#or want me to & id feel like id ruin what i have with my family

[itsalwaysdark]

bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

[inmirova]

feels like the universe (trans people I follow on tumblr dot com) is telling me I should get into tf2 again to spite my ex who tried to convince me playing it meant I was apparently cool with white supremacy somehow

[alchemiclee]

what if I made an application for people to fill out to become my potential partner that helps me move to canada fbdndnej i dont get how people just meet someone and they start dating. I feel like I need a whole application and review and interview process to try to choose the best candidate ?????? 😅

[mrfoox]

My simple view on things sometimes is really a problem and I forget majority of people dont follow my logic....

[andvys]

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 26

Warnings: 18+, angst, alcohol consumption, weed, mentions of vomiting, mentions of sex, mentions of cunnilingus, clueless reader, jealousy

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader | Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: During a spontaneous birthday 'party', you find some things out, things that maybe should've been left unsaid.

Word count: 6k+

A/N: So, this chapter took a whole turn while I was writing it. It was supposed to head into a whole different direction but my angsty heart, had to say no to the fluffy route. @hellfire--cult thank you for helping me, you're amazingggg

series masterlist

-

Steve lied. 

He lied again. 

It’s something he hasn’t done in a while. 

He promised himself to never do it again, knowing how much damage it had caused in the past, in both relationships that he had. 

This lie is harmless, though. At least, he thinks that it is. 

He spent the day with Robin and Dustin, they had surprised him with a homemade birthday cake that Robin had made with Chrissy’s help, it would’ve been a cute one, had Dustin not ruined it with his Star Wars decorations. Lucas and Max showed up as well, ‘surprising’ him by throwing a bunch of balloons and confetti at him. 

They made him blow out the candles, before forcing him to open all the presents. Dustin’s present was not surprising, at all. A Star Wars movie collection. Lucas had given him a keychain, with a little basketball pendant. Max acted all careless as always, shrugging it off when he gave her a kind smile and a ‘thank you’, yet, she gave him one of the best presents, a collection of polaroids of him with the teens, with Robin and even you, along with new records, claiming that he needs to expand his music taste. He has yet to unwrap Robin’s presents. 

They ate cake, went to the movies and the diner. And afterwards, Steve drove everyone home. Robin didn’t believe him when he said that he made plans with his parents for the evening, that they’d come home to spend his birthday with him. She was suspicious, not buying the lies he was feeding her with, Steve could tell but she had no choice but to say goodbye when he dropped her off at home, he really didn’t want her to stay longer than she had to, he wanted to be alone, by himself. So, when she begrudgingly got out of the car and gave him a sad smile, he gave her a cheerful one back, pretending to be happy when he was feeling anything but it. 

He didn’t go home. He knew that his parents wouldn’t come and he couldn’t stand the thought of staying in that big house, all by himself, tonight. He drove past your street, as well, fighting the urge to go and see you. 

There is only one place he knew he would find peace at. The Hideout. 

Now, he is sitting here, in the corner of the bar, with a drink that he had bought with his fake ID, soon he won’t have to use it anymore. With his head hung low, he lets his mind go to places that he had avoided all day. Dark thoughts that hold nothing but heartbreak and loneliness. He doesn’t feel miserable, just really fucking sad. He has people who care about him, friends who love him, people he now considers family. And yet, he still feels lonelier than ever. 

He looks around the bar, it’s not very crowded, it never is. Maybe on weekends, but never during the week. Rock music plays in the back, he hears the chatter of a group of young men by the bar, they’re laughing, throwing back drinks – they are clearly having a great time. For a while, Steve watches them. How they laugh with each other, how they all look so carefree and happy. He doesn’t even know what it feels like to feel that way anymore, to have fun and be happy without ruining everything with his actions in the matter of just a few minutes. 

He sighs, leaning back in the chair, he looks down at his drink, that lately he started to find more and more comfort in. 

The door opens but he doesn’t bother to look up, not caring about whoever it is that walked through the door. He is so focused on the miserable feeling inside his chest, the tearing, the longing, the yearning, the hurt. 

Before his mind can react, his heart is already fluttering when he hears your voice. He raises his head, eyes finding you immediately. You’re here. You’re here with Eddie. And you look more beautiful than ever. You’re wearing a black dress and the dark denim jacket that he was cursing at, last year when he had yet to find out who it belonged to. Your hair is falling softly in waves, your lips are glowing a soft pink beneath the dim light, you’re giggling, slapping Eddie’s arm playfully when he whispers something in your ear.

His eyes soften, despite you being here with him, giggling at him, he can’t help but smile when he finally sees you again. It’s only been a few weeks since he had properly seen you, yet, it seems like forever.

When your eyes find him and your giggles die down, your smile falls and your eyes widen. He freezes. Not knowing how to react or what to do. Not only have you caught him staring, you have also caught him lying. Again. You were the first person he lied to about his birthday plans. He looks away with a blush on his cheeks, his hand grip the glass tighter, he inwardly curses himself out for coming here, tonight. 

“It’s his birthday, right?” Eddie mumbles behind you. 

“Yeah,” you whisper in confusion. “He told me that he would spend his birthday with his parents..” 

Eddie looks away from you and back at Steve. He sits there, looking crestfallen. His shoulders are slumped, his face etched with sadness, he can see it, even from a distance. The sight of him sitting there so lonely and sad is pitiful. Eddie knows what he feels like, at this moment. His dad never cared about him, not even on his birthdays, he never even bothered to give him a call from wherever he was currently living or staying at. 

But, Eddie has Wayne, he always had Wayne. Steve doesn’t. He doesn’t have anyone who looks after him. He is all by himself. 

“I guess they didn’t come,” you mumble with sadness and a hint of disappointment in your voice. “They never do.”

“Robin told me that he was acting weird when he dropped her off earlier.” 

Despite his dislike for him, he can’t help but feel bad for Steve. The people he wants the most, aren’t in his life. 

His parents are gone. 

You are gone. 

Steve had changed. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, Eddie can see that he has changed for the better. That he isn’t the guy who hurt you, who left you standing on your birthday, who broke your heart and left you for someone else. He isn’t that guy anymore. Had he still been that guy, Eddie wouldn’t even bother to look at him twice and feel any ounce of pity for him but now, things are different. He is different. In a way, it scares Eddie, because he knows that he now has a chance for a second try, with you. 

“Do you think he’s here by himself?”

You shrug, looking away from Steve, you turn towards Eddie, “yeah.” 

You feel the little item in your pocket, the one that suddenly feels too heavy, the one you itch to reach for and give it to the one you got it for.

Eddie looks down at you, at the sadness in your eyes. For once, it doesn’t make him feel frustrated or annoyed to see you be so sad for someone who hurt you. 

“No one should be alone on their birthday,” Eddie mumbles.  

“Yeah,” you sigh, looking down at your hands. “But, I-I guess it’s what he wanted, he could’ve spent time with Robin.”

“He was with her before, wasn’t he?” 

“Yeah.”

Eddie sighs. There is hesitation in your voice and in your eyes.

“Do you want to spend time with him?” He asks, already feeling the dread tugging in his chest, knowing that the night won’t go the way he wanted it to.

For a moment, you stare into Eddie’s brown eyes, there’s a kindness in them, kindness for him. That is something so rare. 

“Uh, I’m sure he wants to be alone.”

Eddie knows you. Eddie knows what you want, right now. But, you are hesitating out of fear of upsetting him. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispers, placing his finger under your chin, tilting your head up. “I won’t get angry. If you want to spend time with him tonight, we can cancel our plans and you can go be with him.” He nudges his chin into Steve’s directions. “I don’t like him but, shit, even I can’t stand the fucking kicked puppy look that he’s sporting, right now.” 

You eye his face. Even through the sadness for Steve, the smile for you, you can see the slight fear in his eyes. The fear that any moment with you, will be his last one before you find your way back to Steve, before you say goodbye to a friendship that might’ve saved your life. But even through the fear, he still wants the best for you, he still wants what you want. 

“I think he wants to be alone,” you repeat.

Eddie looks over your shoulder to see him staring at you. 

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

You sigh, shaking your head. 

“What if we all hang out together?” 

“Sweetheart, I don’t think that Steve would be happy to spend time with me–”

“Please, Eddie,” you whisper, mustering up the best puppy eyes and a pout that he can never say no to. “We can just have fun together, you’ve never met drunk Steve before, he can be funny – unless he decides to break your heart but, that won’t happen to you, don’t worry,” you giggle. 

He raises his brows at you, surprised that you are making a joke about that. 

“You go buy us drinks and I’ll go convince him to spend time with us. We can just all get drunk together, maybe you’ll finally get along,” you shrug, giving him a sheepish smile, you place your hands on his chest, pushing him towards the bar, not taking no for an answer. 

“I don’t think it’ll take much convincing,” he snorts. As though you would ever have to convince Steve to spend time with you. Eddie is certain that all it takes is a glance from you and that man is already by your side, you got Steve wrapped around your finger, just like him, and you don’t even know it. 

You turn on your heel, not waiting for a response from Eddie. You make your way over to Steve, whose head is still hung low. Your heart thumps a little faster in your chest when you inch closer and closer to him. You push your hand into your pocket, reaching for the tiny bag that you had taken with you earlier when you considered dropping by his house. 

You stop in front of him, taking a shaky breath as you place the small bag on the table, sliding it towards him. 

“Happy birthday, Steve,” you whisper.

His wide eyes stare at the bag, the tiny jewelry pouch that clearly holds a present inside for him. His eyes soften, staring at your ringed fingers that linger next to his hand for a moment. 

He looks up, slowly. Hazel eyes flashing with softness when they meet yours. You stare at him with a shy smile, sadness lingering in your pretty eyes. His heart flutters so strongly, he longs to touch you. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, giving you a smile. “W-What’s that?” He asks, pointing to his present without tearing his eyes from you. 

“I got you a little present. I-It’s nothing special just, I just wanted to get you something. You don’t have to open it now, just uh–”

“Y/n,” he smiles, interrupting your rambling, “you didn’t even have to get me anything but I appreciate it, I will love it.” 

