#and i didnt even drink too much | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

odinsblog · 11 months ago

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Weird. ass. dream.

I am driving down to Miami

I have to pee

I am a few yards away from a toll booth

I pull over to the shoulder and get out of my car

Relief. I am finally urinating

With my free hand I reach into my pocket and grab the remote

I press the button

My car drives itself to the toll booth and waits for me

I walk to the toll booth

Why am I naked?

Police show up

They are pushing me

Stop it!

The police and the toll booth operator are walking me to jail

Please keep your hands off me

I said hands off!

Families with their children are waving their support to me

I am cold and where are my clothes?

I wake up

I am cold

And I have to pee

#a post about me #dreams #weird dreams #i have to pee #i mean - i do sleep naked #and i did have to pee #but this dream seemed like it lasted forever #and it was unusually vivid #that was on new years night after being out all night #no drugs were used #and i didnt even drink too much #funny thing is - ive driven to miami a million times before #i **never** have to take a bathroom break #its only a 3.5hr drive #and why tf was i naked??#¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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reapkusho · 25 days ago

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I hate that we have to lie to live

#fucking hate my dad #i cant be honest with him #well... i cant be honest with anyone #im just trying to save myself #i just dont want to get hurt #i just want to do this for myself #if i had lied about not drinking too much of that medicine i wouldnt have go slapped in the face #and even if i risk the truth coming out at hlme #at least i didnt get hurt right?#everything just fucking hurts more #dont look at me im snappy and unmedicated ahaha #reaperthoughts

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faaun · 3 months ago

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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exlimix1a · 11 months ago

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Happy New Years, my beloveds. I love you all and I'm very proud of you as the darling little individuals that you are. kisses you all on the forehead. You're doing fantastic . look forward with hope, starlings. we've got this!!

#exli speaks #<- ioma little drunk #which is strange because ive never been drunk before and i didnt even drink that much #ive drank more than this BEFORE and felt nothing #soooo hm! teehee #its not unwelcome just confusing #and its funny to try to function like a normal person like this #im sure ill wake up and be like ohhhhhhh how embarrassing #but i think its quite lovely to experience all life has to offer in little increments #what a darling cute bodily experience #dont stay up too late all of you!#happy new years have fun mwah ah goodnight sweetlings

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ratatatastic · 4 months ago

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you two...affectionate but only when the highs of winning or alcohol are involved...i see...

#stop me if youve heard this one before so two earth signs walk into a room...#utterly fascinating i say as if theyre both not uttter catnip to each other #luosty does just ragdoll into mikksys sturdy hold yeah #luosty is either being an annoying brat to mikksy or being cuddly there is no in between im afraid #its so funny because in the clip i ss-ed the parade bus hug from he stole mikksys beer 😭😭😭#like he was in the middle of drinking it and he just tries to nab it off him like a brat 😭😭😭#and mikksy ducks away from his grabby hands for a second just to get an extra sip in before he gives it up to luosty #and ya wanna know what luosty does??? HE JUST WANTED IT TO POUR IT ON THE PEOPLE AT THE BARRICADE #LIKE WE DIDNT EVEN DRINK IT HE JUST WANTED IT TO POUR IT ON THE CROWD HES SOOOOO #AND YES HE DOES STEAL ANOTHER TIN OFF HIM 😭😭😭😭#like one of the people on the bus was passing a beer to mikksy and they like put their arm under his raised one so its at his chest #to give it to him but luosty sees it who's standing behind. and he just reaches his arm over mikksys shoulder to grab it #LIKE YOU DRUNK SKUNK DIDNT YOU HAVE ENOUGH 😭😭😭😭#STOP BEING BRATTYYYYYYY #STOP STEALING OFF OF MIKKSY. AND YOU MIKKSY. STOP LETTING HIM.#these two certainly have a dynamic #luostys inherent nature to brat out. but he requires the cuddles too. mikksy will provide without much hassle ofc.

