#i’m severely depressed
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when you’re having a bad day but then you remember it’s like this everyday
#i need to kms#i’m so tired of being treated like this#i’m so tired of living#hehe :3#like my post#trauma bonding#mentally unstable#tw depressing stuff#i wanna kms#i want to be okay#tw depressing thoughts#mental abuse#depression relapse#mentally tired#this account is a cry for help pls help me#i’m severely depressed#i’m so fucking depressed#manic depressive
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i talked about it a little bit already but i have things to say about it. for context, i was born with amniotic band syndrome. the amniotic band wrapped around my left wrist in utero and stunted the growth of my hand. i was born with about half a palm, four nubs for fingers, and a twisted half of a thumb. i can open and close my thumb and pinkie joint like a claw.
yesterday at work i had a shift in the room with 5-10 year old kids. i had my left hand hidden in my sleeve (a bad habit of mine). a kid asked if he could see my hand, and even though internally i was debating running into traffic, i said “sure you can” and showed him my hands. he stared for a moment, looking disturbed, and then said “i don’t want to look at that anymore”. that hurt to hear, but i understand that kids are new to the world and he probably didn’t mean it out of malice. i put my hand away again, told him that it was okay, and that i was just born that way.
he then went on to talk about how he knows a kid with a similar hand to mine and called it “ugly”. i told him that wasn’t a very kind thing to say and that he wouldn’t feel good if someone said that to him, and he replied that no one would say that to him—because he has “normal hands”, and he’s glad he does because otherwise he’d be “ugly”. i tried to talk with him for a bit about how everybody is born differently, but he just started talking about a girl he knows with a “messed up face” and pulled on his face to make it look droopy. i went on some more about how it wasn’t very kind to talk about people that way, but the conversation moved on to something else.
i’ve told my supervisors about it and they’re going to have a talk with his mom. what i wanted to say is this: i’m genuinely not upset with the kid. kids are young and naturally curious, and he clearly simply hasn’t been taught about disabled people and kind ways to speak to/about others. which is why i am upset with his parent(s). i know he’s encountered visibly deformed/disabled people before (he said so himself!), yet his parent(s) clearly haven’t had any kind of discussion with him about proper language and behavior. i knew from birth that some people were just different than others, but my parents still made a point to assert to be kind to and accepting of others. i wonder if adults in his life are the type of people to hush him and usher him away when he points out someone in a wheelchair. that kind of thing doesn’t teach politeness. it tells children that disabled people are an Other than can’t be acknowledged or spoken about; which, to a child, means disability must be something bad.
i’m lucky enough that this was a relatively mild incident, and that i’m a grownup with thicker skin. i’m worried about the other kids he mentioned to me. has he been talking to them this way? when i was a kid, i had other kids scream, cry, and run away at the sight of my hand. or follow me around pointing at me and laughing at me. or tell me i couldn’t do something because i was ugly or incapable or whatever. one time a girl at an arcade climbed to the top of the skeeball machine, pointed at me, and screamed at me to put my hand away and wouldn’t stop crying until she couldn’t see me anymore. another time, a kid saw my hand, screamed at the top of her lungs, and ran into my friend’s arms, crying hysterically about how i was scaring her. that second incident made me cry so hard i threw up when i got home. i can kind of laugh it off now, but having people react to me that way as a child is something i’m still getting over. why do you think i have a habit of keeping my hand in my sleeve? it just irritates me to see children that have clearly not been taught basic manners and kindness—their parents Clearly missed something pretty important .
#and for the record i consider my deformity pretty mild. maybe i’m just used to it but things like amniotic band syndrome can turn out a lot#more severe. i rarely even call myself disabled because i don’t feel like the term is applicable to me. i’m more hindered by like#my adhd anxiety depression etc than i am my hand. so for those kids to react that way to what i THINK#is a pretty small thing. makes me worry about people that are more visibly disabled#Kids.That are more visibly disabled
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Seeing Idia say he showered even though it’s a pain and being like oh wow that’s a part of poor MH you never see talked about that’s pretty cool :) and then half the fandom are like “ermmm ☝️😏 beating the incel allegations” and it’s like oh guys wtf. And then you keep looking for the other side in the argument and THEY’RE like “uhh guys. Idia DOES shower because he’s not the GROSS sweaty gamer you want him to be 😒” and it’s like well fuck you guys are wrong too.
