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little-bumblebeeee · 7 months ago

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Moonlight – part 5

Word count: 1.4k

Part 4 part 3 part 2 part 1

Angst angst angst angst

(Next chapter will be a Steve chapter!!!!)

Nothing happened of course. He just let Steve hang out at his place until he cooled down and Eddie sent him off back to Nancy. Back to Nancy. He can't help but feel a bitter hatred towards the girl despite her doing absolutely nothing to him. He knows it's just jealousy though, jealousy about a boy he'll never in a million years get.

Why does he keep doing this to himself? Wanting what he can't have. Fame, money, boys, a life in general.

Because he's Eddie Munson. The world has it out for him.

He stabs his pencil through the paper of his sketchbook, his blood going cold as he realizes he shouldn't have done that. The dragon on the page now has a gaping hole in it's chest, and while he could try to fix it, he doesn't want to fix things right now. Fixing needs effort, and he doesn't have that in him at the moment, not while he's sitting on his bed crying over a boy.

"Eddie Munson, crying over a jock. What a twist, huh?" He comments bitterly to the ratty Garfield plush in front of him, slumped over from the lack of stuffing in one side, droopy eyes scratched to practically nothing. He still keeps it though, because he loves it.

Some things don't need to be fixed. They're lovable the way they are.

And yet nobody seems to love Eddie. Sure, his mom loved him, but that was when he was a kid, and he can't help but wonder if she would still love him if she was around today. Wayne too, but that's different, hard to see. He wants a different love, he wants Steve's love. He'll get rid of it soon. This stupid, horrible crush on a boy. A boy who's both a jock and a werewolf. God, what has his life become?

It's been a week since he stopped Steve from spraypainting all over town, and he can't help but realize.. he missed the full moon. Steve would've already turned back by now, all alone. It's fine. It's not like Steve needs him, and Eddie was wanting to distance himself from Steve. This is good for them both.

Yet guilt eats away at him, squeezing and twisting at his insides, making his lungs close up and his throat catch. He can hardly breathe, and it hurts. He feels like he should apologize, but he can't, it's not even necessary. Steve never needed Eddie there, not when he's been transforming all by himself for years and years already by the time Eddie found him.

He can't go to school. He can't even risk the chance of seeing Steve, can't even risk the chance of seeing this damn boy. It hurts. It's horrible, it's.. Eddie gets up, going out to the small kitchen as if his body is on autopilot. He opens the fridge and closes it a couple times, his brain empty from the lack of accomplishment of grabbing something from the barren shelves. He doesn't know what to do with himself. It's a feeling not unknown to him, but it's never been at the hands of a boy who looks both like a God and Just Some Dude. What is wrong with him? He's Eddie Munson, of all people he should be immune to Harrington's charms.

But he just isn't.

Nothing is working, either. Not food, not drawing, not his music, not D&D– hell, he even tried going on a walk. Nothing. Is. Working. He tried to lose himself in his interests, tried to let them consume him completely like they do when he doesn't want them to, but not even those want him now. His guitar isn't calling to him, neither are his books or the figurines that still need to be painted.

Eddie needs to talk to this boy. Even once. He doesn't care if he'll be rejected, he truly doesn't, he just.. needs to get this feeling out. Shoes on his feet, keys in his hand, he stills. He didn't even open the door yet.

He can't do this. He should be confident, but no, he's shaking like a leaf, his stomach churning. He doesn't even take his shoes off as he walks back to his room, slowly slipping into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. He doesnt like this feeling. He doesn't like when the only things beckoning him closer are the things that will hurt him most. How when he thought Steve was in danger he was so ready to leave, yet now he can't even open the front door?

There's something wrong with him. Always has been, always will be. If he's not killed or doesn't do it himself before he graduates he'll be driven out of this hellhole of a town, either going to jail and reuniting with his no-good dad or being completely alone for the rest of his life. People would talk and wonder. They'd discuss and gossip about Mr. Munson, the shut-in neighbor with a cat who nobody sees outside unless he's working or on his porch, the man who doesn't speak, the man who stays inside when he doesn't have errands, the man who drinks himself to bed every day. They'd wonder what happened to get him like that– if he had a wife who passed away or something.

He closes his eyes and runs a hand over his face, attempting to swallow down the lump in his throat at the thought. He doesn't want that but it seems like the only future for him. The Garfield plush on his pillow that he found comfort in since he was a child now seems like it's mocking him, it's lazy eyed stare and wide sleepy smile staring him down.

That's when he hears the tapping on his window. There was knocking at his door earlier but he didn't bother to answer, knowing that if it was his uncle he wouldn't be knocking and would just come inside, not really caring about visitors.

He doesn't get out of bed, but he hears the window slide open, harsh sunlight burning his eyes as someone tumbles into his room, shoe covered feet landing on Eddie's carpeted floors.

And his voice.

"Eddie? What's going on? You weren't there.." Steve says quietly, hesitantly walking over to Eddie's bedside as if he was sick or something. He must look pathetic, buried under a thin blanket, clutching a stuffed animal, with his hair a mess and his eyes all puffy and red.

"You weren't there." Steve repeats. "I waited for you. All night. I don't even know what happened– I just know I woke up and I... I was covered in blood. I don't know what or who's blood it was– I'm freaking the fuck out!" He says, pacing Eddie's room. The boy jolts up, rubbing his eyes and throwing the blanket off. That's when he finally gets a good look at Steve. The tired eyes, his uncharacteristically sunken and pale skin, dried blood on his hands as if all he could do was try and wipe it off his skin with what he could find and shove some clothes on before going straight to Eddie.

"Shit shit shit, shit, shit! Okay.. okay, blood. You didn't kill someone, you couldn't have. You're not that kinda... person.. werewolf.. thing." Eddie says breathlessly, getting up out of bed and realizing that half of this blood is Steve's. The way it seeps through his blue sweater, creating a dark stain that just keeps spreading.

"I don't know what happened." Steve admits upon realizing what Eddie is looking at, lifting up his sweater to show a gaping hole in his abdomen, next to that patch of hair Eddie has dreamed about again and again.

"Holy shit.. Steve, you got shot*" He says in shock, but Steve doesn't even look surprised. He simply shoves his fingers into the wound and pulls out a bullet, wiping his hand on his sweater. "I'll be fine. It's not even close to the first time, I know how to handle it. You got a first aid kit or anything?"

Eddie blinks a few times.. sure, Steve is a werewolf, he's strong, he doesn't feel as much pain as a normal person. But he just pulled a bullet out of his flesh and asked Eddie if he had gauze with the normalcy of asking if it's cold out today, not to mention he didn't even notice the blood was his own.

Now all he has to do is keep it together when Steve pulls off his shirt to patch himself up.

Tag list: @manda-panda-monium @irregular-child @gregre369 @cartercaptainofthemoon @oatmilk-vampire @she-collects-smut @jhrc666 @fairytalesreality

Tag list IS currently open! ♡

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thomasthetankengine · 6 months ago

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once my mom suggested that i get a new car bc the one i drive is just as old as The Brick and judging by what happened to The Brick i should probably look into replacements. which like. from the perspective of someone who doesnt know cars thats very sound logic. however 1) my car is in the best possible condition it can be at its age bc of how much ive worked on it 2) my car has been with me at my worst so i cant imagine life without it and 3) sunk cost fallacy ik but ive put so much time, effort, and money into my car so it will be driven until it melts into the ground 4) i am not driving it like The Brick so its fine

#pavonis.text

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jupiter-reimagined · 1 month ago

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Dealer's choice for the OC ask game, but with Julius. I wanna learn more about him, please and thank you.

i have an ungodly amount of free time between classes so... heres answers to them all, in varying levels of detail. dealer's choice is "yes." bdbshs

1. Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who's the favorite?

he does not, even when he was a child, he just didnt like sleeping with them

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

considering hes a scientist, hes exceptional at raising plant babies, as well as human children. he did somewhat raise his niece and nephews. dont give him pets tho. hes bad at that

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

aromantic king. n/a

4. Do they look good in red?

HELL YEAH!!! but i may be biased because i think everyone looks good in red, its just a matter of syling. he does love his burgundy turtleneck

5. Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Will they give one, and what about?

hes nerding out and probably would do one about a recent research paper he did. i mean... that counts so,, yeah

6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won't they take advice from, no matter what it is?

he would have taken any advice from his brother, if he were still alive. and he doesnt trust a single word coming from the mouth of famous people in general. no matter what. if they have fans, their word means shit to him

7. Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.

my description: science loving dad

his description: not good enough. <- ow

8. Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

he has a collection of puzzle boxes. he loves puzzles, no matter how frustrating or stupid

9. Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books...)?

he does!!!! hes lived alone for years. he was bound to get attached to his possessions.

10. What age do they most want to be right now?

n/a. hee content as he is. its natural to age and hes not too bothered by being in his 60s

11. They've won the lottery. Spend, or save?

he sets up a college fund for oliver, and gives the rest to the rest of his kids. he trusts they'll use it well

12. Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they're in)?

aromantic king part 2

13. Name one thing their parents taught them.

value his family. thats it. thats why hes like this.

14. Would they agree with the term 'guilty pleasure'? Do they have any?

well. he has things he likes, but he isnt guilty about them

15. What would they consider a waste of time- other than school or work?

not really, no. he believes its important to wind down every once in a while. or as he calls it, play time

16. If money wasn't a limit, what would they wear?

same crusty lab coat as always. his clothes are all like 10 years old. if it aint broke dont fix it

17. Do they like children?

he does :)

18. Kissing: tongue or no tongue?

AROMANTIC KING PART 3. jesus.

19. Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews?

nah. hes a fucking nerd, so he knew everything all of the time. and hes had the same job for like 15 years. no interviews for him anytime soon (hopefully)

20. What do they like that nobody else does?

n/a. hes not telling me anything

21. What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw?

SIGH. AROMANTIC KING. PART. 4.

22. Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What's their go-to?

he calls everyone some variation of son/daughter. sometimes, everyone is sonny to him

23. Stability or novelty?

stability

24. Honesty or charity?

honesty. hes got no time for bullshit

25. Safety or possibility?

safety!!!

26. Talent or effort?

effort. he didnt get anywhere from talent

27. Forgiveness or vengeance (or...)?

forgiveness. mostly

28. Would they date a fixer-upper?

oh for FUCKS SAKE. AROMANTIC. KING. PART. FUCKING. FIVE!!!!!

29. What recurring dreams do they have?

he dreams of his brother a lot. and the kids, whenever hes away

30. What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

probably make his own drugs

#response #the-whispers-of-death

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rennyji · 10 months ago

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Remaining Tweets Part II (01/25/2024)

4 youth ofToday, I was a youth when AOL instant messenger was the thing, cable modems were The Thing, spice girls sang, Pokémon came out. I was starting college when Facebook (Used2be just service of wallPosts, directMessages, photos&friending features-bareBones)came out in 2010.

Im a fan of noble (#OptimusPrime) Optimus Prime & #Transformers up until the sequels. Should’ve kept Shia Labeoff and his girl friend, and grew sequels to #Bumblebee being able 2 speak.

When U do same thing everyday, even in eventful atmosphere of University setting (daily chipotles run, ymca, Newman house Church, actual school, Starbucks), & when you’ve been with ur family for 20 years, u know when things r off & people behave differently.

There’s a Biblical saying: where your treasure is, there also your heart will be. Another way of saying what you care about, takes up ur concerns and focus. What is OCD? Does anyone know? Is it someone who has fetish 4 reorganizing same shelf again & again? Is it some1 who washes hands in exact same way all the time? Is it from anxiety, *”or lack of focus on what you do/and a diminished ability 2 recall w/memory what u did?”-

how do U address a delusion? Ex. In trust filled environment, showing that ur imaginary friend is indeed imaginary? Or meds? How do U address OCD? Meds or work arounds like putting 3 locks (as seen in apts w/hangingLock), or having a storm door in addition 2 ur door?-

what I’m getting at is that a mental illness is something that interferes with your functioning on a critical level. Something without workarounds leads to meds. Sometimes meds are about making the inflexible, open enough to listen to their failings. -

theres something wrong w/every1. Some are a little ADD/OCD/bipolar/paranoid-howd this look? Some1 who can’t study w/music (ADD), concerned about finicky aptmt lock (OCD), while tight on cash/protective of stuff in school (paranoid), while splurging on desk accessories (bipolar)

AnneHathaway ( Anne Hathaway ) was stellar in #TheIntern , #Interstellar , #LesMiserables , #GetSmart , #LoveAmdOtherDrugs , #TheDarkNightRises (incredible as Selina Kyle) … she’s an American contribution to elegance .

Two songs on opposite sides of the spectrum that you can drive to while feeling cool: “ All Night ” by

JanetJackson ( Janet Jackson ) or #DrivingWithTheTopDown by #RaminDjawadi

this is bottom of a laptop desk,bought 4 $60. Overall, its quality&best of category. But itHasAn irritating defect. 1 of the legs, that stands the desk, is loose.U carry it/putIt onUr lap/putIt back on a shelf, uHear leg flapping. Flap Flap Flapping.

-annoying&expensive enough 2 want a replacement.

Associated clip: https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1749934567174070647?s=20

now Ive heard “perfect is the enemy of the good.” But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive for perfection. If you don’t have the time or the means, yes, settle for good. Otherwise what’s wrong with things being worth your time/effort and the money spent.-

U hear orchestrators mix in “he wants things just so” from what’s echoed in others, or wants everything perfect. It’s something that stems from what filter, in another life, ur using as lens, to see theirs thru. What ur going in with, what ur incentive is, fuels perception,

U mightve heard #LightningStrikes not twice/lightning doesnt strike twice. Its like when some1 says “ur not paranoid if “they” R out to get U. Words 2 live by. When thingsHappen again& again, whatever some1 else says, it’s not a coincidence. Now let that snowball 4 over a decade. America is a fascinating place. It’s a place where underdogs tend to have a chance of the cliche? “Making it” Conversely, there are people who see this place as avenue to get away w/anything.-

Imagine something having a world conspiring around U, ensuring u no that, beating on u 4 talking about it, &then @ 35-40 yrs age, want U 2 go 4 family therapy session? “At this point,”Who cares enough 2 stick around, when they have big plans? #PsychologicalAbuse -

PsychologicalAbuse —treating men as a bully pulpit or as a child waiting 2 grow up w/o power in abusive environment, getting a nationality of people to take advantage of you, medically putting U thru things at risk of side effects…where is the Law, where is law enforcement?!

Take away enough, orchestrators, you out people in a position without much to lose…people like you, people should throw stones at…

I dont see Y #NewHampshirePrimary &others dont use apps/electronic RF signal clickers 2 vote &calculateVotes- medium w/face ID& fingerprint password-in elections&inCongress.-results inBetter voter turnout&time saved. It tookTime,but w/“ #Jackpocket ”, now u can buy lottos in apps

BarbieTheMovie , seems like it’s for those of the last 3 decades. Has fantasy, parallel world, love, female rights, dreams…and actors/actresses, like here, help build the movie…

Anyone else read #CamJansen , #TheZackFiles , #Animorphs , (man, did Tobias have it rough…) #TheBobbsyTwins #CuriousGeorge , #Clifford?

Theres spirit 2 #NewHampshire from #NikkiHaley crowd inParticular but #Trump as well. #NoOneWantsToAdmitfromIowa& #NHPrimary , that realClincher b/w candidates isA #debate. Now looksLike #PartisanPolitics . USA, layDown issues&count whoAddresses more vs. pickingfavorablePersona.

-People look 2 whats tantalizing (tough talk, persona, stereotypical American image) rather than facts. Lay things down, issues or not, & count who handles more.Lay down pros/cons, facts vs opinions, solutions vs talk, legal vs illegal: count.Think if previously, it was a bias.-

Don’t blindly choose a candidate without counting who handles more issues or specifies a solution to issues - #NHPrimary A #debate has to happen before South Carolina. Otherwise it becomes strategy of opposing side as to who will lose 2 Democratic candidate.

If I were to work at #Twitter or #X , I’d implement a group tweets (in collapse -able manner) by a theme or thought. Helps organize twitter and tweets and encourages outputting things in short bursts)

“Heroes come and go, legends never die.” From The Sandlot Legends make a mark with action and make history. Heroes come and go because they’re the latest headline.

On #FoxNews & #CNN ,U hear issues R economy/abortion/immigration/warStatus. 2 paraphrase Van Jones , commonWords rollingAround w/Trump: war/chaos/drama/peace/prosperity. Its believed peace in Trump admin butRhetoric isNegative.-Subjective vs.objective. Again, what R details?-

people asked all day Y they’re pro Trump/Haley. Trump came up numerously as 1 who kept us out of war, & economy allegedly better. Some r pro Haley b/c of Trumps age. But whats the plan? Need debate 4 that.-

Trump hasAttitude ofHaving states mindOwnBusiness, but foreignPolicy not black&white. By notHelping Ukraine, what R consequences? By ignoring decimationOfPalestine, consequences? W/immigration, Biden saidMoney needed 2address.Y notSend diplomats/army 2Venezuela 2help stabilize - to indirectly inhibit asylum seekers?

again, a lot of words just get flung around. Trump=peace/prosperity/uniting country…it may all B true. what does the last mean? -How would I feel United w/country?-

-Seems details irrelevant or people too busy&too preoccupied w/their lives 2 point where atmosphere in country bad enough 4 people 2 resonate w/some1 who has the attitude-from his tone & rhetoric-of go-getter, won’t tolerate nonsense, & restoring America w/a vengeance. #Trump

it’s kinda like what he’s heard as saying: people want attitude of a winner &want “winning.” They’re not concerned and don’t want to be bothered.- From my experience w/people over last decade in talks/emails, people glaze over/skim or get gist of wording. News channels get in2 extensiveAnalysis, but unfortunately, could B tooMuch 4 certainPeople @ certain nonCoffee times ofDay. W/Trump, people hear&feel attitude ofWinning.

NoOneWantsToAdmit people hear a fraction of what U say or write in emails, & rest of their understanding is from gist gotten & whatever personalBias or filter fromTheirLives. InSameWay, U target socialMediaAdvertising, u need 2 target mannerism/rhetoric/tone 2 hone in on focus.

in politics, high level wording gets thrown like Bidenomics allegedly helping- NeedSubstantiveDialogues. Not helping w/grocery costs. High level/non extrapolated concepts thrown around as w/age. Saw panelOfPeople w/80 yr old whos sharp @ 11:30 PM- says cuz wife cooks well.

Associated Link:

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1750014739193733125?s=20

NoOneWantsToAdmit appearance is nine tenths of the law. Could be physical attributes/strong personality.

perhapsLet religionGuideScience W/ #abortion . been50 yrs/moveOn. nationallyAllow w/limits (asReasons not2B Rigid), like restrictingWhen brainWaves detected/babyGettingOxygen-1st 6weeks-like God giving breathOfLife 2Adam. - #RoeVWade #Roe #ReproductiveRights #ReproductiveFreedom

ArtificialIntelligence ( #AI ) is now doing robo

calls of prominent people like Biden, mimicking his voice, varying tones, and colloquialisms like “Malarky.” People get gist of things and apparently machines care about getting every detail. #SkyNet #Terminator on the rise ?