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“Yeah but it’s from you, so, I will love it, dolly.” 

A smile appears on your face, you nod slowly, whispering a small ‘okay’. You know that Steve always loved to keep certain presents for last, so you’re not surprised to see him tucking it into the pocket of his jeans. 

“Your parents didn’t come?” 

He looks down, holding the glass tighter, he shakes his head, unable to bear the pitiful look on your face. 

“Oh.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers before you can say ‘I'm sorry, steve.’ He doesn’t want you to pity him. 

“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t be alone.” 

“I-I wasn’t alone, I was with Robin all day and the kids–”

“But, now you are.”

He raises his head to look at you. And, before he can even say anything, his words get caught in his throat when he looks at you. Your eyes are glistening, not with tears and sadness, but with something else, something he cannot read. You look at him differently than you did weeks ago, not in a way that scares him or breaks him but, in a way, that only leaves him with one too many questions. He struggles to read you, to understand you. It’s like he can no longer see through you the way he could before. Nonetheless, he feels so calm and safe in your presence and he wants this moment to last forever. 

“Right now, I’m not, though. You’re here.”

You smile at his words. 

“Yeah, I’m here.” 

When Eddie appears by your side, Steve tries not to let his smile fall. 

Right. He is here too. 

“Happy Birthday, man.”

To Steve’s surprise, he sees Eddie not with two but three shots in his hands, he places them all on the table. Grinning at him in a way he can’t tell whether it’s a kind one or a sarcastic one. 

“Thanks,” Steve nods at him. 

Eddie pulls the chair back for you, you smile at him, taking the seat across from Steve. Eddie sits down beside you, leaving Steve with a questioning look on his face as he looks between the two of you. 

“W-What?”

“You think we’re gonna let you spend the night alone, Harrington?” 

Steve looks at Eddie in confusion, hearing these words not from yours but from his mouth leaves him more puzzled than ever. Eddie spending time with him willingly? He purses his lips, squinting his eyes as he turns to look at you. You smile at him, shrugging. You slide one of the shots towards him. 

“I mean, I thought that we could spend this night together,” you say, smiling with hope in your eyes. “Or we can leave if that’s what you–”

“No, I-I want to.”

He looks between you two, giving Eddie an awkward smile. 

“Cool! Let’s drink, then.” 

“Yeah, let’s drink,” he chuckles as he ditches his glass of whiskey for the shot of whatever Eddie had ordered. 

“When’s the last time you got drunk?” You ask them both. 

“Oh man,” Eddie mumbles, leaning back in his seat, he puts his arm on the back of your chair. “I don’t even remember, it’s been a while. What about you, sweetheart?” 

“Uh, well, I had a cocktail night with the girls, a few weeks ago,” you say, giggling. “Oh, also at a party.”

You and Eddie look at each other, he instantly knows what party you are talking about when he sees the amused look on your face. He chuckles, though he instantly gets taken back that night. When you showed up with that stolen bat plushie, when you told him how much you missed him, when you told him that you wished you met him first. 

Steve looks between you two, a sinking feeling in his stomach takes place. There are things you share with Eddie, things that he will never know about because he isn’t in his place anymore. 

“I knew it! I knew you were lying to me, Dingus!” 

Startled by the voice, all three of you snap your heads towards the angry girl walking towards the three of you with a frown on her face, pointing her finger at Steve. 

Steve’s eyes widen, “I can explain.” 

Something about the anger on Robin’s face and the panic in Steve’s features makes you giggle.

Robin slaps the back of his head, lightly. 

“Ouch! Robin!”

“You are such a–”

“Dingus, yeah yeah, I know.” 

Eddie laughs at that, smirking at Steve who throws him a glare.

“You think that’s funny, Munson?” 

Eddie leans back with a satisfied grin, “actually yeah.”

Robin plops down in the seat next to Steve, still staring at him with a frown on her face. 

“Why did you lie to me? Why are you here?” 

Steve sighs, scratching the back of his neck as he gives her a sheepish smile. 

“And what are you two doing here?” She asks, turning to look at you and Eddie. 

“Came here for a couple of drinks and then we found this sad puppy,” Eddie mumbles, pointing at Steve. 

Steve rolls his eyes, mumbling a few incoherent words under his breath. 

“We just asked him to spend the night with us.” 

Robin gives you a surprised look before her eyes move back to Eddie, who, doesn’t look as enthusiastic about this whole thing as you do. 

“How did you even know I was here?” 

Robin leans her elbow on the table, tilting her head at Steve, “well, I was craving some burgers and my favorite driver was apparently at a birthday dinner so I couldn’t ask him to drive me, so I walked, imagine my surprise when I saw a certain BMW standing in front of The Hideout.”

“Robin–”

“No! Don’t Robin me! Why’d you lie?” 

Steve didn’t want her to feel like it’something she had to do, hang out with him, spend his birthday with him because there’s no one else for him other than her. He doesn’t want her to do anything out of pity for him. 

He doesn’t feel comfortable to talk about it in front of Eddie or even you, knowing that you pity him the most. You always did and he hated it. A part of him always thought that that’s why you were with him, because you pitied him, the sad boy who was always abandoned by his own parents, because you knew he had no one else that cared about him, that loved him. So you stayed, you stayed even when you shouldn’t have.

Even now, you look at him with those big sad eyes with that look of pity in them. 

“Robin,” you warn when you notice how uncomfortable he looks, how he clenches his jaw and bites his lip.

Eddie senses the tension, the looks you are giving Robin, the way she is ignoring you because she desperately wants an explanation from Steve. 

“Lay off, Robin. Maybe he just wanted to get a few drinks and not deal with your annoying ass,” he says to her with a grin. 

She flips him off, rolling her eyes at him. 

“Just relax, here, take my shot and drink it, you need it, Robin,” you say, sliding the shot glass towards her. 

She turns towards the two of you, shaking her head with squinted eyes, “you’re both pretty rude.” 

“So are you, Robby.”

“Ew,” she scrunches her face up at Eddie, “don’t fucking call me Robby.”

“I’m gonna keep calling you that, if you don’t stop being so rude to sad birthday boy over there.” 

Steve sighs, running his hand down his face. 

“Can you just call me Steve, dude?” 

You giggle at the annoyed look on his face. 

Eddie grins, “okay, Steve.” 

“Not like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like you’re mocking me!” Steve exclaims. 

“How am I mocking you, Steve?” 

Steve scoffs, shaking his head, “see, you’re doing it again!”

“Oh my god, shut the hell up!” Robin slams her hands against the table, truly, shutting them both up. “Eddie, get me a drink.” 

Both Steve and Eddie look at her as though she had grown two heads, while you giggle at her little outburst. 

“That was an order.” 

“Damn girl,” Eddie whistles, getting up from his chair, “you need more than one drink,” he mumbles as he walks off. 

“You are both two immature idiots,” she groans, burying her hands in her hair. 

“You are so mean to me,” Steve mumbles, looking at her in disbelief, “and that on my birthday!” 

A smile tugs at your lips, you look between them, chuckling at the way she rolls her eyes at him. 

“You know what, I really need a few drinks.” 

“Wait, are we actually doing this?” Steve asks, gesturing to the shots on the table. 

“What, getting drunk?” 

He nods at you. 

“Yeah. Just like old times, right?” You smile at him in a way you always used to. 

“Just like old times.” 

His eyes suddenly flash with amusement, he snorts, “do you remember my fifteenth birthday?” 

Your eyes widen as a giggle falls from your lips. 

“Of course I remember!”

Robin’s eyes flash with curiosity. There’s things she doesn’t know about yours and his friendship, things neither you or Steve had talked about yet. 

“Wait, what happened on your fifteenth birthday?” 

Your eyes light up with excitement, you lean closer to the table, looking at Steve, waiting for him to tell the story. 

He chuckles at the look on your face before he turns his body towards Robin. 

“We stole my dad’s super expensive wine, he was supposed to take it to some event – I got in so much trouble for that, by the way,” he says to you. 

“I know, I know. Keep going, Steve.”

“Alright, so, we stole that wine bottle. We played a drinking game, kept passing that bottle back and forth until we were fucking hammered,” he says, chuckling as he thinks back to that day in his backyard. The way you giggled at anything he said, the way you danced and ran around barefoot on the grass, the way you jumped in his pool, fully clothed, the way he hugged you when you were both in the water.

“This crazy girl over there started to cannon ball into my pool–” 

You giggle at the memory. 

“She did it over and over again and it looked so fun so I joined her. Honestly, it was pretty fun but I had half a bottle of wine and ate a whole pizza before that.” 

“Oh,” Robin scrunches her face up, already seeing where this is going. 

Steve can’t even fight the smile off his lips, his eyes crinkle, his cheeks flush and he giggles, “we’re in the pool, having the best time of our lives, right? And, fifteen year old me apparently thought that it was a good idea to kiss my best friend, but I totally missed her lips and kissed her nose and she fucking laughed at me, but I wanted to try again. I lean in when I suddenly feel the urge to throw up.” 

“Oh, ew! Stop!” 

“He threw up in the pool, Robin!”

“That’s so disgusting!” She whines, trying to get the image of Steve puking into the pool out of her head, “you don’t have any better stories to tell?” 

You and Steve can’t help but laugh harder at her reaction. 

“I mean the kiss on the nose is fucking embarrassing, Steve. But throwing up in front of her afterwards?” 

“I thought it was funny,” you giggle. 

“What is funny?” Eddie asks when he comes back with two drinks for Robin, placing them on the table and sliding them towards her before he sits down beside you again. 

“Trust me, you don’t wanna know,” Robin says with a look of disgust on her face. 

“I don’t?” He asks, glancing at you and how amused you look. 

“No, you really don’t.”

“Okay,” he snorts. 

He glances at Steve, grinning at him, “hey dude, I got a birthday present for you.” 

All three of you turn to look at Eddie in surprise, watching him in curiosity when he raises his hand, reaching for something in the pocket of his dark flannel. He picks out a joint, tossing it at Steve who catches it with one hand. 

He laughs at that, raising one brow, giving Eddie a smile, “I do appreciate this, it’s kind of expensive nowadays.” 

