#cause i dont want to kill myself yet i have to do the things

[yippie-madness]

how to work up the courage to explain my deteriorating sanity to my doctor and also explain it in a way that wont get sent back to hospital???

[manicali]

The weekend isn't enough I've literally been passing out on the bus.

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[solar4seekstron]

Before and So Forth Chapter One:

Transformers One x Cybertronian!GN!Reader

TransformersOne!Megatronus x Cybertronian!GN!reader (Bit of Starscream x reader- kinda)

Chapter One: Megatronus

Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight

Trigger warning: 16+???, Megatronus and Starscream want you, Sentinel eventually. Nonconsensual touching at first…I think that’s it 030

(This is going to be a long one. The story takes place before the events when Sentinel kills the primes and all th High Gaurd have to hide and plan to destroy sentinel. In this story because I enjoy tat sort of yandereish crap I wanted to make it x reader where everyone basically wants that reader cake lmfao. But not in an extreme way. There isn’t many females but I can add a few if so requested. I’m not sure about Solus Prime but I‘ll talk about that at the end. For now it’s mostly Megatronus, Starscream, Soundwave Shockwave, and Sentinel. I’d love to add more females I swear. My DM’s are a safe place if you wish to request any females. Or other males. I’ll do my best.

The plan is once it comes to the death of the Primes. (Weirdly excited to write how that’ll go) I’m going to give myself more work and write different path for the reader like if she doesn’t know what happened and Sentinel lies to them or the reader does know and hides with the high guard. Eventually with the sentinel timeline the reader ends up with Megatronus cause of course. It’s going to be a long one so please be patent….like with this chapter lol.

This chapter won’t have smut but it is spicy. Close to the end. If you don’t like don’t read this page and account is only for people who enjoy these to come to . Dont bully or harass anyone and leave.

Anyway my loves please enjoy and I shall release Chapter two next week. So every Tuesday :D)

Being a part of the High Guard who fought alongside and for the Primes.

Have always been something you felt pride but at the same time almost guilty for. As time in the years went by you began to wonder if you’re even a true part since there were so many others above and even better than you.

Such as Starscream, Shockwave, and Soundwave. You were a jet. Someone who seeks and plays as a scout most times.

You did the Quintessons hunt most of the time. Sort of gaining a reputation with the others even the ones who didn’t know you that well.

You were in some ways close to Megatronus Prime along with Starscream, Shockwave, and Soundwave. Megartronus like the other primes would have his own little group of the high guard.

All from his own picking and hopes to have them join him in his deception cause for the far future after the war was over.

Much like how the other primes have their own group of the high guard.

You always had a smile and softness in your voice. And yet you always showed time again and again of your strength.

Along with how you always executed your missions as you often enjoyed either sparring or training by yourself before and after. These brought you joy even as others didn’t understand. You also knew of sentinel but wasn’t that close to him.

You two know each other mostly on speaking terms and after the past cycles as you two continued to work for the primes. He always kept trying to get you to be his. Believing someone “easy” and so “strong” should stay by his side. And not with others who disrespect him.

A guard who uses swords that resides on your side and on your back. You were almost as tall as Starscream. Being a couple inches shorter.

Over time there was a sort of rumor going around. That Megatronus and Solus Prime were currently courting each other but were trying to keep it professional. You didn’t pay much mind to this as although you care for both deeply as they are who you follow.

That feeling of a sort of affection and even lust was something that you know should be buried and kept to yourself. You admired Megatronus as a leader besides Zeta Prime. Same thing to the trio but you never felt the same with sentinel.

At times you and other High Guards would train with Megatronus. Though you notice you were at every meeting and Megatronus seems to enjoy sparring with you most.

One morning as you walked from your recharge. You head to the training area believing you’ll see the other High Guard as you make your way. Once you entered you were greeted by the others as a few have already started training.

Starscream was standing watching the others train as he had a stern look on his voice. Once he noticed you his almost frown turned into a smile. he then greeted you with open arms

”Ah, Y/N glad you can join us. As always, I would appreciate it if you would come early.” You would chuckle and put your hands on your hips as you stand next to him

”Sorry Starscream, but I try to enjoy any amount of time to recharge I can get. My backstrut has been killing me lately.” Starscream would hum and sets his hand on your waist, pulling you a bit closer as his other one rests on his own hip.

”You and me both. All part of being in the high guard. But at least we have you instead of these slow seekers who just keep WASTING MY TIME!”

”Starscream when did we talk about?”

”That energon is meant to eat not to shove down someones-“

”The other thing!”

”Don’t bully other High Guard just cause they’re not as good as me..” He rolls his eyes

”Starscream!”

”To be nice! Ok ok must you scold me every time?” You nod and and put your hand on his shoulder. You two continue to watch the other do their training

After a few mega cycles over the direct private comm was Soundwave reaching you. You then excuse yourself as you walk out. Starscream already sparring 3 v 1 as he yells at them to do better. As you walked out answering within 3 seconds

“Soundwave?”

”Y/N. Needed at Megatronus training quarters.”

”Affirmative.” The call then ends and you make your way over to Megatronus training quarters.

He makes his way to the room. Soon seeing that you were alone. You look around as you look deeper and a begin to wonder where the Prime was.

As you were about to turn around the door you came through then opens showing Megatronus walking in. He stands to be very tall as he towers over you his hand resting on the door frame as he stared down at you. He then speaks, his voice deep and almost roaring as he finally spoke to you.

”More early then I expected. I only hope the others will start taking your lead.”

He finally passes you as you had bowed your head. Your arm and hand over your chest to show respect.

”My Prime-“

”Haven’t I told you, you mustn’t be so formal around me when we’re alone. I thought we were friends.” You two were sort of friends in secret. He respects you as a companion in battle. At least that’s how far you believe his affections is towards you.

”My apologies, Megatronus.” You look down your arm still over your chest. But Megatronus only glances at you as he then puts his spear down and does a few arm stretches. You stand there unsure of the others if they were to join anytime soon

”Remember what I taught you when thundercracker was able to hold you down after an hour long fight?”

”Don’t forget ones weak point around the arm?”

”Yes..I soon found after my last battle with those Quintissons basterds that the same is almost the same with them but it’s with those mouths. Pull at the outer armor hard enough.”

”Uh.. Sir?”

”I wish for you to try your best to defeat me Y/N.”

“So the others?”

”Won’t be joining us. You’ll be at a disadvantage with the large size of the creatures. You know this.” He walked up to you. Staring down at you.

You only stare up at him and just nod your head.

Looking away before backing up to put your swords down. You can feel Megatronus eyes on you. Once you turned around he was soon throwing a punch at you.

You were able to dodge it sort fo flying to the side and quickly grabbing his fast lifting up your body to use your legs to kick the side of his head. You can hear him frown as you then push yourself up on his arm and land on his back. Getting on your arms and pushing yourself far behind him as he turns and look at you in a fast motion.