I like 2use Twitter 2 convey my perspectives/truths. However, “X” posts thoughts, extending beyond 1 tweet, in order ofMost recent post. Results in long thoughts, posting backwards. U tend 2 no 1 tweet is part of something bigger b/c of dashes. Start w/beginning ofDay &scrollUp.

When U walk in2 ur kitchen 2 eat breakfast, &hear, from context, that ur dads on a call 2 a sister he vents 2, &he says something of tune “oh man, I don’t know what to do (2 indicate emotion)…how do you deal w/that (meaning behind words)…then he says there’s that ‘other thing ”…-

it’s hard in mass conspiracy, not 2 wonder if vague wording is about U, when things used 2 be so open, &spelled out, in house. I mean, in my youth b4 “this,” I was like the guy who listened 2 all their grievances…now I’m the guy doors r closed on, while whispering occurs.

News anchors&on-scene reporters haveMost rigorous schedules-early morning 2 standing in night. They go 2 most trying places. I see these guys @ oddLocalHours, whenAbroad, 2 satiate U.S. broadcasting. As testament 2 theirSchedules, can literally see bags underEyes. Hats off2them.

I recall Jake Tapper saying father is a doctor. 2 travel 2 emotionally testing places like Israel @ all hours&report all day-clearly loves what he does vs schedule of Dr…Erin Burnett /Anderson Cooper Kayleigh McEnany have kids & coverPrimaries lateIn2Night.-

Like all journalists, they feel what they do matters and lives/breathes what they do with conviction.

PriyankaChopra ( Priyanka Chopra ) the Desi Girl-has 1 of mostImpressive resumes: from Miss World 2000 to actress/model in greatInflux of BollywoodMovies, 2emigrating 2USA & makingSong: “Exotic” w/ #Pitbull in 2 Hollywood/Prime series like Quantico 2 marrying Jonas brother…wow

Didn’t realize it was #NationalComplimentDay Not a bad idea…how about that, did I just compliment?! #wednesdaythought #WednesdayMotivation #Wednesday #Wednesdayvibe

Blast from the past…in my college suite, back in 2008, John Stewart ( #JohnStewart ) and Steven Colbert ( #StevenColbert ) were daily interests … iconic of a chapter of life …

Whatd #Progress ( Progress ) lookLike in America?Well, onA typicalDay, Id like 2 wakeUp,¬ worry if heat in wholeHouse is going2costFortune, Id like 2buy justSnacks,weekly, w/o it leaving aDent in biweekly average $2000 salary, Id like 2 drive inA wider/safer BronxRiverParkway-

-on prev. #Progress ( Progress ) tweet,I’d like2drive2work, seeingHigher speedLimits thanks2 betterCars, Id like 2stop @ aBetter looking&better run post office, Id like 2 be in a workplace better managing time/organized meetings, Id like 2 B around lessTired/more focused people.-

On prev #Progress ( Progress ) tweet, it already results in opportunities 4 jobs thruBetter infrastructure inRoads/buildings.-A revamp project. Better/cheaper energy. FreeHealthcare like inAustralia…thisIs America after all. Better funded/organized http://education. No income tax likeDubai.

Progress ( Progress ) - middle ground w/all news day channels, where AI gives opportunity 2 better hrs 4 anchors, by rewarding them 4 use of their likeness in post midnight hours…not just there, but 4 any mimicking of any work, for better rested employees, all around..

So heard 1 specific as 2 what’s going 2 B done in potential Trump presidency from speech last night: “he’s going to drill, baby, drill…” WRT Alaska. He says itll bring energy costs down. Can further be extrapolated to lower gas prices…but all this seems like a handful of things…-

So I guess that’s covering economy. WhatAbout taxes taking halfWages&increased priceLevels ofOtherThings? Trump has become synonymous w/upheaval of establishment for those wanting a better America. But what’s his plan?-

-HisSpeech lastNight sayingThings like imposterNikki, crookedBiden, “these R evilPeople”, “we won3 times,” dont get angry/get even. He said there are 5 things that R worthy of investigation, targeting Nikki Haley. I'm listening, but Trump backtracked and didn't say what those 5 things are. Why not say it?! Are people hearing 5 things, in a higher/superficial level, and then losing focus/interest? 4 betterOrWorse, people prefer 1 liners vs plans. I guess Trump prefers listing resultsOfPlans:

Associated Link: https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1750224260176437311?s=20

There might be literally/figuratively some loose screws at #Boeing ( Boeing ). Around January 18th, apparently, a Boeing plane burst into flames while coming down from the sky. An anxiety filled world, when people aren’t handling the making of a plane with care - or fuels reasons for anxiety in a less stabile world.

ChineseNewYear #ChineseNewYear reminds me of the scroll like calendars and zodiac animals that restaurants used to give out. Quality calendars. Representing the year of the dragon.

DeepikaPadukone ( Deepika Padukone ) looked quite classy in her airline commercial on the #BBC and was great in #OmShantiOm (classic #reincarnation films like #KaranArjun) and #Pathaan (w/ #ShahRukhKhan & #JohnAbraham - wish I had some Parsi in me).

Hindus ( Hindus ) or a #Hindu ( Hindu ), from #Hinduism, do something explicit, other religions hint at:disciplining mind thru meditation/yoga. Other religions, thru rituals or parables, train mind, ultimately 2 give us focus. If we focus w/o distraction, we can do anything.

Gasoline cars vs electric cars…problem w/latter? Only good 4 short distances. Hybrid makes sense 2 use both fuel sources where each appropriate. I once saw a proposal 4 solar panel roads. Driving on road fuels car. Sounds like opportunity 4 jobs, in paneling America.

Iconic songs decades ago: Avril Lavigne - “Complicated” like Kelly Clarksons (Independent) or Pinks (Party Started.)

So I was watching Brothers Sun on Netflix. The older brother has a thing for freshly made Churros; he finds it heavenly. I feel the same way about some of the snacks available at #HMart, or online Asian groceries like #YamiBuy and #UmamiCart -

my favorite snack/breakfast item from Asian grocery stores? Microwaved Flavored steam buns like the Hokkaido cream roll. But one roll costs $2.19 online or 2 for $5 at HMart- that’s insane for one or two buns. As good as flavored microwaved/warm Belgian waffles-

Associated screenshot in link:

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1750615630569480460?s=20

-now I heard on news a throwback case, in relation 2 cakes&pastries. A non diversity cake shop (in relation 2 1 subset/life style of people) refused 2 bake a wedding cake 4 same gender couple. I believe it was dismissed, but now person liable “4 not being made 2 make the cake.”-

Y would that couple want cake made from some1 who doesn’t share in their values? Who feels like eating that? Sounds like it resulted in needless shaming of the bakers. But this culture in U.S. can’t let things go. -

-& on flip side, having some1 forced 2 selling something like an airline ticket is 1 thing-Not much effort…politics aside, how do u force some1 to bake an any cake?-

-Now I mentioned cultureOfToday. In back2TheFuture, MartyTellsDoc, “whatiya meanDoc? All the bestStuff is made inJapan” In U.S. highSchool historyClasses, weLearn itsCultural 2do tasks, in community w/1 another, w/care&attention, 2best ofAbility, inJapan-

Associated Link: https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1750619912073044104?s=20

I’ve heard about Michelin stars associated with the French b/c of interests in quality foods. But Japanese and other Asian desserts and their other foods? It’s made w/so much care. Foods, electronics all with care. And on a side note, that roll mentioned comes in other flavors-

Associated screenshot in link: https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1750620505806098796?s=20

now people, like in Middle America, love the notion of American made. but American made doesn’t carry the same weight of community and quality it used to. I think the perception comes from World War II when people came together to build things like planes.-

i think has to do with Americas desire for alcohol and cannabis and other drugs. You want to beat China and Japan? Sharpen ur mind to live in reality, rather than getting high and ignoring reality. -

America needs to learn from what’s commonly known in the north eastern states, as the immigrant work ethic. This an extreme dedication to jobs, to skip meals, so that ur children can rise from education and having book bags like other kids, w/o nightly relief from stiff drink-

I believe if America focused on immediacy, sharpened their minds, got blood flowing, learned from immigrant work ethic, or ethic of these news castors,if they learned from China/Japan, #Boeing planes wouldn’t light on fire mid air or have doors flying off.- now Americans call attention to detail as OCD or need 2 be thorough. I remember seeing an episode of #TheFreshPrinceOfBelAir where #WillSmith ‘s character talks about a massage and pedicure-

-Bored out of my mind, in my situation, I went for a pedicure to see what it was. The woman attended to me, who happened to be a Chinese immigrant, covered every inch/corner of my foot and put all her energy into doing a complete job. #ImmigrantWorkEthic

overcome brain dullness, sharpen ur mind. Reality has much to offer…

I think #HelenSlater ( Helen Slater) was best #Supergirl ( Supergirl ), no offense to the recent actress. A glimpse of innocence, girliness, super powerfulness…I feel females look more girly now than womanly…but then I’m trapped as a victim of circumstance, so what do I know…

Something as simple as a rotating/swivel keyboard tray, or a projecting stacked dual monitor stand (to bring ur desk monitor across from your bed, closer) are forms of #ingenuity. But man, are these things expensive.

Associated screenshot in link: https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1750627262465020027?s=20

A small mp3 player, where U canSkim thruTrack w/finger, is aHardFind. U want that when exercising&want 2 hear chorus. InMyOpinion, #AppleWatch is next bestThing 2 such an mp3 player. But despite bezel & touchscreen, U can’t skimThru MusicApp or #Spotify onWatch. Simple #ingenuity

Trump said in New Hampshire victory speech, there’s 5 interrogation worthy things of Haley. But he does this thing w/his wording, where he kind of goes backward, w/o specifics. Y doesn’t any1 go just 1 step further & ask what those 5 things are? #sensationalism ?

Questions you ask, when a victim of circumstance : #IsItOverNow (Is it over now)?

