#i just wish my family was normal
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blame my inactivity to my shitty ass ''parents''
#vent#all i did today was cry#and i didnt even go to bed i just had to lay on my desk#on my chair all day and now everything fucking huirts to shit#i just wish my family was normal#i wish i dnd't have to hear about how much i fucking suck everyday#all for no reason too#i wish i was loved by anyone#if i disappear one day don't be surprised#i didnt even eat or drink anything all day#its 8 pm now
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...buttefly!Chloe?
#omg the last one holy shit#my art#miraculous ladybug#md concept#kwami swap#chloe bourgeois#nooroo#butterfly!chloe#butterfly miraculous#cant remember if i have a name for her or not#man this could be such an interesting combination#like it would make sense with her motivation#(attention and if she knows about the wish then a family which loves her (yikes))#the execution#(irregular schedule and just normal people getting akumatized. not criminals)#also the resolution/redemption#(realization that she doesnt need to do this + finding friends and family among the heroes)#it could also lead into a bigger threat of ...idk i havent thought that far tbh#but yeah#and also just nooroo appearing more often and trying to help her#i keep putting her into corsets for some reason
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valentine, you're a horse ❤️
#my little pony#mlp g3#wish-I-may#wish-I-might#ok so. I'm gonna ramble for a sec#normally when I post on valentine's day I complain in the tags about being single. but I won't this year!#I've recently realized I'm definitely somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. and that I'm perfectly content without a partner#in the past I've described myself as 'emotionally unavailable' or having 'commitment issues' but neither of those things were ever true#I'm a very loving and loyal person!#I've always been extremely affectionate with friends and family but unable to have the same level of love for potential partners#unsure if I'm just demisexual/demiromantic or actually aroace but I'm definitely not the default settings type of gay lol#I'm a big fan of romance and sex in fiction! but irl? 😅😬 idk about that fam! idk!#hypothetically I would like to have a gf one day and maybe fall in love but now I understand why that may not happen#or atleast is gonna take a while. and that's fine :)#tldr; if your top song on spotify last year was Cupid by Fifty Fifty it's time to do some soul searching lol#happy valentine's day!! 💕
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Chainsaw man oc who's just Denjis therapist and is a responsible and trustworthy adult who doesn't take advantage of him or his issues and trauma
#chainsaw man#not even joking#i need this#ripping my flesh off and clawing at my bones none of you get him like i do#i can fix him (be a decent person to him and punch katana man)#the oc will adopt denji and nayuta and they'll all live in a apartment and finally be happy and meowy will be there and im NOT CRAZY!!!!!#chapter 166 is actually killing me fujimoto PLEASE for the sake of the world as we know it and as we wish it to be let him be happy#get these freaks away from him he doesn't need them in his life its just him and asa amd they're normal and they go to the zoo and aquarium#and they have fun and Denji comes home to a cooked meal and a family who cam actually support him both financially and emotionally#this cannot be to much to ask for#csm denji#csm spoilers#ig#only in the tags#denji hayakawa#what do i have to do for him to be happy fujimoto
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to anyone not feeling the "christmas spirit" or any kind of cheer in fact, I'm sending you much love. we may be strangers behind screens but in spirit we are holding hands and getting through this together <3
#I normally adore christmas and everything about it (well. not everything. but the nice parts and the so-called spirit)#but I just want it to be over#just wanna get away from here and never come back#and see all my friends and hug them tight#and maybe even kiss the one who stole my heart#(I'm allowed a little indulgent fantasy)#(it's copium OKAY)#I normally would never wish for time to pass quickly and I swear I'm trying to see the positives#but I just want to fall asleep and wake up several weeks in the future#this is probably the most depressing christmas eve I've ever had#and it's a low bar#one day I'll have the perfect christmas though#surrounded by my chosen family and all the people I love#laughing and playing games and chaotically cooking#and all this will seem like a bad dream from another life#we'll hold each other close and fill our ragged cracks with love#and it'll be even better than in the movies#I'm promising it to myself#cosmo rambles
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"[Elizabeth Woodville's] piety as queen seems to have been broadly conventional for a fifteenth-century royal, encompassing pilgrimages, membership of various fraternities, a particular devotion to her name saint, notable generosity to the Carthusians, and the foundation of a chantry at Westminster after her son was born there. ['On other occasions she supported planned religious foundations in London, […] made generous gifts to Eton College, and petitioned the pope to extend the circumstances in which indulgences could be acquired by observing the feast of the Visitation']. One possible indicator of a more personal, and more sophisticated, thread in her piety is a book of Hours of the Guardian Angel which Sutton and Visser-Fuchs have argued was commissioned for her, very possibly at her request."
