#and living alone now i can just... not.
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really truly catastrophically depressed in a way i have not been in living memory. nevertheless i keep trucking.
#ahhh its not that bad im not suicidal at least. had worse when it comes to my mental state.#however. the Symptoms.#ouuuugh the amount of classes i have missed. at least i go to community college rn. all is not lost i think.#genuinely been struggling to get out of bed feed myself clean my place shower etc the past few weeks#which like normally depressive episodes would hinder my ability to do.. maybe half of that. or all of it for a few days only#three weeks of nonfunctioning is... not my usual! but i suppose i normally am obligated to go do things and be around people#and living alone now i can just... not.#idk what im even going to tell my professors. the truth i guess. mentally ill and living alone for the first time. cant be the only one.
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Did you hear Elon wants to buy Hasbro?
#we live in the worst timeline#transformers#bee talks#please PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE#watch the right pussify transforms thinking they’re doing the opposite#it’ll be like a watered down bayverse#just less funny and more whiny about pronouns and lesbians and whatever else grown men complain about#i can see it now#AUTOBOTS! roll out and stop those gays!
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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finally drew a full body of cable!
— my dnd oc, cable (he/they)
🌟 Instagram | Twitter | Youtube | Ko-fi 🌟
#now i have smth ppl can use as reference to draw him. yippee!!#i’ll make a full character ref sheet in the future#inspo for the layout is obv the mighty nein’s first character art :3#dungeons and dragons#dnd#d&d#dnd art#dungeons and dragons art#tiefling#dnd oc#oc#original character#original art#character design#casu ocs#cable#angels of apostasy#casu art#my shtuff#just from cable’s outfit alone can you tell what they did for a living HGSJDKD#🤭🤭
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hey guys 🤲 spare nille thoughts? s’il vous plaît???
#radio rambles#so many isat fics who brush over her addition to the found family#fine sure whayever but also. also#pls ? pls?#i still need to make a nille design………#in my mind nille is like 18 or 19 at best#raising her child sibling#and i think. i think. something so special about the party taking her in#and helping with bonnie. because. it shouldnt have to be her responsibility#ofc she loves bon but it shouldnt have. to be. her job to take care of then#and she still will ofc…. shes used to it now. instinct or smth#but having a whole family of ppl who are Equally (if not more after. everything) protective of bon ? like. pls 🙏#ALSO JUST#we dont know much about their home life… if nille and bonnie live alone etc#id like to think she has neighbors she might rely on sometimes. coworkers at jobs she wouldve had to have taken up#but just having like. actual and experienced adult influences in her life can be so powerful#someone to. talk to about. feelings#DO U UNDERSTAND ME. DO YOU THINK NILLE TALKS ABOUT EMOTIONS#about her own#auggh#this was supposed to be a short post but now ive said one billion things#oops#talk to me abt nille. in exchange. uh. nille design one day#ok?#isat spoilers#isat
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but when they're out on that river bank alone, what javier should be loyal to doesn't feel as confusing anymore
#also known as 'he wants so badly to run away with his boyfriend and marry him and live happily ever#after'#but his commitment to dutch and the gang breaks his heart#i want them to be happy SO BAAAD SO BAD IM GOINGN TO THROW YP#also the top right one comes w a headcanon#which is that kieran can only bathe if javier is there (and only javier) because otherwise he's too terrified of being k*lled for either bei#ng trans or just in general because he's alone#so that's why he's usually stinky#he really hates being stinky but he doesn't consider it worth dying over#anyway i love them so bad and their little fishing dates#kieran infodumps the whole time and javier feels so lucky to be alive because he knows kieran doesn't talk around anyone else near as much#if at all#javier knows 99% of the fish knowledge but he never interrupts and is always happy to listen to kieran yap about every other topic too#i need to put javi in an 'i ❤️ my autistic boyfriend' shirt#ok i'll shut up now#also i know this composition looks like total shart i'm literally the worst at doing them </3 be nice to me#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#am i allowed to say that i own this ship#considering i literally made it LOL i feel so proud even tho it also makes me miserable that i bascially have no one to talk to abt them#image#art#hero draws sometimes
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The thing I love about the ending of mha is not only that there's no conclusive "canon ship", but the way he ended it as sort of a new beginning, so anything could start to happen.
And specifically for bkdk, it's not canon but he gave us AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT TO WORK WITH.
Katsuki leading the project to get Izuku a support suit so he could be a working hero again. Katsuki putting out a hand for izuku to take.
The forgone conclusion that Izuku and Katsuki will now be competing again as they ALWAYS WANTED. Their future could have them jockeying for rankings for the rest of their lives, constantly one upping each other, AND/OR they could become partners, or open their own agency!
