#and i want to kill myself so bad but idk how
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HIII I HAD A THOIGHT THAT HAS BEEN KILLING MY MIND AND I NEED TO TELL IT TO SOMEONE OTHERWISE IM GNA EXPLODE
get this . everyone chilling at ramshackle dorm doing their own thing, yuu (and grimm by extension), ace and deuce sitting by the table talking about whatever crosses their mind
Eventually the conversation escalates to birthdays and holidays and ace asks how old Yuu is. Azul interjects with saying Yuu's age from the contract they signed a few months ago, but then Yuu pipes up and tells them that they're one year older than that.
Theres a small moment of confusion until it dawns onto Deuce that Yuy's birthday was a month or two ago and they never spoke a peep about it. Not even to grimm!! And when asked, Yuy makes an excuse like "that was when __ was kind of close to overblotting and I didn't want to make it about me because that'd be so nitpicky—"
It was based off an audio i heard and idk if i want to write it into a short drabble for myself i probably cant since im only on book 2 ueue). But like. its a fun prompt methinks. what would all of them do when they find out Yuu deliberately didn't say a thing about their birthday
🎊
You didn't tell them about your birthday?!
characters: Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade, Azul Ashengrotto, Grimm.
author's note: let's just pretend I didn't just post a request from almost 2 years ago 😭 I'm deeply sorry. also, I apologize for not uploading anything this month but I'm working on something big 🙏
warnings: none
Ace Trappola
For his Immediate Reaction, he is offended in the most dramatic way possible. He gasps like you’ve committed the ultimate betrayal.
Once he processes that you skipped celebrating because of an overblot situation, Ace feels a bit guilty. He won’t outright admit it, but his teasing becomes a little softer as a result.
He insists on throwing you an over-the-top, borderline ridiculous party.
“I’m talking about party hats for everyone and cake so big Grimm can’t finish it—well, maybe.”
His idea of a celebration is half a joke, but you know he’s secretly serious about making it memorable and deep down, he’s touched by how considerate you were and wants to make sure you never feel overlooked again.
Deuce Spade
Deuce is visibly upset, almost like he’s the one who forgot your birthday, feeling terrible for not realizing sooner.
“But Prefect, birthdays are important! You deserve to be celebrated!”
He gets way too worked up about making it up to you, like it’s a mission, he might also wonder if he’s a bad friend for not noticing your birthday had passed. He’ll pay more attention to your subtle hints in the future (even if you weren’t giving any).
"I won’t let this happen again. Next time, we’ll do something amazing. I swear.”
You swear his sincerity makes you feel just as guilty for not telling him.
Azul Ashengrotto
Acts unbothered on the surface but lowkey blames himself for not catching on sooner, especially since he prides himself on knowing useful details about everyone (and blackmailing them).
Azul will subtly try to make it up to you in his own way. Maybe he gives you a small but meaningful gift with a nonchalant...
“Consider this a late birthday present.”
He might tease you about this later saying something like...
“Oh, Prefect, you wouldn’t hide something as important as a birthday from us again, would you? It’s not wise to keep secrets from your allies.”
But the teasing is his way of showing he cares.
Grimm
“You didn’t even tell me, your best pal?! Unbelievable!”
He paces around the room dramatically, occasionally glaring at you with exaggerated betrayal.
As much as he tries to play it off as annoyance, it’s clear he’s genuinely hurt that you didn’t trust him with such important information.
“I live here! I’m supposed to know these things!”
His solution to everything is cake.
“Alright, let’s bake a cake right now. Wait, no—you bake the cake, and I’ll taste-test it!”
Grimm will insist on celebrating your birthday retroactively, even if it’s something small. He’ll demand a party and act like it’s all for you, but deep down, he just wants to feel like he’s making things right.
Overall, they argue over how to properly celebrate your next birthday. Ace wants chaos, Deuce wants heartfelt, Grimm just wants food, and Azul suggests something elegant but practical.
Despite their differences, they all agree on one thing: they’re not letting you keep secrets like this again. You can expect everyone to be hyperaware of your birthday next year—and they’ll make sure it’s unforgettable.
#twst x reader#twst headcanons#twst fanfic#twst wonderland#twst yuu#twst angst#twst scenarios#disney twst#twisted wonderland x reader#disney twisted wonderland#twst fluff#twst imagines#twst x you#twisted wonderland headcanons#twisted wonderland imagines#twisted wonderland scenarios#twisted wonderland#ace trappola#twst#azul ashengrotto#azul x reader#twst azul#ace x reader#ace trappola x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#deuce spade x reader#twst deuce#deuce spade#twisted wonderland deuce#deuce x reader
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So, I watched a 3hr playthrough of Mouthwashing
Here's my thoughts!