When he charges at you, you only got on fours moving in a quick motion to left and right dodging his punches as he stands over you.

He was close to fully grabbing your waist. But using you body strength to move yourself. Grabbing his arm with both hands you turned youself upside down your legs landing on his arm.

Then jumping up high so you’re over him about to kick him over the head until he catches your leg.

”Had enough?” He asks his voice booming

”Not even close.” You respond as he then throws you into the ground. But you were fast on your arms and feet again.

Taking in the impact. Something you grew use to whenever you trained under him. A couple mega-cycles go by as you and he keep at it. He was able to throw in a few good punches into you as you did as well. Though he did put in a bit more blows but seems to always avoid your head

Then before you know it your shift for the evening to midnight was in one mega cycle. He had you pinned down by your chest as you tried to catch your breath. He was over you almost out of breath as well

”As always you’re the only one who can get as much of a punch in me as the other Primes. Maybe there’s a Prime in your spark….after all.” You two stay silent for a little while longer until you let out a small sigh

”I should…start heading for my lunch before my shift….Megtraonus..” he seemed almost disappointed. Though it was hard to tell with his mask. But you can see he narrrowed his eyes and leaned down

”Tell me….” He said in almost a whisper. His mask only inches away from your face as he glared

”Do you believe that silly rumor…Of me courting Solus.”

”It’s not my place to care and worry of such things-

“I’ve seen the way you looked at me Y/N. And that ridicules could not be more false…” He uses the hand that was on your chest to move to you face gently cupping the side of your face

”And yet you still said nothing. Do you truly fear me for being a Prime?” You shake you head

”No I-“

”Silence.” He put his thumb over your eyes. You put your hands on his arm only to hear him remove his mask. You then stop. He leaned his head down to be right next to yours as you then feel his breath on your neck

”Megatronus?-“ You’re startled as you feel his lips on your shoulder. You try your best not to move but also wondered if you can even stop him. He kisses your neck slowly making his way past your jaw to your lips. Before he touches you lips he stops for a moment

”Megatronu-“ He interrupts you. Kissing your lips finally as his other hand rests wrapping almost around your waist.

His thumb gently rubbing over your chest. You took note he was very gently givin his large size. Basically covering you with his body as he continues to press kisses on your lips.

You tried your best to not return the kiss but when he gently squeezed his hand around your waist you gave in leaning up closer to return the kiss. He smirks carrying out the kiss.

You the get a direct comm from Soundwave as you tried you best to gain your self control. Your hands gently squeezing his arm. The one that has his hand over your eyes. When you tried to turn your head and even back with the little space you have.

His hand over your eyes only stay firm to keep you in place. Your hands find their self on his chest. He stops lifting his head a little but only a few inches.

”Megatronus I must meet Soundwave. A-and this. We shouldn’t- I- I can’t-“

”You deny my affections, Y/N?“

”No Megatronus I-“

”Will you allow me to court you.”

”Sir-”

”Answer your Prime. If you so deny me..” You struggle with your words. His lips then touching yours once more. This even more passionate in a way. After a moment he pulls away using the hand that rested on your waist to put his mask back on

”Quite lovely. Waited over centuries to finally have you in my hands Y/N. Tell me do you regret our moment. Are the feelings to show daily not so how you feel? Do you not feel these “affections” towards Your Prime.” He removed his hand from ver you eyes as he helps you up.. Him now kneeling as he looked down at you

”…..I do..But it’s not my place to-“

“I shall see you on our next training. Oh and don’t forget.” One of his hands rested around your waist. Bringing you a bit closer

”This stays between us. Although in secret. I shall court you and make you one as a Prime. My word is Truth.”

You just stare up at him. You nod slowly and try to pull away a bit. But he kept his firm grip until he eventually lets go. Letting you go. You bow your head and make your way to retrieve your swords.

Once at the door you look at him. His back to you as only his head was side ways. Glancing at you. You bow your head once more then walk out the door closing behind you.

You then make your way to Soundwave your fists clenching as you scold and continue to overthink what just happened. he was right you loved it and wished for it before. But you wished for it with your other closest friends.

But you disciplined yourself for centuries and now that one of your friends, no your Prime Megatronus has made this move and revealing of his feelings towards you. You start to feel your heart racing. What are you to do if he does make you a prime.

What about your friends. Is he really this attracted to you or is he just using you because of his power. Could he just be doing this to any other High Guard. You stop for a moment knowing you’re alone and let out a breath

”He’ll get bored…..soon enough..” You continue to walk making your way to Soundwave. On 40 minutes (Not sure what the transformers word for minutes is sorry) until your next mission.

Yay first chapter! I swear my writing will get better. I definitely missed something or messed up somewhere. Hope y’all enjoyed it. There will be smut soon. Be patient my dears. NOW REQUESTS!!!!

I also take requests in my DMs. Have a good Morning/Afternoon/Night!

[4pfsukuna]

Enemies to f⭐️cking lover Toji

Ok so ive been thinking about releasing a 3-5 part enemies to lovers(or something along those lines) for toji although i know the most common works on here is one shot smut. Trust smut will be involved… its toji

You used to be an american spy but japan pays nearly tripple. The jobs were quick easy taking 2 days at max. You had climbed the interest ladder for your ability to get things done in a quick and neat fashion with minimal mess and uproar increasing your salary from 4 figures to six in only a couple of months. Unfortunately theres another assasin whos getting in your way and hes the exact opposite of everything you stand for. 

Not only does he not wear a mask to cover his identity, he lets his targets know exactly who he his just so they can have his name as their last thought before death.

Toji fushiguro.

The biggest jackass youve ever met.

This wasnt your typical one sided beef where youd get mad at him and hed flirt no he had beef with the number one assassin who was stealing his target which means his money. It truly grinded his gears and yours when they made you split a salary.

“Might as well go home princess” you hear his raspy voice though princess was said in a derogatory way hes made it clear several times he hated the way you did things. Why be so… clean. Death is death.

“Fuck off pretty boy go back and crawl into whatever shitty little backroom of a laundry mat and return to horse betting” you seethe having done your research on him. Its not like he needed the money for anything important unlike you who wanted it for taking care of responsibilities back home.

This mission had been one of your biggest yet and you did not need to blow your hiding spot nor cover by arguing with his big ass over nothing.

You're grabbed from the crouching position your in and slammed against the brick wall not hard enough to hurt but it does press into your all black outfit.

“You can do whatever research you want on me but you dont fucking know me… you dont know shit.” he snarls lip on his scar stretching further yet you shove him off. “And im not a pretty boy”

“Please youre not the threat you think you are” you scoff attempting to bruise his ego and the way he steps forward lets you know you did but you never let your guard down to your surroundings and youre quick to pull out your gun aiming in his direction.

