#and i guess jim isn't that out there most of the time

[laceratedlamiaceae]

This may be my most controversial ofmd opinion but I truly do not get it when people call Izzy a freak or deranged or insane or any of that. like idk what it says about me but I think he's literally the only person in the show who behaves normally. I thought the whole joke was that he's just a regular guy surrounded by complete lunatics

[mad-hunts]

i'm sure y'all already know how petty barton is because i feel like i talk about it all the time... but allow me to ramble about one of the pettiest things he has arguably ever done to someone else, and that is that whenever barton is feeling quirky — you know, just a bit silly — he likes to call into the GCPD and make up complaints about jim gordon in different voices even though he knows he likely isn't going to get fired for it. barton just HATES him that much, and he thinks it's funny, so i can guarantee y'all that every single time after he makes one of these calls he cackles like a damn hyena 💀 and then he'll go on with his life as if he wasn't trying to ruin someone else's... like, if he wasn't evil, then i think he might just have made a good comedy actor BAHAHA

[shut-up-danny-kun]

I've read hundreds of Star Trek TOS fics by now and it never ceases to amuse me how many different ways there are to fuck up Spock's characterization...now hold on just a minute - this post has a more interesting point than “fanfic writers stupid”, I promise you.

Every time, it's a spin on the massacre wheel. It's kind of amazing. Will he be overly emotional to the point where he's not himself anymore? Will he be so cold it's unpleasant and kind of hard to understand how he's lived to this point? Will he be extremely horny for no good reason? Will he speak in a way that sounds complety wrong?

I chuckle and shake my head. Of course, I KNOW what Spock is like, and MY interpretation of him is the most perfect and correct one. Obviously. He's just a very nuanced character, formed by many people in an unconventional way, with traits that seem to contradict each other at first but ultimately form a rich and unique character that so many people fell in love with specifically because he's so complicated...

Or...is he?

Let's entertain the idea that there isn't one correct interpretation of Spock, that all of these messy bits of characterization are not part of a bigger picture, but...just what they are: a product of many people with starkly different visions, working on a show that refuses to properly develop its characters. What then? Well, then Spock is a Rorschach test. Each viewer connects the random dots in their own way, and ignores the ones they don't like.

Let's use an example: me! In my interpretation of Spock (the most correct one, of course) he is, first of all, gay and on the asexual spectrum, reserved, largely uninterested in casual flirting or sex. When he is interested in the aforementioned things, he tends to be quite ashamed of it.

Makes sense, right? I can show you plenty of evidence for why that could be true. However, in the beginning of the first bloody season, Uhura sings a song about how Spock is actually kind of a heartthrob who likes to drive women insane with how hot he is, and Spock smiles. He smiles at her, as if agreeing and being very amused by all this! This interaction goes against pretty much everything I think about Spock. So what do I do? I explain it away in the most bizzare fucking way possible. See, Uhura and Spock are friends (there is no evidence for this), and Uhura knows everything I've just told you about him (through telepathy I guess? Not like he'd ever tell her!) and she's just trolling him (why would she do that? That is NOTHING like Uhura!). I need to do some Olympics-level mental gymnastics here, the opposite of Occam's razor.

“But Danny,” I hear you say, “it's just the start of the show! They hadn't figured out his character yet!”

To which I say: you can say that about anything! You can blame it all on a bad writer for that episode, and ignore virtually any scene that doesn't jive with your headcanons. It's there, and I can't ignore it.

So...how am I different from the people that want Spock to be thar heartthrob Uhura is singing about? That evidence is as much a part of canon as my favorite lines. Well, I'm not any different, that's the thing. And all those writers I complained about also have a point.

It's kind of a nihilistic take, I know, but maybe the reason Spock is such a cultural icon is because he is...whatever you want him to be: just concrete enough to spur on your imagination, yet vague and contradictory enough to let your brain fill in the gaps.

Don't get me wrong: I absolutely do not believe in this. In my mind, it just so happens that I'm one of the, like, 5 people ever who truly understood Spock (and one of them is Jim Kirk himself). But I still think it's something worth thinking about next time you're mad at a fic.

[paradiseprincesss]

Omg hi!!! I absolutely LOVED espresso it's so cute!! Would you be open to doing some major fluff with Jim (delinquent season)? Thanks so much!!!!

CPR - jim (delinquent season) x reader

hello lovely anon! THANK YOU! that means so much to me i appreciate your kind words! and yes, of course, we love love LOVE jim over here - he is criminally underrated. he's dreamy.

summary: after a shitty, messy, and rough divorce, jim is hesitant to love again - but he falls for a younger woman who changes his mind, and teaches him how to love again.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: so there is a large age gap (everyone is of legal age, jim is in his mid forties, reader is just described as 'in college,' so take that how you will), kissing, swearing, divorce, jim's employed as a professor but the reader isn't his student! other than that, no warnings just fluff lol

we don't chose who we fall in love with - at least, that's what jim always thought, and that's what he told himself.

jim never pictured himself to be the type of guy to date a younger woman, he always thought it was a little strange actually because what would someone his age have in common with someone roughly 20 years younger than him?

well, more than he thought.

he didn't intend on falling in love with you. he just...did. jim met you through a friend of his, weirdly enough. he had just finalized his divorce with his ex-wife, which was messy and screwed his perception of love up quite a bit - anyone would feel that way after finding out that their spouse of over a decade was having an affair.

so yeah, jim had some issues revolving around love.

with that being said, when an old college buddy of his (who he talked to a few times a year at most through facebook or text, and occasionally over the phone) had rung him up about how he had moved back to ireland and was having some old friends over for dinner just for old times sake, he figured sure, he'd go since he had nothing better to do.

fast forward to a week later, he showed up in his usual attire - casual slacks and sweater - and was greeted by a handful of his old college friends. jim couldn't lie - it was nostalgic, and frankly, kind of refreshing to be out socializing and living life again after his divorce. it had been a good 6 months since the divorce, and he was honestly feeling good for once.

"jim, hey!" his old college roommate, dan, greeted him at the door. "come on in, we're just having some beers in the living room, the games gonna be on soon."

the night went well, jim got to catch up with his old buddies from his college days, and they spent the evening drinking beers and fussing over the game on tv.

"so, i heard 'bout the ex-wife. hey, i'm sorry, man." another old acquaintance of his, ryan, had said to him.

jim laughed lightly, "s'alright. shit happens, i guess." to which all the other men just murmured and agreed with.

the conversations flowed well, and honestly - it felt good to rant about his ex-wife with some old buddies, and openly talk about his divorce like this - what she did was fucked up. he felt like he needed to and should be able to vent, too.

as the men were busy shouting at the tv, beers in hand, a softer voice called out, "dad?" and jim's buddy dan looked over his shoulder to see his daughter, standing in the doorway of the living room with a small smile.

jim looked away from the game momentarily, out of curiosity - and good god did his heart stop when he did. he was aware that dan had a daughter in college and he knew of her name, but he didn't realize how beautiful she was. the two of them locked eyes for a split second, and he looked away slightly embarrassed.

he didn't really know why he was embarrassed, it's not like he was doing anything shameful or wrong - but finding your friends daughter who was still a college student when he was in his forties was definitely wrong in a sense, well- to a certain degree.

"oh, hey sweetie, i didn't even realize you were still up." dan says to his daughter.

"it's only..." you pause, checking your phone, "half past eight, dad. plus, i'm stuck on this stupid essay my professor assigned to us yesterday." you laugh softly - lightheartedly, and jim felt his heart skip a few beats.

"oh, that's no good," dan says, "jim's a professor, i'm sure he won't mind if you asked him a few questions - maybe he can help you." your dad shrugs, looking at jim and then focusing back on the game.

you blush slightly, and you knew your dad was just being friendly and trying to be helpful - but suggesting you get his older (and really attractive!) friend who just so happened to be a professor to help you with your essay seemed...well, it was like one of those storylines you'd see in a movie, or a book...or something.

"um, dad, i'm sure jim doesn't want to step away from watching the game to help with homework-" you start to say, but in a moment of confidence (and a little alcohol), jim cut you off with a gentle tone.

"no- no, it's no worries, really. i was going to get up and grab another pint anyways." he says, getting up to go to the kitchen. you just walk with him into the kitchen, somewhat at a loss for words.

you get a better look at him under the dimmed kitchen lights, and you could already feel yourself getting nervous in his presence. you never found any of your dads friends attractive before - but jim, well, he was different.

the salt and pepper hair was...really hot. and god, those eyes. those glacier coloured eyes; you barely had a chance to even meet the man and somehow he had you in a chokehold before you spoke more than just a few sentences to each other.

"so," he broke the silence, "watcha studying?"

you quietly told him what you were majoring in, and he nodded, smiling at you softly, "well, i don't teach that particular subject or major - but i'll try and help you out regardless."

you retuned the small smile, "y-yeah, okay. cool."

for the next hour or so, the two of you sat closely next to one another at the dining table, your textbooks and papers sprawled out in front of you, with the doc you were writing open on your laptop. he helped you structure your essay and the two of you were about 80% done with it - that was until he requested that you turn back the page of your textbook.

"wait, go back to page 116 i think it says something about that at the bottom of the page." he tells you, reaching out to turn the pages back in the textbook. however, you also reached to turn the page back - causing the both of your hands to touch, to swiftly brush against each other.

with a small blush, you quickly pull back, still nervous. "sorry."

he laughs softly, shaking his head, "no need to be sorry."

taking a deep breath, you respond, "sorry- sorry, i keep saying sorry-"

"you okay?" he offers a gentle smile, and you felt your heart start racing a million miles per minute. you weren't one to get easily flustered like this - you never got this nervous, certainly not around guys your own age, at least.

jim didn't know why - but he felt the same way. however, he tried to play it cool. he had been on a few dates with a few different women here and there post divorce, but all of them were dead ends. however, with you, it almost felt like he had known you for a lifetime even though he had only just met you.

"yeah, just..." you trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words again. he looked at you with an expression that you couldn't quite read, and his gaze flickered to your lips - then back to your face. "just what?" he whispers to you, and you felt yourself drowning in his impossibly blue eyes.

suddenly, you felt his gentle hand on your thigh, and your breath hitched as he whispered to you again. "just what?"

"just kiss me." you whisper back, and with that, his hands were gently coming up to cup your face, and he kissed you softly.

you'd never kissed someone so much older than you before, and the thought of it made your head dizzy. after a moment, the both of you pulled away from the kiss, but his hand remained on your face.

"is it...is it strange if i ask you if i could take you out to dinner sometime?" he asks quietly, and you felt your cheeks heat up at the question.

"not at all, i'd love that." you smile at him.

again, falling in love wasn't part of the plan, but jim didn't really have a choice when it came to you. it just happened so naturally.

"sweetheart?' you hear his voice call out softly and the sound of the door closing, and you turn around to see him coming home from work - god, you loved when he wore his little sweaters with the sleeves rolled up half way - it really got you going.

"baby, hi." you greet him softly, bundled up in a blanket on the couch of his living room. "how was work?"

he slumps down beside you, pulling you into him softly with a sigh, kissing the top of your head. "it was alright, finished teaching my lecture earlier than expected so that was good." he tells you, voice gentle and tone loving.

"mm, well i'm glad to have you home early." you tell him sweetly, pulling him into a chaste kiss.

"what would you like for dinner, sweetheart?" he asks you, and you shrug, "jim, you worked all day, you don't have to make dinner it's fine." to which he shook his head and insisted, "how about some pasta?"

"jim," you whine softly, "you're so cute, i love you."

"i love you too, honey." he says, kissing you again.

after the date you two had, things just seemed to flow effortlessly. you'd never been with an older man before - and he was so very attentive to your every need, every want, every boundary you had - he took things slow with you, never ever pressuring you into anything.

now, six months later, you and jim had been dating for a few months, while you were still adjusting to dating someone roughly 20 years your senior - it was something you wouldn't change.

jim felt the same way - things were different with you. being with a younger woman was fun, it was new. you taught him things as much as he taught you things. with his ex-wife, there was no trust. no real love. no meaning to life, even though the two of them had kids together, it didn't change the fact that he always felt like he was married to someone he didn't know - a stranger.

you weren't a stranger, though - no, you were quite the opposite to him. you made him feel at home, you were his home. he often found himself wondering where he'd be if you weren't by his side. probably gone, he thinks.

after dinner and a steamy shower together, the two of you laid in his bed together, your head on his chest and his arms holding you in a warm embrace.

"...i want you to meet my kids." he suddenly tells you, and you turn your head to look up at him with love in your eyes, "yeah?" you whisper, causing him to whisper back a quiet "yeah" back to you.

he softly takes your hand and intertwines it with his own, a content sigh leaving his lips. "would you ever want to get married again?" you ask quietly - not even sure why you felt the sudden urge to ask that, but you did anyway.

he was quiet for a moment.

jim never thought he would re-marry, in fact, he didn't even think he'd ever find someone that he would want to marry after his ex-wife. but that was before he found you.

"i wouldn't ask you to meet my kids if i didn't plan on marrying you." he finally says, pulling you even closer. your breath hitched when he confessed that, and you felt yourself blushing a little too. "you mean that?" you ask him, to which he squeezed your hand.

