#and it feels even worse cause i literally have no reason

[loudclan-clangen]

So, here is the pitch:

AU where Siltsplash finds out they are pregnant around the same moon that Eklutna gives birth to the boys. (Rather than an AU where Owl doesn’t cheat because then we wouldn’t have Song, Dance, or Dash and that won’t do)

It makes the betrayal even worse because it’s even more pointless since they were going to give Owl an heir.

Anyway, meet Spindlekit

She will eventually go blind I imagine, but if Owlstar suggest she retire she tells him that he should retire for being old lmao.

Warrior name is open to suggestion

I love her and I’m so mad that she doesn’t exist now.

The fact that Song doesn’t have a little sister is a CRIME. This is what he was born to do.

Not only am I okay with it, I would love to see it!

You are so right, here's a flashback that was cut for time from Moon 28:

Erminepaw has had a crush on Songpaw since they were in the nursery together, he just never called attention to it. He honestly probably doesn't even register that it is a crush, he's doing that thing that kids do where they're like this is my best friend, of course I want to marry him that's how everyone feels about their best friend. Nothing out of the ordinary here! Just my best friend that I must be holding hands with at all times for best friend reasons!

Yes! This is Fox----, he has been causing problems since the literal day he was born. You've met both of his parents, but I would be a little bit surprised if you guessed them correctly. Parental drama is kinda part of his whole deal. He's one of the first 3rd generation cats born in Loudclan.

I have SO much advice, about the images, the recommended size is 1280 x 1920 pixels, that's always a little too short for my panels, so I try to aim for 1280 x 2000 - 3000. It still deteriorates them a little bit, but people can always click on them for better quality. Bigger text and variation in values also help for readability regardless of size. (value meaning how light or dark a color is. if you want something to stand out it's more important to change the value than it is to change the hue generally speaking.) As for grabbing attention, I would recommend making sure that the image you're trying to show is visible above the cut off for longer posts, posts with only text visible are a lot less likely to get interaction. That being said, the most important thing for the longevity of your blog is making sure that it's something you are doing for yourself. There's nothing wrong with liking when your posts get attention, but it's not likely to happen for a long while (I think moon 5 was the first time I got double digit likes which was three months after I started.) I appreciate all of the love that Loudclan gets now, but if I had started with that as the goal I never would have been able to reach the point of it happening. (I actually started posting Loudclan with the intention of proving to myself once and for all that posting art was not a viable endeavor for me, so... I'll consider that a successful failure!)

You CANNOT DO THIS to me anon- "the canadian city"- YOU MEAN JUNEAU? YOU MEAN THE CAPITAL OF ALASKA JUNEAU?!?! JUNEAU?!?! CANADIAN?!?! When I catch you anon- anon when I catch you-

Come here, anon. I just want to talk. I just want to have a word with you.

[explaintome]

Dear Mouthwashing fandom, explain to me, why next to the incredible fan art, I find a fuck ton of shipping content, especially between characters where this is highly problematic? SPOILERS FOR MOUTHWASHING AHEAD CN for talk about sexual abuse, death, suicide & violence

DISCLAIMER: I do not shame the general practice of shipping at all. I am a shipper myself and I think it makes up for a lot of interesting dynamics and narratives outside the canon. Shipping is an important pillar of fandom communities and I am unable to forbid you to do it. HOWEVER, in the case of Mouthwashing I want to talk about what, in my opinion, feels tone-deaf to the themes and the canon of the game. But let me start with a short summary of the game before I get into it.

Mouthwashing is basically a visual novel that takes place on the Tulpar, the last manned cargo ship of the company Pony Express. The crew, consisting of Caption Curly, Co-Captain Jimmy, Nurse Anya, Mechanic Swansea and his intern Daisuke, is confronted with a crash against an asteroid and the consequences following it. The story is told out of order to reveal the truth bit by bit. What caused the crash, what happened and how the crew deals with the time afterward being stuck on the ship. Revealing sexual abuse, tragic backstories, the horrible side effects of late state capitalism and the neglect of people in command towards the people they are responsible for.