The implication that Katsuki wanted a future WITH IZUKU so badly that he contributed a large chunk of his own money and resources to making it happen. That he MOST LIKELY was where they got a lot of the info on how the Quirks worked and how Izuku utilized them. Sure they have battle footage, but katsuki had intimate knowledge as Izukus closest person and sparring partner.
The fact that A PROPOSAL, A RING, AND A WEDDING WOULD HAVE BEEN CHEAPER.
Like there are so many little ideas buzzing around my head and it's not fair that I don't even have enough time to sit down with them for post epilogue fics 😅
And I want to know more about that suit. I hope they animate it more in the anime when the time comes bc I do want a little super suit fanservice.
#bakudeku#bnha spoilers#bkdk#post epilogue bkdk#like horikoshi gave us a HUGE BLANK CHECK#for us to draw our own conclusions#and the katsuki funding the suit thing alone is just SO RICH#the SUBTEXT HERE#holy crap#idk if a canon ending for them would have been this rewarding#i love this partnof the ending fr#no one won but i feel like we won???#stay winning#izuku as a sensei is great#but now with this twist of getting to be a pro hero again#like it opens a lot of interesting doors#particularly with like teamups#ranking#and then whatever the hell he has with kacchan#also we can make up for ourselves if they live with each other or move in together#the possibilities are endless
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Linktober 2024, Day 1, Mirror (Self)
Alright here we go again.
Technically a sneak peak of a bigger thing to come in the future that I'm repurposing, and the result of my final playthrough and readthrough before EoW dropped being Four Swords Adventures and that made me sad about Shadow Link again.
Note that this is for the Four Swords Adventures iteration of Shadow Link that might evolve into an LU Shadow, not Dark Link in either LOZ or LU, I have other plans for him.
This one shot was brought to you by Scars by The Crane Wives, Ribs by The Crane Wives, Ruin by The Amazing Devil and Two Minutes by The Amazing Devil because the author's playlist decided to be incredibly cheeky when they blacked out to write this like an ancient seers being cursed with visions and then called mad and hearing they've been put up for execution.
As always the nature of the relationship can be romantic or platonic, mostly due to the author's time constraints and further plans.
Anyway enjoy the reading!
It was cold.
The sort of cold after a wildfire, when everything's turned back to ash, the sort that left burned your vision white after the flames licked through your veins and left an ache in your bones. He shuddered, coughed black onto the stone floor, shaking with a muffled whimper.
It never got any easier, being dragged from the Dark World and into the Realm of Light, the goddesses' world itself revolting against an intruder, wanting the wound torn asunder into their oh so precious realm cauterized. To purge the intrusion and smite it where it stands.
Too bad for them (and for him), his master didn't particularly care about what the world wanted. Didn't particularly care that he hadn't grow accustomed to the pain or the cold, he had to stand up. There was work to be done.
(Shadow gritted his teeth, willed himself not to think about the prophecy of a golden haired princess- because whether he liked it or not, it was prophecy. As those with divinity running through their veins are wont to spill from their throats so carelessly- of violet eyes and a smile a third moonlight and hands holding a hammer.
It always hurt more, after one of the heroes liberated one of the maidens, or the jewels, the pain lingering for days afterwards and carving a home in his metaphorical bones. But just this once he'd take the cold bite of the Four Swords over the pain in the hole in his chest that Vio's betrayal had left, something that felt so much worse than every other time before.
Just this once he wished that maybe, just maybe, the hurt would be too much to bear, that he wouldn't wake up again-
Why? Why does it hurt so much but he's still here? He already knew the Light was uncompromising and unforgiving, but he thought them at least above curses.)
His ears twitched as soft, almost silent footsteps came up to his side. Someone crouching by his fallen form, setting a cautious hand over his own that Shadow couldn't help but draw away from with a hiss, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the world again, to your face, carefully blank as you guided him to lean against your side, a silver choker with a crimson gem winked mockingly at him, the shade closing his eyes and going boneless against your side.
Shadow was so, so tired.
He heard you quietly sigh, plucking his cap from his head and running your fingers through dark amethyst, smoke and mist made hair. "I told you so."
"Shut up." He grumbled, nuzzling further into the crook of your neck. One clawed hand curling against your free wrist, digging into the skin. Absentmindedly noting there were new scratches just above the metal.
It was routine by now, the warmth of your existence against his own a welcome balm, not quite of the Realm of Light where it's unpleasant, not too close to the Dark World where he felt like melting back into the embrace of the darkness, only to howl in agony at being dragged out.