-J.L. Laynesmith, "Elizabeth Woodville: The Knight's Widow", Later Plantagenet and Wars of the Roses Consorts: Power, Influence, Dynasty
#historicwomendaily#elizabeth woodville#my post#friendly reminder that there's nothing indicating that Elizabeth was exceptionally pious or that her piety was 'beyond purely conventional'#(something first claimed by Anne Crawford who simultaneously claimed that Elizabeth was 'grasping and totally lacking in scruple' so...)#EW's piety as queen may have stood out compared to former 15th century predecessors and definitely stood out compared to her husband#but her actions in themselves were not especially novel or 'beyond normal' and by themselves don't indicate unusual piety on her part#As Laynesmith's more recent research observes they seem to have been 'broadly conventional'#A conclusion arrived at Derek Neal as well who also points out that in general queens and elite noblewomen simply had wider means#of 'visible material expression of [their] personal devotion' - and also emphasizes how we should look at their wider circumstances#to understand their actions (eg: the death of Elizabeth's son George in 1479 as a motivating factor)#It's nice that we know a bit about Elizabeth's more personal piety - for eg she seems to have developed an attachment to Westminster Abbey#It's possible her (outward) piety increased across her queenship - she undertook most of her religious projects in later years#But again - none of them indicate the *level* of her piety (ie: they don't indicate that she was beyond conventionally pious)#By 1475 it seems that contemporaries identified Cecily Neville as the most personally devout from the Yorkist family#(though Elizabeth and even Cecily's sons were far greater patrons)#I think people also assume this because of her retirement to Westminster post 1485#which doesn't work because 1) we don't actually know when she retired? as Laynesmith says there is no actual evidence for the traditional#date of 12 February 1487#2) she had very secular reasons for retiring (grief over the death of her children? her lack of dower lands or estates which most other#widows had? her options were very limited; choosing to reside in the abbey is not particularly surprising. it's a massive and unneeded jump#to claim that it was motivated solely by piety (especially because it wasn't a complete 'retirement' in the way people assume it was)#I think historians have a habit of using her piety as a GOTCHA!' point against her vilification - which is a flawed and stupid argument#Elizabeth could be the most pious individual in the world and still be the pantomime villain Ricardians/Yorkists claim she was#They're not mutually exclusive; this line of thinking is useless#I think this also stems from the fact that we simply know very little about Elizabeth as an individual (ie: her hobbies/interests)#certainly far less than we do for other prominent women Margaret of Anjou; Elizabeth of York;; Cecily Neville or Margaret Beaufort#and I think rather than emphasizing that gap of knowledge her historians merely try to fill it up with 'she was pious!'#which is ... an incredibly lackluster take. I think it's better to just acknowledge that we don't know much about this historical figure#ie: I do wish that her piety and patronage was emphasized more yes. but it shouldn't flip too far to the other side either.
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#vent#why cant i get used to things#like why am i crying this isnt something not normal you do this all the time#i dont want to#i feel like a fucking kid wtf why am i crying#get over urself nothings gonna work out#i dont get it when do stuff stop hurting??? because i hate this so much#i hate everything i hate my life rn i really really truly wish i was dead now#i wish i was braver because then i could be#but im not. and i hate it#everythings just shit always and i dont understand why people are just ok with it. cant life be better maybe? i would like it then#and i cant so anything to fix any of my problems and idk what to do#i really dont wanna do any of these things#i hope i die i feel bad about it but i kinda really do hope so… even if its rude to my family i feel so bad about it i love them#but i fucking hate this
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#hello friends i just wanted to share some good news! i just tested partially negative for covid :) it got my GI tract pretty bad but i’m ok#i successfully avoided getting my family and friends sick!!! and my senses of smell and taste are returning to normal#everything is turning out to be the best possible scenario if you’re sick right now then i wish you an equally speedy recovery!!#(i won’t be going out until i’m fully negative for a couple of days)
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crying again
#vent#i wish i could live life without the same worry having to ruin my entire day#without always being at risk of fuckijng dying every single day#i wish i could live a normal life#i just wish my family was normal
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being a gay couple is soooooo . everything straight couples take for granted is either harder or just genuinely not possible for you
#like wow my friends get to go out for lunch with their gf/bf’s families and my gf and i do not get to do that and probably never will#it’s such a mundane thing like literally so normal when you’re in a long-term relationship to hang out with each other’s families#and it is just not an option for us. or not an option in a way where our families can know we are more than just close friends#i wish things were easier and kinder
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If I block her, do you think I can convince her that I just got shadow banned?
