#but I’m sick of reading it so I’m gonna go ignore the whole situation (denial queen over here) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lilevixen · 4 years ago

Note

heyyy, idk if u write bertholdt or are even taking requests, but if u are can i request giving bertholdt an orgasm denial from a f!reader and it’s been like 3 hours that he’s had to hold it? thanks if u can :)

sweet boy

Characters: sub!Bertholdt Hoover x dom!female bodied reader

Genre: smut

Word Count: 1.9k

Description: Reader teaches Bertholdt a lesson after he gets a bit too touchy with them in front of their friends

•WARNING- 18+ CONTENT: orgasm denial, no-contact orgasm, descriptions of oral sex (male receiving), dacryphilia(ish?)•

“Baby, please, I said I was s-sorry!” Bertholdt whined from across the room for what felt like the millionth time that evening. You casted a look of faux boredom over your shoulder from your small wooden desk, trying your best to remain blasé at the mouth-watering sight of your boyfriend still sat criss-cross applesauce completely bare on the bed. He was so good for you, so obedient; his arms never once left from behind his back for entirety of the time you had him there. How long did you have him there? After you two got back from the dining hall, minutes easily spilled into hours in the smudgy haze of repressed lust you had established. The only indicator of how long Berthodlt had been sitting there for, cock upright and twitching for attention, was how absolutely worn out he looked. Every inch of his deep, tan skin was glittering with sweat, cords of muscle in his thighs and abdomen strained beneath his flesh so severely they looked like they could snap any second, his chest heaved erratically as if he had just run a marathon- this was absolute torture for him, you could tell. You would’ve felt bad, if he hadn’t disobeyed you in the first place.

“Huh? I was reading, sweetie. I didn’t hear you,” a bald-faced lie on your part. Your eyes kept tracking over the same paragraph over and over again without absorbing any of the information in your brain, the sweet pleas of your boyfriend claiming all the space in your mind instead. His lip quivered at your persistence in feigning ignorance of his situation and tears quickly filled his dark eyes.

“P-Please! Can you please t-touch me? I need you so bad I think I might e-explode,” he stammered out, his voice meek but desperate, shameless, so needy and you felt it throb between your legs, adding to the arousal already collecting along your inner thighs. Despite how incredibly turned on you were, you let out a slow sigh hiss past your lips as if you were getting irritated.

“Well, you got to touch me plenty, sweets. In front of everyone, just like I asked you not to,” excitement overtook your annoyance some time ago, but what you brought up was a genuine point of contention. From the very beginning you made it clear you wanted your relationship to be private. It wasn’t that you were ashamed of him or anything, you just hated all the unnecessary attention couples garnered, all the mindless gossip and speculation of who plays what role, the whispers, the stares. And once Bertholdt had gotten comfortable with you, always seeking your touch like a love sick little puppy, you knew this was something that needed to be discussed. He agreed at the time, ‘if it means I get to be with you, I guess it’s okay,’ he said, but as things progressed he would give away your relationship in little ways. At first it was just the way he would look at you (which was only natural given your feeling for each other, you supposed), staring at your lips for a little too long when you spoke, a little twinkle of fondness in his warm eyes. You let this slide, because it was minimal and no one seemed to notice. But slowly, he started doing more and more things that you had to call him out on, resting his head on your shoulder, using his thumb to tenderly swipe crumbs of food off your face, nearly calling you baby- until finally, tonight in the dining hall while having supper with your friends, he practically announced you two were together by kissing your hand when you burnt it on a scalding bowl of soup. Porco was too involved with his food to notice, but you could feel Reiner and Annie’s eyes hovering over you as if you were an alien. Too embarrassed to handle their reactions, you excused yourself to your room and quickly left before they even had a chance to say anything, Bertholdt obviously right on your heels. He tried to embrace you and kiss you and apologize to make it all better, but his penchant for physical affection was what got you in this situation in the first place. So that’s when you decided to give him a little time-out. Even though, your edge was starting to wear down after hearing him whine out for you for so long.

“I know! I-I just don’t like seeing you get hurt! I didn’t think they were looking at us, I’m sorry Y/N!” he choked out, squirming against the air as if that would provide some sort of relief. “I’m s-so hard for you it feels like ‘m gonna pass out.”

“Oh really? And what do you want me to do about that?” You asked in a snarky tone to mask the unadulterated lust pulsing through you, going back to fake-reading your text book.

“I want you to touch me! I want to feel you, any part of you, until I cum over and over…” you could hear the thought in his voice as he got lost in what he was describing, and you didn’t need to turn around to know he was biting his lip with his head tilted back, eyes squeezed shut and brows knitted. Another hot rush of arousal swirled in deep in your stomach.

“You know I can’t do that, baby,” you said against your own body’s command.

“Y-Yes you can! I promise I’ll be good from now on, I w-won’t hold your hand or kiss you or hug you in front of anyone again! Just please, I need you Y/N,” maybe it was your own excitement, or how fucking good he sounded begging for you like a pitiful little boy, but this finally broke your resolve. It would be cruel to let him stay there like that all night, anyway. You pushed yourself out of your seat and made your way to Berthdolt’s trembling form on the bed. Even you just getting closer to him caused his heavy breathing to pick up pace.

“How do you want me, my sweet boy?” you purred, laying down flat on your stomach before his lanky body so that his dick towered above you like a skyscraper.

“A-Any way,” he looked down at you beneath his dark, fluttering lashes, swiveling his hips in anticipation of your touch. You let out a soft scoff.

“Be specific or I can’t help you~,” you said with a sweet lilt in your voice, harsh words laced with honey. His eyes blew open wide at your threat to leave him a writhing, unfulfilled mess for even longer than you already had.

“Can you take me in your mouth? Please?” A new wave of blush spread across his cheeks as he said this, and you couldn’t help but smile at how cute he was.

“There you go, baby,” you giggled. You guided your featherlight fingertips along the slick muscle of his thighs, causing him to tense up immediately, and you could actually see the thrum of his heartbeat racing beneath his skin in faint flits. He was so sensitive by now you didn’t doubt he would explode just like he said before. Your fingers playfully walked along the slope of his legs, working their way inwards, and you teased them to a gradual stop mere inches from where he needed you most. He was panting like a dog at this point, chest rising and falling violently as he looked down at you, jaw slack and eyes cloudy with frustrated tears.

“You’ve been waiting for this, huh?” You dragged your tongue along your lower lip and leaned in close to his pulsating cock so that your breath fanned across his shaft, digging your fingers into the tendons of his inner thigh. He gasped, the shock of you finally gracing him with some sort of stimulation overwhelming his worked-up body, and a throb of pleasure shot through his dick with such alarming intensity that you could see it expand in his veins and swell at the tip. You blinked up at him, a bit startled yourself. He was so close already and you barely even touched him… Maybe you didn’t even need to touch him.

“U-Uhuh!” He nodded frantically, tears now spilling down his flushed face and drool dribbling down his chin; the sight would’ve been sad if it wasn’t so fucking hot. You massaged your fingertips into the thin, sweat-slicked skin on either side of his balls and slowly moved your lips upwards so that they were ghosting the hot, leaking head of his penis. His whole body shuddered underneath you, hips eagerly twitching to meet your lips, but only mildly, timidly, making it clear he was still completely under your control.

“I bet you’ve been imagining this for so long, my lips around your cock, feeling me squeeze you in my throat,” you hummed, your lips just barely brushing his dickhead as you spoke, and to him the vibration of your voice and the warm flutters of your breath against him felt just as sensational as the euphoric grip of your walls after hours of waiting for any kind of attention. This was exactly what you suspected, what you were hoping. He was such a desperate mess that he could get off to just your words and proximity. “Can you feel it? My pretty little mouth drooling around you?”

“A-Ah! Yes!” He cried out, and his stiff cock slapped against his belly eagerly as if he was truly feeling every bit of what you were describing, hell, even you were starting to feel it from his reactions alone, the ache between your legs growing almost painful.

“Does my sweet boy want to cum down my throat?” You kept steady eye contact with him, savoring every bit of watching him crumble before you, intentionally letting your breath pour past your lips in heavy pants, and he bucked into the air with each puff, his abdomen flexed tight and his thighs shuddering.

“Ahaha y-yes please!” He whimpered, the rhythm of his hips gently rising to meet your breath becoming twitchy and unstable, a clear sign that he was on the brink of long-awaited release. A coy smile played at the ends of your lips as you batted your lashed up at him.

“Then cum for me,” and on command, his whole body convulsed under the weight of sweet, sweet climax, at long last, the hugest load you’d ever seen erupting out of him in thick, hot torrents that sprayed right in his face. You were so proud of him, your poor baby, putting up with your little act for hours on end despite yearning for you so immensely that you didn’t even need to touch his cock for him to bust. He just loved you that much and why exactly? You quite honestly didn’t know. You almost felt the need to apologize for treating him so cruelly, but at the end of the day you were trying to teach him a lesson, and based on how he was looking at you, right eye squeezed shut to prevent cum from getting in his eye, body rattling with exhaustion, it was safe to say he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. The least you could do was help him clean up. You got up on your knees and took his clammy face in your hands, gliding your tongue along his salty skin to get rid of all the cum, saliva, tears- whatever fluids were coating his face. When you were done, you pressed a kiss to his lips.

“I love you, my sweet boy.”

A/N:

HEYYY LOVELIESSS💓💓 here’s my first official completed request (woohoo)!!! Bertholdt is not usually a character I would accept writing but this request kinda had me GRRRR ya know (thank you for that anon, I truly hope you’ll enjoy this! This was my first time writing orgasm denial too so idk if i did it right NAKWKA)? BUTTT yeah here ya go, bloop ilyyyy

~Bunny

#bertholdt x reader #bertholdt imagines #aot x reader #aot smut #aot x reader smut #bertholdt x reader smut #aot imagines #aot headcanons #bertholdt Hoover #bertholdt hoover x reader #bertholdt smut

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writing-in-april · 4 years ago

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Tiny Vessels

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader (Spencer’s POV)

Summary: Spencer is done trying to lie to himself about his true feelings in his relationship, but not done lying to Reader.

A/N: IM BACK!!! So as y’all know I got really sick towards the end of my 30 fics in 30 days event- I’m still going to release the last few fics I missed (and we’re all just gonna pretend it’s still April 😂) this one was requested by @zhuzhubii it’s actually my second song fic and is based on the song tiny vessels. I’m actually super proud of this one and I’m happy to get back into the swing of things with writing 🥰 Also my 1500 follower celebration will likely wait until I finish up the backlog of fics so I don’t overwhelm myself! Feel free to leave me an ask here (I promise I don’t bite) Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

Warnings: 18+, Toxic relationship, Lying about feelings and intentions, Brief illusions to sex, Using someone only for their body

Main Masterlist Word Count: 1.3k

The moment I knew, had been a long time coming. It had been just after post coital bliss had faded around me, reality creeping in on the sides as it tried to take hold of me. It had been trying to tell me something, something I had denied for so long. No amount of tossing and turning would banish the slowly creeping in thoughts that attempted to plague my mind. If I had turned and tossed anymore, my partner right beside me would ask what was wrong, and I knew I couldn’t answer it. At least I couldn’t answer it honestly without tearing down what we had built up for ourselves. I never had much that I say I built myself, and even though the foundation was about to cave in, I wouldn’t take the sledgehammer to it myself.

I remember when I told them the first time I told them ‘I love you’. It had been an almost identical situation to where we were now. Two people, naked underneath the sheets, so close physically yet so far emotionally, though I covered that up with my honeyed words of promise.

I always wanted to believe the words I spoke to them, the promises I gave them. Each time I choked out the words, dripping in sentiment and sap I tricked them, and myself into believing them.

Unlike my counterpart I couldn’t fully escape into ignorant bliss. They didn’t know, but I knew deep down everytime I burst open their door after coming home from a rough case. We moved through the dark almost every time, as it was the only time I was available, and it hid my pained expressions pretty well.

All the friends I was telling about our relationship were even convinced too, though I could see a sneaking suspicion crop up in Emily’s eyes every once and a while when I mentioned them. I didn’t tell them the reality, the one that I avoided myself.

It was all for the flesh, nothing of substance lurked underneath, at least for me. Every bite I gave them left a mark, tiny vessels able to be seen creeping up on their skin even in the dark. I claimed them even if I didn’t let them be mine; they could never claim me. They had said they didn’t want those marks to fade, but they inevitably did, showing how hollow my words had been before I nipped at their skin. Once I realized how they faded, how non committed the marks were on their skin, I faded too. I still indulged in the pleasures they freely wanted to give me, but I let my words remain hollow, accepting their meaning without admitting it out loud.

And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.

Their beauty was unparalleled, it always had been to me. Time and realization had not changed that thought in my mind, though I had lied to myself about the depth of those thoughts. Every brushed touch against their body sent me into a blaze, though it took too long for me to admit that that was the only thing about them I thought about at night.

Their giggle did not make my chest feel light, and our conversations that edged on deep discussions only stimulated my mind because I forced it. Their moans and the softness of their skin were what made me call them at the dead of night, masking it by saying ‘I missed you’. I would then inevitably pivot away from talking about our feelings so I could hear their moans through the speaker of my old phone I only kept around for work, and to call them.

All I see are dark grey clouds now, ruining whatever utopia I had crafted in my mind once I had come to conclude what my real feelings were. If I was honest with myself, it had been lingering at the back of my mind for months now. By now the lie was too hard to escape, and their body felt too good underneath me to let go.

It was vile, and it was cheap of me to trick them for so long into believing that the words whispered into their skin in the dead of night held any true emotion. A kiss on their bare shoulder with a soft rasp of how much they meant to me. Kisses that had been given along the slopes of their pretty face with little whispers of ‘I love you’ in between before I had met their lips with mine.

Another kiss, the last one placed on their forehead given to them after I had promised to bring them the world. And they were all vile, and cheap lies.

Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

My thoughts swirled as I continued to stare at them, boring holes into their skin just from my gaze. Guilt nipped at my heels each time another harsh reality tried to slap me across the face, trying to get me to stop trapping them in something I already knew was hollow at its core. Denial was easy when no one else was calling me out for it; something in me almost wanted them to say it, to leave so I would be able to stop living this pathetic lie.

At some point they had sensed my eyes on their body, then looking over at me. Their lips turned downward into a frown, probably after successfully reading the expression on my face. Normally whenever I fixed my gaze on them it was out of admiration, unfortunately if I was going to be honest with myself, it was never because of what lies beneath. I couldn’t force myself to look any deeper than their body.

