#but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much

[radgeorgie]

had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[babyleostuff]

hey!i was wondering can u pls do something similar with jeonghan as u did with scoups

like when he calls u clingy? something like that😭

thank you so muchh🫶🫶🫶

MIDNIGHTS | YOON JEONGHAN

☾₊ ⊹ currently playing: love me like you do

summary | during a party Jeonghan calls you clingy, so when you leave to get some air, you’re approached by another man. this leads to a jealous and sulky Jeonghan

genre | angst (just a bit) & fluff

word count | 1.4k

pairing | yoon jeonghan x gn!reader

author’s note | thank you some much for your request 🫶🏼 hope you enjoy this one!

The party was already in full swing when you and Jeonghan walked in, so finding any of the members would be a big challenge.

A bit of self-consciousness settled upon you seeing all the elegantly dressed people, so you started nervously fixing your dress, suddenly feeling out of place. 

“Stop worrying so much, honey. You look great,” said Jeonghan, putting his hand on your lower back.

“It’s just that I’ve never been to such a party before, and there are so many important people here.”

“Well, good thing you won’t have to talk to any of them. Relax and have fun,” he chuckled under his breath. “Come on, let’s find the rest of the group,” he said and took your hand in his. 

While Jeonghan was trying to navigate you through the crowd, he was constantly stopped by people who greeted him politely, sometimes exchanging small talk and inside jokes from the filming set.

Not going to lie, you felt uncomfortable, as you knew no one here, and everyone seemed to simply ignore your presence, even though you were standing right by your boyfriend.  

You didn’t want to complain though you knew how much Jeonghan was looking forward to this, so you decided to suck it up and keep your boyfriend company. 

At last, you found Seungcheol and Joshua deep in a conversation with a group of people Jeonghan also clearly knew, as a big smile erupted on his face. 

“Hey, you’re finally here,” Joshua greeted you with a hug and a soft smile. 

“Wah, you’re both so good-looking,” he said, approaching your boyfriend and greeting him as well.  

The whole group fell back into conversation, talking and laughing about stuff you had no idea about, which only added to your anxiety, that was quietly bubbling inside you. There was nothing you could add to the small talk, but on the other hand you didn’t want to appear as anti-social, only standing by Jeonghan’s side. 

The frustration and insecurity coming from you was probably very visible, but your boyfriend was too engaged in the discussion to notice it. 

You wrapped one of your hands around his arm, pulling him a bit closer to your side, while your other hand started to fidget with the ring on his pinky. You hoped that at least this would make you feel more comforted, but even this didn’t seem to help.

On the contrary, Jeonghan grew more and more agitated with your every move. 

“Could you stop clinging to me so much? I’m trying to talk,” he whispered in your ear with a pinch of annoyance. 

“I just feel a bit left out. Could we maybe go and find Seungkwan and Chan?” you asked in a quiet voice. 

“Well, if you didn’t notice, I’m in the middle of something here,” he remarked. “You go and find them yourself.”

“You’re not coming with me?” you said surprised, as he usually never leaves you alone at parties and big gatherings. 

“I can’t keep you entertained the whole night. Stop being so clingy and go,” was the last thing he said, before turning back to Joshua and Seungcheol. 

Shock and disbelief were apparent in your facial expression, as you would never expect Jeonghan to say anything like this. Sure, you felt a bit guilty for hanging around him this whole time, but it was not your fault you felt so out of place. He didn’t even care to introduce you to any of those people, so it’s not like you could have done anything. 

Annoyed with your boyfriend’s actions, you turned around and left him without saying anything more. Not like he cared that much, he didn’t even seem to notice you walk away. 

Giving up on trying to find Seungkwan and Chan, you found your way outside. Inhaling deeply, you could feel the coolness of the air entering your lungs, with a sense of heaviness leaving your body. 

As your mind cleared a little, you replayed the past half an hour that just went down, sensing that you might have been a bit too dramatic about this whole situation. Maybe Jeonghan was right? Maybe you were being clingy? 

But then again, you didn’t want to make excuses for him, he didn’t even try to make you feel better, even though he could clearly see how distressed you were. 

“Not enjoying the party?” Suddenly someone pulled you out of your thoughts. 

You looked around, noticing a man, around your age, dressed in a dark-green suit. He was nursing a glass of what looked like whisky, sitting comfortably at one of the outside tables. 

“Not really. You?” you asked politely. 

“Me neither. Not really my type of company, to be honest,” he said and took a sip of his drink. 

“Same here. Why are you here then?” You took a seat next to him, ordering a drink yourself. 

Despite being total strangers, there was a sense of immediate connection and resonance between you and him. Quickly, you engaged in a comfortable conversation, where you could sense his genuine interest in what you had to say. 

The fairy lights delicately draped throughout the area, created intricate patterns and the gentle glow cast a soft and warm illumination that added a touch of magic to the surroundings. 

The deep conversation captivated both of you to the extent where you didn’t even notice that it had gotten completely dark outside. The slight breeze sent chills down your back, but you didn’t even seem to notice. 

“Here you are,” you suddenly heard a familiar voice from behind. 

Jeonghan cautiously eyed the stranger, before standing next to you and putting a hand on your shoulder. 

“Yeah, I have been here for the past hours,” you didn’t even bother looking up at him. 

“I’ve been trying to find you everywhere. I got worried when Chan said you never came to find them.” 

“Well, I’ve been here the whole time. Having some actual fun,” you blurted. You felt annoyed with him, as he didn’t bother to even check up on you before. 

“Could you please leave us alone for a second?” Jeonghan turned to your new friend.

“We were talking here, so I don’t think I will,” he said with a satisfied smirk on his face. 

You could feel the tension building up in Jeonghan’s body, and you knew there was no use in him getting angry. 

“It was great talking to you, but I think I’ve got to sort it out,” you said and pulled Jeonghan away, before your boyfriend could say anything else. You knew how savage he could get with people that he didn’t like, so you’d rather avoid this situation. 

“I was worried for you,” said Jeonghan and took his suit jacket off. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Giving you my jacket. It’s cold,” he shrugged and put his jacket around your shoulders. 

You couldn't lie, this melted your heart, as you knew how cold he usually gets. 

“I’m sorry. I should have paid more attention to you. And shouldn't have called you clingy.”

“I just felt so out of place, and everyone seemed to ignore me, even you,” you said and put the jacket tighter around yourself. 

“I know,” he uttered, almost as if ashamed of his actions. 

“Did you have fun at least?” you stepped closer to him, putting your hand on his chest, storking it softly. 

“Yes, but I really got worried when I couldn’t find you,” he muttered with sincerity in his eyes. 

“It’s fine. And it turned out that I had fun too,” you smiled at him. 

In an instant his brows furrowed, and jaw tightened. 

“Who was that by the way?” he asked with narrow eyes. 

You smiled at his expression, knowing exactly where this was getting. 

“Are you jealous, Hannie?” 

“Wha-, no?” he retorted a bit too quickly. 

Laughing, you grabbed his chin to make him look at you. As your eyes met, they conveyed a depth of emotions and an unspoken understanding. With a genuine smile, you opened your arms, inviting him into your embrace. 

As your bodies connected, you could feel the rhythm of his breathing matching yours. Warmth radiated through his touch, melting away any worries or tensions that have existed before. In the quiet stillness, you could even hear the soft beating of his heart. 

“Just don’t leave me next time,” you murmured. 

As his eyes met yours again, you felt a gentle tug at your heartstrings. In that intimate exchange, you could see a kaleidoscope of emotions reflected in his eyes. 

“I’m never going to leave you. Ever.” 

Your lips met in a gentle and tender union. It was a soft, delicate touch that conveyed a multitude of emotions—desire, affection and love. In that fleeting moment, everything else ceased to exist. 

The world fell away, leaving only the sensation of his lips against yours.

[blushweddinggowns]

Eddie was dealing with a lot of firsts today. 

The biggest one being the first time he was getting married. Though, Eddie really hoped it wouldn’t be the last. If his fantasies about this day came true he was going to have to insist on a vow renewal somewhere down the line. Fuck it, if even a quarter of what he wanted came through he’d still insist on it. He was never not going to like showing Steve off, and this was the most ostentatious way he could get away with. 

Next, and most distressing, this was the first time Eddie had ever felt the lethal mixture of being incredibly happy and horrifyingly nauseous. He had no idea that a person could feel both things at once, and Eddie was starting to think the ability was just a flaw of the human condition. 

And last, he is a 100 percent sure he had never been this damn nervous in his entire life. Especially when the source of it was entirely self-made. It was an uncomfortable reminder of how he used to feel with Steve, back when he decided to be a fucking crazy person. 

But this was so much worse. 

“You really need to relax,” Chrissy said for the hundredth time, watching as Eddie fiddled in front of the mirror, “That anti-perspirant can only go so far.”

“I know,” Eddie sighed. He was on one today, he knew that. But knowing it wasn’t stopping any of his anxiety. Eddie was trying to fix his hair in the mirror, suddenly unpleased with how it was styled but unwilling to go bother the stylist that did it. She was busy enough with everyone else, let alone the fact that he didn’t even know why he didn’t like it. If anything he was just making it worse. But then again, Steve always said he liked his hair wild, right?

“Hon, I’m serious,” Chrissy sighed, grabbing for his hand to drag him away, “You are driving yourself crazy for nothing. Everything is going to be okay. He’s going to be there. Are you forgetting that it was Steve who asked you to marry him?”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile at the memory, even now. The little shit had beaten him to the punch by a matter of days, completely ruining Eddie’s elaborate proposal plans. No, instead Steve decided to do it in the dead of night, getting down on one knee in the middle of their living room after getting destroyed at an impromptu game of scrabble. 

Eddie should have seen it coming, he really should have. But he had been so caught up trying to plan his own proposal he had completely missed the signs. Like how Steve kept picking movies that involved proposals and weddings, and how he was always very interested in what Eddie thought of them. Eddie just hadn’t realized how many notes he’d been taking around his innocuous comments. Not until Steve showed him the scrawled out list he had made down the line:

Not public, he said he wouldn’t want to cry in front of a bunch of strangers. Not again (whoops, sorry babe but at least this one would have been happy tears?)

Close to a bed or a bed-like surface for “celebrating” (I should have seen that one coming)

Diamonds are apparently ~stupid~ so look at colored stones instead (maybe emerald for his birthstone? Stick with sliver tones.)

No where cold so he can focus on the moment instead of freezing

Make it a surprise (But not outside? I don’t want to wait till summer though. Maybe I can do it randomly? Like when his back is turned?)

Write. A. Speech.

Eddie had to give it to him, his notes weren’t in vain. It had been amazing. Tailor-made to him in a way he didn’t even fully get until it was over. Because he had started crying, right in the middle of their living room with no one but Steve to see him. And it had felt so fucking safe. There was no embarrassment, no worrying over someone he didn’t know taking their moment to share with more strangers, none of it. It was just them. 

