#it took me so fucking long to come to this conclusion yeah you can say im a little how you say dumb as shit

[ratatatastic]

happy cats continue on their sports pr tour and this time they stopped by the hardrock to give a good fins up! for the home opener to all who celebrate

jacksonville jaguars @ miami dolphins | 9.8.24 (x)(x)

[tired-teacher-blog]

It's not unusual for him to come home late, way past midnight or even later at times.

It's his usual schedule that you've grown used to over the years of being linked to the pro hero, it's even more expected now, after the conclusion of the bloodiest war you've come to witness, the one that unfortunately took the lives of many, villains, heroes and civilians alike.

It's a tragedy that everyone recalls to this day, almost a year later, and news outlets still report its events in remembrance of the many souls that perished..

The cities that were affected by the attacks are still under construction, and everyone, heroes and civilians, are working tirelessly to rebuild them.

You placed your phone down with a huff and closed your eyes again, it was almost two in the morning, a little too late to be outside, even for him, you weren't worried though, since it's as safe as it can be, but his cold empty spot right beside you was unbearable.

You struggled to keep your eyes open for a bit longer, just enough until his arms are finally wrapped around you, and his lips are covering every inch of your skin they can reach.

He was going to be there soon, you were sure of it, so resting your eyes for a while until he was, should be alright..

_ "umm.. Shouta, is that you?" your voice was groggy but barely audible.

How long have you been unconscious? Obviously enough to miss his return.

_ "Yeah I'm home princess, sorry for being too late but you know how it is." he whispered against your nape and nibbled on your skin playfully before placing a soft kiss there, he sounded sleepy himself though his big calloused hands were restlessly exploring your body to leave a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

The sweet smell of his shampoo and shower gel invaded your nose as you slowly regained your senses, this only meant that he's been home for quite a while.

_ "I missed you," you placed your hands on his, and craned your neck wishing to catch a glimpse of the man holding you close, and the sight you were encountered with heated up your whole body.

Droplets of water were traveling through his luscious raven locks to land on his gorgeous face, dark circles mixed with his deep scars, a tired smile brightening his pale cheeks, and a glint in his left eye that you could not decipher for the life of you.

_ "I missed you too honey, so let me show you just how much I did." he pushed his hips until you felt the outline of his hardness nudging your butt, and the uncontrollable squeal leaving your throat coaxed an amused chuckle to leave his own.

_ "Are you serious?" you twisted yourself a bit in his hold to stare at him in a threatening manner that didn't seem effective as he purposefully ignored your warning to slip his hand into your shorts.

_ "I am." he replied confidently and pulled you flush to him, your back -once again- resting against his toned chest.

Your eyes suddenly widened as sleep completely escaped you, and your mind turned into mush when he pulled off your shorts along with your panties.

You'd be lying to say this wasn't what you wished for as well, and the tingling sensation rocking your insides was proof of your desire for him.

His long fingers caressed your thigh before moving to fondle your glistening clit lazily while his lips were trailing the softest kisses along your nape and shoulders, and you absentmindedly pushed your hips against the slender digits driving you to madness as you wanted more and weren't afraid to demand it: "I want you, now."

You instantly felt his smirk against your flushed skin as he slurred a sensuous "you got me princess" before quickly pulling out his fingers and leaving you desperately squeezing around nothing, as you impatiently waited for a delicious intrusion that came soon after.

_ "You feel so good, ah fuck! So wet for me." his movements were slow and deep, as if to carve your core as he pleases, a silent statement and a promise that you will always belong to him, and only him.

One arm snuck under your side, while the other hoisted your leg up for better access as he picked up the pace.

You were close, really close, and so was he, as evident by his erratic thrusts and burning breath fanning over your shoulder as he mouthed your name over and over again.

_ "Don't stop.. Shouta please, keep going.. I'm cumming.." you choked out between hard plunges and fisted the already crumpled bedsheets beneath you.

_ "Yes go ahead love, don't hold back and cum for me," and his words were magic, stripping away what was left of your sanity to push you over the edge in mere seconds, "yes, just like that."

The fluttering of your walls around his pulsating cock was enough to make him lose his mind as well, his thick load spilling deep within as you greedily milked him dry.

His hips jerked and movements wavered a little bit more until they finally halted, and all that was left was a trail of his pearly seeds trickling out of your quivering cunt as he finally pulled out of you.

He held you close and buried his face in your shoulder, breathing ruggedly for a moment before murmuring apologetically, "I'm sorry sweetheart, I lost control."

You smiled hearing his bashful plea and squeezed the arms pinning you in place, "it's okay Shouta, I liked it," a reassurance that seemed sufficient for him to finally relax, and return the satisfied grin adorning your lips.

[drac-kool-aid]

Y'know, something that gets me, is that in the book, Dracula's intentional predation of Lucy starts off with an accidental meeting. Sure, Lucy slept walked, and an argument could be made her path might have been supernaturally influenced, but I say she'd already been a known sleep-walker, and she went directly to a place she was familiar with.

Her stumbling onto Dracula's hiding spot in a very vulnerable state was just an accident, and from there, he intentionally set out to harm her, and through that, everyone around her he could get.

This is sort of related to Jonathan, too. Had Mr. Hawkins not come down with a bad case of gout, Jonathan wouldn't have been sent to Castle Dracula in his stead. Sure, Dracula probably would have had his fun with Hawkins before inevitably killing him, but I doubt he would have drawn it out so long or taken so much delight.

Dracula never sets out with a master-plan to attack Lucy or Jonathan. They just end up in his path and spark his interest. We know that if he isn't interested in you, he'll kill you. He'll, he breaks Mr. Swales neck doesn't even bite him. But the two victims he decides he's going to make suffer the longest he possibly can, he just stumbles upon and goes "oh this will be fun". Later, we see him start choosing victims as a way to retaliate, but for the two inciting incident victims upon which the rest of the story hangs...its just wrong place wrong time.

The reason this struck me is that I was misremembering. For some reason, which I now believe due to thinking about the *through gritted teeth* Coppola film, is that Lucy is sort of hand-picked by Dracula to be his victim. And yeah, the fucking film ain't subtle in its blaming of Lucy's victimization on the fact that she was Too Pretty and Too Flirtatious and Dracula psychically drew her into the garden in a flowing diaphanous dress, but it's really her fault....I hate this movie.

Like, i just read the films Wikipedia plot synopsis, Dracula "psychically seduces" Lucy before biting her. He chooses her out of everyone in England deliberately.

And just...no. That's not what happens. Lucy got so stressed from her wedding that her latent sleep walking started again. Mina gets so tired from the constant stress she falls asleep without meaning to. Lucy went to their favorite spot...Dracula just happened to be there and took advantage and both Lucy and Mina weren't floating along softly into a garden with a fan letting their hair blow, but cold, scared, and covered in mud and blood, and forced to sneak back to the house that way, facing not only the supernatural but the very ordinary horrors of being caught outside at night by a strange man.

Idk. The tragedy is that Dracula didn't set out to fuck with these people. It's just that they were the ones who crossed his path that he took an interest in, and he decided to draw it out as long as possible.

(Oh fuck, this is the crew of the Demeter too. It isn't like Draculas got some big plan. He just decides he's going to play with his food. Had he boarded any other ship it would have ended up the same way.)

I guess in conclusion, I find it odd that adaptions seem to need to find a reason for him doing what he does. Like, Coppola has to conjure up a whole reincarnation backstory at one point, but I don't understand why!! Let Dracula just be an opportunist, his casual cruelty knowing no reason. That makes him scarier.

[lizzieisright]

hey hurt/comfort idea:

soo what about the reader and abby being best friends for years and reader always had a crush on abby. they go to a party and abby introduces her new gf to u. she always liked her but thought reader didn’t (always a bit horny around reader, but they know eachother since childhood so abby mistakes readers flirting as being flirty like friends) so reader gets absolutely hartbroken, drinks till she passes out but abby takes care of her ofc. abbys gf is always with her tho so it just hurts even more.

she avoids abby till the next frat prty or smth (maybe it’s college!au) and then they hook up, abby can’t remember cause she’s too drunk and is back w her gf

very messy but i hope u get the idea :P

(also to make it more hurtful make abby mean while she’s drunk bc she’s going through a rough time but isn’t telling anyone)

It took me so long, I'm so sorry

Palestine: what can you do

I've changed a few things (they don't hook up) because I can't deal with cheating, and I couldn't decide on what ending I wanted so there's a poll in the end.

Tags: Modern AU, childhood friends, Angst, pining and unrequited love, of course.

_______________

Abby is a fucking God, and you come to this conclusion when you're 11 and she helps you with your stupid assignment.

When you're both 14 you start to understand that what you feel for her is not, in fact, an admiration. 

You come to this conclusion when you sit in her bedroom and she jokes about teaching you how to kiss because you're a loser and you agree - and yeah, the kiss is a mess, but now you both know that you want to kiss girls. And you want to kiss one girl in particular, but Abby is your best friend and you won’t do anything that will lead to losing her.

Being a God means Abby is out of your reach and you have to live with your stupid feelings.

You're jealous of every boy who jokes around her to get her attention.

You're jealous of every girl who dares to look at her a little too long.

Abby is popular and she starts dating and it breaks your heart every time, and you can't look at other people because all your gods look like Abby.

"Why don't you go on a date?" Abby asks once when you're 16 and you're eating pizza in your bedroom, watching another marvel movie. "I think Jen likes you."

"I don't want to." What would be the point if the only person you want to date won't ever look at you this way?

"Why? Don't you get horny like the rest of us mortals?"

The worst part of being in love with your popular best friend is that she recently lost her virginity and she can't shut up about sex because she is excited about it.

"I have my hand, Abby." You roll your eyes at her.

"But it feels better when the other person does it." Abby winks and puts her hand on your thigh. "It's better, isn't it?" She rubs your thigh and your breath hitches. She looks at you, playful, and goes a little up on your thigh, and your face burns.

"You belong in horny jail, Anderson." You laugh, but don't move her hand: if you move it she'll call you a chicken, but she is a chicken enough herself to not move it further.

And she doesn't.

You live your life peacefully, dealing with your feelings as best as you can.

Then college starts and you're too busy to think about Abby 24/7 and you feel like it gets easier. Like you can breathe around her and you almost don't feel pain when she talks about her sex life.

Almost.

You know it's easy to deal with because all those girls in her bed are temporary while you're in Abby's life forever, and not because your feelings suddenly fainted. Abby likes to sleep around, she is a flirt even with you - a lot, actually, she thinks she can get away with a lot by saying she is touch-starved and then her hands wander off somewhere they're not supposed to be, and you let her, because you'll take whatever you can.

So you go through Abby's fuckboy phase with ease, because sex talk is way better than feelings talk.

A few years pass and suddenly the feelings talk starts, and you're slowly dying inside, because Abby likes someone. Abby talks about how nervous she is around her, she is always on her phone texting her, she is always busy when you want to spend time with her.

You hate this girl with all you have, because she takes Abby away, she takes everything away - Abby is not touchy anymore, she only hugs you briefly when you see her, she is not listening to you half of the time, too caught up in her fantasies.

You hope her girl is a bitch and an asshole and toxic so you can talk Abby out of it, but then Abby tells you she is going to introduce you at the party and you cry yourself to sleep that night.

"How do I look?"

"Like you need Jesus." You say honestly because Abby in the muscle tee and a pair of cargo pants makes you ache.

"Yeah?" Abby looks at you through the mirror with that fucking smirk she knows you like. "Am I fuckable?"

"We both know you prefer to be on the other end of that word, Anderson." You roll your eyes and put your shoes on only to straighten up to Abby's face way too close. She looks you up and down.

"You're very fuckable though."

"Fuck off." You huff and open the door of her apartment, hoping she won't tease you for being flustered. "Let's go before Manny gets so drunk you'll have to carry him. Again."

You spent the night in dread of meeting Abby's girl, dreaming of seeing her red flags or something to have a real reason to hate her to Abby's face, but then Abby lights up and she excuses herself to go and meet her girl, while you try so hard to not throw up from your nerves.

The girl is gorgeous.

"This is (y/n)." Abby motions at you and you smile politely. "This is Mia."

"I'm so happy to meet you." Mia smiles and she looks kind and genuine and fuck, you can't hate her. There's no jealousy in her, no fake smiles, no tense body language. "Abby loves you so much."

You swallow hard.

"I put up with so much of her shit, she doesn't have a choice." You joke and Mia laughs.

Mia is funny and cute and you understand why Abby likes her, because it's impossible not to. Mia is a type of girl that you'd think of as a bitch because she is popular, therefore arrogant, but when you get to know her she is a total sweetheart who'd help you find a way to your class if she notices you're lost.

This is hard.

This is going to break you.

You can't cope with this. You can't cope with seeing Abby's gentle gaze on Mia, with her careful touch and constant care. So you excuse yourself and go to the bar to get drunk, as if you can drown your feelings by dragging them to the bottom of the bottle. You dance and you drink, you dance and you drink and repeat it five other times until all long islands make you feel sick and you can't walk by yourself anymore. You're an independent woman and you refuse to ask for help, but when you can't order a taxi for the fifth time because your eyes are so blurry, Mia comes to you and holds you by your elbow.

"We will take you home, okay?" She says kindly and you feel your lips tremble. We.

"Jus- can you c'll a taxi f'me?" You slur, but you feel Abby's hand on your waist as she supports you. "Don't wanna ruin your night."

"You're not ruining anything." Mia says cheerfully and orders a taxi when Abby gives her your address. "Happens to the best of us."

The drive home makes you super dizzy and Abby has to put her hand between your head and the car door because you hit it all the time. The moment the car stops and Abby goes around to help you get on your legs, you throw up on the ground and it's a miracle you don't get everyone's shoes dirty.

Abby decides to carry you to your place and you can't shut up even for a second.

"I'm s'sorry guys. Not a good first impression. I really like you, Mia. You look kind. Like a grandma. In a good way, I'm sorry." Mia giggles. "Your laugh is very cute. It's cute, right Abby?"

"Yeah." Abby agrees quietly and what you don't know is that for her your drunken rant was way cuter than her girlfriend's laugh.

"Yeah. You look great together, I'm s'happy for you Abby. Haven't seen her that nervous because of a girl in years, can you imagine, Mia? You make this asshole nervous." You're chuckling sadly, you want to cry because you don't make Abby nervous.

No, you just embarrass her in front of her girlfriend because you're so pathetically in love you can't deal with it and drink half of the bar until you forget how to walk on your own.

Abby helps you change and Mia gives you water. She makes sure there is fresh air in your room and she tucks your blanket, and you close your eyes to hide your tears because Mia is so nice. She is a dream girl and Abby is so happy and there is no space for you anymore.

Because Mia took your place in that forever equation.

On the next day you text your apologies to both Abby and Mia (she followed you on instagram and asked you how you felt) and you can't deal with this. It hurts so much because you love Abby so much and you want her to be happy but it seems like the price of it is going to be your heart.

So you start avoiding her as best as possible, and what is more sad - it's not even that hard. Abby is always with Mia, fuck, Mia even asks you to come with them to hang out, which you always find an excuse not to. Library, fever, other plans, other plans again, sorry, paper is due tomorrow, my aunt is in town (she is not). Anything to not meet with them.

You still see Abby during classes and you give each other life updates, but it's been weeks since you actually hung out and you accept the reality that yes, there's no place for you in Abby's life anymore.

You cry every fucking night.

Then Abby suddenly remembers you exist and she asks you if you want to hang out, just the two of you, because she misses you. You miss her too and you agree.

You regret it the moment she cuddles you in front of her tv. She has a girlfriend now, why is she so touchy again? Did something happen with Mia that Abby came to you?

"Is everything okay with Mia?"

"Yeah, she is great." Abby says and buries her nose in your neck.

No. You can't deal with this.

So you start avoiding Abby at all costs after this - you can't shake the feeling that this is cheating, because for you Abby's touch has never been platonic, no. And it never felt platonic either, it was always giving you hope because Abby was flirting and touching the way friends don't touch each other. Maybe one day she'd finally give you a chance, you thought, but this day never came.

It is another party a month and half later - yay, Abby and Mia have been together for two months now! - and you don't know if Abby is going to come, but you hope she doesn't. You know she knows something is up and she will want her answers if she meets you.

But you have fun. You play games, you drink, you dance, you get flirted with and you forget about your pain just to get so drunk again you can't help but go outside to find a place to cry in peace.

You miss Abby, you miss her because she is a part of you and yes, you're in love with her, but she also your best fucking friend and you hate yourself for being in love with her, because it ruins your life. It has been ruining your life since you were fourteen and actually understood what you felt, but now it was getting serious.

"(Y/n)?"

Fuck.