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 month ago

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Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me

#im not even getting my hopes up for this one folks #but this same company rook me when i had no rental history so maybe?#unlikely for the aforementioned piss poor income and credit score #im just praying they remember me feom when i used to rent from them and liked me enough then to take me again #the bathroom is not in the apartment btw #that's the wildest thing. like its a basic studio with a kitchen closet and main area #but you have to go across the hall. to the private bathroom #im hoping they realize that thats wild and give me the apartment #i neeeeed to leave my parents house. and i really miss that city the apartment is in #i wish there was a little essay section where i could tell the landlord how much i like the city #and that ill get a better job once i live there and my parents are going to pay my first month and security deposit #that would be nice #i applied knowing that i won't get it but also knowing that i cant get it if i dont try #mostly i just miss that city #there was a really nice coffee shop within walking distance of my apartment #(the apartment i applied to is next door to the building i used to live in so same area which is great)#but i didnt have wifi so i would go there a lot to do work. it was so cozy in the winter especially #and i went on a lot of walks. so i wiuld swing by there and grab a drink to sip on my walk #and it was literally within sight of a great lake. a literal great lakw of Michigan lol #i loved walking along the lake on a nice day. or a windy day and just watch the waves crash #and my favorite band is feom that city so i got to see so many of their performances. and theyre a small band so the most i ever paid #was $50 and that was for the vip package. i saw them for $10 once. and free once. and $50 for the vip #its a big art and music city and i love it so much. i miss it so fucking much and i regret leaving #but at least it made me realize that no other city is for me. that city is my home #oh and it was literally right next to a bug beautiful library that i loved to wander. i still have my library card from there #mostly used it to print stuff and you have to pay at the box next to the printer. and one time i forgot to pay. i still feel bad about that #but i dont want to reminisce too much cuz i know i wont get it #im trying to pay off my credit cards to bring up my credit score but its slow going #its much nearer my gf and all my friends so i would love to live near them. rn im hours away from about everyone i love #i ran out of tags. maybe pray for me if you pray? or just hope for me. i dont want to let myself want this but its there

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knightzp · 2 months ago

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band ensemble & ritsumao lookback

#IM LOSING IT WITH THIS PARALELLS #ITS LITERALLY THE SAME THING #HE DOES STILL THINK THE SAME EVEN AFTER MORE THAN 10 YEARS #the only and heartbreaking difference is #in the lookback ricchan begs for mao to come back to him #while in band ensemble ritsu believes that mao cant come back to him. that they shouldnt be together anymore #OUGHHHGGGGHHH #im reading the lookback and this part just sounded too familiar but GOD i didnt expect it to be exactly the same #the 'its maakuns fault'#the piano mention and how it soothes/entertains him but that cant do now that he knows maakun #bc he just gets too lonely being without him so it wont help #the part where he says maakun taught him abt brightness abt warmth abt the daytime world!!!!!!!#he gave him the warmth of the sunnnnnnnnnnnn #theres even the vending machine mention and you know thats how band ensemble starts too!!!!! with mao getting ritsu a drink from there!!!!!#this is too much i cant believe this

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yappingmil · 13 days ago

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Mmm having another like venting in my head but knowing the second im done venting im gonna be like you didnt mean that tho moment

#its just hhhh I was not in the mood for other people today and my friend came over and took most of my day away and like… oh maybe there is #such a thing as relying too much on people and its this friend like rrrrr the i didnt mean that is because no people need to talk about thin #gs it’s healthy I dont want people to think theyre bad for taking my time its just that I wasnt feeling it for most of today I needed to be #by myself and like enjoy my games by myself and I attempted to make that known and i dont think they got the hint #and just hhh stop trying to bring up your problems right now this is my time to play a game I really wanna enjoy and i dont think im enjoyin #it as much as I could if I played it first by myself and I didnt say that directly so no way they could know and I will finish it on my own #hopefully if i have time cause thats it I dont have enough time for myself I need me time #and also my friend Needs to stop making suicide jokes. thats it thats the main one. like dude im having fun how do i respond to the reminder #that my friend doesn’t want to live #and going back attempting to bring up a problem while im gaming. I could of answered their question better but i was in such a mood that it #was like okay im gonna dismiss you and I dont want to dismiss struggling people no thats not who i want to be i want to help #… I hate it when I cant help so much #vent #I swear the timing of this to be when a certain someone went to bed was purely coincidence its just that I got back from friend hang rn #tw suicide mention #why is it when im in a mood I just sorta hate some of my friends like i was getting annoyed at them taking my drinks/snacks when usually im #like oh yeah go for it #is it oh youre in a mood you get the opposite of your usual love your friends with your entire heart or is it that like deep down I think th #ey take more than they give back. I have before almost said that I feel like I help their issues but they dismiss mine but then i got distra #cted by them essentially helping with it but like im not even sure if that was in response to me saying im lonely #also okay at one point they thanked me it was the bit where they said im their reason to live and then immediately asked if they could come #over and its like. well okay i feel like I have no choice here #and yesterday they mentioned oh i think I might take up too much of your time or something and like im too nice to tell you yeah sometimes #but it is to note i didn’t outright say no you dont I always love spending time with you or something i said oh i tell you if i really cant #due to homework. I am not made to be immediately busy immediately after i finish school I need time for myself #and im sorry you don’t have things to do on sat-wed but I have work I need to do cause there’s always so much work so at least thanks for #letting me have that time #… I love them I want to see them get better… so i wont say this to them