He had fucking loved the ring, the colors, the style, all of it fit him perfectly. The only thing he loved more had been dragging Steve straight to their bedroom spoil him rotten for hours. The speech had been beautiful, for what he had managed to hear through his own excitement and tears. He had ended up asking Steve to write it down for him considering how he couldn’t trust his own memory. Now it sat on a cute index card he kept in his wallet, right alongside his cute scrawled out list, a constant reminder that Steve Harrington wanted him.

It had been perfect. Almost too perfect. Perfect enough for Eddie to be where he was right now, the doubt of how he ended up with Mr. Perfect. 

from the upcoming last chapter of this fic

[radiowendigo]

HERE IT IS!! After four something days it’s finally done my lord. This one is super fluffy.

It was a regular day at headquarters and Riley just got home after a productive day at high school. Which included two tests from two different courses. Despite intense preparation, it peaked Anxiety’s nerves even more. Joy and some of the other emotions had to intervene before it got out of control. Riley finished her homework, which included history and biology. It was difficult at first, but she eventually grasped the majority of it and finished her schoolwork.

Riley was getting ready for bed when Joy saw that Anxiety remained tense from today. Even after drinking anti-anxiety tea and spending some time relaxing on her massage chair. When Riley eventually fell asleep, the majority of the emotions started to depart from headquarters in preparation for their own bedtime. They all needed to get a good night's rest because Bree and Grace were coming over tomorrow!

While on dream duty tonight, Joy observed Ennui, who was walking away slowly with the others yawning. Suddenly, an idea struck her, and she sprinted towards Ennui, grinning with excitement.

“Hey, Oui, Ou!” Joy called.

“Hm?” Ennui’s head turned to look at the bright emotion.

“Say, you and Anxiety seem to be really close friends. Do you think it would be too much trouble to ask if you could help Anxiety relax so she’s up and ready for tomorrow?” Joy asked.

“Sure.” Ennui replied.

“Great! Thanks so much, Oui, Oui!” Joy said happily.

Ennui just sighed, turning away not bothering to correct her at this point and started looking for Anxiety. In their room, which they shared with Embarrassment and Envy, she didn't see her there. Upon entering the lounge area, she discovered Anxiety scribbling away notes on her clipboard. Ennui took a step closer, causing Anxiety to notice her and yelp in shock before turning back to her papers.

“What are you doing?” Ennui asked.

“I am writing plans for the weekend and the following scenarios that could come with these plans! We got Bree and Grace coming over tomorrow, and we might go out for a drink or lunch. So, I’m writing down which cafes and restaurants we could pick so we’re ready right away. And if neither of those work, there’s the park and we can have a picnic there. And we’ll need to be nicely dressed for all these outings, so, I wrote down some basic but fashionable outfits for Riley so that she stands out, but not too much. Then, on Sunday, mom and dad are taking us for a nature walk and—“

Exhausted from the lengthy speech, Ennui groaned, rolling her eyes back into her head. She moved closer to Anxiety who was still rambling and pulled down her clip board, causing Anxiety to stop and glance up at her.

“Oh, la, la, Anxiety. You’re going so fast I can’t even keep up anymore.”

“I’m sorry. I just got a little ahead of myself.” Anxiety laughed nervously, but looked away a little embarrassed.

“Don’t worry about it. Do you want some tea?”

“Huh?” Anxiety looked back at Ennui stunned. Ennui has never offered her something like this before.

“Sure.” Anxiety replied smiling softly.

Ennui felt content, knowing that her proposal was effective and benefiting her friend.

“Alright. I’m going to make it. I’ll come back with it when it’s ready.”

“Thanks a lot!”

Ennui smiled to herself and walked out of the room to go make her tea. Five minutes passed and Ennui returned holding a dark orange mug of anti-anxiety tea. She handed it to Anxiety who was sitting on the couch analyzing and editing some notes on her clipboard.

“Here. Be careful it’s hot.” Ennui warned while using her other hand to take the clipboard and pencil from Anxiety.

“Thanks, mon ami.” Anxiety said while grabbing the mug taking a small sip and hummed in pleasure.

“How is it?”

“Really good, thanks.” Anxiety replied.

“I’m glad. Enjoy.” Ennui said softly. Pleased to see Anxiety enjoying her beverage and that she made it good. After Anxiety finished her drink, she observed Ennui, who was lying down on the couch typing away on her phone. Anxiety was fascinated by so many things about Ennui. Including the way she looked. Her skin tone, the way she dressed and managed to pull it all together, and her hair. Sometimes she really wanted to touch her hair, but was terrified to ask, worried she would cross a boundary.

Anxiety enjoyed playing with and feeling various textures as a means of self-soothing. After a while, Ennui’s hair became one of Anxiety’s few most desired objects to touch. The thought of touching Ennui’s thick, purple strands made Anxiety’s whole body shake in anticipation to her very core. Soon Ennui looked up at Anxiety after noticing her staring at her.

“Do you need anything else?” Ennui asked unbothered.

Anxiety gasped and looked around the room scratching the back of her neck in a way to calm herself.

“Uh. This might. Sound..a little unexpected and you can say no. But,..could I possibly..braid your hair? Please?..” with trepidation, Anxiety questioned, her voice fading as she finished her sentence.

The silence was loud after that.

Ennui's eyes widened slightly as she wasn't expecting that answer. She then lightly exhaled making Anxiety fear she passed a boundary.

“Sure.” Ennui finally said.

Anxiety just continued to stare at her, dumbfounded.

“Are you sure?” Anxiety checked.

“Oui. Go ahead.”

“Okay!” Anxiety squealed after which made Ennui blushed lightly but didn’t notice. Jogging to Ennui, who slithered to the centre of the couch so Anxiety could comfortably sit behind her, began working on Ennui’s strands while she kept scrolling her phone.

Ennui sighed in pleasure, feeling relaxed at the feeling of her hair being played with and Anxiety’s fingers running through her locks.

“You enjoying that?” Anxiety asked.

“Oui. It feels really nice.” Ennui hummed.

“Glad to hear!” Anxiety chirped continuing her work. After a few more braids it was completed! A traditional braid. Anxiety brushed her index finger delicately over each braid while grinning pleased at her work.

“Do you want to see the finished project?” Anxiety asked eagerly. Ennui chuckled.

“Sure.”

Anxiety left the room and came back with a bedroom mirror and placed it in front of the indigo emotion.

Ennui sat up and looked through her braid and smiled. Anxiety sure knew how to braid hair.

“It looks nice. Merci.”

“No problem! Thank you so much for letting me do it again.” Anxiety said grinning sheepily.

Ennui was happy to see that Anxiety was less nervous than before. She glanced at her tenderly while Anxiety continued to discuss about her hair. It seems that her plans for the weekend were long ago. Afterwords, Anxiety went to look out at the window. Ennui went back to her phone. The window had a view of some of Riley’s islands and long-term memory. Some time passed and Anxiety began to toy with her hands; she had no idea why, but ideas for the weekend were returning. Ennui's ears soon perked by the quick motion of Anxiety’s skin rubbing against each other, so she lowered her phone and faced the window.

“Are you still worrying about tomorrow, again?” Ennui questioned a little worried.

“Oh.” Anxiety’s hands froze. “Yeah. I’m sorry.” Anxiety said, shame in her voice.

“I have an idea. Come.” Ennui said gesturing for Anxiety to approach her with a wave of her arm.

Nodding, Anxiety made her way back to the couch, wondering what Ennui had in store this time. Ennui searched for a ten-hour asmr rain video. After taking her earplugs out of her sweatpants pocket and carefully inserting them into Anxiety's ears, she turned on the video. After taking a moment to grasp what was happening, Anxiety smiled, relaxed, and crept towards the couch wall, causing Ennui to smile subtle.

After a few minutes, Anxiety's eyes started to go heavy as she imagined herself actually being beneath a cabin while listening to the gentle rain. Ennui yawned and put an arm around Anxiety's shoulder on the couch. Anxiety’s eyes popped open and nearly lost it, blushing heavily, but managed to control herself. Ennui rested her head on top of Anxiety’s making her heart race. Anxiety slowly closed her eyes and tried to focus on going to sleep, and it worked. Anxiety’s head landed gently on Ennui’s shoulder. The two emotions fell asleep resting against each other. Joy came in the room a while later to check up on them, and was touched to what she saw.

“Good job, Ennui.”

(In this story, Anxiety and Ennui haven’t revealed their feelings for each other yet or even shown signs that they like each other, so it’s just two goobers being flustered and sweet with each other :3)

[oliversrarebooks]

corporate retreat 3/4

Previous > Masterlist > Next

tw: brainwashing, drugging, dehumanization, hypnosis, amnesia

"Quinn? Can you open your eyes for me, please?"

Somehow, they managed to get their eyes cracked slightly open. The lights in the room had mercifully been dimmed, and everything seemed fuzzy and indistinct.

"Good. Follow the penlight with your eyes, please."

Quinn did their best, but it all seemed like a big confusing blur.

"Reactions very slow but perceptible. Subject just barely able to respond to stimuli. Twilight sleep state achieved. Based on the results of the tests and their psychological makeup… recommend… and fifty milliliters… around two hours…"

Quinn felt the mask being taken off their face, and the cool rush of fresh air untainted by sedatives was a relief. They cracked their eyes open again as their arm was grasped by one of the assistants. She wiped the inside of their elbow with a cotton swab soaked in cool liquid, and then began to insert an IV line. They were still far too out of it, their limbs much too heavy, to resist.

The IV line was attached to a big bag of light blue fluid. Quinn watched as the drug went drip-drip-drip down the tube and into their arm. The assistant used the IV port to inject a dose of what looked like the same drug.

"We'll give you a little time to adjust to the new medication," said Dr. Moon. "You can just relax."

They assumed they were going to be put back to sleep, but instead they just lay there, staring at the slow drip of blue liquid, in a kind of tranquilized daze. Whatever this new drug was, it wasn't bad. They couldn't remember the last time they had felt so peaceful. Actually, they were feeling pretty good. The all-consuming sleepiness they'd felt from the gas had melted away into a drowsy calm, and their thoughts were gradually returning.

"Quinn? Are you awake? How are you feeling?"

Quinn turned lazily to Dr. Moon. "Good. Really, really drowsy… but good," they said.

"That's excellent to hear," Dr. Moon said. "You're on the good stuff now. We gathered enough data to understand how best to adjust your mind."

"The good stuff…" Quinn's gaze traveled back to the IV line. "What is it?"

"We like to call it cleaning fluid -- but don't be alarmed. It's a nickname, because it's for washing your brain." She laughed. "We have many different components we can use to make it. It's highly customized for the individual, their needs, and our needs."

They really couldn't have been alarmed even if they tried. "What's in mine?"

