#and im all fucking alone bc of it!!!
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i think dan should get to be a little weird too. as a treat
#my art#re animator#herbert west#daniel cain#dan cain#danbert#no but srsly guys i get that hes the normal guy but you forget ... HES ALSO WEIRD !!! HES SO STRANGE !!!#if he was normal he would have called the cops on herbert ages ago#but guess what babey he ... well technically he did call the cops but he waited like 20 years to do it so .. !!#bro was an enabler dont forget that#sorry im like rlly crazy about dan...#which is unfortuante bc i feel kind of alone in that like YES herberts a baddie YES hes litterally me#but dan....... DAAAAAAAAAAAN (eagle screeching)#what the fuck am i saying!#edit hey guys its actually lucid dog that rant you see above you was written at likes 6am after an all nighter#we all know dan is weird i mainly meant i think he should get to be PORTRAYED as weird more#really im just weird about him (<3) and i need him to reflect that
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hiii 😬
#i feel like GARBAGE#it is intensely hard to take care of myself??#and i could really rlly use help but i also dont deserve it so#realized recently i dont get when pol respect my boundaries bc im used to having them violated!#and THATS why i dont know how to ask for help bc they usually barged in anyways!!#so now im used to ppl barging into my space when i was at my worst#and im all fucking alone bc of it!!!#srsly!!!! i spend my nights alone and my days alone and i dont text anyone and i dont call anyone#and i speak to my roommates when theyre not actually talking to other ppl but thats fucking it!!!!#haha im gonna rot lonely and unfulfilled in this fucking bedroom!!!#i dont know how to reach out bc i feel guilty for never doing it and then i feel guilty for wanting to talk about me#bc honestly i feel like nobody has any interest in me or anything i like anyways#so i might as well shove myself and my interests down my own throat and leave everyone alone#god i cant wait till im rotting in the earth and im never lonely again#i hate how lonely i always am but yknow if im alone its probs for a reason i mean look at me#my supremely unlikeable personality and presence i make everyone uncomfortable#i wish i had died instead of her she was more made for this world than i am dear fuck#k bye time to rot
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I'm not the kind of person that's like "Here let me fix the canon" usually but like holy crap gen 5 implied a lot of messed up shit about our hero Twilight Sparkle lmao
#It almost says something about the dangers of undertakin responsabilities alone#the nuanced idea of putting heroes on a pedestal being inherently self destructive#hell its kind of funny that Sunny idolizing her is objectively wrong#her legacy was a house of cards!#but I digress#I hope this post isnt swinging a bat at a hornet's nest#but y'know#this is also related to my fics lmao#bc of course#twilight sparkle#sunset shimmer#gen 4#gen 5#pony posting#mlp gen 4#my little pony#friendship is magic#Also like. Celestia herslef regretted banishing luna#and shes happier ruling WITH a partner#meanwhile twilight is like “Ok im not even on my thirties time to undertake all of this”#bonkers! Nuts!#its almost like. entirely accurate#entirely purposefull that her rule would fail completely#Wouldn't it be fucking sick for sunset to try again#to give it another shot!!!#now that shes better#changed for the better by none other than twi#i wrote fics of this lmaooo#fanfiction#writing stuff
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Suspirium - Thom York
#this is my very favorite song and i think ive been wanting to make this for abt a year#when i was at my most compulsivly unwell i would be focusing so hard and sleeping so little that i would feel physically sick#like the world was tilting around me and i would think: all is well as long as i keep spinning#bc i would stop moving and suddenly id be in pieces on the floor. but now i think my favorite lines are: when i arrive will u come and find#me? or in a croud be one of them? bc its such a profoundly lonely idea. i dont believe in a life after death. i think when ur gone ur gone#your brain stops and the thing that made you you is gone forever. but if i imagined an afterlife image getting off a train onto a crowded#platform and searching for my mom through all the chaos. when i arrive will u come and find me? would our connect extend past a lifetime?#or would u be in a crowed one of them? would i stand alone in a sea of people waiting for someone who was never coming?#its a very upsetting thought#im glad i waited to make this bc i feel the song more deeply after the death of my mom. it feels more sad and more ethereal.#there r like 2 different versions of the lyrics bc thom york is so fucking hard to understand#so i use the version i like better#original art
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y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.
