#that feeling that youll always love someone way more than anyone will ever love you and it makes her really upset

[jackass-jones]

Rebecca gales has bpd she told me herself

[gh-0st-y]

Hello! Do you do multiple characters? If so can I ask for general dating headcanons for riddle, ace, and deuce? Thank you!

OMG??? OFC POOKIE YES YES!! RIDDLE, ACE N DEUCE HEADCANONS COMIN UR WAY ♡ IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY TO THIS

— I'll be Lovin' you!

General Relationship Headcanons

content ; riddle, ace, deuce x gn!reader (separate)

tw : none !! hope you enjoy, dear ♡

Riddle Rosehearts

• it was quite a sudden change for riddle - i mean, hed gone all his life, not a single relationship, with his mother practically breathing down his neck, rules upon rules - he..really wasnt prepared in the slightest

• but ever since dating you, and taking that leap?? oh, he wouldnt change a thing..

• whenever he sees you - in class looking out the window bored out of your mind, talking with your first year friend group, studying in the library, or sat by his side with a cup of tea in your hands? oh, he wishes he could look at you all day..he looks at you with so much adoration, he doesnt even realise hes staring, and his heart will swell - it feels like hes almost allergic and sick to this feeling, but the cure is you.

• he 100% lets you get away with a lot. favouritism much? but really, hed let you get away with..a lot, actually - with a light scolding, a hesitant ruffle of your hair, and a chuckle, he'll send you on your way - no punishment! but if it were anyone else (cough ace cough)? off with their head!!

• he always saves a slice of strawberry tart for you no matter what - and if theres no slice left for you? he'll share his - dont worry, he wont collar you for this.

• whenever hes stressed and students are getting on his nerves, he'll usually come to you for help on relaxing his nerves - just give him some cuddles and kisses, he'll be at tip-top shape in no time!

• hes always nervous to kiss you. no matter how many times youve kissed, he'll always get that cute blush that adorns his cheeks and reaches the tips of his ears, and he'll avert his eyes, hands growing clammy - hes so cute.

• he always tries not to get mad at you, but if he does? he'll apologise as fast as possible - hes trying his best, really! youll help him out, wont you? ♡

Ace Trappola

• oh what a menace - ace is always dragging you two into trouble, no matter where you go, and usually it includes deuce as well. hey, this is what you signed up for!

• but ace is hilarious - theres never a moment around him thats sad, with all the horrible jokes and pranks he makes, and his loudness, hes never a bore to be around - he'll always brighten up your day.

• need a good listener? ace is here! sure, he may not look it, but he listens intently to anything - so if you're upset and just need someone to hear you out? hes your guy! or perhaps you saw something you liked, but couldnt buy it - but whats this? a couple months later, the exact thing is in your hands, gifted by ace, who wears an embarrassed blush whilst handing it to you.

• surprisingly hes more mushy than he seems - he loves to have some kind of physical contact with you always. pinky locking, hand holding, arm linking, just a hand on your shoulder, putting a hand on the small of your back to guide you through the hallways, or resting his head against yours, the list goes on forever, he lives for it. it reminds him that youre real and he was able to date you. ace "arm wresting just to hold hands" trappola

• if youre one to be really open with your affections, whew - he loves it, but have mercy on the poor boy, his heart cant handle it, he looks like he might just combust if you keep at it. (dont stop, he loves it a lot (; )

Deuce Spade

• oh spare the poor boy - deuce never expected he could land someone as amazing as you, and considering you know about his past? lady luck is really on his side..

• he tries to treat you as often as he can - he may not be incredibly rich like some in school, but he knows partners like to recieve gifts. but sometimes, he'll ask trey to help him bake you some of your favourite treats, and he'll gift it to you with a wobbly smile and shaky hands. ♡

• he would protect you with his life - literally. hed do anything for you. hed walk through hell and back for you. if anything bad happened to you, hed never forgive himself. maybe thats why he sticks so close to you.

• hes so easily flustered..hes never been in a relationship, so you could surprise hug/kiss him? and hes ascending, heart palpitating, face red, body warm and shaky. hes stuttering out a 'why?' trying to hide his face, but he doesnt want you to stop ^^

• speaking of kisses..deuce always asks to kiss you before you kiss. no matter how many times youve done it, he still gets nervous and wants to make sure you do too. itll always start slow and hesitant, but as he gets comfy, itll become soft and full of love. sweet boy ♡

a/n : AAAA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY THEM ANON ♡♡♡

[cartoonrival]

Nrto/Brto for 3 10 & 17?

bro literally the wider naruto fandom sucks so bad idek where to begin

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i dont have a specific example so instead im gonna give a general gripe about a trend that ive seen in many takes over time

the black and white thinking and refusal to think for half a second about characters other than ur faves Reminds Me Of Something!real ones know. the way people talk about any character with any sort of greyness to their morality kinda makes me crazy and i lowkey think ppl bring up kishimoto TOO MUCH in their discussion of the storys themes bc while obviously like its important to talk abt WHY he wrote it the way he did esp wrt nationalism and all, i think also it sort of dulls ur ability to think anything complex about it if u blame everything u dont like or think was "sloppily done" on kishimoto. judging every character based on kishimoto's morals instead of their own if that makes sense? its not like "the wrong way to do things" i just personally find it really boring when thats the only way youll look at a text. like no wonder you guys are constantly making jokes about how naruto sucks and you'd never recommend it, you wont even allow yourselves to think about the story as its own piece of art beyond just "kishimoto wrote it this way because he sucks" like do you ever think maybe youre killing some of the fun of media analysis... i think its why so many people hate sakura or kakashi or itachi or anyone else. and this always comes out in the way ppl characterize bc theyre like Um I've Fixed Them :) and then its the blandest shit ever because you absolutely refuse to work even slightly WITH the story you claim to love, only fighting tooth and nail against it.

some examples of what i mean w this: basically any conversation about itachi that tries to categorize him as either good or bad. basically any conversation about sakura that tries to do literally anything or nothing with her. people making sns blandly romantic as if the insane and inventive ways they talk about their feelings for each other in canon isnt genuinely part of what makes it so maddeningly fascinating and awesome. anyone who thinks kakashi is a bad teacher. its just this refusal to meet the characters where they are and think of anything in terms of the text itself rather than exclusively in a meta way, ie "this is how it would be if it was good." no its not. you just made it how it would be if it was bland and obvious. dont you literally think the fact that the guy writing it was accidentally writing his characters to be struggling against the same shit that he was struggling against irl and struggling to keep Out of his writing is like. wildly fascinating and part of waht makes the story intersting to pick apart. but ok. this also applies to aspects of boruto primarily sasusaku and naruhina marriages. no one gets it like i doooooo

10. worst part of fanon

everybodys always shipping kakashi with someone and its never even guy. if youre gonna ship kakashi it had better fucking be with guy bc theres gen srs no one else he would be caught dead romancing with and i cant even see how you could read any of his other relationships as romantic. he doesnt even HAVE a relationship with iruka. i get that not every ship has to have canon support but its all either 1) literally not even interesting to think about or 2) what they have actually going on is way more interesting but see my response to question 3. its the same with gaara honestly the more i think about it the more annoyed i get about the ignorance surrounding just-short-of-canon aroace gaara ToT like if u didnt know then ok... but you should learn because its awesome. i just thinking the shipping culture in the fandom is annoying like everyone has to be shipped with someone and that seems to come before their genuinely interesting relationships. and those genuinely interesting relationships are sanded down into something normal. idk this is a gripe that goes w Many Many fandoms but i feel like w naruto its particularly bad largely on account of See Previous Answer. ppl are like "its written this way bc kishimoto is homophobic i will fix this" then they make it suck because shockingly ik kishi actually wrote a good as fuck story if deeply flawed

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ill be fr i dont gen seek out fics or art independently to be 100% sure that stuff i'd be looking for isn't out there somewhere. but i think ppl really really should just. think about sakura more. i literally love her sm but ppl won't think abt her beyond either 1) she sucks and i hate her (but this is because of kishimoto's writing and has nothing to do with me! if i rewrote naruto then she wouldn't be there 😌 this is a kindness to her and not because i cant be assed to think about a woman for 5 seconds) or 2) girlboss!!!! like.... is that scene in the land of iron not BIBLICAL to anyone else....??? is her devotion to someone she's lost faith in out of loyalty to someone she loves and is losing her ability to understand not FASCINATING???? TO ANYONE ELSE???? IS THE WAY SHE PICKS UP THE TRAITS OF HER TEACHER THAT HE SPECIFICALLY IS NOT MEANING TO PASS ON TO HER NOT HEARTWRENCHING???????? you people suck. instead you write ooc sns over and over and draw kakashi without his mask kissing fucking obito

[kzele]

Part 2 Convo

T: * a sympathetic and pained look crosses tombstones face*

P: "My first crook. He's in jail still, and will be for a long while. But I can't let that happen to anyone else or turn a blind eye ever again if it means someone gets hurt."

T: "i... I know its not useful to hear from me. But Im sorry. And I wish you had someone on your side with your ideals that you were sharing this story with instead of an enemy.

P: *doesn't really know what to say to that and deflects* "What about you? You shared your story with me, too. I still share the other things with my loved ones. Haven't you done that with anyone else?"

T: "I think that Ive mentioned some of it to hammerhead. but as you said, it is not that uncommon of a story growing up in this city. So sharing it is not nearly always the most productive thing to do.

P: "Especially when 'looking weak' isn't exactly a good thing to project, right?"

T: "Exactly."

P: "So, why do it around me?"

T: *tombstone pauses and thinks for a moment* Im not sure. Theres alot about you that makes me unsure

P: *a little sarcasm returns* "Don't I feel special. Alright, so now that you know that, what exactly are you going to do about me now? You said murder is off the table which means you're thinking up alternatives."

T: "Im not sure. I know for sure youll never take that deal. I know that my men will continute to have to fight you, but if youre not killing them, then them not killing you is not the oddest of requests. Most of the lower levels still are convinced your going to kill them, so letting them know we came to an arrangement will sooth some of that and ease trigger happy fingers."

P: Alright. Does that mean you're still going to try and find out more about me?"

T: "Probably. To fight an unknown is to guarantee failure at some point.

P: "Wasn't all this enough for you? What more could you possibly want to know?"

T: "Information you dont have is information you cant use. Im sure theres a lot more to you than you think."

P: "If you say so. *realizes something* That. . .could be an explanation as to why Ock switched from kill to capture with me. He doesn't usually have a problem killing kid bystanders, much less his enemies. It's weird for him to make an exception with me."

T: "from what Montana's said about everything, Ock's either dead set on finding out what makes you tick or making you into an apprentice of some sort."

P: *facepalm* "Wonderful. I tried telling him he wasn't my type, but he doesn't take 'no' for answer. Or any constructive criticism on being a somewhat tolerable human."

T: *snorts and tries to cover it up*

P: *eyes widen* "You laughed! You agree with me, don't you? You think he's a jerk, too! Beyond the whole 'standards' thing, that is."

T: *embarrassed that he lost control. Clears throat* I do agree that the Doctor is... Lacking in a lot of ways when it comes to interacting with others.

P: "Oh, come off it. I'm glad you agree with me but you don't have to be so formal about this. I mean, we told each other our backstories and you're getting more flustered over laughing about me saying that Ock's a social dumpster fire."

T: *relaxing a little to tease back* I have to keep up my scary crime lord face especially in front of the infamous Spider-Man

P: *lights up* "You do have a sense of humor! Hallelujah, it's a miracle! You must be a laugh-a-minute at all the crime parties."

T: *rolls his eyes* ah yes the infamous crime parties that are hosted weekly to make us all feel better about life.

P: *cheerfully* "Sure, you guys must have the best glaring contests on the east coast. I'll bet you won all those hands-down, too."

T: *shakes his head* sadly no. Vulture, while not a boss, has the strongest glares.