"you made me love again - i sound corny, but i'm dead serious. i was at the end, then you came into my life... you made me feel like there was life worth living."

"oh, jim," you whisper, a little breathless at his continuous admissions about how much he loved you, "you're my everything."

he looked at you with admiration, and smiled softly at you. you were his everything, too. he often wondered if you knew that. if you knew how much he adored you. in a world where he felt like nobody understood him - you did. you were the only one he ever confided in.

your love fixed all his pain, your love fixed his heart - and you didn't even know. you didn't even know how much you were fixing a heart that you didn't break.

he felt like he was revived in a sense - brought back to life from the dead. brought back from his inevitable death of a marriage that had minced his heart. but now, things were different because he had you.

and you - you were the only thing that could jumpstart his flatlining heart again - like CPR.

[electronickingdomfox]

Star Trek TOS slash bits (Season one)

This is my personal rundown of all the slash scenes in TOS season one. Actually, "slash" isn't an accurate descriptor, since slash was born after and because of Star Trek; but I didn't know how to call it otherwise. I've omitted episodes when I didn't find anything remarkable in them. And I've tried to be as objective as possible. Of course, this stuff depends a lot on the "eye of the beholder", so your mileage might vary.

-What I count: lingering touches or affectionate looks, clinginess, actions that show a strong concern/familiarity with each other, suggestive scenes...

-What I DON'T count: friendly gestures (like smiling or looking amused when someone says something funny), scenes taken out of context, physical proximity just because there's not enough space...

I'll try to illustrate some scenes when necessary, though screenshots usually don't do justice to it.

For season two, go here.

The Corbomite Maneuver:

Spirk: Kirk tells Spock his explanations give him "emotional security" with a loving look. Spock appears a bit embarrassed. Not counting the scene where Kirk makes a video call while shirtless (funny as it may seem out of context), since that scene has nothing to do with Spock himself. He's just calling the bridge, not Spock in particular.

McKirk: McCoy surely likes to cling to the Captain's chair a lot. He gets really close for a good chunk of the episode.

Should I count the scene where he hides a red alert in sickbay, so Kirk can keep sweating shirtless in his med bed? On the one hand, it may seem suggestive, but on the other, McCoy is just anxious about finishing his medical exam on the Captain.

Spones: McCoy tells Spock (with a somewhat hopeful look) that he'd love to teach him strip poker. Remarkable because there's no hint of sarcasm at all, and Spock answers with a mischievous smile.

The Enemy Within

Spirk: The scene where Spock enters the cabin and seems so agitated by the sight of shirtless, absurdly sensual Kirk.

Also a bit at the end, when Kirk thanks Spock on behalf of his two... halves. He has the Look in his eyes.

McKirk: McCoy is again pretty close and physical with Kirk (the good one). He stops agreeing with Spock's logical plan to merge the two halves, as soon as they discover that it may put Kirk's life in danger.

The true couple of this episode, however, is Good Kirk x Evil Kirk.

The Man Trap

McKirk: The way Kirk tells McCoy that he's not counting his errors, and how he smiles and approaches him to apologize, comes off rather flirtatious.

Also, though he's joking, Kirk can't help offering McCoy the most shitty bouquet of flowers ever, and calling him by his pet name "Plum" at the first opportunity.

The Naked Time

Spirk: "Jim, when I feel friendship for you, I'm ashamed". Also at the end, when Spock asks Kirk if he's okay, but Kirk asks Spock about his wellbeing instead, with a loving expression in his face.

Balance of Terror

McKirk: The scene where Kirk is lying in bed and he invites McCoy to enter, and then they stare at each other with such fondness. On top of that McCoy makes a heartfelt speech about the uniqueness of all lives, and begs Kirk not to sacrifice himself.

What Are Little Girls Made Of?

Spirk: This may be a stretch, but Chapel implies that she can recognize the real Corby by his voice alone, because she's in love with him. Later, Spock guesses there's something wrong with Kirk just hearing him (actually an imitation of his voice made by an android). Apart from this, Kirk's way of ensuring that his android copy is recognized as a fake, is implanting in him mean remarks about Spock.

Dagger of the Mind

McKirk: Again, McCoy has to be all over Kirk's chair whenever he's in the bridge.

Spirk: At the end, Kirk ponders about loneliness, but then he looks at Spock, smiles, and seems to get better. Spock kind of returns the smile.

Besides this, Spock's mind meld with Van Gelder is rather... well... intense.

Miri

Spirk: A brief moment, but when Spock says "Whatever happens, I can't go back to the ship, and I do want to go back to the ship, Captain", he and Kirk exchange knowing looks, and Spock even smiles a bit.

Spones: Spock is very tender with McCoy while he's unconscious, after testing the vaccine on himself. He holds his hands for a looooong time.

The Galileo Seven

McKirk: McCoy still seems unable to talk with Kirk at a normal distance in the bridge. Granted, he gets so close because he's gossiping about Spock's emotional reaction. But that makes it even more gay.

Spirk: "Mister Spock, you're a stubborn man." In context, he's just teasing Spock like everybody else on the bridge, but in Kirk's case, it seems more affectionate.

Court Martial

Spirk: It's normal that a First Officer would be loyal to his Captain, and testify in his favor when his career is at stake. But Spock's comparison of Kirk's inability to make a mistake, with a hammer's inability to overcome gravity, is way too much, isn't it? Specially for someone who pretends to be as logical as Spock.

The Menagerie

McSpirk McCoy refuses to believe Spock is the culprit, despite damning evidence against him. And he's barely able to arrest him, sending him to his quarters instead of the brig. Kirk is more firm in his duties as Captain, but still considers the court martial against Spock as the most difficult time in his career. At one point, he almost wishes his shuttle failed, so he didn't have to confront Spock.

This episode also shows how crazy Spock can become to protect those he loves and respects (in this case, Pike). Motherfucker just committed mutiny in the Captain's face!

Shore Leave

Spirk At the very start, Spock stands behind the Captain's chair, and Kirk complains about pain in his back. A yeoman, also behind him, starts giving Kirk a back massage. And Kirk seems to be enjoying it quite a lot... until he discovers it's not Spock doing it. Then he orders the yeoman to stop, annoyed. Also later, when the airplane is shooting at Kirk and Spock, the two of them embrace and grab each other a lot. It doesn't help that Kirk has, as usual, his tits out.

The Squire of Gothos

Spirk The best way for Trelane to ensure Kirk's cooperation is threatening Spock at gunpoint. This changes Kirk's attitude to him at once.

There's also something seductive (and masochistic) in Kirk's promise to Trelane to give him all the excitement he wants with a manhunt game.

Arena

Spones "Doctor, you're a sensualist" "You bet your pointed ears I am..." It's not just what he says, it's how he says it.

There's also a little detail, when Spock raises from the Captain's chair, and Bones purposefully follows his hand with his fingers. It's strange. Might be an unconscious action on DeForest's part?

The Alternative Factor

McKirk A similar example as the previous "sensualist" one, but this time with Kirk.

Tomorrow is Yesterday

McKirk He can't stop doing this, can he?

Besides this, McCoy gets very anxious as soon as Kirk beams down to the airforce base, and argues with Spock because he feels the Science Officer isn't doing enough to retrieve Kirk from there.

Spirk Kirk hits a guard and hurts his hand a little, so Spock goes toward him and checks the poor baby's wrist.

However, nothing in this episode compares to the truly lustful looks that Kirk directs to Captain Christopher, when he first meets him.

The Return of the Archons

Spirk At the end, Kirk keeps looking at Spock with silly heart eyes, even though the conversation is a philosophical one, about the pros and cons of a society run by computers.

A Taste of Armageddon

Spirk "Captain, you almost make me believe in luck." "Why, Mister Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles." Bonus points because it comes absolutely from nowhere, since the day was saved by Kirk's power of bluff and special brand of diplomacy. Spock hasn't done anything particularly miraculous (well, there's the mind meld with the wall, but that was a brief moment). Spock also looks confused, and there's that comedic music in the background.

Space Seed

The only thing I can think of, is the tense scene between Kahn and McCoy in sickbay, when he grabs the doctor by the neck and says he likes brave men. Followed by McCoy's statement that Kahn has a certain "magnetism, almost electric". The final confrontation between Kirk and Kahn is also a bit suggestive at times.

This Side of Paradise

Spones MCCOY: That didn't sound at all like Spock, Jim. KIRK: No. I thought you said you might like him if he mellowed a little. MCCOY: I didn't say that. KIRK: You said that. MCCOY: Not exactly. He might be in trouble.

Notice how quick Bones denies having said he might like Spock... Almost as if embarrassed. Does he think often about how Spock could be more to his liking?

Spirk It's possible to see some jealousy from Kirk about Spock and Leila's relationship. In particular during the fight, when he confronts Spock about his courtship of Leila. That came a bit out of nowhere. On the other hand, I disagree with the common idea that his parting from Leila has spirk undertones. On the contrary, he's just talking about his responsibility to the ship and "that man on the bridge" (the Captain; first Pike, now Kirk). And I think there's genuine regret in his abandonment of the simple happiness in the colony, to take care of these responsibilities. His mention of "purgatory" reinforces that.

The Devil in the Dark

Spirk Spock is very protective of Kirk in this episode. First, he invents some bullshit excuse to stay in the cave with him, instead of helping Scotty with the reactor (Kirk sees through his bullshit, by the way). Then he's quite unwilling to proceed separately through the tunnels. And finally, he gets really emotional when Kirk's alone with the horta, and asks him to kill the creature, even though Spock was the one who wanted to protect her first. Apart from this, Kirk supports Spock for a while, after being hurt by the mind meld with the horta.

Errand of Mercy

One name: Kor. Interesting that the episode that introduced Klingons, did so by showing their commander lusting so much after Kirk. Kor checks Kirk out almost from the second he lays eyes upon him, tells him he'll "teach him how to use his tongue", invites him to a drink while Kirk sits suggestively, and both are somehow fascinated by their similarities as commanders (despite their opposite outlooks on life). Definitely one of the most obvious examples in season one.

City on the Edge of Forever

Spirk This exchange:

SPOCK: Interesting. Where would you estimate we belong, Miss Keeler? EDITH: You? At his side, as if you've always been there and always will.

Some people have said that, since Spock's computer contraption occupies one bed, Kirk and Spock would need to sleep together on the other bed. I don't agree though; I see no reason why they couldn't move the thing to the floor at night. It's not that big.

McSpirk How they run to embrace Bones when they finally find him. Even Spock is overcome by emotion.

Operation: Annihillate!

McSpirk Both Kirk and McCoy are very concerned about Spock having lost his sight (much more than Spock himself). Though they react differently. McCoy is heartbroken and blames himself. Kirk reacts with anger and lashes out at Bones, which makes him feel even more guilty. Though later he apologizes. There's also this scene where the three get ridiculously pressed together.

Doesn't count in part, because there's not that much space. McCoy didn't need to come bumping into the other two, though (someone could have moved a bit forward).

Spones McCoy is offended about Spock not appreciating his face upon recovering sight, and complains that he just can't recognize beauty. He's also quite embarrassed because Spock heard him saying he was the best officer in Starfleet.

Summary

Spirk: 16 out of 29 episodes Spones: 5/29 McKirk: 8/29 McSpirk: 3/29

[dandylovesturtles]

Sidelined AU Info Post

Alright, I guess we're doing this

CWs: mentions of internalized ableism, struggles with mental health

Timeline:

all of S1 is the same as in canon up until End Game

however, after Splinter turns over the helmet to Draxum, Draxum does not put on the armor, but chooses to put Leo inside instead, realizing that whoever goes in will probably have something horrible happen to them. that's detailed in this fic

unlike Draxum, who gets spit out of the armor immediately, Leo ends up trapped inside. from Leo's perspective, he is only vaguely aware of what's happening outside (it's a bit sunken place-ish, with him seeing snatches of events like through a grainy television), and he has only small amounts of influence over what the armor does

once Feral Shredder is on the loose, he pretty immediately starts destroying the Hidden City. Draxum realizes that he has inadvertently released a great evil on his people, the exact opposite of what he wanted, and he turns to the Hamatos to help him stop it. obviously they don't want to work with Draxum, but they have to get Leo back so they take the help

it takes them two days, during which the Shredder moves up to start terrorizing New York as well, but eventually they get him subdued. I'm not 100% on what goes down yet or whether Big Mama gets involved (I'm leaning toward not), but Leo fighting from the inside is a big help

Leo is removed from the armor and is in really bad physical shape; meanwhile the Shredder is subdued for now. in the immediate aftermath, the Foot Clan manages to get ahold of the Shredder and take off with him

he's too weak to do anything immediately but he is very much a Looming Threat the family is aware of

Draxum leaves for awhile at this point because none of them want him around and seeing Leo in the aftermath did wake him up to "oh yeah that's just a kid and I did that to him," also he's feeling real bad about that whole "accidentally almost destroying the yokai and also maybe the world" thing

meanwhile, Leo is severely weakened, but there's not anything that the family can do to hasten his recovery. they can only get him hooked up to an IV for fluids and nutrients and wait

it takes Leo a few days to become fully lucid again; during that time he tries to fight anyone around him off or sometimes pushes his family away to "protect" them

eventually Leo does regain lucidity, he tells everyone he's fine but he's Super Depressed. he's also lost his mystic powers completely.