#I don't watch her seeing my blogs anymore#She already found this one and this was supposed to be the blog for things I don't want to show her#And she nearly outed me to my entire extended family without asking#I don't want her knowing anything about me anymore#Because she just presses it so much#I wish she would just treat me normally#Like I'm not even a cat#I'm not a human either but I don't want her calling me a cat in front of all my extended family#I don't even know what to do anymore#I feel like I can't block her because if she asks me about it what do I even do?#And I can't just talk to her because I don't have the courage and even if I did she wouldn't listen to me#screaming into the void#cathearted#catkith#otherhearted#otherkith#alterhuman#synpath#catgender#Aspecies
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suiren’s design was a very long process of trying and failing because after you’ve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but I’m actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatu’s pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, that’s who, I’m chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. He’s still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say I’d do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suiren’s design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I don’t really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask I’ve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmm…#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think she’s a bad avatar#I don’t. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes I’m well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think she’s a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the show’s production team#I’m making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#she’ll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe she’d have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but it’s fine. 1. she isn’t alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off 😁 /hj. basically. she’ll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. she’s my dear child who’s been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Kat’s doing one right now!! I just wanna do something that’s my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isn’t Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suiren’s got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 years’ worth of grievances to air out. it’s like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine aren’t divorced. they’re Worse and everyone wishes they’d just separate#anyway. that aside. Suiren’s not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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alright that's it I'm bringing up my stupid unspecified vagina trauma in my next therapy session
#tried using a tampon again. once again did not work and now i can Feel it There and it makes me want to cry!#due to me being on my period and other such issues#girl i hate this stupid fucking thing so much. i'm gonna be honest chief i wish i just didn't have that#such a stupid fucking organ. archaic!!!!#you know WHAT if i had been amab i would be sooo hot & sexy rn because that's the way men in my family spawn#i would have had a better childhood because i wouldn't constantly have had massive gender struggles and would thus be less fucked up#and i would have a FUCKING AUTISM DIAGNOSIS BY NOW BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW AFAB PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE AUTISM#i would be much more confident and normal due to the way boys are socialised. and i wouldn't have this BITCHASS UGLY WRETCHED VAGINA#ohhhhh my god why wasn't i amab. kills herself#i wouldn't have tits...... oh my god my back would be intact..........#dreaming of a better world as the period hormones make me want to kill myself as is customary every month since i was 11#when i say i don't mind being a woman i'm LYING I LITERALLY MIND SO MUCH I HATE IT HERE
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maybe it's to maintain a sense of tension & turmoil that would eventually reach an explosive peak, a sense of tug-of-war, a back-and-forth to hammer home the ideals they want to deliver and for the viewers to chew on, but although these arguments regarding hiroshi & his stance as a man torn between his loyalty for his country & the loyalty for his Filipino friends and lover is of course important, how they write these scenes & the points they present from this week alone is getting too repetitive...? literally the argument scenes from last night & tonight between adelina & hiroshi is basically the same; the ideas were the same, the dynamics were the same: the aggressive, radical adelina, bristling rage and fear over the injustices she's seen thus far, and the cautious, inspiriting hiroshi, all hopefulness and reassurance one moment as a lover, defensiveness and sternness as a japanese soldier in another. this debate will be ever-present ofc, it is one of the series' biggest conflicts, but it is unfortunately so easy to tell when it is a.) being pulled up as a main topic to move the plot along / be a necessary conflict for character development/introspection / be the conflict to deliver the morals & messages the writers want to send to their viewers, or b.) when it is being pulled up only for the drama and filler to pass the time. like watching the characters sit down to argue for 10 minutes, do other things for the plot for 2 minutes, then sit down again to argue for the next 20 minutes. lol.