(Also- HUGE thanks to @chillenby , @oll13v3r , @max-1mum !!)
Spoiler warnings and the following trigger warnings: Rape, suicide, severe injuries, lots of death, pills, ship crash, gun, and so much more
♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘGeneral Opinion✎ (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧
This game is very well written and gave me such big Sally Face vibes. I watched Slimccl's VOD of him playing it and so it definitely helped me not freak the fuck out. I was SO SAD when Daisuke died cuz he never even got the chance to figure himself out :(
I related to Anya and Daisuke heavily, and lowkey Swansea joined my gigantic collection of fictional father figures. I really liked the art and the entire idea of something so simple as mouthwash becoming such a batshit wild scenario. Anywhizzle, onwards!
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚Anya˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ ❀
God I felt so bad for her. I also really, really related to her. I had my own issues with sexual assault and then tried to "commit die" with pills afterwards (I'm much healthier and happier now). She made me feel terrible for her and she deserved so, so much better. Unfortunately, that's all I've really got for her.
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ ꕥCurly. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄
I felt bad for him, really liked him, and also fucking hated him all at the same time. I felt bad for him for obvious reasons, but especially like, imagine the amount of pain he must've been in without even being able to convey it. At that point I'd either start biting people or beg them to kill me somehow. I really liked him because, I mean, c'mon. Before the whole Jexual Jassaulter thing he was pretty neat. I hated him because as a victim of SA I hated seeing Jimmy not get treated like shit after what he did to Anya. The least he could've done was protect her.
ೋღ 🌺Daisuke✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯
God this poor kid. The one scene where he was drinking the mouthwash on the floor and just in despair CRUSHED ME. It was so unfair what happened to him :( I wanted to give him and Anya hugs so fucking badly. I hate Jimmy for manipulating him, especially since Daisuke never mentions his dad which hints at him having daddy issues of some kind, and seeking validation from men (at least as someone with daddy issues, I do). God, it was all just so sad.
Jimmy.
FUCK THIS GUY I HATE HIM SO MUCH OH MY FUCKING GOD IM SO GLAD THAT HE DIED IN THE END BECAUSE IF HE HADN'T I WOULD'VE FUCKING KILLED HIM MYSELF HE MADE ME EXPERIENCE RAGE BEYOND ANY COMPREHENSION I HATE THIS BASTARD OH MY GOD HE DESERVES ANY SHITTY THING HE EVER WENT THROUGH, IN FACT I HOPE IN THE AFTERLIFE HE GOES TO HELL AND HAS TO RELIVE EVERY TRAUMATIC EVENT HE EVER CAUSED SOMEONE BUT AS HIMSELF.
₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚.Swansea☾ ⋆*・゚:⋆*・゚
Silly old man <3 Google says he's the villain of the story?? Huh?? How?? I mean, I get he killed Daisuke, but it was with good intentions. He was a little hard on him too, but that's just a classic mentor/mentee relationship. So, yeah. I don't understand how Jizzy isn't the villain. How is the old man who at worst killed someone to put them out of pain (and didn't feel good about it either, he acts different for the rest of the game) the villain, and not the literal rapist?? Idk man
Thanks for coming to my TED talk <3
#red rambles#swansea mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing jimmy#wrong organ
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doing that fun depression thing where everything makes me cry like crazy
#school work and notifications on my phone esp#i get a spam e-mail from costar and start bawling bc of overwhelming it is#tescting back too i get a message and start shaking#oh and i need to cut my body in half bc theres sm of it and i hate it#and i want to kill myself so bad but idk how#and its so embarrasing to have to go to therapy after youve been talking abt suicide#bc apparently i dont have the guts to do it and it just makes it worse it just makes me feel so ashamed#and i can feel my body bulging and growing and it makes me sick#and i keep feeling like such an idiot im so fucking stupid and so tired of it#i just hope a car hits me soon#ive been forgetting to look around before crossing the road so idk hopefully this might happen#and i wish i had the guts to cancel therapy its just wasting money at this point
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cw// implied character death, double life nonsense
because you are love itself.