“Is it expensive?” You ask, turning to Eddie, “you always give me some for free.” 

Eddie’s lips curl into a smile, he lifts his hand towards your face, tapping your nose with his finger, “well, you’re my best friend.” 

Steve keeps his eyes down, not wanting to look between you and Eddie. 

You smile at the way Eddie looks at you, the way his eyes glisten, the way his cheeks are always a little red, the way–

“Do you guys wanna smoke this?” Steve asks, cutting the voice in your head. 

“Here?” 

He chuckles at Robin, “of course not. We could go back to my place, my parents aren’t home, anyways.”

To Eddie’s surprise, he not only directs these words at you and Robin, he also directs them at him. 

“Uh, I’d love to!” Robin grins. 

Steve gives you a hopeful smile, one that makes it impossible to say no to him. 

“Me too.” 

At that, his eyes light up and his smile grows bigger. 

“Sure, let’s do it.”

“We’ll have to walk though,” Robin gestures to the drink Steve already had, “cause you can’t drive and I don’t have a license.”

He shrugs, “we can take Eddie’s van and I’ll get my car tomorrow morning.” 

“Uh, no,” Eddie mumbles, scratching the back of his neck, “my uncle took my van cause his car is at the shop, we walked here.” 

Steve sighs, “shit.” 

“But you could let me drive, I didn’t have anything yet,” Eddie smirks, pointing to the untouched shots. 

Steve snorts at him with a deep glare, “uh, yeah, keep dreaming, Munson,” he mumbles as he leans back, reaching for the keys in his pockets, you all watch him curiously. “The only one who’s allowed to drive my car is dolly.” 

Robin raises her brows in surprise when Steve chucks his keys at you that you quickly catch, looking down at them with a dumbfounded expression before your eyes light up and you look up, beaming at Steve. 

“Okay, let’s go,” you smile, excitedly as you play with the car keys. You scoot back, getting up from the chair. Robin knocks back one shot before she gets up as well. Steve and Eddie glance at the four untouched shots on the table and then, their eyes meet, they both shrug at each other and reach for two shots, each. 

Robin pats Steve’s shoulder, chuckling when he knocks one back and then the other, grimacing at the strong taste. 

You giggle at Eddie, who looks unfazed by the bitter taste. 

“Let’s go, ladies and.. Steve,” he grins. 

“Dude.”

“Don’t start this again,” Robin warns, pointing at them both before she rushes over to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulder, she grins, “us ladies, ride in the front, and you two can cuddle in the back,” she winks at them, pulling you away with a giggle. 

-

After an eventful ride to Steve’s house and a few shots of tequila, you all settled in his backyard, each of you occupying one of the many loungers around the pool. Passing around the joint that Eddie had given Steve as a ‘birthday gift’. You are sipping on a drink that Steve has made for you, coke mixed with his dad’s expensive whiskey. You are pretty sure that you will regret the amount of alcohol and weed you are having tonight, when you wake up tomorrow morning. But the floaty and giddy feeling you are experiencing right now, will have to make up for it. 

Steve is sitting on the lounger beside you, a can of beer in his hand, his lips wrapped around the joint that is already stained with your lipstick. A spitcurl is hanging in front of his eyes, he doesn’t bother to push it away. He shakes his head at something Robin had said to him, something you didn’t even hear because you were too busy letting your eyes skip back and forth between him and the curly haired metalhead who now left his lounger to be closer to you. 

Eddie wraps his hands around your calves, stroking your skin softly with his ringed fingers as he places your feet on his lap. He does it all without breaking his conversation with Robin. Though he feels the goosebumps on your skin, he hears the breath that hitched in your throat when he touched you. He hides his smirk behind his drink as he takes a sip of the cold beer.

Steve clenches his jaw as he looks between you and Eddie. The way he continues to stroke your calf, the way he smirks at your reaction, the way you are blushing, biting your lip as you look down at the hand touching your skin. 

He forces himself to look away, turning back to Robin, he offers her the joint. 

“Thanks,” she mumbles, giggling when she almost doubles over as she reaches for the joint. 

“Already hammered and we haven’t even played a drinking game yet, tsk,” Eddie shakes his head, giving her a playful grin. 

With an eye roll, she gets up, placing the joint between her lips as she sits down next to Steve. 

“A drinking game, huh? What kind? ‘Never have I ever’? Okay,” She grins at him without giving him a chance to reply. “Never have I ever had a girlfriend,” she smirks, teasing him. 

Steve licks his lips, chuckling at Eddie, who nods at her with an annoyed look on his face. 

You raise your eyebrows, “why are you teasing him, I never had a girlfriend, either,” you shrug. 

“Yeah but you had a boyfriend,” she mumbles, nudging Steve’s shoulder. 

Eddie tilts his head at you, looking you up and down with a smirk, “do you want one?” 

“A girlfriend?” You ask as you raise the glass to your lips, shrugging, “I don’t know, I never thought about it but kissing girls is fun, so.. I suppose doing anything else with a girl is fun too.” 

Eddie’s lips part, his brown eyes widen, darkening as they do so. He swallows as he continues to stare at you. Millions of questions run through his mind. There are things he doesn’t know about you, yet? 

Robin and Steve look at you in surprise. 

“Wait, w-what?” He mumbles, laughing nervously. 

Robin’s lips curl into a smirk, “you kissed a girl before? Who?” 

“Yeah, sweetheart, do tell us your dirty little secrets.” 

“Hmm, no,” you smirk, batting your eyelashes at him. 

“Was that before or after me?” Steve asks, cheeks flushed red as he tries to fight the images out of his mind. 

“Before you,” you giggle. 

“Shit, I wanna know who it was.”

“Me too, Eddie,” Robin says. “I know that it wasn’t Chrissy, she’d tell me.” 

“Huh, was it another girl from the cheer squad?” 

You shake your head at Eddie, biting your lip to keep yourself from laughing. 

“Were you close?” 

You shrug, nodding your head.

Steve squints his eyes, tilting his head at you. 

Robin’s jaw drops a little when she figures it out. There is only one girl that you’re close with that wasn’t in the cheer squad – well, besides her. 

“Holy shit,” she mouths at you, grinning.

Steve and Eddie glance at each other in confusion. 

It’s amusing how obvious the answer is, yet, neither of them are close to figuring it out. 

“If you think kissing a girl is fun, you should try eating one out,” Robin mumbles before she takes a drag from the joint, “it’s the best thing ever.” She blows out the smoke, not noticing the confused frown on your face. 

“For once, I have to agree with you, Robin,” Eddie chuckles. 

Steve freezes, closing his eyes as he looks down. 

“Huh?” 

Noticing the look on your face, Robin suddenly regrets opening her mouth about that. Your lips are parted, your eyes filled with confusion and curiosity, your brows are pinched together as you stare at her with a questioning look on your face. She straightens her back, muttering a quiet ‘fuck’ under her breath when she looks at Steve’s embarrassed face. 

“What’s that?” 

Eddie freezes. The smirk falls from his face, he glances at you, at the clueless, lost look on your face. Oh. Steve had never – fuck. How? If you were his, he’d spend day and night on his knees, worshiping you. 

“Huh?” This time, it’s him, whose confused. 

You look at him with big and curious eyes. 

“What is that, I don’t watch porn.” 

“Damn, I guess it’s time to,” Robin mutters through gritted teeth. 

“Licking someone’s pussy, sweetheart. And well, fucking one with your tongue.” 

Your jaw drops, your cheeks heat up and you stare at him in shock. You look cute like this and he could stare at you forever but, in his state of shock, he slowly turns his head towards Steve, eyes filled with concern, confusion and disbelief, “dude, what is wrong with you?” 

Steve, whose face is beet red, glares at him. 

“I’m very self conscious of not doing a good job, so–”

“You learn!” Eddie throws his hands up. 

“What, Munson, are you the pussy expert or something?” He scoffs, rolling his eyes at him. 

You look back and forth between them. Taking in the sight of Eddie’s slightly angered face and Steve’s embarrassed one. 

“I have eaten my share of pussy, thank you very much.”

The scoff falls from your lips before you can even stop it. Neither of them acknowledge you though, until you open your mouth. “What, like three?” You scoff, again. “You only fucked three girls, that’s what you told me, unless you lied about that.” 

Eddie swallows, glancing at you, he fails to notice just how intense the look in your eyes is. 

“There’s a difference between sex and foreplay, sweetheart.” 

You bite the insides of your cheeks, swallowing the bitterness on your tongue as you look into his eyes. Not once, had you spent a single second wondering if Eddie was seeing someone, if he was fooling around with girls when he wasn’t with you. But now that you think about it, now that you imagine him with other girls, you suddenly feel the bile rising in your throat. The sickening feeling makes you want to drop to your knees and puke out the waffles you had eaten this morning.

“So, when was the last time you did that then, Eddie?” Robin asks, both curious to know and to see your reaction. 

He shrugs, “I don’t know, Buckley. I don’t keep count of how many days–”

“Yes, you do! Men always do!” 

He doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that in front of you, but he knows that Robin won’t drop it until she gets an answer she’s satisfied with. Besides, you probably won’t even care. Despite Dmitri’s encouraging words, he still refuses to believe that there are any feelings other than the platonic ones that you feel for him. This won’t hurt you, right? 

“Fine! Two or three months ago, happy? Now, Harrington, I think I should teach you some basics.” 

You feel as though a cold bucket of water has been dropped on you. Your heart leaps to your throat as your stomach drops. Another wave of sickness floods through you. You stare at him, not noticing Steve’s or Robin’s eyes on you. 

When was that? Was it the weekend you couldn’t spend time with him? The night you couldn’t come to his gig? Was it before or after he had gotten angry at you for kissing Steve? 

It shouldn’t affect you as much as it does, it shouldn’t make you feel this sick, this jealous. You barely figured out your feelings for him. But the longer you stare at him, listen to his words, you can’t help but feel anger rather than jealousy. 

You didn’t have feelings for him back then, or at least, you weren’t aware of them. He’s single and free to do whatever he wants but so are you – so were you when you kissed Steve and yet, he was so angry at you when he found out about it. He treated you so coldly, all because he hated the thought of you kissing Steve. Yet, he was out there fooling around with other girls.