Americans say country is fractured. Is it b/c of a 50 yr debate over abortion or perspective on illegal immigration? I’m getting irritated b/c 4 jelly donuts cost me $8.99 at ShopRite…& don’t get me started on jelly donuts-never fully surrounding inside- also good when warm…-

Associated screenshot in link: https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1750632104109412448?s=20

when people say country’s fractured, are they saying things 4 sake of saying things? What it like feeling my country is fractured? Is it an all day sensation? No offense, but I’m thinking more that the donut is going to run out and that’s another $10.

when America says “keptUsOutOfWar”, they may B expressing grievance w/handling of Ukraine&Israel. But then theres sealing border issue. U might have 2 go2 war-run places 2 avoid asylum seekers @ border. Issues overlap,& “AmericaFirst” may mean reaching out in Venezuela w/army.

Regarding movies like Dune ( #Dune ) , I’m happy to see #Zendaya w/additional side 2 personality , but the movie just isn’t Star Wars or Star Trek … it’s not fast moving …

DeepikaPadukone ( Deepika Padukone ) looked quite classy in her airline commercial on #BBC & was great in #OmShantiOm (Om Shanti Om is a classic #reincarnation film like #KaranArjun - Karan Arjun) & #Pathaan (w/ #ShahRukhKhan & #JohnAbraham - wish I had some Parsi in me).

Jake Gyllenhaal ’s #SourceCode ( Source Code ) was a mind blowing movie. He’s in alternate reality b/c of essential last thought on death. What if that’s one heaven/hell? Those who die w/peace state of mind transition 2 heaven like place. Those w/much on conscience, maybe h*ll?

how many things will people just dismiss or accept passively…the amount of detail that sounds off with things like the Denver airport? Towards the end, there’s a good quote: “comedy is a method to dismiss horrific reality.”

(Associated clip below: ) https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1744930291586596913?s=20

-attached clip makes good point in audio. video or images are irrelevant. It’s about what he’s saying. But you’d be surprised how little, people listen. People usually get gist of what every1 else is saying. To shun the attentive in society, something condescending is directed.-

Again, here too it’s about the audio that happens to be from the YouTube channel, “The Why Files”, on a conspiracy. Famous saying: “you’re not paranoid if “‘They’ are” out to get you.”

Did you know they replaced actual tin foil with aluminum foil? Wonder why?

Associated picture in tweet below: https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1745678976553472165?s=20

Please bring back actual tin foil…does it actually work? Is that why they put an end to it in the 50s? I hate to sound comical with my very real situation- but wow…conspiracy?

How can you test a tin foil hat, if, mysteriously, and coincidentally with the times, tin foil isn’t easily available? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tin_foil_hat

probably works too certain things just scream: isn’t it obvious?! Like Denver airport w/its mysterious missing buildings, use of gargoyles, a mean looking horse, a runway shaped as a swastika, paintings of coming 2gether around a blonde-people dismiss all of it b/c a gargoyle made 2 say jokes… In the movie, “Independence Day,” the president asks the CIA, “where do you get the funding for this?” The Jewish father replies, “you don’t think they spend…$30,000 on a toilet seat”

Associated clip:

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1745685837193388483?s=20

I was watching the CNN debate last night, & the idea about the country being trillions of dollars in debt, not being able to afford the migrant crisis and continue funding for education in NY, not being able 2 help Ukraine/Israel, etc. comes up. Money is going 2 a paranoid DoD

then there’s the daily joke happening at the House of Representatives. On one occasion, you have two guys inciting a fight between each other and Bernie Sanders trying to calm the situation. Then you have Hunter Biden being asked, “if he had the balls” to come up…-

U have ex president Trump being evicted from New York & current president’s son being shamed over porn. This is America? U carelessly allow migrants 2 come in the 100s of 1000s while not being able 2 give free healthcare or avoid cutting budgets. Tax dollars go 2 mind control.-

-House of Reps is shameful- Summer&Christmas vacations, long weekends,&if they actually sit down 4 something, its 2 figure how 2go about shaming a president’s son. if daily issues in country arent resolved, govt shuts down, army doesnt get paid, while congress still has salaries-

meanwhile I have deranged lunatics enslaving and directing my life and giving meaning to everything I do. It’s ok for Congress to get into live fist fights, but it’s wrong if I get frustrated over my situation.-

It’s been at least a decade of me being in “this situation” of mine. That too while America watches and opines over my life. At one time, when I first complained to fbi about my situation, I was like Thank God, this is America, I’ll be saved. They’ll sit down and talk with me.-

but now? It’s not Thank God this is America, it’s more “Figures…it’s America…a circus…” It’s been at least a decade of me being in “this situation” of mine. People are in prison for less.-

-in USA, those like DeSantos can fake family history/resumes/experiences & get a jobs in Congress. He doesn’t have college degrees & becomes a rep of people. No 1 checks. I graduated w/ a computer science degree & an MBA &, probably due 2 my“situation,” I can’t get an honest job-

yesterday or the day before, I think within one week, two subway trains got derailed according to the Pix11 News in New York at 10 pm. But again, “figures, it’s America…a circus” -

my situation? Rather than ending an absurdity, they want to show me in a forced loop over purchases and make it about fear of poor quality or used goods. The orchestrators of my situation, at its onset can make me watery eyed, or with a scalp moving up and down by itself-

that’s right, if they can detect waves, they can output waves. If they claim they detect fear, they can instill fear. Then based on the retard kids in this &their narrative of me,they try to connect what transpires.Mind control is real. It’s probably surprise revelation @ end.-

I have zero interest giving my side or perspective on these things. On something unrelated, if I can share some insight I do, but why the h*ll do I care how someone beyond my family sees me? Someone beyond my God?-

one thing people can take from this? Forget your thoughts on mind reading, mind control, stupid cover up notions like predictive analytics, they claim to be able to be able to show memories. If that’s true, then and all of you, then there really is a Day of Judgment.-

It means beliefs about our lives, our good deeds & bad, from start 2 finish, from birth 2 death, are recorded & able 2 be seen at the will of a Higher Intelligence. That then implies, some reward or punishment based on picture our lives paint. That then implies heaven & hell.-

2the orchestrators, rot in h*ll 4 taking yrs from myLife 2 add 2 urs, 2 avoid what couldve been a minor offense yrs ago, which u stupidly snow balled in2 a seriousCrime, frying my brain 4 nothing-4 talking about a real situation U desperately hide as illness over more a decade+

but once again, not “Thank God, it’s America,” but “Figures, it’s America…a circus.” It’s unbelievable what a nation will support amidst the endless misuse of rules, poor management of quality, etc. How many lives have to be ruined for national security or whatever the visible or invisible government plans are (you might not even realize the government is involved), be it with brain mapping or something else?

Associated Link:

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1746761254889295983?s=20

-But again figures…it’s America…a circus. Because of negligent law makers and drug/alcohol abuse, you have people not properly checking if trains in NYC will derail twice in a week or if plane doors will fly open mid flight,-

or not vetting House Reps resumes to see if lying or if guy copiloting a plane is mentally sound and not on drugs and not putting the flight at gunpoint.-

what all these people have in common? They don’t care about consequences or someone convinces them of a lack of consequences.-

Biblically it’s said, “whoever harms the innocence of these little ones, it’s better they tie a rock around their head and drown themselves.” This little ones are symbolic of an innocent mind. Someone that harms the sanctity of the mind burns in h*ll-

isn’t America about protecting dignity of even 1 American life?! Isn’t justice system about releasing 100 guilty people, over throwing 1 innocent life in trouble/jail? Ive been in my situation longer than others in jail. Y is my innocent life not worth dignity of freedom?-

a follower of Christ said, “Master, let me bury my father, before following You” Christ sharply responds, “Let the dead bury the dead.” The lesson is not to wait, to stop an injustice, especially simply b/c we’re closer to the end than the beginning. Stop injustice now.-

“Justice should be swift and indiscriminate.” 2 pleasure of those responsible 4 my situation, I'm stuck writing my life away w/ hope some1 will give me "proof"(like an actual person or platform others look at), in place of evidence I've gathered, while fortunate others get 2 live their lives…its all a waste of time…

“Justice delayed is justice denied” “…We look upon human rights…as an ability to live peace…” - Jimmy Carter to Oprah

What does U.S. government do, when they’re against accountability 4 their actions? They make U look like a clown, they take away ur credibility, they take away ur say by manipulating justice system against U, despite ur defense. They focus on “prevent, contain, salvage.”-

brain mapping…what if it enabled people to be operated like drones?- like a remote control plane…the project I’m forced into isn’t about curing diabetes. It’s about mapping person X’s consciousness, digitally, to person Y’s consciousness.-

Everything happening is about employing common citizen as a soldier w/a government designed focus. This has been happening directly & indirectly. Indirectly, when U tell some idiot 2 do something & he/she does it. Directly, is when U map controllers consciousness 2 controllee.- When a series of illegal or unethical or immoral things transpire, unchecked, over a decade or more, my situation is what happens: where everyone plays victim and what they have to go through, except me: the real victim.

2 pleasure of those responsible 4 my situation, I'm stuck writing my life away w/ hope some1 will give me "proof"(like an actual person or platform others look at), in place of evidence I've gathered, while fortunate others get 2 live their lives…its all a waste of time…

If I no about situation-plus or minus somethings -continuing 2 conceal it has no benefit 2 overall project/program. Orchestrators clearly just like dominance & control over some1 who outwits them. All this said yrs ago, like broken record.

These predators like fear of their kill. I always pictured self as one trying 2 get thru school or some present hurdle is, so that I could pave way 2 living/enjoying life I.e. minding own business. But who does “the government” target?- those in solitude, without much family/friends or some1 wholl disclose info 2 them. So from conspiratorial topics like project blue beam, what can we notice from my situation & times we’re in?