Splinter also retreats a bit at this point, because he feels guilt for handing the helmet over to Draxum instead of trying to find a different way to rescue his boys, which isn't a great thing for him to do but his mental health is also not doing very well (someone get these guys some therapy)

in the meantime the bros and April manage the best they can, they all have different approaches but I'll go into detail about that in the next section

there's no treatment for Leo's condition outside the most boring one: time, exercise, and diet. unsurprisingly he hates this

Healing Bad Times abound, as shown in this fic

eventually the boys have to go out on a mission again. Leo, feeling useless, listens in on the comms from the lair, and ends up catching something the other boys' missed, meaning he's able to save them from a trap or something idk exactly what the point is he makes himself useful

this opens up a new path for Leo, one his brothers very heavily encourage

with a new goal in mind, Leo starts taking a lot better care of himself, actually following his physical therapy routine, spending time gaining new skills, and accepting help in the form of mobility aids. his physical and mental health both start making big improvements

this also helps his dad's mental health, everyone is doing better even if things aren't perfect

Donnie builds Leo a command center modeled after the bridge of Jupiter Jim's ship, he absolutely loves it. whenever the boys+April are on missions, Leo is in his command center helping from the background

eventually Leo has gotten to the point where he has enough strength for day to day life most of the time, he still isn't fighting baddies on rooftops but he can get to a store and back without collapsing on a good day and that's pretty good!

the Foot Clan has been a much bigger threat in this version of S2 and it's clear they're up to something big

of course right when Leo is starting to feel stable and happy again, that's when they launch their final attack

a lot of the finale events go down similarly to how they do in canon, minus Battle Nexus New York. they get Karai back but then she dies, Shredder destroys their home (including Leo's command center :c ), everything is Bad

Leo gets his mystic powers back the same way his brothers do, though he needs a little bit of an extra helping nudge from April/Karai, since he didn't think that was a thing he could still do

everyone getting their mystic powers is emotional but it's especially emotional for Leo. he didn't even know what ninpo was before today, but he knew after the Shredder it was like some part of his soul got locked away, and now that he can feel it again he finally feels whole

it gives him a burst of adrenaline so he can participate in the fight, though he doesn't do much of the actual battling, instead getting his bros where they need to be for the big hits (I mean this is basically what he does anyway haha)

it takes Donnie exactly .02 seconds to figure out how to use his own mystic powers to support Leo physically so that helps

after this, Leo becomes a more constant part of the team in the field, though he still primarily works as support and only gets into direct fights when he feels like he has to

instead of being made leader like in canon, Leo and Raph become co-leaders. Leo's own leadership abilities have improved massively, but Raph has more experience in the field, so having the two of them working together means they cover each other's blind spots, and the division of labor is less stressful for both of them

since Leo's already been through his character development and this tension is gone the movie events play out totally differently but I haven't gotten that far yet lol. I'm sure the apocalypse still happens somehow, though, I'd hate to lose Casey Jr

happy ending whooo

Relationships

Raph

Raph feels a lot of guilt about what happened to Leo; he was supposed to protect his little brothers and he didn't, and now one of them has permanent physical disabilities as a result. add to that it was Raph's idea to be heroes in the first place and yeah... he's not doing great

because of this guilt, Raph's instinct is to essentially baby Leo - he wants to take care of his every need as soon as it arises. this makes Leo feel stifled and infantilized, and drives a wedge in their relationship (the same one Raph is driving between himself and Mikey, in fact)

his and Donnie's distinctly different approaches to the situation also mean that they get into arguments often and can't really deal with being around each other, leaving Raph feeling isolated at the start (and thus pouring more attention and effort into Leo, which compounds the problem)

Raph dealing with his own guilt and trying to find the balance between helping Leo while also respecting his need for independence, boundaries, and dignity is a big part of his journey in the AU, and it also improves his relationship with Mikey and Donnie as he gets better at those skills

Donnie

Donnie is not dealing well with the fact that there's nothing to fix. they can only be patient and work incrementally to improve Leo's condition

he distracts himself by putting all his energy into making the lair accessible for Leo, building him mobility aids and doing everything he can to help

he also has a hard time understanding why Leo won't do the things that will help him (at first), because doesn't he just want things to go back to normal? doesn't he want to help himself? why won't he just do what he obviously has to do, Donnie does not understand

Leo is deep in denial at first, and he feels like he breaks down and starts doing physical therapy and using mobility aids and doing basically any of the things that will help him, that means it's not going to magically get better, it's going to take time and effort and it will probably never be fixed, just improved, and he hates that so much he's choosing to treat this like a temporary cold or flu that will blow over any day now

Donnie doesn't understand that so he takes Leo's refusal as a rejection and animosity abounds!

breakdowns and admissions of feelings will eventually happen

Donnie and Leo together come to grips with the idea that there is no fixing this and there is no return to how things were before but they can work toward a new normal that's just as good

Mikey

this one is a little bit too big for Dr. Delicate Touch and Dr. Feelings

Mikey tries, but he is just a kid, and with their dad emotionally retreating too there's just too many feelings for him to deal with on his own

he's gonna play family therapist until he breaks

he's frustrated because he can see what each of his brothers need to do to feel better but they just! won't! they won't do it, and he doesn't know how to make them

he's really stressed

it's Mikey that realizes that Leo needs goals to work toward to get himself motivated to take care of himself, and it's Mikey who pushes the hardest for Leo's new role in the team

sometimes Mikey will challenge Leo to something silly, like who can make the most throws of a paper ball into a trash can, just to push Leo into exercising

he finds other little ways to help the others too, but he still can't solve the big problems on his own

meltdown ensues

Mikey has to learn to take care of himself, too, while the others have to learn they can't lean so hard on him for all their emotional problems

April

the only one holding on around here. it helps that she doesn't actually have to live in the powderkeg

takes a rationally minded approach to all these problems, kind of functioning like family therapist along with Mikey but in a healthier and more controlled way

helps get them resources from above ground

Leo opens up the most about his feelings about his physical condition to her first, because she strikes the best balance between being a sympathetic ear without coddling him

she's also stressed, but she has an outside support network so she's handling it better

Splinter

fully blames himself for what happened to Leo and has a hard time getting over it

depression in full swing

it means he can't easily get out of bed to help his kids, but then he feels bad because he isn't helping them, which worsens the depression, which makes it hard to get out of bed... a vicious cycle

when Leo starts working on his condition he gets a pact out of his dad that they will both work on being healthier together

maybe they manage to find an actual therapist eventually idk lol

either way, Splinter and Leo grumpily sitting over their plate of broccoli and then Leo says "bet I can eat more pieces than you" and it's on son

he's trying his best

Leo's Condition

Leo came out of the armor severely dehydrated and malnourished, even more so than any person should realistically be after two days; just keeping him from dying of the dehydration was the most immediate struggle

the main issue is that Leo's life force, mystic abilities included, were basically sucked out, leaving his body catastrophically physically weak

his muscle mass can come back with time and diet

the bigger problems are the bone density and chronic fatigue. while Leo can improve these, they'll never be back to where they were before the Dark Armor

his reduced bone density means he has to be careful doing anything physical because the chance he can break a bone is much higher than average, and he stands to suffer more from that break than the average person

he'll eventually get to where he can go through his day-to-day life just fine most days, and can even do some of the physical things he enjoyed before, he just has to be careful and know his limits. he'll never be pulling the 1440 off the halfpipe again, but he can still skateboard as long as he's careful.

even when recovered (as much as he can be), he has bad days and days when the fatigue is really strong. how Leo feels on a bad day is up in the air; sometimes he's at peace with it and generally cheerful, happy to be around his family even if he spends most of the time in his chair or on the couch dozing in and out. other days the depression rears its ugly head and he can get a bit nasty and bitter again. his family is much more patient with him on days like that than he is with himself.

in the beginning Leo also has brain fog and sensitivity to light and sound. these clear up over time, especially once Leo starts making more effort to exercise his brain. he starts reading a lot more and doing puzzles, especially things like sudoku and word puzzles, which helps a lot. thankfully these changes aren't permanent

his inner ears were also damaged a bit, this also heals up largely on its own, sometimes he still has difficulties hearing his brothers if they're whispering or far away but it's not so bad he needs assistance

Leo's Devices

Wheelchair

this is obviously the one Donnie had the most fun building and it shows. this baby is tricked out. Leo also likes to suggest improvements often, some for actual functionality but many just because he thinks it would be cool (like neon lights on the spokes)

it is blue obviously. do you even need me to tell you that?

it's fully electronic but Leo can also wheel it around freely if he wishes. Leo likes to wheel himself when he has the energy because it's good exercise he doesn't have to go out of his way for and he just likes feeling like he's moving himself under his own power. but when he's not feeling up to it he just drives it with the electronic controls instead

it has handles that extend and retract. being allowed to touch the handles is a major sign of Leo's trust and initially it's only for his bros + April + Splinter. Leo hates being moved when he doesn't actually ask to be moved, and he also hates being tipped backwards so his fam knows not to do it even as a joke (and it's so heavy that tipping him is kind of hard, anyway). someone touching the handles or messing around with them without permission gets you immediate backlash from protective siblings

that said Leo has them extended often so he can hang things off them, even though Donnie constantly gripes that that is not their intended purpose!

Sr Hueso is another person who gets handle-touching-privileges pretty fast, and he's also the one Leo asks to move him most often because he thinks it's really funny. he hams it up every time. Hueso is exasperated but does it anyway

(if Hueso adds a few extra wheelchair-accessible tables to Run of the Mill no one has to know)

the chair can also be moved by S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. this is mostly just for emergency situations, or times when the chair is somewhere Leo is not. Shelldon is a very good boy who does not move the chair without Leo's permission.

it has a billion storage spaces and little hidey holes and it can sync with Leo's phone to play music and it also has a charge port for his phone and yeah basically anything Leo and Donnie can come up with goes into this thing. it's a behemoth

Donnie also made Leo a lighter-weight chair with fewer features that he most often uses when he's good using his walker/cane/braces but wants to clear a larger distance first, and eventually Donnie makes him an athletic wheelchair so he can play games like wheelchair basketball

Walker

the walker is also blue but there's nothing particularly special about it

Leo hates using it because it feels like an old person thing. even if realistically he knows there are plenty of reasons people use them, including his own situation, culture is culture and it makes him feel bad no matter what rationality states

so basically once he doesn't have to use it he doesn't

as they all get more comfortable with Leo's situation and he starts openly using humor to cope, jokes about Leo's chair and cane become pretty commonplace in the fam (all good-natured of course). they know the walker is too much of a sore spot though, and poking fun at it is the fastest way to get Leo to do something stupid, so no one does. it's better to just pretend it's not there

Crutches/Canes

he eventually ends up with a variety of these, with different levels of support depending on what he's needing on a given day.

some of the canes are more fashionable than others. this is important to him.

Leo pretty much always has one of these on hand just in case, even on days where he feels alright to walk on his own

he is not afraid to bonk a brother with a cane or crutch but he does so knowing they are free to retaliate

Leg Braces

Leo doesn't need these every day but they're a pretty standard part of his wardrobe at this point

they start out plain but get increasingly elaborately decorated as time goes on because he, Donnie, and Mikey can't help themselves

like the walker, the braces are in the "don't make fun of" zone, though Leo is happy to get positive comments about them and doesn't really need their presence ignored

Other Mobility Aids

Leo has a variety of things to help with his loss of grip strength, difficulties bending over, tremors, etc. all of them are either made by Donnie or ethically "acquired" by April

he drives everyone crazy by leaving them in random places and then forgetting where they are. Donnie starts installing locator tags on everything they give Leo

jokes about these are fine, Leo makes them often himself and has silly names for all of them (this also drives Donnie crazy)

[greml1nb0i]

THE HAZBIN LEAKS SHOW THAT S2 WILL ONLY GET WORSE: Characters

OK so my first gripe,

Emily's song is ear bleedingly annoying. Idk who her VA is but omg, idk if she's tone deaf or if they just have her mouth directly into the mic but my gods woman. STEP BACK you are assaulting my brain with these nonstop high sopranos.

Also the literal shot of Sir P trying to kill himself cuz of how either how annoying Emily is being or the fact he misses his friend, regardless it was a WILD fucking scene to show. Suicide isn't off the table for Viv's jokes, i guess.

Speaking of Sir P, his reason for being in Hell is so fucking stupid.

How tf is being scared of Jack The Ripper a sin?! His sin is just being scared of being murdered if he spoke out.

THAT'S JUST NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOR, WHAT?!

I hate to break it to you Viv, but not everyone is going to act like a macho hero when they see a damned murder!! Most people fucking run and hide! Why? CUZ THEY DONT WANNA DIE! They don't want to be targeted if shit goes south.

Also what is the thought process here in making his sin being just "cowardice"?? Viv are you trying to say that people who have most def been in Sir P's shoes, [witnessing a murder] are cowards that deserve to go to hell?? What's the motive here? Am i missing something?? Is being too afraid to be murdered, a sin??

