#and i dont go on discord these days
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Every time you post wip Wednesday I always try to avoid myself from reading it because I don't like to know any spoilers when reading the full chapter soon but I'm so happy by the posts because it means we're getting closer to get it!
Omg I didn't even think of it this way 😅🤣
Honestly I mainly do it to let anyone interested know that yes I am still working on it. Idek how many people still care. It's also a nice way to keep in touch with peeps as I don't really talk much online nor am I as active on discord anymore.
I do always try and post the right snippets with the right amount of teasing that it hopefully doesn't spoil everything in the chapter. I'm working on the next chap rn, which is 7k words, but I still need to finish a scene so it could jump up closer to 10k.
Thanks for the ask 🌻
#it's been 3 years and I'm not 100% comfortable with talking on the internet LOL#so i don't interact as much as i used to or as much i want to#always happy to answer asks and comments#and i dont go on discord these days#which i miss#but life goes on!
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she was being a bitch so n took a pic from his perspective
#hi im back#and then im gone#anyways uhmmmm#9 days.#i needed a pfp for discord and didnt have any new art so here we are#the overmind expands#murder drones#murder drones cyn#art#yeah dont worry about anything else here#nothing is going on#and now i vanish for three years again
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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purgatory one was such an irl fever dream
No One Made It Out Unscathed.
everyone on every day at the exact second the server opens, weekly or monthly streamers suddenly becoming daily streamers, chill players suddenly calculating out which food gives the best saturation or how to get 0.1% of a point better on missions, Tubbo having actual nightmares, Cellbit's voice that wasn't great at the start taking even more of a beating due to constant screaming, Roier fully losing his shit a week and a half in - leading to a completely player-driven reset of how the xp and enchantment systems were being utilised (Because Everyone Was Fucking Miserable), the point where the gay ninjas had been eliminated but not told what would happen to them so everyone was like really weirdly intensely stressed out for about 14 hours, Tubbo just being too actually psyched out to beat Phil in the 1v1, how REAL the emotions were from the creators when they finally saw their kids again and THEN THE ROOF STARTED TO CAVE IN, loads of creators just taking a full break from the server when the nuke went off with a bunch of them not returning for MONTHS, the creators later being asked if they want to join purgatory two and many being like "lmao, no ❤️" and two characters (very much main characters in terms of lore) straight up canonically dying in the nuke blast
and there was just... a vibe to it. our eggs will die if we lose. if we're not being lied to AND if we're not the cursed team. how do we know who's the cursed team? should we lose on purpose if we're not? we're obviously the cursed team (EVERY TEAM SAID THIS).
and the chatters didn't escape the psychological torture this event organically produced. our children have been missing for months at this point and it almost doesn't matter who wins because everyone is at the end of their tether and absolutely every egg could theoretically die.
Enjoy, Sinners.
#this two week period was easily the most intense in the server#i do miss the daily discord vibe calls at the end of the day tho. such good times#and my god so much of it was so funny and so well acted lore-wise#just the first bolas day and anytime charlie slimecicle pressed go live at his pc during that time was comedy gold#i still dont understand how the cursed team worked even now tho lmao#truly the highest of highs and lowest of lows#with badboyhalo like the fucking grim reaper he is in the background#qsmp#qsmp lore#qsmp purgatory#bolas rojas#team soulfire#green gay ninjas
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huh sorry for disappearing for like a day and a half. a weird guy appeared
#words from the monarch#i actually thought id reblogged At Least one thing yesterday. or had said Something on discord yesterday & today#anyway yeah the tickle fetsih guy contacted me the day after the anniversary of when they first started harassing me.#and i dont think i want to post screenshots of that bc i fianlly like. Talked To Them. tried to make them understand.#and if they Do understand i dont want to put them on blast.#and also i guess it just freaked me out bc i thought i'd ip blocked them#but then yknow. they just message me like it's nothing. like 5 months later#so they can probably read this.#anywya in Talking To Them and exlaining how This Is Harassment And I Dont Want Them Around Me i hope they finally understand now.#i told them i was going to block them at the end of it and they said ok#and i guess i just didnt feel like Blogging after that#but also like after That i didnt feel like drawing. i still dont right now. but im making little polymer clay things#anyway im normal + fine. i hope me talking to them or talking abt it here now doesnt incense them to start harassing me again#they told me they understood and that they wouldn't bother me anymore ���� so
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ON THE SUBJECT OF A MARCH 1ST UPDATE LIVESTREAM.
so due to newly-employed circumstances, i most likely won't be able to stream my exploration of the update until the Sunday after it drops - March 3rd, likely around 10 am pst.