"Cleaning fluid always starts with Influence Serum. That's our proprietary control medication that removes your mental defenses and inhibitions and increases suggestibility, leaving your mind delightfully pliant and malleable. Then we add Liquid Lullaby -- that's what's keeping you drowsy and docile," she explained. "Your custom mixture also has Pacifier, our anti-anxiety agent, and a little False Paradise, to induce mild euphoria. Plus a few interesting other traces."

"That seems like… a lot of drugs."

"Don't worry, it's especially formulated for you, and completely harmless," she said. "You were so anxious coming here, weren't you?"

"Yeah," they agreed without hesitation.

"And you seem so exhausted. Aren't you exhausted from all the work you do?"

"Yeah, I am."

"And I bet you're so tired of thinking, too. Solving problems. Making decisions. Your poor, tired mind needs a break from all of that."

She was right, that sounded heavenly. What had they even been so worried about? The Brainwashing Department was so nice, and Dr. Moon was so friendly and helpful. "Yeah, I guess I really did need a break." They relaxed into the comfortable chair, resting their arm with the IV on the armrest. Dr. Moon was right. These drugs really were the good stuff.

"Well, it's a good thing you've got a month long vacation, then, isn't it?" said Dr. Moon.

Quinn smiled. "I can't believe it, but I'm actually glad I came here."

"Oh, that's just so lovely to hear you say! I really do think we do great work here. We help people," she said. "And I've got another treat in store for you."

"Oh? What is it?"

"I'm going to turn on the screen and you're going to watch a fun movie for the next couple of hours. It's going to hypnotize you and help you be so obedient. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Um…" Quinn furrowed their brows. They dimly remembered that they hadn't wanted that, but they didn't really feel like making a fuss when instead they could just relax in a blissful daze.

"Great, let's get you all situated." Dr. Moon reclined their chair a little bit more, then turned on the screen and placed it in front of Quinn's face.

The screen burst to life with a pulsating rainbow spiral, one that drew Quinn's eyes right to the center as the colors shifted and swirled. They couldn't look away. They didn't want to. Something about it was so, so… compelling… like it was the greatest and most fascinating thing Quinn had ever seen, like they could watch it forever.

"There we go. Just watch the spiral. You're too sleepy to resist, aren't you?"

"I'm… I'm not…"

"Oh yes you are. You're much too sleepy to resist."

"I'm… too sleepy to resist…" Quinn heard themself agree.

"The spiral is going to open your mind up very nicely," she said. "You're going to keep your heavy eyes open and watch the spiral, but your mind is going to go to sleep, okay? Deep, deep sleep… a deep hypnotic sleep where you can listen and absorb everything."

They could feel it. They could feel themselves falling asleep in the heart of the pulsating spiral. "I can listen…"

"So obedient, aren't you? Just like you should be. What an excellent subject."

Quinn couldn't help but smile. "…Thank you…"

"Oh, you like the praise, don't you? You're the type that wants to get a good grade in being brainwashed."

It felt like so long since they'd done anything right, really. "Yeah…"

Dr. Moon draped a warm blanket over Quinn's body. "Then be a good little test subject for me, stare in to the pretty spiral, and let yourself be hypnotized."

Quinn nodded slowly. They didn't want to do anything else. They felt a pair of headphones being slipped over their ears. Through them, they could hear soft music playing and Dr. Moon's voice coaxing them to fall asleep, to be obedient and docile, to love the experience of being brainwashed.

They were much, much too sleepy to resist. Besides, they wanted to please Dr. Moon.

They should just listen, let Dr. Moon do all the thinking for them, and fall deep into trance.

"Sleep and obey…" they heard their own voice saying. "Deeper asleep and deeper entranced… too sleepy to resist… I love being brainwashed… I must obey Dr. Moon…"

Their eyelids were getting heavier again, the entrancing spiral a colorful blur, as they repeated the mantras and fell so deep into hypnotic sleep.

They weren't sure how long they remained there, eyes half-open, staring into the spiral. Time seemed to have no meaning. It could've been five minutes and it could've been five months.

"…so happy that you were brainwashed. Three. You'll be docile and obedient. Two. You'll be relaxed and refreshed. And one. You can open your eyes and wake."

Quinn opened their eyes just as the screen turned off, yawning and rubbing the sleep from their eyes. They felt so, so utterly relaxed, like they'd just had the world's finest spa treatment. Like that was the first really good sleep they'd had in years.

They were still in their chair in the clinical room. The machines were quietly beeping, and the bag of drugs attached to the IV looked mostly empty. They were more than content to just rest for a while and see what would happen next, floating in a cloud of bliss.

It didn't take long before Dr. Moon entered. "Why, hello Quinn. Welcome back to the waking world. Did you have a good nap?"

"The best," they said. "I feel amazing."

"Oh, I'm so glad. You really needed that sleep and mental readjustment," said Dr. Moon. "Here, have some water and a nutrition bar."

Quinn eagerly took the food and water. It hadn't really been something they had thought about, but they actually were hungry.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" asked Dr. Moon.

"It was wonderful," said Quinn. "It feels so right to be hypnotized and not have to think for myself. I didn't realize how badly I needed that."

"Oh, you're such a model subject. I think you might be one of my favorites," said Dr. Moon as Quinn beamed in pride. "You're taking to the brainwashing so, so well. I agree, I really think it's exactly what you needed. And you're going to get another round with a new movie -- but first I wanted to give you a little break."

"Thank you," said Quinn through a mouthful of nutrition bar. They couldn't wait to see what the new movie would be like.

"First, though…" Dr. Moon nonchalantly pulled a capped syringe from her lab coat pocket, injecting the contents into the IV line. "We call this one Loose Lips. It's a truth serum. You're probably too hypnotized to really need it, but I want to make sure you're completely honest with me when I ask you embarrassing and invasive questions about your personal life."

Quinn nodded. "That makes sense."

"First off, how do you feel about your boss?"

They frowned, annoyance just barely managing to push through their drugged calm. "She's driving me insane with their unreasonable demands. She's constantly calling me in to work on nights and weekends because we're so short-staffed, and then she acts like it's my fault that I'm burned out. She wastes my time with boring, pointless meetings, and when there's some kind of problem, she micromanages me and keeps asking for status updates when I just need to concentrate on fixing it." The grievances poured out of their mouth easily.

"That sounds really rough," said Dr. Moon sympathetically. "You should tell me everything you know about your boss. I'm very interested. And after that, maybe you can tell me all about your insecurities, secret fantasies, and embarrassing fetishes."

"Sure!" said Quinn, so eager to be obedient and useful.

Dr. Moon questioned Quinn for a while, and Quinn found that they could answer all of their questions easily and in great depth without a hint of shame. It was really nice to be able to speak so freely. Dr. Moon was such a kind, understanding person.

"You've done so well for me," said Dr. Moon. "I couldn't ask for a better test subject. I think it's time for you to get another round of brainwashing, don't you think?"

"Yes, please!" said Quinn with a big smile. "I'm so lucky that I get to spend an entire month in the Brainwashing Department. Do you think I could transfer permanently?"

"I think that would be an excellent idea. We'll see. But for now, I need to change out your IV medication, okay?" Dr. Moon switched the nearly empty bag for a full one. "This formulation is a little different. I've reduced the Liquid Lullaby and added a little River Lethe. That's our best and most gentle amnestic -- a medication that interferes with memory formation and produces amnesia."

"Amnesia…?" said Quinn, feeling a strange bit of anxiety, the first they'd felt since waking.

"You'll be less sleepy this time, but don't worry, you'll be every bit as hypnotized and blissed-out. You're not going to remember the next few hours, though. You probably won't remember much of this conversation, either," said Dr. Moon. "This new medication will leave you feeling pretty fuzzy for a while after your treatment, too. Is all of that okay with you?"

The anxiety was dissolved by their desire to please the doctor. "Of course it's okay. Whatever you think is best." The new drug was already dripping steadily into their veins. It was strange to think that it was already at work in their brain, that they wouldn't be able to remember any of this.

"Then you can just sit back and enjoy your new favorite TV show," said Dr. Moon, turning the screen on again. This time, it was a scene of slow moving clouds floating by.

Quinn barely noticed when Dr. Moon dimmed the lights and left the room, the drugs and the voices in their headphones already turning their mind into useless mush, fit only to listen and obey. After all, they were so sleepy, and the hypnotic program was far too good to resist.

Previous > Masterlist > Next

[xxcallmemaryxx]

Ghouls x GN reader

(who is suffering from horrid cramps)

(Warning: reader in a lot of pain, talks of nausea and throwing up. But nothing in detail.)

Our beautiful gentle giant, Mountain, is well prepared for this. He basically lives in the abbeys greenhouse, he is like an encyclopaedia of plant knowledge. What balms and rubs and oils he can make to help you out, you best believe he has an abundance of them stocked up. I like to think if this is a regular occurrence then Mountain has a little cupboard that keeps these remedies safe and sound for you. For whenever you need them. He takes this seriously, and he will put them on you himself if you’ll let him. Mountain absolutely tricks you into letting him rub one of the mixtures on your stomach, (you insist you can do it yourself and he knows this, but he doesn’t let up easily so he prepared to just give in) and so there the two of you lay, on your bed, as Mountain slowly massages an oil into your skin to help soothe the cramps. As much as he hates seeing you in pain, he really loves doting on you. He will make you his self made herbal teas to help as well, and he will 100% spend every minute with you making sure you’re as comfortable as possible. You’re not to move from the bed without him, not that the cramps would let you anyways…

Aether is pretty much the same in the sense he spends most of his time with you researching ways to help you feel as comfortable as possible. He keeps a heat pack on standby, he has a cupboard stocked with pain killers and anti nausea medicine and he even has Mountain make you some kind of rub to help relax the muscles where your cramps are. All in all, Aether stays calm. He knows that if he started freaking out about you being in pain then that would just make you feel worse. Of course he absolutely hates every second of it, and there’s a pit of worry and anxiety that sits at the bottom of his stomach and eats away at him throughout the duration of your cramps, but he knows you’ll be okay soon and he knows that he has to stay calm and collected for you. What kind of help would he be if he was outwardly worried the whole time? Aether likes knowing that he can be a rock for you, to keep you grounded and steady when you need it. He takes great pride in knowing you allow yourself to rely on him during this time of pain and vulnerability, and he would rather send himself back down to hell than ever betray that.

The only time Dew has ever cursed the unholy Lord below, was when he experienced this with you for the first time. You were stuck in bed, such intense nausea you needed to keep a large bucket next to you incase you couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time and you couldn’t even keep your eyes open because of how exhausted you were from the pain of the cramps. He honestly thought for a moment that you were dying and he panicked and ran to Copia for help. It took him a while to come around, and even now after being with him for ages, and going through this multiple times whilst with him, he still panics. He kind of hovers around the room, he’s unusually quiet and it’s like he’s too scared to touch you incase he somehow makes the pain worse. He gets angry for you. Angry that you, his lovely human, has to deal with this so often. He wants to take your pain, he wants to take it all away and keep it to himself and let you stay comfortable and happy. Dew will keep you as comfortable as possible, bringing you food and water so you don’t have to get up, he does not step foot out of your shared room the whole time until it’s over. His eyes stayed glued to you the whole time ready to do whatever you need him to do.

