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#and i usually end up crying
pears-trinkets · 6 months
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this was my passion project i worked on over the past week! I had these photo albums laying around since 2019 and finally printed out give or take 250 photos and glued them in!
I did it chronologically and it was such a nice trip down memory lane 🥲
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fisheito · 6 months
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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oceans-beloved · 2 months
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。:*・.Happy birthday Vincenzo Maria Fontana, Beloved wife and the haunter of my nightmare dreams.・*:。
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shorlinesorrows · 5 months
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qpr jean and neil. that's all i'm gonna say.
do you see my vision?
#i might add onto this later but right now I'm too busy crying#“misplaced forever partner” ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT DESTROYED ME#neil ordering a hit to keep jean safe changed my brain chemistry#i need them to be friends#i need them to call each other and gossip and send each other stupid memes that only they understand#i need them to slowly grow closer as they heal until one day they can finish each other's sentences#and they ocassionally make super dark jokes about their trauma out of the blue (they bet on how people will react competitively)#i need them to call each other derogatory names but get Super Upset whenever anyone else talks shit about the other and offer to kill them#and i would love them to reclaim the spots next to each other that riko set#and make them their own#they're not partners on the court but they sure as hell are partners in life#the mcs ever#at one point andrew and jeremy are just looking at each other across a table at a restaurant as these two bicker#and realize they have somehow both become the Third Wheel despite the fact that 1) there's four of them and 2) jean and neil aren't dating#the amount of queer platonic pining i could fit in these traumatized people#the: “i'm lowkey obsessed with you but I Really don't like you romantically and I don't know what to do with it”#and the: “oh thank hell me too i thought i was even weirder than i already am. wanna go harass the fbi with me?"#jeremy and andrew watch this trainwreck both exasperatedly and proudly you can't convince me otherwise#cannot convince me that these four won't somehow end up living in each others pockets even if they live 1000 miles away#kevin pops in frequently as his usual wonderful diva self#anyway i'm going insane how yall doing#neil josten#jean moreau#all for the game#the sunshine court
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sysig · 10 months
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Delusions (Patreon)
"Could I have your hand, sir?" Max didn't move, which Dexter was, sadly, getting used to.
"Sir?" Max jerked, then turned and stared at him, lost and blank. "Your hand, please."
Max's hand lifted shakily, and he laid it gently in Dexter's upturned palm. Dexter gave a quick and quiet "thank you," then turned it over in his own hand, observing him closely.
Too closely - his knuckles were rough and his fingernails were dull and cracked in places. His once-soft, not-a-day-in-his-life-subjected-to-hard-labour hands were now, already, toughened and split and scarred in places, especially the heel of his palm. He turned it over again, this time to stop looking so intensely. He had only wanted to give it a cursory glance to begin with.
"Do you know what I see, sir?" he asked as conversationally as he could manage, running his fingers along Max's abused flesh. He seemed to be at least half paying attention, his eye gazing down between them, and he'd occasionally twitch, encouragingly Dexter thought. He seemed to want to curl around him, then stopped and shook, his hand squeezing into a fist. Dexter coaxed him back out, encouraged him to hold himself lightly.
"What do you see?" He was almost startled by Max actually continuing their conversation, that happened so rarely now, shaking and quiet as it was. He took a deep breath, was he really going to do this?
"I see a hand, with five fingers." Max remained quiet, though his brow curled, and a guarded look came into his eye, though he still wasn't looking at Dexter. He felt a pang of guilt, but he had to try. "What do you see?"
Max's eye unfocused and began to water. He looked up, but not enough to reach Dexter's gaze in return, instead staring through his chest, and he felt just as hollow and empty as he must look to him.
"Do you take me for a fool, DAX?" Quiet and as close to angry as he'd heard since they'd been here.
No, not angry.
Betrayed.
He swallowed down the stinging lump at the back of his throat. He had to put on a brave face, had to keep his composure if he wanted Max to get better. That was the only thing he wanted, more than anything.
"Of course not, sir. Genuinely, what do you see?"
