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#and i don’t think they’re gonna fix it
salemlunaa · 12 hours
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STOP TRYING TO GET YOUR DESIRES,THEY’RE NOT COMING ᥫ᭡
stop trying to manifest things, they are never coming.
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You guys need to stop manifesting things in order to get stuff, and you guys say that you don’t but ultimately, you do. you burn through methods like no tomorrow and then go to asks and dms to say that nothing works for you
But in order to manifest you need to understand that your desires aren’t coming, they’re already here, stop trying to do mental gymnastics to affirm the right way or visualise the right way with a 100 step manifestation routine trying to get your desires because they aren’t coming, they’re already here. And that’s what manifestation is:
reminding yourself of what is true
what manifestation isn’t:
using methods to get anything you dream of
instead it’s:
creating a reality where you have said desire, in imagination
it’s done
remind yourself of it whether it be with affirmations, visualisation etc
So stop trying to get results because they aren’t coming and never will, something that is already true isn’t waiting to happen, it just has already. So if your desire, which isn’t a desire anymore isn’t waiting around to become true, why are YOU waiting🤨?
If a loved one brings you a plate of cookies, you’re not going to beg: “please can i have some cookies” (affirmation that you lack cookies) you aren’t begging because the cookies are already infront of you. Instead you would thank them “thank you so much for the cookies” (affirmation that you do, in fact, have some cookies infront of you)
Those two phrases are affirmations, whether the cookies are materialised in the 3d or not, confirming whether you have them or not are affirmations. Treat your desires as those cookies, they’re here already therefore you can’t beg, why would you beg for something that’s here, why would you be desperate for something that has come.
Now, imagine if a friend comes over to your house to hang out, you aren’t gonna ignore them and say you’re waiting for them to come, while completely disregarding the fact that they’re already here because that’s rude and you also look insane anticipating the arrival of a friend that is literally sitting infront of you. Think of your desires as that friend, why are you ignoring them, while also looking and waiting for them at the same time, when they are RIGHT INFRONT OF YOU??
You can rack your brain to the point of insanity to get your results, you can be in this community for years and they just won’t come, sorry babe. You have to wake up and realise it’s already done or nothing will get done. Wether you do this by subliminals, robotic affirming, visualising, you need to remember that when it comes to your prize, these methods aren’t helping you cash out your prize, they’re simply reminding you that you have that prize.
Again, if you can’t understand it’s already done, nothing will ever get done. ever. You can apply for two hours before you go back to complaining (which is affirming that you lack that desire), you can affirm for a day before looking for your desire, but it’s never gonna happen, because it has already.
This is your life, you can spend years on and off applying this mindset while other actually get what they want, but this is your life and another day has gone by where you’re still looking for results you’ll never get. Don’t waste your life away doing the same thing you did yesterday, today’s the day to finally have enough with your mindset and fix up!!
STOP ANTICIPATING THE ARRIVAL OF SOMETHING THAT IS ALREADY HERE!! 🐊💋
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oobbbear · 2 days
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I know ur a fiddauthor fan but how do u feel about fiddlestan,,,
From what I’ve seen they’re either the cutest thing in this world or angst so much angst
Might be a hot take but I do not like people draw fidd pretending Stan is Ford or slowly turn Stan into ford, I know where it’s coming from and I can see why it’s delicious angst material but I just really don’t like it….Not my cup of tea not gonna touch it
I do really like them being two sad dogs who were hurt by another sad dog huddle together for warmth, they can make each other better they can heal each other’s wounds.Oh Stan would appreciate fidd so so much more than ford that bastard did, fidd’s gesture of love is gift giving and Stan would treasure those gifts. Also I think Stan would understand and listen to fidd more, oh so much love and respect and I’m here for it they’re so cute.
This is honestly a healthier relationship than fiddauthor jdhdjjdjndjdjsjsn but I like that ship for its complexity and toxicity i want to fix them (gesture towards alone together) also I’m just biased
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quitesins · 2 days
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Deku’s Type!
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Masterlist
Tags: 18+, Sfw-ish, short drabble, fem!reader, aged up! characters, teacher! Deku, kinda vulgar and fucky, im gonna tag misogyny, reader is implied to be “fucked in the head” whatever you want that to mean ^0^!