Swiss doesn’t panic when your cramps start, for he already knew it was going to happen. He can literally smell it on you, on the way your body changes and adjusts. He picks up on your body language and the way that changes during the few days beforehand. You like to tease him a little and call it his “ghoul powers”, and while yes being a ghoul has a lot to do with it, Swiss has just become so accustomed to you and your body that he just knows. So by the time the cramps have started he is mentally prepared. For the most part he lets you sleep and rest as much as possible, he understands how exhausting the constant pain is. Only waking you up to give you some more pain killers once the previous ones have worn off, and to keep you hydrated. He still makes sure you’re eating, but he never puts anything too heavy on your plate. Just incase you’re not able to keep it down, Swiss will give you lighter meals and snacks so you at least have something. During the night he really just loves to sleep next you, keeping a protective tail wrapped securely around your waist, for his own comfort to still have some kind of contact with you, and to remind you that he is right there next to you should you need him. (He doesn’t wanna cuddle up to you and risk accidentally rolling on top of you during the night) (it’s happened before) (he almost didn’t get back in bed after).

During the beginning, Rain was really no help at all. Of course you knew the things that worked for you, but Rain was just a nervous mess. The image of you in so much pain you couldn’t even move got stuck inside his head for days after, it really upset him to see you going through this. After a little while he realised he needed to snap out of it and he came to you asking you to tell him everything you needed and wanted him to do for the next time so he is better prepared and can actually be of some help to you. It took him a few months to really fall into the routine, but eventually it became like a second nature to him. He knew what positions to help you lay in to decrease the cramp intensity, he knew what painkillers worked best for you and he kept you as comfy as he possibly could. He really enjoyed knowing that you could confidently count on him when you needed him. He likes to spoil you a little bit too… he steals Mountains fluffy blanket for you, he raids the abbey kitchens and risks his tail just to bring you back some of the special snacks that are kept aside specially for the papas, he even learns how to give massages for when you’re feeling up for it. Anything he can do to help you relax and stay settled, consider it done.

Phantom freaked you out the first time he experienced this with you. After being summoned not that long ago, obviously he still had a lot to learn about humans and how they function, so you can only imagine the real fear that would have struck him when he saw how much pain you were in. It took you a minute to explain it to him, between horrid cramps and almost unbearable nausea, you did the best you could… but clearly Phantom went into freak out mode and almost lost his head trying to pull things together to look after you. You had about 7 glasses of ice water sitting at your bedside table, he panic cleaned the toilet incase you needed to empty your stomach into it (because send him back to hell if you even think for one whole second that the toilet isn’t going to be spotless before you even get near it) he ransacked the cupboard for your extra blankets and made a makeshift nest for you to lay in and throughout the entire time you weren’t well Phantom did not sleep a wink. He sat on the floor in front of you and watched you like a hawk while you slept just incase he needed to spring into action. He settled down a lot after the cramps were gone and you were back to your normal self again, but expect it to be like that every single time. He just loves you and seeing you in pain is hard for him.

[ajokeformur-ray]

GOOD personal news!!!! (I am Proud™️ of myself)!!!!!

So, okay. I am slightly hesitant to share this in case it's only temporary, but @darklylucid very kindly told me to share it because it's good news and it's something to be proud of!!!❤️

TW; talks of negative anti-depressant side effects and me being irresponsible with prescribed medication, mentions of nausea and bad periods, mentions of health anxieties such as being sick as a result of medications and self-starvation (it's all because meds made me feel so sick I couldn't eat etc.), talks and discussions of stress, anxiety, depression and cognitive behavioural therapy, talks of doctors visits, one mention of covid boosters and bad side effects from that, one mention of passive suicidal ideation, this is a positive post but please read with caution if anything in this tw paragraph may upset or offend you!

I started therapy for my stress and severe anxiety five weeks ago. When I started, my anxiety and depression scores were both at 21/21. I was, essentially, a walking anxiety attack experiencing passive suicidal ideation.

Today, two weeks after uni officially started and five weeks after starting therapy, I scored 12/21 for both anixety and depression for the third week in a row, meaning both have improved to being moderate without medication!!!

(We all remember the absolute fear surrounding that fiasco and I still say medication wasn't the right treatment plan for me. I do have a prescription but I never picked it up and I won't pick it up because of how bad the physical side effects were. The nausea got so bad I was actively starving myself for seven weeks because I couldn't eat anything, while in the middle of end of year assignments and my job pulling me in for overtime constantly. My health anxiety, generalised anxiety and lifestyle couldn't sustain it. Everyone told me to "give it time", but after seven weeks of the worst periods I've ever had in my life and of constant nausea, I couldn't take it anymore so I quit my medication cold turkey without consulting my doctor. The medication was hurting me and not even working; I felt worse physically and mentally and my anxiety was still there, except I also felt like a zombie. I was offered a different medication but I never picked up the prescription for it out of fear that this would continue, since all SSRIs have the same side effects. I have told my therapist this and though she doesn't know any details beyond "I don't want to take it", she supports my decision. A week after I stopped my medication, my periods returned to normal and the nausea disappeared, my appetite came back and I felt better. I refuse to try again and have decided to focus on my therapy as the treatment plan. Medication isn't right for me and that's okay.)

I don't know if this improvement in my anxiety and depression is because of the therapy or because I now wake up at 3am to study before I go to work, which means that I study when I am fresh and well-rested, go to work, then come home and only have to relax, which means more free time. This decreases my stress, which lowers my anxiety and therefore improves my depression (my anxiety was so severe it caused the depression; they are not two separate conditions in my case), and means I can eat and sleep better and more.

The lifestyle switch and therapy both started at the same time, so I can't say for sure which has led to the improvement in my mental well-being, but I find myself not caring all that much. I am healing, I am doing well, I have had one anxiety attack in the last month, and that's... the news I wanted to share. My hair is gorgeous, I am eating and sleeping well, I am happier, healthier, I am not behind in uni, therapy is helping me... I'm not perfect, that would mean I don't exist, but I am healing and in a good place right now. I'm not sure if this is temporary, since uni has just started and I won't know until Christmas since that's when they throw us in at the deep end with the syllabus, but I still wanted to share this news.

I didn't think I could handle therapy, uni and my job at the same time, let alone looking for work experience in the mental health sector, but here I am, doing what I thought I couldn't, and dare I say it... I'm happy. I caught myself smiling while brushing my hair this morning, and apart from a few weeks ago when the covid booster gave me chest pains for a week, I can't remember the last time I had a tight chest due to stress and/or anxiety.

I can't thank you all enough for your friendships, encouragement, love, support, comments, asks... you've all helped me so so much, you do help me, and now I'm feeling better, I'm going to be looking at focusing on writing again. Especially since I'm not sure if this is temporary or not - but I feel hopeful for the future and for myself, for the first time in... a decade or so. I think I'm gonna be okay and right now, at least, I'm proud of myself.❤️

[bigbadbatch]

In My Mind

Chapter One: Anti-Hero

Liked my "Guilty as Sin?" one shot? Love Captain Rex and/or Taylor Swift? Well, do I have a fic for you!

Captain Rex x F!JediOC

Warnings:

Slut-Shaming, Sexual Repression/Aggression. Religious Trauma, general trauma, mentions of smut.

This chapter is going to feel like an extension of the Guilty as Sin oneshot, but it's doing a lot of set up for what I have planned. Enjoy it on it's own, or as a series!

Listening Recommendations:

Anti-Hero and Guilty as Sin? by Taylor Swift

It’s midnight, and I’m sitting in the holo room alone, going over strategies again and again. I do this every so often, when my body feels like it’s humming with energy, and my mind is a racing speeder through the streets of Coruscant. More and more my nights are taken up by this anxiety, and if not, they’re taken up by nightmares or dreams. I argue that the nightmares might not even be as bad as the dreams. My nightmares are always of past events, losing my first friend in this bloody war, the Battle of Rankill, my Master… But dreams? Those were always of the future- something that I can’t control. Yeah, the good dreams are much worse than the bad. 

“Can’t sleep?”

I jolt upright in my chair and reach for the lightsaber at my side. 

“Hold it, it’s just me. Thought you could use something to drink.” 

I relax. It’s Rex. He sets down a steaming mug on the table in front of me, and the smell of cinnamon is a welcome distraction from my previous downward spiral. 

“Thanks. How’d you know I was in here?” I ask and he laughs, deep and soft. 

“When I came by your bunk and you weren’t there, it wasn’t hard to narrow down where you’d be. Here or the training room are your haunting grounds.” He says as he pulls up a chair next to me and props his feet on the table, a cup of tea in his hand as well. 

“What battle are you studying this time?” He asks, blowing steam from his cup.

“You already know.” I say quietly before shutting down the holo table. He suddenly sits a little straighter, and becomes stern.

“Keira. We’ve talked about this. It isn’t healthy.”

I fold my arms and sit back in my chair. I don’t respond. Rex sets down his mug and softens. 

“Hey.” He says quietly, and puts a hand on my shoulder. The heat of him feels like a burn, and the dream that woke me earlier comes back to me. Dreams prove I have something I can lose- an attachment growing. Attachment is strictly forbidden in the Jedi code, and for good reason. I shrug off his hand and try not to notice the hurt on his face.

We had been fast friends ever since I was transferred to the 501st after the loss of my Master. Anakin and Ahsoka had been welcoming, as had their comrades. Fives and Echo were my close confidants, but I was closer to no one more than Rex. He knew that every time I came to this Holo Table I rewatched the battle where I lost my Master, seeking some sense of understanding for how it all went so wrong, so fast. Rex knows me.

Together we’ve laughed, and the bond of friendship between us felt good, until it didn’t. Now when I see his face, that close crop of blonde hair, his smile- my stomach twists and flutters. My cheeks flush. 

I jump up and start to clean up the room as I ready to leave. 

“You were looking for me in my bunk. Did you need something, Rex?” I ask as I put away the holodisks I had pulled. I feel like I am moving in twice-speed, fumbling and rushing. 

“Keira.” He says softly, and again his hand is on me, and he’s turning me, and suddenly I’m face to face, chest to chest, and looking in his eyes. 

My breath catches, and I force myself to take a moment. 

“What’s going on, mesh’la? I came to find you because you’ve been distant. Have I done something? Are you mad at me?” He pulls his hand down my shoulder to my elbow and holds it there, comfortingly. I can’t help it, I laugh. 

