#and if you’re saying that you ‘believe’ I’m xyz then you just need to be quiet bc 9/10 you’re wrong!

[mypimpademia]

Idk who is trying to “expose” my age but you’re definitely not an ex mutual bc you’re literally wrong and ik exactly who knows my age and it’s clearly not you nigga💀

[youalreadyhavefullresults]

the mindset journey

So hi.

My mindset has been evolving a lot ever since I started this journey, and I thought I'd lay it all out in one post. Subliminals, mindless affirming, scripting, visualization, states. I've tried so many things out, and I think I've finally figured out what works for me.

TLDR:

Stop “trying” to manifest or checking the 3d, you already have full results, creation was over like since forever.

Sure you know that you’re God, as the posts and everything you’ve seen tells you, but have you really embraced that internally?

It doesn’t matter how many posts you read, it’s up to you to actually change your mindset.

Logic is literally useless, be delusional (don’t you just wanna go ape-shit :), go get your fucking desires)

Time is not linear, and means nothing when manifesting.

Revision is so powerful, use it.

It’s just so easy guys, please just make sure you’re actually applying the information you see instead of just passively scrolling through.

And the rest is under the cut, happy reading <33

I started off in the subliminal community in Oct 2020 and just had so many limiting beliefs, it was sad. Not to shit on the community or anything, some of them are wonderful people and most of them have changed their mindset as well, but my initial knowledge prevented me from getting to this point until now. But, now I’m here, and a day after I wrote this in my drafts, I literally manifested my ideal life. I originally started this blog to collect advice from loa blogs, but honestly, I don’t need any of it anymore. Though I do like helping people, so if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask.

The Initial Mindset:

I always read through countless posts that say “You’re God” and “You literally can get what you want without even trying.” While I understood the text and adopted the mindset, I still did little subconscious things that contradicted it. While I affirmed my self-concept was perfect, I would also cram-study for exams and worry I would fail. I would say I look perfect, but then also worry about the way my body looked. Also, the way that I literally became obsessed with loa media? I spent hours watching Sammy Ingram videos, looping subliminals, and reading tumblr posts on “how to manifest faster and better”. During this phase of my life, my mind was plagued with intrusive thoughts and my self-concept was slowly getting better, but still absolute shit. I would manifest things here and there, but nothing life-changing.

The main problem however, was the fact that I would treat manifesting like a task I HAD to do. Now that school was back in session, I literally would zone out during specific classes on purpose and just affirm to myself. I would feel bad if I hadn’t listened to my subliminal playlist for the day because I “wasted time in getting my desires”. There’s nothing wrong with vainly affirming or listening to subs if you believe it works, but for me, treating manifesting like a task meant that I was looking for an outcome. Clearly, now I know better, that everything is always done and that there’s nothing to complete, but back then, this was probably the main reason why I struggled to see full results easily. I was acting out of desperation and didn't believe manifestation already was done.

When Everything Changed:

I know that it’s different for everyone, but my “aha!” moment was probably when I read this post. Seriously, go read it, it made me realize that I was going about it all wrong. Now, it wasn’t learning how to perfect my manifesting, it was learning to pull out the tiny limiting beliefs that had burrowed its way into my subconscious.

For example,

“I need to do xyz so that I can get my manifestations.”

Why would I would need to do anything if I already have all of my manifestations hmm? It’s literally already done. Like there’s no need to put in that effort into something that’s already perfect right? So why do I need to even need to try? I literally get whatever tf I want without even trying. This doesn’t mean that every method out there is useless, but in the end, you are the one doing the manifesting, not the method.

“But... this makes absolutely no logical sense! How would this even work?”

I know that STEM me loves finding the logic behind everything, so that’s why I struggled a lot with the logic and time aspect. But darling, it doesn’t need to make sense. There are literally so many things in the world that scientists to this day can’t explain, including just how powerful and complex your brain is. Not to mention the fact that concepts such as logic and science are literally man-made too? What’s the point in trying to deal with logic? Just let go and have fun.

“I affirmed so hard, and I believed it. But then it never showed up when the time came.”

First off, your time spent affirming means nothing, sorry to break it to you. It’s about the mindset(your state if you will) you currently exist in that truly makes a difference. And just because it didn’t show up today doesn’t mean that you missed your window of opportunity. Revision is still manifesting, because time is not a linear concept. Anything at any time can just change with a snap of your fingers. You want to change all of your test scores? Bam, it’s done. you wish WW2 never happened? Bam, it’s done. You want to relive the past 5 years of your life? Bam, it’s done. It doesn’t matter what the event is, what time it is, or that you “didn’t do it before the deadline”. Whenever you do get it(which is instant/soon if you're persisting properly), it will be there, seamlessly blended in with your 3d. You don’t need to worry about a damn thing, your subconscious will take care of everything for you.

“Oh no! I just had intrusive thoughts, did I just mess up my manifestations?”

Why are you giving intrusive thoughts the power to do anything? Sure, you may get them, but that doesn’t mean that they have any effect on you. It’s the doubt they make you feel in your mindset that truly messes it up. Don’t give in. Acknowledge the thought, accept that it literally means nothing, and continue to persist. Your thoughts only have the power you give them.

“Nah, everyone has to be lying, this doesn’t seem real.” / ”Manifesting must just be a coincidence, there’s no way this is real.”

Oh? So you’re saying, the amount of posts you’ve seen, all of the success stories, all of the followers and comments, are you saying every single one of them is lying? No. I’m not saying that every single one of them is truthful, but there’s no way that every single one of them would lie and put this much work into something that’s not real. If you find yourself struggling to believe in the law, I’d suggest you try to manifest something small, and then build up your belief from there. I sure as hell didn’t believe in any of this from the beginning, but then, I manifested consciously for the first time. Again, and again. It became easier, and my life got better. It soon becomes apparent that literally everything you think happens. I always used to wonder how things I randomly thought in the back of my head always happened even though I literally didn’t do anything about it in the 3d. This proved to me that your mental state is more powerful than it seems.

“Can I manifest-”

Yes. Just yes. You’re GOD. GOD. Why tf is God asking some random loa account if they can manifest something or not? Ofc God would know that they can manifest whatever the fuck they want instantly. Do you think when God said “Let there be light”, he first asked people around him if he could? No. He took that shit and just fucking ran with it.

“But-but, what if-”

Uh-uh. I don’t want to fucking hear it. Like I said in the previous section, stop overthinking everything you do. Just go. Run with what you already know and manifest the life of your dreams. You don’t need to keep looking for new information, some specific post that changes everything for you. All they can do for you is steer you in the right direction. You’re the one who’s going to have to figure out our mindset and pull yourself together, no one else can do it. Take back your power, embrace it. I don’t care if you unfollow every single loa account or delete tumblr, just stop looking for the next post. Why would you need more information when you already have everything you need?

I wrote down everything I struggled with, forgot about it, and continued to persist in my new mindset. I ignored any negative 3d circumstances, and just vibed in the feeling that my desires were already here, that feeling of contentment someone has when everything in their life is just amazing. The main question I asked myself was, what would a person who had ____ think, and I went from there. Soon the things I wanted just started popping up in my life, just as I knew it would. I feel like the things I’ve said in this post are pretty much the same concepts you see all over loa tumblr, which is why it’s so important that you actively take in the information that’s being given to you and actually apply it. I was obsessed with tumblr and kept on scrolling through countless blogs and posts, and I was only able to fully manifest after I stepped away from all of that. There is no big secret. There’s no miraculous method that will fix everything for you. There’s just... you. And your subconscious. Whatever you tell your subconscious, goes. As simple as that.

How about, instead of scrolling to whatever next loa post you were about to see on this app, you close tumblr and just go live your best life? Don’t overcomplicate it and just do whatever feels natural to you. I hope this post helped, happy manifesting!

-cinna

[coinandcandle]

Paradigm Time! - What is a Paradigm?

TL;DR: Paradigms are how you make sense of magic and how it fits into the world in your experiences. They aren't right or wrong and they often change!

Paradigm: a philosophical or theoretical framework of any kind

Note: There are a few different definitions of paradigm depending on the field you're talking about. In the case of magic, we are using the definition above.

Paradigms are essentially how you make sense of the world around you. In magic, these paradigms are ways in which someone understands magic, how it works, and how it is used in the world.

Other people have used words like “framework”, or “beliefs/belief system”. Whatever you call it is fine!

Paradigms can and often do change over time, maybe you used to believe “xyz”, but now you’re thinking more “abc”. This doesn't make everything that you did while you believed in “xyz” invalid, it just means you understand it differently now.

Since paradigms are basically belief systems, they are not factual and are not “right” or “wrong” they simply are. One person may disagree with another, who may disagree with someone else, who may have similar but slightly different experiences than another. More than anything else, paradigms are fluid.

