#which always leads me to being pissed about this fuckass cycle
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Siri how do i stop the cycle without doing these bitchass tiny steps
#lamenting because i was so close to being normal and then i fucking lost it and gained nearly 100 lbs#and i cant get back to where i was i just ...... aaaaaaaaaaaaa#im so much more mentally fucked now so its harder#but thats all excuses right?#and then theres me being like am i even saying that bc i know its what people want to hear#or do i actually believe it? and is there even a difference if i know its true but i dont believe it?#does it even fucking matter just stop shoveling garbage in your mouth ffs#is the real answer here but I AM STRUGGLING#im looking into wls but i know if i dont get my emotional and bored eating under control that shit WILL NOT BE GOOD FOR ME#hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng#im just mad bc i have to fucking grocery shop#which always leads me to being pissed about this fuckass cycle#bitch call me mauville town the way i have cycles#god i can recognize the cycle which all tthe therapists will be like good on you!! :D and im like great. how do i break it#and then theyll say ten thousand small steps BITCH IM DYING I NEED DRASTIC CHANGE#BUT THEN IT WONT STICK AND ILL REVERT BACK TO WHERE I AM#but i did it drastically the first time and it wouldve stuck if i hadnt fucking lost it and ended up in the ward#im not a small steps kind of guy i need to wake up and fix shit and stick to it#but listen to me i am dean maniacally speaking to sam.gif#i buy all these stupid ass healthy foods and i have all these good ideas and reciepes and im legit pumped#and then i fuck it up and order food thats awful for me and then i give the hell up#which is an easy problem to fix. i know.#i can simply just....... not do that#but i swear i am struggling which pisses me off so bad#like you wouldnt struggle if youd quit being a stupidass and just did the damn thing#god i am not gonna do well on my psych evaulation#im gonna end up turning it into therapy and im gonna rage and the lady is gonna be like :D................. you need ten more visits#and youre getting denied at the end of them so get fucked#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#charlie am i losing my GODDAMN MIND? IF ITS GONE WHERE WILL I FIND.. IT?
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