#you guys get some GOOD rep that isn’t just an interest or a character being sad and you can’t fucking BEHAVE#GUYS. PLEASE BEHAVE I WANT MORE IF THIS#I have severe anxiety. depression. agoraphobia. you name it. I have gone WEEKS without showering or tidying or wtv in bad episodes.#I’m not an incel I’m apathetic and MISERABLE#twst#twisted wonderland#twst idia#idia shroud
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Bed rot Miku!
#bpd miku#I started drawing Italian miku but I didn’t like how it turned out#I hate my art!!!#I am severely depressed#this is vent art#I’m going to residential treatment soon :(#two year program!!!#tags#vent art#actuallybpd#hikikomori#hatsune miku#vocaloid#my art#worldwide miku#miku vocaloid#miku fanart#vocaloid miku#international miku#mikuhatsune#bed rotting#bpd tag
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You guys remember that post where I fawned over the Rebirth detail where Seph was smitten with Nibelheim’s beauty? The beautiful home he didn’t know was his? I feel like that got WORSE now.
So…not only did he just…not really see the world outside of that stupid building unless while on missions…but….
These tiny little dialogue bits in Rebirth feel a little deeper now? Like really man? Even after growing up, he just…missed out on seeing the world outside of war and his assignments? I’m not sure why I hoped otherwise but at this rate, I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s just depressing.
And Jenova or this….manipulative dream sequence…plays into that lack of connection to a normal or natural world…in addition to the mom issues of course. They’re in what looks like some pretty alpine meadow. Everything is just beautiful and mom is there in the center of it all.
So then, Sephiroth being struck by Nibelheim years later — a beautiful landscape that he swears he recognizes and has no clue about being the place where his real mother worked and lived….
….that’s where he finds Jenova. Drawn into a beautiful, scenic place, he finds another illusion of his mother.
He once again finds nothing but lies while so close to home.
#i’m incoherent because of feels#but i think you guys will understand#this thing about jenova playing into these weaknesses that stem from severe lack#lack of good and normal things#just#agh#i’m like…tired of making sad noises and crying i am just DEPRESSED AF#lol#everything went SO wrong#ff7#sephiroth#miniroth#jenova#lucrecia crescent
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I think a lot about what exactly Thistle was doing for those 1000 years. I mean, his increased monitoring of the dungeon was explicitly caused by Delgal going “missing” and a bunch of adventurers pouring in, but Yaad says that he’s “always been like this” and “not one for reasonable conversation.” I can see that being true for the rest of the golden kingdom members since he seems to not gaf about them beyond being part of Delgal’s kingdom, but what about Delgal himself?
How often did they speak and what did they talk about? Did Delgal ever beg Thistle to release them from his spell? Did Thistle ever threaten him, or would he never dare to? Could he tell Delgal was deeply miserable, or could he just not see it at that point?
He looks incredibly unwell here. How did Thistle feel about this? Did he feel anything at all, or was that nibbled out of him, too?
#polly speaks#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi spoilers#thistle dungeon meshi#delgal melini#dungeon meta#thistle posting#there’s so much that we don’t know and it’s. aaahuuuuuuuauauh#there’s so much to be said about how having your desires eaten is like mental illness#both in the depression aspect that Mithrun displays and in the inability to feel empathy and irrationality that Thistle develops as a result#for delgal was it like having someone you love go through a severe mental health episode? but with the added baggage of All Of That?#I dunno if I’m wording this well which is why it’s staying in the tags but. yea
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Human Accessory - Aka a minor emergency came up during mandatory Human Cuddle time
Anyways have an Alan and Robin. Are they together?Absolutely
Canonically? Shutup.
Idk how Robin keeps her hair so nice though in the SEA she must be using some future magic bullshit shampoo and conditioner
#subnatica below zero#subnautica#Alan#robin#my art#fanart#apparently humans can get severe depression#from a lack of physical contact#I’m sure Alan won’t overthink that#imagine getting Alan’s tattoo light show#accurate though#lmfao#fuckkk that#Alan uses discord light mode#robin ayou#al an x robin
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not that I have regrets but god there’s so much I could have done if it wasn’t for having mental illness at such a young age lol
#like severe anxiety robbed me of so much during early childhood/highschool etc#and then depression came after making me lose interest in everything#and even though I still very much deal with both I feel like I’m starting to do things now that younger me loved but couldn’t at the time#and setting boundaries !