The boys gather round for drinks and discuss the type of women Deku seems to be fond of, much to his dismay…
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“Sounds like Deku’s type,” Katsuki says, smirk in his voice.
Izuku frowns. “I do not have a type.”
Now that makes the table still for a second, not long enough for Izuku to predict the thoughts of his friends, but enough for the rest of the guys to come to the same conclusion.
Katsuki, Denki and Sero are the first to burst out in laughter. Katsuki’s cackle the loudest of them all.
“Are you fuckin’ serious?” Katsuki laughs so hard he doesn’t even care that Denki is half laid over him, “You don’t see that shit?”
“Come on…” Denki says, still slapping Katsuki’s thigh as he laughs, “you have such a type!”
Izuku frowns, sterner, deciding to ignore the immature three and turning to his other friends for support. Both Iida and Shouto look away, their expressions telling.
“I do not have a type,” Izuku reiterates, firmly.
Katsuki shakes his head, finally shoving Denki off him. “All those girls you’ve dated? Exact fuckin’ same.”
Even Tokoyami turns his head, eyes never leaving his drink but a twinkle of unfamiliar mirth evident within them.
“What does that even mean?!” Izuku exasperates, looking around for a single ally.
“It means,” Mineta chimes in, and although Izuku enjoys his company, he already knows he’s about to hear something deplorable, “you like them sick in the head!”
Shouto can’t hold in his sputter, finally contributing to the conversation— with a laugh. The rest of the table is hooting, a few groans at the wording but nothing at the sentiment. All while Izuku looks absolutely scandalised, clutching his chest, eyes wide open.
“That’s horrible!” Izuku cries, so stunned he can’t even trail off into one of his signature rambles in defence, “that’s- that’s. What?!”
“All the girls you’ve liked man…” Sero starts, “they’re not exactly little miss sunshines are they.” He stops, which Izuku almost takes reprieve in until he continues, “you seem to like them a little off putting.”
“Yeah so he can fucking fix them,” Katsuki snorts.
“It’s your saviour complex,” Denki adds, chin tilted up, trying to look profound.
Izuku is quick to interject, waving his hands around. “You’re the pro heroes.” The poor boy tries his best to convince. “We all have saviour complexes!”
“Not like you do, mon chéri,” Aoyama tuts, then winks before saying, “Hero of Japan.”
“Izuku, They do still call you an honorary pro.” Shouto is trying to be nice, Izuku thinks. “And I’m sure your students think the same.”
Izuku grimaces, he knows he’s always had a complex that encompassed so much more than just his dreams to be a hero, but he doesn’t need it sullied by… that.
“Don’t ruminate.” Katsuki presses a drink into Izuku’s hands. “You like women a little fucked up, so what.”
Katsuki’s words do nothing to comfort Izuku, instead it has Denki and Mineta laughing all over again while Kirishima attempts to calm them down. Iida scolds Katsuki a little, doing a half bow in apology to the passing waiter clearly peeved by all the noise. Deku pays no attention, beginning to spiral in his head.
It feels wrong to view you that way. To view the women he’s loved that way. But he’s not an idiot, maybe a little blind at times but now that the proof is there— oh god—
“Listen, Midoriya, I am sure there are many reasons you have loved the women you have.” Iida notices the growing dread upon Izuku’s face. “You also like to save people. There is nothing wrong with that.”
Tokoyami and Shouji nod in agreement, Ojiro giving his own sympathetic smile.
“Yeah bro.” Kirishima raises a fist in camaraderie, though it’s definitely out of pity. “It’s manly to want to care for others.”
“Think he more than cares for ‘em,” Katsuki slickly adds, in an artful voice that Izuku is more that familiar with, “the fucker get off on that shit.”
This time, it’s Shouto who scolds him, Katsuki’s implications clear enough for even him to catch on. They rest of the guys begin to bicker in the background, one half in defence of Izuku’s less than innocent tastes in women, the other intent on making fun of the golden boy for once.
Though the attention is finally off him, it does not help Izuku feel any better.
Because there’s a thought that lingers… it’s a sick thought, a terrible, horrible, awfully honest thought.
