#and it’s not even a thing of motivation really?? bc i wanna get this done so i can relax

[opens-up-4-nobody]

As a stranger on the internet (so feel free to ignore or tell me I'm out of line) you might just be going through a grieving process. It sucks, a lot, and I don't really have any advice other than it will slowly get better, but it might help simply knowing.

Grief is different for everyone, and looks different for everyone too. But either way I hope you feel better soon <3

It's very possible, I just don't want that to be the answer because then I don't know what to do

[tvrningout-a]

after today, i feel that i might not be very active till friday evening bc man… packing is much harder than i thought it would be

[skrunksthatwunk]

damnnn that manga about making manga got me acting funny (making 5 year plans)

[de4dlyniightshade]

Dunno if u have seen it but I’d really love ur version of the NSFW alphabet for Spencer Reid

(Not sure if that really counts as a Drabble or a super long headcanon. I tried to go thru ur blog and I didn’t see where u had done 1 before!!)

ON IT!!!

doing it with sub!spencer ofc<3

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex): super sleepy and cuddly, just wants you to hold him and kiss him and play with his hair. also goes borderline nonverbal, just wants to be in your company.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): his favourite body part on himself is honestly probably his brain ngl BUT otherwise i'd say his hair, he takes good care of his hair and takes the time to make sure it looks nice so i'd say his hair. as for on you probably your hips or eyes, your eyes is the answer he tells people but actually he just loves gripping your hips and pinching the fatty skin there and placing kisses on your hipbones.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically): loves cumming in you. so much. but also loves cumming on you, more specifically cumming on your pussy after fucking you, the way it looks running over you just making his head spin.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): pervert. not a creepy pervert but still a pervert. will stick around if he walks in on you changing, stare at your boobs and ass when he thinks you don't see him, shamefully touches your underwear for longer than he should when he's doing laundry, will spend a good while scanning your body while you sleep, especially if you're wearing shorts or a tank top.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?): not experienced. has no idea what he's doing. he tries his best and learns fast but he needs a lot of guidance and care but he prefers you taking control anyway.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying): cowgirl. nothing beats getting ridden in his mind, the sight of you on top of him, your boobs bouncing with each thrust and the way you gripped his waist.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.): i wouldn't say he's serious but he's not humorous either, whenever your touching him he just becomes a moaning mess and can hardly think for himself, just completely lost in the pleasure.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.): not shaved bald but definitely trimmed, if not for your benefit then definitely for his own.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect): soooo lovey, just holding you and kissing you and snuggling into you and telling you that he loves you and thanking you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon): definitely jerks off a lot when you're apart because he just gets really sexually frustrated without you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks): mommy kink!!!

L = Location (favorite places to do the do): bed first, always, it's just more private and intimate but he also likes it on the couch but that's more of a spur of the moment thing.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going): anything and everything. you smiled at him? horny. kissed him? extra horny. hugged him? horny. literally anything you do can get him going.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): blindfolds on him for obvious reasons, also domming, he just can't do it.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.): giving all the way!!! even if he's not that good at it he puts his heart and soul into it. more often than not he gets carried away and forgets he's trying to get you to cum bcs he just loves to taste you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.): loves it fast but not too rough if that makes sense? like he doesn't wanna hurt afterwards and whenever he's on top he just gets so caught up that he can't help but fuck you desperately.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.): likes them a lot and however often you're up for it, especially before work. definitely walks into that building with a real pep in his step after a quickie in the morning.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.): definitely game to experiment with a lot of things you wanna try, but nothing too crazy like he wouldn't be into slapping or extreme bondage, but a little tying up he's game for.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?): not many. he gets easily overwhelmed and overstimulated bcs he's just so sensitive. can go three rounds at very best.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?): doesn't own toys himself but if you do he uses them on you, more specifically if you had a vibrator he'd use it on you when you're tired. also let's you use a vibrator on him, the feeling of it pressed to his tip making him cum embarrassingly fast. not to forget pegging, would let you peg him or use a dildo on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): not at all, you're more the one to tease him but he doesn't have enough patience or self control to tease you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.): very loud and doesn't even realise it, he just gets so lost in his own mind that he can't even hear himself.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character): loves being bitten by you, not aggressively enough that it hurts too bad but if he was on top and you bit into his shoulder when you came he'd definitely follow quick after.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes): around 7 inches, not too thick but not too thin either, curved upwards slightly, the prettiest pink tip and not overly veiny but definitely a few. also i feel like he has pretty nipples idc.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?): very high, needy alllllll the time like could go at it at the drop of a hat it doesn't matter what time of day he could be rock hard in seconds for you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): pretty quickly depending on the time, if it was one of those morning quickies ofc he can't but otherwise he tries to stay awake but never manages to actually stay awake that often.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

You are so productive and living your best life I admire it so much! I don't understand how you do it... do you have any advice for forcing yourself to do the things you know are good for you even when you are feeling sad and not up to it? Have a lovely day ❣️❣️❣️

Plan your day hour by hour. This actually revolutionized my life. Plan when you’ll wake up, plan what you’ll do every hour of the day, and make it as realistic as possible to stick to your goals. Start with simple things and gradually ramp it up. Don’t overwhelm your day with 60 different goals. I’d pair one passive goal (be on your phone less, for example) with one active goal (study more, take more walks, read more) and go from there. It’s better to start small and be consistent than to start big and quit one day in.

Lower the resistance necessary to accomplish tasks. If you have somewhere to be early tomorrow, plan your outfit the night before. If you have studying to do, have your textbooks/notebooks/notes on your desk by the time you wake up. If you have an overwhelming task, break it into smaller subtasks and focus on them one at a time. If you don’t want to be on your phone in the morning, charge it somewhere you won’t be able to see the moment you open your eyes. I’m trying to overcome the phone issue right now, so instead of setting an alarm on my phone I just bought a digital alarm clock bc I know I’m way less likely to get on my phone that way. I’m lowering the effort needed to actually get started on a task.

Have motivational things handy for when you’re down!! I’m a highly visual person, so it actually really helps me to make moodboards. I have moodboards for things I wanna accomplish, moodboards for things I’ve already accomplished, a Pinterest board for affirmations etc etc. I have a list on my notes app for all the reasons why it’s important to me to accomplish my goals. I have another notes app page dedicated to pasting all the motivational quotes that help me whenever I’m in a funk. You could even print them and hang them up on your wall if you want. In times where instant gratification overshadows getting things done, make it very accessible to remember why they’re important to you to begin with.

Romanticize your tasks. I make silly to-do lists, I make sure I’m always in cute outfits when I’m running errands, I put on perfume and mascara and lip gloss even if I’m literally all on my own in my bedroom about to do a 3 hour study session. I love getting manicures bc there’s nothing more satisfying than studying with pretty dark red fall nails. This may sound extra but I go through my notes pretending I’m Elle Woods or something bc it makes it so much fun. A huge part of why I’m consistent with going to the gym is bc I buy pretty workout fits that just make me feel good. I wear lingerie under my clothes wherever I am bc it makes me feel like a bad bitch even if no one sees it. I don’t start a task with the thought in mind that I want to get it done already—I try to make the act of doing it in and of itself as engaging as possible.

To piggyback off that point, switch your environment if your current one isn’t serving you. Don’t just default to quitting if one approach isn’t working. If studying in your bedroom isn’t doing it, go to the nearest coffee shop. If the coffee shop isn’t working, do the library. Study indoors. Study outdoors. Study in nature. Hell study at a beach if you want to. It doesn’t matter where you are if you’re getting things done. Exhaust all your alternatives before calling it quits.