Too bad being a profiler hadn’t given me the ability to be a good liar, and I wondered if they had figured out long ago that my promises intermingled with kisses were a thinly veiled lie. Maybe they were lying to themselves still.

In the distance, my guilt moved closer every hour.

It would soon swallow me up whole, consuming me when they asked a simple question, “Is something wrong?”

My breath got caught up tight in my chest, my shame welling up so high up it stole my voice for a moment. In the moment that passed, they cocked their head to the side in question innocently. It was almost as if they were mocking the feelings eating at me, showing me how much I was missing by not developing true feelings for them. Damn, right there’s something wrong, but I won’t speak it out loud to let you know.

I felt disgusted with myself, and all I could wonder is if they felt the same way as I did. Wondering did nothing to ease the guilt inside, even as I tried to justify what I was doing.

It would be easier in some regards to come clean about what I was doing, to face the guilt head on. I was a creature of habit however, and hiding in the corners of my mind was one of the things I did best.

So, no we won’t talk about it, because I wouldn’t tell them. I leaned forward to kiss them on the lips, another promise to never let them go that was filled with nothing but lies. The kiss seemed to banish any worry that they still held in the crease of their forehead, their head was now cocked to the side to slant their lips across mine instead.

It was our last kiss of the night, before they went back to their own apartment tonight. My hands roamed up their sides, mapping out every dip and curve with my fingers. It was what I really cherished about them, even if it did make me sick on the inside. Though, I didn’t feel sick enough to say anything more, and I let them go, both of us pretending that it was something more. And, the only reason we were allowed to pretend was because I would not divulge the true reason I gave them those tiny vessels on their neck.

Ask Me Anything

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#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler x reader #mgg #mgg x reader #30 fics in 30 days

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tinyboxxtink · 4 years ago

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“Warrior”

Awwwwww SHIT. She cannot be stopped, folks.

So I thought about making this an Epilogue to “Helpless”, but I MIGHT turn it into a sequel, if that’s something you guys want. I have so many ideas!!!

Anyway, here is a “Helpless” SEQUEL ONE SHOT as of now.

TBH I love it so much. I was listening to the song and I just couldn’t get this idea out of my head. OH RIGHT, if you haven’t heard Demi Lovato’s “Warrior”, listen to it now. And/or as you read this. I listened to it the entire time I wrote it. Hell I’m still listening to it. LOL.

“Please, Liv?”

Barba was begging his best friend, on his knees in his own office.

“This is ridiculous, Rafa. You’re a grown man. Stop begging,”

“Then promise you’ll do it,”

“I..wha...WHY do you need me to take your girlfriend out?”

“Look she just went through a traumatic event--”

“Um it was pretty traumatic for me too, if you couldn’t tell,”

“Right. I know...Liv, you know I love you,” He put a hand on her shoulder. “But she ALSO lost the one person in the world that she’s had for most of her life. She has no one now,”

“She has you, obviously,”

“Well yeah sure she has me, but I--I can’t be her whole world. She needs friends. And she doesn’t meet anyone because she had to quit her job at Fazzoli’s. So she’s just been my Personal Assistant for the past month until she can find something else, and she’s just…. around, ALL the time,” He explained the past month of your lives.

“Sounds like you’re getting sick of your little hustler,” Liv chuckled.

“DON’T, call her that.” Rafael warned her.

“Why? It’s what she did,” Liv scoffed.

“Olivia...look,” Rafael rubbed his temples. “You are my best friend in the entire world, and I love you. But you have GOT to let this little...grudge against Y/N go,”

“Grudge? What-- She--” Olivia protested, but Rafael cut her off.

“Whatever happened, it’s in the past. We’re putting it behind us, and so should you,”

“Whatever….” Olivia rolled her eyes.

“If you want to keep being my best friend,”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a plea, once again,” He took her hand. “If you truly love me, you will help me help her,” He gave her those puppy dog eyes, the ones she could never resist, even if she wanted to.

“Oh that is DIRTY, Barba,” She pushed him away with her hand over his face.

“Again though, I don’t know what you want me to do. She obviously doesn’t think we’re going to be friends, and all of my friends are your friends-- also, they’re all adults,”

“She’s an adult,”

“....Sure she is,”

“OLIVIA,”

“Okay okay, I just...Oh you know what, I could ask Lucy if her and her friends want to come,” She picked up her phone and flipped through it.

“See? You’re brilliant,” Rafael smiled.

“Whoa there counselor, I’m not sure how excited she is going to be to drag her friends out with her BOSS, her friends and your pet---girlfriend,” She quickly corrected herself, but Barba heard it anyway.

“You’re unbelievable,” He sighed.

“Look I said I would ask her, I didn’t say it would be happy about it,”

“Alright, alright,” He nodded. “Thank you, Liv,” he gave her a small hug then she turned to walk out.

“Don’t make me regret this,” She eyed him. Just then, you came up behind her in the doorway.

“Regret what?”

“Uh...my lunch plans, Rafael suggested a place I haven’t tried,” Olivia pushed her hair behind her ears nervously, looking everywhere around you but your eyes. Classic lying tells, but you really didn’t want to deal with her stuff right now so you left it alone.

“Oh, well have fun detective!” You gave her a cheery smile as she walked out of the office. You handed Rafael one of the two coffees you had brought in.

“Fuel for my baby,” You smiled, kissing him on the cheek. You could see the screaming behind his eyes when he smiled back at you.

“...What?” you raised an eyebrow.

“What, what?” he asked, acting oblivious.

“Rafael, you know I know something is off,”

“Wha… no, not--” he started but you gave him a knowing look. “You said you weren’t going to do that anymore, Y/N,” he was suddenly stern, referring to using your ‘superpower’.

“And I told you, I can’t turn it off!” You reminded him, you had said it in your very first conversation.

“Okay but you can...y’know pretend you don’t see things,” he pointed out.

“Or, you could just tell me why your eyes are screaming for help right now,” you crossed your arms.

“Wha--that--Good lord,” He sighed, taking a swig of his coffee.

“I’m around too much, aren’t I?” You finally stated the obvious, tired of ignoring it anymore.

“No! No no no…” He put a hand to your face. Overly repetitive denial, meant yes.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it. I don’t have anywhere else to be,” You bit your lip and looked down at the floor. You hated being this helpless, relying on him for everything. Ever since he had left the hospital, you’d moved in with him and took care of him while his shoulder healed. And then when he went back to work, you told him you had to quit working at Fazzoli’s because it was just too hard to go there every day after everything that had transpired there. You really had tried, but you just kept having flashbacks or panic attacks that Arianna would come walking through the door and take you away again.

Rafael was totally understanding, as usual. He told you that you could be his Assistant for the time being, which really just meant you followed him around all day like a puppy. And he was paying you with his salary, so he was basically just giving you money. You hated it; you were used to being completely independent-- sort of.

Sure Arianna ‘protected’ you, but it wasn’t like you were a baby bird. You had been through so many horrific things in your short life, all on your own. You knew how to survive in the mean streets of NYC, making your own money. You were like a bulldog, and now you were a lap dog.

“Hey,” Rafael picked your head up back to face him. “I know. I’m not blaming you for anything,”

“But you are sick of me,”

“I just...I think you need more people in your life, that’s all,” he stroked your hair.

“Yeah, I know,” you shrugged.

He was right, but you weren’t used to having more than one person looking out for you, or vice versa. You didn’t really know what it was like to have a normal friend, and your serious trust issues really didn’t help the situation. Rafael had tried to get you to go to therapy to work through your “issues”, but you didn’t trust your therapist, which made the whole thing moot.

“...Wait, so what were you actually talking about with Liv?”

“She told you, I was--”

“Can we not do this again,” You rolled your eyes.

“....Alright fair enough,” He sighed, giving up. “I asked Olivia if she knew of any girls that might want to ‘hang out’ with you,”

“Oh my god, Rafa!” You were humiliated.

“God now I’m like that weird kid in class who eats paste, and her parents have to to talk to the teacher who makes the other kids be her friend,”

“....That’s a weirdly specific scenario,” he raised an eyebrow.

“...Yeah, well-- not my first time,” You shrugged sadly.

“Aw honey,” He half laughed, taking your into his arms and kissing your forehead. “I would’ve been your friend, no matter what you ate,”

“Yeah well considering you were probably in high school when I was in elementary, I doubt it,” You smirked.

“Ooof, below the belt,” He put both hands over his crotch with a pained expression.

“I’m sorry,” you stuck your tongue out with a smile. “But you kinda deserve it, trying to beg people to be my friend,”

“I didn’t BEG…” He started, but saw that look in your eyes. “Okay but it worked,” He came clean.

“Oh Olivia and I are gonna have a girls night? Are we gonna braid each other’s hair and talk about boys we like? OH WAIT,” You made sarcastic gestures. “We like the same boy!” You rolled your eyes.

“I mean, I can’t blame you. He’s pretty awesome,” He smirked.

“And so not full of himself,” You pulled on his collar towards you.

“Not at all,” He kept smirking, as he placed his lips over yours.

Just then Barba’s phone vibrated-- a text from Liv.

“KARAOKE NIGHT. TONIGHT. 8PM,”

“Uh….well, I guess you might be right?” He showed his phone. It vibrated again, another text came in as your were reading it.

“LUCY AND FRIENDS, YOU BETTER BE THERE TOO. I’M NOT A BABYSITTER,”

“Well, she is just lovely,” you handed it back to him with a roll of your eyes.

“Hey, at least she’s trying,” he texted a reply to Liv.

“Can you try as well? Please?” He asked you while looking at you with the same puppy dog eyes, Liv wasn’t the only one who couldn’t resist them.

“Fine…” you sighed, and he rewarded you with a kiss.

“I need something to wear,” You batted your eyes, to which he rolled his own and pulled out his credit card.

“See? I’m leaving you alone, it’s working already!” You giggled, walking out of the office to go shopping.

------

That night, you and Rafael showed up to a place called TOP5.. It was a fun, trendy hipster restaurant. There were several booths, some tables, even a few couches for people to chill. And in front of everything was a huge stage, with a piano next to it. But there was also a DJ, spinning records.

Rafael noticed Olivia waving to him; he lead you to a giant half booth half table where Olivia, Rollins, Fin, Carisi, and four young girls you had never met before sat with drinks in their hands.

“How did you get these guys out?” Rafael gestured to the squad.

“I asked them nicely,” She smiled.

“Yeah, if ‘nice’ means it was either this or catching up on paperwork all night,” Fin rolled his eyes.

“This is Lucy, my nanny,” Olivia pointed the young girl next to her, who gave a small wave.

“And these are my friends Riley, Lexi and Brianne,” Lucy pointed to each of her friends, who also did a wave as they heard their name.

“Rafael Barba,” he nodded to the girls. “And this is my--”

“Y/N,” You interjected, introducing yourself. You were determined NOT to just be “Rafael’s Girlfriend” anymore.

“So we were looking through some songs, I don’t think anyone’s brave enough to go up there though,” Lexi informed you, gesturing to a huge black binder in front of her and her friends.

“More like not drunk enough,” Lucy laughed.

“Hey we can fix that!” Brianne giggled, calling for shots from the bar.

“Great idea Barba, it’s like we’re chaperoning,” Amanda whispered to Rafael, who rolled his eyes and nodded to a waiter for a scotch.

“May I?” You asked Riley, sliding the book in front of you. You flipped through a binder, until a song stood out to you. It was like it was screaming to you from the page.

You had heard so many “therapeutic” mantras over the past month, people trying help you get over your trauma. Talk it out, they said. You need to get it out.

Well, this was one way.

You excused yourself and walked up to the DJ, whispered something to which he nodded, and went to the mic.

“Alright alright, looks like we have our first vict--I mean, superstar!” He joked. You seriously thought about punching him in the face for using “victim” as a joke, but you knew that was the trauma talking. And you were to fix that, not indulge it.

The music started, and you just let the words spill out:

This is a story that I have never told

I gotta get this off my chest to let it go

I need to take back the light inside you stole

You're a criminal

And you steal like you're a pro

All the pain and the truth

I wear like a battle wound

So ashamed, so confused

I was broken and bruised

Thoughts of you and Arianna’s life together ran through your mind like a movie montage as you sang. The words were so scary accurate.

Now I'm a warrior

Now I've got thicker skin

I'm a warrior

I'm stronger than I've ever been

And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in

I'm a warrior

And you can never hurt me again

That first chorus felt like you were letting out a huge breath you had been holding in for God knows how long. You wanted Olivia, Rafel, the squad...EVERYONE to know, that you weren’t this helpless little lamb they had seen for the past month.

Out of the ashes, burning like a fire

You can save your apologies

You're nothing but a liar

I've got shame, I've got scars

But I will never show

I'm a survivor

In more ways than you know

'Cause all the pain and the truth

I wear like a battle wound

So ashamed, so confused

I'm not broken and bruised

Now the flashbacks of the real trauma you had been through came pulsing through your mind. Horrors that still kept you up at night; you’d have night terrors sometimes but had hidden them from Rafael so far. He didn’t need to know just how fucked up you truly were. None of it mattered now anyway, you were a survivor. And you had the scars to prove it.

'Cause now I'm a warrior

Now I've got thicker skin

I'm a warrior

I'm stronger than I've ever been

And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in

I'm a warrior

And you can never hurt me

There's a part of me I can't get back

A little girl grew up too fast

All it took was once, I'll never be the same

Now I'm taking back my life today

Nothing left that you can say

'Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway

You thought of everything Arianna had taken from you. Sure your childhood was shit, but you were fairly young when she convinced you to run away with her. You could have stayed in your small town, found a decent job. Lived a normal life, with normal friends. But she sucked you into your life of crime and deceit, all while telling you it was perfectly fine, and that she loved you. But it was all bullshit, all of it. You saw that now. And now if she ever came back into your life and tried to convince you of anything, you wouldn’t fall back into her lies.

You took a breath before the last chorus, suddenly feeling your face getting wet. You realized you had started crying while you were singing, but for some reason you weren’t ashamed of it. It actually made you feel stronger, like letting your tears wash the pain and shame from yourself.

Now I'm a warrior

I've got thicker skin

Now I'm a warrior

I'm stronger than I've ever been

And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in

I'm a warrior

And you can never hurt me again

You finished the song in a whisper as your head dropped to looking at the floor. You were exhausted from the mental journey that song had taken you on. You had never felt so...free. Before you could even look up, the room erupted in applause.