Shit, he does like them a bit fucked up.
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My truth is i still don’t know how to punctuate dialogue… pleek don’t look and none of dat…
Anyways I kind of wanna elaborate on Deku’s hero complex coming out in other ways in the 8 years of studying and becoming a teacher, like someone has to deal with it…
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chaifootsteps · 3 days
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Blitzøs in-character reaction to Stolas being abused by Stella: Well that is shitty, I get it, and it’s good you guys are ending it but why are you dragging us little guys into it? I’ve nearly lost my employees twice because of you and that ex of yours. Do you think rebounding so hard with me then that other succubus guy and now this vassago dude is somehow gonna help fix you? Alejandro and Gabriella aren’t real Stolas.
You don’t wanna be tied down to this chick the same way I don’t wanna be tied down to you. I said relationships are boring not just cause I’m a slutty “motherfucker” like you think, it’s cause they’re not all roses like you think they are. Your hang ups come with you. Your depression doesn’t piss off. They’re work and I’m trying to raise my daughter and run a business. Solo. You’re trying to escape your shit. And make me solve that and manage my own. I can’t. Im the one who’s exhausted. When I see your name and face on my phone, almost every single day, I get stressed.
I already had to take care of an addict by myself, for years. I don’t have time or energy for that big a commitment again. And Stolas you ask for a lot of work. You aren’t supportive. You only talk to me or buy me shit I don’t want, when you want something. I don’t want you to be my sunk cost. Protection, saving you, tucking you into bed, pep talks, helping your legal shit, telling you it’s okay, don’t cry, getting you off booze. Seems like dad shit. I’m not your dad stolas, I’m Loonas.
I feel bad for you, what you’re going through, that doesn’t mean I “love you”. I don’t even know you. I’m going home to my daughter. You should really think about rehab. I’ll even visit you if you want. But I can’t stay with you.
What we’re going to get: omg stolas you poor thing it’s all my fault! Upon her stage!! What she put you through! I caused Stella to abuse you or something! So now I have to change and fix it. I had no idea this villain was hurting you my baby. You deserve so much. Here’s my jacket, you are so brave don’t cry. I’m so enraged!! I’ll fight for your honour and you can move into my place! Loona won’t mind.
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thepersonperson · 12 hours
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thank you for writing out all your thoughts on the dream theory!! it’s so so interesting and i have been thinking about it non stop lmaoo
i think it could be interesting to note that the only chapter title (i think) that mentions dreams is chapter 11. literally called “a dream”. this title is referring to gojo’s dream of “resetting” the world of jujutsu, and not really relating to this dream state/delusions. but it could still relate to this theory?
to achieve this dream, gojo explains that he became a teacher to foster strong allies, with yuuji front and center of that frame. yuuji wakes up right after this and while it’s unclear if he heard any of it at all, yuuji’s current dream (assuming the theory is correct) could be a way of preserving gojo’s memory, and therefore gojo’s dream of this fixed jujutsu world (specifically see gakuganji saying chill everything’s gonna be alright) where everyone is alive.
another interesting point is that the clocks in 268-269 seem to go backwards? in 268, when they realize they’re late to meet up with the others, the clock reads 2:52. but in 269, once they’re fully in the meeting, the clock reads 2:21. it could just be a coincidence but the clock in 269 takes up almost an entire page. and also when you’re dreaming time is all wonky/ clocks don’t work quite right…
(Click captions on images for citations.)
The dream used in JJK 270 differs slightly from JJK 11 in Japanese. Kanji can be read in multiple ways depending on a lot of things I don't have the energy to explain right now. Anyways, the dream in JJK 270 is 夢 (ゆめ=ゆ(Yu)め(Me)=Yume) while the dream in JJK 11 is 夢想 (むそう=む(Mu)そ(So)う(U)=Musou). The Furigana above the Kanji lets you know how it's supposed to be read.
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夢 (Yume) is referring to dreams in the general sense while 夢想 (Musou) is referring to a dream that is very unlikely to happen. It's almost like a wishful thinking type dream or goal if that makes sense?
