defends him when his movie gets hate#like in such an angry way he tries to brush it off but shes like NO NOBODY GETS TO TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT#and same when luke is shitty to him and tries to steal his camera rebecca lets that guy have it#and with luke even though she does hate him shes the only character who makes him see the good in himself#and she lets him know that hes fully capable of changing and being a good father and person#shes just so loving but at the same time so easily has a split where she cant stand anyone either#she thinks isabella is obnoxiously immature and is jealous as fuck of her and she is very quick to fight with ash#because he just doesnt show his love for her like she does for him and thats just such a problem like#that feeling that youll always love someone way more than anyone will ever love you and it makes her really upset#and like sometimes her feelings just get bitter so quick and at inappropriate times like when shes mad at isabella while shes fucking#in a literal coma because ashton is in love with her and not rebecca and shes just so like wrapped up in her own feelings there that she#completely disregards the entire situation and ashtons grief because she cant think about anything else she just cant help it#so yeah i think its just the way she feels emotions very strongly and switches between them very quickly that makes me think hm maybe#something is going on here š¤Ø and i just love it i love her i love how shes just a character whos just like#got all these complicated feelings but shes still loved and gets to slay penis and simply exist as a complex person
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kj post five hundred thousand lamenting the loss of my passion for drawing because its starting to feel like its never coming back
#it shouldnt feel like a chore! i miss when it was fun!!!!#as much as i try not to care about my art posts flopping because i know attention shouldnt be my motivator for drawing#it does still make me a little sad so now my brain struggles to want to create anything#like i WANT to create desperately desperately but i sit down to draw and just want to go to bed#the tiredness has been permeating my life ive become extremely socially isolated#which loops around to making me even more bored because im just in my own head all day and theres not even anything in here#my attention span has degraded to the point that i literally have to force myself to try and think about my own ocs most of the time#which doesnt even work because within two seconds i get distracted by being frustrated i have to force it#gruhhhhh . grouhhhh#i miss when mlad was fresh and it was so fun and exciting and fulfilling to work on it#now even though i still love it and want to work on it it just keeps slipping between my fingers#GRUHHH. i want to draw i want to write i want to talk to people but i Cant#i need to join another server or something because after my last Really bad mental period i isolated myself a lot lot lot. and ive been too#scared to go back to my old spot and now i very rarely talk to more than one person a day (excluding work)#im lonely and im too exhausted to be interesting enough to fix it!#im pretty sure 80% of my problems could be fixed with like. adhd medication#but im too tired and lazy and tired to start the road to getting it#sorry i keep coming back to append on more tags but last thought i prommy. i just miss when things could actually hold my attention#i miss having the motivation to do minicomics for lore drops i miss being so excited about aus with friends i would do multiple sketches a#day i miss being so gripped by individual scenes between characters i would take the time to write a multi page minific about it#why cant my brain HOLD ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#JUST PAY ATTENTION :(#i need a new hyperfixation or im going to do something drastic.
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reevaluating my entire thing again
#do things look normal up there no not really. hate how my body looks again#speak iza#i might still be bigender though i cant be sure#im not. maybe im just gnc#cuz likeeee im bi right i love girls but im not sure im attracted to them#as like. a girl right? i dont feel wlw#it just doesnt sound right if im called an honest to god girl i feel strange about that still#like oh look at that you can still misgender irene#so..... idk#..!#i dont feel entirely boy either if that makes sense. i dont really care to figure out what demiboy is either#I'll just call myself transmasc thats the best description to be honestly#transmasc gay guy gay gay gay bi guy wants#big fan of when boys have traditionally feminine names which make me giggle since i came up with iza first#before isaiah. and yk izas now gonna be short for that#im also irene and kay which was a real fucking character in the original arthurian tales i think#not even short for anything..... damn.#maybe irene can be my drag name... ive ALWAYS wanted to do drag yk#well not always. just now. i wanna see a performance here i like watch some recorded from bars#i want that even if make-ups uncomfortable!! the exagerration the performance the style of it all
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I haven't seen anyone else talk about it, so I wanted to share that Logan's rant monologue insulting Wade in the Honda Odyssey, before Wade decides to beat him up and they ~fight~ all night... that so clearly to me, was Logan projecting. It started as a tempered rant to cope with how annoyed and pent up he was, with the heat of everything and with Wade's muchness that makes him, him, but the longer he went on, the more he started ranting and exposing himself in the process.