To boil it down we have two men who, out of societal misogyny, hurt the only woman on their crew by assaulting her or not acting as they should have in their position of responsibility. All of this would not have happened if Jimmy didn't rape Anya and impregnate her, and if Curly had disciplined Jimmy in a capacity possible on the ship and in Jimmy's position as co-pilot. To be honest, with the amount of automatization the ship has, I don't think they need Jimmy if it is not a case of emergency, but I digress. Jimmy is the perpetrator of the story, but Curly is an accomplice in putting his aim of finding a solution and compromise over punishing his subordinate as he should have.

And now to my actual point: I am a big fan of the game, the narration style and the utter tragedy of 5 people losing their lives in the isolation of space, with their company not giving a shit about them. Otherwise, they might have been rescued much earlier or at all. Or had enough cryo pots in the first place. Or a nurse with experience. Or any amount of better equipment and not the most cheap shit that somehow made it through a resemblance of regulations. There are probably no regulations.

Being a fan I, of course, looked into the hashtags on several social media sites, and between the incredible art and analysis of the game, I quickly found shipping content, and I have no idea why. I have literally no idea how that narrative speaks to you in a way of shipping characters romantically/sexually. Especially three shippings really rub me the wrong way.

ANYA/JIMMY

Are you fucking kidding me? Literally, what is wrong with you shipping a victim with their abuser? There was not one interaction between them, that suggest that there was consent or affection, that Jimmy has any sympathy for Anya. He knows what is going on, he knows that Anya is pregnant and takes no responsibility. Even worse, his idea of FIXING this was to kill everyone, at least himself, to avoid responsibility! Same goes for AUs where she kept the baby and is somehow okay and happy? I get the urge to fix it, but that is not a good fix. There is no good fix if you are pregnant due to rape.

ANYA/CURLY

A lot of argument I hear for that is that "at least Curly is her friend and was nice to her" and if that is your whole foundation of argument, I want to ask what your standards for a relationship are. Please know that you deserve more than the bare minimum. Another question in that context: Is Curly really Anya's friend? His friend was abused and instead of protecting her, he tried to reason and help her abuser! That is not the behavior of a friend! There is no "but Jimmy is his friend too!". If your friend is an abuser and that does not make you stop being their friend....why?

JIMMY/CURLY

It feels like it is a law on the internet, that two men who look at least averagely handsome will be shipped, especially if they have the tiniest of connection to each other. I am not even sure if I would call them friends in the first place. It appears that Jimmy, whatever his bad life before that job was (thanks to the developers for not giving us a backstory), he is still absolutely unsatisfied with that he has. He is jealous of Curly and his position, seeing how quickly he takes on the Captain title after the crash and only realizes far too late how hard the position actually is. Curly on the other hand feels a bit like a people pleaser to me. He probably had pity for Jimmy, took him under his wing to help him? Fix him? Whatever it is, it made him ignore Jimmy's bad side to a fatal degree. I respect the toxic yaoi but are you sure?

TLDR; I am worried about how the practice of shipping developed, from a way to extend the canon, explore queerness in cis/straight dominated media, into a compulsion of where some people can't look at any form of media or constellation of characters without immediately smashing them together like dolls. If you do this, maybe step back for a minute and ask yourself if it is appropriate. On that note, same goes in case you defend Jimmy. Why?

[melancholicstation]

God bless America and all the beautiful women in it —husband!jack schlossberg comfort headcanon's

jack schlossberg fan fiction is for the lovers

WIFE!READER returns and is the orion carloto archetype, who balances modelling and writing, and i imagine her making tiktoks in the same vain of alanabananaxox (she's been my no.1 tiktoker since 2021) and sotce on tiktok.

taglist: @obsessedwithjohnjr @candyneckl6ce @rocker-chick-7 @ultr4v1ol3nt @violetharmonsfavgf @strip-weather-forecast @darcyspirits @fortheloveofjos @h-l-v-kennedy-blog @h-l-vlovesvintage @bluelancergirl @snowsgames @salvatoresablondie @dulcegal @kennedyism @bloxholden35 @kimcrystal123 @absurdlyvintage @jackiesgirl @chemicalw0rld @remotewatch @starsprangledgirl

no matter the stressor husband!jack literally treats it as a top-priority emergency

immediately goes to start a bath for you in your gorgeous copper bathtub (cause of course you have a copper bathtub ... duh) with some suzzane kaufman bath salt's that he picked up down in greenwich after a meeting with vogue's magazine department.