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chryblossomjjk · 1 year ago

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heading to the gym for the first time in forever

#i genuinely h8 working out like u guys don’t even get it #trying to get back into a routine bc ive been feeling like absolute GARBAGE lately #eating fast food way too much #not sleeping (this one isn’t my fault it’s capitalisms)#my skin has been so bad #ugh #anywho #ate a fruit and vegetable today woohooo #time to go cry on an eliptical #and then walk out like a gym baddie sex symbol 💅✨#as i didnt just watch run bts n burn maximum 30 calories #im procrastinating okay byeeeee lmao #love you all #drink water pls our organs are deteriorating !!

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themanwhowouldbefruit · 7 months ago

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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your #ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it #*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like #this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask #if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had #fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your #fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your #swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my #abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of #gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up #for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how #hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know #how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy #am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other #organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it #get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to #get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

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hecksupremechips · 9 months ago

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The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules

#the klock keeps ticking #i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter #cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟#a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts #and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it #plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice #i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of #commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out #but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just #wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts #aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally #i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is #and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route #cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet #its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately #and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing #and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god #like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better #she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years #like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex #and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn #and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset #rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions #and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand #that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good #character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let #her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’#but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make #everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED #ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING

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digitaldiseas3 · 3 months ago

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i’m still kinda working on it but getting over my antisocial habits is literally improving my life so fucking much

#like. i got an invite from this girl who was on the spain trip with me #she texted me like ‘hey i’m having a wine night if you wanna come over’ and i knew she lived just a few blocks away from me #but in the past i would’ve been too nervous like uohhh idk if i’ll know anyone thereee i don’t wanna be weird i don’t wanna be an outsider #+ idkkk + im not entirely in the mood to drink even if i’m not /not/ in a drinking mood #+ wehhh a billion other excuses #BUT I DIDNT DO THAT #i was like oh is it cool if one of my housemates comes with? yes? wicked i’ll see you in a few #and then we just walked over and joined the party!!#AMD WE HAD SO MUCH FUN we had lots of good drinks and met a bunch of cool people and i flirted with all the girls #and one dude kept challenging me to a face-off in which we’d see who had a harder look and could avoid breaking #and i kept winning bc i’m the hardest motherfucker around #and it was just so much fun!!!! i think one dude there wanted me badly bc he kept hanging around me and talking to me but he was #good conversation so i didn’t mind. and i’m a narcissist so the attention was just stroking my ego even if i don’t like him back at all #overall. yeah. i’m glad i just said yup i’ll be there thanks! it was so much fun. so much fun.

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sleep-nurse · 11 months ago

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blame my inactivity to my shitty ass ''parents''

#vent #all i did today was cry #and i didnt even go to bed i just had to lay on my desk #on my chair all day and now everything fucking huirts to shit #i just wish my family was normal #i wish i dnd't have to hear about how much i fucking suck everyday #all for no reason too #i wish i was loved by anyone #if i disappear one day don't be surprised #i didnt even eat or drink anything all day #its 8 pm now

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radgeorgie · 3 months ago

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had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#AND!!!!! AND!!!!!! IVE GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!#i guess ill know monday if i can get high that night or tuesday but like.... i want to have one now lmao #like.... the paper i signed was more worried about being drunk on the jo #and OBVIOUSLY i wouldnt show up to my folder customer service job high off my ass..... but that thc can stay in your system for awhilw #i had one last nigbt tk celebrate the interview so idk if im even in the clear to begin with #and like.... i told them my start date would ve the 20th & im out of town vefore that so the goal is like.... they go to achedule #and we have to schedule it way out so i have time to like.....not worry & get my pee clean #like.... it wouldnt matter so much if my parents werent LEAVING this E N T I R E week... like.... this is MY vacatioj too!!!!!#and i just bought it after a horrid week 😭😭😭😭😭 worked my ass of it for it in order to relax this week #like #i know i shouldnt be dependent on it and im really trying not to ve #but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much #and im reeeeeally not the biggest fan of drinking....i pee too much 😭😭😭😭😭 ironically 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like.... at this point.... its like..... do i care about getting this job more than i care about letting my brain and body relax this week #i always put myself first & listen to my heart & soul to dictate what to do #but my mind just keeps thinking about getting that failed drug test back and going back to the job hunt #but im still IN the job hi t #*hunt #AND HERES THE THING!!!! walking around that damn office.... seeing what people were wearing.....#its professional but i know damn well theres people in there smoking weed #like.... 25 of the 50 employees i saw showed up in casual loungepants these people are not prestigious #and like.... the paper i signed.... they didnt even edit to include the company name????#it kept saying “the Company will not like you to drink on the clock and assumes you will not get behind company vechiles drunk either”#like.... tooooootally understandable i just wanna eat some edibles before im an official employee of your folder business my loves #let me have a 50mg and zone out for the night while im finally free from all these losers..... PLEASE #anyways......personal problems that my brain needs to expel so it doesnt tumble all around for the next few houes #WHILE I DOORDASH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me #like..... i got this interview through indeed ill just keep going till i cant if it fails