You lifted your head to see everyone in the room giving you a standing ovation...even Olivia, who you could swear had tears in her eyes.

You gave a sheepish smile and a curtsy, quickly getting off the stage and returning to your booth, where not a face was dry.

“...Aww, guys...,” You didn’t know what to say; you had never been that open and vulnerable to ANYONE before, and here you had gone and ripped your soul open in front of a group of strangers.

“That was--”

Olivia came around and hugged you, a genuine hug. It lasted uncomfortably long, so you had to break it with a confused smile.

“I’m sorry I judged you,” She apologized, and you saw the absolute sincerity and guilt written all over her face.

“It’s fine, if I were you I would’ve judged me too,” you gave her an understanding smile.

She nodded, giving Rafael an apologetic look as well, to which he took her hand and pulled her into a hug.

“So, who’s next?!” You smiled, pushing the binder to the middle of the table. Protests and laughs began at the table, bickering about who was drunk enough to follow you.

Rafael leaned over to you, whispering in your ear over the noise of the crowd.

“You’re the bravest warrior I know, Y/N” He wiped tears from his eyes, kissing your cheek.

“Yes. Yes, I am,” you smiled, wiping the rest of his tears as you kissed him.

And for the first time maybe ever, you believed it.

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #warrior #helpless

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

Text

Rio & Buster

Rio: I found out who my stalker is

Buster: So tell me

Rio: Lexie

Buster: You’re sure?

Rio: Oh yeah

Rio: [show the texts from ‘Lexie’]

Buster: Jesus Christ

Rio: She kept denying it

Rio: despite the fact she literally sent that text whilst we’re all out together

Rio: Why? Why would she do this, I don’t get it

Buster: Are the denials all she said?

Rio: Yeah, she said she didn’t even send that text, like, how fucking stupid does she think I am

Rio: Oh my God

Buster: How stupid is she, you mean, or how up herself that she reckons you’ll believe she’s important enough to be the centre of a bullshit plot to frame her for something she didn’t do

Rio: Seriously

Rio: I trusted her, that’s what I can’t get my head around

Rio: this has been going on for years now

Rio: why’d she decide to out herself now, because that’s what it is

Rio: she wanted to get caught so why is she denying it still

Buster: You were friends for those years, ‘course you trusted her, she didn’t give you any reason not to, me either when I’ve been around her and I’ve been surrounded by untrustworthy cunts for nearly as long

Buster: It doesn't make sense that she wouldn’t just own it, like, but maybe we can make the timing fit at least, what’s been happening before tonight? Talk me through it

Rio: I mentioned before, that she said someone was fucking with her, making weird online stuff but also being around her house and everything

Rio: She started saying that when Liam and Edie got together, so we thought it might’ve been related to that

Rio: Maybe she thought I was onto her… Because I told her about my situation, she could have thought I was letting her know I knew

Rio: When in reality I had no fucking clue

Buster: And she obviously needed help to keep it going if you were, hence the message

Rio: You don’t think other people were involved, do you?

Buster: It would be a reason to keep denying everything if she was protecting someone else, but I don’t know why she wouldn’t be contacting them instead to throw you off, what would be the need to try and recruit yet another person?

Rio: so I can’t trust any of my friends actually, great

Rio: none of this makes sense, she has no reason to do this unless she’s just hated me this whole time

Rio: which again, is a really nice thought

Buster: You can trust me

Buster: but yeah, it’s fucked, and I’d feel better if you came here until we can work out if any more of your friends are involved or if this is actually over now

Rio: I can’t, schools about to start

Rio: she can’t do anything now

Rio: I know it’s her

Buster: She could get someone else to do something, if her move is gonna be to keep acting like she’s innocent, and she reckons that’ll prove it

Buster: Come on, we can easily sort school, get them to send your work for you or whatever, they’d do it if you were sick

Rio: What have I done to deserve this

Buster: Baby, don’t

Buster: you know it’s nothing you’ve done

Rio: This doesn’t just happen to anyone

Rio: something I did or do or represent to them has made them do this

Buster: It can, you’ve read everything I have, total strangers see someone in a park and decide to stalk them based off of literally nothing, it’s not your fault Rio and it never has been

Buster: shit’s been happening ‘cause Lexie caused it, not you, she decided to do this years ago for reasons we might never fucking get, but regardless of what they are, you don’t deserve any of it

Rio: but she isn’t a stranger

Rio: that’s best-case scenario and that isn’t what this is

Rio: she was a friend

Rio: I should’ve known

Buster: It doesn’t mean her answers would make any more sense than someone’s off the street, there’s a chance it’s a long held jealousy of how beautiful and kind and loved you are, but there’s equal odds it wasn’t that deep and she was having fun with it

Buster: She wasn’t your friend, but you’re not in the wrong for not knowing something unknowably fucked, you’ve always seen the best in people and her exploiting that is the worst-case scenario possible, not something you should just be able to predict

Rio: I’m not

Rio: I’m a fucking joke and everyone thinks it

Rio: that’s all this has proved

Rio: because it wasn’t fun for me

Buster: Fuck anyone who thinks that, all this has proved is she’s cracked

Rio: I can’t do this no more I swear

Rio: If I just stop it all, then they will

Buster: Get on the flight I’m booking you, you don’t have to do anything else after, I’ll make how this feels stop and deal with it if you wanna go back for the start of school, but until then, I can take care of you and you’ll be safe

Rio: I can’t

Rio: It isn’t even my night, it was meant to be about Edie and she’s ruined it and now I have to fix it

Buster: Edie’ll be letting her boyfriend fix it, you don’t need to take that on as well

Rio: That won’t help my relationship with her, if I just run away and do nothing

Buster: Long as you don’t throw your phone into the sea you ain’t running away or doing nothing, like you said, summer’s basically over, how much do you reckon you’ll see her while she’s out making the most of what’s left

Rio: you’ve still not forgiven Nancy for leaving

Rio: it would be the same

Buster: It’s not even close, you’d be going back, and giving a shit while you were here

Rio: because give it a week and it’ll all blow over?

Rio: it’s been too long to keep kidding ourselves like that

Rio: I need actual solutions, to actually do something

Buster: That ain’t fair or how it is, taking some time to see if any more of your friends come out of the woodwork as stalkers is working towards a solution, not to mention giving yourself some space, and me the opportunity, to help you deal with the fact one of them already has doesn’t make either of us the bad guy

Rio: Liam’s going to help

Rio: and I’ve said I’ll take them out to apologize

Buster: You didn’t ruin Edie’s night, you’ve got fuck all to apologise for

Rio: How would you know, you aren’t here

Rio: She didn’t even invite me herself, then I invite a load of people including Lexie who make it all about themselves and this bullshit, of course I ruined her night

Buster: You invited loads of your friends so there’d be a big crowd to support her, I don’t have to be there to know that, I know you

Rio: yeah but it backfired so it doesn’t matter what I was trying to do

Buster: ‘Course it does, Edie’s not stupid, she’ll get what you were trying to do

Rio: It’s not that simple

Buster: Nothing’s gonna be if you keep overthinking it

Rio: Overthinking, yeah

Buster: Edie’ll be fine, will you?

Rio: I’m not fine but you basically telling me to calm down isn’t helping

Buster: Why would I tell you to do anything when you’re not listening to a word I say

Rio: It’s like you believe her

Rio: just because she says it isn’t her, doesn’t mean it isn’t

Rio: it could be over, why do you have to make it so all my friends are now in on it

Buster: Yeah, it could be over and I’d still want you here, ‘cause like you fucking had to remind me I wasn’t there tonight

Rio: It’s just my life here is the life that’s fucked

Rio: I could go to yours and ignore everyone and everything and pretend everything’s perfect but where is that getting me

Buster: With me, but okay, I’ll get on the plane then

Rio: I’m not going to be any fun

Rio: if that wasn’t apparent

Buster: I don’t stop loving you when it stops being fun, in case that wasn’t apparent

Rio: It makes my skin crawl, how close she’s been this whole time

Buster: I know, babe

Buster: if it was a lad I could’ve killed ‘em, I’m fucking useless with how this has played out

Rio: A lad would’ve been easier for me too

Rio: at least I’d know why

Buster: Can you remember fuck all about what she was like when it started?

Rio: It was so long ago

Rio: Hang on

Rio: that might actually be a lead

Buster: What might?

Rio: She was going out with Liam

Buster: It’s not a coincidence, like, it can’t be, this was Edie’s night and now you blame yourself for it being ruined

Rio: but if she still likes him, why not stalk him this whole time

Rio: maybe it isn’t just her after-all

Buster: You said he was gonna help, yeah? Maybe she knew she’d get caught by him if she did

Rio: It kind of makes sense but something’s missing because it also doesn’t

Rio: It’s not like I’ve been dating him, or have been super close this whole time

Rio: it’s worth mentioning though, to Liam, definitely

Buster: Or maybe it’s just that she knew hurting Edie would hurt you and it is more about you for whatever reason, but obviously hurting her is then an added bonus if she’s still remotely bothered about Liam, ‘cause none of us saw the two of them going out coming, so she wouldn’t have reckoned on it either

Rio: That��s what I figured

Rio: what the fuck though

Rio: Poor Liam

Buster: At least she can’t have had fuck all to with how they met, that’d worry me if there was any chance of her getting them together to break them up

Rio: Oh God, don’t

Rio: that would be horrific

Buster: She could’ve been warning other girls off this whole time and we wouldn’t know, you said he’d not been out with anyone else

Rio: That’s not all he said though

Rio: he’s definitely not working with Lexie

Buster: What did he say?

Rio: that she was lowkey pressuring him back then

Rio: not to like, really bad extents by the sounds of but it isn’t great

Rio: and I’d know if they were secretly a thing this whole time, she was still posing as my friend even if she wasn’t, we spent way too much time together for that to go unnoticed

Buster: Fucking hell

Rio: His sister had just died, basically

Rio: I did tell her it was a bad idea, in the politest way

Buster: So alright, you were against it and you were right, it’s a fucking stupid reason to turn on you, but if she’s obsessed with him and she’s that fucked up, who knows

Buster: why not try and get back with him before Edie was in the picture though?

Rio: I honestly can’t recall her mentioning him since

Rio: like surely that obsession would come out at least slightly

Rio: He’s cute and she wanted to but the impression I always got was it was never that deep for her

Rio: again why I said it wasn’t good timing for it

Buster: We hid how we felt about each other for years, we both know it’s possible, babe

Rio: Okay, true

Rio: but what are her stakes

Rio: there’s no reason she needs to hide it, bar the fact he doesn’t like her back, but if she’s tapped enough to stalk me she’d be tapped enough to ignore that fact

Buster: That’s one of the holes in the theory

Rio: yeah, it doesn’t work

Rio: which means it probably isn’t over

Rio: but it was nice believing that for a minute there

Buster: It could still be over, we don’t need a reason why it started for that, she got caught and you know it’s her

Rio: maybe it’s all coincidence

Rio: I don’t fucking know anymore

Buster: We also don’t need to solve this tonight, whether it’s over or not

Buster: you’re allowed a break, to take a breath, like, that’s what I’ve been saying

Rio: But I want it to be over, not to breathe

Rio: I’m sick of this being my life

Buster: 'Course you do, but I know better by now than to promise anything relating to this

Rio: I’m not going to apologize

Buster: Good, don't, it ain't your fault

Rio: I’m gonna get blackout

Buster: If you aren't sure you can trust your friends, maybe it's not the best idea

Rio: 🙄

Buster: I'm just saying, stop before you put yourself in blatant danger, I ain't gonna apologise for it

Rio: I’m not stupid

Buster: I'm not calling you stupid, Rio

Rio: Just implying it, yeah

Buster: Implying you'll regret it, that's it

Rio: I won’t

Rio: this night can’t get any worse

Buster: Yeah you will, same goes for any other decision you make when you're this upset

Rio: Fuck’s sake

Buster: Fuck it, I can be there before you blackout

Rio: Thanks for believing in me in this one instant

Buster: I mean it, do it if it'll make you feel better, I won't let the night get any worse

Rio: You can’t come here that short notice

Buster: I can do whatever I want, it's too short notice for anybody to stop me

Rio: You don’t need to

Rio: don’t only come because you think I’m a mess

Buster: You’re not a mess, you've been dealing with this bullshit for years, getting pissed now it's over is the least you deserve

Rio: Some celebration

Rio: fuck her for making me look this pathetic

Buster: Fuck her for all of it, she can't hurt you anymore though, I'll celebrate that

Rio: Be my guest, babe

Buster: Got a flight to catch first

Rio: That’s the appeal of airports

Rio: duty-free and being able to drink at any time

Buster: Not before, if I get

blackout too they ain't letting me on

Rio: and who are you that you suddenly can’t handle your liquor

Buster: Who are you that you reckon anyone could make you look pathetic

Rio: I don’t know anymore

Rio: if all my ‘friends’ are in on this then that’s who I am

Buster: If, and it's only an if, any of them are involved, it changes who they are, not you

Rio: You know that’s bullshit

Rio: everyone’s been laughing behind my back if that’s the case

Rio: and that’s worse than the people who just do it openly

Rio: I know about that, I can handle that

Buster: I know you and exactly what you can handle, you're the one forgetting

Rio: I just feel exactly how everyone says they want you to feel

Rio: alone and to blame and like I need to change everything about my life to make this stop

Buster: But you're not and you don't

Buster: You've been there for me during every shitty thing that's ever happened and not let me give up, but not in the bullshit 'grin and bear it, you fucking pussy' way my parents do, instead it's 'cause you remind me why it's worth keeping going

Buster: I can do the same for you, I will, I swear

Rio: Is it always going to be like this for us

Buster: No baby, it's not

Buster: We're gonna get everything we want

Rio: Promise

Buster: Whatever it takes, I promise

Buster: We've come this far, but we both know it ain't far enough yet

Rio: It’s like

Rio: it’s so hard

Rio: and then you’re never here

Rio: so it’s like, what’s even the point

Rio: and you know I know what the point is, obviously

Rio: but it feels like all we do is put in the hard work for none of the reward

Rio: you feel it too, I know you do

Buster: You're the reward, I'll put up with years of shit to spend a second with you, I already have

Buster: I'm not gonna act like it's not hard, 'course it is, but I'll take having to struggle with you now over coasting with cunts who don't matter ' cause soon we won't have to and I'll always be there