You wipe your tears and look at Abby who is standing right in front of you.

"Hi." You squeak and she drops on the knees to look at you.

"Did something happen? Why are you crying?"

"I'm just sad. Don't worry." You try to smile but Abby's frown makes you cry more. "I'm going home anyway, so you can enjoy the party."

"What the hell are you saying? I'm not leaving you."

She should. She should leave you and not complicate it further.

Abby calls a taxi and you chuckle in your head - If you had a nickel for every time Abby was taking your drunk ass home, you'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

You tell her as much because the meme is funny and you try to be positive.

Abby helps you out of the car and this time you don't throw up.

"You know, last time I totally embarrassed myself in front of Mia." You chuckle and make your way upstairs with Abby's arm around your waist. "She is cute, I'm so happy for you."

Abby chuckles and leads you inside your apartment, but between the two of you she is mostly sober and she has some questions, and she wants her answers. You know this too, so when you sit on your sofa you feel like all your shields are crumbling: you’re giving up on hiding this from her. If this is the end, so be it.

"You've been avoiding me." Abby says quietly, looking you in your eyes like she is just a little bit mad. 

"Yeah, I know." You admit with a chuckle. "You have a girlfriend now, it's so cool. When was the last time you liked someone like that? Back in school?"

"So you've been avoiding me on purpose." 

"I don't think you can avoid someone accidentally, Abby.” You say, not holding back your venom. “Anyway, I’m so happy for you.”

“Why are you avoiding me?” Abby moves closer to you  and you swallow your tears because there’s nowhere to run.

“Because it’s easier.” You shrug. “I just want you to be happy, okay? Does Mia make you happy?”

“Yeah.” Abby admits and you start crying again: it hurts so fucking much. 

“Good. It’s good. I’m happy for you.” You sniffle and Abby huffs, annoyed.

“Stop saying that. Stop avoiding my questions.”

Inside you all hell breaks loose.

“I love you, okay?” You finally burst. “I love you, and it hurts so fucking bad and I can’t fucking see you with her or know that you’re with her! What do you want me to do? What would you do if you were me? I can’t- I can’t-” You throw your hands desperately and bite your lip, too angry with this whole situation.

“I love you too.” Abby says, confused.

“No, no Abby, you don’t understand.” You’re quiet and angry, almost spitting every word out. “I’m in love with you. I’m not jealous as a friend, Abby. I’m jealous because I want to be in her place, okay? Fuck, I wanted to be in your every girl’s place since you started dating girls!” 

There is silence. You thought it would be terrifying - this silence - but right now you feel nothing except how dizzy your head is. You feel empty and there's no tears anymore. Abby stares at you in shock, her fists clenched, and you chuckle cynically. 

“So can I continue avoiding you now or should I suffer more?”

“Fuck, (y/n)..” Abby sighs and rubs her forehead, going over her face with her palm. “Fuck. Don't do this to me.”

“Well.” You huff, annoyed. “Not like I have a fucking choice, Anderson.”

Abby throws her head back and stares at the ceiling while you do the same, trying to keep your drunk ass stable. You feel like eternity passes before Abby speaks again, and it is strangely comforting, having your best friend here with you, in this boat of pain, and sharing it with her. 

“All these years. All these years we could have been together.” Abby sounds like she is mourning. 

You thought your heart broke when you met Mia? Forget it, it's broken now.

You sob, howl almost, and Abby is suddenly holding you in her arms, placing kisses to your hair. Her heart can't handle seeing you cry, never could - yes, she tried to move on with Mia, and it worked partially, but all her effort went to shit just now. You're the most precious girl to her and nothing can change it. Abby swallows and braces herself, suddenly making a decision in her head, all her anxiety about what is a right thing to do gone. 

“You know what? Fuck it. Fuck all that time we've missed. I'm not letting you go now.” Abby says in your ear and you sob even more violently. “Come on, baby, I'm here. Let me see your face.”

You can't believe it. You can't even process it: is it your drunken dream? Are you hallucinating? It would definitely not be the first time. But you look up at Abby and she gently wipes your tears and there’s so much love and hurt in her eyes it’s hard not to break into another sobbing fit. 

“I've been in love with you since we were seventeen.” Abby smiles at you and you shakily smile back. “I’m sorry it came to this. But I'm here now.”

“I love you.” You say feverishly and Abby's restraint breaks.

She kisses you hungrily, practically devouring you, and you're weak, so you return her kiss and press into her, soaking in her warmth and strength. Abby is solid and tender, she holds you like she cares and you cling to her for a moment.

But then you remember yourself and push Abby away, shaking your head.

“No. You're better than this. You're not going to betray Mia like this. I'm not going to let you, Abby. We're not doing this,” You motion between yourself and her. “Behind your girlfriend's back. And I'm also fucking drunk.”

Abby chuckles and kisses your forehead. 

“Come on, I'll help you get into your bed.”

Everything else after is a blur as Abby helps you change and covers you with your blanket, and you fall asleep. You can't wait for the morning to come.

****

[sugurufic]

The D Standard (Roommate!Geto X F!Reader)

Summary: Roommate!Suguru thinks that you are too hot to date losers and gives you a standard of what good dick feels like.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: basically porn without plot, slight choking, unprotected piv, sex, oral(f!receiving), no use of y/n, infidelity(?), amateur writing, written in one sitting and not proofread. yeah idk what possessed me to write this.

masterlist

Suguru, your pretty roommate and best friend, was laying on the couch of your shared living room, watching a movie. You weren’t home, out for a date with that loser fuck-buddy of yours. Why you always dated losers, he has no idea. You’re so pretty and amazing that any guy would be delighted to be on his knees to worship you, but you attract losers, losers who don’t see your worth. He doesn't allow the forbidden thoughts to form, focusing on the chocolate melting in his mouth instead.

With the movie playing in front of him, he doesn’t really hear you quietly open the door and enter, dropping your shoulder bag on the shoe-rack with a light thud. You’re half disappointed to hear the movie running on the tv, not wanting to hear another lecture from your infuriatingly pretty best friend about valuing yourself and to stop dating losers.

You hope that he doesn't notice you, but curse his pretty eyes, they are attentive. His brow creases when he sees you, checking his phone to ensure that it wasn’t too late. It is still early in the night, and you are back, seeming very disappointed. It doesn’t take him too long to come to conclusions.

“Quick night?” he asks, patting the space next to him. He breaks a piece of chocolate for you, as you plop down next to him, an exhausted sigh escaping your mouth. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No,” You shake your head, enjoying the way the chocolate melts in your mouth. At least the chocolate didn’t disappoint you. “Before you start to lecture me again - yeah, yeah, this guy was bad too, he was done before I even got started.”

He purses his lips to stop the laugh from escaping. “I think you should get at least one good dick experience, so you know what to look for.” he says instead.

“But how will I know who has a good dick?” You snicker, crossing your hands over your chest. “It’s not like guys come with reviews.”

“You should fuck a guy that I approve of,” He says.

“You don’t approve of any guy,” you retort, taking another piece of chocolate.

“That's because you don’t get any good guys, all of them losers.” He frowns at you.

“And who would be a good guy, according to you?” You snap. “You?”

“Of course,” He says, smirking.

“Of course,” You mimic. “Show me how good your dick game is, then.”

“Let me kiss you then,” he says, sitting up straight, movie all but forgotten.

Later you can blame the sexual frustration for making this decision, but you let your back arch up from the couch and reach for his pretty lips hovering over yours, ready to accept his tongue in your mouth. But when his lips press against yours, the sweet taste of warm, molten chocolate surprises you. His hands wrapped around your curves, as the chocolate and his skilled tongue took away your ability to breathe. His lips feel so familiar, as if it wasn’t the first time you were kissing him. Maybe the occasional glances you had stolen made it feel like home. The way his large hands ran up and down your spine delicately left goosebumps in their wake, your body feeling like it was set on fire, fire that you will burn yourself in.

Suguru manoeuvres you such that you are straddling his lap, hands entangling in his silky black hair as the familiarity of his touch stoked the fire in your stomach. His soft lips are all over you - your jaw, your neck, your earlobes, your mouth, your nose, your forehead. There’s such delicate intimacy in the mere act of kissing - and you are now hornier than you have ever been, all for your roommate. 

Is this what passion feels like? You can't remember anyone else making you this hot and bothered. They always left you high and dry, getting back home to your trusty hands and vibrator. But this was different - it hurt so good, with your skin ablaze and the beautiful man you knew how to tend to this fire, make it hurt in the way that felt just too good to let go.

You tug at his hair and a moan escapes his mouth, its a sound that turns you on even more, cursing yourself for denying yourself this pleasure. You are slowly grinding against his crotch, feeling his dick get harder under you by the minute. His hands flatten against the small of your back, stopping your grinding motions as he says in a purr, “Stop that, baby. Let me please you first,”

The way his pretty eyes look at you, full of yearning, is enough to make you putty in his hands, compliant to anything he says to you. He effortlessly lifts you up, his nose in your hair as he walks to his bedroom, gently dropping you on his bed. He swiftly pulls off his sweatshirt and pants, leaving his boxers on, then ties his hair away from his face whilst you get rid of all your clothing. 

Suguru can’t help but admire every little detail on your body, his hungry gaze emboldening you - your hand wraps around your tit, squeezing it and pinching your nipple while holding his sultry gaze. Your best friend has made you wetter than any other man, and he wasn’t even entirely naked yet.

He settles between your thighs, hands squeezing the flesh as he part them, eyes on the prize. “Is this okay, baby?” he purrs against the inside of your thigh, warm breath sending a shiver up your spine. You nod, but he gently smacks your thigh, “Words, baby. Use your words.”

“It’s okay, baby,” you reply, voice breathy. 

He takes his time between your legs, kissing up from your toes to your hip, while one hand busies itself with your tits. The way his long fingers play with your nipples has you whining, you didn’t even know you had that many sensitive spots on your body. He treats you like a musical instrument, playing with your strings as a good musician would. His pretty dark eyes never leave yours as he teases your other thigh, dropping wet, open mouthed kisses all over the plush flesh. He gently nibbles on the soft flesh, and you clenched around nothing, wanting nothing more than to shove his head to where you needed him the most.

That's what you do - you entangle your fingers in his hair again, and push him to the apex of your thighs, to the bundle of nerves throbbing in wait for his attention. Suguru has a smirk on his face that has your toes curling as he never fails to look straight into your soul as he makes that first lick up from your dripping hole to your clit. Both of you moan in sync as his tongue touches you - you at the aching pleasure and him at your sweet taste.

Once he had a taste, it was like he couldn’t have enough. His tongue worked you like a man starved, taking both hands to hold your thighs apart. The rhythm he sets with his tongue, pushing in and out has you moaning, gasping as pleasure like you’ve never felt before clouds your mind. Your thighs shake as he brings the attention back to your clit, the mix of your slick and his saliva making you wetter and more sensitive. He brings his long fingers in the mixture, one followed by the other, exploring your warm, gummy walls. 

His fingers reach a spot of you that you’ve never explored and it has you snapping your thighs shut on his head, but he doesn’t relent - his tongue working on your clit as his fingers curl inside you bring you to your peak. He is grinding against the mattress, moaning against your cunt - drunk on your taste. His chin is covered in your slick and saliva, he can barely breathe with the way your thighs are wrapped around him, but he doesn't stop. He cannot. 

The vibrations of his moans bring you the edge of pleasure. Your climax hits you like a brick wall, the white hot pleasure blinding as your back arches off his bed and thighs continue to shake around his head. His fingers continue to fuck you through your high his tongue slowing to kitten licks on your clit as you gush around his fingers. He doesn’t waste a single drop of your creamy cum, licking everything clean till you are pushed to oversensitivity.

You have to push him away with your hands, body twitching as he lets go with a pop, the sight of him straight out of a wet dream. His silky hair is all messed up, his face is flushed red and his chin and fingers are wet with your slick. He puts his fingers into your mouth, and you suck them clean, only for him to push his tongue into your mouth, tasting you from your mouth.

“Can you take my cock, baby?” he purrs.

“Ye-yes,” you say, nodding. You’ve barely come down from your high, but you want to feel his throbbing cock in your gummy walls.

Suguru is quick to oblige, getting out of his boxers. His pretty cock slaps against his stomach, pre-cum already leaking from the flushed tip. You think he has the prettiest of all cocks that you’ve seen. He pulls out the hair tie as he gets comfortable between your legs thrown on either side of his hips. He is gentle as he enters you, giving you time to adjust to his size before he starts to move. 

Suguru seemingly can't get enough of your beautiful body, his soft hands exploring all crevices of your body, kissing all over your skin, playing with your nipples with his hands and mouth. His teeth lightly graze your nipple, and you gasp, the sound going straight to his cock. His hands finally settle on your hips as he sets a steady pace, both of your heavy breaths and the sound of your squelching cunt filling the room. He’s slow at first, kissing your mouth as he moves his hip against yours, the act more intimate than with any of your boyfriends. It’s like he is making love to you, not just bringing you pleasure.

One of his large hands makes its way up to cradle your jaw as he drops open mouthed kisses and nips the skin, making you squirm in his grasp. His thrusts get rougher when your legs close around his narrow waist as he finds a particularly sensitive spot on your neck, sucking on it to leave a mark. His pubic bone rubs against your clit as his heavy balls slap against your ass with his thrusts, and you can’t help the moans that escape your mouth.

“That’s it baby, tell me how good I'm making you feel,” he chokes out with a groan as you squeeze him.

“So good, Suguru,” you groan, as his cock pushes against that spot repeatedly. “I’ve never had dick so good,”

“You’re so good for me baby,” he praises you, feeling you clench him. “Cunt is sucking me in so good,”

“Only for you, baby,” you whimper out. “You fuck me so good,”

Your hands tangle in his hair, tugging at it as he lets out a loud moan and his thrusts get sloppier, his cock throbbing inside you. “I’m close baby,” he chokes out. “Are you close?”

You can only moan in response, fingers finding your clit between your bodies, rubbing it as his hand wraps around your neck, gently squeezing it. It’s what pushes you over the edge, the combination of his hand squeezing your neck, his cock pressing against your sweet spot and his whimpers in your ears. You’ve never cum on cock before this, and you almost regret not getting to experience blinding pleasure like this before.

Your cunt squeezes him like a vice and his sloppy thrusts stop as he stills, spilling his cum inside you, colouring your gummy walls white.

Suguru’s weight on your body is comforting as you both come down from your highs, panting against each other. “You good baby?” he asks, planting a kiss on your forehead as he gently cradles your head in his big hand.

“Ye-yeah,” you nod, blushing. You just fucked your best friend and roommate, but him kissing your forehead feels too much. You feel empty when he pulls out, but him being a gentleman, cleans you up and gets you a change of clothes and your phone while you use his bathroom. 

“Sleep here tonight,” he asks, trying not to sound too pleading.

“Sure,” you say, lying down on his bed, in his arms, and in his clothes. Your bodies fit like pieces of a puzzle. Your phone rings just as you are about to fall asleep in Suguru’s arms. You chose to ignore it, instead snuggling closer into his warm, broad chest.

“She’s busy,” Suguru answers the phone for you instead, the smug voice leaving no doubts as to where.

You will worry about the shift in your relationship tomorrow morning, but for tonight he is yours and you are his.

A/N: sorry if it's bad it's my first time writing full-blown smut

[nickfowlerrr]

it’s a love story, baby, just say yes.

pairing: neighbor!bucky x curvy!reader

warnings: not the conclusion i was hoping for but that just means there’s more of these two to come. this feels like such a tease of a chapter lol i’m sorry. no smut. a lil tinny tiny bit of angst from reader’s perspective. mostly cute idiots in love. if something needs to be tagged please let me know.

words: 3.2k

notes: is the title a little on the nose? yes, yes it is. and it took me forever to land on. 💀 there will be more, i promise. sorry for the wait. thank you for reading, i hope you enjoy this little update. 🫶🏻 also also! happy birthday again to the anon who messaged me about this next part. hope your day was wonderful ✨💗

series masterlist / character outfit inspo

Breathe.

In.

Out.

Easy.

Just like that.

You can’t stop looking in the mirror.

You look…you look…god. You look terrified. 

Fuck.

This was a bad decision. A really bad decision.

What the hell were you thinking?

What the hell was he thinking?

God, you feel like you can’t breathe again.

Focus.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

You smooth your skirt, pulling it once again for no reason. None other than habit, you suppose.

You look over yourself. Not awful, you think. You’re wearing your staple black long sleeve top with your high waisted houndstooth skirt. It’s cold outside, so you’re in your black thigh high boots. The ones that took you ages to find but have been your favorite since coming across them. You swear this pair was made in heaven because it felt like a miracle finding ones that actually fit your legs properly. You’ve accessorized with your trusty belt and your favorite jewelry and your hair somehow looks the best it has in days. Makeup is flawless and though you try to find something to fix…you just can’t. 