Associated clip in link below:

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1748476549861360024?s=20

-1st, from prev. clip, is “induced audio.”Familiar?-whatever Im hearing/ur hearing w/o me. Next? Loyalty 2 state vs family-Evident in USA w/trendy admiration 4 flag/army. Next: how religion get erased/replaced w/psychiatry.Then allegedRandom earthquakes in Japan/Haiti. Created?!-

in all these fringe &/or conspiratorial & sometimes ridiculous things, there’s some puzzle pieces 2 a bigger truth. What does clip, 2 tweets before, say towards end? How do U engage in instilling a mass conspiracy? With every1 blindly following instruction around a focus. Me.-

This gets in2 “waves” & what they can (WRT possibilities) do 2 the mind & tech. Leads 2 hacking. U say “wireless waves” 2 some1, U risk a depiction of crazy. It’s a taboo. But mind reading/control/conditioning from “thought injection”,/ thru technology “can” happen w/waves.

Associated clip:

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1748501802020938056?s=20

---

art of conversation between those in my life and me...really off...

https://www.tumblr.com/rennyji/740974704732569600/the-art-of-conversation-random-dark-side-of?source=share

---

All Churches should include grape juice pod cups in the Sacrament of Communion. The wafer is only half of the Sacrament. My extended thought on this, is in below tumblr link:

https://www.tumblr.com/rennyji/740713445428723712/the-vine-to-the-branch-grape-juice-pod-cups-for?source=share

Law becomes about words and meaning of words and how the meaning of words can be interpreted for situations and set a precedent for future cases. Is insurrection the same as a riot? Regarding border crisis, is it an invasion or just closing the door?-

- on closing the border, there’s a saying: “ Before you remove the splinter in your neighbors eye, remove the log from your own eye” so that u can see clearly.-

- Connecting it w/border crisis, if you can’t satisfy the people already in America, if there isn’t enough resources 4 them, you can’t bring in the responsibilities of other countries. They ARE the responsibilities of their native countries.-

- America and the United Nations needs to send assistance thru army or diplomats to make things better for asylum seekers in their native countries.

#Jawan was great. Hope #Fighter in New York theaters, or at least #AmazonPrimeVideo or #Netflix - can’t remember last time I saw great dancer #Hrithik (#HrithikRoshan - Hrithik Roshan) in a movie-seems like #Bollywood , Brit&EastAsian more on streaming services than #Hollywood…

When U see something like shape of earth, its orbit, the sounds from the earth and its frequencies, or even how the moon is at the right distance to eclipse the sun and earth of different sizes, the Big Bang Theory-a chaotic event producing exactness-becomes mind boggling.

There should be a compartment to remove and attach laptop/phone batteries and wireless cards. Like from what I remember of Samsung phones. Apple products are sleek, but so sleek that you don’t have a lot of work around.

On Thursday of this week, a man was executed with nitrogen gas, used to put him thru a 30 min ordeal of gagging/suffocating. As today, Saturday, is Holocaust Remembrance Day, probably shouldn't aim for something similar to gas chambers.

Regardless of questionable staffers on the Palestine front, probably shouldn't use that as an excuse to cut off funding for aid in a decimated area lacking likely food, shelter, electricity ...

Our emotions and feelings are not things to be suppressed with drugs (legal/illegal) or even alcohol (if suppression is ur purpose), but signs, that whatever contributing to them, needs to be addressed. Let it fuel you, rather than bring you down.

We hear, "I'll be thinkingOf U..." or aSibling asking theirSibling, "when U goOff 2college, will U remember me?"-A prayer can be a wishfulThought or dailyMemory of The Divine. Im sure Whoever put U on thisPlanet, isWondering,when he/she goes about theirDay, willThey remember Me?!

FYI, if U try 2 use twitter search, 2 search thru my tweets (not my name or username) for text or word "Tumblr", the results show tweets from 6 days ago, but not necessarily from last 2 days. I guess it takes time 4 twitter 2 index current/consecutive tweets or add it 2 results.

I useTwitter 4 my views/truths. However, “X” posts thoughts-extendingBeyond 1 tweet-inOrder ofMostRecentPost.Results in longThoughts, postingBackwards.Backed up in Tumblr links/also tweeted.U no if 1 tweet partOf somethingBigger b/c of "dashes." Start w/beginning ofDay &scrollUp.

U want 2 no trademark move of American government/military? When some1 figures out a secret or comes up w/a world changing tech (like free unlimited energy associated w/Nikola Tesla), they disappear or just die b/c it goes against grand plan in big scheme of things-it’s true.-

Associated Link:

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1748521291550703780?s=20

now if you’ve been reading my stuff, like my tumblr links (which are my tweets, but organized), you know I mentioned a professor who’d let certain things slip in my vicinity, died of a brain aneurism. How do these happen, if unnaturally or when coinciding with a secret? -

the clip, 2 tweets ago, says, “when R we going 2 stand up & do something about these mother f*ers? Is it right 4 some elite people in government 2 hog all good ideas, even w/o a warning & disclosure? My situation might make all of U think, nothing can bad can happen.-

but here’s the thing. In my situation, government/military/law enforcement sees opportunity. These guys are so cocky, they’ll find a way 2 get their way, w/every1 watching. They know I’m alone. They expect no1 to tell me or show me, my situation. -

the government/military/law enforcement know that eventually the ball will be in my court or that my situation will end and I’ll have proof about it.-

The government operates on “prevent, contain, salvage.” They couldn’t prevent from this being as viewed entertainment. They’re containing my situation by trusting no2 is noble enough to tell me about it and form a friendship. But they’re bordering “salvage.” -

if the ball will come back to my court, I get freedom/control to my life, and I’m a famous public figure from being in my situation, what will a cocky government to do to regain control of proof of military tech for DOD purposes?-

They’ll salvage in a way where I’m alive & seen publicly. They’ll probably try 2 map a soldiers consciousness 2 mine. They studied me, have my memories, know I’m alone, know my family. how would U know if person ur seeing, on the inside is not me? People can be cruel.-

-a government event is happening. They’re hiding in broad daylight, behind something like a show/school/college age youth, doing their will. They won the lotto with context or back story of situation or the conflicting personalities of college youth voices and me-

-YouthVoices of “Have good time/party/TGIF, gotIt bad, going w/flow, teenage-probs-4ever”mindset.- Against my “u arrogant fs screw me w/govt, thru cute crp” idea of‘em &my nature ofMarriage/runningCompany-not b/c “ofSituation-extending”mindset U dont have 2 marryByCertainAge.

A clip from 2023 Hulu movie, “Assassin.” Gets into perils of brain mapping: that is, This is someone brain mapping their mind to, perhaps, yours, and as a result, control you, with or without a lapse in your memory.-could’ve already happened. #mindcontrol #mind #Awareness

Associated clip below:

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1748532128898285642?s=20

There’s this growing theme about the multiverse or transcendentalism in movies and tv shows. But what about themes like in the book 1984 and the thought police? & Did you know about people who are remote viewers for information gathering? Check out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate_Project

so I tweeted a number of tweets on my X/twitter username: “rennyji”. they were all sent thru a device that wasn’t my phone. Will people see it? R they seeing this from my phone now? R they seeing my original twitter page or some1 else’s platform proxying b/w me &others?-

Google “stargate project” and checkout the Wikipedia page. Google “remote viewing and Miami herald” and see the webpage from the newspaper. The newspaper article is dated as 2017- that’s while I’m in my mind reading situation.- an interesting link:

----

a little ominous when doctors take initiative "to ask me" if you think someone is reading your head, but not "controlling mind..." Control-very real.

0 notes

moisummertime · 2 years ago

Text

Im currently reading this book called Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl.

There was a section in this book that provide you certain statement to determine how available you are by just agreeing with it.

1. Im all over my exes - this means I'm in neutral position and am not emotionally invested in either negative or positive way. I don't have anyone dipping in and out my life.

Agree. That's why I don't keep them around. I make space for a new person ;)

2. I've typically been available and have at least one mutually fulfilling, healthy, and committed relationship.

I think I'd agree to this one.

3. While I did find myself involved with a Mr. Unavailable, it was a one-time thing and I wouldn't be interested that behaved in this manner.

Yep. Normally I threw 'wtf dude', 'you son of a b*tch, how dare you!', 'Bye' followed with blocked, 'I am not interested.'. But yea I did some exceptions in certain cases and usually one exception.

4. Im not afraid to be vulnerable in my relationship and while I have fears like average person, Im not run by my fear.

Agree. Bitch gonna face those. confront them, and try to address this. My fear wouldnt be my image.

5. When I experience a breakup or someone that Im interested in doesnt work out, I work my feelings and don't try to avoid them.

And as you can see this blog, Im working on all those emotions I feel and try to address them. 6. While I've had one-night stand or an occasional fling or even casual sex arrangement here and there, they;'re few and far between. Yea, getting fewer and fewer every year.

7. If someone rejects me/turn me down/my relationship doesnt work out, I don't internalize it and change how I feel about me.

Yea, it is what it is. But I do always review and reflect. I gotta make sure I learn from that experience.

8. Im okay with being honest or receiving honesty even in the face of hearing information that I might not like and I will act upon.

Better than ghosting ;) So yep, I agreeeee.

9. If someone doesnt make an effort or isn't in position to commit to me, this is a turn off and I walk away. I don't become interested and try to push them into a commitment.

agreeeee. Who wants to have a relationship by forcing them into one? not me.

10. I accept responsibility for sorting out any emotional issues that I have and I don't try to get partners to fix me.

Yep. I might have to cry first but I am more resilient than I was. I know what best for me.

11. while I don't mind being kind or helpful, or even compassionate, I know that it's wholly inappropriate to fix someone else's problem.