Rio: I know

Rio: I know, I’m just sick of everything tonight

Rio: it’ll be better in the morning

Buster: What can I do? Fuck

waiting until the AM

Rio: Just distract me

Buster: [call her and do that please sir]

Rio: Thank you

Rio: I’m sorry for being bratty earlier

Rio: I think I’m actually processing it now

Rio: 🤞

Buster: Don't be, I can handle it

Rio: I don’t want to be something you have to handle

Rio: not in that way anyway

Buster: I don't want you to think you have to act a specific type of way just to please me, especially if it's the opposite to how you actually feel

Rio: Alright, don’t be so mature and show me up 😜

Buster: Alright, if that's the roleplay we're doing, babe

Rio: We can try but I have a feeling I’m too 👸 for that role reversal

Buster: Tell me about Edie then, I've never seen her perform

Rio: You’ll have to

Rio: She’s like, properly good

Rio: at all of it, not just being able to sing but to put it all together and perform it and have a presence

Rio: but I’m not surprised, even though it was 🤯

Rio: she’s always been amazing at everything she’s wanted to do

Buster: None of that surprises me either, but yeah, I've obviously gotta see it for myself

Rio: How long are you going to stay, actually

Buster: At least until school starts

Rio: Good, then you can come out with us

Rio: I said I would

Rio: it’ll be less awkward as 4

Buster: Cheers, I'm sure it won't be awkward making small talk with him about whatever weird shit he likes

Rio: You haven’t even met him yet

Rio: he’s actually really nice

Buster: I've met Edie and you already told me they had loads in common

Rio: Don’t be mean

Buster: I ain't

Rio: you don’t have to come

Buster: Come on

Rio: Be nicer than this then, please

Rio: I’m building bridges not burning ‘em down 🙄😏

Buster: Since you said please

Rio: You know I’ll be nicer to you if you behave so do it, yeah

Buster: You make me and I make you, deal

Rio: That is the deal, always

Buster: And have I ever let you down

Rio: Never

Buster: Alright then

Rio: I love you

Buster: I love you

Rio: What are the chances of Edie being nice to you, do you reckon 😕

Buster: She can be as big of a cunt to me as she wants, as long as she’s nice to you

Rio: Don’t bet on it but I’m trying

Buster: I know, and I’ll reward you for your efforts even if they don’t

Rio: Yeah? 🥰🤤

Rio: I think he actually encourages her to not just totally ignore me

Rio: He invited me tonight, like

Rio: so that’s good

Buster: Yeah

Buster: He’s actually a good influence? I wouldn’t have bet on her going for someone like that

Rio: Are you staying over or are you getting a room?

Rio: Trust me, no one is more surprised

Rio: He doesn’t even have a tattoo, let alone a face one

Rio: well, I don’t THINK he does

Buster: Do you want me to stay over or do you want somewhere you can escape to?

Buster: Okay, you can stop thinking about him if you don’t want me to fight him, like

Rio: You can stay over

Rio: Baby 😏

Buster: Tell me you miss me and I’ll forgive you

Rio: I do miss you

Rio: a lot

Buster: If you’re gonna think about possible tattoos they should be on me

Rio: not on your beautiful face though 🥺

Buster: So where?

Rio: hm, that is fun to think about

Rio: you’d look good with a tattoo anywhere because your body is perfect

Buster: What you really need to ask yourself is if you want everyone else to be able to see it or you don’t, and that probably depends what it is, ‘cause your name, ‘course you would

Rio: To start with

Rio: When you’ve got used to the pain of it we’ll go for the full portrait moment 😉

Rio: Would you really get my name tattooed on you daddy?

Buster: To start with, leave a mark where you think your name might look good, and by the time I have to leave either your mouth or nails are bound to have found the perfect place for your name to go

Buster: It's not gonna hurt even if you decide you wanna claim my entire body by inking those 3 letters everywhere over and over again, but you know I'd still do it if it did, yeah?

Buster: I'll do anything for you, baby

Rio: Did I mention how much I’ve missed you?

Rio: Stay forever

Buster: Say it again or add a please to how long you'd like me to stay, I'd be happy to hear either

Rio: Everything is right when you’re here

Rio: I can handle anything when I’ve got you to look after me

Rio: Please come home to me

Buster: I'm on my way, I'll be home really soon

Rio: Good

Rio: I need you

Rio: Now

Buster: I've missed you a lot too, obviously I'm not glad this is why, but I'm glad I'm coming back

Rio: I can’t wait til you’re here for uni

Rio: And we can have our own place

Buster: It's the only scenario with a big enough incentive to tempt me away from you any time remotely close to the start of term

Rio: We’ve come this far

Rio: Not long now in comparison

Buster: Exactly

Rio: Still

Rio: It made me sad, seeing them all loved up

Rio: Sad for me, obviously, not them

Buster: I don't think PDA will get Edie on my good side but I'm willing to take the risk to cheer you up

Rio: It definitely won’t

Rio: I’m honestly not expecting her to agree but Liam seemed to think so and he’s got a better chance than me so

Rio: we’ll see

Buster: They've gone, yeah? You can have it all when I show up there instead

Rio: Yeah, they’re gone

Rio: idk where

Rio: Lexie better not still be here

Buster: All tonight has proved is we have no proper idea if she is or isn’t that fucking stupid, like

Rio: She’s just lucky Edie was here

Rio: or it would’ve gone down different

Buster: I’m sure she factored that into her reasons for doing it tonight

Rio: Probably

Rio: There was a time when I’d have to hold her back

Buster: Don’t think about what it used to be like, you’ll drive yourself mad

Rio: yeah

Buster: Have another drink or request a song you’d wanna dance to

Rio: okay

Rio: that’s a good idea

Buster: I don’t have bad ones

Rio: Debatable 😏

Buster: A debate you’d lose if you were taking that side

Rio: I didn’t say I was

Rio: but everyone else is going to point out you just left

Buster: Everyone else can say and think whatever they like

Rio: Schools not started, no one can be mad anyway

Buster: And if it had I’m so far ahead of every other cunt I could tell my teachers it’s an act of charity to give some of ‘em a fighting chance of keeping up

Rio: You’re such a nightmare

Rio: If I didn’t love you you would do my head in

Buster: That ain’t what’s going on when I’m in your dreams and how hard I work is one of the things you love about me

Rio: Both true

Rio: but you’re so

Rio: you don’t need to put them down to look good so why do it?

Buster: They’re where they put themselves, it’s their own fault it’s so far below where I happen to be ranked, I’m just stating the facts

Rio: Good thing I opted for the drink 🙄

Buster: Come on

Rio: Just stop

Buster: Stop what?

Rio: Annoying me

Buster: Why are you getting annoyed about this? You know what it’s like

Rio: Yeah, I know what it’s like

Rio: I don’t think us being like this is helping us though

Buster: Alright, well what do you think would help us?

Rio: I think we have to try harder

Rio: here, where we are rn

Buster: Okay

Rio: Come on

Rio: it would make everything better

Rio: easier

Buster: I said okay, I can always try harder

Rio: You shouldn’t come then

Rio: Stay there

Buster: I’m already coming

Rio: then that’s it yeah

Buster: I can’t turn a plane round

Rio: so come this time and then we’ll take a break

Buster: What the fuck, Rio

Rio: It’s fine it’ll be fine

Buster: It’s not fine, what the fuck are you talking about?

Rio: It can be

Rio: It’s what we need to do for now

Buster: Don’t

Rio: Don’t make it a big deal, we’ve done it before

Buster: Don’t act like it wasn’t a big deal before, that it isn’t always

Buster: You said you need me and I make everything better by being there, we’re doing what we have to do already, right now, it’s this

Rio: Only when you’re here

Rio: then it’s back to how it always is

Rio: I need to focus on that bit

Buster: I’m part of that bit as well, you don’t need to push me out of it as if I’m not

Rio: You aren’t

Rio: we don’t live in the same place, that’s just how it is

Rio: our day to day needs to be better than this

Buster: Bullshit, just say what you actually mean, you think you can fix things with Edie and the others by taking a break from me

Rio: What’s wrong with that?

Buster: It’s only gonna last as long as the break does, as soon as you get back with me you’re back to square one with them

Rio: You’re saying that, not me

Buster: We made our choice, knowing what was gonna happen

Rio: No, I did not decide everyone was going to hate me forever

Buster: You don’t get to decide how everyone feels about it

Rio: I know that

Rio: It doesn’t mean I have to accept losing them and not work at it

Buster: We should be working together

Rio: How do you reckon that’s going to work

Buster: How do you reckon your plan is?

Rio: Their problem is with us, get that out of the way and I can fix the relationships between me and them, make them stronger

Buster: To break them again, ‘cause the problems they have with us will still be there and come back when I do, so unless it’s over forever, what’s the point?

Rio: The point is I’m not going to give up

Rio: I don’t know why you think I would

Buster: Not on them, just on me

Rio: No

Buster: Yeah, it came down to me or them for some of them and you chose, but you regret it now, so this is you rolling the dice again

Rio: I’m not being forced to choose by you or them

Buster: Then don’t

Rio: I’m not, I’ve said

Rio: you’re making it something it’s not

Buster: You’re making it either/or

Rio: I just said let’s take a break so I can fix my fucking life

Rio: Christ

Buster: You can’t fix anything by putting yourself last all the time, they have to at least try and meet you some of the fucking way

Rio: You just said I can’t change how they feel about it, so no, that’s not gonna happen

Buster: Have your break then, I’ll go home and wait out there until I can get the first flight back tomorrow

Rio: Alright

Rio: I’ll pay you back

Buster: I don’t want or need you to

Rio: Well you should let me

Rio: it’s been a waste

Buster: The cost is irrelevant

Rio: Suit yourself

Buster: Worry about what you’re meant to be focusing on

Rio: Doesn’t mean I don’t care at all

Buster: You’ve just saved me loads of money on future flights so

Rio: Not about the money, apparently but yeah, guess so

Buster: It is for you, obviously, otherwise you wouldn’t still be going on about it

Rio: Whatever then

Rio: you should go see your sister, whilst you’re here

Buster: I doubt she’ll fit me in while I am, she needs at least 2 weeks notice to come up with a believable excuse not to, so I’ll probably get left on read

Rio: It’ll make it worthwhile for you too

Rio: why give the opportunity, you know where she’ll be

Buster: And I know she wants me around even less than you do

Rio: So

Rio: what do you want

Buster: Fuck all from Nance

Rio: So don’t blame her

Buster: You’re saying that I do, not me

Rio: You just said she doesn’t want to see you, you don’t want to see her, that’s the bit you know for sure

Buster: I said I don’t want anything from her, ‘cause there’s no point you and me both kidding ourselves

Rio: Fuck off

Buster: I am

Rio: Good

Buster: You wish that was how it felt, yeah, and I’m trying as hard as I can to make that happen for you, babe

Rio: Thanks so much

Buster: Anything, I said

Rio: You can’t try to make me feel bad

Rio: I know I’m doing the right thing

Buster: Good,‘cause I’m trying to make you feel better about it

Rio: Yeah right

Buster: You’re sure you’re doing the right thing so

Rio: So stop being shitty with me about it

Buster: Stop telling me what to do, our lives are totally separate, remember

Rio: You’re so unfunny

Buster: I’m not joking so it’d be awkward if I was

Rio: You’re being stupid

Buster: You started it

Rio: You

Buster: You, but I’ll take the blame, same as I just did for Nance

Rio: Like you don’t love getting to claim being the hero

Rio: you’re so fucking welcome

Buster: I love you and that’s fucking unwelcome for now apparently

Rio: I love you but that doesn’t mean the rest of my problems don’t exist because of that

Buster: It means I should be there helping you solve them not that the fix is I fuck off and leave you to sort them out on your own

Buster: we’re supposed to be in this together, not separated by a bullshit line you’ve drawn between what’s us and what’s you

Rio: You can’t

Rio: it’s patronizing you act like you have any idea how more than I do

Rio: I’m just trying a different approach and you’ve made it into a huge thing it didn’t need to be

Buster: Yeah, it’s not patronizing at all for you to act like I have to react in a certain way to you breaking up with me

Rio: I’m not breaking up with you

Rio: it’s a break

Rio: I could’ve just lied and said I had plans for the next however many weekends and you wouldn’t know the difference

Buster: It’s the same thing, for fuck’s sake, stop acting like you can fix this in a few weekends

Rio: It just needs to be better, not perfect

Buster: It’s still gonna take loads of time regardless

Rio: What else can I do?

Buster: You’re the one saying I think I know better, I didn’t say I had a clue

Rio: I’m sick of not knowing what to do

Buster: Then try this, I’m not stopping you

Rio: You’re making me feel bad

Buster: Well now I’ve made my point

Rio: What does that even mean

Buster: I’ve made it known how I feel and what a shit idea I think this is, so I’ll shut up without labouring it any more, is what that means

Rio: okay

Buster: Okay, goodnight then

Rio: You aren’t going to sleep

Buster: It’s a conversation ender, that’s all

Rio: Yeah, say what you mean

Rio: Bye then

Buster: I’m trying to calm down and stop before I say something I don’t mean

Rio: Wow, unlike me, yeah

Rio: gold star for you

Buster: I’m not saying shit about you

Rio: Yeah you are, by trying to prove how mature you are

Buster: Fuck you, I’m actually trying to not be so fucking angry all the time, you know that

Rio: You’re right, go

Buster: Yeah

Rio: I’m sorry

Buster: Me too

Rio: I’m going home

Buster: Alright, do you need a lift?

