#i’m severely depressed
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when you’re having a bad day but then you remember it’s like this everyday
#i need to kms#i’m so tired of being treated like this#i’m so tired of living#hehe :3#like my post#trauma bonding#mentally unstable#tw depressing stuff#i wanna kms#i want to be okay#tw depressing thoughts#mental abuse#depression relapse#mentally tired#this account is a cry for help pls help me#i’m severely depressed#i’m so fucking depressed#manic depressive
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i talked about it a little bit already but i have things to say about it. for context, i was born with amniotic band syndrome. the amniotic band wrapped around my left wrist in utero and stunted the growth of my hand. i was born with about half a palm, four nubs for fingers, and a twisted half of a thumb. i can open and close my thumb and pinkie joint like a claw.
yesterday at work i had a shift in the room with 5-10 year old kids. i had my left hand hidden in my sleeve (a bad habit of mine). a kid asked if he could see my hand, and even though internally i was debating running into traffic, i said “sure you can” and showed him my hands. he stared for a moment, looking disturbed, and then said “i don’t want to look at that anymore”. that hurt to hear, but i understand that kids are new to the world and he probably didn’t mean it out of malice. i put my hand away again, told him that it was okay, and that i was just born that way.
he then went on to talk about how he knows a kid with a similar hand to mine and called it “ugly”. i told him that wasn’t a very kind thing to say and that he wouldn’t feel good if someone said that to him, and he replied that no one would say that to him—because he has “normal hands”, and he’s glad he does because otherwise he’d be “ugly”. i tried to talk with him for a bit about how everybody is born differently, but he just started talking about a girl he knows with a “messed up face” and pulled on his face to make it look droopy. i went on some more about how it wasn’t very kind to talk about people that way, but the conversation moved on to something else.
i’ve told my supervisors about it and they’re going to have a talk with his mom. what i wanted to say is this: i’m genuinely not upset with the kid. kids are young and naturally curious, and he clearly simply hasn’t been taught about disabled people and kind ways to speak to/about others. which is why i am upset with his parent(s). i know he’s encountered visibly deformed/disabled people before (he said so himself!), yet his parent(s) clearly haven’t had any kind of discussion with him about proper language and behavior. i knew from birth that some people were just different than others, but my parents still made a point to assert to be kind to and accepting of others. i wonder if adults in his life are the type of people to hush him and usher him away when he points out someone in a wheelchair. that kind of thing doesn’t teach politeness. it tells children that disabled people are an Other than can’t be acknowledged or spoken about; which, to a child, means disability must be something bad.
i’m lucky enough that this was a relatively mild incident, and that i’m a grownup with thicker skin. i’m worried about the other kids he mentioned to me. has he been talking to them this way? when i was a kid, i had other kids scream, cry, and run away at the sight of my hand. or follow me around pointing at me and laughing at me. or tell me i couldn’t do something because i was ugly or incapable or whatever. one time a girl at an arcade climbed to the top of the skeeball machine, pointed at me, and screamed at me to put my hand away and wouldn’t stop crying until she couldn’t see me anymore. another time, a kid saw my hand, screamed at the top of her lungs, and ran into my friend’s arms, crying hysterically about how i was scaring her. that second incident made me cry so hard i threw up when i got home. i can kind of laugh it off now, but having people react to me that way as a child is something i’m still getting over. why do you think i have a habit of keeping my hand in my sleeve? it just irritates me to see children that have clearly not been taught basic manners and kindness—their parents Clearly missed something pretty important .
#and for the record i consider my deformity pretty mild. maybe i’m just used to it but things like amniotic band syndrome can turn out a lot#more severe. i rarely even call myself disabled because i don’t feel like the term is applicable to me. i’m more hindered by like#my adhd anxiety depression etc than i am my hand. so for those kids to react that way to what i THINK#is a pretty small thing. makes me worry about people that are more visibly disabled#Kids.That are more visibly disabled
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Bed rot Miku!
#bpd miku#I started drawing Italian miku but I didn’t like how it turned out#I hate my art!!!#I am severely depressed#this is vent art#I’m going to residential treatment soon :(#two year program!!!#tags#vent art#actuallybpd#hikikomori#hatsune miku#vocaloid#my art#worldwide miku#miku vocaloid#miku fanart#vocaloid miku#international miku#mikuhatsune#bed rotting#bpd tag
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I think a lot about what exactly Thistle was doing for those 1000 years. I mean, his increased monitoring of the dungeon was explicitly caused by Delgal going “missing” and a bunch of adventurers pouring in, but Yaad says that he’s “always been like this” and “not one for reasonable conversation.” I can see that being true for the rest of the golden kingdom members since he seems to not gaf about them beyond being part of Delgal’s kingdom, but what about Delgal himself?
How often did they speak and what did they talk about? Did Delgal ever beg Thistle to release them from his spell? Did Thistle ever threaten him, or would he never dare to? Could he tell Delgal was deeply miserable, or could he just not see it at that point?
He looks incredibly unwell here. How did Thistle feel about this? Did he feel anything at all, or was that nibbled out of him, too?
#polly speaks#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi spoilers#thistle dungeon meshi#delgal melini#dungeon meta#thistle posting#there’s so much that we don’t know and it’s. aaahuuuuuuuauauh#there’s so much to be said about how having your desires eaten is like mental illness#both in the depression aspect that Mithrun displays and in the inability to feel empathy and irrationality that Thistle develops as a result#for delgal was it like having someone you love go through a severe mental health episode? but with the added baggage of All Of That?#I dunno if I’m wording this well which is why it’s staying in the tags but. yea
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Human Accessory - Aka a minor emergency came up during mandatory Human Cuddle time
Anyways have an Alan and Robin. Are they together?Absolutely
Canonically? Shutup.