He chuckles crossing his arms over his broad chest and you may be uninterested but youre not blind to how his compression tee squeezes him in a way thats… satisfactory to the eye.

“Going to shoot me princess? I thought you were too good to get your hands dirty. Squeemish at blood even” he pokes until you release six shots shooting the men slowly approaching that he failed to notice.

“You fucking shot me!” He growls touching the tiny drip of blood from where the bullet grazed the tip of his ear just enough to break skin not cause any definite damage. 

Taking a bow you smirk before making eye contact with him the only gap in your mask being the slot for your eyes.

“Oh sorry about that pretty boy, ill do you a solid and let you tell shiu you got this one all on your own.” you tease knowing his pride wouldn't let him take the credit for something he wouldn’t do. 

“No i don’t want your pity kill” he seethes looking as if he’s ready to throw a tantrum yet you can only smile knowing you won this battle.

“Great more money for me” you grin running past him the location no longer serving you any purpose. It was time to cash in and Shiu didnt stay up past 2am.

Toji grabs your arm stopping you from escaping though before he could speak the faint sound of sirens in the distance growing closer.

“What? You goin’ to hold me here until the cops get here with these other dead bodies how do you think that’s going to look? A big, strong and muscular giant holding a petite young woman like myself” you victimize yourself and you watch the frustration grow in his eyes knowing he has to let you go.

“Its not fucking over” he hisses releasing you with a slight push making your smile grow even wider.

“Great more chances for me to teach a pup like you what not to do” you tease tearing off a piece of his shirt and pressing it to his ear. “Wouldn’t want your blood at a crime scene would we fushiguru”

And youre dissapearing into the darkness of night and he watches your silhouette slip down an alley until he no longer can. 

You may have thought you had the last laugh but he was best friends with Shiu. So when you near you third week of no assignment you figure its time to reach out to the former and see what the issue is. Learning that Toji somehow convinced him you wanted a break you decided it was time to cut your ties temporarily with the man and find a new “project manager”

The next assignment is the most you’ve ever been offered so high in the six digits it’s close to seven and for a simple retreival mission.

So when youre standing surrounded

“Toj

Waking up with a throbbing headache youre confused when you meet the eyes of a spikey haired 5 year old who is playing with a toy truck a black puppy not to far behind. He must feel you stairing since he turns to face you and gives you a toothy grin.

“My dad must like you, he doesnt let us wear hats in the house but let you keep your mask on” he stutters slightly and you reach up feeling the mask

[jermer10]

Hello👋 i dont know if you can but, can you do a drabble of yandere Sniper [tf2] stalking and kidnapping the reader[gender neutral]? And that he keeps them locked up in his camper van?

And uhhh, if you can the reader loves him right back?👉👈

If you cant do the stockholm syndrome thing, i get it. But at least do yandere Sniper please.

TF2 yandere sniper drabbles

suggestive, gn reader | this prompt was so fun!! tysm for the ask :)

tw: stalking, kidnapping, obsession, depictions of wounds and blood, drugging, abusive relationship, reader falling in love with yandere

drabbles under the cut :P

- you were aware of his existence a long time before meeting him, and whilst you had dealt with creeps and weirdos before, this guy was....different... - waking up during the night and feeling a presence in the room, yet finding no one once the lights were turned on; catching a glimpse of someone from the corner of your eye, and turning around to see nothing - for the longest time you had felt insane! "you're just paranoid!" you'd hear from friends and family - and then you had your first encounter with him at your local cafe whilst in the lineup ordering your coffee - okay, well, you weren't certain that it was him, but the way his bluish-grey eyes bore into yours with such an obsessive, aching, needy want caused you to put two and two together - and much to your dismay, he had realized that you knew - you brushed past him, hoping he wouldn't follow you, hoping that you could make it home in time to pack a bag or two so you could stay with a friend for the night - but you only made it half way down the street before being pulled into an alleyway and feeling the sharp jab of a needle in your shoulder

- you must have fought for several minutes before finally passing out, because upon waking there were bruises and scuff marks littering your skin - the second thing you noticed once you gained consciousness was the leg of camper van pull-out table you were tied to - if you had the strength, you would have kicked the table upwards and slid your ducktaped wrists off of the leg, yet your drowsiness and the numbness of your legs told you that trying to escape would be futile - for a second you considered screaming out - someone, anyone must be able to hear you, you couldn’t have gone too far out of town - you hear the stifled laugh of a man from the other side of the van - you turned sharply to look at the man, when an overbearing wave of nausea and dizziness rushed over you. “fuck!” you hissed, squeezing your eyes shut - the man chuckled, and from what courage you could muster, you glanced up at him. he was….handsome? - ‘fucking gross y/n! don’t think that about this guy! he KIDNAPPED YOU!’ the reality of the situation had finally set in - “who are you?! where am i?! please, please just let me go and I wont tell anyone about this! I’ll give you whatever you want! please don’t kill me!” you had started to sob - through the blurry tears you saw him get up and walk closer to you, his brown boots clacking against the floor rung in your head like gun shots - “shut up. I took ya because you’re the thing I want. I’ve been followin’ you for a while and I know you know about it. I got tired of waitin’, so I made myself known, that’s all.” his face was serious, his voice condescending, as if it were obvious - you felt hopeless, pathetic, and manic. you started to scream, cry, thrash around pathetically whilst he stood over you. he lit a cigarette and blew some smoke down at you - “we are a looooong way away from any people darl’, so it would be easier for both of us if you played nice” the man spat, and walked towards the exit of the camper van, grabbing a sniper rifle out of a locked compartment in the wall - “if you’re not here when i get back, i will kill you, y/n.” and with that, he left.

- months had gone by, and eventually you had grown placid, sitting under that table on your makeshift bed day in, day out while the man you had eventually grown to know as Mundy monitored you, fed you, bathed you, and clothed you - you had gained his trust, therefore he decided it would be best to remove your constraints - while he was at work you would rummage through his belongings to find out more about him; what hobbies he had, where he was from, his likes and dislikes - you found a photo of his parents and casually asked him about them one day. he was taken aback by your curiosity, yet he told you stories about his childhood and you shared some of your own - you couldn’t even hate him anymore, you had actually grown fond of the man in your time spent with him, but there was no fucking way he could know that. you still wanted to escape from this sicko and return to your old life - but what even was your old life? your 9 to 5 job, coming home to an empty house every day, the constant feeling of being watched with no one to believe you - suddenly your situation seemed a lot better than what you were previously stuck with - that night you had awoken, startled by a wounded and bloody Mundy stumbling through the camper van doors. “holy shit, are you okay?” you hated how it came out so earnestly - luckily for you, the concern had seemingly gone unnoticed as he had sat himself on the floor next to you, peering into your eyes for some kind of permission with a guilt and bashfulness you hadn’t seen from him thus far - you didn’t know what to do or say, so you nodded slightly, and on cue he pressed himself into your side, burying his face in the crook of your neck - he smelt like cigarettes, dirt, and gore - you didn’t ask, and he didn’t tell, but you knew he had a hard day at work. no matter what his job was, you knew all too well the feeling of coming home after a shitty shift and sobbing into your pillows. you often wonder if Mundy ever saw that side of you, sides you hadn’t shown anyone - you held each other in this awkward side hug for what felt like both hours and seconds, you honestly didn’t want to let go, but he was still bleeding out and you had been dirtied - “wanna shower?” you asked chastely. it felt uncomfortable asking your captor for something so….sweet? he glanced at you, attempting to hide the shock in his face - “yeah, okay.” he mumbled, slowly letting go of your warmth and standing up shakily, you followed in suit and head into the cramped bathroom