Also apparently he was sent to Heaven for "saving Cherri Bomb"

save her from what?

Last i checked, in the final ep; he just kisses her as she's about to through a bomb and then says "i love you, remember me" only to have one of the most anti climatic "deaths" in the show. She wasnt even being attacked or threatened in anyway. So where tf does the plot point of "i saved her" come in??

Also can we talk about these fuck-ass human designs for Sir P and Alastor??

I don't mind Sir P's as much as i hate Alastor's. Its the fact Viv doesnt know wtf she's doing when she makes these designs.

Sir P just looks like a generic guy. One look at him and you cannot tell what time period he's from, same goes for Alastor. They could easily be frickin neighbors in the early or late 90s but no, they're supposedly from different timelines.

Alastor iirc is from the 1940-50s, and Sir P is from the 1800s, [Jack the rippers final kill was 1863-1888]

Why, Viv, cant you do any research for the time periods YOUR characters come from??

Why do they both look like cartoon barbers; not a radio show host and not a genius inventor?? Like did you even look at the differences in fashion and culture for any of these characters?!

Men fashion from the late 1800s looked like this:

This is [white] Men's fashion in the 1940-1950s:

See Viv, their fashion styles are different and shouldn't look the same at all. Why does every character have pinstripes, if it doesnt even reflect that time period in an authentic way??

And to add a cherry on top, this is what African American men would wear in Alastor's time period:

Do you see the difference in styles Viv?

Black men were not given the same nice everyday casual wear that white men did. They often wore hand-me-downs or had to work their asses off to just afford 1 nice looking suit.

you wanna know why?? Cuz Viv, the Jim Crow laws were still in full affect til the late 60s and early 70s. They were not seen as people, black men and women were still heavily discriminated against and were even still being victims of-

[MAJOR TW FOR RACISIT STUFF]

lynching's. Alastor would feel lucky, he only got mistaken for a deer and shot; he could have, and probably did, go through much much worse in his actually living life.

Tell me you didn't do any research for your characters without telling me you didn't do any research for your characters.

TLDR; So not only is Viv using more gross jokes in her next season, but the character designs have gotten even worse.

Lmk what you want the next topic to be about, if i missed anything you would've liked mentioned here, lmk in comments or asks and i'll reply. I reply to everyone as long as you arent being a jerk.

EDIT:

I've been made away that Alastor didn't in fact live in the 1940s and 50s but the 1930s. i will say most of my points still stand, but here the men's fashion for his time period.

also that makes his radio show even more of an impossible achievement, in the 1930s majority, if not, half of the black men in America were out of work cuz of racism, discrimination and segregation, ya know, cuz the Jim Crow. White people called for African Americans to be fired from any jobs as long as there were whites out of work. Racial violence again became more common, especially in the South.

Tell me again Viv, how tf did Alastor even thrive??

[ranchiballz]

Operation Wingman

Pairing: Darry Curtis x F!reader

Word count: 1271

Description: Y/N is a new employee at Jim’s burger joint in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Ponyboy and Sodapop have been on a mission of helping Darry find a gal.

Authors note: heyyy. so, i’ve been gone. for like a whole year. my bad g. but anyways here’s part two when i publish it -

You push through the swinging door into the kitchen of the small but homely neighborhood diner, Jim's Burger Joint. The smell of fresh beef and fries hits your nose. You almost wince at how pungent it is, but then remember the smell of your other diner job at the Dingo. That place was the most rundown diner filled with robbers and pedos left and right. You couldn't go a day in that joint without something being stolen from you, whether it was your wallet or your innocence. You would have stayed if it wasn't for the never ending impending doom and soulless labor that they put you through. A dinging sound and the sound of shuffling boots pulls you out of your thoughts.You roll your way out of the kitchen and to the front counter.

“Come on Pony! Just one fresh soda and then we can go, I'll even get you a milkshake.” Says a chipper young boy with a wink, flashing a bright smile.

“But the movie starts in 30 minutes, Soda.  Johnny will be waiting for us . I don't want him to be alone. And why can't you just get a coke at the movies?” States an even younger boy.

“Because, child, their coke isn't as… crisp as this fine establishments.” The accentuation on the word crisp really pulled it all together. By the looks of them you had to guess they were Brothers. The slicked greasy hair, the soft eyes, the sibling banter.

 “Fine, but if Darry gives us shit about not being where we are supposed to, I'm blaming you.” The boy pouts. Both of them walk over to the end of the counter and take the last two seats. You quickly deliver a few burgers to the men at the bar counter. Each one looks at you, winks, thanks you, then digs into their oily fries like they haven't eaten in days. You make a face of disgust then smile when they notice. You roll your way over to the two young boys.

“Hi there, sorry about the wait, what can I get for you boys today?” You say pulling out your pad and a pen, you click the pen as you wait for the boys to give you their orders. As you look up you can see the youngest one staring at you. He sees you notice and looks down at his lap. The other boy is still looking at the menu of drinks. You can see the thoughts pondering in his mind, he was acting like this decision would be his last.

“Hm lets see here, a nice Coca- Cola sounds good, but i haven't had a Dr. Pepper in a while…” The boy continues to contemplate his decision. Your shoulders slump in boredom as he takes what feels like years to decide. You can feel your eyelids get heavy until you are interrupted again by his loud and excited voice. “Ok i will have one large, no, medium. No wait! Large, Dr. Pepper!” You jot down his drink and turn to the other boy.

“And for you?”

“Just a chocolate shake please, Ma’am, Thank you.” The younger boy says. You smile at them and nod as you skate off to back to grab their drinks.

“She's new here, right? Have you seen her here?” Ponyboy says turning to Soda 

“Nope haven't seen her til’ now. Hey, she's a pretty good looking gal” Soda says with a smirk on his face. “Wanna pull the good ol’ operation wingman?” Pony gave soda a disapproving look. Operation wingman was Soda's way of saying ‘Hey! That's a cute girl! Lets harass her into giving her number to their older brother because he's just a grumpy, lonely, muscle man that needs a loving gal in his life.’ Has it ever worked? No. Is that gonna stop him? Absolutely not.

“I don’t know Soda… The last time we did it we got in huge trouble, I mean, Darry got slapped. Can you imagine what would happen if it goes even worse?” Pony mentioned.

“First of all, Slapping her butt wasn't the original plan. I just HAPPENED to mention it to Two-Bit. He did it, then Darry paid the price. In all honesty I thought it would work.” Soda rebuked 

“Really, that was your plan. Wow you are quite the genius.”

“Hey woah man now don't get ugly on me.”

“Soda, I don't know. Shouldn't we let Darry find love for himself?”

“That workaholic is never gonna find a date. He goes to work, comes home, showers, reads his newspaper , and then goes to bed. No gal finds that attractive. He needs major help. I mean, the last time he talked to a woman was Mrs. Crawly down the road asking if he could get her cat down the tree.” Soda rants on. If Darry were here he would say otherwise. ( but yes that is the last time he had a conversation with a lady).

“I don’t know Soda, she's new, I don't want to scare her off already. And maybe she's a soc.”  Pony fights back.

“Oh come one man. Believe in something. Believe…” Soda looks at Pony with a pleading look. He knew that he was just trying to help his brother. But Soda wasn't Darry. Darry was a charming guy, but not like Soda. Soda had a natural effect on women and never struggled. So when he sees his brother struggling to get anywhere in life romantically, he plays cupid… more or less.

 Pony looks at the window through the diner to the kitchen, catching a glimpse of you. You were a pretty girl and from the sounds of it you were nice as well. Welcoming customers, smiling at them. You had just a nice smile overall, a very bright and kind one. Pony knew Darry needed someone like that. Almost on cue you started walking out with their drinks

“Fine, but we are doing it my way this time.” Pony whispers to Soda but quickly shuts up before you get there. 

“Alrighty boys here you go! Is that all for you today? You say pulling out your pen and pad.

“Yep, Thank you Ma’am. Um, but do you know when you guys close. Me and my friends were planning on coming in later.”  Pony takes a long swig of his shake. “And I-I mean this is the best shake I have ever had. If you are here tonight, would you be able to make me another one?” Ponys' request was sly and smart. Asking the perfect questions, all while keeping it subtle. You couldn't help but smile at the compliment. ‘What a weird thing to say’ you thought to yourself.

“Well lucky you, I'm actually closing today. The best time to come is 10. After rush, but before all them truckers come in. Guess I'll be seeing y’all tonight then” You smiled and handed them the bill and walked off to help another customer. Ponyboy looked at Soda with a smug look. Soda then looked at the clock and panic spread over his face.

“Shoot Pony we gotta go! We're gonna be late!” Soda yelled as he hopped off the bar stool and pulled out enough to cover the bill and a dollar as a tip. Pony and Soda ran out the door of the diner, But Pony hesitated and ran back inside. 

“What's your name Ma’am!” Pony yells in, grabbing everyone's attention.You whipped your head back. 

“Y/N!”  You yelled back. Ponyboy nodded and ran out the door again. You shook your head, and thought to yourself ‘what a bunch of funny kids’.

[fluentmoviequoter]

All You Want and More

Requested by @allipopgeir28-blog

Pairing: Dominique Luca x fem!reader

Summary: When Luca finds out that you have never celebrated your birthday, he sets out to make your day perfect.

Warnings: very brief angst, lots of fluff

Word Count: 3.1k+ words

Masterlist Directory | Luca Masterlist | Request Info\Fandom List

There’s a moment in a relationship where everything stops being sparkly and new. When the normality of spending your life with someone else sets in, when the honeymoon phase ends, and everything becomes slow and easy. For you, that moment is nowhere to be seen. You’re not sure that things will change with Dominique Luca. He’s the most caring, loving, sincere, and loyal man you’ve ever met. The relationship is new; you’ve been dating for a few months, though the days with him pass too quickly. His roommate Jim is out with a girl, so you’ve made yourself comfortable with Luca in his living room. As he asks you about your day, hobbies, and anything else he can think of, you wonder if being with Luca will bring a sense of normalcy or if every day will be a surprise.

“What about you?” you ask with a smile. “How was your day?”

“It was pretty good. We only had two calls, so it was slow. I think we should talk about you, now,” Luca replies.

You groan and lean back, but Luca takes the opportunity to wrap his arm around your upper back and pull you closer. Settled against his side, you feel comfortable, safe, and loved.

“We’ve been talking about me for too long. C’mon, Luca, tell me something about you for once.” Luca shakes his head, so you turn toward him and pout as you add, “Please?”

“Fine. Um, for my birthday last year, my brother-“

“Terry?”

“Yeah. He took me to a Dodgers game, but afterward we went to a classic car show, and we talked about our dream cars. It wasn’t a huge birthday celebration or anything but spending that time with him was great. Especially after everything we’ve been through, you know?”

You nod and lean your head against his shoulder. Luca is your favorite topic, and you are convinced you could listen to him talk about anything, mundane or unbelievable, and never grow tired of him.

“What about you?” Luca asks with a bounce of his shoulder. “What’s your favorite birthday memory?”

“Oh, I don’t have one. Never celebrated birthdays before. Growing up, it never really happened, I guess. As I got older, I started doing things with friends for their birthdays, but… It’s just a day on the calendar for me.”

Luca falls silent upon learning that you’ve never been celebrated. He immediately decides to surprise you, but he has to get more answers without making you suspicious.

“You never wanted a celebration, or just didn’t have someone worth celebrating with?” he inquires.

You take a deep breath as you think. “I don’t know.”

“Well, you can’t possibly be the issue,” Luca adds. “So, I’ll assume it was a poor decision on everyone else’s part not to celebrate you every moment of your life.”

“Is that something you have to say as my new boyfriend?” you whisper against his shoulder.

“No. It’s something that is true, and as your boyfriend, I get the privilege of telling you.”

“You’re my favorite person.”

“And you’re mine.”

A few hours later, you wash the dishes from dinner – despite Luca’s insistence that he could clean up. He takes the opportunity to do some well-meaning intruding. Your bag is at the table, and Luca waits to take your wallet out until your back is turned. As you focus on the task before you, Luca quickly finds your ID, and takes note of your birthday. He holds it in his mind as he puts your wallet back in its rightful place and then types it into his phone, so he doesn’t risk forgetting. Luca isn't always one for big gestures, giving or receiving, but you deserve a celebration worthy of all the birthdays you’ve missed. You are loved and appreciated, so Luca will show you when your birthday comes. After you leave, Luca looks at the date and realizes that your birthday is less than a week away and that you weren’t going to tell him.

✯✯✯✯✯

Someone is whispering as they touch your face. You roll over to escape the unwelcome attention, but it follows you. When you force yourself to blink your eyes open, Luca smiles above you. 

“Happy Birthday,” he says happily. “Breakfast is cooking, and we’re going to be late. I know I should’ve let you sleep in, but I needed to see my birthday girl.”

“How do you know?” you ask, more alert than you should be for someone who was just woken before you wanted to be. “I didn’t tell you it was my birthday.”