"THE XMEN REJECTED YOU, AND THEY'LL TAKE FUCKING ANYONE!!!" That was my first hit, that he was referring to himself. He sees himself so lowly, so failed, that's canonical to the film. And canonically, he didn't even quite originally feel worthy or want to be with the XMEN. Didn't feel like there was a place for him there, a place for him anywhere. One of his biggest healings was Professor X not giving up on helping him believe that he deserved to be there, was wanted, was worthy, was a good guy. That's canon to his character. So we know he was speaking about himself. He was chewing Wade out, but he was also talking and focusing moreso on what upset him about himself. (He sees himself as just any jo shmo, when he IS literally THE X MAN ć
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)
He was seeing himself in Wade, how he "can't even save a relationship with a gd stripper", (he sees himself as not able to save anything either, and he's angry for that more than anything else he's angry or annoyed at) projecting SO HARD as he pieced together saying it out loud, that Wade was exactly like him. Logan hated himself for not saving anything. For being a "loser", a "failure", for all of the same reasons he was lashing out at Wade for. He was so angry and annoyed by Wade reminding him of himself, because he related to him. Wade was his reflection, in his eyes, calling him out so loudly with his own behaviors. And he hated himself. He deeply was suffering with that hatred for himself, and as a result, he lashed out on Wade when really he was chewing out himself, inside, admitting it.
"God's CRUELEST JOKE, IS THAT YOU *WONT* DIE ALONE. BECAUSE YOU! CANT! DIE! SO THE REST OF US HAVE TO SUFFER YOU THE REST OF OUR EXISTENCE!" (something along that.)
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He didn't know for sure that Wade can't die. He picked up on that Wade can't be killed. Logan is the one who can't die. They are two flipped sides of the same immortal power coin. When he finished his screaming at him, and everyone was silent at how cruel and shocking the confrontation and his words were, I was sinking with a very empathetically whispered "oh, Logan..." Because I felt his misery. I immediately picked up on him really talking about himself, and I think that was genius and layered. I was upset for how awful that was to say to Wade, heartbroken for Wade taking that to heart, and I was heartbroken that Logan was saying that because he believes that about himself. Because they are, oddly, a lot alike. Very compatible.
This scene here:
I read that Hugh said that Ryan wrote that. He's brilliant with these films. It was so genius. I really needed to share this and bring this thought, meta, analysis to light. For all of us to have.
Is Logan mad at God's "cruel joke" of his immortality, yet ability to feel so much pain through it still? Yes. He punched the roof in rage, because it's not fair. Venting his own pain. He sees his powers, his own and Wade's too, empathetically, as their curse. The curse of being the one who lives, and the guilt with that. The one who can't die. The one who lives, who is forced to live, while everyone who "deserves to live" dies. And WILL die, around them.
"And You can't die. That's on all of US!" Logan says, clearly referring to himself living forever... And "us" being the people HE loved. He saw himself as a burden for existing with them, for them. He deflected that onto Wade, as if the people in Wade's life must feel that way too, but didn't really mean that. He meant it about himself. Logan believes he was a burden on the people he loves, the people he lost. That's probably why he left too, and didn't come back when they called out for him to. He distanced himself to protect them, and protect himself from that fear of rejection that he feels is so imminent, and them not having him, is the one element that led to none of them surviving without him. He was always the key. He was always wanted, and he was always important and needed. He just couldn't ever believe that.
Man, that's why it became so personal for Logan too, when he was shown Wade's photograph of his family. Because HE had a family, and he would do anything now to save them. Just like Wade. He held that photograph all night, he went and got it when it fell out of the car, he kept looking at it. It became personal for him, when he identified with it. That Honda scene really was their turning point of everything. That's when Logan cared with everything. He got it. Wade is the him he couldn't be. But now he can.
I dropped some heat with this one.
Extra little personal context/thought notes: Maybe I just spotted it because I have a natural knack for psychology, I'm hyperobservant, highly empathetic and deeply feeling, and I'm also years experienced of my parents and whole family treating me the same exact toxic lashout way almost every other day. That's a workweek for me to see through toxic lashout anger BS. These are not my gifs!!! They were created by another amazing account. I will refind their @ and tag them!! >>> It's @landoslastnerve ! Thank you friend! š¤
Also wanted to include someone's tags from those gifs:
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#fictionalmenmistress#original#wolverine#deadpool#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#deadclaws#poolverine#wolverpool#logan#logan howlett#logan james howlett#james howlett#james logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool 3#xmen#x men#xmen wolverine#the wolverine#the honda hatefuck#the honda odyssey#honda odyssey#honda odessy#logan x wade#wade x logan#my reviews#deadpool meta#deadpool 2#deadverine
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I ADORE YOUR WRITING!!
what about a reader whoās unknowingly flirting with the twst wonderland cast (specifically savanclaw, octanaville and diasomnia) because of culture differences and species differences?