“You have never actually eaten pussy before, dude?” Robin mumbles.

Steve rubs the back of his neck, nervously, “I mean, yeah. Just not–” he pauses with a look of shame in his eyes as he briefly glances at you. 

You roll your eyes. 

You’re not surprised to hear that, you’re not even hurt. After everything that happened between you and him, his sex life with Nancy is the last thing you had ever worried about. You always knew that he treated her better than he ever treated you. 

And, that he tried new things with her isn’t anything shocking to you, anyways. 

You open your mouth but before you can say something that might ruin the night, you press your lips together again. Sighing, you look down at your drink. You take a deep breath before you raise the glass to your lips, gulping down the rest of it.

You plaster a smile on your face. Ignoring the concerned looks that Robin is giving you. She thankfully changes the topic. Eddie and Steve, surprisingly fall into yet another conversation. 

Their distraction allows you to slip away for a moment, you pass by Robin without meeting her eyes and make a quick escape to the bathroom. Locking yourself into the small room for a moment to collect yourself. 

Despite the anger you are feeling, you don’t want to ruin the night for Steve. 

You splash some cold water and run your fingers through your hair. 

With tears in your eyes, you stare at yourself in the mirror. 

Whether it’s tears of anger or tears of sadness. You are sick of it. You are sick of yourself. You are sick of crying. You are sick of the pining, of the jealousy, of the sadness.

Steve had given Nancy everything. He tried new things with her while you were grieving your relationship, crying yourself to sleep and thinking about him like a goddamn fool while he was having the time of his life with a different girl. 

And Eddie, you try not to think about it, you try not to let the jealousy in. But you can’t push out the anger that you are feeling for him, right now. 

Or the anger that you are feeling for yourself.

How you take everything to heart. How you let everything and everyone hurt you. 

You are done. 

You are so fucking done. 

-

next chapter

-

tagging friends & mutuals

@taintedcigs @mysticmunson @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @succubusmunson @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfirebunnyxx @take-everything-you-can @sherrylyn628 @chrissymjstan @somethingvicked @nemesis729

[katakaluptastrophy]

Love your TLT meta! I'm curious - what do you make of Nona's "You looked like you wanted to be kissed, that's all." and Alecto's " This is how meat loves meat."?

Thank you!

I don't really have a coherent answer, and I suspect we won't really get one until ATN. We know that Alecto is...a Resurrection Beast...a fully Lyctorised cavalier...that is, some combination of the collective soul of planet earth and the soul of a human guy called John (plus or minus 10 billion ghosts). But just what is Nona?

You kept screaming and screaming...like a baby in pain. So I tried to hurt you - I did hurt you. I reached out for you and it hurt you... He said, I put my hands around your neck. He said, I cupped your soul in my hands. He said, I took you into myself and we became one. ...He said, As the world went up I remade us both. I hid me in you... I hid you in me. And when we were together...once the shaman had claimed the sun... I became God. (John 1:20)

This excerpt elides some of the full horror of John's description, in which Alecto screams rather a lot more and John is vomiting dirt and tearing his ribs out and blaming it all on human nature and his id while he binds her into some horrifying nightmare Barbie body and worries that she'll "escape" before he finishes.

We know Nona doesn't enjoy having a body. And we know necromancy makes Nona feel sad.

There's one particularly horrifying moment in NTN where these two things come together:

She wanted to shout. She wanted to be listened to. She wished the barrier had taken her hands. She wished she had thrust herself into it - become that big seething mass of flesh and meat and tendrils - ruined her body, just melted it; come back messed up, so that nobody could want her body but her, so that it would be hers and nobody else's. (NTN ch 24)

The language that Tamsyn Muir uses to describe both what John did to Alecto and the way that Nona's borrowed body subconsciously remembers that violence is so viscerally uncomfortable.

Just a few chapters later, Nona begins to remember who she is:

"Did you think this was fun, Pyrrah Dve? Did you think this was lovely? Family. Blood. Together. Kiss, kiss. A child's game. You say nice words and everyone pretends they are the words you say. Here is a house. We live in it. Worms slithering over each other... Did you like playing pretend? Did you like being mother and father? You should have given into your desires and eaten us. Chew and swallow. More natural. Would have respected you for it..." (NTN ch 28)

Who have we met who likes to play a twisted game of happy families but who at the end of the day will justify his desire to own and consume and destroy as natural and understandable?

What "lessons of the hand and the mouth" did Alecto learn when John "saw the face of Earth and choked the life out of it and ate it whole"? (John 5:4).

I'm never not haunted by the line in HTN where John reaches out for Harrow and she physically cannot refuse him: "the meat of your meat and the flesh of your flesh belonged to God." (ch 9), which so closely echoes Alecto's "this is how meat loves meat".

"I might not help you when... I'm back," she said, not quite understanding I. "I'll be different. I'll remember everything... I'll remember the thing I'm trying to forget... I won't love anything... I won't know how. I won't be me at all, or I'll be the me who knows the thing, and knowing the thing means I'm not Nona - I'm someone else." (ch 31)

Nona is, in some way we don't quite understand yet, Alecto without John.

And that fills me with quite a lot of sorrow for Alecto and trepidation for Alecto the Ninth.

[velvetvexations]

as a pre-op trans guy i would give everything to be able to go swimming without having to spend money on an expensive swim binder, ruin my normal sports bras by swimming in them, or having to cave and get a swimsuit/swim top which is dysphoria inducing. swimming makes me feel happier than anything in the world. and hell, id love to be able to go swimming and not have someone comment on the state of my unshaved legs and arms. i only swim in rivers so youd think people wouldnt have a problem with some of it. but youd be surprised to know once again its ur own family who says the most hurtful stuff (not always true, of course, it just is for me). afaik topless laws in our state are per-city, but i shouldnt have to worry about that! nobody should, even if you do want/want to keep your boobs!!!

Yeah, this is really important to say because I couldn't fully articulate it the way I knew someone else would be able to, but immediately to me it was like "okay so do transmascs wear a bikini, a swim suit that will be negatively attention grabbing on a man, or show off top scars?".

And it's a great example of what I was saying last night about how even if I agreed with the abysmal opinions of TMA/TME believers I'd still find them the most annoying people on the planet. Yeah, drop those melodramatic one-liners about the oppression trans people women suffer under cis people while you get angry at strawmascs for not feeling like the labels you're pushing onto them fit. That's going to help so fucking much.

At this point I think they actively want things to get worse.

[klausysworld]

Are request still open and if they are can you make a Klaus Mikaelson one shot the girl is Tyler Lockwood sister and she hates Klaus so she rejects him as her mate but at the end she accepts him so like fluff at the end

What are you doing to me?

Finding out your mated to the all powerful original hybrid who ruined your brothers like and forced him to become half vampire while also terrorising your childhood friends and what not isn’t exactly at the top of my bucket list.

Him being a willing participant when it came to the whole ‘soulmate’ arrangement was also not meant to be in the cards.

When I realised we were mates I was 99% sure he would immediately reject me as a mate. As strong as a soulmate makes you, it will also always be your greatest weakness. I would be able to kill him far easier than anyone else and I was certain he would want to kill me first.

So him leaving me expensive gifts was…unexpected to say the least.

Detailed drawings of wolves and the full moon in the sky with a poem hand written on the back had my heart fluttering in ways that I should not have enjoyed.

But he had destroyed my brothers and the people I consider my family’s lives.

And so, despite the utter agony I was inflicting on both him and myself, I rejected him as my mate.

It’s a rare thing for wolves to reject their one, the side affects are awful in a way to force your mind into reconsidering.

The crippling pain was emotionally tormenting and physically exhausting. After the initial rejection I was barely able to leave my bed, eat, drink, I barely spoke a word and each time I fell asleep I was haunted by a similar image of Klaus.

Damon had messaged me letting me know Klaus had been out of sight for nearly 3 weeks after.

The pain lingered, never truly gone but it had dimmed. Though a sharp pain would shoot through me when he was too close, when the bond knew I was purposely ignoring him, and i could always see him wince at the same time.

The few times I didn’t shove him away, well I felt much better. He brought peace to my wolfs inner battle between soulmate and family because in reality I knew that he was both. I was just too afraid to admit it fully.

Though I couldn’t help but occasionally step a tad bit closer to him, to feel the warm buzz that ran through my bloodstream.

He was a lot less subtle though.

Often, as soon as his wolf sensed mine approaching he was all over me. Hands would be rubbing up and down my arms, his lips on my neck in a desperate instinctual need to mark me. And what was worse was that my wolf was all the more compliant and for a few wonderful seconds I could indulge in the blissful sensations. My head back, hands firmly gripping his henley and moans leaving my lips, my wolf having the desire to present myself in a truly embarrassing fashion.

Though he would always push it a tad too far, a grope to my ass, his canines about to pierce my skin, and I would be pushing him away. My wolf panting as I nearly tripped over my own two feet to get away from him while ignoring the intense feeling of my heart being squeezed unpleasantly.

I always managed to just scrape past him.

Suffering alone in my room again at the recurring torture of rejecting a mate.

His continued flow of presents didn’t help either, only made me feel worse seeing effort put into paintings of me and my wolf. He hadn’t turned into a hybrid, not yet at least, he probably knew that would be my last straw and id maim him.

But I knew he had followed my wolf on the full moons, I always woke with brand new clothes beside me, lead on a cotton blanket with a pillow under head and the snapping of twigs in the distance as he walked away.

And even though I should have said absolutely not when he personally delivered an invitation to his family’s ball, with those stupid puppy dog eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to.

“Please love, just one dance and if you don’t like it…then I’ll leave you be and accept your decision” as soon as the words left his mouth, both our souls twisted in agony making my teeth grind.

“Fine, just one” I whispered and he nodded, pulling me into a quick hug to calm down both our pain. Which it did like water on a fire, entirely putting out the flames and leaving us calm and quiet.

And then the dress arrived at my door, with matching shoes and accessories and I realised I actually had to do this.

Walking into his house sent a chill down my spine, my body felt much warmer and my wolf was howling inside me.

