#and i want to kill myself so bad but idk how
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ghostgirl-22 · 2 days ago
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so i actually need pt 2 to the older patrick younger art fic right NOW.. jk but it was amazing
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Y’all. Y’ALL. I heard you. And though I don’t really love writing sequels… I’ll do anything for you honestly <33
Original.
It’s a mess and way too long which is prbly to be expected by now. Idk. Sometimes you just have to get out of your head and post 😭
18+ NSFW
CW: AGE GAP 10-11 years, power dynamics, teacher/student vibes, first time vibes, AND mild daddy!kink whoopsie! How did that happen? Obviously if any of these things make you uncomfortable don’t read. I don’t take it personally. I’ll explain myself a bit. Art in my imagination here didn’t get constantly shown up by Patrick and because Patrick wasn’t there Art got the attention Patrick got for his skills so he’s a little more arrogant (still a little insecure because that’s his core) and still messy. Patrick had the Tashi injury which makes him a little less arrogant (brought down a notch but still overcompensates and actively self sabotages because that’s his core) and still messy.
——
Art is still keyed up the next morning. His roommate, Devon, is bragging about hooking up with a senior. Art is trying to pay attention but all he can think about is how he got on his knees and gave messy head to Patrick, Coach Zweig, his 31 year old ridiculously hot tennis coach. And how Patrick practically promised to fuck him if he was a really good boy all week. He’s sitting on his hands trying not to go crazy.
“What did you get up to?” Devon finally asks him. Picking up his towel and getting ready to shower.
“Can you keep a secret?” Art asks.
That makes him sit back down. “Yeah of course.”
Art tells him about Patrick, most of it anyway, watching his eyes widen. He’s not on the tennis team but he’s heard enough about Coach Zweig from Art that he can’t help giggling.
“You’re fucking joking.”
“I’m not, I swear.”
“Holy shit. And I thought I was doing something with that senior. Wow. This would only happen to you.”
Art isn’t sure what he means by that but he’s suddenly asking a million questions. Art tells him some things, embellishing and withholding various details. The closest Art ever came to actually fucking a boy was when he used to sneak in Devon’s bed whenever he got horny at night. They were so close to fucking when Art made him stop. so he made Art promise to stop leading him on. And now they’re proper roommates with boundaries and everything. Though sometimes Art thinks if he asked for it Devon would still fuck him.
Devon thinks it’s hot, the whole Patrick thing. Thinks Patrick wants to make Art his kept boy. “Well I mean… he’s old and everyone says he’s loaded, right? He can give you whatever you want.” Devon says.
“Please, he wouldn’t even give me his phone number.” Art says dismissively. “And I don’t need to be kept I just need his dick.”
Devon chews his bottom lip looking Art over and Art wonders if he crossed a boundary. He’s so fucking messy with them.
“Lucky him,” Devon says dryly, rolling his eyes. “But maybe you should milk it. You’re young and beautiful and blonde and he’s your coach so it’s like.. it’s kind of illicit. He could get you a nice place off campus… be your sugar daddy. Girls do it all the time.”
“I think he’d kill me if I ever called him that,” Art laughs, making up his mind to definitely call him that at some point.
Devon agrees to come out with him next weekend but he still has to wait the whole fucking week. It feels like torture.
They have practice everyday and a game on Friday. Which means Patrick’s in those short shorts running them around the court every single day. Art can’t keep his mind off of him. Just wants his attention so bad, everyday he’s doing everything he can just to get Patrick to look in his direction. But Patrick’s got an epic poker face. He’s so fucking cool and calm and collected. So good at acting like nothing happened. Like everything is the same and they never did what they did.
There's one difference. Instead of having the assistant coach do it… he’ll bring Art to the side and personally correct him when he thinks Art could play better. Show him how to position himself, swing the racket, follow through. Big hands, rough hands, gripping Art's waist to turn his body, his wrist to direct his swing. The same hands that effortlessly lifted off his lap the other night.