#chyanne speaks#house md#hilson#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#i think his inability to be alone is such an interesting quality of his that isnt touched on enough#like yes we all haha at his long string of unsuccessful relationships but we dont talk abt it all stemming from his inability to be alone#his first wife leaves him and then he remarried quickly#he cheats on the second wife and remarries quickly#the third wife cheats on him and leaves him and he immediately moves in with house#and then starts dating a patient and immediately moves in with her#but!!! then he moves into the hotel and is alone for like almost a year! and honestly he NEEDED IT#bc GROWTH happened in that year and he meets someone who doesn't fit his M.O. who breaks away from the mold#although he does immediately move in with her too but still. amber was different. she was the step in the right direction#and then she dies.#and then wilson throws himself into the left field. everything needs to change. he's spent so long fearing being alone.#so he tries to leave so he is completely and totally alone without house to fall back on#but house needs him. he needs him too much. they need each other too much.#and he falls back to house again. and he's content that way. he's always the most content when he's with house. always feels the least alone#and then sam comes back into his life and ruins e v e r y t h i n g#he falls right back onto those old patterns. kicks house out and moves her in. and then what happens??? of course??? she leaves him. again.#and then he's alone again and it hurts. he gets a cat that we only hear about twice and then never gets brought up again#but wilson has his kitty. he has house. he's not alone. he can be content.#and then house fucks everything up. he goes to prison. wilson is alone again.#im honestly SHOCKED that wilson didnt remarry in that year they were apart but he was rly trying to change!#he was working on himself and trying to make changed he thought would be good for him#and then house comes back. and house won't LET wilson be alone. he wont leave him alone.#and it's exactly what wilson has been yearning for since the day he drove that car into cuddys house#and in the end. as long as he had house that was all that mattered. as long as he had house he wasn't alone.
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but shotacon is the same nasty fiction as the games. dude u'r a weirdo idk?? like natch u can not like anything but being against smth when u like smth the same as that is weird n cringe (this https://www.tumblr.com/mustystrade/762894418110005248/how-can-you-like-a-game-with-rape-and-murder-but?source=share) no offense :c
#im tired of this#just bc i like a game with dark themes doesnt mean i should accept/enjoy all such themes and loli/shota shit is soemthing i just dont fuck#yes i enjoy fiction with the themes in btd but leave me alone i genuinly dont know how to word it better atm#boyfriend to death#ykmet#mustystrade#boyfriendtodeath#gatobob
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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It makes sense that the HTTYD Vikings wouldn’t know this while they were fighting for their lives against Furious’ forces but….Furious declared war on ALL of humanity right?? Did he just start with the Vikings and the Americas have no fucking clue what might be about to hit them? Is everyone else just chilling or did HTTYD become an alternate history series off screen while dragons stole Visigoth valour and fridged the Roman Empire hundreds of years earlier? Aka were their multiple fronts to the red rage that attacked other human societies or did Furious pile all of his forces on the Vikings? Is this a post apocalypse novel set in America where secretly the rest of the world is totally fine and the Americans don’t know?
#bc like…Hiccup is the biggest threat to the cause thus the Vikings are Top Priority™️ to the red rage#but also like the Romans were shown to be pretty fucking awful and low key worse then a lot of the Vikings towards dragons so we’re they#really just left alone the whole time??#also..the world big and that means many humans many dragons#Is it realistic to think Furious could both rally ALL dragons everywhere to this but also convince dragons who had suffered at the hands of#non Viking humans to go attack these strangers first rather then getting direct revenge??#so it’s honestly possible that the Roman Empire dragons all had an uprising sparked by Furious’ movement and encouragement and just fucking#killed all the Romans or something#also like?? how are the northern wanderers doing during this bc they’re like the chill humans canonically but I don’t think furious cares#im guessing they’re all low priority#httyd books#httyd book spoilers#the dragon furious#I genuinely can’t remember if the Romans are brought up at all in the later books#shut up Flynn#not sw#these tags are a mess
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you GUYS i am officially enrolled in my degree i am so unbelievably happy!!!!! i have been fighting for my life to get here. i had to turn down all my uni offers when i was a teen (had to move out independantly bc of domestic violence and disability/health complications). i've always known exactly what i want to do with my life but everything got put on hold whilst i desperately tried to sort my shit out. BUT IM DOING IT NOW!!!!!