Memories not quite his own bled into his mind all the time. How you'd shape ice into flowers for the princess in winter with nary a though, of blinking and from one second to the next you'd have whatever sword he had hostage if you though it was time for a break with a smile brighter than the sun.
His master had changed that though. It took months for you to stop trying to claw the collar out and to stop trying to fight Vaati.
(Funny how holding a mage's dragon as a bargaining chip is just as effective as kidnapping a ruler.)
Your gaze flicked to the polished obsidian of the Dark Mirror, to the gold, ornate frame. "The offer is still open, you know. Let me take the suffering from you."
"No." He scowled, leaning back to glare into your eyes, a hint of fangs poking out from a maw struggling to keep the shape of a human jaw, "You helped him. Helped them." Shadow spat, there is that hurt again.
You shrugged, a movement that's just slightly awkward as you flinch, "That I did." You confirmed simply, it almost made Shadow see red as he leaned away, knocking your hand from his head in the process, but if there's anything him and the heroes shared, was a lack of a desire to hurt you. It was a little grating to be honest, "Vio even offered to take me with him, to be honest."
"Then why didn't you leave?" He demanded.
Why did you stick around?
Your eyes shuttered, a hint of conflict in your pursed lips. Before you found your words, they come out softly, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you why. You'll just have to find out yourself."
You tug your wrist from his grasp, and Shadow lets you go.
(Stubbornly pushing down on memories and emotions that arearen'tarenotanymore quite his.)
You stand and turn away, pushing the curtains away from your sight, you turn your tired eyes to Shadow with an emotion he can't put a name to. "Just keep it in mind that there's more than one way to end this. Nothing is truly inevitable."
Shadow watches you go. 'There's nothing that can be done. He tells himself, hand hesitating above the Dark Mirror, briefly, it curls into a fist. The hero's original self stares back at him.
'… Does he really believe that?'
He shakes his head, and focuses on willing the Dark Mirror to show him his counterpart.
His chest still hurts.
#summer writes linktober 2024#lu shadow x reader#well implied#shadow link x reader#lu vio x reader x shadow link#lu four x reader#if we count both Vio and Shadow as part of him which I both do and don't (it's complicated)#lu four x reader x lu shadow#You ever think that considering how Shadow isn't human and a reflection of someone else#that he likely struggles with human feelings and putting a proper name to them?#and that he might share memories and emotions with Four/Link and have a hard time discerning what is his and what isn't#and just possible identity issues in general from being separated from what's essentially every other part of himself?#because I do. A lot. It lives in my head rent free#man I want to write more about this guy#is Reader from Hyrule? Are they isekaied and just doing their best to blend in and somehow ended up a magic user?#Are they a secret third thing or a guide au iteration?#Who knows! (the author does but is too sleep deprived to elaborate)#All they know is that they're have feelings (up to interpretation) for Link and are close to Zelda#that Shadow may have stolen their dragon but they don't want to let him suffer alone now that Vio is gone even though they could have left#and that they would fistfight Vaati if not for their magical restrictions (it will be expanded in it's own one shot)#not necessarily in that order#yes I am adding to Shadow's extensive crimes and making it so that the dragon in the manga in this was Reader's.#They just wanted their scaly puppy back and now they're trapped in the drama and absolutely over it#linked universe x reader#they commiserate with Dot/Zelda over this fact over tea which can probably be an one shot of it's own
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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2nd batch of sourdough! Lots better than the first, actually got some crumb structure this time (bc the starter is finally ready for bread)
#it's 70% hydration 20% starter and 16h bulk fermentation & 6h of proofing#I think I like the 70% hydration for now#it's still enough moisture to get that open structure but easy to work with#(hydration is the thing that makes the crumb structure open&tender so kind of the higher hydration dough u have the better the bread but th#problem with high-hydration dough is that it's real hard to work with so gotta build some skills before can move onto those#like some professionals even make 100% hydration doughs)#(the percentage is like how much water you have in comparison to the flour: 100% is like if u have 500g of flour you also have add 500g of#water or like 70%: 500g flour and 350g of water)#this is just a 250g of flour one tho bc I live alone and don't want waste/my freezer full of bread#idk if these interest anyone but idc it's my blog I'm going to be posting abt sourdough#should make up a tag for these#elvis bread#it's that one ^^ for now until (if) I can come up with a better one bc my starter is named Elvis#sourdough#april 2024#2024
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some of you are in a monogamous relationship with eternal misery. the way you manage to find negativity in everything is exhausting. you are not being a realist. you are just going out of your way to find the bad where it does not exist.