“Can’t be all talk and no action sweetheart,” Patrick says lightly, as he’s standing behind him. God. It’s actually stupid how sexy he is. Art’s never thought this much about being penetrated, ever. He makes sure to arch his back just a little more than he usually does. Patrick presses a hand to the small of his back.
Art fingers the grip of his racket. “I don’t think I was all talk.”
Patrick chuckles, low and soft. “Stop it. Focus. Bring that energy here,” he says, “all that confidence right here and no one will rattle you.”
“Like this?” Art demonstrates. He makes a mess of it just so that Patrick will touch him again. It takes a minute before Patrick catches on.
“I think you get it,” he says dryly.
“Please show me one more time. I just wanna be a good boy for you,” Art says lightly. It makes Patrick swallow… his gaze falls helplessly over Arts body and then he looks away smirking.
“Are you having fun?” He says, leaning in close, eyes all crinkly with amusement.
Art wants to kiss him. “Mmhm,” he hums, pressing his lips together. “Though sometimes it still feels like my mouth is so full of you I could just… choke.”
“Yeah… right…” Patrick rolls his eyes, still smiling and then he takes a deep breath and drags his hand over his beard. “Hm…What’s today?”
“Wednesday,” Art says.
“And my plans for the weekend are still up in the air,” he says, patting Art on the shoulder as he takes his racket and turns to face the team. “Five laps around the court, everybody, let’s gooo!” He says loudly, blowing his whistle. “Fucking hustle!”
There’s an audible groan and the sounds of rackets dropping as everyone stops what they’re doing and starts running. “Go join them. And if you keep it up it’ll be sprints next.” Patrick says softly.
Art grins, as much as he hates running and he’s sure his teammates will assume he’s responsible for this bit of conditioning, it was still totally fucking worth it.
He probably should’ve focused more but he wins on Friday in spite of himself. Tennis is such a mental game and while he’s generally confident and loves the attention that comes with playing as number one on the center stage, he’s not consistent. That’s what Patrick always says at least. There are opponents that leave him feeling less sure of himself and then he tends to get in his head imagining he’s somehow inadequate or deficient.
One of those players is a French recruit from UCLA, Jensen Bordeaux. Art starts out strong. Crushes it in the first set. But when Bordeaux fights back in the second and he falls apart a little. It’s a bad habit. He wins another game but it’s not enough. He ends up nearly going into a third set.
“Remember what I said,” Patrick takes him to the side between points. “Stop acting like you can’t finish him off. You can have whatever you want right?”
Art gazes at him and bites his lip. “Mmhm.” He nods.
“Good. You know what you want. Just take it. Okay?”
“Yeah okay,” Art says breathlessly.
“Good boy,” Patrick says, rubbing his shoulders, a little smirk on his lips. “Try not to… you know… choke.”
Art feels heated from the inside out. He goes back on the court except he’s not thinking about the game. Instead he’s so anxious for the promise of tomorrow night that all this begins to feel like a mere obstacle to that. He makes easy work of it, winning the tiebreaker and shifting it so that Stanford goes home the winning team.
Everyone on the team goes out to a frat party to celebrate and Art is so drunk and horny by the end of the night. He stumbles into his dorm at 1 am, falls drunkenly into bed and starts touching himself. Fingers in his mouth imagining it’s the heavy weight and thickness of Patrick’s cock. Imagining Patrick’s large hands in his hair, imagining the soft, easily amused tone of his voice as he murmurs. “Good boy.” Makes him come so fast and hard he passes out.
He’s a mess in the morning. In more ways than one. They don’t have practice after game days so he sleeps off his hangover and the day flies by. He takes a long hot shower before he gets ready to go. Anxiety and anticipation competing for space in his brain and body. Devon loans him clothes that are so much tighter than anything he wears regularly. “Trust me, he’s gonna be all over you in this.”