Furthermore, paradigms are fluid not just within ourselves but within communities too!

Here’s an example:

Say everyone in x community generally agrees that crystals hold power. However, some may believe that crystals only hold power once charged, like how a cup can only hold water once filled. While others may believe there is an inherent power within the crystal. Others in turn might believe that some crystals hold power and others don’t. Yet they all still believe the paradigm that crystals hold power.

Now let’s take a few paradigms about correspondences as another example.

In one witch’s paradigm, they might be used as ingredients that hold inherent power. -> “I am using the magical properties inherent to basil to power my money jar.” In another, the correspondences are spirits that you petition to help power the magical working. -> “I am working with the spirit of basil and asking them to help with my money jar.” In another, the correspondences are offerings that you give to a spirit that you’re petitioning. -> “I am using basil as an offering to a spirit to help with my money jar.” In yet another the correspondences are spirits that you don’t even need to petition, their very presence influences the spell. -> “I’m using basil in this spell because the spirit of basil will help influence my money jar.”

Here are some other examples of paradigms:

Spirit-Working sorcery, where spirits are petitioned for aid, and the strength of workings tends to depend on the depth of the relationship developed with the spirit, and/or success in evoking them in that instance.

Thinking or focusing on your intent in your head is fine, writing it down is better, but speaking it aloud is best.

Energy is the battery of magic. Magic is the change caused by whatever you’re doing but energy is what powers that change, be it a spell, prayer, whatever.

Gods can be called upon and petitioned for help with a spell, but the relationship between the caster and the god will determine the strength of the spell or their willingness to help. Otherwise, you can try to appeal to them with offerings to make up for the lack of a relationship, though their help will still not be as strong as if there were a pre-existing relationship.

Inanimate objects do not have spirits, but animals, plants, fungi, and humans do.

Again, these are not universal paradigms, they are just examples. I honestly don't think there even is a universal paradigm when it comes to magic and witchcraft.

Thank you to @windvexer @friend-crow @stagkingswife and @rose-colored-tarot for your help in writing this post!

[bambimanifests]

Can you explain a little bit about the change of appearance? I mean, it does not require surgeries? And can I become the most beautiful? How do I do it? I am new to the community. Thank you sweetie

hi anon!

yes i can. to answer your question no manifesting an appearance change has nothing to with surgery, tho i think it could, like if you assume that manifesting an appearance change will result in surgery in the 3d, but so far as i’ve seen it has nothing to do with surgery at its core.

appearance change is like any other manifestation, the law says that whatever you think/assume/believe in essentially persists on in your mind (mind = 4d) will reflect in the reality around you (3d).

4d —> 3d

not the other way around.

when it comes to manifesting anything the most important thing is consistency in the favourable thoughts and persistence in your desire.

so if you are on tumblr you will see a lot of “just chose it to be done and it is!” which sure, if you say “i have xyz” then you do, but if you are new to loa i think that concept may be hard to grasp, as the whole “anything is possible” is hard to grasp as well at times.

if you are a beginner i think it’s best to focus on a specific manifestation method, whichever you like most, if you don’t know which one, try them out!

you can affirm(out loud or in your head), script(in a notebook or phone notes), visualise, there is also the void, i know many use it to manifest i personally do not, but there are plenty of posts on the void state on tumblr.

so i personally prefer to affirm + visualise, i say you should pick a method that doesn’t bore you or tire you out, like of you dislike writing, don’t scrip.

as to how to manifest it’s pretty simple, you said you want to be the most beautiful so affirm, scrip and/or visualise you are.

“i am the most beautiful person on the planet.”

“i am drop dead gorgeous.”

“everyone looks at me when i enter the room because of how beautiful and stunning i am.”

those are just some examples of affirmations, i will say that it’s the best to affirm the way you talk and thunk normally, it just feels more normal to you.

so even when you do your method of choosing, you need to keep 3 things in you mind such as:

manifestation is happening always, right now your manifestation is conscious/intentional, but we manifest at all times, so you need to keep a mental diet, which means do not think against your desire! however we are all human and when that happens just think in favour of it. “i’m so ugly!” “uhm? no i am not? i’m literally the most beautiful person in the world!”

secondly, emotions do not manifest! if you are feeling sad that in no way shape or form affects the reality around you, however if you had a bad day and you’re all sad and start to think against your desire and spiral on why you don’t have it etc. that may affect your reality, but doesn’t necessarily have to it depends on you, if you persist in it for long enough. if you spiral just once again flip your thoughts and think in favour of your desire.

ignore the 3d! not like completely, while we manifest you continue loving how you did you just change the inner world - the mind - the 4d - in order to change the outer world - the reality around you - 3d, so if the 3d follows the 4d seeking evidence is pointless and may discourage you at times. and there is a lot of the time movement which you don’t see, it’s called “behind the scenes”, which i noticed happens a lot with sp (specific person) manifestation.

there is no logic in loass, manifestation isn’t supposed to be logical “but how can i become rich if i have 2 dollars!” well if you keep whining about having two dollars you persist in it, so you have two dollars… just persist in something else, we always think and we always believe into something so believe in the things favourable to your reality and to you.

if you need any more guidance my asks are open!

🌸

[thrashkink-coven]

Okay I’m going to say it because I’ve seen like 10 posts about this in the last week and it’s kind of aggravating.

Before you start practicing paganism or dual faith or anything of any kind PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE learn the meaning and history of Syncretism. PLEASE.

Please stop saying that Christmas is only a Christian holiday, please stop saying that Christmas was stollen from the pagans. Please stop insisting that Yule and Christmas are the same holiday! Please stop saying that pagans cannot celebrate Christmas or that Christians shouldn’t celebrate Christmas! Christmas is many things to many different groups of people and ideas and customs evolve through time!!! There is NUANCE to these very complex ideas!!! Christmas does not need to be reclaimed, please stop.

Please stop saying that it belongs or doesn’t belong to any given group especially when humanity is so prone to spread messages and customs amongst eachother!!! “Similar” does not equal “the same” and different does not equal “the enemy”. Please stop trying to create these illogical divisions where they do not exist!!! Please read about the history of faith !!!! I beg of you!!!!

So often we see the blending and unity of concepts as “appropriation” and I’m sick of it. Our beliefs connect us so much more than they divide us. We learn so much about the world from each other and our different interpretations.

Likewise, just to touch base- nearly every single mythology or faith in the entire world takes its inspirations from somewhere. You are no superior to a Christian because you think your faith and customs are “older”.

We live in a paradoxical universe where multiple things can be true at once. You DO NOT get the authority to tell a Christian that their God is XYZ just because you’re a pagan. You do not get the authority to redefine how a group of people sees and interacts with their personal name of God. And you by no means get to claim credit for how different cultures interpret the natural world.

Yes, Christians obviously have a lot of practices that mirror pagan ones, they are not pagan, do not call them pagan. I don’t care how you feel about the Abrahamic God. So many of us hold a deep resentment towards Christianity because of religious trauma and I completely understand that, but when you try to massively oversimplify such complex topics like religion and faith, you not only risk sounding like an asshole but you make yourself look straight up stupid because you’re just wrong.

I am a devotee of Lucifer and I believe him to be the divine masculine aspect of mother Venus. I still need to understand and respect that for Christians, Lucifer represents something entirely different and that’s okay. They’re not necessarily wrong even if I fundamentally disagree. I disagree with what Lucifer is among other Luciferians and Satanists. That’s OKAY.

We have GOT to stop talking about mythology and folklore so literally. It leads us to have this “one or the other” mentality when more than one thing can be true at once! These myths are flexible and meant to change with culture. We can have respectful debates and conversations but holy moly please stop insisting that Christianity has “stollen” from you, and please for the love of God please stop trying to ruin a day that is significant to them by telling every Christian you see that Christmas is actually a pagan holiday.

(- and when I say this I am not referring to the atrocities of assimilation and slavery that forced pagan cultures to become Christian/catholic due to racism and xenophobia, that’s obviously very bad. My argument is simply that the entire Christian/Jewish/ Muslim faith cannot be discounted simply because historically, bad people used it to do bad things).

Thank you. 🙏

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

You’re right, Feyre stans are rarely just Feyre stans.

hi anon!

yep! this was specifically solidified for me after silver flames came out. feyre stans have been conditioned to always validate rhysand's intention over feyre's opinion. again - feyre has established that she:

(1) does not want rhysand to speak about her sisters in a disrespectful manner. feyre validates rhysand emotions about her sisters - meaning she isn't saying (and im not saying) that rhysand doesn't have a right to feel a certain way about her sisters. but that rhysand's feelings should not manifest in jabs and disrespectful words:

“Rhys said smoothly, “I’m not entirely sure Velaris is prepared for Nesta Archeron.” “My sister’s not some feral animal,” I snapped. Rhys recoiled a bit, the others suddenly finding the carpet, the divan, the books incredibly fascinating. “I didn’t mean that.”

feyre to rhysand.