A hand on my shoulder had me whimpering softly making an arm wrap around my waist and pull me aside to another room.

“Shh love, we don’t want the rest of the guests hearing such lovely sounds” klaus murmured into my ear and I pressed against him, a small moan leaving my lips.

“This is too much for you isn’t it my love?” He whispered, his hand tilting my head making me look up at him.

The entire house smelt like him, I had seen parts of it in the dreams of him when he was suffering from my rejection. Which now intensified my guilt, my emotions were running haywire. I was in his home; I was in the wolf’s den.

Without thinking my hands tugged at his blazer, pushing it down his arms before my fingers began to pull his shirt open

“Woah love, it’s alright” he muttered, his hands grabbed mine and before I could blink we were outside. The cold air cooled down my boiling skin as I panted and he stroked my hair away from my face

“There we go, it’s okay” he cooed, the back of his hand pressing against my forehead.

“I hate this stupid bond” I whispered, covering my face.

“I know love…we can have our dance another time, I’ll take you home” he uttered, his tone was sad and my heart ached again.

“Stop it” I whispered “please stop it”

“Stop what love? What’s wrong?”

“Make it stop fucking hurting! I rejected you weeks, months ago! Why does it still hurt!? What are you doing to me?” I whispered, tears filling my eyes and spilling over. I looked up at him to see him in a similar state though no tears had fallen from his eyes yet.

His hand moved to cup my face and I couldn’t help but lean into it.

“It will only stop hurting us when you truly reject me. Somewhere, inside you, you still haven’t truly given up on the idea. You either have to reject the bond once and for all or accept me” he explained softly

“I would’ve been able to reject you if you left me alone. You kept sending all those things and being so kind, you did this to me” I whimpered

“I wouldn’t have done that if I couldn’t feel your soul still reaching for mine” he uttered “I would never intentionally harm you”

I let out a quiet sob as my soul pleaded for his.

I leaned forward so my head could press against his chest, my eyes closing at the content feeling that rose in me. I could feel myself giving into the bond, our souls slowly binding together. His hand held the back of my head, I could hear his heart speeding up as mine mimicked it.

His other hand moved around my waist, pulling me to him. “Good girl” he whispered “you’ll feel so much better now” he reassured “I promise I’ll make it better now sweetheart”

He kissed my head softly, his hand rubbing my back “let the bond form my love” he encouraged.

I focused on the connection trying to relight the candle.

I could feel the second it happened, my knees growing too weak to stand making him chuckle quietly and wrap both arms around me. He lifted me so my face could be right infront of his, prompting me to lean forward and press our lips together.

Our souls entwined as we did so, endless amounts of passion poured into one act.

The silent appreciation that this was real and it was only just the beginning.

[arabellasleopardcoat]

Ace of Cups (Hotd x Reader)

Summary: An act of kindness leads you to a misterious stranger who offers to lift a block on your love life. Feeling lonely during Halloween, you decide to give it a go. Now there is a blonde corpse in the middle of your bathroom, and it turns out the corpse is not really a corpse.

Pairing: Rhaenyra x Reader, Aemond x Reader or Daemon x Reader.

Warnings: Mature language. Mentions of corpses. My first ever crack fic?

A/N: Happy Halloween! At the end of this silly set up, you have to choose a card. There are three endings. Choose wisely.

“Um. Excuse me?” You raised your hand, trying to get the couple of teens at the register to stop… Whatever they were doing. Probably making out, if making out involved pushing their tongues to the other person's tonsils. “Excuse me?”

Ugh. You hated it. Even as an adult, you find being around couples awkward. Especially if they were making out. When the couple in question was, like, half your age, it was even worse. If it were up to you, you would have left them alone and found another corner store, but you would rather not end up walking three blocks just to be able to buy a bottle of overpriced wine.

“What?” The girl pulled apart from the boy, with an annoyed expression. She took out a piece of gum and started chewing annoyingly. “What do you want?”

Despite your best efforts, your dismay must have shown on your face.

“Miss. What do you need, miss?” The girl corrected herself, rolling her eyes. But the damage was already done. You tried to force your face to remain fixed into a pleasant expression. This was not going to ruin your plans of having a pleasant night all by yourself.

“I want to pay for this. Please.” You handed her a bottle of your favorite wine. You would need it to make your night better. After all, this was the first time you would be spending Halloween completely on your own.

Having recently moved into your own apartment, it was not like you could spend the night with your family. All your friends had plans out of town or with people you didn't know. And while your coworkers had invited you out for drinks, you really didn't feel like slipping on a tight dress and wasting half your salary on overpriced cocktails.

There was no one to watch a horror movie or go out with, like you had done in previous years. Instead, you had planned to take a bath, eat some nice dinner and enjoy a glass of wine. Maybe watch a movie. Perhaps, even do a ritual of some sort, like the ones that appeared on TikTok. The energies were supposed to be stronger tonight, or so you heard.

Your self-care was not about to be ruined by a teen girl who didn't even know how to kiss. You refused.

“I am going to need some ID.” The girl rolled her eyes. She looked as done as you felt.

Cursing yourself for not having it already out, you started fumbling with your bag. This was shaping up to be a terrible day. Not only were you about to spend Halloween alone, but you were also going to have to hear teenagers, the meanest creatures on earth, have a go at you.

Good God, why couldn't you find it quicker? Your wallet seemed to be hiding under everything you had. To be able to look for it, you started taking out some things and leaving it on the counter.

“Uh… Babe. Can’t you just… Let her? She is obviously old enough.” The boy asked, sounding annoyed. He eyed your growing pile of things on the counter. A used chapstick, your keys, a pencil, crumbled up receipts. He wanted you gone, and soon. “More than old.”

And that was a bit insulting, really. The boy had chosen to remain quiet during the whole exchange, and now he interrupted just to say a rude thing? You were not even that old. But it appeared that in the age of planned obsolescence, you already were.

The girl's eyes shifted between your furious expression and her boyfriend's bored one.

“Fine.” She said. You handed her one of the crumpled bills that you had placed on the counter. “Have a good evening.” And without sparing you a glance, she handed you a receipt and started making out with her boyfriend, again.

You were fuming. There it went, your relaxing evening. You were not in the right headspace for it now. Deciding to reclaim what little of your good mood was left, you decided to take another route home. Perhaps, walking across the park might lift your spirits.

Grasping the bottle of wine and surely looking like an alcoholic, you walked out of the store. As of late, you felt terribly lonely. Living alone was hard. Not only you had to do everything by yourself, no roommates or family to fall back into, but you also had to come home every night to an empty apartment.

At first, you had been ecstatic to have your own space. You had loved your rented apartment, in a centric place of the city and decorated in a very modern fashion. You hadn't protested your landlord's condition of no pets and no changing the colors of the walls, too happy with having something of your own. The novelty of having a place to yourself had worn off after a while, and you had to face your sad little beige walls and a deafening silence.

It had not helped how busy your friends and you were. It seemed like the days when it was easy to coordinate an outing were long gone. Now with responsibilities, jobs and studies, it seemed like you only saw them once in a blue moon.

You were starved for human contact. You had been thinking lately of getting a partner, but the attention you received only discouraged you. So far, the only offerings you had gotten were from creepy guys, or people you had no interest in at all.

Taking a deep breath in, and choosing consciously to let go of the negative thoughts you were having, you took a step forward. The noise of the park was comforting. Among the chirping birds, there were the cheerful voices of children running around.

You smiled. Barely six, but there were already people in their customs. There was a couple dressed up as Danny and Sandy from Grease, and a little girl dressed as Barbie. Many of the children carried their plastic pumpkins, and you had to give them a few loose candies you had laying in your bag.

Trying to avoid disappointing more children with your lack of sweets, you crossed the park, taking the route where there were more trees. Under one, you found a middle-aged woman sitting on a bench. She was dressed in full witch regalia, pointy hat and all.

She must have been around her late thirties, with a head of dark, glossy hair and big eyes. In truth, you could not truly place her face in an age range, looking strangely young but with an air of maturity. Gorgeous, you thought. In a really intimidating kind of way.

You shook your head, trying to get rid of the thought. She was probably someone's mother, indulging her children by dressing up with them. The thought made your heart clench with longing for your own mother.

“Good evening, darling.” The woman said, taking out a cigarette. The gesture was effortless, like one made by a sixties' actress. You smiled, helplessly. You hoped one day you ended up being half as cool. “Do you happen to have a lighter? Or some spare change?”

“Oh. Um. I don't smoke, but I think…” You started searching your purse, and produced a couple of the crumpled bills. Perhaps it was the thought of your mother, or your loneliness, but you couldn't help but want to aid her. “Here. It might serve you to buy one at the corner store.”

Instead of making eye contact, the woman seemed oddly fixated on your hands. Self-conscious, you wondered if it had anything to do with your jewelry or lack thereof.

“Thank you, dear.” She took the bills from you, and quick as lighting, she grasped your hand. You didn't even have an opportunity to try to avoid her grip. “You have very interesting lines here.”

“I do?” A bit weirded out, you try to remove your hand, but she only grips it harder. The woman forces you to tilt your palm up towards her. One of her fingernails traces one of the lines on it. It makes you shiver.

“You do. Your love line is diverging.”

That doesn't sound good to you. You frown.

“Is it?” Feeling very silly for being self-conscious about your hand, you look down. You had never noticed before, but one of the lines in your hand diverges into three.

“Let me…” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a tarot deck. She shuffles hurriedly, under your bewildered eyes. Three cards fall in order. The Empress, The Devil, and The Hermit. “Interesting… And if I… Oh, I see.” Another card falls off the deck. This time, it's The Lovers.

“I am sorry… I really have to go.” Weirded out over the whole thing, you wish to leave. Things are only getting stranger, with the woman taking out the tarot deck.

“Don't.” She says sharply, her hand going back to your wrist. Surprised by her aggressiveness and the urgency of her tone, you decide not to argue. It can't hurt to entertain her a little longer. “I see a great future for you. There are three paths going forward, but you need to lift the block you have on.”

“Block?” You repeat, dumbly.