They get there at the same time as last week but Patrick doesn’t come right away. Art’s waiting and waiting and waiting for Patrick to show up at the gay bar. Devon is at a table, a new boy on his lap and they’re making out. Art is half tipsy, swinging his legs on a barstool while this guy from the baseball team stands between his thighs asking him everything about tennis like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. And that’s when Patrick finally arrives. He spots Art across the bar and smirks. Art gets up right away, making excuses to the now frowning baseball player about seeing him around on campus.
“That was fast,” Patrick smirks, as Art sidles up next to him.
“Well I didn’t know you’d take so long to come,” Art says, moving closer. “Is that an old person thing?”
”Mm, you…” Patrick chuckles, tapping his credit card on the bar. He’s got such a great smile. God. Art is so far gone. This is tragic.
“Can you buy me a drink?” Art asks in his ear.
“No fucking way,” Patrick says, amused.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously, how many drinks have you had tonight?”
Art holds up 3 fingers.
“Is that how many fingers I’m gonna have to put in before I can… nevermind…” Patrick says.
Art grins. Warmth spreading throughout his body. “It’s really big,” Art whispers. “Maybe you need four?”
“God…” Patrick laughs, incredulous. “I shouldn’t even fucking be here.” He sighs, as the bartender approaches them. He orders a whiskey and because it’s two for one he gives in and lets Art pick something. He orders rum and coke.
Art feels giddy as he sips on it.
“So used to getting whatever you ask for,” Patrick says, looking him over, teasing a finger into one of his belt loops. “Twenty years old. God. You make me fucking crazy.” He whispers in Art’s ear.
Art can’t help grinning.
Patrick makes him wait while he talks to people his own age. Acting all wholesome. “Oh he’s just one of my players, I’m gonna make sure he gets home safe.” He even gives Art the key so he can wait in his jeep. Art’s hard as soon as he gets in it. Listens to music too loud and ponders touching himself.
He’s kissing on Patrick right away when he finally gets in the car. He’s been so eager all week. “Mm…” Patrick pulls back, tangling his fingers into Art’s hair. “Fuck… gimme a minute to get you home, okay?” he says and he turns on the engine and puts the music back at a sensible volume.
“Is it far?” Art asks.
Patrick huffs a laugh. “Take a deep breath.”
It doesn't help. Everything smells like him. Art puts a hand on Patrick’s thigh, his skin is so heated. He remembers how warm Patrick’s cock felt in his mouth and then his mouth starts watering.
“Is Tashi there?” Art sighs.
“What do you fucking think?”
Art leans close, just breathing him in. Resting his head on Patrick’s shoulder. ”She’s so pretty.” He hums.
“I know.”
“You’re so pretty.”
Patrick chuckles, a low vibration Art can feel from his throat that makes him shiver. “And you're so tipsy. And so fucking young.”
“But you like it.” Art says softly, rubbing Patrick’s thigh. Skin so warm he’s like a furnace. Already hard enough that Art can feel it.
”And I know I’m gonna regret it.”
Their house is actually huge. On the nicer side of Palo Alto. It’s one of the ones with a pool and a tennis court and a crazy nice view of the city. Art doesn’t know any of this until later because as soon as they're inside he’s trying to get his tongue in Patrick’s mouth. Patrick walks him back towards the living room where there’s a huge leather sofa. Art climbs onto his lap as soon as he sits down. Patrick is touching him everywhere, fingers tangled into his hair. Hands under his shirt, rubbing him, teasing him. Art is just trying his best to feel him, lick into his mouth and taste him. All while grinding against his prominent bulge. Grabbing at his zipper trying to get it out.
“Can you fuck me?” Art begs against his lips.
“Fuck,” Patrick breathes against his lips, he’s gripping Art’s waist tightly. Slowing him down. He sighs like he’s trying to pull himself together. “Mmkay. God. Stand up a minute. I need to get a condom and some lube.”