“So she keeps saying, over and over,” Amren grumbled. I shot her a glare. “Careful.”

feyre to amren.

that's a boundary being set - clear as day. feyre does not approve or condone outright disrespect of her sisters. this has nothing to do with how we believe xyz or what rhys has a right to do, but what feyre has established as a no go.

(2) that she does not feel comfortable with rhysand being overly protective, to the point he withholds information, is overly violent, or conflicts with her wants:

“It’s hard to shut down my instincts.” Instincts. Just like … like someone else had instincts to protect, to hide me away. “Then you should have prepared yourself better,” I snapped. “You seemed to be going along just fine with it, until Keir said—”

rhys to feyre; feyre to rhys (acomaf)

(3)feyre doesn't care about instincts (as is an excuse used in sf), here she is telling rhys straight up that he needs to prepare himself better. bc she DOES NOT feel comfortable with the way rhys expressed his frustration. and again feyre is sympathetic to his reasonings, but she does not believe his intentions (in this case) justify the way he chooses to go about these things.

“I craned my neck to look up at him. “Never lie to me again. Not about that.”

feyre to rhys (acowar)

(4) again - feyre establishing a boundary. never lie to her about anything, especially important things.

feyre (and also fucking amren) also establishes that she doesn't believe that keeping her sisters couped up in the house of wind to be productive or helpful:

“If you want to start convincing your sisters, get them out of the House. Being cooped up never helped anyone.”

amren to feyre (acowar)

and nesta has established to rhys that she wants no interest in cassian:

“Nesta had made it clear enough she had no interest in Cassian—not even in being in the same room as him. I knew why. I’d seen it happen, had felt that way plenty.”

rhysand to az (acofas)

feyre also establishes - to rhys - that her she knows her sisters don't do well with public humiliation, and making a scene:

“ “I shouldn’t have asked her in public. I made a mistake.” and “I loosed a long sigh. “I should have considered that telling strangers what happened to her in Hybern might … might not be something she was comfortable with. My sister has been a private person her entire life, even amongst us.”

feyre to rhys (acowar).

im saying allll of this to say that in sf - rhysand literally takes all of these boundaries and shits on them. even his creation of the intervention conflicits against what feyre establishes: (1) her sister is a private person, and will not respond well to public humilation (2) nesta wants nothing to do with cassian (3) her sisters are not healty being in the house of wind and (4) feyre wants to be looped in and considered every step of the way. even the act of creating an intervention that goes so instinctively against feyre's wishes is an act of deep disrespect. that feyre stans can see these moments and still justify them bc their hatred for nesta and obsession w/ rhys trumps their 'love' for feyre. its a conditional like. here feyre is the victim and instead of writing metas and ff about feyre being done dirty by rhysand - they flock to justify rhysand's point to the point where they're willing to ignore feyre's opinions. its not abt how much we like / dislike the sisters. but how rhys's behavior conflicts against feyre's wants and boundaries. its about how those feyre stans would rather validate rhys then stand by feyre's emotions. to imply that rhysand's actions were appropriate means u place his actions above feyre.

feyre is adult and mature enough to manage her emotions, she not a child, she is perfectly able to stand-up and put her foot down. and she has - on multiple occasions retorted and fought back against her sisters - to consistently pretend feyre is a child who needs rhys to cosign and stand body-guard when feyre is perfectly able to do it herself says so much abt those 'stans' than they are willing to admit.

like feyre was able to face down tamlin - her abuser - all by her damn self. she's not some child who needs people to consistently defend her by undermining her opinions. if she wanted rhys to be an asshole to nesta - we would have saw that. instead we got this:

“That’s enough,” Feyre snapped at Rhys. “I told you to keep out of it.” He dragged his star-flecked eyes to his mate, and it was all Nesta could do to keep from collapsing onto the couch as her knees gave out at last. Feyre angled her head, nostrils flaring, and said to Rhysand, “You can either leave, or you can stay and keep your mouth shut.”

we got feyre telling rhys and amren that she did not want them to behave that way. and even after that. both rhys and amren continue ignoring feyre's requests. feyre is not respected - these are not the actions of people who respect her as an equal. she's a child to them , and they believe they know better.

idk - if i were a feyre stan- yall would never have shut me up if my fav was treated like a doormat and sidelined. i would have been writing scathing metas on rhys and the ic. - i wouldve been explaining exactly why rhys withholding information was wrong - not just vaguely saying he was wrong and then justifying why he did it. i would have been an amren hater #1 for how she continually undermined feyre. idk...yall are not real feyre shooters. like damn your fav is catching strays by the author and the readers and you're only focused on how nesta factors into that equation?? like youve got bigger problems to worry abt here. feyre has been continually and consistently phased out of her own story by the author and that don't bother yall? hmm couldnt be me tho.

[luulapants]

Stop Being Weird About Indians

Let’s talk about virtue signalling when talking about American Indians and how it’s doing more harm than good. I saw a take that writing about Kaia, an indigenous character in Supernatural, in fanfiction is a cancel-able offense because the way she’s depicted in the show is problematic. I’ve heard similar things about the skinwalkers in Teen Wolf - I’ve also heard that you shouldn’t even type the word “skinwalkers” because it’s offensive, which... I’m not gonna go into all the details, but that’s a gross misunderstanding of the belief around the word, and also the actual word the belief is about - you won’t believe this - isn’t an English word.

Anyway.

The topic of indigenous oppression in the US is complicated, but one of the fundamental issues, which actual indigenous activists (not just keyboard warriors) constantly talk about, is the way indigenous people are ignored and erased from the story. It’s called “The Terminal Narrative.” Text books talk about indigenous people like they’re a relic of the past, like they’re all dead and gone. (Do you know how weird it is for Indian children on reservations to read a US history book that implies they don’t exist?) Human rights abuses and social issues on reservations are left out of the conversation or skimmed over as if they’re too obscure to be fully understood, or like they impact so few people, it doesn’t really matter.

Policing wording is not activism. Sharing call-out posts isn’t activism. You are not doing anything to help anyone. You’re not funding, volunteering, calling politicians, or doing any actual work to better the lives of indigenous Americans. (Before anyone calls hypocrite, I do work with an indigenous rights group IRL.) When someone scolds another person online over using a word that isn’t PC, 99% of the time it’s clear they don’t actually care - they derive a sense of moral superiority from knowing the “correct” way to speak. And they don’t care about the chilling effect it has on speech overall. This naturally leads to one of the most toxic elements of liberal conversations about race: that you must have the conversation perfectly or not at all. And that’s the impact it has. People just stop talking about it for fear of being wrong.

Can you see how, in a society where indigenous oppression is actively facilitated by silence and erasure, making people afraid to speak about Indians is one of the worst things you could possibly do?

It’s become standard fare for Indian Studies books to start with a disclaimer explaining that “Indian” actually isn’t an offensive word and is the word that most indigenous people use for themselves. The disclaimer isn’t because it’s new or radical information. It’s because white Americans are so goddamn weird about virtual signaling about ~The Native Americans~ that they would condemn a much-needed book of scholarship on native issues just for using a word that they thought was offensive.

Native people aren’t a monolith. You’ll find Indians that insist you need to spell it NDN or that XYZ is offensive. Production companies can pay a native person to come tell them they’re allowed to write about something most people from their tribe would find offensive. Fact of the matter is, a lot of Indians are not experts on like... heritage culture. If they grew up on a rez, they can tell you about rez culture, but they’re not all Indian Studies scholars, the same way not all Irish people are experts on Celtic paganism. Not all Indians are experts on indigenous politics, the same way not all Americans are experts on American politics. And it goes without saying that a GODAWFUL amount of the people lecturing on acceptable ways to interact with indigenous characters are not only uninformed about indigenous issues (I saw one post where someone clearly linked the first thing that came up when they googled “Native American drug addiction”) but are also not indigenous themselves.

And, yes, the vast majority of depictions of Indians in American media are problematic in one way or another, but saying that the solution is to erase indigenous characters from fandom entirely (because they’re all problematic) is the absolute WORST conclusion to reach. Fix the characters if you care that much! Give the Teen Wolf skinwalkers names! And an iPad! Let Kaia be the master of her own destiny! Let her bitch Dean out for pointing that gun in her face! Let her live happily ever after with her girlfriend! What the hell is fandom for if not fixing the issues we see in canon? Why are we allowed to reclaim and rewrite problematic queer characters but not problematic native characters? Who is that serving? Because it sure as hell isn’t serving Indians.