- by this point you had already been naked around Mundy, he refused to let you shower by yourself and most days you had been so exhausted you had looked forward to him washing you - but you had never caught a glimpse of what was under his work uniform or the red plaid pyjama slacks and white t-shirt he wore around the van, and a small part of you was nervous, but a huge part of you anticipated the reveal - you stripped yourself and climbed into the tub, chin resting on your knees, hugging your legs, and staring up at the tall, lanky man - a red tinge glossed his dirty face, clearly this was a vulnerable spot for him, and you couldn’t help but respond with your own red cheeks in turn - “….are you jumping in or what…?” you couldn’t look at him, the only sound louder than the thumping of your heart in your chest was the water spilling from the tap filling the tub - “ah- yeah just uh, gimme a second,” he murmured, removing his jacket and unbuttoning his top - his chest and back were scarred, some old, some new. you felt a pang of sadness. the irony of this situation was not lost on you, feeling more remorseful over hating this man than he does for kidnapping you, but you couldn’t help it. he was so raw, so genuine - he had stripped bare, and climbed into the tub facing away from you, handing you a bar of soap, you absentmindedly washed his back, it felt all too natural to you, maybe it was the steam of the shower, maybe it was the exhaustion that came from sleeping on the cold, hard floor of the camper every night with nothing but a blanket and pillow to keep you comfortable, but something about being here now, with Mundy, felt so right - “I think I’m in love with you,” you spoke softly, so softly you were sure he couldn't even hear the whisper, and before you could react, Mundy turned and pulled you into a rough kiss. you melted into it, running your soapy hands through his auburn hair. eyebrows furrowed and face burning, he pulled away - “wanna sleep in my bed tonight?"

[velvetvexations]

re anon who talked about claims that white people can't be nonbinary, I have seen it. this was The Discourse in a corner of the internet i was in in like 2021. this person kept literally saying white people can't be nonbinary and quite a lot of people were agreeing with her.

isn't it sad this is the world we live in

It's funny (sarcasm) how many TransRadFems go on and on about how awful they were treated when they were still perceived as "feminine/gay cis men" and how being misgendered as a man as a trans femme is terrible (which is true, of course), but then turn around and say that (trans/cis) men/people who are perceived as men/etc don't ever experience anything bad at all ever. Like.... If that was true, you wouldn't have experienced any abuse while in the closet and would be happy to be misgendered, because it would give you more "privilege" to be seen as such. And yet, somehow, you realize that both of those things aren't actually true and that (real or perceived) manhood does actually come with a lot of oppression. But only when it comes to trans femmes, for some reason, and never trans mascs. It's almost as if you do know that trans mascs experience gendered oppression for being both trans and men, but deny it simply because you're a bigot and want to get away with being a transphobe. Hmmmmmm. 🤔

sometimes they'll admit to trans men being perceived as women but with the caveat "being treated as women is our best case scenario!" as though trans men aren't, just as trans women are, seen as deviants that need killing or correction rather than "just" your average every day cis woman

"Ohhh trans men think of themselves as women/AFAB which is badddd" actually I think of myself as a male cursed by a powerful wizard :)

wizards and magical hot springs are the number one leading cause of trans people

Male cursed by wizard here again tho. I do actually kind of feel a disconnect from the wider transmasc community, as I never feel like I was a woman or experienced what it was like to be one? But that's because I am extremely autistic and weird and have thought gendered expectations were ridiculous for as long as I can remember, and as such have been largely dehumanized by my peers in a way that most girls and "girls" haven't, if that makes any sense? But that doesn't mean other transmascs are wrong for feeling connected to womanhood on some level, it's just not something I can relate to at all. (I don't relate to manhood either for that matter, but that seems to be a more common experience)

gender is a wildly complicated thing and takes a lot to really examine, it's usually different for everyone in small ways

"trans men don't experience misogyny if they pass, but trans women always experience transmisogyny regardless of whether we pass or not" is a WILD fucking take. imagine 'we can always tell'ing your feminist theory as a trans woman. could fucking not be me.

soulgender sixth sense is especially sensitive to trans women whose gender is super special and radiates an aura of purity

Crazy take, feel free to tell me im wrong but i dont think anyone is inherently binary or nonbinary unless specified. I think that every single person on this earth has a slightly different gender (humans are akin to snowflakes and i do not mean this is a derogatory sense). You could put a group of perisex cis women into a room together and all of them would have varying degrees and opinions on what their cis-woman-ness means to them and the same goes for every other label and identity group. And just because someone defies whatever cultural and social norms of identity that have been put on them doesnt automatically make them nonbinary.

it's all just words

What do you think of the "drag is misogynistic" discourse? To me the argument I see is "they're cosplaying being a trans women and thats bad" Which.. sounds exactly like a terf argument but with the word trans slapped in it.

it's a TERF argument and I'm not even into drag

Every time I remember the blahaj discourse I want to simultaneously laugh & light a votive for the trans community's mental health. I am being told by folks who are younger than my personal obsession with sharks (22+ years running let's go!!!) that I cannot possibly fathom the appeal of a stuffie in the shape of a shark, and if I get one anyway, it's appropriation. And yeah, that discourse died pretty soon out of the cradle, but holy shit! It existed! I really hope, for the sake of all involved, that they feel sheepish in the future; better the embarrassment than doubling down on such a — frankly! — ridiculous mindset.

your AFAB man brain simply can't comprehend the true transfymynyn nature of sharks

Idk if this makes me racist but like. It is actually pretty uncomfortable seeing people use non European cultures having 3rd (or 4th or 5th or 6th etc) genders as proof transphobia is a western thing or whatever. Like. Idk I'm biased but as a (relatively) binary trans individual, I don't want to be relegated to a 3rd gender..? Id like to live as any other man, not some 3rd or 4th category of woman-that-acts-like-a-man. I'm happy for the people that see themselves in 3rd genders, but for me it just feels like a painful reminder of how otherized trans people have been historically.... (also I think it's kinda gross to prop up non European cultures as inherently so much better and great and a homogenized soup of betterness instead of. Yknow. Nuanced cultures with their own unique problems and bigotries and positive qualities. Like indigenous cultures don't have to be perfect for colonialism to be bad actually. But that's a separate thing)

yeah it's such an over simplification

just saw someone compare trans women to the omelas child I hate it here.

