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euphoria-looney · 2 months ago
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Who Said Money Can't Buy Happiness?
Yan!Batfam x Neglected!Reader
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"Three things don't play about myself, my money, or my man. Mention one of them and best believe I'm gon' be at your head." 'Neva Play' by Megan Thee Stallion ft. RM
Divider Creds: @selysie , @lil-liaa and @bernardsbendystraws
This plot was inspired by @niwaart, @mimiiiiiiiiisstuff, and esp @coldilikeit
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Oh crap, I'm still here.
Despite what manhwas tells you, being sent back in time is not fun. There is no technology, no social media, and I'm being literal here. I've regressed, and the social standards are so goofy. I shouldn't complain too much; I got a high title for reincarnating.
This sucked. I thought that was all a dream yesterday, this can't be happening to me.
Well, I have 500,000 gold coins, which makes me one of the richest people in the world.
Imagine this currency: copper, silver, and gold.
Since I've woken up, I might put the plan that I had in my mind into action.
Let's see if this is just like the movies.
I clapped my hands, and my magic started working. It was getting me ready, brushing my hair, changing my clothes, and applying skincare!
Why did I struggle so hard with the maids yesterday if it was this easy?! I guess that part was on me, but let's be honest, I did no wrong, so that mistake didn't happen.
A person knocked on my door, opening it to see a butler.
"Pardon me, princess, but I had been misguided by the other employees here and have arrived late, from today onwards, I'll be your butler."
I looked at him up and down, almost having a stroke, tell me why he looked like Aldira. My secretary? Though I did tell that biggie if I was going down, he'd come with me.
"No offense, you seem diligent at your job, but why am I not having a maid?"`
"All the maids were too afraid to become your personal assistant, and I took the position, I hope you don't mind that"
Damn, why are you so blunt?
"Your name?"
"Aldira's, Your Highness."
The way he carries himself and how he acts, on top of that, the name, why if I didn't know any better, he sounds just like my Aldira in my past life.
No, that is absurd.
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Aldira's POV
For the longest time, I've had only one friend stick to me since we were at least teenagers.
My parents were strict and expected nothing but the best from me, from my grades to my activities and the future path that would await me.
My parents were at best middle class, and that I'm grateful for, don't get me wrong, but if I wasn't as intelligent as I was I would have never gone to Gotham Prep, got in with a scholarship, and excelled.
Unlike those dramatic shows or novels, I was not bullied for being the smartest in the school or being too poor to be one of them, instead, I would be what students admired and compared to.
Many people talked about me positively, and I carried an image that was something every parent would want.
But every time I checked the scoreboard, there was one person behind me in terms of rank, [name] Wayne. Though she went by [name] [last name] for some odd reason, one I would not figure out until later on.
The way we went was goofy, it wasn't cliche or anything. We had been invited to the same study group and my parents believed it would be a good opportunity to build connections with the upper class.
The study session turned boring quickly though and I was left doodling to myself while everyone was studying or asking me to help until I saw a pencil tap my journal making me lift my head to face her, [name].
"You read 'I Became the Male Lead's Adopted Daughter' too?"
That shocked me, how did she know that... is she a stalker?
Her eyes kind of pointed to my phone where the notification of a new chapter upload of the said manhwa popped up.
"Yeah, you read these types of stories too?"
"Sometimes."
And we hit it off from there.
"Can you believe some of the girls are saying we're dating?" I sipped on my black coffee as she drank her matcha latte.
"Wasn't it Parcilla, the girl who has a very weird crush on you?" She questioned me, making me nod.
"You biggie, that means I might be the next target to be bullied because of your fan club, nah, I'm too amazing to be the one bullied."
I slapped her upside the head from that comment.
Don't be fooled though, because behind her laid-back personality, she had a huge ego that could make anyone want to beat her up, she just never expresses it so she's easily likable and I enjoy that personality of hers.
Flash forward and we both have jobs and have monthly meet-ups.
I was busy typing away for my report on a report for my job as manager of a high-end company, of course, I couldn't complain. The salary was good, and I was able to save up for my family to get out of Gotham and head to another part of the world, they urged me to go but then I wouldn't be able to hang out with [name] which I know was a stupid reason but long-distance relationships were neither of our thing.
"Ugh, at this point these imbeciles won't give their report in time for our next meeting and we'll have to push it back to next week or something," I grumbled before hearing the timer go off indicating it was time to take off our face mask.
"Why don't you come and work for my company?" I heard her get up.
"Work for your company?" I repeated.