And still, there’s that gnawing feeling telling you that you’re doing something wrong - that you are wrong.

You don’t know why you’re being so down on yourself today, but it seems like you’ve poked at each and every insecurity you’ve ever had in the past hour alone.

Maybe some part of your mind thinks it’ll convince you to not go through with this if you feel badly enough. Too bad you don’t really have the option of chickening out.

You sigh and finally look away from the mirror, instead reaching for your bottle of perfume and spraying yourself lightly with the lovely scent.

You smile a bit as you set the bottle back down in its spot.

You remember the first time you wore it. It was the day after your birthday - you had gotten it for yourself as a gift. You went over to Bucky's for your weekly movie watch and when you walked by him as he held his front door open for you, he seemed immediately taken. He was all over you as he followed you in close behind. 

You had jerked away when he leaned in to smell you, giving him a look of incredulity.

“Creep,” you groused.

“Sorry,” he laughed, “but you smell incredible,” he complimented, leaning into you again. “Is that new?”

“It is, yeah. Smells good, right?” you smiled, loving your choice even more.

“Like heaven,” he simpered.

You knew he loved this perfume, but that is not why you are wearing it tonight, you tell yourself. That is simply a coincidence. It may be his favorite, but it was your favorite first. 

You double check your phone, despite it having not gone off at all in the past two hours, just to ensure you weren’t missing any messages…particularly one that would read something along the lines of “Sorry to cancel so last minute but…”.

Of course, you find nothing.

Checking the time, you have fifteen minutes til seven. 

Fifteen was plenty of time to get yourself to finally calm the hell down a bit.

You can do this.

It’ll be…what it is.

And no matter what it is, it’ll be.

You breathe a deep breath.

…Maybe you still have time to cancel…

A knock on your front door startles you and you leave your room to stand in your hallway, eyeing the door as if you’re expecting it to burst open despite the gentleness of the sound.

Nothing.

Then another knock.

You brace yourself, swallowing thickly as you approach the door.

Of course you know who it is.

Impending doom.

No! Stop with the negativity, you chastise yourself.

Of course he’d be early. If you weren’t so caught up in your head, you’d roll your eyes at his punctuality. You shouldn’t have expected anything less.

“Early is on time, on time is late.” You can hear him saying it now.

You get to the door and unlock the bolts one at a time, as slowly as you can, trying to drag out the inevitable as you focus on your breathing. 

You grab hold of the knob, and once again remind yourself to get your shit together. The door slowly creaks open as you pull on it heavily and when you finally chance at glance at the man at your door, you find Bucky’s eyes on you. His lips part ever so slightly as he takes you in before his gaze comes back up to meet yours. 

He titters, the corner of his lips coming up in a half smirk as he breathes a sigh of relief. 

“You answered,” he says.

“Yeah,” you blink dumbly at his words, “why wouldn’t I have?”

“I don’t know, you’ve been avoiding me all week,” he accuses. “I was honestly a little worried you were gonna cancel on me.”

You look down, a little embarrassed at being called out. But he was right, you had been avoiding him. 

Well not him. It wasn’t him. It was just the nerves. You weren’t sure you’d be able to talk to him, let alone look at him without somehow screwing everything up all too quickly. 

Anytime you caught even just a glimpse of him in the hallway or heard what could have been him coming or going as you were, you would make yourself scarce as soon as possible. Even when you clearly saw one another, eye contact established and everything, you’d be gone before he could get a word out in your direction. The last time you spoke with him face to face was New Year’s Eve. 

The breathy “yes,” that left your lips still shocked you when you thought back on it. Which you had often this past week. Replaying the way Bucky’s face lit up at your answer, how happy he looked… before you quickly turned tail and rushed your “good night”; hurrying back to your apartment and leaving Bucky standing there in a bit of a stupor, huffing a laugh out his nose as he watched you flee, but his half smile never breaking as he called a good night after you.

Bucky has tried to talk to you since then, of course, but you just kept evading him. If he really wanted or needed to get to you, truthfully, he could have - but he didn’t want to overwhelm you. And a part of him was worried about the two very same things you were, just from his side.

Part of you was afraid you’d just flounder and end up outright canceling and the other part was scared you’d lose all self control and end up kissing him again. Not that that sounded like the worst thing in the world…But still, you kept your distance while you could.

“These are for you, gorgeous,” he continues before you can say anything in response. You only then notice the bouquet of flowers he holds in his hand. 

They’re gorgeous. Nicer than the ones he had on Valentine’s day, and even nicer than the bouquet you had been gifted from your coworker that day, too. 

“Wow,” is all you can utter as you take them from him. “Thank you,” your voice is quiet as your surprise at the gesture overwhelms you.

You’ve never been given flowers this nice before. And you definitely weren’t expecting it.

“They’re so pretty,” you say, eyes flitting up to see his enamored gaze on you before you look back down to the flowers.

“Just like you,” he says, stepping closer to you in the doorway. “You look stunning.”

You smile, albeit a bit stiffly, at the compliment, offering another ‘thank you’.

Your cheeks feel like they’re on fire at his words and you bite your lip as you turn from him to head to the kitchen.

A second passes and you turn back to see him still standing in the doorway, not following you.

You raise a brow, “What are you a vampire?” you ask sarcastically. “Come in,” you instruct with a laugh.

“Didn’t want to be presumptuous,” he says, finally coming inside, closing the door gently behind him.

“Yeah? Since when?”

He smirks again then, following you to the kitchen as you search out your vase. 

“I’m being a gentleman,” he states.

You eye him, scoffing before turning back to readying the bouquet for the water. 

 “What’s funny?” he questions, faux offense in his voice.

“You,” you shake your head, fighting your smile. “...You look nice, by the way,” you compliment after a second of fighting your nerves.

“Thanks, doll.”

You jump as his voice comes from right beside you, his stealth surprising you. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he laughs, admiring your handiwork as you arrange the flowers just right. 

You turn into him, taking a breath as you really look at him again. The blue of his eyes stand out even more with the depth of his black sweater under his dark wool overcoat. The outfit fits him well, you absentmindedly admire. He really does look nice. 

God, he always does. 

You breathe in his dark, woody cologne in your proximity and your knees threaten to go wobbly as you do. 

Is this really real?

“You ready?” he asks. You flit the thoughts away and meet his eye, nodding in response before you look at his arm as he offers it to you. 

You meet his eye once more before taking it and he leads you to the front door, but not before you grab a coat of your own. 

Breathe, you remind yourself.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Easy.

—

Walking up to the doors of the restaurant side by side with Bucky, you feel that contentment you only ever feel when he’s around. 

The cab ride was nice, the sound of the rain falling outside lulling you unthinkingly into Bucky’s side as you looked out the window, street lights and headlights flashing by - people with umbrellas still walking along the city streets. 

You smiled as you felt Bucky’s warmth radiating from him, the slow alternative music flowing through the speakers making everything feel that much more intimate. You’ve spent plenty of time with Bucky, you’ve sat this close to him before, but this still felt different. The date hadn’t even really begun and you could end the night right here and now and still be happy.

Man, was that pathetic?

You started to feel the worry building up inside you again, but then you felt Bucky’s arm come around your shoulders, holding you to him. You instantly relaxed into him, but didn’t turn your head to meet his gaze. 

What had you been so concerned about to begin with? It’s not like you were or ever had been forcing yourself or your presence on the man. Bucky asked you on this date. He kissed you first. And even before the party, he always invited you over to his place, and would somehow always manage to convince you to stay just a little bit longer - no matter how long you’d been there. It was clear he liked being around you. All the signs of reciprocated feelings were there. And yet for some reason, you still found it hard to believe.

You felt like you were in a dream.

Bucky guides you up the short steps leading up to the entrance of the establishment, his hand on your back as you take careful steps in your heeled boots on the slippery steps as the rain continues beating down on and all around you. Your left hand is in his metal one as you hold onto it for balance.

Ever the gentleman, he opens the door for you to enter before he gives his name to the host at the front of the restaurant. 

“Sergeant Barnes, it’s an honor. Please, follow me this way, your table is all ready,” the young man smiles before he walks you and Bucky to the back, to a closed off area of the restaurant. You look around, a bit confused, but not at all upset at the privacy.

There is a table set for two in the dimmed dining area, a small lit candle on the table along with more flowers. Your heart is threatening to beat out of your chest as you take it all in.

Your seat is pulled out for you by Bucky before he helps you out of your coat, and once you’re sat, he effortlessly pushes your seat back closer to the table before he removes his own coat and takes his seat across from you.

Your host shows you the menus briefly and takes your drink orders before he takes his leave, letting you know your waiter will be by soon to get drinks started.

It’s not a five star restaurant, more like a quaint, family owned eatery, but it feels even more intimate here. And with only you and Bucky back here, you really feel like you’re in your own little world. It’s nice.

It’s more than nice, actually.

It’s damn near perfect.

Bucky smiles at you as he notices you looking at him.

You hadn’t even realized you were, but you don’t look away despite being caught.

“I’m impressed, Barnes,” you offer with a small smile. “I was expecting…well,” you huff a laugh, “I don’t know what I was expecting, but this is still somehow exceeding all expectations.”

“Good,” he smiles. “I know you hate fancy food so I thought this place would be perfect. Mom and Pop’s kinda dinner.” His voice doesn’t sound it, but from the way he breaks eye contact as he over explains himself, you know he wasn’t entirely sure about his decision to come here over somewhere else.

“I do hate fancy food,” you nod. “This was a good choice.” You pick up your menu and look it over, giving some thought to what sounds appetizing. “What are you getting?” you ask without looking up. You know Bucky isn’t looking at the menu because you can feel his stare on you. 

“Sirloin,” he says without hesitation, “and you?”

“Mmm. I’m thinking burger.”

“Classic,” he supports.

You titter, setting the menu down after deciding on what you’d be ordering.

Your eyes meet Bucky’s and after a second you give him a nervous smile.

“So…” you begin.

“So,” he echos.

Before you can start to speak again, you see your waiter coming into the private area, walking toward the table, a tray in hand.

You thank him as he sets down the glasses and a basket of warm bread on your table before Bucky gives him your orders.

When you’re all alone again, you copy Bucky as he takes and butters a roll, using the other half of his butter packet so you don’t have to open another one. You tear your roll apart, eating it in pieces as opposed to Bucky who squishes it down and bites into it like it’s a biscuit, amusing you. It’s fresh, so warm, and so fluffy. 

“This is so good,” you rave.

“It’s bread and butter, it’s impossible for it not to be,” he smiles.

You point a manicured finger at him as you chew on your next piece, “You got me there.”

He sets his roll down on the plate as he licks his teeth, eyes trained on you as he does. You try to ignore it as he tilts his head while staring at you. It feels like he’s trying to read your mind.

“So…” he repeats your earlier sentiment, “were you going somewhere with that before?”

You kiss your lips, your eyes flicking up to his. You take a breath, measuring your words.

“Yeah. Uhm,” you think a moment longer. “I’ve just been wondering, how long?”

His brows furrow in an unspoken question but he doesn’t get the chance to ask before you elaborate. 

“You said you’ve been wanting to do this for months, I just - I’m curious how long exactly you’ve been waiting.”

He knows his answer, but he also knows you won’t believe him if he tells you. Since the very first month you met, he’s been wanting to do this. But he won’t say that. Not right now, anyway.

“A while,” he settles on. “A very long while.” 

He holds your eye as he answers you and you know he means it. 

You nod, pursing your lips to keep your smile from completely breaking across your face. “A while…” you muse. “What took you so long?”

“I didn’t wanna scare you away,” he says truthfully.

The look in his eye is so intense and earnest, you have to remind yourself to breathe.

“...You wouldn’t have,” you tell him, your voice quiet, not far off from a whisper.

He can’t help his smirk, “I don’t think that’s true,” he scrutinizes you.

You make a face, a cross between a scowl and fighting a pout. But you know he’s right. God, he has a habit of calling you out every time you need to be. 

“Yeah, okay,” you begrudgingly agree while he relishes in your pouty acceptance.

It took all of your heart’s strength to agree to a date tonight, even after all the time you’ve spent with him, how real you know your feelings to be - whether or not you wanted to play them off as silly daydreams or not - all of this and you really almost did run away scared without giving him an answer that night. You know you would’ve said no in a heartbeat had it been when you first started getting to know one another. You’ve never been one to risk it, you wouldn’t have then, either. 

But sitting across from Bucky here and now, you’re glad you took the chance.

“I guess it’s true what they say…Timing is everything.”

He nods, “And lucky for us, I’m a very patient man.”

You smile, with a quirked brow, “Lucky indeed.” He laughs, his grin full of nothing but admiration and contentment as he leans closer to you across the table. You hadn’t even realized you’d been doing the same, your elbows on the table as you unconsciously wanted to get closer than you already were. Your knees brush, but neither of you move away. In fact, Bucky scoots his chair in closer. Your tongue slips past your lips so quickly you don’t even register it as you wet your lips. You grab your glass, raising it before you and he does the same with his own. 

“To my luck?” he asks, lips still curved in his perfect smile.

“And to your patience,” you add, your own soft smile gracing your face as you look into his brilliant blue gaze, hoping he can see the thankfulness you feel for him there. 

“To your yes.” 

“To the first first date ever that I haven’t wanted to run out on,” you joke.

You lightly clink your glasses, both of you sipping from your drink.

He shrugs as you take another drink from your glass, “Though, the night is young,” he muses.

You sputter on the liquid as you laugh into your glass, earning a similar laugh from Bucky.

You smile through your cough as you look at him again, wiping at the liquid on your chin. His gaze as warm and mirthful as ever.

Yeah, you think. He’s worth the risk.

[bambi-kinos]

Hopefully, this ask is a fun one! I've noticed that a lot of times you mention Paul is a bottom, and honestly, I agree 1000% per cent, but I'm curious how you came to that conclusion

For me, I feel like it was a result of tons of reading up on him, body language + his lyrics, and I think the whole control freak (misleading in a way too) part makes some fans think he's a top. Meanwhile, I sit here and think, nope, he's totally a bottom lmao

A lot of it is just wish fulfillment as a result of Paul's bus-sized ass. We're not the only ones thinking about it:

Like it would be a crime if John didn't fuck Paul in the ass. Right??? So it's easy to think "yeah Paul is a bottom" rofl.

But more seriously, I view Paul as a bottom for a number of reasons.

The first is simply how long John and Paul knew each other and how they naturally shaped each other's interests and desires. Paul may not have been that 'swishy' (i.e. effeminate) if he had never met John in the first place. It's easy to see how John and Paul's understanding of homosexuality would have shaped their presentation and the roles they took with one another. Like, in modern times two gay guys can just be Guys Being Dudes. They can both take shirtless selfies of themselves holding up fish with the 🤙 going "shaka braaahhh." In the mid 20th century this idea was not terribly widespread so even among gay people there was an impression of "well someone has to be the woman and it's not going to be me."

So I think that's a big part of it. It's impossible to know how conscious a decision this was but IMO John and Paul reached a consensus of some sort that Paul would take up the feminine role in response to John's masculine one. It's a natural (for a given value of 'natural') position for the feminine half to be the one who is penetrated. Paul, who has demonstrated a number of times his sharp awareness of homosexual activity and how society perceives it, would know this. And he took up that position anyway and kept with it, voluntarily. (And to be clear I think Paul stimulated John's butch attitude and grew that to make John more overtly masculine as well. This goes both ways.)

It's not hard to see why this happened. John is a lot more naturally traditionally masculine than Paul is, no matter what John said about being "soft velvet" and "le Oscar Wilde!!11!!1!" He's the one who got into bar fights and hammered the shit out of other men. He's the subject of a rumor about kicking Stuart in the head, not Paul. Personally I think Paul is perfectly capable of violence, even extreme violence, but he simply isn't perceived that way due to his feminine appearance. Meanwhile John is overtly aggressive and in your face about it, even when going through his druggie periods, which is simply a more traditionally masculine trait no matter how you slice it.

I guess what I'm saying is, Paul responded to and was shaped by John's personality and preferences. John likes to fuck, Paul leans more towards feminine expression, feminine = 'the one who is fucked' not necessarily 'the one who fucks.'

I don't believe they were thinking about this as teenagers (and I don't think they did anything besides circlejerking before Hamburg.) And Paul likes using his dick! However it seems obvious to me that John woke something up in Paul that would have naturally lain dormant under other circumstances. John had a habit of doing this for people, he woke them up to their higher inclinations that got them out of their boxes and I 100% believe that he nudged Paul's 'swishiness' awake and that Paul quietly used this to get out of the box other people wanted to keep him in. He was able to embrace this more fully while with Linda. For Paul, that swishiness comes packaged with a certain set of implications and to me there's no reason why he wouldn't embrace that.