P: "Oh, yeah. I forgot about him. He's a mean old codger, isn't he? He and Ock are reigning sourpuss champs among supervillains. It's probably why they get along so well."

T: *raising an eyebrow. How had no one figured out how young spider man was before?* indeed.

P: "I can't imagine working with either of them well without some real attitude adjustment on their part. And that's not even getting into the whole moral void they have. Why Ock is so interested in someone who doesn't share his view in anything is beyond me."

T: "perhaps he thinks he is smart enough to change your mind to fit his views. Though, given his utter lack of experience with much of new yorks underbelly, im not sure what he his views include beyond some large hopes for power and how he hopes to explain and convince anyone reasonable of anything."

P: *snorts* "You said it. He wasn't smart enough to deal with me before and he still isn't. He wasn't even smart enough to figure out I never tried to have him killed."

T: "Hmm. that might be his ego speaking. He might consider himself too powerful for people not to be attempting to murder him."

P: "Yeah, but killings not my style. Even if it was, I wouldn't need to rig a lab to blow up when I have literal super strength. All it'd take for me to make it look like an accident is to drop him from a skyscraper or something. *winces* Again, not my style."

T: *scrunching his nose slightly.* Im now somewhat glad its not. Though, I can totally foresee Goblin doing something like that.

P: "Yeah, I can see that. If he's a big enough creep to blow up a ballroom full of people, he'd definitely make street pizza out of his enemies. Maybe you should keep a parachute or something on hand."

T: "Or reinforce all my windows. I apparently have a problem" *he says dryly*

P: "Hey, don't look at me. I leave your windows intact when I sneak in. Breaking glass doesn't really help when I want to be stealthy."

T: *frowns* "True. But the fact that anyone gets in at all is rather disheartening. When I first started out we had far fewer people comeing through the window on the highest floors. A few. but it was far less frequent."

P: "I can see you throwing people out the windows more than I can see people sneaking in. Who else is crazy enough to come through the window from this height?"

T: "Oh, there are a few. Were a few."

P: *anime sweatdrop* "That's not at all ominous. Does that mean you'll actually start inviting me in now? Should I expect engraved invites from here on out?"

T: "Sure. Ill even leave out milk and cookies."

P: "Wrong time of year for that kind of visitor. I'll still leave you any coal I find, though."

T: "Better than nothing at all which is what Im used to. Ill take the coal." *a grin threatens to come out but he holds onto it*

P: *blinks at that* "You serious? No presents at Christmas time, not even from your employees?Now that's criminal."

T: *confused* "Why would they do that? It goes top down for gifting. If your lucky and work for the right people. Which.. I didnt." * he then snorts at second bit and shakes his head*

P: *also very confused* "You. . .give presents to someone if you want to or if they need it. There's no specific direction gift-giving has to go. I mean, it's a voluntary thing, not a corporate bonus."

T: *tilts head* If you say so.

P: *scandalized* "At least tell me you get birthday presents."

T: "Do you really think that I celebrate my birthday with other people?"

P: "Why not? What's so wrong about that?"

T: "Its just another day that sits on the calendar. Nothing special. I eat work and sleep the same on that day as I would on any other."

P: *frustrated* "Alright, thanks for confirming you're depressingly boring as heck, especially for a crime lord. If you had the entire day to yourself, what WOULD you do for fun?"

T: *blinks at the tone. then considers the question and stares out the window* With no work to do?... Read. hit my punching bag. Drink tea. All the stuff I do when i need to think I suppose. And you? What would you do? I suppose my activities fall into 'depressingly boring as heck'

P: "I'm not knocking the fact you have alone time, I'm knocking the fact that you don't seem to ever hang out with anyone and enjoy someone else's company for its own sake."

T: "Enjoying the company of others has never been a strength of mine. now. Your turn kid. Tell me what you would do with a day to yourself."

P: "Hanging out with friends at a cafe or watching a movie together. Literally any time spent with them or my family. Alone time would be reading or working on fun experim-ah."

T: "experim-ah?"

P: *does not want to reveal how much science he knows* "Anyways, you get the picture. Alone time and people time. Everyone needs a little of both."

T: *decides not to press. He's already been very lucky today* I see. Makes sense that you feel that way, given what a chatterbox you tend to be during fights.

P: "Chatterbox, nothing. Everyone needs someone in their corner. Even if the people in mine don't know about all this, they are still here for me. For all your talk about me being alone, it doesn't sound like you have anyone that doesn't need to be paid to be alongside you."

T: *shrugs* I'm not a smart mouthed teen throwing down with adults. Without an adult who knows about said throw downs, might I add. I doubt your friends know about this either.

P: *unashamedly* "Nope, none of them the slightest clue. If they do, it's not because I said anything. I think I've been proven capable of handling most things."

T: "right. And I'm sure you're psychologically sound with no trauma or lasting issues related to trust or fighting."

P: "Thanks for the insight, pot, I needed to be called black today."

T: *sighs a little* Takes one to know one.

P: "Sure. And who do you suggest I talk to about this, oh wise one?"

T: *serious* Someone you actually trust. Which isnt me or any of the villains who managed to capture you and caused the lead up to this conversation. I dont know who. But when you dont talk, it can eat at you. But perhaps, thats one too many psychology books talking

P: "Probably. I'll think about it. I still don't get how you're planning to use this info on me, anyways. Do YOU even know how?"

T: "Wheres the fun in answering that question Spider?"

P: "Right. Can't ruin your image of 'crime lord who actually knows what he's doing.'"

T: *rolls his eyes* get out of here you little twerp.

P: *purposefully stalls a moment* "You didn't say the magic word."

T: *raises an eyebrow* Or I'll throw you out? I know for a fact you'll catch yourself on the way down.

P: "Technically, that'd be disqualified for being multiple words, anyways." *flips onto the ceiling before he can get caught*

T: *laughs and quickly quiets* fine. Please leave my office, spider.

P: *jaunty wave* "Seeya around, Tomby. Don't let the Goblins bite. *flips out the window and swings off* WOO-HOO!"

T: *shakes his head* That kid better watch himself out there.

[kkinou]

lee heeseung -

right person, wrong timing (part 1)

genre/tw: angst, sad ending

ex/boyfriend heeseung and non specific gender reader!

word count: 0.8k

->💔

opening the email, feeling my fingers shake as i scroll down.

i got in.

i felt the tears run down my face as heeseung embraced me, telling me how proud he was, how he knew i could do it. we both cried, holding each other.

in that moment, i felt overjoyed. i couldnt believe it. a few days later, heeseung was told his audition for hybe was accepted. we were both overjoyed at the fact we could both follow our dreams. but in the coming days, reality swept in.

while heeseung would be staying in korea, i would be moving to germany. the realisation that we couldnt be together so far apart, along with his trainee rules set in. we had only two months left together, so we spent every second together.

we went to all of our favourite places, always trying to forget these were going to be some of our final moments with each other. we also tried out new things, like different restaurants and we even took a pottery class together, where we created little bears for each other. 

the days went quick though, and i found myself having to rush pack in tears the night before i was supposed to leave. i found at least half of my suitcase was full of gifts and clothes heeseung gave me. that night, i didnt sleep at all. instead most of my night was spent crying with heeseung on the phone. 

walking into the airport hand in hand with him was hard. i could feel his grip on my hand tighten the further we walked in, and it broke my heart. as we made our way to the security gate, i turned to him. seeing his eyes full of tears caused me to burst out into tears too, pulling him into my arms. i grabbed his cheek and  kissed him softly, tasting our salty tears. after a few minutes of embracing, he pulled back and pointed at the clock.

“you only- you only have twenty minutes to check in, you should go” 

he couldnt look me in the eyes, while i couldnt take my eyes off of him. i felt so guilty. 

“im so sorry, heeseung. i wish you well in hybe and i know youll get far. please keep me updated.”

“im sorry too, i promise to keep you updated with how it goes”

 “also, just know, i love you, so, so much. ill always love you and ill always be supporting you. and please dont forget me when youre famous.” 

“i love you too, more than i could ever love anyone else. ill never forget you.”

i start walking towards security before turning again,

“goodbye heeseung”

“goodbye”

as i make my way through security, i feel almost as if my heart has been ripped out. waiting , i sit there, holding in tears. when my flight gets called out, i cant help but have tears spill out as i make my way on the plane. the flight goes so slow, so i decide to create a message to send to heeseung when i land. 

when the plane lands, i send the message, throw my phone in my bag, and make my way to the nearest train station.

“heeseung. you probably know this already, but ive loved you ever since you ran into me outside school. your flustered face when you helped me up and kept apologising was the funniest and cutest thing ever. i love your eyes, especially when you ask a question or when you look at something you like. they glow with curiosity and admiration, and its the most beautiful thing ive ever seen (other than your face ofc). i also love your hugs. you’re so incredibly cuddly and it hurts so much to think i wont be able to get hugs from you when im sad anymore. i love your laugh too, its so contagious. its awful i havent been able to see it the last few days. it hurts me to think i wont have you forever like we promised, but i hope you find someone who can love you as much if not more (if thats even possible) than i did, because you deserve it.

I love you, i love you, i love you heeseung, and i wish i could tell you for the rest of my life. ill always be here for you, and although i might not be there right beside you, ill always be right here, only a phone call away. love you xoxoxoxoxoxo”

after a few hours of meeting roomates and getting tours of campus and dorm rooms, i finally lie down, checking my phone.

“i need to hear your voice, ill call you later”

i stayed up, all night, waiting for that call. i never got anything. not then or ever again. i never blamed him though, i couldnt. we just werent meant to be.

soooo, i’ve actually never wrote angst as i’m a very emotional person and this made me cry a lot 😭😭 especially since this is a large fear of mine. i also hate sad endings so i was thinking of making a part two if anyone would like that, or would it be better to leave it like this? i’m indecisive so someone let me know plzzz 🫶 if anyone as tips or criticism i would love to hear it!! thank you for reading this far, i appreciate it!!🤍🤍

ALSO SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES (i hope there isn’t though because i checked this like 20 times. maybe i’m just dumb) 🫶

[thetiredstuff]

im on bumble but nothing has led anywhere because im too scared of everything but mostly cuz its just so boring and apps just not for me. but i'm also just so fucking annoying. like everytime i meet up with friends i eventually talk about the fact i don't have any experience with anyone cuz i'm mid-20s now and still have no experience about anything and it just makes me feel undesireable and ugly and invisible and unloved and i don't have a lot of friends which already makes me feel unloved and unwanted.

so anyways i mentioned this again to a friend who swiped some people for me on bumble and it was a match. one of them then send me like 3 options of things and i don't realize what it was for but apprently he was asking me out so all of a sudden he says okay how about wednesday or thrusday but like that scraes the crap out of me. but more than anything i really just don't have time right now cuz i'm so stressed about my thesis i have difficulty breathing every night when i fall asleep from the stress my thesis is giving me cuz i don't think i have enough time. so i passed. then my two friends saw and now one of em said ai'm using my thesis as an excuse and "it's just clear (I) don't want it which is fine but then stop whining about how (I'm) single" and it's just like wow okay then. easy for you to say. people don't really line up for people in their mid-20s who have zero experience, a lot of people just think i'm boring or a grey mouse which is really not a fun adjective to be described as, i'm just constantly hurt, and literally no one has ever even shown any interest in me. it's easy to be so care free about it all if you've had experience and flings and what not and know that people want you and love you but that's not me. no one wants me

it's about to be my birthday in a little over a month and i always just dread it cuz the majority of the people i know forget it which is just an awful feeling. and i hardly have people in my life. and this year especially i'm supposed to graduate and find work but i don't have the qualifications i need. i am one-third of the way done with my life and i have nothing to my name: no experiences, hardly any travel memories, hardly any friends, never go out, no job, no partner, no date, no kiss, no laughter-filled friday nights, no friend group, no internship, no career opportunities.

like my cousin described me as a grey mouse a couple months ago which just got stuck in m head cuz that's a really awful thing to say honestly? and then someone i was talking to a couple of nights ago said i looked like the people from my field of study which is just notoriously stuffy and boring to a lot of people. so like that's me? grey, stuffy mouse.

idevnknow what im saying just that what my friend said honestly jsut hurt. like easy for you to say that when you are very clearly desired. that's literally all my friends. all my friends are gorgeous and they're all like "oh you're so bueaitufl youll find somone" yeah right. i went out with them and i was the only one of the three who could walk back home alone at 6AM cuz they were busy with people they picked up. idk i think i just exude boring grey mouse vibes or something.