e.g petting their ears, giving them gifts, smiling with teeth (bc for moray eels thatās how they mate š)
OR fem reader who has her period and some of the twst students can smell it I LITERALLY HAD A NIGHTMARE ABOUT THIS šššš
OMLL I APPRECIATE ITTT!!! sorry for the wait!!! i chose some from each dorm bc of my character limit btw!!
azul ashengrotto
despite how much azul continues to do his best to learn about life on landā¦ relationships are certainly difficult for him to understand sometimes considering how long he has spent his life in the sea and though there are many similarities between merpeopleā¦ there are still some differences. once azul is rather close to you he does become unintentionallyā clingy with you. (when you two officially get together that's another story) but he has a habit of wanting to lean close to you or have a hand on you in some way, like on the small of your back when showing you something in the mostro lounge.
so needless to say, he is in love with any sort of touch from you he takes that as some sort of hope and sign that you reciprocate how he feels haha. jade and floyd tease him ALL the time about it especially when he was struggling to keep his cool-headed composure after you once gave him a hug after he did something to help you once.
like I've said azul really doesn't think about it or even try to be this way around you he just does aljdfajdkhf. heāll feel like a smitten fool as he sits in the vip lounge as he's doing papers and just think about how you playfully linked your arm around his to bring him somewhere. small things like that are actually quite big to him when it comes down to the differences.
jade leech
he's aware you probably don't know that you're unknowingly flirting with him, but he finds it amusing and plays along with you, nevertheless. he thinks it's cute that you don't know and all the more enticing, youāll find him chuckling, trying to hide his grin with his gloved hand āoh my, I didn't know you liked me that much fufuā heād say. you can't help but feel confused as to what he finds so interestingā¦ like you literally just yawned.
it'll take him a while to actually tell you what it means since he finds the obliviousness to be quite cute. you only put two and two together when he tells floyd about what you did right in front of him and the two laugh about it. now you've got floyd teasing u about it..
like azul he is a little more affectionate just in a different more. in a less obvious fashion, though there definitely have been a few occasions where he likes to bring your hand to his lips and see your reaction, he finds it so amusing. he always has his teethy grin plastered on his face.
leona kingscholar
he hates the way he can always tell when you're wearing cologne or perfume and he hates that he likes it as well, he may or may not be a bit addicted to your scent. he literally can tell if you're near just because he knows the damn fragrance you use.
if you two are particuarly close... like him falling asleep around you and such. if you happen to pet his head and his ears, he immediately shoots you this look then mumbles something before being too tired to do anything about it or give you some retort. he just lets it happen... he does enjoy it anyway. slowly he kinda doesnt realize how clingy he can get with you because of it. he becomes a little needy and wanting more attention from you. he cant help it.... i mean you basically just showed him that you're fine with it anyways.
leona seems to be someone who can get pretty possessive, unintentionally too over you. kind of territorial, like if you're someone he has eyes for then he doesn't expect others to really get in the way of that.
malleus draonica
malleus is not only a fae but a pretty sheltered one too, Iād think heād take almost anything from you as a sign of you being completely infatuated with him as he is with you. you could offer split your ice cream or invite him out somewhere, show any sort of interest in him as he talks about gargoyles as heās doing single club activities. the one time you asked curiously and wanted to touch his horns, heād be searching for the loveliest jewel to bestow you for your wedding day.
speaking of jewelsā¦ he gifts to you a lot especially after you give him anything first (it could be a cool rock you found) and heād be so smitten and glad to reciprocate that by giving you earrings, rings, necklaces etc. and when you accept them even though you're not exactly fully understanding why he takes it even more as a sign of you accepting his advances.
after taking any of your little acts of being somewhat kind to him and heās already so deeply into you, lilia would certainly be someone who hears just all about it. i think he would only feel happy for malleus, as it appears he mustāve found the right one. he is just supportive of malleus and is simply overjoyed to know he has some little human that makes him so happy.
lilia vanrouge
he has lived long enough and in different places to understands human courting's and more so than someone like malleus. he knows how different it is, trust me he is fully aware, but he thinks it's amusing. lilia pretends to take it the wrong way and watch you get all confused, when he's just being playful.
just cant help that he finds it so adorable when you unknowingly show him affections as a fae would in his culture. even just being slightly affectionate with him is enough to have him giggling and warning you to be careful to what fae you do that to. they do tend to take very kindly towards any affections and gifts!
lilia will straight up tell you though too, you could gift him and give him something neat you found or made, and he'd look up at you with a stupid grin like "kfufu... i accept your love, dear" NO???. he still holds onto anything from you with the utmost joy.
#twst#twst x reader#disney twst#twisted wonderland x reader#THE LAST PART NOOOOOO#twst headcanons#twst wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twst imagines#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia x reader#malleus x reader#malleus draconia#azul x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#jade x reader#jade leech x reader#leona x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#lilia x reader#lilia vanrouge x reader
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