This probably has some implications that are going over my head because my Japanese sucks, but I do think you're onto something. The dream/delusion Yuji has created has some preeeetty far fetched logistics not unlike Gojo's dream. Like the vessels of the incarnated sorcerers surviving the separation process at 1%. (This is excluding soul damage lobotomies.)
"yuuji’s current dream (assuming the theory is correct) could be a way of preserving gojo’s memory"
Honestly, that alone is a really good way to look at it. Yuji seems to be unable to confront Gojo's death head on, so the next best way to keep him "alive" is to see his dreams realized.
And yup that's another good catch. The clocks do be going backwards. (Kind of like resetting of the crappy Jujutsu world Gojo wants?)
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It's all so tragic though. Yuji trying to keep Gojo alive this way by denying his death and making his dreams come true. He's only 15...he doesn't know how to cope with it all.
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adverbally · 3 days
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Sway Through the Crowd to an Empty Space
Written for the @steddiesmuttyseptember prompt “clothes on” | wc: 1,347 | rated: M | cw: none | tags: in public (alley behind the club), outdoors, making out, dry humping, teasing, not very smutty actually but they’re on their way there | background buckingham, drinking mention | title from “Let’s Dance” by David Bowie
———
Steve knows exactly what Eddie’s planning when he asks Steve to follow him into the alley behind the club. They’re both sweating a little, packed into the small space with too many other people, and they’ve been dancing for what feels like an eternity. Eddie spent the whole last song with his hands on Steve’s hips, looking at him like he wanted to eat him alive, and Steve wanted to let him.
He was about to invite Eddie into the bathroom with him when Eddie leaned in and shouted over the music, “I’m gonna go outside for a cigarette. Wanna come?”
And now Steve is pushed up against the dirty brick behind the dumpster with Eddie’s tongue in his mouth and his hands sneaking beneath the hem of his shirt, cigarettes long forgotten.
Eddie’s warm, draped all along the length of Steve’s body like a heated blanket, but it’s not enough to block out the chill of the late fall evening. Their cold noses bump against their flushed cheeks, and Eddie lets out an honest-to-god yelp when Steve’s hands come up to his jaw as their kisses deepen.
“Jesus Christ! Why are you so cold?”
“I’m waiting for you to warm me up,” Steve tells him with a suggestive smile.
Eddie frowns. “This isn’t going to be very sexy if you get frostbite and lose all your fingers.”
“You’ve been spending too much time with Robin.” Steve drops his mouth to Eddie’s neck to rewarm the spot where his hand had been. Just to be safe, Steve makes sure to suck hard enough to bruise. Bringing more blood to the surface will help them stay warm, right?
It’s enough to make Eddie’s hips jolt, rubbing his erection against Steve’s hip through two layers of denim. “Please don’t talk about Robin during sex,” he groans into the empty alley.
Steve pulls back to look at him in disbelief. “Baby, it’s literally freezing out here. How are we supposed to have sex if my dick is turning into an icicle?”
“Oh, is that why it’s so hard?” Eddie’s smile is adorably crooked, but his eyes are like fire beneath the shadow cast by his bangs. He sways back into Steve’s space to kiss him again, swallowing his gasp when their clothed cocks meet. “Let me fix that for you,” he says against Steve’s lips.
It takes all of Steve’s willpower to press his palms to Eddie’s chest and gently nudge him back a step. “What’s your plan here? Because I have a feeling that it will involve me coming in my pants and going back inside to be wet and sticky for at least another hour before we can leave and drop off Robin and Chrissy. And don’t say,” he points aggressively when Eddie opens his mouth, “that you’ll clean me up, or that you’ll just let me come in your mouth, because you already made me too aware of the possibility of getting frostbite and these pants are closed for business.”
“What if,” Eddie muses, holding himself up with a hand against the wall next to Steve’s head, “I make you come in your pants and we can make up a spilled drink emergency to convince Robin and Chrissy we have to leave early?”
“Or we jump to the fake emergency so we can go home early and have warm, comfortable sex in our bed instead of this disgusting alley?” Steve smooths his hands over the lapels of Eddie’s leather jacket.
Eddie narrows his eyes thoughtfully. “Compromise? Ten minutes of making out in this disgusting alley and then we can leave?”