[musicoftheheart]

8,10,18,21,22 in the pride asks? especially 21 if its not too personal, as someone still in their mid teens any advice would be nice to read. also 26/27 since ur genderfluid, like do u like to switch between different terms or do u use gender netural terms all the time?

hi!! thanks for your questions <3

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

i dont wanna use the same answer twice but... im gonna: spin the wheel!! watch where it goes!! where will it stop? who the fuck knows!!

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

singing when i have a cold is fucking gorgeous. my range lowers so much and i can sing all the male musical theatre roles that i usually cant and its just- bloody hell its the best feeling ever!

18. How old where you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with?

so, ive actually never been to pride :( im going to one this year though, and im so excited!! its in july for some reason, but ive got time booked off work, a hotel booked in the city its in (because its like 2 ½ hours away from me) and a couple of outfit choices in the mail waiting to arrive!! so, to answer the q: ill be 19 (my current age anyway aha) and im actually going alone, because i dont have queer friends atm and my cishet friend probably wouldnt be seen dead at pride. my brothers mightve come if they could, but theyre travelling to america a few days before and wont be back for over a week :(

21. What message would you give to your younger self?

to me personally? keep your mouth shut. bide your time, wait until you have better circumstances. keep. your mouth. shut.

to anyone else? dont do that ^ be confident!! as long as its safe to do so, express yourself!! the truth about life is that people will always find faults with you. they will always nitpick, they will always judge. even if you hide yourself to blend in, there will always be something that someone will scour to find. as shitty as that sounds. so be yourself! if people stare, let them! being like everyone else is boring anyway, and although at first it might be lonely or scary, youll find your people <3

22. How do you usually celebrate Pride month?

i like to do it in "subtle" ways. i say subtle because theyre not super obvious, but theyre easy to spot too. i like to paint my nails rainbow and wear rainbow earrings (i recently got rainbow star earrings and theyre so cool!!), and ill usually do more extravagent makeup on fem days, like using coloured eyeliner or putting little stars on my cheeks. and, of course, this year ill be at a pride parade too!

26. How do you feel about the term partner rather than husband/girlfriend/etc?

27. What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)?

im gonna answer these two together :) so, i like partner a lot. its simple, but it gets the job done just the same as bf/gf etc. i personally like to switch/mix and match boyfriend and girlfriend as and when it feels right to me. i especially love when someone says "shes my boyfriend/hes my girlfriend" and if i ever come out as genderfluid to my brothers, id want them to introduce me like "shes my brother/hes my sister". of the two mismatched pairings, i prefer the female pronouns and male honorifics, but that might turn out to be a day-dependant thing

[5-trans-aliens-in-a-trench-coat]

Okay. Please tell me. Is this too much to send to my friend? I don't know if it's too far or not.

I feel so close to you. Ive never felt this way with anyone else. We're like that trope of "more than friends less than lovers" we're different. We're special. I never believed in soulmates before i met you, but i do now. You're my person. We would find each other in every universe, wether we are friends or lovers or something else. You mean so much to me, and i know i say that a lot, but i still dont say it enough. I live you with all of my heart (and i dont care if you are able to say it back or not) Ive thought for a while that i like you romantically, but honestly im not sure. I just feel a connection with you thats more than most people ever find, and maybe thats what its like to like someone romantically, but also maybe not. Sometimes its hard to tell between different kinds of love. Its scary to be in love with someine for fear of ruining the relationship altogether and losing them. I know we are close, but i still wish we were closer. I miss you whenever we're nit together, and it scares me whener we dont talk much for a few days because i cant let you slip away. I wont. You are my whole world, i hope you know that. I could never lose you, because that would mean losing half my soul. Amd i would die if it meant saving you (and im fucking terrified of death, so youre the only one i would do that for). You are more than i ever coulve hoped to have. I never couldve seen you coming. Wherever fate takes us, (if we end up dating, if we hate each other, if we lose touch) you will still be forever with me. I carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart. Ive heard poets talk about a string of fate, and that has reminded me ever increasingly of our invisible string. You have to admit that we're connected in a way most people arent. Maybe im crazy, but i think you'd have to be insane to not notice this stuff too. Maybe other people feel like this, but i have rarely seen anyone so truly committed to someone ekse as i am to you. The only true example i have seen is from the book the song of achilles. In the book, achilles is stubborn and rude and a terrible person for the last few years if his life. He lets countless people die because of his ego. Patroclus does not agree with any choice he makes, but he never once gets angry at achilles. He stands by him. He stands up for him. He stays with achilles, until he dies trying to fix achilles' mistakes, while still saving achilles from dealing with his own problems. However many mustakes achilles makes patroclus doesnt care, he stands by him forever. He found a boy of gold, and knew he would never let him go. Thats what you do. You find someone so important to you, and you vow that however much they screw up, you wont be angry, youll still love them the same. They are still yours. And, though achilles does most things for himself, esspecially towards the end of the war, he still dies getting revenge for patroclus' death. Those two are the textbook example of soulmates. They always find their way back to each other when they get seperated. They are loyal to each other to a fault. Their only moral compass(at least for patroclus) is to always follow the other, and fight for them. I see us in their story. Our places switch between the characters, but every set of soulmates that has ever existed has been fit in that cutout. We fit there alongside so many people. If there is only one set of soulmates per lifetine, then we are those two. We are less fragile that a set of ordinary friends, and we are less held back by the rules of lovers. We've got our own thing. You are mine, and i am yours. Ive never felt this way with anyone, and doubt i ever will with anyone else. I hope with ever fiber of my being you feel the same, but if you dont, i hope that you will trust me enough to tell me. There is so much more i could add to this, but hopfully i have a whole lifetime to do so.

[eelings]

im feeling all bogged down . im always so worried i will lose my train of thought that i lose it from this alone . i wish i could tell someone i need direction without feeling like im ripping the pride right out of me . im so desperate im so hot headed heavy handed egotistical i cant let anyone be above me anymore . nothing hurts thrown from below . i dont want to tell you how bad it is if youll make those eyes at me . all vindicated like you finally finally finally have something to hold over me its all anyone wants these days . does it hurt that bad for me to be good? are you desperate like me? if i fall far enough for you to pick me up could you still love me, after? everyone wants the angel but needs the wings to shed to see her . when you see it all you always make those eyes at me its always the eyes and that curve of lips like you know something i dont, for once . wrong wrong wrong after all i have given you cant stand to be under the light anymore . clinical i am suturing you all with careful hands i never miss a stitch . you want me to miss just once, just to stop feeling so wretchedly human under gods light . i am more human than us all . i am more god than not . i am the dog throwing up under the porch . i am the child scrubbing the stain out of the carpet before 5 o clock sharp . i dont want you under me, like this . i want to be wretched without the eyes . i want to be touched as the divine and the dog in tandem . im so high up i dont feel it at all . i am so low i cannot open my eyes . there is a way out there is something to grasp onto always always always . if only i could trust what i know . if only i had the strength to feel it all again. create first feel after , its what she said to me . safe first , safety after . i have to do it without you and hope you will meet me on the other side . i feel you waking up and slipping through my shaking white knuckled hold like water . vice grip . i was always so proud of that , before . i never ever ever let go . the nylon strap , the hand , this feeling , ripped straight out of my chest. severed umbilical cord . this is my divine punishment . the edges ache still like they did the first night . i miss you like i did then . if i ever say never again i know it will hunt me down predator style just to prove to me there is always a corner to be backed into. the animal will always win. you had the teeth in you all along all along all along she will sing to you . the worst thing that ever happened to you, see just how capable you have always been of committing! let me show you exactly which corner makes You the animal this time . we are the same we are all the same kill and be killed when the end is near . the woods will never leave you youre out and shes still singing singing singing! i know what you can do with that mouth! i saw it i saw it i saw it!!!!! i want to play with you all over again . i miss the hunt . i miss how loud it all was, when i could hear you . its all so quiet now . create then feel create then feel start on the ground this time . i know i could never settle for this . if i stay up here i will just fall back to my soft wet animal earth harder harder harder and then die . it could never have been like this forever i have to choose more this time . i have to choose.

[just-some-random-blogger]

good morning/day/evening, my lovely angel!! youre soso sweet and cute i cant TT 'i was bummed out i couldnt write' its ok dont worry about me! your comfort is the thing that matters the most! give yourself time. 'i havent written in 2 days' its ok. i cant state but do you think it may be burning out? bc you work really hard and have lots of work beside writing. you really owe nothing to anyone. ill repeat it as many times as i need. bc you do great, you study, do covers, you do a lot. thats more than great! you still worth the world and let down noone. and if anyone have the guts to say otherwise, i can have their tongue. you are the priority. if you dont feel like writing, maybe you shouldnt force yourself to do it to even lessen your minds ability to do it rn. give yourself time. tumblrs nothing when it comes to your mental powers. i dont remember if you say smth about 'kiss it better' later but id talk abt it here. i hope things will get better for you. hope your manifest works really well and ability to do creative things cutie. its very comforting. hope you enjoyed writing it. also the whole concept made me remember the song 'guard you' by young k. its just the most comforting song for me. its released on my bday but for some reason i ignored it for months? ill never forgive this. its really good to have someone to take care of you and 'guard you'. even if im not next to you, remember im always here for you and will always support you. 'i have to keep making art. i cant stop' its great if you cant and feel like it. but please dont force and overwork yourself. you are still you if you currently dont have strength to make art. 'i do love his name' your love for masc feminine names is so adorable TT hes not completely CRINGE meme but not a kind(?) meme either. its difficult to explain esp with how humor here is but yes. 'why didnt you put an episode number' i watched it like.. 2 years ago. you think i remember? im a grandcat myself. i need to do a research for it. maybe at weekends (basically its saturday even here rn but nvm). first epp with matt smith is pretty touching esp with karen gillah and a little drama they have but i also like peter capaldis doctor. esp the beginning of his era. well see. and i never watched davids seasons TT im sorry but its true, cant help you here. 'if i cant write this rn' and hows it? 'poor bb girl witch' nooo she shouldnt feel like it TT the point is she loves her love more than she loves the very daemon. 'sounds tiring' reasonable. ig it can be said abt all my ideas. btw, wfal isnt tiring you? or like a burden? ik you dont like writing long things so im kinds worried now. 'i need a cleanse fic' is it kiss it better? anyway do wild girl! 'but i’ll listen to it later' did you listen to it?... im not making you, just interested ghdjfj. also! ive only learnt abt 'Running up That Hill' by Kate Bush (in another witchy playlist...) and 1) i LOVE it sm her voice and the way of singing is so enchanting? 2) it gives me waiting for a lifetime vibes.. yeah its origin meaning isnt exactly abt it but its the magic of art isnt it? the opportunity to interpret it however you want. and the deal with god pretty much reminds me of the au. 'you’ve got such a beautiful brain' thanks TT take it after my catmom. ive got lots of things to do for the exams but my mental state has only allowed me to watch videos with kitties, cry cats and dogs and listen to this song of kate for the past week. theres the one i cried hardest over (subjectively) and theres the one i cried hardest (objectively). theyre just cute if you ever feel like it. and HEs so tiny i SCREAMED. thats it. just cute vids to bring your mood up. how are you? whats the weather like? hope you are or will soon do great. have a nice day/evening/night! ill try to find an episode and write down some ideas, maybe youll find some inspiration in them. good luck with all the hw and assignments! take care! love you<з *freezy kisses for you to not burn in your weather*

hello my love <3 <3 <3

meow meow muning <3

good morning/day/evening, my lovely angel!! youre soso sweet and cute i cant TT

wait why am i so sweet? what did i do?

anyway LOOOK I GOT A NEW OUTFIT FOR LISA!!!

here she is normally

that's all.