Anyone that tells you it’s better to ignore Indians than say the wrong thing about them is, knowingly or not, actively promoting a terminal narrative and the continuation of indigenous genocide.

[latestinlove]

Girl, the man you're dating actually HATES YOU

These relationships where ya'll are constantly chasing and trying to change these men who obviously don't like you has some of you in a chokehold!

.... here's some signs to look for:

(like to save for later)

+ He doesn’t do basic or simple things he knows you want him to do or will make you happy. This is HUGE especially if they’re small gestures or inexpensive things. He's cheap, not thoughtful or romantic and just flat out believes you're not worth spending his money on.

+ You’re not actually friends. If you take out any kind of physical attraction you actually don’t really have a lot in common or enjoy each other as people. If you weren’t dating you wouldn’t be friends at all.

You don't like him either ...

+ He loves annoying or provoking you. If you complain about an problem and he keeps doing it, he’s hurting you on purpose. He just don't care. I’m not talking about teasing and inside jokes, I’m talking about something you mentioned that seriously affects or upsets you, yet he uses it to provoke you.

+ He says over the top disrespectful things when ‘joking’. End it. He knows he's hitting below the belt but wants to see how much you can take. This is a gateway to abusive behavior that will only get worse, could even turn physical ...

+ He looks at or comments on other women’s looks in front of you. He knows this will upset you and he’s doing it to ‘put you in your place’.

What's worst? He never compliments you and always complains about how you look, what you wear, or your body type. How'd you end up with him?

Isn't it uncomfortable as hell being around a man you can't be yourself around or can't ever feel at peace with? Then this kind of man will act like making him happy is some kind of crazy accomplishment. You found yourself right where he wants you, jumping through circus hoops for approval and the fact of the matter is ... you'll never get the act right because he doesn't like you. AND SCENE.

Need more proof?

+ He's a "people pleaser" when it comes to others and when it's convenient for him. He claims he has to say/do this or can't say/do that because of XYZ and doesn't want to cause a problem...but he has no problem standing on business when it comes to you.

or worst, he doesn't like people at all. Like nobody, not even his own mama ... but you thought you were the exception.

+ You can't talk to him about something he said or did that you disliked without him blowing up or turning it on you.

+ He's quick to anger or get jealous and you can't even make light conversation with someone around him or his need to control your attention comes into full effect.

+ He never defends you or give you the benefit of the doubt when people disrespect you. You always have to fend for yourself. What do you need him for?

I don't think people really understand how truly deceitful and pretentious most men are. They are very calculating and play the long game well. Men are RUTHLESS when their goal is attained - his goal meaning having s. with you, living with you, getting money from you, and having full access to you.

Utilize that block button.

If he only demonstrates his ability to act right when you're about to walk away you might trip and fall. It’s manipulation. He's playing you.

Any, even a little patience and tolerance for any of this behavior is unacceptable.

This man hates you because he hates himself.

(in time I'll add on to this list because theres more, theres always more. Feel free to reblog and add your own.)

[peachkkuma]

📓. DIARY ENTRY 07 ︴MAY 15, 2024

dear loass diary…

I just fully realized that I’ve been doing this like five minutes ago, so I had to write it here to get my thoughts out, make sure I don’t forget my realization, and hopefully have an epiphany.

So, context first. I’m sick rn and I remembered a specific part of one of Neville’s lectures where he said something along the lines of how a sick man wanted to be healthy so all he did was focus on being healthy. (semi-unrelated note to future self: Notice how I put “ALL HE DID” as in, that was the only thing he did? That’s because that’s the only thing he needs to do!! it’s all about having genuine awareness of obtaining your desires, stop over complicating it and trying to make excuses when u know damn well that’s all there is to the law). After remembering that I was like, “yo why don’t I try that” because why would I want to be sick?? So anyways I was like trying (emphasis on the trying) to imagine myself as my healthiest self and only be aware of being healthy. After two minutes of that, I decided to call it quits and thought to myself “hope it works.” GIRL WHATTT?? That’s my problem right there, I’m pretending even in my own imagination. I think I have myself fooled, that I’ve deceived myself into thinking that I believe I have what I want in imagination when I DONT. Right after my so called imagining I literally had the thoughts of a person who was sick, was aware and focused on my illness, and just overall identified as someone who caught a cold. and then, that’s when the common sense hit me and I was like “wait, who do I think I’m fooling?” It’s like I thought just because these circumstances exist in the 3D doesn’t mean they can’t also be in my imagination. It fr is like i see the 3D and 4D as something separate when that’s not at all the case. Because those thoughts of me being sick? That was a state, the was who I was in imagination. Who I am in imagination. Life truly is imagination. And I rlly feel that now. So, future me, let me try to help u out by telling u how to actually get into ur desired state and maintain it:

1. Decide u have it

“I have xyz” BOOM ur done, it’s done, because creation is finished. There is nothing to create in the 3D or the 4D, it already exists exactly the way u want it to, waiting for you. So act like it.

2. State ≠ instant gratification

I’m gonna hold ur hand while I say this, states aren’t here to be a relief or a distraction. They’re not meant to temporarily ease any anxiety u have. So stop treating the sowf as a temporary escape from the 3D, it’s real. and if u keep up this bad habit, if u start seeing the sowf as just a way to shut up ur worries without actually knowing it’ll come to pass, then you’re on a dangerous road that leads to believing the 3D is the real reality. And yk that it’s not.

3. Actually maintaining a state

U r meant to see the world from the perspective of ur desired self, the u that has it all. Why do u think it’s called the law of assumption girly? U gotta assume u already got it. My thing is, I have too much going on in my real life and I think “I don’t have time to be in the sowf I have too much on my mind.” That’s a problem because one, ur allowed to be a part of the 3D. U don’t have to pretend it doesn’t exist. And two, I’m identifying with the 3D and it’s circumstances. News flash, the 3D doesn’t just disappear the moment u say an affirmation or visualize a scene, u still have responsibilities. The trick is knowing that’s not u. U don’t have to be thinking like ur desired self 100% of the time so don’t expect urself too. Deal with ur stuff, but know who u actually are, who YOU chose to be. To maintain ur state, do whatever helps u feel like ur the u want to be. Revise ur day before bed, think the thoughts ur desired self would think, but don’t force anything. Forcing urself just means u feel like u don’t have what u want, and so ur desperate to get it, if u feel like u don’t have it, don’t force a method. Instead remind urself that it’s already done, it’s been done.u already decided that u had it, nothing can erase that decision except for u.

4. Getting used to it

Everytime I think of ur desired self remember that THAT IS U!! Not someone u could be or will be soon, BUT YOU RN. If u don’t feel that way, it’s because u identify with the 3D and ur past assumptions of urself, and we already discussed how that’s a huuuuuuggggeeeee no. Don’t force urself into getting used to it because, again, force means wanting to get something out of the 3D. But that’s not the real reality, so why want something from there when u can have what u want rn? Remember that ur imagination, ur awareness, ur consciousness, whatever u wanna call it won’t lie to u. It’s the most accurate reflection of both u and ur life. What u experience in there is ur real reality, whether that be the one u want or not. So girl, get used to being who u want to be. It’ll feel so weird at first, uncomfortable rlly. Cuz ik myself, the only way I’ll get in the state is if I keep myself in check. (going on a mental diet is okay if ur not doing it for the 3D, future self.)I’ll probably just be asking myself 24/7 “would my desired self think/react/feel like that?” And honestly, that’ll probably be the only way I’ll learn. Once u start correcting urself, for the sake of wanting to be ur desired self, it’ll come naturally. Both the habit of being in the state and ur manifestations

The law wasn’t mean to be tricky, how could it be when it’s literally called the law of assumption? There rlly isn’t much to it except assuming u have what u want by helping urself believe u have what u want, so stop trying to think there’s more to it— that it’s not that simple or easy. Ur wasting ur time with everything else, the overthinking, the wondering about the when and how, the over complicating, and the wondering if u did it right. Just be.

kisses, peachkkuma

[parksunghoonism]

rant about k-pop fanfiction in general.

Nothing in this post is going to be as serious as my last one, it’s just a couple of petty things I personally like / don’t like when I’m scrolling through tags, hehe. + lots of emojis and memes.

When the smut isn’t tagged properly

What I mean by when smut isn’t tagged properly is that, sometimes writers, instead of telling you what’s in the actual work, they’ll simply put: “This is (insert xyz) we’re talking about! That should be warning enough.” And it pisses me off to an irrational degree, and I’ve blocked people because of it, I’m not sorry.