Agree. If they have issue, they should decide to fix it themselves.

12. I don't have a type, and tend to look for people who, while Im attracted to them, share similar values with me. I don't have any criteria about how they should look, their job, how much money they have.

Agree. If I look back, there's variety of people, with variety of jobs, and variety of hairlines lol Finding one with same value and I am attracted to at the same time is hard.

13. If I met someone and they were still attached, I'd walk away.

Yea, Im not rehabilitate anyone from their heartbreak.

14. While there are things that I wouldn't mind improving, on the whole I accept myself and like and love me.

I'd give myself the love and life I deserve. I am my baby :3

15. While of course I don't want to be hurt, Im not so afraid of being hurt that it affects how I see people and relationships and my trust issues.

I'll always bounce back. It's gonna be a life story or just a short story? we decide it baby ;) Im not afraid of getting hurt for sure.

16. When I feel uncomfortable I listen to myself and when I get signals from my gut, I trust the information I'm getting.

Yes. And a little extra help from my tarot reader, I def gonna keep my distance when I feel something 'Off'.

17. I'm aware of inappropriate behavior and I have boundaries and limit to what I'll put up with.

AGREE. 100%. behavioral thing is very critical to me. you pick on it, nu uh. bye.

18. I don't engage in denial, rationalizing and minimizing.

You got what you see, what you feel. when you try too hard to make sense of someone else's behaviour, they really got a problem. That's red flag waving at you.

19. Whether or not I had a healthy relationship with my parents, I have addressed everything from my childhood that impacting my adult life and/or am I actively working on it.

Constantly working on it. It's not an easy task, but it's not something that hold me back either.

20. There's nothing Im trying to avoid, really!

Yep. But I have to admit I try to avoid poverty lol Soooo... I think Im ready. When you are? ;)

0 notes

antiloreolympus · 3 years ago

Text

8 Anti LO Asks

1. i mean i like a fair few couples with a massive height difference, but even being two heads shorter still makes the smaller one at least level with the taller ones chest? like lo persephone most of the time is literally like only level with hades' stomach most of the time and its like??? is he nine feet tall with her being four feet?? like theres a difference between a height difference and whatever lo is doin

2. RS does not care about body diversity. The dress store ladies are just body clones of persphone with different ears, the news reporters are literally just hades and persphone with different colors amd maybe different details. Literally all the couples are one big tall person and then one short maybe busty maybe not ass busty partner. Even when a short lived character RS just makes another persphone

3. Idk about anyone else but I genuinely can't wait for LO to finish and see what RS comes out with after. Why? Cause I wanna know if she'll come out with something original, where people don't already have previous knowledge of the characters, and see if her writing and art will remain half-assed.

LO was only picked up by webtoon cause it gained popularity through the fact its characters are Greek gods and goddesses. If they had been original characters you know she would've gotten far more criticism for it, even more so with the revamped version now.

4. i think rachel was going for "intimidating king" look for hades during this trial but he just looks like a dictator. my man, the denizens of the underworld hate you, resent your abuse of power, and you literally brag about how much money you make off eternal slavery while you control all the banks, laws, and media as absolute monarch, going for the overly opulent authoritarian look to get your mass murdering teen bride off for her crimes doesnt actually help your case.

5. the funniest part too about how america LO is is that rachel isnt even american. like she's a kiwi, and they have a pretty big greek community there too and shes online to contact actual greeks and research as much greek cultures as she could, yet she seems to go out of her way to make a greek story as american as possible, and not in a good way. maybe she's an ameriboo?

6. Tbh if what everyone's saying about how RS's assistants work is true, like her giving them the most bare minimum sketches to work off of, her giving them batches separately instead of having assigned line-artists, colourists, etc, and not giving them character sheets, I can't blame the assistants for not maintaining consistency.

Like why should they have to really? If I were them and my boss was as unorganised and giant headed as RS I sure as hell wouldn't put in maximum effort for this shit. I don't know how much they're getting paid but it's probably not enough tbh.

7. I also devoured LO really quickly at first, but now I struggle getting through it and I think it's because first read through, I had hope that things could improve. I kept telling myself things would get answered and that it would get better. But now I know it's not, so it's hard to get through again because I just know it's bad and there is no saving it.

8. literally one of the easiest ways to work around an age gap without actually making it creepy would have like hera ask if P is 19 or smth and persephone gets mad bc no actually shes 400+ she just has a baby face like ??? that'd also be a good character moment to show why persephone is trying to be seen as an adult and add to her resentment in how her mother and others baby her like its SO easy to do and yet nah rachel has to be a big creep over it by actually making her 19.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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hellerism · 4 years ago

Note

I want an essay on #12)

12. symbolism: tell me about some cool symbolism in spn! your pick

*puts on my english major hat* im about to put more effort into this than anything ive ever written for college. ok top 10 supernatural symbolism...this isnt in any particular order its just whatever i think of first. also it might not be actual top 10 im just remembering random shit. this has gotten out of hand so im putting it under a read more

1. the most obvious one, the impala. many have discussed this before me and im probably just repeating what others have said, but the impala is an extension of deans body/a representation and mirror of both his physical and mental state. obviously the impala gets destroyed in the season 1 finale when dean is dying. and he rebuilds it in season 2, while he is trying to regroup and rebuild from the death of his father. ive seen a post about how dean losing it and smashing the impala is a metaphorical form of self-harm which is :(( also, the impala staying covered and hidden away while dean is living with lisa and ben with this reading is so interesting. i do think dean loved the idea of a normal life with lisa and ben more than the reality (not that i dont think he loved them! any scene with dean and ben makes me soft). but this also makes it that much sadder because supernatural considers dean unable to live a life that doesnt involve hunting; the impala is hidden and dean is a shell of his real self. in season 7, they once again have to hide the impala away and use other cars. the impala is gone and hidden away; something is wrong. dean is hurting. he isnt his full self. why? whats missing during that time? cas. and in season 10, when dean is a demon, he stops caring for the impala. you know, because something is wrong with him. because hes a demon.

2. dean knocking over and breaking the angel statue in the beautiful room. he makes it fall with a single touch, hardly a push. and all it took cas was a single touch for him to fall and break. dean, of course, doesnt mean to shatter cas, though he does mean to make him fall. dean repeatedly argues with cas, acting as the human opposite to cas’ emotionless faith in heaven, pushing him toward the edge, pushing him to rebel, pushing him to choose humanity. and it works; cas learns to love through dean, and through that he rebels against heaven and falls in “every way imaginable.” and when he hits the ground, he breaks, shattering all his faith in god and everything, leading into the godstiel arc as he tries to put his pieces back together.

3. the streetlight as a halo over cas’ head in on the head of a pin. it flickers when anna appears, which is physically meant to show her power. however, it also shows cas’ wavering faith in heaven. interesting how anna, the angel who chose humanity over heaven and decided to fall, is the one making cas’ halo flicker. he is beginning to question things. he is beginning to feel. he is beginning to fall.

4. deans leather jacket in the first few seasons. its not actually dean’s, of course. it belonged to john. dean picks it up and puts it on while he and sam are searching for him, physically shouldering the weight of johns expectations of him. its too big on him. and dean is 26 at that point. hes well past done growing; he’ll never fit perfectly into that jacket. no matter what he does, he’ll never fit perfectly into johns expectations: the perfect son, the perfect soldier. and leather jackets are heavy even if they fit well. there is a physical weight on his shoulders now, a manifestation of the weight of the world and the weight of being a parent for his younger brother and everything john has piled onto dean since he was a child. he eventually stops wearing it (bc some absolute legend stole it irl), and i wish they’d taken that as an opportunity to have dean grow out of the shadow of his father, but supernatural is a bad show so they didnt.

5. mary, who just happens to be named after the mother of jesus. the perfect wife, the loving mother, the tragic figure, the victim, clad in white, the color of innocence. except shes not. she was raised a hunter. shes lived the bloody dark side of the world hidden from most. she loved her children, but she wasnt a perfect wife and mother. she didnt know how to cook. she and john fought, and he even moved out for a few days, and she needed her four-year-old son to comfort her. she is not the virginal mother; shes an imperfect person just trying to do her best. the dabb-era deconstruction of the very concept of mary makes me crazyyyyyyy if you couldnt tell.

6. these shots from 9.14 captives

in the first shot, we have a statue of cupid over cas’ left shoulder and a cross over his right. and in the second shot, there is a bible on the right side of the table, and nothing on the left. and cas turns to the left. he turns away from god, continuously choosing to turn away from stability and what he always knew in favor of love and humanity. there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing certain in cas’ future with humanity, but he chooses them anyway. plus, cas inventing free will by falling in love with dean retroactively makes this shot that much better; there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing written for him. cas falling in love with dean created an empty space in gods story. this show is pure fucking insanity oh my god.

7. serafina the angel (the pantheistic view in that episode makes me crazy but we wont get into that). serafina, whose name is audibly similar to seraph, the class of angel that cas is. coincidentally, the only seraphim we see in the show are cas, who falls in love with dean, and akobel, who married lily sunder. serafina, who fell in love with adam, the literal progenitor of humanity. and who is the character in supernatural that has always stood for humanity as a whole? dean. serafina literally had me convinced that deancas would happen in the finale.

8. the removal of -iel from cas’ name. dear god this one drives me crazy and i doubt it was on purpose. castiel, the shield of god. for eons he existed as a warrior and tool of god. and then along comes dean winchester, who does a very human thing. he gives him a nickname. cas. he removes the “of god” part. he removes god from cas, because dean doesnt value him for being a good soldier or a good son. he values him simply because hes cas. and cas questions everything, his loyalty to heaven, his blind faith that god would one day return. he is no longer a warrior of god. he is simply cas, the shield, and this time he chooses to be a shield for humanity, for the winchesters, for dean. for the michael sword. the shield protects the sword. cas dies shielding dean. this got off topic but its just sooo insane.