#lots of things i wish they would soon improve but this 1 bothered me tonight..stopped watching halfway thru#these scenes would be like excellent breaks for when we need to take a breather to digest what's been going on#but at the slow pace they've set it it's just...nothing's been going on since like...4 days ago#except for eduardo's plot#it's just arguments..everywhere....all the time....over the same repetitive things#no progress nothing new to chew on despite there being drastic changes to their situation...? same vibes from the time they weren't occupie#yet lol. same dynamics mostly#only new points of debate is regarding hiroshi & his country vs friends conflict#& carmela being desperate to go back to comfort & luxury vs her family standing as firm as they could against the occupation#ahhh i am sooo not eloquent enough to express my full thoughts but like!!! fellow viewers if y'all r here u understand me right lmfoskadhsg#finding it hard to criticize bc i'm trying to make sense of where they r coming from#a.) seeing as unlike mcai this is a complete original story it's hard to see what direction they'd like to take it to#b.) fil shows really find it hard to break away from their normal formulas of family dramas & bastard children & love triangles :'))))#god the opportunity to tell a refreshing diff story but this is like gma show 67627627th but set in the japanese era....then mixed with 50%#of the mcai show feel#the editing the visuals the acting = good. 60% of the story line = can be compared to the hundreds of gma shows we've seen be4#anywy going off on a tangent...#c.) i can understand the slow pacing as them trying to establish the settings & the feel of that era so that the more intense tragedies-#later on would hit harder#but again. few scenes feel like they're dragging on for too long. some scenes & themes r too repetitive#need to see something differenttt something fresh something developing. something moving & feeling & connecting w/the audience#need to see more of the Philippines & the Filipino people in the 40s!! not the same afternoon prime drama shot in intramuros#need to see their messages staring into our souls instead of just being words uttered in tears#all this to say....flop era this week tbh sorry#EXCEPT FOR MAX COLLINS & HER LIKE. 3 MINS SCREEN TIME. MAX COLLINS I LOVE U QUEEN#rambles#pulang araw#putting this in the main tag i KNOW some ppl out there would feel the same & can explain this better lol i swear????
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if i think too long about the ending making lloyd leave the home he worked so hard to save behind along with the new found family he sacrificed his life for so he can move to a place he has no emotional connection to where he only knows two people (one of which is actually following him from the aforementioned home) in order to make him get a standard "have a wife and children" 'happy' ending i start wanting to bite people not gonna lie
#i talk a lot <3#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#it is. such a sucky ending i hate it i'm sorry i cannot stand it#i love charlotte with all my heart and i truly do like alicia#but jesus fuck that ending#the one thing lloyd wants is to have an easy relaxed life surrounded by the people he loves#and then the ending has him become the royal consort to someone we know likes to use people to their best potential#and living permanently away from his parents and all the people he came to care about#except for javier and alicia. and javier is only there because of lloyd anyway.#i just. i hate heteronormative endings so much man.#he didn't need to marry! he could've found his happy ending without having to be romantically involved with anyone!!#there's this whole thing about lloyd thinking to himself that his happy ending will be settling down with a wife and have kids#and then there is this one moment. where he talks about what he really wants. his one true wish.#and he talks about how he just wants a family. a normal family. a family that welcomes him after a day's work. a family that lives a normal#life without worrying about nothing much. he doesn't want big territories or power or an army. he just wants to have a family that loves hi#and enough to keep them safe.#AND FUCKING GUESS WHAT HE GAINS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE NOVEL#GUESS WHAT THE EMOTIONAL CORE OF THE ENTIRE THING WAS#A FAMILY. PARENTS AND A BROTHER AND A BEST FRIEND THAT CARE FOR HIM AND WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY AND HIM DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO KEEP#THEM SAFE. AND HE DOES. EVERYTHING HE DOES WAS TOO KEEP THEM SAFE AND SOUND AND HE GETS HIS WISH.#DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!!#HE DIDN'T NEED TO MARRY BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAD HIS WISH. HE ALREADY HAD HIS HAPPY ENDING. I'M SO MAD KASHDKA#tged
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seeing such unabashedly, wholesomely gay media in the mainstream is still so. jarring to me? like having grown up in the transition between lgbt media being not necessarily frowned upon, but like….. not loved either and the point where it really started becoming prevalent? i was arguing tooth and nail with kids in middle school defending glee even tho it’s a pretty piss poor chunk of representation because it was all we Had in the mainstream and now cherry magic is on the front page of crunchyroll on my tv.
#i didn’t really know much about cherry magic going into the anime#beyond like. the general basis#and seeing such a normalized representation of a gay relationship despite the absurdity of the magic part#literally had me in tears#even my cishet husband has been giggling and kicking his feet at it#OH AND NOW WITH TADAIMA OKAERI!!! BRO I WENT IN SO BLIND THINKING IT WAS JUST A CUTE DOMESTIC GAY FAMILY?????#I SAW THE FUCKING MARK ON THE BACK OF DUDES NECK ADN I WAS LIKE ‘no…….. it can’t be…..#DKSJAJSJSJS THE WAY I HAD TO EXPLAIN IT ALL TO MY POOR HUSBAND#it’s still cute tho i just wish it was like. less focused on the baby lol.
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