“You are lucky today is Samhain.” She huffs, pocketing the tarot deck. She searches her bag before pulling out a small sachet. It smells strongly of herbs. “Here. Bathe in this and look in your mirror tonight. When the veil is thinner.”

“The veil…?” You ask, puzzled by the entire thing.

“Between worlds, darling. Gods, it seems one has to teach you everything. Between twelve and three.”

“Oh. I don't really believe in…”

“At least keep it. And here.” She writes some numbers on a piece of paper. “If you run into trouble. The magical kind.”

Unconvinced you haven't been the victim of the most elaborate scam in history, you eye her warily.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing. Nothing you will later not freely give.” She smiles, cryptically. “Have a good Samhain, darling.” And she gets up and walks away.

You glance at the bag. You don't want to be rude, but you doubt you will obey. She is a stranger, after all, and a pretty crazy one at that. As not to upset her, you pocket the bag and give her an awkward wave.

The rest of your evening is much less eventful. You get home and prep dinner, nursing a glass of wine. With everything that has happened already, you feel like you deserve it. You are generous with it, topping it at least twice.

As you curl into the couch to watch a movie, dinner and another glass of wine in front of you, the tarot reader's idea starts to sound right. You do feel lonely, and surely, throwing some herbs into a bath can't cause anything too terrible. At most, you would feel relaxed from the water and the smells.

Wine always makes you sad. Mopey, even. Tonight, your loneliness feels too tight, too solid against your chest, to be ignored. You long for someone to hold you through the night, to be by your side when things are tough. Someone to share your happiness and greatest achievements, but also your burdens. Mostly, you crave a sense of belonging. Belonging so well, your edges fit someone else's edges like a puzzle piece.

At the thought, you shake your head. Love wouldn't fix your loneliness, you think. There is something deeply alienating about the life you currently lead. Away from your family and friends, you feel unfulfilled. No matter how passionate you are about your work, it does not help to numb the longing for something more. If the perfect partner showed up, you would do the same you had done with your family and friends, and let life get in the way.

You wash your dishes. Curious, you take the little pouch the woman had given you out of your pocket. You smell it, deciding it has no hurtful contents. On your laptop, the clock reads quarter to midnight.

The tub fills as you decide to light some candles, to better set the mood. You add some Epsom salts before pouring your herbs in. The water shimmers under the candlelight in ways it should not, yet you do not notice. You mistake the swirls of colors for the herbs steeping in the water. The room starts to smell strongly of rosemary and lavender.

You enter the tub, satisfied with your choice. The heavenly smell is already relaxing you, and you congratulate yourself for taking the leap of faith. Slowly, the warm water relaxes your muscles and makes your body feel heavy. Almost too heavy. You catch yourself nearly dozing off, and decide to step out. You are alone, and you have been drinking, staying in it would be dangerous.

Careful not to slip on the wet floor, you wrap yourself in a fluffy towel and step towards the mirror. Your reflection is the same as always. If the block the woman had spoken about was a real thing, which you doubted, it left no physical evidence. You examined your face, noticing your paleness. But as your eyes meet the ones of your reflection, there is a flash of a foreign color in them.

There is a woman in the mirror. It's the same one you met at the park. She looks different now, dressed in a medieval green dress. Her lips stretch into a smile.

“I do hope you didn't choose The Hermit. Or The Devil. Oh, darling, I am so sorry. They are all bad choices.”

Someone presses a hand on your shoulder.

“Well. Better you than me. We shall meet again.” Her voice whispers in your ear, but when you turn, you see nothing.

You scream. The clock strikes twelve. A sudden spark of bluish purple that makes you turn again to face the mirror, relieved to find nothing more than your reflection. Your heart beats faster and faster, anticipating something you can't yet name.

Just as you are catching your breath, you notice that the face that is looking back at you it's not yours. You recoil, moving back as fast as you can. A loud thud echoes in your bathroom and your heels connect with something solid. You trip, screaming even more when you realize exactly what you have hit. A body. There is a body on your bathroom's floor.

You crawl towards them, shaking their shoulder and desperately looking for signs of life. You are starting to tear up in fright. The body is lying on its front, with a shocking head of silver hair. They groan.

This time, you scream so loud, your neighbors bang at your walls.

A voice then answers.

“What in the Seven Hells is going on?”

Choose your card:

The Hermit: You have decided to draw your attention inwards, in a path of self discovery. You are a quiet person, but quite bright. You enjoy learning and seek a mentor, though you enjoy your solitude. This is your next chapter.

The Empress: You are very connected to your femininity. You enjoy having beauty in your life, and the stimulation of your senses. You wish for your life to be comfortable more than anything. You are a romantic at heart. Your next chapter is here.

The Devil: You are a complex, multifaceted person. But if you could be described in one world, it is hedonist. You are very self-aware, and do not fear your shadow. If any, you embrace it. This is your next chapter.

[shradsmanifestt]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Hey love,

I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.

THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.

I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.

I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.

If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.

You got this, TRUST ME

Love, Shrads.

[sunnyxjarrus]

One In a Million: What Are the Odds Chapter Four

@local-lover-boy

Mabel got up from the ground,nearly falling back down immeadiatly, due to the pressure on her leg. Stan's look alike closed the remaining distance between them catching her mid air and throwing her arm over his shoulder to support some of her weight.

" Careful," He cautioned stiffly he seemed very untrusting Mabel notes mentally she wonders if it has anything to do with his time here he seemed quite paranoid as far as she could tell

" So who are you?" She asked with no delay," I mean clearly you knew my grunkle," She pauses, was he even her grunkle? Her mind raced back to all the fake ID's she and DIpper found earlier that day-was it still that day? She wasn't quite sure with her current surroundings.Mabel forces herself back into the present where the real Stanford was watching her he seemed to notice her absentness.

"Well my name is actually Stanford Pines, if you want you can call me Ford," his tone is gentle as he formally introduces himself," And yes I did know Stan a lon time ago and I promise to explain all of that but first I do not recall you telling me your name?" Mabel couldn't help feeling safe around the strange untrusting man who had found her.

" I'm Mabel Pines," She replies extending her right hand for the man to shake, and he responds in kindr reaching out a six fimgered hand, " Woah six fingers thats cool, a whole finger friendlier than your typical handshake." Mable smiles at the older man who now stared at her with a shocked expression. He opened his mouth as though he were going to say something before seemingly deciding against it instead matching expressions with the excitable twelve year old who was a long way from home.

" Now as to my relation to you and your family if I am correct , which I often am, I am your Stan's twin," he says moving past their introduction as smoothly as he could try.

"I didn't know Stan had a twin?" Mabel says curiosity lacing her words, as they began to trudge forward in hopes of finding a different dimention as Ford had said earlier.

"That's because Stanley, or Stan, as you know him, was disowned after he ruined my future, the first time," Ford answers a bitter taste in his mouth as he spat the words.

" I'm sure Stan didn't mean to ruin your future. He usually has good intents, even if it does end up blowing up disatorously," Mabel argues suddenly defensive for the sake of her grunkle.

" Of course you wouldn't want to believe it was intentional, but I am certain it was. The tragic part is that we wre actually once inseperable even if we were completely different me being exceptionally gifted and him being, well, him," he responds in kind snapping back with certainty.

" Well what could he of done that would ruin your life anyway," Mabel knew her grunkle and even if he had done something to hurt his twin brother she was sure that it had to of been an accident. After all how many times had she unintentionally harmed DIpper by just not knowing the effect it was having on him. Obviously it was all just a big misunderstanding that must've been blown way out of proportion due to alll the raw emotion of the immediate response, right?

" He destroyed my chances of getting into my dream school all because he was selfish and wanted us to sail the world hunting treassure like fools," Ford responded venom in his voice as recalled an obviously still sore memory, " not only had I been betrayed by the person I was closest to but I was also humiliated in front of renowned scientists who were there to judge my work as they stared upon a still perpetual motion machine." Mabel hummed sypaphetically internally cross referencing his tale with her own past experiences searching for a potenctial way to heal this evidently gaping wound her newfound Grunkle had in his heart at the hands of his brother. " I found evidence placing him at the scene of the foilment and confronted him whch our father overheard and kicked him out for costing the family money. I ended up going to a low grade school where I got 12 PhD's and studied abnormalties. This lead me to Gravity Falls where using my grant money I had a home built so that I could house my scientific foundings. I of cource had to document my studes thus I started to write a journel-."

"WAit you are the author of the journels?" Mabel interrupted, incapable of holding in her realization, of course he was the Author. In hindsight it felt obvious he had six fingers on each hand, he went by Ford-property of F- it was right infront of her. If Dipper were there she was certain he would have realized it on sight after all he had done. Ford stared at her seeming surprized that she would know about the journels.

" You know about my journels?" He asks softly, tilting his head slightly.

" My brother, Dipper, practically spent all summer fussing over it so I have read through the third one a few times and we found the other two in Stan's weird basement lab thing," She explains.

" Very well," Ford said," As I was saying before, I started writing my findings in a journel and while I was exploring I grew curious of where the town's weirdness came from. While in search for an answer I came across some cave markings that then led to my encounterings with Bill and well I called upo my ex... roomate from college to help me build an interdimentional portal that Bill told me would lead me to the answer then Fidds, my partner- well my former room- an old friend of mine, got sucked into the portalbriefly during one of our tests. Thankfully, I was able to pull him out but he was adamant that we shut the portal down and leave it in our pasts. In hindsight, I suppose, I should have listened. However at the time I was to blinded by my own ego and conquest for answers that I blew up I lashed out told him all sorts of horrible things, it was quite the mistakes."

Mabel didn't quite know what to say to that, still she tried. " When did you realize that he was right?" Mabel said, looking at the older man empathetically, careful of her steps.

Ford lets out a soft sigh," Not too long after our fight," he says a soured smile on his face as he stared at nothing specific, " I began to notice some things about Bill, With Fidd's words ringing in my ears I did as anyone would do: I shut down the portal. I hid my journel's except for the first which I had, foolishly, chosen to seek my brother's help with. Wegot into a fight that resulted in the portal somehow activating and Stnley pushing me through." He grimaced at the memories before turning to meet Mabel's gaze,"And that is how I ended up here bouncing between realms and dimensions to evade Bill.