husband!jack is a freak for baths and it's rubbed off on you ... seriously like that man takes baths multiple times a week, on top of daily showers

if he had to be out on a day you were particularly anxious for whatever reason he would come home with a laundry bag of new tasteful yet cute stuffed animals from loewe and never tell you the prices cause he knows you'd crash out

is great at being a body pillow and has no shame just laying in silence together for hours

would try to make you feel better by getting the overpriced (not in your opinion) criterion subscription just so you could watch vintage halloween movies without running a risk of getting hacked on some third-party sketchy website

would 100% let you live in his clothes while he was out of the house so you could feel comforted even if he wasn't physically near

would absolutely try to distract you with light comedy, despite his cockiness he is indeed a funny guy so it helps slightly

husband!jack would be such a proponent of a healthy mind is a healthy body so he'd make you go do jump rope with him (cause why does jump roping have to be so humiliating) or even worse takes you out to paddle board, like imagine your knee-deep in that melancholic state where you only read plath novels and listen to unreleased lana and your boyfriend drags you out to go paddle boarding???? like cmon now

you do feel better afterwards but you would never tell him that

if you guys owned any pets together he would without a doubt tell you he's going to be out for a couple of hours and come back with one of those portrait paintings of house-pets to cheer you up (editors note: vang olsen mimi does the most delightful pet paintings if your in greenwich!)

he would absolutely NOT be above trying to self-medicate your problems (within reason) by smoking w*ed with you or sharing a cigar being the chicest couple ever!

would 100% smother you in delightfully soft cashmere blankets in the pattern of gorgeous tapestries

would earnestly read poems (robert frost, emily dickinson, and shakespeare) to you to get you to sleep on the especially hard days

is a devout optimist and routinely talks you out of your doom scrolling

always holds space for whatever emotions you are feeling but always wants to provide solutions to your problems

and when he encounters a problem he can't so easily fix he invests time into getting your mind off it and plans steps you can take to lessen the hold whatever your stressing about has on you

writes mini impromptu love letters/pep talks on the empty spaces in your agenda notebook (wife!reader would totally own more than 1 of these louise carmen organisers in an apropos shade of autumn scarlet )

encourages you to do self-care rituals with your staple skincare products by letting you do the exact same steps on him

while husband!jack cooks for you both you read him your favourite chapters of "democracy" by joan didion in the kitchen every night and it remains a pillar in your routine despite the tumult

during your hard times jack is serving peak husbandry doing the washing, cooking and cleaning

when he's on his lunch break at the office you get text messages like this:

always makes sure that you take your medication (if you take any) at the exact times its supposed to be at and has little alarms on his phone

husband!jack would increase his acts of service to 1000% like that man would be taking your row boots into the cobbler for a new sole

would bring home flowers without a special occasion, just cause

would without a doubt bring out those STELLAR accents just to see you smile

disclaimer: this is all obviously fiction and i do not know this man nor how he calms anyone down, this is all for some fun distraction in these trying times.

to anyone struggling with the results and its ramifications (same here) i would really encourage you to read this beautiful (free) essay from alanabanaxox on patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/i-miss-dancing-115580140?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_fan&utm_content=web_share

[mvrdermeharder]

Part 2 of Kaiser-goal analysis

[This post is a continuation to my previous one, where I tried to theorize how Kaiser’s goal celebrations differ from other strikers’ and the reason(s) behind it. I highly recommend you to read that first. I’ll also edit this post and link the third part here, when I upload that.]

[Also, tagging u @pixie05love <3]

Okay so, in this part I want to talk about what happens between the third and fourth goal: the failed attempt of the Magnus (the culmination point of Kaiser’s desperation to reestablish and reinforce his shaken self-esteem) and the events leading up to it. I think it’s important to recap these events and Kaiser’s down spiral to have a better understanding of the Magnus and it’s significance later on.