im not gonna ask anyone to wait because that's unreasonable and absurd, However! I am curious:
#im asking instead of cancelling it outright#because i know how fun it can be to see someone explore/discover/watch something youve already enjoyed#plus. if i may so bold as to say!#who knows! maybe some of you actually Want to hear me speculate and go bonkers On Mic <3#absolutely unprompted#marked for deletion#welcome home#Why Am I Waiting Until The Third?#it will most likely be my first day off!#i dont wanna explore the update when im exhausted after a 9 hour shift lmfao#and i don't want to explore it in the morning before work when im on a crunch#i want Time! i want Energy! im gonna need all the brainpower i can cobble together!#oh man the upcoming full day of Active Avoidance#i might actually turn off my phone lmfao#bc muscle memory is gonna take me to tumblr & That has burned me so many times...#im not gonna use tumblr im not gonna use discord#im gonna queue up youtube videos so that i dont risk seeing anything on the homepage#babey im Hunkering Down!#i will simply spend my free time after work with myself. crochet. doodle. sit and stare at a wall#sob viciously bc im missing out#its interesting. so much of my life has been Being Late To The Proverbial Party & Missing Out On Experiences.#and by interesting i mean it makes me violent. sigh. but we deal! what else is there to do!
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collected the outfits ive actively designed for morro(not just slapped together without planning)
first one is his canon gi, colour corrected,
that i only ended up using in his initial arrival pages of @juniorjago oops lol. Ill probably use it for flashback stuff to morros babby years
second one is what i designed for him to wear in the post where he apologises to the kids for being a shit
third one is a failed design(yay!) where it was meant to be just. some clothes he threw on, but it looked too. formal? worky? so sCREW IT. he gets a new gi at some point in juniorjago! The fourth is what i ended up going with for this next arc that will EVENTUALLY come about.
#ninjago#juniorjago#morro#lego ninjago#i know im not like Relevant™ anymore but i dont care#LOL#i wish i could reliably start a juniorjago patreon cause money would help me actually feel motivated to work on it more#but i know the part of the fandom that still cares about this is broke as hecc like me LOL#or i guess maybe not a patreon? id probably just make a second ko-fi for ninjago stuff#like juniorjago and rejago#ask for a buck#also if anyone reads tags anymore and would be cool with chilling in an art based ninjago old days discord#lemme know#im lonely#none of my friends are into ninjago#/rights a novel in the tags#my add is strong this morning#yes i did go with an emoy androg look for morros clothing#shhhhhhhh its nice#shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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this was back in early 2023 but... my awesome 9 combo on puyo puyo (specifically puyo puyo tetris 2)
#Bean Text#wanted to send this to discord but its big file hater number one#not going to main tag this because eek scary#i would say im decent at puyo puyo? if theres anything like a competition near me i might try to see if i can enter it#i think this is my only 9 combo but i can pull off 5 combos constantly and 7 combos on a good day#of course i dont have any confidence in myself or belief im anywhere near the best#but. weh. couldnt hurt to try
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i do wish i was better at communicating with people online and through technology. i wander into conversations and make new ones all the time irl with random people and its fun but im like hyping myself to type out a single response to a Post. and to say nothing of how difficult it is to get me to say something in a discord server
#or even video or audio calls are becoming hard for me rn. i used to be better at this#i used to be sooo good at talking to people online. maybe. or maybe not actually#now that i think about it ive always been a little outside of everything in both irl and online communities ive been in#you know i was part of the mods for a deviantart species a long time ago. i was pretty bad at my job i was always too slow to actually mod#and one day i came home from school and like the entire modbase imploded because of drama on a discord or smth they had that i wasnt in LOL#tbh i was a bit older than all of them and busy with final year of highschool stuff so i wasnt super present. i think they just had me on#because while i wasnt particularly popular as an artist i did have some eyecatching polish on my art. but it was wild i was like#whats going on. who are you people. where am i. i have to apply to ouac rn i dont know whats happening#wait random ass deviantart drama i was vaguely adjacent to but still dont really know what happened aside. i would like to chat more#i think the easiest way to converse with me is commenting on my posts like theyre forum threads. or dming me. sometimes#im so bad with group chats. especially if they have multiple channels. the only group chat ive stuck with is a tiny one with like#two other friends and we just write thoughts and about our day and pictures of animals and whatever#i get confused and scared in discords. i get so confused and scared#i used to be okay with discord calls but even with that ive been struggling. am i scared of the computer#am i scared of the computer. the machine. whats happening
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dogday emojis pleaase?
hey so dogday started work on these and then got kicked out of front, so i'm just going to send you the ones they finished
#dogday#poppy playtime#poppys playtime#emojis#custom emojis#custom emoji#emoji#discord emojis#emote#dogday planned on doing like four more but i dont think theyre going to be able to front for a few days so have this in the meantime
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nsfw :)
#i dont see myself writing it much on my blog still#homie vip passes only#i talk about it a lot on discord tho heh#everyone who writes it every sunday or more live laugh love im cheering u on smirk#everyone go stupid go wicked#no more judgement in this day and age#i do enjoy ship partners who like discussing it but writing idk why im like wow. im on stage fucking!!#funnee i know
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i feel bad for furries who see my animal art and try talking to me and assume i am a Furry:tm: in personality or interests or whatever because they are always disappointed by finding out outside of drawing pokemon i have no even remotely furry interests and have very little association with furry culture... i don't even have anything against furries or anything, i just was drawing animals/pokemon since before i knew what a furry was and never really identified with the label or community and only use the term furry for myself when it's convenient to convey the idea that i draw colorful animals with anime eyes lmaoooo
#kiki was here#kiki.txt#thinking about it bc of a conversation i was having on discord#i literally cannot hold a convo about furry media#even with pokemon im just a nerd about the games mostly these days#i dont even draw anthros...#unless for commission work but i go out of my way to rarely take anthro comms
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.