Max pulled his hand away and turned his body, his bandaged side facing Dexter. Shutting him out, pointedly. Dexter's empty hand curled into a fist, he was no better.
"Please, don't..." Max took a shallow, shuddering breath, and several beats before he spoke again, even quieter. "Don't ridicule me." Dexter could hear his breath catch, and he wanted nothing more than for this all to just stop.
"Sir, I didn't-"
"I've had enough of that." He shook his head stiffly, the action strange and wrong, like he had forgotten how. He stilled, his head turned even further away. "More than enough."
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#And a drabble-fic under the cut#I ended up writing that the night after I read - I was a bit too inspired while busy so it's a little on the unfocused side haha#I would've cleaned it but I worry it wouldn't make it out of that stage! Please enjoy it for now <3#This set is mostly periphery ideas - inspired by events rather than directly shown ♪ I suppose the first two kinda count tho#But they're more directly of the little scene I wrote ouò Poor ZEX </3#And Dex! He's usually so capable! But he's stretching himself so thin ahh it's hard to watch in the best way#Of course he doesn't want to give ''Max'' over to just anyone - anyone at all really - both of their trusts have bottomed out#But how much could he reasonably care for him in that state? When he's still being actively haunted and most importantly - Not Max#He needs helps he needs support he needs to sleep and shower but a second with his eyes off Max and - then what? He'll immolate from fear#It's hard to imagine him crying but pushed to this extreme? To the thought of losing Max utterly and completely? Hhhhh#I do also just love him being possessive even outside of how terrible the situation is - he's always had his glimpses but this situation#Brings out the worst in him <3 In terrible ways#Really his method is just setting ''Max'' up nearby and prompting him over the sound of the shower like that's not nerve-wracking at all#Like he already doesn't answer half the time if that#As for the mini fic I was really interested in Dex's line about indulging ''Max's'' delusions#Apart from the fact that they're not delusions - not that anyone believes him outside of the Institute - what it means to indulge is weird#I saw one example of how to handle delusions that stuck with me - how not to deny them outright while also not reinforcing them#Since it's not actually helpful to be told ''That isn't Really happening to you'' when to you - to ZEX - it really is! How invalidating#And so rather to take the approach of ''I don't see/feel/hear what you are - I can't find any evidence of it myself'' and extrapolating#Dex taking the approach of ''What reality are you experiencing right now?'' and trying to build from there!#Unfortunately ZEX has already been treated like....well like all that - he's not in the mood for games even well-intentioned ones#He /knows/ he's in a human body. He can feel that and see that and understands that. It doesn't change who - what he /is/#The idea of a completely broken ZEX is so sad to me :( He's so strong and prideful and vivacious - Max really is another him </3#It's not the same but he was saved from death! To fall into torture... But even despite that I want to see him succeed! As much as he can#Even in that small and shaking way I want to see him be hateful and spiteful - angry. Powerful <3 Fighting ♥
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gaylactic-fire · 4 months
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It's scoliosis awareness month. It's also coming up on ten years since I had my spinal fusion surgery. I started writing a vent / retrospective / awareness of my surgery and life with disability but lads.. I don't know if I wanna post it it's actually so dark and upsetting 💀💀
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exhaustedalien · 7 months
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wish I could just draw instead of spending 5-10 hours a day mentally preparing myself to draw
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ratatatastic · 19 days
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happy cats continue on their sports pr tour and this time they stopped by the hardrock to give a good fins up! for the home opener to all who celebrate
jacksonville jaguars @ miami dolphins | 9.8.24 (x)(x)
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jakowskis · 9 months
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"i hated owen for all/most of s1 i only started liking him in s2" weak. i liked owen since he got choked against a wall by an angry woman and then told her he wanted to shag her immediately afterwards. and then even more when he spent ep3 trying to intimidate and murder a rapist
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casdeans-pie · 19 days
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I spent the last couple of days with my best friend that I've known for 13 years - he's always trated me like his little sister and to me he's basically my brother
I love him to bits
We went to an old castle together today and we were heckling the ghost in the 'haunted room' and he kept touching everything that had a No Touching sign on it asdfhjkljgdkl
When we're together there's only one braincell between us
It was kinda refreshing to take a break from the internet for the weekend tbh - but I'm happy to be back !