Rio: Come get me

Rio: Please

Rio: You can’t come here and not see me at all, it’s not right

Buster: It’s just common sense to wanna make sure you get home safe after everything that’s happened with Lexie, not my hero complex

Rio: I don’t care what it is

Buster: I do

Rio: then that’s what it is

Buster: You’re not damaged goods or whatever the fuck those sort of bullshit heroics would make you

Rio: I am but it’s not the point

Buster: You’re not, fuck that

Rio: Shh

Buster: No, listen to me and trust what I’m saying

Rio: 🥺

Buster: You’ve always been flawless and that ain’t gonna change for anything or anyone

Rio: I love you

Rio: You know it breaks my heart to hurt you

Buster: I know it breaks your heart for shit to be like this with your family too

Rio: I don’t want anyone to hate us

Rio: I thought everyone would come around by now

Rio: Stupid, really

Rio: like you said, I can’t force them to change their minds, nevermind give a timeframe for that to happen in

Buster: They don’t hate us, it ain’t that simple, that’s what makes it so hard

Rio: It’s like I’m asking them to love you like I do

Rio: all they can say is how they could never imagine it and how wrong it is

Rio: but that’s because they aren’t us, it would be wrong if it was any of them because they don’t feel it

Rio: but I can’t explain that, in a way that makes it sound like I’m saying anything but we’re special

Rio: If they felt it, they’d know it, I always have

Rio: I didn’t view you one way, like they do, and then wake up and decide to change my mind

Rio: It’s how I’ve always seen you

Buster: You are special though, which isn’t ever gonna help me with explaining it, but maybe I’m sick of having to

Buster: I could give them years of proof, justification for everything we did and didn’t do and it’s not good enough, nobody else has to, they get to be in love, end of

Rio: They don’t know how it happened

Rio: as if we do

Buster: Well I ain’t ever gonna be sorry for rewriting history the way they saw it ‘cause how we had to live it was loads worse

Rio: I missed you all the time, it felt like there was something wrong with me

Rio: I can’t go back, how would we now

Buster: Even if they did all hate me, I’ve hated myself for years, thought every fucked up thing about me that they’re thinking now, and however angry they are at what’s happening, I’ve been angrier at what’s happened, or should’ve but couldn’t

Buster: I’m not gonna carry on living like that, and if they cared about me at all they wouldn’t ask me to

Rio: Even if they’re right, and we’re wrong

Rio: and this is fucked up and wrong

Rio: We’ve made our decision

Rio: I just don’t want them to think part of that was letting them leave my life willingly, that I wanted that part

Buster: Fight for them for however long you need to, I’ll wait, it’s not like I haven’t before

Rio: I shouldn’t have done any of it like this

Rio: That was stupid and having a weird fucking night isn’t an excuse

Buster: I should’ve made more allowances for what a weird fucking night it was

Rio: Nah

Rio: I was pushing you away and I was blaming you ‘cos nothing is that fucking simple and it’d almost be nice to pretend

Rio: but all the things they’re mad at me for would still be true, even if I was lying to myself and them about it

Buster: I was bringing my own fucking weird night to the front of this just ‘cause it happened when we were on a break before, but I can’t blame you for that, pretend it didn’t happen then or would now

Rio: It’s so fucked I said you should make friends with them when there’s people like her around

Rio: I didn’t mean her but still, I’m sorry I was being so blinded by my own shit

Rio: I really hope Lexie didn’t

Rio: that’s not what it sounded like but maybe I should’ve pushed more, I don’t know

Buster: There are other people around I should try harder with, you weren’t wrong about that

Buster: And you could try again, with Liam, if he needs to talk about it he’s not gonna mind, if he doesn’t want to, I’m sure he’ll say that, like

Rio: Does her boyfriend know what she’s like, that’s what I don’t fucking get

Rio: Not that we need to talk about her, not ever if you don’t want to

Rio: Yeah, I’ll definitely put the feelers out again

Rio: and reread what I actually said when I’m sober, maybe it was enough but I feel like no

Buster: He barely knows what day of the week it is, I’m not saying he’s constantly as wrecked as I was but it’s close enough

Buster: Does Edie know what Lexie did or maybe did? I mean, she’s still breathing somewhere assumedly so probably not, right?

Rio: That poor baby

Rio: If they didn’t live in that postcode it would be taken from them so fast it’s not even funny

Rio: Liam said she was the one who made him see it was any sort of deal so she does

Rio: but the fact Lexie is still walking about indicates it wasn’t like, THAT bad, definitely

Rio: bad but not properly wrong

Buster: If her poor parents weren’t raising it for them

Buster: And people think we’re making shitty decisions, Christ

Buster: maybe Liam’s making her soft like you’ve done to me

Rio: Of course

Rio: Ugh, it’s not even their age, young parents can be good parents but if she didn’t want it that hard, why did she have it

Rio: that’s slanderous, thank you

Buster: Yeah, like mine, and your mum, we definitely would be as well, even with all the plans I already have for the future

Buster: It’s accurate, I’m so weak and it’s entirely your fault

Rio: Will be

Rio: right?

Buster: It would turn this weird night around, but it would also go against every rule of being on a break

Rio: I didn’t mean we should have a baby right this second but you know

Rio: rules are boring and it isn’t as if they could be any madder at us

Buster: My parents would find a way to be if we had a baby right now, but Ava’s their favourite anyway so what do I really have to lose

Rio: It’s fine, it takes nine months, so I’ve heard 😏

Buster: Yeah, you’re right, that sounds fine to me too

Rio: Imagine how cute our baby would be though

Buster: I won’t be thinking about anything else until I pull up now

Rio: Well if you aren’t at least thinking about how fun it’ll be to make it too, bit rude

Buster: I was already thinking about that before you told me to start imagining anything

Rio: Glad to hear it

Rio: Or I’d have to check you hadn’t been hacked by some imposter

Buster: Lexie wouldn’t dare, also couldn’t keep up with any of your fantasies

Rio: She’s shit out of luck for a threesome now, yeah

Buster: All your friends are, you’re the hot one

Rio: I’d only touch them if you wanted me to, no one else can touch you

Buster: I thought you said rules are boring

Rio: 🥺

Buster: Don’t worry, I’m not changing ‘em, you know I fucking hate sharing and nobody else could touch me the way you do

Rio: If you really want someone else involved to prove that we can

Rio: Feel a bit bad for the girl though 🤷‍♀️

Buster: Bad enough to say no?

Rio: No, I’d do anything for you

Rio: That’s where my loyalty always lies

Buster: I ain’t forgotten

Rio: Don’t

Rio: Would that make you happy?

Rio: nights still young, we don’t have to go home

Buster: I don’t need anyone else to make me happy, just you

Rio: You’ve got me

Buster: I need you so bad, you know

Rio: I know, I need you just as much

Rio: I can feel it

Buster: The driver’ll be getting involved, like it or not, ‘cause I’m not going home before you feel everything

Rio: There’s no way I’m getting in that car and not getting on you immediately

Rio: I need you to know how much I adore you

Rio: I need to be that close to you, to hold you and love you and not let go

Buster: When you get in this car I'm gonna fuck you so slowly, 'cause you're mine and we both know forever is the only timeframe that makes sense for us, but not gentle 'cause like I said, you don't need to be treated like that, he'll hear how deep every thrust is, how much I desperately need to be inside you, that I'm not letting go either, not for a single second

Rio: Be here be here be here

Rio: I’m so desperate for you

Buster: Say please

Rio: Daddy please

Buster: [show up and stop torturing her boy]

Rio: [enjoy because this has been intense]

Buster: [a fucking weird night is accurate and lbr it's been an intense few years, thanks for that Liam]

Rio: [the audacity, thanks for stopping now though, imagine how long it’d take to stop waiting for things to happen still]

Buster: [as if they didn't have enough on their plates with the sneaky incest and yeah soz that you're not gonna be tense for ages cos it's not like he was stalking you every day with no pauses ever]

Rio: [least everyone knows now, even if we hating lol]

Buster: [and at least he has actually stopped imagine if it was like bitch you thought and you can't trust anyone bye]

Rio: [small mercies truly]

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mixedracefairy · 5 years ago

Text

A Reylocentric review of Episode IX

*HELLA SPOILERS*

DON'T READ IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER!

(I'm from London get used to the slang)

I liked:

• I just liked how one of many Snokes was in like a Matrix incubator, lit and mysterious idea - that Palpatine was behind the creation of Ben. Did he bun not being able to find Rey and then switch to Vader's line as I assume Ben wasn't hard to find? Had to use Snoke otherwise Final Order and resurgence would be revealed. Cool.

• Opening with Ren POV establishes him as a big man and dark don and Palpatine is butters like whatever you think of Ben/Ren all man can get behind hating on Palpy.

• The whole 'lads we best sort this out or we're totally fucked' plot - Palpatine is back with a surrender or be destroyed motive

• The promise of destiny to Ren if man ends Rey cos it makes them mortal enemies. However you sense he won't cos she's wifey but the dichotomy is bare hypey. (That sounds silly. It does however, best express my feelings to the situ.)

• Him chasing her all 'I am gonna turn you to the dark' - it's exciting that he has a desire for her, it's also exciting that she's like aight calm and carries on with her ting with the boiz

• Rey's vision - the potential in the force for her to rule with Kylo Ren and be dark side. Wild.

• Rey's heritage revealed - that she comes from a lineage of great power and great darkness. At first it was cool that she was a nobody and Ren like a prince because of the class contrast and their bond, but this reveal makes her almost greater than Ren, eligible to be empress. Literally the bottom to top. Lit.

• Moments of proximity, there's a momentum building, the bond between them and it's exciting to anticipate their presence together and what might come if it

• The duel of wills over the transporter, demonstrating equal power. (Luke saber 2.0)

• Her shock at her power, losing control/unawareness of might - Rey fearing her power and destiny. Rey also being how the Skywalker twins learn from their mistakes of not fearing (Ben's) power

• Their force bonds - moments where she outsmart him, him with the position in power searching for her on the ground but she's in his quarters. There's always been something hypey about the FO/Empire with their might vs RA/Resistance underdogs and our boiz winning, but never in a situation where they're bonded and he's literally searching for her to wifey.

• Lowkey role reversal cos he's tryna tell her who she is, albeit for his own purposes, and she's in denial and responds by attacking him. The 'I'm angry so I'm gonna hack at things with my lightsaber' is usually a Ren move.

• You can't tell if they want to kill each other, (cos you can tell they wanna fuuuh). Ren races at her with his speeder, she cuts off his wing; in their heated duel they let each other recover yet she seizes the opportunity to kill him. She then heals him as the occasion is a mutual mourning. Confessing wanting to take his hand, Ben's hand.

• The way Rey and Ren dance around each other, Rey flying off his star base. Man all like rah, bae swerved again.

• They did 3PO dirty! It's gucci tho for the Groot-esque bant.

• Ren's abandoning of the dark side moment was feeling keenly the loss of his mother, indicating he had a love for her and somewhere a desire to return to the light or a safety/relaxedness that his opposition was headed by her. Almost like he was protecting as much as seeming to destroy her cause.

• It reminded him of how he lost his father by his hand, their love haunts him as somewhere he felt he belonged but was ashamed to return to because of Snoke (Palpatine's) corruption. Her death is a loss of hope for his sometime redemption or organising of the galaxy between those who backed the Resistance and First Order.

• The memory of Han convinces Ben Leia's cause still lives if he decides to take it up, showing he did care for her and what she stood for. He just felt lost to it, hurt, unbelonging, bitter and abandoned by it. Yet he believed in himself and his destiny for greatness, (which you have to rate), so man was like dark side it is. (Wow, what a gangster.)

• It's a bit like Leia's death freed him of the shame of wanting to be light because he needn't face their judgement, or more, the pain of their undeserved love and forgiveness.

• Lowkey Harry Potter vibes like when Harry's nemesis kills him but doesn't die but the horcrux part did. Han says "Kylo Ren is dead" after he is stabbed by his own saber - the pursuit of darkness that was destroying him has been killed (with compassion for Leia?)

• Leia's arc from episide IV has been lit. After her death, Poe feeling unqualified and Lando saying they all of them weren't ready, you deep how young, (what literally 17?), Leia since day has been taking initiative, being a leader. What a champion and woman all the galaxy has looked up to. And telling silly flyboys to put their cocks away, yet still she believed in and elevated Poe (who has learnt and developed).

• Force heal 1 was a nice indicator of her capability and just a nice touch of her approach of kindness to problem solving, like Leia to her flyboys - put your cocks away. Also dope how Finn prees it and backs her.

• What the hell was Finn going to tell Rey before they sank?

• Yo the way man ended Hux was lit! Pusssyyyy

• Ben's redemption, how he went after Rey to rescue/fight with her as Han's son.

Fresh 👏 garms

• The parallels of Ben and Rey both ditching their saber was cool. Not sure why, like they're both on the wavelength of 'fuck this shit' haha. Except Ben ditches his to step into his true self, what he was trying to do since day, and Rey ditches hers to deny herself. Good thing Luke was about to say who you are is what you make of yourself. A bit like the answerless mirror cave from VIII.

• I like old Luke. I like what a cynical c*nt he is hahaha

• Ben abandoned his saber as it represented Kylo Ren and darkness. Was it foolish to take just a blaster? Tbf he is the don with the force so maybe he thought he was gucci. Force swap was sick tho.

• Pretty cool that their force bond is so powerful it could renew Palpatine's power as it shows how precious it is. Also mad tragic that that is their downfall, they stood no chance against him. But surely if it could renew him it could end him? Two yung padawans couldn't really take on big man like Palpy so fair.

• There were some excellently convincing moments all round of loss of hope - 'they're done fuuucked' moments. Poe in his X wing, Rey staring into force lightning etc.

• Was it stupid that Ben went to Rey? It's obviously instinctive he ain't gonna snake bae now they're not opps. Without him there Palpatine never would have been renewed tho. Rey however remains pure and not a Sith, so did he come to protect her innocence? Fits in with the literary themes and tropes of fairytales that the whole idea of them comes from.

• I mean if he hadn't come Rey would be Sith empress and really how bad would that be? She'd probably have Ben beside her thus fulfilling the vision she had. What Sith vows must she have taken in order to become empress, (to save the mandem obvs), because she could technically marry Ben who would rule in light and she in darkness. That would be badass af, an unwilling Sith empress.

• Rey's fulfilling of destiny, saving the galaxy etc. I mean obviously it's dope when a hero steps into her role. She chose, like Ren, to ignore her past but in this case for good (because she had the bravery to believe she was not isolated, she was loved, unlike Ben).

• Her battle has been one of self worth and belonging and she believed she belonged to a Jedi family, worthy to have all Jedi behind her, despite her searching for a family to give her life meaning and finding the truth is literally the opposite of what might help her in this battle. She gave all her power/life for the galaxy.

• Ben gave his life for her, completing his redemption in a Christ-like ultimate love sacrifice. We also catch a first smile and oh me lawd it is my favourite thing in the whole three trilogies. That transfer of life, joy, love, kiss, death was just perfection. Po👏et👏ry.

• Fuck man. She was his only joy. Raaah

• Also because she died for the galaxy, he died to give her life, it's like he took the L for the galaxy instead, but also allowing our young female protagonist from ends the glory and not the star prince with a bad white male privilege temper and climb to power.

• Leia didn't become one with the force til Ben was redeemed. That's deep. Was that why Ben turned? His scar is now healed, suggesting the betrayal of patricide and how that weakened him instead of making him Kylo Ren is mended by Rey. He's no longer split in two?