Luca shrugs before he walks away from you and into the kitchen. You sit up and rub your eyes, confused yet intrigued. There isn’t a clear explanation about how he knows your birthday, but he seems so excited that you aren’t inclined to ask more questions.

When you enter the kitchen after getting ready, Luca is plating your favorite breakfast meal. He smiles and sets the pan and spatula down to hug you. You laugh as he spins you because you know that one birthday with Luca will spoil you. Birthdays have never been important to you, perhaps because no one gave you a reason to look forward to one. Luca’s excitement alone is the best gift you could receive.

“Okay, breakfast,” Luca says as he steps back. “And there’s a gift on the table. Happy Birthday.”

“This is too much,” you argue quietly. “You didn’t need-“

“I did. I do need to do this for you because I love you. Okay?”

You nod as Luca kisses your forehead. He taps your hip and reminds you that the food is getting cold. It’s not, and you both know it, but your first "real" birthday can quickly turn awkward if you let it. You sit at Luca’s table, and your eyes widen at the gift beside your plate.

“Is that…” you begin, unsure what to expect or ask.

“A gift,” Luca finishes. “You don’t have to open it now if you don’t want to.”

You nod and lift your fork but stop before you can take a bite of the delicious food before you.

“I can leave you alone while you open it,” Luca offers when he notices your eyes drift to the box.

After you shake your head, you set the fork aside again and pull the box toward you. When the lid is raised, you see a tin case inside. You glance at Luca, and his smile widens. The tin case has your name, Luca’s name, and the year printed on the top. You raise the top slowly and see it is filled with papers, photographs, and ticket stubs. Your relationship is new, yet the box is filled like you’ve been together for years. Each photo has a number and a short note on the back about what has been captured in the image, and the tickets have dates and love letters written around the edges. What truly catches your attention, though, is the short note taped to the inside of the lid.

“I’ve known more love in the short months leading up to your birthday than I thought existed. To every birthday with you and all the love we share.”

You want to thank him, hug him, and kiss him, all at the same time. There’s a knot in your throat, so you can’t do the first. When you lurch out of your seat, Luca reacts quickly. Your arms wrap over his shoulders, and Luca pulls you closer by your waist. As you cling to him, you know two things: you are madly in love with Dominique Luca, and you want to spend every day, birthdays included, with him by your side.

“Thank you,” you whisper. You punctuate your gratitude with a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Of course. I love you, and I want to show you, especially today,” Luca replies. “Now, seriously, eat.”

You smile as you return to your seat, and your eyes wander to the open tin as you eat the best meal you’ve had in your life. Luca watches you with a smile because he is glad that he is the one who gets to show you what birthdays should be like and love you every step of the way.

After breakfast, Luca tells you to get dressed. The idea of a surprise party never crosses your mind, and Luca hopes it stays that way. He doesn’t want to go overboard today, so he allows your reaction to his quality time-based birthday with Terry to guide his actions.

“Where are we going?” you ask as Luca helps you into his truck.

“Do you really need to know, or can you give me another chance to surprise you for your birthday?” Luca replies. He taps your thigh before shifting into gear.

“Luca,” you begin. “Why is my birthday such a big deal?”

“Because you are a big deal. I love you, and you are important. My life would be… I don’t know what it would be without you, so this is the most important day of the year to me. And the fact that we started dating so close to your birthday isn’t lost on me.”

“I appreciate it. More than you know.”

“Of course. You’re worth all of it, and you deserve every gift you’ve ever wanted. You deserve all you want and more.”

You bite your lip but can’t hide your smile. Luca chuckles as he continues driving, and you watch his profile as he takes you to the next surprise. Each moment with him makes you think his surprises will be endless, no matter how long you’re together. And you hope that is a very, very long time.

When Luca pulls into a parking lot, you gasp. Your favorite bookstore sits before you, and you expect this is another visit to browse for books. Since you told Luca about your love for reading, he brings you here occasionally to look at new releases and spend time with you. As you reach for the door handle, Luca stops you.

“I have to make a call really quick; I’ll meet you inside?” he explains.

“Sure,” you answer.

While you wait, you meander down the aisle of current bestsellers. You pick up one you haven’t heard of and read the blurb on the back. An arm wraps around your waist while you return it to its rightful place, and you quickly identify it as Luca. You lean against him and continue scanning the shelves for other interesting titles.

“Do you want that one?” Luca asks. “The one you were just looking at?”

“No. I hadn’t heard of it, but it doesn’t sound like something I’d like. And you don’t have to buy me a book just because it’s my birthday.”

Luca chuckles and lets you lead the way through the bookstore. You have to turn down several more offers from him to buy a book you touch, and when you’ve been through every aisle, you return to the truck hand-in-hand with Luca. He opens the passenger door and reveals a large bookstore bag in your seat.

“What is that?” you ask.

“I guess someone broke into the truck and left you a birthday present,” Luca answers.

You turn to face him, and Luca starts to panic at the teary look in your eyes. When you hug him, he sighs and pulls you closer. 

“I told you-“

“And I told you,” Luca interjects, “That you are worth being celebrated. I hope you like it.”

You open the bag and inhale sharply at the sight. There’s not one, or even two, books. It is an entire series, a series that you told Luca about during one of your first visits to the bookstore. You’ve been wanting it for a while but couldn’t find it or couldn’t afford it when you did find a bundle. After talking about it – probably too much – you’re not surprised that Luca remembered, but touched that he cared enough to find the exact box set you showed him and buy it. 

You can’t thank him again, so you give him another hug instead. After you murmur that it is the best gift you’ve ever received and the best birthday you’ve ever had, you let Luca help you into the cab and hold the bag tight to your chest.

“One more stop and then we can go back home,” Luca says as he starts the engine.

“I don’t think I can take another surprise,” you say.

Luca simply smiles, and you decide that maybe his surprises are worth it. After driving through Los Angeles traffic, he stops outside a jewelry store but makes no move to exit the truck. A gift bag is hidden under his seat, and Luca pulls it out and hands it to you with a smile.

“Luca,” you say softly. You remove the tissue paper and reach a jewelry box. “I can’t accept this.”

“You didn’t even open it,” Luca argues.

“It’s too expensive.”

“Humor me,” Luca requests as he slides across the bench seat to be closer to you. “And open it. If you still feel that way, I’ll look into returning it.”

The chain inside the box is minimalistic but beautiful. However, you tilt the box, and another slightly thicker chain slides out. You look up at Luca, then at the jewelry store.

“Are these what I think they are?” you ask as you raise the smaller chain. The links look a bit like the letter L, and you hope you’re right about what it’s meant to symbolize.

“They’re forever bracelets. And if you want to say no, I get it.”

“I want it,” you interrupt.

“Good,” Luca replies with a wide smile. “I thought it might be a bit too soon for a ring, but I want you to have something to remember that I am here, that I will love you and be with you today, next year, for every birthday and day between until I die.”

You follow Luca into the jewelry store and hold his hand as you have the chain secured to your wrist. Luca guarantees that he checked, and it won’t be an issue with his position on S.W.A.T., and you fall a bit deeper in love with him.

✯✯✯✯✯

Luca is a liar and makes one more surprise stop at your favorite clothing store. He tells you to find an outfit you love and happily pays for it despite your best efforts to beat him to it. When you return to his house, he asks you to model it, and you reluctantly agree.

“Beautiful,” Luca announces when you exit.

“Thank you. Again,” you reply.

“Oh, the outfit’s nice, too.”

You laugh as Luca pulls you into his arms. He tells you that you deserve better than his cooking for your birthday, and although you disagree, you’d do just about anything he asked right now. So, you get back in his truck and watch him as he drives to an outdoor café.

When you step onto the well-lit patio, you expect a romantic dinner with Luca to end your perfect birthday. However, Luca has been taking advantage of your lack of suspicion since you’re not used to being celebrated and receiving attention and gifts. When 20-David and several of your friends jump out and yell “Surprise,” you immediately turn toward Luca. You are separated as people approach you with gifts and birthday wishes, but you stay aware of where Luca is in the small crowd. It is the first time you are being celebrated by the people you love, and you know that Luca is responsible for all of it. You'll never be able to thank him enough, but you love him, which is what matters.

The surprise party is fun, but the moment it ends, you happily leave with Luca and collapse at his house. Once you are sitting on his couch, in the same position as when the surprise idea came to Luca, you thank him again.

“Stop thanking me,” he says softly. “You are important to me, so your birthday is special. Celebrating you isn’t something I need to be thanked for, I do it because I love you, and I love doing it.”

“You’re being extra romantic today,” you muse.

Luca smiles as you turn against his chest. “It’s the most important day of the year.”

“You can’t go this big every year, I won’t be able to take it. Maybe your gift next year can be a day off or something.”

Luca hums, and you know he’s planning to go even bigger.

“Is there anything you’ve really wanted?” Luca asks. “In the past, was there something you wanted but have never gotten?”

You lean back and hold Luca’s shoulders as you look into his eyes. “Honestly?” Luca nods, so you continue, “I got tired of asking for things that I knew no one cared enough to give. Or there was just no one around to ask. I mean, I never asked for anything big, but eventually even the little stuff is disappointing. One year, I just asked my friends to come over and hang out and they didn’t even do that. So, I guess I’d say having someone spend time with me just because. But you gave me that today.”

Luca frowns as you answer and vows to himself to make every birthday special. He decides to lighten the mood for now, though, and points out, “Your birthday isn’t even over yet. We have, like, two hours to spend together.”

You roll your eyes, completely in love with Luca and excited at the prospect of being with him for the rest of your life. When he pulls you into a sudden kiss, you don’t fight it, but continue enjoying the best gift you’ve ever received: time with Luca, and his affection certainly doesn’t hurt.

“I promise,” Luca whispers between kisses, “to make your birthday wishes come true for many years.”

“I love you,” you reply. It’s short, but the sentiment perfectly conveys to Luca just how much today meant to you. “And if you really want to spend the next two hours with me, you should get comfortable, because I’ve got new books to start.”

Luca holds you against his chest and asks, “What if I told you my birthday wish is more kisses?”

You ponder the question for less than ten seconds before leaning in again. Though your relationship with Luca is still new, there is no chance that things will ever grow boring. As you ring in another year of you with Luca, you begin brainstorming how to make his birthday as special as he made yours.

[lawrites]

Rubens Can Suck It!!

Sweet Gotham S1! Edward Nygma x Plus Size! Female Reader

You are having an awful day when someone leaves a note on your desk, describing your figure. It sets you off, and Ed is the one who seeks to comfort you.

This fic features a LOT of insecurities, specifically around being plus size. It talks about the feeling of being seen by others and how shitty some officers at the GCPD are. But Ed is sweet. No warnings beyond that EXCEPT some dirty thoughts from Ed 👀.

It's been an awful morning and it's only 8 AM.

As a woman who works in a field primarily made up of men, especially a plus size woman, you have made your confidence into your armor. Yeah some of the officers could be pigs, (most of them, actually), but you do love your body and how it looks, so it doesn't bother you.

You enjoy wearing bold colors, pretty dresses, structured pant suits, and even pencil skirts to work most days. They make you feel infallible, and you KNOW you look cute in them. No matter what those tiny men say, you can get through the day feeling good.

And usually...it works. There are some days that you think everyone struggles with their looks, no matter their size. It's what happens when your society is constantly screaming "YOU CAN BE BETTER BUY THIS PRODUCT" at you from all angles.

And so, while you are beating yourself up for letting your confidence slip, you decide to go ahead and make yourself more comfortable while you get it back. Especially because trying to force it wasn't working.

Every glance in the mirror was followed by a critical voice, today. Your hair just didn't sit right, your chosen outfit was too tight and the textures were bothering you, and the high heels you sometimes wear would clack and bring eyes to you. All of that sounded just...exhausting, especially when you just want to get through the day and go home without drawing any attention to yourself.

While usually a pair of eyes on you wouldn't bother you, the thought of Harvey Bullock only staring at your tits when he talks to you, or Jim glancing up and down in what he thinks is a subtle way, or any of the officers giggling when you walk by...yeah it would take only one thing to set you off today, you can tell.

So, while it isn't the most flattering outfit you own, you throw your hair into a ponytail and pull an oversized sweater and linen pants on. Comfy, cozy, still professional enough, and properly disguising your body from any eyes, appreciative or insulting.

After that rollercoaster of emotions while you were getting ready, you don't have time to stop for coffee on your way in, which just adds to your mood. And, of fucking course, some guy decided to begin terrorizing Gotham at 7 in the fucking morning, so all public transport is delayed.

You barely manage to get to your desk by 8 AM with no coffee and already in a bad mood. Setting your stuff down, you dig your palms into your eyes, trying to fight off the urge to just leave. A small slip of paper in neat handwriting makes you smile just a bit, though.

What is always found on the ground

But never gets dirty?

You struggle for a second, your brain moving at a slow pace thanks to the lack of coffee. That is, until you hear footsteps and something blocks the lights streaming in from the windows. You gasp and turn towards Edward Nygma, who is standing right next to you and casting a...

"Shadow!" You blurt out.

He gives you one of his sweet, tight-lipped smiles and nods. "Correct!"