'i was bummed out i couldnt write' its ok dont worry about me! your comfort is the thing that matters the most! give yourself time.

T_T but i love you

'i havent written in 2 days' its ok. i cant state but do you think it may be burning out?

T_T ... i think youre right. T_T

bc you work really hard and have lots of work beside writing. you really owe nothing to anyone. ill repeat it as many times as i need. bc you do great, you study, do covers, you do a lot. thats more than great! you still worth the world and let down noone. and if anyone have the guts to say otherwise, i can have their tongue. you are the priority. if you dont feel like writing, maybe you shouldnt force yourself to do it to even lessen your minds ability to do it rn. give yourself time. tumblrs nothing when it comes to your mental powers.

thank you. this means a lot to me to hear this. you dont know how very much your words mean to me.

i want to write. but i cant. i want to write ideas outside my reqs but also i want to make reqs but also i cant. i dont know

i dont remember if you say smth about 'kiss it better' later but id talk abt it here. i hope things will get better for you. hope your manifest works really well and ability to do creative things cutie. its very comforting. hope you enjoyed writing it.

i dont know if i enjoyed writing it but while rereading it i was like 'damn im really good at writing' i hope i get out of this hitch T_T

also the whole concept made me remember the song 'guard you' by young k. its just the most comforting song for me. its released on my bday but for some reason i ignored it for months? ill never forgive this. its really good to have someone to take care of you and 'guard you'. even if im not next to you, remember im always here for you and will always support you.

omg this was yonks parting gift before enlisting. (i call young-k yonk cos thats what it reads like yonk HAHHAH) im so touched that you feel this way towards me T_T i feel the same for you. lol its so funny you ignored it but ended up loving it HAHAH. i want a hug from you for real i want to cry.

'i have to keep making art. i cant stop' its great if you cant and feel like it. but please dont force and overwork yourself. you are still you if you currently dont have strength to make art.

T_T i want a hug. i dont know if im forcing myself but maybe youre right i should stop T_T

'i do love his name' your love for masc feminine names is so adorable TT hes not completely CRINGE meme but not a kind(?) meme either. its difficult to explain esp with how humor here is but yes.

i have nothing else to say about him so heres him with a dog <3 i love the dog dog <3

'why didnt you put an episode number' i watched it like.. 2 years ago. you think i remember? im a grandcat myself. i need to do a research for it. maybe at weekends (basically its saturday even here rn but nvm).

grandcat T_T it ok i just assumed you had an episode in mind. you dont have to research

first epp with matt smith is pretty touching esp with karen gillah and a little drama they have

i'll watch that!

but i also like peter capaldis doctor. esp the beginning of his era.

ive seen crack edits of jenna coleman and him and i kinda wanna watch his too

well see. and i never watched davids seasons TT im sorry but its true, cant help you here.

LOL HAHHAH thats fine thank you anyway i love you

'if i cant write this rn' and hows it?

T_T i cant write it im sorry

'poor bb girl witch' nooo she shouldnt feel like it TT the point is she loves her love more than she loves the very daemon.

She loves her love for daemon more than daemon himself? or daemon lovers her more than daemon ???

'sounds tiring' reasonable. ig it can be said abt all my ideas.

its not your idea that tiring its the idea of writing that tires me. baby i love your ideas T_T please stop exploding on yourself

btw, wfal isnt tiring you? or like a burden? ik you dont like writing long things so im kinds worried now.

🙄 gee. i literally make mood boards for it, i wonder if its tiring. well ok enough sarcasm, it is very much laborious but its a labor of love. i have not enjoyed writing a... series in a long time. its not a burden. i promise you i will stop writing that fic once i feel like im done with it. i was partially joking about ending i at p5 but i do hope i manage to keep it short T_T asfhs/flhsd

'i need a cleanse fic' is it kiss it better? anyway do wild girl!

it was. but idk if i was cleansed

'but i’ll listen to it later' did you listen to it?... im not making you, just interested ghdjfj.

i listened to the first part of the first song and i ejected i dont remember why but i guess i didnt like the vibe T_T

also! ive only learnt abt 'Running up That Hill' by Kate Bush (in another witchy playlist...) and 1) i LOVE it sm her voice and the way of singing is so enchanting? 2) it gives me waiting for a lifetime vibes.. yeah its origin meaning isnt exactly abt it but its the magic of art isnt it? the opportunity to interpret it however you want. and the deal with god pretty much reminds me of the au.

ive listened to this song before. she does have a very strong and enchanting voice. im honored that my fic reminds you things T_T thats so sweet and so nice of you. im honored to have such an impact on you <3

'you’ve got such a beautiful brain' thanks TT take it after my catmom. ive got lots of things to do for the exams but my mental state has only allowed me to watch videos with kitties, cry cats and dogs and listen to this song of kate for the past week.

you and i are so same. our mental capacities are overloaded. i think i might really just stop writing for a while T_T idk ive got these ideas i want to get out of my brain though

theres the one i cried hardest over (subjectively)

T_T PUMA PUMA <3

and theres the one i cried hardest (objectively).

LOOONG BABY FLOOF <3

theyre just cute if you ever feel like it. and HEs so tiny i SCREAMED.

ive seen this before T_T theyre SO tiny i squishhhhh

thats it. just cute vids to bring your mood up.

thank you they mean so much <3 this post is really cute too. im luv

how are you?

im currently in class not listening because id rather reply to you. dw its a concept ive studied before. my head hurts and im hungry. i also want to pee so badly but i cant leave my desk. i want to read fics to badly

whats the weather like?

its so hot my head hurts

hope you are or will soon do great.

me too i hope you are also well.

have a nice day/evening/night!

i love you i hope you have a nice day too <3

ill try to find an episode and write down some ideas, maybe youll find some inspiration in them.

thank you so much <3 the fact you care enough to do that. T_T thank you.

good luck with all the hw and assignments! take care! love you<з

me too T_T i want to graduate. i dont want to fail. i cant fail. T_T i feel dumb sometimes even though i know deep down im not T_T

*freezy kisses for you to not burn in your weather*

thank you <3 i love you

i also wanted to share this video about wolves. i love it so much. it makes me love nature so much. it makes you realize how important it is to allow animals to stay in their habitats.

also this tiger series. i used to watch this so much. i love tiggers love love love

i love you bye bye my love

xxx

[yesimwriting]

Would you write a Kaz Brekker request where the reader is a bookworm and a crow and basically Kaz asks the reader to read to him as his way of apologizing after a argument that was his fault?

 it ​��a/n i did something kinda similar in a 'promise of rain' blurb,, but this concept is so cute to me:)) love it sm i moved it up my request cue lol

also IM IN COLLEGE NOW!! WHAT?? AND IVE BEEN TO A PARTY! AND IM JOINING A SORORITY AND I DID DRAMA AUDITIONS AND AHH !! SO DIFFERENT! I MISS MY MOM AND SISTER AND DOG AND EVEN MY DAD BUT IM HAPPY HERE!! 

also im a little worried this might not portray kaz superrrrr accurately bc it's been awhile so just let me know,, feedback leads to improvement:)) also kinda set this up for a part 2 bc...well youll see 

--

They've always said a lot of things about him, and I've always heard them. But I've never quite believed them. Sure, I get why the dark things that have flourished in the poisoned soil that is Ketterdam consider Kaz Brekker the darkest thing of all. I understand the nickname 'Dirtyhands' for the gloved criminal who has fooled each crime boss at least once. I understand each terrible thing they've said about him.

But I've never agreed with them. I've never even considered agreeing with them. Until today.

The thought that maybe everything people say about him is correct in a simple context struck me worse than the silence after our argument. It made me feel like both a fool and hypocrite. Kaz and I have had our fair share of spats over the relatively short time we've known each other, but never like this. Never so badly he stormed out of the room before I could. I squeeze the book in my lap even harder, desperate to focus on the words on the pages.

You didn't hurt him. He walked away because he decided you weren't worth the cost of his expensive time. I repeat those thoughts in my mind over and over again, letting them bitter me further. It's a lot easier to be mad than hurt. A lot easier to fuel your pain than try to understand your mistakes. Besides, tiredness is already dredging around in my chest and if I don't calm down a little I won't be able to fall asleep.

I had escalated the fight more than I should have. Knowing Kaz is like performing in a tightrope act. One must always be aware of where they're going. Watching what's in front of them without ever thinking too much about what's beneath or behind them. Today though, when I needed my balance most I chose to fall. I chose to dive, and apparently there was no net.

"Oh, you're doing that thing."

I roll my eyes at Jesper's voice as I fight down a yawn. I wipe my face with the back of my palm before turning. The burning behind my eyes never resulted in full tears, but I feel better after doing so. "What thing?"

"That terribly noble thing where you find it in yourself to take full blame for every single conflict you and boss man fall into." The slight humor in his voice is enough for me to roll my eyes again. "Between you and me, I'm sure the reason he's so angry now is because you didn't do that for once."

I press my lips together as my chin angles itself upwards slightly. "I never do that." He raises an eyebrow. The slight sympathy that colors the look is more offensive than his accusation. "If I pick and choose my battles, it's for good reason."

"Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs once before further entering my room. I say nothing when he sits at the foot of my bed. "Oh, you know," Jesper stretches back casually, resting his back against the wall and extending his legs, "You and Kaz--Kaz and you."

Has he been drinking? Perhaps he's not here because of my unusual absence from downstairs after my fight with Kaz but because he's already too tipsy to think right. "What?"

At my confused look he grins, flashing all of his teeth with an arrogance that outshines the whiteness of them. He taps the still open book in my lap. "Let me put it in terms you'll understand." Jesper sits up a little further, amusement clear in his features. "You two make a shameful Elizabeth and Darcy--"

"Oh, shut up," I groan, glaring at him, "This isn't Pride and Prejudice. And Kaz and I," Jesper's smugness returns when I can't quite think of what I want to say, "We're barely friends--we're barely anything, let alone what you're implying."

Jesper pulls his legs up and shoves me gently. "Dearest, y/n," he ignores my glare, "You should know better than anyone that 'barely friends, barely anything' with Kaz is more than it is with anyone else?"

"That doesn't mea--"

"You two say goodnight to each other." Once. Kaz and I said good night to each other in front of Jesper once. How dare he assume it happens regularly? He's right, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. "You play cards with him. Not for money, not for skill--"

"It's for practice." The look Jesper gives me is enough to tell me that my defense didn't land.

Damn him for ever finding Kaz and I on one of those strange nights. One of those nights in which he lurks at the stairwell...the one that divides my room and his attic. One of those nights in which it feels like he's a phantom and I'm the only one that can really see him. A night in which we both silently find each other.

I couldn't quite believe it the first time it happened. I'm not exactly a Crow--I don't feel enough a connection to the Dregs to join them without some kind of guarantee--but I was needed for some obscure job. but I was needed for some obscure job. The Crows needed an insider who could blend into high society, and I needed a place to stay away from my father.

It worked. I worked. And with each passing day I found myself enjoying the Crows more and more. That's why I stayed. That's why I started checking the stairwell practically every night, a set of playing cards in my hand.

The first time had been awkward. I couldn't sleep and my room felt too quiet, but the rambunctious club felt too loud and a little unsafe considering the hour. So I settled for the only space in between. When Kaz found me sitting on the steps and playing a solitary card game I had been so stunned by embarrassment I just offered to deal him in. I had been more shocked when he silently accepted my offer.