• What's the symbolism of giving her life by putting your hand there Ben? I see you Disney, you gotta keep it PG but I see you

• At the end, when she's asked what her name is, it would have been cool if she was like Rey Palpatine and I overcame the meaning of the name, I know who I am. But it was fitting, you could sense it - and the force ghosts what a touch - she was a Skywalker. Her fam have been Leia, Luke and Han, and her soulmate should they have been married would make her Skywalker too. Technically Rey Solo which also fits because it's the same reason Han chose the name cos man didn't know who they belonged to, except she's not alone, she belongs as a Skywalker.

• Obviously Rey and Ben raising little babies as heirs to the empire would have been dope but Ben's death atones for his atrocities as well as makes for poetic writing.

• Rey returns to nothing, which is cool cos her parents obviously must have been eligible to be heirs to the empire and also chose to be nothing. So it's significant, not anticlimactic. It's humbling, which in the trope of heroes is radical.

• This is a statement that autocracies like the Final Order don't belong in the galaxy, but people power can take down star destroying fleets. (Shame about UK politics not being people power taking down hope destroying elites but ok.)

• Oi what does that gold lightsaber mean? It's cool still.

• Leia and Luke, like Rey, show a natural instinct for the light, as if to say humans are naturally loving without influence of darkness. (Ffs Darth Sidious)

• Both Rey and Ben have the same dark then light genealogy. Rey actively seeks out the light (VIII) and is denied it and genuinely fears her potential for darkness eventually. Ben is moulded to darkness despite his natural light. When they face big man Darth Sidious they're both at a point of comfort in their identities, they both believe they have a right to the light side because of who they are and the choice they are making.

• What's the new mask phase all about?

• Ben's arc is dope - you meet Kylo Ren and he's scary and powerful, then lol at mask off moment, you're a likkle yout! Then find he desperately wants to prove himself and becomes a vulnerable manchild, his act of patricide fostering a softer side which we connect to through Rey, taking leadership and then throwing that in the trash to be, like Rey, a nobody. It's like reverse Vader, also because instead of unwittingly killing his missus he wittingly gives his life for her.

• Lit trilogy 👏 bun the haters. Them man don't understand 😙👌

17 notes · View notes

wittywallflower · 6 years ago

Link

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: One Day at a Time (TV 2017) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Penelope Alvarez/Schneider

An intense moment between Penelope and Schneider during his relapse changes the dynamic between them.

AN: there’s angst, then there’s UST

Penelope knelt on the floor and retrieved the controller. If it was Alex throwing things around, she would take it away from him, say it was broken and hide it until he started to feel the loss of it. Her kids may not always get along but they did enjoy several games together. But it was Schneider’s stuff, so she set both controllers on top of the console and switched it off.

When she rose, there was a bottle in his hand.

“Schneider, what the hell?!” She was so surprised by its sudden appearance that she couldn’t hold her tongue.

For a second Schneider was surprised as well. Eight years was a long time to be sober and he was so out of practice at drinking that the bottle actually felt alien in his hand. Where had that even come from? Did he stash it behind a throw pillow? The one thing he used to be good at was drinking, but now it didn't make him interesting and fun, it just made him stupid and confused. Didn't this used to make him feel good?

He knew it was messed up but it hurt all the more knowing his addiction couldn’t even give him false comfort anymore.

His eyes turned bleak and he sagged in on himself. Gazing at the bottle in his hand, he shrugged despondently.

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m just a loser.” She tried to interrupt but he continued. “Seven time failure of rehab. Nothing but an embarrassment to my father. Ruined the only good relationship I’ve had with a woman. Can’t even win a video game against a mom.”

“Schneider, c’mon, you’re not a loser-“

He shook his head in immediate denial, twisting open the bottle so he could drown her words with a drink.

“Hey, no! Schneider!”

Penelope had no idea how her short legs managed to clear the coffee table like that but she threw herself at him before he managed to take a swig. She didn’t really have time to think about whether or not was a good idea to try to wrestle the bottle away from him. She just reacted. Schneider was a lot stronger than her and had more reach, but his reactions were delayed and he wasn't used to Penny getting physical with him so she was able to knock it out of his hands. By the time she did they were both out of breath, her hair was wildly askew, the alcohol had spilled, and she was sitting on him to pin him down. Eyes met for a moment as their chests heaved.

Which drew his attention to her neckline. Her shirt was barely containing her after their scuffle. She should fix it, she knew she should. But she was distracted by his hand that had ended up on her hip.

Then Schneider became aware of the brown liquid staining his expensive shirt. He surged up from the couch and Penny scrambled off his lap to get out of the way. Once on his feet, Schneider scrubbed ineffectually at the wet shirt with his hands, succeeding only in making them sticky and booze-scented. The bourbon had sloshed everywhere. He sighed in disgust.

“If you’ll excuse me, imma take a shower.” he said with a slight slur, not meeting her eye as he unbuttoned his pants to step out of them and hauled his rumpled shirt over his head. Schneider didn’t seem to notice his glasses had come off as well and were now wadded up with his inside-out shirt.

But on his way the the bathroom he kicked the bottle laying on the floor and stopped to pick it up. It made Penny a little sick to see his slack face and somewhat vacant eyes light up for a moment when he realized he was holding a liquor bottle. When he realized it was empty, he slumped in disappointment and tossed the empty over his shoulder. Thankfully it landed gently on a cushion instead of shattering everywhere. In this state, he would forget he broke it and wouldn’t be able to see the glass on the floor until he stepped on it.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” Penelope bit out. “I’ll make you some coffee while you’re at it and then we’ll wait for your sponsor. He’s out of town but swears he’s on his way back.”

“You called Nick?” Schneider scoffed and waved her off dismissively, which threw him off balance, sending him lurching into his desk.

I can’t leave him alone like this, he’ll fall in the tub and split his head open like a melón, Penelope thought.

“Come on, I’ll help you.” With an arm around his waist to steady him, she draped his arm over her shoulders and began to guide him.

“You gonna join me and scrub my back?” He gave her a lopsided grin and waggled his eyebrows at her.

Penelope just rolled her eyes, shifting her grip on his waist and pulling him closer as he leaned against her. He was so tall she could barely support him but if he fell, she didn’t have the strength to drag his dead weight around. With a few bumps against the wall they made it into the bathroom. She propped him up against the sink while she pulled the shower curtain aside.

“Okay, you’re gonna get cleaned up, then you’re going to come to the kitchen and I’m going to make you some food that you are going to eat, you got that?” Penelope ordered briskly as she bent to start the water in the shower.

Schneider had some fancy waterfall shower-head installed. Of course. No one ever said she wasn't just a little petty. Penny adjusted the water temperature to cold. That might help sober him up a little, she justified internally.

She straightened to find Schneider staring myopically at her read end.

“Hey!” she snapped, tone sharp. “Eyes up!”

He grinned a little sheepishly but couldn’t keep his gaze from drifting. Like they used to when she first met him and that clueless white boy with frosted tips tried to make a pass at her. Sometimes Penelope forget all about that bobo she met back then. The Schneider she saw every day was nothing like that dumb kid. But she was starting to see the resemblance in Drunk Schneider.

She grabbed a towel and tossed it down on the lid of the toilet nearby because she didn’t trust him to operate even a towel bar in this state.

“Okay, Schneider, time to-“ her voice died away.

His eyes no longer vacant, Schneider was standing upright now. In fact he seemed rock steady, and he was looking at her in a way that was kind of... intense. Penelope had never seen Schneider look at her that way before.

Slowly, deliberately, like the whole world was in slow motion, he took a step towards her. His eyes roved up and down her body.

Another step and he caught his lower lip gently between his teeth.

The room began to feel steamy, despite the shower running cold. If Penny’s could have brought herself to move, she might have fanned her suddenly-flushed face with her hand. But she was frozen, waiting. She was no stranger to that kind of look coming from men. Coming from Schneider it should be weird and a little gross.

A racing heart and suddenly damp palms were normal signs of being weirded out, right?

“Schneider?” she queried uncertainly.

She didn’t realize she was stepping back, giving ground as he advanced, until her back hit the wall. She had been too busy noticing, but trying not to notice, the tall elegant physique of him. He may be a mess right now, but that weirdly-sexy-Schneider vibe was back in a big way. He wasn’t wearing his glasses again; wasn’t wearing anything except a pair of boxers, but she tried not to focus on that. She failed.

She had seen him without a shirt before. She shouldn’t be so affected by his near-nudity, or its nearness to her.

Penelope could no longer ignore the fact that Schneider was in great shape physically when he closed in to press that great physical shape against her. She gasped as he molded his body to hers. Her skin began to tingle where it touched his.

“Schneider.”

She pulled out her most authoritative, Don’t-Mess-With-Mom tone of voice before this got out of hand. But it didn’t seem to work on the man staring at her with desire in his eyes.

She put a hand on his chest to push him away but when he leaned down, his lips barely brushing her skin as he buried his face against her neck and inhaled the scent of her, her fingers instead curled into his chest hair. Penny’s body lit up like a Christmas tree. Every hair stood on end and a warm rush swept through her. Schneider pressed his hands to the wall on either side of her head and while it hadn’t been all that long since the last time she was with a man… Dios, did she ever want to lean into him. Smell the manliness of him, feel his rough beard rasp gently over her soft skin, slide her hands over his flat stomach and trim hips, fill her palms with that flat Caucasian excuse for an ass-

Oookay, this was definitely getting out of hand.

And it was getting harder for her to think clearly. His hips shifted closer and she bit back a moan. She had to say something.

“Pat?”

That was not what she had intended to say, especially not in that breathy, almost needy whisper.

Schneider wasn’t expecting her to say that either. Hearing the name no one called him outside of AA made him freeze with his nose still in her hair. There was a long moment while his tipsy brain processed the situation he was in.

He was drunk.

He was pressed up against someone.

And that someone was...

“Pen?” he asked. Confused, unsure, a little horrified.

She cleared her throat to respond but could only manage a nod.

Schneider jumped back like he had been scalded and turned away. In the mirror his face was beet red; could have been the alcohol, the arousal, or the abject shame and embarrassment he was feeling. But Penelope didn’t notice. She was equally eager to eschew any eye contact as Schneider was to avoid looking in her general direction.

She fled the room, mumbling something incoherent about privacy and coffee and food and she knew not what else before he could stammer out an apology. The bathroom door rattled in its frame when she shut it behind her with a little too much force. It was echoed seconds later when the front door slammed as well.

Schneider heaved a sigh of deep self loathing, leaning his forehead against the wall. His fist followed it and he punched the wall viciously, repeatedly, while calling himself a moron, a jerk, what would an Alvarez say - a total bobo… at least eight different kinds of awful. She would never forgive him. And she shouldn't. Eventually he did move to the shower so the cold water could rinse the tears from his face, but it couldn’t wash away his shame.

#alvareider #odaat #odaat fic #penelope alvarez #schneider

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ssironstrange · 6 years ago

Text

buckle in, i have some Personal Shit to get off my chest and fling into the void. might as well before i’m Purged, right? lots of triggery stuff ahead.

so last week i got a job. it isn’t a spectacular job. the pay is shit and it’s extremely physically taxing. but it’s a job. i’ve been unemployed since july having put countless resumes out and done a handful of interviews with absolutely no luck. so we’re just happy i’m employed and going to have some income again.

on my very first day of orientation last week, my mom texts me asking me about christmas plans and i tell her i’m unsure what my schedule will look like while my brother is in town because i literally just started and don’t actually have any sort of schedule yet, obviously.

she proceeds to get pissed. starts calling me selfish for getting a job right before christmas. blames me for messing up plans because now she’s gonna have to work around my schedule. says i did this on purpose because i could have easily gotten a job like this at any time. i’m floored.

like, my mom is a grade A special class cunt, but she took it to new levels. i couldn’t even think of anything to say. i was so appalled and upset by the fact this woman couldn’t even say a simple “congrats” to her own daughter, knowing the troubling financial situation we’ve been in. eventually my s/o took my phone from me to text her himself because he was Done with her shit. i proceeded to have a mini-breakdown. i thought she had finally changed. like, i went without speaking to her at all for two years before because of bullshit like this she pulled on me in the past and told her if she wanted me in her life she needed to take a hard look at herself and change some shit. and she did. for a long while there she really did. she stopped drinking (she’s a raging alcoholic who will deny that until her dying breath) unless it was a special occasion and even then it was only like one glass. she started being nicer, friendlier, and a lot more grateful for the things we help her with. she stopped complaining and bitching about every possible thing. hell, she even started finding some social events to get out and go to. For a while she was actually kinda nice to be around for a change.