Art gets up reluctantly, nervous energy making him bounce on his toes like he’s waiting on a serve. Patrick smirks, “Relax… I’ll be back in a minute.” He pats Art’s shoulder as he gets up and disappears into another room. It doesn’t matter whether Art sits or stands, he’s anxious. He looks around the lavish room, fancy furniture, paintings that look expensive. Massive kitchen like the kind you see in movies. Patrick comes back and he’s all loose, t-shirt wrinkled, hair messy, eyes soft. He’s probably done this a million times. He’s got a condom between his fingers which he hands to Art.
“You wanna put it on me?”
”Mmhm,” Art says. He’s also carrying a little bottle of lube. Art’s trying to rip the packet open but his hands are all shaky. Especially when Patrick lifts his t-shirt off, he’s so solid, strong biceps, chest hair that gets darker condensed down the line of his stomach to where his jeans are unbuttoned. Art wants to lick it.
“Okay,” Patrick settles on the sofa, kicking off his shoes. “Give me that, you pretty little virgin and take those clothes off.”
Art hands him the condom a little embarrassed, and starts undoing his jeans. Kicks off his shoes and peels off his shirt so he’s only in boxers. Patrick bites open the packet and eases his jeans down and his cock out. Art takes shallow breaths watching him roll the condom on. It’s so big the condom is a magnum size and it fits snug. He’s heard horror stories about first times, even read a few on Reddit and he’s starting to feel a little panicked.
”Look at you.” Patrick says softly, eyes dragging slowly down Arts body. He pulls Art onto his thighs, god he has thick muscular thighs, Art can’t help wiggling. Patrick’s got him close so their cocks line up, and his palm is covered in lube and he’s gripping them both at the same time. It feels so fucking good Art thinks he might come too fast. He’s moaning, eyes squeezed shut when Patrick stops. Art opens his eyes to see Patrick wetting his fingers with more lube and slips a thick calloused finger back along Art’s entrance. Art feels himself seizing up as Patrick presses slowly inside.
“Take deep breaths,” Patrick whispers. Advice Art tries to follow but it just feels so crazy. He eases another finger in and Art tenses even more.
“Mm if your so fucking tight, I can’t fuck you sweetheart.”
“Does it hurt?” Art whispers.
Patrick takes a breath. “Yeah a little at first… but I think I can make it feel a little…uh better…”
Art shivers, his body suddenly overrun by pleasure as Patrick’s teasing his fingertips deep inside him. Art can hear himself moaning voice suddenly pitched so high he barely recognizes it. “Please… please… “he begs. “Please fuck me… fuck me… fuck me daddy.” Art gasps, losing himself as he’s riding the sensation.
“Fuck… what did you call me?” Patrick whispers.
Art bites his lip, his body heating up immediately with embarrassment. “Mm sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to… I meant like sugar…” He says softly as Patrick slowly pulls his fingertips out. Art is breathless. Patrick doesn’t look mad but his expression has gone heady.
“Fuck… I can be daddy if you need it,” Patrick breathes. “Come…sit on daddy’s dick. Holy shit. What are you doing to me?”
Art swallows, his stomach doing flip flops for the way Patrick says it. He sits up on his knees, he can feel Patrick lining up. It actually feels like a lot. Like way too much. Impossible to take. He’s got his eyes squeezed shut and watering feeling the insane stretch as he sinks so fucking slowly down on it.
“Oh god,” he keeps whispering over and over like a prayer.
“Fuck,” Patrick breathes. His hands gripping Art’s waist.
He’s anxious moving slowly, gripping tightly, it’s too much, he’s too full. And Patrick starts to adjust him while gently rubbing his tummy. “Relax… lets try this angle,” Patrick whispers. Fucking into him in a way that he starts hitting that pleasure spot deep inside with even more intensity. “Good… good boy…that’s right…breathe… breathe… keep breathing… fuck…” Patrick coaches. And then slowly as it happens Art is moaning, bouncing on his lap just to feel it hit over and over and over and over again.