When writers use korean girls as a faceclaim for their fanfiction / use korean titles

I don’t know what it is, but whenever I read a fanfiction where the author uses a korean girl, or another female idol as a face claim, I just can’t read it, because girlie, I am tall; brown-skin; black curly hair; I look nothing like that member of new jeans. Trust. 🤣

Now, the only time I understand the use of other korean customs is in fanfictions where the reader themselves is an idol. Other than that, it lowkey cringes me out when I’m reading something and it says ‘Hyung.’ 😖

One the flip side, I do love when the writer openly admits what I’m about to read is just a self-insert. It makes me giggle. 🤭🤭🤭

Random thoughts

I’m super picky about what I read. And when I’m scrolling through tags and half of what I see is just smut, I die a little inside. I don’t want to know how Jay’s [redacted] tastes, I want to know the flavor of ice cream I’m eating when me and Sunoo go on a cute little date! 😭😭

Or you could have the prettiest post I’ve ever seen in my life, with every damn trope I love, but you use a period instead of a question mark when writing. Ex: “(Random sentence), do you.” Taking in a deep sigh before I force my hands through my screen and violently shake the writer’s shoulders. 😮‍💨

Me, because half the Enhypen fandom is over 21 and (rightfully) don’t write for Riki because he’s only 18: 😩🥲🫠😓😿😾🤬

Me, because half of the Enhypen fandom only writes for Heeseung, Jay, Jake, or Sunghoon: 😩🥲🫠😓😿😾🤬

When I’m reading an smau or texts and the author makes the members call the reader cringey pet names:

*Cough* Good girl *Cough*

Also, what’s up with all the school AU’s? Half of these idols couldn’t even tell you what an adverb is. 😅

I don’t believe in ‘situationships.’ You are either together or friends. You’re dumb as fuck if you think just talking to someone means you’re exclusive. People need to just drop that word, because holy shit is pisses me off when I read it. 😭

When writers use manga panels when writing smut and one of them says ‘onii-chan’: 🤢🤮

When I look up a group I like and see incest:

If you like incest just know I think you’re god damn disgusting. ‘B- but it’s not real-!🥺” We as humans are genetically wired to find our relatives unattractive. Shut the fuck up and admit you’re just a weirdo who’s so god damn desperate to have sex you’d fuck someone who came out the same vagina and ballsack you did. Nasty-ass, I wouldn’t touch your stank self with a twenty-foot pole.

EDITS: October 31st.

Me when someone writes about readers with a fuller figure / chubby body, and they keep saying ‘soft’ — ‘more of you to hold’ — ‘cuddly’:

I block. Because I know damn well half of y’all writing that shit ain’t got that body. It’s overused. It’s boring. It’s weird. It’s simply not the compliment you think it is.

EDITS: November 3rd.

Me when writers use art that doesn’t belong to them, and it took me a literal five seconds to find the artist with a reverse search on google:

And half the time these is the same fuckers saying “Don’t repost my work, please!!😛🥰🥺” Then don’t fucking use someone else’s without credit or permission. Like damn, you can’t say one thing, and then immediately do it the next. These hypocrites also get blocked by me.

— Have a nice day everyone. ❤️

[chaoxfix]

“feminists need to stop hating men and reproducing toxic masculinity by saying things like real men do XYZ” feminists are doing this, you say? feminists are the ones who believe in the concept of a ‘real man’?

could it perhaps simply be women doing this, not feminists?

not every woman is a feminist. not every woman capable of the critical thinking to criticize something about men is a feminist.

could you perhaps be ascribing this behavior as feminist ideology solely because it’s critical of men?

and thus you’re participating in the watering down, defanging, and hyper criticism of not just feminist thinking, but also overly sensitive to saying anything even remotely critical of men?

i’m sure i seem pedantic but this is annoying as hell. feminism is about beliefs that prioritize women’s freedoms and needs in societies all over the world, and how to attain them. how to build women’s class consciousness and band together to achieve equal standing in places that are deeply unequal. feminism doesn’t give a fuck about the concept of a ‘real man’. men really do bad things. real men, yes, them too. they really are men doing evil things. they’re all real men. but why prioritize the idea of a ‘real man’? is he going to give you your rights nice and politely? probably not, since men had thousands of years to do so and every right women have earned has been an uphill battle and achieved through constant struggle and as much class consciousness as we could achieve.

also, it’s fine to criticize men. 👍

[qhazuban]

thinking a lot about how phrases like

“I’m at capacity, I can’t engage [with you] right now” / “I don’t have the capacity to reconnect” / “I don’t have capacity for more connections” / etc.

“Thank you for sharing [your vulnerability]”

“These are my boundaries, I’m articulating them so we can better show up and care for each other / be in community with each other”

“I want to honour your needs and boundaries” / “What do you need / what are your boundaries?”

“What’s bringing you joy these days?”

“I want to be intentional with our plans” / “I’m setting an intention to…”

“Let’s unpack that” / “There’s a lot to unpack here” / etc.

“Let’s practice authenticity”

“I’m looking for slowness and intentionality”

“That’s so valid”

“I want to be mindful of…”

& other such vocabulary popular in the lexicon of western social justice communities, gentle parenting and nonviolent communication circles, tenderqueer social circles, various new age / woo / healing social spheres, etc etc

just feel like lies, codes, ways of obfuscating and justifying, getting away from really being direct and honest (while ironically purporting to be direct and honest forms of communication), ways to say “wow you’re toxic / oversharing / crossing boundaries / immature / clearly in need of healing / etc, get away from me” without actually saying it

I need to articulate this more, but I guess it all feels related to my thoughts on liberal boundaries discourse

I do use some of this language too, sometimes, both out of necessity and exposure and habit and whatever, often because it feels like the only way to communicate with all these people who don’t even realize how deeply individualistic and alienating this kind of communication is, I’m not saying it’s always terrible or should never be used or whatever, it’s complicated obviously

but then I have to feel guilty both for using the language when it feels so fake *and* for feeling angry about the language itself since apparently that means I’m just a terrible person who doesn’t believe in boundaries or respect or whatever at all 🙄

anyway I need to articulate this more & there’s so much constantly swirling in my head about it but it all feels very very much part of disposability culture, the thing we do not name or talk about enough or properly, all these ways to seem so “evolved” and “self-actualized”

honestly i would just prefer if you said

“I’m exhausted I can’t deal with this”

“I’m angry about [xyz], I don’t want to talk to you anymore”

“yeah I don’t trust you, bye”

“why are you oversharing so much” / “that’s too much information” / “just shut up now”

“yeah if you do this again I’m leaving, bye”

“if you can’t communicate in a healthy way then I don’t want to talk to you”

“why are you so upset all the time, can’t you be happy sometimes”

“you’re too chaotic to do things with”

“this is too overwhelming”

“I don’t want to deal with all that”

“you’re overwhelming me”

“yeah you’re being too real, stop it”

“that’s crazy, get away from me”

“okay whatever but that’s too much again”

or whatever else

and, you know, it’s valid (haha) to feel overwhelmed, tired, scared, etc

and I wish we could just say that

instead of inventing all these ways to obfuscate and act like we’re so “in touch with our feelings” when we are really, really not

[everythoughtihave]

When Muggle Studies Met Potions....

You had barely slept, wondering what to do about your growing feelings for Severus; why did it matter if you liked him? But what is impossible scenario xyz happens? What if the students find out? What if the staff find out, they’re bigger gossips than the kids half the time…. You felt awful and groggy but managed to find your way to breakfast, barely dressed appropriately. You had an oversized jumper on with some form of leggings or joggers on the bottom, you were so tired you could barely tell what you had thrown on. “You look awful” was the first thing you heard that morning, making you feel brilliant as always… “aw thanks, Severus” you practically spat back. You regretted it immediately but needed coffee before you even thought about apologising. You poured a cup and took a sip and thanked the god that allowed people to invent such a beautiful drink from the beans. “Now that I’m somewhat caffeinated, I apologise for my sarcasm”. He didn’t seem offended in the slightest as he chuckled watching you savour each sip of coffee. “Now that you’re acting somewhat human, I have to ask you something” Severus hesitatingly stated. I was wondering if you would like to join me for a walk around the groups later” he asked, suddenly going shy. You weren’t sure how to react, of course you wanted to go but you also didn’t want to seem too eager either, but you must have responded positively because next thing you know, he is standing up to leave as he says “good, oh, and bring that phoney, music payer thing with you; whatever it’s called…. Actually, I’ll just come to your office and collect you to make sure you have it”. “Yes, okay” you replied sheepishly. The man must know you as you knew you’d forget it without him there to remind you.