Reaction to defeat:

We have left off with the results of his shameful third goal: he fixates on Isagi more than ever, not bothering to award Ness. The game ends, with his rival as the ultimate victor. And just like after his latest goal, he tries to hold it together: covers his expression with his hair, head held down, being silent. But he obviously can’t take it anymore: his frustrations break through the surface completely, even though Ness isn’t there this time to “provoke” Kaiser’s ire.

(I am NOT placing the blame on Ness for how Kaiser responds to him in a verbally abusive way. That is not what I’m getting at. Just to be clear.)

And I want to note the obvious difference between these two responses to a loss: at first, his anger is icy and chilling, we get to see his vicious expression and eyes (they are the focal point of the panel) and it literally freezes Ness. He’s mad, it’s showing, but he still stands straight as the bet is not lost just yet. At the end however, his anger is loud and startling, he is hunched over, expression covered with shadows. He’s even more on the edge of an identity crisis, embarrassingly losing the bet that he had proposed in the first place, and having his self-obtained “humanity” (causing pain to others) ripped away from him.

So obviously, he doesn’t give a shit about his new offer. Prestige, wealth, and an escape from BM are only secondary goals: they do not “make him human”, only causing despair does. That is the source of his ego. And so, we get to the first self-harm scene.

Psychology behind the self-harm:

I think it can be interpreted in multiple ways, as there isn’t a clear indicator whether he’s punishing himself intentionally or subconsciously. I am PERSONALLY leaning towards the second possibility because of this one reason: he’s feeling like “shitty trash”. And how I see it, this feeling isn’t evoked by him choking himself, it’s quite the opposite, actually.

It is the same phrase his father had told him while putting his hands on Kaiser’s neck, the exact words Kaiser used to identify himself with as a young boy. But for a while now, he’s been considering himself as someone with success, who has built up his humanity, and so feeling like trash again this suddenly could’ve triggered his memories of the times he felt this way the strongest = under his father (who had spat these terrible things in his face) being totally helpless, with a pressure around his neck.

In short: he’s feeling worse than ever -> it triggers his ptsd of the most intense moment he’d felt this exact same way -> he’s reliving the memory -> subconsciously chokes himself, to imitate the situation in real time.

(But, as I’ve said, this is only my interpretation. I do not study psychology, nor do I have personal experience with ptsd and trauma responses.)

Between the Ubers game and the PxG one, we first see Kaiser at practice, as he acknowledges that he can’t gain back his feelings of comfort unless he beats Isagi. Later on the same day, we get to the second time he chokes himself. With recordings of Isagi playing in the background, he is literally facing his own defeat over and over again. It would be no wonder if the reasons behind his self-harm were the same ones that I had theorized regarding the first instance (feeling like trash more than ever -> subconsciously imitating a traumatic moment)

But there is another possibility as well. It’s now crystal clear to him that crushing Isagi is the end all be all. So, maybe, to come up with a way to do just that, he is intentionally placing even more pressure on himself (both figuratively and literally) to find a way out. He overwhelms his psyche on purpose, so that his base instincts for survival would kick in, searching for newfound inspiration to escape the situation. And it works:

Magnus’ failed attempt:

After Isagi scores the first goal, Kaiser’s situation is even worse. Not only is his one satisfaction of ruining other’s careers is being ripped away, but also his other accomplishments (his position, his team). Now even more things are at stake. Again, his anger is loud, bigger than ever.

But he puts a lid on his frustrations again, maybe so as not to scare Ness away; after all he needs him to set up his goal. But his emotions and desperation are clearly showing, they make him utterly irrational. Which costs him a miskick.

And at this moment, we have finally arrived at the pinnacle of his accumulated despair: for the very first time we can clearly see and observe every detail of his overwhelming frustration on his face: his hair is completely out of the way and there are no shadows to cover his expression either.

(I know this last part about the failed attempt is more of a recap, but some parts that I’ve mentioned will be important regarding the actual Magnus analysis itself… or at least I think so…)

Edit! Read part 3 here!

[margindoodles2407]

You guys were asking for the Fives And Echo Dissertation so here it is. Courtesy of @seeking-elsewhither, who first asked the question, "Do you think Fives or Echo is older?" and then patiently listened as things got out of hand.