"Yeah, I mean it's non-profit, comes with many benefits including good insurance that fully works and not half-assed you, and it's triple your pay rate." My eyes widened at that preposterous claim.
"Besides, I need an assistant or secretary, it'd help me a lot." I went over to her and stole the tea that she made and took a sip.
"Fattie."
"IT'S TEA!"
"MY TEA THAT I MADE! YOU SAID THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT ANY!"
And I agreed and they're not lying when they say working together makes or breaks a relationship, as our friendship just grew even more.
Then one day on our hangouts she recommended a new novel to me.
"'I stole the loving family of the Villainess'? Now... the girl I know has no good stories at the moment, but what is this?"
"It's so bad that you want to continue reading the story. And I'm also a little biased since one of the characters has my name."
"No way."
"You want to bet?"
So I read it. And wow, she was not kidding. Also, how the hell did they incorporate her bearing a saintess into this?! As if it wasn't absurd enough...
So, while texting her what she wanted to eat while heading to our shared apartment, an out-of-control truck hit me and before I knew it I was in the story.
Talk about cliche and I arrived at the scene when [name] would shove Serena off but [name] was acting out of character making up some new dialogue, great, it's an even bigger cliche, someone reincarnates into the Villainess, bet she's going to end up forgiving everyone that was rude to her though.
Typical.
After the party and everything, Alfred, our head butler, asked us which one of the maids would volunteer to be Princess [name]'s new assistant. Since no one was going for it, I applied. I mean, the pay rate was great, and I've done my fair share in the retail industry, I know how to deal with goofy entitled customers.
So, why does she seem so familiar? I can't put my finger on it.
What if that's my [name] from my other life?
No, that's absurd and too fictional to work.
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Heading to the dining room with my butler close behind, I eventually arrived.
"You're finally here big sister!" Serena's voice interrupted the wholesome family in front of me. Seems everyone had their fill already.
"You're late. Again, how disappointing." Palmola's voice was a sharp knife cutting through the silence that had developed.
"Well, I won't ruin your moods for too long, I have an appointment that I can't miss, so I'll just take this." I whisked away my breakfast and called for my new assistants to prepare a carriage for me.
"And where exactly?" Bruce demanded.
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you cared about where I go and return from." I scrunch my face before heading off.
"I am your father [name]."
"Your majesty, the only people in this room who are talking are the Emperor and a princess, not father and daughter."
Aldira opened the carriage door, allowing me to step in before going in himself.
"May I know where you're headed today, Your Highness?" The coachman asked.
"The mine at WestFord."
"The mine that has been empty for years? Why, my lady, why would you ever need to go there?
"Exploring."
I'm taking a gamble on this and meeting John Constantine before purchasing it.
I sent him a letter before heading to bed last night and got a reply.  
'It would be an honor to sell this cavern to you, Your Highness.
Sincerely,
Duke Constantine.
Well, it was more detailed than that but that's the premise of what he wrote back.
Stepping off the carriage I arrived at the cave. I noticed the Duke.
"Your Highness, how are you doing this fine morning?" He reached out a hand for me to shake.
I took it, his grip firm before I pulled away as did he.
"No need for small talk, it seems this cave would be fine."
"Your Highness, don't you think you're being too rash?! We haven't looked yet!" Aldira came in front of my face frantically.
"I have a hunch. But do me the honor of looking around before I seal the contract."
He didn't need to hear another word before rushing in, before coming out and began making calculations with his magic.
"At best this cave should settle for 45,000 gold, right Duke Constantine?"
"Indeed, young man, Your Highness, would you mind that price?" He asked me before I nodded.
Pulling out a contract, we both read the terms and conditions before signing our names, making our names and the contract glow, making the contract finalized with no loopholes and in no way to break it unless both parties agree.
"What powerful magic you have, unlike the rumors."
 I shrugged, fanning myself, “There are things many people didn’t know about me, but what does it matter? Why should the public know anything about me?” I questioned the Duke.
He chuckled to himself before shaking his head.
“No, not at all, Your Highness, everyone has things they’d like to keep to themselves after all. May I inquire if you will attend today’s coming-of-age celebration at the Acentro Twins?” The last event we went to that became a topic that’s still being talked about most times [P!name] would stay home while the rest of her family went, worsening her reputation.
Which doesn’t make sense, shouldn’t that make it better?
This world is so hateful of my girl.
“Indeed, it would only make sense to. Well, if that’s all I should be off, I have no time to waste, after all a lady needs her time to get ready.” I walked back to the carriage, and Aldira followed me close behind.