Later that day, as you were getting on with some planning, when a shadow waltzes in. It was Severus. He told you to grab what you needed and the phone and whisked you outside. You started to just walk, not really paying too much attention to where you were going but just making sure you stayed with each other. You talked and walked; he then asked for the phone with the music (aka Spotify) open, then he managed to figure out how to search which made you feel a tiny bit proud for some reason. He clicked a song and let it play, it was a love song, that much was obvious. It was a soft Taylor Swift love song; you recognised it as soon as the vocals started. It was Daylight, a song you used to envious of, because you wanted a love like that; a love that was truly something, not just the idea of something. You also wanted to relate to it and the ending, to be defined by the things that you love, you at its very best. The more you listened, the more you realised how some lyrics mimicked you and Severus’ lives- to grow through dark, miserable, cruel times in life and love but then seeing the light at the end of tunnel and meeting someone who makes you believe in the best of people and love.

You both just walked in silence over to a bench, to sit and digest the song. After an eternity of silently listening, you both met each other’s eyes. You wanted to ask why he was making you listen to this but couldn’t, your nerves just wouldn’t let you. He broke the silence. “I know it’s not a song you expect from me… I heard it from a student, and it made me think of you so I thought I would share it with my ‘daylight’” You were speechless, which you could tell made Severus nervous. “I don’t even know what to say, Sev, I love that song, but it’s always made me jealous because that is all I’ve wanted. I am starting to feel like that song hasn’t set an impossible standard” Now he is awkwardly silent. “I know we have never been all that close, but I truly feel something for you, which is growing with every meeting, every dream of us, every shared glance.” You continued.

Severus stood up abruptly, holding his hand out to you. He helped you up and guided you to his side. “I simply must take you on a date then, shouldn’t I, Y/N?” He asked. You simply nodded, blushing like mad. “Well, I will need some time to create a lovely first date for us; as soon as I know what my plan is, I will find a way to tell you…” He let you know that much. He is sly and cunning at times, yes, but it was his mysteriousness and vagueness that frustrated you most. You couldn’t be too mad because he is a Slytherin so it is his nature. He walked you to your room and left you with a kiss on your hand. You got ready for bed, ready for yet another night of dreaming about Severus Snape.

[trashlie]

Manifesting Stalkyoo~

Just to get it out of the way: PLEASE KNOW THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN! I don’t want anyone to take this in a weird way or like it’s some ridiculous demand I’m making lmao. I’ve just been having a delightful time talking to other Stalkyoo shippers and just romanticizing silly things we want to see so again: THIS IS JUST FOR FUN! I know fandom has been weird about shipping stuff because of the... ugly past lol so I feel a weird need to remind people that my shipping is just secondary enjoyment of ILY and that I will continue to love and read ILY wherever it goes. 

With that out of the way lol please also note there are spoilers all the way up to 224, so if you don’t FP episodes, this post is not safe for you! (unless you like spoilers. i don’t judge people, I like spoilers, too) 

Look, I’m not good at writing fanfiction. I’d love to, but I always feel like it’s difficult for me to portray characters the way the original writer does. I think about it, every now and then, dabble in a little idea, something I might like to see, before the storyline plays out in a different way, but I just never trust myself, so this is about the closest I ever get to that. And even still, I think of these little musings, these silly little “oh I’d love to see ______” very inline with fanfiction, wherein I acknowledge that what I’m hoping for or imagining is very likely to not happen. It’s just the fun of exploring story and the what-if’s and little AU tangents where ONE little thing tweaks. 

For me, the fun of shipping is just playing with those character dynamics, which is another reason fic is so difficult for me - I enjoy my pairings, my characters, within their circumstances. That’s not to say AU fics are unfathomable to me (I LOVE THEM), but more so that it’s hard to write something knowing that I don’t know everything, that quimchee will pull out a surprise and I’ll be like oh my god I should have realized! And again, I guess that’s where musing is fun. You get to play out those little what if’s for yourself, get to imagine a scenario that probably will never come to pass. That’s the fun of fic + canon, to me! Not once has quimchee done something with her characters and their story that really surprised me in an “oh i don’t like this” kind of way. I can say “Oh I’d love to see xyz scenario play out” but when instead abc plays out, I’m not mad. 

I also fully admit that I tend to compartmentalize my shipping thoughts and whims separately from my general commentary, and I guess for the previously mentioned reasons: this fandom has an ugly, nasty past with shipping and even still, there are a lot of people who demand romance from ILY and don’t seem to care about the actual story at play or even weirder, seem to think that it detracts from the romance they think should be happening???? (”when is she going to choose one of the brothers it’s been so many years and episodes waaaah) And I guess, yeah, I get a little self-conscious, because (and this is feels so embarrassing to actually word) I acknowledge a lot of people read my commentary and my opinions! And I’m so happy for that, I love being so communal with everyone! But I do get worried someone is going to take something out of context and be like “omg can you believe she’s one of those weirdo romance demanders” or something lmao, hence this weird long useless diatribe. But yeah, basically, I’ve been talking with people lately and god just thinking about my shippy feels and how much I love the current story - one step forward, three steps back; the struggles to open up; the struggles to deal with feelings in the face of much heavier, scarier elements; etc. etc.

Sometimes you just wake up and you’re like: I WANNA SCREAM ABOUT STALKYOO so you do it because you have a birdbrain and you know is screaming afljkfkjafkjakfjaf LMAO 

If you’re reading this, chances are you aren’t new to my blog so you’ve probably read the likes of my Foundations of Stalkyoo, Why I Ship Stalkyoo, and Further Thoughts on Stalkyoo (I just never shut up huh) posts, so I’ll try not to like, completely repeat everything but if it happens well. It can’t helped, can it? lol 

Anyway something I’ve been talking and thus thinking a lot about is where we stand with Stalkyoo, now that we are getting more confirmation of actual budding feelings. I always reiterate that anything can change, but I also like to remind myself that something quimchee has said in the past (and this is loosely paraphrased) is that whenever it does come to a pairing, it will be made obvious before it gets there, because this is NOT a primarily romance-focused story which means there aren’t as many storylines that deal with just the will-they/won’t-they and the likes, and I think likewise, there won’t be a real love triangle the way most fans tend to think of them. So often a love triangle gets boiled down to someone being torn between two people for whatever reason and i just don’t get the sense we’ll be seeing that? Thus, I do feel like we might well be moving into a territory where we will see some kinds of scenes setting up, or maybe better put, enabling the possibility of a relationship between Shinae and Nol? 

But first. I always say I don’t really try to predict things because I’m always proven wrong, but I still like to try for fun lol, just because that’s part of the joy of reading an on-going story, I think! I’ve waffled a lot on it, but I still feel like when we reach our big time skip (not the first one taking us to graduation, but rather the one that jumps us a few years ahead), there has to be a REASON. Narratively it’s hard to imagine what that reason might be beyond the likelihood that we’ll see our three main characters on separate paths. It’s the only thing that makes sense, because otherwise you end up with a lot of story happening off page, right? If Shinae were to go to Japan with Kousuke, we’d end up missing their reconciliation and Kousuke earning her trust (or if it were to go the opposite, becoming cold acquaintances). Thus, I think Kousuke will go to Japan, but Shinae will take Rand’s advice begrudgingly and take up Yui on her “offer, while Nol will probably go to college abroad. He wasn’t denied admission to Oxford - it’s just not guaranteed there will be a spot for him. 

I know people take umbrage with the idea of Shinae taking up Yui’s offer, but hear me out. I don’t think it’s meant to turn Shinae into some kind of conniving, cunning person in the likes of Yui, as much as just introduce her to this world, give her a better understanding of how people in this society and business work and thus, start to get an idea of how Yui works. While I don’t think it’s easy to ever be one step ahead of Yui, I do think developing an understanding of her world helps to at least defend herself from Yui - start to see traps in advance and how to avoid them, find ways to evade her clutches, that kind of thing. I do think the idea of Yui holding that over Shinae’s head is terrifying and it’s feels more dangerous than going to Japan with Kousuke, BUT again, the idea is that she would become better equipped to defend herself and fight back. 

Of course, I don’t think Shinae in this moment is prepared to make that choice, and it may be a choice that comes after Yujing’s big scoop is revealed. Perhaps realizing how much more dangerous and powerful Yui (and the Kims) is would make her see what Rand was trying to tell her. I think she hasn’t fully figured out just what is going on with Yui and Rand, either - why would he be pushing her against his wife? But I think the information Yujing has compiled could help her see that bigger picture. If someone like Rand has spent twenty-five years struggling in this battle with her, how could Shinae ever hope to stand against her with even less understanding, with no sense of WHO Yui is or what makes her tick. 