[orienteddreamerrr]

Hello everyone!

I am BACK! How am I feeling? Better but still having some issues…I and I mean we, my family, ordered tickets for Sonic 3 so we will be seeing it next Saturday! Can NOT wait!

We haven’t put the tree up yet but we’re getting there, we have to mentally prepare ourselves…my parents haven’t done that yet…I myself is doing okay…I did restart Jedi Survivor the other day, it’s been since May so this will be my 4th or 5th play-through I believe…I am LITERALLY at the part where I am about to face off Dagan for the first time! I was actually about to fight him when my mom made me put a pause because of her “stomach issues”…whatever the fuck that is…and I am still pissed about it! I’ve never been this happy or giddy in my entire life…me…about to play against Dagan again after such a long time…but no…it got ruined...I’m not even sure if she will let me continue today…it’s a wait and see…I am going to crank up the juice though for his boss fights this time around…especially the 2nd round because I want to see him in full action…I did not do that last time!

But yeah, my mom is more controlling than usual…I seriously do not know why she has this schedule on me…this “schedule” has been happening since I finished college…it feels like she’s on my back 24/7…messing with the things that make me happy and those “things” keep me from mood swinging…she’s the cause of my mood swings…

But anyways, going off track here…I missed all of youuuu! How are you all?! Did I miss anything big? Lol…I’m pretty sure you all missed me, even if it’s just a little…I have a good amount of things to post and show you all…most of that will be on Monday…for now, today, I just want to surf around and see what y’all are up to!

But first, drama time: (lol)

I have to be honest though my week was a bit hectic…Monday my mom forced me to deep clean my room…all because I lost my ID…and guess where it was?! In the pocket of my fur vest! I thought I had lost it somewhere else…I thought it was outside somewhere out there…that still didn’t change my parent’s minds…they still wanted me to clean…and some wise words from my dad: “Your ID is replaceable but you’re not…”…those words hit me hard lol...over the course of Tuesday and Wednesday I was busy trying to keep myself mentally busy and busy still trying to find a job…most of the Office jobs are crap and those jobs are with Insurance businesses…but otherwise, I think I’m okay…

And I logged on to Sky yesterday…only 2 or 3 of my friends were online…the rest weren’t…but I was trying to do the quests and one of them was “Face the dark dragon”…flew a little too close to said dragon and it got me…lost some wing light…fell into the murky water…making it worse... and nobody was around to help me…I come back after a time and I LOSE FUCKING WING LIGHT?!?! YOU KIDDING MEEE?! Dah hell man?!?!

Sorry…

I felt like I’ve been through a lot, and it’s only been a week of me coming back…I’m glad y’all stuck around with my drama cuz I know some people cannot handle stuff like this…”It’s too much” or “Grow up, start acting like an adult”…no, that’s not how I work, sorry!

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Executioner's Song: Part Two

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: As the newly formed Scarlet Witch, you're not letting anyone get in your way to true power, not even Dean. The power you feel is like no other, and not even Cain is a match for you. Sure is cute to watch him try, though.

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

Dean informs Cas they'll meet him in Illinois at a motel where he's at. It's a long drive that you'd rather not be taking with the Winchesters but it's better than stealing a car or being cramped on a bus. Cas takes his time in meeting you and when he does, his eyes immediately look you over. Not only are your clothes different from what you usually wear, but there's something about your demeanor that's different. Not only did Cain kill Tommy but he's killed dozens and left them in unmarked graves off the beaten path.

What the hell is he doing?

"I'm sorry I couldn't bring better news, Dean."

"It's not your fault, Cas," Dean sighs.

Sam gets the sheriff on the phone in regards to the case and Cas looks at you in concern.

"How are you doing?"

"I've honestly never been better," you grin.

Red magic dances around both palms and Cas' entire face falls at this realization.

"You have magic again. That's chaos magic."

"And loving every minute of it," you grin.

"You know why we're hunting Cain, so why are you here?"

"What, like I have to tell you everything I do? Let's not forget who kept a secret agenda when you were working with Crowley, hm?"

"Yes, look how well that turned out. I let the Leviathans loose."

"Yeah, you did," you smirk, "but I'm more dangerous than a Leviathan." You walk closer to Cas and get in his personal space. "Stay out of my way and we won't have a problem."

"Thanks," Sam says and hangs up the phone. "Okay, the sheriff gave me a few more names and some preliminary IDs on the bodies."

"And?"

"It seems to fit Cas' story. I mean, there's no way to tell the relation to Cain, obviously, but he's wiping out entire families, one after another."

"Okay, who's next? Is he done with the Tollivers?"

"I think so. I mean, Leon didn't have any siblings or any other children I can see, and Tommy was never married so I--" Sam continues to look and curses. "Damn it."

"What?"

"Tommy did have a son who lives with his mother in Ohio. Austin Reynolds, twelve years old."

"Is the kid still alive?"

Sam pulls up a Facebook account for the mother where she posts pictures of her and her kid.

"As of an hour ago, yeah. His other updated her status. It's a kid. You don't really think Cain would kill him, do you?"

"Yes, he would," Cas nods.

"There were old men in those graves, Sam, and women. You heard Cas. It's a fire sale. Everyone must go. We gotta get to Ohio."

"Then what? What do you plan on doing?"

"I'll do what I have to do. I'll kill Cain."

"Yes, let's do that. Let's find Cain and kill him," you say with a smile.

All three men look at you weirdly.

"You want to kill Cain to help me?"

"Like I'm doing this for you," you scoff. "Can needs to die and I'm going to help. I'll be in the car."

You grab your jacket and go to the car, leaving the men inside the motel room. Dean waits until the door closes to openly talk about you. He doesn't want you to know that he's still trying to look for the cure for you. Whether or not you want it, you're going to get it. He's not going to let you ruin your life over something like the Mark.

"She's getting worse, Cas. I didn't realize she could have magic. Her soul is gone."

"I didn't see this coming. The effect of the Mark on her must be more powerful than I thought. Let me check on her soul." He raises his hand and passes it over Dean's head, and a white light shines from his palm. "Her soul still isn't ready. Even if there is a sliver of darkness, her magic and the Mark will feed that darkness until her entire soul is black again. We have to keep waiting."

Dean sighs in frustration. He didn't want to hear that news. It's going to be a lot harder to get your soul inside of you now that you have magic. You'll put up a helluva fight for it.

"You know she's not planning anything good, right?"

"Yeah but we have to take her with us or I have a feeling people will die," Sam says. "One problem with killing Cain. How are you going to put him down?"

"Well, there's only one thing that can kill him. The Blade."

"Dean, wielding the Blade against Cain himself... Win or lose, you may never come back from that fight."

"I know," Dean sighs, "but I won't be alone. I don't know what Y/N is planning but she wants Cain dead and having a witch on my side will definitely help. There's only one person who knows where the Blade is."

Dean takes out his phone and calls Crowley.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't--"

"Cain's back," Dean cuts him off. "He's gone dark and I need the Blade."

"Why would I do that for you?"

"Because you have as much reason to want Cain off the board as anyone. Cain has a kill list and you're on it." Sam and Cas stay quiet knowing Dean is lying to him. "What do you say, Crowley? You in?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll text you the location." Sam, Dean, and Cas finally come out of the motel room and pile into the car. "Surprised you're still here."

"Like I said before, Cain needs to die and I'm just here to provide help. I reckon you'll fuck it up somehow."

You travel to Ohio to the farm you know where Austin is living at. The mother isn't home for unknown reasons but Austin is in the barn to pass the time until it's time to go to bed.

"Is the kid here?" Dean asks.

"He's upstairs inside the barn. He's playing with a basketball," Cas answers.

"Cain will strike soon. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, but soon. When he does..."

"Yeah, I got it," Sam sighs. "You charge in with the Blade with Y/N. What about the kid? We just watch and wait until Cain attacks? I thought this was a rescue mission."

"We save the kid after Cain shows. We know what Cain's after. That's our only advantage. We want to trap Cain, we use it."

"Using a twelve-year-old as bait? I can't believe what I'm hearing," Sam scoffs.

"Neither can I."

You turn to see Crowley approaching the small group. You immediately see red at seeing his fat smug face. 

"What's the matter, Crowley? Did you suddenly grow a conscience? Too good to put a minor in danger?" Dean asks.

"Don't give a damn about the kid. I'm talking about the risk to us."

"There is no us. You're here for one reason. That's to hand me the Blade."

"Yeah, about that. Seeing as this is shaping up to be one of those two-step capture-then-kill kind of deals, I think your buddies would agree it's better to keep the Blade out of both your hands until we've got Cain sewn up, just to be safe. Now, back to this plan of yours."

You push Sam and Dean out of the way and storm over to Crowley. His eyes widen the second he sees red magic pouring out of your hands. You hold him in place and get all up in his personal space.

"I was lenient with you before but now, I don't give a rat's ass if you die or not. Fuck us over even slightly and I'll destroy you from the inside out. Got it?"

Crowley nods and you remove the hold you have on him. Dean and Sam are so concerned with Austin that you don't care if he is used as bait. Sam thought of the not-so-brilliant plan of having Crowley make an illusion of Austin so that he could get him and his mom out of the state and far from Cain. Everyone agrees to that but you don't care as long as you get Cain's head on a stick.

He's coming soon, you can feel it. He's getting closer with every second that passes. Crowley agrees to get the Blade but he won't hand it over until Cain is trapped. Cas went with Crowley to make sure he wasn't lying about helping.

"So, if this works and we capture Cain, then what?" Sam asks.

You look at the brothers who are talking on the side. You're close enough to hear their conversation.

"We'll cross that bridge when we--if we come to it." Dean pauses. "You know last week, I've always known this job would be the death of me. I knew I'd go out swinging. I'm at peace with that. I just didn't realize the time would come so soon, you know, like right now. I'm scared, Sam."

You groan loudly and turn to the brothers with an emotionless face.

"If you're so scared, go run to Mommy. Or I can give you something to be scared about." You walk over to Dean. "Man up, take that Blade, and ram it into his chest."