That's not to say that he was completely gung-ho from the start. People who write Paul going 'wtf I'm not doing that' in response to John wanting to fuck him are writing material that feels 'real' for lack of a better word. But I also don't think it would be that hard of a sell once he got used to the idea. Really look at this gif:

John's interest in Paul's backside is overt. Paul seems surprised and a little overwhelmed in the moment but he also smiles a little in response to John checking him out. It seems to me that there's interest there, albeit tentative. In other words Paul seems okay with being the one who is piped.

It's a lot to surmise from a single gif, I know, but otoh we don't have a lot of these moments where John's feelings are overt and Paul responds to them.

In addition to all this, Paul is a curious hedonist. I think John could prevail on him to at least try it. Then I think Paul would enjoy it greatly. Anal orgasms are somewhere between clitoral and vaginal for me but anal sex is satisfying in a way that PIV isn't, and I think Paul would actively seek it out once he tried it and realized how good it is. Anal sex is extremely intimate and John paid close attention to his lovers, Paul is guaranteed a good time once John takes him to bed. And John would want to make that special for Paul especially once Paul did 'break down' and go 'alright I'll do it' as part of their kinky power game. John did like to make things sweet for Paul.

Paul has this whole thing about wanting to be John's second and not necessarily the leader. He enjoys being lead and dominated by powerful men who are at the top of their industry. Check out this quote from McCartney Legacy Vol. 1 in Chapter 26:

Paul explicitly giving in to a "strong and demanding" male after putting up a perfunctory fight that he had no intention of sticking to? What does this remind us of?

And look, Paul invites this himself very deliberately:

Paul is doing this on purpose. He shows his ass off to entice us, the viewers, into imagining his hole and putting our dicks inside said hole and inside him. Women appreciate a nice ass but lack the equipment to fuck it properly. Men do have the equipment and by 1965 Paul knows his effect on heterosexual men. He's very much dangling the fuckability of his ass as a carrot in front of everyone who wants to look. No other Beatle displays this kind of overt neediness for this specific kind of attention. Paul knows what he is doing.

Paul is a bottom. A needy and bratty bottom who enjoys being put in his place and has a thick kinky streak to be sure, but a bottom nonetheless.

The insistence that Paul is a top has always smacked of contrarianism, to me anyway lmao. It's always packaged with making fun of McLennon fanart where Paul is yassified and John is butch or with complaints that Beatle fandom is making Paul "too feminine" and John "too masculine." There's a lot I could say about it but for now I'll just leave it at this: it's usually paired with bitching that McLennon fans are having too much fun. Many are guilty of it.

John and Paul themselves acknowledged this dynamic between them in oblique ways. John, Paul, and even Yoko always imagined Paul as being a woman as well as acknowledging that Paulina would have been romantically attached to John. Paul acknowledged it with the "if I were a woman maybe I could have...." thing, Yoko said that Paul would be a "great threat" if he was a woman in her audio diary that she recorded in 1968/1969, and John also has a quote floating around about the potential that lay in Paul being a woman though I'll be damned if I can't find the stupid thing. And then there's the insulting "Lennon's Princess" nickname from Apple staff. They perceived the dynamic as well.

John and Paul, consciously or not, actively pursued this dynamic with one another. They enjoyed it and Paul voluntarily stayed in that role even during a time period where he might have been justified in going "okay we've hit the big time, no more of that!"

Just look at Paul's posture here lmao. John is shoving his erection into Paul's shoulder. Yeah he's trying to hide it but Paul is fine with it, shoulders relaxed with no tension in him at all. Paul wasn't just John's princess, John was also Paul's knight, and that comes with certain responsibilities as well as privileges.

John was overtly more stable when he had sex on tap. John and Paul actively lived together for months at a time where few people could get to them. Seems to me that Paul not only did his job but took a lot of pleasure in doing it and John reaped the benefits. Notably John didn't start falling apart until they stopped touring and his sexual access to Paul was bottlenecked. Then 1967 rolls around and John just sorta, moved in with Paul and noticeably got back on an even keel.

Many thunks are to be had my friend! Many thunks indeed and one of them is that Paul is a bottom. Not just that, an enthusiastic one that likes courting powerful and even emotionally unstable males capable of overpowering him.

Much to consider!

[gingerjunhan]

dirty little secret (pt.2) - kwak jiseok

☆彡 Part to is now here!! Sorry it took so long- I had to finish a year of college! Haha!

word count: 1,723 | pronouns used: none | genre: slight angst, then suggestive, then fluffy, college!au | cws: toxic relationship kinda, swearing, drinking, drugs (mentioned), make out session, not proofread, lmk if I missed something!!

part one here!!

Since dumping Jiseok, you’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that you live on a college campus- thus meaning that you see him everywhere. He was in your organic chemistry class, he was on sports teams, and that stupid band he and his buddies made just had to be good. It made you furious- of course he had to be a campus celebrity. Everybody knew him, and of course, they all thought he was the sweetest guy ever. It was infuriating.

“Come on, (Y/N)!” Your friend urged, “You’ve been hung up on this all week!”

“So?” You rolled your eyes, “Am I not allowed to hate the campus golden boy?” You were strewn across your friend's dorm room bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to forget the events of the week.

“You can be mad all you want,” your friend continued, “but you cannot let it ruin our evening.”

You pulled your head up. “What do you mean?”

Your friend looked back at you, giving you a cheeky smile. “I got invited to a party and I was told I could bring a friend if I wanted.”

“No way,” you shake your head, letting it fall back down again. “You know that isn’t my scene.”

“Come on, (Y/N)...” your friend whined. “So a guy was an asshole to you one time? So what!? There will always be more boys, so why don’t we go out tonight and try to find you someone better?”

Despite your reluctance to spend your evening in a room full of drunken strangers, finding a new man to occupy your thoughts for a while didn’t sound like a bad idea.

You let out a groan of compliance, “Fine… I’ll come along.”

Your friend let out a cheer and pulled you up off the mattress, tearing you from your state of sulking. “Come on! Let’s find you an outfit!”

☆

The party was in full swing by the time you had arrived. “Fashionably late,” as your friend said. Once inside, your friend gave you a smile.

“Do you want a drink?” They asked with a giggle.

You gave it some thought. Did you normally drink? No. Has this week been a normal week? Also no. “Sure,” you reply with a small smile. Your friend beams at you, offering up a quick “I’ll be right back!” before disappearing into the crowd.

You weren’t always the most social, and you can count the number of parties you’ve been to on one hand. So now that you were left to your own devices, you did what many would argue you do best: awkwardly wait around and really say much. You kept to yourself, finding an interest in the wood grain of the floor, trying to decide what sort of alcohol had been spilled a few feet away from you based on its color. However, your trance of trying to decipher the alcohol content of the floor was rudely interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Well I never assumed you’d be a partier.”

Fuck. You turned around to see Jiseok behind you with a smug look on his face and a drink in his hand.

“And I thought I’d never have to talk to you again,” you say sarcastically. “Looks like tonight is full of surprises.” You rolled your eyes and turned around, planning on making your way to the kitchen to find your friend.

Once inside the kitchen, your friend thrusts a drink into your hand and looks at you wide eyed. “Were you just talking with Jiseok?”

“Yeah,” you rolled your eyes. “He cracked some stupid joke about me being here.” You took a sip of your drink. It tasted like lemonade.

“Well what did you say?” Your friend asked.

“Something to get him to shut up, hopefully,” a voice chimed in from a few feet away before you could answer. The two of you turned to see Jungsu leaning on a counter in the kitchen, with Gunil sitting on the counter next to him hoarding a bowl of chips from the rest of the party-goers.

“What do you mean?” You asked them.

“He won’t stop talking about you,” Gunil spoke, his mouth full of chips. Jungsu grimaced at his poor manners.

“Ever since you dumped him he’s done nothing but nope around at rehearsals,” Jungsu added.

“You knew we were dating?”

“Yeah,” he continued. “But not until it was too late. He showed up really upset the one day, so when we asked what was wrong he told us the story. We all told him that it was his fault.” Gunil nodded next to him. You had only spoken to Jungsu once- maybe twice- so you were shocked by his honesty.

“Besides,” Gunil chimed in. “You’re pretty hot, so that’s his loss.” Gunil laughed loudly before eating some more chips. Jungsu rolled his eyes.

“You’ll have to excuse him,” he sighed. “I’m his babysitter for the evening and I accidentally let him have one too many.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle. Between Gunil’s drunken banter, and knowing that Jiseok also wanted you back, you had to admit that you were starting to feel a little better. “You really blamed him?” You asked.

“Oh yeah,” the two boys said in unison.

“I don’t really know why he thought we would care who he dates. It’s not really our business,” Jungsu said simply. “We shouldn’t determine who he dates.”

“Well Jooyeon didn’t seem too fond of me,” you say as you take another sip of your drink. Jungsu laughed dryly.

“Honestly, Jooyeon is high most of the time. He claims it’s to “mellow him out,” but I think it just makes him more of a bitch,” he snorted. “Whatever he said or did to you wasn’t intentional. Promise.”

You turn to your friend (who you now notice has been eyeing Jungsu up the whole time) and shrug, silently asking what your next move should be.

“Don’t look at me,” they add quickly. “This is all up to you- but definitely give it some thought. Would you really want to date a guy who was too embarrassed to tell people you were together?”

You sigh. While, yes, that is a good point, you really can’t help but feel drawn to Jiseok again. Like a moth to a flame, you felt a little too willing to risk getting burnt again. So, despite your better judgment, you left the kitchen to go find Jiseok again.

When you found him, Jiseok was reffing a game of beer pong. Next to him, was Jooyeon who, low and behold, was high as a kite.

“Jiseok,” you called from the doorway. He instinctively looked in your direction, and you waved him over with a stern look on your face. “We need to talk.” Jooyeon gave him an annoyed look, but after some whispered words between them, Jiseok made his way over to you.

“What’s up?” He asked, voice soft compared to the noise of the room.

“I want an apology,” you stated simply. “A real one.”

He paused, looking in your eyes and clearly trying to collect himself. Maybe you were imagining it, but for a split second he looked genuinely upset. “Can we go somewhere more private?”

You shook your head, “Fine.” Jiseok led you through the house and into a bathroom, closing the door behind you and locking it. He took a deep breath before looking you in the eye again.

“(Y/N),” he began, “Listen… I… I’m so sorry,” he said with a twinge of sadness in his voice. “Really, I am. What I did was wrong and unfair to you. I shouldn’t have made you feel that way.”

“Then why did you do it?” You ask. “Why make me feel bad for being myself?”

Your words seem to strike a chord in him, and he’s at a loss for words for a second. “I… I don’t know,” he admits softly. “I’m sorry.” A sigh escapes his lips after you don’t respond. He looks to the floor. “Can I make it up to you? Please?”

“Make it up to me?” You ask. “How?”

The small twinge of sadness that you saw mere moments ago in Jiseok’s eyes was replaced with something else now. Something darker that you weren’t quite sure you’ve ever seen before. He took a step closer to you, placing a hand on your hip.

“Please,” he mumbled as he leaned closer to you, the scent of alcohol lingering in his breath, “Let me fix this.” Against both of your better judgements, Jiseok’s lips land on yours, with one hot kiss slowly transforming into many. His breath mixed with yours as your lips chased each other’s. The lemonade taste that lingered on your tongue soon mixed with whatever was on his. “I wanna take you out again,” he sighed between kisses. “Wanna let everyone know that you’re mine.”

You sighed into his mouth, now grasping at his shoulders. “You mean it this time?”

He pulls away from your mouth, looking you in the eye. He takes a deep breath before speaking, and you choose to ignore the wandering thought in the back of your head that wants to know if he’s just catching his breath or buying time before he answers. He begins to nod slowly. “Yeah,” he says breathlessly, blinking at you. “I’m serious.”

You smile, about to lean in again when the doorknob to the bathroom jiggles.

“We’re busy!” Jiseok calls, leaning in and capturing your lips again.

“C’mon man! I gotta take a piss!”

Jiseok pulled away for you with a sigh at the sound of Gunil’s drunken voice. You, on the other hand, couldn’t help but laugh. Jiseok took his hands off of you, making his way to the door and unlocking it. “Great timing,” he said sarcastically.

“Thanks,” Gunil sneered back. “Now move.” He shoved past him, making his way into the bathroom, which you quickly took as an indication to get out. Once outside, you and Jiseok turned to each other, and laughter bubbles out of your chest once again. Jiseok shook his head, wrapping an arm around your waist and heading back out to the main rooms of the party.

“I’m really surprised you just let me kiss you like that,” Jiseok marveled.

“What did I tell you?” You smiled over at him, “tonight is full of surprises.”

taglist: @mon2sunjinsuver , @mini-mews , @mxlly143 , @somethingaboutcheese , @odesonnets , @weluvjeong , comment to be added!⁎⁺˳✧༚

[k-n0-x]

༺ ♱✮♱ ¨:·Something Stupid- Chapter 5·:¨ ♱✮♱ ༻

A/N- Hello everyone! Sorry this chapter took sooooo long to get out. I compensated in making it a bit longer than the usual chapters. I hope y’all enjoy :3

Playlist:

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Enjoy <3

꧁🥀☽💫✶♛🦢♕✶💫☾🥀꧂

“Well, did you enjoy that Emily?” You ask Emily as you both pass through the portal, and onto your porch.

“Yes! I finally get what you mean when you say Charlie and I are alike,”

“Sweetie, you are carbon copies of each other, it’s not that hard to come to that conclusion ,”   You smile, and jump when you remember something. 

“By the way, Sinners can be redeemed! I did some digging around a couple of days ago, but I forgot to tell you,” 

For a moment, Emily becomes silent, letting the news sink in. 

Shs squeals. 

“Oh this is amazing! That means that-” 

“That what, Emily?”

The voice of the Elder Seraphim makes you jump out of your skin. 

“Hi, Sera, uhm just, er,” You lose face in front of Sera, but she is more looking at Emily than you. 

“Where exactly have the two of you been? Emily I was looking all around for you today,”

“Oh she was just hanging out with me at my house today-”

“I didn't see you around at all today,” Adam pops up behind you.

Ah yes, him. 

“Were you not out all day today?” You counter. 

“Enough! I already knew that Emily was in Hell with you,”

Your mouth agape, you make an attempt to form a plausible excuse. 

“I uh, just wanted to help out with the aftermath of the extermination and I just invited Emily along, please don't punish her, I really pushed her into it,”  You grimace. Surely there’s going to be a berating headed your way.

Emily gives you a confused look, and you return it with a warning one. 

“Whatever for? It's not like it works anyway,” Sera, despite spewing her bullshit, has her head up high. 

The latter remark makes you stick out your chin, with a defensive attitude. 

“Uh, yes it does, actually,” You smile innocently.

Sera’s face pales. 

“What, what do you mean? Obviously, sinners do not have the capacity to be redeemed,”

“Yeah, the big shot’s right. Those little, dare I say, cunts have already fucked up their one chance, why give them another?”

Your ‘husband’ sides with the Seraphim, but Emily stays beside you. 

“Well why not discuss this in court then?” Your eyes, almost manic glares into the ones of the first man. 

“Wha- What the fuck man? You can't do that-Right Sera, she just can't-”

“No, she can… When do you want to hold the meeting?” She turns to you. 

“Perhaps the day after the next? So that we'll have time to prepare,”

“.... Very well. Emily, let's go,”

Em stays back a bit and mutters, “Whatever happens, I’m on your side. I’ll try to help in anyway I can,”

“You don’t have to,” you mumble back.

“Emily! Let’s go,” Sera hisses. The two Seraphims leave the patio of your home.

“Why the fuck does this matter to you so much bitch?” Adam points an accusing finger at you, which you slap away.

“Oh, I don't know, maybe I want to uphold true Heavenly values? You of all people should know that,” You hiss back. 

“Uh, no. Sinners can't be redeemed, now stop preaching all this dumb bullshit, and get ready, because you're going down, bitch,” 

You bite your tongue, because God forbid you send him into a frenzy. You don’t have the time or energy for his tantrum right now.

“Well, I'm going to bed bitch, God, I am so handsome, and cool and amazing,” Adam sashays to the bedroom, irritating you so. 

You pave a path to the living room.

You look at the couch.

You are not planning on sleeping on the same bed as Adam tonight. 

Or the next, for that matter.

You flop on the couch like a tired dog, and doze off. 

꧁ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ꧂

You’re in a desolate landscape. It's familiar. 