The thing about this that I always struggle with is: how would Nol regard that? We know he feels vehemently about Alyssa idolizing Yui and taking advantage of her connection to the Hiraharas - and yet he stayed with her, knowing that she benefits from him (but that he does, as well). Would he feel the same, if he found out who was enabling Shinae to go to school? Would they talk about it, since Shinae knows how he feels about it? Would he be able to understand, when even he himself doesn’t seem to realize that his father finds himself trapped by the Hiraharas? That’s... stuff I can’t try to predict, because I think everything is possible. 

I promise I’ll get to that a little more.

The narrative benefit of separating the main characters is, of course, that first off, no major development happens where we can’t watch it. Sure, they’ll go about their lives and things will happen, but I don’t expect it to be major things that would make us go WAIT WHAT?! Otherwise, what brings us back itnto the story after time passes? For a long time my idea was that they’d all go their separate ways and maybe even their relationships would be a little damaged, so that when they come back into each others’ lives, part of the story is recovering that, reconciling with the past and maybe finding new futures together. 

Especially regarding Nol and Shinae, I’d wondered if we would see him leave without reconciling with his friends, and that we’d see him and Shinae meet again after some years and Shinae would have to contend with their unresolved past, with feelings she never had a chance to really identify, let alone explore, and the aching beauty of having to figure out who each other after now that they’ve grown and changed, and if there is room in each others’ lives for one another, if they fit in with who they’ve become. And don’t get me wrong - i do like that kind of bittersweet ache, haunted by the ghosts of what never came to be, having to relearn each other. But the more I’ve talked about this (especially a lot with @bittrbuttr, the more I realized that’s not exactly what I want with them. 

Like, it’s good and achey, it really pulls at your heartstrings. But I think that better suits an actual romance story, where the focus of the story and plot is on those feelings and untangling them, on finding their ways back to each other. I don’t think that’s the story of ILY, though. 

I keep dancing around my point and I apologize, but we all know I’m nothing if not circuitous and I promise we’ll get there! 

Here’s the thing: we know that Nol and Shinae are not in the space to become romantically involved. The feelings are there. They are drawn to each other, we know Nol finds comfort and peace in Shinae and that he always struggles to really push her away. We know that Shinae cares so deeply about him that no matter how much he hurts her, she still wants to try, she still wants to be there for him. I find the hope-tinged pain of 223 really poignant in that way - she wanted to SEE HIM, in a moment that was so special, she wanted to share that joy and get a glimpse at who he REALLY is, and he was unable to do that for her. But still she hopes for the best, still she intends to keep trying, to be as persistent as he was, even if she has to find a different approach. 

They are so important to each other, and I’m hoping that might be a catalyst? 

I understand what Nol’s struggle is. It isn’t easy to be vulnerable, to feel weak, especially when those parts of him have been used against him the last 6 years of his life. He is full of so much self-loathing and isn’t comfortable with his own weakness and vulnerability, thus he can’t show it to Shinae, he doesn’t want her to see him like that. He’d rather let her think he just doesn’t need to see what exists between them, that he doesn’t need to see her indulging because it’s enough to just bring her joy - and that itself hurts enough! But I want him to at least be honest about it - tell her that you don’t want her to see that part of you. Will it change things? Probably not significantly, but it puts her one step closer to understanding doesn’t it? 

And so the thinking is - or rather, the hope - is that maybe Nol will realize this? 

We see some of it in 224. Upon Dieter’s arrival, instead of a hey welcome back or anything, it’s an immediate “Did you bump into Yoo?” and when Dieter reassures him that she’s fine, it’s just stuffy, he knows a. it’s not fine and b. he feels bad. I think he felt that regret immediately, when he noted that she’s angry and he took off the blindfold and she wasn’t there. Nol is so used to pushing people away, it’s his first line of defense, but when it works? When he succeeds at driving that wedge? Again it’s that battle of will vs want - he thinks that pushing her away is the right thing to do for her sake, but he doesn’t ACTUALLY want it. 

It’s so difficult to go back to how things used to be having gotten a taste of something better. It’s so difficult to push out everyone when you’ve allowed yourself to indulge in being loved and cared about, and and I think that’s what Nol’s biggest hurdle is. 

Don’t get me wrong; there’s a lot of hurdles with him lol and clearing one doesn’t exactly make the others any easier to clear. But something we’ve seen from Shinae and that I think the story has tried to impress upon is that things are easier when we aren’t alone. Burdens shared are burdens that weigh a little less. We’ve Shinae and her father talking about being a team - about sharing that burden so it’s not so hard for just one of them and distributing that burden more easily. We’ve seen it in Shinae opening up about her problems with her friends, her insecurities that made her doubt her friendships. Her realization that as scary as situation as her sister breaking into her home was, it was made more bearable with a ragtag group of goofs who will protect her. 

Nol needs to learn to share that burden. He’s spent so long treating himself like an island, he hasn’t had the opportunity to remember that it’s easier to endure something when you aren’t exhausted from shouldering that burden all by yourself. There is strength in numbers. He’s been so run ragged from just trying to endure, trying to get by, trying to survive and how is he to ever fight back against Yui when he’s exhausted just from treading waters? 

I mean, ultimately Nol needs to learn to love himself, but I think it’s easier to tackle allowing others to love him, first. Allowing himself to share the burden, to show those weaknesses and let people have his back. Be able to slump over and know that someone will help keep you standing, you know? And maybe through that, he can find it in him to start loving himself. Of course, he has other problems he needs to address; in order to love himself, he has to forgive himself, and I hope that Yujing’s article can help in that area. I’m sure he carries the guilt of his mother’s alleged suicide, and maybe he was even made to believe that. It wouldn’t surprise me if the time he spent in the mental facility only served to make him feel worse about his existence, made  him believe he was the root cause of the bad. Maybe even, like Nana, he had an argument with his mother before he death and felt that if they hadn’t argued, maybe she would never have made that choice?

Clearly that’s still a little complicated for us to fully dig into, but as horrible as learning that maybe her death was not a choice she made is to learn (I cannot imagine having made this peace with someone I loved reaching a point so dark they made that choice, only to find out that it was, possibly, murder. How do you deal with that? What do you do with all that new grief, that new anguish?), I think maybe, if he learned that she didn’t choose that, it might help free him from his shackles of guilt. 

But I think until he can learn to forgive himself, until he can make that peace, couldn’t letting people love him help? Wouldn’t it be better for him to move forward knowing that he has people who will not only defend him, but who can ease the weight of his burdens? 

As dramatic as Nol and Shinae separating on these rocky grounds, unable to fully reconcile, makes for a good, dramatic romance, I think it’s much better for Nol to move on as a team. To let himself rely on others isn’t something he can learn over night, of course, but isn’t it better for him to enter a scary phase of his life knowing that there ARE people who he can talk to about it? There ARE people he can eventually let see those weak parts of him? 

So my ultimate hope for Nol’s extension is that in that time, he and Shinae find that peace after all. I still can’t help but feel like the three-day-extension is significant, because why else include it, if it was to pass without event? Especially because, depending on how it works (is it 3 additional days INCLUDING the 22nd or 3 days extra, beginning the 23rd?) we’ll hit the holidays. That just feels... too significant, right? 

I want Nol to grapple with his feelings, let his fear take over a little. Is he really as ready to lose Shinae as he tries to be? He seemed to regret hurting her, hanging his head after Dieter reassured him she was fine, even though she refuses to come back in to the room. And I can’t help but feel like it’s significant that she’s still lingering in the waiting room. My thinking is that Nana will get involved - she knows that Nol is upset about someone, she knows other friends have been watching over him, she knows there’s a friend who isn’t coming back in. She can read him well, so it’s not like it’s difficult to read that maybe they had a fight, that he was brusque and brushed her off the way he tries to do even to Nana. Will she go out there to see who this friend is? Will they talk? I feel like they HAVE to - not just because the fandom has waited for it, but because I think Nana can probably glean that Shinae (”Yoo” lol) must be someone important, if he’s acting like that. 

And look. Did Nana see the blush? *I* saw the blush, I’m not getting over that. I’m sorry but he lmao pushed her away, regretted hurting her, and he’s still getting flustered because he pictured her mouth. BUDDYYYYYYYYYYYY. YOU’RE A MESS. 