Set firm boundaries with yourself. This is so big. Self-care is absolutely treating yourself, but it’s also being your own parent and disciplining yourself if you feel like you’re not putting your all into something. In a world where it’s very easy to go “just a few more minutes on my phone” “I’ll do it tomorrow” “I can skip working out today” it’s really important to be able to parent yourself and exercise some tough love and do some things even if you don’t feel like you want to. I really struggle with this as a gen z girl bc this is THE era of instant gratification. But my goals are just more important to me than momentary comfort.

No zero days. Just bc you’re not being your 100% on one day doesn’t mean you should just lie down and do nothing. Being at 50% performance is better than being at 0%. I try to make sure I get some light tasks done on days where I don’t feel like going all in. It helps me not feel like I’ve just derailed my whole life, which consequently helps me move on from my ruts faster.

Look ahead. Can not emphasize this enough. Death motivates me like nothing else. You do not have an infinite time on this earth. You don’t want to be at the same place you’ve been at a year from now. Resist the “I’ll do it tomorrow” mentality as much as possible. Change happens in small increments & there’s no better time for it than the present. What may seem like little things you can skip out on now can quickly snowball into the very things that are preventing you from being where you want to be.

Acknowledge your limits. Someone with two full-time jobs and school should not be comparing themself to the progress of someone with one part-time job and like nothing else. I’m currently studying full-time and also trying to maintain a consistent workout routine, so I don’t expect myself to recreationally read more than 30 minutes a day, even if ideally I’d like that time to be way higher. I know it’s pointless to compare myself to someone who reads 70 books a month but has much less workload than I do. Comparison is inherently flawed bc no one else has been the dealt the cards you’ve been dealt. Tailor your schedule to your own unique situation. Make a list of your priorities and assign them to your hours accordingly.

Listen to your needs!! Mental health is the most important thing. You need to be in tune with yourself to know when you could be pushing yourself a little harder, and when it’s necessary to give yourself time off. If I’m in an actual burnout, I go out with friends. I go see a movie. I give myself the grace of being human and step back for a little bit. It’s completely okay to have those days, and acknowledging them helps you recover quicker. Take care of yourself <3

[miimo96]

Thoughts on My Adventures with Superman S2 episode 9

So you're probably wondering what heck took so long for me to make this, and well ya see thats because I actually had to wait for this episode to come out on the website where I watch all my TV shows and anime on, and since That was taking so long to be released, I wasn't able to watch this and thus give my review on it, But now that it has officially come out I can finally Get my thoughts out there and Share it with you all, anyway that's mainly because why I've been gone for so long, that because depression kicks in at the most random times in my life and so I wasn't feeling motivated, but aside from that I'm finally ready to get this done and thus give you my review, anyway yeah Sorry for the wait but let's get into it^^;

______________________________________

Starting off I actually wanna talk about a few things regarding this opening, mainly about Clark's kindness; I love the fact that even tho this is a world where didn't never up and thus he never became Superman, he still has that kindness within him, and from the way he talks about wanting to help the creature and show him that it's not Alone, just shows that No matter what reality it is, he will always be compassionate and thus want to help people, hence what makes him Superman in the 1st place; also I didn't expect that in this episode we were actually going to be seeing an Evil version of his parents, because it's always usually just him getting the world he always wanted, I actually like that they took a different approach this time and thus gave us a reality, where he still has his parents, and where he basically got to grow up on krypton as a completely different person, also it's really interesting to see that in this version, the Black Mercy is more or less giving him a dream world where he basically has no control over, and Is kinda just gaslighting him like Brainiac would, I think that's because in this version, the black Mercy isn't a plant like most irritations, but is rather just a piece of technology, and since Brainiac was the computer system for krypton, he is able to access all the technology created from krypton, hence why Clark's mother Laura was talking to him that voice for a second,

Also this Shot right here is really Menacing AF, like Jor El looks seriously scary, oh and it looks like lois lost her memory so I'm wondering how that's going to play out

I fnd it very weird that Kara thinks Brainiac is Unstoppable Just because he's in Clark's body, like may I remind you of the absolute beatdown you gave your cousin a few episodes ago, like I'm really starting to believe that whole thing that people say of people who join the quote unquote "good side" end up effing sucking afterwards, like what is with that stuff, also before you say she was only able to beat him bc she was being controlled by Brainiac and therefore wasn't in control of her actions/ Strength, yeah sry but No, she wasn't being controlled by him at that time and was completely aware of what she was doing, the only time he was controlling her, was when she was hesitating to use her Heat vision to kill people, aside from that she was fully aware and wasn't Holding Back on him AT ALL; Also Mandy is such a bitch, that is all

Omg lois lost her memories I wonder this gonna play out, will she fall in love with Clark again, will clark remember who he is, will they even get along with each other, the possibilites are endle- Oh, well Never effing mind I guess, huh that was fast 😅 Also I really love the fact that Clark instead of becoming a warrior in this reality, became more of a scientist, it's funny because in the original animated series he was kinda like that as well, heck even in the comics I think he was like that, it just shows that Clark no matter what, really was never a fighter to begin with and only really ever does it in the name of Defense, with his real goal being to want to just help people through whatever means necessary, mainly through the power of science, like how in that 1 comic when he found the cure to cancer or something, Also can someone really explain to me how lois was able to prevent herself from being deleted, like I don't think it was ever explained and I'm really starting to believe it was just because of PLOT

Bruh Jimmy looks So heated at the fact that Steve of all people was the reason he and Kara were able to escape, like are you kidding me, THIS GUY!? 🤣🤣 Also shout out to my boy Steve for coming in clutch for our boy Jimmy, like he really is the Homie and I gotta say, the best get away driver like how do you sneak from Amanda waller of all people Undetected, dude's got skills

Hey Lois Idk about you but In my opinion This was the Worst explanation I ever heard, like I understand that time is resetting and so you've probably explained this to him like a hundred of times but Wow, you Really couldn't go any other way about it, like ya do realize this makes you look like a Crazy person right?; Also I legit could Never understnd Why she straight up tell couldn't tell Clark she loves him, like Omg wasn't you 2 already in a relationship at the beginning of this season, why is it So hard for you all of asudden o say I love you, when you LITERALLY established relationship early on, like WTF I'm sick of this trope already

Ok 2 things: 1 Jor El is scary in this sequence, like the way he screamed "Find her" really sent chills down my spine, and 2 why does this shot with him peeking out of the Bushes feel incredibly meme worthy?

Tbh I actually don't have much to say regarding Kara and Jimmy this time, aside from Jimmy being the GOAT due to how beautiful pep talk was, and how much I want them to end up together now, like I've said it before but I absolutely love their relationship in this series, and I really hope they get together by the end of it or at least if she ends up leaving earth like people theorize, in order to atone for her sins across the galaxy, at least get to confess his feelings for her ^w^

"Because the real lois wouldn't come for me" Ngl he deserved this exact response from her, bc wtf do you mean bro, i mean underrated your reasoning but just because you 2 had a fight doesn't mean she Stopped loving you, because you KNOW she wouldn't be here rn if she didn't; Also I find it very funny that her revealing What she did and how dangerous it was, is what brings Clark back, like it just shows how much he cares about her and how overprotective he is for her safety, Also I think i understand why she was able to do all this stuff in the 1st place

THROUGH THE POWER OF LOVE!! 💖💖😭😭😭

Tbh This is probably 1 of the best versions of Task force X I've seen so far, like this Roster goes Hard and so does this entire Shot like Damn, also whoever's Idea it was to Not include Parasite in this Scene Needs to be fired, like I understand why Livewire isn't here But PARASITE!? I mean the guy is seriously OP when given enough energy, as proven by his Kaiju form last season, and I could've sworn Amanda does has control over him now thanks to Lex, so WHY THE F$%k HE ISN'T HERE!? I bet he would've came in Real handy tho 😂