#this goes for both daniel AND max fans now somehow#this is not a vague post about anyone in particular because its just so common amongst SO many people#you’ll track down articles from unreliable sources saying things that will upset you despite having no factual basis#then share it for everyone to panic over because you refuse to be alone in your obsessive unending panic over things you cannot control#you’ll share positive articles from reliable sources and still manage to add some pessimistic little caption onto it#please. go outside. talk to your friends. go to therapy and get medicated maybe.#i’m not even saying that for my benefit because i can unfollow and block you#(even though you make your pessimistic panic bleed out into the beliefs and attitudes of the mass populous)#but for your own benefit: you dont have to live like this#it’s so much more fun to be happy#i know you can’t just buy happiness at the store#but feeding into it by posting the negative articles you find and writing that shitty caption that brings everyone down is controllable#realism is fine but this behavior is not realism#*
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when youre disabled youre not allowed to have dreams without everyone shoving your disability in your face fuck you fuck all of you
#rigormortisangel#vent#chronic illness#disability#“if i were you i wouldnt have started university” kill yourself kill yourself now#im smarter than you im smarter than youll ever be and im mentally handicapped enough to have been in special ed fuck offfff#why is it that any time i want to make something out of myself its seen as a fucking joke as if indont know#i know my body fails me i know im never gonna be able to live alone i know ill always need to be on meds i cant afford i know okay i know#let me go to university so i can go to med school and help people like me not be in pain all the time and miserable#i just want to become what i needed when i was little and no one took me seriously and left me to almost fucking die#but yeah okay shit all over me even thinking about it ill just slit my wrists in your office next time as if its not YOUR JOB to help#disabled people go to college#there are people wayyy more sick than me if you think im too sick to live youre in for a rude fuckinh awakening my guy
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So i saw this post,
In my head, Tommys father was the one who enlisted him at the age of 16, after finding him with a boy. Tommy who is so smart and good at school, who had no one at his side noticing his abilities, who decided to have his GED because attending school was overwhelming and a time waste, its not like i am learning anything there i dont even have fun he said. And then maybe hovering around till he finds out what he wants to do, what job he could love, if he will go to university or just continue wandering around. Tommy, who still doesn't really understand being attracted to boys, still trying to figure things out. One day he start spending all his time with this nice funny attractive boy, who became a regular where he was working a part-time job, who every time would bring something to talk about, and maybe tommy got scared, he never felt what he is feeling, and he is afraid of losing it, but still took a leap of faith and kissed him, they are together now, they are happy, or he thought because at that exact moment mr kinard spot his son kissing a boy and he burst with anger, he start throwing punches, with his hand and his words, this is not happening to you thomas, you won't be one of them, he says. And that night, the 16 year old boy slept resnting himself. Then he wakes up to his father telling him that he enlisted him so he could learn to be a man. Tommy doesn't fight it. He just accepts his faith, willing to forget and erase what he started to learn about himself.
Yeah idk just thinking about young Tommy kinard
#i dont know how things work in the US#but where i live people can enlist after 15 if they got their GED or passed a specific exam#so yeah i just thought of 16 year old tommy going to the army all alone and afraid#now if they dont give us tommy begins or some sort of tommys past some where I'll riot#tommy kinard#lou ferrigno jr#911#911 abc#bucktommy
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You know, playing through Penacony after playing through both Persona 5 and Who's Lila practically back to back is an incredibly surreal experience and makes everything hit you as hard as we hit Sunday with the Astral Express.
#hsr spoilers#hsr 2.2#looking at Sunday and Maruki from side to side and it's just the same picture#through different means of getting there#and also Kevin Kaslana#also I know it's copium but I like to imagine that Gallagher and Misha can still live if we go with Who's Lila logic#That so long as someone knows their name and of their existence even if someone knows about the 'lie' that is Gallagher#or if Misha fulfills his purpose#So long as they are in someone's mind their existence will linger on and continue on so long as they are kept in someone's unconciouss mind#or the mind of several different people. So long as they have a sustainer if you will then they'll always be able to exist#look I'm still broken up over Misha and the fact that Something Unto Death/Sleepie/Dormancy keeps calling for Gallagher alright?#Gallagher and Misha were absolutely right it's like a big puppy even if it basically killed Firefly and Robin#let me have this headcanon about memetic entities darn it#if Black Swan can keep living as a memetic entity then in some other universe so can they#Now I feel bad fighting Sleepie as a boss in literally anything and that it will be all alone in Penacony with Clockie thanks Shaoji#Galladay fans and Yanmisha fans do with the Who's Lila related information whichever you'd like with#I feel like there's a lot of angst potential there#hsr#penacony spoilers#hsr misha#misha hsr#hsr gallagher#gallagher hsr
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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