hard to overstate how much of a pathetic worm one would have to be to say that about themselves with zero irony

help a post appeared on my dash saying "trans men benefit from male privilege" and one person who reblogged it had "transphobes DNI/transandrophobia truthers DNI" on their header

yeah that's the people you wanna put out there first as a DNI trans men who think they're oppressed

Sorry if your inbox is a bad place to vent about this, but I'm so sick and tired of the way Go To Therapy is slung around these days, both as a stealth insult to imply someone is 'crazy' and needs to be 'fixed', but also as the genuine go to (often only) advice that treats it as some sort of fix-all solution. I was deeply traumatized by therapy as someone who's been in and out of it since pre-k and only finally decided to stop going for good in their 30's and being bombarded with the advice to Go To Therapy in every online space I'm part of is exhausting and triggering to the point that I have the word Therapy blacklisted on tumblr. And I can't like, talk about it without being told I just had the wrong therapist and need to keep trying until the right person magically comes along to fix me, as if I haven't spent my whole life trying to force myself into the mold of recovery. Someone not being able or willing to keep trying to heal in the Approved way is often treated as a red flag and a moral failing, and even my own closest friends have this idea in their heads that therapy is absolutely good for everyone and the only valid reason to not be in therapy is not being able to afford it. I'm just tired and I don't want to heal anymore because I don't think I'll ever be healed enough to satisfy anyone, I don't want to get up over and over and over, I want to stay down and rest.

love you anon <3

[aannonn]

★ ─。colorful text , strong colors , bold text , brief mention of suicide , implied/referenced grief , swearing

okay i know we are all excited about the actual short that just came out but let me ramble a bit about Red cause im getting emotional about this stick ... ( before my motivation to type all of this ends and i dont feel emotional anymore lol )

Red in season 3 went through so much istg ;; not only did he and Sec went through a very tense (and needed) fight which almost caused the end of their friendship (+ Sec was clearly in the winning side here, or Red was just really terrified of her at that moment given to how he tried to run away from her - of which i will probably talk about it in a later post maybe), but he was also really fucking tormented in monster school (i felt so bad for him in this episode i legit wanted to cry)

+ after all of this fiasco he really went ahead and carried this thing (of which, given to how he hit it on the ground and it made a soft thump, it must have been heavy asf) all the way to the other side and??? fucking smashed King's chin which made him fly to so fucking far ;; which means he literally used all of his strenght to carry this staff, and dropkick King with it, even if it was so hard he almost even dropped it at first

AND THEN HE JUST. PROCEEDS TO PASS OUT ON THE FLOOR CAUSE HES SO FRICKING TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AAWRGHWS

there are also other moments where i think he really deserves a break tbh ;;

he lost a pet. i have a pet myself and just the thought of ever losing him hurts so fucking much to the point i can feel my oof'ing urges coming back.

;; granted; it was a minecraft pig and it was high with all the potions, and also tried to kill all of them, but he clearly atleast had some care for that pig ... (the fact that he immediately stood up and spawned another animal makes me think about that one post/tiktok (i dont remember the user) i've seen ; which talked about Red possibly hiding/bottling up his sadness from others , in order to stay happy and positive or because he doesn't think his struggles are important enough compared to the others' - which i think it make alot of sense since you rarely see him cry or something, just going numb and/or looking down in despair - the only ever time we ever saw him cry was when Green supposedly died.)

i haven't talked about this actual short before since i had no desire to , but damn bro the way i felt bad for Red in this(っ °Д °;)っ he just wanted to have red stuff for him aswell, since apparently it wasn't dropping for him for some reason???? okay he should have included green and blue stuff aswell instead of possibly removing them but. still. Green and Blue were so fricking wrong in this

and !! his and Sec's tense relationship in the past seasons ... i love Sec he's literally my fav out of them all but i cannot defend xem on this. i know she had her reasons and im not saying Red was in the right either but, gosh ... pretty ironic given he's the one who inspired xem to break in in their site and join them in their battle

... i dont even need to explain do i

he lost a pet ... again. and because of his own fault aswell ! he knew the possible dangers of fusing the command block and the staff together , given how he almost got possessed alongside his friends the first time something like this happened , and yet ... he did it anyway . and beeper died as a consequence . i cant imagine how much guilt he must have felt .. (probably one of the main reasons why he didnt put up a fight when they put him in the timeout box)

i think he wanted to cry at this scene ngl ,,,

thinking about this ; they are all really tragic characters tbh ,,, stepping away from the heavy angsty all of c!Alan's stickfigures go through , rygb goes through a lot of shit aswell , and tbh i just feel bad for all of them ; they are all such tragic characters that deserve a very well-needed break break/_ \

since we are in this topic aswell , i would like to mention how i really love Blue and his immediate rush in being a comfort for the others<3

i used to think Yellow was the therapist friend but we only ever saw him comfort Blue lolll ( i love him anyway ;; i think Blue is more of a therapist friend than he is though )

[endomentendo]

Now before you read this, please know I want to get through this on my own. Don’t read my essential crisis right now if you don’t want my goober self depressing you. I just need to vent, I’m okay… I think.

You wanna know why I like wonderland? Why I say absurd things or confusing remarks towards anything? Why I like the spiral from the Magnus archives?

Well it’s because I think I might be in a more confusing state of my life, mentally I think. My life is normal, fine, wonderful! I love my friends and family, I love my parents, I love my family.

But why do they love me? What did I do to deserve it? Am I selfish and unpleasant? Am I just a selfish man who won’t get a life? I don’t know. And this is where my mind keeps playing tricks on myself. It’s not helpful when I’m stuck in two life’s to which only one of my parents is aware. Understand I’m apart of a religion and was raised believing in god. But after the split, my world was shattered, only for a while. But after a few years I’ve now gotten into a double life, and was given a different world view. Tugged on one side to the other back and forth. I’m struggling trusting each of my actions. And understanding who I am.

This lead to me getting more and more confused. Now I’m asking questions what’s real or what isn’t? I’m questioning the start of the world, I cannot comprehend how a start is possible. Call me dumb because maybe I am, but why did the Big Bang explode? What even caused it? And if there was a cause, where do they come from? Why were they there to begin with?

Then questions became only assumptions of whatever came to mind. Then more questions. Why is there color? What even is past the color wheel? Why do specific food kill or support us? Why do we need food? Why are there germs, tiny things, MICROSCOPIC THINGS!? Why do they serve their purpose, are they even aware? Do I unconsciously crush an entire ecosystem, invisible to the naked eye, KILLING what were innocents who never knew I never knew of them.