"Practice?" Jesper repeats. "You were laughing, I heard you."

"That was one time--how do you know we didn't just happen to play cards together the one time you saw it?"

"Because you laughed about a play you considered 'predictable'."

Sighing, I sit up a little straighter. "I'm not having this conversation. Occasionally saying 'goodnight' to someone who lives in the same space I live in and sometimes playing cards with said person because we both happen to be up at a certain time doesn't mean anything."

"And the way he looked at the contact that was flirting with you?"

Oh...this conversation again. "For the last time, the contact wasn't flirting with me. We had to dance to blend in and when he leaned towards me to whisper in my ear...it was to tell me the intel Kaz just had to have."

"And when he tucked that strand of hair behind your ear?"

"He just wanted to sell our cove--"

"Y/n, he kissed your cheek and I'm fairly certain he would have kissed you if Kaz and I hadn't made it to the corridor at that second."

Why is everyone so obsessed with what would have never happened? The contact had been attractive, tall with fair eyes and hair. But it's not like I feel anything for him, nor would I have been so foolish during a job. A fact that Kaz refuses to believe. I'm tired of this argument...I'm just tired. This job required me to start getting ready early in the morning and lasted long into the night.

"I wouldn't have kissed him and even if I had, the fact that Kaz is so mad about feels...sexist." A stupid argument, considering that Kaz couldn't care less if the person he's working with is female, male, or anything in between because the only thing he cares about is profit. "It's a stupid thing to be mad about, but you hit on anything with a pulse at any time and--"

"I resent that--"

"For the first two weeks I was here I thought you might've been a prostitute."

I can feel him holding in a laugh. "Did you at least think I was a good prostitute?" When I glare again, he finally actually laughs. "Not the point--got it."

"Then what is the point? You're bored and obsessed with gossip so now you're shaking me for information you don't need."

"The point is you're oblivious." Rude...I move my leg in a weak attempt to push him off my bed. Jesper catches my ankle easily, ignoring my attempt at a fight. "You thought the contact was only doing his job and you don't know the real reason that Kaz blew up at you for the first time the way he blows up at everyone."

"Okay, well since you know everything, tell me why he's mad."

He lets out a sigh like he can't believe I even needed to ask that. "It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy."

...Maybe he is drunk? "Don't be so cryptic. I don't like you enough to put up with that."

Jesper half-sighs again before pushing himself off my bed. "I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that."

"Asshole," I mumble instinctually as he walks towards my door. "Are you not telling me because I tried to push you off the bed?"

He turns when he reaches my door in order to lean against my door frame. "It's not not because of that." I should throw my book at his head. "In all seriousness, think about it. If you don't you'll either kill each other or kill me."

Ugh...he's so confusing. This time, I let him go. He leaves he door open, which is beyond annoying. I stand up to close it, promising myself I will focus on my book the second it's in my hands again. As I walk back towards my bed, my eyes land on the deck of cards on my nightstand.

Does it send a signal I don't want to send if I don't go the stairwell tonight? Do I want to send a signal? I don't know...actually, the only thing I know is that I don't want to think about this a second longer. I don't ease as I read, but my eyelids become heavier with each word they cross. I feel the weight of them as my focus slips, farther and farther away until I can no longer focus. When my eyes fall shut I can't bring myself to think or force them open.

--

I notice my surprised before I register that I've just woken up. Falling asleep feels so far and yet the crick in my neck confirms the obvious. Rubbing the eyes with the back of my hand, I push my book from my lap and sit up. The only indication of how much time has passed is how much my bedside candle has melted.

How long have I been asleep? How did I manage to fall asleep? I thought I was too mad at Kaz to manage anything but pouting in my room. I hadn't even decided if I wanted to talk to him.

I stand even though I haven't decided anything. I should at least change if I want to go to bed. But is leaving this alone for even longer a bad idea? I think Jesper thought so...though my conversation with him is far from clear. It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy. I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that. What does he want me to do with that?

Maybe he was partially intoxicated and felt the need to play the role of a good friend. Or maybe this is his idea of a joke.

Whatever--regardless of Jesper, I have a choice to make. A tiny part of me hopes it's insignificant, but I know Kaz enough to know that nothing is insignificant to him. He holds onto things the way he holds onto his kruge. Perhaps I'll seek out Inej, she seems to be the best at rationalizing. Though she might be asleep by now, or on a job or...I don't even know.

How late is it? Is it late enough to be one of the few hours Kaz claims to reserve for sleep? Maybe my bad luck is still around and he's already in bed for once. Does that mean his anger will extend to tomorrow?

I shouldn't care. It's not like I'm in the wrong. Did I escalate things? Maybe a little...but I won't apologize for defending myself. Even though that makes everything a little easier. I feel stuck, like in some kind of place of half sleep. A single knock at my door is enough to make me want to jump. I rub my eyes a little more firmly in hopes of waking up more before someone sees me.

I approach the door without worry. Maybe it's not as late as I assumed. Or maybe it's really early? I open the door while still fighting against my slight disorientation. I'm so focused on acting normal, I almost don’t register the person standing at my door. 

I don’t know who I expected, or what--maybe Jesper, much more tipsy than he was before, slumped against the doorframe, only knocking because he’s too tired to push the door open. Maybe even Inej, on her way here to deliver some kind of job or notice of dismissal. But it’s nothing I could expect. It’s...Kaz. 

The Dirtyhands stands at my door, expression as hard as ever yet something behind his eyes that burns the sleep away from me. “Uh--hi.” I bite my tongue to avoid cringing at that very awkward beginning. “Are you here to kick me out yourself?” The only response I get is the slightest shift of his gaze off of my face. “No? Well then I think I’m going to bed. It’s late.” 

My tone and words are clear. Get out of my doorway, I’m in no mood to go back to arguing.  When he still doesn’t say anything, I’m emboldened by my nerves. I push the door between us without breaking eye contact. 

Before the wood can meet the doorframe, he moves his cane, wedging it between us. “Y/n.” I don’t understand the way he says my name, but I’m certain he’s never said it like that. “I...” When he’s not prompted by the uncomfortableness of silence, I raise an eyebrow, my grip on the door tightening. “What I said shouldn’t have been said.” Wait--is he admitting fault? I’m so thrown I almost melt entirely. “Not to you.” 

The addition leaves him so lowly a part of me wonders if I’ve imagined it. I’m so thrown by it I don’t even think to reply until a long second has passed. “You seemed to believe the opposite a few hours ago.” 

His lips press together for a moment. “You didn’t ask me to play cards tonight.” He took that as intentional? At least that got me some kind of apology? I keep my mouth shut, greed making me want more information. I guess he must sense my silent tugging because he head inclines slightly. “Don’t push.” 

I fight down a grin. “Push what?” His only response to stiffen further. “I’m going to tell you something as a peace offering.” That seems to intrigue him in some way. I can’t tell if it’s a good kind of interested, but I note the slight raise of his eyebrows and his intentional silence. “I didn’t chose not to ask you to play cards.” He gives me no indication of anything, which is fair...considering my vagueness. “I was mad, obviously, and in the middle of deciding on a course of action...and then I fell asleep.” 

A long pause of silence. “You fell asleep?” 

I’m not sure if his incredulous tone should offend me or not. If I wanted to lie, I’d like to think he knows me well enough to know that I’d have thought of a better excuse than that. Or at least a less embarrassing one. “Yes, it’s not that difficult to believe. Today had been long and all I wanted to do was read, but then Jesper came in to say the oddest things and then leave me to...” 

Oh--oh. I guess there’s a reason people say to ‘sleep on’ something. Because now, actively remembering Jesper’s words for the first time since I fell asleep...I understand what Jesper was implying in the oddest way possible. He meant that Kaz and I...that perhaps there is a Kaz and I in a context that’s more than just grammatical. Wow. I really had to realize this with Kaz right in front of me. 

My face feels warmer than it did before, an irrational bout of anxiety forcing me to consider that me might be able to read impossible, embarrassing thoughts from my expression alone. 

“What did Jesper say?” I’m too lost in my own spiral of confusion and panic and some feeling I can’t recognize to register how Kaz asks his question. There’s an edge to it, an odd one, but that could easily just be Kaz. 

This is most definitely the last conversation we need to be having. I’m still mad at him for his earlier dramatics. So I just shake my head, feigning an exhaustion I could lose myself in. “Nothing and everything all at once.” I resist the urge to rub my eyes again. “I’m pretty sure he was drinking, and I wasn’t really listening. I was just trying to read.” 

Kaz’s expression hardens briefly as he takes in my words, and then he exhales, nodding once with the breath. “What were you reading?” 

My lips part instinctually, ready to spew off details about the latest novel that’s captured my attention. But before I can let myself take off, the reality of the situation strikes me directly in the chest. This is not Nina, or Inej, or even Jesper after what he considers a ‘good night’. This is Kaz Brekker, the man believed to not have a soul. I’ve spoken to him before about casual things, though most of the nights in which we end up playing cards or just sitting near each other are spent in silence. But he’s never prompted me before. Not in the one topic he knows is guaranteed to turn me into an overenthusiastic, gushing fountain of poor summaries and character analysis. 

I guess this is his peace offering. This shouldn’t warm the way it does. He was still unbelievably dramatic and treated me like I’m some kind of unreliable fool. “It’s late, and you know how I can be. I’d hate to keep you for nothing more than a poor summary and honestly, an embarrassing rant about plot or characters, because there’s just nothing as frustrating as when two people so clearly care about each other and both are too stubborn and oblivious to acknowledge it.” 

Kaz’s eyebrows draw together just enough for me to be able to make out a shift of expression in the poor light. Perhaps his lingering irritation is preparing to rear its ugly head. The corner of his mouth seems to threaten to tilt upwards as Kaz angles his head to the side slightly. “I can’t imagine that position.” 

No kidding. I bite my tongue to keep the sarcastic comment and awkward laugh that would sure follow it away. “Who can? That’s like half the point of reading.” 

How can interaction feel so over and just at its beginning all at once? I press my lips together to avoid filling the silence with things I’d no doubt instantly regret. It’s easy to be mad at Kaz in the moment. Too easy. But to stay mad at him when his temper has passed and he returns with some kind of begrudging and admittedly awkward and uncertain truce is another task entirely. 

“I’ve never understood your attachment to written words.” 

“It’s not about understanding, it’s about everything else.” 

“And you say I’m cryptic.” Is he...kinda almost joking? I straighten my spine, too tired to fight and too wounded to forgive. “There’s understanding in everything, nothing can survive on sentiment alone.” 

“If you read the way I did, you’d understand.” 

His lips press together as his expression remains unwavering in its hardness. “Read to me.” 

...Interacting with Kaz in any way often leaves me feeling like I’m wandering through unknown territory. But this, this is undeniably different. So different I can’t even think of a way to react. I watch his expression as cautiously as possible. He’s purely reserved, no distinction from the look he wears during business propositions. Except there’s a tightness I can’t quite understand.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fight anymore. Maybe it’s because exhaustion is leaving me partially delirious. Or maybe it’s the weird feeling in my chest that I can’t quite place. That I don’t want to place. “Okay.” I shift carefully. “If for no other reason then to prove you wrong.” 

Never did I think I’d end up in the position of sitting in my bed, book in hand, with Kaz Brekker sitting next to me. But here we are. I’m so tired, I almost let out a nervous laugh when he first walked in. So brooding and tall, gripping the head of his head cane as he sits at the foot of my bed, on my pastel quilt. 

I’m glad for the excuse to keep my gaze away from him and on the words in front of me. I read out loud, feeling more and more comfortable with each page I finish. But as my inhibitions slip away, so dos my hold on consciousness. My eyelids seem to grow heavier with each word that I read. 

“You’re falling asleep.” 

I straighten my spine on instinct. “Am not.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to deny something so simple. 

“You’re impossible.” 

From him, that statement is laugh worthy. “I’m impossible? Do you not remember earlier today?” 