and then she did that and it made me realize nothing about her has actually changed. she can’t change. she has so many unchecked mental problems she refuses to see a doctor about. she’s in denial about 90% of them. she is sick, needs treatment, but refuses it at all. refuses to even acknowledge she’s sick. she’s extremely narcissistic. her selfishness knows no bounds. she honestly believes that giving $50 to someone in need while dropping $2k on herself(on shit she doesn’t need at ALL) is being generous. she has no concept of saving money. she has to spend it. she’s a hoarder and shopaholic. she’s paranoid of everyone and everything; everyone is out to get her, conspiring against her. any time her phone acts up she’s convinced someone is trying to hack her. a company accidentally overcharging her and she thinks someone within that company is personally trying to steal from her. she believes her doctors are trying to fuck with her when they’re literally just trying to obey the law. no matter what it is, its always about her. it doesn’t even fucking cross her mind even once what another person might be going through or dealing with or that accidents happen. she believes because a waitress working a double shift on thanksgiving didn’t bring her napkins in 5 seconds when she asked that she doesn’t deserve a tip. she feels personally attacked when i talk about her generation as a whole. she can’t ever be wrong. she believes because she’s older that she knows everything. she believes because she has had an encounter with something that it makes her an expert on it, or because she read 1 book or 1 unsourced article on the internet that she knows more. she believes, in her mind, that i am still 13 years old. honestly. she continuously pulls up weird shit from that time. thinks i still dress the same, still have the same preferences about everything no matter how many times i have told her “i haven’t like that since i was 12/13/whatever age.” hell she even talks to me like i’m a child half the time. She hasn’t worked a job since she was in her 30s and lies to live off the government, mooches from literally anyone she can, and gets oil royalties that she didn’t even do anything to invest in, she just inherited them. but then has the gall to bitch at me about jobs when i’ve been working since i was barely 15. she believes the world owes her. she believes that we kids owe her for being a mother and frequently tries to hold that over me as if that weren’t her fucking duty anyway when she decided to keep us. she is always angry and negative and prone to violence - especially while drunk. she has literally pointed a loaded, cocked gun at my chest, thrown glass dishes at me (which ended with glass shards in my hands and feet), dragged me by my hair, and has done ten times that in emotional abuse. she’s called the cops on my brother over an argument, and has thrown a computer monitor at me (one of those old CRT ones) because i said she was acting crazy. she would get so nasty with me my brother would have to step in and tell her to shut the fuck up. she didn’t even try to get me into counselling or therapy or even talk to me when she found out i was being sexually assaulted as a young child. all she did was remove me from the situation, which ultimately removed me from half of my family and didn’t explain why. she never told me is wasn’t my fault. she never talked to me about what sex actually was and how it’s supposed to be. she never told me about consent. she did nothing for me to cope with and process the years of physical and mental trauma i had endured, and i am still fucked up from it to this day because it defined my view of everything sexual. it created deep and strong neural pathways i’ll be lucky to ever be able to change. she went through my mail and read a letter to a long distance friend, finding out i was queer and genderfluid and outed me to the rest of the family, called me a disgrace and disgusting. she would go through chat logs and shame me about everything she could. she’s racist as fuck, still uses the N word, and has told me several times if i ever dated a black person she would disown me. she has always played favorites with my brother because he is the smart one, the one who graduated at 16 and got into university on full scholarship at 17, the one who has always been a social butterfly, extroverted with lots of friends, neurotypical by most standards, handsome and always had good taste in girls, successful in everything he does, and has a great career as an environmental engineer that pays well enough for him to take multiple overseas trips, pay off student loans(when he decided to switch majors and stay in college longer) and is just over all the perfect son (he and i have always gotten along fantastically. i love him immensely, but it’s no secret to either of us who she has always favored),and she’s an opioid addict - another thing she will deny until she’s dead. and thats just everything i can think of at the moment. theres more. theres always more.

so she texted me a couple days ago apologizing without actually apologizing. blaming her attitude on the fact her pain meds are being reduced (not once did she actually say sorry) and she’s been in a bad mood because of it. today she texted me, still without a real apology, just saying how she’s wondering how my job is going. but the truth is, i know she doesn’t give a fuck. she only wants to feel better about herself. she wants to believe she’s forgiven so she can have things her way again. she doesn’t actually give a shit about my feelings, about what she’s done to me, or about how this is the same cycle of bullshit we’ve been through countless times. she doesn’t care.

and yet, i still find myself feeling guilty to cut her out like the tumor she is. despite everything she has done to me. i can’t help it and i wish i could. she has manipulated me so much throughout my life that i have an almost pavlovian response to feel like its my fault, that i’m the failure she’s always said i am, that i’m the one letting her down. i know i’m not. i know that isn’t the truth but it’s still there and i hate it. but still, i’m trying my best to just fucking ignore her. she doesn’t get to have the satisfaction of thinking all is well and forgiven. i’ve been through this too many times and frankly i’m just so fucking tired of it.

#personal #trigger warning #about a lot of shit

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wardencommanderrodimiss · 6 years ago

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Spinning Out

on ao3

He finds out from the news. It isn’t even him who sees it first; they’re in a hotel somewhere in Canada, not far off the Atlantic Ocean, all still overstimulated from the concert that afternoon which ended an hour ago. The last vestiges of caffeine have yet to work themselves out of Klavier’s system and he’s doing laps around the room while Daryan throws things at him when in a voice unusually subdued his best friend says, “Hey, Klav, have you checked the news?”

“Early this morning; what about?” he asks, and that was the last moment that his life was normal, inasmuch as his life was ever normal, which it wasn’t. But this – this was the second before he hit the ground. Icarus, golden child, a cliche; he flew away from a cage to chase the light but the only thing there to catch him were the broiling waves.

Daryan puts his tablet into his hands and the body of text blurs as he scrolls back up to the headline. He catches Gavin in the text, wonders what he’s done; when he reaches the top he sees that it’s a local Los Angeles paper that isn’t a tabloid. The other Gavin, then, doing as he does, and Klavier doesn’t need his friends pushing his brother’s shadow back down on him.

The headlining act, bold letters: Defense Attorney Kristoph Gavin Arrested for Murder.

Klavier sits down on the floor.

A damning lede: Kristoph Gavin was arrested at the district courthouse this morning on charges of committing murder in the early hours of the morning Friday, and the details, always the devil in the details, it goes on, it continues, like a sick joke taken just too far to be funny. Mr. Gavin, 32, was at the courthouse to assist as co-counsel to the lead defense attorney for the case, Apollo Justice, 22, a junior partner at Mr. Gavin’s firm. Over the course of the trial, the details which came to light pointed to the innocence of their client, but a far more likely culprit in the defense attorney himself.

He closes his eyes. Did Kristoph keep his frightening calm even as the jaws of the law closed in around him? Was he calm when he murdered another person, too, or was it spur-of-the-moment, a most dire expression of the rage that Klavier has always believed his brother harbors within him.

The court record suggests that Mr. Justice’s position as the lead defense was a last-minute switch as requested by the defendant, Phoenix Wright…

The tablet slips from his hands and he thinks to just leave it on the floor and himself leave, run away from it all, but he can’t ignore the growing sick feeling in his stomach, nor that name.

Mr. Wright, 33, was formerly known as a defense attorney of some renown before his disgrace almost exactly seven years ago, in which he was found guilty of presenting forged evidence in a trial and was subsequently disbarred.

They don’t mention that it was Kristoph Gavin’s own brother who caught Wright in the act of such. And no one knows that it was Kris who had that information to begin with. Did Wright find that out and frame him as revenge?

Still becoming public is what exactly is the evidence which placed such suspicion on Mr. Gavin.

Why wasn’t his first thought that Kris was framed? Why wasn’t his first thought denial? Why, until he saw Wright’s name, was he willing to accept it?

Further details about the victim as well are not yet known; the police gave his name as Shadi Smith, of unknown age.

This is a developing story and will be updated.

“I have to go back,” Klavier says, eyes closed again so he can’t see the look that Daryan must be giving him, pity and concern and now disappointment, surely, as he goes on to drag him out of the sky with him. He drops the tablet on the floor and stands, pressing his hand over his eyes, suddenly feeling the crash from the caffeine. “I need to go.”

“Right now?” Daryan asks. “Seriously, dude?”

“Now, or tomorrow, I have to – tickets, tickets, cancel everything, refunds, I won’t be mad if you and the guys find a singer and go as the Gavinners Without Gavin but we’re not fucking charging people for that, I’m bailing I’m sorry—”

“Why don’t you not do anything until later, or tomorrow?” Daryan says, which is a good idea, which means that in this exact moment Klavier does not want to hear it. “Because you’re seriously just going to drop us, and everything, because—”

“Because my own brother fucking murdered a man, yes, I am!” He believes it. Why does he believe it? Wright is involved; it can’t be legitimate. Wright isn’t allowed to be legitimate because that only fucks up everything more than it already is. “Because I’m a prosecutor and my brother is a defense attorney and murdered a man!”

“At least wait for the evidence, dumbass,” Daryan says, and Klavier stops at the door, realizing he’s right, wondering if the two in the room next door have already heard him yelling.

“I – you’re right, technically, but—”

“No, just stop there.” Klavier turns around, back against the door, watching as Daryan retrieves his tablet and sets it on the table. “I’m right, no technicalities. Wait.”

“I can’t wait.” Tomorrow, the trial is going to be tomorrow, won’t it? Planes back to LA aren’t in short supply, and he’ll gain back four hours crossing time zones. He could be there for a 10 am trial start. “If he’s being falsely accused, framed, I have to go help him. If he – if he—”

“If he really fucking just went and ganked some rando—”

“Then I – then my brother’s a murderer and I can’t just go on like nothing happened—”

Like the world hasn’t fallen out from beneath his feet.

“Sure you can,” Daryan says, far too blaise, and Klavier wants to scream at him. “When’s the last time you talked to Kris? What’s he done for you lately?”

When was the last time he talked to Kris? He doesn’t know – he doesn’t know. They don’t keep in touch; he doesn’t keep Kristoph updated on where in the world he is traveling now. They used to text daily while Klavier was studying in Germany. Kris was the first person who heard that Klavier had passed the bar and gotten his badge. They’re brothers but they were friends. It was why he didn’t question the information he got about the Gramarye trial. It was from Kristoph; of course Kristoph is a reliable source.

After, though – after, the lack of verdict haunting him, that was when he started to wonder. Of course Wright forged the evidence; unquestionable. That has to be true. Klavier needs it to be true. But why, how, did Kristoph know? And it was like he read Klavier’s mind, knew his doubts – and that old bridge between them he thought so sturdy burned instead. Which one of them struck the match?

“He’s still my brother,” Klavier says. He slides back down to the floor. Daryan is flopped on one of the beds, hanging half over the edge, looking over to Klavier.

“What’re you gonna do? You’re a prosecutor. You’re not just gonna march in there and demand to prosecute your own brother?”

“No; I wouldn’t make it back in time.”

“And, oh, maybe a billion other reasons why that’s not gonna work,” Daryan says.

He’s right, again. No one would trust Klavier not to have some sort of bias if he went in and insisted on prosecuting Kristoph’s case. If he was assigned, fine; he could try and be objective. But to actively seek that out -- no, they would think one way or another, he wanted to tilt the verdict.

“I… I just have to go back.” He doesn’t have a good reason. It’s a flight of fancy to think there is anything he could do, but in his heart he knows he needs to go back. “I need to. I’m going.”

Daryan seems to realize that he’s talking to a wall. “Sure, but two things. First, wait for some fuckin’ evidence before you start making calls, and two, you’re on your own when you do.”

“What?” Maybe if his head weren’t spinning he could figure out what Daryan was referring to.

“I mean, telling the other guys, telling the fans, fucking up everything – I’m not taking the heat for you on this one.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to.” They’re both silent. Sometimes they can say things in the silence but right now Klavier feels like he is looking at his best friend through a haze. “I’m sorry,” he adds. Daryan says nothing. “I’m sorry, but I—”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t start the self-flagellation.” Daryan rolls over so that he’s staring at Klavier upside-down. “I’m pissed at you but I’ll get over it. Save it for everyone else.”

“He’s my brother. I have to go.”

“Dude.” Daryan’s hands start moving around, patting the bed, like he’s looking for something to throw. “I said, save it. We’re not cool but we will be.

“Thanks.”

It feels weak, given the situation, but he doesn’t know what more to add. Daryan topples off the bed, grabs a pillow that was on the floor, and hurls it at Klavier. When Klavier gets it out of his face, he is grinning. “So if I got arrested you’d drop everything and come running too, right?”

Klavier rolls his eyes and tosses the pillow back. It does not reach Daryan. “You won’t because where are you that I’m not there to stop you doing dumb shit?”

“Well, maybe while the rest of you are hoofing it across the pond for some leg of a tour—”

“Nobody says ‘across the pond’.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk about people ‘saying things’, you fake Eurotrash piece of shit.”

Klavier laughs, and Daryan does as well, and for the briefest of moments, he can forget. Daryan is the one who sobers first. “It’s like, a week left this part of the tour. Wait that long, at least.”

He’ll still have to cancel everything down the line, starting with June, but just a week is –

— enough time for a sentencing.

“I don’t know.” Klavier pushes himself back onto his feet. “I… we should probably talk about this as a whole band.”

“Group meeting about what to do about Gavin’s douchebag brother!” Daryan yells at the wall. Klavier steps forward and grabs the pillow and swings.

He agrees to stick out the week, faced with the full pressure of the rest of his bandmates, which he starts to regret as the news articles updates and the evidence against Kristoph reads thin, even for an article for the layman concerned more with informing the public that he did it than explaining in depth how that conclusion was reached. He drafts an email to the Chief Prosecutor and then tables it. He drafts an email to the band’s manager and publicist and tables it, then sends it ten minutes later. He writes, rewrites, and rewrites again a tweet before deleting it. Daryan watches him, faintly bemused.

“Dude,” he says, “you don’t gotta… rehearse and re-rehearse every single fucking little thing. You’re so…” He trails off, searching for a word.

“Don’t you dare say ‘anal’.”

“Real mature, Prosecutor Gavin.”

“You happen to be laughing as well, Detective Crescend.”

“Perfectionist,” Daryan says, throwing a pen at Klavier. He has no idea where that pen came from. “Micromanaging stick-in-the-mud.”

“Maybe I should make it a video announcement,” Klavier says. “More personal, more genuine an apology. Family emergency, gotta put the breaks on the tour—”

“Family emergency, my brother’s a headass.”

“—because my brother’s a tire fire and I have to go back to LA—”

“An absolute shithead.”

“Quite the douchenozzle. Quite the nozzle of a douche.”

“I can’t believe you write our lyrics.”

It makes him feel a little better, for a moment, like he’s trying to stop the rush of blood from a bullet hole with a cork. It’s not going to work but it’s the right shape to give him the impression of helping. His heart is hemorrhaging on the floor of some shitty Russian dive and calling his brother an asshole is an asprin for the internal bleeding.

He doesn’t even know what the fuck borscht is.

He googles it.

Wait, he does, actually. He had it or something like it in Borginia.

“Get a grip, Gavin,” Daryan says, leaning over his shoulder and looking at what the laptop screen now displays.

“I have a grip.” And he does, but in a way that his life is spinning out of control so fast that rather than breaking free of his hands it has pulled him, clinging to the last vestiges of control, along into the vortex. He goes back to his email. It’s been seven minutes since he emailed his manager. That’s enough of a warning before he puts in a call. “I’ll do the video,” Klavier says. The Gavinners have a social media manager as well, but Klavier has always liked taking pictures and video and dumping them online himself. He should probably at least put in a warning before he does this time. “Once I make these calls.” He made a list. He’s already misplaced the paper.

“You want me to start drafting your note cards?” Daryan asks, ducking under the desk and retrieving for Klavier the sheet.

“I’m not writing fucking note cards. I can speak off-the-cuff.” He wouldn’t be a prosecutor if he couldn’t.

Daryan raises an eyebrow. “Shit, dude, you’re not gonna meticulously overplan your big public apology? You’re more fucked up right now than I thought.”