9. this shit from 2.13 houses of the holy. i know it was an unplanned coincidence but jesus christ.

10. ...lamp. i know i know but it still boggles my mind. the completely out of place tap dance that they had to spend time and money on to train two actors who had never tap danced before. the lamp being a source of light. divine light. cas. the whole thing being set to the song lets misbehave. WHY LAMP.

#this took me over an hour #are some of these a stretch? maybe. but what is literary analysis other than stretching media way past what the author intended?#ask

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fmdjoosungarchive · 3 years ago

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restructuring task 1

+5 tracker points

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background.

wc: 365

idk if i’ve said this on dash yet, but i’m treating new famed more or less like an au. in sung’s au, the defining change is that he was let go from gold star when he had his injury as a trainee. it was always my headcanon that they truly were close to cutting him loose anyway, so this is just the other side of that. he had his injury, got plastic surgery to try to appease them into keeping him, and they still let him go. when he went home his parents said alright u tried that now join the fam business n sung freaked bc he realized he doesnt want that for himself so he went to do smth he also hated, and joined the military. while there he still worked on his dance and vocals whenever he had a moment to do so, so that when he was discharged and started auditioning again, he wasn’t so rusty

he is a year younger in this world, just bc of quantum’s age range, not for any other reason. makes him a little less of a cradle robber in his relationship lol which, another change is that daisuke wouldn’t have been his first kiss, just first everything else

quantum is very different from old element and new element, but it’s very in line with what i liked about quicksilver (& has models from that) and he’s a leader! this is an idea ive toyed with a lot over the last three years tbh. at first i didn’t think sung suited a leader position, but he came to show me he’s just a different kind of leader. i liken him to jinki often in this regard. rather than lassoing members in, he supports them being however they are, and takes an intimate/emotional path to gaining their trust and leading them. and while he wasn’t suited for the full business life, what he learned from his father’s teachings helps him in dealing with the company as the group’s representative there (& he loves a good powerpoint presentation)

other timeline stuff for big events in his life are likely to shift but i’m not sure on specifics yet

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group?

wc: 260

as the child of a businessman, he’s never under the illusion that as a company entity, their first priority is their wellbeing. he knows that they are products, and that they’re treated as such. it’s a bit heavier with dimensions than gold star, since gold star makes a more active effort to pretend they care. however, once having accepted that, sung thinks himself and dimensions work well together. he does feel that for a company, they allow himself and his members to be a part of the creative process, as says their motto. he feels much more encouraged to write songs and choreograph under dimensions than he did under gold star, where it felt like he was constantly on his knees begging for the company to take him seriously

as for quantum, sung really loves what they’re about. he’s not a big fan of all (or most) of their songs, though he’s more loving towards a song written by another member even if it’s the same sound he dislikes, but he absolutely loves being focused on performance and concepts. his creative mind works very much on the basis of story and emotion that comes with it, and he feels like quantum’s concepts sometimes to often lean into his tastes. he’s always been a dancer first and foremost (god am i so glad to have his main dancer title back i MISSED u) so focusing on performance is v much up his alley, and his preferred style of dance is through storytelling. he feels the heart of dance is in that

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract?

wc: 281

quantum’s on their first contract still, up for renewal in 2024. at the current moment, he would like to re-sign. however, unlike my others, his re-signing depends more heavily on the other members. if they were unhappy and wanted to leave, sung would want to follow suit, not because he can’t make his own decisions, but because if the reason the members want to leave is because of the company, not quantum, he’d want to try to help quantum continue to live. if that means all of the members leaving in order to rebrand under another company, so be it. he’d like to avoid lineup changes however he can, and ideally would like to be an idol for as long as possible

he himself feels alright about his treatment. he feels creatively stimulated, and appreciated for talents further than his face. if he were to try to negotiate different terms at their contract renewal, part of it would likely be wanting to give members a higher share of profits, especially on releases they’re creatively involved in. sung personally has no use for excessive money, but not all of his members have his background, and he feels more than just the money, it’s what’s fair. he’d also prefer to allow for more creative freedom. as a 7/8 year group by then, he’d think they should be allowed to take the reigns more heavily. and on his personal side of things, he would want dimensions to be more mindful of his schedule. sung enjoys working, but he’s only one person, who doesn’t want to be overworked. these are all just his current thoughts, though, and will probably change before contract renewal comes up

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

wc: 294

his motivations to be ‘successful’ and/or achieve his goals are his family, namely being someone his nephew and niece can be proud of, and someone his parents can feel was worth letting go of. he feels closer to the latter than he did in old famed. his members motivate him to be a good leader, his desire to grow as a creator motivates him to write and choreograph

specific goals could be bigger like his desire for more public recognition. while quantum has a lot more recognition both in korea and abroad than element or quicksilver, sung wants the best for his group. he’d be happy if they stayed where they are with their loyal fandom, but he still aims for more

sung also wants to get better at standing up for himself. he’s best at standing up for others, because he can slap on a bit of bravado in order to help them out, but when it comes to himself, especially with his parents, he’s pretty awful at it

he’d also like to create more for quantum, and others. i/he have a goal for him to write a whole album for someone, so if anyone reads this far and could want sung writing for their muse, hit me up!

he’d like to get married and have children one day. that’s always been a dream of his, and while he knows his career doesn’t allow for that soon, it’s still on his docket

he wants to spend more time with his family, especially his nephew and niece. they’re so new to the world and learning everything, and sung wants to be a part of that. he doesnt want his part in their early lives to be ‘i don’t really remember seeing him back then’

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

wc: 291

at some point, this bitch is gonna have to admit he’s a homiesexual. in his previous version, it was a lot easier for him to ‘i pretend i do not see it’ when it came to that. sung’s very ignorant when it comes to the queer community in korea, so he’s not even really aware of terms beyond gay, maybe trans. but, terms aside, he always thought he was someone who liked women, and daisuke and a couple of others were just outliers. they were the Special ones outside of his jurisdiction that were just too good for him to not notice. aka he believed he was bi. and now, he still does, but i have less faith he’ll be able to hold that up until he dies like i did before, because he’s actually dated at least one woman before in this world. considering the plot has yet to be picked up, i don’t know the specifics, but i do think it’s harder to run away from when the way he treated a relationship with a woman and a relationship with a man were lightyears away from one another. it’s still possible for him to run away from the truth of the situation, but it’s also very possible that one day, his thoughts on it will shake, and everything will click into place (messily,, probably the messiest clicking ever) it would be a difficult thing for him to come to terms with, though i think it’s better for him in the longterm to truly know who he is, and why he acts the way he does, why he feels the way he does about women vs men. it’s also nice just to not live a lie, even if only privately

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

wc: 523

sung has a pretty filled history of individual activities. most are points claims with a focus on modelling, his radio, and music, though he’s dipped into pretty much ever facet of idoldom, some with more success than others. his ecp expenditures flesh that out a little more, and add a bit more realism, and/or make sense of the group changes. he had a one year modelling contract with the north face, and while official claims aren’t possible, i was inspired by a couple of things rowoon did with them. there was more of a push on an eco-friendly side of things, and there was a bit of dancing. playing into his group position with dancing i feel is fitting, but the eco friendly part i also feel could round out his image more as a good, kind boy who also can be sexy, whereas before, his earlier modelling claims focused a lot more on the sexy aspect, because it fit element and his trajectory there better. here, it makes him more dual sided from the beginning. north face is also just a nice, strong brand that i think is fitting for a pretty boi. i set it a bit after a year out from debut because i feel like that’s the most realistic, especially for a group like quantum that grew audience with each comeback

part of that first year being focusing only on the group ties into his creative claims as well! his first creative claim was with the bside love, lalala on the eternity ep. the nicest part of creative claims being unattached to positions is that all of sung’s claims are the songs in the discography most Him. so love lalala is very jazzy and smooth, and would have served as his first introduction to songwriting, as well as what made him interested in songwriting. then he was a choreographer on error, which is heavily story based, and about the members being a unit, and making beautiful pictures together. i hope to snag intro long journey and outro long journey from the beginning and end of the ateez sector, because they’re beautiful compositions that fit sung’s style, but also having him on both makes him feel like he’s a part of the concept’s creation in an intimate way, which fits with dms. then there’s aurora, which sung partially composed and partially choreographed. the choreography has contemporary flair to it, and the song is a flowing sound that matches that. then there’s partial production on sunrise, which i just love the robotic ass experimental production there, and comp for with u, which i believe ties back into sung’s rediscovering his love of piano. choreo for valkyrie is most similar to error in it’s pretty pictures way, and also has a bit of complex footwork, especially as its point dance, which is also p sung to want to include. and finally, some comp on stand by, which is like a mix of the appeal of aurora and with u methinks? listening to all of his written songs together i feel like really makes a picture of sung’s songwriting so i love that

#famedrstask1 #and the last q was me trying to keep it brief....... lol

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funkymbtifiction · 5 years ago

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I have been friends with a girl who is IXFX and not INFJ since the first year of middle school. Because unlike INFJs, she doesnt predict things ahead or having hard time changing her thinking if another evidence comes up. But I am torn between INFP, ISFJ, ISFP for her.

If you don’t mind, I’m going to address misconceptions and show what’s useful and what isn’t, so people better understand relevancy. If it’s not type related, I’ll cross it out.

Hints of her being INFP

1. She loves listening to music loudly because it gives her fun ideas of new and creative projects.

2. She usually tries to read between the lines, but her instincts are not always correct.

Tries to, as in a conscious effort to do so, or does so effortlessly, assumes her leaps in intuition are correct, and operates based off those assumptions? Example: “Though so and so are hiding it, I am sure they are dating.” Could be right, could be wrong, but N is reading much more into what is sensory apparent. If reading between the lines is a fun thing she does for amusement, or to test herself, and not something that has caused her problems in the past (by making unfounded idealistic assumptions), she is likely an S > N rather than the reverse. Think about where intuitive characters make their mistakes: by operating off their assumptions and the unseen connections between things / people / events.