“Five minutes. Just ‘cause I think you’d be really sad if my dick fell off,” Steve says with a sympathetic pout.
“Mmmm, I would be,” Eddie agrees reluctantly, with a fond glance down at the straining fly of Steve’s jeans. “Five minutes it is.”
Steve doesn’t waste any time pulling Eddie closer by the collar of his t-shirt and devouring his mouth. Now that they’ve put a time limit on their makeout session, there’s an urgency to their kisses– Steve has a deadline if he wants to take Eddie apart, leave him panting and desperate and hard in his pants. He wants to tease him now so he can blow his socks off later.
Eddie doesn’t resist, equally eager to crowd Steve against the brick until they’re pressed together head to toe. They’re basically the same height but Steve is slouching against the wall, making him feel small and safe with Eddie’s arms caging him in. Steve’s own arms wind around Eddie’s waist, settling his hands at the small of his back. Over his clothes, of course; he doesn’t want to cross the line from ‘teasing’ to ‘annoying’ by getting his icy fingers on Eddie’s skin again.
They physically can’t be any closer together with the layers of fabric between them, but Steve still tries, grinding his hips against the denim-clad thigh Eddie has pressed between his legs. It feels so good when they fit together like this, like they were meant to interlock, and Steve's grip at the back of Eddie’s jacket tightens in a futile attempt for more. He can tell Eddie feels the same from the tight hold he has on Steve’s hips.
The alley is quiet around them, save for the distant thumping of the bass from the speakers inside. They can’t hear much over the sounds of their mouths moving together wetly and their ragged breathing. When Eddie shifts to adjust their angle, Steve can see their exhalations turning to foggy clouds in the cold air.
“Okay, I can see our breath right now. Time’s up,” he announces.
Eddie drops his head with a resigned sigh. “Already?” he whines, nuzzling his cold nose along Steve’s jaw and making him shiver.
“I won’t be able to suck you off when we get home if I get hypno— hippo—” He looks at Eddie expectantly when he can't find the word.
“Hypothermia,” Eddie informs him with a final chaste kiss to his lips. “And you have a point, unfortunately. I think parts of me are going numb.”
Steve is about to make the obvious joke about restoring feeling to Eddie’s sensitive spots, but he’s interrupted when the back door of the club crashes open with a violent metallic creak.
He and Eddie all but leap apart, trying to look like anything but two queer boys who were just playing tonsil hockey.
“Steeeeve,” the newcomer whines. “We’ve been looking for you foreeeeeever.”
Steve breathes a sigh of relief when it turns out to be Robin, enjoying the loose and enthusiastic stage of drunkenness while Chrissy tries to keep her propped up like a scarecrow. “Rob, we’ve only been gone for, like, ten minutes max.”
“Yeah but I wanted to dance with you!” She blinks at him like she doesn’t get what he’s not understanding about her obvious motive.
Beside her, Chrissy is shaking her head emphatically and waving her hand in front of her throat, indicating that Robin is cut off for the night.
“You know what? That’s a great idea.” Steve uses a hand at the small of Eddie’s back to usher him forward. “I just need to get something first,” he lies.
“Oh! Can I come?” Robin asks excitedly, like this is some kind of epic adventure out of one of Eddie’s campaigns.
Steve ducks under Robin’s other arm, helping Chrissy to keep her upright as they walk down the alley in the direction of Steve’s car. While Robin is babbling away to Chrissy about how much fun she’s having, Steve turns his head toward Eddie and whispers, “See, no emergency needed.”
“She’s kind of her own emergency, isn’t she?” Eddie’s voice is low and husky with suppressed laughter.
It’s unfair how quickly Steve’s face heats up at the sound. “Stop being sexy until we get home. Twenty minutes, tops.”
“Twenty minutes,” Eddie repeats with a wicked smile. It’s a promise when he says it.
When Steve speeds the whole way back to Robin and Chrissy’s apartment, Eddie is the only one who notices.