Ok 2 thing's again: 1 YEAH LET'S GO KARA! Eff you Brainiac you Piece of S#%t i hope you effing Die, and 2, Eyy i looks like I was on to something about Them being infused with Kryptonite; Also i see were Still stuck with these robot designs I guess, *sigh* look I've said it before and I'll say it again, These designs absolutely Suck, like No offense to the Animators But you're Really telling me we couldn't have gotten Anything better, I understand animation is Hard So you Need simple designs but c'mon, you couldn't at least go with the skeletal design he has in some iterations or even make Them look more like a Megazord than whatever the Hell this is? man I really hope this gets fixed in season 3 or something because I Just can't with this anymore; Also is it me or does this whole setup kinda feel sorta familiar, because I feel like I've seen this before, hmmmmm 🤔 eh whatever

God I love this Scene, from the scenery,to the lighting, to even their effing confession everything is Just AAAAAHHH So effing GOOD, Damn it Love this Series!! Especially the music in this scene like Omg it's such bop to listen to, and the fact that it's even the extended version of the God Damn intro is freakin Amazing ^^ Like this belongs in Top 5 motivational scene alongside You say run from the ending of the 1st MHA movie, like it's just That Good

OOOHH I'M LOVING THIS NEW SUIT Omg like this has everything I've ever wanted in a Superman suit, it has the perfect amount of gold to contrast the Red and blue, it reminds of Man of Steel and New 52 with Lack of shorts even tho I personally prefer the shorts, and it just Screams Superman, the only thing I would change about this would be those big ass Shoulder pads and i think maybe those finger straps, but aside from that, PERFECTION 😘

Small little animation error regarding Kara's eyebrows But not even that can Ruin this moment ^^

Finally It looks like people may be on to something about Amanda Waller possibly Framing Lex, setting him up to be the fall guy and making him look like he was The 1 responsible for everything, possibly losing his fame and setting him up as the Villain Next season, after all he is the 1 who built the Metalos So if anything went wrong, it is technically his fault, anyway however this plays out, I'm sure it will all end horribly for Lex in the end, overall amazing episode can't wait for the next one, hopefully it doesn't take too long to be released like this one, fingers crossed ^^

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[seokmattchuus]

Seok Matthew as a Dom

A/n: I love this man with my whole being. It's only fair he's the first zb1 thing I post. P.S I don't wanna hear s h i t about the gif. There's only so much to work with right now 😭

P.P.S I did not proofread because I have copious amounts of caffiene in my system and cannot read properly. If there's typos, let me know and I'll fix them when I'm normal again <3

-

Soft dom.

Softest of doms.

Also,

CAREGIVER VIBES

SO MANY CAREGIVER VIBES

He's up first most of the time so he makes breakfast to make sure you eat.

Smoothie person? He's got it made.

Cereal person? Prepped with your favorite spoon.

Full fledged meal? He's working on it but the eggs are done.

If he isn't up before you, he's blowing up your phone all day.

"Did you eat?"

"You forgot your water thingy. I'll bring it by later :)"

"Make sure you eat enough for lunch! Snacks and energy drinks don't count >.<"

Even if you pinky promise to eat a proper lunch, he doesn't trust you.

"Oh yeah? Show me what you're eating."

Turns into a whole video call during your lunch that you barely even get to eat anyways.

He's clingy what can I say

Okay back to soft dom matthew.

Doesn't like raising his voice because it definitely hurts him more than it hurts you.

Because you're his lil baby.

How can he yell at his lil baby and be okay after that?

Raising his voice is the last resort or reserved for major fuck ups.

Usually says your name in that tone.

You know.

The soft dom tone.

Timbers? Shivered.

It usually does the trick because you don't really want to make him mad.

Unless you want to.

But we'll get to that. Put a pin in it.

He's up first most of the time so he makes breakfast to make sure you eat.

Smoothie person? He's got it made.

Cereal person? Prepped with your favorite spoon.

Full fledged meal? He's working on it but the eggs are done.

If he isn't up before you, he's blowing up your phone all day.

"Did you eat?"

"You forgot your water thingy. I'll bring it by later :)"

"Make sure you eat enough for lunch! Snacks and energy drinks don't count >.&lt;"

Even if you pinky promise to eat a proper lunch, he doesn't trust you.

"Oh yeah? Show me what you're eating."

Turns into a whole video call during your lunch that you barely even get to eat anyways.

He's a giver. For sure.

I'd bet my life on it.

L o v e s foreplay.

He drags that shit out.

Kisses. Kisses everywhere.

Loves hickies.

Will trail them down your body.

And leave the biggest ones where only he can see :))

Bc he thinks they make you look pretty :))))

All in all just really wants to make your private time last. It's not like he's got other things to do.

Gives you head before sex.

Always.

Doesn't like restraints because he loves feeling you tug on his hair.

Gives him motivation, y'know?

He knows what you want.

And how you want it.

Say 'please' and he'll give it to you until you're begging him to stop

Because he totally does it for him more than for you.

Like, say he's had a rough practice.

Maybe a petty argument.

He'll text you some shit like.

"Can you get all pretty for me?"

"Remember that set we bought, can you put it on for me?"

You know what's coming and it just gets you worked up.

You know by now to just wait on the bed.

He wastes no time burying himself between your legs.

He's not moving anytime soon.

And with the hold he'd have on your legs, neither are you.

You're stuck there until he's done.

And that's not until you're crying and shaking because he needs you to be absolutely spent before he considers letting up.

Speaking of-

He might dabble in overstimulation, but not maliciously?

If that makes sense??

Like, his stamina is insane and after he's done eating you out, he's already getting ready move on.

And for the most part, you're not opposed but like,

Damn, not even a snack break, y'know?

He's just going.

Def likes missionary because eye contact.

And he can kiss you whenever he wants.

"Look at me, baby."

"So pretty like this."

"Such a good girl."

Likes to hold your hips.

Maybe leaves bruises.

(And totally apologizes afterwards)

I can see him liking doggy.

infrontofamirrorsohecanstillseeyou

I said nothing.

Maybe holds your arms behind you.

Or grab your hair.

You'd have to ask though.

Because he doesn't want to hurt you.

And even if he complies, he's constantly asking if you're okay.

He needs the reassurance.

He'll give you what you want but you have to tell him that he's not hurting you.

You're his precious baby bean and the last thing he wants is to hurt you.

UNLESS

Yeah, we're back to pushing his buttons. Take that pin out.

:))

Let's say the tone encouraged the brat in you and you wanted to test how far he'd go.

He's not gonna say anything while you're out.

Oh, no.

And of course, you're gonna take that as 'he's not gonna do anything', and you keep going.

But he's keeping track.

:))))

And it'll definitely come back to bite you.

"You really thought you'd get away with that?"

"Did my baby forget who's in charge?"

"What kind of punishment do you think you deserve?"

It's a trap, don't answer.

Because whatever you say will be wrong.

If you're thinking you got a one-way ticket to rough sex you are also wrong.

He will hold a grudge.

And he will fuck you over when you aren't expecting it.

Let's say you wanna cook dinner.

He offers to help.

:))))))

You're there, minding your business, chopping up some veggies.

He comes up behind you, all sweet and innocent.

His arms loosely around your waist.

Until he pushes forward and you're trapped between him and the counter.

You wonder why he's like this but then you remember.

:))))))))

You're trying to focus because you know he wants you to give up.

But he's got a plan.

His arms tighten around your waist and he leans down to press kisses on your neck.

He's still eyeing the hand holding the knife.

"Think you can do something for me?"

"If you can finish prepping those, you have permission to cum whenever you want."

Another funishment I think he'd be into is making you wear a vibrator that he can control.

But you have to be super busy.

Errands to run, homework to do, studying for a test.

You have to be doomed from the start, essentially.

Because then he has a reason to talk shit.

"C'mon, baby, we're just walking around the store."

"Focus, baby, you can do it."

"See? You're doing so well."

"If you can finish this assignment on a higher setting, I might let you cum."

You get princess treatment afterwards, lemme tell you.