Oh yeah, you've been here before. 

Adjacent to you is the pedestal with the glowing ball. 

“Yeah, I’m not doing that again,” You step away from the monument and bump into something.

Or rather, someone.

“Sera? What are you- hey!” The Seraphim suddenly pushes you without warning, cascading you down into a dark pit.

Dark pit… This has happened before.

What the fuck is going on?

Despite your confusion you flap your wings in the darkness, but as soon as you get to the top of the hole again, some force drags you down. 

You look towards the surface, and see exterminators grinning (quite ironically) devilishly at the sight of your downfall

You spiral into the abyss, and the familiar heat appears. 

You hit the ground with a thud, and jump out of your couch, sun rays peeking through the curtains.

What was that dream? That's the second time today that you had a dream such as this. 

What's that glowing ball about?

Why, in the second dream, Sera pushed you into that hole?

Why couldn't you fly? 

Why, did you fall? 

Also, what is up with the ground at the bottom of the pothole?

It was so different from the  empty landscape at the surface, with its red hot coals.

You rub your eyes with your trembling hands. It felt so real, as if your hands are suffering the aftermath of being burnt on the scorching stones.

There's no point crying about it now. 

Time to become your own attorney.

꧁ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ꧂

“So, let me get this straight. There's a court meeting tomorrow and you need Charlie  to be there. On short notice?!” Vaggie groans and rubs her temples. 

“This is the perfect recipe for disaster,” 

“Yah, honestly you fumbled this one toots,” Angel adds, absentmindedly scrolling through his phone.

“Vaggie, this isn't so bad. At least now we have solid evidence. Who knows? We actually have a fighting chance,” Charlie gives her girlfriend a comforting hug from behind. 

“I know it's short notice, and I'm sorry I'm asking for a lot, but it could help you guys immensely,” You ramble on. 

“Maybe we can sit down and look all of this over. I’ve brought some documents with me, and after possibly I could snatch Sir Pentious to go to the court meeting as well,” You start naming things like a list so fast, the words that leave your mouth are almost unintelligible. 

“Hey, maybe you should sit down. Seems like you're getting the jitters. Oh Charlie! Maybe you should brew a pot of tea, hmm?” Lucifer puts a hand on your shoulder and guides you to the couch. 

“Sorry for getting worked up about all of this, and all, I just have a lot on my plate,” you rub the head of Kiki, calming down to the vibrations of the cat's purrs.

“Yeah I could tell,” The demon holds your shaky hand gently, as if it was made of glass. 

“See, you're shaking. I'm assuming the hearing isn't the only reason you're so anxious,” 

You sigh. 

“Really, I'm fine. Don't worry about it,” You smile, and squeeze his hand.

The King slightly reddens at the touch.

Charlie enters the room with piping hot cups of tea with Vaggie, who was holding a tin of biscuits. Charlie squints at the sight of you and her dad holding hands. Instinctively, you pull away casually.

“Okay, so,” You begin to take out some papers from your bag and place them on the table. 

“Recently, St. Peter gave me receipts of who has entered Heaven in the recent weeks. Even though we know that Sir Pentious is in Heaven, we should still try to match up the dates of when he entered, and the day of extermination,” 

“It'll be good hard cold evidence, especially if we get a grab of Pentious himself…” you bite your lip. 

“We’d probably have to look around for more information… Would either of you know anything?” You turn to the three. 

Lucifer scratches his head for a moment. 

“Hmm, nothing that I could think of-” 

“I believe I could make an attempt to ask Rosie and the other Overlords, they like to be keeping an eye on everything that goes on in Hell,” The familiar nails-on-a-chalkboard voice makes you jump out of your seat, almost spilling the cups of tea on the table. 

Geez, can Alastor abstain himself from giving you a jumpscare just to make his entrance?

“Yeah, that'd be amazing! We really need all hands on deck for this,” Charlie answers for you.

“Thanks Alastor. You're so kind,” You add, just out of habit. 

“It’s no problem my dear. Anything to help out a friend,” 

Friend? Alastor isn't an enemy to you, but you barely have shared any proper conversation to consider him your friend. 

That title he used for you seemed, off, like he doesn't regard you as a friend. 

But why-? 

Oh. 

“Yeah, thanks for your kind offer Alastor, but I'm quite confident that us three have it covered. So can you please remove yourself from here? We need to concentrate,” Lucifer pipes up from beside you, a thin layer of rage decorating his tone. 

“Uhm, some extra help doesn't hurt anyone Dad, right Y/N?” 

It feels like everyone in the room is looking at you for your input. 

Thankfully, your saving grace, Niffty turns the attention to her.

“Why are all the bad boys becoming good boys?! Ugh! So lame,” She groans as she uses a brush to sweep stray crumbs from the floor.

Using this window of opportunity, you change the subject. 

“Okay, now regarding Sir Pentious, I should probably call him now…” 

“I still have the card you gave me!” Charlie takes out the card from her breast pocket, crusted with dry slime and lint.

“You keep that thing on you?” Vaggie cringes.

“Yes, and?” Charlie dials the number on the card. 

Briing rring

You hold your breath as each silent second drags on. 

“Hello? Who isss thiss?” A voice rings from the other end. 

“Sir Pentious, is that you?!” The Princess replies. 

“Charlie? Iss that you?” The voice counters. 

“Oh hi!! So as much as I want to catch up with you, I have a teeny tiny favour to ask of you…”

꧁ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ꧂

“Ahh, I don't know Charlie. Thiss iss a very important matter, I don't know if I could handle it,”

“Pentious, by helping us, we could be achieving big! We need to either go big or go home! I know it's a lot of you, but, pretty please?”

A crackled sigh. 

“Oh alright…”

“Aaaa thank you so much Pentious! I'd give you a hug, but, you know… Ah bye bye!”

Charlie drops the call. 

“Seems like everything's in order now. I'll see you guys tomorrow?” You stand up from the couch. 

“Yes, and Y/N?”

You turn to the Princess. 

“Yes Charlie?”

She hesitates. 

“....Thank you again, for all of this,”

“Charlie, again, it's really no problem, okay? It's literally the least I can do,” You give Charlie a hug. 

It's all you can do. 

꧁ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ꧂

“We are gathered here today to re-determine if sinners are able to redeem themselves via Charlie Morningstar’s Hazbin Hotel,” The Seraphim’s voice bellows from above. 

Cherubs and winners are below you, Charlie is by your side, and Emily is beside Sera, on edge.

“The plaintiff is Y/N, and the defendant is Adam, the first man. Y/N, I bring the floor to you,”

You take a deep breath and take out your notes. 

“Well, your Honour, I have receipts which show that a sinner has entered Heaven in recent weeks,” You thrust out the piece of paper, which Sera draws towards her. 

“He goes by the name ‘Sir Pentious’,” Your voice puts on a nonchalant tone, but it feels like your heart is about to stop. 

Sera reads over the piece of paper, her face as though she swallowed a particularly sour lemon. 

“Uhhhh, I call bullshit. I mean come onnnnnn,” Adam groans. 

“I mean, do you know how easy it is for her to just print that out. Don't tell me you're actually believing this?” He smirks, and gets a snicker from Lute beside him.

“Uhm actually,”Sir Peter pipes up from the stands. 

“I actually gave her that paper a while ago, if that can vouch for anything-”

“Shut up Pete,” Adam spits. 

“Order!” Sera’s feathers ruffle, and she tucks them back down.

“Unless the defendant shows indubitable evidence, I’m afraid the verdict still stands,”

“Sera no!” Emily cries.

“Emily, this is an official court meeting, one of which you aren’t apart of. If you can’t keep quiet, you would have to leave the courtroom,”

You bite your nail. You really didn’t want to pull out your winning card this early…

“May I call a witness?”

“You may,”

“Well I call Sir Pentious as my witness,” You nod towards where the cacophony of angels were.

“Well your Honour…” He hisses, his tail wagging as though alert. 

“I used to be a sinner, ass you may already know. During the lasst extermination, I wass killed in the battle… Then before I knew it, I wass up here in Heaven. That's all,” Pentious looks up at you, and you give a thumbs up along with a smile. 

“Any quesstions?” 

“No, you may sit down,” Sera starts, but a cherub pipes up from the audience. 

“What does he mean by “as you already know”? I for one didn't know about that,” 

Multiple angels, winners and Heavenborn alike, all murmur in agreement. Emily then bursts out,

“I'll tell you this. It's because Sera and I knew when Sir Pentious entered Heaven. Rather than going through the pearly gates, he appeared amongst the two of us.” 

And all Hell, (or Heaven) breaks loose.

“Silence! This meeting is adjourned,” Sera’s ringing voice brings the noise of the  populated stadium to a halt.

“Adjourned? What, why?” Charlie inadvertently voices your thoughts.

“My reasoning will not be objected,” Sera dodges the question.

“This meeting will be continued within twenty minutes,”

꧁ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ꧂

“Charlie, what do we do? Sera clearly doesn’t want to budge, and God knows what lies Adam is feeding her,” you  pace up and down, words leaving your mouth as quick as lightning.

“Uhh don’t panic,” Charlie puts her hands up defensively. 

“She hasn’t made a decision yet, we could- erh” She stumbles over her words,  and fumbles a small yellow item out of her pocket and puts it in your hand.

“My dad said to give it to you if you got worked up- uhm,” Charlie steps backward a bit to give you some space. 

You look at the object in your hand, which took the shape of a duck that was decorated with the signature white hat, and an apple cane in its flank.

You squeeze it and it produces a familiar tune. Your eyes widen as you remember that it was the melody  you complimented just the other day. 

At the time, it was just obligatory praise, but you were absolutely smitten by the fact that Lucifer has taken it seriously.

The dedication, into making something like this, for you is…

Charming.

Really Charming. 

“Uhhh, Are you alright?” The Princess taps her foot anxiously, waiting for your answer.

“Oh yeah!” You look up, cheeks warming.

“I really love it. Tell him as such,” your stupid face breaks into a smile despite everything.

“I will. He’d be pretty happy hearing that, especially from you,” she gives you a playful nudge.

“You know… He likes you. Like- a lot,” 

Your eyes brighten, and Charlie squeals at the sight.

“Oh, I knew it was reciprocal!” She brings you into a massive bear hug.

“Charlie- I-,”

“Oh, sorry,” She lets go.

“I was squeezing too hard, wasn’t I?”

“No, no it’s not that. It’s that well- you know I’m married,” An gravelly sigh leaves your lips.

“I think we would be better as friends,” Your throat is scratchy. Why is this so hard to say? 

“Oh,” was her reaction, only enhancing your guilt even more. She looked so remorseful, you wanted to hug her so badly and say that you were lying.

And you were.

“Excuse me?” A cherub taps your shoulder.

“The court meeting is about to resume,”

꧁ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ❂♕☻☹☻♕❂ꕥ꧂

As you enter back on your podium, you see Adam whispering something into Sera’s ear. He looks at you and makes a rude gesture, which you reciprocate.

“Enough! The court is back in session. Now, I bring the defendant to speak,” 

“Ehhh yeah, anyway my point still stands. I don’t think we want some sinners cavorting around , making trouble,”

 His statement just irritates you. How could he just say something like that?

“How do you know that? Pentious has been here for a while, and I doubt he has been making any disturbance,” are you picking the low hanging fruit? Yes. Is it helping your case? Also yes.

“Uhhhh yeah, but what’s the guarantee that others won’t? Geez, you’re so gullible,” He snorts like the pig he is.

“The defendant has a point. I feel like I’ve come to a conclusion, and it still hasn’t changed from the last session. Lute, please see Princess Charlie Morningstar out. Everyone else is  dismissed,”

All the spectators leave. Sir Pentious looks back and gives you a consoling wave before taking his leave.

Lute flies over to your podium and a portal opens behind Charlie.

“What? No!” You and Emily shout in unison. The General roughly grabs the princess by the arm and drags her through the threshold.

 Horns protrude from Charlie’s head, trying to resist the Angel’s force. More exterminators appear, almost magically and with one final push, the Demon princess is hauled through the portal.

“Charlie, NO!” You outstretch your hand, but it’s too late. The gateway closed with a whoosh sound.

“Now, was that really necessary?” You stare daggers at Sera, Lute and Adam.

“It had to be done,” was her response.

“Also, Sera, you said you wanted to talk to Y/n about something,” The first man’s tone is sinister, and is putting you on edge. 

“Oh, yes. Thank you for the reminder. Well, Mrs. Y/N, I ban you from travelling to Hell without a permit,”

“What, why?!” Your heart is in your throat.

“Uhh, coz I don’t want you there. D'you know how bad it'll look on me if I can’t control my wife?!” 

Sera puts her fingers between her eyes.

“Ahem, what Adam is trying to say is that, you clearly aren’t thinking of the consequences all of this may have. Imagine the state of Heaven if we just let any riff-raff in,”

You let out a short breath in shock. That was it. Game over.

“Unbelievable,” 

“Y/N, WAIT!-” Emily tries to fly to your podium

She was met with a slammed door in her face.

꧁🥀☽💫✶♛🐣♕✶💫☾🥀꧂

Word count- 3,111

Taglist:

@dionysusismypatrongod

@glowymxxn

@froggybich

@pea-shooter-brain

@hyperkaiperrose

@relatedsoda

[kerubimcrepin]

Wakfu Season 3, Episodes 1-6

//tw mentions of SA

Episode 1 - Fallen Heroes

I had a very long discussion with a friend of mine, who is a fan of medical settings, about how cool the existence of IV within the lore of Krosmoz is.

We didn't come to any conclusion. It was just us fanboying about this. Because my friend loves medical things and I love putting character into situations (some of which would not be survivable, if them being put on IV wasn't possible) (big fan of the concept of Joris getting poisoned and very sick and Kerubim and Atcham freaking the fuck out).

Funnily enough, during the making of my YouTube series, I discovered that there are two Sram-venerating women named Toxine in this franchise.

Adamai harbouring feelings of violence towards the members of the brotherhood is a good idea, (<- obviously the guy that wants Joris to beat the shit out of Kerubim would say this), but man, it could have been so cool if someone competent was working with this idea.

Episode 3 - Oropo's Tower

I should admit, this moment was probably a big win for Tristepin Mental Illness fans. Also, this is sadly the most explicit they can get with the reasons why Tristepin might hate being the Iop god in a cartoon.

He has plenty of reasons. Not only had Iop had 394824 demigods who hated him and felt abandoned by him while suffering fates worse than death (all gods have those) and just as many mortals he took advantage of using the power imbalance of godhood and promises of love (all gods have done that), he also canonically sexually assaulted a woman.

Ngl, if I was Tristepin, I would be considering killing myself — however, the kids and the wife would be sad.

They shuoild do this to Yugo too. He also had other wives. Albeit in an infinitely less insane way than Tristepin. Ankama.., please stop ignoring how existentially horrifying the Eliatrope demigods are.

In the Dofus MMO Kerubim pretty much calls the brotherhood of the forgotten an emo club of people with too much free time on their hands doing nothing but whining about their daddy issues.

And he was so real for that.

Btw canonically, Mishelle/Coqueline makes him feel intimidated (due to her grand age) while she herself doesn't really care about him (besides liking his good attitude towards animals), and is actually besties with Otomai.

Episode 4 - Beastly Girl

I like to headcanon that Joris's relationship with Coqueline is that he projects onto her ("oh god.... being 7 forever would make me kill myself.... even being 3ft tall is already horrible and makes me want to die..... the poor woman must be suffering") while she's like,, 1. probably doesn't think of herself as a "woman". I think she would describe herself as a creature, maybe a girlcreature, and 2. is literally chilling and doesn't give a single shit about anything but animal welfare and direct anti-god action.

I think talking to her would kill Joris because he'd realize that not every immortal person is as insecure about Literally Everything as he is.

She literally says, "the only good gods are ex-gods". We stan a leftist girlcreature?

This screenshot can be used as a reaction image for so many different shows. More fictional parents should say "my child is NOT ascending to godhood and shedding their mortality, becoming something beyond my comprehension, before they're of age. Fuck you."

Episode 5 - A Iop Hides Himself to Cry

You want to read @bitter-panacea's analysis posts about Goultard so bad.

Despite my negative feeling on s3, this is a WIN for Goultard fans, as far as I'm aware. (and Goultard enjoyers, since I kinda consider myself one)

I;'m going to walk into the sea.

Episode 6 - The Ecaflip's Scratching Post

YEAH BABY, A FULL ON IN-SHOW CONFIRMATION OF MY "USH HAS A DIFFERENT MOM THAN KERUBIM AND ATCHAM" HYPOTHESIS.

This might not seem like a contentious issue to normal people. Gods have... a lot of different lovers, so it seems normal to assume that Ush has one mom, while Kerubim and Atcham are twins like Eleley and Flopin, and have a different mom...