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do you have any cablepool fic recommendations?
no sir, but dear god i sure could use some
if there's anyone out there, please oh please put some in the replies - my life may depend on it
#sci speaks#I’m so severely under read. 😔#but now it’s the perfect time to get some reading in to keep my spirits up so the depression doesn’t catch me#back away ! back off depression !! you can’t catch me !!
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you know those books about like unhinged crazy feral women like that (gags) ‘female rage’ genre of contemporary fiction. so has anyone ever read one of those books which was actually good
#AMENDMENT: eliza clark is good at this. there we go. that’s the only one ive got#there’s also the twin genre of ‘sad woman’ which is often confused with ‘unhinged woman’ when it’s like what’s supposedly so unhinged is#that it’s just a woman suffering from severe depression. and I don’t think I’ve read any of that which was good either and the ones that#were I’m reluctant to even label like that because it feels insulting when they’re usually good because they’re doing a whole lot more
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guys i’ve been sad since i was 5 i think im stuck this way idk tho
#i’m severely depressed#depression relapse#haha i hate myself#i want to kms#should i end it#trauma#mentally unstable#mentally sick#i am not mentally well#tw depressing stuff#i want to be okay#mental abuse#tw depressing thoughts#manic depressive#depressing life#depressing shit#my life is a joke
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do people know that shadow was like. intentionally trying to commit murder suicide. or is that less obvious if you’re not a sa2head (where he absolutely 100% suicidal)
#like. I’ve seen people talk about it like shadow Didn’t Know and. guys he knew lmao. he was very much attempting suicide#like is it less obvious in the movie and I’m just biased bc I’ve played 400 hours of sa2#like. shadow is DEEPLY suicidal and he still is AFTER sa2 he very blatantly suffers from depression and ptsd#there is an entire ass song that’s literally just about his ptsd and how it copes. it’s awesome crush 40 killed it btw.#sonic 3 spoilers#< I GUESS#its literally just from sa2. and like. a core part of shadow the hedgehog as a character#like him having severe ptsd and suicidal ideation is Why he’s like that. i presume everyone who likes shadow KNOWS this#glad they showed it tho. sonic adventure 2 gets wild so I knew some parts would have to be changed#ESPECIALLY after 9/11 like you can TELL it’s a game that came out a few months before#bc Significantly More Mature games were forced to cut shit SA2 fucking revels in#which makes me hopeful they’ll do [REDACTED] having like the entire fucking dsm5 and not butcher it
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WERE GONNA GET QROIER LORE ON QUESADILLA ISLAND this is fucked this is gonna hurt god save us all padre nuestro que estás en el cielo
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Here’s the speed draw of this
#myart#tssm#the spectacular spider man#tssm venom#tssm harry osborn#tssm eddie brock#tssm peter parker#parksborn#symbrock#I’m like half tempted to redraw this now that I’ve improved on drawing characters#but I haven’t practices backgrounds yet so idk#speedpaint#I’m having severe artblock and depression#also I miss clicked on an art of an emo albino twink and now my for you has a bunch of art for an adult swim show I don’t watch on it#maybe I’ll watch it idk#just had bad past few days#I don’t wanna trauma dump in the tags#it’s late I’m tired
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This person threw the first brick at stonewall
#I’m sorry but Frank: Iero is hilarious#any of my friends wanna kiss me to help with my depression???#they are severely confused but they have the spirit!
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i don’t think jing yuan orgasms very easily, but he physically cannot cum unless he sees your face
#maybe it’s bc he’s old maybe it’s bc his libido isn’t as high as you’d think maybe it’s bc he’s slightly depressed but#he’s not a quick shot#HOWEVER COMMA#if he wants to cum/is close to cumming#he need to see your face bc he’s a romantic sap beneath it all#this may be an unpopular opinion but i think he might be slightly depressed. not severely like me but just a smidge#or at least he’s prone to melancholy…#i think it’s a byproduct of age. the other curse besides mara#missing those who have passed on and continuing each day. getting to a point where even your duty loses meaning bc it’s so drawn out#Idk#i think he has layers but he’s good at masking#i’m not an expert at jy though so!#i’m just feeling him out#— musings#— jing yuan#— honkai star rail
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