He has pajamas set up but you have to bathe first.

But you don't have to do anything.

He bathes the both of you so can just relax in the water.

The bath is completely PG. No dirty thoughts bc he knows you're tired.

Shampoos and conditions your hair.

Gently washes your body, being extra careful where he knows you're sensitive.

Dries you off :((

And does the hair wrap thing :((((

Puts the pjs on you and goes to get some water.

He lets you pick a movie.

Not that you'll be awake for it, he just knows you like background noise.

He just puts on pajama bottoms so you can fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat :(( <3

That one's for me bc I love that shit

The second you wake up, best believe you'll have all the food you can think of in front of you.

[softxsuki]

Hey there!!

I just discovered your blog while looking for some comfort fics and I immediately loved your newest Hawks fic and I will definitely be checking out your Yona fics now!🥹🥹

I have an urgent request too actually but pls don't feel pressured or anything if you are busy!! I'm just having a really bad BPD episode at the moment and I have the urge to cut everyone I love off because I feel unloved by them and like such a burden to everyone and I feel like I can't handle the pain anymore..

Sooo therefore I'd like to request Drabbles/Oneshots (honestly fully up to you) for Hawks, Gojo and Lucifer (only if that's okay for you ofc!!🩷) with a reader who acts all cold and becomes more and more distant in their relationship and when they confront her about it she breaks down and admits that she did it out of fear that they were going to abandon her anyway and bcs she felt like they deserved better..?

I know it's very specific and I am kind of embarrassed to ask for it but honestly my fav characters are my only source of comfort rn and I saw that you do mental health requests/comfort fics and I thought it's the sweetest and most thoughtful thing ever!!🥲

So even if you won't write this for or can't do it "immediately" I wanna thank you for doing this for the mentally ill folks who get their comfort from fictional characters. You are a lovely person! 🥹

-🩷

Hawks, Gojo, and Lucifer (Separate) with Reader Who Tries To Cut Them Out of Her Life

Pairings: Hawks x Fem!Reader, Gojo x Fem!Reader, Lucifer x Fem!MC

Warnings: mentions of feeling like a burden, wanting to cut loved ones out of your life, unedited (excuse any mistakes)

Genre: comfort

Post-Type: headcanons

Word Count: 1.07k

Summary: In which you try and distance yourself from them and they realize and try to talk it out with you (Yeah ik I'm still bad at writing these summaries, I'm sorry 😢 😂 )

[A/N: HEY! Thank you so much for your sweet words! I'm blessed that I'm able to write things for people that provide them with comfort. I'm so sorry for the long wait, life has been crazy, but I managed to find the motivation to get this done today! I hope it helps. I know you were looking for oneshots or drabbles, but I only write headcanons when someone wants a request for multiple people, so I hope that's okay! Enjoy! I hope it provides you with a little bit of comfort if anything :) <3 Take care!]

Hawks:

He gets very petty and if you decide to avoid him, he won’t make the effort to force you to be in his presence, but ofc it does sadden him, he loves you and having you push him away and not reach out to him less and less, hurts

Until one day he grows impatient with your silence

What did he do to have you shut him out? Why were you doing this? 

He needed answers and he needed them now, so get ready for him banging at your door and inviting himself in as soon as you open it a crack

Hawks is gentle with the way he approaches the issue, honestly he might think that he may have accidentally done or said something without realizing it that possibly hurt your feelings

So he begins with an apology and just asks what you need him to do for you to forgive him for whatever he’s done

You mean the world to him, so having you slowly push him away from you without any kind of warning makes him nervous…he can’t lose you

“I know I’m out frequently doing hero work, and I sometimes have to leave our dates if I’m called for an emergency. I’m sorry if you’ve felt like I don’t care about you because of these things. But I want you to know right here and now that I love you so much and nothing will ever change that. So please, let me into your heart, don’t push me away anymore Y/N…”

Once you tell him that you’ve just been feeling like a burden to him, he moves quickly to wipe those thoughts out of your head

Never once has he thought you were a burden and his love for you just seems to grow as the days pass

Moving forward, he tries his best to verbally express his feelings for you more often, as well as trying to find time to see you again if he ever has to leave for a hero emergency

From now on, you’ll never doubt his love for you–and please, just mention whenever you feel this way again to him, he’d love to talk it out with you instead of just having you push him away

Gojo:

This man gets so pouty when you decide to ignore him

But it doesn’t affect how much he sees you on a daily basis

He refuses to let you avoid him and will continue to stick by your side

He’ll annoy you with his presence everyday, until you lash out in desperation because as much as you tried to slowly avoid him he was always there

But he remains unphased through it all and continues to act like this idiot he is

He does however, decide to get a little serious and hear you out as to why you are attempting to push him away, when you already know you’re stuck with him for life

Gojo isn’t stupid, as much as he tries to avoid serious conversations, once you actually open up to him, he knows that it’s time to listen to you and be there for you.

So when he hears that you’ve been feeling like a burden to him, he patiently listens to you the whole time

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that. If anything I’m probably the one who’s a burden on you. I know I can be too much sometimes, but I just want to make sure you’re always happy. I’m sorry for not realizing your feelings sooner, Y/N. I don’t know exactly what's going on in that head of yours, and even though I joke around too much you can always open up to me about all those complicated feelings in your heart.”

A rare, empathetic Gojo moment that you out of everyone else in his life gets to see, so it’s truly an honor

Be he wipes an insecurities you may be feeling away and gets to joking around again in hope that it helps lift your mood

He’d probably put his phone on silent from all the elder higher-ups trying to contact him and spend the day with you–after all you are the most important person in his life, he’d do anything for you

Lucifer:

Out of everyone else on this list, Lucifer definitely knows what’s up even by the slightest change in your mood or actions towards him

I picture him not caring that you’re pushing him away, he's still going to go see you every morning and wish you goodnight every night

Stubbornness doesn’t work on him. He’s been alive for too long to have things go over his head so he already can kinda guess what’s going on with you after avoiding him just once

Literally, he sense something is off so fast, and his pride won’t allow him to just leave you be so you hear him knocking at your bedroom door so fast; you didn’t even get a chance to properly try and avoid him NFJENAKF

So he gets down to business very quickly, asking you what’s been going on and what he can do to help you feel better

Don’t even try to play dumb and act like nothing's wrong by trying to persuade him that you’re completely fine–he will see right through all your attempts

Once he is aware of how you’ve been feeling, he’s almost offended

“Have I done anything to prove that I do not care for you anymore MC? I invite you to my room each night, I treat you with respect and as much love as I possibly can. I know I’m not always as open with my feelings in public, but we both know that if I didn’t care for you, I wouldn't give you my time of day. That would never happen though, I’m already in too deep for you and nothing can change that…not even if Diavolo himself commanded it.”

He’s a passionate man, and knowing that you felt like he didn’t love you anymore really bruised his pride.

Expect many romantic advances after this; private dinners at Ristorante Six (he’ll rent out the whole place for you), going to see plays together, late night walks in the devildom away from his chaotic brothers who won’t leave you alone, and much more

He’ll make sure you know he loves you at the end of every night, so be prepared!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 4/26/2023

[studentbyday]

30 days of intentionality

starting this challenge with the goal of taking it one day at a time. i have a hard time doing that these days. i spend more time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future than staying in the present, even if that's when i'm most content. not sure how i'll format my posts and most likely, i'll only do weekly updates bc daily ones are too overwhelming. i'll just go with the flow, trying to trust that everything will end up as it's meant to be and maybe i'll be more productive as focusing primarily on the present moment becomes a habit.

---

1. suo gân (arr. john williams for the ambrosian junior choir): i believe that if everyone lived by the idea of global citizenship and so saw the humanity in every individual from every background, there would be no war. reading the news fills me with fear, sorrow, and anxiety, but i also feel the responsibility to stay informed. did some studying today, more than yesterday, but it was kind of uncomfortable with the state of global politics lurking in the back of my mind. i'm still a little behind on school.