The Marquis family, the Acentro. Known for being great in the business world, and even better for their swordsmanship abilities. Recently, the daughter of their house decided to go against society's customs and do archery. But that got overshadowed by the canceling of my engagement.
She and her brother are both very cunning and intelligent, from what I heard, so their coming-of-age ceremony will be huge, last I checked. It would be good if I made relations with them. 
“Aldira, you'll be attending the ceremony with me, no?” 
He looked away from the windows and nodded, “Yes, your highness.”
I just can’t shake the feeling that he’s from another world like me, my Aldira.
“Aldira, you seem to know a lot about business, where do you come from?”
This seemed to catch him off guard as he didn’t respond right away like he usually does.
“Somewhere far, is all. One that is rather advanced but I think it’s gone now.”
“Have you ever heard of someone named ‘Batman’? Silly, right? But that weird name just came to me.”
Batman, Gotham’s vigilante superhero. My good-for-nothing father slowly started acknowledging me after I left the manor. It’s quite uncanny how, in both lives, I still have him as my father, though that could be said for my entire family in this world except my Palmola and Serena.
That made him shocked, eyes widening, looking into mine, like he was thinking over something.
“Are you [name] [last name], Your Highness?”
“Depends, will you still make me coffee in the morning if I confirm that I am, my dear secretary.” 
At that, he practically lunged at me, wrapping his hands around my waist, his head laying on my lap, this would be a terrible position to be in. I patted his head and was also relieved about the revelation, but it was kind of obvious.
“Holy crap, this was not a cliche I expected.” He pulled away, holding onto my shoulders.
“Tell me about it, do you think there are other reincarnations in this world?” He shook his head.
“My system tells me that I’ve located the only other reincarnation in this world, I knew it was you, I just didn’t know it was my [name].” 
“System?” I asked.
“Yeah, did you not get one, I have one that shows my stats and has a quest for me to do.” This is too many story plots for me to handle.
“No, this is crazy, anyway of that system getting us home, though?” Aldira shook his head at that, making me slouch in my seat. 
I scoffed, “This has been one crazy day that I did not expect.”
“Your Highness, we have made it home.” I heard the coachman announce. Aldira helped me down. Back in this miserable place, right after I left it in my previous life. Thoughts and prayers in the chat guys. 
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I decided to take a fat nap, setting an alarm before waking up to this monstrosity.
Maids running around like there was a killer on their backs, and were getting outfits and attire ready, crazy how I got no help at all though. By the time I got myself ready and was finishing the touch-ups on Aldria’s, I spotted my family in a family set of clothes all matching.
It was expected though so nothing I should worry about. 
“Wouldn’t this just cause more scandals for you [name]? We’re matching right after your broken engagement.” Aldira scolded me but didn’t back away from receiving my help.
“Don’t kill the mood, Al, just look at how cute we are matching.”
He could only sigh, massaging his forehead, but behind that was a small smile.
What could interrupt this wholesome moment, how about the buffoons behind me?
"Don't you think you've done enough damage to the family, imagine? First the engagement and now your outfit? Matching with a common servant?" Damian scoffed.
"It's called, My entire family decided to choose an outfit and left their 4th princess out of it, but still included the peasant girl. Or did I leave the part where I had a matching outfit?"
"We didn't- I just- You shouldn't speak to your little brother that way, young lady, have some etiquette.'' Palmola inquired.
"Right. My brother."
Barbara coughed into her fist.
"Well, we'd like to inform you that Serena might just be attacked riding alone so she'll have to retake your spot.
"That's fine, I wasn't planning on going in a carriage anyway, too bumpy for my taste, and wouldn't want to leave Aldira alone." I pinned our matching jewelry on his suit and brushed dirt away from his outfit.
"Anything else?" I turned to face them. Some looked hesitant but Palmola took the lead and left. Walking with grace to the carriage.
"How do you feel about teleportation? I'm not one to be late to an event."
"Would love to try it, die wanting to try it, let's do it." Aldira bluntly stated.
"If we die, you can't blame me."
"On second thought-," I snatched his hand before we got teleported.
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Arriving at the front of the line, I fixed my outfit.
"That was not bad, great even." No side effects, why yes, magic truly is a blessing phenomenon. Aldira also looked fine, so it seemed I managed this spell just fine, but is anyone surprised? It's me, after all.
The guard standing there nearly jumped out of his boots and bowed lowly. "Welcome, Your Highness! Ehem, Entering her Highness, Princess [name] Wayne!"