"If you have the Mark, why don't you kill him?"

"You know, I would, but watching this Mark destroy you is just too much fun," you smile but then lose it seconds later. "Quit being a baby and do your damn job."

Cain comes an hour later searching for Austin. The illusion Crowley made is inside the barn playing basketball. You, Sam, and Dean are waiting in the shadows. The brothers made a big devil's trap in the middle of the barn and covered it with dirt and hay so that Cain wouldn't be suspicious when he walked in. Cain knocks over something on the ground causing Austin to stop playing ball.

"Is someone there?" Austin asks and looks around the barn.

"Hello, Austin."

Austin turns and sees Cain standing in the doorway of the barn.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to kill you."

Cain pulls a knife from under his coat but Cas jumps in to save the illusion.

"No, you won't."

"You can't stop me."

Cas raises his hand toward Cain with bright blue eyes. Light emanates from his palm at the same time the wind picks up inside the barn. Cain's hair blows back a little but isn't fazed by Cas' powers. Cain points his knife at Cas and flicks it to the right, causing Cas' angel blade to fly out of his hand. He flicks the knife to the left and Cas flies through the air to the other side of the barn, crashing into the side of a pickup truck.

"Don't, please," Austin says flatly.

Cain walks over to Austin and stabs him in the stomach, and Austin disappears in a cloud of purple smoke.

"Illusion spell. That's 18th-century magic." Crowley walks into the barn. "If I had to hazard a guess, Rune of Amaranth."

"Good eye. Something I picked up from my mother," he smirks.

"I know you fear me. I can only assume..." Cain kicks some of the dirt away from the floor to reveal the devil's trap he walked into. "Clever. It won't hold me for long, you know."

"It won't need to."

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[uncloseted]

I want to move out, Im 23 but im so nervous. I have a job and Ive been supporting myself other than paying rent (insurance, car, job, school, groceries, toiletries) for a couple years now while living at home. But im so scared that I will run out of money somehow and become homeless, once I move out my parents wouldnt want me to move back in so Id really be on my own. I think it would be better for me to move out as our relationship isnt good and it causes me a lot of stress and anixety, but the stress of potentially ruining my life by moving out also scares me. Do you have any advice?

Also on the topic of moving out, do you know anywhere where I could find guides to different things like maintenance and emergency kits and serious stuff like that and also basic stuff like cooking/cleaning/laundry? I know its stupid but I think it will be different once im cleaning an entire space if I move out versus just being responsible for my small bedroom. thank you again it means sm to me.

I think it makes a lot of sense to be nervous about moving out! Living on your own is a big responsibility and sometimes it can be hard. The fact that you recognize that tells me that you're making a thoughtful decision about this and that you're probably mature enough to deal with problems when they come your way.

As far as practical advice goes, the first thing I would do is create a budget. The website I use is this one, but there are lots of free options out there. Think about all of the expenses you currently have right now (insurance, car, job, school, groceries, toiletries), plus what you expect your rent will be based on average rents in your city and any other additional expenses you might have once you live on your own (utilities, internet, security deposit, furniture). I think getting a really good sense of how much money you need to make and how much money you can realistically save per month will make you feel more confident in your ability to afford living on your own. If you can, it's also a good idea to have 3-6 months worth of living expenses saved up before you move out on your own, since that will give you some buffer room to figure things out if you lose your income.

If the amount of money you need to afford living on your own is too high for you right now, that doesn't necessarily mean you can't afford to move out. It may be worth looking into other options, like getting a roommate, moving into a co-living space, seeing if there's a friend or other family member you could move in with, looking for other ways to lower the cost of your necessities, or looking into options for another way of making money.

As far as the anxiety that you're feeling goes, it may be worth going through all of your fears, their worst case scenarios, and coming up with plans for them in advance. For example, if you're worried you're going to run out of money, maybe a good plan would be to put 10% of your paycheck into savings every month so that you know you'll have money to fall back on. If you're afraid you're going to lose your source of income, you might work on creating a resume so you have it ready to go, put together a list of people you know who might be able to refer you for a job, come up with a list of places you would want to apply if you needed to look for work again, and come up with a list of jobs that you could get pretty easily if you were in a tight spot. If you're afraid you're going to be homeless, you could talk to your parents about what would happen in that worst case scenario and what the circumstances would have to be before they let you move back in with them. You might think about who else you could stay with short-term, look at the resources that your school, city, country, and local non-profits offer for people who are struggling, or think about other ways you could potentially get housing (like working as a nanny, couchsurfing, or WWOOFing). Having backup plans, even for situations that aren't likely to happen, may help you to feel more prepared to live on your own.

As far as guides go, here are a few that might be helpful:

This article has a good list of items you'll need right when you move in, and ones you can wait to buy

This article is a good primer on moving and all of the different elements involved in it

For emergency kits, this is a good resource, and this one is a good resource for first aid kits

This is a good resource for how to start budgeting

There are some good resources for easy, budget-friendly recipes here, here, and here

There are some good resources for learning how to cook here and here

There's a good resource for how to do laundry here

There's a pretty in-depth list of household chores here, including how frequently each chore needs to be done, and there's another good resource here

There's some good information on adjusting to living alone here

This free course has a lot of good information on how to support your own well-being and happiness (this isn't totally moving related, but I'll take any opportunity I can to shout it out because it's really good)

This is a good guide to taking care of yourself when you're sick and you live alone

And in general, Google is your best friend when going through the process of moving. Pretty much any question you have, from the reputation of different neighborhoods in your city to what the "prove" setting on your oven does to how to get rid of fruit flies is just a search away.

I know I've thrown a lot at you here and everything is pretty high-level, so if you have any other questions or things I can help you with, please feel free to ask! Moving can be a big task, but it's easier when you have the support of people who have gone through it before.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for not going to a convention with my friends?

backstory to this one is, theres some big anime convention in my country next weekend. my friends (all 20ish) really want to go there, so we bought tickets together in november and already set up stuff to spend the night etc. I (23) also went to gamescom with one of them last year and had a blast. but when we were planning this event, i constantly wasnt really sure if i wanted to go or not. at some point they went "hey we need to know now, otherwise the tickets might be sold out for the day" so i agreed to going with them. i was thinking that maybe, i was just being hesitant then but ill get excited about it once the dates actually closer.

since then, my life has been a bit of a mess, and i recently lost the position i had before (apprenticeship/job school which provided me money each month, which I'll now have to pay back, about 8k in total) and im currently still reorganizing my life. I have a lot of support from my family so its not like im going to be homeless, but its still a stressful situation to be in and Im kind of trying to save money right now. If i end up going to the convention with them, id probably have to spend money on takeout and i might end up wanting to buy merch at the convention itself, since thats part of the whole reason while you're going to one in the first place. One of my friends and me also ordered cosplays from the same game so we could walk around together.

its now exactly a week away and i still dont really feel like i want to go, especially added with my whole life situation being different than planned right now. But im also afraid of telling them about it, since i should have spoken up way sooner, but didnt since i thought my opinion might change.

i could give my current situation as a reason, but that feels like it wouldnt be entirely true since ive been debating not going at all since the start and i dont wanna lie to them. I know if i tell them now, they'll be mad at me and might not understand my reason for not going/try to convince me otherwise. i also dont want to ruin their whole plan, especially the cosplay one. i just dont want their convention experience to be shitty because i bailed at the last second. (i already paid them for the shared tickets etc so thats technically not an issue). I also dont want our friendship to be in danger because I didnt tell them sooner and am now 'suddenly' deciding against it.

but at the same time, I dont want to just go along to please them when my current situation does not really allow it and when im not feeling like id be having fun at all and would just want to save my money and go back home to my cat the entire time.

so, WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas!

ik this is unfair of me but sometimes i wish that i could tell my friends about my problems? for context in our culture what happens behind closed doors stays behind them basically we dont discuss shit that happens in our families with outsiders and i subconsciously do that as well but heres the thing, i wish that i could tell my friends and honestly nothing is really stopping me and i even start but then i cant find it in me to follow through with it and sometimes they insist and i refuse and this repeats twice or thrice and i keep telling them to leave it alone and then they actually do ik it's selfish of me to wish i could tell them when they ask after i bring it up and im the one who doesnt want to but it never feels natural and i just wish telling them was easy bc im a private person and i dont like opening up and theyve been my best friends for years and i couldnt have asked for better friends but i just cant tell them and i feel so alone bc i never tell anyone but i dont think they'd understand even if i did and every time i cry im alone and i have no one to turn to and i can feel a literal empty hole in my heart and the thing is one of my friends tells me all her friends and the others do as well and ik their problems at the very least a decent amount and i just wish there was someone exactly like me who i could tell but there isnt and ik i can always tell my friends but i dont want to ruin it bc im also fucked up on so many levels and if i start telling them i might end up telling them about those parts and theyll never see me the same way again and i wouldve ruined some of the best friendships ive ever had and i cant even tell my parents bc theyre responsible for a good amount of my problems and i always feel sad and like a disappointment and failure and no one ever understands bc i have it better than them and if i told some people theyd use it against me even if they understood so theres no one i could even tell and i js wish i had one of those friendships where telling this shit is natural and easy and mutual and not me hearing everything but ik it's my fault bc im the one holding back even when they try to insist but i wish theyd be more insistent even though ik id never tell them i js wish they cared about me the way i do about them

im sorry for js dumping this all on you but letting it out anonymously is just easier than telling people who actually know me

Hi!

Honestly, my wife has the same problem so I'm going to tell you what I tell her.

First, how do you know these people are your friends when you aren;t even giving them the chance to be friends to you? You have to give them a chance to help you and show you love you know? I know you're afraid they'll leave if you share those parts of yourself but at the same time, if you don't, they're not real friends anyway, you know?

Second, you're judging people before anything happens! You're not giving them a chance. And I get it- it's NOT easy. But you're saying you wish they care about you like you do them, but you're not giving them a chance.

It's scary, and some people will let you down. But at the same time, if you never let people in, you never have a chance of making those deep connections. It's worth it to take the risk, I promise <3

I'm sending love!