#i am officially one week into my trip to brasil and i am so fucking happy#like its hot as fuck rn bc theres been a heat wave the past few days and it feels like DEATH outside#but the beach has been gorgeous the city is amazing the food is beyond words (obv lol)#and im just. im so happy to be here guys im so fucking happy#mygrandparents didnt flip over my tattoo like i expected them to and my grandmother even said she likes my lil crop tops#which is WILD bc this is a very seventh day adventist couple who usually dont like showing skin or things like that#but theyve been very chill with me and even though its been tough seeing how alzheimer's has been affecting my grandmother#its also really nice having this time with them and having them show me the church they got married in 60 years ago & the city they met in#its just been really nice all around and even though we still have a month left i already dont want to leave#although ngl i do miss writing oh my GOD the brain worms have been eating me alive i have so many lil blurbs written down that i want to#expand upon and im ITCHING to get back into writing again#anyway i hope you all are doing well i miss u i still dont have access to discord so im SORRYYYYYYY to anyone waiting on me#but mwah im gonna go eat dinner i love you allllll!!!!!!#personal
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*twirls hair* tell us about daylight owl
it's an old minecraft rp series that starts off as like, your classic 'i found herobrine!!! (REAL)' type thing, but then shifts to be fully in-game with little to no reference to it Being a game. theres npcs with dialogue, and i mean like fully npcs, theres no other players involved as far as I know
The main focus of the story is these two dipshits brothers accidentally unearth a demon and it immediately causes mass chaos. It's pretty high-fantasy lorewise, with elves and dwarves and such. Prophecies. Ghosts. yknow
actually getting into why im still kind of insane abt it would require spoiling. basically everything lmao. but a large part of it is there's some secondary characters I find really compelling, and the relation the brothers have to the world itself is surprisingly complicated. it DOES feature some very heavy 'good vs evil, black & white' type themes, but taking that apart is something I find fun to do, and it fits pretty naturally into the story itself (although I suspect that was on accident)
Fair warning though, the finale is. Bad. It's so bad that it made me rewrite the entire ending. Like, its kind of insulting how bad it tanks itself at the very last second. I admire the dedication to finishing it even after literal years of delay, but it also means I can't recommend the series in good faith without adding a disclaimer like this, so
#tdo#letters#and a fun fact! its called 'the daylight owl' because thats the name of the demon- and daytime owls are considered bad omens#i thought that was a cool origin for a name#i cant even mention one of my favorites by name bc their existence AS a character is a spoiler!!#maybe one day ill actually write that fanfic. probably not but i still have the notes#theres also a tdo discord but its dead and it has the creators there silently judging us and im like 500 levels removed from their vision#so it ends up being very uncomfortable even without trying to talk about my conspiracy theories#bc theyve largely moved on from the entire thing and dont seem to have much passion for it at all#so. maybe dont go there if you want to actually talk about it lmao#they unlisted all the videos and everything.. they dont love their work anymore. so i have to do it for them#someone else made a playlist thankfully so theyre not completely gone. i can link it if you cant find it#thank u for your service jimmy o7
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tbh i think at least half of the scoundrel's motivation for doing the deeper discordance storyline is just. a really bad really painful distraction from everything else currently going wrong in their life. which. admittedly. that's their motivation for most things
#their city self is in shambles. their husband is... Having A Moment#(caeru's current affairs and mental state is a suitcase to unpack in another day. aka another post)#they still can't bring themself to go up to their lieutenant and admit they were wrong about the committed relationship thing#they DEFINITELY aren't making any headway on the wines seduction front#they just. need something they can get a grip on. something to bat around between their claws and conquer#the discordance is very much not that. but like all things with the scoundrel#whether or not something is or isnt what they believe doesn't matter. what matters is that they believe it#so they're throwing themself against the proverbial wall of a language they hate because they Might As Well#and surely. surely. once they prove (to themself) that the discordance isnt anything to be scared of#and it's pitiful and foolish and a waste of time#SURELY. that'll show em. that'll show everyone. that'll show all of their stupid emotions and stupid hangups and stupid fears#and stupid stewards and stupid anchoresses that dont exist. surely. they will simply Win At Discordance.#they're built different. they'll simply handle it. they'll handle everything!!#and thus the adulterine castle is (not) visited by a very spiteful very annoying little bat that refuses to take anything to heart#while also accidentally learning along the way anyway#discordant studies is the forbidden scoundrel self reflection arc. it is just also the scoundrel self reflection arc#wherein the scoundrel goes in with even less reflection than usual (and also is kicking and screaming the whole time)#wow that was. a longer tag ramble than i meant to do. whoops.#yin-thoughts#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#discordance spoilers
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