But a cancelled game that Tot really liked and still considers canon had really weird "there's an Ecaflip priestess who is the CEO of Giving Birth" lore, and was planned to be the mysterious mom of Kerubim and Atcham (and many other demigods), which contradicts a lot of previously established lore (ankama LOVES retcons. sadly).

I am quite open about thinking this is stupid and not considering this canon until they show her to me in an actual released media (and even then I will find a way to headcanon a better reality). Seeing the series itself acknowledge that Ush is not Atcham and Kerubim's full brother makes me feel quite better.

Hi Ush were you doing [SEXUAL ACTS REDACTED] upon cats again.

Cute...

A normal thing for a Bontarian to do. Blue-clad (metaphorically, he isn't wearing blue but white. Still very Bontarian though) man over here protecting kids and women. While also beating them up.

But unironically, I think it's cute that he has this gap moe of being an evil man who also saves people and cares about honour (because that's a proper thing to do) despite cheating constantly.

Somehow, his shallowness and "I mostly care about appearances, even if I do have a moral code" sort of behaviour is just as Extremely Bontarian as Joris's.... 30 mental illnesses.

THE OST IN THIS EP IS SO GOOD. ECAFLIP FANS WINNING ONCE AGAIN.

Hey past me! Maybe he really does pay these cats to put up with his insane behaviours. 🤨

Yugo, I'm gonna be real with you:

he's probably heard Joris and Kerubim say these exact words at least twice before,

He is reallllllly weird about cats and I am unsure if that's illegal in your setting,

He lured in people to kill in his tower for sport serial killer style.

He's bontarian. -20 morality and honor points immediately.

[supermaks]

I think this a good time as any to share what I think H0rners big brain been cooking for some time, especially after the Spa fiasco wid Danny ric and allegedly big sponsors having to step in to save Checos seat ((Im skeptical of those reports but they not really the point, Checo bringing Liberty, and rbr, a lot of money from very intense LATAM pockets never been a secret, and it does matter in the cost cap era, its just how things are. Plus replacing Checo not something that keeps Horner up at night believe it or not, and that's where my word vomit comes in)).

I been sitting wid this 1 for some time, but mind u its all speculation on my part and mostly incoherent because my brain is completely fried these days. But stay wid me 😭😭. Adrian Newey leaving-- not just because of how it was announced, the way it was dealt wid internally, the shit he's been saying to press now ((he's tired and needs a break but been shopping around for teams like he's bored on hinge)) -- was , imo, more of a statement of distrust. In the rbr project, but mainly in Horner. He no longer believes Horners ability to succeed, he prolly already knew the rb20 as an evolution of the rb19 had its set of obvious limitations when it came to suspension once the field closed up, he knew they were headed down a difficult type of season, he took a step back, he saw the cracks begin to delve deeper and deeper into nastiness between the Verstappen camp and Horner, he saw Horner refuse to take accountability while Max very pointedly and UNLIKE all the other red bull drivers refused to express his unconditional support for Horner. Quite the opposite, Verstappen began making threats. Centering the importance of the car ((!!!)) and a stable environment, not Horners innocence or lack thereof. He doesn't care about that, as long as hes got the people and the car to work wid. Keep that in mind.

But back to the Newey divorce . Adrians one of the most important figures in motorsport period, he knew he had better options, perhaps some financial motivations, why not, he said thank you, I don't trust you anymore, goodbye. So here falls a core, original pillar of Milton Keynes, arguably one of the most successful aerodynamicists of all time. 1 of Red Bulls bishop, gone. Still, they rallied behind Wache, they said Adrian hadn't been part of development for some time, their factory remains strong, they can fill in the gaps, rbr is STABLE, sure sure sure.

Imola, Canada, Spain. We all hold hands wid Max and play pretend for a lil bit. Verstappen factor and all that bullshit. But for some reason, Max delivers the same conclusion every post race presser. This car is falling behind. We are starting to struggle. The sim data and the on track data don't correlate. This car is not gonna win constructors. Idk how the fuck its even the WDC. CHECO of course appears to be driving for my cousin's bumper cars themed birthday party so we can all point and laugh and marvel at how a driver known for his experience and who's won races and gotten poles to suddenly drop to fucking p6 in the standings. Surely this is the worst driver of all time. Surely.

Austria. Rbr pit stops, already looking kinda iffy since the beginning of the season, hit a new low. Lando, wid a single good overtake, wins the race, effectively beating Max on track. Max didn't let him. And he came out of it with a points advantage too, because he made a choice regarding his driving and how he wud defend his position. In a better car, that's never a choice he has to make. But the car isn't on par wid Mclaren. Rbr factory development has, quite clearly, stalled. Upgrade packages go backwards.

Hungary. Yeah. Everything is stable and the car was good and Max was beyond delighted of course.

So, that's stable environment gone, competitive car gone, and now off goes Wheatley to fulfill his tp destiny. Somebody , who, once upon a time, was rightly identified as the guy who wud replace Christian Horner due to the severity of the allegations made against him. Yeah, remember when Horner shud have fucking been fired? But Horner stayed, Newey left, and Wheatley left. To disconnect these events is, imo, a lil bit insane. Wid Wheatley gone, that's red bulls bishop n2 fallen. I think its fairly reasonable to assume somebody wid 2 cats in Monaco is straight up not having a good time anymore.

So, where do Checo and Danny ric and that fucking seat come in. They're all part of this dance, but I think in a way that's been fairly misinterpreted. See for a long time now, prolly since he signed Danny ric to do tiktoks, even before Vcarb became a thing, Horner has not been looking for a replacement for Checo. He's been looking for a replacement for Max. Ik, again, this is me letting the voices take over. Lemme say some unhinged shit before u call the cops. Max is an impossible teammate. U cant match Max on pace over an entire season, u cant prioritize a driver over Max when it comes to development, u cant tailor a car to somebody like Checo ((which , because Im so fucking money on this, is what Horner has just claimed he's gonna start doing post Spa)) and not Max, because, simply put, the car will be slower. Max can drive faster cars, he can deliver the poles, he can give rbr a fighting chance, he's been doing that shit, wid more or less success, all season, most of his fucking career actually. Now, who do y'all know who also qualifies very well, likes a pointy car wid a shit ton of oversteer and recently been caught discussing rb20 failings wid Verstappen himself. Danny ric. And Danny ric, like Checo, is very much in the Horner camp side of things. Danny ric, rn, comes wid bonuses of loyalty and trust and maybe a lil chip on his shoulder that Verstappen quite simply does not have, or cares to have because that brother is trying to get his fourth championship, not survive f1. Danny ric comes as a success story for red Bull amidst very trying times for the brand, the silver son who bent the knee and came home to warm hugs and big smiles after nearly getting fucking taken out back in a farm by Zak brown. U put that brother next to Checo or Lawson or whoever u also have the bonus of not having one of the best drivers of all time absolutely refuse to finish behind them, which can be a lil bit annoying if the car is shit too.

Horner is a stingy, extremely egocentric asshole, who prolly shudve been fired a long time ago, and he's not the team principal I thought he was. Horner's strength as a tp came from standing on business for his WDC once the going gets hard. He's doing none of that this season, at least not for Max. He's just a man, and at the end of the day, he's got the pride and insecurity of one, too. If he thought Newey was expendable, well sure u already have a bald man in the team who gives a fuck ((????)), if he thinks Wheatley is expendable, that's pointing towards a more personal type of dutch centric trend, because if he thinks MAX is expendable ... if this 2023 Merc stinking ass fucking season is headed the way I think its headed baby. I wish him good luck .

[mimastuff]

Hi! I was wondering if I can request bayverse Donatello where he finally manages to have enough courage to ask out reader but because he took to long reader is already dating someone? I want the angstiest angst that you can make 😇 also can it be like a Drabble or a one shot?

Shattered

Pairings: Bay!Donnie x GN! Reader.

TW: angst, no comfort, swearing, Donnie is a loser >:)

—————————————————-

- the truth for Donnie first would have been a struggle for our little genius to understand.

- No way.

- He couldn’t be in love.

- That’s not what he is feeling.

- But when it hit I’m that his true feelings towards you was more than friends…

- Oh boy.

- He is so shy and sweet to you, like his love language is totally acts of service.

- But he also pulls away with his feelings, turning to his work instead.

- Yeah, that will keep the thoughts of you out of his head.

- He couldn’t comprehend that maybe you actually might like him?

- No, that’s silly. He is a giant turtle that is too unorganised to save his life.

- You have had enough of these games of his, you came to the conclusion that he is just messing with your heart.

- Time and time again he would sweep you off of your feet.

- The next week act like as if you do not exist.

- And repeat.

- That’s when you downloaded the dating app.

- The messages of people showing an actual interest in you, being forward about their feelings had you smiling for days.

- And this time it wasn’t because our turtle friend came into play.

- You finally matched with someone and had a pretty amazing date!

- Eventually Donnie had actually summoned enough courage to ask you to be his.

- Finally.

You were laying on your bed, smile on your face again after a great day. They had asked you out! And you had said a big yes with no hesitation. The sound of a text pinged across room, phone in the bathroom. You stood up sleepily to check the late message.

Donnie: hey, can we talk? Meet me on your roof top in 5 minutes.

You: hi, yes of course hang on. You okay?

Donnie: yep, just need a chat.

You: 👍

Your heart beating loudly throughout you whole body. A thought in the back of your mind knew exactly why he had called you there, still you trodded on to the roof. The silhouette of Don was apparent even in the Leo light f the night.

“Hey…” you spoke softly, little above a whisper.

“Hello y/n I need your opinion on… do you know what i just need to say it.”

“Say what Donatello.”

The sourness of your voice caught him off guard along with the sound of his full name coming out of your mouth.

“I umm, like you y/n… a lot actually! And i was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out sometime?”

You took a couple of seconds to answer, sadness, anger and guilt hung in your mouth like a tiger waiting to pounce.

“Donnie your too late. I have a partner that can actually show that like me. No , love me. I’m sorry Don, but I can’t do this to myself.”

His words seemed to never come out of his mouth, frozen still in time. He hurt yo deep, he knew he needed to apologise but he was too late with that thought as you mumbled a goodnight under your breath and climbed back into your apartment.

He shattered his own heart with ignorance and love all at once.

Donnie has fucked up big time.

- the next couple of weeks are horrible for both you and Donnie.

- I mean, we all know Donnie is a workaholic but this is pushing it.

- He is punishing himself more and more hurting not only you but his family.

- On your part, your relationship was going amazing.

- You had found someone who you both care and love for each other.

- Your instagram comments flooded with how cute you two were.

- This made it even harder for Don to get up out of bed.

- Seeing you, happy.

- Not with him.

- Every bone in his body aches for you but is too stiff to man up and face reality.

- Even is brothers are starting to question you, you pay it off as a new ‘Donnie fad.’

- He had no one and it was all his fault.

———————————————————-

Thank you for the request honey, i really love the angst hehehehee

[3-2-whump]

Rescue: The Informant, Part Three

Because You Want to See a Conclusion on This Story, Right?

<prev

TW/CW: captive whumpee, imprisoned whumpee, torture aftermath, mention of religion (unspecified), degradation, implied noncon, not necessarily suicidal ideation but a morbid acceptance of death, uncertain fate of a character

The first thing he woke up to was the smell of smoke in the darkness. He stirred lightly on the concrete beneath him, cracking his eyes open and instantly regretting it. Smoke and heat were seeping through the crack at the bottom of the cell door, and there was already enough to sting his eyes and burn his lungs. He coughed, then wildly scrabbled his broken fingers against the collar on his neck, desperate to find a buckle or a clasp or something to unlatch it from the chain mounted above him. He heard the muffled sound of crackling flames, firing bullets, and screams beyond the door. His increasing panic made the collar and leash tighten like a noose, slowly choking him along with the smoke pouring in-

Wait, why are you fighting this? It’s over. His hands fell limply away from his neck.

It’s over. It’s finally over. This is how you die.

The closet grew hotter and stuffier with the fire encroaching and the smoke rising in, yet he was calm as he closed his eyes and positioned his sore body back-first against the wall. Never in his worst nightmares did he ever think he’d have to say the Liturgy of the Dead for himself, but a lot had transpired in merely two months, and his worst nightmares had come true.

I’m sorry, if You’re listening, he cried with his whole heart, I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. He opened his mouth and moved his lips reverently, his raspy voice soon following. “We gather here, Oh Great One, Divine, to mourn the passing of-”

The door broke down and interrupted his prayers. His eyes snapped open just in time to see an unfamiliar figure clad head to toe in black rush towards him. “Whumpee!”

Who?

Oh yeah, me! It had been so long since anyone had ever called him something other than ‘scum,’ ‘bastard,’ ‘fuck toy,’ ‘holes,’ etc., that he had almost forgotten his own name. The man crouching by his side pulled down his mask, showing him a familiar face he could not exactly recall. This man’s brows furrowed with concern as he brushed his tangled hair out of his eyes and cupped his face in his hands.

“You’re okay, we’re okay,” he murmured, “I’m getting you out of here.” The man’s eyes flashed towards the chain bolted to the wall above them, then to the collar on Whumpee’s throat. He turned his head and yelled outside the door. “Hey! Bring me the axe!”

Another man, Lieutenant, came in wielding a heavy, suspiciously red and wet-looking axe in both hands, pausing as he rushed to the first man’s side. “What the –Leader, what happened to him?”

Leader? Team Leader? Unbidden memories of a friendly face smiling at him and comforting arms holding him close flooded Whumpee’s mind.

“Swing at the wall where the chain is mounted,” Team Leader directed. 

Another friendly face and set of comforting arms flickered across Whumpee’s mind. “W-wait, where’s Caretaker?” he murmured. “He’s one of them, but-”

Team Leader shushed him. “We know, we know. Save your strength. Let’s worry about you right now, okay?” Notably, he didn’t look Whumpee in the eye.

“But, Caretaker-”

Two well-directed swings of the axe were all it took to sever the chain from the wall. Without wasting any time at all, Team Leader scooped Whumpee into his arms. “-Is fine. He’s fine,” he insisted, hoisting him up to a standing positon. Again, he could not meet Whumpee’s eyes. “Now, can you walk?” Team Leader asked, casting a concerned look to his mangled feet.

Is this a dream? Am I dead? Is any of this really happening? This is a lot to take in.

Whumpee tiredly shook his head. Wordlessly, his captain took the axe out of the big guy’s hands and slung it over his shoulder as Lieutenant picked up Whumpee gently to carry him. “Let’s get the hell out of here,” Team Leader said. “We got who we came for.”

Against the chest of the bigger man who carried him, Whumpee let his eyes close and his body relax. Whether this was a hallucination before death, or an actual rescue, at least it meant this nightmare was over. That was enough for him right now.

Le Taglist: @whumperofworlds @whumped-by-glitter

[spilledcoffeeonthefloor]

a lot of months into their relationship, which Andrew didn't admit they were in one,

he asked Neil to stop whatever this was between them.

Andrew didn't want to be something for Neil to fix. cause he knew it wasn't possible. he just didn't want Neil to break in the process of fixing Andrew.he wanted to make Neil leave, before Neil decides to leave himself. he told him he shouldn't settle for the first person he's attract to, he should explore his sexuality and maybe he'll even find out he's into girls.

Andrew had expected Neil's protest, cause he is Neil and that's what he always do,

what he didn't expect was a fight. a fucking fight.

he didn't expect Neil be so sure of what he wants and raise a fucking hell

" i don't know why the fuck do you think i will do something i don't want to."

"yeah because every decision you've made so far was a win. don't be fucking stupid."

"oh huh no no no Andrew 𝘺𝘰𝘶 don't be fucking stupid. you're literally pushing me away cause you think i don't know what I'm doing??"

"yes."

"well, fuck you for doing what you don't want to."

"here he goes, still doesn't give a shit about what he wants."

"this is what i want."

" you don't know that cause you never had the chance to want anything else."

" i do now and i choose this"

"there is no this to choose, that's the problem."

the second thing Andrew wasn't expecting, was Neil's childish, childish, so childish behavior, after they settled for a conclusion that Neil needs to figure his shit out and fuck around.

well, it was Andrew's conclusion, which Neil saw as a challenge and decided to make a hell out of it.

so the next day, when Neil injured his ankle in the practice but insisted to go back to tower by himself,

Andrew told him to not be stupid and get in the car.

and it went like:

Neil first turning his head in Andrew's direction, then takes two steps closer to him, a confused look on his face, then so confused and innocent said "I'm sorry, i don't.." he looked left, then right, looking for something, then looked at Andrew and said "fucking see where the fuck did i asked for your opinion. as much as i know this shouldn't concern you, watch your own shit, just like 𝘺𝘰𝘶 decided to."

then pulled his duffel on his shoulder and left, smug.

all the foxes fell silent for a second. trying to realize what the hell just happened, while Andrew was still looking at where Neil left the locker room.

well, he's gonna be a pain in the ass. Andrew could feel the storm.