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hiddenbeks · 1 year ago

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carth watching in increasing despair as this random soldier he escaped the endar spire with and who agreed to keeping a "low profile" makes an enemy of tarisian nobility and the local crime lord, loses all their credits in pazaak games, enters a dueling ring with the excuse of regaining the credits but really just wants to blow off some steam, goes to a sith party with the excuse of searching for leads on bastila's whereabouts but really just wants to see how fun the sith are to party with,

#the 'prodigal knight' and 'dreaded sith lord' is also the wildest party-goer in the galaxy babyyyy #the sith are not fun to party with btw. cant hold their liquor and the music choices are mid #this is what ultimately sets liah on the light side path (not really but thats what she tells everyone. half-jokingly.)#also i havent actually lost any credits in pazaak yet. i beat that one guy in the cantina who claims to be the best player around. ha #but like Canonically liah is so bad at pazaak. or maybe its just bad luck. either way she keeps losing but cant stop playing #she simply cannot say no to a challenge. be it card games or duels. i love her #oc: liah #im having a blast w this game but i cant stop thinking abt what it could be if it werent so old n limited by the technology of its time #the quests could have more layers n paths n outcomes......#like what if the sith party was bigger what if you could get absolutely shitfaced n fail to find anything that could help in ur search. lol #instead of just. u walk in to apartment. u briefly talk to guy who invited u. screen fades to black.#everyone except for u is passed out on the floor bc they had too much to drink. u didnt even get a chance to drink.#quest proceeds. loot sith armor for disguise and be on ur merry way. no partying for u.#sigh. kotor remake....... you remain in my dreams........#also disclaimer theres nothing wrong with a game being more linear!!!#not every game has to have the complexities n permutations of modern rpgs!!! sometimes simplicity is better!!!#but im just saying. it would be fun and its fun to think about.#also btw some of the dialogue in this game sounds like its written by a child. its a bit painful at times. but anyway

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 27 days ago

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I gravitate towards jobs and such in which I make decisions, and prefer to live alone which comes with many decisions, and then do creative hobbies that require me to make so many decisions, and I thought "Huh, decisions are hard, what would a nice day without decisions look like?" And then I realized I just meticulously planned out a whole day of no decisions by just making the decisions beforehand.

#im so tired of decisions #rn im pretty new at my job so not too many decisions but still aome stuff i have to do independently #but my last job was so many decisions. i coordinated so much and if i did it wrong evryone hated me #and before that i was a shift lead #and for the last four years at summer camp ive been an area director #and this year i applied for an office position which is even hugher than area director #and im trying to move out of my parents house which comes with so many decisions #why do i keep doing this to myself #i like leadership and independence too fucking much and then im burnt out on it #and i would love just one day in which i didnt have to make any decisions #unfortunately i know myself and i know that someone else would not make the right decisions #so i want to make the decisions beforehand #and then someone else just executes the decisions for me. if that makes sense #like i want to tell someone 'tomorrow we will wake up at 9am and go get coffee. i want aan iced mocha #after that we'll go to target and get a quick lunch at qdoba. one hour after lunch i would like an iced caramel coffee #i would like to drink this coffee while we go on a walk along the lake #then id like to go home and knit for two hours. you may do something in the same space but it has to be quiet and non-distracting #then we will have such a late dinner. pizza unless you are willing to cook one of the three things i am always okay with #then i will peruse my phone until midnight. then i will sleep #i want to lay that all out for someone snd then they facilitate it #like they just know 'okay its 9am get up we're going for coffee.' 'alright its midnight put down your phone for sleeps'#all damn day they just do the decisions for me. even though i already made them so i know they were made right #idk if that makes sense. im just so tired #i was laying in bed before sleeping and decided to plan my perfect day of no decisions #and realized that it was not decision-free because i had just made every decision #did i mention how tired i am

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