“I wanna… mmm I like it so much. wanna do it all the time,” Art moans nonsensically as he’s riding, not sure what’s happening, just that he’s seeing stars. “I wanna fuck you all the time. All the fucking time. wanna fuck you at school… during practice. In your bed. Wanna be your boy toy. Play with your big dick. Fuck me, oh fuck… fuck me daddy, daddy please. It feels so fucking good.”
“Jesus,” Patrick groans he barely grips Art’s cock and he’s coming loudly, spurts of it covering Patrick’s chest and his own. He can feel Patrick still pressing up into him, it suddenly feels like way too much. Every movement making him shake with how sensitive it feels and then Patrick stills, swearing over and over, gripping Art’s body tight and burying himself deep. Low gravelly sounds against Art’s ear.
”Fuck,” Patrick gasps, breathlessly. “Oh… god. You’re so… fuck I’m so screwed.”
“Mm,” Art collapses against his chest, running his fingers down Patricks soft chest hair all painted with his jizz. His knees are all sweaty and sticking to the leather but he doesn’t really care. He just wants to be close. Patrick is gently rubbing his lower back and it feels amazing. Art can feel him softening and slowly slipping out of him, he thinks he might fall asleep like this.
“You okay?” Patrick asks.
”Mmhm,” Art says.
“You sure?”
”Yeah. Can we do it again?”
“God,” Patrick laughs. “I need at least five minutes and I need you to get up cause I gotta piss.”
“No,” Art whines, unhappy about anything that means he won’t be warmed by Patrick's body heat even for a second. He wraps his arms around Patrick’s shoulders.
Patrick chuckles. “I can’t go anywhere?”
“No,” Art says. “You’re my pillow.”
“Guess I fucked your virgin ass good,” Patrick says.
“For an old guy,” Art says softly, smiling against Patrick’s throat.
“For your daddy, you little freak…” Patrick says gently, squeezing his ass. “Come on, get up or we’re gonna have a bigger mess to clean up.”
Art groans and unwraps his arms. “Can I come?”
“To piss?” Patrick raises his eyebrows.
“Yeah,” Art nods.
Patrick smirks and rolls his eyes before gently curling his fingers into Arts hair. “Yeah sure, come on.”
Art kisses him and he sighs into Arts mouth. “I need a fucking cigarette too.”
“Can I stay over?” Art asks against his lips.
“Mm…” he ponders and sighs. “Fuck it I don’t know why I bother pretending to set boundaries with you…” he says, helping Art to his shaky feet. “Tashi will be home tomorrow afternoon. So you know… better not sleep too late.”
Art grins at him. “Does she know about me?”
“Does she know that after I finally got a good job as a tennis coach at my old school that I’m this close to losing it because I can’t help fucking my barely legal 20 year old star player? No actually. She doesn’t know.” He says dryly.
Art laughs. “I wouldn’t tell. But I mean imagine if I slept with you both. I’d learn so much about tennis.“
Patrick snorts, “This kinda talk is gonna make me take you home tonight actually…”
“Mm too late. You let me call you daddy,” Art grins. “You’re never getting rid of me.”
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hyperions-light · 2 days ago
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I am going to answer this one myself and just drop it regardless of the schedule because it’s my game lol
Warden M. Tabris (you will not ask her first name if you like your head connected to your body) probably is mildly amused + has a generally positive opinion of Leth, but she is very quiet and generally unimpressed- looking so she would make Leth uneasy. She mostly just talks with the people she’s closest to + the most genuine with (Sten, Morrigan, Zevran, hardened!Leliana) so she has a tendency to make people uncomfortable.
Vigilance Hawke eh… she’s so tired =( Idk if post-DA2, cynical + bitter Hawke would get along too well with Leth, who would probably remind her of her younger self. She’d think Leth was being kind of naive by spending so much time doing whatever their friends want without question (Vi did not kill Anders, but she didn’t like being lied to about the Chantry thing and she felt betrayed. She was a little… idk carefree and flippant during DA2, but not after =/). Leth would be wary. Vi is dangerous + sharp.