“No, no. Nothing’s wrong. I’m not mad at you. I just.. have a lot on my mind right now. I’m a mess.” I sigh and hang my head. In the dim light of the holo room, tears sparkle in my vision. Normally when I feel like this- out of control or lost, Rex is the first person I turn to. But now, I want to bolt as fast as I can out the door. 

His hand is on my chin now, and he tilts my face up. “I know that last mission was hard. I’ve been worried about you. I know you aren’t resting. Let’s make a plan, me and you, yeah? You love plans!”

I laugh again. I do love plans, and organizing and focusing on the future. He continues, “Tomorrow, you and I are going to go spar before our next debrief. Blow off some steam. Then once we have our next mission mapped out, you and I can go over it together, step by step. Sound good, mesh’la?” I nod. He keeps saying that word, “mesh’la”. I’ve never heard that word before, only recently by Rex, and only to me. I assume it’s a nickname. He loves giving nicknames out, at the behest of others. Ahsoka has far outgrown his “little one’’ moniker for her, but I know she still enjoys when he calls her that. I smile up at him. “That sounds really good. Thank you Rex, for being here for me.” 

“Always.” He says and now I’m wrapped in his arms, and wrapping mine around him. I breathe him in and it relaxes me. Leather and steel and spices. We pull away and I fight off the part of me that wants to flutter and heat. “Let’s get you to sleep. I’ll walk you to your room.” He says and with his hand on the small of my back we head to the bunks. This is friendly. This is what friends do. This is how friends feel. Right?

—

“Give it back, Fives!” I shout, as I try desperately to snatch back my identification card from him. The 501st has been on leave for three days, and all I wanted was a drink and a dance. All Fives wanted was to get on my nerves. He was so good at that. Fives laughs at me, and holds the card high above my head, and I jump to reach it. Suddenly arms are around me and Fives is picking me up and spinning me around as we laugh loudly. I pound his back with my fists. “Put. Me. Down!”

Fives is my dancing partner most times we go to 79’s. Dancing partner, and assumed body guard, as if I needed one. Most of the clones in 79’s knew I was a Jedi General and showed respect, but some of the non-clone patrons saw me as just a lone woman in a crowded bar, ready to dance. I’ve had to put a few people in their places, but just as many times I’ve gone home with the more polite ones.  Sex wasn’t forbidden for a Jedi, if anything it could be encouraged to blow off steam after a battle. But attachment. There was the trick of it. Attachment was strictly against the code. To get attached, to love, was to eventually lose. I had a strict no-clones rule. I worked too closely with them, and already had friendly attachments to more than one of them. In fact, I had made a mistake one drunken night, and Fives and I, caught up in our drinks and the dance- well, one thing lead to another. With him it was so easy, so casual, that when we woke up we laughed it off and promised to keep it friendly from then on. We were great friends, and Fives had taken to being a great help in thwarting unwanted attention while at the bar, stepping up and playing the role of ‘possessive lover’. 

“Put me down, Fives, I mean it. I want to go dance.” I say and he finally puts me down. The second my feet touch the ground, I’m off into 79’s. The music is loud, and the room crowded with dancing bodies. I pull Fives to the floor and we each find a partner to dance with. I’m dancing with a Togruta, tall and handsome when I close my eyes and spin. I notice new hands on my body and my eyes fly open. A clone I don’t recognize. He smiles at me and I smile politely but go to move away, my no-clone creed echoing in my mind. He follows.

“Been watching you all night. You really know how to dance.” He shouts over the music.

I nod and shout a thanks and turn. My eyes search for Fives and find him. He’s all over a Twi’lek. I start to make my way to him, but the clone catches my wrist. “C’mon, we aren’t done dancing!” and he spins me back to him. His hands are on me, and I’m feeling suffocated. I look back at Fives, still wrapped up in his own dance. Not wanting to make a scene, I use the Force and throw out a message to Fives, to any of my battalion in the room. Little help here? Fives' head shoots up and our eyes lock. He excuses himself from his partner and starts to make his way to me, the crowd thick. 

“I think she’s done dancing, brother.” A deep voice cuts through the music, and another hand on my back startles me. I look up and see him. “Rex?” I say, incredulous. He was supposed to be on a solo mission for another week. The clone dancing with me pulls me to him, hard.

“Wait your turn, Captain. If we go out back we’ll be ten minutes top, won’t we General?” The clone snarls.

Confusion sweeps my face, then anger. I push off the clone and make for the door. He follows and Rex whistles, Echo and Fives peeling out of the crowd and making their way to the street alongside the clone and I. My heart is beating so fast. Outside the bar, I turn to the clone.

“Name and battalion, soldier. That's an order. You can’t talk to a superior like that.” I demand. But instead of responding, he pushes me to the wall.

“Superior? I heard you like fucking around with the regs, isn’t that right? We’re all the same, but I think you’ll like my ride a lot more than Fives.” In instinct, I slap him across the face. He startles.

“You slut. Think you can sleep around with my brothers, lead on a Captain like a lothcat on a leash and then dismiss me? Brothers share.” He spits.

I gasp and push off him, this time using a small part of the Force. It pushes me back and I land on the ground. Thats when I hear the crack of fist on jaw.

“How dare you talk to her like that.” Rex stands over the fallen clone and picks him up by the collar of his shirt.

“You’ll report to me tomorrow at oh-eight hundred. We will dole out your punishment for your actions then. If you don’t report, I’ll know you based on the bruise. Got it?” Rex growls.

“I’m sure he gets it, Captain.” Echo says, and Rex releases the soldier who scurries off.

I lock eyes with Rex, and see emotion there. I don’t know what it is, but my mind screams anger, hurt, pity, disgust. Fives is there now, helping me up off the ground.

“Are you okay?” He asks and I don’t know how to answer.

I’m angry, I’m embarrassed, and my anxiety has reared its head. I don’t respond, and against my will, my body turns and starts walking towards the Temple. I need to meditate. My body is vibrating, and muffling the voices of the men I’m leaving behind.

“I should talk to her.” Fives says, and thats the last thing I hear before I round the corner.

Had Fives been talking to his brothers, bragging? I thought he was my friend. Did all these clones think I just made my rounds with the battalion? Anger clouds my vision. The spark of light that I know is the Force within me flickers to a dark red. I want to run. I want to be violent. I want to cry. I need peace. I forgo the Temple, knowing the Jedi within would smell the darkness rolling off of me. I head to my bunk and lock myself in. 

Slut. Slut. Slut.

The word echoes off the steel walls of my room, and I sit in the floor with my back to the bed, head in my hands. I always seem to fuck everything up.  Grief, jealousy, fear, these all lead to the Dark Side. Whether I want to or not, I’m still hurting from the loss of my Master and the 271st, all lost in the Battle of Rankill, with me standing as the sole survivior. The first recurring dreams I have are just recurring nightmares of reliving the loss over and over. My Master running, trying desperately to save me, his men, and the man he loved. It was no secret that Commander Dax and my Master were involved. If anything it was part of the reason I felt so strongly about attachment. My Master’s love is what got him killed, and neither his lover nor his men were left to show for it. Only me, a new stray picked up by the 501st, am left standing to carry my Master’s legacy. And look at me now.

What would he think of me?

Why is this so hard?

Love, whether it be friendship or otherwise comes so easily to me and all it does is fuck things up.

There’s a knock on my door. 

“Mesh’la, let me in.” I know it’s him by my nickname.

He’s the last person I want to see. What does he think of me now? Knowing that I slept with Fives? Surely he thinks less of me. I don’t want to lose Rex. I can’t lose him on top of everything else I have already lost up to this point. Attachment may be toxic, but his friendship is more important to me than anything in this moment. With the Force I unlock the door, but I don’t move from my position on the floor, face in my hands. He comes in and sits right beside me. 

“Can I touch you?” He asks.

He’s never asked that before. I nod, and he puts his arm around me, hand rubbing my arm in slow circles. It’s quiet for a moment, and I relish the calm before the storm I know is coming. 

“Do you want to talk about it? Would you rather I get Fives?” He asks.

There’s no tone of malice in his voice. I lift my head and look at him.

“I don’t want Fives.” I say, and his brows furrow for just a moment.

“Okay.” He says.

“It wasn’t like that.” I blurt, and suddenly it all comes pouring out of me. The fling, the friendship, the creed.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, how will anyone respect me as a General?” A single tear rolls down my cheek and Rex is quick to swipe it away.

“Hey now. They’ll respect you because you deserve respect. One soldier, one who I might add is about to get the punishment he deserves, does not define you or your reputation.”

He pauses for a breath.

“You can sleep with whomever you want. There’s no rule against fraternization. I know you Jedi have certain rules but as I understand it, sex isn’t on that restriction list. Even if it is, I have it on good authority that the 501st has a track record of breaking rules in that regard.”

I laugh with him. Anakin was anything but sneaky in his trysts with Padme.

“Yeah.” I say quietly. “It’s just different, for me. I… I’m afraid. I don’t want to break any rules. Rules keep us safe. When we break them, people get hurt.” Another tear slips, as I think of my Master and his lover, in each others arms in that Rankill field.

“I hear you.” Rex whispers. I don’t mean to, but I lay my head on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Rex.” I say. “For being here. For everything.” He smooths my hair with a hand and holds me tighter.

“Always, mesh’la. Now you need to rest, and I mean it. Need tea?”

I shake my head and smile at him. Then I remember what the soldier said, about leading him on. My worries and that flutter in my stomach return and I pull away. “Good night.” I say. He looks into my eyes, then nods and leaves me alone in my room. I watch as he’s leaving, and everything we just talked about seems to lose its meaning. It's exhausting to feel so torn, and I know that I’m the problem. I'm tortured.

I crawl in bed and fall into a fitful asleep.

—

Weeks have passed. Missions have come and gone. I have been distancing myself from Rex, as best I can, without losing his friendship. Still, lingering touches during sparring matches, long looks during late-night talks, and the adrenaline after a mission with him keep me spinning. More than that, my dreams have… changed. 

I wake up drenched in sweat, panting. My heart pounds, and I worry it can be heard through the thin walls around me. For the seventh time, I've had this damn dream. It always starts decent enough. Then it becomes anything but decent. My skin prickles remembering- the smell of him in the dream, the feel of his rough hands on my arms, my back, my…

 I enter the bar, neon lights and chatter streaming from the open door. I’ve been avoiding 79’s ever since the incident, and this little bar on Coruscant was a new one for me. I’m sitting in a booth when a warm body slides in next to me.

“Fancy seeing you here. Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Rex saddles up next to me as if that seat was meant for him. The grinning, handsome clone puts his arm around me, jostling my shoulder, friendly.

That’s what we are. Friends.

Still his arm is warm around me, and my dream floods back to me.

“Aren’t you typically at 79’s?” I ask incredulously.

How could he be here, of all places? Of all people, him, here, now?