"You see that, Al? Even in this life, I'm too important and pretty to ignore."He deadpanned at me.
"That's because you're a very, and I mean very controversial princess. In a bad way. Remember how the original princess got executed because she was rude to the peasant MC?"
"That's why I hated the novel so much, duh. I still can't believe we're stuck here," I was exasperated.
The murmurs that were once stuck in regular conversations go into gossip, between the fact that I arrived without my family once again, and that my attendant wasn't a female but rather male.
I arrived before the twins and got my gift from my special storage.
For Artemis, a bow and arrows, and Apollo, a lyre.
"What an incompetent girl! The gifts are switched." A woman scoffed
"A woman holding a bow, please, what a mockery." A man grumbled.
The twins examined the gifts before looking back up at me.
"A bow?" Artemis grinned at me with a raised eyebrow.
"And a lyre?" Apollo added.
"Indeed, I hope you guys enjoy it, I picked it based on what I believed would suit you guys." I curtsied before going down to the ballroom.
"They play a huge part in the novel in the business industry, not only that, Artemis is known for being the best huntress of the time and years later, with Apollo also being skilled in the music industry and known for understanding how to use a bow and arrow to.
Why, it'd be a shame if we let this opportunity slide to not get on their good side and eventually have them cooperate with us, my dear Aldira." Aldira only gave me a plate of food and started making one for himself.
"Yes, while you're acting like a mastermind over there, honey, how about we eat food before I pass out from the amount of stress I've accumulated." I took his and my plate and put it away on our separate table.
"Can't, dancing in a few moments, can't throw up on the dance floor, and you, being the lucky guy of the night, are joining me."
"We didn't know how to dance back at our high school dance." I flicked my hair back and accidentally hit him in the face.
He coughed out some of the hair from his mouth and squinted at me.
"Our 'dances' that we did were scandalous for their times and even more if we do it here." He's so dramatic.
"Announcing the Waynes, the moonlight of the kingdom!" that door entrance guy announced.
"Look it's Serena, her outfit makes her look so different but she fits right in!"
"I want that outfit too! So chic and cute!"
"She might as well be the fourth princess rather than-"
"Shh!"
Aldira takes another bite of his food and can't help but grit his teeth. This world was just like the last one he was in, how he was still mad when the oldies from their modern time switched their tone on you once you built your multi-billion company on your own.
Before his attention was snatched away by you again, like always uncaring, which was one of the reasons he had admired you, not only because you were his friend.
"That's what makes it fun, Al, don't be a party pooper." Just then the orchestra started, I dragged him away from the food he just got for us and reached the dance floor.
It was just slow steps, one hand on his shoulder and the other on his arm.
"Look, isn't that her?"
"Dancing with... a butler."
"Do you think..."
The chorus soon came along and I was twirled a few times by 
Aldira, before gliding in between his legs and making a swift recovery, twirled some more before he dipped me to the ground, our faces close, our bodies closer to each other and the song finished.
(Dance scene summed up, creds to the idea: @randomlyappearingartist)
"See, I told you this was fun." He could only sweatdrop and sigh before pulling the both of us up and escorting us back to the food.
"D-Did you see that?"
"Didn't she just divorce Prince Connor?"
"You don't think..."
"What other reason, and the look she gave that servant."
"There's no mistaking it."
I finished my food and stretched out of  tiredness, "Man, I wonder what got this event in a stir..." I mumbled.
"We have to schedule a meeting with the twins soon, by the way, I have to get them into my business if I want it to blossom." Aldira nodded before telling me that he was off to get more food.
"Well, I'm going to the balcony, I was feeling claustrophobic with the amount of people crowding the room.
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I was on the balcony waiting for Aldira to come back soon after grabbing another plate of food. Behind me was an approaching Grand Duke of the North with signature black hair and red eyes. His outfit's color base was black with red being the secondary base, gold details that showed off the title and golden buttons, a fur coat surrounding his neck, and the cape down to his heel.
Grand Duke Isnwalt, Onyx Isnwalt. He played a major influence on the world, both feared and respected, but didn’t become a main lead but rather just an important figure in the world. I think Serena interacted with him once but her love interest got jealous and dragged her away from him, and he didn’t think much of the interaction other than that it was weird.
“What do I owe the pleasure of meeting the Grand Duke of the North, Sir Isnwalt?” I turned to him and curtsied. 