From the way his jaw locks, I realize that he’s in no mood to be light about this topic. I don’t understand why. It’s not like I’m the one that wronged him. “I remember your lack of focus.” 

Keeping my hands at my side to avoid rubbing my eyes, I frown. “If you want to have this argument again, fine. Jesper is more ‘distracted’ than me half the time and you’re much more lenient on him. It’s not like I was flirting with someone or gambling or doing anything but having a two second conversation. One that I needed to have to get information that you wanted.” 

The last time we fought, I had more energy to restrain myself. This could be atomic. I hold my breath, waiting for Kaz’s retaliation. He exhales, eyes not meeting mine. “Arguing with you when you’re present is exhausting enough. It’s not worth it when you’re half asleep.” 

This angers me further. I hate that he’s right. “I’m not half asleep.” He leaves it at that. I glare even harder at him, slumping further into my bed. “But for the sake of argument, I’ll drop it. Something you’re incapable of doing.” 

At that, his eyes meet mine. I try to hold his gaze, but the harder I think about not seeming tired the more exhaustion slips in. A yawn escapes me before he looks away. Great. “I know when to lie in the grass in wait.” 

Rolling my eyes, I shift back slightly. He’s incapable of being less dramatic than this. Still, I can’t imagine the effort it’s taking on his part to not start an argument. Maybe this is why Jesper spent so long implying that there may be a Kaz and I in any capacity beyond a vague kind of friendship. “I’ll admit you’re tactful.”

“Resourceful people recognize that trait in other people.” 

Blinking twice, I lower my book slightly. Am I truly exhausted, or did he just compliment me in a way? “Careful, I may start to think you find me tolerable.” 

“Let’s not exaggerate.” Okay, now I know I’m exhausted because I think he might have just attempted a joke. Rolling my eyes, I decide not to acknowledge this lightness in fear that I’ll scare it away. “Y/n?” 

I press my lips together, worried about the destruction of our peace. “Yes?” 

“What did Jesper say to you? Earlier?” I pause, slightly unsure why we’re moving backwards. 

We’re in a decent place now, and I’d hate to ruin it. I’m too half asleep to lie eloquently. And it’s not like he’s an easily convinced man. “Oh, he said it so cryptically it took me longer than it should have to understand. And it didn’t help that it was something so...well, you might find it funny. As funny as you find anything, anyways.” Wow...I’ve spent such a long time talking. Rubbing the back of my eyes, I avoid his gaze. Exhaustion and awkwardness mix in my stomach oddly. “It seemed like he was trying to imply that you and I...me and you...” Why is this a difficult thing to say? It’s not like I was implying it and Jesper’s known for his oddness. “I think Jesper was implying that there was a you and I, or at least that there could be.” I’m too lost in a haze of almost sleep to watch his reaction. I let my head rest against my headboard even further. “Isn’t that odd?” 

He’s quiet for a long second, and then he finally speaks again. “Odd, even for Jesper.” The response doesn’t satiate me...what’s that about? I exhale, deciding that feeling is tomorrow’s problem. When I blink, I decide to let my eyes stay closed. Just for a moment. The sound of something shifting is what makes my eyes squint open. Kaz is standing, his expression unreadable as he straightens. “Goodnight, y/n.” 

At that, I sit up slightly, ignoring the exhaustion behind my eyes. “I haven’t finished the chapter.” 

“You’ve convinced me of enough.” A concession? How exhausted do I seem? My lips press together as I think of my next argument. Before I can get it out, Kaz leans forward. He grabs the quilt at the end of my bed and tosses it onto my legs casually. “Goodnight, y/n.” The meaning of his repetition is clear. His word is final. 

I find enough energy to manage a glare, but I pull the quilt over my legs anyways. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

[neptune-midheaven]

💓 Astro Notes PT 4 ! 💓

+i’m back!! i’ll be posting more ever since school ended for me recently, expect a lot more posts going in-depth about each placement!! thank u all so much for being patient, love to you all <33. enjoy these highly generalized observations haha+

*Having your chart ruler in the social houses, 1st, 7th, 10TH, 11TH, sometimes 3rd is a sign of popularity, someone who works well with people, people naturally liking them, seeing them as friendly people, the planet of the chart ruler just affects the exact energy, how it’s expressed what they’re popularrr FOR. Even if it’s pluto the person will still be a magnetic and intense influence in this area. 

*Moon-uranus aspects can become addicted to their phones or the internet as the person emotionally depends on technology, it’s more exemplified with the harsher, tighter aspects.

*It’s possible for aquarius and gemini venuses to identify as asexual, they’re more likely to prefer more mentally stimulating romances rather than sexual encounters, detached natures in their relationships can be the root for this. This is a highly generalized opinion however, it could manifest far differently for ANYONE.

*Pluto in 1st conjunct the ascendant creates intenseee people, they draw a lot of people to them, everyone has their attention.

*People who have part of fortune in their 8th house live a long life, they have luck with escaping death.

*Multiple capricorn placements and the risings especially are veeeinyy, skinny and bony.

*Jupiter in 10th have a reputation for being jolly, fun and extroverted, travels a lot, their careers have to do with the foreign and studies, they’re especially known for being very educated and big humanitarians.

*Moon in 10th, moon-midheaven is known for crying a lot in public, they’re seen having meltdowns, breakdowns or emotional outbursts now and then.

*Moon-neptune were very close to their mothers at a young age, they always cried when she wasn’t near them.

*Sun-neptune were close to their fathers as children, both of these neptune aspects are dependent on how positive or negative the aspect is, positive denotes positive relations, negative being a sign of abandonment or disconnect from one of the parents or both if the individual has both aspects.

*Moon in leo/5th hate when they can’t express themselves and their emotions.

*Pisces mercury/12th house mercury are more likely to develop speech impediments, stutters. There’s just something unique about how they communicate as well.

*Libra in 6th are lazyy planners, they meet a lot of love interests and get crushes at work.

*You’ll experience strong, irresistible attraction toward the sign ruling your 8th house cusp, almost telepathic. 7th house cusp is the energy of the partners whom you attract, date, fall in love with.

*Neptune/pisces in 11th have friends who try to introduce them to drugs, friends can be toxic, draining depending on the condition of neptune, sorry to taurus and some gemini risings.

*Venus in 10th/11th in a chart automatically makes the person an extrovert, a good social worker.

*How tf do i come up with these.

*Having your 9th house ruler in 5th makes traveling seem like a hobby, a fun activity to you to entertain yourself or something you enjoy. These people want to travel everyday. They’re also lovers of learning, they look for smart, educated partners.

*Having your 2nd house ruler in 9th house means a job that involves traveling, making money over seas.

*Cappy suns are huge huge HUGE social creatures. Or the complete opposite.

*Uranus in 11th can make new friends crazy fast due to uranus’ quick! energy, just like lightning. Online, they can gain followers the same way, but their numbers always fluctuate or become spontaneously unstable ex: follow:like ratio could be out of wack.

*Mars in 12th love playing violent video games, like gta for example.

*Uranus in 4th could have an unstable family life if negatively aspected, a stimulating and revolutionizing one if they’re positive.

*Libra moons feel emotionally satisfied once a tense situation is smoothed over or balanced out, imbalance or chaos puts them on edge.

*Pisces suns can never figure out who they truly are as a person because of so much exposure to so many different things, morphing and adapting changes them sm bc they’re so mutable.

*Aries moons can be seen as people pleasers similar to libra moons, however it’s only in a way that they truly care just like libra, they care passionately about the people they love. This doesn’t necessarily make them people pleasers of course!! It’s only an aries-libra parallel.

*Saturn in 9th have delays in getting their degrees, it’ll become easier for them to graduate college after their saturn return.

*Mercury in 4th//cancer have excellent memories, they often make fantastic historians, someone who can keep track of the past. Real estate, home business/ careers would best suit them. They also have lovely voices 😻.

*Mutable mercuries’ speaking style is highly influenced by others, they can adapt to the specific speaking styles of others, adapt to unique communication styles from other people.

*Aries rising produces the most red heads out of all of the rising signs, next being leo.

*12th house stellium people feel so... watery

*Youll feel more empathetic and connected to those who share your moon sign or 12th house placements, any placement at all as you of course can be nice, understanding and a bit empathetic, however these two are far more potent and unifying.

*Aquarius placements mean you don’t take whatever planet is in this sign or house this sign rules seriously, it creates a sense of detachment from that area or part of your life.

*Contrary to belief, fires moons are more empathetic than water moons.

*Mercury in 12th people, i love y’all so much ughhh, you’re so sweet and gooeyy, ur ideas and mind are so important and gorgeous. Very artistic and soft minds, fragile thoughts that need to be encouraged by others closest to them. They’re usually very smart and especially talented and creative.

*Water moons have THE prettiest eyes, all of them are just gems swirling with colorful, vibrant soul.

*Moon conjunct ascendant can have their moods being visibly shown on their faces or expressions.

*Scorpio moons are intense but very attractive, it’s hard to keep your eyes off of them and their compelling auras.

*Libra risings can experience getting ignored in group settings. Virgo in 12th could promote this as they’re always hard working behind the scenes it’s almost neglected.

*Aquarius risings have this cute, quirky vibe about them which makes you want to be friends with them.

*Your moon in someone else’s 11th house is indicative of the house person feeling as though they can open up to you, that you two understand one another completely. It’s a very open minded and comforting synastry emotionally.

[vemuabhi]

Child! Mihawk X Child! Reader - Memories

Hello everyone! This is my first time writing about Mihawk and.... believe me I really loved writing for this. This was requested by Mxlk_Hxnei (Wattpad)

Pairing : Mihawk X Reader

Summary : Mihawk Remembers all the childhood moments of you and him. Its fluff! so im sure youll enjoy it!

A/N : I now Love Mihawk more than before after writing for him! He is absolute treasure!

“Mii-Kun!”, you call your boyfriend as he was enjoying his wine. “Lets go out to the nearest shopping island, I’m bored”, you tug his sleeve gently as you make your request. He lets out a sigh and gets up indicating ‘Lets go’. You happily make your way to the door. “How many times did I tell her not to call me Mii-Kun”, he puts on his coat and follows you out.

You both go to the nearby island and see that there are many malls in this place and your eyes turned stars looking at those beautiful clothes, swords and all your favourite stuff. Mainly food.

“SUGOII!”, you exclaimed and went into the mall as you still held your swords man hand. To think that the worlds greatest swords man was following your every step like a puppy was a sight to see. In his defence he was making sure you were protected. He sat in a chair as you tried on new clothes. Then he noticed a little boy and girl walking together. This reminded him of how you both were when you were kids.

“Wahh~~”, you started to cry when you fell down and scraped your knee. Mihawk came towards you and sat beside you. His eyes filled with pure worry and he tried to calm you down but being a person not so good with words he couldn’t say anything. He gently placed his arms around you and cuddled you. Your sobs slowly turned to sniffs and he pulled back. He took his kerchief and tied it around your knee and pulled you up. You took his hand and walked with him. “Mii kun is so kind”, you praised him and his face flushed and he looked down. Because of his behaviour not a single child of your age even talked with him. It wasn’t his fault. He just wasn’t used to talk and smile. You were the only person who talked with him. He only had you.

One day you stood infront of his house and called him. That was the first time a friend actually came to his house. He looked out from his window only to find you smiling brightly at him and waving your two hands at him. He noticed that you were holding two cotton candies and came down to get you. As he came down you offered him one cotton candy and obliged. “Happy Birthday Mii-kun! I had less money so I brought this. It’s sweet, cheap and also delicious. And I need to go now because it’s getting late. Bye!” with that you hugged him and left. Leaving him in the happiest state. He took a bite from the pink cotton candy and his heart began to beat faster. He felt like it was the most delicious sweet he ever ate. Not because of the cotton candy but the way someone remembers him, cared for him to even get him something. His cheeks turned pink lie the candy he was eating. He didn’t knew what this feeling was turning into.