Klavier flips him off as he leaves for an empty conference room. He shuts himself inside to put in the calls, one by one, to everyone who keep the wheels greased, everyone behind the scenes who are about to find themselves in free-fall – and while he’s on the phone having hard conversations he could make one more. He’s a prosecutor. He wouldn’t have to pull many strings to get through to—

No, no. He’ll wait for him to call.

(Kris never does.)

#ace attorney #klavier gavin #ace attorney bullshit tag #SURPRISE IT'S A FIC NO ONE ASKED FOR #roddy fanfics

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norman-reedus-gossip-mod · 8 years ago

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Anon: Apparently the other N gossip blog that shall go unnamed says a Spanish pap has pics of DK and N allegedly kissing. I call bullshit, why wait to release them if they do? Also wouldn't another publication have gotten them by now? I'm kind of over this whole thing tbh. Let's get back to talking about his d --mod-- I would hazard to guess they'd have shown up already, unless the pap is waiting for a bigger payday. In any case I feel like it's a moot point now. I agree back to the weird.   

Anon:  I think you'll be waiting a very long time for NR to admit he's dating DK. Don't forget he was living with CS for nearly two years + wouldn't even admit he was dating her. People can blame his fans but plenty of other celebs have over zealous fans and they still own up to their relationships. People gave him the benefit of the doubt so many times over all the stuff that went down with CS but now, sadly, I think he's not the guy a lot of people think he is. --mod-- Perhaps but while he didn't claim her as his gf he wasn't shy about having her around or bring her with him. Only time will tell what they are or aren't or were doing  

  Susan:  Gossip  The gossip pages are not kind to Norman. Interesting because so many times their info turns out accurate. So if one believes them…he is currently in a relationship with MMB and cheating “out of the country with this foreugn born actress.” Also seen “downing an entire bottle of booze and chain smoking” before announcing he had to go back to hotel to “have sex with girlfriend. ” whether or not any of this shit is actually true, it sure paints a negative image. Oh well ..that’s entertainment --mod-- It just makes everything sound gross

Anon:  It's weird that those appearances of him and DK together always appear when for example twd is airing like as if it's some kind of promotion. Everyone says DK uses him for attention but maybe it's the other way around. (I'm joking tho, it's just annoying me when people always act like women are the attention seeker).    

Anon:  hi Mod, I couldn't sleep last night. Has anything happened? I just still don't understand why Norman would make an official denial with his reps if he knew it was a lie that he was gonna get caught in or even "come out" shortly after?? That would make him look so bad. Why would he do that? Why wouldn't he just not say anything like all the other times? Like after Paris? I am so confused I feel sick. --mod-- Nope nothing new. Maybe he doesn't feel like whatever they are it isn't a bf/gf relationship. You shouldn't take this to heart so much, I know a lot of people are upset at the implications but if it's making you sick you might need a fan break. 😊 taking a break is never a bad thing    

Anon:  Mod do you know anything about a pap supposedly saying on a tv show that he has pics of NR and DK together in Barcelona? --mod-- I heard it. Guess we have to wait and see what happens. I'm assuming they would've dropped by now.   

Anon: Apparently a paparazzi on a Spanish to show said he has photos of NR and DK together in Spain but hasn't released them yet.  

Anon:  I know I am late with a DK/NR comment..  but at this point, I fully expect a picture to surface one day of them kissing, holding hands or something more intimate that what we have seen. IF there is something going on, more than friendship or FWB, they can’t hide forever. Someone, sometime, somewhere, will snap a picture of them together. One where we will not be able to dismiss as ’“just friends.”   

Anon:  I asked a question & you directed me to the blind items and after I read them, they COULD be true, I mean, really observe NR pattern since breaking up with CS. Anyway, I ask this, Why is everyone ignoring that elephant in the room & placing all the blame solely at NR/DK, especially if a 3rd party COULD be involved? I was kind of angry with NR for not acknowledging DK, but if there is more to this story, well it's a messy situation then, and maybe we all should back off the blame game for a bit. --mod-- No idea.   

Anon: Why does everyone assume Melissa MMB and Norman are a couple? DK I can understand, but where's the proof of MMB?

Anon: Mod what do you think about the denial? Why would he make a denial after such a long time if he were actually with her now? And it couldn't have been that he was "coming out" with her in Barcelona B/C in that case he would have taken her to his art show but she left early. Plus she tipped off all the paps before she left NY and when she got to Paris she posted letting everyone know. So he would have known all that if it was planned. Why do I have a feeling she showed up in Barcelona uninvited? --mod-- I think the denial means something. I'm not saying they are doing stuff and thangs or they aren't. Maybe he denied because he doesn't consider them more than friends.

Anon: Norman ended CS when she started following him uninvited. He'll do the same to DK if he hasn't already.

Anon: The original tweet I saw of the pap pics of Diane *arriving* in Hamburg said Monday night. So per evidence she got papped leaving NYC, revealed she was in Europe herself, spent one day in Spain while NR was working, got papped in Barcelona *wearing the same clothes/purse/shoes 2+ days in a row*, and left for Hamburg before Norman's art show. If she were trying to hide, why go to Spain at all? For that matter, why "like" public IG comments about "how good they are at hiding it" C'mon ppl!    

Anon: Mod can you ask Pr wife a question for me? The denial came after a year of them not saying anything. So wouldn't that make it more likely believable than not? (no matter anything that happened in the past) Also why would she be trying to "out" him by paying off paps while he goes and denies it right after if he was really with her? If this was them "coming out" why would he issue a denial at all? Wouldn't they just let people assume? Why shut it down only to be caught again? Nothing makes sense! -mod-- This definitely in no way was them coming out she'd have been seen with him publicly if it was. I'll ask and she was she says

Anon: What is the “Blinds” url? I have googled and found a couple of sites with “Blind Gossip” mentioned but when I search NR or DK, nothing recent pops up so I’m thinking I’m either on the wrong sites or I maybe need to create an account on the sites to read more? --mod-- Go to both of them there's stuff on both of them

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gravybath · 8 years ago

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i’m reading killing stalking and i’ll slap my commentary over here as i go. gonna just add as i go okay? okay. it’ll probably get long so how about a read more?

okay, first page. already kinda annoyed by the whole i’m a male and have a guy crush i’m weird thing but.. moving on

also i can’t believe this is just. straight up levi.

why does yoonbum look like he’s already dying when bad shit hasn’t even happened yet hello?

mmmkay so he’s a creepy stalker. okay then.

OKAY okay he is. hes jerkin it okay then. also again why is he already skinny af and look like he’s dying aND no human alive jerks it that way but okay

hooooo, don’t . don’t bring bpd into this,,,,

mmmkay that’s low key,,, creepy sexualizing so much okay then,,

okay !! when drawing random people that are just background/flashback that dont matter !! it’s fine not to draw the eyes but !!!!!!!!! fucking those r ur mains just draw the other fucking eye there is no reason not to that is a front facing pose omfg u can even just copy paste omggggggg

why does this man look like a five year old boy, asking for a friend

don’t u hate when the cops show up when ur trying to break into ur crushes house b/c ur a creepy stalker?

also why are his nails like white? the hands r drawn p nice but why r the nails literally white compared to his skin tone?

okay originally i thought yoonbum was an innocent in this situation but nah no fuck him u don’t break into someones house omgggg

okay more titty than i requested but sure of course 100% necessary to show she naked yup okay,,

oh shit boi the cops talking to sangwoo,, that’s not the face u make at cops but okay lad also i’m cracking up the officers head is like ten times the size of the cop car oka y okay okay focus flynn keep going

i never understood the whole sniff the pillow and it smells like that person thing i have never experienced that?

yes a mysterious locked floor door in the closet obviously covered by things, yes check it out

why would she be wearing underwear but not anything on her top plz explain also that full body drawing the anatomy was super wonky but moving on

i dONT think u have a thigh gap when ur lying on ur side like that but ya kno,,,, whatever,,,,,

what kind of freak locks naked women in their creepy hidden basement?? i dunno maybe the same kind of people that break into their crushes house then smell their pillow

ohhhhhh he got the bat good fuckin night levi

wait did he hit his shoulder not his head? what now?

did sangwoo take his shoes off before dealing w/ the intruder in his house

i have no sympathy for yoonbum sorry not sorry fuck him up sangwoo tho ur a fucking piece of shit too

i’m gonna die !! quick admit u fell in love w/ him then broke into his house b/c u love him so much !! nailed it

this basement’s too small for the both of u, let’s go up. yes !! yes let’s just !! ignore the naked tied of woman and go upstairs like all is fine !!

wait? how does pushing him off the stairs break his legs it looks like he fell on his back but okay,,,,

his hand is going thrU the steering wheel yall !!!! omg,,,,,,, also the blur effect is,,,,, kinda getting annoying

okay,,, okay why r his hips so thicc he is a skinny underweight man why is his ass thicker than pudding

is he just gonna,,,, keep the dead body in his basement?,,,,

midDLE AGED? yoonbum looks like he’s 12 binch wtf

his hands r bigger than yoonbum’s legs okay how them chicken legs hold up all that thicc ass

ah yes, when mentioning how someone has hairy legs, drawing a single hair definitely is enough,,,

sangwoo is,, i just? dump food in his mouth then kiss him okay,,, okay,,,,

i’m disgusting and yet he’s so kind. i love him. god damn this boy u idiot !! he has u trapped in his basement he just admitted to killing multiple people he broke ((i guess??)) ur leg? ofc he is so kind. i’m only mad b/c i’m this level of denial stupid shit

also wait who had bpd? was is yoonbum or sangwoo? i wanna say yoonbum but yeah,,, anywho back to it,,,

i’m sorry but the way they draw feet is horrifying

at least he bandaged,, one leg? and drugged him? annnd okay is he fucking him now okay wait no what

oh! okay he was uhh working out? and yoonbum was in pain,,, okay i don’t think this is the time for a ha ha u thought it was gay moment like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,anyways once again yoonbum has the thiccest ass

who just fucking works out in their basement where they keep their kidnapped persons also where did the girls body go?

frame one: look how skinny yoonbum is

frame two: thiccest ass in the whole world don’t worry

if ur gonna wash him at least ?? put him in the tub wouldn’t that be easier to clean like u dragged his ass up the stairs wouldn’t it be easy to put him in the tub,,,,

yoonbum like i don’t mind u trapping me in ur house but can i at least get out of the basement

“of course it’s dark... it’s a basement ?” this fucker

again why does yoonbum have a crazy waist and the thiccest ass in the world i will never stop bringing it up b/c ??? he is literally underweight

“ur some kind of county whore” ??????????????

okay so,,, he can be upstairs? but can’t go past the line that starts behind the stairs? why not just make it where he can’t go downstairs? what’s upstairs?

if u loved ur mom fuckboy why did u murder her?

why does sangwoo have so many ?? boxes in his house he’s lived here for a while so ???

has no one noticed yoonbum is missing? no one?? he is a creep but i mean,,, anyone,,,,,

oh fuCK he stabbed him right in the fuckiNG EYE SHIT

wait damnnit he didnt

also how long has he been there? if his legs heal will sangwoo just break them again or will they just always be broken?

u can’t kill people w rat poison i thought tho? like somthing about gag reflexes or is that not tru scream queens don’t lie to me

also he only threw a few pills in the huge pot so honestly even if he ate that hand full of pills he probably wouldn’t have died so he’s just gonna get maybe even barely sick??

also why does he wear a crop top and a skirt like,,,, sangwoo,,,, what u doin there bud,,,,,

why did he kill his mom if his dad was an abusive piece of shit hello??

okay weird romance stuff is like,,, ummmm,,, i;m uncomfortable but okay? he fantasized about killing him multiple times and thought about escaping too he stopped talking about how much he loved him so ?? this is kinda out of place,,,,

“i can suck it” please stop i’m calling the police

“nah you’re scary” fucking !! i agree !!! who fucking does that after trying to kill their actual kidnapper and abuser ???????????/

look if he was still like oh i love him every now and then maybe but the past few chapters have been about him wanting to escape or kill sangwoo so ??

sangwoo is like blushing b/c this boy just rubbed his dick and his own dick then came everywhere and was generally alarming like yoonbum is 100% more alarming at this point. he stalks his crush breaks in attempts to kill him then jerks him and himself off like....

“he’s gonna hit me again” to “fuck he’s making out w/ me” is,,,,,,

with gentle hands he washed and clothed me everyday, and best of all he didn’t lock me in the basement anymore. yes what a gentleman,,,

“it’s so warm it’s like i’m in my mom’s belly again” okay how many layers of fucked up he got some mommy issues this boy also i really wanna kno why he killed his mom

u can’t show dick but u can show plenty of titty ???

“u understand we can’t go to the hospital” yes bby b/c ur a horrifying abusive murderer and broke my legs don’t worry i love u

okay so,, he’s leaving him home alone... why wouldn’t he just get a look on the front door that’s a keyhole on both sides? that would be the easiest way to keep him locked up w/o locking him in the basement?

okay so he’s still planning on leaving okay i don’t understand how he was so happy to suck his dick if he wanted to leave aND r there body parts in the washing machine??

okay i’m p sure u can’t fit that many bodies in the washing machine but okay,,,,wait was that hallucinationS? oh okay okay

again with the thicc ass

u chose this u can’t change ur mind” my boy sangwoo has a lot of issues

yoonbum is like avoid torture seduce him also thiccest ass strikes again

ah yes the notorious glowing dick

okay?? the pacing is so weird like it’s nothing then shit tons of abuse then make out time he he then torture time

thicc ass again

this guy was like suck my dick sangwoo so sangwoo was like let’s go back to my torture chamber ha ha time to die. like what kinda ego....

how could he tell were his fingers were on the other side of the cards okay ???

again w/ the thicc ass and thigh gap while lying sideways????

why is the cough sound effect drawn right over the eye i mean this time you could have skipped drawing the eye?????

again w/ the ass

okay i read it all annnd? i gotta say not as gross as i expected, the pacing is weird and it goes from nothing for pages to too much i dunno. it’s not awful a lot of unnecessary sexualization of yoonbum tho. and the whole is it just fan service or nah? idk i still feel like there r a lot of scenes where yoonbum looks like he belongs in porn so.. not awful but not amazing idk why it’s so popular rn? i really hope it’s not b/c people r making gross fetishy stuff out of it. i would like it w/ more horror/gore that would be nice. but overall it’s interesting i guess? not too terrible but somehow yoonbum is tiny and skinny as hell while still having the thiccest ass around.

#gravy talks #a wild ride #i read ch 1-13

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