I don’t expect her to fully intervene in like, trying to make things happen way lmao I think it’s more like... Nana knows better than anyone that Nol is a difficult person to love. I say this with affection, because it’s true. He pushes people away, he deflects from himself, he never opens up, it’s hard to read what’s going on in his head. And Nana also knows of the darkness that looms. She was right there when he pleaded guilty, concerned about his reasoning. She’s listened to him talk about how maybe everything would be better if he didn’t exist. She knows that the darkness has a strong grip on him. So who better than her to encourage Shinae, to thank her for her patience and tenacity, for sticking with Nol even with the way he acts? I’d like to see a little bit of that comfort between them, some reassurance that Shinae is, in fact, making the right choice. She oscillates so wildly between her extreme emotions; sadness and melancholy that caring is not enough and how it sometimes comes out as anger when she can’t find a better way to channel it. We know she doesn’t really regret planning that birthday celebration - she’s just hurt. And I think it would be a big help to have Nana tell her how much it means to see Nol with friends who care about him despite how prickly and difficult he is, how she worries about him and is glad there are people who care about him. I think it would really encourage Shinae that her resolve is right - that she just has to find another way to approach him, that it’s worth the effort. 

And at that same time, yes, I want Nol’s fear to kick his ass. I want him to realize he faces the very real reality of losing someone who cares so much about him, who is willing to put up with him because of how much she cares and how special she is to him - and that she wants him to see it, too. I want him to fear losing the comfort and peace she brings him. I want him to have to finally face head on his want vs what he thinks he deserves, and see what a future without someone like her is like. Can he bear to return to that kind of loneliness? Can he bear losing her concern? How it feels for her to take notice of him, to probe, to listen? 

Like, at the risk of getting really corny and dramatic, that’s what it comes down to. I don’t want Nol to come back in a few years and decide he’s ready to face all of that. I want him to move on from this point knowing he’s not alone. I want him to be able to face prison knowing that he’s not so alone, that there is someone who will always be there to support him. I think that’s what makes the most sense. Leaving on their current circumstances works great if it’s a romance and that’s the main story - but making up, talking, being honest? That makes more sense for THIS story, where Nol starts to grow NOW, where he starts to make those important steps that will help him find his way to healing, and more important, that will help him face the forces that taunt and haunt him.

He doesn’t have to be completely honest with Shinae, because I don’t think he’s ready. I don’t think he’ll tell her that his mother took her life, and that he believes it’s his fault. But I think it would be enough to tell her the truth he couldn’t stay to her face - that he doesn’t want her to see him like that, that it’s still hard for him to open up that way, that it’s still SCARY - but that he doesn’t want to push her away, that he’s sorry he keeps hurting her. We could even go more dramatic with a callback to the hospital scene - that he’s sorry he isn’t good enough and is undeserving of her (AND LET HER REASSURE HIM THAT’S NOT TRUE THAT HE IS). BUT JUST. IDK I WANT HIM TO FACE IT. ADMIT IT.

He doesn’t have to tell her he likes her. That’s fine. Just reiterate what she means to him! One moment he’s telling her she’s special to him, that he cares about her, next moment he’s telling her it’s okay he doesn’t have to look he’s fine like this. STOP JERKING HER AROUND ;~; lmao like don’t get me wrong. I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

But I also want to see them move into our time skips with a sense of understanding and peace, you know? I don’t want want Nol to face his fears alone anymore. I want him to let someone stand by his side. I want him to accept how good it feels to rest on her shoulder and know that it’s okay, she’s there.

I HAVE FEELINGS OKAY I JUST. I WANT THEM TO BE ABLE TO FIND T HAT STRENGTH IN EACH OTHER, TO BE STRONGER TOGETHER. 

And to call back to my earlier point lmao I like to think if they get to that point, then maybe he would understand, if Shinae accepts Yui’s offer. Maybe he would see how it’s different from Alyssa, that Shinae made a choice to protect herself, that it’s not about the idolatry, it’s not a self-serving choice, but one that protects her and enables her to fight back. Knowing that they are on the same side, that Shinae isn’t a doe-eyed naïve girl about to be taken advantage of again, but one who wants to fight back against the people who hurt her and others like her. 

We’re about halfway to 3/5 of the way into this story, and I think that’s a good point for Shinae and Nol to join forces. 

AndlookthisiscompletelydaydreamingbutiftherewasaChristmaskissIwouldcertainlynotobject

PLEASE I JUUUUUUUUUST i want to see them on the same page, I want to see them moving forward TOGETHER. I don’t want Nol to keep walking on his own. I don’t want him to just accept Shinae at his side, either; I want him to CHOOSE to let her choose his side. ;A; 

GOD. PLS. BARKS AT THE MOON I’m just ready for them to bE A TEAM I’M READY FOR NOL TO BE SELFISH AND TO GO AFTER WHAT HE WANTS I WANT HIM TO CHOOSE COMFORT AND SECURITY OVER PUNISHMENT I WANT HIM TO REALIZE THERE IS STRENGTH IN COMPANIONSHIP. I know being close to him puts her at risk - but he needs to see that no matter what, she’s at risk, and isn’t it better if she’s in danger with someone who can help, than to be all alone with it? I WANT HIM TO FACE THAT FEAR OF HIS AND FIND THAT MAYBE HIS DESIRE, HIS WANT, HIS NEEDS ARE EVEN BIGGER. That it’s better to find peace with her than spend the whole time afraid. Isn’t that the thing? He’s always afraid - afraid of someone else getting hurt, afraid of another opportunity being stolen away, afraid of the next time Yui will find a way to hurt him. BUT TO BE ABLE TO FIND COMFORT WITH SHINAE? 

Please. Just open up - be honest!!!!!!! But most importantly APOLOGIZE. Apologize for hurting her, apologize for pushing her away.

I realize, based on what she said on the hospital roof, that maybe he won’t make that choice, that maybe her persistence has to be a long game, that she does have to wait for him to forget to put the mask back on.

But wouldn’t it be so nice if he chose to move forward with her, instead of alone, to face their nightmare and battles together? ;~; 

[f0point5]

i feel like the shitty comments only come from lando when max still finishes ahead of him or benefits in some sort of way. it could be from the adrenaline which is understandable, but i feel like lando needs to learn that sometimes it's ok to just shut up and not say anything? like, better that than have to do so much to make up for it after. anyway, i'm not saying this to shit on lando really it's just that in any situation i hate seeing people trying to change what they said earlier. either stick with it and don't back out or don't say it at all

Yeah but everyone is a sore loser. Anyone who’s got where he has cannot be the type of person who accepts losing in the first instance.

He does need to say less. I find it baffling that he has not been pulled into a meeting by his team and told to say less. Sit him down with a reel of his post race conferences and be like “do you see how you look? This isn’t you. Stop talking”.

I also hate when people have to go back on what they’ve said. Unless you have new information, you shouldn’t have to go back on your own words. That’s why I hate when people are like “I feel bad about xyz” I’m like well before you did it you should have calculated the consequences and either risk accept or do something else. Think enough about what you’re saying before you speak so you don’t have to do an apology tour. It makes you look…not smart.

And hey Lando should act in whatever way feels right to him but it’s hard to believe that this is the way he wants to do things when he constantly has to clarify himself.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

All of Us Villans Update: Okay update 3? (I’ve forgotten sorry I think I said I’d forget somewhere around here and if so then I’m predictable lol) I’ve been busy but I read a little on a plane and Briony taking Innes’ spot?? Like that?? And Isobel teaming up with Alistair and informing her about her magic issues? Wow. (Any and all thoughts about Hendry like when I’m pretty sure Gavin mentioned he wanted something like they had I absolutely lose it). And Isobel clocking Alistair’s thought process was hilarious to me: ‘he seems like he’d go to a cave. Like a dragon’ and then Alistair is just not thinking like the others about how he needs to get to this one place specifically because of XYZ he’s just ‘I guess the cave is good. It’s a cave. And dragons.’ But they sabotaged him????? Oh that is cruel (and Isobel is the perfect partner if that’s their issue but she turned down Briony!!?!)

And poor Briony trying to stay alive and make alliances and take down the whole thing while knowing if she tells anyone they won’t believe a word she says. Also Gavin the solution to life draining magic is not to use more to learn how to use it…at least he wants to murder the spell maker right now (which okay that’s a weird sentence but I think almost everyone would agree with that in book)

Hope you’re having a nice day!! 💖💖💖💖

—💖💖

aghh you're fine babe i would forget too <3 omg you're on a plane D: be safe!!! <3 (shit scares me even though i've never flown)

i knowwwww!!! i was like 'damn girl wtf' but also like... she's desperate so. i get it.

ahhh i loved how isobel was like 'oh that deranged fool will be in the cave' and BOOM he was! dglkjfg also wahhhhh when alistair found out everyone gave him botched spellwork! D: like noooo it's not his family his family is terrible TWT

also! yeah poor briony!! she's gotta try and start solving the problem on her own bc she knowwssss no one will believe it D: she's so brave

GAVIN. god i know. like BOY PLEASEEEE just chill and stop before you die TWT it is a weird sentence but yEAH! you're right haha <3

i'm having a decent day! just wish my neighbor would shove his lawnmower up his ass!!! (lol he's been mowing for like a million years and i hate him)