2. souvenir de paganini (chopin): today is not so bad. i'm making progress academically, but i do need to make time for social activities soon or i will get lonely and lose what little motivation i have very quickly.

3. once upon a december (arr. emile pandolfi): sometimes in the face of events and issues much bigger than myself that i have no control over, i feel like my dreams are pointless bc i think there's no way achieving them or trying to achieve them could possibly empower me to make real and important change that can truly benefit many. who knows if the future would even allow me to get that far. there are many things that could change the course of our lives that we don't have control over. but if others in worse situations than me and others much better informed than me can still have hope, then so can i. i didn't do much other than pharmacology and a little bit of philosophy today. i made more progress in pharmacology than expected, but that's only bc i didn't do any psych work. i also earned a few more mastery points on khan academy's integrated math 1 (not a priority, i know, but i wanted an easy win) and started lab tasks. i'm far from done with that, i need to do a little every day... i don't want to let them down! 🥺 (note to self: lying in bed is maybe NOT a good study break activity bc that just makes me not wanna do anything else after that and it's very very very hard to get out of that procrastination rut once i let myself fall into it.) 4. let's stay together (al green): everything should be going well, except i'm easily overwhelmed, and this time, it wasn't in an openly frazzled way, it was in a tired and slightly defeated "what's the point?" way, so i didn't realize it as quickly as i usually do. after some bed rest, cuddles 🧸, listening to steve jobs' commencement speech, and a little yoga, i felt better. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." was something i didn't know i needed to hear today. i modified my to-do list and found that the list of things i "must do" was nearly as long as the list of things i "want to do" 😅

5. kreutzer sonata, movt. 1 (beethoven): pretty sure i've mentioned some of these songs before but...they really fit the mood! sometimes i feel things so strongly that i develop a tightening in my chest that can only be relieved in a scream... since i can't actually scream and i don't actually really like the physical feeling of it, i scream through exercise and music 😅 beethoven is very nice for when i'm feeling very annoyed or angry, especially if it's an anxious kind of angry or if it's anger at injustice/inequality. i can't find a piano solo version that does the fiery spirit of the violin justice. so in the vague future when i actually play this, either i try (and perhaps fail) to replicate that on the piano, or i find a violinist friend who would want to play with me 😅 right now though, imagining how i would physically create that sound on the piano will have to be enough. the prevailing thought/feeling of the day: sometimes i just really wanna believe in the good in people and believe that i can trust (some of) them. i long for that feeling of safety in a broader irl community that i actually belong in. i'm surprised by how often i long for it. but then my negativity is reinforced by news and people's opinions on it.

6. violin sonata no. 1 in g minor, bwv 1001 (j.s. bach): stuff was done. i felt calm/chill throughout the day, but even tho i feel good whenever that happens, it usually means i don't get an extraordinary amount of things done that day (lol since when do i ever). i'm not sure if it's enough, as there is still lots to do and i'm pretty sure that it's just wishful thinking that i'll achieve all my goals for this week by its end. i need to cut down my goals list to the realistic rather than idealistic version as always (school, lab, and basic self-maintenance tasks) 😅 gaawwwdd i hope i can do this...good night.

7. waltz in a minor, b. 150 (chopin): today and yesterday i have been able to keep my phone time under an hour. the days are blissful (if not at least calmer) and focused. 📚

8. only mine (laufey): cuddles in bed while listening to laufey is so soothing 🧸 takes me back to my childhood listening to lullabies in the dark 🥺 motivation to study is hard to find today. i just want to relax 🥺 i'll just do one tiny thing and see where i wanna go from there...

[ganondoodle]

I just wanna say firstly that i adore your artwork and takes6on Zelda in general! Secondly, much as I wish you never had to deal with the frustrations of creating (especially when you tack on the stress of being on any kind of social platform), I'm glad you talk about your struggle. I've heard people talk about art block every day since I learned what Art was, but nobody ever mentioned "painting oneself into a corner". It's such an apt description that is so infuriatingly relatable that I had to stop eating to thank you for putting it into words. I really appreciate that you're willing to talk about your setbacks in a place like Tumblr, and still share your arts and thoughts. All the best from US of hellscape A, i hope you're doing well.

Thank you!

i used to call it artblock as well, its the most normalized term i guess; i randomly started calling it painting myself into a corner when i got stuck or frustrated on a painting bc welll, it sure feels like it, you painted the walls all around you and dont know how to get out now

it usually happens when i stop having fun and just draw what i want and instead keep subconsciously forcing myself into arbitrary rules; in my case its usually trying to be too perfect, i try to adhere to the sketch, i try to make every block of color have a perfectly clean edge, separate the drawing into way too many layers and am afraid to delete or erase anything, i tense up my whole body as frustration builds bc of impatience as this method of painting does not work for me at all and in the end lose motivation on it all and my nerves are stretched thin (i work best when i think as little as possible, just kinda loosely letting my hand do what it wants on few layers and no specific plan, after losing that its hard to get it back)

having those low moments with your art is normal as your skill grows, but even knowing so, and having gone through it countless times, it never stops making you feel like shit, and its especially frustrating when it happens when you just got enough time to work on stuff or have alot of ideas but you cant get it to work

(and funnily enough it also tends to happen after another work of mine got more attention than i thought .. even worse when it was just a sketch bc now i got the pressure on me to actually finish it and the fear of it doing worse once done looms over the whole thing- which doesnt mean i dont want people to interact with my wips, bc that also has an extremely demotivating factor to it bc it makes me think no one cares or it sucks and doesnt deserve the time i would need to spend on finishing it; also .. alot of my wips stay wips forever, which is fine, but like .. you cant always expect a finished tm version to happen)

i do find it a little funny you praise me for talking openly about it bc i am notoriously unable to shut up ever and only recently got better at NOT talking as much about it when i feel as shitty as this bc it doesnt really help anyone and gets annoying really fast xD (im also notoriously unable to not post absolutely everything bc i got no one to show it to and otherwise it will just collect dust on my harddrive so i might as well throw it out there no matter how much i might hate it, someone else might still enjoy it anyway)

and greetings back from the -not really much less of a hellscape- that is germany o/

[mastersoftheair]

ok, so my own final (and very, very fresh) thoughts, bc i wanted to wait until i'd watched everything to make a sweeping opinion of the whole series, and it's quite opinionated. and long. probably too long. i write essays for fun (everyone point and laugh):

my personal (and very, very fresh) ranking of the hbo war shows (not including gen kill bc that's a different war, sorry) goes- band of brothers > masters of the air > the pacific (it's the same for my title score rankings. that hasn't changed yet)

my main points of contention with MotA are 1) the nine episodes, 2) the length of the episodes, and 3) certain editing choices. nine episodes, compared to the classic ten, isn't Nearly enough time to showcase all that they wanna showcase (especially when the episodes are as short as they are, once you get past the recap and "next on" parts). and they wanna showcase A Lot! there so much going on! i'd ask them to pace themselves, but they literally Can't!

i mean, the editing choices are a Whole Thing! practically gives me whiplash sometimes lol. i feel like the weaker episodes still have parts that are Really good, but like. Individually. they don't work together as a stronger whole, which is to the episode's detriment. rather than jumping around (as the show often did), they could've benefited a lot from focusing on the One Story instead of squeezing three more stories into there (i say that, but i think the 4-5-6 episode run (all with multiple stories per episode) did this very well while Still being very good episodes, so it's not like it Can't be done, it just didn't work for 7, 8 and (partly) 9). granted, i suspect a chunk of the weird editing can be blamed on, well, there being only nine (and not all that long) episodes and no one wanting to cough up enough money for a tenth. ugh! i'm blaming both hbo And appletv for this (and covid19 ig). it's just One More Episode, how much could it cost?? and on the subject of episodes, why no episode titles? you used to love episode titles! i could've brainstormed episode titles for them For Free!!