“Wanted a change of scenery, and I must admit I like the view.” He growls. I try to hide the shiver that slips up my spine and I shove him off me. His flirting had changed, since I opened up to him about Fives. It was more open now. I still take it all in good fun, and I can’t help flirting back.

“Well I wanted a drink. Buy me one?” 

He somehow smiles even wider than before. “Sure thing mesh’la, be right back.” 

Shit, shit, shit. My skin is so warm where he's touched me, and his casual flirting set my heart fluttering. Normally I could be fine, I mean this is nothing new, nothing different. But my mind flashes back to the dream, his lips on my... I know I should leave. I’m too pent up, too enamored by him to deal with this rationally. 

A broad body slides back in next to me.

“You looked like you could use something a bit strong. You alright tonight? Been in the Holo Room again?”

In one stroke I down the drink he brought me, it burning as it went down.

“Well shit.” He said. “What’s going on?”

I shake my head. He’s too close to me. I can smell his leathery, smoky scent, and it fills me up. He isn’t supposed to be here. I need a distraction. 

“Let’s dance.” I’m  surprised by the words that come out of my mouth. I had planned on dancing tonight, and finding someone to help me forget my dream, but now… Rex’s eyebrows shoot up. “Alright. We can dance.” He stands and gestures for me to lead the way. 

The dance floor is crowded, and the music thumping. It rattles my bones. With a deep breath, I close my eyes and let the movement come to me. I can’t see Rex, but I can still feel him near, his body swaying in time with mine.  This is wrong. This is the last thing I need to be doing. But I give myself over to the music. It’s almost like a form of meditation, the way we move together.

Warm hands brush my hips. Eyes still closed, mind still consumed by the drink and the music, I lean in. The hands are strong and warm, and I remember these very same hands in my dream, on my breasts, at my throat. I feel alive. He pulls me close, chest to chest, with no room between us. We’re closer than we have ever been, and I can’t help it, my lips part and I exhale. Rex dips his head, and lips brush the side of my neck.

Yes.

The bright light of the Force inside me flares, and my body arches. I twine my arms around him, pulling him closer, the two of us spinning in a slow circle, at odds with the quick rhythm of the music. A hand slips up to my neck, then to my face. The large, rugged hand cups my face and on instinct I lean into it.

Lips meet.

Warmth floods me, my heart feels like it might explode. It’s never been like this, I’ve never felt this- then I open my eyes.

No.

Rex gazes back at me, stars in his eyes. Then he sees the look in mine. He takes a step back, “Mesh’la, I…”

Fear seizes me. What have I done? I bolt for the door. “Wait!” He calls after me. 

But I’m gone.

— --- --- ---

I run, legs pumping, heart racing down the streets. I run past 79’s, past the temple, until I cant run anymore. I duck into an alley, gasping for breath. Anger, fear, guilt, all of these emotions flood me. My bones feel like they’re breaking beneath my skin. I punch the stone wall in front of me and nearly scream in exasperation. Bad thoughts swirl in my mind. This is bad. I’m bad.

I’ve known about my attraction to Rex for so long, and I have been having these dreams,  clearly I want what I know I can’t and shouldn’t have. The soldier all those weeks ago in 79’s was right. I've led Rex on. I’m guilty of attachment, guilty of my feelings. No matter how hard I’ve tried not to, I’m guilty of falling in love with Rex. Tears spring to my eyes.

I think about him day in and out. I worry about him in battle, on the field. I’ve touched myself to thoughts of him. I’ve pretended my one-night stands were him. I nearly sob at the revelation. It’s too late to stop it.

I’m falling in love with Rex.

“Mesh’la!” A shout and the pounding of feet towards me and my body get ready to run again. I hurriedly wipe my eyes in an attempt to hide the shame, but he sees. He has always seen me.

“Keira, please, are you okay? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I went too far.” Rex grabs my hands and pulls them from my hiding face, wiping tears from my eyes as he does.

“Rex”. I say, his name sickly sweet on my tongue. “We can’t do this.” 

Fresh tears cascade down my face, and he quickly brushes them away. He’s quiet, then says. “I overstepped. I don’t know what came over me.” 

“I do.”

Silence.

 “I don’t understand.” He says, cupping my face.

So I tell him everything. How guilty I’ve been feeling, how my Master lost his life for his lover, and most of all how my heart was hurting because this had gone past friendship for me. I truly am attached in the worst way possible. “I’ve never felt this way before, and all I know is I’m not supposed to feel this way, Rex. I’m so… guilty.” I cry and hang my head.

He takes a moment then, petting my hair, says.

“I am so sorry you feel guilty, but please know, I would never want to put you in a position where you feel like this. I’m giving you full control, from here on. You dictate what we are, what we do. I want you to have peace, Keira. I will do anything for that. So you tell me, what do you want?”

I look at him. Really look. “I don’t know.” I whisper.

“But I want.. I want to…”

Then I’m leaning in, and he’s leaning in, and our lips meet for the second time tonight, and I know, right or wrong, guilty or not-

I want him. 

[samuwhal]

We need to change how we talk about self-help techniques.

By self-help techniques, I’m talking about: grounding, mindfulness, meditation, breathing exercises, physical activity, and--the big one--yoga. I have struggled with my mental health since I was fifteen, and just now, I am realizing how much these things can actually help. I am almost twenty-six years old, and I will have been in therapy for ten years this fall. Let me tell you, I have spent so much of that time renouncing these tools. Recently, though I’ve realized that: holy shit, they can really work...but man they are offered to struggling people in the worst possible light.

TL;DR: Just because suggestions about ways to manage mental illness are framed as “you have to try it or you want to be sick” doesn’t mean that they can’t actually work or that you are invalidating yourself by trying or being helped by them. Featuring personal anecdotes and a boat metaphor.

I know I am not alone in that the idea of these techniques and exercises just made my skin crawl. They made me feel vulnerable in a way which really scared me, they felt impossible to initiate in the moments needed most, and--ultimately--they felt incredibly diminutive. Think about it: people getting sucked into rapids will drown cursing your name if all you do is insist they have to “ride the wave.” “Fuck you.”

When I began taking anti-depressants, it was not without a fight. I’m lucky; my parents were willing and able to put me in therapy as soon as I asked. But with medication, they were concerned it was a shortcut, that I would be on pills for the rest of my life, and that the chemicals would change me and do “the work” for me, as if this was an issue of character development and not brain malfunction. Why wouldn’t I just do something relaxing when I was upset? Why wasn’t I leaning more into my spirituality? Why wasn’t I letting anything else help me?

And that’s the problem! I tried to explain that I would be able to use those techniques easier if medication brought my overall symptoms down. You wouldn’t expect me to paddle upstream against a tsunami, but I could feasibly make progress against a strong current. Even at that point, if I go over rapids, I want a fucking life jacket, not somebody with their feet firmly planted on the riverbank shouting, “Try yoga!” Though I of course continued therapy in addition to medicine, I still resisted any advice having to do with self-help because of that sentiment.

To be clear, I’m still very pro-medication and for eliminating that stigma. Really, though, when somebody is having such debilitating symptoms--emotions--that they feel like they are getting pulled underwater and gasping for air, it’s not fair that the solution could be something as effortless as breathing in while counting until it’s better. That sounds like bullshit. Mental illness physically hurts, but to outsiders, it’s all in your head, and it would be fine if only you could step back and appreciate how good you have it. If “mindfulness” works, then maybe those people are right, and that can’t be true. It hurts too much to be true.

However, I want you to know that your struggles won’t be any less legitimate if something simple actually does end up helping. I have two stories here:

1. Last year, after wanting to start for ages, I finally began exercising: just going to the gym a couple of times a week. My goal was only to feel better in my body, not really to do anything for myself mentally. I even hired a personal trainer to write work-out routines for me to follow, both to hold myself accountable (I won’t skip if I’m paying someone) and just so I wouldn’t be totally lost the second I walked in. But I have felt so many unexpected mental benefits, as well:

Getting my heart rate and breathing elevated--and continuing to exert myself through it--has kept me steadier when anxiety starts to set in. I feel more confident knowing that I can lift heavy things, run distances, and because I did something productive. I’m not stress or bored-eating, not necessarily because I’m afraid I’ll “put the calories back,” but because I’m simply more regulated. I have been sleeping better since pushing my muscles has reduced my lower back pain. I don’t procrastinate showering if I’ve just gotten back from the gym. When I sit down to schoolwork, I focus easier if I had exercised. Something something endorphins. I know I’m starting to sound like a “bro,” but the point is that these are huge benefits to exercising that just don’t get mentioned by the people crudely suggesting that it will fix your depression.

2. A couple of months ago, I was having a bad night, and the “don’t believe any negative thoughts about yourself after 10 p.m.” rule had gone out the window. I did what many of us have taught ourselves to do and asked for a lifeline: I texted my girlfriend in the same room (because vocalizing it was too hard) asking if she would come over to sit with me. I didn’t even realize I was having an anxiety attack, but she did. At first, I felt too frozen and in-pain when she asked me to sit up from clutching the fetal position. Instrumentally, though, she said that she wanted to help, but I had to help myself, too. She was throwing me a ring, but I had to swim and meet her halfway. I sat up.

She held me and led me through a “find five things in the room” exercise, and fuck me: it helped. No, I wasn’t cured. I’m still not. But this broke my self-destructive loop, and I was able to go to sleep relaxed. This was an epiphany for me. I could have provided myself this tool, this comfort, the entire ten years I’ve been dealing with this shit! Instead, I’ve just been enduring it, hoping against everything pulling me down that--instead of drowning--I’ll eventually kick the riverbed where it’s shallow enough to stand.

When self-help techniques are offered to mentally ill people, they tend to be used as a “gotcha:” you could easily be better, if only you wanted to try. To be completely fair, this isn’t always the meaning. However, it only takes a couple of those microaggressions to ensure you shut down when your therapist or a concerned loved one asks if you've tried "grounding” before.

Please, take it from me: these tools aren’t just leaky arm floats that people who never even needed to learn how to swim offer just to feel better as they watch you struggle. They are a life jacket to keep you afloat when you tip, a wider paddle to outrun the rapids, a better rudder and tiller so you can actually steer, a bailing bucket for when things get dicey, or pontoons so you won’t tip so readily. Trying self-help techniques doesn’t disclaim what you’re going through, they just might make it more bearable.

And you’re worth that.

[kaycode1999]

- From Anonymous

Hii! I am new to this matchup thing but wanted to try it out when I saw it. I wanted to request a BNHA matchup

-Well, I think I have a weird kind of personality. I am anti social and don't really talk to people because I have a hard time interacting with them, I have social anxiety and I am really insecure about myself. I have anger issues and depression which causes me to ghost people at times because I feel like I don't deserve them but on the other hand I act goofy all the time (at least that's what my friends say) and I am easily able to make people laugh, I am also a people pleaser so it's hard for me to say no to others.

- My pronouns are she/her and I am bisexual, though I attracted to guys more.