(Author's note: this is written in my own sort of weird style, where I have a point to prove but to prove it I use almost a kind of narrative style. A great previous example of this is The Crosshair Dissertation, which I published whilst watching The Bad Batch. I hope this style doesn't throw anyone off. Thank you for your time.)

@whyoneartheven You may be interested in this and @kitty-i-swear-to-gosh I know you asked me where the thesis was so I'm tagging you. I hope you don't mind :)

Tube twins are incredibly rare within the ranks of the GAR. Very few of them survive gestation due to lack of nutrients or other complications, and the few that do are often… taken care of by the Kaminoan scientists. The reason for this is that (based on prior tests and research) tube twins, more than any other clones, have a tendency to become dangerously codependent. They will often prioritize their twin over the rest of their squad, which means missions get failed and battles are lost. And Force forbid a pair of twins get separated, whether it be through simple reassignment or, worse, death- it can cause severe mental depletion to the point of a psychosomatic response, a full-on breakdown, and too many other problems to count.

Neither Fives nor Echo knows the real reason they were allowed to survive. They both doubt it was a show of mercy on the parts of the Kaminoans, and even less likely is the idea that they somehow slipped through the radar unnoticed. They agree, though, that it's better not to pry. For their own sake.

Now, with this knowledge in mind: let's examine the fact that, in my mind, Fives is the elder twin. To make sense of this, you may need to take a brief refresher on my characterization of Fives. He's a silly guy, yes, and we love him for it. He also takes responsibility incredibly seriously, he does NOT tolerate those who abuse their positions of authority, when he sets his mind to something only the Force itself could possibly hope to stop him, and he is willing to literally fight and die for the people he loves.

Now, Fives is not the eldest of his vode. He has Hevy, Cutup and Droidbait ahead of him, and only Echo directly under his care. Echo his twin, Echo his closest brother, his best friend, his confidant, his better half.

And he, Fives, is his older brother.

On Kamino, he keeps his head down, as much as deep in his soul he wants to lash out against the Kaminoans and their standards of genetic purity, because if he were to act out on Kamino he could get himself and his entire squad in trouble. And he has a responsibility not to do that. But he also has a responsibility to protect them- ESPECIALLY ECHO- in other ways.

He… becomes a little bit overprotective of Echo. He has a tendency to constantly pull "older brother status", but he's not doing it out of a sense of inflated ego or superiority, he's doing it out of a genuine sense of duty. He's doing it because he knows the danger tube twins are in, the fact that most of their twin brothers died as tubies or newborns. He's doing it because he knows Kamino is a harsh world, a dangerous world, a world of scientists so pragmatic that they speak of human beings as "units" and discard anyone who doesn't measure up to their standard of genetic perfection. He's doing it because he loves Echo, he loves his brother more than anything in the galaxy and he genuinely wants him to be safe. But Echo, especially as a cadet, doesn't fully understand this. And he does resent Fives, just a little bit (mostly as a cadet), because in his mind Fives is only being needlessly overprotective. He feels that Fives won't let him fight his own battles, he feels that Fives thinks that he's weak and incapable just because he's the youngest and the younger TWIN and the straight-laced rule-follower who would never willingly go seeking out a fight. As cadets, they get into a LOT of arguments about this, and it's not until right before their graduation that they both finally seem to fully understand each other.

Now-- the Kaminoans are absolutely not justified in their termination of tube twins. But they aren't exactly wrong about the dangers of codependency. Especially after the Rishi Moon, Fives and Echo really feel like it's them against the galaxy. That's not that they don't love and care for their other brethren, but they begin to cling to each other in somehow an even more intense way than they did as cadets and as shinies. It's a good thing they both end up going to the 501st, they both end up in Torrent Company, they both enter ARC Training and both graduate ARC Training. It's a good thing they're assigned on the same missions. Rex and Anakin recognize that they do seem to work best as a team, their movements seem to be in tandem and it's almost as if they can communicate between each other without saying anything, which makes them both utterly fascinating to watch and entirely lethal on the battlefield.

So of course it's only natural to assign them both to the Citadel mission.

Such a shame no one knew there was a bomb in that shuttle.