You force a cheery tone to your voice so you don't spoil his mood. Ed may be a bit...odd, but he is one of your best friends here, and he doesn't deserve to be brought down just because you aren't in a good mood. "Great! How many is that so far, Eddie?"

He immediately recites, "That would be 85 riddles correctly guessed out of 90 I have shared with you. 3 you needed a hint for and 2 you did not solve entirely."

You cross your arms in mock anger. "Hey! I did my best! Those ones were hard. It's almost like you wanted me to fail or something."

He hurriedly scrambles to get the next sentence out, "Oh! Oh I would n-never! I j-just..."

Whoops, guess your bad mood made that "mock" anger sound more like actual anger. You take on a placating tone, "Ed, it's ok! I know you just enjoy riddles. And sometimes that big brain of yours makes up a new one that stumps me."

You laugh, maybe a bit bitterly, now, as your bad mood forces itself to the front again. The next sentence is nearly mumbled, "I mean, it must be difficult, sometimes, making puzzles for someone who isn't as smart as you."

Ed seems confused more than anything, now. "I'm...I'm not sure what brought that on, but writing down riddles for you every morning is f-fun for me!"

You sigh, twirling a pen from your desk in your hand to avoid eye contact. "It's just...it's just one of those days, Ed. I couldn't find an outfit that made me look nice..."

Ed interrupts you with his insistence, but he still stumbles over his words, "B-but you always look n-nice!"

Your smile comes out as a grimace, "You're sweet, Ed, but everyone doesn't think so." You glance around to make sure that your next words aren't overheard. "I know that I can usually brush cruel insults away, because I try to tell myself I'm beautiful..." You choke out the last part of your sentence, cutting yourself off before you get too emotional in the middle of the office.

You get up and decide to leave the main lobby to get some of the shitty coffee from the break room. At least there you could better disguise the tears in your eyes. "It's really not a big deal, Ed. I guess I'm just not myself, today. Give it a day or two and I'll be more amusing."

And without waiting for a response, you hurry off.

He stands there awkwardly for a few moments, unsure how to respond to the dismissal you just gave him. Usually the two of you would talk for at least 5 more minutes.

Wracking his brain as he walks away, he tries to think of something to cheer you up.

-----------------------------------------

Rubens

Flashes of his paintings fly through Ed's mind as he attempts to type out a sweet note to you. Every time he gets a glance of a plush thigh or your soft belly, he thinks of how he painted Venus, the Goddess of Beauty.

A voice he's been trying to avoid for a while now pipes up, Yeah, Goddess of only beauty? I'm sure that's all you're thinking about, Ed. How about Goddess of Se-

Ed cuts the voice off before it can finish that thought, but now he is unfortunately thinking about it, even at work. Rubens didn't paint all of his women clothed, especially Venus. Her nude form fuses with yours in Ed's mind, haunting him, taunting him.

There's just...so much he can play with. Your body...so much he can sink his long fingers into. He goes back to your belly, what he has ascertained to be the main source of your insecurity. He empathizes with that, but all he can think of whenever you wear something tight is bending you over in the medical lab on site and holding onto that plush belly as he-

Again, he cuts himself off. He would like to think that the other voice took over again there, but those thoughts were all him. He adjusts himself a bit as he sits at his desk, trying to be subtle.

Then he looks back at the screen in front of him, remembering your mood today, and that hits him like a bucket of cold water. He curses the tears in your eyes from old insecurities popping up again. He has seen you become more and more confident in your time at the GCPD, learning to ignore the pigs that giggle at everything that isn't "normal" to them.

Ed knows that feeling, and especially the taunts from those cops, well. He's off, to them. He never quite knows when to start or end a conversation, and he injects his interests even when he knows people are tired of them.

And that's why he likes (loves) you. You always smile and try with his riddles. You even continue to talk to him after, and are interested in who he is outside of work! That's rare. And if he could return that joy you have given him every day, it would be worth it for the possibility of you figuring out his true thoughts.

Unfortunately, while he has a mind for riddles, analytics, and all things mathematical, he has not been as blessed with poetry. So he wants to type this out...if nothing else than to keep you from feeling like you owe him something.

He types and deletes and types and deletes, looks at the clock, drums his fingers on the desk, and then types slowly this time. Reading it over, he nods at what he has written. It's not amazing, but he hopes it will make you feel like there are people in the office that are on your side, maybe even a secret admirer.

-------------------------------------

And now you're soaking wet. You just wanted to escape your desk and get a simple sandwich and the sky decided that it was a perfect time to begin a deluge right before you got back to the GCPD building. Why? God hates you, apparently. There's no other explanation that would satisfy your overdramatic mind at this point in time.

Luckily you managed to keep your precious food dry by stuffing it under your coat, but the rest of you is definitely not so lucky. You huff and start towards your desk. Bullock sees you on the way, starts a sentence of some sort, (most likely to quip at your condition), but the glare you send his way shuts him up immediately.

You end up collapsing at your desk and peeling off your outer coat, feeling the air conditioning of the building start to combine with your wet clothes to make a chill seep into your bones. Trying to ignore it but unable to suppress a shiver, you place your food on your desk...wait...is that? It is! Someone left a little typed note to you under the bag.

You pick up the note, giving it a quick glance to see if there was anything to connect it to someone. There are no initials or name...hmmm.

Your eyes read over the words on the page once...twice. And your heart shatters. How could...why would...how could someone be so heartless that they would taunt you today of all days?

There is a group of those rude, awful officers that like to congregate together around the water cooler, gossiping and laughing at anyone who wasn't them. But right now, one of them is talking while looking directly at you, and when he stops he throws his head back in laughter, with the rest following.

Holding back a sob, you crumple the letter in your hand and get out of the room as fast as you can without running. As soon as you are out of their sight, tears start streaming down your face and you run to a nearby empty room. It doesn't even matter what it is, you just care that it's empty and safe and lock the door behind you, collapsing against a wall and trying to catch your breath as you gasp for air.

You hold that position for only about 30 seconds, trying to muffle your sobs so they couldn't be heard by anyone outside, but apparently you weren't quiet enough. A quiet knock sounds on the door.

Tap tap tap

You do your best to school your voice, but it still comes out shaky as you reply "Please find another room."

But the voice that filters through the door is one you recognize well.

"Y-you looked cold, so I brought you an emergency blanket. Oh! And a-also your lunch."

You let out a sob, unable to stifle it. "T-thank you, Ed." And you walk over to the door to unlock it, opening it just a tad so he can't see your state.

But Ed is observant, and even with what little you present to him, he can see you are massively upset. Your eyes are bloodshot, and you are trembling, whether from the cold or from your current emotions, that he can't tell. He tries his best to gather some courage.

"W-would you mind if I sat with you for l-lunch?" He holds up your bag of food and you notice that his own lunch is clasped in his hand behind it.

Quickly, you try to consider if you are ready to fully cry in front of Ed, but his kind, if nervous, smile and his own insistence on joining you made you certain that he wouldn't be too judgemental.

You turn your head to the side to try and hide it a bit more as you step back to open the door. Your arm sweeps over to gesture to where you were sitting. "Be my guest, Mr. Nygma."

This makes him let out a nervous chuckle, but he enters anyway. You close the door behind him and lock it.

"I hope you don't mind, I just don't want anyone to see me...well..."

He nods, "That is perfectly understandable."

You both stand awkwardly for a few moments, but you eventually feel the floor calling to you again, so you nestle against the wall where you previously had collapsed. Ed slowly settles down at a respectable distance from you, his gangly limbs shuffling until he finds a comfortable position.

When he hands you your bag of food, he decides it's better to talk about what happened than sit in silence. "M-may I ask why you are upset?" You glance at him, and your eyes start to fill with tears again. He hurriedly starts to stutter through another sentence, "Oh! B-but if you p-prefer not to talk about it, t-that's ok!"

You shake your head, glancing down at the floor. "I just...I guess people like to take advantage of you when you're down sometimes, Ed."

You sigh, but begin feeling more angry than sad. "I mean, I've been in a bad mood all day, I got rained on when I was just trying to get some food, and then some asshole leaves me this."

You open your hand to reveal the crumpled note to Ed. He keeps his face as neutral as he can, recognizing it. Oh no, you fucked up, Ed! The voice in his head gleefully taunts.

Your sniffle brings him back, and you look down at the note, spreading it out so you can read it out loud.

"While you are not seen by others as a beauty

I cannot keep myself from glancing at your desk.

Your figure is full, and yet one word sticks truly,

I can only describe you as such: Rubenesque."

Ed ponders over the poem, while a bit rudimentary, it was full of his true compliments to you. But your face crumples when you get to the last word, stuttering it out.

Your eyes look to him, "I mean, Ed! How could someone write this?"

You see his face scrunch in confusion. "I admit, I do not quite understand. I see nothing wrong with the note?"

Feeling frustration well inside of you, you gesture with your hands wildly. "Nothing wrong? It's that word, Rubenesque!! It's an insult, I know it, especially with how those assholes were glancing at me as I read it, laughing once I was done."

Ed seems to be more confused now. "I was not aware it was an insult?"

You nod, and remember all of the times you have heard it in the past, "It's always been used by people who want to try and appear to be kind, but truly aren't. They call me Rubenesque in this snide tone, like it's something they can barely stand to spit out of their mouths."

Ed tries to interrupt, but you continue, softer now. "I just don't know Ed. The whole note seems to be mocking me...calling me full figured and not a beauty. Am I really that bad?" He shakes his head while you feel tears starting again, so you look down at the floor.

Now at a whisper, you barely get out the next words. "I just...I don't even want someone to like me anymore. I just want them to leave me alone." With that vulnerable confession, you sob, and bring your hands to your face, trying desperately to cover it. A shiver runs through you again.

After a few beats, you feel warmth around you, and you glance up to see that Ed has moved closer to cover you with the blanket he brought. His long arms stay in place in a hug after he positions it, keeping you close to him. You are a bit taken aback, as the most that Ed has touched anyone in the past was maybe a handshake.

He leans down so you can hear him, his voice more sure, now, even if it is soft. "Do you know about the painter, Rubens?"

You shake your head. "Is that where the term comes from?" He nods. Not feeling charitable, you grab the blanket and bring it closer around you as you grumble out, "Rubens can suck it."

He lets out a giggle at that, and you feel your heart warm at the noise. "I understand that you feel it is an insult...would you mind if I explain what it really means?"

You nod, because even if it is as bad as you make it out to be, at least you can hear his voice as he explains it.

One of his hands strokes the blanket surrounding you, right on top of your arm. "Rubens painted many different subjects, but the descriptor of Rubenesque usually refers to his nude paintings of women. Specifically, women like Venus."

You lift up your head to look at him. "Venus as in the Goddess of Beauty?"

He nods, gently. "Yes, among...other things." His eyes darken for just a moment before returning to his informative rant. "The women he paints are known to be full-figured, yes, but they are beautiful because of that, in my opinion."

You sit as still as you can, barely breathing, wanting to hear every word he says. A long finger comes under your chin and guides your face until you are looking right at him. "I wrote you that note. I think you are the definition of beauty."

And with that, he brings you gently forward, looking in your eyes the whole time. You let him, and lean forward to meet his lips. The kiss you share is sweet and short, but it fills you with a giddiness that makes you feel like a teen experiencing her first kiss again.

You separate smiling at each other, and Ed reaches up to kiss your forehead. "I apologize for upsetting you. I was trying to be a secret admirer."

You chuckle, "Yeah, well, it didn't help that I read the note as uncharitably as I could." You glance up at him, "I'm sorry for crumpling it up in anger."

He shakes his head. "D-don't apologize. I'll write you as m-many bad poems as you want." One of his long arms slowly moves down, and a finger traces your hip over the blanket. "Is this ok?"

You feel a warmth spark through you again as he makes contact, and all you trust yourself to do is nod. He nuzzles into your neck, whispering in your ear.

"I want you to know, right now, so there is no doubt, I love your body. These hips, your plush belly...even your soft arms." You feel his warm breath on your ear, and it makes you shudder. "They all remind me of art, and they make me want to..."

He trails off, and brings his hand away from your hip quickly, as if burned. You miss his touch, already, and confusedly ask, "What? Ed?"

You can't tell anything from his neutral face, but he gets up, suddenly, grabbing your lunches together again. "Let's find a better place for lunch, more comfortable...maybe with a table."

You nod, standing up with him. As you position the blanket around you, Ed wraps an arm around your waist.

"A-and...if you would like...have dinner with me tonight. I'll cook for you and...tell you more of my thoughts."

Your cheeks heat up, and his do as well. "Ed, I..." You think for a moment. "I'd love to have dinner with you."

He grins at you, again-one of his sappy, closed mouth grins-and leads you out of the room in his embrace. The two of you chat and giggle, seeking out a proper place for lunch and ignoring all of the stares you get. If you have each other, the rest of the world doesn't matter.

---------------------------------------

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

#23: “The Miraculous Ladybug Movie May Give You What You Want, but My Show Gives You What You Actually Need! You Don’t Work in Television, so You Wouldn’t Understand.”