Now I’m realizing how made up everything really is. There is no such thing as a name, we give names in order to know who is in front of us, to announce. Shouldn’t we remember by faces? Or mentioning a feature? Then again familiarity is also made up. Everything is made up! History made for us to remember, but that’s all it does. Capitalism is for order amongst chaos, but all we’re doing is making a made up system of passing cotton paper to each other just to feel like we earned something. It’s useless, pointless.

I’m afraid to go back into the dark of my eyes, to sleep and see nothing, yet be able to look around. Sweating as my anxiety grows.

Time doesn’t exist, it’s just there for us in order to comprehend age. Birthdays are pointless since we don’t grow up on one day, it’s every day. It’s pointless to show appreciation of your birth. Even my death is pointless. Even if I did something that is know in the world, no one would care after a year or day. It’s pointless and it doesn’t make sense. Why do we exist? What purpose?

To live? To have freedom? To serve? To feel like we are important in an empty impossibly vast universe that it too could be made up?

I don’t know why I’m afraid of pleasures, is it fear of god or disappointing others? Everyone else does these things, but why do I feel ashamed? Why do I hate myself when my actions would be forgotten once I’m gone. Why would we be gone?

WHY?

Why am I bringing this up? For affection? For others to suffer as well? Or for someone to say how hypocritical I am? Or how selfish and nonsensical it all is?

Please dont respond. I just want to understand…

[krzdragon]

So i need to talk about Dragon Age Veilguard.

I really liked it and im fucking sick of all the complaints and criticism.

Look i get it, i had some when i first started especially in regards to some of the lore handling of the different religions and faiths (thats a personal beef i have with fantasy media in general). And the constant obsession of elves/ancient elves is boring and tiring in terms of lore but this also has me hopeful we are done with the elves for the most part.

Am I disappointed that nothing really carried over? Absolutely. But i understand the why and the way they chose to do so makes sense. Yeah they needed a reboot but knew people would complain without cameos. (People are complaining anyways).

I personally wished i could yell at Solas more; i dont like him very much and having Solas and Sollelaven constantly in my face from the fandom has made certain convo choices my favorite ones. I like calling him out and ill keep doing that shit.

But i found myself loving the game the more i played. I like that my companions get along and i dont have to listen to them squabble every time i bring them along. They have disagreements but they listen to you and work it out cause THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS LIKE SAVING THE CONTINENT/WORLD. On that note i appreciate that i can have a temper and be a hardass without being a supreme grade A asshole. You would not want someone who is obviously evil/not a good person being the lead runner of the people fighting Armageddon.

Does the Tevinter Imperium and Crows seem softened and almost retconned into “not that bad?” Not really. We deal with maybe two of the talons and their elites, a completely different ranking compared to Zevran who was taken from the streets. And its still implied that its fucking horrible for training, your rook refers to training as torture. And it never once makes killing for money a good thing. As for Tevinter; the shadow dragons save slaves, you still have to deal with blood magic and slaves and people on the bottom of society being nothing more than collateral damage at best. Nothing has changed at all.

I really loved the battle mechanics; especially for a console set up (dont know how i feel about it pc wise yet). I like being able to choose between button smash or pausing and choosing special attacks for my targets. I loved the rouge mechanics the most as well.

Really all the constant complaints sound like every time something new comes out that i really love. Its exhausting and frustrating and i just need more positivity.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

diplomats son by vampire weekend is lowkey sirius/barty though(i forget the shipname)

HI okay idk why i havent answered this. YES SO TRUE !!!

the meanings r frm genius so if im wrong im not dumb its their fault ><

it's not right, but it's now or never / and if i wait, could i ever forgive myself? - 'it's not right' for bcjr cd mean internalized homophobia n for sirius internalized homophobia + hooking up w a nazi but like this is a once in a life time opportunity and whoo is giving that up bfr

cause I'm gonna cut it where i can / and then i'm gonna duck out behind them - "sex w no strings attached" ... or is it ??? "im gna fuck off when im done w you" but like you cant ghh ,,, and like the behind them part too like its v secretive-ish -

if i ever had a chance it's now then / but i never had the feeling i could offer that to you - they r insecure boys <33 !!! they both feel so strongly about one another yet can't reciprocate it

to offer to you would be so cruel / when all i want to do is use, use you - this. this is deathstar at its finest right here. its fucked up enough that they both know how they only want the other to use them - for sex, to shed emotional baggage, to get their aggression out, to fight to whatevr but they offer the smallest kindness which is not letting the other in fully ever bcz what they think is love rn will then definitely turn into love (but like their own fucked up ver of love)

he was a diplomat's son, it was '81 - self explanatory i fear,

with my car keys hidden in the kitchen - okay genius says this is abt getting some1 drunk and raping them but um !!! i will . i will choose to ignore that bc that lowk doesnt make sense,

and the sight of your two shoes sitting in the bathtub / let me know that i shouldn't give up just yet - rare soft deathstar?? aw theyre in love !! :3 (or they killed someone idk)

'cause i'm gonna take it from simon / and then i'm gonna duck out behind them / if i ever had a chance it's now then / but i never had the feeling i could offer that to you / to offer it to you would be cruel / when all i want to do is use, use you - okay so according to genius + my brain is that simon (sirius!) is a friend (wellll not in deathstar context , but in the context of the song (i think)) and 'it' is sex? i think virginity but like nawr not here. so like if deathstar were ever friends this goes crazy bc barty (the one saying this) is like omg ive wanted to sleep w him for so long and now im realizing that i might be able to do it ??? + sexually incompetent barty is lowk a treasure to me soo.. and yeah then theres a little bit more guilt where bartys like i dont want HIM i want to sleep with him , i want to use him ! ofc sirius is just as apathetic and detached as barty is but barty doesnt know that !

i know, you'll say i'm not doing it right / but this is how i want it / i can't go back to how i felt before, there's / that night i smoked a joint with my best friend / we found ourselves in bed, when i woke up, he was gone - okay !! i've been thinking abt this in sirius pov . like post-deathstar w whoever he's with he's used to it (it=sex) being painful and quick and dirty and it's how he's used to it, how he wants it. 'before' is all the quick dangerous pleasure he felt with barty and the night he smoked a joint with his best friend which is JAMESS <333 because PRONGSFOOT <3333333 but i fear this may have been unrequited .... because sirius woke up alone ,,, which could have been the reason he strayed along outside of his social circle in the first place . on the other hand i like this in bartys pov where the not doing it right is sirius telling him how to fuck because kjskg its funni, . the best friend is sirius because ouchers !! angst ^^ !!! sirius wakes up and he's been thinking about leaving this toxic thing he has w barty for a while now but he decides if he doesnt leave now he never will (+ barty is obsessiveee he will nawt let sirius go.) so he leaves wo explaining anything to barty at all

looking out at the ice-cold water all around me / i can't feel any traces of that other place / in the dark, when the wind comes racing off the river / there's a car all black with diplomatic plates - post deathstar , both sides ? unhealthy coping mechanisms core they dont want to be back with one another but they cant exist alone . they remember each other forevr <3

[tempest-talks]

irl quotes <3

hayyyyyy y’all, i’m back and if you want to see some of my irls here on tumblr C is @some-horse-gurl and Titi is @jarondont

one more thing, if you’ve read these before you’ll have seen E but she’s annoying and decided she will now be ‘slayer of dance’ so keep an eye out.