“Right now you and that butler of yours are the talk of the ball, with your dance moves from earlier, surely you would know why I approached you.” He swirled his champagne in his glass, and a deep chuckle accompanied his words.
“Why I wouldn’t say the dance was all that interesting.” I tilted my head back at him. He put his glass down on the balcony ledge and focused his attention back on me, both of us just staring back at each other before he finally spoke.
“That butler of yours… he’s interesting…” I had to turn away and let out a little stifled laugh. Never saw that coming.
I heaved a deep breath in before turning back to him.
“I-is that so?” I pinched my thigh from laughing again.
“Indeed, not like any other person I’ve ever met, would you mind letting me meet him?” Maybe it’s the way he’s so straightforward about it, or maybe it’s because he’s so serious about it, but it’s making me laugh. But I can’t- I have to hold it in.
Be who you are for your pride~
“I’ll have to think on that, Grand Duke Onyx” I spread my fan out placing it in front of my face. “For you see my butler is very important to me and we have so little time to be separate from each other as he’s such a hardworking servant to me.”
Just then, with great timing, I would say Aldira's showed up, and the Grand Duke approached him, holding his hands and giving the kiss to the tip of his fingers before staring at him.
I took a sip of my champagne, basking in the romance.
"Oh..." Aldira looked shocked before quickly pulling away. He awkwardly laughed before pulling away.
"What the hell.." Aldira scrunched up, making Onyx chuckle in a deep tone, and, what hold on is that blush coating his cheeks?
"You're not like anyone I've ever met before, you're... different, (fine shyt) darling. And you smell rather... sweet."
Wait hold on...? Smell? I feel like I'm forgetting a huge thing about this novel.
Aldira shivered from hugging himself and turned to look at me for help, making me step in.
"Aldira, This is Grand Duke, Onyx Isnwalt. An influential personal worldwide who has contributed very much to our kingdom, and has been labeled the lady and gentleman killer."
He was jaw dropped before whispering in my ear.
"Man idgaf about who he is, I'm getting harassed."
I pulled out my fan, which was my new favorite thing to do now, and whispered back.
"I understand and was going to ask for business cooperation and use you as a guinea pig, but we don't have to... unless..."
Onyx coughed into his fist, making both our attention go to him.
"Dear..."
Aldira hesitated before replying. "Aldira..."
"Aldira," He said slowly before smirking to himself.
"May I have the honor of inviting you to dinner with me? Tomorrow at the Brits Restaurant, anytime you'd like.
"Look, I appreciate the gesture-"
"50 gold as compensation for your troubles"
Aldira hesitates but his greed overcomes his thoughts and he accepts.
I felt like I was interrupting something until Aldira turned around and tugged on my sleeve. "Can we go now?" I smiled and nodded before going to the break room.
"So, how was that?" He deadpanned at me.
"Not fun." He laid his head on my shoulder but then we saw a woman with pink hair looking lost.
I approached her, making Aldira's sag down.
"Are you lost, miss..." 
“Oh! Starfire, Princess of Tamaran.” I curtsied that she was Dick’s fiance.
“Prince Richard's fiance.” I stood up and looked at her.
“You know him?”
“I am a citizen of Wayne's Kingdom.” I played it off.
“My escort and I could take you to him.” Aldira stood up and walked next to me.
“We can?” I elbowed his stomach.
“Yes, we can.”
As we made it forward, you could see the picture-perfect family, a girl in the center of their attention laughing, with a cute little giggle.
“Ehem” I coughed into my fist.
“[N-name] I wasn’t-” Serena started… I think she has the wrong impression on why I’m here.
“Not you, you” I directed my attention to Dick
“Your fiance has been waiting for you, big brother.” 
“Big brother? But he only has four? And if you're not the three I've already met you must be the youngest... however, you’re not the blonde girl with blue eyes." Starfire asked, though not in a mocking way but geniuen curiosity.
This was a major plot point in the future that [name] goes batshit crazy on.
However, I could feel my eye twitching, it's laughable how they treated her despite her position it's almost like they forgot who decided to shoot the load creating her, and if weren't for the fact she was got embarrassed everyday it's the fact that those incompetent nincompoop contributed maybe it's the fact that they favored a peasant over her.
It's hard, not to feel a little annoyed by the display, almost enough to chuck glass on the ground and shove it down their throat till you shred their voice box.
...
But I could never do that, I'm too nice, too kind.
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Some were waiting for the drama to unfold, what's next would [name] grab Serena's hair then leaving one of her family members to take Serena side like always, throw a tantrum, or something most.