I've been running this blog for almost three years at this point, and I've seen Astruc talk trash about various things while claiming his show is better, like Winx Club, Paw Patrol, Pokemon, and Pixar as a whole. I never thought I'd see Astruc act like his show was better than a movie based on his show though.

For those who don't know (and you'd be forgiven, seeing how Astruc has barely talked about it on his Twitter), there was recently a movie that hit theaters based on Miraculous Ladybug called Ladybug & Cat Noir: The Movie. Supposedly, it's meant to be a retelling of how Marinette and Adrien met as civilians and as heroes. While I haven't seen it, it seems to be getting good reception, with some saying it's better than the show it's based on.

Of course, Astruc had something to say about this.

Okay, I sort of get what he's trying to say here. It's hard to compare the experience of watching an hour and a half long movie and a TV show with five seasons under its belt, but at the same time, the way Astruc phrased it still made it seem like he was trying to say the show was the better option because it “gives you what you need”. Nobody was expecting the Love Square to be resolved in a few episodes. Most people at least wanted more stories about the two to be told that don't involve constant padding. Astruc also acts like the Love Square is the only draw for the series instead of, oh, I don't know, the superhero action? You're really telling me they couldn't have tried focusing more on that after resolving the Love Square? I'm just saying, if The Office can continue after Jim and Pam got together, you can at least try to actually write other stories after the Love Square becomes canon.

One user in particular had some things to say in response to Astruc's claims, and you can guess how well Astruc took that.

Again, nobody is saying that working in television is all sunshine and rainbows, Astruc, but just because someone isn't familiar with dealing with network constraints and test audiences, it doesn't mean that they're unable to provide any meaningful criticism.

Also, Astruc is once again using a psychology term, in this case, the Dunning-Kruger Effect, to act like he's smarter than the critics. This man took psychology as an elective in college, didn't he?

But then again, this is coming from someone who doesn't think constructive criticism is a real thing.

Funny how he once again acts like anything that isn't positive feedback of his show is delusional, isn't it?

Eventually, this devolved into Astruc posting a little tangent about how fandoms have only gotten more toxic, which would have been a decent point... it if didn't come after all the things he said about fans not being able to criticize his show.

Again, there's nothing wrong with what he's trying to say here, but it feels less like a critique of how fans have become more toxic with the advent of the internet, and more like he's complaining about how mean people have been to him lately.

And, of course, this led to the usual fare of people calling out Astruc for his close mindedness, and Astruc once again saying how people aren't allowed to criticize his show in any way that isn't blind praise.

And here's the thing. We're still not done yet. This little tangent only warranted more comments about how Astruc handles criticism, only this time, it's also about calling out the people who think they can do a better job handling the show.

First, do you mind giving us an example of what kind of constraints you have to deal with, Astruc? We all know that TV executives suck, but I think we'd have more of a reason to understand your struggles if you actually explained some things that needed to be changed because of executive meddling.

Second, nobody wants a beach episode, Astruc, especially after that one issue of the comic you're choosing to ignore. We just want a more consistent story that doesn't rely on endlessly padding out the Love Square.

And finally, did you just say you have to be French if you want to rewrite Miraculous Ladybug? What does being French have to do with any of this? I remember seeing a little tweet a few years ago suggesting you would be a good choice to write a Superman story, but last time I checked, you aren't American.

Let's review in case you got lost. Someone tweeted that they thought the Miraculous Ladybug movie did a better job at the story it set out to tell than the Miraculous Ladybug TV show, Astruc tried to explain how his show is still good in its own way while justifying how long it's been going on for, he ranted and raved at fans for daring to criticize his team's writing before going on a tangent about how the internet has made people more hostile over the years, and when people still weren't happy with him, he claimed that you could only criticize or rewrite the show if you're an experienced French TV writer like him.

So just keep that in mind, fanfic writers. Unless you're French and have experience writing for television, you don't have a chance in hell to successfully write your own version of Miraculous Ladybug.

[dr-spectre]

The discourse surrounding Sonic movie 3 is some of the most infuriating shit i've had to deal within the Sonic community for a long ass time. It is just... oh my god man.

The amount of anger that can be generated within the community over two egg fellas dancing is kinda nuts.

Now listen, as a man who loves Sonic and especially Adventure 2, I'm gonna be for real, i do not like this all that much. I just don't like the idea of the man who in his first appearance was him in chains ranting about how he is going to destroy the Earth and then later getting executed via firing squad, dancing around with his grand son and being incredibly goofy for the sake of it.

"But it's a kids movie!!" So? That excuse is bullshit and you fucking know it dude, you know what else is made for kids? Watership Down, guess what that movie has.

A blood soaked rabbit. Yeah. A kid's movie has that.

You know what else is a kid's movie? Pinocchio, guess what that movie has? Silly light hearted moments and CHILDREN TURNING INTO DONKEYS AND BEING SOLD INTO SLAVERY!!!!!!!!! But the movie is still a classic and fine for children to watch, cause it teaches them important fucking lessons and themes.

I saw someone say that The Hunchback of Notre Dame, one of the darkest Disney movies ever made, a movie beloved by all, a movie with a baby almost being drowned, a mother being murdered near a church, a farm being burnt down, disturbing sexual themes, has the gargoyles and it's still a good movie. Yes, they have the gargoyles, BUT NO ONE LIKES THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE WHO LIKES THEM! THEY ARE JUST THERE TO ENTERTAIN CHILDREN AND THAT'S IT!!!! THE MOVIE STILL HAS TONAL ISSUES!!!

I'm not asking for blood and guts in a Sonic movie, I'm not asking for Shadow to bust a cap in donut lord's ass. I'm asking for a story with more weight behind it. When you are tackling Shadow's backstory, Maria and Gerald fucking Robotnik, you gotta take that shit more seriously. You just have to dude. And if you make shit silly, make it actually... idk... FUNNY?!?!? FUNNY FOR EVERYONE?? NOT JUST 5 YEAR OLDS?!!?!

Serious movies are allowed to have comedic moments to ease the tension, but they must be handled well and fit the overall story and theme that the story is trying to go for. If they are gonna show Shadow's serious backstory and then follow it up with Eggman and his 110 year old grand father dancing, or vice versa, it's not gonna work. It just won't work in my opinion.

"But there might be a twist and Gerald actually goes full on crazy like in Adventure 2!" WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET!!! WE LITERALLY DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING!!!! If it is true that Gerald DOES eventually go crazy and that goofy act is a facade to manipulate Eggman, then guess what, I WOULD LIKE THAT!!! I WOULD BE FINE WITH THAT!! IT WOULD MAKE REPEAT WATCHES MORE INTERESTING!! BUT WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CANNOT BE SO SURE!!!

"But it's Jim Carrey!! He's gonna act goofy!!"

Yes Jim Carrey is known for his comedic roles and him as Eggman is pretty good, but you know what else Jim is known for?

Like I'm just saying guys... he can do more emotional roles, he isn't just the "silly man" you guys think he is. Boiling him down to just one thing and that he can do ONLY one type of acting is so insulting and disrespectful to his acting skills.

Jordan Peele, a comedic actor, went on to direct horror movies like Get Out, Us and Nope, and those movies have some of the most craziest and most intense horror movie scenes I've ever seen in my life.

The same man who did this.

Directed this.

Stop boiling down creative people into just one role. It's so annoying.

"But the movie can balance seriousness and stillness!" THE MOVIE ISNT OUT YET! WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET!!!!!!!!!! THE TONE BALANCE COULD BE GOD AWFUL OR IT COULD BE ACTUALLY GOOD! Like how the most emotional and powerful scene of Spider-Man 2 leads into one of the funniest scenes of the movie, but it WORKS SO WELL!!! BECAUSE IT TIES INTO THE THEMES OF THE MOVIE ABOUT WANTING TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE VS GREAT POWER AND GREAT RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!!! SACRIFICING YOUR DREAMS IN ORDER TO DO THE RIGHT THING!!!

"But Sonic Adventure 2 and Unleashed are goofy and serious!!"

My brother in Christ... Adventure 2 is not fucking goofy. It doesn't throw out referential humor, it doesn't target children only. Sonic doesn't reference google maps and we don't see Eggman dancing IN HIS DAMN BASE IN THE PYRAMID! The goofiest shit Eggman did was scratch his ass for five frames. And then an hour later Eggman pulled a FUCKING GUN ON AMY ROSE AND WAS READY TO KILL HER! WHICH LEAD TO ONE OF THE COOLEST SCENES IN THIS DAMN FRANCHISE!! EGGMAN THOUGHT HE WON IN ADVENTURE 2!!!

The goofy shit from Adventure 2 is down to the delivery of the English voice cast and the translated script, i promise you, you WILL notice a difference between the original Japanese voice cast and the English cast.

Sonic Unleashed is not goofy, it is has funny moments but they are very few and far between. They do not destroy the tone of the story because Sonic Unleashed is not trying to be overly dark or overly lighthearted, it's somewhere in the middle but it leans more into the lighthearted side of going on an adventure and exploring new countries with Chip. That is the focus of the story, Sonic and Chip. The Dark Gaia stuff is just a motivator for the player to explore new areas.

The comedy of Unleashed is between Eggman and that early Orbot SA-55, the humor is SA-55 poking holes at Eggman's plan and ego and it's written really well. It doesn't feel like dumb jokes made for just kids.

The crazy Dark Gaia serious shit is saved AT THE FINALE AND OPENING OF THE GAME!!! But it works because the rest of the story isn't OVERLY jokey and super lighthearted. There's barely ANY jokes to speak of in Unleashed, aside from Eggman getting hit in the face with a rock, Eggman smacking SA-55, and telling him to "SHUT UPPPPPPP!!!" At the end of the game.

"But movie Sonic is different from game Sonic!!" Yes, i know that, movie Sonic is a different character from the game Sonic we know, yes the tone is more targeted towards children, yes Sonic in the previous two movies made referential humor and Eggman was dancing. But even back then, even as a younger person, i still found it fucking cringey when Sonic and Eggman flossed. I found it lame as hell that a Sonic movie would include a fart joke. If teen me found it unfunny then I don't know if modern day kids are gonna find Sonic doing dated dancing funny.

Hell the dancing scene in Sonic movie 1 was better executed because of Agent Stone popping up at the end and that sudden cut to him, followed up by Eggman's scream.

This shit is just funny to me idk why.

When you have trailers that includes serious looking shots and making the audience believe that they are gonna get something different from the previous two movies, but in the tv spots and music videos, we see shit like this.... It's just... I don't know man.

Sonic movie 1 and 2 sort of got away with being more jokey and childish because those movies don't tackle serious subject matter. Sonic movie 1 is just a basic kids CGI live action hybrid movie, Sonic movie 2 tries to go further into the Sonic lore from the games but it isn't explored TOO MUCH! Knuckles' backstory is used to connect with Sonic's and compare and contrast the two, you know, two sides of the same coin sort of deal.

But Sonic movie 3 is tackling stuff from Sonic Adventure 2, a story with government cover up, memory manipulation (call it brainwashing and I'm gonna stab you /j), attempted genocide of the Earth, a prototype ultimate lifeform that's in constant pain and fueled by the anger of Gerald, a child getting shot, an old man getting killed via firing squad, and yet... The tone is gonna be the exact same as Sonic movie 1 and 2? Why?

And Sonic is still the same old movie Sonic from movie 1 and 2. It feels like there is no growth to him. "But Sonic has a flat character arc!!" IN THE FUCKING GAMES! NOT IN THE MOVIES!!!!! Sonic went through an arc, he WANTED something more personal in movie 1 and 2, a family, he wanted to not feel lonely after the death of Longclaw, yet despite going through a character arc, he doesn't feel more mature.

Why is he saying shit like "Konichiwhaaaaaaa?" It's not funny, it just isn't I'm sorry. Fucking hell.

This is definitely a negative take from me compared to how overly positive everyone is. People are defending this with all of their heart and dismissing people who say "hey i don't like this."

I think that the Sonic community has a toxic positivity problem, i know that it brings back bad times when people criticize Sonic, i know, trust me i get it.

But people make criticisms to see improvements, we wanna see content from Sonic that can better target all Sonic fans from all ages, not just children. Sonic never targeted just kids, it has something for everyone. I love Sonic, i love the blue rat, i really do. But Movie 3 has me very conflicted.

I'm still really excited for the movie, but i don't wanna be blinded by the hype, i don't want to say that this movie is gonna be the best thing ever, because i don't think it will be. I'm just hoping for an 8/10 movie. Something fucking GREAT!!!!

If you personally don't mind the direction of the movie then guess what, THAT'S FINE!!! IT'S OKAY!!! Just don't fucking come down my neck about me not liking it, saying that I'm wrong or stupid for having a vastly different take than yours.

Sonic is in the best position he has been in so long, he feels mainstream and beloved again. We are free from the mid 2010s and how dry it was. I'm happy where the series is at!!

Even if movie 3 doesn't deliver what i wish to see, at least Shadow Generations and Dark Beginnings gave me what i was looking for. An emotional tale that felt true to the characters i grew up loving and pretending to be as a little kid. (I pretended to run around as Sonic and Shadow as a kid, no that's not a joke.)