- I don't really have an aesthetic, I just dress depending on my mood. I really like the downtown aesthetic though (jeans, crop tops, headphones and a casual outfit overall.

- I like gaming, dancing and listening to music.

- My type uhm, maybe someone who's able to match my energy and doesn't hate me for my anger issues and my personality in general. But at the same time I also like people who are calm and balance my hyperactive self and are able to calm me down when I get irritated or feel stressed.

- I think that's it, there's not any character in particular that I don't wanna be matched with but please don't match me up with AFO or someone really old 😭

Thank you for your time, I really appreciate it!!

*I don’t know why but for some reason the way it came through it wouldn’t let me answer it or do anything to it so I have to do it this way *

I match you with

Dabi/ Touya Todoroki

He doesn’t exactly like being social either, he completely understands about social anxiety and insecurity

He also has a hard time interacting with others and he also understands insecurity very well

I believe he would never want to be like his dad especially where relationships are concerned so he wants to be uplifting to you

If he knows about your insecurities he will be as gentle and loving about it as possible because he wants you to feel good about yourself

He has depression and anger issues too so he is definitely understanding and non judgmental

I think after the people he’s been around; his dad and the LOV, he really appreciates the levity you bring and that you are good at getting people to laugh

He understands people pleasing on a personal level. Not so much now, but from when he was a kid desperately seeking his fathers attention and approval *seriously fuck Endeavor, he’s the worst*

If you want his help forming and maintaining boundaries to keep from burning yourself out he won’t mind, but he won’t push it either

He will game with you, or just chill and watch while he does his own thing

He loves watching you dance, but he also will dance with you if you want to. Any excuse to hold you close really

He would be fine to just chill and listen to music with you while you do your own things. Just relax and have some nice quality time

He definitely does not hate you for you having anger issues and he adores your personality

Yes he has his own anger issues and other issues, but that is most specific trigger related and not something that he takes out on you so he is more on the chill side

He’s chill enough towards you that it balances your hyperactivity

[drdemonprince]

I know people got angry about the "talking about caffeine like any other drug" thing but I think it's so helpful not just to discuss the arbitrary lines between legal and illegal substances but also for informed consent purposes *with* caffeine itself. For example my use of alcohol has changed drastically since reading Unmasking Autism because I didn't realize I was only able to interact with allistics in the context of relaxed social rules when everybody was drinking. Now that I have that information my decisions around it are much different (basically using alcohol only when I *want* to get the feelings it gives me, and when I have to interact with people using other coping strategies instead).

I can't quit caffeine right now, but I might reduce its use in the future and only use it when I want that caffeinated feeling and not to keep up with work like I do now. Which I didn't even think about before, precisely because even though I rationally knew it was a drug I never thought of it as a "drug-drug".

Yo yessss thank you!!! Informed consent means being fully apprised of the risks and benefits of a substance, and having the freedom to choose when to use it. Currently, very few of us enjoy that level of empowered freedom with just about any substance that we use.

Our doctors don't tell us about all the risks of the drugs we are on (I'm still bitter as hell nobody told me that my muscle development would be stunted by going on hormonal birth control at 18!!! and that it would give me lasting breast growth), and the substances that are not medically prescribed but legal are ones that many of us quaff without thought, and without ever being told the effects of. For instance, did you know prolonged use of Benadryl increases the risk of developing Alzheimers??? I didn't! and i was using that shit to fall asleep and regulate anxiety for a time!!

In the United States in particular there is no open conversation with young people about the potential effects of alcohol, how the drug can act like a mild stimulant in smaller doses but then ricochet into massively depressing effects after hours of use, with an anxiety spike hours beyond that as it leaves the system. We don't talk to people about the effects of caffeine -- and that it's not necessarily normal for so many people to deal with daily gastric issues, trouble falling asleep, trouble sitting still, and intense irritability all day long as presently do.

Some people are just like that, some people have anxiety disorders and benefit from anti-anxiety meds to treat those symptoms, some people find ways of coping with it that involve mindfulness or meditation or whatever else -- but a great number of people who experience these issues are only going through them because they're on caffeine and they're working too hard. And what they've come to believe is an inevitable part of their chemistry is in fact economically and socially created from the outside, and could be prevented if they were only able to stop.

but many of them can't stop. because of capitalism. and so they aren't informed about the real risks & costs of the substances they are using, and they aren't freely able to revoke their (dubious) consent.

meanwhile as someone who only started using weed regularly about a year and a half ago and who is now curious about trying psychedelics, ive been lovingly inundated in helpful tips, usage guides, listings of various strains and their distinct effects, lab results testing doses, etc from the people I know who are passionate about those substances and want to ensure that anybody else using them has a good time.

I don't want to paint these substances with a pollyannaish brush either -- weed can trigger hallucinations and psychotic episodes in some segments of the population, a fact that too many ardent weed heads ignore -- but the difference in the level of control I have over my experience as a weed user and the utter lack of information and self-determination I have when seeking out prescribed meds, or even ingesting caffeine, is unreal.

So many foods covertly contain caffeine or openly are caffeinated yet don't document how many milligrams of the substance it has, for example. It's impossible to safely and responsibly use a substance when you don't even know how much you're getting, and it's bizarre we're all being dosed with stimulants all day long often without even realizing it.

this might seem like a low-importance example, and people will say to me dismissively that caffeine doesn't ruin any lives, but when I look back on how much I've used the substance to further my eating disorder and how many people i've been short and cruel-tempered with over the years because i was downing cups and cups of the stuff all day without reflection, i'm not sure i believe that argument.

but of course all roads in this conversation lead back to capitalism. i wouldnt have been drinking this stuff with abandon if i hadn't been trying to shove three days of work into a single 8 hours, and if my culture and economic system hadn't been foisting the stuff on me from day one.

my uncle says that i was always a deeply anxious kid, i guess it was something that my grandmother fretted about as well, and yet when i decided in my teens to start boosting that anxiety with caffeine every day, and became even more moody and negative, nobody connected the dots, and nobody thought to warn me. and why would they, nobody warned them.

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

Midnight for the not-so-nice ask game?

Thanks for stopping by! Answering with Asher and Damain of course, they've been giving me brainrot lately :)

not-so-nice oc asks~

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

Asher: He isn't usually kept up at night, he's good at keeping to a sleep schedule and getting himself a break and rest. Sometimes he has a harder time sleeping worrying about the people he cares about as he is a superhero and it comes with the territory- but he always does something about it to help himself relax, like sleep meds or listening to a sleep meditation. Hid boyfriend Damian on the other hand...

Damian: Does not sleep well a lot of the time, and it got even worse after finding out his boyfriend is one of the superheroes. He worried about Asher so much that he couldn't sleep at all at night, and became the masked anti-hero/vigilante that rides around on a motorcycle killing criminals. He's also a night owl, and you can usually find him at night in the garage working on his motorcycle, trying to take his mind off of worrying about Asher.

Thanks @mk-writes-stuff !

[selachiixiv]

Exinanition

It had been years since the exinanition that the somnus had visited upon him had been a problem. Of course, he avoids it still; he knows full well that all an addiction needs to return with a vengeance is one slip. But he hasn't slipped, and that is the important part, although as he sits up in bed in the low, blueish light of an Ishgardian morning, that is not something he can claim the credit for.

He leans over to press a kiss against the cheek of his sleeping Lady, before pushing himself to get up, pausing only to toss back the anti-anxiety tincture on his bedside table. The means by which he does not return home a tightly-wound coil that can only be relaxed by Luci; much though he enjoys placing himself into his Lady's hands, it should be his responsibility first to manage the constant, low-grade hum of worry that had driven him to drugs in the first place. The drugs she hadn't had to pull him out of but had anyhow.

And what better gratitude - besides his love, itself a fraught road - than having developed the tinctures. What better, than working to ensure that she doesn't have to unwind him. He dresses quietly, careful to be as presentable as possible, before leaning over to kiss her cheek again and slipping from the bedroom, allowing Luci her sleep as he teleports to Kugane. Greeting the official by the aetheryte as he lands in the city of his upbringing and makes his way up from there, passing through the gate without a bit of hassle.

The streets are so much more peaceful these days compared to the first part of his twenties, which is anything but surprising, but it still feels like a drastic shift to him. Of course it does. The very same war that had driven him into the waiting arms of somnus to escape the stressors of it and the grief of a tide of losses no longer held a grip on these streets. The Miqo'te takes the back streets that he's always preferred, slipping in the gate of the Hisui-no-hebi-kai headquarters and listening to the early day noises of the headquarters waking. Youths training in the yard, Morokiyo's mother in the kitchen running it like a military installment.

The alchemical building is quiet when he enters, neat and tidy and waiting for him to get to work. The tinctures do not make themselves, after all, neither for himself nor for anyone else, and the last thing he wants is for himself or anyone on the delivery list is to be missing out on something that's helping them. It was, to the pleasure of himself, his Lady, and his clan, proving more profitable than the drugs ever had in both koban and peace of mind.

The former was nice enough, but the latter was worth more than anything to him.

[daemonwritesstuff]

MATCHUP TRADE WITH @sugutoad

NARUTO MATCHUP

Significant Other

I have shipped you with… Sasuke Uchiha the introverted and anti social man to ever exist. This match just came naturally to me and I really think he fits you pretty well. I can’t really say much about this… I think just matching you with him explains it all.

Head canons

Even though he’s judging and pretty much just very cold (?) in general he seemed to have formed a soft spot for you! He went though a lot as a child but you coming into his life seems to make his life much more easier each day.

He understands your anxiety, He’s always been there for you since you guys met, even though he cares for you he doesn’t show much until later on, he also understands that you aren’t blunt — even though people call you out to be so, i mean so is he, he likes you for a reason.

He really needs someone like you in his life, seriously, he loves seeing how intelligent you can be, also being very creative with the way you do things, it’s another reason why he’s so attracted to you. He’s pretty protective of you, if you ever get called a “crybaby” because you got over-sensitive or perhaps started crying over something (important or not) he’ll be going after the people who talk OR even think about you negatively.

You made him laugh with your dry-ish humor, not in a bad way of course, he never really takes anything as a joke, he always remains serious.. at least he’s able to laugh around you, something he was never really able to do.

Even though (again) he’s a judging person he’ll never really judge you since he can somewhat relate to you on a certain level, your one of the people who understands most about him, you and him can feel more relaxed around one another.

Clan

Coming from a hidden place far away, the most village is where the Lee Clan stays at. The clan is somewhat strict but a very calm and more safe place to live around.

Abilities

The Lee Clan has a very special connection to outer space. They are able to do anything to the stars and the planets around the earth and they are able to use things from space as any sort of weapons. This ability is not like any others and it’s called “Astro Magic”.

They can change the stars into however they want. They can manipulate anything whether it’s cosmic energy, solar energy, lunar energy, etc.