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galaxywarp · 1 year
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I broke my grandma’s star projector.
My grandma passed away on February 26th, 2023 at 2:05pm.
In the absence of my shitty father, grandma moved in with us and helped raise me ever since I was very little. She was more like a parent than a grandparent in that sense, but she was also still very much my soft wonderful loving amazing grandmother. I don’t remember a time when she wasn’t right down the hall, always there and always happy to talk to me or hold me or play with me. Until…now, I guess.
I had bought a star projector a few years ago. She came into my room and was amazed by how beautiful it was. We sat on my bed together listening to some of her favorite Dean Martin songs and watching the colorful lights dance across the walls and ceiling. She loved it.
I ended up putting it in her room. Every night I would come in and ask her which color combination she wanted — it could be blue, green, red, or white, or any mixture of those. She usually preferred blue, and she liked when the green laser stars would fade in and out, instead of always being on. I would turn it on along with some music I had put on my old iPod for her. It was a 2nd generation iPod nano that I had used as a child but now had a playlist simply called “grandma <3” and was filled with all her favorites. I would put on the star projector and the music and sit with her for a bit until she fell asleep, watching the pretty lights with her and happy that I could do this for her.
She couldn’t bring the star projector when she moved into hospice, but she did bring her iPod. I would play it for her at the nursing home and it was beautiful to me that even with her advanced dementia, she could still sing along to her favorite songs. She could sing easier than she could talk. My mom told me that had something to do with how the brain processes those two actions differently.
After she died, we had to clean out her room. I decided I wanted the star projector. To remember all the nights we enjoyed it together, and how I had been able to give her something beautiful.
As I was packing my things, I had set it down on my couch and briefly left the room.
I heard a crack.
It had fallen, and broken all over the floor.
My entire life, I’ve survived by running from my feelings. By burying them down and repressing them. Trauma after trauma, locked in a vault I refuse to open.
When I saw the broken pieces of our star projector, I went numb. I cleaned it up, and I threw it away, along with my feelings about what had just happened.
It’s August now. Nearly half a year since she died. And grief is now exploding out of me in the form of breaking that star projector.
I wanted to keep it. I wanted to keep it so, so badly. I wanted to keep this beautiful memory we shared together. I wanted to sit beneath those lights and think of her and all the times she had looked up at them in awe and wonder.
But I broke it. And now it’s gone forever. Just like she is.
I broke my grandma’s star projector. and I don’t know how I’m ever going to be okay with that.
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oxbowreality · 13 days
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I wish I could stop being lonely without having to interact with people. People are scary.
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yellowhollyhock · 5 months
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return to the underground is so funny because everything Donny says or does Raph and Leo are like 'that's him our baby brother, precious little genius, watch watch he's gonna do something cool, we are so proud. do you need anything Don Don'
And Mikey's like 'this is the worst plan you've ever had. I hate you.'
He really was not happy about going back underground XD
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berryblu-soda · 3 months
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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:
fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure
ALSO-
*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!
#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly#our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd#also oh goshhhh#so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway#my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car#but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me#last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed#no seatbelt for her obviously#she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair#i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha#i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever#half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye#dammit im crying now hahaha#saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo#but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently#that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age#it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral#did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think#a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around#now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha#freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!
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Cowboy Touya hadn’t planned on taking you, his very drunk ex (and the one that got away), home from the bar when your jerk of a new boyfriend ditches you after a fight.
But he really wasn’t expecting his chest to ache so much as he’s reminded of all the ways you used to be his, your fingers interlocked tightly with his as he drives.
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jabberwockprince · 3 months
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shit hit the fan as expected and im havign the worst fucking time but im ODDLY calm im fine im so fucking fine im very hinged like a door
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