Also, Run It is a mid as hell song. It sounds like an ai trying to replicate the songs from 2015 to 2016. It sounds incredibly dated and has NOTHING to do with Sonic aside from "RUN it." The other movie songs had barely anything to do with Sonic, but Run It is on a whole other level LMAO!

If this is the credits song after Shadow dies or something, I'm gonna be pissed off. Just make it a song for the beginning of the movie, PLEASE!

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

JENNA All right. Jim and Pam are going to arrive to work, and they are, dare I say, blissfully, in love this trot through the parking lot. We haven't seen this in a while. 

ANGELA They have a super cute joint talking head together. I'm pointing out all the talking heads as these final episodes play out. And this one is facing out. Jim and Pam are facing out to the future of their life. 

JENNA Although maybe they should be facing in since Jim is coming back to Dunder Mifflin. Maybe the talking head knows more than they do at this moment. 

ANGELA Maybe the writer of the Talking Head knows more. Jim is going to share that. He's taking time off from Athlead, and the guys in Philly have been calling nonstop, but all that matters is the two of them being together, and they've had some great days together. And Pam says 'And a nice morning, too.' And then Jim's like Beasley. 

JENNA Well, we had a fan question from Anto P. in Brooklyn that so intrigued me and Anto said, 'Are you aware of the quote, Pam lucky sweater theory?'

ANGELA No. 

JENNA I was not. Thankfully, Anto linked to this theory. The theory is that Pam has a sex sweater. 

ANGELA No. 

JENNA Yes, it is a pink cardigan. And apparently, if she wears it, it means that Jim and Pam have recently had sex. 

ANGELA Get out. 

JENNA Yes. 

ANGELA Did you see, like, go back and look at episodes? 

JENNA Yes. So in the carpet, she's just returned from the Poconos with Roy, and she hesitates to answer when Michael asks if she got lucky. 

ANGELA Is she wearing the pink sweater? 

JENNA She is. 

ANGELA Stop. 

JENNA And later she has to tell Jim like, well, we didn't ski much. Like, she's all, like, shy to be like, No, we actually didn't ski much. So. Okay, then I guess she wears it again in PDA. That's the episode where her and Jim hook up in the closet. Right. And then she wears it in this episode, too. Now, she wore it one other time. She wore it in customer loyalty. And that's the one where C.C. has a recital and she breaks down crying. 

ANGELA So maybe that one throws the theory off a little. 

JENNA It does. But don't they always say, that's the exception that proves the rule? Isn't that that saying in order to prove a rule, there's always one exception? Is that what that sometimes means? I'm going to be. I don't know why we ask. I don't really have I don't really know what it means. We don't know what it means. But anyway, fans wondered if maybe that was a nod to the private moment that she's going to share with Brian in the end, that there was still intimacy, even though it wasn't sexual intimacy. This is how the fans justified it. 

ANGELA I mean, there are a lot of theories out there about different parts of the show. This one is the most surprising to me. That she's got a 'I got lucky' sweater. Oh my gosh. 

[azazel-the-eldritch]

Sonic Movie 3 spoilers!!

I was clapping and screaming like a goddamn idiot during the whole 3rd act! Sonic and Shadow boxing in Super forms zipping across the planet was the most unsubtle Dragon Ball Z shit I've ever seen!! Also we got Live & Learn and the whole theater ERUPTED! As much as I have mixed feelings about the direction the movies are going, as well as how they altered Shadow's backstory, I'm keeping an open mind. I like that Shadow is put forth as what Sonic could've been if he wasn't allowed to heal or react to grief in a healthy way. As well, he isn't an artificial being like the games, he just came out of a meteorite? Which I guess is a more direct setup for Black Doom somewhere down the line. I also have more faith in Keanu Reeves as Shadow. He did great for what he was given. Though, I would've liked one good "Chaos Control". But oh well...

I also like that Shadow and Sonic have a heart to heart about their traumas, not unlike Sonic did with Knuckles. The two hedgehogs having such a conversation in any case is unheard of in the main series, since Sonic is so devil-may-care and Shadow is a hard-ass. So seeing it in this movie was honestly refreshing. Plus that shot of the sun rising over the Earth as Shadow remembers Maria's words is cinema. Sonic and Shadow working together and actually having some good banter and chemistry was good for how much we got.

I have to say, as much as I love Jim Carrey, I didn't much like JUST how much screen time the Robotniks have. They definitely steal the show for better or worse... Shadow is more or less background dressing or Gerald's attack dog half the time up until the Sonic's 3rd act crashout. In SA2, Gerald was long dead, but his presence was still felt throughout. He was the true antagonist all along. Here it feels very self-indulgent, which I guess is the point, but still... Eggman's redemption and apology video did get me to tear up though. Jim Carrey was intending to retire but came back for this movie, and it felt like he was saying goodbye to all of us, not just Agent Stone.

Tails and Knuckles were honestly perfect. Tails is almost 1 to 1 with his video game self, and I like that he's still very much the excitable little brother who also just wants everyone to stop fighting. Knuckles felt like a good middle ground between game and movie. He's definitely adapted to Sonic's sense of humor while still struggling with his literal-mindedness. But he also surprisingly was a bit of a moral center. Especially for Sonic when he was (justifiably) angry demanding the Master Emerald to get back in blood. Knuckles was genuinely trying to talk him down but remain firm. He does decide to have faith that Sonic would come to his senses, which ends up paying off. Knuckles actually respects Sonic as a leader and friend.

As for the post-credit scenes. Rather predictably, we got our girl Amy Rose who is... basically Thor with the flying hammer. We also got Metal Sonic, but also many Metal Sonics. I suspect that maybe the next movie will be some conflation of Sonic CD and Sonic Heroes (and hopefully reference the OVA), since those are Metal's highest points. Mixing together alternate timelines and Metal gaining independence and becoming his own warlord. Which prompts Amy to seek out Sonic and co. I do have to wonder how they'll handle Sonic and Amy. Cuz having mad feelings for Sonic is what she's mainly known for, despite there being more to her than that.

Also Shadow survived... surprisingly absolutely no one haha. I know there was talk of a Shadow series at some point, so we'll likely get more of Movie Shadow's backstory down the line. Hopefully get a proper introduction to Chaos Control.

I have more thoughts, but eh. And despite my nitpicks, I can't say there was anything I found to be bad about the movie. The highs more than make up for any misgivings. I'm overjoyed with how this series has come along thus far. There's a lot of good faith with Jeff Fowler and crew now, and I would never have guessed an animator from Shadow 05 would go on to direct the Sonic movie-verse, much less make a movie with Shadow in it.

It's a good time to be a Sonic fan :)

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Ok so apparently there's a new Ed is abusive argument cropping up that's like taking us arguing that Ed's not a domestic abuser in a vacuum and arguing "but he abused his crew" as if that was the take that people were arguing with but I do actually want to address that take because it's also straight up not true either.

Like we have been repeatedly told you what business as usual for a pirate ship looks like, and it's not what Ed is doing. Stede opens the show with floggings and keelhaulings mentioned as standard practice. His crew doesn't take him seriously at least partially because he doesn't do those things. In 1.08 we get the first mention of captain Hornigold as having stabbed and beaten down Jack and Ed and having treated them worse than dogs. Episode 9 we get captain Izzy and what's the first thing he does? Threatened to withhold food for a whole week. Then we meet Hornigold who reveals that a punishment on his ship was a crab clawing through your stomach and that a standard threat was skinning a person and feeding it back to them.

And what does Ed do? Cuts off his abuser's toes. Shoots him in the leg for having the most gaslighting audacity I've ever seen. But aside from Izzy, in regards to whom I have cell block tango cued up for Ed, what did he actually do?

The first time someone expresses discontent is after the wedding raid which I think is probably towards the end of the 89 raids given that Izzy has his breakdown immediately after Ed throws them a cake party, in fact I would guess that it's raid number 88, they do raid 89 in between Izzy getting shot and Ed telling Frenchie they're never going back to land, and then Ed decides to kill himself that night. So anyway, raid 88, they've been doing this for 3 months, and Jim says "Is it just me or was the wedding thing a bit over the line?" to which Archie responds "IDK I've never really been to a wedding before so I have nothing to compare it to." as if she's just happy to be there, and then Fang says "I've never seen Blackbeard like this before," Which establishes that what we're going through right now, the 88 soon to be 89 raids are atypical of Ed's behavior, and then follows it up with "He didn't bat an eye when Ivan got killed" which establishes both why Ivan isn't around and why Fang is so sad, but also might establish that Ed would be upset with crewmembers dying, which is consistent with episode 4 when he yells at Stede that the crew dying is going to be his fault to show him what it's like being Blackbeard.

Then we have the scene where the crew defy Ed. Ed orders them to dump the treasure overboard, because it's fucking treasure. What's Ed's response? To take another one of Izzy's toes so that he looks like he cares about enforcing rules on his ship while not punishing the people actually going against him but instead punishing the guy who low key ruined his life. Then Izzy does his "you can cut off my toes but I need to know that this is a sexual thing for you too" bit and Ed doesn't take the bait until he says a Stedeism. And then he goes out to threaten everyone with a gun, which, you know. Not great but he ends it like this so

you know. something to consider.

and then he doesn't really do anything to the crew until the murder-suicide.

so his list of crimes currently is:

not really giving a fuck about Ivan dying where Fang can see it

Dismembering his abuser where people who don't have the full context can see it (not a crime just a based action that has side effects for the people who have to see it)

waving a gun around in a way that makes you wonder if he's about to shoot himself in the head

trying so so so so so so hard to get people to kill him because he's addicted to outsourcing the big job

Demanding the crew dump treasure overboard (standard practice if Zheng Yi Sao is to be believed)

Overworking the crew a little bit.

When we measure this against the stick of every non Stede pirate captain we've seen so far I think what these crimes amount to is hurting your friends in the process of hurting yourself. And that using the term abuse which calls to mind a very specific phenomenon is one of two things: Melodramatic moralizing (which is the internet's fav thing to do so you know what sure) or demonizing the brown guy in the midst of a mental health crisis.

I honestly think that outside of the murder suicide the only reason anyone had a problem with any of it was because Stede showed them what piracy could be like, that's the whole narrative point right. Stede's doing things differently, in a way that doesn't hurt everyone involved, and nobody wants to go back to the old way, because they're healing from that and Ed stopped healing because Someone told him that if he didn't there would be a fucking problem(wonder who it could have been). Like he's not even flogging anyone be serious.

[kaelleid]

S02E08 Spoilers

Anyway I hated it lol

And this isn't just a "my little guy died" kind of thing. I've thought he was going to die all season; that was not a surprise to me. This is about how tacked on the ending felt.

Izzy spends his dying breaths comforting Ed and telling Ed the crew is his family and loves him. And then Ed immediately leaves the crew to be an innkeeper. Yeah, that was a great and meaningful use of screen time.

If the crew loved Ed and considered him family, I'd really like if they would have showed that instead of just telling us. Because what I saw this season was post-Kraken Ed having one conversation with Fang and that was pretty much it for positive crew interaction. But apparently they love him and they're family, okay.

Also RE: showing and not telling, Ed referring to Izzy as his family. I think I could count the positive interactions between Ed and Izzy across all seasons on Izzy's hoof. They've hardly spoken this season post-Kraken. Where is this coming from? It felt so forced and unearned.

It's frustrating how the scene seems to brush off all of Izzy's development this season, moving away from his toxic relationship with Ed and opening up after surviving a suicide attempt, to spend his last minutes focusing on Ed and saying that he wanted to die.

Anyway forget that, it's wedding time! And now forget that, let's have Ed and Stede run an inn with no prior onscreen discussion! The end!

I got into this fandom because I loved Ed/Stede so much. The potential for cracks in their relationship was there from the start; one of their first conversations together was Ed wanting out of piracy while Stede wanted in. I was really interested to see how this would be resolved, and how they'd move forward together. I don't think the resolution on this front was satisfyingly handled at all. But Ed read a letter and they kissed, so hooray I guess. Why would you ever need to talk anything through and build a solid foundation before living together? It's not like we saw this analog literally go up in flames a few episodes ago.

There was such an odd juxtaposition of spoon-feeding the audience with flashbacks to explain what was going on for obvious things, and then also expecting the audience to do all the legwork for important relationships. What's the relationship between Jim and Oluwande? What made Stede finally decide to leave piracy behind for Ed in S2E8 vs S2E7? Why, according to an interview, is Frenchie apparently captain now instead of Zheng Yi Sao or Oluwande? We're not going to write those conversations, figure it out yourself.

Also, Blackbeard the genius, and Zheng Yi Sao who conquered China's seas, apparently can't come up with a plan better than "Wear uniforms and then walk around with a hostage, whose gun we will not be taking." It just felt so meaningless.

The thing that really gets to me the most is how much I loved S2E1-7. I had some lingering issues, but they didn't bother me because I had faith they'd be resolved (at least, resolved to some extent, given a 3 season arc). And then the last 15 minutes of this episode destroyed that notion. I thought the writing was poor and inconsistent, and it threw everything before it into a completely different light. The things that I was waiting to be built upon were never actually in the blueprints. The cracks in the foundation were covered up with bubblegum. It didn't have good bones.