One evening, as usual he was waiting for you in the park but you didn’t come. He got a bit worried and started to head towards the direction of your house. Then he saw you were talking with a guy, he never saw before. He hid and just watched you. You were smiling at that stranger. He didn’t know what to do. ‘Of course who would want to play with the ‘Weird Kid’ of the place? He was lucky that you even played with him till now’, he thought and with that he headed back to his place. But… for some reason he went to the park. There were no one in the park as usual. Because all the kids loved to play in the bigger park. He was all alone now so he felt the park was 10x times emptier when you weren’t with him. He went and sat on the swing. There he remembered how you two would play on the swing and in the sand box. The way you fell down from the seesaw and cried. These all memories flooded back to him and he couldn’t stop his emotions. His tears flowed down his cheek. He didn’t show emotions often but it didn’t mean that he didn’t have them. He silently sobbed and tried to wipe his tears but they wouldn’t stop.

“OH NO WHAT HAPPENED? WHY ARE YOU CRYING?”, he was surprised to listen to your voice. He looked at his side and saw that you were there looking at him with pure worry. He asked, “Why are you here? I thought you wouldn’t come because you had new friends”, he said as he sniffed. He didn’t look at you. He looked down as to hide his tears. But then he felt your arms wrap around him. “I have only one best friend and its you, you idiot! So don’t ever cry”, you declare and he sobbed harder on your shoulder and after a few minutes he of sobbing he finally was able to speak so he said, “You are my only friend. And only best friend and only one for me, so don’t go away”

“Where would I go? I will always be beside you to irritate you. If I go away from you who will make me stop crying whenever I scrap my knee”, you say as you pull back from him and smile. You took his hand and started to walk towards his house. Then as you made sure he wasn’t crying anymore you went back to your house. That night he thought of the incident again. Then he realised how beautiful you looked in the sunset, How he embarrassed himself in front of you, how he felt so sad when you weren’t there… Then it hit him. He didn’t just like you. He had feelings for you.

Oh poor boy tried for years to show his feelings to you but… you being the airhead never even noticed those. Would anyone believe that that the world’s greatest swords man trembled in fear to confess his love? But to his happiness, when he was 19, one day you confessed to him first. Oh boy! How happy he felt that time. He hugged you tight and said yes a hundred times.

(A/N : Dont deny! He is looking Handsome af here too!)

Then he was brought back to present when he felt your hand on his shoulder. “Is everything alright Mii kun?” you ask with a hint of worry in your eyes.

“Nothing. Don’t worry”, he says assuring you. You smile and ask him, “Tell me is this good?” you twirled around and show him your new outfit. His heart skipped a beat when he saw how beautiful you were. He loved it. He smiled and said, “You look beautiful in it” which made your cheeks turn pink and you smiled at him as you thanked him. You loved how he smiled at you. You loved how he cared for you. You loved how much important you were to him. Over all, you love him with all your heart. You were a bit slow but, you did loved him from the start. You both smiled at each other as you continued to check out the other things which interested you.

XOXOXOXO

I hope you liked it!

Dont forget to like, share and comment!

[gh0stwriting]

Hear me out, the slashers (michael,, Brahms, and whoever you want) reaction to a very touchy s/o? And not like in a sexual way(but lets be honest some booty grabs do happen), but more of the s/o just always touching them in someway, feet in their lap, sitting close, leaning against them, that sort if thing. Please and thank you! (I love your writing 😍😍)

(i literally picked the last 2 by whose ass id want to grab most and couldnt decide. also tysm!! 🥺)

BRAHMS

he never really noticed you being touchy because hes very much the same, if youre watching a movie he’d either pull you into his chest or lay with his head in your lap. he doesnt see it as anything outside of his definition of normal and he likes that youre as affectionate as he is.

if you grabbed or smacked his ass he’d giggle and 100% do it back unless you told him not to. but would most likely turn it into a game where youd try to grab each others ass without being caught, hes in the lead by a lot tho.

also yall are the crown royalty of just hugging for like 20 mins and not talking or trying to do anything else, just standing in the middle of a room and holding each other until you get tired of standing and do the same thing but on the couch

if youre ever doing something for work or are just generally busy expect brahms to slide in behind you on your chair and just fall asleep leaning on you. also he’ll do anything he can to sit behind you without you having to move out of the way because he doesnt want to interrupt what youre doing but most of the time he almost falls trying to, hes determined tho.

and if hes busy (which lets be real he rarely is unless it involves you) then you’ll be the one obnoxiously leaning on him but he loves it and giggles every time you try to move to get his attention back to you, youre just a sucker for him as he is for you.

MICHAEL MYERS

the first time you put your legs in his lap or cuddled extra close, he thought it was weird and rather annoying, but quickly realized this is your personal version of love. as close to your lover as possible.

it makes him feel wanted in a way he hasnt felt since he was a kid and originally its conflicting to him. why would anyone want him? but of course no matter what he does you dont leave and your affection grows more prevalent every day, starting with small things and eventually climbing onto whatever you have to so you can sneak him a kiss, even if it means falling.

he soon finds it really adorable that you could feel so strongly for someone, especially when you know so little about him. he would try to initiate the same affection but he fears hurting you, after all hes built like a fridge and could easily kill you.

though that doesnt mean he doesnt try to initiate affetion, because he does, but only when hes in a really good mood. like when you were watching black and white horror movies and he grabbed you a little too roughly and pulled you into his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and just staying there until you had to get up.

though some things you do seem to make him very uncomfortable you try to catch onto what it was and tone it down so as to make him as comfortable as possible, he generally does seem to be partial to affection, but mostly on his terms. hes like an old angry cat.

BUBBA SAWYER

so sometimes when youre just meandering around the house with nothing to do youll just run up to him and hug him really tightly on impulse, which would initially startle him and then he’d coo quietly and hug you back, baby boy just likes being loved and youre more than happy to give him all the love he deserves.

another of his favorite things you do is when you walk into his workshop, announce your prescence as to not startle him and then just either watch him work with your hands on his shoulders and your chin resting on his head or to cover the top of his head and back of his neck with kisses until he starts giggling and then puts down his work to spend time with you. you may be petty, but it works.

Drayton HATES how lazy you two get sometimes, but its not so much you being lazy as it is just you basking in each others presence and enjoying the comfort that things like cuddling bring.

also if you do grab his ass randomly he’ll squeal like a pig from shock and its honestly really funny bc after he covers his face bc of how hard hes blushing, though you wouldnt have been able to tell otherwise

Bubba is so affection starved that hed spend the rest of his life just cuddling you and hes fine with that, he just thinks youre warm and small like a teddy bear (but lets be real almost everyones short to him bc hes like 6’5 and thiccc)

BILLY LOOMIS AND STU MACHER

Ok so, Stu is very affectionate and loves giving and receiving massive amounts of affection. Billy on the other hand is emotionally constipated and doesnt show feelings if he has a choice, especially not in public.

that being said tho, in private you three are insperable. almost always touching somehow, even if its just your thighs touching while you watch movies, or in Stu’s case, as much of his body touching as much of yours and Billy’s as possible, not unlike a puppy.

also prepare to be in the middle of some kind of ghostface sandwich bc they both want to have maximum contact with you while cuddling so they can hopefully keep you safe if anything were to happen.

also Billy isnt always one for affection but if he wants it hes gonna get it and hes gonna do it in the most dramatic way possible. like when youre watching tv he’ll just flop down onto your lap with a hand on his forehead and a dramatic sigh and just lay there until you make him leave.

[words-for-holland]

Quarantine Series: Silence is Golden?

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Summary: Tom and Y/N don’t get into a lot of fights, but this one will leave you speechless...literally.

Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships |The Birthday Week | Movie Night

A/N: Hey! Did you know I created a Masterlist?! You can view here (X)!

Every couple has their good and bad days. Some people will even say it’s healthy to have a little dispute once and awhile. For Y/N and Tom, the bad days just kept on coming. Maybe it was due to the work piling up on Y/N’s plate lately, or the fact that Tom was stressing about going to Berlin in 2 weeks for his work. Either way, both of them were under pressure, and with everything going on, it’d be no surprise that even the smallest things would irritate them.

“Tom I told you to put your luggage off to the side. One of us is going to trip with all this shit in our room.” Y/N scolded as she pushed the black luggage to the side of wall.

Tom was sitting in bed, rolling his eyes at his fiance’s comment and went back to focusing on his script. “Well, maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal if you just cleaned the room every weekend like you were supposed to do.” He grumbled as he highlighted his lines.

“I was working the entire weekend. I told you I had a huge release to prep for and last time I rememebered I’m your fiance not your maid. It wouldn’t kill if you could just do some of the chores in the house instead of having me, Harry, Harrison, or Tuwaine do it for you.” She argued, glaring down at Tom with her arms crossed. “Just cause your some hot shot celebrity doesn’t mean you can just sit there and do jack shit.”

Tom looked at her with surprise and anger. He just about had it up to here with her nagging. Tom loves Y/N, but sometimes, like tonight, she was really getting on his nerves, and the next few things he says to her were not so pretty. “Can you just shut up?! You’re always telling me what to do, what not to do, to stop doing this and stop doing that, and god the never-ending chatter that comes out of your mouth.” He spits out not even paying attention to how Y/N was reacting. “Some people actually do prefer some peace and quiet. God, I really can’t wait to go to Berlin just so I don’t have to hear that god awful nagging of yours.” Tom shakes his head as he looks back at his script, until he realized what just came out of his mouth...complete and utter bullshit that he didn’t mean.

It was Y/N’s turn to be surprised. In fact she was speechless, not really knowing what to say to his rant. It hurt a lot, as if her heart had just broken in a million pieces. If there was one thing you needed to know about Y/N, it was that she valued everyone’s view and opinion of her. So, you can best believe that if someone had a problem with her, she would not take it lightly. When it comes from the person you love the most...well...one can’t even begin to fathom how much it could hurt.

Tears were forming and streaming down her eyes, as small sniffles start to escape. Her tiny hands balling up into a fist. She wasn’t just upset, she was furious. “Well, if thats how you feel then, I don’t know why you’d want to be with a person that doesn’t shut up...Cause clearly I’m not good enough.”

Tom starts to sit up on the bed and lean towards her, trying to apologize profusely, but it was a lost cause that couldn’t be taken back. She runs out of the room with her stuff as she moves to the guest room to cry herself to sleep. Tom stays in their bedroom as he looks up at the ceiling with a disappointed face. “What have I done?” He whispers to himself, only praying they would be able to make up in the morning.

The next day, Tom wakes up extra early to prepare a ‘Sorry I’m such a div. Please forgive me’ breakfast with chocholate chip pancakes, bluerberry smoothies, and apple turnovers from her favorite coffeshop in London. And if that wasn’t enough...he had also brought her a bouquet of red roses. He awaited for her to come down, with everything set. As the boys came by to eat their share of the breakfast, Y/N comes down to akward silence. Everyone staring at her and Tom standing in the middle smiling with flowers in hand.

“Morning Y/N.” The boys say in unison.

“Morning boys...Tom.” Y/N mumbes the last word as she makes her way. They continue to talk and eat amongst themselves as Y/N looks for a seat to sit at, but sadly the only one available is the one next to Tom. He looks at her with his brown puppy dog eyes, silently pleading for her to sit next to him. Y/N gets the message as she rolls her eyes, and tales the seat. He present her the flowers once again, smiling off his boyish charm. “Darling, Im so sorry for the way I acted I didn’t mean it. Please don’t be mad at me. I love you so much.”

Y/N takes the flowers and nods, as she goes back to her breakfast. She ate rather quickly as to make sure she didnt have to deal with anyone and went straight back to the guest room. Tom slouches in his seat, sighing in defeat. “Great the silent treatment.” He says out loud.