Fives spends the next few weeks after the incident completely out of it. He's a sobbing, hysterical, sleep-deprived mess, and everyone begins to wonder if the stories about separated tube twins having broken minds are true. But Fives is not a fragile man. He's devastated, he's lost the person he loves most in all the world, he's experienced the worst tragedy in his short life… but he also knows that he has a responsibility. To his Captain, to his Company, to his brothers. So he pulls himself together and goes back to war. But there's something markedly different about him after the Citadel. He's still warm and friendly and kind, but he's not as quick to smile. He's slower to laugh. His gaze holds a kind of sadness and emptiness to it that brothers unfamiliar with the story of his life don't fully understand. (Even the ones who are familiar don't fully understand. Only the Captain, and the men who were at the Citadel, really get it, and even then… none of them had a twin.)

When he first meets Tup and Dogma, they kind of remind him of the old days. They aren't twins, but they share such an incredibly close bond that they could be. He sees a lot of himself in Tup. He sees even more of Echo in Dogma, which is why the whole debacle with Krell breaks his heart so much. (People ask him if he hates Dogma, for everything he did. For trying to execute him. Fives always looks them hard in the face and simply responds, in clipped tones, "No, of course not. How could I hate my brother?" The recipients hardly wonder if his words might have a double meaning.)

He ends up taking Tup under his wing, the way Rex took him and Echo under his. (If Dogma had stayed in the 501st, he'd be there too.) And part of the reason they're such close friends is because of the way that Fives sees so much of himself in his younger brother (and so much of Echo in Dogma). It's one of the reasons Fives fights so hard against the chips.

It's the reason that it's not just blasterfire that shatters his heart.

Echo is rescued from stasis a few weeks later. He doesn't ask where Fives is, not at first. There's the whole shock of getting off of Skako Minor, then there's the stress of the Battle of Anaxes, then there's the joining of an entirely new squad.

But he knows there was a reason, and not a good one, that the arms he woke up in were Rex's and not his twin's.

He finally works up the courage to ask the Captain where his brother is.

Rex tells him Fives is gone, and he screams.

He screams, horrible sobbing tears, because the one and only thing that kept him going through those years of horrible torture and pain and absolute agony was the fact that he HAD to stay alive, because he HAD to see Fives again. He HAD to get back to Fives his twin, Fives his closest brother, his best friend, his confidant, his better half.

Was everything he went through for nothing?

Should he have just… let himself die? On Skako Minor, should he have just… given up?

No. No, he tells himself, when he's finally calmed himself down (which is… not after a short period of time). That's not what Fives would want.

And that's why, when he has a chance to go with Rex, when he has a chance to go and finish what Fives started- rescue their vode from the prison in their own minds- he grabs it with hand and scomp and doesn't let go. He loves Clone Force 99, he loves Omega, he loves them all more than he's loved anyone since he was first separated from his brother.

But this… this is why he didn't die. This is why he didn't let himself give up. Rex told him the stories, the stories of Umbara and the tragedy of the Chips. And Echo knows that, if Fives were alive, he'd be right there too, fighting the Empire under its very nose.

How could he possibly do anything else?

(And, years and years and thousands of rescued Clones later, as he lays, an old man, struggling to take his final breaths, surrounded by his former Captain and the squad that took him in and the little girl with star-colored hair who has grown into such an incredible young woman-- out of the corner of his failing eyes he sees a bluish figure with unruly curls and warm, grinning eyes and a supernova smile, eternally twelve-twenty-four and crystal clear against the grey fuzz of everything else. And finally, it's the twin he lived his whole life in memory of who's the first to welcome him into the afterlife.)

[dorkydiaz]

.