when it comes to the characters, the rankings remain the same: BoB > MotA > TP. it's not totally fair tho, since BoB followed the exact same (and large-ish) group of guys from beginning to end, so you're Gonna know who they all are and get attached. this wasn't the case (for me!) when watching TP, since, unlike BoB, they jump around from group to group. i never felt like i got to know them all that well, outside of the main characters. i think MotA almost hits that sweet spot, especially knowing they had those two main things going against it: large cast And jumping from group to group. there's a case to be made for bias here (i Was the blog blogging about everything MotA for like. years.), but i still think they found a good enough balance of fleshing out the main characters while Also helping the audience get to know about a bunch of minor characters, of which there are a shitton (and their personalities, motivations, backgrounds, quirks).

there's also the representation of women. actual angel renée lemaire is and will always be a cut above the rest (bastogne is just That Good, argue with the wall). she's written so well that it almost makes me forget about how a bunch of women are portrayed in carentan. i have...issues with how women are portrayed in TP (even tho i love lena), so there's that. MotA falls in the middle (again) bc there's Way more women on-screen, but the writing can be questionable. balanced (as all things should be?) captain l'sandra wing-westgate is a character of all time, but episode 7 birthed the craziest discourse known to man (the hbo war fandom), but it wasn't all that unwarranted. manon and michou were sooo cool, but we didn't see nearly enough of them (another victim of the 'editing too many stories into one episode' problem. why not a whole resistance episode? or at least as the only b-plot?). paulina was interesting, but fulfilled one of those 'attractive foreign woman gives sage advice during/after sex' tropes (there's probably a tvtropes page for that idk). so many red cross girls, but none of the in-depth payoff :/ epic highs (multiple women!!) + epic lows (writing women??) = pretty tolerable. not great, not terrible. it was aight. i trust the fandom to build on this tho.

narrative is the big one tho. it's the whole "doing so much with so little" thing they've got going on (i'm ignoring their big budget here lol, could've been bigger). rather than having one main story with many connecting side stories (like BoB), it does the TP thing where there's many semi-connecting side stories set in the same general area. it helps that there's crosby's narration (i enjoy narration, sue me!), and he helps everything connect, sorta. but there's still other side stories that have Nothing to do with him (sandra's side gigs (revealing what she did takes away the mystery of what she Might be doing), the tuskegee airmen, quinn and bailey's eurotrip). would it have helped if there were two narrators (say, someone like rosie)? idk. gonna sit with that one. if there's a through-line, it's not super obvious like in the other two shows. which is insanely funny to me bc i literally like TP less, but that show's got an Extremely tight through-line all the way down. i can't lie and say it doesn't!

back to budget- i've seen people criticize this show for being called "masters of the air" when there's not much of "the air". ig that's fair, but there's the money issue, again. also, it'd get very repetitive if they were always in "the air". there was enough confusion about identifying who was who with the masks on, so imagine if that was Every Episode. out of All the issues the show has, this is the least issue-y. again, that's just my opinion, and it could change.

another budget thing (i think??)- idk enough about costuming and hair for period pieces so i can't comment on that with my 0 background in it, all i Can say is that i knoooooow people were clowning on marjorie cleven's hair in episode 1 (and i could see why, no such thing as 1940s beach waves). but from what i could understand- that actress' addition was a last-minute thing (bc i had No idea who the hell she was and i already found someone cast for marjorie all the way back in 2021). maybe there's something to say about the quality of rush jobs, but i really do think it was the most last-minute thing bc it came out of Nowhere, and timeline-wise, it looks like that bit was done long after everything else had been filmed. outside looking in, it seems something probably went wrong/didn't work out with who or what they already had and there wasn't enough wiggle room (time and money) to fix it. this isn't me being an apologist (lol), but i feel like a theorist at a big board bc nothing adds up! and i wanna know what happened! i'm just speculating! speculating on this blog is All i did for like Years lmaooo.

this is more of a side thing, but some of the lines in MotA feel really on-the-nose, almost corny. and that was Gonna be a knock against it, but there's some equally Extremely on-the-nose lines in both BoB and TP (Especially in BoB), so if i give MotA shit for it, i'd have to give all three shows shit for it lol. none of them are free of cheese.

another silly aside- no peaches, no main gingers, no main eugenes! we can't have 'em all, but c'mon!

there Is some good tho lol. one thing that MotA really has going for it, that i think the other shows have less of, is- and GOD it feels so weird to call this "world-building" when it's actual goddamn history, but- it's got world-building. maybe that isn't the best word for it. but i like how much Bigger ww2 feels in this show. BoB is one stop, then the next stop, then the next stop, which is, admittedly, good from a narrative-perspective (easy to follow), but not as good when you want a scale of how devastating the war is (in fairness, it was filmed in 2000). even TP feels pretty "enclosed" in a way. there's island-hopping, yeah, but all the damn islands look the same (not including australia lol). it's a theatre of the war we otherwise don't really get to see, but there still isn't all that much to see. it's water and sand and rock and dirt. which is the point, but Whatever! would've been cool if we saw sledge and co. in china, but moving on. MotA's able to really show the scale of it, both in the air and on the ground (that scene in germany during episode 6 was both harrowing and fantastic, also the inclusion of the actual children forced to fight nearer to the war's end in the finale). idk i just liked how it was able to zoom in and zoom out (and in and out again) in a way that the other shows weren't.

another thing it's got that the other shows don't is Really driving home how young everyone is (not "child soldier" young, but damn young). the cast is full of baby faces (rip babyface). a lot of ww2 shows/movies don't bother casting to reflect this, but i think overlooking that takes away from the overall impact. you browse through some old newspaper articles or photos of soldiers during ww2 enough and you're gonna Regularly get hit with the face of someone who looks like they could've sat in the desk next to you during a high school lit class. a lot of those b&w grinning faces look like kids bc they pretty much were (more so if they lied about their age). you don't really get that in BoB or TP (it's Crazy when the real life pics of the soldiers portrayed in those shows look younger than the actors).

i'm mixed about the tuskegee airmen. what we have, i love (thank you, dee rees). unfortunately, my biggest irk is that it leaves me wanting more of them, which i won't ever get. speaking as a black person (not speaking for All black people, just how i personally feel about it), having them included feels like a catch-22. if they weren't included in any capacity (all while knowing there were whole tuskegee airmen in stalag iii with the white main characters), there'd be a problem. however, including them (all while having these time constraints and not enough focus on them) leads to the feeling of having them "tokenized" (which i can see). there's no world where there'd be 50/50 split (even a 70/30 split) bc, at that point, just give them a show of their own. but there'd still be a general annoyance that big budget ww2 shows are only ever white. on the other hand, hanks and spielberg and orloff and miller and all the directors (except dee rees) are white, and how good of a story about black people are you really gonna get from the perspective of nonblack people? that in mind, i personally don't feel put-off by having the three tuskegee airmen in the posters/trailers/promos, bc i just Know there'd be a whole nother problem if they weren't included in them at all despite being in the show for however long (it'd be even worse if they made their pictures smaller). like i don't work in advertising, but i don't know if a "sweet spot" even exists for something like this. people would be pissed off no matter what imo (i'm also speaking with a bias here bc i had to browse through sooooo many comments written by white guys whining and crying and pissing and shitting themselves once they learned that the tuskegee airmen were gonna be in the show in Any capacity, so i'm just cool knowing they're in shambles rn (and josiah cross- he played richard macon- always goes Wild seeing his face in the promos, and his joy is pretty contagious).

i give it somewhere like a 7.5-8/10. 3.75 stars out of 5. not perfect, subject to change, gotta marinate, but i'm overall happy with it! MotA's best episodes are better than many other individual hbo war episodes. should i be grading it using the overall sum of its parts, not just the different parts? idk, i'm not being paid to grade lol.