#my art#trafficblr#double life#divorce quartet#<-- insane about how scott killed pearl in limlife.#this comic has been sitting unfinished in my files for a good month its def not finished to my usual quality but god it needed to be done#so uh scott... yeah. i like villain scott but not pure evil scott. i like a scott whos scared of being loved and manipulates others to spar#himself the pain. i like a scott who ditched pearl because their friendship was actually becoming real and when the server gods confirmed i#with DL he freaked out a bit and ran off.#ofc u can interpret this comic however u want but i was just thinking way too hard abt smajhor#i feel like often ppl get divided into scott did nothing wrong vs scott is pure evil alot of the time#which is understandable cus like i said with fanart/fic u only have so much space to show someones personality#but idk i like him all angsty. like i know im a bad person but to keep myself safe i need to keep being like this.#hes so blorbo *puts him in a blender*#i hate him *wraps him up in a blanket and takes him home*#cw implied death#cw implied violence#scott#pearl
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so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.
#thinking about an INSANE divorce fic. as a follow-up to the 30k canon-compliant backstory i have not written#(really it could be an au of that because like. am i sentimental and would i want them to get emotionally divorced NO but i will get into#the variants of this later i have to tell you about them ACTUALLY divorced first before i get into the hot divorcee energy of it all)#where they fucked around when they were younger and then broke up because. yeah tenax can dream but scorpus needs certainty he is what he#is he wants attention and dignity and when blue offers for him he goes and we don’t need to know what the massive fight was but we DO need#to know that they stopped fucking and maybe they stopped talking too but now they’re Colleagues. putting the ‘because i can’ moment#into a WHOLE different light bc it’s very much a ‘you no longer have a say in who I get to fuck because it’s not YOU. because we’re not’#and thus we get an exes-to-lovers arc I still know you the best and yes I SEE the scorpus xenon andria potential & once again I am saying:#put that in a box we can’t talk about that right now I see it but that’s not what we’re here for. anyway I was TRYING to say the ‘I know u#best of anyone’ of it all and if you think I have stopped thinking about tenax goading scorpus & talking about his dick for a single second#I have not. I REALLY have not because that is top tier blatant manipulation to be like ohhhh poor baby you’re so old and rotting I can just#get a new chariot driver I don’t even really want you anyway 😇 and scorpus KNOWS It’s bait however. he’s gotta get his attention back.#anyway they are ugly divorced and it’s very slow burn but I know exactly how you taste & what buttons to press & how to grip your shoulders#in an argument until they fuck nasty on all of their riches or however this thing ends. not well for anyone but I WILL be getting them back#together. the other fun little big divorced energy thoughts i had were very much ‘divorced and arguing but it’s foreplay to threaten to#leave each other’ so they can have hot aggressive mean sex because they get off on arguing with each other. everybody in the stables starts#to see them arguing about chariot design & the brothers are scared they’re gonna kill each other & then suddenly scorpus is tongue-fucking#Tenax’s throat with a fist still in his hair and tenax has a hand pinning him back against the post by the throat and that’s all they see#before everybody clears the FUCK out. this is a regular occurrence at all times in all arguments it’s so fun I love the dynamic#OHHHH AND IT’S AN OUTSIDER POV FIC i said the brothers really i meant elia but also now that i say that. could be a fun five + 1 of#everyone watching them threaten to kill each other and then y’know. la petit mort. ALSO i know i see the calla/tenax too we can’t talk abt#that put it in the box with the chariot drivers we can have one (1) thing at a time. the calla note is because i want a calla pov of them#where she’s just like ‘freaks. right in front of my salad?’ and does not give a fuck at all. top tier. anyway. andria/elia/calla/domitian#(Domitian seeing them petition him would be so fun because he wants to puppet master everything he’d want to know SO BAD.) the 5th one idk#because I don’t have any idea about the third brother yet but maybe Tenax catching scorpus in a brothel again? and the +1 is their POV ofc.#(anyway for myself: the vibes i want here are geno/anna cat and mouse follow/unfollow divorce and win her back rumors)#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#scorpus#tenax
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no matter how much help i get, i don’t think ill ever be okay again
#lolllll#i’m going to kill myself soon#jk maybe#idk i’ll see#i’m so unhappy#i’m so funny pls kill me i desperately want to die idk how much i can take i hate myself i want to kill myself#pls help me i want to die#i want to die so bad#i hope i die soon#i want to die#depression relapse#it is what it is#i hate my life#mentally unstable#tw depressing stuff#trauma#i wanna kms#i want to be okay#tw depressing thoughts#mental abuse#mentally tired#this account is a cry for help pls help me
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he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me
#gaslighting myself rn#he would never do that#hes not bad#please dont let it be true please#i want to die#i wanna end it so bad#make it stop#someone please end this shit#idk how much longer i can handle it before i genuinely try to kill myself#this is fucking exhausting
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how to work up the courage to explain my deteriorating sanity to my doctor and also explain it in a way that wont get sent back to hospital???