#u guys dont even know 😭#i dropped out of school when i was 14/15#taught myself all my GCSEs at home#tried to go back to school 3 times but had to leave bc of my abuser finding me + disabilities/pain made my attendance scores impossible#taught myself my A levels and GOT INTO MY DREAM UNI#had to TURN DOWN the offer so i could move out alone somewhere safe on my own income where he could not find me#then had to take a few years to sort my shit out because hello what the FUCK was that first 20 years of my life#plus hey ive been AUTISTIC and adhd this whole time ontop of the cptsd and psychosis and whatever the FUCK else#but im here now :))#lets get a fUCKING DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!
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Illustrated a scene from Chapter 9 of @binarybitex's fic Cardboard Castles. PLEASE give it a read- it's my personal favorite maxvid fic! ^^
#maxvid#camp camp#camp camp fanart#camp camp max#camp camp david#cc max#cc david#cc maxvid#is that enough tags?#hopefully!#because im not doing anymore :D#BITE IF UR READING THIS FAR HI I LOVE YOU THANKYOU FOR WRITING CARDBOARD CASTLES I LOVE IT CHEFS KISS MWUAH <3 UR A BELOVED MOOT!!! <3<3<3#myart#my art#proship#profiction#whatever the fuck else i have to tag to get weirdo antis to leave me alone#if theres any errors its bc its 3am and im dead tired#also this is my first full piece of the year! :D all the way in june! huzzah#hey at least its something <3#progress is progress
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been thinking about the regulus & walburga ivent a mom who wants to be saved post for. days. DAYS laurie!!!!!! because like, to me, walburga is sirius’ devil. he’s not really capable of seeing her as anything else than his abusive mom. incapable of seeing her as a person. which is why it’s ’’’’easier’’’’ for him to leave. BUT REGULUS DOESSSSSSS. regulus sees his mom as a person and he loves her in this deeply twisted way and cant leave and/or abandon her because he’s just. cursed. to also see her as a person. ive been feeling so sick over this and it’s all your fault……..
JEN!!!!! I FEEL YOU!!!!! THEY HAVEN'T LEFT MY MIND FOR A SINGLE SECOND!!!!!
i agree with u, i think sirius sees walburga as his abuser, as a monster. even if there might a part of him who sort of . still craves her love and approval, he can't see past the abuse. he's able to leave the family, turn his back on her and cut all ties. stop seeing her as his mother even. he doesn't think walburga can be saved, and even if she could be, sirius probably wouldn't want to. he doesn't think he ever loved him, and he can't forgive her
regulus, however.. not only does he love walburga, he also wholeheartedly believes she loves him back. even if it's in her own fucked up way. that's one of the reason why he stays, i think. he's loyal to a fault, and family is always the most important thing for him (he's a black after all). at the end of the day, and despite all the wrong she's done and all the pain she's caused, walburga is still a person to regulus. she makes mistakes and she hurts him, but she's his mother. everything she does is out of love for him. that's enough for him to forgive her. or, maybe not exactly forgive her, but to endure. and deep down, regulus thinks he can save her. he wants to, more than anything, but the truth is that she doesn't want to be. she doesn't believe she needs to, but even if she did, she wouldn't allow it
that's why i loveeee to explore reg's dynamic with his parents, especially with walburga. i have a few stories in which he leaves with sirius, or leaves after him, and also cuts all ties etc. but in my True Version of regulus.. he can never abandon them. even if he ends up moving out or reconnecting with sirius, he always keeps in contact with both walburga and orion. he can't help it. those are his parents, and he's always gonna love them, despite the ugly and despite the pain, because that's what family is supposed to be, to him!!!