Me: “baby shot glass would murder the world” lady floutist: “i would thank it”

idk where the baby shot glass came from but i don’t trust it

C: “my beautiful water bottle i dropped down the stairs and hit two children”

C: *southern accent* C: “i don’t know what i did wrong to little Suzie”

C, who is Suzie? we don’t know one

lil miss muffin: “why do they have faces?”

C: “cause some of us aren’t creative” Me: “who’s some of us?” C: “me”

goth leaf: “dude is pizza real food?” lady floutist: “i don't know...i think pizza is just...pizzaaaa”

C: “that’s unfortunately my child” lady flouist: *offended* C: “i love you slightly less than my other child”

C: “i’m sorry but my other child makes my school papers look demonic.”

tomato: “tomatoes go on your shirt”

truer words have never been spoken

C: “what like .01% of the time?” slayer of dance: “No, no be nice” C: “I’m talking about myself” slayer of dance: “oh then carry on”

once again, i present, the ‘married’ couple

Me: “ew leap day” C: “lake be nice” Me: “the last one was in horror year i will not be nice”

C: “that’s too bad because you kiLLED EVERYBODY ELSE”

you believe me if i said this is about the oregon trail?

C: “have any of us died yet?”

again, oregon trail

lil miss muffin: “slayer of dance drowned” C: “YES”

still oregon trail

C: “that’s too bad because you kiLLED EVERYBODY ELSE”

oregon trail!

lil miss muffin: “C are you being greenist?”

watching the wizard of oz with your friends is fun, i promise.

C: “I hate when they describe a place like it’s so old and beat up” C: “I DONT GIVE A FUCK”

C: “my entire family has brown eyes including me, except for my dad like whAT DO YOU THINK MAKES YOU SPECIAL”

i don’t think she likes her dad much

C: “you can’t help people by bashing their head in”

slayer of dance stole C’s water bottle

slayer of dance: “i thought you were gonna say you can’t help people by bashing their head in” slayer of dance: *hits C* slayer of dance: “i think it’s working”

with a paper. i think.

Me: “… and you’ll die” C: “slay”

tomato: “why do i kinda want a lockdown to happen” Me: “because it would be exciting and you could possibly die” C: *gasp* C: “i wanna die”

we are very concerning

C: “when in doubt divorce it out”

Me: “i’m aliv-“ *coughs* *dies*

C: “kindness doesn’t matter” C: “Be a mean person”

lady floutist: “here C, try this” C: “HOLY SHIT”

istg lady floutist carries bricks in her backpack

C: “leave no space for other citizens”

Titi: “i am actually sobbing” Me: *doesn’t look up* Me: “are you sure? that doesn’t seem true” Titi: *offended* Titi: “i WAS sobbing”

she’s reading the oddest because she’s obsessed with Epic: the musical

C: “please just flip people off”

lady floutist: “what’s with all the ruffles this isn’t the 1800s, burn it like the witches that wore it”

goth leaf: “i love witchcraft”

i do too!!!

lovely, this was fun but i shall see you all again in the future, adieu!

[omegalomania]

the thing that truly Truly unhinges me about infinity on high is that it is not simply an album about the horrible stomach-wrenching rollercoaster of fame and it is not solely an album about wrestling with your demons but it is a marriage of those two it is very much about fighting the worst parts of yourself in the most public avenues available. it's an album that all but rattles with the amount of references there are to medication. every seeming bout of narcissism is undercut with a sardonic twist and the snap of subtle self-loathing brimming beneath.

and the worst part of it is how that isn't even the worst part of it. the worst part of it for me is the fear. the fear of becoming something other than what you are. the fear of getting better. because this is how the world likes you - broken and stripped down to your ugly parts and embittered and exposed. this is how the world wants you, consumes you, because it's in your brokenness that they pick out such pretty patterns like finding rainbows in shards of glass. it's your wrecked-up brain with all its sporadic misfirings that draws everyone to you like moths to a faulty porchlight. i only keep myself this sick in the head 'cause i know how the words get you off. infinity on high. van gogh, the poster child for the ethos of creating something even at your lowest points. the poster child for the speculative, horrifying ethos of how your flaws and faults and fuck-ups are the only things worth keeping. how often have we seen that rhetoric. if van gogh wasn't depressed, we wouldn't have gotten starry night.

on september 15th 2006 at 9:08pm est pete wentz answered a fan question about what accomplishment of his he is proudest of.

I don’t really think about success or accomplishments too often. I guess just being around. Letting myself move past who I used to be- because that person was continually unhappy. Or at least trying to get to that point and not feel like im “changing for the worse” just because im letting myself feel ok. 10 years ago I didn’t listen to anything anyone said ever for the most part.

on september 18th 2006 at 2:36am est pete wentz wrote on one of his blogs how infinity on high was beginning to feel like a "nocturnal record" as it began to take shape.

somehow the things we say mean more in corners of dancefloors and we focus on love below the waist and outside of the head. "dont you want to get better"- i just dont want you to worry. "dont you want to get better" - tonight i do. the way they say "youre committing slow suicide" when someone lights up or cuts loose. but arent we all. everything we do just shortens our life, every breath is one less. but its what makes everything so treasured. in my head. it aint a funeral babe, i just want the headline to die. recovery is the new drug.

it hurts sometimes thinking about who he was in that moment. someone so fucking scared of getting better and desperate to get better, committing every flaw and insecurity he had to paper and trying to make art out of how desperately he fucking hated himself. as if his pain was the only compelling thing about him.

that's what kills me about this record. truly. it's not just about the perils and pitfalls of fame and renown. it's about how it feels, really feels, to think that your fame is reliant on you fucking hating yourself and how that is killing you.

and yet. infinity on high. a title taken from words written in 1888, from van gogh to his brother, as he talks about how his improving health has had a positive effect on his art.

Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all.

van gogh did not give us starry night because he was depressed and suicidal and falling apart. van gogh did not make incredible works of art because of how much he was suffering. van gogh created in spite of that, because he had a brother who loved him and reasons to keep going.

pete wentz did not write some of his best lyrics on infinity on high because he was depressed and suicidal and falling apart. he wrote them in spite of that, because he had people in his life who loved him and over 15 years later he is still alive, he has 3 kids, he has his band who have been together for over 20 years and still love making music together, and at least externally, he no longer feels the need to self-immolate so the onlookers can make pretty patterns from the ashes left over.