#i am way more mentally ill then last time they sent me so. yeah#this doctors pretty chill tho#i just dont know how far i can push it with them#idk what they'd do anyways i dont get on with therapy or meds and rhats about the only options.#idk#i just feel like telling someone#cause i dont want to kill myself yet i have to do the things#but The Things consist of one normal goal and a bunch of not normal stuff. like i cannot say “the only shit thats keeping me alive is that i#have to do what these divine messages have been telling me to“ like i cannot say that#that will absolutely get me locked up and my parents would absolutely want to send me away for that. their promise to not do it again...#definitely doesn't hold if im “psychotic” or delusional or whatever#i just know theyd freak#maybe its a bad idea#tw psych ward#tw forced recovery
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staaaaares off into the void
#officially spiraling again 🙃#bad thoughts everywhere about my inability to be a human and fear of that never changing#everyone around me can make it work can have lives can hold jobs and not want to kill themselves#why can't i lmfoafksjdhfs#um. yeah. idk. i have counselling on tuesday i think so i'm tryin to just hold on til then#but i'm also out of my antidepressants and the pharmacy has gone over the max 72 hrs without an update on my renewal request#had to take half my dose today so i have half for tomorrow too#so i'm probably gonna feel even worse for the next couple days 🙃🙃🙃#gonna look at doing some writing to distract myself + focus on good things#but i promise nothing idk how it's gonna go#and i'll probably be quiet when it comes to dms even though i just started catching up#bc being social just sounds like too much for me to handle today. sorry ;n;#i'll be fine!!!! promise i'm not like. Planning anything. just needed to vent a little#and as always i feel the need to explain my absence from dms bc god forbid someone misunderstand me that's apparently one of my worst fears#and deepest traumas lmaooooooooo... fuck#sorry. SORRY. sorry for the negative crying on the dash i just genuinely don't have anywhere else to spew it until tuesday (':#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#suicidal ideation cw#personal cw#vent cw#negative cw
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hi
just as a little disclaimer
mw3 didnt happen to me i simply refuse to acknowledge it what so ever
shit writing, half of the game isnt even fully rendered it just wasnt it and i like the story from the first and second games and dont want the third to ruin it for me
ty!
#dont come for me#honestly#debating writing a fanfic redoing it#idk if itd be good or like me wildly overestimating my writing skills i dont want to make an ass out of myself#bit also so much love for the dev team not their fault thwy were under the time crunch they were and just sm was against them#forever love for the people who actually worked on the game so no diss to them what so ever#but it was bad#like it was just such an ass game#storyline made no sense#and if ur gonna kill soap give him a death that has meaning and also makes sense#like when farah was iust like trust me bro to price when she said she was working w the shadows like bro what???? they never explained it#either#also can we talk abt how preventable soaps death was and he only died bc of the team’s incompetence#which doesnt make sense bc theyre supposed to be the best of the best???#like makarov shot him twice before ghost opened fire???#how did no one see him????#what???????
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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dont think im gonna be able to make myself finish this (as of now) but i had fun with the leg
#i tried idk if i can carry on :(#how do people make fun futuristic sci-fi designs... i get stuck on the aesthetics of it#all i can think of is the practicality im so bad at the actual DESIGN part#dont know if i will get any further than what i have here#and related to me stopping MY BACK HAS BEEN FUCKING KILLING ME CAN YOU PLEEEEEASE STOP#I DIDNT HURT MYSELF AT WORK OR ANYTHING IT'S JUST DECIDED TO KILL ME#SITTING STANDING LAYING WALKING DRIVING EVERYTHING HURTS!!! I WANT TO RIP OUT MY SPINE!!!!!!#anyways. maybe i'll get back to it when i feel better but rn i wanna cry#awa
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guys i hate myself so much it genuinely gives me a stomach ache
#wtf is wrong with me#i hate myself so much#idk what to do#idk what else to tag#mentally unstable#i’m severely depressed#i want to relapse so bad#tw depressing stuff#it’s getting bad again#i’m so funny pls kill me i desperately want to die idk how much i can take i hate myself i want to kill myself#this account is a cry for help pls help me
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painting in my mixed media sketchbook
#acrylic painting#my art#sonic fanart#feeling incredibly miserable#sobbed during my psychiatry appt and told my parents i want to kill myself for real and also told them abt my money probs and my job#no idea what the next steps are for my mental health idk if im going to be going into a partial program or not#but i need to apply for assistance (michigan medicaid and food stamps maybe) so i can qualify for community mental health help#realizing just how bad my situation is and im trying to get help but i dont know what thats going to look like#anyways i really enjoy this painting its very very wonky but its a piece i feel connected to and satisfied with#which hasnt happened in a very very long time but im going to go make some mini corndogs and lay in bed now
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