[sugar-omi]

i start school in 12 hours 😧

so to keep from losing my sanity imma ramble about how Cove would make school fun if you hate it, like me!

Going to school with him, rather it's by bus, car, or on foot is always nice bc you guys can just talk and hang out on your own.

If someone ever tries to start shit w you, he's there and ready to kick ass. (not literally, he's a gentle giant. i mean unless he really has to)

If you get easily burnt out and lack motivation to do your school work, you guys can have study sessions!!! although results may vary when it comes to how much work you actually get done 💀

Sits next to you in all your classes and pouts when your schedules don't line up. Promises to see you at lunch and if you hate the caf like me he makes it soo much more bearable just by being there.

If you're a complainer like me, he'll listen to you and give solutions

his solutions: "let's just skip."

you don't tho. not too often at least

i feel like Cove would definitely be the type to skip for you. Like you tell him you're not going to school and he's already at your window like 'ok so what are WE gonna do then?'

doesn't matter if he was dressed and ready to go, he doesn't wanna be there without you.

UGH HES THE BEST I NEED HIM SO BAD

THAT LAST BIT MADE ME SMILE

school was hard for me socially n I never did the homework, so cove would definitely help you do the homework even if you end up copying some of his answers

socially, like I said before he tries to take thr heat off you. and I agree he doesn't rlly get physical!!! but if someone is giving you a hard time he comes up behind them, puts a hand on their shoulder.. "why don't you stop bothering them?"

or will stand in between you and crosses his arms. cove isn't that scary but he doesn't care abt that, he just wants to protect you

will indulge in your complaints too!!! even shares his own complaints. AND BACK TO THAT SKIPPING THING

okay just to set the scene, let's say you're really stressed and end up having an anxiety attack or feel one coming on before class. cove pulls you to a secluded spot and you end up calming down and crying while he holds you, eventually falling asleep with your head in his lap while he stands guard.

after that, whenever you get stressed or tired. anything like that, he finds a spot you guys can hide and you'll skip class.

you try not to do it often since they'll end up calling your parents, but you treasure those little moments bc he'll share a snack or doodle w you, or even better play more hangman w you <333

will play tic-tac-toe in the middle of class!!!

also I love cove climbing thru your window fully dressed for school and he's like "so, what did you dream last night bc I dreamed I was a SHARK which was rlly cool but then you were a fish n I ate u and I woke up and cried-"

this man is crazy istg

omg if this is like step 3 n youre dating he'll walk you to all your classes and squeezes your hand goodbye bc he's too embarrassed to kiss in front of your classmates n teacher (definitely does it once on the cheek and RUNS AWAY)

yall never live down how lovesick you are I promise

OMG SENDS TERRI AND RANDY TO DELIEVER MESSAGES OR SNACKS N STUFF

once had terri deliever a little sticky note w a heart on it or smth and terri went "omg yall are so CHEESY EVEN WHEN YOURE APART" randy is giggling and teasing you too

omg imagine he's in PE and he sees you. he runs to the door or window and looks back and forth before he steals a hug or kiss (pls kiss him, if not you owe him 2 kisses to replenish his energy fully)

teacher: holden! get back here. stop making out w y/n!

cove: *jumps 10 feet* y-yes! omg.... I'll see you later y/n<3

[moonlit-dreamers]

Can you rate all TSAMS characters?

oh dear lord- i can certainly try tho i get the feeling i'll forget some lol

in order of favorite to least favorite

sun - 10/10 - hes perfect, nothing can change my mind. hes heavily traumatized and incredibly anxious. hes the perfect specimen for whump AND hurt/comfort. im also just Heavily biased

ruin - 9/10 - yall cant fight me on this hes one of my favorites. hes a tragic, morally gray villain that did what he thought he had to. hes a sad pathetic wet cat of a man who i bet all my money on (a whopping 500 bucks) that he doesnt even know who he is as a person

eclipse - 9/10 - him being below ruin on the list means nothing bc theyre equal in my heart. again, tragic wet cat of a man whos too damn tired to deal with this shit any more. i also relate to him in ways that probably arent healthy <3

solar flare - 8/10 - BRING MY BOY BACK HE DID NOTHING ‼️

dazzle - 8/10 - sweet baby girl she can do no wrong

jack - 7/10 - he can do many things wrong but nothing could make me hate him forever <3

molten - 7/10 - he baby. he sweet. he dont know the world and thats okay. maybe i just like it when murder machines turn into pacifists and just want to have fun.

dark sun - 7/10 - he fascinates me. i want to put him in a lil test tube and study him under a microscope. i need to ask so many questions, most of them being some form of "what is wrong with you"

computer/spaniard - 7/10 - we dont talk about the previous 2 computers we dont care about them (i dont hate them im just biased <3) i only care about SPANIARD. i miss my boy why did they have to kill him he couldve been so good. sun needs his husband back/silly

old moon - 6/10 - he is... certainly a specimen. i keep bouncing between "i hate him i want to rip his head off" and "im wrapping him in a blanket so tight he cant breathe". before he died he was an absolute prick and the fandom ruined him for me bc everyone fell for his manipulation and blamed sun for shit moon did and bc i was so biased towards sun it was difficult for me to not hate him. after he came back hes more fun (and tolerable) due to him actually improving but i wish he had more set-backs bc like. to him he'd been dead for like. a week. he should be struggling more <3

earth - 6/10 - cant quite pinpoint it but i Do feel like she could be done better as a character. she... doesnt really change that much? idk how to describe it. maybe i just find her boring lol

solar - 6/10 - yes i am putting him this far down on the list bc i feel like he couldve been done SO much better. he has so little flavor it hurts. what are his struggles? what is his goal? what does he even do outside of sun n moon?? and dont even get me STARTED on how little his past is brought up in a meaningful manner, let alone be something that effects him. you could say "oh hes gotten better" yeah but we saw none of it so like?? fbkdsgnjkds i'll need to rant about his character another day smh my head

killcode - 6/10 - it was fun while it lasted or something like that. he was interesting and i Do wish they had just.. left him alive? not bc he would be "useful" or wutever but just bc like. wut if he wants to come back randomly? like he wouldve just been a fun side character

nexus/new moon - 5/10 - listen. i dont wanna put him down here. but his current arc fucked him over. he was so fun and whimsical before! he was just a silly lil guy trying to navigate the world around him and desperately trying to fill a role he couldve never filled. his current arc couldve been SO much better. but its not as emotionally charged as it could be. like. they just completely threw away his original motive! and now he doesnt care?? not even the slightest??? booooo tomato tomato tomato throwing tomatoes/ref

lunar - 5/10 - again, you can fight me, but current lunar just isnt it for me. lunar before he died? hell yeah. he was such a lil shit that only cared about stuff if it benefited him. he didnt care that he was hurting moon with his movements, he just switched sides bc moon actually paid attention to him. him and bm couldve been SUCH a good duo too OTL

bloodmoon - 5/10 - honestly i liked v1 bm more than v2. idk man. something about their energy was so different and it lured me in. v2 kinda just felt.. boring. no critiques on his character, just not for me *shrug*

gemini - 5/10 - i dunno. just boring to me

monty - 4/10 - yet another moment of "no direct hate on the character just uninteresting to me" with monty. theyre just. boring. also another moment of "i liked them before [insert event]" with the event being before earth.

the creator - 4/10 - just. meh? he could be better as a villain but hes like. been here for so long that i wonder if he really does much of anything? idk man. im losing steam atp dnf,jsdgndkj

this might be all of them..? i dunno. probably missed a bunch (and yes im aware i shoved in some laes characters shush). im gonna leave out eaps characters so this doesnt get longer and so i dont go on a hate rant about puppet/j

[enden-k]

Can I ask what makes Arlecchino evil? I'm v much a villain enjoyer and like some morally greyness, but I genuinely didn't pick up on a lot of bad stuff with Arlecchino. She was super helpful during Fontaine and seemed to be the only powerful person who cared about helping the common folk when the water levels were rising.