I think Leth would be a bit overwhelming for Revas Lavellan, honestly? She’s very diplomatic + reserved and the whole *everything* with Inquisition made her feel so isolated and and disconnected from people. She was very lonely and was hyper-aware that she was in a precarious position as a Dalish elf in the middle of an almost entirely human organization, and then the one person she managed to form an intense connection with turned out to be Fen’Harel lol. So she would be very polite and outwardly friendly with Leth, but they wouldn’t… hang out. Leth respects her a lot, though + she influences their thoughts about/decisions around Solas.
Companions below the cut!
DAO: Leth would not like Wynne, Oghren or Alistair. Wynne + Alistair would annoy them, Oghren they like… would want him dead lol. They would think Shale is amazing. They like Morrigan but their questions might irritate her, and they would DEFINITELY annoy Sten. They would get along with Leliana! Fashion + assassination? Match made in Heaven! They would attempt to kill Zev on sight, but eventually decide the reward was not worth it and then they would get along famously. Bringing Dog so many treats. Loghain, they would actually really like, I think. They love grumpy people! Love bothering them!!
DAA: still stabbing Oghren with knives. Velanna… they get her, but she’s too intense about stuff for them. They like DAA Anders and Sigrun, although Sig would probably not approve of their rampant disregard for the law and complete lack of remorse about it. They would have a lot of questions for Justice, but he would hate them, so they would just fight lol. Nathaniel would bore them.
DA2: Isabela + Leth would be an amazing/terrible combo lol. Varric is very special to them— first mentor that like… isn’t intense and harsh and paranoid lol. They would detest Aveline and Sebastian. Merrill they would adore and would happily enable whatever inadvisable experiments she was doing and ask a million questions. DA2 Anders is too intense for them. Fenris… they’re sympathetic, but I’m not sure they’d know how to handle him. Bethany would probably bore them a little tbh, but they’d think she was really sweet.
DAI: oh boy. Well they would/do like: Dorian, Leliana, Bull, Varric and ESPECIALLY Sera (particularly post-inquisition). They would have mixed feelings on Cole (they do NOT want to talk about their issues, but they do have SO many questions for him and think he’s fascinating), and Solas (SO many questions, again, but DAI Solas would make them suspicious and they’d think he was too uptight). Blackwall.. they’d be bored by him and suspicious of him pre-reveal, and chill with him after. Vivienne, they admire her intelligence, poise and style, but they really hate the nobility so much. I don’t think Vivienne would like them, though lol. They’d feel bad for Cullen, but probably not like him. They’d like Cassie okay, but the piety is a bit much for them. Leth is like… maybe the only person who doesn’t get along with Josie lmao, they cannot stand the Antivan nobility/merchant princes. She tries so hard but they are so resistant— maybe she could wear them down, eventually?
Hey! It’s Friday! That means it’s Rook Intro Hour <3
How it works: I ask you a question about your Rook(s) and you answer it with as much brevity or verbosity as you desire. You can do this whenever you want, and I’ll reblog it + add some comments! There’s no time limit— if you want to do the older ones, they are collected here! (The post is updated on Fridays!)
Today’s Question(s): Let’s do something special, today, to celebrate DA. What would your Rook think of your other DA protagonists? How about the other companions? Is there anyone they would particularly like or dislike? Why? What would the other protagonists/companions think of Rook?
Answer as much or as little as you like. Hope you’re well <3
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korovamlecznybar · 2 years ago
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doing that fun depression thing where everything makes me cry like crazy
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liauditore · 1 year ago
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cw// implied character death, double life nonsense
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because you are love itself.
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girlyteengirl16 · 3 months ago
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no matter how much help i get, i don’t think ill ever be okay again
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tenwhiteandalusians · 6 months ago
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so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.