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a1rightyaphrodite · 1 year
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Feeling Tired
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rystiel · 4 days
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idk what we’re all calling the concept of fiddlestan working together but i’m calling my version the portal partners AU 🙏🏼
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#gave it a name bc i was kinda tired of calling it the Fidds and Stan Work Together on the Portal AU#it’s called portal partners bc they’re partners in fixing the portal partners in running the shack AND partners in life#ik i’m not the only one to think of an au where they start working together after ford goes missing#but i don’t see a lot of people really showing the older version of them ? i don’t think ?#like i’ve seen canon older fiddlestan but not older fiddlestan after working together for 30 years ? idk#also figured fidds would look different in a world where he doesn’t lose his mind in his 30s#🤷🏻‍♂️#gay old men#yay#stan looks and acts the same btw he just happens to also have a very longterm bf to be gay with#gravity falls took place before gay marriage was legal (jesus christ that’s crazy to think about) so that’s why i say very longterm bf#(this means ford would be back in time to attend their wedding tho so. best man ford real. fidd & ford may be sort-of-exes but it’s fine)#gravity falls#gravity falls au#fiddlestan#also… petition to start calling fiddlestan fiddley#bc fiddle(ford) + (stan)ley …. fiddley… u see the vision????#fiddley#🙂‍↕️🙏🏼#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart#idk man i’m gonna tag the au too ig#portal partners au#gravity falls portal partners au#???#my art#(i guess? used a fidds base then redrew it with my changes so idk)#rystiart#sorry if someone’s done smthn similar bc i feel like this idea of them working together is pretty popular maybe 😭
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literally the easiest way to make someone care about a character and make them feel well-rounded beyond basic traits like personality, sexuality, ethnicity, etc, is to give them an actual character arc, and it’s shocking how many people do not seem to fully realize this
you cannot just cram a bunch of tropes. tropes are not the main event, they are tools to tell the story you wish to tell. emotional impact comes from the lead up, so you can’t just jump ahead and expect the payoff to work. “I want this character to just ___ already!” but they’re not there yet. that’s where the arc comes in - how do they get there?
and! most importantly, and this is something I really want people to think about when writing - the most important relationship your character should have, always, is with the world and society around them. defining your character purely through their interactions with other characters are, I find, how a lot of female characters end up feeling flat or not engaging with the themes as much as the male characters, and also how queer and non-white characters wind up as devices for other characters’ development instead of being more fleshed out
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hella1975 · 6 months
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i need to know your thoughts on the sunshine court coming out this month. i am personally unhealthily obsessed w denim jean moreau and i’m gnawing at the bars of my enclosure to finally get real jeremy knox/jean moreau content (it’ll also get rid of those weirdos that ship jean w renee like sir that is a lesbian)
i am being so so so brave about new content i am not scared fear is the mind killer
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exopelagic · 6 months
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okay facing consequences of my actions
#I thought I’d gotten away with it this time#okay it’s 3am and I may have discovered something that completely ruins me#everyone is asleep so I can’t tell if this is me being sleep deprived or not!#so I need to sleep now but I haven’t cleaned my code up or written my answers#I do Not have time#if I don’t sleep now I’m gonna be having a bad time tomorrow morning and I am significantly less productive rn than I could be#with other people around I kinda need that y#so I should go to bed. but also. this code needs cleaning. but also. even if I fall asleep now I’m only getting like 5 hours MAX#I need a good few hours tomorrow morning to have a shot at doing this properly#so it would be more useful to sleep now and wake up as early as possible than keep going tonight bc I’m not going to finish tonight#okay. fuck. I hate this#if I could think straight I’d be able to fix this easy which is probably a good reason to sleep#it’s just an annoying logical problem that I gotta follow through bc currently I’m stuck between three possibilities and there might be more#I have these two rasters and I gotta calculate the area overlap#the first method counts the number of presence points in each (probably) and then counts the number in overlap raster w manually set values#the second counts total predicted points and points where they’re predicted to be alone and does a calculation with that for each species#that one with all points from both species + pseudoabsence. vs method 3 which does that with just individual species coordinates#method 1&2 are now homologous now I JUST caught the logical error but method 3 is what he gave us#but actually