I'm not here to start an argument, just wanna expand my view 🙏

dw didnt think u want to argue! i will also use this to say i wont tolerate arguments, this goes for everyone here

i will talk about sensitive themes under the cut (mentions of when i was groomed/emotionally abused by my adoptive father/mentions of abuse/grooming in general) so if someones not good with this, be warned please and dont click for your emotional comfort.

i really love arlecchino (theres also difficult, personal reasons ig) and id rather wait for her to arrive to get more information than we have so far through other characters/side quests/main quest but well.

her goals aligned with ours in the fontaine quest which is why we have the impression shes a good/nice person, especially considering our other meetings with the harbingers we met so far (signora, childe, scara, dottore) and the situations. shes very calm and diplomatic (lets see how it changes in the next update when we fight her)

but we shouldnt forget how the travellers on their toes the entire time/everytime they come in contact with arle. its because shes a harbinger after all. shes a danger. her graceful politeness and calmness is supposed to have you on guard, make your hairs rise. shes mentioned to be manipulative and shes manipulating others to achieve what she wants by being nice and calm. she has ulterior motives. we should be careful. this is my impression based on my own gaming experience and idk if it was the same w others, but bc of us being on guard around her i was always prepared for her to turn on us until the end of the main quest.

anw, arle is supposed to be intimidating and have you wary. even tho she comes off as nice and polite, having done good and helped in the main story. its bc thats what she wanted and you happened to have the same goal. also lets not forget scaras and childes thoughts about her which already tells a lot

she has two sides. the one we saw in the quest, the graceful, calm, polite face to get what she wants. and the other, the one scara and childe talk about here, the one they call "crazy"

not to mention her codename, "the knave". what does it mean? servant. what else does it mean? "dishonest/deceitful man". basically, swindler. isnt it perfect?

shes manipulative and whatever her "true" nature is, we dont know (yet). she may have "good intentions" here or there but will achieve them no matter what it takes.

as for the thing you can consider as bad; the house of the hearth is an orphanage that raises children into fatui agents. only those who have potential join the ranks while the others are kept close (its not known whats done with them afaik). theyre basically grooming/raising child soldiers/spies.

before the sensitive stuff comes up, for the ppl who dont want to proceed, arlecchino fools/manipulates you into thinking shes a nice person/good parent. its amazing and so in character for her. its also scary how some ppl cant see the abuse/manipulation unless you went through this too or well. just actually read and realize it.

arlecchino is an emotionally manipulative parental figure. now, this is coming from someone who went through heavy abuse/was groomed by their adoptive father who was extremely manipulative and i spot so many things very well known to me. others who went through the same get this feeling. these signs you immediately recognize.

you get punished for the tiniest mistakes and when you get loved, it makes you forget all that was done to you, just for that tiny bit of affection you crave. you try to do your best, to do everything asked and expected of you, not to disappoint the only parent you have and youre dependent on, to be a good kid deserving of love and when you slip up youre in shambles. there was a time i did a tiny mistake by accident and my father said to me in the coldest voice "you broke my trust" and i remember so vividly how it broke me, how i cried until i got sick. i was physically abused before and none of it hurt me more than this. it still gets to me after all those years. emotional manipulation is cruel

what im trying to say is, she came in a time of need. taken as a savior while it just is one abuser swapped out with another. like my adoptive father having me dependent, giving me love i never received and being everything i wanted, making me believe hes everything i need, a common thing abusers do. wanting to do everything youre asked of and do it good, the fear of disappointing and being punished, believing you deserved it bc its your fault and treating your abuser like a savior, being conditioned. this is whats happening.

now, arle genuinely loves and protects her children; its very clear that the life of the children matter to her the most (look at childes line and freminet/lynette etc) - she was one of them too after all. so, its possible to love and still do these. moral greyness etcetc

anyway idk if its understandable or if i can explain it in proper words while maintaining a good distance so ill add the voicelines of the siblings heavily implying this, and also a tweet adressing this that brings it to proper words, better than i can say

tweet here bc tmblr doesnt insert the link properly

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

(I have been trying to write this post for a while, but it keeps coming out like a sob story, and it is really not that deep jkfdgkj

So I am just going to say it, bc you guys know I love to ramble for ages, and I need some opinions

1 year of this blog is tomorrow (or today depending on how long I take to write this kjldfg), and I really do appreciate you all being here - if you have been here since the beginning, or just followed recently - if you've sent an ask, liked, reblogged, shared with a friend, theorised, made fanart, or followed me to my art blog and watched me make (and continue to make) a billion clones, anything; thank you

I made this blog on a whim, only like a week after getting into Pizza Tower, and I had no idea it would turn into what it is now

Of course, in the beginning there were a lot of actual posts, like with backgrounds and multiple characters, and I'd post several times a day if I could - and while I was having fun, it was not ideal - I'd frequently post at 7am after spending all night working on a post then I'd pass out, I'd forgo eating or showering just to draw, and I had wrecked my wrist several times, and continue to push pass the pain just to post

It wasn't just hyperfixation, it was obsession - much easier to realise that in retrospect

I was also medicated at the time, I had been on antidepressants for 3 years, so around April (I think) I ran out of meds and was unable to get more due too third party issues/unable to get in contact with my doctor/etc (and unbeknownst to me at the time, the last two packs I had were expired) - so I am sure you can imagine the sort of affect suddenly going cold turkey on the med that make you not wanna die has on a person - I was not doing great to put it lightly

But I still wanted to continue - so many people had praised me on the frequency of posts, and how excited they were and all this validation - I couldn't let people down! (Also I was, and still am, a disabled shut-in loser with no friends, posting is like the only social interaction I had/have kdfgkgfd)

But I think I did - I intimidated myself out of drawing main posts with how much work they were, started the intermission even though I said I shouldn't, had no script or direction and that I was not 100% invested in to try to motivate myself back into main posts, and it was just easier to draw silly ooc posts than do the thing I really wanted to do instead

Of course, this is not any of you guys' fault - I have always had this issue of starting something, it getting way bigger than I can manage, crashing and then just unable to get going again - I have so many unfinished comics, half-done projects and abandoned askblogs it's not even funny - but it's also like, not the end of the world, if I don't finish things I start for fun - sure, I'll feel guilty as hell for a while, but life moves on

So that being said, I would still very much like to continue the story here - I have been working on some stuff in the background (I even updated Pep's reference in the last few days, with a ton of new stuff), but I still don't think it's gonna be soon - I am doing somewhat better than I was, and I actually have an appointment for with my doctor finally (I will probably have to do some reassessments since they can't just put me back on the meds, after not having them for almost a year, and then I'd have to probably get reaccustomed to side effects etc), so despite it all I am still here

I am not sure if I want to continue the intermission with Bean and Fiend at this time - I know a few folks enjoyed it (mostly bc Fiend kjsdfkj) - but as mentioned previously it was unplanned, unscripted, and I was quickly not feeling it, as I am sure some of you guys were too - the intention was for Fiend to give you guys another hint to the main story, but getting to that point was not fun - I might do a poll on this in a separate post

I also mentioned a while back that I would be cutting down the Big Post into smaller posts, and posting as and when parts were done - but once again, do not expect these soon - (although there is a very late Valentines post coming hopefully soon)

And I think that should hopefully be it for now - I know this is a huge post, and probably still a bit sob story-ish, but oh well - I also know that the hype for Pizza Tower had unfortunately died down significantly, but I'm still working on PT stuff on my art blog @smalltimidbean if you wanna see more silly things (and maybe some lore for here hehe)

It is also the first now, so happy birthday Pep

Okay, thank you, and see you later)