"what the fuck?" Dan said. eyes wide.

"did you break up or something?" Nicky asked nerves.

Andrew took his own bag, ignored all the question and told them if they don't be fast enough to shower, they have to walk back to tower, then left the team with their face as a question mark.

Andrew knew it was going to be a long week. and it was.

Neil accepted Andrew's decision, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to be an ass about it, and show it to everybody.

"Oh I'm sorry did i forget your daily reminder to mind your own business?"

"imma get a soda, maybe I'll tell Roland he can come and take his chances with you again."

"yeah i don't know Nicky, maybe I'll just go hookup with the first person who suggests since as some people say, I'M CLEARLY FREE FROM A CAGE."

"Oh kevin did you hear something? i think Andrew just said something but i can't hear him since i choose not to."

"excuse me? did you say don't be a child? we'll I'm pretty much of a child since i can't make my own decision, mr minyard."

"where am i going? England. i noticed I'm incapable of doing basic human actions so I'll go ask my uncle to be my legal gardian and get me a new ID as someone under 18 so he could make my decisions himself."

"Oh my god Andrew i had almost mistaken your behavior for giving a fuck. don't say anything else next time, just like we decided to. wait no, just like 𝘺𝘰𝘶 decided to. yeah."

"wow it's a great day for being incapable in making decisions."

"would you not talk to me? cause when you open your mouth i wanna kiss you so bad but i can't cause you said no so shut up and let me keep my fucking calm."

It wasn't even a week yet, but Andrew has already had enough.

so he kicked kevin out of their room at 3 am and locked the door before Neil could leave the room.

"Ah look you just took the decision of leaving this room from me. tsk tsk." he said after a yawn.

he was still dizzy with sleep. Andrew didn't have any sleep, he was thinking all while shifting in the bed. Neil was a light sleeper, and clearly he woke up with the sound of kevin nagging and going out of the room.

" you're being ridiculous."

"excuse me?"

"stop acting like i did what i did to punish you."

"well, what you did was stupid and here's the result."

"what i did was because you are stupid. Neil you-"

"if i believed for a second, that this was what you wanted, i would accept all of this and close my mouth shut."

Neil was starting dead serious at Andrew. then he swang his legs and got off the bed to stand in front of him.

" if for a second, i knew you really, really didn't want me here, with you, i wouldn't be. but your problem is something else and you're not telling me straight."

the third thing Andrew wasn't expecting, but somehow was, was Neil seeing right through him.

"tell me what's your problem Andrew. what is it with you, and what do you want for and from me."

Andrew knew he could hide things from Neil. it wasn't like it was impossible to keep anything from Neil.

but Andrew didn't want to, and so that was why Neil knew.

Andrew really didn't want to. Andrew wanted to be seen, be understood. for once again in a long long time, Andrew wanted to solve something that is a matter to him, instead of shutting it down and pushing it away.

“Tell me what you’re not telling me.”

Andrew really fucking hated him.

"the liar wants fucking truth? alright, here your truth: you won't last long with a lost cause, josten."

it was a long, long talk.

this time unlike their last conversion, they were talking slow, murmuring even, calm. sitting in front of each other. Neil had a knee pulled to his chest and Andrew had his head resting on the wall behind him, one knee pulled up. it was a long long night.

"i can't be fix."

"I'm not here to fix you" Neil said, looking at him softly, then he shuffled closer to Andrew and put his forhead on Andrew's pulled leg.

"I'm fucked up too. we're not perfect, but we fit. we're gonna heal. i don't want to fix you, damn i don't want to change anything in you, but i want to be with you when you're healing, when you decide you want to let yourself heal. like how you're with me when I'm healing."  he brushed his fingers with Andrew's on the floor, while he continued talking and pull down all of the walls Andrew had made around himself.

"I'm not gonna fix you. I'm not going to do anything in your life, I'm not going to change anything. I'm just gonna be there with you when your making a decision. not having a choice while i was younger doesn't mean i don't know how to make one. I'm not here cause i think you're fucked up enough to tolerate me, i choose you cause i want to. i heal with you. i don't want anything from you, i just want to be with you. it's not like I'm gonna leave cause you didn't give me what i want. this doesn't work for us like other people. i already have everything i want."

Andrew still didn't say anything. Neil's words were a heavy, heavy weight on his chest that mede him breath easier instead of choking him.

"unless you really want me to. unless i can feel it instead of hearing some forced lies"

Andrew had prepared himself for Neil leaving, long ago. it shouldn't had sound so horrifying to hear, so horrifying to imagine.

Andrew really didn't want to.

and he said so. pulled Neil's hair and brought his face up and closer to his own, Neil had to put both his hands on either side of Andrew's waist to support his weight, and when his face was so close he could feel Neil's warm breath, he murmured against his lips

"i don't. i wish i did. it'd be so much easier without you."

truth

" i know."

also true

but they also knew, that easier didn't necessarily means better. it actually never did. it was a fact by now. specialy when it came to their 'this'. it was the furthest thing from easy, but the hardship and fuckery was worth it.

was welcome.

so they share this truth in one light press of lips, then two, then three and four and a lot more when it turned to fire meeting fire. equal forces of need.

and Andrew thought he was kidding himself when he thought he wouldn't miss this, cause right now, he didn't know how he went days without kissing Neil.

it kept him sane.

They clung together, kissing hungrily. Wound so close, every breath pressed them together, sending heat in waves through Andrew's core.

he was so mad at himself for lowering the defence he spent days to build. was mad at Neil for being like this, he was mad at their this and was questioning everything and wondering when the fuck and why the fuck it turned to a "this", but now he was in too deep and it didn't matter how and why. he was so mad he wanted to kiss Neil until he suffocates and fucking dies.

Andrew really hated Neil. he hated anything he felt about Neil. they were so much and so deep and felt so forbidden and dangerous. and Andrew wanted Neil to know and never wanted him to know.

so later that night when he was fucking Neil into the matters of his bed, slow and deep, holding him with gentle hands, leaving bruises all over his neck and collarbone, swallowing his moans and buried deep inside him, he hoped Neil would feel it in each thrust, every slide of lips that were hardly parted from eachother, and every kiss against his neck. he hoped Neil would see it in his eyes or in the way he murmured his name against his ear, the way he kissed his forhead. the way he held him in his arms when Neil was all worn out and out of space.

"but next time you pull such a bullshit, I'll really head to England."

"at least now i can kick your ass when you decide to walk back to tower with an injured ankle."

Neil smilies, clearly holding back a laugh.

"i wasn't hurt that bad."

"you looked like a 13 year old teenage girl who would pull her hair out if you told them no again."

"yeah i will be worse if you do that again."

Andrew huffed and rolled his eyes.

Neil shuffled closer to him, and said with a whisper: "whatever you thought at that moment,

your past doesn't say who you are, Andrew. it's part of you, not all of you. it doesn't define you whole, you're not just whatever fucked up thing that has happened to you. i learned that through years of being a new person with no past."

Andrew gave him an unimpressed look.

great. life lessons.

"you talk too much like betsy for someone who hates therapists."

"do you think I'm like my father because i meant to be when i was a kid?"

Andrew blinked at him. Neil mentioning his dad actually surprised him.

"do i sound like betsy now?" Neil looked smug.

"i say that because I've lived that, betsy says that cause she has seen it in someone else. doesn't change the whole point, though."

just hearing and knowing something, doesn't make it easier to act on in or truely believe it. Andrew knew a lot of things through years of therapy, but he still couldn't help but feeling and not feeling things he knew he wasn't supported to. but he also knew that it's normal. it takes practice, energy, time. it will hurt and it won't be easy, and it might not completely heals, it probably won't, but eventually, it'll be better, it'll be worth it.

he hopes.

𝒉𝑜𝑝𝑒, another thing he worked damn hard to accept. to have.

"no, it doesn't, and you're not."

Neil smiled at him. "i know. I'm gonna heal too."

"you will."

they both would heal.

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕?

𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘.

they would both heal, together.

[justimagineitblog]

“You Used To Love Me” Michael Gray Fan Fiction - Chapter 13

Well hi *I wave sheepishly from behind the computer screen*

Let me start by saying I am so so sorry that the conclusion of this story took so long - I have barely been writing for a really long time. 

But this story and doing it justice has always been in the back of my mind, and I finally got myself to finish it for all of you who have been so loyal and patient.

Here is the final Chapter of You Used To Love Me.

All my love, I hope you enjoy x 

Besides the obvious shock at seeing him at such a fucking inopportune time, his presence sends an immediate chill down my spine. 

I have to physically close my eyes to try and rid my mind of the thoughts and flashbacks to the other night, when he kissed me. When we kissed each other. 

The room collectively falls silent. No one tries to stutter over their words. No one tries to save the moment with some excuse. Just pure silence. All of us processing what has just unfolded. That is until Gina finally speaks. 

“Well, I guess the gig is up” she says, almost laughing. 

I don’t even look at her. My eyes are just glued to Michael. I watch his face contort into 100 different shades of confusion. 

When no one else speaks, when nothing is elaborated, he looks back and forth between all of us, searching desperately for an answer. 

“Izzy?” He says my name, his tone just begging me for an answer. 

“This isn’t on her…” Gina begins, standing up slowly from the floor and straightening her dress “I’m pregnant, Michael” 

And just like that, the bomb is dropped. But that’s not even the worst of it. My heart aches inside my chest, knowing that it’s about to get so much worse for Michael. 

I didn’t think it was possible, but somehow the air in the room grows heavier. 

My whole body tenses at I wait to see Michael’s reaction. 

He doesn’t know it’s not his yet. 

He runs his eyes over her, covering his mouth in shock when he finally notices the small baby bump just beginning to show through her dress. 

“Oh my god” he runs a hand through his hair, his hands trembling.

He doesn’t speak, he just shakes his head in disbelief. No excitement. No joy at the thought of having his own child. And that says it all. He isn’t happy. This is not the life he wanted for himself. 

Part of me want’s to tell him about Gina’s infidelity. To tell him that he is not having a child. That he is not going to be stuck raising a child with a woman he doesn’t love. But before I can even find the words, his head stops shaking and his brows furrow. Like a lightbulb switched on in his mind. Like something clicked. It’s like I can see him mind doing back flips as he realises that something doesn’t add up. 

He looks back up at Gina, who is chewing at her bottom lip nervously. She is also waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Like she said, Michael is smart. It won’t be long before it dawns on him, and I know she does not want that moment to unfold before all of us, here in this room. 

“I would like a moment alone with my husband” Gina says quickly, as she looks over at Polly and I. She knows Michael is starting to catch on to what he knows deep down inside. This is not his baby. 

I take her queue to leave immediately, reaching for Polly’s hand. “Come on Pol, let’s go make some tea yeah?” I say, locking eyes with her and nodding towards the doorway. 

Polly’s catches on, and she takes my hand as we both make our way out of the room. As we exit I quickly glance back over my shoulder to find Michael looking at me gravely, before Gina closes the door behind us.

Polly and I walk downstairs and into the kitchen in complete silence. I start making tea, but Polly touches my arm.

“This is not a time for tea… I’ll get the whisky”

I nod. I’m like a soldier with shell shock. I can barely speak. I can barely move as I lower my body stiffly into a chair at the dining table. 

I’m straining with all my might to hear the conversation going on upstairs between Gina and Michael, but it’s eerily quiet. 

I know what she is telling him now is being said in hushed voices. 

Polly slides a hefty glass of Whiskey in my direction, and tasting the bitter drink is the only thing that brings me out of my frozen trance. 

“Michael’s not going to be a father” she says out of the blue, with her face all knowing, as though she has read the room and understands the situation. 

“No” I affirm her suspicions, although she already knows without me needing to “No he’s not” 

“One day” Polly responds, holding eye contact with me.

I’ve always known Polly has senses. Everyone in the Shelby family knows. Hell, everyone in fucking town knows. She see’s things. Feels them. She know’s Michael will one day be a father. I’m not psychic and even I knew that. He has a way with children. He’s wonderful with them. And in this moment, I know exactly who she thinks he will be having children with. I know what she’s insinuating. 

I almost jump straight out of my seat when I few minutes later, I hear footsteps coming down the staircase. 

I quickly sink the rest of my whiskey, as Gina and Michael enter the dining room. 

“I’m taking Gina to the hospital, I’ll be back later. Tell Tommy we have to reschedule our meeting to another day” 

Michael is holding his cap in his hands, gripping it so tight that his knuckles have gone white. But they’re not as white as his face. I can’t tell if he looks like he’s seen a ghost, or if he is the ghost. 

Gina looks down at the floor, then up at the ceiling. Basically anywhere but at our faces. 

Polly nods, knowing that now is not the time to have words with either of them. I’m actually impressed with how civil she is being towards Gina in this moment. In light of the severity of the situation. 

Michael ushers Gina out the front door, and moments later the cars wheels turn on the gravel and make their way out of the street. 

Polly and I sit in silence, drinking for a little bit longer, until everything catches up with me. The whiskey, the sleeplessness, the bomb that was just dropped. 

Without saying much, Polly and I hug goodbye. She holds on a little longer than usual, and before we depart she gives me a knowing smile. 

I know what she’s thinking. I know she can tell something happened between Michael and I.

But I can’t let my brain run off with the possibilities. I don’t know what is going to happen between us. 

Even with Gina now possibly out of the picture, there’s a lot that has gone on between Michael and I. I still carry the pain, nursing it in my arms every day since he left for America, and came back with another woman. I don’t know what he could ever say to fix that.

And then there’s the possibility that he stays with her, despite the news. Which might just send me over the edge. Truly into a place of no return.

I wander the streets in the short walk back to my apartment, where I pour myself another drink when I arrive. 

I don’t know why, but I sit by the window. Waiting, I guess. Hoping that he might show up. Maybe even part of me is hoping that he doesn’t. But still, I can’t pull myself away. 

I have so many errands, so many jobs to do. But I can’t move on. I spend the rest of the day worrying about him. Picturing him at the hospital, sitting by Gina’s bedside. Supporting her on what might be the worst day of this life thus far. I picture his face when he found out she was pregnant. The horror and fear that he was trying to disguise. 

He didn’t have the glow of someone who just found out their wife is having a baby. 

By the time night falls, and dusk gives way, I have bitten my nails down to the quick without even noticing. 

Feeling horrid and heavy with anxiety, I decide to drag my sleep deprived body into the shower. It’s a peaceful moment, and I start to feel like I could finally settle into bed when someone knocks at my door as I’m getting changed into my night gown.

I catch myself in the mirror for a moment, willing myself to be strong, because I already know who it is standing at my door without even having to open it. 

As I make my way to my visitor, I run over 100 speeches that I have planned in my head. But once I grab that handle and pull it open, the chatter in my head falls silent. 

Michael Grey. 

He stands in the door way, a look of relief washing over his face as though he didn’t think I would actually answer him. 

Of course I would. 

He opens his mouth to speak, inhaling deeply, but the words never follow. With this much history between two people, it’s impossible to know where to begin.

He looks like he’s been to hell and back. 

“Sorry” he stammers, snapping himself out of his trance “Your door was unlocked, but I didn’t want to just walk in-”

“It’s always been unlocked” I breathe, knowing that I’ve kept a lot of parts of me unlocked, incase there was a moment where Michael Grey decided to wander back in. Just like he has right now. 

He nods, understanding what I meant immediately.

“Can I come in?” He begins “I can go if you want, I just…”

He looks so small in this moment. He’s the most timid and sheepish I have ever seen him.

“Of course” I nod, stepping aside to let him in.

We move about my apartment in silence, as we both take a seat at my dining table. When he does, he places his elbows on the table and rests his head in his hands. 

Without even needing to ask, I pour us both a drink.

“I figured if I need one of these you probably do too”

I looks up at me gratefully as I place the glass in front of him and he takes a swig. 

“How is she?” I ask, nervous to actually address the situation at hand. But I know there’s no way around it. We’re not going to talk about the fucking weather. 

“They’re uh, they’re going to keep her overnight until she’s got her hydration back”

There’s silence for a moment before he continues, and he looks as if he’s not able to believe what he’s about to say.  

“Then she’s going home”

My heart jumps and skips over a few beats, making me feel unsteady as I realise what he just said.

Gina is leaving. 

“We’re done” he says, and I suddenly take note of the fact that he’s not wearing his wedding ring. 