Others were excited to gossip about the scandal of this entire event.
Most were watching with interest.
Then [name] made a move, slowly turning around and slightly titling her head.
“What did you just say?” [name] directed her attention to Starfire.
Most were sweating, some were ready for the inevitable…
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Anyway, this is more of a filler chap. Then anything but hey we got some new characters! Might make something that has face claims for my ocs, idk.
Did you like? 😏
Spring Break has arrived so guess who will be working their booty off (probably).
Anyway taglist. Hopefully I didn't forget or mispell anyone.
Also, send in a request in stuff and hopefully I get to them!
@kittzu @charlenexoxo1 @bat1212 @silverklaus @sillysealsies @roseytheteacup @iliveinyourwallsrat @cozmie @tomoyaki @cynniee @jsprien213 @kore-of-the-underworld @anonymoushehehehe @ninihrtss @devia @fanficloverlol @masterradd-28 @aigenarated @welpthisisboring @h-ib @diemdurantia @alishii @random4137 @totired0-0 @00hellohello00 @sh4rk-k1d @shadowytravelerlover @r-u-s-s-i-a-h @paperhermits @ocean-mochi @simpingpandas @crazycaoticsimp @candlejuice @twismare @itsberrydreemurstuff @delias-stuff @shycreatorreview @randomlyappearingartist @not-aya @c4xcocoa @midnightgrimoire @time-shardz @narcisolefay1 @ryuushou @animerules898
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littlesliceofimmortality · 2 years ago
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Looks at you with my autistic eyes. Oliver headcanons please (if you haven't done that already)
(My eyeballs pop out of my head and stretch and touch yours.) Hi. THANKS for asking!!!hes such an weird animale to me
oliver d. swift
• d stands for dickens, but if you ask him, its just dick
• it/he/& neopronouns! usually defaults to ey/em asked what neos, but esp likes if theyre emojis or onomatopoeia
• transmasc homo homo gay, obv. been on T ever since he got a job, but doesnt care to get top or bottom surgery
• also either cupioromantic or cupiosexual. it doesnt yhink about it too hard nor is it strict about labelling itself
• also also objectum. half joke
• my fleshhead version of him has a scruff moustache but Also hes just a Hairy guy
• i keep forgetting they have canon heights but ima say it again because its so real. 5'3 compactly built and has a muffin top. gained No height while on T, but he did get acne! and General grime
• afro-columbian but didnt rlly learn about his heritage until late teens (since yakno no parents to teach him) ... has been embracing his culture more and more as he ages
• autism adhd & bpd, baby - TRIPLE combo! used to take meds for his adhd but it made his mood worse and took away his, and i quote, "quirkiness". 
• still on mood stabilizers though he needs that
• dabbles in a bit of every art form, fond of things that involve beads, but filmmaking has always been its one true love <3
• makes kandi bracelets and uses them as fidget toys, often accidentally breaking them
• the ones he DOESNT break he gives to his pals as gifts!
• has beads on his fez string too. changes it up - sometimes its 🏳️‍⚧️ or 🇨🇴 or 🏁. sometimes its a lizard 🦎 
• rediscovered a film ey did back in high school. it was a 43 minute recording of hands crushing peanuts in black and white while someone sang french opera in the back.
• oliver have no memory of making this nor can ey confirm it was em
• he did the catcus tattoo on his ankle himself! stick & poke :-)also has a ferret on his bicep and a cassette player on his inner thigh 
• mild carpal tunnel and wears wrist sleeve compressors to help but he works it like its a fashion choice
• similarly has a landyard that marks him as an employee, decked out with various pins and jangly keys
• has like five red flannels that are basically the same but have ever-so-subtle differences in the stripes 
• it works at a red horror attraction and wears a red fez and red clothes . red isnt even its favorite colors its bright green or something
• mr dickens let oliver do all the sound effects for the horror attraction (he doesnt know ey ripped them all from fnaf)
• knows literally everyone in dialtown idk how. dude shares blunts with God
• took photography classes with lola, raved with craig, had the same therapist as jerry, makes lunch plans with karen, passed bigfoot on the street and did a bro nod at him, boybestfriends with randy, gives gabby gifts on mothers day, just showed up at a mob gathering one day with drinks, etc etc. Need i go on
• never has a shortage of aquantinces but finds it hard to keep close friends
• 1 million contacts without pfps in his phone 1 million email notifications 1 million tabs open
• its The oliver! what else to say!!! uhmmCan he step on a landmine.please
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