#god they make me SICK#ur not alone jen i promise im dry heaving right there with u#one of the reasons im so excited about the boxer au is that . reg has an okay relationship with his parents?? while sirius hasnt spoken to#them in years. and yet sirius and reg live together and are okay#but they fight a lot over walburga and orion bc sirius believes reg should tell them to fuck off for once and for all#but regulus just . can't#worst of all he doesn't even want to#ANYWAYS THEY FUCK ME UP IN SO MANY WAYS#so obsessed with the black family Always#ghostly echoes#jen tag <3#regulus & walburga
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been binging tf outa Avatar the last airbender bc ive been puking my EVERLOVIN guts out since yesterday and hear me out
#remy would probably get cool weapons or somethin but honey im so sorry it would be the reality#sk8 squad#ollie#ponti#oscar#abio#kari#vinny#remy#im Just Now feeling like the worst is over but holy fuck talk about misery#and i Have to go to work tomorrow anyway since i had to call bc today was supposed to be the recovery day but nOOO body said fuck u#cause this is like the 3rd time this has happened this year alone like i refuse to believe its just a bunch of food poisoning instances???#i been eating the same for years and i know my immune systems been shot ever since covid but that was 4 years ago now somethin aint right#pray for my downstairs neighbors they had to hear me fighting for my life every 30 minutes PFFFT EEUUUAAGHGG HUFF HUFF HUFF yeah#although i will say all this shit has really toned down my emetophobia now everytime i gotta puke i just let out a long disappointed sigh#but goddamn still brutal tho
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missin my crow familia so baddd rn 💔
#*armas de riva#dont even mind me i just want this in armas' tag#love teia and luca bonding over how insufferable their partners are bc those brothers constantly bicker at each other <3#insane lucanis attempted to flirt up viago in the past and it went unnoticed. also crazy teia flirts up armas and teases luca being jealous#viago and teia flirting blatantly w/ each other in front of them. seeing them argue is just foreplay ugh get a room guys 🙄.#viago feeling compelled to talk to *the first talon* about dating his younger brother. embarrassing for everyone honestly.#actually even funnier if viago has to talk to *armas* about dating *the first talon* and caterina's *demon of a grandson*#the threat of lucanis being caterina's grandson and his reputation alone once sent shivers down that grown man's his spine before.#don't fuck this up armas. 🫵 don't make our house look bad in front of caterina. but also. im sure it's code for about worrying for him 💗#and GOOD FUCKING LUCK TO ARMAS NOW BEING UNDER CATERINA'S INTENSE SCRUTINY DATING HER GRANDSON. HOLY FUCK. lmao.#his mission when invited to the dellamorte family dinner?: SURVIVE (and viago and teia help him prep for it LOL)#this dynamic is so funnnyyy help. i love it all so much#the kind of familia (and work place lol) where they all know each other's gossip and drama. UGH love a family business you know?#veilguard spoilers#jic#datv spoilers#this isn't even including viago/armas family trips to visit the king or even illario. it would get even funnier with him around too.
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'nanami's precious thing', revolutionary girl utena (1997) / kunihiko ikuhara's 'the romance of the dancing girls' commentary / 'what can the damned really say to the damned', interview with the vampire (2022) / iwtv's jacob anderson, delainey hayles & sam reid break down scene from the s2 premiere / 'i could not prevent it', interview with the vampire (2022) / 'the romance of the dancing girls', revolutionary girl utena (1997).
bonus:
'i could not prevent it', interview with the vampire (2022) / 'i could not prevent it' episode insider / 'and someday, together, we'll shine', revolutionary girl utena (1997).
#whats up guys. im. normal <3#claudia is and always has been my favourite and its for many reasons#but most of those reasons are admittedly the resonances i find between her anthy and nanami#oh nobody else will do it has to be you we're really in it now#there's also something here about 'which one of you gonna fuck me?' and claudia running away in s1 and ikuhara's running away anecdote#and all of nanami in 31 and 32. like that's peak claudia nanamiisms#and i also like how these comparisons tease out a difference between anthy and nanami. that nanami has to learn to go at it alone#and yes anthy does this as well but anthy does it believing in the value and possibility for earnest connection#and thats the tenjou utena effect really isnt it#what 'my immortal companion is claudia. my coven is claudia' does to a mfer#not maintagging this bc its for ME ok????? i had a moment the other night#her tragedy her triumph
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#jjk#gojo satoru#geto suguru#jujutsu kaisen#sugusato#gego#satosugu#this manga panel cause irreparable damage to my psyche that I still don’t know how to cure#whenever I see ‘I had fun’ don’t even joke lad#and the fact that he felt fucking ALONE ALL THE TIME AND HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW NO ONE UNDERSTOOD HIM#no one but GETO AND THATS WHY HE WAS THERE WITH HIM IM SO SICK#so before you come at me I tag it sgst bc he’s having his last chat with Geto#so how is it not#jjk 236#the fact that it’s called the easy way out#gege……#anyway#manga spoilers#i guess????#if you don’t know he dies by this point idk what to say it was international news
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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment
#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours#which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart#not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently#EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that#there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM#THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS#and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME#LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED#so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour#like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally#have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week#but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN#and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE#FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR#AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill#it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about#and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors#and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593#my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it#bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment#i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time#i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day#omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES#LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS#hella slaves to capitalism
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