#thinking about an INSANE divorce fic. as a follow-up to the 30k canon-compliant backstory i have not written#(really it could be an au of that because like. am i sentimental and would i want them to get emotionally divorced NO but i will get into#the variants of this later i have to tell you about them ACTUALLY divorced first before i get into the hot divorcee energy of it all)#where they fucked around when they were younger and then broke up because. yeah tenax can dream but scorpus needs certainty he is what he#is he wants attention and dignity and when blue offers for him he goes and we don’t need to know what the massive fight was but we DO need#to know that they stopped fucking and maybe they stopped talking too but now they’re Colleagues. putting the ‘because i can’ moment#into a WHOLE different light bc it’s very much a ‘you no longer have a say in who I get to fuck because it’s not YOU. because we’re not’#and thus we get an exes-to-lovers arc I still know you the best and yes I SEE the scorpus xenon andria potential & once again I am saying:#put that in a box we can’t talk about that right now I see it but that’s not what we’re here for. anyway I was TRYING to say the ‘I know u#best of anyone’ of it all and if you think I have stopped thinking about tenax goading scorpus & talking about his dick for a single second#I have not. I REALLY have not because that is top tier blatant manipulation to be like ohhhh poor baby you’re so old and rotting I can just#get a new chariot driver I don’t even really want you anyway 😇 and scorpus KNOWS It’s bait however. he’s gotta get his attention back.#anyway they are ugly divorced and it’s very slow burn but I know exactly how you taste & what buttons to press & how to grip your shoulders#in an argument until they fuck nasty on all of their riches or however this thing ends. not well for anyone but I WILL be getting them back#together. the other fun little big divorced energy thoughts i had were very much ‘divorced and arguing but it’s foreplay to threaten to#leave each other’ so they can have hot aggressive mean sex because they get off on arguing with each other. everybody in the stables starts#to see them arguing about chariot design & the brothers are scared they’re gonna kill each other & then suddenly scorpus is tongue-fucking#Tenax’s throat with a fist still in his hair and tenax has a hand pinning him back against the post by the throat and that’s all they see#before everybody clears the FUCK out. this is a regular occurrence at all times in all arguments it’s so fun I love the dynamic#OHHHH AND IT’S AN OUTSIDER POV FIC i said the brothers really i meant elia but also now that i say that. could be a fun five + 1 of#everyone watching them threaten to kill each other and then y���know. la petit mort. ALSO i know i see the calla/tenax too we can’t talk abt#that put it in the box with the chariot drivers we can have one (1) thing at a time. the calla note is because i want a calla pov of them#where she’s just like ‘freaks. right in front of my salad?’ and does not give a fuck at all. top tier. anyway. andria/elia/calla/domitian#(Domitian seeing them petition him would be so fun because he wants to puppet master everything he’d want to know SO BAD.) the 5th one idk#because I don’t have any idea about the third brother yet but maybe Tenax catching scorpus in a brothel again? and the +1 is their POV ofc.#(anyway for myself: the vibes i want here are geno/anna cat and mouse follow/unfollow divorce and win her back rumors)#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#scorpus#tenax
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sleep-deprived-mf · 5 months ago
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he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me
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yippie-madness · 1 month ago
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how to work up the courage to explain my deteriorating sanity to my doctor and also explain it in a way that wont get sent back to hospital???
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byanyan · 1 month ago
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staaaaares off into the void
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eleu22 · 2 months ago
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hi
just as a little disclaimer
mw3 didnt happen to me i simply refuse to acknowledge it what so ever
shit writing, half of the game isnt even fully rendered it just wasnt it and i like the story from the first and second games and dont want the third to ruin it for me
ty!
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b4kuch1n · 10 months ago
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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infiniteseriesofhalfways · 3 months ago
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 7 months ago
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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risingsunresistance · 7 months ago
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dont think im gonna be able to make myself finish this (as of now) but i had fun with the leg
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girlyteengirl16 · 11 months ago
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guys i hate myself so much it genuinely gives me a stomach ache
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deepfriedseagullfeet · 1 month ago
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painting in my mixed media sketchbook
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