“Michael I’m sorry-” I begin, but falter when it comes to finishing my sentence.

I am sorry. But the truth is that I’m fucking relieved. Relieved for Michael. Relieved for myself. Relieved that I don’t have to watch him raise a child with someone else right in front of my eyes when it was supposed to be me. 

“It’s okay” he nods “Her and I we weren’t… I didn’t love her Izzy” 

I knew this whole time. I want to scream it from the rooftops. I want to scream it at him. I want to ask what possessed him to act that way for so long. 

I want to ask him who he loves. I want to ask him if it’s still me. 

“It still hurts though” I say instead, trying to keep my wits about me. And that is the truth. He is still in pain. 

“Yeah well I had that coming didn’t I” he almost laughs to himself, shaking his head. 

He looks up at me, bearing himself. He knows what he did was wrong. And he knows as far as karma goes, he was now getting his. 

“I’ve done so many things wrong… Everything got so out of control Iz” I notice his knee is bouncing rapidly beneath the table. 

I hold my breath, so much so that I begin to feel light headed and my chest begins to burn.

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to” he says once he notices my speechlessness, “I just owe you an explanation. I owe you that much” 

I nod, giving him the go ahead. The green light of redemption. 

We’re on the edge of the moment. The moment I’ve been waiting for for months. 

“You know I don’t even know why you let me in, you’re always so kind, so good. Too fucking good. After everything” 

His chest rises and falls beneath his shirt and vest, growing faster with every second as he gets himself more and more worked up over the train wreck of his life. 

“You know I can’t get the look on your face out of my head, from the day that you saw me and Gina. The day I came back and told you to leave me alone. It fucking haunts me Izzy. Because I didn’t want it. But when you’re in too deep…” He shakes his head, as his words just keep pouring out frantically “I thought it was the only way… the only way to deal with what I had done. I couldn’t even look at Gina. I couldn’t even touch her. So I thought if I forgot about you, that I could move on”

“Did you?” Are the only words I can utter, as the lump in my throat swells, almost cutting off my voice completely. 

“Never. Fucking never” 

I had built this moment up in my head for so long. 

What I would say to him. 

How I would teach him a lesson. 

How I would show him what he had done to me. 

That he can’t get away with doing that to a person.

I had rehearsed how I would make him get on his knees and beg for my forgiveness.

Make him explain himself until he was blue in the face.

Until I was satisfied. 

I wait for that feeling to come, the rage, but it never does.

Instead, I stay silent as he takes a deep breath to steady himself. His eyes are welling up, threatening to spill over as he continues to explain.

“I lost my way over there. I was losing my fucking mind without you. I got drunk, Gina was forceful. One thing led to another and I woke up next to her one morning. Then I couldn’t get rid of her. I was doing business with her family, and it’s like she saw something she wanted and would stop at nothing to get it. That’s when I stopped contact with you… I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you. To face what I had done”

The first tear falls onto his freckled cheeks, but he wipes it quickly. 

“I was going to cut her off before I came back home, but she threatened that she would cut off the deal between Shelby Limited and her Uncles if I left her. She threatened fucking horrible things to the people I loved Izzy, you have no idea” His voice is panicked as he recalls every last detail, and I can see the flashbacks taking their toll on him. 

“Her family and her people, they’re something we’ve never dealt with before…She begged me to let her come with me. I was in way over my fucking head. And so I had to pretend. I didn’t want her to sink her claws into you too. I didn’t want anything to happen to you. I didn’t want you involved. So I had to pretend like I fucking hated you when all I wanted was to come crawling home to you”

By now, one tear had led to another, and he was no longer wiping them away. His eyes red, his cheeks drowning. 

Unable to keep swallowing the lump in my own throat, I abandon all control over my own emotions, and my own eyes spill over with tears. 

“You could have told me” my voice scrapes out of my throat “You could have told me what was happening”

He shakes his head “I wanted to protect you, and I had to break you in order to do that. And I’m so fucking sorry” 

The feeling comes again, where I’m certain I should be screaming at him right now. Cursing him for everything he put me through. 

But I can’t. After all this time, after everything. I just can’t. 

I still love him. 

My small, shaking hand glides across the top of the dining table, and lays gently over the top of his. 

Of course it did. We���re like magnets, him and I. We’ve never been able to keep away from each other. 

My touch has an immediate effect on him, as his breathing begins to calm.

But in an unexpected turn, he holds my hand and brings it up to his lips. His eyes close as he places a kiss on the back of my hand, and then another one on the soft, sensitive skin of my inner wrist. 

This is something we used to do all the time, and right now, it’s like he doesn’t realise what he’s doing. Muscle memory takes over. 

“You’re fucking stupid Michael Grey” I sniffle “I should hate you. I should fucking hate you” 

“Do you?” He asks, still holding onto my hand like it’s his only lifeline. 

I stare back at him for a moment, before I feel my head start to shake in response.

“Never” 

I feel a pull on my arm, as I realise he’s pulling my closer to him. 

And I don’t resist. 

Our bodies creep closer, slowly then all at once as we collide. His arms wrap around me fiercely, engulfing me. My arms wrap around his torso, and I make no mistakes about holding him tight. 

It’s almost crushing, suffocating, the way we are clinging onto one another. 

I can’t breathe, or cry, or laugh. I can’t move. And I don’t want to. 

His hand holds the back of my head, and I bury it into the crook of his neck. 

“I’m so sorry” he apologises, his voice muffled as his face presses into my skin “I’m so fucking sorry” 

I could have stayed like that forever, but he pulls back holding my face in his hands as he looks down at me.

“I love you” he begins, his breath tickling my face “I don’t know if that’s okay with you, but I still love you. Izzy. I never stopped” 

I look up at him, our breaths slowing and steadying, until we’re breathing in synchronicity. 

“I still love you the same as the day I met you” I shake my head, but I can feel the smallest of smiles begin to creep onto my lips “I love you Michael” 

“Yeah?” He asks one more time, as if he doesn’t believe it yet. 

“Yes, you fucking idiot” I exhale a laugh, unable to stop the smile now “I love you”

He beams back down at me, his head lowering until his lips meet mine. 

He’s slow, this time. Unsure. Gentle. As if this moment might fall away and escape him if he makes one wrong move. 

But I can’t hold back any longer. 

I kiss him back, pressing my body even harder against his, which I hadn’t thought was possible. 

I expect a ravenous kiss to follow, for clothes to start falling off our bodies and to gravitate our way towards my bedroom.

But after he returns a tender kiss, he pulls away. 

“Wait” he breathes

“You okay?” I pant, biting down on my lip. 

“Can we wait…” he whispers nervously “I don’t want you to think this is all I want. I just want to talk to you. Stay up all night talking like we used to. God I missed you so much”

My chest warms up, as I realise he really means it. That he doesn’t want me to get the wrong impression. That he missed my body, but more than that, he missed me. 

“Of course” I coo “I would like that” 

He presses his lips to mine one last time, then plants a few soft kisses across my nose and cheeks. Just like he used to. 

We lead each other to the bedroom, and flop down next to each other, taking in the days events. And how the hell we ended up here. 

It doesn’t take long for the conversation to start, as we turn to face each other. 

He caresses my face the whole time, stroking my cheek with his thumb gently. 

It’s all so familiar, and right now in our little bubble, it’s like no time has passed between us at all. Like no hearts were ever broken. 

We talk for hours, neither of us ever feeling tired for a moment. We laugh, getting carried away and wrapped up in each others. Sometimes we cry. He apologises more times than I can keep count. We hold each other. Sometimes I want to ask him to pinch me, to make sure I’m not still concussed from earlier in the week and imagining all of this. That I’m not going to wake up and realise it wasn’t real. That he won’t be taken away from me again. 

We talk about how things used to be.

We talk about the future.

Eventually at some point in the early hours of the morning, once our voices are tired and we can’t keep our eyes open any longer, we fall asleep. 

When I wake, I’m alone, but next to me I can see the indent of where Michael had been next to me the night before.

My heart starts to race as I become more aware.

He’s left. He’s gone again. 

I’m almost carried away into a full panic attack, when something snaps me out of it. The sound of the radio coming from somewhere in the house.

Wondering if someone is here, or if I just left it on, I wrap myself in a robe and make my way into the heart of my apartment. 

And there he is. 

Fixing up breakfast, still in his clothes from the night before. Humming along to the radio. 

He doesn’t even realise I’m there for a few moments, and I’m glad I have some time to process this all to myself.

I had thought I’d never see this scene again. Maybe in my memories, but never in real life. 

Michael, in my kitchen, making us breakfast on a cold morning. 

My chest floods with warmth.

I didn’t realise how I felt like I had been holding my breath up until this moment, and how now I can finally exhale. 

“Morning” he greets me when I he catches me standing there out of the corner of his eye “Sorry, I just thought I’d make you some breakfast, or at least coffee” 

“Thank you” I smile, as I force myself to hurry up and adjust to the moment. 

“You still like your eggs the same?”

“Absolutely” I smile, endeared by him asking. 

He holds out a hand, and I take it, as he reels me in towards his body. 

“If this is too much just tell me” he says softly, checking in with where I’m at right now “Is this okay?” 

I can tell he’s still unsure. Unsure of whether I’m going to tell him to leave. To get out. That the mistakes are unforgivable and that we can never get it back. 

But the truth, that I can feel in my core, is that what we had never really left. 

I run a hand through his hair, and he closes his eyes briefly, taking in the sensation. 

“I think so” I nod, and he perks up, his eyes look hopeful and bright again “I thought you had left” I admit, revealing why I looked so startled just now.

“No chance” he shakes his head “I’m here. I’m yours”

And I believe him.

It’s a pivotal moment.

Standing on the edge and letting yourself jump. 

I know it will take time. And I know he will work every day to prove it to me. 

But I choose to trust him.

In whatever way that means right now.

I am his.

I always have been. And I always will.

TAGLIST

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[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

Nov 2022 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 1 of 12 - It got hot and heavy way faster than expected. With DeanPharm the side couple, I just want more of them like I did with WinTeam in UWMA. But yeah, it’s VERY good, thank fuck. WATCH ALONG HERE. 

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 6 of 8 - How can this dumb little pulp be so good? Also P’Nine? I will heal your broken heart. The brother zone is rough, baby. The thing about this damn drama is all of the characters are honestly motivated and act in accordance with their personalities. I think that’s mostly why I can’t stop watching. Loved the scene with Yai and his ma-in-law-to-be. Also, nice stinger! That’s one way to come out. Look this was a REALLY engaging ep. 

My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) 14fin - I really did not expect this show to end on this note. Ah Earth with the crying. I did expect the final episode to be family drama-llama, but this kind of drama didn’t work for me under the context of a BL. I do love the siblings. (There’s a part of me that wanted Prem’s character to be Team. This could work as Team’s back story.) All in all? I found it disappointing. Conclusion: This is a strong little BL romance (tailor made for SantaEarth) about holding onto first love and childhood, but it’s buried under waffling family drama and formless side characters so that it took a lot of digging to get to - still, RECOMMENDED. 8/10 

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 7 of 10 - Nothing continues to happen and exactly nothing will and yet I keep watching. Probably because the nothing keeps getting shirtless. 

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube) 6 of 8 - Cute bfs are cute but... NO SINGING. Adorbs but sad GL side plot AKA dead lesbians got a nod. 

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 5 of 12 - JaFirst are just great on screen together, I am very invested in their couple but, yeah, no one else. The stuff with Name was really difficult to watch, but Title is a GREAT little actor. 

Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) 13fin - Ultimately? Sky needed a therapist not a stalker lover, but whatever Mame. DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH COMPLETED HERE. I gave it a very reluctant 7/10, recommended only if you know you like this kind of thing. Look you remember in high school drama class where they make you “envision a basket, and put all of your worry, bad mood, and anxiety into that basket, and leave it outside the door”? Well, in order to enjoy this show, you have to do that, only with your morals. Some people have bigger baskets than others. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 6 of 12 - I do like a little jealousy from the dentist. Yet another installment in this week”s “please get that uke to a therapist” only this time (unlike LITA) our seme actually gives it an honest try. I might be completely and totally in love with the dentist. I adore how stern he gets, plus he has a very strong white knight tendencies. Also baby boi wanna-bartend with the big-ass crush is giving me life. 

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga) 4 of 8 - Am I the only one who JUST realized the actor playing Koichi is Komiya Rio who played Tanaka in Takara & Amagi? I’m so slow. Look all Japanese BL (even the most fluffy nonsense like Kabe Koji) is a little bit emo and exists in a sideways state. It’s gonna go into uncomfortable and uncanny spaces. It’s what it does. This one, given its psychological horror elements, is even more uncanny, to the point of creepy. I’m not a big fan of creepy, and yet I like this show. Japanese zombie incubus? Yes please. Look, I’m utterly unable to back away from the pun, and so: I see seme stiffie can get a stiffie. Puns aside? This was a killer first-time sex scene for something relatively low heat. I’m reminded of Shin’s tongue. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, no one does thirst like Japan. Korea and Thailand can have a winsome yearn-off, and Taiwan is great a pining, but Japan? Japan brings the Thirst. 

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 3-4 of 10 - I love this show so much. It made me tear up and then in the second part I was laughing my ass off, because the cat was trying to teach the dog how to stare properly. So funny. Then Pets being worried about their sick human, is so accurate. Is anything funnier than the idea of a cat in a service industry job? I really don’t want this to be sad. Please don’t be sad. In Strongberry we trust is my mantra!

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 6 of 10 - I like it more and more as it goes on, but I still don’t think I actually, ya know, like it. 

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y (Thai Gaga) 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

My Roommate (Thai YT) 32 eps of 2 minutes each + terrible production values? - I’m not bothering.

Fahlanruk (Thai Sun GaGa) 12 eps - I cut my losses at ep 5. DNF

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 28 eps - dito

2 Moons 3 (Thai Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

SELF (Thai Thurs YT) - DNF

Love Bill  (Vietnam Sat YT) - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising and stuff going on. I’ll wait and binge.

In Case You Missed It

Korean GL She Makes My Heart Flutter finished it’s run on YouTube. RECOMMENDED. Full review (not by me) here. Extremely cute, about a lesbian bar run by an aunt and her niece.  

I have no idea if any of these still work, but the spies reported in on ways to watch the Cherry Magic movie (2022) with Eng Subs: BiliBili | Website I liked it, not as much as the original, solid 8/10 from me. Again no kissing, these actors must be expensive. Still with Thailand bringing the high heat with such consummate casualness these days (licking ass and taking names) there really isn’t much of an excuse anymore for no kisses. Even Korea has buckled. 

Gossip

Kpop boy group OnlyOneOf has collectively signed up to be in idol-based BL, Bump Up Business (based on a webtoon of the same name). They’ve been auditioning for this since Libido IMHO. You can watch me chronicle their BL MV series in this post. It’s from Idol Romance who will do sad and can do good kisses (Wish You, Nobleman Ryu, Once Again, Kissable Lips, Poongduck 304, Tasty Florida, Tinted With You). More info here. 

HIStory 5 is coming! Office BL + time travel. “A cheerful and energetic senior student from 2000 travels to the future (2022), works as a deliveryman, and meets his first customer, an heir with a domineering personality.” Nancy Chen to direct (HIStory 4, Papa & Daddy).

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting up: 

Nov 18: I Will Knock You (Thai Fri Gaga) A college kid & tutor confronts the leader of a gang who then turns out to be his next student. Bad boy/good boy + sunshine/grumpy, + younger seme pairing, bully romance. Adapted from korean_rabbit's y-novel of the same name, directed by Champ (2gether).

Nov 19: GAP the series (Thai Sat YT) - 12 ep office set GL. WATCH IT! GL and this studio need our support. 

Nov 2022 still to come?

Nov 24: Happy Ending Romance (Korea Thurs Gaga) stars Karam (The Boss), Ha Jong Woo, and Leo (VIXX). Formerly Happy Ending Outside the Fence - thank fuck they changed the damn title.  

Nov 26: 609 Bedtime Story (Thai Sat WeTV) - another OhmFluke vehicle that’s rumored to be a good story. A one night stand leads to a series of mysterious premonitions and a possible parallel universe.

Nov ??: My School President (?? GMMTV YT) tester trailer here - it’s Love Sick + Korea & Japan's influence.

This Week’s Return of the Shirt of Shame 

Work From Heart wasn’t enough? You had to put it on the prettiest boy in the world? (Ghost Host, Ghost House) 

This week’s best moments?

Oops indeed. 

This weeks earworm: MCND #mood

(last week)

Note: I’m off to France and then Australia, as ya do, so posting may be odd and sporadic and strangely timed. Don’t get excited, it’s work, I mostly get to see the insides of hotels.