This ability can either injure or even kill off an opponent really easy, with just one flick the opponent is either hospitalized or just gone. No one really dares to mess with the clan.

You can find more information here.

Traditions

As I said, the Lee Clan is located around the Most Village, the clan’s home is pretty hard to find in all the most but if you look harder you’ll be able to find the residence of the clan.

Everyone in the clan has very beautiful eyes, usually no one really points out… The color Hazel is very beloved in the village since it’s the clans eye color that’s been passed down.

Everyone in the village is able to live very peacefully, it’s a very good place for people who wanna get away from any troubles, they all have to keep the village very clean no matter what. It always rains there and a lot of animals come out and people are expected to help animals out and never hurt them.

The village will also see so many stars then they ever seen in the sky, there are always shows in the sky by the Clan.

Weapon

Your very own weapon is the Bagh Nakha also known as “Tiger Claws” they are originated from India as a present to the clan. The Claws have a outer-space look to them, they are purple and blue with very real gold outlinings and you can tear anything open in a matter of seconds in a very smooth and quick way.

Chakra

Your Chakra Nature is; Earth. This element fits you in so many ways, the way you do things and everything just shows really.

Other Relationships

Itachi Uchiha is one of your closest friends! You guys bonded together since you guys were childhood friends, he cares for you so much. You guys are traveling partners and you guys always go out to get lunch together. You guys are best friends <3

Naruto is one of your other friends! He looks up to you a lot! Your a caring person and you were able to help him a lot and he couldn’t thank you anymore, you guys also work on so many projects together too.

Sakura loves you so much omg. She’s pretty shy but she was able to warm up to you very quickly! She adores everything you do tbh, you guys are always making jokes together and your dry humor is what makes her laugh a lot.

[2af-afterdark]

If it’s not too much trouble could I get headcannons of the WHB demons seeing how stressed MC gets while traveling?

(It’s me, Hi, I’m the MC in this case)

Meanwhile the plane ends up being one of Mammom’s 50 billion private jets he owns for shits and giggles 💀

🦩

This is late, I know, but I have been a very busy goose lately and things just keep piling up around me. I guess you sent this before your big cruise, but unfortunately you are getting it afterward. 😔

ANYWAY...

Satan

Always go to Satan first. He has his head on straight and will immediately be doing whatever is needed to help MC. Take Ppyong when they travel if they need a companion. He's small enough to go anywhere they may need and can get bigger (and scarier) in a pinch. He has their entire itinerary printed out and given to them so they never have to feel lost. He will even do pre-travel meetings with them to help with all that stress.

I don't think there is a thing this man hasn't accounted for, honestly.... assuming he's not having a depression crash. He's not very helpful at those times... That's why Sitri is there to help.

Mammon

Mammon would never let MC travel alone. He would find any way possible to go with them. Yes, he will use the excuse that he clearly needs to be there to help with their stress. Travel on his very privately owned plane! It's not stressful when you're making the rules.

Also, he will be finding any excuse to hold them during the ride and loading them with amazing food and drink. Honestly, the ride is an experience in and of itself.

Beelzebub

The man travels more in one day than some people do in a year. You would think that would make him a good person to talk to about travel jitters... you would be wrong.

He is so nonchalant about traveling that he doesn't even know the first thing about helping MC out when they get stressed. The actual ride his going to be awful, sorry.

He doesn't offer to travel with them, but you know he will somehow "accidently" end up running into them while they are out. After the meet up, he will gladly start showing them around because of course he is familiar with everything.

Strangely, I don't think he is consciously helping out, but because everything in life just sort of works out for him and he is so positive and charismatic, being around him melts away all the anxiety.

Good luck on the trip back though, because he'll bounce before that just to meet them when they make it back home like nothing happened.

Leviathan

I really think his ability to help is dependent on what the issue is. He would probably be best for the actual traveling part (ie, plane, boat, train, etc.). He will hand you anti-nausea medicine and a sleeping potion. Can't be anxious and stressed if you're asleep.

I get the worst feeling that he spends most of his travel time in his coffin so he doesn't have to deal with being in new, unfamiliar places. Like, he will spend the entire trip in there except for the times he absolutely has to leave so his idea of a trip is just his coffin being in a new place.

Basically, the kind of person who travels to a new country and spends all his time in the hotel room watching TV. Isn't that so relaxing?

Lucifer

I know he just came out, but I want to say he would just be the worst. MC gets stressed and he would immediately be using that against them to make them cry. He is, after all, into that.

As for if he would do anything that isn't completely traumatizing... maybe. But, uhh, I think he would worry about the crying first, because once he knows how to trigger it he can do it again whenever he wants.

[tipsycad147]

Ritual Baths – Your Easy Guide to Spiritual Cleansing

I’ve been talking about some of my favourite rituals and spells recently, like this abundance spell, a ritual for home protection, an anti-anxiety spell, a spell for better sleep and a spell to break a bad habit. While writing these posts it occurred to me that I should I haven’t talked about something near and dear to me, namely ritual baths. Todays post is all about ritual bathing and includes 11 awesome tips so that you’re next bath is both physcally and spiritually rewarding.

Why Take a Ritual Bath?

Sometimes you just have a really awful day. You’re stressed and tired and all you feel is negativity. At this stage, one of the best things you can do is to take a ritual bath to purify the bad energy you are feeling and turn it into positive energy. Bonus, it’s also really relaxing and if you use an essential oil like lavender it’s also extremely calming.

Even If you haven’t had a bad day, but want to try some complicated spellwork, you should consider a bath to purify anything unwanted that has crept in throughout the day. While I don’t have a ritual bath every time I perform a ritual or cast a spell, I do tend to think they make a difference. I’ll try to have a bath, or a purifying shower, whenever I can before magickal practices. 

A ritual bath acts to cleanse not only the body but also the soul. It helps to clear your mind, re-centre you and make your focus stronger and clearer. The use of certain herbs is really wonderful too. Take some time and study a few of our herb guides like this guide to herbs for protection or this one on herbs for self love. Choose herbs which match your intention i.e. for a love spell choose love herbs. Make sure that any herbs you use are safe for consumption and don’t cause skin irritations!

My Top 11 Tips and Tricks for Ritual Bathing

Having a ritual bath allows you to stop for a minute and think things through, and then lets you wash the negative things away along with the bathwater. When you are having a ritual bath, really sit and focus on the things you want to get rid of. Is this a bad habit or are you thinking about trying a habit-breaking spell? Are you filled with negative thoughts which you want to release so you can replace them with positive ones? Did you have a bad day which you need to wash away? All of these things can be helped with a bath as you are literally washing away anything you want to be rid of when you release the water. 

It’s important to set the mood whenever you want to do any spellwork. The same goes for a ritual bath. What makes you feel relaxed and good? Do you have a favourite essential oil? Take your diffuser into the bathroom and put in some relaxing oils. I particularly like lavender but will also use a little peppermint sometimes if I’m feeling too sleepy. 

Make sure that you have undisturbed peace and quiet to take your bath. Do you have housemates who need to get ready for a night out and might bang on the door? Kids that need dinner? A dog that hasn’t been for a walk? I know life is busy and there are always things on the go, but it’s important that you set aside a little “me time” if you want this ritual bath to have the desired effect. Walk the dog before you get in the bath, tuck the kids into bed. Tell your housemates you had a hard day and need a relaxing bath and ask them to give you a little space. 

If you feel like it, safely light a couple of candles. This gives you a much more relaxing light. I don’t know about you, but my bathroom light definitely isn’t the nicest and really doesn’t make for a relaxing mood. Sometimes I take a small lamp with me or else I use some battery-powered fairy lights to make the bathroom a little cosier. If you are using candles, practise fire safety, please! There is nothing less relaxing than something accidentally catching fire. Also, keep all the lights and lamps AWAY from the water. Electrocution isn’t very relaxing either.

If you choose to use a candle, make sure it’s a candle that you don’t plan on doing any magical work with. Candles absorb the energy of where they were lit, so if you have negative energy that you are ridding yourself of with a bath, the candle will pick up that energy and it might negatively affect the success of the spell you cast using that candle. Check out this post on candle magic if you want to know more about this. 

Is there music you like to listen to? Play something you love softly in the background in order to achieve peak relaxation. I wouldn’t suggest heavy metal, I don’t think this is going to provide you with the relaxed energy that you need, but you do you! 

Make sure you have a nice fluffy towel waiting for you to wrap yourself up in. Use a bathrobe if you have one so that when you step out of the bath you feel like you are stepping into a warm hug. 

Add some herbs to your bath. Protection herbs are nice, like rosemary or sage. You can use fresh herbs, essential oils or dried herbs. I prefer fresh ones if I can get them but do whatever is easiest and best for you. I like to put mine into a small cheesecloth bag to contain them. While they look pretty floating around you, you don’t want them clogging up your drain when you empty the water and causing you stress! If you want, you can hang them from the tap of your bathtub so that the water runs through them into the bathtub. 

When you are ready, get into the bath. Allow yourself to sink into the water and feel the heat relaxing you. Settle into the feeling of warmth and let relaxation flow through your body. Imagine all of your muscles slowly releasing the tension of the day. Try and clear your mind. 

When you are relaxed and feeling good, think about what it was that caused your bad day or negative energy. What do you need to cleanse away? Imagine the warm water teasing the negativity out of you and replacing it with relaxed and positive energy. Let the anger you have over something that went wrong go. Release it into the water. Really focus on this energy release. Imagine it as an invisible particle that each pore of your skin is releasing and let the water dilute and pull it away from you. 

When you are ready and have tried to release all the stress and negativity you had built up, step out of the bathtub. Release the water and as you watch it swirl down the drain, imagine all your negative energy swirling down the drain and away from you with the water. Feel the release of this detrimental energy and thank the water for cleansing you of it and the herbs for protecting and purifying you.

What Herbs to Use in a Ritual Bath

You can really use whatever herbs you want for a cleansing bath. Pick something you like the smell of and enjoy using. As mentioned earlier, match your herbs to the intention of the spell you want to cast. Generally, I like to use protection herbs or self-love herbs as I always feel a little vulnerable when soaking in the tub. Check out my botanical witchipedia for a comprehensive guide to magickal herbs and their uses.

My favourite Herbs for a Ritual Bath

Anise

Cinnamon

Eucalyptus

Fennel

Juniper

Lavender

Rosemary

Sage

Witch Hazel

Are Ritual Showers a thing?

I’ll leave you with a prayer for cleansing, you can say it before you get in the bath or after you finished your bathing ritual:

Prayer for Cleansing and Ritual Baths

“I cleanse myself of all resentment, critical thought and self condemnation. I purify myself of selfishness, self-flagellation and judgement of my fellow beings. I bathe myself in generosity, self-appreciation, praise and acknowledgement of my own power. I bathe myself in self- acceptance and understanding of my fellow beings. So Mote it Be.”