Idk how Robin keeps her hair so nice though in the SEA she must be using some future magic bullshit shampoo and conditioner
#subnatica below zero#subnautica#Alan#robin#my art#fanart#apparently humans can get severe depression#from a lack of physical contact#I’m sure Alan won’t overthink that#imagine getting Alan’s tattoo light show#accurate though#lmfao#fuckkk that#Alan uses discord light mode#robin ayou#al an x robin
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not that I have regrets but god there’s so much I could have done if it wasn’t for having mental illness at such a young age lol
#like severe anxiety robbed me of so much during early childhood/highschool etc#and then depression came after making me lose interest in everything#and even though I still very much deal with both I feel like I’m starting to do things now that younger me loved but couldn’t at the time#and setting boundaries !
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do you have any cablepool fic recommendations?
no sir, but dear god i sure could use some
if there's anyone out there, please oh please put some in the replies - my life may depend on it
#sci speaks#I’m so severely under read. 😔#but now it’s the perfect time to get some reading in to keep my spirits up so the depression doesn’t catch me#back away ! back off depression !! you can’t catch me !!
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WERE GONNA GET QROIER LORE ON QUESADILLA ISLAND this is fucked this is gonna hurt god save us all padre nuestro que estás en el cielo
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This person threw the first brick at stonewall
#I’m sorry but Frank: Iero is hilarious#any of my friends wanna kiss me to help with my depression???#they are severely confused but they have the spirit!
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it’s SO wild how blue zircon made a conspiracy theory against the diamonds right in front of them, right in front of her creator.
imagine saying to god’s face “YOU’RE the one who killed JESUS”
#am realizing Many things while watching steven universe now that i’m older#(and also am not severely depressed)#liz rambles#steven universe#blue zircon
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guys i’ve been sad since i was 5 i think im stuck this way idk tho
#i’m severely depressed#depression relapse#haha i hate myself#i want to kms#should i end it#trauma#mentally unstable#mentally sick#i am not mentally well#tw depressing stuff#i want to be okay#mental abuse#tw depressing thoughts#manic depressive#depressing life#depressing shit#my life is a joke
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What did I miss??
#I feel like I’m stumbling into an active but not overcrowded living room after a several hour depression nap#anything exciting happen while I was gone??
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I got a scholarship for 5,000 dollars and one for 2,500 dollars 🥺
#I’m gonna be honestly I did not put much effort into my application this year bc of severe depression#so I didn’t think I’d get any#and one description specifically says ‘awarded to one outstanding senior’#which makes me 🥺#especially since I struggled so much with grief affecting my grades last year
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just wrote a journal entry that could rightfully get me a pair of grippy socks if it fell into the wrong hands
#blaming it on the fact that I’m about to start my period#not my severe unmedicated depression 🙂↕️🙂↕️#and every fucking other thing
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ughhh I need to stop having mental breakdowns over little things.
#vent in tags#chat sesh with iris#vent#tw vent#I feel like everyone hates me and even you all hope I die and nobody likes my ships bc everyone thinks I’m not good enough for my f/os#and the worst part is that none of it is unfounded!!!#none of my friends are talking to me AT ALL anymore even when I start conversations#(including in text)#while they actively talk to other people WHERE I CAN SEE IT!!!#only one of my friends is and all they do is send me anti bs and go ‘omggg these people are so weird!!!’ about like anyone who ships with-#certain characters (including ones that I SHIP WITH!!! which is why I don’t talk about it other than here)#people are like ‘omggg… I hate it when men like these characters. you don’t get them and they’d never love you.’ about my f/os#which triggers dysphoria and self loathing and fear about my ships#tw suicidal ideation#<- somewhat#I don’t like anything about myself and I don’t deserve anything that I have#man. I don’t even want to be here anymore#also I have severe mental illness that has caused a lack of possibility for happiness that lasts longer than fleeting moments#I have not spoken (like aloud) to anyone other than my parents since THE THIRD!!!#I’m going to ask my psychiatrist for testosterone on Wednesday but idek if I’m gonna make it until then#probably I will because I’m too depressed to gather the energy to do it#also she might even say no or not be able to prescribe it#and this isn’t even why I’m the most upset rn but I REALLY need a win#also my mom was like ‘you haven’t given me another name so I’ll just keep calling you the name I gave you 😊😊😊.’ instead of. idk. asking me?#tw suicide#okay yeah the tag is fully warranted now#I like know how I’d do it and everything#I also had a panic attack because I couldn’t find my quilt hashtag just autism things!!!#not takeover#obviously
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#sabezra#sabine wren#ezra bridger#star wars rebels#I’ve read a fic or two that takes this angle and the angst is poured on thicker and heavier than whole blue milk#hurts so bad to think that Sabine would see Hera’s pain and regret after Kanan’s death#and start to think about how she should say something to Ezra before it’s too late#then all of a sudden…the chance is gone and it *is* too late#that’s a depressed enough thought that she might spend the next several years surrounding herself in his memory#like living in his old tower#and wearing his clothes#and staring at the last holo she has of him#constantly pining and wallowing in thoughts of what could have been#shoot I’m gonna make myself cry aren’t I?#gonna make myself cry with my own kriffing tags
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