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you

[circe-butbetter]

Damn dude you good thats insane hashtag hard times

Okay but no way did it last only 2 days and its always the wooden spoon and omg like getting locked out??? Thats insane and proper neglectful omg and ni thats literally terrible and the fact that it went on for a long time is even worse

sorry you went though that thats terrible🙏🙏

good lore though /lh

uhh my toddler years were mid, i went to a kindergardenf? Like for some time during the day jd go there it was nice it was larigjt, my parents were too tieed to take care of me and my mum was throwing uo basically everyday infront of me hashtag i remember that proper clearly and my dad was at work basically all the time it was clear they loved me and all they just never had time for me uhhh we never really stayed in onse spot for long for some reason we'd be moving houses every 3-4 months but it was all in the same city

We had to evacuate multiole times though because terrorist attacks and raids would haooen alot so like i remember wed come back sometimes and theres be dead bodies laying where the side walk was supposed to be and all the houses would be destroyed but i think they stopped after a while

Lowk my parents wouldnt pay attention to me lots, like i think they just didnt have enough time for me so i had alot of free access, and alot of onternet access and with that hm lets just say i was exposed to lots of gory things and uh like lets just say it eas not the kid friendly safe sode of the internet so id suffer from proper nightmares and hallucinations and stuff and my parents wouldnt believe me because they thought i was lying fir attention

Mmm around 2-3 years old though i was moved to a different country with my mum, they say its cause of studies and shit but i know they were having issues and i think that was a major reason

I remmber alot of stuff im not sire why but i remember alot of my life

It feels very detached though like i remember it but i dont feel it

Kid years were more eventful than toddler years lowk

IM VOMMENT BLOCKED BUT

ID LISTEN TO YOUR LORE TO BABES

not my lore 💀

that shit is… that shit is dark

[jaypgartifacts]

october is coming. which means, of course, that it is time for the horrors. tfw the dream self must confront the Nightmare Self

[laconchadetumadre]

benjulie's relationship from julie's pov me thinks

[i-will-change-this-someday]

Something that keeps nagging at me is, why did Jon continue to take statements?

I’m not talking about season four. In episode 120 it is revealed that Jon gets dreams of the statements, and in episode 114, Daisy asks about his shirt, meaning the dreams weren’t just happening during the coma. (Also 120 states that he’s had these dreams before)

And look, I know Jon loves trying to deny things, he spent the entirety of season 1 doing just that, but he’s not stupid; no one would think “hm, I’ve been getting dreams of the live statements, where I watch them live through their trauma again and I’m turning into something not quite human, probably just a coincidence. Nothing to worry about.” So why does he continue to take live statements?

Because even if Jon doesn’t know that the other person shares the dream, why would he want to keep dreaming them? Because he enjoys it. He’s not suddenly more “monstrous” in season 4, taking strangers statements, it wasn’t like he suddenly started making these selfish decisions, he already was.

I’ve seen a lot of people say that Jon doesn’t become an avatar until season 4, but, to me, he already was one, his choice in episode 121 is more about becoming the Archivist not an avatar of the Eye. Because in season 3 he can already compel people, he can already Know things, and he is already enjoying people’s fear. He plainly tells Gerry that he likes compelling people.

So, I think, Jon enjoys taking peoples statements, and he enjoys watching their dreams, because he doesn’t have a choice. Jon admits that he thinks he’s losing himself to the Eye:

“ARCHIVIST

Avatars! But they end up getting these abilities, and they lose a lot of their self. Sometimes all of it.

GEORGIE

And you think… that’s what’s happening to you?

ARCHIVIST

Yes. Yes. The Institute serves one of these beings.”

The Eye took a part of him, and now he has to enjoy others’ suffering, he still feels immense guilt for his actions, but as Helen said “When has your guilt, or your sadness, or your hand-wringing ever actually stopped you from doing what it wants?”

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[neganium]

augh I wish I could sell my shit bc it's looking more and more like I'm gonna need a financial solution to this ongoing bullshit problem with the internet. I swear to fucking god.

[mosspapi]

For a guy who constantly says 'I wanna kill myself' I sure don't have the fuckin balls to do it huh

[gh-0-stcup]

I actually think that the longer Armand was with Marius, the less likely it was for Armand to rebel. The time passed, the more Marius could build the codependency between them. The extra time in the show canon just gives more time for this situation to become Armand's baseline normal.

Leaving isn't a realistic option for Armand. He doesn't have anywhere else to go, he doesn't have anybody who'd be willing or able to defy Marius to help him escape. And Armand doesn't want to leave - Marius "saved" him, he "loves" Marius.