[i-hate-freaky-ball]

womg hi hayte

31, 42, 2, 1, 8, 20, 23 (dont have to do all of them if you dont want to!!)

hayte you have to let me read you the questions. no y- YES YOU DO. WITH THIS MANY YES YOU D- STOP. STOP. JUST. STOP.

please stop fighting me on this. st. YOU HAVE TO ANSWER THEM. YES. I'M CUTTING YOUR SPEAKING OUT I DON'T THINK THEY ALLOW THAT EVEN HEAR ON TUMBLR DOT COM. YOU'RE GOING TO GET REPORTED FOR TERRORISM. BE GOOD. BE G STOP.

i'll kill sol.

...

"can you do that" do you want to find out?

...

that's right sit your bitchass down. okay. question 31.

"What is the most important thing in the world to you?"

snail

??? elaborate.

no

fine. whatever. next question.

"What type of music do you like to listen to?"

music is loud and irritating and gets on my nerves

even sooollllll's?

sol plays music?

...

"Least favorite character you've interacted with?"

does sol play music?

answer the new question we've already moved on.

fine

the Rizzler.

yeah. yeah makes sense.

"Favorite character you've interacted with?"

sol, i guess

i don't like anyone else

yeah expected.

"If your life depended on it, would you let @elongated-tennis-ball operate on you?"

my life wouldn't depend on it

yeah but if it did

but it wouldn't

hypothetically.

it would not

answer the fucking question

i would rather die

but i wouldn't because my life would n

okay god can you shut up yet. jeez.

"Would you rather know the date or cause of your death?"

cause

"Who do you think you are most similar to?"

myself

??????? not an answer

why not

someone else. pick someone else.

i don't like anyone else

say fucking sol for all i care

but i'm not similar to her

I'VE NOTICED.

i'm not gonna lie

womp womp skill issue idc

it says i don't have to answer all of them

but i waaaant you to

i'm leaving now

HEY? HEY! HEY. GET BACK HERE???? BITCH????

oh my god it just left. it's. gone. what the fuck. what the FUCK.

[violentviolette]

i struggle to talk about this sometimes cause i feel like i sound like an entitled and spoiled piece of shit, but i think these are real problems that happen when ur life stops being a dumpster fire and its important to talk about how to navigate them

because my life right now is extreamly stable. i have a home i dont have to worry about ever being evicted from, i dont have to work in order to affort to live, i have the time, space, freedom, and support to do absolutely anything i want right now

and yet i find myself doing absolutely nothing. im so used to using stress and external threats, the threat of starvation, homelessness, abuse, being kicked out or fired or flunking, to motivate me that now that those things are gone and im in a safe environment that asks nothing of me, im just at a loss. i struggle to even wake up everyday without some kind of big consiquence as a motivater

and even when i do have ideas or inspiration as to what i want to do with my now endless hours of the day, i just. dont really know how to execute them. i dont know how to do things if its not in a crunch time manic haze.

i think my big goal this year is going to be to try and figure out how to navigate that and retrain my brain to be able to set more long term objectives and then follow through on accomplishing them. because i can feel myself becoming a more flakey and unreliable person who gets nothing done and just kind of Exists with no real reason or purpose and i reallyreally hate that

i finally have a life i dont want to kill myself to escape from and i just feel like im wasting it by not actually being present in it, u know?

[senseioftheseidiots]

Me with Canon Wu: You let your brother go get your stuff for you and look what happened. You made a 'friend' of a Serpentine and taught her something you shouldn't have and looked what happen ! You filled a young child's mind up with dreams and broke them down and look what happened !! And even now with the Ninja, you don't tell them a single warning before they go into battle and LOOK WHAT'S STILL HAPPENING !! And after all of that, I find myself-!! Me with Your Wu:...still coming back here even though I shouldn't because you really need help with your issues and everyone makes mistakes and your superior- Nah, nah, I'm kidding but in all seriousness, your version is kind of what I want to believe for the character now. I don't hate on the original Wu since you can't beat the original but you also can't beat the fanon ! So with lots of love, enjoy making more content for him !

This has been sitting in my asks because I completely forgot about it- so ill use this as a headcanon dump, thankyou >:) You throw out alot of points here on the segment for canon wu, so let me throw in things ive held onto in hc to all of it PLEASE NOTE MOST IF NOT ALL OF THESE IS HC ALONE/TIMELINE SPECULATION "You let your brother go get your stuff for you and look what happened." This happened AFTER the meet with aspheera I believe, after it happened the two were forbidden to go outside monastery walls without permission, completely isolating them from the outside world in hopes nothing like that would happen again. Wu at this point was incredibly afraid to disobey his father because if their punishment from last time was isolation from a world outside their monastery, what more could happen to them? [it only got worse from there, but we arent talking about that yet.] "You made a 'friend' of a Serpentine and taught her something you shouldn't have and looked what happen !" Wu genuinely just wanted to be friends with someone, being the sons of god the fsm was rather picky on who exactly got to see the two. And he's never made proper connections until now, through out the entirety of their childhood [before teens] im pretty sure all wu knew as companionship was his brother, and when he found someone willing to help them, he didnt want to think about the warnings for the chance that she might actually be good, and that keeping a promise was the way to gain a friend " You filled a young child's mind up with dreams and broke them down and look what happened !! " If were talking about morro here, ANOTHER HC TIME to fuel my delulu state, look- He didnt WANT him to fight garmadon, hear me out here- if you go back to the scene of morro being tested to be the green ninja, the sword of fire ISNT the sword of fire. My hc here is this is the ONE time he's tried to change destiny for the better. It doesnt mean morro was destined, no, this was going to happen either way, but he tried changing destiny because this wasnt morro's fight, and he was afraid of what may need to come if it DID end up being him that was destined. He didnt want that. But when he did do it and got his own student killed [he tried finding him. he tried getting him back, he didnt want to come back.] He gave up. And this is where his mindset solidified, he couldnt change destiny, people will die, and itll be his fault. This was his fathers punishment for him. " And even now with the Ninja, you don't tell them a single warning before they go into battle and LOOK WHAT'S STILL HAPPENING !! " This one is funny to me cause, one, wu doesnt know how to fucking trauma dump I dont think he would even be able to think about it unless someone asks him, its actually the 'it never came up' thing. BUT, he wouldnt want to say much too quickly due to Morro's incident. Hell he didnt even want the ninja to see the green ninja scroll. If he had said too much too quickly, well theyll either turn evil or die..or both-

" .still coming back here even though I shouldn't because you really need help with your issues and everyone makes mistakes and your superior- " Hehe, thank you!!! I hope you enjoy the buncha headcanons i have here for you