#feeling normal thoughts and emotions about fhr in this club tonight boyssss

[sidesteppostinghours]

posts that took me 6 months to finish making. so anyway,

its too late in the night for me to be coherent about this but

"I don't distrust you," he admits since you've gone silent. "You're allowed to be here." He feels guilty. Guilty over how he's been treating you, but also over how things turned out.

"I take that as you've done some things you regret." "Many." Her brows draw together. "And some I blame myself for, even though I know I shouldn't."

There's more here. You can feel it simmering under the surface. He looked away last time. It couldn't be that bad, could it? He could have, he should have…[i]not this time.[/i]

"I feel like I actually got a chance to move on now that you're back in my life. I don't want to be the marshal that messed up and got half ${his} team killed; I want to change. But it's…hard. Harder than I thought."

"Good." The laughter sounds genuine. "I'd hate it if that part still showed."

thinking about fhr and second chances. about characters that live and make mistakes and regret and have to move on anyway. and maybe they do, or maybe they dont. thinking about how it reflects on sidestep, on all different versions of sidestep, and the ways they can handle their rebirth. thinking about sidesteps that try to fix things with the people theyve hurt, or find new people to help when they cant make it up to the people they need to. about steps that have to bury their regrets to have their new lease on life, and the ones who manage to lock up the skeletons in the closet vs the ones who still have the past hounding at their heels wherever they go.

theres the way it all interacts with eachother too. like, take argent, for example, somebody who cant afford to do anything but move on and hope that she can still be better this time around as a matter of survival. compare that with herald, that lived his life constantly thinking about the needs of others and so has to apologize for every minute problem he might have caused. or chen, who has such an understated self-loathing for the mistakes hes made in one lifetime and yet reaches the same conclusion of pushing aside his guilt so it doesnt crush him, so he can Get Things Done. ortega and mortum are different in the way they approach regrets too, where mortum cynically accepts it as part of life and ortega has to find literally any way they can make it right.

just like. man. fhr is a story about regret, huh.

also have a bonus hg quote from the 4.2 about it because it literally inspired this insanity and itd feel wrong not to include it LMFAO

[i]The arms around you pull you into a hug as you try to think. Smother you in caring and worry. Loss. Fear. Not letting you go. Not this time. Not again.

FUCKED UP SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!!! TO ME!!!!!!