So I could see the defiance Amadeo displays in the books as something that decreases over time. Fighting back never changes anything. Leaving isn't an option. The only thing left is acceptance. Serving his Master with all his heart, basking in his Master's mercy, hoping that this is enough to win his Master's love.

do you have thoughts on how marius would have kept a human amadeo in line for another ten years. I have to imagine it's holding vampirism over his head for longer but rereading the parts of TVA I was looking at today and how tumultuous their relationship already was after two years I'm like damn that bitch had his work cut out for him....

Lmao omg 😭😭 love this question I love the idea of a nearing thirty yr old Amadeo who’s fit and strong and CRAZY driving Marius to insanity (as he should). I mean it definitely wasn’t easy. Marius is very insecure and I picture him being made very anxious over Amadeo becoming stronger and older and feeling helpless to stop this. Marius considers his control over Amadeo essential to their “love” and relationship, and feeling like he’s loosing control when Amadeo becomes a person is terrifying to him. We know from the books that any inclination that Amadeo is growing into an independent person capable of being self sufficient causes Marius to loose his absolute mind.

I feel like Amadeo is so attached to marius tho that he didn’t have to do much more then threaten to leave him + leave him alone for a few days to remind him of how much he needs him (therefore stopping any rebellion in its tracks). Amadeo is a Crazy bitch but the second Marius leaves to visit Akasha for a little bit Amadeo looses his shit and begs him to stay with him. Any threat on Amadeo’s part to run away is all talk and they both know it. Marius has done sm to abuse Amadeo into codependency that I feel like by the time Amadeo is an adult and has been living this life attached to Marius for so long the abuse does the work for him. Like, Amadeo is still going to be a piece of work but there is no real possibility of Marius loosing him, bcus Amadeo can’t live without him.

It’s definitely not all roses, like I imagine by the time Amadeo is a restless adult being treated the same as he was when he was fifteen the beatings r going to increase based on reckless and insane behavior increasing. But Amadeo feels like he can’t live without Marius and would rather die then be left alone, so I think that a reminder of “I could abandon u at a moments notice” would be enough for Amadeo to keep himself in check. (Especially bcus amc Marius makes it clearer then book Marius that Amadeo is property to him and Amadeo is very aware of the fact that he is a thing that can be replaced and therefore needs to make himself useful. Amc Armand is not necessarily privileged enough to rebel to an extreme point 😭).

so my thoughts r, I think that Marius is so insecure that he forgets how much Armand’s history of abuse affects his behavior. So what I think is, even tho Amadeo has very little chance of actually becoming independent from Marius bcus of how unhealthily codependent he is, Marius despite being aware of this fears his independence a ton and gets that out of his system by taking more abusive measures to make sure amadeo’s afraid of rebelling. This is kind of what happens in the book, but I imagine with an extra ten years it becomes more extreme. According to Armand in tva marius only really starts beating him when he hits puberty and starts fighting for his identity and independence, so I think with an adult Amadeo the beatings just get really bad. In the book Marius beats Armand when he displays his identity and independence that’s uncontrollable by him when he’s yearning for his family he lost. Marius is frightened by Armand regaining who he was before him (cuz marius is afraid of loosing control over Armand). So I think in amc iwtv this behavior gets to the point of like, marius starts restricting when Amadeo can leave the palazzo, doesn’t allow him to see Bianca or Riccardo, controlling stuff like that, that r like useless measures attempting to stop Amadeo from growing up and therefore realizing that he doesn’t need Marius.

and u know how in the vampire Armand Marius shaves Amadeo before he turns him so that he’ll be as young looking as possible for eternity? I imagine for amc Armand, Marius is also very frightened of Amadeo growing into an adult and becoming physically a man. So maybe he puts restrictions on his physical appearance, shaves him down like he does in tva, cuts his hair, emotionally abuses him into seeing himself as more of a child then he is, just so that he won’t loose that youth Marius is attracted to. What Marius is really scared of is Armand becoming an adult, bcus Marius is attracted to the child he can control, not an adult. he doesn’t want a man, he wants a boy. And the horrible thing is, the way that Marius treats Armand ends up ultimately stunting his ability to be an adult, and in a way Marius gets his eternal boy forever.