3. She loves reading fan theories, and she does theorize about emotions and psychology of characters. But she sometimes can be skim-reading.

Indicates a feeler in general.

4. She doesn’t believe her gut instinct completely because she just think it as ‘the most likely one’ and needs proof to believe it completely.

Doesn’t support or rule out intuition, but shows a self-doubting E type tendency.

5. She wants to change the world by sharing her beliefs of the world where she belongs to.

What are these beliefs? Are they independent from everyone else (self-formed through a Fi black and white sense of “what I think about this should be what is universally true”) or in more of a “we should all band together” way? Where did she get these beliefs and what happens when someone violates them?

6. She wants to believe in good things though reality is not good at all. But she doesn’t see goodness in most people because of her past relationships and she wants the most sparkling ones, not plain ones.

Sounds like Si and Ne idealism rather than pragmatism, so I’d rule out ISFP.

7. She is a dreamer who imagines about publishing a book about her wonderful beliefs and getting everyone impressed. But she is not the type who actually practice or does it. She just imagines about her dream.

She does seem ‘locked in her head’ so INFP is likely; ISFJs are usually more Fe-focused.

8. She loves thinking about intuitive patterns of her behaviors or others more than hands-on learning and enjoying sensory experiences.

9. She loves handling abstracts though she has to think a lot when she is reading difficult novels or books about philosophy.

10. She once told me everyone in class hated her because she asked too many questions. Though she thought that she was just fascinated about abstracts and creative potentials.

11. She is not a detail oriented person. She loves to wing the situations.

Ne/Si.

Hints of her being ISFP

1 . When she has to do something she doesn’t like, she doesn’t read between the lines and just try to finish it as quickly as she can.

This is inferior Te, not Se. The ‘hurry up and get it over with, no time to ponder it’ is a typical low Te response. The INFP becomes careless as a result.

2. She can be impatient when others are arguing about the topic that she has no interest in.

This is Fi-dom, because it’s all about her and her interests, nobody else.

3. She told me she was impulsive when she was a child. She loved being in nature and sometimes hurt others accidentally because she was too thrilled while spending her time in nature.

4. She is usually not afraid of consequences of her actions or words. She just say or do it if she wants to. But this doesn’t mean she is a bad person. She feels really guilty when people get hurt because of her.

Low Te – doesn’t consider the consequences of her actions. High Fi – has a general concern for others’ feelings and turns it into self-focused guilt.

5. What she usually daydreaming about is her favorite characters being badasses like fighting against villains or having special relationships.

This is INFP again. An ISFP DOES THINGS.

6. She enjoys nsfw works of artists she loves and she also sometimes write or draw nsfws. She can stay all day playing with her smartphone too.

Hints of her being ISFJ

1. She is haunted by her past relationships. Though I think she still has the possibility of being caught in Fi Si loop, she cant stop but telling me about her past. She does think her past made her nicer person though…

Si loop.

2. She sometimes overuses her money because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or has enough money to buy anything she and her friends wants.

High feeler. Low Te.

I am not sure about her judging functions, but I think she has both Fi qualities and Fe qualities . For Fi qualities, she hates radical feminism because it tries to force people into something, somewhat blunt, not afraid of being alone, doesn’t forgive anyone if they don’t apologize after crossing her lines(including her), loves personal freedom than trying to be a member of group.

Yes, all of that is Fi.

As for Fe qualities, she is not afraid to tell her opinions to others, hates when her opinions are making someone feel bad, being pretty easygoing to others, and sometimes agreeing for someone’s opinions or cheering someone because of manners.

All of this is also Fi.

INFP.

- ENFP Mod

#question #mbti #infp #submission

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autisticstarseed · 5 years ago

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👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable.

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible.

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home.

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you.

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands.

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case.

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

#nt/allistic ppl can totally reblog btw!! just dont clown like thats literally all i ask man cuz tbh #im trying to help ppl form a hygiene habit while my nd struggle was ignored and worsened by ppl being shitty to me so to be blunt ig #im helping people by giving alternatives and coping skills and all ur doing is being ableist and expecting ppl to 100% conform so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#whos really the ...~~~~~ pro recovery~~~~ one. here #hint its me sit down rude ass #long post #im scared to put in nd tags but sjgsjddsj we're JUMPIGN THE SHARK #sensory processing disorder #spd #autism #actuallyautistic #asd #adhd #sensory overload #original

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mzkeensmth · 6 years ago

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20 Things I've Learned In 20 Years.

1.There is a price for everything in life.

You want it? You got to work for it. Nothing in life, especially the good ones, comes for free. You gotta work hard for it. Your effort determines how the result will be.

2. Longing for your non-existent father will not change anything.

There will be days where you're going to miss him and the hurt is inevitable but you've got to come to realise someday that just sitting in your room, sobbing real hard while you tune in to sad indie songs will not get you anywhere. If he wanted to be a part of you life, he would've made an effort to.

3. Go on dates, get your heartbroken over and over again, fall in love a hundred times.

Let others say what they wanna say. "She's too easy." "He's such a player." But these are parts and parcels of life. These are needed to be done in order for you to find the right one. If you give it a miss, fearing of what others have to say about you then you might miss the chance of meeting the right one.

4. It's OK to move on faster than others.

Some might take a year to get over their ex, and some probably just days. And it's OKAY. You may have dated someone for 10 years and move on in a matter of days and you may have dated someone for 10 days and move on in a matter of years. And that is fine.

5. Your mom loves you more than anyone else can ever.

Do i really have to go into it further?

6. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to breakdown and cry sometimes.

You dont always have to have things figured out all the time. You're a human being. You are allowed to make mistakes. And from them, you learn and become better.

7. Money is the root to all evil.

Money destroys everything. Every possible relationships and friendships.

8. Nothing is better left unsaid.

If you live with this etched in your heart, then you'll live forever with regrets of not being able to have said what you have wanted to in the first place.

9. You can protect them by allowing them to be them.

Sometimes the only way to protect the people we love, is to let them make their own mistakes.

10. Love with all of your heart.

It's okay to feel so much. It's okay to love more than the other. If it seems like you portray more emotions than everyone else, its totally fine. You have a heart, make full use of it.

11. No one else has a say in the choice that you make other than YOU.

If you want something/someone, you get them. And if anyone else opposes that idea then that's not on you.

12. You dont owe anyone anything.

Other than your mother, ofcourse. You owe your whole life to her.

13. Dont let anger eat you up.

It's always easier to stay mad, but a minute of anger is 60 seconds of happiness lost.

14. Eat whatever the hell you want.

Dont worry about the calories intake, as long as it makes you happy, munch on it.

15. Grandparents are the most precious things on earth.

They cook for you. Make sure you have plenty of rest. Tells you good old folk tales. They slip you money while your mom isnt looking. And the best part, they gave birth to your parents didnt they.

16. Pauses.

When you get back with your ex, the time doesnt restart. It unpauses. Everyone knows that. - How I Met Your Mother.

17. Nothing good ever happens after 2AM.

When the clock strikes 0200, its better to just stay at home.

18. Always be kind.

The littlest kind acts can cause a ripple effect that can change your life.

19. It's okay to be scared sometimes.

If you're not scared then you're not taking a chance. And if you're not taking a chance then... what the hell are you doing?

20. Life goes on.

Whatever that has happened, happened. You cant change it. So why bother drooling on it? Instead... Let go of the past. Embrace the present. Prepare for the future. It's not going to be easy. No one said it will. But what i can tell you is that... it sure as hell's gonna be worth it.

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juliivn-blog · 6 years ago

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[ bill skarsgård, cismale, he/him, 29 ] BRAIN STEW by GREEN DAY? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of JULIAN NILSSON. maybe because they’re SELF-RELIANT but also CAVALIER. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since SEPTEMBER of 2018 in APARTMENT 203 and have 1 ROOMMATE. [ lainie, she/her, 21+, cst ]

hello bitches it me ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry ) also u can find a tl;dr at the bottom since it’s literally SO LONG

BACKGROUND

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

his secret favorite memory is flying a kite with his dad when he was 4 but u would be more likely to win the lottery than get him talking abt that

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and letters and pictures and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he sent a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like….he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 23, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of an “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about 2 yrs later when he was 26 that he met his next bf while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship–notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing this boyfriend to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so 3 years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when his bf decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to him. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

they stopped in north carolina for a while while julian saved up enough cash for them to at least get somewhere they liked better, which is how they wound up in baltimore !!

here their jeep completely broke down and julian sold it so that the money from that plus the money he made selling drugs they could put toward a deposit on an apartment

it’s in their heads to get back to la eventually, but baltimore is kind of their ~scene so julian’s in no hurry. he’s selling drugs again but they use a lot of what he’s supposed to sell so......they’re not going anywhere any time soon anyway ytseugukhej

PERSONALITY

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him a hell of a lot worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just….doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

“whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below ( beyond the song connections ) and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

u can find song connections HERE

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him ( especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff ), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around ( this is basically the song connection medicine by daughter )

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

AND TL;DR BECAUSE THIS IS SO LONG

a drug addict and dealer who learned to take care of himself from an early age because of neglectful parents. got a boyfriend addicted to drugs and lost him to an overdose when he was in his early twenties, went to rehab, relapsed, met another bf years later with whom he decided to road trip across the country and got stuck in baltimore. dry, sarcastic, kind of a douche, epitome of every bart simpson meme, walking tragedy.

#soundintro #wow @ how much i ramble

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