he might have fucked up in not including pseudoabsence#i don’t know if method 3 works for two different species either honestly#it gives me results I like much more (my overlap is 100% for one of the species and that shoooouldnt rlly happen even if it’s possible) but#I think it might actually just be wrong because it can’t account for#wait so the line is taking the prediction for all coordinates for each species for each species’ initial coordinates. and not pseudoabsence#and that set of predictions for each species coordinate set is then taken and yeah it’s no longer comparable you can’t count each alone#not with two different species bc you need an overlapping dataset to do that OKAY I have solved that logical problem my initial method works#which is annoying bc the result sucks but whatever I checked the rasters and it’s actually identical so#okay now I’ve figured that out. twenty minutes later. sleep I think it’ll help most#luke.txt
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year
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I feel your death under my skin no matter how much I try to bleed it out of me. I see you in your hospital bed. You died suddenly and without reason. They told us symptoms but no cause. Heart attack and Seizures. Respirators and IVs. Hospital bed. Grief rots my organs one by one. I feel it in my stomach as I picture your corpse and lose my lunch. I feel my liver bubbling sick as I spend my days pouring one drink, then another, then another. My lungs ache from the smoking but I can’t stop myself anymore. I lived the nightmare and still don’t feel it. I’m in denial. I’m a sorry excuse for a survivor. I imagine mom hovering over my corpse instead. There was no freak accident, there was no car crash, there was no where to seek revenge. His body failed him when he needed it most. Just as my body will do to me. One day I will die by my own hand, either through suicide or medical emergency. I can feel my body and my mind shutting down, I’m tugging imaginary IVs from my arms and signing myself out of the hospital. I refuse to heal and I can’t tell why. Life is giving me a second chance and I can’t help but plunge the knife into my chest again even if there’s no one else to stitch me back up. I’m just left sobbing and tucking intestines back into place in the dark. I can’t stop seeing you dead every time I close my eyes. I feel the rot deep within me. There is no way to get you back. I see no way to fix myself magically. I must heal to survive but I cannot stomach the process. I still can’t accept that you’re dead and yet it’s all I think about. Will this ever feel real? Will it ever have been real? Have I been rotting alone from the very start? Am I still alone now? Will I get out of here alive? How much longer can I do this?
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do you ever wanna like un come out to your mother
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entropys · 1 year
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:-) things are getting better september truly is a month of new beginnings
#yesterday i went out to the grocery store late at night and bought so much yogurt i think that was my turning point i am forever changed#and today i went to the mall with my mom and bought myself a pair of sunglasses that i really wanted for so long#and the guy that works there recognized me 😭😭😭😭#i went there before to buy my cousin a graduation gift and honestly i came back bc i wanted the same ones i got for her they’re so cool#anyway the staff recognized me and gave me a special discount bc im a ‘regular’ even tho this is only my second time buying from them 🥹🥹#that was so nice of him bc if it wasnt for that dicount i probably wouldnt have bought the sunglasses bc theyre a bit pricey for my budget#anyway i got them 🥹 so im feeling a bit better#also! i bought myself a little rice cooker for one serving so i don’t starve and stop ordering so much food that i don’t have money for#i think this month is spending on myself month#and tomorrow im going out to celebrate my friend’s birthday 🥰🥰 we’re going to a bakery then to a museum and im bringing my camera with me <3#recently i’ve fixed my 10 year old camera and its so perfect i love it so much i found a manual online and im gonna learn how to properly#use all the effects and settings it has#i bought it with my mom in 2013 and honestly we picked the best design ever it looks so coooool god i love my little camera im taking it#everywhere with me 🥹💛💛#anyway .. the last episode of uncanny counter 2 aired today 🥲🥲🥲 im gonna make myself some rice in my new rice cooker and watch it 🫶#then i’ll take a warm shower and finish off my friends bday gift#im making them a crochet cat keychain i hope it comes out well#alsoooo LETTERS WITH NOTES OUT TOMORROW im soooo excited i love you september#anyway i came here to talk about my week bc it was nice :-) i hope everyone’s september is going well too <3
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komaedian · 2 years
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my boiler just died, the letting agency is closed all day and their emergency line doesn’t work, there’s literally no point to landlords
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h00nerz · 1 year
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the way tumblr still hasn’t fixed broken links… girl it’s been a month how hard is it to fix a bug 😭
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