“Damn, Tom you must have really fucked up.” Tuwaine said as he took a bite of his pancakes.

“Yeah mate, what did you do?” Harrison asked, intrigued by his best friend’s dilemma.

“You couldn’t hear them? They fought because Tom couldnt do a simple job and then called Y/N a talkative nagging piece of work” Harry answered him, stifiling a laugh. “Im sure the whole world could have heard him.”

“You also forgot, how he said he’d rather be in Berlin than be here with her.” Tuwain mentioned.

Tom glares at his younger brother and Tuwaine, giving them a good shove on the shoulder. “Hey, don’t be mad at me. I’m not the one that had to get his shit together.” Harry defends taking his last bite.

“What do I do? She wont even talk to me and I went through all this work to apologize to her.” Tom asks as he stares at the floor solemnly. “I don’t want her to be mad at me.”

“I don’t know mate. Maybe just earn her trust again. Im sure youll both work it out...you always do.” Harrison reassures him as he makes his way to wash the dishes.

Later that night, Tom passes by Y/N as she makes her way to the bathroom across their bedroom. Tom tried his best to set up the bed as if she was staying with him, fluffing the pillows, pulking down the comforters, and turning up the AC. As Y/N finishes up, she sees him standing at the edge of the bed, waiting for her to join him. “Please? I cleaned up the room and gave you your favorite pillow because you know you cant sleep without it.” He pleads, pouting with his lower lip sticking up.

Y/N looks at the tidy room and the pillow he left her. She smiles when she takes notice of the the one pillow with flowers and ripped edges. It was her favorite pillow since she was 5 and sworn to everyone that it was the only pillowcase she could ever sleep peacefully in. With the thought and gesture Tom made today, Y/N figured it was the least she could do, though it didn’t mean he was forgiven compeltely yet. Tom smiles at his first victory as he climbs in the bed with her. He tries to snuggle closer and wrap his stron arm across her waist, whispering “I love you and I really am sorry.”

Y/N wasn’t too comfortable getting this close still, and ultimately took his hand that was on her waist and dropped it to his side. Tom, felt a slight hinge of sadness when she did that. She never refused his cuddles and anytime they had a fight they would always make up before rhe end of the day. He sighs loudly in silence. Y/N turns around to face his back, and leans over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, which takes him by surprise. “I love you” she whispers, going back to her side of the bed.

The next day, Tom decides to take a quick trip to his parents house, who greet him with ipen arms. Though, both his parents, Paddy and Sam, notice the distress on his face. “What’s wrong son?” Tom’s mum asked with worry.

“Mum, Dad...I messed up.” He cries. “ I was just really stressed out this past week, with the movie, and the fans, and thinking about how I have to leave Y/N for Berlin...I-I- just said a lot of stupid things to her that I didnt mean.”

Tom’s mom rubs her son’s back as she tries to console him and calm his breathing. “There. There. Its going to be okay. You know Y/N loves you so much. Im sure you’ll both get through this.”

“That’s the thing mum. I don’t know if we can. She won’t even talk to me. I made her breakfast gave her flowers and even cleaned our room liek she asked me too. I don’t know what else to do to show her that I truly sorry.I told her I can’t wait to go to Berlin so I did have to hear her talk, but thats far from the truth. I don’t want to leave her when we’ve had all this time together.”

“Hmm...perhaps you should do the things that she doesn’t ask you to do. You know Y/N is also stressed with her job as well, she might not have time to get around to all the things that need to be done. Also tell her how you really feel besides that you’re sorry and you love her. You know both of you have had a hard week and there’s a lot of feelings bottled up inside. Just be honest with your feelings. I know you didn’t mean it and Im sure she knows too.”

Tom smiles at the last sentence, realizing the two haven’t really committed to the rules they promised each other, be honest and communicate with each other. “You’re right, Mum. I cant even remember the last time we really talked.” Tom got up up quickly whiping away the dry tears. “I’m gonna go make things right with Y/N. Thank you for everything. I love you.” Tom hugs his mother, before he makes his way ready to set things right.

As he pulls up to the house, Tom is ince again by the door with flowers in hand. Y/N sliently looks at him as she tilts her head curious as to why he’s on his toes...and with more flowers in hand. “Look you don’t have to say anything because I’m gonna be doing all the talking right now.”

Y/N looks at him in surprise, intrigued to hear what he has to say this time. “Y/N. Im know. im such a dumbass, clueless, and careless bloke who didn’t stop to think about your feelings and the things you wanted from me. I should have helped around more, I should asked how you were , and I definitely should have pushed my luggage to the side of the wall like you asked me too many times.” He says chuckling nervously. “And I know I fucked up, but Im really going to to try to make it an effort to listen more, and help you as much as I can. And Im so sorry for being so distant, I just I had a lot on my mind and the fact that I have to leave you, in two weeks when this has been the longest we’ve spent time together, it made me more sad.” Y/N looks at him with a sympathetic smile, almost ready to accept his apology. “So look, I know you’re probably still mad and everything, but Im really hoping this makes it up for you because I really do love you. Every single thing about you and theres only two more weeks before I leave and I want to spend every day, hour, minute, and second with you.”

There’s silence in the air as Tom looks into her eyes, trying to find some answer. “Every day, hour, minute, and second?” She questions him smiling. Tom’s face lights up with the brightest smile hes ever out on. He drops the flowers and hugs her even more tightly than he did with his mother, spinning her around. Nothing sounded better than hearing her laugh, it’s been far too long. He cups her face, kissing her passionately only to pull away and move the stray hairs from her face. Taking in every single detail of her face. “Yes. Ever day, hour, minute, and second..so lets not waste anymore time.” He grabs her hand as he rushed her to their room.

“Wait, wait, wait!” She yells with laughter. Tom sulks and groans, “Aw, what now?”

“You didnt even ask if I forgave you, yet?”

“Well...” Tom says pretending to think “Do you forgive me?”

Y/N looks at him, leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. “Of course I do.”

“Good. Now let’s go. Got to show you how much I appreciate and love you.” Tom smiles as he pulls her away.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @parkerspillow @joyleenl @kihyunwifes

[creampievampire]

Could you go into the difference between the subtext and queerbaiting in it, I'm still kind of -well it's obviously gay but nothing was really ever said or shown that says that expect for people talking about it- Like are the characters and their relationship just queer-coded (positivly ofc lol) but the baitiness comes from them sort of confirming it off the show?

of course! im assuming by ‘it’ you mean merlin, but rather than explaining the reasons why i think bbc merlin is a matter of subtext (or queer coding) and not queerbaiting, i think it would be easier and more productive to explain the difference between the two in general. they are very similar - which is why i think a lot of people are unable to tell the difference between them - but they have important differences

just a warning, this is going to be a LONG post lmao ive bolded exactly what each term means below, after which i go into more detail on the whole issue. this is something im passionate about so,,, ♥

queerbaiting specifically refers to a marketing technique in which creators hint at but dont actually depict a queer character or relationship. They do this in order to attract a queer audience with the suggestion of a character or relationship they can relate to, while also avoiding alienating their queerphobic audiences

queer coding is the subtextual coding of a character as queer through the use of things like metaphor, allegory, hinting, recognisable traits/stereotypes/experiences, etc. This is done to build believable characters and create more complex plot lines, and it is also regularly used by people who want to tell queer stories but are unable to do so explicitly. it CAN be used negatively to enforce damaging stereotypes, but that is just a small part of its usage

both of these things utilise subtext in order to work. subtext is not only a crucial part of the creation of any piece of media, but is impossible to avoid.

an example of the most basic types of subtext is when a character tells someone that everything is going to be okay, but you can tell they dont believe it. or when youre watching a story unfold and you suddenly connect the dots and realise whats going to happen before its explicitly stated - you used subtext and the hidden meanings and hints to figure it out!

the people involved w a piece of media create their story with a specific purpose or meaning in mind, and they construct the subtext of the story to reflect that purpose/meaning. HOWEVER, the viewers dont always see things the same!

your experiences and personality shape the way you view and interpret every piece of media you consume. if you hate cops youll see the insidious undertones in cop shows - if you grew up with an abusive parent youll see the biting implications in a characters dialogue that others find innocent - if youre queer you will search for and fine queer characters everywhere, regardless of the creators intentions

now, both queerbaiting and queer coding use subtext to function, right? so how do you know which is being used and whether or not its a bad thing? its all about intention

to give a specific explanation of the difference im going to use two examples that are (arguably) very similar in the way their queer characters became canon

example 1: adventure time featured the characters marceline and princess bubblegum, who have been forever depicted as a couple in fan content. their interactions in the show were read into and latched onto bc we saw ourselves in them and we saw it as positive queer rep. but their relationship was never explicitly discussed during the course of the show and was only confirmed at the end of the final episode.

that makes 10 seasons in which their relationship existed only in subtext, and when it did finally exist in canon it was only for a few minutes, if that.

example 2: supernatural featured the characters dean and castiel (lol) who have been depicted as a queer couple pretty much since the first episode cas appeared in. i personally hung on their every interaction, analysed every glance between them, bc i interpreted deans character as a parallel to my own childhood trauma.

cas joined the show in season 4, so that makes 11 seasons in which him being gay existed only in subtext, and when it was confirmed he was immediately cut out of the show. the exact nature of dean and castiels relationship still remains in subtext.

so why is it that adventure time is widely considered perfectly fine but supernatural is dunked on as being the poster boy for queerbaiting?

its bc adventure time involved queer creators and was an earnest representation of queer characters, but they were boxed in by their publisher, Cartoon Network and thus the only way for the relationship to exist in the show was through subtext.

supernatural, however, consistently neglected their queer character and employed transparent tropes and stereotypes - bringing him in just sparingly enough to keep queer audiences interested while never being gay enough to alienate their macho manly man queerphobe audiences. they would have dean and cas stare into each other eyes for a full 30 seconds and then almost immediately follow it up with an episode about dean banging a disposable female character.

so imho adventure time falls under queer subtext, and supernatural falls under queerbaiting

when it comes to a show like bbc merlin i see a lot of debate about whether or not its queer coding or queerbaiting, and my intention is not to convince you of either. merlin was very much a product of its time, and i have argued the same about seasons 4-6 of supernatural as well, before the queerbaiting escalated and became exhausting to me

the purpose of this post is to start giving you the information you need to analyse any piece of media and come to your OWN opinion as to whether or not its queerbaiting or whatever else

people will ALWAYS have differing opinions about this shit yall. i have debated so many times w so many people about where the line is and whats okay and what should be ‘cancelled’ and if consuming something deemed problematic makes you a bad person or not

and my conclusion?

if youre capable of acknowledging the flaws and issues w a piece of media without trying to defend it as a shining beacon of purity simply bc you like it, then you do you. enjoy whatever you want to enjoy - if i think its reprehensible i simply will never interact with you lol

at some point everyone has to stop regurgitating these generic woke speak cancel culture speeches and buzzwords and formulate their own opinions

my advice to anyone reading this is to learn how to do close reading (ill provide a link to a wonderful short guide on it in a reblog bc tumblr hates links) and start really considering where you draw the lines with all types of content. decide for yourself whether merlin or supernatural or adventure time crosses the line into content you cant stomach, but respect other people whose interpretations differ from yours

i know a HUGE amount of people think supernaturals confession scene was homophobic and toxic - a slap in the face - but when i watched it i saw myself reflected in dean. a repressed bisexual whose emotions had been stunted by lifelong trauma, who wasnt ready to face his feelings for cas but quickly realising that his chronic avoidance and fear was about to tear them apart possibly forever. to me it was tragic and beautiful, and i loved it

i also think merlin is a tragic and beautiful love story, and to me its a pivotal piece of queer media that changed the way i viewed love and made me believe that it was a possibility for me bc i related so deeply to arthur

i hope that you can draw a satisfying answer from this, anon, and i apologise for this post being a full essay lol but i believe it needed to be said  - i dont think there is a right or wrong answer here